0:03

So, Thanks

1:06

for asking. Yeah. Love

1:08

you, Dr. Phil. Love you, baby. Got

1:11

every flavor of person back there.

1:13

there. What a show. Dr. Phil! Dr. Phil!

1:15

Dr. Phil! Dr. Phil! Dr. Phil!

1:17

I was sunny in the black

1:19

pack. Yeah. Had to escape. A

1:22

lot of fans out there.

1:24

Can't even get a smoothie

1:26

on at an abortion clinic.

1:28

Sorry, I'm just trying to...

1:30

Hello? There we go. Good. That's

1:33

good. We're good. Yes, sir. You

1:35

danced it out there for... Well,

1:37

Helli, I can't turn down an opportunity

1:39

to celebrate. Okay, and when I come

1:41

in and I see, first of all,

1:44

you got your your CGI and your

1:46

HB and your HBO going on. There's

1:48

just a lot for everybody. You're talking

1:50

about the hologram. I'm talking about, no,

1:52

I'm talking about the hologram. Yeah, I'm

1:54

talking about the hologram that you had

1:56

out front. Yeah, you had Dana White

1:58

up there and the Scholar brothers. Usually

2:01

people were like, I'm good. with one

2:03

scalar, but you got two. Yeah. Well,

2:05

that's what I do. I bring brothers

2:07

together. I don't know if you've been.

2:09

No, I read your blogs. Yeah. You

2:11

were like, how do we get Malcolm

2:13

Jamal Warner? and Raven Simone back together.

2:16

How do you do that? Yeah. How

2:18

do you do that? And she's not

2:20

a brother, she's a sister, but they

2:22

played Brother's sister on the Cosby show.

2:24

You know, Cosby's doing stand-up again. Yeah,

2:26

I'm exhausted, yeah. I'm on Atkins, but

2:28

also I was epic, and I had

2:30

a fentanyl brownie about an hour ago.

2:33

Well, thank you for preparing. I like

2:35

to roll the dice. Life is short,

2:37

you gotta, you gotta would. You got

2:39

a wood. No, I love that you

2:41

prepared, you prepared, you prepared, and you

2:43

prepared, and you care, and you care,

2:45

and you care, and you care, and

2:48

you're, and you're, and you're, and you're,

2:50

and you're, and you're, and you're, and

2:52

you're, and you're, and you're, and you're,

2:54

and you're, and you're, and you're, and

2:56

you're, and you're, and you're, and you're,

2:58

and you're Well, I love the carpet

3:00

you've rolled out. The smooth, Rich got

3:02

me a smoothie. You've got a guy

3:05

that looks like Kiefer Sutherland's dad back

3:07

there. Kiefer Sutherland's dad. All I gotta

3:09

do is cut to him. You know

3:11

which one. Cut to her, Kiefer Sutherland's

3:13

dad. Yeah, there we go. Rich wins.

3:15

Yeah, welcome back to Who Gives His

3:17

Shit? It's the yeah, Tommy, Tommy, move

3:20

up, Tommy, move up. You look like

3:22

you own Tommy Bahama, but you invested

3:24

in a Hallinote's Bitcoin. Here, there it

3:26

is. Lean down, lean down, lean down,

3:28

bend down. What's the name, Harvey? Tommy.

3:30

Tommy, yeah, you look like you're slowly

3:32

shitting your pants outside of a southwest

3:35

lounge. We've all done that. You know

3:37

Southwest Airlines? He looks like he flies

3:39

southwest. But you got a chicken early

3:41

on southwest. Because if you get C

3:43

group, you're thrown to the wolves. And

3:45

that's Creature City. You're around the rest

3:47

of the Walmart narnia.com community. And I

3:49

don't hate, but I do judge. I'm

3:52

a human being. I judge too. And

3:54

I've once boarded a southwest flight. I

3:56

know you do. But you're judging like.

3:58

you know, paraplegics who can mime or

4:00

I wouldn't saw, what is it, a

4:02

dwarf put a balloon up his, up

4:04

his, well he put a balloon somewhere

4:07

that it's not designated for. But it

4:09

blew, and then he sang show tunes,

4:11

I don't even see in the show,

4:13

but did I enjoy it? You had

4:15

a great time. You're good at making

4:17

people feel great. Yeah. the Tony Tiger

4:19

of American great there it is yeah

4:21

it is good but let's be honest

4:24

they're just fine okay I've had frosted

4:26

flex I'm more of a honey nut

4:28

cheerios guy I'm more of a nut

4:30

guy but not allergy but when I

4:32

like to come a lot but I

4:34

but is it is my mom watching

4:36

no but my daughter is this is

4:39

my daughter oh great oh to be

4:41

honest with you I didn't know you

4:43

were fucking here until just now yeah

4:45

So maybe chime in every once in

4:47

a while. And so we just stared

4:49

at me like a Nordstrom mannequin. Jesus

4:51

Christ. I can't get a word in.

4:53

You know, there's gay mannequins now? Yeah.

4:56

No, I did not know that. You

4:58

knew that? You knew that? Yeah. No,

5:00

I did not know that. You knew

5:02

that? Yeah. That's what makes a mannequin.

5:04

What's a game mannequin? Tommy was actually

5:06

my first friend when I moved out

5:08

to LA. He was the bartender at

5:11

the comedy store. Was he really? Yes,

5:13

he was. In 1978, 77. So Tommy

5:15

made a peanut colata for Howie Mendel.

5:17

He made a rum and coat for

5:19

Roseanne. He made a rum and coat

5:21

for Roseanne. Right? He made a dyed

5:23

Dr. Pepper Dorito milkshake for Jay Leno.

5:26

Yeah. Tommy, what was your favorite drink

5:28

and who'd you make it for? Tommy?

5:30

He's not listening to the show. Tommy,

5:32

I think it's time to take your

5:34

meds and also time to check your

5:36

watch because we're running out. What was

5:38

your favorite drink for who did you

5:40

make? Tommy, fucking squat down like a

5:43

normal person. What's your cock going to

5:45

answer this question? Jesus Christ. There we

5:47

go. Hey, good to see you. Cock-eyed.

5:49

He's a cocktock. Yeah, you look like

5:51

you represent the muppets. What's going on

5:53

right now, Tommy? I'm representing them bumpets.

5:55

There we go. Tommy, who was your

5:58

favorite? Okay. Tommy, who's your favorite? Picked

6:00

up on that right away. Tommy, I

6:02

love you. And did you go to

6:04

the groundlings? Because your yes and ability

6:06

is, it's top tier. Tommy, when you're

6:08

at the county store, what was your

6:10

favorite drink to make? And for who?

6:12

Because a lot of legends. I really

6:15

don't. Yeah, well rack your brain pothead

6:17

and think about a time when you

6:19

were alive and the comedy was as

6:21

well. Do you know what I'm saying?

6:23

We're talking sunset boulevard. We're not talking

6:25

hoodie and the blowfish cover bands. We're

6:27

talking things that people give a fuck

6:30

about, Tommy. So take a moment, take

6:32

a breath, take your thumb out of

6:34

your ass, shave your head, your back,

6:36

your pussy, and your crack. We'll be

6:38

right back. We'll keep her right here,

6:40

Tommy. Answer the god damn question before

6:42

I have a spas attack and join

6:44

the band and we'll keep her right

6:47

here. Sony and the who? Blackpack. Okay,

6:49

don't aren't easy with that. Did you

6:51

look at them? No need to bring

6:53

race. There they are. Look at them.

6:55

Okay, so we got two Filipinos. I

6:57

don't know. I don't think we have

6:59

a Filipino there. Who's the guy on

7:02

the far left? That's Sunny. Sunny. Sunny.

7:04

So that was Joe Coy. Who's the

7:06

guy on the far left? Sunny. Sunny.

7:08

Sunny. Sunny. So that was Joe Coy.

7:10

On the keyboard. Okay. And then And

7:12

then to his rat, I don't know,

7:14

it's just some guy named Craig who

7:17

works at Target and says Ann, we're

7:19

under his breath. And then to the

7:21

rat, we've got Tia Carer from Wayne's

7:23

World. Oh, not her, but she gets,

7:25

every time she goes into a Dunkin

7:27

Donuts, they go, oh my God, are

7:29

you Tia Carer? And she goes, no,

7:31

my name's just Susan. And then, well,

7:34

now we're both upset. So she's constantly

7:36

bumming people bumminging people out for her.

7:38

Rufio from Hook. First of all, shout

7:40

out to the Lost Boys, shout out

7:42

to the Found Boys and the Lost

7:44

and Found every YMCA because there's a

7:46

butt plug and a child without a

7:49

family looking for some hopes and dreams.

7:51

Cut back to Rufio one more time.

7:53

Rufio into the mic, say bangerang, and

7:55

then throw up a couple double-duce fish

7:57

horns for me. Have you seen it?

7:59

Do you know? Yeah, okay. We're probably

8:01

not going to use that tape, but

8:03

yeah. Have you seen Hook or are

8:06

you just constantly playing Xbox and talking

8:08

chic to kids in Israel? What's your

8:10

name again? Which way? Do you know

8:12

your name, Rufio? Yeah. Eric, great. All

8:14

right, let it this out. He had

8:16

to check. He had to check. Hey,

8:18

hey, we've all forgot who we are.

8:21

It's a part of being a human.

8:23

Part of being a human being is

8:25

going outside, putting one foot in front

8:27

of the other. You want to get

8:29

up with the sun and go to

8:31

bed with the moon, but sometimes you

8:33

take knackle during the day. Do you

8:35

know what I'm saying? Yeah. Did you

8:38

have a vice, Howey? Yes, I do.

8:40

Yes, I do. Yes, I do. I

8:42

do. I've no I've actually got my

8:44

semiolink. I don't need to hear about

8:46

it right now. It's a metal thing

8:48

that holds wood. A flashlight. The flashlight.

8:50

That's not a device. It's an actual

8:53

vice. Okay. I have a vice. Yeah.

8:55

Yeah. Yeah. Is it in the workshop

8:57

in the witch shop? What is it?

8:59

What's it called? Is there a what's

9:01

it called? Is there a what's it

9:03

called? What's it called? I mean what

9:05

are we doing right now? We doing

9:08

an improv or we having a conversation

9:10

or we having a conversation or we

9:12

having a conversation? There we go. You're

9:14

good. I am. Have you ever wanted

9:16

to shut down an improv? Do you

9:18

know what I'm saying? Have you ever

9:20

wanted to deny somebody a connection? How

9:22

do you do that? Do that. Let's

9:25

do that. Okay. Now to prove a

9:27

point, let's do an improv. Let's say

9:29

you and I are at a Panera.

9:31

Okay. And I'm getting a broccoli cheddar

9:33

soup. And I know the guy behind

9:35

the counter. Okay. Not because we've done

9:37

anything outside of the office, but because

9:40

I've seen him and he's seen me.

9:42

He's seen me on TV and I've

9:44

seen him serving up people sandwiches and

9:46

soups. And I want a, yeah, this

9:48

is a long setup. I want a,

9:50

I want an extra spoon for the

9:52

soup because I brought my son's best

9:54

friend and I said, you know what,

9:57

let's share the soup, I don't care.

9:59

So you're the kid, you're the manager

10:01

of the Panera. And you're the manager

10:03

of the Panera. you're like, well, fuck

10:05

that noise, you can't do that, and

10:07

then you realize that I'm a celebrity,

10:09

and you say... It's fine. And seen.

10:12

Hey, can I get a extra spoon

10:14

for my soup? Wait, who are you?

10:16

Are you the not manager? Is he

10:18

the manager? Is he the kid? Is

10:20

he the kid giving you the soup?

10:22

Or is he the manager? Am I

10:24

your son's friend? I knew this would

10:26

happen. No, I think I knew this

10:29

would happen. I think I knew this

10:31

would happen. I think it's, I think

10:33

the setup wasn't clear. I know, I

10:35

think the setup wasn't clear. I know,

10:37

I think the setup wasn't clear. I

10:39

don't want to. Is it musical? Don't

10:41

people sing what? I think that's wicked.

10:44

I always get those two movies mixed

10:46

up. You know movies I get mixed

10:48

up? No. Sophie's choice and two girls

10:50

one cup. Right. I have a fact

10:52

about that. Okay what's your fact? Which

10:54

one? Two girls one cup? Two girls

10:56

one cup. It better be a fun

10:58

fact. You got a show stuff to

11:01

the kids? Yeah. Well do you remember

11:03

the first time you saw it? She

11:05

remembers. You know what's so crazy? Everyone

11:07

remembers... She didn't want to do her

11:09

drinking cup. She didn't want to use

11:11

her drinking cup when she was a

11:13

little... Sippy cup. And so we showed

11:16

her the video. That's actually not bad

11:18

parenting. Do you want another fun fact?

11:20

No, I'm all right. Howie, when you

11:22

were a kid. Yeah, of course I

11:24

do. No, please, let's do it. Okay,

11:26

one of the women after that passed

11:28

away. And the other one went to

11:31

prison. I don't know any more information

11:33

after that. Wait, I'm going to need

11:35

a lawyer to get confirmation on both

11:37

those. Am I your son's friend? Yeah.

11:39

Would I want a spoon? I would

11:41

just spoon. At this point in the

11:43

improv show, the audience is left. But

11:45

the improv isn't over. No, it's never

11:48

over. It isn't. Life is one big

11:50

improv. Who said that? You. We were

11:52

just sitting here. No. Who said it.

11:54

Tom Selig? Really? You know what I

11:56

took a beat and that's the first

11:58

name I could think of. That's on

12:00

me. You didn't even, you didn't, that's

12:03

on me. Oh sorry, I'm sorry. I

12:05

accidentally... Well that's fun. You know I've

12:07

got a... you know I've got a

12:09

Harry Potter fog machine allergy. I'm sorry.

12:11

No I'm just kidding. That's another Seinfeld

12:13

bit I'm doing. What, um... Okay, so

12:15

let me... I'm just taking me back

12:17

to my theme park days, by the

12:20

way. You too. Are you too thrown

12:22

off? I'm a little thrown off, but

12:24

it's okay. You did not know that

12:26

when you were coming on here that

12:28

you that this is my podcast I

12:30

do with my daughter. Well, I didn't

12:32

I knew you had a podcast and

12:35

he had a family. I don't know

12:37

when they would combine you to come

12:39

on here that you that this is

12:41

my podcast I do with my daughter.

12:43

Well, I didn't I knew you had

12:45

a podcast. You had a podcast. to

12:47

Phil sits cross-legged in a chair. I'm

12:49

not even sure I'm cross-legged. I just

12:52

got a whiff of that Abercrombie and

12:54

Fitch unicorn pussy juice or whatever you

12:56

shot at at me. Where do you

12:58

get the time to put a fog

13:00

machine under a chair? Follow up, how

13:02

much does it cost? Because my wife

13:04

Robin, shout out, 48 years of meritable

13:07

bliss, but I'm trying to keep it

13:09

fresh, okay? And there's only so many

13:11

times I can wear a mask of

13:13

Tony Robbins to let her know that

13:15

I'm here for her. What I thought

13:17

is maybe open the bathroom door, a

13:19

hot mist of muggy bullshit like you

13:22

just had comes out, and then that's

13:24

when that's and then you reveal, you

13:26

know, everything that's going on. You can

13:28

sleep on it. You don't have to

13:30

answer it. No, I don't want to

13:32

sleep on it. I feel like you

13:34

do show her that you're there for

13:36

her a lot. You promote her stuff

13:39

all the time. Yeah. Well, you got

13:41

to be supportive without being a... Well,

13:43

she comes to every one of his

13:45

shows. She's there and then at the

13:47

end of the show, he grabs her

13:49

hand and walks her out. Yeah, it

13:51

was my idea. It was, you know,

13:54

producers. I know, but I always, I

13:56

was concerned that your wife's there, but

13:58

she has a shitty seat. She's always

14:00

like way in the back. Well, yeah,

14:02

I don't, there's no nepotism or I

14:04

don't, I don't, I don't play favorites,

14:06

you know. get a fucking hotel though,

14:08

you know. There's a holiday in down

14:11

the street. Are you coughing again? It's

14:13

a... It's not monkey pox, it's not

14:15

bird flu, it's not HPV, okay? All

14:17

right. It's not herpes, it's not ginger

14:19

vid, it's... I went to WebMD. Are

14:21

you wearing a hospital bracelet? I am,

14:23

yeah. All the cool kids are doing

14:26

how. Go to that's what's up.com. It'll

14:28

give you all the new tricks. Were

14:30

you discharged or... I went to a

14:32

seal concert once with a girl who

14:34

was, let's just say, on the bigger

14:36

side of things. And you took a

14:38

breath like you want to add something

14:40

to that story. No, I don't want

14:43

to interrupt. If I had a dollar

14:45

for every time, Howie Mandel interrupted my

14:47

seal stories, I'd have about 15 bucks.

14:49

Did you see seal on the... My

14:51

favorite commercial of all time. Mountain Dew?

14:53

Pretty good drink. Seal. amazing

14:55

artists so you know seal makes

14:58

me out and do better not

15:00

the other way around that's a

15:02

good point I didn't even think

15:04

of that did you see it

15:06

I did see it incredible the

15:09

song was funny that was it

15:11

was great I love seal because

15:13

he says we all we're never

15:15

gonna survive unless we get a

15:17

little crazy he said that in

15:20

one of the songs not in

15:22

the mountain do commercial no oh

15:24

okay I don't know a lot

15:26

of people a lot of people

15:28

I don't do impressions but you

15:30

get the gist. That's not true

15:33

I do do impressions. Here's Jason

15:35

Statham finding out that he parked

15:37

his car in a handicap spot

15:39

at a target and now the

15:41

manager's coming out and told him

15:44

he's got a move. Here's Jason

15:46

responding to that. I can also

15:48

do... Here's Raven Simone finding out

15:50

that her error one order was

15:52

actually... Her what? Air One? The

15:55

smoothie... that they she ordered a

15:57

smoothie and someone else grabbed it

15:59

okay Raven? Here. We

16:01

gave y'all the smoothie away. Fuck!

16:03

Not bad, you know, it's not

16:05

gonna. It's amazing. Sometimes you gotta

16:07

get both sides of the coin

16:09

to get, you know, the full

16:11

scope of the situation. What's the

16:13

person's name that worked at the

16:15

smoothie counter at Air One? Carolyn?

16:17

Okay. Do I have this, is

16:19

a spoon for me? What's backtrack?

16:22

Okay. And by that, I mean,

16:24

let's get back to the root

16:26

of the problem. We're a rock

16:28

bottom right now, how we gotta

16:30

get to rock top. I will.

16:32

Do you want underpants, Dr. Phil?

16:34

Do I own any? No, do

16:36

you want, well, you can answer

16:38

that first. I like to go

16:40

suburban commando as much as possible.

16:42

Suburban commando. Yeah, the movie with

16:44

Paul Kogan. I used to glue

16:46

those little plastic houses for monopoly

16:48

all around my testicles. We'll be

16:50

right big. Okay. No, but that

16:52

was my dad's joke Joe Coy

16:54

in the rat pack, huh? Joe

16:56

Coy in the rat pack, huh?

16:58

Joe Coy. I have a man

17:00

made under pants. Get the there

17:03

ain't nothing you can't do. I

17:05

would take a pair of those.

17:07

You want what size of you

17:09

doctor? Well, that's a personal question,

17:11

but extra large. What? Do you

17:13

think he made them? Do you

17:15

think he made them? Because he

17:17

said man-made? No, they're a shop.

17:19

Their little boys are making them

17:21

somewhere. No, Canadians. These are Canadian

17:23

underpants. I love that. So you

17:25

got to give one to Ryan

17:27

Reynolds and Cheryl Crow and Justin

17:29

Beaver. Cheryl Crow is Canadian? Easy.

17:31

That's a Seinfeld bit. Okay. See

17:33

that aren't amazing? You want a

17:35

bigger side? No, this will fit

17:37

at least one ball. No, but

17:39

I give you underpants. Now, Harry,

17:41

when did you decide to come

17:43

up with underwear? Because you got

17:46

it all. It's not a Mandel

17:48

underpants. It's a man made underpants.

17:50

Nelson Mandela made underpants? Nelson Mandela

17:52

made underpants. And he kept them.

17:54

We keep them. Those are kept

17:56

in a cell for over 35

17:58

years before we release them. So

18:00

they're like the line of underpants.

18:02

Oh, and once you put them

18:04

on, you're nuts will be free.

18:06

And brought together. Well, because it's

18:08

a- The biggest problem with testicles

18:10

is that they're always trying to

18:12

descend, ascend, and transcend where the

18:14

penis is supposed to be, right?

18:16

Is that your problem? Raise your

18:18

hand if you've got two dicks.

18:20

Welcome back to- You know, have

18:22

you had people on the show

18:24

that are dickless? Oh, yeah, we've

18:27

had dickless armless legless, clitless, boobless,

18:29

headless. I don't like to discriminate

18:31

as far as who you are

18:33

and what you've been through, right?

18:35

Because everyone's got an issue. I

18:37

talk about that in my book.

18:39

Chapter 27, how do you find

18:41

out who you are, unless you

18:43

don't know where you're from? Real

18:45

enough to him. And I said,

18:47

first of all, can I smell

18:49

your finger? And he said, you

18:51

don't want to. And I said,

18:53

hey, ain't gonna hate the play

18:55

or the game. But I smelled

18:57

it when he fell asleep. Speaking

18:59

of Ryan Reynolds, what do you,

19:01

do you have any input on

19:03

Blake Lively? Oh, no. Oh, yeah,

19:05

that's right. He's going through drama

19:07

with that. No, and him too.

19:10

He's going to blame him. And

19:12

look, I'm not a big drama

19:14

fan. Even though Johnny Drama and

19:16

Entrars is my favorite TV character

19:18

and Franklin and Bash is my

19:20

favorite TNT drama. But drama outside

19:22

of the TV realm? Oof. I

19:24

got an appetite for it. Blakely,

19:26

I love this drama. It does

19:28

talk about it. Whose side are

19:30

you on? Well, Baldoni looks like,

19:32

what's the word? A bitch. I

19:34

want to punch him. Right in

19:36

the taint and tell him to

19:38

stop talking like you haven't done

19:40

some shit, you know, he's got

19:42

a past we all do, you

19:44

know, right? But I think he's

19:46

a little too, what's the word

19:48

I'm looking for? I don't know.

19:51

He's got like a, you ever,

19:53

remember going to school with that

19:55

kid that always like, you know,

19:57

race. his hand real quick in

19:59

school right extra credit yeah but

20:01

then he also like hit on

20:03

the recess teacher remember and she

20:05

was like 35 and he was

20:07

12 right but she still was

20:09

like well you know my husband's

20:11

gonna be on next week so

20:13

maybe come around me get I

20:15

pay all that oh now I

20:17

remember yes I do now don't

20:19

he was the hot kid that

20:21

could fuck a teacher so he's

20:23

got that in his head in

20:25

his head on a movie sitzmo

20:27

said Talk about why. Yeah, so

20:29

there's there's there's never there's never

20:32

a time that I don't question

20:34

right society life my order at

20:36

McDonald's you know sometimes you get

20:38

that fry back I order a

20:40

single fry because you know gluten

20:42

right and sometimes there'll be a

20:44

little pub on the fry and

20:46

I go I know it came

20:48

from in there but now what

20:50

do I do about it? And

20:52

that's a metaphor for life. There's

20:54

a pub on your fry you

20:56

do what? You do what Tommy?

20:59

Tommy great. Thanks Tommy. Let's get

21:01

a mic on Tommy maybe a

21:04

Tom maybe a Gatorade zero Tom

21:06

come on up Tom stand up

21:08

join the show for a couple

21:10

seconds Tom You're right here to

21:13

fill space Okay answer the question.

21:15

It's the question. It's all right.

21:17

Yeah. So there is no it

21:19

was it was a it was

21:22

a what's your what do you

21:24

do if there's a pub on

21:26

a frat Tom you do what

21:28

you do what? You you track

21:31

it down You're not a cop,

21:33

doing a guest role in the

21:35

shield, Tom. You're a guy in

21:37

a car and you've been giving

21:40

a snack with a problem. Yeah,

21:42

what's the problem? Tom, what do

21:44

you want? He doesn't view a

21:46

cube on a fry as a

21:49

problem. A cube on a fry

21:51

is not a problem. It's not

21:53

a problem for him. You know

21:55

what it is? But your son's

21:58

friend without a spoon. Well, that

22:00

guy's going down. That's a problem.

22:02

Thanks, Tom. Okay, Tom when's the

22:04

last time you went to a

22:07

Best Buy? And once you get

22:09

printer ink or like a... Tom

22:11

Hanks 3 DVD combo pack. Tom

22:13

looks like the guy when he

22:16

finds out online that they've got

22:18

castaway Turner and Hooch and League

22:20

of Their Own in one pack.

22:22

Right. Tom goes, oh. Looks like

22:25

I gotta go to Best Buy.

22:27

I don't do voices, but that's

22:29

exactly, Tom. That's exactly, how do

22:31

you know, you just met him?

22:34

Yeah, you have him, I've got

22:36

a musical ear. There's a little

22:38

bit of clairvoyance going on here.

22:40

It's amazing. No bad clairvoyant going

22:43

on here. It's amazing. It's amazing.

22:45

Yeah, they named a Burger Place

22:47

after me. Hey, hey, come on,

22:49

hey, you want to stay in

22:52

my garage? No, I'm just kidding.

22:54

I don't have a garage. Tommy.

22:56

Tommy says his own name is

22:58

he, uh... I didn't get the,

23:01

I didn't get your take on,

23:03

so you're on Blake lively side.

23:05

Well, it's a tough one, Halley,

23:07

because she's also bringing some heat,

23:10

you know, but, and it's a

23:12

cold day where she's at. She's

23:14

the kid that, that wore a

23:16

rain jacket, when it was 85

23:19

degrees, just so people would go.

23:21

What's that bitch all about? You

23:23

know? So she's looking for it.

23:25

She's asking for it. She enjoys

23:28

the hot tea, but she's allergic

23:30

to lemon. Does that make sense?

23:32

It doesn't have to. I get

23:34

it. You do? Thank you. Explain

23:37

it to me. Later. Do you

23:39

have any input on what's going

23:41

on right now with bad baby?

23:43

I think there's a time and

23:46

a place to discuss that, but...

23:48

I think what her issue is

23:50

is that every day I meet

23:52

somebody with a fucked up face.

23:55

You ever go to a gas

23:57

station at like 10 a.m. and

23:59

you go, I'll get some condoms,

24:01

go down to the YMCA, hand

24:04

them out to the staff. Right.

24:06

Most people that work at a

24:08

YMCA don't have a lot of

24:10

extra funds lying around. Right. And

24:13

condoms aren't cheap. I mean, they've

24:15

been to an AMP recently, but

24:17

I haven't. Butter fingers are up,

24:19

milk is up, obviously. Even though,

24:22

you know, Joe Biden, what do

24:24

you say? There was that famous

24:26

quote where he was like, yeah,

24:29

my pop dart's gonna be cheaper.

24:31

And then Trump came in and

24:33

it was like, tooster studos are

24:35

going away down. Again, I don't

24:38

watch the news and then Kamla

24:40

was like millions of them. I

24:42

worked at a McDonald's and then

24:44

JD Vance was like her pubic

24:47

hair. It was her pubic hair.

24:49

We'll be right back. We saw

24:51

the case. We did. What I

24:53

was going to ask. No. Not

24:56

him. It's Bonnie Blue. Bonnie Blue.

24:58

Yeah. Bonnie Blue wanted to come

25:00

in. Yeah, I'll take a whole

25:02

pack of those man-made, how it

25:05

congrats to- This is not underpants.

25:07

By the way, Mazzle and a

25:09

happy early pay-sock, because when you

25:11

get- You too- You got a

25:14

YouTube plaque? Mm-hmm. How many subscribers?

25:16

That's a smaller one, huh? 100,000.

25:18

It's a big deal. Thank you.

25:20

Did you ever think you'd do

25:23

that? No. Did you ever think

25:25

you get 100,000 YouTube subscribers? Never.

25:27

Never. It's a big deal. But

25:29

you believe it? You dreamed it.

25:32

And it happened? You got a

25:34

speech prepared? No, because I'm surprised.

25:36

It's a big deal. Am I

25:38

here? I wasn't expecting? Well, I

25:41

guess you are. Well, so I

25:43

mean it is a glory hole

25:45

15 minutes before the guy gets

25:47

there. Wow. Thank you. That's really

25:50

fantastic. I'll give you one man

25:52

stand to go. Yeah. What are

25:54

your thoughts on that? I said

25:56

no to her. What are your

25:59

thoughts on that Bonnie Blue? Do

26:01

you know, she is Bonnie Blue

26:03

is the girl that had sex

26:05

with 1,000 and 57 men in

26:08

12 hours. Oh, holy shit. I

26:10

thought you're gonna say 12 years.

26:12

12 hours? 12 hours. Yeah. And

26:14

she used the same vagina. Yeah.

26:16

And they all had one dick. There

26:18

were no two, two dick Tommy's

26:21

coming through. Tommy? Tommy. Were you one

26:23

of any other other place? Can

26:25

you imagine if Tommy was the

26:27

last guy? Like, because you're

26:29

tired, let me just say

26:31

this, I've had my phone,

26:33

okay? Right. Pre-marriage, I was,

26:35

I was not a freak in

26:38

the sheets, like Adena Howard, right?

26:40

I was, I was a guy

26:42

that had a, who was, Adena

26:44

Howard, saying the song, freak like

26:47

me, it was popular, like me,

26:49

it was, Adena Howard sing the

26:51

song, Freak like me, it was

26:53

popular, like me, it was popular,

26:56

okay, I was. It's the only

26:58

black song I know the whole

27:00

lyrics do. That's a black

27:02

song? Well, let's ask a Joe Coy.

27:04

Joe Coy's not black? Well, not

27:06

with that attitude. All right, so

27:09

the point is, if you're in

27:11

line, I've been in line at

27:13

Baskin Robbins, and they've been like,

27:16

we ran out of Mid Chocolate

27:18

Chip. Imagine if you're waiting in

27:20

line. And you hear like a guy

27:22

yell something like I was the biggest

27:24

or you know she's she's getting tired

27:26

You know you hear something you don't

27:29

want to hear right but you're you're

27:31

you're 10 You're 10 guys from the end

27:33

so she's been there for nine hours right

27:35

how many minutes did each guy get

27:37

or seconds 30 to 40 seconds each

27:40

and did they finish not necessarily

27:42

so some did so she have like a like a

27:44

you know like in movies or a

27:46

commercial. Let's say you're in a Burger

27:48

King commercial, right. And I got a spoon

27:51

and you're my surgeon's friend. Oh, okay. Try

27:53

to do a callback to the bed. No,

27:55

no, no, I get it. Now I've got the

27:57

spoon, right? My point is, you got the spoon

27:59

and you're eating. You're eating Wendy's chili,

28:01

okay, at a Burger King. And

28:04

you know how like, let's say,

28:06

and fries, let's say you're on

28:08

take. Any hair on it? No

28:10

hair on this one. Kamla, Kamla

28:13

doesn't go here. But let's say

28:15

that you're eating like your 15th

28:17

chili, and for every take, you

28:19

don't want to eat it, someone

28:22

comes over and you spit it

28:24

up into a nap saying. Because

28:26

if people are going inside of

28:29

her, there's no way you can

28:31

hold it all in, you know.

28:33

I don't know, let me ask

28:35

my daughter, what do you think?

28:38

I think they were wearing a

28:40

condom. I don't think they had

28:42

to wear a condom. I didn't

28:44

even think about that. They were

28:47

wearing a condom. They have to.

28:49

I think that's a prerequisite. Yeah.

28:51

Because otherwise, then it's... So she

28:53

didn't have to hold anything inside.

28:56

Thank goodness. On the flip side

28:58

has a guy, would a guy

29:00

take 1100, like, you know, equal

29:03

rights here? Women with a strap

29:05

on. There we go. Let's flip

29:07

it around and talk about it.

29:09

What's the most, how many people

29:12

have you had sex with the

29:14

most in a certain amount of

29:16

time? In a 12-hour spend? Yeah.

29:18

One? Right. Don't you

29:21

make me laugh, my moustache will

29:23

fall off, ma'am. No, no, I

29:25

know, but... Well, one. The good

29:27

news is there were no sloppy

29:29

seconds. One. Well, look, there's a

29:31

flesh like count. Yes. Okay, then,

29:33

one. Okay, then, one. Okay, then

29:35

that's fair. One, but look, I'm

29:38

not saying I haven't thought about

29:40

it. We've all thought about it,

29:42

you know. 12 hours worth the

29:44

worth of wheelers? Probably. Do you

29:46

need to? No. What did Bobby

29:48

always say? Don't you know? Am

29:50

I in trouble? I just had

29:52

a flash to Bobby walking in

29:55

on that happening with like his

29:57

PlayStation controller on his sister on

29:59

his sister on his sister and

30:01

she said and he sees it

30:03

but she's he's not supposed to

30:05

know that she had her boyfriend

30:07

over. Why is there still 300

30:09

kids outside? Don't tell mom Bobby

30:12

that's pizza. And why is the

30:14

floor all sticky? What are you

30:16

doing? Don't tell mom Bobby that's

30:18

pizza. Why? What is all over

30:20

you? Wow. Cut that clip and

30:22

submit it to the academy. I'm

30:24

not in trouble. That's his new

30:26

cat. Bring Bobby's world back and

30:29

he gets to see the world

30:31

now, right? Through a different lens.

30:33

He's still got that voice, but

30:35

he's a teenager. Bobby was how

30:37

old on the original program? Four.

30:39

Oh my god. 14-year-old Bobby now?

30:41

Oh my god. It's like bringing

30:43

him back to church. I'm quitting

30:46

my show and I'm putting all

30:48

my attention towards bringing back Bobby's

30:50

world with 14 year old Bobby

30:52

with a different set of goggles

30:54

to look at life through he's

30:56

going to New Orleans with his

30:58

stepdad you know what I'm saying

31:00

he's taking a hot air balloon

31:02

ride to Marlago you know we

31:05

don't know if he's a fan

31:07

he just wants to see what

31:09

it's all about Yeah, I love

31:11

you because you're always thinking always

31:13

you're always do you at your

31:15

age? Doctor Phil sure do you

31:17

not where do you get your

31:19

energy like what gives you the

31:22

energy? Why because you've made it

31:24

you've made a fortune you got

31:26

Everything a man could want got

31:28

a hot tub got a steam

31:30

shower got a Got the newest

31:32

super Nintendo that's not even out

31:34

yet. That's right. That's where I

31:36

kind of I got on team

31:39

who that work. How did you

31:41

feel about? going to the border.

31:43

I saw you a couple months

31:45

ago at the border. Sure. With

31:47

our borders are, I forget what

31:49

his name is. Do you know

31:51

what the borders are's name is?

31:53

Do you remember what his name

31:56

is? Greg or Mike? Yes. Yeah,

31:58

it was, look again, I'm always

32:00

curious to see what's going on.

32:02

Right. You know, ever into a

32:04

bookies in Alabama? Right, you know

32:06

buckies the gas station. They got

32:08

a big gopher is like the

32:10

mascot They've got brisket sandwiches and

32:13

butt plugs. It's like a one-stop

32:15

shop for everything you don't want

32:17

but you kind of need right

32:19

by plugs and brisket Sure, that's

32:21

the name of Tommy's Alanis Morcett

32:23

Oh, there's improv group buckeys. Yeah,

32:25

oh, it is and is that

32:27

a beaver? That's what she said

32:30

She did say that actually, but

32:32

it was her first time seeing

32:34

one. Okay, buccies. Go ahead. So

32:36

this is, so I went to

32:38

buccies for the border, buccies, you

32:40

know, only fans. There's a lot

32:42

of places. Yeah, you go. What's

32:44

that all about? Right. You take

32:47

a trip. I had a Mac

32:49

and cheese portable in the car.

32:51

I'm sorry. Big craft Mac and

32:53

cheese guy. Really? We had a

32:55

Dr. Phil live at the county

32:57

store where how he was for

32:59

our show last week with Mark

33:01

Mayer and Johnny Knoxville. He did

33:03

a dick slap contraption on me

33:06

because I told him my biggest

33:08

fear. is being on America's Funniest

33:10

Own videos and having Alfonso Ribero

33:12

razmi, for not being able to

33:14

take a slap to the dick,

33:16

wrap. So like a mouse trap

33:18

thing? Well he had a floppy

33:20

sandal on the edge of a

33:23

thing and then a compression air

33:25

gauge and then you hit a

33:27

button and it smacks you. In

33:29

the pennis. And I took it

33:31

four or five times and we

33:33

set it to a gauge that

33:35

I felt comfy with. And then

33:37

Johnny, a little crazy son bitch,

33:40

turned it up a notch for

33:42

the live show. And let's just

33:44

say, one of the nuts went

33:46

around the block and came back

33:48

to, uh, to pour some lemonade

33:50

for the family. And it was,

33:52

uh, it was an awful experience.

33:54

I'm sorry I missed that. Is

33:57

that gonna be on Netflix? Because

33:59

I know. you're on Netflix I

34:01

watch too special I appreciate we've

34:03

got a Netflix doctor feel live

34:05

on Lee special but the rest

34:07

of the shows at the store

34:09

or our big national tour where

34:11

you can go to my agents

34:14

Adamre county.com for all the tickets

34:16

big theater tour we're doing the

34:18

Chicago theater 3500 already sold out

34:20

we got MGM music call in

34:22

Boston 4100 98% sold out and

34:24

we got guests coming all over

34:26

we're doing meridian hall in Toronto

34:28

Wow. Isn't that where you got

34:31

circumcised or? It is where I

34:33

got circumcised. Right. My parents, a

34:35

clip of my circumstance. We don't

34:37

have the clue? No. Do you

34:39

have it? Does anybody have it?

34:41

Tommy? Tommy? Here. Hey Tommy, look

34:43

at you staying in the chair.

34:45

That's what we call the learning.

34:47

How to participate. But on your

34:50

tour, you bring special guest? Special

34:52

guest, it's wild. We had a,

34:54

in San Francisco, we had Richard

34:56

Kind, Adam Devine, Brad Williams, some,

34:58

we had a proposal, Vegas we

35:00

had a, Ken John, come out,

35:02

come out, come out as Mr.

35:04

Chow, and do that live for

35:07

the first time with Bill Crisser,

35:09

Pauli Shore, came out of a

35:11

magician's giant book and told a

35:13

couple of what kind of baby

35:15

they were going to, what are

35:17

they going to have? And he

35:19

opened up the envelope, they didn't

35:21

know, right? They got it that

35:24

day, and Paul goes, congratulations, you're

35:26

going to have a beautiful trans

35:28

baby. No, it's a boy. So

35:30

it's very anticlimactic, but they were

35:32

fired up. Yeah. And that's all

35:34

on YouTube. So when people come

35:36

see Dr. Phil live, the guests

35:38

aren't announced. The shows sell on

35:41

the show, and then the guests

35:43

are all surprises, so. So we

35:45

got Atlanta coming up, we got

35:47

Nashville, we got two in Dallas,

35:49

we got Boston, Kansas City, Indianapolis.

35:51

We'll put the Lakeham. In this

35:53

episode, Jeremy. We'll put it, we

35:55

put it on the, like, they'll

35:58

be able to click on something,

36:00

right? Jeremy? Yes. Thanks, Jeremy. Hey

36:02

Jeremy, when you're not here, how

36:04

many dates are you traveling with

36:06

my chemical romance? How many? Like

36:08

10? Wait, wait, wait. He's also

36:10

switching the camera. You've got to

36:12

be able to talk and switch

36:15

the camera to yourself at the

36:17

same time, Jeremy. Jerry, finish this

36:19

lyric for me. Cut my life

36:21

into pieces. That's what's up. Okay.

36:23

All right, let's just cut to

36:25

a commercial. Is that right? Is

36:27

that right? Was that right? I

36:29

don't know. He's on a plan

36:32

B gummy or something. Which, by

36:34

the way, I once got a

36:36

gusher mixed up with a plan

36:38

B gummy and diarrhea. Sorry, another

36:40

Seinfeld bit. Go ahead. I, I,

36:42

so I have to, I have

36:44

this. You have the spoon. Well,

36:46

Howard, you're great. You want to

36:48

see? Do you want to see?

36:51

The end of Shanghai Knights? Speaking

36:53

of the end, I wanted to

36:55

show you, I got in trouble

36:57

for this for many years, for

36:59

a long time on TikTok. I

37:01

posted the prolapse. Are you familiar

37:03

with that? Oh, I love when

37:05

you did that. I love when

37:08

you post anything, because you got

37:10

your finger on the pulse of

37:12

what's happening. I didn't have my

37:14

finger on anything. H3, have you

37:16

been on H3, have you been

37:18

on Ethan Klein's podcast? No, but

37:20

I've seen him. Yeah, so he

37:22

showed me what, I didn't know

37:25

what it was, and we stole

37:27

a video from him, and just

37:29

as somebody who studies humanity. Yeah.

37:31

And I want to show you

37:33

this video, and I want you

37:35

to comment on it. I'd love

37:37

to. One of my favorite things

37:39

to do is the line bed

37:42

and do commentary over videos, right?

37:44

I used to as a kid

37:46

mute the TV and commentate along

37:48

with the baseball games and say

37:50

things that the commentators can't say,

37:52

right? Like there'd be a double

37:54

play and I'd go, look at

37:56

that, those guys, those guys are,

37:59

you know, double play, double, double

38:01

penetrate, you know, double, double, double

38:03

fun, I get it, I get

38:05

it. You know, but that's why

38:07

I never made it. describe it

38:09

like Pat O'Brien? I don't know.

38:11

I just think as a doctor

38:13

and as somebody who is well-read

38:16

and well-versed in humanity and what's

38:18

going on. I saw this. I

38:20

didn't even know that this was

38:22

something that existed. I didn't know

38:24

that it was even possible. And

38:26

I just want you, Dr. Phil,

38:28

to look at what I believe

38:30

to be impossible and try to

38:32

describe it to our viewers and

38:35

watchers. Great. Rufio. Have you ever

38:37

seen a video of a pro

38:39

lab thing? Yes, thanks Eric. We

38:41

can come back to me. Thanks

38:43

Jeremy Okay, Jeremy. Good job. That

38:45

is it That was great. That's

38:47

how that's how you switching a

38:49

lot now Yeah, it's like he's

38:52

a regular freaky Friday over here.

38:54

Okay. So here we go roll

38:56

the roll the tape roll the

38:58

tape Roll the tape I'm not

39:00

joking, there's a real reaction. What

39:02

is that? But what is that,

39:04

Dr. Phil? What am I- You're

39:06

not explaining it? They're just hearing

39:09

you. There's a hand in it.

39:11

Yeah, I'm not joking. I'm not

39:13

joking, he's fucking. He's taking- Huh?

39:15

I'm gonna close my eyes and

39:17

just remember when I saw it.

39:19

He put his hand in- They're

39:21

rubbing a couple of beanie babies

39:23

up against each other. They look

39:26

like meatballs from the olive garden.

39:28

I think one's a butt and

39:30

one's a pussy butt. Oh shit.

39:32

No, there's no... Oh, it's just

39:34

guys. Okay, guys. Now he's playing

39:36

with it like it's a stress

39:38

ball and there's the Taco Bell

39:40

dog and now we're somebody's bar

39:43

mitzvah party. Okay. That was a

39:45

weird compilation now. You're in some

39:47

folks up shit. No, it's on

39:49

me. H3 gave me that video.

39:51

I posted that picture up there.

39:53

I posted that during COVID thinking

39:55

I didn't know what it was.

39:57

I didn't know what it was.

40:00

Accept and deny. COVID gave everyone

40:02

a chance to go. Maybe I

40:05

am into prolapse Aynus videos. Right.

40:07

But it also gave you a

40:09

chance to go, I missed my

40:12

dad. Sorry, it's another sign bill

40:14

bit. Is that video out there

40:16

for the public? No. It got

40:18

taken down. No, I didn't have

40:21

that video. I never had that

40:23

video. I put up a picture

40:25

of that. You see right there,

40:28

I put up a picture and

40:30

I asked if this is COVID

40:32

related. I thought it was like

40:34

a muffin, a wet muffin on

40:37

the back of somebody's pants. That's,

40:39

well, okay. Ethan Klein brought me

40:41

on his thing and he showed

40:44

me that video, that guy live,

40:46

doing that live. That guy was

40:48

in the studio doing it. And

40:52

after this cut to Joe Coy

40:54

for a reaction. Because I know

40:56

he's a big Kianu fan. All

40:59

right? Here we go. Do we

41:01

have a solo cam on Joe

41:03

or is it just a full

41:05

band? We can get, we can,

41:08

oh, there he is. There he

41:10

is. That's a little too close.

41:12

Okay, back it up. Okay, we're

41:14

going to, if I'm driving the

41:17

special ed bus, I'm backing it

41:19

up. Okay. Not because I parked

41:21

in the wrong spot, because some

41:24

kid on the bus goes, wrong

41:26

spot. No coincidence, Jeremy. All right,

41:28

so here's Keanu Reeves in the

41:30

movie Hardball, ready? And then we

41:33

cut to... Cut to Joe Coy

41:35

for a reaction, whether it's a

41:37

laugh or a cry, but if

41:39

he's... Who I think he is,

41:42

he's gonna have his heartstrings tugged

41:44

it, because Keanu Reeves in the

41:46

movie Hardball... Yeah. the Campbell soup

41:48

commercial with Reggie White and his

41:51

mom in the end of hardball.

41:53

I'm gonna give it to you

41:55

right now. Okay. Do you want

41:57

to do it now? Actually, which

42:00

one do you want? Do you

42:02

want hardball first or the Reddy

42:04

White Campbell soup commercial? Let's do

42:06

the Reggie White so that we

42:09

can tell Joe to be. Be

42:11

ready. Be ready. Be waiting in

42:13

the wings. Are you ready? Joe?

42:15

Joe? I'm ready. Okay, so we're

42:18

going to do the hardball, we're

42:20

going to do the soup commercial

42:22

first. By the way, Joe, Joe,

42:24

is that the cast of the

42:27

video game Paper Boy on your

42:29

hat? Who is it? Look at

42:31

you, you, uh, do you like

42:33

to, uh, you like to get

42:36

down, Joe? No. He's a singer.

42:38

So you can't fuck the pipes

42:40

up. Yeah, he doesn't want to.

42:42

I can tell when I walked

42:45

in, Joe, not only are you,

42:47

you swift on the, the ivories,

42:49

but, uh, man, real melodic in

42:51

the, in the, uh, in the,

42:54

in the, in the voice region.

42:56

That's right, Reggie. And now

42:58

here's Keanu Reeves. Right away. Well, let's

43:00

get, I want to see how Joe

43:03

responded to that. Great. All right, he

43:05

just hold on him, he has, fuck.

43:07

Yeah, you don't smoke weed? Yeah, and

43:10

water's bad for you. All right, here

43:12

we go. That was amazing. Here you

43:14

go. Keanu Reeves at the end of

43:17

hardball. Actually, it's a two-part scene. So

43:19

Joe, I want you to say, Jerry,

43:21

when he's saying Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe,

43:24

say Mr. Reeves, I forget his character

43:26

name, so just he's Mr. Reeves and

43:28

hardball, say, say, do you really? Wasn't

43:31

part of it. Tell him that that

43:33

was just a. That was just an

43:35

improv, and an ad lib, and a

43:38

mad lib, and probably a little bit

43:40

of, a little bit of, a little

43:42

bit of Luke, you probably a little

43:44

bit of LT coming up to say

43:47

hello. So this is your line, Joe.

43:49

We don't have the team to win.

43:55

The toughest thing in life

43:57

is to show up. I'm

44:00

blown away by your guy's ability

44:02

to show up. She makes me

44:04

cry every time I see it how

44:06

we. Thanks Joe. Pass past puff or

44:08

whatever the fuck you and

44:10

the kid say. Doesn't smoke

44:12

weed. Get the fuck out

44:14

of you. Beautiful. Beautiful scene

44:16

with a beautiful guy. Counter

44:18

Reeves once gave 19 pelitons

44:21

to homeless guys. I didn't fucking

44:23

read the story but he did

44:25

he gives back is my point.

44:27

He does. He's very peltons to

44:29

the homeless. We don't call him

44:32

homeless now. You know, what do

44:34

we call him? I call him a

44:36

la carte because they're pushing. That

44:38

was always the thing. I was

44:40

like, where do you get the

44:42

strength? Non-profits. How

44:45

about non-profits? Sounds like

44:47

a weird Jesus band, you

44:50

know? Non-profits. Nonprofits.

44:52

With a pH? Where

44:54

would you put the

44:56

pH? P-R-O-P-H-I-T. But there's

44:58

another profit. Not if

45:00

you're not making money.

45:03

But you know, like there's

45:05

profits, like the... Like

45:08

the Bible stuff? All

45:10

right, let's cut this

45:12

out. Cut to a shot

45:14

at Jeremy. Why would you

45:16

suck in his thumb or

45:19

something? Jeremy, show us

45:21

you. No, why? I was right.

45:23

Keep it in. You're not cutting

45:26

the profit. You're not cutting the

45:28

profit. And he doesn't, the guest

45:30

doesn't make decisions on what we

45:33

had. I, this is the Howie

45:35

Mandel, does stuff, and all the

45:37

stuff that is done is up

45:39

to Howie Mandel, is up to

45:42

Howie Mandel, does stuff, and all

45:44

the stuff that he's doing, is

45:46

up to Howie Mandel, not up

45:49

to Howie Mandel, or You know.

45:51

an amazing rant and the way

45:53

that Jeremy cut around was beautiful.

45:55

You see, he was, Joe Coy,

45:57

Tommy, Jeremy. He's good, he's good.

45:59

You know, I can pay for your

46:02

kid's school. Everyone that works for you

46:04

looks like they're at a strip club

46:06

in Grand Theft Auto. I mean, look

46:08

at Tommy. Tommy's even leaning back like

46:11

he's waiting for some princess from Mario

46:13

Brothers to give him a lap dance

46:15

and he's gonna pay for him. Tommy

46:18

is four, shut the fuck up for

46:20

a second Tommy. Tommy is four seconds

46:22

away from going, you know, I can

46:24

pay for your kid's school. I love

46:27

you Tommy never change ever by man

46:29

summer. Do you ever request for Joe

46:31

Coy in the band? Oh well like

46:33

music what kind of music do you

46:36

like? Sheba woman's tump thumb and was

46:38

played at my wedding. Oh wow. Well

46:40

not my original the we renewed our

46:42

vows. Yep. Your son has a rock

46:45

band? He does. Yeah. Forget the name

46:47

of it, was it again? I forget.

46:49

No, fuck, all right. No, I'm a

46:52

busy guy. You don't have to know

46:54

that. But, uh, I mean, Joe, give

46:56

me your first name. We've had some

46:58

fun today, but I want the people

47:01

to know who you are and what

47:03

you're all about. Sunny, what are you

47:05

all about? Sunny, what are you all

47:07

about? Sunny, what are you all about?

47:10

Sunny, how about this? I love that.

47:12

Sony, how about this? If I asked

47:14

for a theme song, because I love

47:16

theme songs, Family Matters theme songs, my

47:19

favorite theme song of all time, I'll

47:21

sing it in karaoke, you know? Do

47:23

you really? Oh. No, I'm just making,

47:25

yeah. Yeah, why would I lie to

47:28

you about Family Matters? No, I got

47:30

a theme song for you. You want

47:32

to hear it? If I want, if

47:35

I get rich enough, Sony, I want

47:37

to hire you and the rest of

47:39

the bangerine crew to show up to

47:41

my house. The black pack. The black

47:44

pack. And really, and narrate my day,

47:46

I want to hire you and the

47:48

rest of the bangerine crew to show

47:50

up to you. This is for you.

48:13

Get your groove

48:15

on right

48:18

now Watching

48:20

how we mend

48:22

our truth Get

48:24

your groove on

48:27

right now Watching

48:29

how we mend

48:31

our Warning, this is

48:34

not a drill here

48:36

today is Dr Phil PhD with the

48:38

Texas Draw draw drop and

48:41

true mom on you all keeping

48:43

be right back Netflix

48:45

back me laugh Dr.

48:47

Phil is judging

48:50

you He don't like

48:52

judging you. He don't like your attitude

48:55

on right now

48:57

Watching how

48:59

we mend our

49:01

truth Get

49:04

your groove on

49:06

right now

49:08

Watching how we

49:10

mend our

49:12

truth Dust off,

49:14

dust off,

49:16

dust off for

49:21

you buddy and that's sunny

49:24

in the black pack wow

49:26

they're great thank you sunny

49:28

that's amazing and he just

49:31

that's not even planned I

49:33

just said do something he

49:35

didn't even know you were

49:37

going to be here today

49:40

no way he

49:42

does that and

49:44

and he just Aside from

49:47

my kids being born and when

49:49

I I beat Fox

49:51

on Sega Sega Saturn

49:54

might be the This

49:56

might be the

49:58

greatest day of

50:01

my life song, the company's

50:03

already already been

50:05

great Rich got me the smoothie

50:08

that, sorry, the band. You barely

50:10

drink it. Yeah, you didn't drink

50:12

it. I'm a little full. You

50:15

didn't drink any of it. I

50:17

had four sips. It's a really

50:19

expensive smoothie. How much was it?

50:22

Oh, Venmoia. Rich? Rich? Look at

50:24

$19 minimum. How much was the

50:26

smoothie? First one. It was hard

50:29

to find a smoothie in Van

50:31

Nu. It was like eight bucks.

50:34

It's another Seinfeld bit. Now, there

50:36

is, there is, I appreciate it,

50:38

Rich. Sunny and the black panther,

50:41

these guys have, these guys have

50:43

a way to recognize when fun

50:45

needs to show up. You know

50:48

what I'm saying? Yeah. Every go

50:50

to a party, you walk, Super

50:52

Bowl, just happened. Everyone's having to

50:55

get together, right? Come over, we

50:57

got a pool. You brought your

50:59

own towels because I'm not a

51:02

big used towels at someone else's

51:04

place because everyone's always got a

51:06

scab or a period going on

51:09

right and they're rubbing something on

51:11

it right now you got to

51:13

wash it but it's their body

51:16

you're about your choice but my

51:18

towel my house right Jeremy I

51:20

bring cows everywhere thanks Jeremy so

51:23

there there I know you do

51:25

because you're a fun guy I

51:27

have you're a clean guy I

51:30

am so you go to the

51:32

pool it's not heated they don't

51:34

got any pool toys and the

51:37

dip sucks and the dip sucks

51:39

The dip. Take your chip, you

51:41

dip. But it's not, it was

51:44

a, you got dip at Vons.

51:46

The only thing you should be

51:48

getting from Vons is a pregnancy

51:51

test. I love you, you take

51:53

what is and just kind of

51:56

siphon it down to what should

51:58

be. Yeah. Does that make any

52:00

sense? No, but we'll let it

52:03

out. That's what sunny. That's what

52:05

Sony and the Black Magic do

52:07

is where they figure out what

52:10

the time needs and they just

52:12

fill it up. That's my new

52:14

theme song, Sony. Actually, Sony, hit

52:17

me with something else. I want

52:19

to give it some... lyrics to

52:21

it. Give me a slow ballot,

52:24

son. Give me a slow ballot.

52:26

A slow ballot. Valentine's Day is

52:28

coming up. We just say we

52:31

just had Valentine's Day in case.

52:33

I got you. I know how

52:35

YouTube works. So happy belated or

52:38

pre-Valentine's Day. There's a song that

52:40

goes out to everybody in the

52:42

world who's distracted or maybe contracted

52:45

something that they didn't plan on.

52:47

Whether it's a noodle allergy or

52:49

a dick fungus. Everyone in the

52:52

world has something fucked up about

52:54

them. That's why it's important to

52:56

dream. It's

52:59

important to

53:01

put the

53:04

cream Where

53:06

it's supposed

53:09

to be

53:11

Isn't that

53:13

right? Tommy

53:16

Tommy's got

53:18

an STD

53:20

Just ask

53:23

his friend

53:25

Jeremy Wart

53:28

and said You

53:30

should probably go to

53:32

urgent care You've

53:34

got a French fry

53:37

comma a pubic

53:39

hair. There's no

53:41

time to waste And

53:44

Haysh was a

53:46

great actress, but

53:48

this isn't about her

53:50

It's about that

53:52

time you saw

53:55

the bare naked ladies

53:57

in Ottawa, Canada.

53:59

You were sipping

54:01

on a fresca and

54:04

your teacher that

54:06

you wanted to fuck

54:09

was two rolls

54:11

behind you with

54:13

the new guy. He

54:15

was Filipino. Didn't

54:17

you know? Bobby

54:19

walked down his sister

54:22

15 years ago.

54:24

I'll never forget

54:26

what he said he

54:29

said. Thanks

54:32

Bobby, we'll edit it

54:34

in and post. Oh!

54:37

Sorry, sorry, but I

54:39

didn't know that I

54:42

was born. I was

54:44

so... am I in

54:47

trouble? That's a sign

54:49

fell bit. That's a

54:52

share, clit. There's a

54:54

time and a place

54:57

for love if you

54:59

want love. Beautiful.

55:03

Was beautiful. Sony, I love that.

55:05

That's my new theme. You know,

55:07

and that's a song not just

55:10

about preparation, but determination. Because again,

55:12

Valentine's Day, whether it happened or

55:14

it's about to, you gotta put

55:16

yourself out there, Howie. Whether it's

55:18

on the app or live in

55:20

the flesh, people need to meet

55:22

people. Just like that girl that's

55:24

fucking 1500 guys in an hour.

55:26

Would you like to talk to

55:28

her? Is she even close? That's

55:30

what one of the guy said.

55:32

10 minutes. 10 minutes. Thank you

55:34

for the laughter. Did I take

55:36

a break? And then we'll get

55:38

back to it when she gets

55:40

here. That's another one of the

55:43

guys said, yeah. Sure. Let's take

55:45

a break. This is Howey Mandel

55:47

and I'm on the set of

55:49

my other podcast that I usually

55:51

do and will always do with

55:53

the lovely Harlan Williams. It's called

55:55

When a Stranger Calls and we'll

55:57

put it up on the screen

55:59

right here. Put it up on

56:01

the screen. I want people to

56:03

subscribe. and every week every Thursday

56:05

there's a new episode and you

56:07

could also be on the show

56:09

you look at my socials and

56:11

Harlan socials and we tell you

56:13

when to call people you call

56:16

in and check your spam because

56:18

sometimes when we get back to

56:20

you it's in spam and then

56:22

you come on zoom and we

56:24

talk to people we don't know

56:26

where you are who you are

56:28

what you want to talk about

56:30

and it's fun times it's called

56:32

when a stranger calls Just click

56:34

here to get more information. And

56:36

now, back to this podcast. We're

56:38

back. We are back. And you

56:40

took a tie off? Well, I

56:42

wanted to, look, things are getting

56:44

riskier on this side of the

56:46

microphone. Because we're about to talk

56:49

to somebody who's put it all

56:51

on the line. So you know

56:53

who's here. Her name is Bonnie

56:55

Blue. Thought it was Caritop. Go

56:57

on. No, it's Bonnie

56:59

blue Bonnie blue and I don't

57:01

know if you've been reading the

57:03

news or you've been online this

57:05

young lady Have you heard of

57:08

her? Bonnie, but I have she

57:10

she's a gal with a game

57:12

plan and she wanted to test

57:14

a limit like David Blaine, but

57:16

for sexual encounters Exactly Bonnie come

57:19

on in Bonnie come on in

57:21

Here she comes so this young

57:23

lady. Did she I know you'll

57:25

ask her You'll find out. Bonnie,

57:27

I'd like you to meet Dr.

57:30

Phil. This is Bonnie Blue. No

57:32

plastic, no plastic for you, right?

57:34

No, watch, move the mic near

57:36

you. Okay, there you go. Bonnie,

57:38

pleasure to meet you. Pleasure to

57:41

meet you. Pleasure to meet you,

57:43

Doctor. I've been wanting to meet

57:45

you too, because I'm interested in

57:47

people who know who know who

57:49

they are, but also are curious

57:51

about who they can be. Sorry,

57:54

they were having trouble. You're struggling to

57:56

get it in. You're struggling to get

57:58

it in? Get it on. Now, her

58:01

mic. Oh, forgive me if this is

58:03

too personal, but your mic should be

58:05

close to you. She did, she fixed

58:07

it. Okay. Did, did you stay friends

58:09

with any of the guys? Yeah. Is

58:11

that surprised then? Well, just so just

58:13

to clear it up for the audience,

58:15

our audience, Bonnie Blue has become world

58:17

famous now. She's from the UK. She's

58:20

become world famous for, she's had a

58:22

record. There's the Guinness Book of World

58:24

Records. Do they see? Not a fish

58:26

or buy a Guinness World Record. One

58:28

thousand. And fifty seven men. You did

58:30

what? I put them inside of me.

58:32

I slept with them. In 12 hours.

58:34

I mean I've had six Capri sons

58:36

in 20 minutes but that is not

58:39

anywhere near to as cool as what

58:41

you just did. As long as you're

58:43

hydrated. What was your drink of choice?

58:45

I got so many questions. Can I

58:47

ask three in a row? Yeah, course.

58:49

What did you drink? Pepsi Max. Pepsi

58:51

Max. Now, if Pepsi doesn't reach out,

58:53

they might as well just call themselves

58:55

Coke. Because that is a free sponsorship

58:58

if I've ever heard one. It's just

59:00

you with the last guy. And I

59:02

think before, as he leaves, you take

59:04

a swig of Pepsi and go, let's

59:06

run it back. You know something? Amazing.

59:08

And then Marcion Lynch comes in because

59:10

he's in all the fucking drink commercials.

59:12

Now, okay, so that was your drink.

59:15

Did you have a, did you have

59:17

a favorite? You know what I'm saying?

59:19

One thousand and fifty seven? There was

59:21

two guys in Tiklatt's sticker mine. Only

59:23

two? They stuck it in your mind?

59:25

Right through the ear. Well, you would

59:27

get bored it. So, that's my next

59:29

question. At some point, and I'll come

59:31

back to the favorite guy. Did you

59:34

go, I'm tired of the older than

59:36

a six? Who wants to put it

59:38

in my ear? Not quite my ear

59:40

is not that big. I mean as

59:42

a doctor I thought you would have

59:44

understood but the ear is not really

59:46

made for that. But I'm sure you've

59:48

got stuff to learn still. Well, you

59:50

grew up on the other side of

59:53

the country, so you're in America. Oh,

59:55

Americans take it in the ear? We'll

59:57

take it anywhere. I mean, any holds

59:59

a goal for you. Look, the butt

1:00:01

is second base where I'm from. Oh,

1:00:03

really? I'm yet to do that. Well,

1:00:05

you're not missing out. Okay, I'll bear

1:00:07

that mind. But maybe for next, uh,

1:00:10

for next, for next fourth of July.

1:00:12

Yeah. You said two. One was the

1:00:14

last guy because he came in singing,

1:00:16

he was full of energy, he was

1:00:18

singing, like you've got a friend in

1:00:20

me. I love this guy. Yeah, well

1:00:22

you touched on me a minute. Was

1:00:24

he dressed like Buzz Light Ear? Oh

1:00:26

no, he was naked obviously. Well you

1:00:29

can have sex with the pants. Yeah

1:00:31

no but he didn't cut a hole.

1:00:33

He was he was unclothed and he

1:00:35

was singing and then he was saying

1:00:37

thank you to the camera people. I

1:00:39

want to thank the security guys. It's

1:00:41

a bit weird. Go on. He was

1:00:43

given out the credits. It's the end

1:00:45

of the movie. Do they have, I

1:00:48

hear you, do they have a time

1:00:50

limit? Because the guys before the last

1:00:52

guy, probably 30, 40 seconds. Yeah. So

1:00:54

he probably got about like 60 seconds,

1:00:56

like 60 seconds if not two minutes

1:00:58

because it's because it's the end. When

1:01:00

they come in, and again, stop me

1:01:02

if it's too purse. It's okay. Do

1:01:04

you look down immediately and go, ugh?

1:01:07

And if you do go, ugh, do

1:01:09

you say it out loud? No, sometimes

1:01:11

I grab them, say if I'm on

1:01:13

my back, I'd grab them by the

1:01:15

neck first, and I probably don't even

1:01:17

look, I just feel it and put

1:01:19

it in. So I'm not necessarily always

1:01:21

looking. Did you ever look? Of course,

1:01:24

sometimes, yeah. Sometimes it's hard to see,

1:01:26

okay. I thought it was one at

1:01:28

a time. Oh no. I've got multiple

1:01:30

holes. As you've said, if there is

1:01:32

a wrong for go, my hands and

1:01:34

my mouth was clearly going to be

1:01:36

in use. Okay, I'm going to stand

1:01:38

up in a second and go get

1:01:40

a jamba juice. Now, one guy was

1:01:43

in the mouth, one was in the,

1:01:45

where God intended. Two of the hands.

1:01:47

Okay, so a double, a double seduku.

1:01:49

So you know what's the price? I

1:01:51

don't know what you call it, but

1:01:53

yeah, we was. You guys are doing

1:01:55

the Trump dance. You were milking account.

1:01:57

That's very funny, Hal. That was, it's

1:01:59

okay. So you were jerking, sucking, and

1:02:02

taking it. So four. Talented. I mean,

1:02:04

do you want to speak it? I

1:02:06

do a program. Yeah. Every year. It's

1:02:08

a big conference. It's called How to

1:02:10

inspire the Uninspired. And we had you

1:02:12

know we've had Oprah, but you know

1:02:14

been there done that. Yeah, we've had

1:02:16

Reese Witherspoon. She just read from one

1:02:19

of her She's hot, but she has

1:02:21

read from one of her books. She

1:02:23

didn't jerk off too fucking clarinet players

1:02:25

Now I think I can hear Joe

1:02:27

Coyle laughing in the background Because I

1:02:29

heard a little wheezing now is there

1:02:31

is there something about the nerves that

1:02:33

get in the way of the fun

1:02:35

because if I'm sitting to take 7500

1:02:38

dicks to the face. I got a,

1:02:40

first of all, you need eight hours

1:02:42

of sleep. Yeah. How much sleep did

1:02:44

you get? Maybe about five hours. I

1:02:46

was too excited. It was basically like

1:02:48

Christmas Eve. And like, you're too excited.

1:02:50

You can't get to sleep. That was

1:02:52

really nice. That's a fucking, you don't

1:02:54

know. Open up my legs, that's what

1:02:57

I was excited for. Right, that was

1:02:59

funny, we'll keep it in. Now, did

1:03:01

you, did you, did you, did you,

1:03:03

did you have, did you have snacks?

1:03:05

I didn't have snacks, no, because I

1:03:07

don't have snacks, no, because I don't

1:03:09

want to be wasting time with toilet

1:03:11

breaks. Right. So you didn't want to

1:03:14

have like, like a fruit by the

1:03:16

foot, because you're like, Because would you

1:03:18

let him get to that point? Oh,

1:03:20

100% I'd say anywhere and everywhere. Head

1:03:22

to toe, I'm yours. Where would you

1:03:24

go for? Where would you pick? Well,

1:03:26

I'm... Look, if you're talking to high

1:03:28

school, Phil... I mean, and by the

1:03:30

way, I'd say anywhere, but my ears

1:03:33

are... of action. I don't come on

1:03:35

an ear. That was my high school

1:03:37

yearbook quote. But if you're talking to

1:03:39

25 year old Dr. Phil from back

1:03:41

in the way back, yeah, I'd do

1:03:43

it on the TV because I don't

1:03:45

even want it anywhere near the gal.

1:03:47

You know, why? Respect. I got, you

1:03:49

don't want to be near. If I

1:03:52

have just worked that hard for that

1:03:54

liquid gold, you best believe I want

1:03:56

on my face or down there. Like

1:03:58

that is not going on the TV.

1:04:00

Okay well you work that hard for

1:04:02

that end result. You're right and I

1:04:04

talk about that in my book we've

1:04:06

got issues chapter 45 is if you

1:04:08

if you grab the cock you should

1:04:11

enjoy the happy meal. Oh your clothes

1:04:13

in the book before you get to

1:04:15

the end page apparently. Yeah that's like

1:04:17

watching the end of Forrest Gump before

1:04:19

we even know where he grew up.

1:04:21

You know what I'm saying? No, honestly,

1:04:23

because every time someone knew came in,

1:04:25

I was really excited. You were. Did

1:04:28

you have any back and forth, any

1:04:30

small talk? Hi, what's your name? A

1:04:32

little bit whilst around. I'm like, you're

1:04:34

okay, how's your day going? Small, you

1:04:36

gotta grease the wheels, right? A little

1:04:38

bit of grease the wheels, right? A

1:04:40

little bit of small top, but not

1:04:42

too much. Sometimes why, because some people

1:04:44

came in friendship groups, so they would

1:04:47

be stuck. What the fuck, is a

1:04:49

friendship. a friendship group so when you

1:04:51

go to chat rooms what's a friendship

1:04:53

group so when you like your high

1:04:55

school friends or the friends you go

1:04:57

to the pub with or friends you

1:04:59

play bingo with like just your group

1:05:01

of bingo teammates came in to fuck

1:05:03

you everywhere yeah you say like I

1:05:06

did one of them say uh did

1:05:08

one of them say uh... you're saying

1:05:10

like it's not normal yeah yeah yeah

1:05:12

next up 69 funny did anybody 69

1:05:14

you? Yeah, we did actually. I did

1:05:16

a foot job as well. A foot

1:05:18

job. Would you do a night manager

1:05:20

at Lady Foot logger? Well, I just

1:05:23

want to do the whole shebang. But

1:05:25

yeah, I'd have someone down there. Someone

1:05:27

sat on my face. People would ask

1:05:29

for it. People have different requests. I

1:05:31

like the face sitting. I'm a big.

1:05:33

fan of that because it's how you

1:05:35

get to know someone you're really sloping

1:05:37

up those bomb hairs what's a foot

1:05:39

job and I've googled it but I

1:05:42

don't think it's what it actually means

1:05:44

I'm back with demonstrations I don't want

1:05:46

you to fucking do it Bonnie I

1:05:48

don't know what it is to hide

1:05:50

you know I don't you don't want

1:05:52

to you know I don't you don't

1:05:54

want to you don't want to just

1:05:56

describe it here here's what I think

1:05:58

it is you walk in to your

1:06:01

Folk, I haven't seen Jersey short a

1:06:03

while. You turn off the TV, you

1:06:05

go to your bedroom, you spread your

1:06:07

legs, and someone puts their foot in

1:06:09

your asshole. Is that it? No, not

1:06:11

quite. What is it? Imagine I was

1:06:13

sat here right now, my legs were

1:06:15

up, and so imagine this is your...

1:06:18

Well, I've just touched a hand at

1:06:20

5,500 men. And this is my feet

1:06:22

going up and down. Do you like

1:06:24

that doctor to fail? On my hand

1:06:26

or my dick? Well no you dig

1:06:28

but you don't want to get that

1:06:30

out. Because out for a second I

1:06:32

was like, I'm working with what I've

1:06:34

got right now. You're just foot fucking

1:06:37

my wrist? I'm working with what I've

1:06:39

got okay? I'm working with what I've

1:06:41

got right now. Right now all I've

1:06:43

got is your full fingers. Right. What

1:06:45

guy came in with a fucking oven

1:06:47

mid? Right, well, something who've got thick

1:06:49

ones, right? That's not like that. My

1:06:51

next question, my next question, I'm gonna

1:06:53

cross my legs because you just jerking

1:06:56

my hand up with your foot, made

1:06:58

things a little uncomfortable. Oh, I'm sorry.

1:07:00

No, no, you're fine, but I do

1:07:02

need to ask you. Did anybody come

1:07:04

in and make you laugh and it

1:07:06

made it weird? Because I know women

1:07:08

love a sense of humor, but let's

1:07:10

say Matt from Cheshire district comes in,

1:07:12

right. And he comes in, he's like,

1:07:15

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's

1:07:17

like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

1:07:19

You ever seen The End of Mary

1:07:21

Poppins? And you're like, shut the fuck

1:07:23

up and just put it in. I

1:07:25

said to one guy, I was like,

1:07:27

I don't know if you're making it

1:07:29

like Sahara Desert down there or you're

1:07:32

getting me wet, but either way I'm

1:07:34

laughing. Like, some of them do make

1:07:36

me laugh. And that gets you going

1:07:38

more? Sometimes, like, sometimes not, like, I

1:07:40

can remember I was trying... to pleasure

1:07:42

someone orally and they kept making me

1:07:44

laughing, it kept flopping out my mouth.

1:07:46

So sometimes it's a bit of a

1:07:48

distraction if they're making me laugh too

1:07:51

much. And if you really laugh and

1:07:53

you start tightening up down there. Right,

1:07:55

because your muscles contract and people forget

1:07:57

that the the labia, right, is a

1:07:59

muscle. I want to go to the

1:08:01

group for a question in a second,

1:08:03

but I got one more, Bonnie. And

1:08:05

then Tommy's got a question and look

1:08:07

he spent all afternoon writing down what

1:08:10

he wanted to say because well let's

1:08:12

just say you know you ever have

1:08:14

that bus driver in elementary school that

1:08:16

always winked at you that's time. So

1:08:18

I know what you mean yeah so

1:08:20

he's got a question in a couple

1:08:22

minutes and it might clear the room

1:08:24

but it also might get us thinking.

1:08:27

Okay. Now when you were getting ready

1:08:29

to embark on this sexual escapade did

1:08:31

you Did you inquire about any safety

1:08:33

concerns with a doctor or a family

1:08:35

member? Did you tell your mom or

1:08:37

your dad? Yeah, my mom and dad

1:08:39

know. They helped me pack my bags.

1:08:41

They helped you do what? Pack my

1:08:43

bags for the event. Full of wood.

1:08:46

Well, I had Pepsi Max. Yeah, underwear

1:08:48

Pepsi Max. My teddy, my teddy, my

1:08:50

teddy, my teddy, my teddy, well only

1:08:52

one. Okay, yeah, now they walk in,

1:08:54

they're naked, you're naked. Mm-hmm. Again, did

1:08:56

anybody come in and creep you out?

1:08:58

Because guys historically, I've been at bars

1:09:00

where guys have been trying to hit

1:09:02

on girls late night, it's 2 a.m.

1:09:05

They got a sexual shock clock, and

1:09:07

they go up to a girl, and

1:09:09

they go up to a girl, and

1:09:11

they're like, times are on out, I

1:09:13

got to get laid, and they'll say

1:09:15

fucked up, shit, I saw a guy

1:09:17

at a guy at a bar. You

1:09:19

ever been at a bar. You ever

1:09:21

been at a bar. You've been at

1:09:24

a minute, you've been at a minute,

1:09:26

you're been at a minute, you, you,

1:09:28

you, you, you, you, you're being a

1:09:30

naked, you, you're a naked, you're a

1:09:32

naked, you're a naked, you're naked, you're

1:09:34

naked, you're naked, you, you're naked, you're

1:09:36

naked, you're naked, you, you're naked, you

1:09:38

Well, I had to, yeah. But did

1:09:41

you remember all their names? No. Yeah,

1:09:43

that's what I'm talking about. So at

1:09:45

a bar late night, let's say you're

1:09:47

in Temecula, and the guy comes up

1:09:49

to you and goes, hey, you ever

1:09:51

been in a trunk? And he's like,

1:09:53

he thinks that's a pickle line. He's

1:09:55

trying to be funny. Did a guy

1:09:57

have a weird voice that scared? and

1:10:00

made you want to I don't know

1:10:02

call child services? No, not really.

1:10:04

I really enjoyed everyone's company. I

1:10:06

love that. Well you have a sweet spirit,

1:10:08

kind eyes, your voice is easy to listen

1:10:10

to. I'm glad you had fun. Yeah. Life

1:10:13

is all about testing the boundaries, right? Exactly.

1:10:15

You don't want to be boring. What is

1:10:17

your, well this is the opposite of

1:10:19

boring. Exactly. Do you think you'll do

1:10:21

it again? Yeah. You're going to try to

1:10:24

top your best. Well the next thing I

1:10:26

want to do is a zero gravity gang

1:10:28

bang. Because the idea of the come going

1:10:30

through the air just reminds me of like Pac-Man

1:10:32

like you know when it's trying to collect it

1:10:34

all. So that's next on my left. I was

1:10:37

going to suggest something crazy like you know but

1:10:39

not that I was going to say well maybe

1:10:41

you know maybe hop in one of the virtual

1:10:43

reality put on the you know the virtual reality

1:10:46

goggles and you know go to France and eat

1:10:48

a baguette but this is also yeah I mean

1:10:50

I've seen them but it's fake but it's fake so

1:10:52

right I prefer to do it real. Would you

1:10:54

ever, how about space? How about doing a

1:10:56

bang, a bang fest in space? Yeah, Elon

1:10:58

Musk hit me up. Elon must, of course

1:11:00

he did. Well no, but he'd send me

1:11:03

up, wouldn't he? He would send you up. I

1:11:05

don't, can I be honest? Mm-hmm. Fine, you

1:11:07

know, he's a little, you know, you don't want

1:11:09

to be in a photo op if you smack his

1:11:11

chest, but, because chances are he's going to, you know,

1:11:13

you know, you know, you know, you know, you know,

1:11:15

you know, you know, you know, you know, you know,

1:11:18

you know, you know, you know, you

1:11:20

know, And he blamed it on autism.

1:11:22

I've got autistic friends too, and none

1:11:24

of them are starting to movement. Most

1:11:26

of my autistic friends, if they smack

1:11:29

their chest, they're sucking two dicks in

1:11:31

the air, body style. Because they're silly.

1:11:33

And that's... My point is, if I was you,

1:11:35

and I was trying to top my best,

1:11:37

I would maybe throw in some different

1:11:39

types of people. Like I got a friend

1:11:42

that used to work at the airport for

1:11:44

TSA, and she had sex with a

1:11:46

down syndrome syndrome kid. Yeah, I really

1:11:48

want to do a disabled gangbang.

1:11:50

Yeah, I want lying to wheelchair.

1:11:52

Don't you cover your head? And don't

1:11:55

you, you guys, look at it, like

1:11:57

father, like daughter, they're bowing their heads,

1:11:59

Baruchatara. and I say that I usually

1:12:01

put up one of those nerve basketball

1:12:04

hoops on the door, shell, space, Canada

1:12:06

Bank. You're a doctor, aren't you? Yeah.

1:12:08

When they come to your clinic, send

1:12:11

them to me afterwards. Okay, so how

1:12:13

about this? They come in and I

1:12:15

go, how you doing? They go, I'm

1:12:18

having a rough day. I go, we'll

1:12:20

quit being a fucking bitch. Yeah. And

1:12:22

then after I say that, I usually

1:12:24

put up one of those nerve basketball

1:12:27

hoops on the door and I go,

1:12:29

take a shot. Okay, so you wanted

1:12:31

to, okay, so I'm only gonna, how

1:12:34

many disabled guys, because, you know, not

1:12:36

to be racist, but it's gonna take

1:12:38

a little bit more time. Really? Well,

1:12:41

they're just moving a little, I went

1:12:43

to school with a kid with Down

1:12:45

syndrome and he left Kung Flus. I

1:12:47

don't know if, I don't know if

1:12:50

you can do Down syndrome though. Why

1:12:52

not? Well, I don't know how the

1:12:54

consent would work. Oh, I think they'd

1:12:57

be pretty fucking into it. Okay. Okay.

1:12:59

Well as long as consent is fine,

1:13:01

but yeah, wheelchair is blind, deaf. Yeah,

1:13:04

I was best friends with a kid

1:13:06

with Down syndrome. Gary, we called him

1:13:08

Gary Downs, right? And he was pretty

1:13:10

on the nose. And he used to

1:13:13

always brag about eating a whole bucket

1:13:15

of KFC chicken in under 10 minutes,

1:13:17

which is kind of like what you're

1:13:20

doing. Yeah, bucket, bucket, fuck it. Now,

1:13:22

are you going to write a book

1:13:24

about this? Finger-licking-good. Finger-licking good. So I

1:13:27

already liked you when you came in

1:13:29

because I don't judge, you know, but

1:13:31

I sis. And the fact that you're

1:13:33

funny and light a heart. Pepper pig,

1:13:36

any, yeah? Pepper pig. But what I

1:13:38

mean by that, have you seen Pepper

1:13:40

pig? What's your favorite show? What did

1:13:43

you do after the festivities ended? 1,000,

1:13:45

1,000, 57. Book. So that's just so

1:13:47

much. Dicks, say with me. By the

1:13:50

way, did we do a game show?

1:13:52

Oh, I guess what I have for

1:13:54

breakfast. Okay. There was a, if we

1:13:56

did a game show called Will It

1:13:59

Fit and you were like, and it

1:14:01

was interviewing, it was like, it's like

1:14:03

the dating game, right? Yeah. But it's

1:14:06

with you and taking all the fucking

1:14:08

every. put it, put it, put it

1:14:10

in my arm pit, Mike, you know.

1:14:13

And then at the audience, when we

1:14:15

bring them out, they pull their pants

1:14:17

down and we go, well, it fit.

1:14:19

We can brainstorm it, but how has

1:14:22

got a conference? Yeah, this would fit.

1:14:24

So what was your question? For breakfast,

1:14:26

double sausage, McMuffin. A divorce sausage, McMuffin?

1:14:29

No, a double sausage, sausage, McMuffin. Because

1:14:31

you were like, let me get a

1:14:33

double sausage McMuffin. Like he had to

1:14:36

laugh. Because that's funny. Have you heard

1:14:38

of Obrides? Are you a bedet? I

1:14:40

gotta be honest, I'm going to need

1:14:42

some close captioning for that last statement.

1:14:45

Oobee, how you order food? Yeah. Oh,

1:14:47

postmates, door dash. Yeah. There's a small

1:14:49

in kid that lives in my neighborhood.

1:14:52

To the room. Was it a room

1:14:54

or a house? Or a hotel? Hotel.

1:14:56

Let's give it a shout out. Well,

1:14:59

actually, wait, don't. They need to pay

1:15:01

up. Hey, LaQuente. You know who you

1:15:03

are and what happened there. Don't you

1:15:05

fucking talk about it without putting your

1:15:08

money where your mouth is, like Cuba

1:15:10

Gooding Junior and Jerry McGuire. You seen

1:15:12

that? No. If you could have any

1:15:15

movie on in the background, well, you're

1:15:17

fucking and sucking. What would it be?

1:15:19

Fure. Fure. I quite like that movie.

1:15:22

I quite like that movie. I forget

1:15:24

the names. These are some really famous

1:15:26

people in there. I'm not good with

1:15:28

names. Clearly. Numbers. But I was dick

1:15:31

sizes. And numbers. Yeah. Was it last

1:15:33

question and then I'm gonna open it

1:15:35

up to the group? Did you have,

1:15:38

I mean I mean this with all

1:15:40

sincerity, did you have fun? Yeah, a

1:15:42

lot of fun. Then you know what,

1:15:45

there's nothing wrong with it. Yeah. I

1:15:47

guarantee the guys had fun. I understand

1:15:49

this isn't normal for everyone and everyone

1:15:51

will look like no on it. No,

1:15:54

it's not normal for anyone, but yeah,

1:15:56

it's... But I had fun, the people

1:15:58

in the queue had fun, everyone had

1:16:01

an amazing day, so I'm like, who

1:16:03

are these strangers to judge? Has Make

1:16:05

a Wish reached out to you at

1:16:08

all? Great question. No, that would be

1:16:10

good though, but I just don't think

1:16:12

they'd associate themselves with me. Well, that's

1:16:14

their loss. Isn't Make a Wish children

1:16:17

though? Isn't Only children? Does it have

1:16:19

to be? I think it's only children.

1:16:21

Does it have to be? I think

1:16:24

it's only children. Well, let's change it.

1:16:26

Well, okay, well, if it was adults.

1:16:28

Just do you mean just me? Yeah.

1:16:31

Yeah, of course. No, no, bring the

1:16:33

thousand fifty seven guys with you. We'd

1:16:35

love to get their take on. I

1:16:37

mean, this room is big, but I

1:16:40

don't quite think it would fit. Everyone

1:16:42

would fit. How big was the room?

1:16:44

Was there a couch in there? Because

1:16:47

again, yeah, you went all the the

1:16:49

fuck spaces, right? A futon, a fridge,

1:16:51

a laundry machine. So it was actually

1:16:54

filmed in a mansion. So like there

1:16:56

was a basement where we could keep

1:16:58

like 300, like Patrick Duffy. It's fine,

1:17:00

we'll cut to a clue. There's something

1:17:03

to be said about making them wait.

1:17:05

You got some hungry, excited. But also

1:17:07

they talk to each other. They have

1:17:10

to wait like 10 hours, some of

1:17:12

them. Did they get to know each

1:17:14

other? Yeah, they become friends, like this

1:17:17

is one guy. And he was like,

1:17:19

look, I've never had a friendship group

1:17:21

before, like I haven't been able to

1:17:23

socialize much. He left that with a

1:17:26

friendship group. He now goes out with

1:17:28

them socializing. And I'm like, wow, like

1:17:30

what a beautiful experience. Because it's hard

1:17:33

when you're an adult to make friends.

1:17:35

It really is. I'll talk about that

1:17:37

in my book. We've got issues. Connecting

1:17:40

is all about disconnecting from your fears.

1:17:42

Yeah. I saw you look away like

1:17:44

you were uninterested in my book. No,

1:17:46

I'll just, I'll just lean on. I

1:17:49

like Readen. What's your favorite book? What's

1:17:51

that about? Yeah, I need more. Do

1:17:53

you need it or do you just

1:17:56

want it? I crave it. You hear

1:17:58

that Pepsi Max? Well, we appreciate your

1:18:00

honesty and your ability to open up,

1:18:03

no pun intended, is not only miraculous,

1:18:05

but infectious. And I think that- Am

1:18:07

I inspiring you to do the same?

1:18:09

You really are. Can I be honest?

1:18:12

I wasn't sure what to expect. Probably

1:18:14

like suitor number 805. He probably walked

1:18:16

in singing. Fucking usher in his head,

1:18:19

right? Thought he was like, maybe I'll

1:18:21

dance. Right? He's like, yeah. I'm sure

1:18:23

some of the guys were like, maybe

1:18:26

I'll do do doggy first and then

1:18:28

missionary. And then they got in their

1:18:30

fucking head. I've done that with my

1:18:32

wife 48 years ago. I'll eat her

1:18:35

out first. Then I'll fall asleep on

1:18:37

the couch. Well, don't watch the shield

1:18:39

before funding. It's daunting. Anyone that's in

1:18:42

that queue, I say, hat soft and

1:18:44

because it's intimidating. You're walking in the

1:18:46

room, you've just cued, you're naked in

1:18:49

front of people you've never met, and

1:18:51

also they're not used to be naked

1:18:53

around strangers. And if they feel slightly

1:18:55

insecure, like it actually really helps their

1:18:58

confidence come into something like this. Last

1:19:00

question, and then I'll let you go.

1:19:02

I know I got to bust a

1:19:05

catch and you got a bird scooter

1:19:07

and you got a bird scooter to

1:19:09

ride. Think let me rephrase. Yeah. What

1:19:12

would you tell kids at home who

1:19:14

maybe want to try this? Not kids

1:19:16

adults with dreams If that's what you

1:19:18

want to do in life, drive big

1:19:21

and take all that car. Where's her

1:19:23

camera? Where's that camera? This is your

1:19:25

camera right here. Okay. If you're over

1:19:28

18 and you want to do it.

1:19:30

Oh, hold on a second joke. Give

1:19:32

me a little slow bow. Give me

1:19:35

a little inspiring. You know I get

1:19:37

the end of full house when Sagged

1:19:39

RIP would come into DJ's a DJ's

1:19:41

room and go DJ you gotta stop

1:19:44

eating nachos and she's like you're not

1:19:46

that about that me I don't do

1:19:48

voices but so so give me a

1:19:51

little sad sappy TV theme inspirational like

1:19:53

here's the message of the show and

1:19:55

then Bonnie's gonna close this out or

1:19:58

at least this moment yeah no she'll

1:20:00

close it so close us out but

1:20:02

the legs will stay And she'll tell

1:20:04

us. I feel wrong that we're having

1:20:07

him cross now. No, no, no. No,

1:20:09

well, no. Now you look like me

1:20:11

at a David Buster's. Put those legs

1:20:14

back together. Sorry, you do what you

1:20:16

want. You do what you want. I

1:20:18

don't never, I don't, let the record

1:20:20

show. I don't ever tell anyone to

1:20:23

do with their life, but I tell

1:20:25

them to make good choices. And you

1:20:27

have Bonnie right to the canvas and

1:20:30

do it on a regular basis. It's

1:20:32

brilliant exercise and should always stay healthy.

1:20:34

Wow. And if you don't have the

1:20:37

confidence to fuck a thousand strangers, hey,

1:20:39

meet me at the pickleball court on

1:20:41

Sundays at 2 p.m. and I'll show

1:20:43

you a good time. It won't

1:20:46

involve as much come, but it'll,

1:20:48

well it might. We'll be right

1:20:50

back. That was great. Subscribe and

1:20:52

I want people to... Comment and

1:20:55

thank you Bonnie and I want

1:20:57

you to come on maybe in

1:20:59

a couple weeks. Will you come

1:21:01

on and do my my show?

1:21:04

Yeah 100% Okay 100% Wow, that'd

1:21:06

be great and dr. Phil. Thanks

1:21:08

for thanks for having for having

1:21:10

me. Thanks for having for having

1:21:13

me. We'll check out your website

1:21:15

and follow you on tour Are

1:21:17

you doing any in Europe? Not

1:21:19

yet. We're trying to get Australia

1:21:22

in London. We're trying to get

1:21:24

going why the man Let me

1:21:26

check, let me check with my

1:21:28

wife and see if she's cool

1:21:31

with it. Oh, don't tell her.

1:21:33

Okay, well, she, okay. But, bring

1:21:35

check, but we'll talk about it.

1:21:37

But Adam, raycami.com is where all

1:21:40

the stand-up shows and Dr. Phil

1:21:42

Life Theater Tour, Dallas, Atlanta, Nashville,

1:21:44

Boston, Kansas City, Indianapolis, we're hitting

1:21:46

them all. And I appreciate you.

1:21:49

All right. All right. All right.

1:22:05

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