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1:00

Acast dot com.

1:04

Thank you for listening to the Howard lens podcast.

1:07

If you'd like to support the show, you can find

1:09

links to our merch shop and our Patreon on

1:11

howadence podcast dot com. That's

1:13

also where you can find the link to join our Discord

1:16

server where you can chat with us and other

1:18

fans of the show. It's the only

1:20

place you'll find exclusive whispers from

1:22

Micah, Elya, Devon, and

1:24

AV. Enjoy the show.

1:32

This is Micah Jones. You

1:35

know who we are by now, so I'll spare you

1:37

introductions.

1:38

Here's what you need to know. Two

1:41

years went by and you didn't hear from us.

1:44

I know some of you thought that we were gone forever

1:46

and for that we're sorry. We've

1:48

done our best to catch you up, and what we

1:50

found is a story bigger than us, bigger

1:53

than dreams or nightmares, even

1:55

bigger than memories. The

1:58

time for hiding is

1:59

over, and the only way out is

2:02

through. We're airing in real

2:04

time

2:04

again, and what you'll hear will almost

2:06

put us in danger, so we need your

2:08

help.

2:11

Share this story far and wide, and

2:13

don't forget to eat at gyms. Listen

2:15

for whispers.

2:17

They can try to stop us, but they can't

2:19

stop all of you. See

2:22

you

2:22

on the other

2:22

side. Thank you for

2:24

listening.

2:41

What you're about to hear was never meant to be

2:43

public. That will be

2:45

evident immediately. It's

2:48

a series of recordings made by former

2:50

detectives Mark Schrade, the

2:53

officer first on the scene of Nolan Jones'

2:55

accident. The recordings

2:57

are dated from December nineteen ninety three,

3:00

through March two thousand nineteen. While

3:04

they were in Nolan's case file, the

3:06

one Tim Schrade sent to Micah None

3:09

of these recordings were part of the official police

3:11

report. Since

3:14

the majority of the audio was made on cassette tapes,

3:17

Devon digitize and clean things up as best

3:19

as he could. As

3:21

for the content of these recordings, nothing

3:24

has been edited or removed.

3:27

Each entry will be separated by a beep.

3:31

Between these recordings and the unofficial photographs

3:33

I found of Nolan's accident, It's

3:37

clear that trade knew more than we could have possibly

3:39

imagined, and

3:41

he lied about everything.

3:48

December seven nineteen ninety three.

3:51

I don't know why I'm doing this. Fuck.

3:55

I shouldn't feel guilty. He

3:58

threatened me, threatened my family. What

4:00

was I supposed to do? Keep

4:03

her playing it in my mind. Could

4:08

have tried to fight him, stop

4:10

him. Why

4:12

didn't I?

4:15

Keep seeing the scene. Was

4:19

so much blood. Twenty twenty your address to think

4:21

and respond to that four fifteen man with a gun call

4:23

hold. Fuck this.

4:30

January nineteen nineteen ninety four.

4:33

Someone left a note on my cruiser. I

4:35

don't know how I didn't see him do it. It's

4:38

gone for less than five minutes, and I

4:40

could see my car from my place in line. A

4:43

note said, remember our deal.

4:46

Yeah. I fucking remember. November

4:52

five, nineteen ninety four. It's

4:55

a year to the day. I

4:58

don't know why I'm still feeling so guilty. I

5:01

mean, I didn't kill the guy. But

5:06

they could've maybe

5:08

there was don't

5:12

know. It doesn't matter. If

5:17

I could just get it off my chest, I think

5:19

I'd feel better, but who can

5:22

I tell? Katherine, she'd call

5:24

me a monster. Del Monte,

5:26

maybe. He's been my partner since I joined

5:28

the force. He backed me up, I think.

5:32

But I don't know. I can't be sure. Not

5:35

with this. I

5:37

don't think I can tell anyone. It

5:41

wasn't an honest report there.

5:44

I said it. But

5:46

it's not like I flat out lied

5:47

either. Just wasn't

5:49

the whole truth.

5:54

Why didn't I just call for backup? Could've

5:58

had anywhere from five to ten offices

6:00

there in seconds? Would

6:02

have caught. Drampton,

6:11

I was at the scene again last

6:14

night. It's just that

6:16

little girl's face. Blanket

6:19

in shock, standing

6:22

in the

6:22

headlights, blood on her clothes,

6:25

and then I wake up. Who

6:36

am I even talking to? I

6:39

can't do this right now.

6:43

November five, nineteen ninety seven.

6:46

In a few years since I made one of these.

6:49

Didn't think I needed to anymore. See,

6:53

anniversary. Four years.

6:57

Got another note. Tape

7:00

to our front door with my name right now.

7:05

Whoever is doing this, they

7:07

don't just know where I live.

7:10

They were here, standing on

7:12

my front steps. The

7:15

only thing inside the envelope was photo of

7:17

Tim. One that I used to keep

7:20

in my wallet. Node

7:22

was the same picture because the top left corner

7:24

is ripped.

7:24

But

7:27

something written on the back now. Consider

7:31

me returning this to be a personal favor.

7:36

I don't know what this fucking guy

7:38

wants, but if I ever see him near my house

7:40

or Tim, I will kill him.

7:47

February twenty two nineteen

7:50

ninety nine

7:52

had the dream again. Same

7:55

thing as before, just her

7:57

standing in the headlights

7:59

staring at me. It's

8:02

been almost six years now. It's

8:04

like she's haunting me.

8:08

Every time I think I finally shaken this bullshit,

8:11

another note pops up in the nightmare start.

8:14

It's happening again and at the worst possible

8:17

time. I have enough shit

8:19

on my plate with the girl that went missing. It's

8:22

all over the news. Not

8:24

even that, I gotta keep it together

8:26

at home because my son's friend is a mess.

8:30

God that kid is such a sob story.

8:34

Spends all his time here because his parents can get

8:36

their shit together. Now with

8:38

all this, where else is he gonna go?

8:41

I feel bad. Damn

8:44

it. I need sleep.

8:47

I'm saying shit I don't mean. Can't

8:50

talk to

8:51

anyone. It's fucking exhausting.

8:58

April ninth two thousand and four.

9:02

And miss Catherine, I don't

9:06

can't believe she's gone. Why

9:10

am I talking to this thing? What's

9:19

worse is I'm trying to grieve for my fucking

9:21

life and instead I keep thinking about the Jones'

9:25

Nolan and his widow and his soul.

9:30

It's making me think the most horrible shit.

9:36

I loved Katherine, but as much as I

9:38

loved her and I did, I really,

9:40

really did. Things

9:44

haven't been great for a long time. She

9:48

was obsessed with work. Always

9:50

being paged or called away and running

9:53

off at a moment's notice. I

9:55

mean, I'm the detective. I should

9:57

be with one with the tough to live with

9:59

schedule. She worked in an

10:01

office. It

10:03

used to be pretty happy, but somewhere along

10:06

the way it stopped mattering,

10:08

I guess. Just

10:10

focused on other things. Tim

10:14

and I were always close, are

10:16

close, I guess. Katherine

10:20

wasn't ever very interested in what he was doing,

10:23

not until this year. Suddenly

10:26

she started taking a big interest in Tim's

10:29

life. More in mind

10:31

too. It was

10:33

almost like she was excited about something,

10:36

but then Well,

10:42

that's to say I'm hurting this

10:45

deeply for someone I haven't felt connected

10:47

to in years. And

10:50

then there's the Joneses who from

10:53

what I've learned were basically the

10:55

perfect family, the perfect

10:59

everything. You

11:01

could have had a beautiful life if only

11:03

I shit.

11:07

If I've done something. Who

11:10

knows? Maybe they never ended

11:12

up miserable too. But

11:15

here I am feeling sorry for myself,

11:17

not because I lost my wife, but

11:20

because my wife and I didn't have anything

11:22

close to. That's

11:28

enough. April

11:33

ten, two thousand and four. Kinda

11:36

pretty nasty hangover and some

11:38

regrets. What

11:40

else is new?

11:46

Started going through Katherine's things this morning.

11:50

Never know how much stuff people have until you

11:53

try to get rid of it. It's

11:55

almost like their belongings multiply

11:57

in the boxes or behind closet

11:59

doors. And bam,

12:03

that person has gone and

12:06

You're left to sort through all their shit and it's

12:08

just fucking endless

12:11

endless clothes, papers, stuff

12:13

they probably hadn't looked at in years, but for some

12:15

reason never threw away.

12:19

Whoever is left behind has to figure out what the

12:21

fuck to do with it all. I

12:24

almost decided to throw it all

12:25

away. Well, after

12:27

Tim took what he wanted, I

12:30

saved a few things, but was about

12:32

to start tossing things in a dumpster.

12:41

Now I'm sitting at my kitchen table at two

12:43

in the afternoon with a bottle of scotch

12:45

looking at a pile of shit that makes no

12:47

sense at was

12:55

in our closet sorting her

12:57

clothes. Figuring out what

12:59

I could donate and I

13:01

noticed something strange about the back wall.

13:05

It's been cut precisely to

13:09

make a small crawl space in the door if it was

13:11

secured with a padlock. There

13:13

was no way Katherine did the work herself.

13:16

She had to have hired someone. She

13:20

never seen the type to hide things for me, but

13:26

When someone dies, it goes one or two ways.

13:28

One, there is only good in what they

13:30

left behind. Or

13:33

two, you

13:36

find out all their fucking secrets.

13:41

Once I got the door open, I found a simple

13:44

wooden box. What's

13:47

what was inside the box that has me sitting

13:49

here talking to fucking tape recorder. First,

13:53

the robes. Looking at

13:55

at least three sets of them in different colors and

13:57

they have these sashes, ropes.

14:02

I don't know what to call them. They

14:04

look like the regalia people wear to show they graduated

14:06

with honors at graduation. She

14:10

was never to acquire and even if she was

14:12

why she hide them in a blank wooden box behind

14:15

a locked door that I never knew about?

14:18

But

14:18

that's

14:19

not what caught my interest. It

14:21

was the journalist. I

14:24

probably shouldn't have looked at him, felt

14:26

wrong, but I flipped through one

14:29

of them to see if there's any photos or

14:31

other mementos were tucked between the pages and

14:33

I saw my

14:33

name. Curiosity

14:36

got the best of me, so I read it.

14:41

Mark thinks I don't know what really happened

14:43

the night that man crashed just truck, but

14:46

I do. We all do.

14:49

We are monitoring the situation closely.

14:55

Who the fuck is we? April

15:02

twenty one two thousand four.

15:05

It's been about a month since Katherine's funeral.

15:08

I got home today, I found a potted plant had

15:10

been delivered to my house. So

15:13

many people sent flowers to her house after

15:15

she died. The

15:18

fuck am I supposed to do with them? I

15:21

get the thought people don't know how

15:23

to act when someone passes away. But

15:26

really think about it. What is someone

15:28

like me gonna do with a house full of daisies?

15:32

Except, these weren't daisies or

15:34

carnations or whatever

15:36

other flower people send for funerals. It's

15:39

just a plant. There's

15:43

no price sticker on the bottom, no tissue

15:45

paper or whatever it is. They wrap the pots in to

15:47

look nice, so it wasn't

15:49

from a florist. Was

15:52

dirt all around the edges. It wasn't

15:54

potted

15:55

neatly, looked ripped

15:57

from someone's garden, haphazardly

15:59

packed up.

16:02

And then I saw the note, a

16:05

handwritten note tucked into the stems.

16:08

I recognized the handwriting. Kart

16:11

said, sorry for your loss.

16:14

Enjoy the flowers that are from my garden.

16:17

I think Katherine would have liked them. It's

16:20

him. I know it.

16:24

I don't know shit about plants though. That

16:27

was always Catherine's thing.

16:30

Something she did with one of her clubs

16:32

or something. They grew all

16:34

kinds of plants in Arabs She used

16:36

to bring them home to ten of them sometimes,

16:39

but they never paid attention. Took

16:43

it to a neighbor who was an expert gardener and

16:45

she told me he's pretty sure it was nightshade,

16:47

but I should talk to someone who can

16:49

confirm it because of it is nightshade. It's toxic,

16:52

especially the animals. I

16:55

went to the library and the library and gave me

16:57

a quick tutorial on how to search for information

16:59

on the Internet of the books she suggested

17:01

didn't have what I

17:02

needed. Didn't

17:04

take more than a minute to find out my neighbor was

17:06

right.

17:11

Nightshade, known as

17:13

a tropo belladonna and cause

17:15

paralysis in dogs and cats in seconds

17:18

to

17:18

minutes. Killments too.

17:20

The entire plant is toxic, not just the berries.

17:22

It can

17:24

cause rapid heartbeat, delirium, vomiting,

17:27

hallucinations, respiratory failure.

17:30

And death. July

17:35

twelve two thousand seven. I

17:41

saw the wife I mean, I

17:44

saw Eva Jones at Shopbreak today.

17:48

Try my best to avoid her. Spend

17:50

how many years now over

17:52

a

17:53

Schrade, but still.

17:57

Only had two or three things in my basket.

18:00

I tried to put everything back to make quick

18:02

exit, but then miss Stewart from the library

18:04

spotted

18:04

me. Best I

18:06

could do was grin and bear through game of twenty

18:08

questions while keeping my back towards missus

18:10

Jones as much as possible.

18:14

A fucking coward for avoiding her.

18:19

Only thing is I

18:22

don't know how much longer I can hold this in either.

18:31

July twelve two

18:34

thousand seven. It's eleven eleven

18:39

forty three PM. I

18:42

had a feeling this would happen. Seeing

18:47

her Eva triggered

18:49

the nightmares again, started

18:52

off the same as it always does. The girl,

18:54

the headlights, that blank

18:56

look a shock, but

18:59

this time it was different. So

19:03

just standing there like she usually does

19:07

like Schrade the

19:10

little girl, his daughter, she's

19:13

pointing to something. Took

19:16

me a minute to follow her hand aware. Her

19:23

eye shifted to the left and it

19:25

dawns me that there's something behind

19:27

me. That's what she's

19:29

pointing to. But no

19:31

matter how much I wanna turn and look,

19:35

I can't. My eyes

19:37

are locked on her. The

19:40

expression on her face slowly started

19:42

to change from wide eyed

19:45

shock to a grimace of pain and

19:48

then up to a sickeningly pronounced

19:50

smile. And

19:53

she opened our mouth as if to

19:55

scream, and then

19:57

I woke up.

20:03

February fucking, I don't

20:05

know, twenty something. It's

20:07

the middle of the night. Someone is banging on my front

20:09

door trying to get in. They are slamming

20:11

the screen. Identify

20:15

yourself. I'm armed. Hello?

20:22

I repeat, identify yourself. I'm

20:24

an officer of the law and I'm armed. Haller?

20:37

Who's out

20:37

there? If

20:41

you're hiding, show yourself now.

20:44

That's an order. What

20:51

the fuck?

21:03

August tenth twenty thirteen.

21:05

It'll be

21:08

twenty years in few months. Everything

21:12

is different. My

21:14

life, this town, my family,

21:17

then promoted three times. Worked

21:21

hundreds of cases, some

21:24

solved, some not, but this

21:26

one never

21:29

gonna shake it. Was

21:32

it desert storm? Train for the worst?

21:34

Train for combat? I

21:36

couldn't stand up to one guy.

21:40

One guy threatens me and I completely

21:42

fucking fold. I

21:45

know I couldn't see him, but I had a gun.

21:47

I had a taser. I had a club. I could have

21:50

done anything. I

21:54

could have done anything and no one

21:56

would have questioned it. But

21:59

he threatened me and my family and I

22:02

what? That

22:05

guy is dead. This

22:08

family has traumatized and they have no

22:10

idea what really happened.

22:21

I wasn't even on duty.

22:26

That was off. My patrol was

22:28

done. I was heading home about to actually

22:30

be back for dinner on time for once. Was

22:33

it even supposed to be on that road? I

22:37

don't usually have to go in that direction, but

22:39

I wanted to take it a little slower just to blow

22:42

off steam before I got home. Katherine

22:45

and I had a disagreement that morning. Can't

22:48

even remember what it was about. But

22:50

when I left, she was livid. So

22:54

it was important to me that I come home ready

22:56

to make up. Of

23:00

all nights to avoid 202.

23:04

Don't arrive through the woods would be good to clear my head.

23:07

Not that I could see much, but that's not

23:09

the point. Fuck

23:13

it. But there

23:15

I was. Driving down River Road

23:17

and miss Elianxo. What

23:20

was that supposed to do? Ignore it. Keep

23:23

driving. Ready for

23:25

someone else to stop.

23:31

Maybe I should have.

23:36

Came around this curve and see the truck.

23:39

So I approached it on foot, I saw the driver

23:41

was unconscious, and sprolled out over

23:43

the wheel, but he was breathing, called

23:46

for an ambulance. When

23:48

I could see, it seemed like a one car accident.

23:51

Like he'd lost control or something. The

23:54

front of his truck was wrapped around a tree.

23:58

To do my due diligence. I

24:01

looked around the cab with a truck for bottles of

24:03

alcohol, but came up short. There

24:06

are a few personal items. First

24:09

thing I noticed was an older tape deck Velcro

24:12

to the dashboard. Had

24:14

a tape in it. Not

24:17

sure what made me grab it, but I did put

24:20

it in the trunk of my cruiser before looking for

24:23

anything else. The

24:25

next thing I found was a camera. I

24:28

didn't have an official one on me since, again,

24:30

I'm off duty at this time. So

24:33

I'm I'm used to take a few photos of this thing.

24:37

In retrospect, this is a huge rookie

24:39

move. Shouldn't have touched anything,

24:42

but I did what I did.

24:45

But just a handful of exposures left in the

24:47

Haller, so I was careful when

24:50

taking the photos, noticed

24:52

something odd, bloody handprint on

24:54

the driver's side door. The

24:56

window was open, rolled down the by the

24:59

chilly evening so the fingers curled

25:01

over the window ledge like

25:03

they would if someone was grabbing the door from the

25:05

open window. Make

25:07

sure to capture that

25:09

took a couple of pictures of him as he laid there,

25:12

talked to him a bit, told him help

25:14

was coming. Seem

25:17

to wake up for a moment or two and mumbled

25:19

something.

25:23

Tried to move his hands, but I told him

25:25

not to. didn't want him to further

25:27

injure himself, but he didn't

25:29

listen. Shook his

25:32

left hand a bit, opened some of the fingers,

25:34

and curled them back in a few times.

25:38

Was the third or fourth time he

25:40

did that I saw he was holding. It

25:42

was a piece

25:44

of black fabric like t

25:47

shirt or a jacket type material. That

25:51

didn't sit right with

25:52

me. When

25:55

I took it out of his hand, he tried

25:57

to speak. It's barely

26:01

coherent. All I

26:03

can make out was a name, Micah.

26:10

Then he passed out again. Schrade

26:14

my way carefully around the side of the truck into

26:16

the passenger's side door that was hanging open.

26:19

Remember the thing he was odd because no one

26:21

was around, but then I saw maybe

26:25

fifteen to twenty yards away. Standing

26:29

right in the headlights will get back to

26:30

me. He's wearing

26:33

jeans and a flannel shirt. I

26:36

don't know how I didn't see her.

26:41

I called out to her and she didn't respond. She

26:44

didn't react at all.

26:47

Almost as if she didn't hear me, so I tried

26:49

it again. That's

26:51

sure what I even said.

26:54

Started walking towards her and just

26:57

about the call to her for the third time, she starts

26:59

to turn to face me

27:01

slowly. She

27:04

didn't turn her whole body just her head and

27:06

shoulders turned in my direction. Her

27:09

eyes were wide and wild

27:11

looking. Was

27:13

unsettling. Listen,

27:19

I've seen a lot of things, horrible

27:21

things. That something

27:24

about her expression made my blood run cold.

27:28

She was crying or panicking like you'd

27:30

the kid in that situation that they just

27:32

looked at me almost threw

27:35

me. Silhouette

27:38

outlined and the lights made her look like she was glowing.

27:42

Right? For some reason, Use

27:45

the last photo on the roll to take a picture.

27:48

I don't know why. Try

27:56

to get her nearer, but something

27:58

told me to keep my distance. I

28:01

don't know if it was her expression or the way

28:03

she stood there or how she kept

28:05

her gaze completely on

28:06

me. Either

28:08

way, I kept talking to her and eventually she

28:13

got her, get out of the middle of the road,

28:16

She walked towards the cab of the

28:18

truck, looked like she was gonna climb in,

28:20

but something stopped her.

28:25

I thought I heard the driver

28:27

say something, but he couldn't have.

28:29

He was completely unconscious.

28:33

But she spoke to him. Barely

28:37

a whisperer, close

28:39

enough to hear it. Said,

28:43

it's okay, papa bear. He

28:45

sees me now. I

28:50

have no fucking clue what

28:52

that meant, but

28:55

didn't get into the truck. She just sat

28:57

down on the pavement, ran with broken

28:59

glass and stared at the ground. The

29:03

ambulance arrived a few moments later. I

29:06

remember thinking I was grateful for the

29:08

harsh shrill sirens because they made sense

29:11

to me. It's

29:13

like being snapped back to him in the real

29:16

world. Nothing

29:18

about this accident. This man, this

29:20

little girl sense to me,

29:23

and I didn't like

29:24

it. When

29:27

the ambulance took them away, put the camera

29:29

in my cruiser, and every intention

29:31

of returning it along with the other photos on that

29:33

role, by the way, but kept

29:40

looking. Again,

29:43

I could have should have just gone

29:45

home at this point. The

29:48

tow truck was gonna be at least another hour, and

29:50

I was given the go ahead to leave from my captain.

29:54

Could send someone else out to relieve me

29:56

since my shift is over, but I found

29:58

myself offering to cover it before I realized

30:00

when I was saying, Something

30:04

wasn't sitting right with me. Put

30:07

the camera and fabric in a bag inside my

30:09

trunk, the tape deck, and and

30:12

got in my car and moved it so the headlights and

30:15

my spotlight could illuminate the road better.

30:18

I started it up, but then

30:20

I got out, grabbed

30:22

a flashlight and began walking the edge of the

30:24

road. Follow

30:27

the tire tracks to where the truck hit the

30:29

tree, and then I turn around and cross

30:31

to the other side of the road. So

30:33

I had thick brush with fields behind

30:36

it.

30:38

Was only a few dozen feet from the crash

30:40

when I saw them. It

30:43

was a second set of tire tracks

30:45

in the dirt. Leading to a

30:48

nearby inlet, like,

30:51

little gravel spot. People use either

30:53

drive onto the fields or pull the u-turn

30:56

on the road.

30:58

Obviously, it could have been from early in the day,

31:00

you know, just the property owner driving over

31:02

the dirt before pulling

31:03

in, but I

31:06

had a gut feeling that wasn't it, so

31:08

I followed them. Walk

31:12

past the brush in a few steps in the field.

31:15

That's what he fucking got me.

31:26

Everything went dark. My

31:28

thought had been knocked out. Took

31:31

me a few seconds to realize I had something

31:33

pulled over my head. He

31:35

hit me hard in the temple when I went

31:37

down, but I think I was only out

31:39

for a moment or

31:40

two. Next thing I

31:42

know I'm sitting in the passenger of a vehicle with

31:44

my hand zip tie behind my back.

31:51

You drove me for, I don't know, twenty

31:53

five, thirty minutes, could have

31:55

been longer, tried to count

31:57

the turns, nope, the direction. It got

31:59

pretty far, but lost track somewhere

32:01

around turned six to seven. The

32:05

head was throbbing. Kept

32:14

asking questions that Haller time, but he was

32:16

silent. Strains

32:18

that he didn't gag me could

32:21

yell for help the minute I got a chance. And

32:24

the car finally stopped there to mix it on the

32:26

side and walk around the vehicle

32:28

to mine. He threw open

32:30

the door but didn't say anything, so I focused on

32:32

everything else.

32:34

What I

32:34

could hear, smell, heard

32:38

crickets in the wind and smelled

32:40

clean woodsy air in

32:43

dirt. Like

32:45

we were surrounded by trees. He

32:50

went through my pockets and tried

32:52

resist, but he tied my hands so tight.

32:54

Like he'd done it

32:55

before, made

32:58

sure I wouldn't be able to wrestle out of

32:59

him. I could feel him

33:01

pull my wallet and hurt him rifle through

33:03

it. Didn't touch my

33:05

gum. That was strange to

33:07

me too. Started

33:10

to say that he could take what he wants, but

33:13

then he smoked for the first time.

33:16

Actually, he left first.

33:21

He fucking laughed at me. I

33:24

don't need your fucking money, he says.

33:27

And he starts reading my information off my

33:29

license. My name, home

33:31

address, took my

33:33

keys. I

33:36

heard them jingling, clinking together, and

33:38

and I felt them aside something small and flat

33:40

in my pocket, felt

33:43

them put my wallet back as well. He

33:47

leaned close to my face and said, now

33:50

I know who you are, march Schrade.

33:53

So I want you to listen to me. You

33:57

saw an accident tonight, a

33:59

simple yet tragic accident.

34:03

That's what you're writing your report. You'll

34:06

memorize it and stick to it,

34:09

especially if anyone decides to

34:11

get curious. You

34:13

didn't see anything else. You

34:15

understand? And this

34:18

conversation never happened.

34:21

Otherwise, I can promise

34:24

that it will go badly for you. That

34:33

was it. Shoves

34:36

me back inside the vehicle and slams the door

34:38

shut. I heard him get in

34:40

and take off. Again,

34:43

I tried to count, but I lost track. Next

34:46

thing I remember is coming to in my squad

34:49

car. My hands were untied. Looked

34:53

around a reorient myself, and I realized

34:55

that my car was parked in that same inlet

34:57

I had been walking towards when he grabbed me.

35:00

Lights were off and the brush

35:03

completely obscured my car from the road.

35:06

Someone maybe the same guy

35:08

had moved it and hidden it from view.

35:14

Reached into my pocket to see what he left me with

35:16

and found that it was the key to my car.

35:23

When I finally got in, Katherine

35:25

was waiting for me. He

35:28

fought again, made some bogus excuse.

35:30

She said, something about how I

35:32

took her away from her

35:33

work. She

35:35

went to sleep in our guest room and we never spoke

35:37

about it again. Just

35:41

as I was falling asleep that night, I

35:43

remember right, stashed the camera, the

35:45

film, his tape

35:46

recorder, and that black piece of fabric

35:48

in the trunk. I didn't

35:50

even look to see if any of it was still there. The

35:52

person dumped me back in my car.

35:56

I ran outside a check and found it all

35:58

there.

36:01

I must not have seen me put it away. Small

36:05

favors, I guess. Initially,

36:08

I plan to enter it into

36:10

evidence, but I kept

36:14

it. Accept

36:16

the camera. I

36:19

drove to hospital that same night and found Eva

36:21

Jones waiting in her husband's room. He

36:25

was hooked up to a bunch of machines,

36:27

but asleep. She

36:30

was confused when she saw me into the room, but

36:32

I explained who I was. I

36:35

had been the one to find her husband. I

36:38

gave her the camera. Told

36:41

her I found it outside the truck, near the side

36:43

of the road, and

36:45

thought she might want it back.

36:49

Get the original film roll and replace

36:51

it with a new one. Say,

36:54

handed it to her as a Schrade Avon would say something.

36:56

Maybe There were photos

36:58

on there she newly took, but she

37:01

didn't mask. Instead,

37:03

she looked down at the camera and started crying.

37:07

She asked me if I knew what caused the crash.

37:19

That was the moment the lie began. I

37:24

heard myself speaking, but it felt like I was

37:26

watching someone else. I

37:29

told her that while I waited for the ambulance, I

37:31

saw a dead a fox on the side of the road that

37:34

looked like it had been hit by a car. I

37:37

was pretty sure that her husband swerved to avoid

37:39

hitting it and lost control of his truck.

37:45

She started crying heavily when I said it was

37:47

a fox, even more

37:49

than she already once. I

37:53

don't even know why I chose that. It

37:56

was because a fox ticker

37:58

stuck to the tape deck. Just

38:02

say what popped in my mind. She

38:05

wouldn't stop crying. Get

38:08

getting worse and worse. I

38:11

don't know what to do, so I set the

38:13

camera down in one of the chairs and backed out of

38:16

the room.

38:18

I thought that would be the end of it.

38:22

And here I am, twenty years later,

38:26

Gail won't let me be memories,

38:29

the nightmares. Being

38:33

haunted by that fucking night and

38:38

by someone else. Someone

38:41

who's intent making sure I never forget

38:43

about it. I'm

38:45

gonna speak of it again to anyone. August

38:54

thirteen, twenty thirteen. We

38:57

listened to my tape from couple days ago.

39:01

I said probably cut back on the drinking.

39:05

Either way, it got me thinking about the stuff I've

39:07

saved from that day. Which

39:10

then reminded me of the box of Katherine's things

39:12

I'd found after she died, the

39:14

box from the lot crawl space. Her

39:18

journals with a few scattered

39:20

notes, most strange robes.

39:25

Kind of glossed over them because the journal

39:27

caught my interest and I guess I just forgot.

39:31

Probably should've let it go by now, but was

39:34

nagging at me. So I

39:36

called the only person who I thought might know something

39:38

about Katherine and I didn't, her sister.

39:43

Catherine and Abigail had a strained

39:45

relationship. We saw her once in

39:47

a while, sometimes she and her husband did favors

39:49

for us, but It wasn't much beyond

39:51

that. We

39:53

didn't talk for long. She had some place

39:56

to be, but she didn't know either. Something

40:00

in her tomo gave

40:02

me the feeling that even if she did know

40:04

something, she wouldn't tell

40:05

me. What she did

40:07

do was give me unsolicited advice.

40:11

She said to get rid of everything. Throw

40:14

them in the trash. People

40:18

do strange things sometimes, but

40:20

you shouldn't let it get to you as she said. All

40:23

that matters is that Katie is gone. She

40:27

told me she didn't want me to get worked up about Katherine

40:29

having hit them. Sure.

40:36

May six twenty fifteen. Met

40:39

the cabin this weekend. Planning

40:42

to stay a week. Got here about

40:44

three days ago. Only

40:46

been here a day and wouldn't you know it. Card

40:48

shows up in my mailbox. We

40:53

never get mail up here besides junk.

40:56

While the bills go to the house, make sure we don't

40:58

miss anything. The

41:01

only people who even have this address as far as

41:03

I know are myself, Tim and his

41:05

wife,

41:07

but he found it somehow. This

41:10

fucking guy. It's

41:17

a greeting card. There's a picture,

41:19

a drawing of two kids playing

41:21

hide and seek in the front.

41:25

Inside it says, I

41:29

can always find you. December

41:35

twenty six, twenty fifteen. Ran

41:39

into Gail Perry at the gym a couple days

41:41

ago. She works

41:43

for the town of Summerville, and her husband

41:45

has some big shot jobs, so they're fairly well

41:47

known around here. But I don't know her

41:49

personally. She

41:51

made her asking for a favor Schrade to begin

41:54

with, but what she asked me

41:56

to do was even stranger. Apparently,

41:59

there was a falling out in her family a while

42:01

back between Gail and her husband

42:03

and their

42:04

son. They haven't spoken

42:06

to him since two thousand one.

42:10

He also said her daughter occasionally gets postcards

42:12

from him, but she has no way of contacting him

42:14

back as far as Gail knows anyway.

42:18

She asked me to use my resources to

42:20

help find him. Offered

42:22

me quite a bit of money to do it too. I

42:26

wasn't sure why she would ask me, surely

42:29

she knew someone else that might Haller, and given

42:32

the cash she had to cover the

42:33

work, I remember thinking she should've had a PI.

42:37

Maybe she thinks that's what I am.

42:41

I told her I couldn't take her money and

42:43

it's a long shot. My

42:46

dad will be able to him since he'd been gone for

42:48

so long and she didn't have any tangible information

42:50

for me to go

42:51

on. But she

42:53

corned me on Christmas Eve. What was

42:55

I supposed to say?

43:02

November twenty eight, twenty sixteen.

43:05

I'm looking for the peri kid for nearly a year

43:07

now and found nothing. That

43:10

kid does not wanna be found. I

43:13

mean, I knew as much when I agreed

43:15

to Haller, but it's still frustrating. Last

43:18

time I spoke to Gail, I told her I needed more to

43:20

go on or I was calling a quiz. About

43:24

a week later, she called me back and said

43:26

she had something for me. She

43:30

explained that she made a trip to Boston to visit

43:32

her daughter. And while Amelia, that's

43:34

her name, was running an errand, she

43:36

looked through her thanks. She

43:39

came across recent piece of mail from her son

43:42

sent to Emilio directly. Gil

43:44

made a comment that she wasn't sure how he'd

43:47

gotten her address, but She was more

43:49

focused on what she found. Wasn't

43:52

a postcard like the others, instead

43:55

it was an envelope with some pictures. Photos

43:57

are mostly scenery, but there

43:59

was one of him leaning against his vam.

44:03

Gail took photos of them with her phone, so they're

44:05

a bit blurry. But I managed to get a partial

44:08

plate. I may

44:10

have let us guard down a little too much with this one.

44:15

March three, twenty seventeen. Got

44:18

them. Well, closer

44:21

anyway. Found

44:23

his last known address, but I didn't

44:27

give Gail the info right away. The

44:30

kids stay away for this long when it has to be pretty

44:32

big reason.

44:33

Right?

44:35

Haller never gives me a straight answer when I ask about

44:37

the falling out. She was downright

44:39

angry when I pushed her for more details at one point.

44:43

So before I just released this info

44:45

to her, I'm

44:47

gonna try to pay the kid a

44:48

visit. He's

44:50

in Pittsburgh, a bit of a hike, but

44:53

I think I can make it out there sometime within

44:55

the next couple

44:56

months. After

44:58

I talked to him get his side, I'll let Gail know.

45:02

Maybe.

45:05

June twenty nine, twenty seventeen,

45:08

fucking a. I found

45:10

him. Still in the same place and I was

45:12

pleasantly surprised to find out a bit of information

45:14

I wasn't expecting. Turns

45:17

out that Perry's and Jones's were close.

45:21

What is it about New Jersey? Everyone

45:24

fucking knows everyone or maybe

45:26

it's just this county. Either

45:29

way, it's awfully convenient for me.

45:32

He got the talking like his mom,

45:35

the kid, Brendan, was pretty

45:37

guarded with the details. But

45:40

I feel like the situation was more than just

45:42

your standard issue parent child falling

45:45

out. It's the way he talks

45:47

about him. Little ticks he

45:49

has when he does. I

45:51

don't even think he realizes he's doing them. White

45:54

knuckle fist opening and closing

45:57

reminded me of Nolan's hip.

46:01

Never mind. His

46:05

eyes change as well. They get

46:07

wider. The pupils dilate

46:10

and it gives him a strange overall appearance.

46:14

It's a look I've seen on kids who've experienced

46:16

something horrible. So horrible

46:19

they bury it. I

46:21

respect the kid's reasons for that one and be in

46:23

touch with his parents. And

46:26

I'm really glad didn't take Gail's money to honest

46:28

because I would certainly feel more obligated

46:30

to give him

46:31

up, but I

46:33

won't be doing that.

46:41

There's something else. When

46:44

we were talking, he mentioned something about a party.

46:46

And then he sort

46:49

of slipped into a day. He started talking,

46:51

but nothing made sense. I

46:53

didn't have my notebook, so I didn't catch it.

46:57

I barely could make out what he said, but I swore

46:59

I heard the word robes. And

47:03

let him ramble for a moment and waited for him to come

47:05

out of

47:06

it. I knew what

47:08

I was gonna do.

47:11

When you made a deal. When

47:14

a kid asked something he's working on, it wouldn't tell

47:16

me what when

47:19

he can get the time he travels

47:21

around different places doing his research

47:23

that explains all the postcards desist

47:25

against. He asked

47:27

me if I'd vouch for him if he ever needed it,

47:30

give a sense of relevance to his interviews. I

47:34

told him I couldn't let him impersonate an officer,

47:37

but if he ever called me, I do what

47:39

I could, no guarantees. In

47:41

return, he promised to tell me

47:44

what he knew about the Joneses. I

47:47

couldn't remember much but

47:49

would let me know if anything else came to mind.

47:51

We're

47:54

beating this all now. I'm honestly not sure

47:56

which one of us got the shit out of this deal.

47:59

I'm just glad I can finally stop searching for the

48:01

kid. November

48:08

one, twenty seventeen.

48:12

Tim visited this past weekend and brought my

48:14

granddaughter with him. He

48:17

took Katie trick or treating around her neighborhood. And

48:23

wanted to see how some fancy people hand

48:25

out full size candy bars to kids. God,

48:29

that kid looks just like her grandmother.

48:32

Katherine would have loved her.

48:40

Tim and I managed to squeeze in a bit of father

48:42

sometime while Katie was preoccupied with

48:44

the movie in her

48:45

candy. Got to talking

48:47

about when he was a kid.

48:49

As a joke, I asked him if he and his friends

48:51

have erased Haller misgift night around here.

48:54

I knew he did, but I wanted

48:56

to see if he'd admitted. At

48:59

first, he just laughed and said, of course not.

49:02

My dad's a cop. But

49:04

he couldn't keep a straight face. I

49:07

mean, I knew he was lying. Really,

49:10

I just wanted to hear what he got into.

49:13

Fair stories. Also,

49:16

apparently, mischiff Knight is really only a thing

49:18

in New Jersey and maybe one other place in

49:20

the whole country. How

49:22

the hell is that possible? It's a

49:24

rite of passage. Even

49:27

a kid if you haven't te peed a house or

49:29

egged a cop car? My

49:31

cruiser was egged every year

49:33

like clockwork. Tim

49:36

admitted to being the culprit of said egging several

49:38

years in a row. Anyway,

49:43

I mean, he got a little chuckle and they

49:45

asked him what was so funny and he said he did have

49:47

one story, but from Haller night.

49:50

Maybe promise not to ground him. Until

49:56

he won year in Haller, he swiped the bottle of

49:58

booze. Which fine, whatever.

50:00

What am I gonna do about it now? Says

50:03

he drank a little bit of it, but one

50:05

of his friends had more than he could

50:06

handle. Skid loop that

50:09

always hung around the house and went places

50:11

with us. Seems

50:13

like a funny story at first, you know, hindsight.

50:17

He gets wasted, passes out cold next to

50:19

his bike.

50:22

Tim said the rest of the group walked into a field

50:24

little ways from where they were hanging out. Or

50:27

just go on limb, sleep it off, and then head home.

50:30

Eventually, they see him coming towards them

50:33

with a flashlight, but then he

50:35

clicks it off and disappears into the trees.

50:38

I got worried and called out, but didn't get

50:40

an answer. When

50:43

they couldn't find him, they decided to head

50:45

home thinking they would catch up with him on the way and make

50:47

sure he was alright. Didn't

50:50

see him again that night, but Luke showed

50:52

up at our place the next day, so he was

50:54

fine. I

51:01

didn't think anything of it until Tim mentioned

51:03

where all that happened. Was

51:06

right there. Same little section

51:08

of River Road, maybe thirty, forty

51:10

yards away. I

51:13

know it's just I

51:16

mean, kids hang out in those

51:18

fields drinking all the time. Right? Or

51:20

at least they used to. But

51:23

I can't shake the feeling that it's connected.

51:27

Something about the way Tim said Lou walked off.

51:30

Like he was heading toward them trying to catch up and then

51:33

he just stopped dead in his tracks. Turn off

51:35

as flashlight. Something

51:38

about that.

51:42

January eight, twenty eighteen.

51:45

I tracked down Luke. I

51:47

invited him out for coffee under the guise of

51:49

being interested in what he's been up

51:50

to. But, really, I knew

51:53

I

51:53

was gonna try and get his side of the story out

51:55

of him. But

51:58

when I managed to work around to what, he

52:00

got dismissive of my questions. Little

52:04

ship practically raised

52:06

that kid. His parents sure his help didn't.

52:09

They were trash. Someone

52:11

had to show him how to behave. And

52:14

here he was acting ungrateful. Give

52:18

it another shot a couple days later. Managed

52:21

to pique his interest by saying I knew about that

52:23

night and then I had a cold case that may be

52:25

connected, something he

52:27

could help me solve. He

52:30

asked about the

52:31

case, but I told him I couldn't say until I had

52:33

a lot more information from him. He still

52:35

didn't fully agree.

52:38

I think I might have screwed it up by telling him not

52:40

to tell Tim about any of this, but

52:43

I'm closer than I was before. I

52:46

can feel it in my gut that he can help me.

52:49

I gotta keep trying. There

52:52

must be some way I can get him on board.

52:57

February twenty six, twenty

52:59

eighteen drove

53:02

to Providence I wanted to see

53:04

Micah for myself passed

53:07

by her apartment and saw her carrying a backpack

53:09

to her

53:09

car. Schrade

53:12

seeing her as an adult. I

53:15

only have that image of her as child in my

53:17

mind.

53:19

And I was seeing someone who moved past that moment

53:22

at the very least by aging. When

53:26

she got in and started driving, I followed

53:28

her. She drove to a hiking

53:30

trail about forty minutes away. Weighed

53:35

until she had a good head start and followed her there

53:37

too, watched

53:39

as she made her way through the woods. She

53:44

moved confidently. Like, this is

53:46

something she does often alone.

53:51

We are alone in those woods. Take

53:54

her picture. I

53:57

almost caught up to her at one point. But she

54:00

saw me, but I dug out of the way quickly.

54:03

After that, I turned around and walked

54:05

back the way I came and decided to head home.

54:08

I don't

54:12

I don't know why I did that.

54:17

August three, twenty eighteen. Give

54:20

it a little while before asking Luke to help me

54:22

again. I figured it'd be

54:24

more agreeable if I gave him some more information.

54:28

Called and

54:28

left him a voicemail. He hasn't

54:31

called back yet. September

54:35

fourteen, twenty eighteen. Lou

54:38

called back. And at first, it was more of the same.

54:41

Press the issue by saying that I was getting somewhere

54:44

to make major headway. I needed him to try

54:46

and befriend someone close the case. Not

54:49

in a harmful way, but potentially

54:51

to get information I couldn't otherwise procure

54:53

myself. He

54:56

flipped out. He said that

54:58

was a horrible invasion of privacy. He was

55:00

horrified when I'd ask him to do something like that

55:02

and he wasn't interested in helping. The

55:06

last ish effort through her

55:08

name out there. It was

55:10

a Haller Mary, if you will. Like,

55:13

maybe putting a name to the case rather than being

55:15

vague would work better. Luke

55:18

always struck me as a sensitive kid, thought

55:20

I could use that. Stopped

55:23

yelling and went very quiet. Said,

55:26

needed to call me back. About

55:29

an hour later, the phone rang. It was Luke.

55:32

Suddenly he's very interested in helping me

55:35

in a complete one eighty, but I didn't

55:37

ask why it doesn't matter. And honestly,

55:39

I don't care. He'll be

55:42

able to get close to her as

55:44

close as I need him to. They're

55:47

around the same age, so that'll help

55:49

too. October

55:53

twenty seven, twenty eighteen, Luke

55:56

went to Providence and filed the instructions I

55:58

gave him. He knows where she works

56:00

and has seen which place is she frequent.

56:03

He's noted that she's often alone. November

56:10

thirty, twenty eighteen. Who

56:13

the fuck are you? Who

56:16

the fuck do you think you are? You've

56:20

gone too fucking far this

56:22

time. It's one thing to threaten me

56:24

leaving me taunting notes and shit. But

56:26

going after my granddaughter is crossing

56:28

a fucking line, She's

56:30

a kid, a

56:33

first fucking grader. I'm

56:40

visiting Tim and I offered a pickup lady

56:42

from school today. She came

56:44

out of the building. She's holding a toy I've never seen

56:46

a truck. I

56:48

asked her where she got it, but then I looked closer

56:51

at him. I didn't have to hear her answer to no.

56:53

It's not actually a toy. It's

56:56

one of those kits for hobbyist to build in

56:58

paint, expensive. It's

57:01

a Chevy mostly hunt of green but with

57:03

a gray block painted down the side. Nolan's

57:06

truck, a perfect replica

57:10

from the accident. I

57:12

asked her again where she got it. Paid attention

57:15

this time. He

57:17

said, a man stopped by just before I got

57:19

there. Said he was a friend

57:22

of her grandpa's and had something he wanted her to

57:24

give to me and

57:26

to tell me Haller and see you

57:28

soon. December

57:33

eleven, twenty eighteen, Luke

57:36

made contact. And

57:38

was watching her apartment like he has the past few times

57:40

he went to providence. This time,

57:43

much like my

57:43

luck, he

57:44

caught her and her friends they were leaving the house. He

57:47

ran into her at a bar and chatted.

57:50

They made plans to hang out soon and get drinks.

57:53

He mentioned that she has a podcast too.

57:56

Maybe I'll give it listen. January

58:01

twenty five, twenty nineteen. That

58:04

little fucking shit. He

58:07

already knew her. I was

58:09

suspicious when his attitude about helping me change,

58:11

but I was too focused on getting information. He

58:14

knew who she was the minute I mentioned her name.

58:17

What's he playing in? Stop

58:19

returning my Haller. Wouldn't tell

58:22

me anything last time we spoke either. It

58:24

was a waste of fucking

58:25

time. I got fuck all

58:27

nothing from him.

58:31

March eighteen, twenty nineteen, I

58:34

fucked up. I I fucked up.

58:36

I listened to a shit.

58:40

I have to stop her.

58:46

The audio from March twenty nineteen is

58:48

the last recording we have. There

58:50

are other things, Notes, journals,

58:53

I might share them with you at some point in time.

58:56

I don't know. We'll see. But

58:59

there's one journal entry I want to read to you

59:01

now. I

59:04

had the dream again. I can't live like

59:07

this anymore. I have to come

59:09

clean. I should talk to

59:11

his widow and daughter and tell them what I know.

59:14

I should apologize to his daughter for what

59:16

I've been doing. What I made

59:18

Luke do. He's

59:20

already found them. They're

59:23

in his crosshairs and maybe it's my Haller.

59:26

I should tell them, warn

59:28

them, but

59:30

I can't. I

59:33

can't let this guy get to me. Tim,

59:35

to Katie. They're

59:38

all I have left. That

59:43

entry is dated November fifth twenty

59:45

nineteen. Twenty

59:48

six years to the day after my dad's

59:50

accident. It's the last

59:52

entry Mark Schrade ever wrote. It

59:55

was written within days or

59:57

possibly on the day that Mark

59:59

died.

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