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You are listening to a pleasure podcast.

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For more from our sex podcast collective,

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visit pleasurepodcasts.com.

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Hi, I'm Holly Randall, and

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welcome to my podcast, Holly Randall

0:14

Unfiltered. This is a show

0:17

about sex, the adult industry,

0:20

and the people in it.

0:21

I'm a 21-year veteran of this fascinating

0:24

little industry, and as the eldest

0:26

child of the trailblazing erotic photographer,

0:28

Suze Randall, you could say I grew

0:31

up in it. So forget everything

0:33

you think you know about porn, because

0:35

this show is going to change your mind.

0:38

My guests are some of the biggest names in the industry,

0:41

and we unabashedly reveal the real

0:43

behind-the-scenes stories, the funny,

0:46

the inspiring, the tragic, and the

0:48

bizarre.

0:49

Everyone has an opinion about sex work, but

0:52

few people actually listen to the sex

0:54

workers. So sit back

0:56

and prepare yourself for a podcast which

0:59

is honest, raw,

1:00

and unfiltered.

1:01

Unfiltered, Holly Randall Unfiltered.

1:04

Unfiltered, Harry K. K. Moore. Unfiltered,

1:08

Holly Randall, Unfiltered. Honest, raw, and

1:10

unfiltered. Unfiltered, Harry

1:12

K. K. Moore. Unfiltered, Harry K. K. Moore. Hello,

1:15

everybody. Welcome back to Holly Randall Unfiltered.

1:18

Today's episode is brought to you by Manscaped,

1:21

the men's grooming brand revolutionizing

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how guys take care of their bodies.

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Get that body hair under control for

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the summer with my code holly at manscaped.com.

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That'll get you 20% off plus free

1:33

shipping. OK, so my guest

1:35

today doesn't really need an

1:37

introduction. I think most of you guys know who

1:39

she is. She's been on the show before,

1:42

back in 2020, when we were both

1:44

just a couple of months away from giving birth

1:46

to our daughters, who are only like

1:49

two weeks apart in age. Since then,

1:51

we've watched her balance her life as a new mom, diversify

1:53

her brand, marry her longtime partner, Adam 22,

1:56

and through all of this, continue to grow her

1:58

brand with dizzy.

1:59

Welcome back content

2:02

creator and all around marketing genius, Lena the

2:04

plug. Hi everybody. It's good

2:06

to be back in person. We had to do zoom last time. We did.

2:08

I think that was my first ever

2:11

zoom pod. Yeah. I like it

2:12

better in person. It is so much better in person. I just

2:14

remember both of us were so pregnant. So

2:16

pregnant. Yeah. And we were just like sitting

2:18

there like, just like, do you get heartburn? Yeah. Do

2:21

you feel itchy? I'm

2:23

not looking forward to the days of having pregnancy heartburn again in

2:25

the future one day. But that was like the worst

2:28

symptom of all of them. Yeah. How was your

2:30

pregnancy overall? Uh, I don't think

2:33

I could have asked for better pregnancy. I was pregnant during

2:35

the pandemic. I got pregnant February, 2020. So

2:37

the idea of FOMO like didn't exist to me because

2:39

there was nothing to miss out on. It was

2:41

a great time to take

2:42

a break from work. Um, and I just got to

2:45

spend a lot of time taking care of myself. I felt like

2:47

I had the best antidepressants ever. Whatever

2:50

was happening harmonally with the pregnancy.

2:52

I was just like on top of the world. Nothing fazed me. Nothing

2:55

could hurt my feelings. Um, the labor itself

2:58

didn't go the way I wanted. I

3:00

wanted like a home birth, yada, yada, yada, ended up with a C-section.

3:04

But besides that, everything

3:06

was great. I was worried that I wouldn't

3:08

be able to nurse because I had two breast augmentations where they cut, um, through

3:10

your nipples, which I guess it's

3:12

a gamble whether or not you'll be able to nurse. And

3:14

I'm still breastfeeding. So yeah, I

3:16

had a lot of luck there. Yeah.

3:19

So clearly no problem. Yeah. I hear you on that. I

3:22

feel like COVID was the best time to be pregnant because

3:24

yeah, I felt I also

3:27

felt great. Like those hormones are like drugs,

3:29

man. Like I wish I could bottle that shit and take it

3:31

every day. I completely agree. Because I was in the best

3:34

mood. I was just like, the world is wonderful.

3:36

Like, you know, people are dying all around

3:38

us. There's like the news cycles. It's just 24

3:41

seven of like, will we ever

3:42

go back to work? And then I'm like picking

3:44

roses in my garden and riding my bike.

3:46

And I'm like, life is wonderful. I went on super long

3:48

walks every single day. Yeah. I'm like not

3:50

a care in the world. Did you feel

3:53

like right after you gave birth though, you had like

3:55

a dump of those hormones and you're maybe a little

3:57

down. I a little bit, but it wasn't

3:59

as bad.

3:59

I've heard like my sister-in-law had a pretty

4:02

bad, she didn't have postpartum, but she had a pretty bad

4:04

hormone. Yeah. I,

4:07

I had a experience a little bit of that.

4:09

I remember one day specifically where I felt

4:11

like really weird and I was like almost

4:14

almost catatonic, like I wasn't like really talking. It

4:16

was very strange. And then after that I was

4:18

okay. Yeah. I would say it was like a couple of weeks from me

4:20

where it was like 6 PM every day. And

4:22

it had started to get dark early because it was November.

4:25

I'd be like really down.

4:26

Yeah. At that time. I was like, no visitors after five. So

4:29

see the baby. I just want to be alone. It's

4:31

kind of, I mean,

4:33

you know, at the time it's like you're trying to, cause

4:35

everybody tells you, right? Cherish every moment. Cause

4:37

they're going to get big so fast. And I remember trying

4:40

to distinctly remember every moment,

4:42

but now when I look back, it's kind of a blur.

4:45

Yeah. Um, I remember

4:47

things when I see other people taking care

4:50

of their newborn, like, Oh yeah, I remember this. I remember this.

4:52

But to be honest, besides

4:54

like the extra sleep and extra cuddles you get,

4:56

cause they just pass out anywhere. I don't like

4:58

the newborn stage. I want to pop

5:00

out a six month old baby that could sit up. Right.

5:03

Yeah. Cause then they're like a little bit more manageable.

5:05

You have to hold them with two hands when they're born. You

5:07

can't do anything else. And

5:10

they give you nursing. They give you no feedback,

5:12

like no smiling, no laughing.

5:14

They just cry, poop and feed and sleep. Yeah.

5:16

So I would love to have a

5:18

six month old baby and just skip that whole newborn

5:20

stage. Do you remember the first time Parker smiled?

5:23

Cause I remember like looking for that with

5:25

Violet. I was like, what is she going to smile

5:27

and make me feel like this was worth it. It's like,

5:29

uh, they're not emotional smiles, right? They're like

5:31

involuntary smiles in the beginning.

5:33

Um, I have a video of her

5:35

smiling. I

5:37

think like two days after she was born. So I don't know if that was

5:39

the first time, but we were vlogging. So we

5:42

have one. Right. So I don't know. How about you? I

5:44

do remember like the first time she smiled.

5:47

Like I, I don't know. It's so

5:49

funny too, because when you have a kid,

5:51

like the fear that just

5:53

these new fears

5:56

come up, right? Like, you know, you

5:58

think your baby's going to stop breathing.

5:59

They're so delicate. I

6:02

was just constantly scared she was gonna die. Were you Googling

6:04

things all night long? Oh yeah. I couldn't

6:06

sleep. I was just Googling shit. So I was

6:08

obsessed with the fear that she would have autism. So

6:11

I'm looking for eye contact. Which

6:14

you can't know until they're like five.

6:16

You can't, but if you Google it online, they'll tell

6:18

you signs of recognized autism at three

6:20

months. If they're not making eye contact by six

6:23

months, it's a pretty good sign, but they

6:25

can't say for sure until they're

6:27

a lot older. They definitely can't, but you can certainly

6:29

find links online that can scare the living

6:32

Jesus out of you. So I was doing

6:34

that a lot. She

6:36

definitely doesn't have autism. She is very

6:39

social and locked in. I

6:41

know Parker's always telling me, mom be happy. If

6:44

I have one second, I'm not smiling. Mom be

6:46

happy. Or if she pissed me off

6:48

and I'm just ignoring her, she's like,

6:49

mom be happy. I'm like, you just drove me nuts, but okay.

6:52

How is the toddler phase for you? Because

6:54

I'm finding it, a couple

6:57

months ago, she went through

6:59

this phase where she was so hard. And

7:02

literally the last two days, she's been a fucking

7:05

angel. It's just, I'm like, who's child? It really

7:07

makes me appreciate those moments a lot more after

7:09

you've been through the rough stuff. I feel like I've had a

7:11

really, really easy going

7:13

baby and toddler, and then

7:15

three weeks ago, kind of around

7:17

the time she started preschool, there

7:19

was some really challenging days where I was like, who

7:22

kidnapped my child and gave me this thing? We

7:24

had one morning where we went to the farmer's market and

7:26

we had to leave because it was

7:29

bad, like really, really bad. I couldn't

7:31

get through to her. And I remember we came home

7:33

and I was like, left

7:36

her inside with Adam and I went to the garage and I opened

7:38

a meditation app. And I was like, I need to recalibrate

7:40

my breathing because I don't know what that

7:42

tantrum just did to me. It was hard. And

7:46

I feel like I never know what version of her I'm gonna

7:48

get now, but I've been spending a lot of my nights

7:50

reading about specific situations

7:53

with tantrums. I guess 90% of

7:55

toddlers like don't really like the process of getting

7:57

dressed or these little transition activities.

7:59

So I've just been.

7:59

trying to read tips on how to make them a

8:02

little smoother. So I think they're helping. But

8:04

yeah, I know. Sometimes she's an angel. Sometimes she's a

8:06

toddler. Yeah, the transition is definitely

8:08

hard. And yeah, I'm reading all the books.

8:11

And I even signed up to that Big

8:13

Little Feelings podcast. Like

8:16

the workshop, all the guys

8:18

watching this are like, what the fuck, dude? I know.

8:21

What is your split? Oh, like 96% men. Oh,

8:24

I'm so sorry. I will share this with my

8:26

mom, Paige Girls. And they'll appreciate all this conversation.

8:29

It's fine. It's my

8:29

podcast. I can talk about whatever I want. It's true.

8:33

But yeah, no, it's definitely those

8:35

transition times are hard. And

8:38

it's funny that you said that about the farmer's market because I

8:40

was at the farmer's market with her

8:42

down in Malibu a couple of weeks ago. And

8:44

we're there. And she's actually just potty

8:46

trained. Oh, OK. She's

8:49

finally got it now, for the most part. She's

8:51

in accidents here and there. But she's

8:54

not wearing diapers anymore except at night. So

8:57

we reached this point, which I feel is

8:59

monumental. And so we're at the farmer's

9:01

market. And she's like, mommy, I

9:04

have to poopy.

9:05

And it's fucking hot. And you

9:07

guys know this. I kind of think of where the bathroom

9:09

is there, too, because I've been there. It's far. It's all

9:11

the way in Cross Creek. It's fucking far. It's

9:13

not even close. And

9:16

I also like, so I got 360 lipo like

9:18

a month ago. So I

9:20

got compression on. Yeah,

9:22

and I've got boards and foam

9:25

and a fucking faja and all this

9:27

shit. And it's hot. So I'm

9:29

running with her to the bathroom, like running

9:32

with her. And she's like, I have to poopy. I'm like, hold it,

9:34

baby. Hold it. You got this. We get

9:36

to the bathroom.

9:37

There's a line. I

9:39

like, cotton from everyone. Like, you have

9:41

to let me in. My baby's going to poop when we're

9:43

in. Don't tell her she didn't poop when you get in. Nope. We get in there.

9:45

And she goes, mommy, I don't have to poop. And I

9:47

was like, I'm going to literally kill

9:49

you. This is what happened at the farmer's market. She's like, I

9:51

have to go to the bathroom. I go into the bathroom with her, put

9:53

her on the toilet. I don't have to go take her off.

9:55

I have to go. Literally. We did this back

9:58

and forth until I wanted to pull my.

9:59

hair out. And you know, when

10:02

I was, I used to do ABA training

10:04

with kids who have autism.

10:07

And they say in behavioral psychology,

10:10

there's only four functions of behavior. So if someone does

10:12

something, it's only for these four reasons. It's

10:14

automatic, like people bite their nails just like how they feel.

10:17

Escape from demands. They don't want to do something and

10:19

they're trying to get out of it. One is attention and

10:21

the other one is for a tangible

10:24

item of some sort. And I'm like looking

10:26

at this tantrum in the face, like which one,

10:28

what is it, which category does

10:29

it fall under so I know what to do and I can't figure

10:32

it out. And like, you know, I always try to figure

10:34

out like the scientific reasoning for every little

10:36

thing she does. And sometimes there is just no explanation.

10:39

You know, they tried to tell you, oh, this is why and you

10:41

got to do this and wake up 30 minutes earlier and blah,

10:43

blah, blah. And I'm like, fuck, I don't know.

10:45

Yeah, you know, yeah,

10:48

I had one of those situations where I tried

10:50

every trick in the book, like trying to put her in the bath.

10:52

I tried, you know, the like

10:54

taking away a story. I tried the,

10:57

you know, bribing her. I tried

10:59

the reasoning

10:59

with her. I tried letting her have her tantrum

11:02

and write it out. I tried giving her choices, everything

11:05

and just like nothing worked. And she literally

11:07

like came up to me, looked me in the face and just

11:09

screamed in my face like a monster.

11:11

And then just like hit me. And I

11:14

was just like,

11:15

you're a devil child. And then daddy,

11:17

daddy, daddy, I want daddy, daddy, daddy. Did she

11:19

forget about the tantrum two minutes later? Um,

11:22

well, once I got her in the bath, she didn't

11:24

want to get out. And then it was a whole other process getting her out.

11:26

But like, this was that difficult stage

11:28

where she was, and I think it's just something, I don't

11:31

know how it is with like Parker's

11:33

relationship with you versus Adam, but I think

11:35

there's something about the mother daughter relationship where

11:37

like it's, she challenges me more.

11:40

Like she loves my husband. She's so attached to him.

11:44

Like she's, she's actually last

11:47

night I asked her and I said, I

11:49

love you Violet. And I said, do you love

11:51

me? She goes, no, I love dad.

11:52

Oh yeah. Last night

11:54

she was giving me kisses and wanting to give Adam one. And it's

11:56

just like, they can really hurt our feelings.

11:58

Right. And they just like, they're

11:59

I'm not even realizing they're doing it. But yeah, I'll always

12:02

pick her up from hanging out with my aunts or something. And

12:04

they're like, she was a perfect angel. Of course she was. Of

12:06

course.

12:07

So do you find

12:09

that she treats you and Adam differently? I

12:11

will say that I'm usually the one doing

12:14

all the annoying, challenging stuff with

12:16

her. And he gets to have a lot more fun with her. I'm like,

12:18

hey, you guys go outside so I can take a shower. They're

12:21

playing in the yard. What problem? No one's

12:23

asking anything of her but to play. But with

12:25

me, I'm trying to get her fed. I'm trying to get her dressed.

12:27

I'm trying to do her hair. So there's

12:29

a lot of battles to put up with me. Yeah, I'm definitely

12:31

the disciplinarian. My husband's the fun-farian.

12:35

So I feel like that's pretty normal. So

12:37

how did becoming a mom

12:40

change your perspective on work and your relationship

12:43

with it? I believe people

12:45

want me to sit here and say that I feel really

12:47

guilty about my job more so now

12:49

that I have a daughter and things like that.

12:53

And I don't know if there's something wrong

12:55

with me. But I don't feel bad about what

12:58

I do. I don't feel like what I do is unethical.

13:00

I think there is things in this business

13:03

that can be unethical. But I think

13:05

that I just already don't participate

13:07

in those things. And

13:10

the things that I get concerned

13:12

with while having a daughter are

13:14

the things that people probably wouldn't think of. Parker

13:17

watches me get my makeup done many,

13:19

many times a month. And she's really

13:21

into makeup because of it. And she wants to be like me

13:23

and stuff like that. And I think that that's

13:26

something that is more concerning to me. I

13:30

don't want her to sit around and think

13:32

the beautification of herself is super

13:34

important, even though I need to

13:37

use that as a tool for my job. It is part

13:39

of my job. I was at the nail salon yesterday. And

13:41

I saw this 16-year-old girl getting some

13:43

really intricate long nail design. And then when

13:45

she got to the counter, I heard her total was $230. And

13:48

I'm like, this girl is sitting here

13:51

for two plus hours spending her time getting

13:53

her nails done. What else could she be doing?

13:56

And that's with every thing

13:58

that we do to make ourselves look like that. I

14:01

really hate that that has

14:03

to exist and I really want to sort of

14:05

hide her from that part of the world as much as I

14:08

can, but it's hard when I also

14:10

am an active participant in that part of the world

14:12

and she has to witness it. And so therefore

14:14

I'm saying to her like this is really important.

14:16

Yeah. And I don't want her to live in a world

14:19

that is really important. I want her to be a kid.

14:21

I want her to fucking play. I want her to read. I

14:23

want her to do active things and not sit

14:26

around making herself look better. Right.

14:28

No, I feel you on that. I

14:29

want to encourage Violet to

14:32

love herself the way she is and love

14:35

her body and not have

14:37

the body issues that I had when I was younger.

14:41

But here I am, I went and got lipo and I'm

14:43

constantly trying to work out. If

14:47

my family talks about dieting in front of my daughter

14:49

in Armenia and I'm telling everyone to shut up. I

14:52

am so on it. I really want

14:54

to try to shield her from that

14:56

as much as possible, but we also

14:59

live in Los Angeles and this

15:01

is my job. If she

15:03

doesn't learn it from me, she's going to learn it from

15:05

some girl at her middle school. And it's

15:07

like you can't protect her from all of that, but

15:10

you could try. I know. I

15:13

know. It's going through the world trying

15:15

to let your children have their own experience,

15:18

but wanting to protect them from

15:20

that experience is so heartbreaking to see them go through

15:23

anything that's painful, but that's where you grow.

15:27

I showed up at school the other day and some bitch

15:29

pulled her hair and she's crying and I was like,

15:31

I'm going to kill that child. But

15:33

of course, I'm not going

15:36

to go yell at a four-year-old. I'm not. When

15:38

you do tell her to pull her hair back, I don't

15:40

know. You don't want her to be the mean kid too. Right.

15:43

Right. Yeah, I know exactly. It's

15:46

interesting that you're talking about how people

15:48

think that you should feel guilty about your job.

15:52

I hear that so much from people who are like sex workers

15:54

and also mothers. I

15:59

just find it so sad.

15:59

because I obviously don't find

16:02

that there's anything, like you said, unethical with what

16:04

we're doing. It's a

16:07

job, it's entertainment for adults.

16:10

You're working on your own, you're making your own money,

16:12

you're setting your own rules, you're working with other

16:15

women who are also in that same

16:17

place. The industry is so different now too than it

16:19

used to be. Everybody's their own personal content

16:22

creator. This

16:24

whole idea of trying to shame women for being

16:26

sexually liberated makes me crazy.

16:29

I think it resonates with me especially because

16:31

my mom is

16:34

such a sexually liberated woman

16:36

and I grew up, my mom

16:39

didn't perform in front of the camera but she was a

16:41

director and photographer. Do you

16:43

remember what that conversation was like when

16:45

you were, that your mom told you like this is

16:48

what I do for work? No, because

16:50

she never hit it and then

16:52

made it some big deal.

16:54

It was never a big deal. There's

16:57

an age that you can remember where she just said like I'm

16:59

going on set, I take photos of naked people. I

17:02

don't remember any specific conversation

17:04

but I feel like

17:06

what I do remember is her telling

17:08

me, so our guest

17:10

house was their office and that's where they worked out of

17:12

and that's why they had the magazines and all that

17:15

stuff is before the internet people. I

17:20

couldn't go into the back rooms where basically all the porn

17:22

was held. I could walk into the reception

17:25

area if I needed to find them but

17:27

I couldn't go into the back rooms and I feel like I

17:29

remember them saying, mommy and daddy

17:32

take pictures for grownups and you're not a grownup.

17:34

That was it. It wasn't like this

17:36

is exactly what it is. It was just like it's not

17:38

age appropriate for you. As a kid,

17:41

I didn't really question it. When I tell Parker something's for

17:43

a grownup, she's like, all right, it's for a grownup.

17:45

Exactly, exactly and I didn't question it. Then

17:47

when I got older, obviously

17:50

getting closer to puberty, I was more interested and that's when

17:52

I started stealing the magazines

17:55

but before that it wasn't like, I don't

17:57

know, when you're a kid you don't care about what your parents do for

17:59

a living.

17:59

I know. I can't remember a single thing

18:02

of any of my friends' parents did for a living.

18:04

Yeah. It wasn't really like an important

18:06

conversation to us. Right. I feel like my

18:09

mom would always ask me, like, what if so-and-so's parents

18:11

do? And I'm like, I have no fucking clue. Yeah. You

18:13

know? Yeah. I mean, when you're a kid, you just care like, are you

18:15

loved? Are you getting the right toys? Are you being fed? Do you feel

18:17

safe? Yeah. You know? Like, those

18:20

other things don't matter. Yeah.

18:22

Are you worried about when—like,

18:24

are you thinking about having like a conversation

18:26

with her at some point? Not

18:29

so much right now. I mean— I

18:31

think the new thing that

18:33

Adam and I have sort of decided

18:36

since this whole new cycle

18:38

with the scene with Jason is just that we're like,

18:40

not going to share her online anymore. Mm.

18:43

Which is unfortunate, because, you know, I

18:45

was making like mini

18:47

vlogs of she and my life

18:50

together, and all the time

18:52

we'll show them to her, like, you know, the

18:54

day she got her ears pierced or whatever. And I

18:56

feel like because I'm not putting those out, I'm not

18:58

creating them as much, but I need to just start making them

19:00

just to save in my own little drop

19:02

box or whatever. But, you know, there

19:04

was just way too many viral pictures

19:07

of her on Twitter and videos

19:09

and reels and things like that, where

19:12

the whole concept was like, look at this terrible

19:14

mom, look at this terrible dad. Many,

19:17

many millions

19:17

of views on these things. And it's like,

19:20

because I was already a sex worker, and

19:22

I was fucking my husband, and then all of a sudden I fucked someone

19:24

else. And now I'm a bad, I mean,

19:26

they already called me a bad mom before, but

19:28

now it's more so. And so

19:30

I actually stopped posting on my safer

19:33

work, like mom Instagram page until today.

19:36

I posted a photo of Adam and I, and

19:38

then I posted a photo of Parker and I, but I blocked

19:40

out her face. And like the comments

19:42

went from being something very positive before, and

19:44

that being like a really safe space for me to

19:47

being really negative today. And I'm like, wow.

19:49

So

19:50

I have a private mom account and I follow

19:52

you realign of the mom account on there and come

19:54

to think of it now, I just realized, yeah, I haven't seen

19:56

any. Yeah, I haven't been active on there. Have

19:58

you considered. making it private?

20:01

It's verified, so you can't go private when you're verified. But

20:04

yeah, I just think I'm not going to share

20:06

her

20:07

anymore, which is unfortunate. Because

20:10

everyone's just like, oh, you're making money off your daughter.

20:12

And I never made any money off any of

20:14

the content I made with my daughter. It was just

20:16

I was sharing it because that was my life. 99% of

20:19

my life is that. The

20:21

other 1% is me dolled up

20:24

going to set. But everything else

20:26

is like, I'm a mom. I'm

20:28

a full-time mom, even though I'm a full-time business woman.

20:31

Yeah.

20:31

And that

20:33

is only possible because you work for yourself and

20:36

because of platforms like OnlyFans and YouTube and stuff like

20:38

that. Absolutely, 100%. Which is why I

20:40

always say why, I mean,

20:42

for me, I didn't have an OnlyFans

20:44

really before. I mean, it's

20:47

a long, boring story. Most people know about it.

20:49

I accidentally leaked

20:50

nudes that I had taken when I was 29. And

20:54

then once they were out there, I was like,

20:56

OK, well, I can't take them back. So I

20:58

doubled down on them. But then

21:00

I didn't really update my OnlyFans. And then when I

21:02

got pregnant, actually,

21:05

right before I got pregnant, I was kind of like,

21:07

this is something people seem to

21:09

care. It seems to be

21:11

a good way to make extra money. And

21:14

my husband encouraged me.

21:16

He was like, yeah, baby, you're beautiful. I'll

21:18

take the pictures. I was like, OK. And

21:20

then it ended up becoming such a godsend

21:22

for me because it

21:24

enables me to turn

21:26

down the work I don't want to have and spend more time

21:29

with my daughter. And I know so many

21:31

moms that say the same thing. OnlyFans

21:34

literally liberated me from that grueling

21:36

nine to five where I can't

21:38

see my kid and now I have time

21:40

for my kids, which is not something

21:42

that a lot of people consider when they think about that platform. Yeah,

21:45

I feel so guilty when I even have to leave

21:47

her for a few hours and then I have to remind myself,

21:50

you are so lucky. You are so fortunate. So

21:52

many moms and dads just get to squeeze in that

21:55

little morning time and that little time before bed

21:57

and I get to see so much of her. Yeah.

21:59

And watch her grow up, yeah.

22:02

You know, which a lot of people miss. Yeah.

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23:23

we spent the first half of the podcast talking

23:25

about your daughter. Let's

23:27

talk about the other baby in your life, your man.

23:29

My man. Who I often say is

23:31

my other toddler. I

23:34

can relate to that. So

23:36

you guys recently got married. Yes. Which

23:38

is very exciting. I'm excited. And I wanna hear the

23:40

details about the wedding because I was watching all this

23:42

stuff online and it looked incredible. But

23:45

I wanna go back to your podcast touchy

23:47

subject. That

23:49

I don't do anymore. Which you don't do anymore. Yeah, I haven't.

23:52

Which is, you know, like, it was good.

23:55

I love the way you dress up like a fucking princess

23:57

for all the episodes. Like I watched it

23:59

just.

23:59

just to see what you were wearing. It was very fun.

24:02

I thought that was great. But I

24:05

think with a podcast, the fear for me

24:07

is that you have to be super regular. And

24:10

that I felt like I didn't have enough

24:12

guests backed up and people would flake.

24:14

And then

24:15

it would just stress me out a lot. And then my

24:18

assistant and Parker and I went on like a month

24:20

long Europe trip to look for locations for

24:22

the wedding. And it just sort of fell apart from there.

24:24

And then when I came back, I didn't start it again. So maybe

24:27

one day, but I don't know. I'm not. I have

24:29

so much going on. It's like, and I

24:31

feel like a lot for plug talk. Yeah. And

24:34

you're doing well enough that

24:36

do you really have to do all the things

24:38

like you ever feel like I know we're deviating

24:40

from the topic, but do you ever feel that

24:43

I don't know like sometimes for

24:46

me, I get all these ideas and I want to do all these different

24:48

things. And then a lot of times I'm like, I just need

24:50

to like slow the fuck down and focus on just a couple

24:52

of things. Like why do I have to feel like I have

24:54

to do everything with touchy subject. The

24:56

point of it was that it

24:58

was for me and it was for

25:01

my very tiny female audience. And

25:03

it didn't make any money. And like that it was

25:06

just more like a passion project. Because basically,

25:08

I'm focused now on the things that do

25:10

make me the most money. Because if I'm going to step away

25:12

from Parker, then I want it to have

25:15

financial value. But then there's

25:17

like the whole meaning gap in my life.

25:19

Right. The questions we ask on plug talk are not

25:21

the questions that I want to ask the girls. I

25:24

want to ask them about the hardships

25:26

of their life, the insecurities that they had going

25:28

into set, and what

25:31

happened after, their growth and everything.

25:33

And the whole point of the

25:35

podcast is to masturbate. So

25:37

there's only certain things I can ask. So

25:40

that's the key. You

25:43

don't want guys to lose their boner. Exactly. So

25:45

with touchy subject, it was supposed to be like

25:48

sort of like the anti-fuck talk.

25:51

So maybe one day again, I don't know.

25:53

We'll see. I mean, that's the great thing about being a content creator,

25:55

right? You can start it up again whenever you want. Yeah,

25:57

I can do it real well. You don't have to. Yeah.

25:59

You can start and stop and it's all under your

26:02

control. So back to Adam. Yes.

26:05

Okay, so you had him on and you guys had

26:07

a very, I mean, you document

26:09

almost your whole life online. You're always

26:12

very open and honest. And this

26:14

was a particularly wrong, honest interview. And

26:16

in that interview, you guys did talk about like,

26:20

you know, your concerns with him cheating, I

26:22

guess, in the past and how you guys like almost split

26:24

up. And then, you know, there

26:26

was just a lot of feedback in the comments

26:28

of people being like, you're too good for Adam.

26:30

Like you guys should, you know, you can do better.

26:33

Like, how did that make you feel? Or

26:35

do you even read the comments at all? I do

26:37

read the comments. I

26:39

do sometimes wonder about taking that whole podcast down

26:42

because I don't think that it paints our

26:44

relationship in a good way. I don't think Adam

26:46

answered the way that he should have. And he probably would

26:48

agree with me now since we've

26:50

talked about it after the fact. But

26:52

that was the first time that we'd ever talked about Adam

26:55

cheating or anything like that, which now we've

26:57

talked about it here and there a little bit. But,

26:59

you know, that was like earlier in our relationship,

27:01

I would say within the first year or two.

27:04

And then the conversation we had was

27:06

like five or six years into our relationship.

27:08

So I feel like maybe he felt

27:10

a little bit attacked by the conversation.

27:14

I don't think he was really expecting it. And

27:16

yeah, I wasn't really happy

27:18

with how he replied to me. And

27:22

then the comments also were

27:24

sort of on my side. And yeah, it was a little tough

27:26

for me when that happened. But

27:28

I mean, ultimately, nobody knows your relationship

27:30

like you do. Yeah. Seems to have

27:32

worked out. Yeah, and I- You feel good and secure

27:35

now? I do, I do feel good and secure now.

27:39

And I will say that I think

27:41

Adam was a lot harder

27:44

of a person earlier in our relationship.

27:47

And I think, but I've sort of

27:49

helped soften him up a little. And

27:51

I made him go to therapy

27:53

because I feel like he needed it. I

27:56

was like, I'm not gonna have a kid with you. If you-

28:00

have this sort of attitude with things. Right. And

28:03

yeah, I think it's gone up from there. So

28:07

one thing that you mentioned on there was people

28:09

say once a cheater, always a cheater. But it seems

28:12

to me that you believe that

28:14

people can change. Yeah, I think so.

28:18

When Adam cheated on me, I knew. Like,

28:21

I could tell. And

28:24

I

28:24

don't have any signs of that having happened.

28:26

So I don't believe that once a cheater, always a cheater.

28:30

I think it was really hard for Adam in the beginning

28:32

of our relationship because we got together right before

28:34

he sort of took off. And so we had all

28:36

this new female attention and didn't really

28:39

know what to do with it.

28:41

And not to make any excuses for him, but

28:44

that was sort of what was happening at the time. And

28:46

I think now he's sort of gotten

28:49

used to the fact that maybe there's more attention

28:51

and stuff and he doesn't really care as much. And then I think

28:53

the other piece of it is

28:55

that

28:56

we have so much sex for a living. And

28:59

so the part of his

29:01

male brain that wants to have sex with

29:03

more women, the need is met.

29:06

You kind of are like the perfect wife probably.

29:11

I'm sure that on at least some level,

29:13

he recognizes.

29:15

I mean, do you ever tell him, you're not going to do better than me? No,

29:18

I never tell him that because he'll probably have some

29:20

really snarky remark. And then he'll come back

29:22

and be like, oh, so-and-so will let me fuck with their girls

29:24

too. I don't fucking know. He'll probably say something.

29:27

He won't let me have it.

29:30

So let's

29:33

talk about happy things. You

29:37

guys got married. Yes. You had a

29:39

magical wedding in a castle in Italy. Yes.

29:42

What was planning that event like? Because I just

29:45

feel like, so funny

29:48

story, I've been married twice and I've never had

29:50

a wedding. I've also never been proposed to.

29:53

What? I know. You had a little talk there.

29:56

I know. I know. It's OK. The first time

29:58

my first husband, we got married.

29:59

for immigration reasons, he was English.

30:02

We were together as a couple and we got

30:04

married so that he could move here and we could try

30:06

to make our relationship work. So it wasn't

30:09

just so we could get a green card, but

30:11

it was kind of like a last minute thing so that we

30:13

could get the papers going. And

30:16

then my current husband, we got married

30:18

because I was knocked up.

30:19

Oh. So. Okay. And

30:22

it was just kind of like a. I thought you guys were married along before Violet.

30:24

I didn't realize that. Yeah, no,

30:26

I brought it up and we both been divorced

30:29

and he was kind of like,

30:31

he was hesitant about getting married and I was just

30:33

like, okay, like it. And I wasn't,

30:35

I don't know, I was past that stage

30:38

of wanting like a big wedding. It didn't matter to

30:40

me that much. And

30:42

then once I got pregnant and I was like,

30:44

you have really good health insurance and I don't.

30:47

I'm like, we should get married. And that's literally what

30:49

we did. Wow. So

30:52

how was your experience? I

30:54

was exhausted by the idea of planning

30:56

a wedding and I was sort of like,

30:59

let's elope and go on a honeymoon. And then Adam

31:01

was like, no,

31:01

let's have this really big lavish wedding, which I thought

31:03

that he was not going to say something like that. That's

31:05

interesting that that was his take. Yeah, I was like,

31:08

I want a big party all about me.

31:10

And I was like, okay. So I started doing some

31:13

venue tours in Malibu. Cause I was like, well, if I do

31:15

get married in LA, I want it to be by the ocean.

31:17

I want to be able to see the ocean. And there was very

31:20

limited venues out there that would accommodate

31:22

a party of my size and see the ocean. And like I

31:25

went and did one venue tour and I wanted to have a house

31:27

and it was $150,000 for the weekend to have a house. Wow.

31:32

That didn't include food. That didn't include anything. It was actually

31:35

cheaper for me to do my wedding in Italy

31:37

while also paying for like many members of my

31:39

family's flight and accommodations. So that

31:41

was sort of the idea behind it. I

31:43

was like, I don't want to get married somewhere in

31:46

LA and then drive home. Yeah. Um,

31:48

my family, when they immigrated

31:50

to LA, they like all moved to Glendale

31:52

and then they sort of have like never left. And

31:54

so doing the wedding in Italy was

31:56

like a way for me to

31:57

make my family leave the country

31:59

and.

31:59

and sort of do a big family vacation.

32:03

And then, yeah, when I went and saw venues, I was like, okay, I want a fucking

32:05

castle. I want Bridgerton vibes,

32:07

Game of Thrones vibes. Just this fantasy

32:10

element would be so pretty to me. Wow.

32:13

And yeah, it was beautiful.

32:15

So you found, what was it about the

32:17

place that you guys finally chose? Just

32:22

the castle. Italian wedding venues

32:24

are gorgeous. They're like wineries,

32:27

they're old monasteries. They're all super

32:29

beautiful. But the

32:31

castle was the winner for me. So that was

32:33

the only castle that you saw? Yes. Okay.

32:35

Yes. I didn't know how many castles. And it was

32:37

like a pretty inconvenient location because

32:40

it was like more than an hour outside

32:42

of Florence and it was like a very bumpy ride. On

32:44

the

32:45

ride home from the wedding, which I left my wedding

32:47

in a bus with everybody else, I was

32:49

fully regretting my venue decision because

32:52

I was trying not to throw up in the car

32:54

the whole time. It was rough, it was bad.

32:57

And you guys had Parker there.

32:59

Parker was there. And she stayed up, it seems

33:01

like, to see the fire, you guys had fireworks. We

33:03

had fireworks, yeah. Which is fucking crazy. The

33:05

fireworks were the cheapest thing, actually. They were not that

33:08

expensive. Really? Yeah. But she was

33:10

hilarious because she was there. She

33:12

wouldn't walk down the aisle as a flower girl. She didn't want to do it. But

33:14

she was sitting

33:15

in my sister-in-law's lap and we're

33:17

doing our vows to each other. And

33:19

we're like, you are my whatever. And she's

33:21

just in the crowd like, and I'm your Parker, and

33:24

she's like doing these really cute

33:26

ad-libs. And they had given her jelly

33:28

beans to sort of get her to stay calm. Because

33:30

if she sees Adam and I hug, she's running in. She's like, I'm

33:32

coming in for a hug, too. Oh, I love that. And you just

33:34

hear her with her jelly beans. Like, what color is this?

33:37

She was being so funny and

33:40

I'm so glad that we have footage of that, just

33:42

to be able to tell her you were hilarious. I was just

33:44

gonna

33:45

say that I feel like makes the vows

33:47

even more special. I remember trying to cry and

33:49

she was making them laugh. That's great. She

33:51

was like the comic relief. That's perfect. She was, she was great. It was

33:53

awesome. And she held up through the whole

33:55

wedding, like pretty well. I did feel

33:57

bad for the three toddlers that were there

33:59

loud and it was loud, but the late factor didn't matter

34:02

I think because of the time difference. Oh yeah good point. But

34:04

like it was fucking loud. Yeah.

34:05

And then you guys went on a honeymoon for

34:08

like what like three weeks? Yeah we were out in

34:10

Europe for like a month. We had my assistant

34:12

slash friend with us and she helped with Parker but yeah

34:15

it was a long wonderful vacation.

34:17

How did she handle the travel? She's

34:20

pretty good. I had taken her

34:22

to Europe for like three weeks with just my assistant

34:24

before she can hang out. She's

34:26

good. I literally took Violet

34:29

for the first time on a plane a few

34:31

weeks ago to Mexico for two hours because that

34:33

was like I was I'm so scared to put her on a plane. I'm

34:35

like we can manage that and on the way back she

34:37

like shit herself and shit all over the seat.

34:40

And then she had to go through customs and like only

34:43

a diaper because she got shit all over her clothes

34:45

and all the clothes were in the suitcase on the other side

34:47

of customs.

34:50

Oh no yeah

34:51

every time I've almost not packed a second

34:53

pair of clothes and then remember to do it last minute

34:56

is the time that yeah yeah definitely

34:58

I should have done that. I mean and this is only

35:00

a two-hour flight

35:01

so I'm just like I don't know if I can ever like

35:03

go longer than that because she was okay during

35:05

it but I felt like she started to get a little antsy

35:08

towards the end. Yeah it's a lot

35:10

of like do you want this? Do you want this? Do you want this? We can

35:12

change the channel. Yeah it's a lot of that. Yeah

35:14

bringing a lot of stuff. Okay

35:18

so let's talk about your recent scene

35:20

with Jason Love. Yes. So how

35:22

did you come up with the concept first of all? Like what made

35:24

you decide okay I'm gonna try to work with another

35:27

guy? I feel

35:29

like I've hinted at it in my relationship a little

35:31

bit maybe in the last couple years. I think in the beginning

35:33

my relationship I had like zero interest in

35:36

doing a scene with someone else but

35:39

I think like as my fans have sort of asked for

35:41

it more and more I was kind of like well maybe

35:43

I should and I brought it up to Adam

35:45

before the wedding and to my surprise

35:48

he actually said yes

35:51

and then we were sort of like going through guys

35:53

and we ended up on Jason and I wasn't

35:56

even sure if he was shooting at the time and

35:58

so I my message to him was just

35:59

like, hey, I think I'm going to do

36:02

my first scene with Adam. Can

36:04

I shoot with you or are you retired? And he just said,

36:06

yes, we can shoot. And

36:08

we had come back from our wedding and the honeymoon

36:10

and everything. And I was on Instagram and I just

36:13

saw that Jason was in LA. And

36:15

I was like, can you shoot tomorrow? And he said, yes. It

36:17

was like there was not a lot of time

36:19

to plan anything, which I'm

36:21

glad because in my mind, I was making

36:24

it this big thing where I was like, OK, I'm going to go do

36:26

porn research. I'm going to sit there on Pornhub and I'm going to watch

36:28

all the girls in all these crazy positions. And I'm going to practice

36:31

and whatever. I don't know what got into my head

36:34

that I was going to

36:35

just sort of change my whole brand. But

36:37

no, none of that happened. I planned the whole shoot in five

36:39

hours. Wow. And it was a

36:41

weird place to be with Adam because

36:44

we're home, it's the weekend, and I'm planning

36:46

my shoot with somebody else. It's like new territory

36:48

for me. I wasn't sure

36:51

what I should talk about, what I shouldn't talk

36:53

about. But all of my lingerie

36:55

and my nice heels and everything,

36:57

they're at the no jumper office. And it was

37:00

like, I didn't want to ask for the keys to

37:02

go get my stuff, to go fuck someone else.

37:05

Then I'm like, hey, the mall's closing in

37:07

two hours. You think you can watch Parker? I got to go. And

37:09

then I was buying. It was weird. I

37:11

felt so weird and so awkward about

37:13

the whole thing. And

37:15

my assistant was on vacation that weekend,

37:17

so I couldn't even call her in to help me or anything.

37:20

I was really, really nervous, especially planning

37:22

it so fast. I found a filmer last minute. I

37:24

don't usually hire a filmer to

37:26

film my stuff. I just do iPhone or

37:28

whatever.

37:29

And yeah,

37:31

on the day of, I was a nervous wreck.

37:35

I was trying to put off starting the scene. And

37:37

Annie Little was like, I'm thirsty. Oh, I need more lube. Whatever

37:40

little thing that I could think of, because I felt so

37:42

wrong. And

37:46

yeah, Jason was laughing at me. The

37:48

filmer was laughing at me. What is

37:50

this set? We're here to

37:52

fuck, and we're not doing it. And

37:55

then I was like, whatever. We're just going to do this. And

37:58

I think I'm sucking Jason's head.

37:59

and I'm just like, what is happening? Like

38:02

in my head, like this is not Adam's dick in

38:04

my mouth. Like I should not be doing

38:06

this, you know? How long had it been since

38:08

you've been with another guy? Like

38:10

seven years. Yeah. Wow. The

38:12

entire time that I've been with Adam. So yeah,

38:15

seven years. Yeah,

38:17

just felt weird. It felt so weird to me. And then,

38:19

you know, I sort of got out of my head and

38:22

we got on with the scene and we did the whole thing.

38:24

But yeah, no one believes me. Even now the

38:27

comments are gonna, she didn't look nervous to me. Yada,

38:29

yada, yada, yada. I was fucking nervous. Well, I mean,

38:31

you're a performer so we can perform and

38:35

have people,

38:37

people don't need to know what's going on inside our head. Yeah. Okay,

38:40

so the scene's done. Yeah. How

38:42

did you feel afterwards? It

38:45

felt weird.

38:46

I was like, do I stay here

38:48

at this location? Or, oh, and now

38:50

I have to go home. Like what is the aftermath

38:53

gonna be like? You know, I was happy we got it done.

38:55

I felt like the scene was really good. Jason

38:57

felt good about the scene. The film said it looked great

39:00

and everything, but I was just like, okay, we did

39:02

it. Like, it's done. It's great. I

39:04

was like, okay, should I have gotten like more promotional

39:06

assets? I had like all these ideas for things I wanted

39:08

to do. And then I, at the moment that

39:10

it was starting, I just got too nervous. I didn't want to like

39:12

do too many TikToks and whatever. I was like, let's just fucking get the shit

39:15

over with. But yeah, then

39:16

I didn't even text Adam

39:18

about like the scene being done. I was just like, hey,

39:21

I'm hungry. I'm gonna order Dave's. Do you want anything to

39:23

eat? Like just completely avoiding the subject.

39:26

And he was like,

39:27

yeah, sure. I guess we'll talk about the

39:29

scene later. Like, yeah. Yeah,

39:33

and then I came home and I guess I had like a really

39:35

big adrenaline dump because I was laying in bed at

39:38

like 6 p.m. and Adam walks in a little

39:40

concerned. Like, are you okay? I'm like, yeah,

39:42

I'm just really tired. Which also

39:44

was weird. Like, okay, why are you so tired? You

39:46

never lay down at 6 p.m.? Yeah. But

39:49

yeah, I just think I, like I was up to hear

39:52

about the whole thing. Just like so much nerves,

39:54

so much adrenaline. And then once it was over, I was like,

39:56

okay.

39:57

I didn't know what was gonna happen at that point.

39:59

Yeah. It was new. So how

40:01

did the conversation with Adam go afterwards? Like,

40:05

did he ask, like, so how was the scene? And you were... Yeah.

40:09

I didn't know what to say. You know, there's all those memes

40:12

about like, oh, imagine your girlfriend's

40:14

a sex worker and she comes home from work and tells you how good

40:16

it was. Yeah. Like, you

40:18

know, I was trying to give like short one-word

40:20

answers, didn't really want to talk about it, didn't know how

40:22

to talk about it, and then Adam kept pressing the issue. I

40:25

felt like he really wanted to know.

40:27

And then I think we got to a point where I was like too honest.

40:30

I was like first not sharing anything and then I was a little too

40:32

honest about how the scene was and that it was like,

40:34

it felt good and everything. And Adam

40:36

was kind of like, whoa, like that

40:38

was a lot, you know? So then I was like, fuck,

40:41

maybe you crossed the line there, but I don't really... I didn't

40:43

really know what the line was in our relationship

40:46

because with Adam, we've had so many threesomes

40:48

and I could tell when something feels a little

40:50

bit better than it normally does, you know, because I just

40:52

know him so well. But he won't really

40:55

tell me. You know, like her

40:57

head was really good, but it's not like,

40:59

oh fuck, that was the best head out there. You

41:01

know, like he's really respectful.

41:04

Right.

41:05

But yeah, it was like new territory for me. I wasn't

41:08

really sure what I was supposed to say, especially because

41:10

Adam kept pressing the issue.

41:12

And then I would say for like a couple days,

41:14

it was a little weird

41:17

maybe between us, a little rocky. Adam would

41:19

throw jokes at me about me being a cheater and

41:21

I was like, hey, like, come on.

41:25

But I guess

41:27

I didn't feel guilty at that point. Once

41:29

I saw that like everything was cool between us,

41:32

everything was okay because I was at some point worried

41:34

like, what if Adam thinks he's okay

41:36

with this and then what if it totally changes

41:38

his opinion of me?

41:39

Because I

41:41

feel like that could happen to some guys. Yeah.

41:44

But it didn't like everything ended up being okay. So

41:47

I mean, the marketing like leading up to it was

41:49

very funny. Like Adam was posting some really...

41:52

He was leaning into it. Like he was really leaning into

41:54

it. And I love that, you

41:56

know, because I think that... Oh

41:58

my God, there's just like so many... comments about

42:00

like, you know, Adam's a simp and

42:02

how can he let his, you know, wife like

42:05

have sex with another man and all this kind of stuff. And

42:07

I just, I don't know, like, obviously

42:10

don't know Adam, but I feel

42:12

like he seems like a pretty competent guy. And these

42:16

people's idea that you would leave

42:18

Adam for this other guy just because

42:20

like he has a bigger dick or whatever. Like

42:22

it's just to me so odd. It's the projection

42:25

of every guy's fear, right? That's exactly what I was going to say.

42:27

It says so much more about the person

42:30

who's commenting negatively about it

42:32

than it does about you

42:34

or Adam at all. Yeah,

42:37

I mean, it's, it's funny because I don't

42:39

think girls

42:40

always think this way. Like, I

42:42

don't think Adam's gonna leave me with for a girl with bigger

42:44

tits. But I think guys think like, Oh, she's

42:47

gonna leave me for the guy with bigger dick, right? That

42:49

is not the only measurement that we're using

42:51

when we are with someone. I know it's

42:53

a bonus if you have a big one, but like,

42:56

it is not the whole picture. Yeah,

42:58

I mean, it's like, you built your life

43:00

with this guy, you guys had a kid together, you

43:02

have like a successful business together, like,

43:05

it's just so strange that guys think that like you would

43:07

just jump ship

43:09

and literally for like an extra

43:12

couple of inches. I honestly don't know how their

43:14

penis is measure up. And like, but

43:17

I don't know. It's like, people

43:19

also probably don't believe this about girls, but like

43:22

girls get DMS from people who are super successful

43:24

and super rich and super famous all the time. And

43:26

they just don't go for it. That's

43:29

not the only thing with girls, you know,

43:31

like,

43:32

I get DMS from people all the time, I just don't

43:34

open them like I want my partner. That's

43:36

why I'm with my partner. Because I think he's

43:38

like, the best I'm gonna get or anything.

43:41

I just like, I, this is the person that I want.

43:43

This is what I want my relationship to be with.

43:46

And like, I don't

43:48

know. I just, I just think

43:50

it's so strange. Like I did the scene

43:52

with, with Jason, we had a little fun little

43:54

press run. And I

43:57

don't, I don't, I haven't seen him since the scene. I don't know

43:59

when the next time I'm going to see

43:59

You know, people just

44:02

can't really believe that that could be the case. It's

44:04

like, oh, she's still thinking about him. She's

44:06

fucking in behind Adam's back. Like everyone

44:09

just makes these little backstories because it is

44:11

all of their fears in their

44:13

relationships. I think it also really pissed them off that

44:16

I'm in this relationship with Adam and

44:18

Adam like allowed me to go do this thing

44:21

because they think in some

44:23

way that I'm going to influence their wife

44:26

or their girlfriend to request the same

44:28

thing or like I'm sort of normalizing it.

44:29

When I'm not really

44:32

normalizing it, like I'm a sex worker. Like

44:34

I wanted to

44:36

do more in my job or do something different in

44:38

my job. It's not like I was like, hey, Adam,

44:41

I want an open relationship and I want you to agree

44:43

with that. Right. Which

44:45

also too like wouldn't necessarily mean

44:47

that you loved him any less. No. I

44:50

mean, I'm in a monogamous relationship

44:52

and that works for us, but I talked to tons of

44:54

people who are in open relationships, polyamory. My

44:57

parents were swingers. My mom was

44:59

definitely the more promiscuous of them. Like

45:01

my mom,

45:02

my parents used to go to like orgies

45:05

together all the time and my dad actually used to tell me. And

45:07

they were still together like until your dad passed. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They've

45:11

been together since they were like 22, like 60 years. And

45:14

my mom was like always about my dad. My dad was like the one for her.

45:17

Like the sex was the sex. Like

45:19

that the rest. You know what I mean? Like

45:22

the rest of the shit didn't matter. Like he was

45:24

her everything. And I and

45:26

my dad used to like make jokes about it. And I remember

45:29

this one story that he used to love to tell. They went to

45:31

an orgy and I think my dad had a headache

45:32

or something like that. So

45:35

he was like downstairs. My mom

45:37

was upstairs like banging a bunch of dudes.

45:40

And some guy comes down the stairs and he goes, oh

45:43

man, you got to go up there. That that woman up there. She's

45:45

so fucking hot. My dad goes, yeah, it's my wife. That's my wife. Okay.

45:49

So knowing this story about your parents

45:52

doesn't change your opinion of them to think

45:54

they're bad people. No. Okay. Thank you. Not

45:57

at all. My parents are wonderful people and like my

45:59

parents were.

45:59

You know, like really

46:02

close and I mean I want to get like

46:04

all whatever but like my family's

46:06

very close Yeah, you know when my dad passed

46:08

away, my mom was devastated I mean

46:11

it was just

46:12

like they had such a love story They felt they fell

46:15

in love the minute they saw each other like it

46:17

was like an electricity and I

46:19

have like an incredible interview with my

46:21

dad like A couple years

46:23

before he died talking about the first time he saw

46:25

my mom and it's just like I played it at the funeral

46:28

It was like whole

46:29

full places fucking tears But like they

46:31

were just meant to be together you know and like

46:34

they fucked around when they were younger and they had sex with their

46:36

people and They had fun and

46:38

they just did their thing Closer

46:40

that they were yeah open with each other and that they

46:43

could say certain things to each other that mo

46:45

there's like a big Wall, I

46:47

feel like in people's relationships. Yeah, they're not

46:50

able to admit like I can admit that most men

46:52

and women want to fuck other people Yes,

46:55

and you know They're I'm not saying that girls

46:57

are wrong for this But like they can't handle their boyfriend

46:59

like liking a photo And so when you're comparing

47:01

that to the fact that like I let my

47:03

husband fuck other women in front of me There's

47:06

this big gap and so people just really

47:08

want to hate on it because they don't understand

47:10

it But like I am able to have so

47:13

many real conversations with my partner and understand

47:15

my partner in ways that those people don't

47:18

And I like that makes them really uncomfortable Yeah,

47:20

because it points to the lack

47:22

of communication and insecurities in their own relationships

47:25

I mean one thing that I've learned

47:27

from all the people I've spoken to and also like, you know I've

47:29

talked to a lot of sex therapists who

47:31

have you know, also pointed out that

47:34

swingers tend to have the best Communication

47:38

between them because it's like they're in this position

47:40

where they have this open relationship They're having sex with other people

47:43

so they have to talk about these things, right? Whereas

47:45

people monogamous relationships I think there's

47:47

like this assumption that comes with it like oh you're

47:49

gonna be this way You're only ever gonna have sex

47:51

with me. You're only ever gonna want to have sex with me

47:55

You know and and there's just like no room to discuss

47:57

Yeah.

48:00

Other things. Yeah. And I think that's

48:03

the most damaging. Yeah, I

48:05

agree. When

48:08

I did the scene with Jason,

48:10

there

48:13

was things that I learned about myself that I wouldn't

48:15

have known until I did it, like things in

48:18

my relationship. I was scared

48:20

for Adam to see any of the content, but

48:22

then I was also so excited to show him. It

48:24

turned me on to know that he was going to watch

48:27

it and that it also turned him

48:29

on. And I don't think he really

48:31

expected to be that turned on by it.

48:35

I don't know. I was like, oh, I kind of want to see where

48:37

this goes. I want to explore this a little bit

48:39

more because it did bring us closer. We ended

48:41

up having a lot more sex than we normally

48:43

do in the weeks following the scene with

48:46

Jason. And it wasn't a thing where it was

48:48

like Adam was trying to take his ownership of

48:50

me back or anything. It was just like we were more turned

48:52

on and we wanted to fuck more. Interesting. Yeah.

48:55

So do you think that you might work with other guys in the future?

48:58

That is a big question mark in our relationship right

49:00

now.

49:03

I would like to, but I want to do everything

49:05

at the pace that

49:07

my partner is comfortable with because I also

49:09

just don't want to throw seven years down the drain. But

49:13

I think that we're sort of going to have to

49:15

figure out

49:17

the parameters, how often, if

49:20

Adam will always be included or not. I

49:22

don't really know. So

49:25

we're still sort of in the discussion

49:27

phase of that. And

49:29

then let's talk a little bit about what happened

49:31

after the scene because there was some controversy

49:34

about the things that Jason said. And

49:36

can you tell us a little bit about that? Yeah. So the

49:39

scene came out and the day after

49:42

the scene came out,

49:43

an interview came out with Jason

49:45

where the interviewer was asking some

49:48

pretty shy, steep question. She was really

49:50

going for it. And

49:53

I

49:54

think Jason, I haven't watched a

49:56

lot of Jason's scenes, so

49:59

I might be wrong.

49:59

But I don't think

50:01

Jason is the kind of on-camera

50:04

lover that

50:06

the No Jumper audience and all

50:08

the people in the public eye thought he was

50:10

going to be. I think he's a lot softer

50:12

and gentler, and people expected

50:15

him as this big, buff, tall

50:17

guy to ruin me in

50:20

the scene, and he didn't. And so

50:22

there was that feedback coming out. And I think

50:25

when the interviewer in this podcast

50:27

asked him about it, he sort of said

50:30

this answer that threw Adam under the bus a little

50:32

bit. And that bothered me because

50:34

Adam

50:35

had been propping Jason up this

50:37

whole time. He went out of

50:40

his way to be nice about

50:42

the whole thing. And Jason

50:44

sort of said something like, oh, you know, I couldn't do

50:46

that because she was used to a regular

50:49

guy, and so I don't want to go hard on her

50:51

or whatever. That's also a point of the

50:53

fact that Adam is not a regular guy. Yeah,

50:56

I mean, do you know what I mean? Like, compared to regular

50:58

guys, I'm sure you do dick ratings on

51:00

your OnlyFans. He's not a regular guy. Yeah,

51:03

like he was a good-sized dick, you know? But

51:05

he could have said any

51:07

other thing about why the scene was

51:09

the way it was, and instead he went

51:11

with this answer that sort of put Adam down.

51:15

And that really got to me,

51:17

like more than I thought it would.

51:21

Just because I was really proud and happy

51:23

about Adam's maturity throughout the whole thing.

51:25

And I was like, fuck, he didn't deserve that. And

51:27

also, I was really excited to masturbate

51:30

to the scene with Adam, and after that, I didn't want

51:32

to. I was like, pissed about it. I was like, fuck,

51:35

now that left a little bit of a

51:37

bad taste in my mouth about it, you know?

51:41

And I don't hate the guy or anything, but yeah, I was kind of

51:43

like, well, that sucks.

51:45

Because we did want to do more

51:47

content with Jason. And then

51:50

we were kind of like,

51:50

maybe not. You

51:53

also wonder why people felt

51:55

that they need... I mean, are your scenes with Adam

51:58

super rough? Like, does he... Not always.

51:59

or destroy you in every scene? No, I mean,

52:02

we do do some like rough blowjob type

52:04

stuff here and there, but not like always. But I

52:06

think like,

52:08

first of all, I'm

52:09

a wife. So people wanted to see

52:11

like another man destroy someone's wife.

52:14

They wanted it to be like the most disrespectful

52:17

version of the story that it could be. And

52:19

then I think it's like also the hyper

52:21

sexualization of black men and

52:23

then someone who looks like Jason as well. And

52:27

I do like rough scenes, but I'm also glad

52:29

it wasn't a rough scene. I don't really

52:31

like, I don't know. I don't feel like I would

52:33

have wanted that for my first scene with someone else. I'm

52:36

glad that it was like,

52:38

I wouldn't even say it was like super

52:40

gentle. It just like, I wasn't

52:42

handicap at the end. People were like putting like

52:45

wheelchair emojis under all the

52:47

things I posted. Like, oh, I bet she couldn't walk after.

52:50

It's like, no, like why does it have to be like that?

52:54

I know. And it's funny too, because you see a lot of

52:56

complaints of people saying, oh, porn these

52:58

days, women are always being destroyed and they look so

53:00

uncomfortable. Like where's the passion, where's the love?

53:02

And then you do like a passionate scene with

53:05

a man who's like, why didn't he destroy her? Why isn't

53:07

she crying afterwards? I think that maybe

53:09

that's like a demographic split. Cause I think of

53:11

women, like more and more, I'm talking

53:12

to girls on set and that's what they want in

53:14

scenes is a more passionate scene, passionate

53:16

scene where they

53:18

feel like the couple is like taking their time with each

53:20

other. And

53:21

yeah, I mean, it's like, I have my audience and Adam has

53:24

his audience, but the amount of people that have their eyes

53:26

on this were outside of our audiences. And

53:29

maybe those people's expectations of this were a little

53:31

bit different. Before

53:34

the scene came out, I was a little stressed. I was like, okay, there's

53:36

gonna be a lot more eyeballs on this than I thought

53:38

would like, maybe I do wish

53:39

I did a little bit of a better job. I don't know. Did

53:43

I make enough eye contact? Did I moan

53:45

enough? Was I crazy enough? I don't fucking

53:47

know. So

53:49

the scene did better than you expected.

53:51

Yes, yes. At one point

53:53

before it even got filmed

53:55

was like,

53:56

well, what if I do this scene with another person and

53:59

no one even cares?

53:59

Then I'll feel so bad like yeah, yeah I

54:02

shouldn't have potentially jeopardized my relationship

54:04

for this thing and it made no monetary

54:07

value or whatever But yeah, obviously it

54:09

blew

54:09

all of my expectations out of the water

54:12

What was like three times the amount I thought I

54:14

was the number I heard more than you expected

54:17

I honestly can't even remember what my original

54:19

number goal was but I

54:22

Have it has been confirmed that it was the best-selling

54:24

only fan scene ever Really?

54:28

That's amazing Congratulations, if I had

54:31

to guess I was the top earner of the month

54:33

in July.

54:34

That's pretty awesome. Which is crazy. Um, yeah

54:37

Well, I mean for

54:39

everything that you went through I feel like at

54:42

least there's that right I wasn't so bothered

54:44

I feel like I've been on the internet long enough and I've gotten

54:46

shit not shit on long enough that I'm kind

54:48

of like I mean I felt more bad for Adam

54:51

cuz I feel like he was getting more

54:53

negative attention than even me even though I even

54:55

now when I post any photos It's like where's

54:58

Jason you cheater like it's

55:00

gonna follow me for a while. Yeah, but

55:04

Yeah, I feel like Adam took more hits from

55:06

it But he also got

55:07

a lot for more views and made a lot more money

55:09

from the whole thing as well. Yeah,

55:11

you feel like he's

55:13

Handled it pretty well. Yeah. Yeah.

55:15

I mean you guys have both been the public eye for so long Yeah,

55:18

like, you know,

55:19

I feel like it was kind of loving it too. It was like, oh, this is cool

55:22

Yeah, it was funny

55:24

like I thought I mean I enjoyed the memes. I thought they were pretty

55:26

funny Yeah, there was there was some good stuff in

55:28

there

55:31

So if you do end up working with another male performer,

55:33

do you think you might have a more specific conversation

55:36

about

55:37

What you know that

55:39

the after work, I mean I would imagine you're probably gonna

55:41

be like look I've done I did this before With

55:44

Jason this happened wasn't happy about that. Could you

55:46

just like I

55:47

Feel like most people

55:49

don't need that conversation I know

55:52

um, and I probably wouldn't

55:54

work with anyone who I would even think

55:57

that for one second would do something like

55:59

that But I also did

55:59

I didn't think that that would happen with Jason. So

56:02

yeah, definitely there would be a conversation. And I think

56:04

it's weird because, throughout the whole

56:06

process, like I was always in touch with Jason

56:09

and Adam was never in touch with him until after

56:11

when we had him on the podcast and everything. But

56:14

I think in the future would be like, maybe

56:16

we're in a group chat. There's a conversation

56:18

to be had like with my partner about it all. Because

56:21

my partner, a lot of girls in the industry

56:23

are in

56:24

relationships with people who are not in the industry

56:26

and then they go fuck and then they come back to their partner and it's fine.

56:29

It's just that Adam's a public figure. And

56:31

that's why it's such a bigger deal. I

56:33

think Adam would be a lot more

56:36

comfortable with me doing more

56:38

scenes with other people, maybe even more often, if

56:40

he wasn't such a public figure and if he didn't get so much

56:43

shit for it, especially in the space that he's in.

56:45

Because he's kind of sick of, every time he does a

56:47

podcast, his guest, even a month later is like,

56:49

so, that guy fucked your girl. And

56:52

he's like, God, are we ever gonna stop talking about

56:54

this? It was a month ago. I

56:57

feel like the only way to solve this is just to do a lot

56:59

more scenes with a lot more guys and then there'll be old news

57:01

and nobody will care anymore.

57:03

See, this is my point of view,

57:05

but I think Adam is like, they're never gonna

57:07

let me live it down. I don't know. I have

57:10

no idea.

57:12

I also don't know if I wanna do like a million

57:14

scenes with other guys. I have like a tiny

57:16

list on my notes of people

57:18

that I would wanna work with.

57:22

I wonder how many people would like to see that list. Probably

57:25

a lot. It's not that crazy. I

57:28

wanna work with the people who have been working

57:30

for the studios for like a very long time. I mean, we're

57:32

in this new OnlyFans era where

57:34

like literally anyone can pull their dick

57:36

out and perform and I kind of want the guys

57:39

who have been coached by the directors who have

57:41

been around enough girls that they know exactly

57:44

how to act around women and aren't

57:46

so green to it. Cause maybe they're like a little too.

57:49

And they're professional. They're professional, you know. They

57:51

understand their angles, they understand the light. Yes.

57:54

They're not gonna be like weird about having

57:55

sex with you cause you're like a big deal.

57:58

Yeah. And like that was the nice thing.

57:59

about working with Jason is like with the

58:02

film where he was sort of like, he had the, he was like,

58:04

oh, we should do this position here. Cause you

58:07

know, we have this bed post and that would look really like

58:09

he was helping direct a little bit. And

58:11

that was great for me. Cause I have never really

58:13

shot pro porn before. So it was like,

58:15

you know, this is not my territory year. Do

58:18

you have anything that you would like

58:21

financially would make absolutely no

58:23

sense. Yeah. But I do think it would be fun. Like

58:25

I was like, you get to be like dressed up and dolled

58:28

up in some sort of cool theme for a

58:30

day. I guess in that sense, maybe I would, I

58:32

would do it, but, but then you could always like

58:34

organize that yourself, right? Exactly. If you wanted

58:36

like the high end production, like you could afford it. You

58:38

could put it together. So yeah, I don't really

58:41

know why I would, but yeah,

58:43

I'm not understandable. Well,

58:45

then I thank you so much for coming on. Thank you. It's

58:47

been such a pleasure getting to know you. I did have one

58:50

question from one Ray, Patreon members. Um,

58:52

he wanted to know what the plug means.

58:55

Oh,

58:56

okay. So boring. Len on the plug

58:58

is like an old work nickname from when I was like a

59:00

regular girl working in an office. I was like really

59:02

good at my job

59:03

and my boss was like, you're the plug.

59:05

And then they also

59:07

worked in social media and my

59:09

Instagram was Lena Nersassian, like a

59:11

really long weird last name. They're like, that's

59:13

not good. No one, no one knows what that is and how

59:15

to say it. So they sort of encouraged me to change

59:18

my Instagram name to that. And that's how it

59:20

came from. Adam always tells me to make up some lie about

59:22

a better story because that one sucks, but

59:24

that's pretty much what it is. Everyone thinks it's like sexual butt

59:26

plug related thing. It's not. But so,

59:29

but a plug, cause actually like I didn't, until

59:31

that song plug walk came out, plug

59:34

plug walk,

59:35

right? That song. Yeah. Yeah. Plug walk came

59:37

out. I didn't know what that was either, but that's like the hookup,

59:39

right? The hookup, the drug dealer, the connect.

59:42

So it's like, you usually the association

59:44

is like that you can be connected to drugs, but you can

59:46

be connected to anything. Right. So like I was good

59:49

at my job and helping them with connections with certain

59:51

things. Right. Okay. All right. There's

59:53

your answer. There's your super boring, silly

59:55

answer. I'm so sorry. So can you

59:57

tell everybody where they can find you online?

59:59

don't already know.

1:00:01

I am one of the plug

1:00:03

on every platform except for

1:00:06

Instagram. I'm free one of the plug because one of the

1:00:08

plug is dead on there. Thanks,

1:00:11

you guys. It's a lot of fun. I feel like you could talk to you for six

1:00:13

hours, especially about mom's stuff. I know. Right. Compare

1:00:16

notes for our daughters who are two weeks apart. I

1:00:18

know. Hold it. It was actually really fun to

1:00:20

watch like

1:00:22

Parker grew up online because I remember

1:00:24

when violence

1:00:25

started talking. Parker started talking to and it

1:00:27

was just so same. I read

1:00:29

Ashley has the exact same due

1:00:31

date as my sister and they

1:00:33

had their kids six hours apart. So we try to

1:00:36

always do playdates with her son

1:00:38

and Riley's daughter because they're like,

1:00:40

that's so cool. The same age. Yeah, that's

1:00:42

great. All right,

1:00:44

guys, you can find me on Instagram at Holly Randall

1:00:47

on Twitter or X now at Holly Randall.

1:00:49

Go to Holly links dot com to get all

1:00:51

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1:00:53

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1:01:00

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1:01:03

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