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1:43

the shit out of me.

1:45

Hi all, it's Kay and

1:47

Karen here for our midweek catch-up.

1:49

It is beautiful spring weather outside is

1:51

absolutely gorgeous. Having said that, it is

1:53

no excuse. for the way that you

1:56

have turned up here today. I've turned

1:58

up, yeah I've turned up again I've

2:00

turned up in my shorts. Levi cutoffs.

2:02

They're not Levi, is that what you

2:04

call shorts? With the Levi's, aren't they?

2:06

Yeah, I didn't, cutoff sounds like you've

2:08

done them yourself. You've thought, oh I've

2:11

run it, you know, my jeans, I've

2:13

got holes in the knees, I'll just

2:15

make them into shorts. They're leavas. I

2:17

know but you know what I was

2:19

working in the garden this morning I

2:21

was busy and I put my shorts

2:23

on and I thought this is great

2:25

and then I thought actually I'm going

2:28

to cycle over to you leave the

2:30

shorts on. What have you got on

2:32

your feet? My trainers actually. Me trainers.

2:34

Me trainers. Yeah I know they don't

2:36

often come out in the ideas. Yes.

2:38

I've given up in the old running.

2:40

I'm not something I'm a fan of

2:43

shorts shorts. Yeah. Yeah. Well I was

2:45

thinking actually, I don't even know what

2:47

temperature is, it's probably not even that

2:49

warm, but it feels we've had such

2:51

a shit sort of like, actually we've

2:53

not, it's been quite nice. But it's

2:55

been dry. But it's nice enough to

2:58

take the shorts out, to put them

3:00

on. And if I was in holiday,

3:02

let's face it, the shorts are kind

3:04

of pretty much on all the time.

3:06

So I just thought put the shorts.

3:08

Go for it. Yeah. Yeah. Now will

3:10

you be wearing shorts when you be

3:13

wearing shorts when you go on holiday

3:15

when you go on holiday? I don't

3:17

know, I don't think the weather looks

3:19

that great to be honest. I mean,

3:21

if the weather is good, I will

3:23

be wearing short. I wouldn't be wearing

3:25

them in this temperature. Would you not?

3:28

No. Can I see folks, it's about

3:30

15, 16 today? No, no, no, no.

3:32

No, no, no, no, no. No, no,

3:34

no, no. I have to be over

3:36

20 degrees. But then of course, this

3:38

weekend, this weekend, I will be away

3:40

and it is Mother's Mother's day. No.

3:42

Has it never been? No, I always

3:45

kind of like go up to see

3:47

my mom and make a point of

3:49

going to visit her on Mother's Day.

3:51

What like the cemetery? No, no, no,

3:53

I don't go to the cemetery. No,

3:55

to see her when she was alive,

3:57

I would always go. you know, make

4:00

the journey up north on Mother's Day

4:02

or have her down to Glasgow. But

4:04

no, I wouldn't go to the cemetery

4:06

on Mother's Day. Would you know? No.

4:08

It's not because it's 130 miles away,

4:10

but when I'm up and having loads,

4:12

I got the cemetery anyway, so I

4:15

wouldn't make a point of meeting an

4:17

extra journey to go there on Mother's

4:19

Day. Well, no, I mean, that is

4:21

a long way. I mean, for me,

4:23

it's about... I don't know about 40

4:25

miles, I mean I did go this

4:27

weekend. Did you? Funny enough, Mother's Day

4:30

is one of the days that I

4:32

really feel compelled to go. Oh really?

4:34

Yeah, I mean obviously there's birthdays and

4:36

the day that you know, my mom

4:38

passed away, my dad passed away, but

4:40

I don't know, I don't know what

4:42

it is actually, but I just feel

4:44

on, I mean Mother's Day when Mom

4:47

was alive. I would do the same

4:49

as you would always see her. I

4:51

don't think I ever miss seeing her

4:53

on a Mother's Day. But you know,

4:55

it was just alright, like it's a

4:57

range where we go, we'll get afternoon

4:59

tea or whatever. I mean, it wasn't

5:02

like a big, big deal, but it's

5:04

a bigger deal for me now that

5:06

she's gone almost than when she was

5:09

alive in a funny way. Yeah. Right.

5:11

No, it's completely tough. It's funny I

5:13

was driving through to the cemetery and...

5:16

in the car, you know, it's got

5:18

this screen thing and it comes up

5:20

with your phone numbers on it. And

5:22

my mum's number is still on my

5:25

phone. And so on the screen, just

5:27

as I'm driving, and I keep looking

5:29

at the screen at the top, it's

5:32

got mum, you know, heading to the

5:34

cemetery. And I thought, God, this is

5:36

a bit, a bit kind of strange.

5:38

But I do like going on. on

5:41

Mother's Day. So do you walk her

5:43

in the cemetery? Is it not to

5:45

be miserable? Well you just see how

5:48

many young people that are in the

5:50

cemetery, it really kind of reminds you.

5:52

No, you're right, absolutely does. And what

5:55

about you kids? Do they celebrate it

5:57

with you? Yeah, yeah they do. They

5:59

always met, actually I felt bad this

6:01

week because Alex said to me, right,

6:04

what do you want to do? I

6:06

said, oh God, I'm away. Oh, of

6:08

course you're in a bunker in Berlin.

6:11

So she said, she said, she said,

6:13

yeah, what do you want to do

6:15

when you combat? And I said, just

6:17

give me a wee mass. So she's

6:20

going to give me a wee mass.

6:22

That is creepy. I wish you'd stop

6:24

that. What's wrong? Getting a sports massage

6:27

of your daughter, whose job is a

6:29

professional mass. No, pay someone else to

6:31

do it. This is ridiculous. You've got

6:34

to stop this. No, no, no, it's

6:36

fine. It's crossing the line. Your daughter

6:38

should not be... She's a professional. It

6:40

doesn't, unlike herself. Honest to God. Stop

6:43

it. Yeah, I mean, honestly, it's just,

6:45

it's just... You're mad. There's something wrong

6:47

with you. Anyway, and Lisa, Lisa, always

6:50

gives me a box of tiffin that

6:52

she makes. And I really hope tulips

6:54

not gotten away of making it this

6:56

year. Oh, really? Yeah. She's not forgotten.

6:59

Oh, it's like that. No. Well I

7:01

don't make it because then I would

7:03

think that you can make it for

7:06

me. You're not my mom. So I

7:08

look forward to that. Well you know

7:10

we put it out on on Instagram

7:13

because I mean Mother's Day people have

7:15

got different views on it a lot

7:17

of people find it hard. Lozy B

7:19

says it's a stab to the heart.

7:22

My mom isn't here with us. Chrisie

7:24

says I've been lucky to now be

7:26

older than my mom. or my older

7:29

sister were and I'm so grateful for

7:31

that but I miss them so much.

7:33

Also watching my niece struggle with the

7:35

loss of her mom at the same

7:38

age that I was when I lost

7:40

my mom. And another one here from

7:42

MEH, GWW. I lost my mom when

7:45

I was 10. And unfortunately I've never

7:47

had my own children. It's a one

7:49

day that I really can't stand. But

7:52

if you're fortunate enough to have your

7:54

mom or your mom cherish those moments

7:56

to fuss. or be fast over. I

7:58

can well see why she would just

8:01

say it. I want nothing to do

8:03

with it. And it does become a

8:05

bit overwhelming, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

8:08

This is nice and Brian though. He

8:10

said 61, fortunate to still have both

8:12

parents and it is a true blessing.

8:14

We're here in Australia for my niece's

8:17

wedding and for mom to meet her

8:19

14th great grandchild. We all appreciate mom's

8:21

unwavering, unconditional love. She is our hero.

8:24

Oh, it's not lovely. It is, it

8:26

really is nice. God that's great, isn't

8:28

it? It is. Because I did look

8:31

it up actually, 75% of people at

8:33

age of 60 have lost at least

8:35

one parent. Yeah, I suppose that would

8:37

be, because you're thinking if you're 60,

8:40

depends whether you're the oldest person, the

8:42

youngest person, the youngest person, the family

8:44

or single, then the chances are... your

8:47

parents going to be in the Retis

8:49

maybe? Yeah, don't just speak my numbers,

8:51

I've picked it up, it's true. Well

8:53

that doesn't surprise me, because what I'm

8:56

saying, I think if I may have

8:58

some 60 year olds and they said

9:00

my parents are still alive, I would

9:03

be, wow, really, that's amazing. Yeah, there

9:05

are a few. Remember speaking to Linda

9:07

Lucardi, she said, because her mum had

9:09

died and her dad had already passed

9:12

away, that it made her feel like

9:14

an orphan. that you know, oh my

9:16

god. You're a funny law, aren't you?

9:19

No, but she was 92. I'm not,

9:21

you know, she's had good innings as

9:23

they see. My dad was 88. They

9:26

had a good stretch of life. And

9:28

when you're in your late, or your

9:30

50s, are you really an orphan? You're

9:32

technically an orphan, but I would say,

9:35

I suppose an orphan I think is

9:37

like somebody under the age of 20.

9:39

So you didn't feel like an orphan,

9:42

no. You know you miss that. Uh-huh.

9:44

It's just going to tell my mom

9:46

because as you said, I think she

9:48

said before, mom's just listening to all

9:51

this shit, the day from you. You

9:53

could just phone them about anything. Yeah.

9:55

And they would listen. Yeah. So I

9:58

did miss that. But did I feel

10:00

an orphan? Apart from joking about it

10:02

then, no. Did you? No, I don't

10:05

suppose I did. But yeah. You know,

10:07

again, people getting in touch, Judy says,

10:09

I lost my mom last year, and

10:11

the first thing I thought was I'm

10:14

an orphan, because I'd lost my dad

10:16

years ago, and I think this year

10:18

it's going to hit me more than

10:21

ever before. Sally says, I'm 60 now,

10:23

and at times, I do feel like

10:25

an orphan. I lost my dad at

10:27

15. He was 47. My beautiful, kind

10:30

mom, who was a young 91-year-old. four

10:32

years ago lost her during COVID and

10:34

miss her and I think about her

10:37

all the time. But then Nikki agrees

10:39

with you. So the definition of an

10:41

orphan is a child whose parents are

10:44

dead. I was 15 when I lost

10:46

both parents so I was an orphan.

10:48

As you get older it's expected that

10:50

you will lose your parents. Still difficult

10:53

but it is a very different experience.

10:55

I haven't sent a Mother's Day card

10:57

for 47 years. If you're older when

11:00

you lose your parent, remember how lucky

11:02

you are. It's all about a bit

11:04

of cards, isn't it? I mean, we

11:06

never got big presents. Never got presents.

11:09

No, no, my mom never wanted big

11:11

presents. I mean, we always wanted to

11:13

try and get her presents, but I'm

11:16

never bothered about... My kids do usually

11:18

get me something, but I mean, you're

11:20

not really bothered about... My kids do

11:23

usually get me something, but I mean,

11:25

you're not really interested in the words.

11:27

Because that's putting pressure on, yes. My

11:29

kids are great at the words. That's

11:32

great. They are. That's great. Actually, I'm

11:34

just going to see, I'm going to

11:36

say the same thing. They're much better

11:39

than me than with words. You're not

11:41

good. I think I've just got those

11:43

words put it up as well. I'm

11:45

not good. They are very good. Lisa

11:48

is a linguist and Alex never gets

11:50

to credit. She's due. And when my...

11:52

No, she doesn't have noticed a... Oh,

11:55

Christ. I have to be thankful that

11:57

she doesn't listen to this. She wrote,

11:59

this is the epitaphical of a man,

12:02

the eulogy where my dad died, and

12:04

it was something that she'd written in

12:06

school in. Oh my God, I couldn't

12:08

believe that came from her. It was

12:11

so beautiful. And it was that page

12:13

and a half. And just all, it

12:15

was just so beautiful, just lovely. So

12:18

the pair of them, yeah, they're very

12:20

good. They're a lot better than me.

12:22

Must come from Richard. Must too. Nothing

12:24

on the, it's the first I could

12:27

leave you there. Yeah, it clearly does.

12:29

So what did you write in your

12:31

car's, your mom? Love Karen. Totally. All

12:34

my love. That's another couple of words,

12:36

isn't it? Yes, yeah. 90% of my

12:38

love. No, no, it was everything. Much

12:41

love. Yeah, no, the words are very

12:43

special, aren't they? The words, the words,

12:45

just put pressure on you, don't you

12:47

think? No, not really. I think I

12:50

think, I think, quite a hurt. The

12:52

words. Your mum. died nearly 42 years

12:54

ago dad 45 years ago whatever age

12:57

it happens it makes you an orphan

12:59

I still keep them in my heart

13:01

I think of them daily and I

13:03

think how lucky I am to have

13:06

had more years with my kids and

13:08

they had his parents that gives you

13:10

perspective but still no handbook and do

13:13

you remember Dr David Wilson I was

13:15

really struck by him because he lost

13:17

his mom and dad when he was

13:20

a teenager yeah and remember he said

13:22

that he didn't know how to be

13:24

like an adult or a 60 year

13:26

old or whatever because you know he

13:29

didn't have any of these role models

13:31

yeah and then I think the other

13:33

thing is when people reach an age

13:36

that is older than their parents reached

13:38

I think it must for a lot

13:40

of people that is that is really

13:42

a real goal a real kind of

13:45

yeah well the significant is the idea

13:47

yeah yeah Jane says I lost my

13:49

mom when I was 26 and she

13:52

never met my children I still had

13:54

my dad is nearly 90 99, oh

13:56

you're right, wow. Yeah, so they didn't

13:59

meet your kids. That's hard, isn't it?

14:01

Imagine if your mom had only had

14:03

you, and never met your kids? Oh.

14:05

This is Jane. Oh, I love Jane's

14:08

name. Don't complicate things so early on.

14:10

Oh, God. This is Jane. Oh, I

14:12

love Jane's name. Jane never plain. Oh,

14:15

that's brilliant. That's it. Jane, never plain.

14:17

Oh, that's really. Jane, never plain. I'm

14:19

now three years older than age at

14:21

which my poor mom died when I

14:24

was 11. I dreaded Mother's Day and

14:26

Christmas etc for years and anyone asking

14:28

about family members it makes me sad

14:31

to think back to those difficult times.

14:33

At 53 years old I feel privileged

14:35

to have a beloved son who's 21

14:38

and I fully appreciate the Mother's Day

14:40

will pass without much fuss which is

14:42

fine by me. Jane says I've ordered

14:44

myself cake selection books from a lovely

14:47

local bakery. It's good for you that's

14:49

lovely isn't it? She says I commemorate

14:51

my mom's birthday in April and I

14:54

think about her often with happy memories.

14:56

that have merged into her amazing cake

14:58

baking, her hugs, her embarrassing, loud, raucous

15:00

laugh, seaside holidays, and that warm feeling

15:03

of knowing that you are loved and

15:05

loved to all those missing their moms

15:07

too. It's funny I always remember asking

15:10

my mom, I'd be about 16 and

15:12

like, so my granny had died not,

15:14

I don't know, my granny was gone.

15:17

and so I was asking my mom

15:19

about this how she felt about it

15:21

how she felt about losing her mom

15:23

because for me at that time the

15:26

sort of not being on the planet

15:28

or being on the planet without my

15:30

mom and dad was just utterly unthinkable

15:33

yeah and I was really sort of

15:35

you know interested to know how she

15:37

felt and you know it was granny

15:39

died a cancer it was not a

15:42

pleasant death you know she said so

15:44

there was lots of really terrible memories

15:46

she says but gradually they were replaced

15:49

by good memories And I remember I

15:51

was kind of clung to that and

15:53

I think that has happened with me

15:56

now. I mean just what Jean is

15:58

saying when I think about... my mom

16:00

I do think of the phone things

16:02

you know the way that I remember

16:04

her and I think about you know

16:07

the things that I loved about

16:09

her you know rather than the sadness

16:11

of losing her I think about

16:13

the things that I loved about

16:16

her which is much better yeah

16:18

yeah no no absolutely is

16:20

I'm not back to me

16:22

again but the experience I have

16:24

keen you'll think I am

16:26

actually really weird I remember when

16:29

I was younger and my mom

16:31

would give me hell for

16:33

whatever reason and I felt

16:35

like, oh, she's been so horrible

16:37

to me. I'm going to think

16:40

of this moment when she's

16:42

no longer with me when

16:44

she's dead. Isn't that weird? Well,

16:46

what age were you? Don't tell

16:48

me 36. No, I think I

16:50

don't think I ever did think

16:53

of... Not yet. How do you

16:55

remember? How do you remember? She

16:57

was very generous, she was

17:00

very loving, she was, I mean,

17:02

I think she was in a much better

17:04

place by the time we

17:06

were growing up. She had four

17:08

kids, she had lost one, you

17:11

know, she'd had a miscarriage, I

17:13

think she'd quite a hard life

17:15

and coming from North West of

17:18

Scotland, she had a tough upbringing

17:20

as well. I remember her saying

17:22

that her mom, she'd never seen

17:25

her own mother cry. And so

17:27

I think her life was quite

17:29

tough bringing up kids. So she

17:31

was in a much happier, better

17:33

place once my children came along,

17:36

once her grandchildren came along,

17:38

and then she began to

17:40

actually enjoy life. But for you

17:42

as a child, it wasn't a lot

17:44

of fun. But I remember in

17:46

my, sometimes when I would go

17:49

up north, in fact, I did a

17:51

stint of... working with the BBC and

17:53

Inverness, which is quite new, where they stay,

17:55

about 30 miles away. And my mom would see,

17:57

just text me when you're, or just phone

17:59

me. when you were leaving. I'll have

18:01

had gin and tonic waiting for you.

18:03

I worked out there for quite a

18:05

few weeks. It must have been during

18:07

the holidays because kids were with me.

18:09

And my dad would always kind of

18:11

get my mom a gin and tonic

18:14

every night to help us fight. And

18:16

I just thought, God, this is how

18:18

life should have been for them, you

18:20

know, much more pleasant and much happier

18:22

and much nicer. But I just think.

18:24

My dad worked all the hours God

18:26

sent for whatever reason and my mom

18:28

worked as well and everything was very

18:30

much cooking from scratch. House has got

18:32

to be clean clean clean so that

18:34

wasn't a lot of you know fun

18:36

yeah I don't remember going to win

18:38

holiday ever apart from two where my

18:40

mom was from and that time was

18:42

spent her cleaning their house or painting

18:44

it or whatever like grandmother's house it

18:46

was just you know but she did

18:48

her best. I just think I should

18:50

have loved she, like, she'd have loved

18:52

Bonnie the dog. She's loved the little

18:54

things that, yeah, yeah, I suppose I

18:56

think of that, oh God, mom would

18:59

I love that, mom would I love

19:01

that, so that, you know what, she

19:03

was needed to. Well, we'll finish with

19:05

Carol. She says, I lost my mom

19:07

coming up two years ago, so Mother's

19:09

Day now has mixed emotions. I love

19:11

seeing my son and my daughter on

19:13

this day as I'm their mom, but

19:15

it is now tend to a sadness

19:17

because I don't have my lovely mom.

19:19

But I suppose that is just the

19:21

circle of life. And I found my

19:23

lucky stars that I had my mom

19:25

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