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from wherever they are. I

1:36

don't want to talk about this

1:38

whole time, but like do

1:40

you do you guys have? like

1:42

little names for each other

1:44

like little just like little names

1:46

that you call each other

1:48

not necessarily on the show But

1:50

like outside of this and

1:52

your private lives you know those

1:54

those those little names. Do

1:56

you guys have those for each

1:58

other? Pet names. Yeah.

2:04

I mean. We,

2:07

we call JPC Japes. Japes.

2:11

Japes sometimes. Okay. yeah,

2:13

sometimes Yeah, sometimes I'll I'm talking about. I'm talking

2:15

about. Oh, good. good. Um, sometimes

2:17

I'll call Erin Kiki, her last

2:19

name is Keith, which starts, you know, Kiki.

2:23

Okay. We call Adele the dagger,

2:26

as well. The dagger. The dagger.

2:28

Okay, that's just like

2:30

an affectionate moment. moments

2:33

Huge Chelsea fan. It's his vigilante

2:36

name. Yeah. you'll You'll

2:38

to Adele as the dagger. Yeah. yeah.

2:41

Quiet, nice moments. Yeah, it's

2:43

it's like Kiki Japes at the dagger. Yeah. I

2:46

mean, I when you you it it together it sounds cool. It

2:48

Sounds awesome. So

2:52

my wife has been

2:55

Can can I talk, is it okay

2:57

I talk about this? Yeah.

3:01

Yeah, I mean. Yeah, I mean, you

3:03

open the floodgate, think a couple of us

3:05

will also be talking about our wives,

3:07

though, so. Okay, so. Be I mean, Podcasts are for complaining.

3:09

Well, and let's get into it. publicly about

3:11

your wife. I feel like that's why

3:13

I start a podcast, unless you're about to about

3:15

your wife. Yeah, for sure. And you guys

3:17

don't talk about this, but like,

3:19

guys are all married to each

3:22

other and like, and that becomes something

3:24

where. Bye.

3:26

it's advantageous from

3:28

a Patreon perspective,

3:31

certainly, and your Patreon representative will

3:34

sort of make that clear

3:36

at the very beginning and then

3:38

it it becomes

3:40

something else or it doesn't,

3:42

but but like, you know, this is

3:44

something, all become each other's

3:46

wives. That's something that's happened. And

3:49

and I have talked about it and we've

3:51

like it for a spin and

3:53

and like haven't really gone there yet. because

3:56

our, so like, and I've talked about My

4:00

wife on the show. My wife is Carrie Anne Moss.

4:03

have a sort of

4:05

unique of

4:07

unique arrangement. It's

4:10

2024 and and there's

4:15

of different versions of

4:18

a marriage that people can

4:20

have. I am technically married

4:22

to her. She is not

4:24

married to me by law. I

4:26

have I wear a ring. She not.

4:30

this is is to Sean's

4:32

situation with Steffi Graf. With

4:34

Steffi Graff. It's

4:37

of, she is no

4:39

longer, I I

4:41

don't know if something happened to her

4:43

brain or whatever, or

4:45

is like of their dynamic,

4:47

but like does not

4:49

recognize him anymore. Yeah. Not

4:52

even not like legally, like face

4:54

is like longer, sparks

4:56

any sort of recognition for

4:58

him. And it face time. That

5:00

sounds like brain. If I were

5:02

to pick And Some kind of brain thing. Yeah, sounds

5:04

brain I And thing sure. Maybe from the tennis brain. From

5:07

like hitting head with the ball. a lot. Like

5:09

was good, but she did get hit in

5:11

the head with the ball much. I

5:14

had to look her up. I wasn't sure who she was.

5:16

sure who she was. Yeah,

5:18

that's wife. I'm wondering if Erin also got

5:23

hit the head with the ball. I

5:25

wouldn't remember if I had,

5:27

right? Aaron why That's all wondering,

5:29

man. Erin, you get hit in the

5:32

head. You get hit in the head

5:34

a lot, right? Almost always, almost always. I

5:37

think I had two major things that

5:39

created my personality. One One talked about

5:41

before when I electrocuted myself by sticking

5:44

my finger in a socket. I couldn't

5:46

do math very well after that. And

5:49

then also - It can go either way

5:51

with that, right? Yeah.

5:53

you might learn phenomenon. Like phenomenon.

5:55

Yeah. But it's really

5:58

an all nothing proposition. I'm

6:00

sticking your figure in a electro socket

6:02

it comes to math after that. Yeah,

6:05

I'm either gonna be a genius or

6:07

whatever it is I am now. And then, do

6:09

you And then, do you remember,

6:12

I don't know if this was regional, so

6:16

might know, but the, we we

6:18

would take wiffle bats and put them

6:20

in a pool and fill them with

6:22

water and then you can like them as

6:24

a torpedo under the water Oh yeah. each

6:26

other's legs. Yeah. But were playing that in

6:29

the pool and I dove under when

6:31

someone threw one and it hit me

6:33

square between the eyes. And then I

6:35

don't remember the whole next day. That

6:37

is a regional thing from the Boston

6:39

area and there has been sort of

6:41

a racial reckoning around that for

6:43

what it was kind of

6:46

originally used for. so like, and

6:49

they're dangerous as well, I be

6:51

like as we've seen

6:53

from the effects on

6:56

Aaron. Yeah. So wife

6:58

has been calling me the little gentleman. Oh.

7:01

But But only

7:03

when she's like pissed off

7:05

at me. Like,

7:08

how would she, what what context would she

7:10

say it she's pissed off? What

7:13

context? So like, she's

7:15

obsessed with me like doing my lessons.

7:18

Like my different lessons. like she's

7:20

really, really strict about my

7:22

lessons. Yeah. And

7:24

I And I, I

7:27

some of this stuff. I

7:29

don't even know if I

7:32

like band, but she's been like

7:34

really been intense about me

7:36

like joining a band and

7:39

and Jeet Kune

7:41

Do and like, so,

7:43

and I don't want to talk

7:45

about this the whole time, but

7:47

no. But I I

7:51

think she, and and

7:53

obviously the movie wasn't real

7:55

and she knows that and talked

7:57

about that. Like didn't happen. movie.

8:01

The Matrix? Yeah,

8:03

I mean like so like it

8:05

was a real movie and we've

8:07

talked about that as well Yeah,

8:09

know about it too, don't know

8:11

about it so clearly it was

8:13

a real movie yeah but

8:15

it didn't, that stuff actually really

8:18

happen or like maybe it

8:20

is that's what's so kind of

8:22

that's what's tough about yeah

8:25

being in that movie, you know there's a

8:27

lot of movies where you're

8:29

like okay that movie definitely not

8:31

happening like what's an example of

8:33

that you frame

8:35

Roger Rabbit? that's

8:37

pretty much not happening. one's gonna

8:39

frame a Kathy or I guess Kathy's a comics

8:42

that's different I guess that's

8:44

different I'm sorry the way there should be

8:46

one though, there should be one at all moonfall

8:49

probably didn't happen right? I

8:51

think probably didn't happen as well

8:54

although if it did they would

8:56

be like okay have to we

8:58

have to clean this up and I

9:00

would have gotten. It just didn't happen quick Okay,

9:02

a fake moon. Yeah, I guess

9:04

it's yeah Oh like Truman Show.

9:08

do we think that's ever happened

9:10

a Truman Show? Do think anyone's

9:12

ever been Truman I think that

9:14

probably happened like not that much

9:16

but I think it probably happened

9:18

like limited doses. in

9:20

tandem with like MK Ultra? like

9:22

times times which sounds like

9:25

a lot but there's so many

9:27

people out there Yeah. And

9:29

they probably reused so that it's not.

9:31

Yeah. be like golf courses where it'd

9:33

be like Truman Truman Show's, Truman

9:35

Show everywhere And just haven't seen a

9:38

Truman show doesn't mean it didn't

9:40

happen because like there's probably like a

9:42

thousand TV shows you've never even

9:44

heard of Yeah. But

9:47

so like and so speaking of and

9:49

maybe this is an Apple TV show

9:51

already but like there should be

9:53

a Roger Rabbit with just the newspaper

9:58

comics. Oh. Like

10:01

Adele was saying. So Kathy is there

10:04

obviously. Kathy is sort of our

10:06

Jessica Rabbit. Unfortunately, this is what we,

10:09

blah, blah, boom. But But

10:11

of, know, I'm not bad.

10:13

I'm just drawn that way. It would be more like a

10:15

ac. Like, yeah. Aaron, you

10:17

have a Jessica Rabbit t-shirt. You you want to go get it? Oh

10:20

God. why do I have that? Do you

10:22

still have that? everyone why. She doesn't remember

10:24

anything. remember anything. ha. I'm

10:27

not even sure where I am right now Did

10:29

be completely on the theme? A

10:31

a Jessica Rabbit t-shirt. Record

10:33

HH. I don't know what that means. means.

10:37

Hopefully I did it. I not on a car. know.

10:40

Ace, you have any pet names for Carrie

10:42

Ann Moss? Ha ha

10:44

ha, Boy, not anymore. I'm

10:48

sure you know this, but but she's five

10:50

nine. I just looked it up. up. Yes,

10:54

I, so, so And

10:56

she's calling you the little gentleman? Well, this

10:58

is also an agreement we

11:00

of came to that like legally, my

11:02

driver's license. I'm five four. That's

11:06

your seat, because you drive you're sitting. Yeah,

11:10

I I mean yes. And like,

11:12

also have like it's

11:14

a a bucket seat. I mean, it

11:17

it a a bucket. And so like my

11:19

little, my little tushy is like sunk the

11:21

bucket. Yeah. And

11:23

arms are like, all you

11:25

can really see is my hands. when

11:28

you're When you're me. it's sort of like a Waymo.

11:31

You ever pass a, what, like of these

11:33

Waymos? You guys have these? No,

11:37

we don't unfortunately we don't have them here.

11:39

They're just way San Francisco. These

11:41

Waymos, these are going

11:44

around and there's nobody in there. Is

11:47

that a slur? What's a a Waymo? the car? Yeah,

11:50

Yeah, they're it back. There's

11:52

a racial reckoning with that. They're taking it back. We're

11:56

not really to be saying the Waymo. but I

11:59

don't know, Kevin, if you want to. You have any ability to, You

12:01

said this comes out tomorrow. don't know if you

12:03

have any ability to... I don't know what. That's it's

12:06

very empowering. It's very empowering now. Yeah.

12:10

I feel powerful. I said

12:12

it once, I was an accident. I felt powerful as

12:14

fuck. Felt wrong leaving

12:16

my lips so that I thought to ask. A

12:18

A Waymo ride costs $11 for five miles. five

12:21

miles. Oh, is that a lot or

12:23

a little? Still flat fee? Oh,

12:25

thank God. it's a It's

12:28

a service. Five miles you

12:30

a a lot of places though. Cities aren't

12:32

that big. And so you'll

12:34

be driving around and you'll sort

12:36

of like yourself

12:38

out of the bucket. Your

12:42

butt of is suctioned in there. So you're basically

12:44

lifting the bucket up with you but you're

12:46

using the steering wheel to kind of

12:48

do a, haul yourself up. And

12:50

you look at these other cars

12:52

and these Waymos are going

12:54

around. There's nobody in there. That

12:59

me. I feel frightened

13:01

by that. I'm actually very

13:03

brave about it, but off.

13:07

Speak truth. How about by all means

13:09

off? I I like

13:11

I would get scared. Speak

13:13

on that. No,

13:16

this doesn't seem like a safe space to speak

13:18

on that. It's not. We

13:20

I feel it. Nobody said that it was. He just

13:22

said to do it. Aaron,

13:25

don't you love Disneyland? I

13:29

like Disneyland. And isn't there a ride where the

13:31

haunted mansion or something where like you're in

13:33

a car and there's a ghost driving

13:35

or something? A lot of the rides

13:37

have cars that don't, that no

13:39

driver at all. It's just a

13:42

roller coaster. What roller

13:44

coaster has a driver at or

13:46

front? something front? basically behaves like

13:48

there's nobody. Who's in

13:50

charge of this thing? Can we

13:52

get someone to like operating

13:55

this thing? It's

13:57

all 19 year olds hate their summer.

14:00

Even a ghost. but you trust it

14:02

though Aaron, and go on it

14:04

so I don't know why you

14:06

would be scared of Waymo. and

14:08

Kevin obviously bleep that I said

14:11

that what part Just

14:13

the whole thing Aaron, do you respond?

14:15

I I with you know

14:17

what? Fine. I'm not scared

14:19

of it anymore You win. You

14:23

win. Actually, you because you

14:25

just conquered your fear So it's

14:27

not as to me that I win. that I

14:29

guess back to being scared of heights. That's

14:32

such an own. Fear

14:34

to transfer to something else Fear

14:36

really goes away It's

14:38

hey riddle riddle. hmm JPC.

14:44

Japes. Aaron. Kiki.

14:47

Kiki Kiki. Battle.

14:49

the The dagger. are

14:51

you that you that? um

14:54

I like You just kind of do the

14:56

one like you

14:59

just like that joke off we're

15:01

like it's over you know

15:03

what I mean Yeah. though

15:06

even when there's like a

15:08

few minutes left in the

15:10

podcast episode Yeah. it's

15:13

over baby baby. Yep.

15:17

Put it say it's a walk off. I'll I'll do

15:19

a walk off joke. I'll do a walk off

15:21

joke where it's, you know it lands and then

15:23

we just we there's two minutes

15:25

left but we just kind of play it It's me

15:27

rounding the bases. Honestly,

15:29

if you listen to the show sometimes it gets to it like

15:32

early and the episode ends at

15:34

like 16 minutes Yeah, it

15:36

keeps going but it is over You

15:39

know that you have to get

15:41

to the end of regulation yeah

15:43

we lose all energy and enthusiasm

15:45

but we still do we hit

15:47

an hour But we're done. but we're

15:49

done after for after that for sure

15:52

Adel also carries a dagger with them, too.

15:54

with them have yeah I have

15:56

a all times. Okay. times sure Serrated.

16:00

Oh, it is serrated. Mm-hmm. And

16:03

there... I'm sorry, would serrated. out. It's

16:05

serrated. Serrated. So, has

16:07

been raided by by the ser himself. Yeah.

16:09

Dame Dame Bono, or what's his name?

16:11

Dame Bono. Dame Bono. It

16:13

is Dame Bono. You hit it

16:15

right. It's Dame Bono. Wasn't

16:20

there some confusion when he got knighted where

16:22

they...he he was in like Mrs.

16:24

Doubtfire getup or something? Uh, They mis-gendered it. Did that's

16:26

what Irish people love is getting knighted by

16:28

the king of England. That's what Irish

16:30

people love. They

16:32

love it. it. know what Irish people should have? Their

16:34

own Irish people should have their own king. Well,

16:36

they already one. No, but they want to act

16:39

like it's not cool. You know what I mean?

16:41

They're very like, and we let them act

16:43

like this, but they want to pretend that

16:46

like wearing a

16:48

crown and like having

16:50

robes and amulets and fine

16:53

jewels is like not

16:55

cool. It's important to them

16:57

for some reason. Slapping people at the

16:59

back of your hand, in

17:01

greeting, they're pretending that's not cool. not cool. They're

17:03

like, that sucks. like, that sucks. Okay. But

17:06

if you need that. I

17:09

was concerned about, Obviously ass.

17:12

Yeah, I was concerned about Waymo's...Kevin... Whoa, whoa,

17:14

ow. Obviously Kevin Bleebat, But I feel more

17:16

comfortable talking about the relationship between

17:18

England and Ireland like I feel a little

17:20

more settled here. Right. Because Right? Because...

17:23

sure. Now,

17:27

Aaron, you were Dingle, Ireland... Yep. Dingle,

17:29

Ireland. last year. This time last

17:31

year. ago. even in full year

17:33

ago. I went in April of

17:35

this year to Ireland because I'm from

17:37

there things. that's why Yeah. speak on

17:39

such things. not... Well, not.

17:41

Well, answer... I guess my grandparents. I I

17:43

guess that's from there. Okay, yeah. I have

17:45

a Your grandparents are from there, but you're not are

17:47

from there, but you're not from

17:49

there. Yeah. And Erin from New England.

17:52

and so in New New England, we have Yeah. Yeah.

17:57

That's for covered in spiders from a cranbird.

17:59

It's You know, it's BOG

18:01

standard. It's bog BOG standard.

18:03

It's bog standard It's BOG

18:06

originally from where Ocean Spray is

18:08

made. And you can see can see

18:10

on her wall, she's got... she's... Oh,

18:13

she's in the Oh, she's now. got the paper,

18:15

yeah. crayon paper, yeah. Yep. Cranpaper. It's

18:17

crayon paper. And a lot of ocean spray on

18:19

the wall too, I can see. Uh -huh. Because

18:22

Because opening it too hard, I think. I

18:26

went to the to spray factory and they had to

18:28

go up to my mom and they said I was taking

18:30

too many free samples. And I went, well then

18:32

the point of even coming here today if I

18:34

can't? Truth. drink you out

18:36

of all of your cranberry juice. Still

18:39

my drink is cranberry juice. Whoa.

18:42

Still. What? Yeah. That's That's nobody's favorite drink.

18:44

That's an after-dice carrion. Uh-huh. Huh.

18:46

Why are you looking at me like that? Cran

18:48

apple juice? Is that not the most refreshing thing

18:50

with a little bit of ice? what you take

18:52

when you have certain conditions. That's

18:55

what the people mostly it with, but for

18:57

some people it's their absolute favorite

18:59

drink. I got hit in the head

19:01

and electrocuted. I don't know that that's- know

19:03

that those are both conditions. Exactly. Those are

19:05

conditions that you've applied to you I don't

19:07

that those are the cure -alls

19:09

for that the cranberry juice is supposed

19:11

to help with Has there ever

19:13

been - go ahead. Oh, please. I

19:15

was gonna say the first time I was ever left to be

19:18

alone. left to be home alone.

19:20

I drank two whole thing of ocean

19:22

spray, cranberry juice, and my parents

19:24

came home and I had been throwing up red all

19:26

over the house and they're like, it's blood. No.

19:28

It was good news. It was cranberry juice. Why over the house?

19:30

How old are you? I don't

19:33

want to say How old are you? This is

19:35

not a safe space. why not Fine. but

19:37

I never said it was. that's it's unfair

19:39

to keep saying it what I never

19:41

said it was All I'm saying is

19:43

they left me home alone and I watched three

19:45

times in a row and. That's

19:47

probably what did it. Okay. That's

19:49

also too long. Where were they? Cause that's like hours.

19:53

Yeah, they were gone for a while. I think that was probably

19:55

nine. Hmm. They on vacation

19:57

you when you were nine. They didn't go on vacation. Let

20:00

her home alone. Yeah, they let me

20:02

set up a bunch of booby traps.

20:04

To have your grandparents come and watch

20:06

you. My grandparents were dead. Now don't

20:08

you feel bad? They were long dead

20:10

by the time I was nine. have

20:12

no living grandparents. No grandparents, that's sus.

20:15

I only met one of my grandparents.

20:19

Dang. And now don't you feel

20:21

bad? I have one left,

20:23

would you like to meet her?

20:25

No, thank you. That was

20:27

a nice peace offering. No. Nice

20:29

olive branch. My wife, sorry,

20:31

I'm really sorry to bring this

20:33

up again. No, no, no. So

20:36

she, so she

20:38

has, she did, she

20:40

quit snuff a

20:42

while ago. Cold

20:45

turkey, which

20:47

I guess is for some people

20:49

means that you like do it all

20:52

at once, but like for her

20:54

means like she'll only have it for

20:56

lunch. Got

20:58

it. Cold turkey is not

21:00

like a dinner food, obviously.

21:02

It's a lunch food. Yeah,

21:04

so she'll like have some

21:06

snuff at lunch. But

21:09

she has, you know how

21:11

Letterman, after he got his

21:13

heart surgery, he would like,

21:15

he wanted his staff to

21:17

like eat a big steak

21:20

in front of him so

21:22

he could sort of like

21:24

have the feeling. Yeah, eat

21:26

vicariously. Yes, that's her. So

21:28

I guess she's Letterman in

21:30

this case. The

21:32

steak is a big

21:34

sort of steak -sized

21:37

Cold turkey. Pile of

21:39

snuff. Okay. And

21:41

I am

21:43

whichever blighted intern

21:45

or like

21:48

low -level subordinate

21:50

has been forced

21:52

to pound

21:54

this thing for

21:58

my famous Lord's

22:00

pleasure. And

22:04

I'm not a guy, really. I I know

22:06

if you guys are. Like,

22:08

yeah. Maybe you have flavors

22:10

that I haven't, she like, When a

22:12

new flavor comes out, she wants me to

22:14

try it and like

22:17

of like a little report on it.

22:19

it. Hmm. And

22:21

so there's, I I mean like, you

22:24

are into this or? I

22:26

liked Big 2 when I was growing up. up. Okay.

22:30

And I felt like that. I'm talking I'm

22:32

not talking about like dip or? What's

22:35

the difference between snuff and dip? Snuff,

22:37

you like, shwack it. You actually take

22:39

it straight. What does that mean? And what

22:41

is shwack it? It's

22:44

like, you Cut it

22:46

up into big fatties and

22:48

just like blast the entire reel. I

22:51

don't know any of these words. A

22:54

lot of chew? bleeped, I'm assuming, bleeped, by assuming,

22:56

by Kevin. So it's gonna be harder. not not chew, like

22:58

the mouth is dirty. It doesn't enter the

23:00

mouth at at, the

23:02

mouth like, The mouth

23:04

is sick. Okay. It

23:07

goes. where do you take So where do you take snuff?

23:09

Straight up the snuffet. Straight

23:12

up the snoo. Oh, like the snuff? Yeah, okay.

23:14

know You sniff a snuff. Like snuffle guess, you know,

23:16

he's got the big That

23:19

explains Explains so much about the character. He's got the

23:21

big snoot so he can have a little shwack. you can tell

23:23

the different flavors by putting something up your nose.

23:25

You can taste the flavors. Yeah, I mean

23:27

it settles right on the back of your tongue

23:29

and then What she get out of it it? there?

23:32

Do have to describe the flavors? Because she

23:34

can't know what the flavors are. flavors are. She gets

23:36

madder and madder. Like

23:39

doing it wrong. And I know

23:41

I am. And I've had

23:43

it, but you won't tell me, you

23:45

know, but it's not obvious how you

23:47

would like take this stuff but she

23:49

has all these devices, no no directions

23:51

on how to use the devices. Have you

23:53

seen the movie Dead Ringers? No.

23:57

do the first scene you do something? scene or something? No. do the first

23:59

scene. Do the first scene. the

24:01

voices. Okay, well about

24:03

- Is it voices? It's Jeremy

24:05

Irons and he's playing twins. Yeah.

24:08

I don't know what he sounds like. Oh,

24:10

he's Scar. He's

24:13

Scar in Lion King. King. he's Okay, got he? Is he? Okay, I'm not allowed

24:15

to say that, but. In

24:17

Dead Ringers, he plays twin gynecologists.

24:21

That can't be right. Oh, and

24:23

they remade it with Rachel Weisz. Boy,

24:25

Aaron, if I am wrong about it, am wrong, that's

24:27

just something I made up. If

24:30

you're saying that can't be right. That can't just

24:32

That's a problem for me. Your

24:35

imagination is out of control. That

24:37

about a a movie about twin gynecologists, then that's trouble.

24:40

trouble. That's a cry for help. That's a

24:42

red flag. That would indicate that you got hit

24:44

in the then head with a lot a balls. But

24:47

they use these devices. That's,

24:50

you know, it's not a

24:52

pleasant pleasant film. But

24:54

it's way, way more

24:57

pleasant than

24:59

what I'm getting into

25:01

with with these devices.

25:03

Yeah. So the

25:05

flavors are like plum, bordeaux,

25:12

Carolina barbecue. Carolina

25:15

barbecue. So,

25:18

well, that's a vinegar. Vinegar. Okay. Well,

25:20

that's interesting because you say Carolina.

25:22

there's vinegar, but then North

25:24

Carolina, North Carolina is vinegar. South

25:26

Carolina would be like a

25:28

mustard base. Mustard. Right. Okay. Yes. Yeah. So,

25:30

but is North Carolina. Gotcha.

25:36

I mean, all

25:38

kinds of stuff. You

25:42

never, you've really never done this. Snuff?

25:47

This necessarily something my

25:50

wife makes me do. And

25:52

now I'm wondering, like, are we, you know, you you

25:54

about stuff and you're like, are we doing something

25:56

weird? Cause we're not doing this, But this, yeah.

25:58

Ann would say it's cause. is like doesn't.

26:01

love you enough to want you to be better. She

26:05

doesn't look the - I found one of my tattoos. I

26:07

took That's what Carrie, you know what I'm saying? done done I've

26:10

done a bunch of

26:12

Carolina barbecue snuff. Don't forget.

26:15

So have done that. Oh, Oh, okay. That's

26:17

great. Now, the process of I wish.

26:20

Your tattoos were easier to

26:22

find and read. Or I

26:24

wish you had like kind of

26:26

organizational system for like card catalog

26:28

or something. Ooh, key. Where you

26:30

find these things. A key.

26:33

Yeah. because it's taking way

26:35

too long. On my

26:37

palm, it says tattoos. So I I

26:40

am trying. Is that a tattoo or is that?

26:43

It's just something you've like it.

26:46

Who's to say? Yeah. Let's see if

26:48

it bleeds. if I spit on it. I would also

26:50

say organized tattoos. kind

26:53

of damn near impossible to do

26:55

because you of have to get them

26:57

like order. Yeah. my life is

26:59

agony. drop But also I thought it was to have

27:01

tattoos that bleed when you spin on them

27:03

Yeah, I was gonna say something about that.

27:05

was gonna say something, but then I felt

27:07

bad because never heard of that Cheap

27:10

will bleed. And you got

27:12

to get a cheap tattoo and a a pinch you're trying to

27:14

just use those reminders. Exactly. From a cheap tattoo with

27:16

a tattoo with a pinch. So do

27:18

it by pinching you hard. Yeah.

27:21

It hurts. Everything hurts. Uh-huh. God

27:24

damn. have not I don't have any pinch tattoos,

27:26

I could see how that would hurt because

27:28

actually getting pinched sometimes hurts kind

27:30

of a great deal. Oh,

27:33

here's another one. Don't forget that David

27:35

Letterman got heart surgery and made his

27:37

interns eat steak in front of him,

27:39

so. Okay. Well,

27:42

that was lucky that I I reminded

27:44

I wonder why you have to

27:46

remember that though. When do ads on the

27:48

show? Whoa. Hollywood Handbook. Guys,

27:51

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27:53

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28:14

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28:17

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28:19

don't understand, it says in the

28:21

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28:23

whoever is listening to this, they

28:25

won't tell me who the person

28:27

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28:29

getting this ad. It's just you,

28:31

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28:33

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28:35

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28:37

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28:39

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28:41

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28:44

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28:46

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28:48

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28:50

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28:52

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28:57

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29:02

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30:57

Have they already happened? Do you think they happened

30:59

already, Kev? I think they just happened. Kevin

31:02

like gets Kevin Kevin gets an

31:04

idea when it's time to do

31:06

the ads, to point finger

31:08

up in the air and go like, aha. And

31:11

And so I did

31:14

see him. do it. it. He

31:16

did it. an idea for, has an idea for... Holy

31:18

wadem. Have they already happened? Do you

31:20

think they they already, Kev? I think they

31:22

just happened. Kevin like gets

31:25

Kevin Kevin gets an idea when

31:27

it's time to do the ads, to

31:30

point finger up in the air and go like, aha.

31:33

And And so I did just see him do it. just

31:35

see him. Do

31:37

it. He did it. idea He has an

31:39

idea for putting an ad right there. but

31:43

it's always very jarring when it happens

31:45

in the show. If I ever go back

31:47

and listen to it, I'm like, my God, Who

31:49

would subject themselves to this? Well,

31:54

that's on Kevin. Yeah.

31:56

He's the one who did it. wrong. He,

32:02

well oh, anyway.

32:05

Hayes, what instrument are you learning

32:07

during your lessons? I

32:10

am honking on

32:12

Bobo, baby. No,

32:16

what does that mean? No, what does

32:18

that mean? Ooh, nice. Oh man, a a

32:20

blue standard. Yes. And

32:25

I like, I

32:29

know, mine fills up. Mine fills

32:31

up really quick. like

32:33

a a John situation. think he went had to

32:35

go, he went through 20 or 30

32:37

harmonicas a night. I get bogged. get through clogged. Was

32:40

what, spit? Snuff. Well,

32:42

I mean, I mean like all the. Everything.

32:46

Everything. It's like it's

32:49

the rainforest, like it's

32:51

the rainforest cafe there. Yeah.

32:53

From From all snuff. Wet,

32:56

hot, expensive. Yes,

32:58

Thank you. Mm -hmm. And

33:03

so is, is, that's

33:05

really tough on the,

33:07

on the harmonicas. Sure. But

33:10

it's all part of the same

33:12

culture. Sure, yeah. You know,

33:14

You know, like it's, I can feel what

33:16

she's trying to shape me into.

33:19

And this is sort of what I

33:21

was saying but movie isn't real, but I

33:23

think she remembers her boyfriend from that. And

33:26

like, oh, he knew how to

33:28

do all this stuff. Like took all different

33:30

lessons and like had all these different abilities. That

33:34

explains why you're also doing Jeet

33:36

Do, the of the water, I knew believe.

33:38

So, yeah. I mean,

33:40

I'm starting to put that

33:42

together, which I

33:44

I mean, and

33:47

I'm like, while we have discussed the

33:49

movie didn't happen, her

33:52

to that is like, like

33:54

why, why not? why not?

33:56

And I don't have a good answer.

34:00

There's a good answer to that. No. Carrie

34:02

Anne Moss is a unique

34:05

situation because I I remember watching

34:07

when I was younger, there a show on

34:09

MTV, I believe, called Aeon Flux or Aeon Flux. Now

34:11

the lead, it was animated, but the lead character

34:13

in that. looks

34:16

exactly like Carrie Anne Moss. But I didn't know

34:18

who Carrie Anne was at the time. So

34:20

when I first saw Matrix, I I was

34:22

like, oh, that's the animated woman from Eon Flux. So

34:24

a weird situation with her where she's

34:26

the only celebrity I feel like I saw

34:28

before I knew who they were, where it

34:30

feels like she's, there's something mischievous going on

34:32

there. And I get her confused going with- should be

34:34

allowed to be in the newspaper

34:37

comic, Roger Rabbit. Yes.

34:40

I get her confused with Jillian Anderson all the

34:42

time, and are you offended by that? I

34:46

can I can throw it up the chain.

34:48

I can see I can see how we feel

34:50

about it Yeah. I

34:52

forget which one is which, name wise. don't

34:54

know why. Jillian Moore and Jillian

34:56

Anderson, I confuse. Adel, I had

34:58

that exact same experience

35:00

that you had, but with Ghost in

35:02

the Shell and Scarlett Johansson. Julianne.

35:04

Jillian less. Oh,

35:07

you are offended. Hayes, that's not fair.

35:11

Just for once, I wish you Jillian

35:13

less. That's not fair. Whoa,

35:15

that would be an awesome thing for a movie

35:17

critic to say if they didn't like one

35:19

of her performances She's one of the

35:21

most understated subtle performers of of generation.

35:24

I I I mean, I I don't know I

35:26

think that could ruin your career. She can't give less. you

35:28

say know if you say that. I'd say The kids

35:30

kids are all right? Yeah, I wish you would Jillian

35:32

less. Yeah, I I wish you would Jillian. I

35:34

guess in Big Lebowski, in Big Lebowski, she was

35:36

a bit over the top, I guess, because

35:39

she was like from the ceiling naked painting something. So

35:41

I guess that's one. That was a choice. Yeah,

35:43

that was a bit of a choice. Jillian

35:45

Moore is not always more. -hmm

35:48

That's what I would say if I was was to cut it down. Sometimes Jillian Moore

35:50

is less. less. Sometimes

35:52

it's Jillian, Jillian Casablanc less.

35:54

And unfortunately, and

35:57

i i you know, I

35:59

don't really stand by this but I did

36:01

write it once in a TV criticism that

36:03

I wish he would more moon those. Yeah.

36:08

Yeah. I do and

36:10

I have, I do

36:12

and have apologize saying that. that. Yeah.

36:16

But at the time, he was

36:18

was putting out some

36:21

real shit. shit. into the ground.

36:23

CBS into the ground. Yeah,

36:27

but like the. - But just because a

36:29

person is disgraced doesn't mean

36:31

we have to dishonor and disrespect.

36:33

It's art. It's artists. Right. Yeah.

36:35

Right. You can separate

36:38

the person that he was from the

36:40

things that he made. And

36:42

speaking of that, so my wife,

36:46

I'm so sorry, I really don't want keep coming

36:48

back. I feel like you really want to though.

36:50

But you have to say it someone. back. Why, someone. what

36:52

would make you think that? I've said so

36:54

many times that I don't want to. We've been

36:56

talking about her this whole time. We can't

36:58

get away from talking about her. But

37:02

I don't wanna talk about

37:04

her this whole time and I

37:06

do want get away from this. Sure,

37:09

I'll give you five dollars if we don't

37:11

talk about her the whole rest of the time.

37:13

You'll give me five dollars? Yeah. She

37:16

won't do it. She never

37:18

pays up. Can

37:20

you bet on him first? She money of in front

37:22

of you and she holds it and

37:24

she dangles it but she never pays.

37:26

She pays up. I'm to like calculate that

37:28

against what she is gonna charge me

37:30

for. For not talking about her. not

37:32

talking, yeah. And just like for the

37:34

studio time. So she bought a chunk. I

37:36

started, I was doing my own thing of was doing

37:38

my own thing and like doing

37:40

the podcast and joining Headgum. And then I

37:42

found out that she had taken

37:44

a very large ownership stake in it

37:47

and bought the the

37:49

company as well. so

37:51

anytime I want to some

37:54

toilet paper or

37:56

like a shovel. Yeah. Or like

37:59

Advil. for, You

38:01

know, that, head shovel

38:03

just like how much ever the shovel.

38:05

Yeah, thank you. I was saying shovel.

38:08

I didn't know if anyone could hear

38:10

me I can hear you. You

38:12

heard me when I said it? I

38:14

heard it. Good. So I end up,

38:16

you know, I have a line of

38:19

credit with her and the rates on

38:21

that are... Pretty

38:23

sharp So I

38:25

don't think it is going to be worth it. To

38:27

take Aaron's offer. I do think I

38:29

am gonna keep talking about her We

38:32

have sort of a blended

38:34

family. She

38:38

has her whole, like,

38:40

brood. that she

38:42

showed up with. of

38:45

these orphans that

38:48

do like,

38:53

you know, like

38:55

petty theft and very

38:57

flamboyantly our foot

38:59

theft. so... yes,

39:03

Ped, yes, yes, P -E -D -I, theft.

39:05

yes. Yes. Yeah. Um

39:08

And they're, they talk in this crazy

39:10

way. They're so mean to me. And

39:13

do you mean, if they talk in this

39:16

crazy way? Is it like Charles Dickens orphans? They're

39:19

all from, like, different the

39:21

parts of the world. So they've

39:23

developed their own sort of patois.

39:25

Yeah, patois, I guess we're patois.

39:27

Yes. So some of them talk like, it's like

39:30

a combination of like like

39:32

Aunt Little Orphan, Annie orphans. Yes,

39:34

they're all different time periods and parts

39:36

of the world. Sure. Erin, you can

39:38

just ask if they sound like Newsy's.

39:41

I mean. You're kind of circling that

39:43

question. Okay, well, you try to embarrass me

39:45

in front of all my friends. One

39:47

of them is a

39:49

Newsy type. and he's doing

39:51

his dance. They're all doing like

39:53

their different dances. It does actually

39:55

come together remarkably well, but fuck

39:57

me if I try to Join

40:00

in and like do my dance.

40:02

Like now I'm ruining it suddenly.

40:05

Yeah, singing and dancing is sort of for orphans. We

40:07

can't take that away from them. You're sort of

40:09

stepping on their whole thing. And meanwhile, I

40:11

I was actually one.

40:13

only adult to ever be

40:16

I so met her, I was recruited to

40:18

be in this. That's how I met

40:20

Carrie Ann. and I was the only one

40:22

to actually get in as an adult

40:24

with parents. Wow. I

40:26

was like pretty proud of that

40:28

for a while. Now I'm actually

40:30

not sure if if that sounds like That

40:33

sounds like grooming. Sounds

40:35

a little culty. Yeah. that one sounds

40:37

like I was an adult with parents Sounds

40:41

like grooming. It sounds you were. I'm older than

40:43

her. No,

40:45

come on. No, no. No, don't

40:48

say that. don't Hey, hey. Hey, you're

40:50

OK, you're right. Hey,

40:52

well, You're reborn. Come on.

40:55

on. So you're

40:57

right. - And this is,

40:59

this goes into like the matrix years. So So like

41:01

movie didn't happen, but we do mark

41:03

time as Yeah. There's never a short answer to

41:05

this question. I hate this question. I

41:07

don't always ask this question. There's never,

41:09

there's never a short answer to this. We're

41:11

trying I'm trying to a show here. How

41:13

do I explain? How do I contextualize my

41:15

whole? Yeah, it sucks. I I work. work. I

41:20

for you, man, because sucks to

41:22

answer it. But ahead. So

41:25

had this, this brood that she that

41:29

she brought. And I

41:31

had my my DVDs,

41:33

like my DVD collection. Criterion?

41:38

Uh, No. Head

41:41

mask, sorry. didn't ask, sir. I

41:44

It's it's

41:47

not that. I

41:50

had memento. I

41:52

had I had Fight Club. I

41:56

had uh, like a

41:59

Kung Fu. fu. Fuhussel, Oh,

42:01

yeah, Stephen Chow. Do

42:03

you have Snatch? I had snatch.

42:06

Yeah Boondock

42:08

Saints? Better believe I had Boondock

42:10

Saints. Yeah,

42:12

sure. Newsies? Newsies? Aaron.

42:15

Sorry, I I got electrocuted and hit the

42:17

head with a woofle ball bat. What do you

42:19

want me to say? Yeah, like 11

42:21

years ago a rush hour rush hour.

42:23

Yes Train spotting

42:27

Rush Hour, what's rush hour? What's one the one that's hour

42:29

in the west one West? 28 days later. Rush Hour 2.

42:31

Rush Hour 2. No, That's what it was What

42:36

about Shanghai Nights? I was

42:38

gonna say Shanghai Noon. Oh,

42:41

I didn't see the first one That's

42:48

So, I So I had all

42:50

these DVDs and so basically like they've

42:54

been taking the DVDs. No.

42:56

they acting like I Don't

43:00

it's like part of their thing

43:02

that like cause like these plucky orphans

43:04

like she's rich like like We

43:07

don't have to be acting like we've

43:09

never seen a DVD before and we're using

43:11

it as like a mirror like Sure.

43:13

groom ourselves not in the JPC way

43:15

that he's obsessed with And

43:18

we should start referring to that type

43:20

of grooming as the JPC way. Yeah I'll

43:23

write that down, I'm I'm gonna

43:25

get that tattooed. I actually don't have

43:27

a problem with this because because

43:29

all is good press. So

43:32

even with like, Mr. Grooming, I feel

43:35

that that's still fine for me Well,

43:40

what like you said earlier even

43:42

if you're disgraced, I'm not gonna disrespect

43:44

you or talk of you And

43:46

people people about

43:49

separating the art from the artist,

43:51

they never talk about it in way

43:53

that taking their horrible creation and separating

43:55

it from what is they've actually

43:57

a pretty decent human being You

44:00

know, we separate this

44:02

artist who's like nice

44:04

from their artistic

44:07

creation, which was

44:09

the process of

44:11

grooming? Sure, yeah. Separating the

44:13

grooming from the groomer. So,

44:17

and And they're

44:19

making me shwack off my

44:22

DVDs. off

44:24

my DVDs. Obviously

44:26

Kevin believe that. Obviously.

44:29

Obviously. Hard to hear.

44:32

Thank you. Perfect.

44:35

That's good. But

44:38

they're like, these like fat

44:40

ass snuff

44:43

rails just

44:45

like blow them

44:48

straight off my own

44:50

DVDs. I don't, I hate, I

44:53

hate being, I hate into this

44:55

because I'm like out of

44:58

my element here. But I

45:00

think maybe just consider

45:02

leaving her as

45:04

a consideration as maybe this is like, But she

45:06

was cool. X But she was on Sorry. No, she

45:08

was in The Matrix. No,

45:11

she was on X

45:13

-Files. Hayes, I'll

45:15

give you $5 you $5 if you can name

45:17

three other movies. Carrie Anne Moss was in.

45:19

He pay. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

45:21

it He holds it up and he

45:24

never pays. Well, I

45:26

mean, so this is going to piss her

45:28

off. We've been talking

45:30

about, we've talked about Memento.

45:32

think three times of this

45:34

episode. We never said Memento

45:36

starring Carrie Anne Moss. Fuck.

45:41

Oops. So So like she. She

45:44

got pierced in that movie. She,

45:46

Yeah, that movie. She is

45:48

Guy Pierce and Joe Pantoliano. A

45:51

A of Matrix cast. Well

45:54

same director. They're all, but that's

45:56

them. So

45:58

like theory of it is that.

46:00

That's them and like their Matrix lives. That's

46:02

before they, or like they don't

46:04

they're in it at

46:06

that point and that's every movie. So

46:12

yeah, I don't know. She's gonna listen to this. She's

46:14

gonna have a lot of notes. She's gonna

46:16

put back in all the Waymo stuff. Whoa.

46:19

Yes. She is.

46:21

No. Yes. All All of it. all

46:23

it. What if I if run for office? They're

46:27

gonna pull up this episode immediately. They're gonna

46:29

be running from office. With

46:33

how, I I mean, like up

46:35

the, like the community you're gonna attract over

46:37

over the most stuff that she's

46:39

gonna be having you say. She's

46:42

have me say it? Yes. How? How? maybe

46:44

say it, it, Erin. Cause I don't know if

46:46

we've had you saying it clean yet. No,

46:48

and I won't, and I won't. You're

46:50

gonna have to spend the money on AI.

46:52

You're gonna have to green screen that, Me

46:55

saying it, cause I won't. And

46:58

she's gonna make me hork back some.

47:01

Whoa. Whoa. Come

47:03

on. There's kids

47:05

here, man. Deal or sovage

47:07

flavored. Snuff.

47:15

Ugh. I mean,

47:17

happy wife, happy life. It gives you

47:19

the Johnny Depp Facial,

47:21

Like I- I some. - Ooh, crow's

47:24

feet. I dig

47:26

my face into it so hard. I

47:28

have to like, basically, I basically am around

47:30

and at this point, and when

47:32

I come up for air, the

47:36

snuff has itself like

47:38

a willy willy of on

47:40

my face. face. humiliating. And

47:42

the- - That's humiliating. It's,

47:44

humiliating. That's a

47:46

great point, Ace, It's humiliating. Sean

47:50

is here, he's just on his phone. Yeah,

47:54

where we? we, Sean? He not engage me

47:56

on any of my personal stuff.

47:58

He's to drive wedge. and

48:01

it is working and it is

48:03

making me like about what life

48:05

could be like. I would

48:07

never work. on a golf course though driving

48:11

driving a wedge. For

48:13

sure, Yeah, That couldn't work. You're

48:16

not going to get any distance. Yeah. And

48:23

that's you hear that? no I

48:25

didn't. I word you're saying. Yeah. When

48:27

you talk to me, it's like like,

48:29

I You feel like that sometimes it happens

48:31

where cuz I can you the

48:33

headphones off. off. Yeah, I go, ow ow

48:36

ow It's It's too hot. Hot, hot, hot. It

48:38

hurts. It's too hot on my ears. to to get

48:40

that, I'll have to get that looked at. But

48:42

that's the head thing. then you have to go to the

48:44

head gum store a balm a balm. But

48:46

yeah the special balm I

48:48

swear doing it on purpose because then the

48:50

only ones who sell this special Bob and

48:52

and going. And

48:55

you got it like putting

48:57

the coins into the headphones

48:59

them to keep

49:01

working. Yeah