0:00

Alright, if you've heard a lot of How Are The Dads,

0:02

Dad, you know the drill. Before we get into the actual

0:05

ins and outs on different

0:07

people's philosophies on fathering and

0:09

parenthood and life philosophies,

0:12

there's another thing that's

0:14

probably the thing we're most passionate about, you know, the

0:17

love we feel as dads and people

0:19

wanting to do a good job or a

0:22

better job at being a dad. But

0:24

the second most thing we're passionate about is making sure

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you hire the right car, should you go on an

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I mean, that's, I'm sure that's a thing that

0:55

you could take kids along to see how you do business.

0:59

Maybe you want to balance it too with, you know, make

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dads, dad, you get 25% off the base rate

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terms and conditions apply. Thank you Hertz. Let's do

1:15

the episode. Hamish

1:19

is a dad who loves to be a dad,

1:22

but he knows there's more to learn about

1:24

being a dad. So he made

1:26

this show where he talks to all the

1:28

dads. So he can wind up. How

1:31

are the dads, dad?

1:34

How are the dads, dad?

1:38

All right, today we have

1:40

Michael John, quote, whipper,

1:43

end quote, Whitflee. If you're in

1:45

Sydney or you listen to

1:47

Nova radio or you've seen any one

1:49

of a bunch of television shows that he's appeared

1:51

on, you'd be very familiar with Whipper. He's recently

1:54

did some great work with Sean McAlwiff if you

1:56

happen to catch it on SBS, on

1:59

Country. of origin I believe the show is

2:01

called. But look, Whip is

2:03

a very, very dear friend of

2:05

mine, a best mate of mine.

2:07

He's godfather to my children even

2:09

though we're not religious, it just

2:12

feels like a nice fun thing to have.

2:15

We're very, very close. We've known each

2:17

other since we were teenagers, we have

2:19

ridden the highs and lows and weirdness

2:21

of our careers and personal lives together.

2:24

And I adore Whip as a mate. I'm

2:26

giving the preamble because whilst a lot of the people that

2:28

come on, how are the dad's dad? I mean, I essentially

2:30

just use this as a place to have meaningful

2:33

conversations with people that I'm really close to, but

2:35

we don't often get to talk in this way.

2:38

Sometimes I've not met the person before. Clearly

2:40

with Whip, I very much have met him and

2:42

been through a lot. And I

2:45

guess with that comes a, this is a

2:47

different kind of conversation because it breeds a

2:49

real familiarity. Whip also has been,

2:51

you know, 15 years in commercial radio, so

2:53

his brain is always going to go for like a pretty

2:55

base joke. And there's a bit of

2:57

that in there too. But really, I love

3:00

Whip as a human being and I get

3:02

to see how he is such a committed

3:05

father and, but not just a committed father. And we

3:08

do talk about this in the episode, but I'll say

3:10

it up the front too, because I think you've got

3:12

to lead off with a compliment and with, you can't

3:14

just have someone because they're a mate. There

3:17

was a reason I admired Whip so much as a

3:19

dad and because he has a

3:22

infectious enthusiasm for life and

3:25

for the living. And I

3:27

think he brings that to the activities

3:30

that he does with his kids, but just the

3:32

way that he parents as well. And I think

3:34

one of the things that is so beautiful

3:36

in kids and in our own kids that we

3:39

all love is we love seeing that twinkle in

3:41

their eye, like of possibility and of excitement and

3:43

it's magic to us and we want to capture

3:45

it and we want to nurture that flame and

3:47

let it grow into its own thing. And

3:50

I love Whip as a mate because he still has that

3:52

twinkle in his eye as an adult. And I think he

3:55

puts a lot of twinkle in people's eyes.

3:58

So very lucky to have that. in

4:00

him as a mate but I really did relish

4:02

this chance to kind of sit down because even sometimes

4:04

with our best mates we don't often get to have

4:06

these talks and it

4:09

was super super you know heartwarming rewarding

4:11

and look you know obviously at times

4:13

just a little bit silly too I

4:16

hope you enjoy How With The Dads

4:19

How With The Dads How With The

4:21

Dads It's

4:27

a really directional one Sure it's just

4:30

think back to Port Augusta,

4:32

CnFM Planting them really good on

4:34

the mic it's a pub mic Forgot about that

4:37

Like if I was to draw a circle with my name

4:39

in the middle and you looked at all the arms coming

4:41

off music would definitely be a big reach wouldn't it? Oh

4:44

it'd be a small Oh Baby

4:47

I got you on

4:49

my mind Great

4:52

to have you with Do

4:55

you start most episodes with a little bit of a You

4:57

were doing Powderfinger Waller You did do okay Yeah yeah if

4:59

you've not heard this season No no

5:01

but I don't remember Brett McKenzie doing any Powderfinger

5:04

Yeah we might have had to edit that out

5:06

just it was really good Look thank

5:09

you for that I

5:12

think it's actually not a bad place to start

5:15

because we were referencing

5:17

your old cover band called Platinum here

5:19

When was that when did you reform

5:21

Platinum 15 years ago? Platinum launched Oh

5:23

god you'd probably be going back 20

5:25

Yeah I mean you were a fan

5:27

from the start so you would know

5:29

that we're around I don't just

5:31

just a really Sorry I don't

5:33

want to do the history of Platinum here I

5:35

just wanted to use the story to highlight how

5:38

long we've been friends for Oh okay well But

5:41

then you had then Platinum that was your high school

5:43

sort of pub cover band Yeah we were mates from

5:45

high school Why don't we reinforce the significance

5:47

you had in the band which was intro

5:49

guy I was in I intro'd the reformation

5:51

of Platinum Yes And at

5:53

the time you we were all living in Melbourne

5:56

and you said you sent out an invite going

5:58

best party ever Ever where

6:01

you're like we're an amazing

6:03

outfit and like

6:06

can't tell you what the party's about yeah but

6:08

you've got to be there. You sent it interstate

6:10

big announcement you've got to be there you're going

6:12

out with a young lady at the time the

6:15

general consensus was you've got

6:17

engaged and this was the

6:19

engagement party. It was bigger than that.

6:21

And then people flew from interstate thinking

6:24

it was an engagement party and

6:27

we turned up and the

6:29

big announcement was Platinum's back.

6:31

Ladies and gentlemen Platinum's back.

6:33

And you could have heard

6:35

a pin

6:40

drop when I go Platinum's back that's

6:42

what we're here for. And everyone went

6:44

sorry was there engagement ring Platinum what

6:47

are you talking about? Quick

6:49

question don't tell us we came to watch

6:51

three guys play powder finger Tommy McCubbin sing

6:54

it again mate. So it's a special

6:56

moment but anyway that's what are we

6:58

talking 15 years ago?

7:01

So I mean this is gonna be a bit

7:03

of a different episode because we have so much shared history but

7:06

what I sort of wanted to do is go I wanted

7:09

to have you on this because under

7:11

the rules of the show

7:14

which is having men on who I admire

7:16

as fathers well I have to have whip

7:18

on but

7:20

there was always a part of me going well but

7:22

you know he's my best mate and we know

7:24

each other so well like haven't I learnt so

7:27

much anyway? How foolish of you to

7:29

think you've milked me entirely. No but

7:32

now I'm always teaching things. Let us

7:34

find a new teat. Consider

7:38

yourself a student of life. Litmus

7:42

paper blank. He's always trying to

7:44

absorb everything I have to say.

7:47

Soak it up mate. Welcome to How Are

7:49

The Dad's Dad. You're not

7:51

getting in the promo. But

7:55

you gave me the sheik. Honestly

7:58

to In

8:00

that vein, I was like, I think there's probably some

8:02

things that we haven't talked about in

8:05

terms of being dads. And if there's

8:07

one thing I've loved about the show, it is getting the

8:09

chance to do that. Like, and and I think, from

8:11

what I can gather from a lot of guys that

8:13

listen to the show, that's often it's sort of the

8:15

people that you're closest to the you sort of go,

8:17

well, we both we all feel this stuff, we actually

8:19

never get a chance to talk about it deeply.

8:24

And there's a few different places that I want to bounce

8:26

around to. But one of the things

8:28

I thought about leading into this was I've often

8:30

thought of your dad. Yep, big

8:32

Johnny, John Whitley, as

8:34

a great dad. Yep. And I

8:37

always looked at the relationship you had with your

8:39

dad and went, gee, there's a lot in that there's

8:42

a lot in his fathering,

8:44

even just as a mate of his son that

8:47

I took away as I grew up. You know,

8:49

I met him when I was in my 20s.

8:51

Yep. But I still think about stuff that John

8:53

does. Oh, that's kind. And,

8:56

and it's a very powerful thing, you know,

8:58

to have to see other dads like that

9:00

in in the world. Tell

9:03

us a little bit about your relationship

9:05

with Johnny. Big Johnny, if I was

9:07

to compliment him on his

9:09

fathering, I think the test

9:11

as a dad too, is

9:13

to be able to play the fathering

9:15

role consistently through different

9:18

stages of your

9:20

kids lives. Yep. So you

9:22

move very quickly from nappy

9:24

time. In fact, he didn't do that. He called

9:26

a district nurse one time, because he didn't change.

9:28

So you failed that. So I'll under

9:30

it. Can we go from the top guys? So

9:33

besides this, He's aware of where his strengths and

9:35

weaknesses are called the district nurse, but he did

9:37

call the district nurse, he'll deny that until it

9:39

was somebody else. He's changed the story over the

9:41

years. He's now pulling out a lot of his

9:43

stories. So no, but he

9:45

was able to be the dad throughout and

9:47

still to this day, he's still the dad.

9:49

He's just playing different roles. So

9:52

you know, you don't pull him

9:54

apart for life advice when you're seven years old.

9:56

He's just helping you with the basics and maybe

9:58

a bit of sport and kicking the footy in the

10:00

park. And then you transition into a

10:02

teenager and you continue through your 20s and it

10:05

becomes about career and having

10:07

those conversations. And then

10:09

now you look for

10:11

those bits of wisdom and the fact

10:14

that he's got something that I simply can't have

10:16

at my age and that's life experience. So

10:18

he's 76 years old. I mean,

10:21

once again with an happy situation, if I was to pull

10:23

him apart again, he stumbled a little

10:25

bit through the teenage years with

10:28

sort of relationship advice, a

10:30

little moments where, you know, I

10:32

remember I was really keen on this

10:34

girl and then she kissed somebody

10:37

else and dad could tell that I was a bit upset

10:39

about it. I told dad what

10:41

was wrong. And he said, well, you need to hit her

10:43

with a big question. You wanna

10:45

dance with me or do you wanna dance elsewhere? And...

10:49

And... Wow.

10:52

Wow. What

10:54

a vault. Yes. What a

10:56

vault of advice. He opened it and it

10:58

poured out to me and I soaked up every word

11:01

of it. And did you try that? No, no, I

11:03

didn't go with that. Look, it didn't work out anyway.

11:05

So maybe I should. You weren't living in a 1940s

11:07

movie. No,

11:09

I wasn't. So there were moments like that

11:11

where he still feels like maybe his relationship

11:13

advice wasn't the best. But in...

11:16

He did his best. In

11:18

looking back at that though, that he

11:20

was there and trying. What's

11:22

the message under that? Oh, yeah, of course. It's

11:25

the pure love that's always there. But you know,

11:27

as you get older too, and as your dad,

11:29

you think about when you would share things with

11:31

your dad. Like if you were to speak emotionally

11:33

to your dad, it was a big moment. You

11:36

knew you wanted to. Like even

11:38

as an adult, when I'd met Lisa, dad

11:40

and I were driving in the car and

11:43

I remember I desperately wanted to say to

11:45

him, I've met someone special. And

11:47

to get those words out of my mouth took so much.

11:49

But as a dad, you think,

11:52

that's all I want my kid to do is feel

11:55

open, open enough to share. Like when you sit

11:57

down with Ted or Jack now, Francesca and say,

16:00

myself to hear that. Interesting. Yeah.

16:02

Who needed to be proud of you? I

16:04

think so. Or needed

16:06

to be significant enough that I

16:08

was hearing it as

16:11

something I was willing to accept and not

16:13

just a line from a parent. So

16:15

you're right. It needed to work with my level

16:18

of what I should be proud of. And I

16:20

think that's that was an interesting thing to sort

16:22

of discover this year. It's a hard

16:24

thing, isn't it? Because we, with

16:27

our kids, we, we

16:29

feel that happening. Like I get eye

16:31

rolls from my kids now. Yeah,

16:34

when I'm talking to them about how

16:36

much I love them and how it's unconditional. You've

16:38

told me that. Dad, I know. You've already said

16:41

that. Rudy, like my level will go like, okay,

16:43

she knows I go, hey, Rudy, just let me

16:45

finish. Like, case

16:48

in point, literally last night, I'm

16:50

telling her that to me, she's just pure

16:52

magic. She goes, yeah, dad, dad, you tell

16:54

me, I was like, just, mate, I'm

16:57

just saying. Okay. So maybe when you grow up,

16:59

maybe not right now, but maybe tomorrow at school,

17:01

you might like to remember that no matter what

17:03

your dad loves you more than

17:06

anything, just because of who you are. She

17:08

goes, okay, great. Are you finished? Are

17:11

you finished? Yes.

17:15

And she goes, right. Teach me

17:17

to whistle. Okay. Not

17:20

really on the same page. Yeah.

17:23

So there's, I think there's a

17:25

part of us like we desperately

17:27

want to get across this feeling.

17:30

And we only kind of, we have

17:32

words for the moment. Yeah. But the only

17:34

thing that works to

17:37

communicate the feeling is actions in the long term.

17:39

I suppose it's just that you cannot do it

17:41

in words. Even if we think as kids,

17:44

we just want to hear our parents say a certain set of

17:46

words. What's deeper than that

17:48

is like, I suppose decades of showing

17:51

it. And that's what you're demonstrating. That's what

17:53

your dad. So the other thing is too,

17:55

you can tell the impact that

17:57

your dad or your parent has on you. But

18:00

when you're in conversation and you're uncomfortable about

18:02

something, how they can bring you the peace.

18:06

So if it was something I was concerned about, and it's

18:08

playing on my mind and I ring dad and I say, dad,

18:10

I just can't get this out of my mind. And

18:13

with his experience in life, and

18:16

his him being slightly

18:18

removed from possibly whatever it is, and

18:21

he would say, Oh, mate, you're jumping at shadows. And

18:23

I go, Do you think so? And he goes, Absolutely. You're

18:26

overthinking it. And that's what's happened here. That

18:28

can buy you so much peace. Interesting.

18:31

So it's almost, it sounds to me like that, rather

18:34

than, you know, you need

18:37

to hear him be proud of you.

18:39

Like he helped you when there was

18:41

that tendency to over worry or beat

18:43

yourself up about stuff. He was able

18:45

to reassure you that that

18:48

you didn't need to be your own worst enemy. And that's

18:50

the funny thing, because I don't think he applied

18:53

any pressure as such. He

18:56

was always kind of firm and hard

18:58

on rules and

19:00

presentation. That's interesting. So things like

19:02

that. So standards

19:05

and boundaries were big.

19:07

They were solid. So you

19:10

know, I remember having an argument with him because my

19:13

presentation wasn't right. So I went to a great

19:15

stage of realizing how many awesome

19:17

sort of X taxi driver shirts you could

19:19

buy from op shops. Okay, so

19:21

I got into the cell phones and I pick up a

19:23

shirt. So your presentation is in your physical presentation. I thought

19:25

you'd done a presentation at school. No, I never did any

19:27

of that. Mum did that. I was

19:29

like, school work. Not from what I

19:32

understand your schooling to be. Who are

19:34

you laughing at, Bartley? Well,

19:37

whip to on that point, school

19:40

was different for you. Right?

19:42

Like academically? How

19:44

did your dad react to that? Was he

19:47

supportive? Yeah, he was supporting really great question.

19:49

Really well, Tim fear input. I look forward

19:51

to lunch after this. You

19:57

got at the end of year 12, everyone obviously gets there.

20:00

enter or their ATAR. It's a rank out of a

20:02

hundred. But if you're below 15 you get a state

20:04

secret. You do. You get a state secret. I didn't

20:06

get that. You didn't. Because no I didn't. I

20:09

got a 16.6 rounded up to 17 in fact. So they went the other

20:13

way. They went great effort mate. Okay we'll leave

20:15

that to one side. So once again I think

20:17

John. No but in all seriousness how did he?

20:20

He was okay. He had to adjust his expectations.

20:22

Yeah because I mean he knew that I

20:24

wasn't an academic but at the same time

20:27

he knew that I loved school. I

20:29

loved my sport. I do know this story and

20:32

I do love the advice he gave you. What

20:34

was your instructions in year 12? Just finish. It

20:36

doesn't matter what the score is.

20:38

Just get the certificate. Is

20:41

that the story you were talking about? Well that but I also

20:43

remember him saying to you you're

20:46

you know a beloved student. Like you know you loved

20:48

going to school. Let's not go through all of it.

20:50

But won a couple of riding competitions. It was house

20:52

captain and school officer and

20:54

stuff. Wow school officer.

20:59

What a flex. No that's cool if you still hang up

21:01

to that you thought. Pretty big stuff. But what I mean

21:03

is like he could see what it was doing for you

21:05

socially. Yes. He could see what he could and he in

21:08

his wisdom was as we all now know like

21:10

no one could have shipped what your high school

21:12

school was. He could play the long game to

21:15

go there are huge benefits for you being here.

21:17

Yeah. To not get discouraged

21:19

by academic. No and he would say to me

21:21

I would have given anything to have half the

21:23

skills you have. Yeah. So he

21:25

must have been an absolute social klutz. A

21:28

stumbling mess. But that is beautiful. That

21:31

is beautiful. At a time when kids are you

21:33

know I got a few friends whose kids are

21:35

going through year 12 at the moment. It's intense.

21:37

Yeah. And it's not getting any less intense. To

21:41

have someone be able to to

21:44

reframe it like that. That's a

21:46

life-changing thing. But he also

21:48

knew school wasn't gonna be my thing. Yeah. That was

21:50

the great thing. And you know I remember when I

21:53

went and did a hospitality course.

21:56

Like he probably knew then that wasn't gonna be my

21:58

thing but he would let me work. that out. Then

22:00

I did a building course which I loved. Anything

22:04

that I wanted to do, he just backed

22:06

it in 100%. I think that was the other thing.

22:09

That's that again to me is real gold. Oh, you

22:11

know what? No, he didn't. I lied. I wanted to

22:13

be a boat builder in Tasmania. That was a course

22:15

that he went, what are you gonna do? What are

22:17

you gonna do there? He obviously just want me to

22:20

move to Tasmania. But

22:22

I would have loved to build boats, but he ruined

22:24

that dream for me. Good. Good.

22:27

We are finally arrived. Finally. John

22:29

Whippley. You're a shock. John

22:32

Whippley. Shunk. What I

22:34

love about that though, and like what

22:36

I have seen in your relationship with

22:38

your dad throughout the whole, you know, the

22:40

20, 25 years we've been friends is

22:42

it's clear the

22:45

effect that having that level of support

22:48

has on a kid. That's

22:51

just such a powerful thing. And now we

22:53

look at ourselves as we're fathers. And

22:56

amongst many of the other things is

22:59

that is taking

23:01

that side of John, the support

23:03

and creating an environment where you

23:06

feel so open and you feel so

23:08

welcomed to share your feelings. You're

23:11

now on the other side of the fence and you're trying to

23:13

create that for your two boys and your daughter. How

23:15

do you feel? You know,

23:18

how do you feel you're going at that task? Great

23:20

question, Hamish. Thank you so much. Thanks

23:22

for the opportunity to share halfway through

23:24

the chat. You know

23:26

what? Well, sorry, we've got a bit distracted talking about

23:28

your band, but now we're here. It's good to bring

23:30

it back. How do you feel? Yeah. So I

23:33

think I'm very conscious and I only realised

23:35

this the other day. You know, when you

23:37

tell your kids off or you crack the

23:39

poos about something and then you go, well,

23:42

it's no big deal because it's just me. Yeah.

23:44

Don't know what I mean? Always us. It's always

23:46

just me. Like, but more to the point, you

23:48

don't think you have the impact. You

23:51

don't think about the impact. You don't realise the

23:53

impact. Because you don't. I'm not

23:55

sure that I'm such

23:58

a high impact strict. with

28:00

how much it's upset, hurt the

28:02

kids that they are trying. Yeah. And

28:04

that breaks my heart on a daily basis. I

28:07

reckon I make that mistake all the time where

28:09

I'm like, Hey, come on.

28:11

Why are you trying? Dinner's ready. You're where

28:13

I don't say you better than that. Did

28:15

you? In my mind, I'm going,

28:18

I feel like they're deliberately

28:20

trying to fuck with

28:22

me. Yeah. And then you

28:24

realize they're not. They're not. And now you're expecting

28:27

them to think and act the way you act.

28:29

Yeah. Here's one. I mean,

28:31

this is comic. It was almost like a script that

28:33

broke my heart. It

28:35

was just me at home. I'm making dinner for the kids.

28:37

Zoe's out, was working or something, you

28:40

know, and it's traditionally the

28:42

half hour of screen time runs into dinner.

28:45

That's why I'm making dinner, getting

28:48

it ready. Guys, you know, come

28:50

on dinner, dinner, the classic, it's

28:52

on the table. It's cold.

28:55

Roo's in her bedroom. Yeah. And she's just

28:57

yelled something like, I heard it as like,

28:59

I think, I think I heard it as

29:01

her going, I'm not going to

29:03

have dinner. Yeah. Or something outrageous. I was

29:05

like, no, because if there's one couple of

29:08

standards that we've established on this podcast, which

29:10

is eat dinner as a family. Yep. No

29:12

phones, like some pretty standard things. Straightforward. So

29:14

we never don't. And I was just, I'm

29:16

like, and I just said, not

29:19

angrily, but within 10th,

29:22

Roo, you are, I put my hair, like you

29:24

are absolutely having dinner. Get up here. I'm counting

29:26

to 10. We are eating dinner. Like it's been

29:28

whatever. Anyway, she

29:31

burst into tears. She

29:33

was making me a card in

29:35

her bedroom. Dad,

29:38

I love you so much. You

29:40

never yell at me. Yeah, it was. And I always love

29:42

you. She came up tears

29:44

all over her face going. That's why I was like,

29:46

I was making this card. And it was like, dad,

29:48

I love you so much. No matter what. You're my

29:50

number one diamond in my life. Or whatever. I was

29:52

like, do you know your

29:54

daughter is so smart. It wouldn't surprise me if

29:56

she had those cards pre-written. You know, two

34:00

S words. Give me, let me have two. Like so the other day

34:02

I go. I'll try your two S's for a pay. There I go,

34:04

okay. I'll give you one F

34:06

and one S. She's like, really? And I said, yep,

34:08

but in the car, it's

34:10

like, you won't know when it's gonna

34:13

happen. And when I say go, you've

34:15

got five seconds to use it. Awesome. Cause I

34:17

was like, I just wanna. And put it in

34:19

the sentence. I just wanna see what comes out

34:21

of her mouth. Right. I was

34:23

like, you got five seconds. Anyway, we're driving along,

34:25

talking about stuff. Blah, blah, blah, go.

34:28

I just see her brain like, run

34:30

a load short circuit. She goes, oh,

34:33

I don't want to rip your

34:35

fucking beard off. I'm

34:37

gonna rip your fucking beard off.

34:42

Oh, that's gold. That

34:44

is gold. Oh,

34:47

don't say that underwater. We'll all miss

34:49

it. That is

34:51

awesome. But anyway, I mean, that

34:54

is, I suppose that is the area of going. You

34:58

know, we have a tendency, especially as you talk about

35:01

like traditional parenting of like, you

35:03

know, yes, no, follow these rules. As

35:05

we grow up and we're like, all right,

35:07

we wanna, I think there's a natural tendency

35:09

in this day and age to approach things as

35:12

you mentioned, like a bit more equal, a bit more like,

35:14

hey, look, let's share. We

35:16

wanna move away from the cause I said so,

35:19

like form of parenting. We're always happy to

35:21

explain. Yep, cause that's the rules. Having

35:25

said that, we know that there does need to be

35:27

an element of the rules in it. But I think

35:29

as you move into more of like a, hey, everything's

35:31

open, we're explaining everything, you do run into situations where

35:34

you're like, all right, well, we're

35:36

having more adult light conversations, especially

35:38

in we're talking about our kids at the same

35:40

age. So we've got, you know, give

35:42

or take a few years from 10 years old in

35:45

that kind of like, you know, six to 10 band. So

35:48

you begin to go,

35:51

I wanna treat you like an adult,

35:53

but I agree the biggest mistakes I

35:56

make are then forgetting

35:58

that they're kids. as well.

36:00

And I guard against like the one thing

36:02

where I draw the line is on

36:05

confronting stories. I just

36:07

I want to hold them for as long as

36:10

I can before they understand the

36:12

ugly side of the world. So we were

36:14

driving to footy the other day and Ted

36:18

said, Hey, dad, two

36:21

things he wanted to know about God,

36:23

then he wanted to know about Hitler. And

36:25

then he said, what's suicide knockoff? Oh, yeah,

36:27

big three. Okay, he goes, what's suicide? But

36:30

that has an that's another really

36:33

big conversation. Where

36:35

you have to very carefully tread

36:38

the lines on explaining. Yeah, because quite

36:40

often, you're teaching yourself

36:42

at the same time about how

36:44

to craft the messaging and the lesson

36:46

in what that is. Look, it's a

36:48

really interesting area because as we

36:52

said before, you don't get a warning here. They

36:54

don't know. Hey, next week, I'm going to ask

36:56

you about suicide. By

36:58

the way, I'm eight. Yep. So and we have

37:00

a think about arriving at 40 in 30 seconds.

37:02

Yeah, have a you don't you don't you get

37:05

it off the back of what's God? Where did

37:07

we come from? Yeah, why was Hitler allowed to

37:09

exist? If there is a God, by the way,

37:11

what suicide can I have a sausage? Yep. You're

37:14

like, Okay, so but I do

37:16

think that's an interesting assumption because so much of parenting

37:18

is like that. And this

37:20

kind of all ties back to exactly what we've been talking

37:22

about, which is everyone's

37:25

path and strategy will be different. We're obviously not

37:27

the people of the show to tell people how

37:29

to have those conversations with their kids. But you

37:33

know, you have to introduce the world to

37:35

them. Yep, slowly. And no one knows their

37:37

kid better than you know. And my my

37:40

general vibe on this is like, we know

37:42

our kids the best. Shielding

37:44

them we know isn't the way but

37:46

then oversaturating is certainly not the way

37:48

to because it's so much harder for

37:50

kids to be kids these days. And

37:52

I don't I agree

37:54

that they shouldn't necessarily under the premise of

37:57

simply what they're going to find out one

37:59

day like the

46:00

kids and AFL, I just really

46:02

struggled to get them, get

46:09

in there and get the ball. Okay,

46:11

thank you for sharing. Get in there, get the

46:13

ball. Yeah. And

46:15

then this year Ted. That meant. Ted

46:18

turned around and looked at me

46:20

and went, shh. Yeah. And

46:23

I went, oh. And

46:26

that's kind of when I knew just

46:28

pull back slightly what

46:30

you're doing is not working. That's

46:33

not having the impact. And

46:35

I know it's like a classic trope of the

46:38

parent that gets too excited on the sidelines. But I

46:40

think the reason it hits home is it's

46:43

really hard to be a kid playing sport,

46:45

especially if sports not your natural thing. And

46:48

then you have overlaid on that, the parents expectations

46:51

as much as we try to not have them.

46:53

And I'm trying to work out how much it

46:55

means. In that case though, are

46:57

you reading too much into a Saturday

47:00

afternoon game? A little bit. Where

47:02

are you at now in that little journey of? Well,

47:04

I'm going to have to continue to learn. It's not

47:06

about them, it's about me, isn't it? So

47:08

you've brought up a weak point in my personality and

47:11

trait. I wouldn't have come on this podcast

47:13

if I knew you were going to nitpick

47:15

a bit. Or expose. It's

47:17

more exposing, isn't it? It's more

47:19

of holding a mirror. Have

47:22

you ever bribed them at all? Like $5

47:24

per hardball get or anything? I

47:26

don't. I don't break it down that

47:28

specifically. Neither do I. Did you go $5 per

47:30

hardball? Not at all. But

47:33

I've heard of people doing that. Interesting

47:35

they managed to get a couple more kicks. Cheeky

47:39

little buggers. That's interesting. You can do it.

47:42

Now, you know, we've got to go past the

47:44

ATM. But you... 600

47:47

bucks please, John. And you

47:49

got the harddown. 115 brown

47:51

lows. Do you know

47:53

what I mean? You can do it. Okay.

47:58

Little scammers. They've worked. me

48:00

out. Do you want my third one? Yeah. Obvious

48:03

one. But I'll explain it further.

48:05

Love. That's not obvious. I mean,

48:07

it's obvious, but it's not a,

48:09

it's simple, but not love so

48:11

much. I mean, love for them

48:13

is a natural thing. Yeah. But

48:15

what does love mean to you?

48:17

Love means to me, I'm talking

48:19

about showing love. It's just the

48:21

constant presence and the understanding of

48:23

where they're at for them. Right.

48:26

And all the nice touch points of patting heads and things

48:28

we say at night and all those things. But

48:32

I think it's just as important

48:34

to demonstrate love. So

48:36

for Lisa and I, so they see

48:38

it. So it's become a

48:40

running joke of me trying to slow dance

48:42

with Lisa around the dinner table, maybe when

48:44

we were clearing the plates and things like

48:46

that and show love to Lisa and I'll

48:48

go kids, you know why we're hugging? Because

48:51

we love each other and we're in love.

48:53

I think there's probably

48:55

some also some demonstrative consent

48:57

that you need to show. Cause I don't know

49:00

that Lisa, they don't see things like where I

49:02

might tap on the bum if she's stacking the

49:04

dishwasher. I just mean, does at least want to

49:06

slow, it sort of sounds like she's in the

49:08

middle of a job and you're trying to slow

49:10

dance behind her. My timing's not always right. So

49:12

I, we, we demonstrate

49:15

love physically by them

49:17

seeing us embrace.

49:20

Cause I want them to know that that's, that's

49:23

what it should be. I think it was when Joe Brum

49:25

was on the show. You don't need to quote other

49:27

guests. One of his three was emulation. Well, he was like

49:30

setting it up. He led off series two

49:32

to greater claim. Yeah, absolutely nailed it. Series

49:34

three is reinforcing some stuff that Joe's done.

49:36

Mate, as one of our supplements for series

49:39

three, and I do hope you make it

49:41

into the season, we're filming a couple of

49:43

these fringe ones that we're not quite sure

49:45

are good enough, but thank you. Thank

49:47

you for coming as a B side. Is it you

49:49

actually recording? We

49:52

just wanted to teach you my technique.

49:54

No, I mean, I loved Joe's Joe's

49:56

emulation was one of his, and that's

49:59

what you're talking about. want them to see love. But

50:01

how else that's, that's the physical

50:03

side of love and showing that you

50:05

and Lise, you know, romantic love as

50:08

a parental unit. Any, any other

50:10

ways that spring to mind? Any other decisions of

50:12

love? Yeah. Um, I

50:14

have the same thing that I say to each

50:16

of them every night, which is great. And like you

50:19

talking to Rudy, they're sick of it. But

50:21

I always say, okay, did

50:23

you know that I love you more than anything in the whole

50:25

wide world? Yeah, we know that. And

50:28

then I say, and you're the best part of my

50:30

day every day. So I go

50:32

from bed to bed saying that Francesca will pull a

50:34

blanket over her head. Jack will

50:36

say, why do you always tell me this?

50:39

And so I'll say, so you never forget, I

50:41

don't want you to ever forget that. And I'm going

50:43

to say that till the day I die. So

50:46

when they're 3040 and older, ugly,

50:48

and I'm even worse, I'll still be saying

50:50

that. And then Tim will go, you are,

50:52

you are, you are answering

50:55

the question, just to move me through it.

50:57

As he tells me that my breath smells like red wine.

51:00

You can

51:03

say it's over too. But

51:07

that's kind of how the nightly routine

51:09

rolls out. I do love that. And

51:11

you know what I reckon another great

51:13

example of love that I see

51:15

you give is

51:17

the sacrifice, the selflessness, the time that

51:20

you invest and the time that you

51:22

spend and I know you love doing

51:24

it. But that is you prioritize

51:27

them, you prioritize them usually. And

51:30

as we've talked about with your

51:32

adventures with your desire to, to

51:34

showcase them that

51:37

by doing that, they're worthwhile. And I

51:39

think whether it's conscious or not, I

51:41

think it probably is conscious. You've taken

51:43

your dad's joy

51:45

at building a family unit that he

51:47

didn't have, it was taken from him

51:50

early, your joy at doing that

51:52

and what you got given as a kid

51:54

and you've created your modern day version of

51:56

it. Thank you for that. Can we

51:58

talk 36? go for it. I

52:00

want to say thank you for learning your voice. You

52:03

were there at South by Southwest but from the word

52:05

go when I said hey here's

52:07

something where I think we can make a change. Here's

52:09

somewhere where I think we can do better for our

52:11

kids. Your response was mate I'll

52:13

do anything. What do you need? What do

52:15

you want? My pleasure. So thank you. Well

52:17

it's been inspiring to watch you Whip. It's

52:20

you know I don't think I ever properly asked

52:22

you you know of all the

52:25

things out there I mean and you have

52:27

put full firepower full gusto behind this campaign

52:30

and it will and is about to affect

52:32

real change. What

52:34

was it that tipped you that tipped

52:36

you over into going okay I'm gonna

52:39

do something about this? I think it

52:41

was I think

52:43

it was just the thought of my kids

52:46

being in an ugly world where I couldn't

52:48

see in and as they

52:51

do some kids get to a point where they can't see out and

52:54

you'd heard I'd heard so many horror stories

52:57

and it just kept I think what what

52:59

sort of launched as well was when I

53:01

started to see some change in the States

53:03

and I thought this is possible. Yeah. Why

53:05

as a country are we sitting back thinking

53:07

oh god we need to bow down to

53:10

this app we need to bow down

53:12

to this company that's serving up a

53:14

bad influence on our kids and more and more

53:17

now that it's been such a long time we have the data

53:19

set to prove that it's no on

53:21

young minds so and

53:24

that was the big driver and

53:27

it was amazing and it's been so

53:29

encouraging to see how many people have

53:31

signed the petition because all we do

53:33

is represent them and

53:35

how many parents are in a similar position and

53:37

mine are young our kids are young you know

53:40

that they're not even young teenagers yet. But it's

53:42

the it's the

53:44

again and I guess it comes back to your

53:46

nothing's impossible. Nothing's impossible. What

53:48

if we had a go at this to look at the two

53:50

situations to go okay well it has

53:52

been a bit of a frog in boiling water

53:54

situation with social media because it sort of started

53:57

and was like I guess this is alright. Yeah,

54:00

if everyone else is doing it, we're allowed to do it. And

54:03

that's understandable, because that's what

54:05

2011 2012 Instagram came out. We're like, it's

54:07

sort of just funny filters for photographers. And

54:09

everyone else can see your photos. And it's

54:12

okay. And over time,

54:14

like culturally, it changes and whatever. I

54:17

suppose the big kicker is now here we are sort of

54:19

12 years later, we

54:21

realize, okay, on one team, there's

54:24

billions of dollars at stake.

54:27

And the smartest people in the world are putting

54:29

a lot of work. Into making these

54:31

things addictive. Yeah. And on the other

54:33

team is just

54:35

users and society going, I

54:40

think it's all right. Maybe it's not all right.

54:42

And there's no concerted effort on the other side.

54:44

And I think for you to step up and

54:46

go, Okay, I am we're gonna see what a

54:48

concerted effort looks like. Yeah. And, you

54:51

know, it's not a silver bullet. It's

54:53

not a magic solution. But it's beginning

54:55

to organize society on the

54:58

other side to go, well, at

55:00

the very least, this shouldn't be unchecked.

55:02

Yeah. And you know, I'm

55:04

nervous. I'm nervous because

55:06

I feel like what we have

55:08

at 36 months represents

55:12

the great fear that

55:14

parents do like they're motivated parents that

55:16

are desperate for change. It

55:18

needs to be 16. We have

55:20

to have it at 16. No, ifs, no buts,

55:22

anything under, we're not doing the right thing

55:24

by our kids. So

55:27

spread the word. Consider it spread.

55:30

Hey, we've

55:32

gone in a lot of different places. A

55:35

lot of different places. What a roller coaster.

55:37

You I thought it

55:39

was interesting that you started this conversation, you know,

55:41

not talking about the fact that

55:43

it's taking you till this year to be proud.

55:46

I think so. Of yourself. Well, as

55:48

someone that's known you for two

55:50

decades, and seeing you grow into this man and

55:53

this dad, I think as a mate, I'm extremely

55:55

proud to know you. And I think you should

55:57

listen to that voice. You every reason. Thank you.

56:00

Thank you, buddy. I love you, man. You're beautiful. Sweet

56:02

kisses. Let's

56:05

go and have pizza. Let's do it. Hey,

56:11

Mish is glad that he talked to another

56:13

dad. Now he's gonna say some other stuff,

56:15

but he will be by himself. There

56:19

we have it. Beautiful. Thank you, Whip. Really,

56:21

you know, some bits, some really

56:23

moving bits. You know, some bits that

56:25

I'm surprised still made the edit, but

56:27

lots, lots that we can take away

56:29

there from. I love, I do love,

56:32

and I'll absolutely back up that Whip

56:34

lives with a nothing's impossible attitude, a

56:36

why not attitude. And I write it.

56:38

I really, I write it. I think

56:40

that's infectious for kids to be around

56:42

because, you know, I was talking to a friend

56:44

the other day, like it's, you know, when kids

56:46

dress up, you know, as

56:48

like a, like the Halloween or whatever,

56:50

like they're, you know, they're Superman, they're

56:52

Elsa, they're, they're dreaming of being something

56:54

larger than life. And we have

56:57

that as kids, like we have that, that spirit.

56:59

And over time, you know, unfortunately,

57:01

naturally, like the world kind of beats it out of

57:03

us to some degree. But I love, I

57:06

love if we can have that as parents

57:08

to still cultivate that why not, why not

57:11

you? Let's absolutely take big

57:13

swings and have big dreams. I

57:15

love that Whippa instills that these kids, it's definitely

57:18

a great reminder to keep that cloud

57:20

the list of priorities for

57:22

me as I was as I engage,

57:24

engage with my own kids. Thank

57:27

you, as always, to everyone for listening.

57:29

We bloody love getting to do this

57:31

show. Whippa was correct. We went and

57:33

had a terrific lunch afterwards. So thank

57:35

you for continuing to allow this show

57:37

to happen by listening to it because,

57:39

man, we feel like we get not

57:42

just food out of it. I mean, I don't know why I

57:44

mentioned the pizza. I guess what I'm saying is it's a great

57:47

by making it a priority to go and have deep conversations

57:49

with people you really admire and then having lunches with them.

57:51

I kind of feel like I'm the biggest

57:53

winner out of this show. So thank you for

57:55

listening. You're a legend. Thanks for all the conversations and

57:57

feedback that we get through the website. We do

57:59

look at. those means a lot and it's awesome to

58:01

hear what people are doing and how they're going about

58:04

it out there that's um it's always super inspiring we'll

58:06

see you next time. How

58:15

Are The Dad's Dad is produced by myself and

58:18

my mate Tim Bartley. The

58:20

theme song is thanks to the incredibly

58:22

talented Tom Carty. You can find him

58:25

drenched throughout the internet. We recorded this

58:27

particular episode on the lands of the

58:29

Gadigal people of the Euro nation and

58:31

we pay our respect to their culture

58:33

of storytelling that has survived for thousands

58:36

of years. If you want to say

58:38

hi head to our website howarethedadsdad.com but

58:40

most of all thank you for listening.

58:42

Hamish is a dad who just spoke

58:44

with a dad and it blew his

58:47

tiny mind about what he learned. So

58:49

he'll keep on the dads and force

58:51

them to talk to him so he

58:53

can find out how are the dad's

58:56

dad. Before

58:58

we go the organizers of

59:02

how are the dad's dad didn't even

59:04

say producers. No we produced it. Um

59:06

look both of us would like to

59:08

thank Hertz again. Hertz always there for

59:10

us whenever we need a car. Whenever

59:12

you need a car to rent we'd

59:15

love you to think about Hertz. You can get 25% off by going

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to hertz.com.au/hodd

59:19

as in how are the dad's dad.

59:21

You get 25% off the base day

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right. Terms and conditions do apply to

59:26

that and yeah this is the same

59:29

we do the same ad recording at the end

59:31

of every episode. Um that is true but

59:33

the reason we do that is because

59:36

we think it's a great analogy to

59:38

how consistent service you get

59:40

at Hertz is. So we're like let's do

59:42

the same ad to represent the same consistent

59:44

quality episode to episode car to car ad

59:47

Hertz. Not just because we're looking to save

59:49

time absolutely not couldn't why would

59:51

you ever think that. Thanks Hertz.