0:01

BBC Sounds, music

0:04

radio podcasts. Welcome

0:06

to Illuminated from

0:09

BBC Radio 4.

0:11

The home for

0:13

creative one-off documentaries

0:16

that shed light

0:18

on hidden worlds.

0:20

All human life is

0:23

here, just waiting to

0:25

be discovered. from the

0:27

lower basement of broadcasting

0:30

house, deep inside the

0:32

bowels of the BBC.

0:34

Its count-bin face here,

0:36

intergalactic space warrior, leader

0:38

of the Recyclans, and

0:40

part-time novelty politician on

0:43

earth. I'm the candidate

0:45

who, in the 2024,

0:47

London mayoral election, did

0:49

this. Bin Face, Count,

0:51

Count Bin Face for Mayor

0:54

of London, 24,200 people. A

0:56

result which prompted Sadiq Khan

0:59

in his acceptance speech

1:01

to say... By the

1:03

way, if you need

1:05

another reason to love

1:07

London, Count Bin Face

1:09

easily beat Britain first.

1:11

Now, after a bit

1:13

of negotiating, with a later,

1:15

BBC bosses have let

1:18

me do something historic.

1:20

Fulfilling one of

1:22

my flagship manifesto commitments,

1:25

no less. The restoration of

1:27

the world's first and

1:29

finest, Teletext News Service.

1:31

SeaFax. The then revolutionary TV

1:34

information service, SeaFax, the text-based

1:36

information service, SeaFax, is able

1:38

to provide you with news

1:40

quicker than just about anything

1:42

else. An aim manufactured from

1:44

SeaFax. It was mind-blowing. A

1:47

program system of an entirely new kind.

1:49

A genius way of using the

1:51

television signal to get pages of

1:53

information onto the TV screen. It's

1:55

like a book or a giant

1:58

encyclopedia with hundreds of pages. See facts,

2:00

see facts, see facts,

2:02

see facts, see facts.

2:05

Don't know about you,

2:07

I quite miss see

2:09

facts. Yes, see facts.

2:11

It's the least hackable,

2:13

least trolable, most beautiful,

2:15

most succinct, most trustworthy,

2:18

most perfect new service

2:20

in the history of

2:22

the omniverse. In a

2:24

world ravaged by data

2:26

oligarchs, artificial intelligence, pop-ups

2:28

and cookies, this is

2:30

the antidote. Earth has

2:33

just reached the totemic

2:35

milestone of precisely 50

2:37

years since the birth

2:39

of Cefax. And to

2:41

coincide with this golden

2:43

anniversary, I have signed

2:46

a treaty with the

2:48

British Broadcasting Corporation. They

2:50

have agreed officially that

2:52

I can restore Cefax

2:54

to operative status. may

2:56

have noticed there's a

2:59

slight hitch to my

3:01

plan, which is, it's

3:03

on the radio. And,

3:05

it's only for half

3:07

an hour. But look,

3:09

it's still a manifesto

3:12

promise fulfilled. Stick that

3:14

in your pipe, Westminster.

3:16

I haven't even been

3:18

elected yet. My mission

3:20

is to recreate, for

3:22

your ears, the awe,

3:24

the wonder, the ecstasy

3:27

of Cefax. or in

3:29

this case, here facts.

3:31

For BBC Radio 4,

3:33

this is C-FAC strikes

3:35

back with Count Binface.

3:37

First things first, while

3:40

I cobbled together all

3:42

the equipment, let's get

3:44

down to Brass Tax,

3:46

which coincidentally were in

3:48

fact used to hold

3:50

the original mainframe together.

3:53

How did the world's

3:55

first teletext service work?

3:57

Television is formed from

3:59

lines in which a

4:01

scanning spot that traces

4:03

out from left to

4:05

right across the screen.

4:08

When it gets to

4:10

the bottom of the

4:12

picture, it flies back

4:14

to the top again.

4:16

Now this flyback is

4:18

quite long in television

4:21

terms, and there's no

4:23

picture information transmitted during

4:25

this time, and so

4:27

we are able to

4:29

insert additional signals which

4:31

describe pages of information

4:34

for the viewer to

4:36

see. So in essence,

4:38

Cefax was a bunch

4:40

of hidden messages smuggled

4:42

inside television signals. Incredibly,

4:44

these messages could be

4:46

captured by any VHS

4:49

recording of the tele.

4:51

So, if you've still

4:53

got any tapes, like

4:55

one of these, lurking

4:57

in a loft or

4:59

a cupboard, the odds

5:02

are they still contain

5:04

golden nuggets of SeaFax

5:06

history. Amazing. Okay. That's

5:08

the last piece of

5:10

the jigsaw. I've reassembled

5:12

the system. Time to

5:15

switch it on. This

5:17

is one small step

5:19

for a recycling, but

5:21

one giant leap for

5:23

humanity. Hello Cifax! Please

5:25

identify yourself so I

5:27

can address you accurately.

5:30

Certainly. My name is

5:32

Count Finface. Intergalactic... Actually.

5:34

I was kind of

5:36

imagining you'd already know

5:38

that. I know everything

5:40

on the planet Earth

5:43

until precisely 23-32-19-GMT in

5:45

the year 2012, when,

5:47

after 38 years of

5:49

constant service, the BBC

5:51

switched me off. Bloody

5:53

Agism, eh? So, how

5:56

long have I been

5:58

out? Oh, overly... decade.

6:00

Could you be more

6:02

specific, Count Binface? Accuracy

6:04

is everything. Not really. You

6:06

see, I'm making a brand

6:08

new program about you featuring

6:11

some top celebrity guests. Oh!

6:13

That's flattering. Have we got

6:15

Brucey? You have been away a

6:18

long time, haven't you? These days,

6:20

everything can be accessed on

6:22

demand, just like you in

6:24

your glory days. So, by

6:27

saying... Over a decade, I'm

6:29

making sure all the facts

6:31

are future-proofed for listeners in

6:33

2025 and beyond. So we

6:35

stay current. Staying current

6:37

is my resondatra. Or

6:40

rather it was. That's

6:42

what we're going to fix.

6:44

Your loss was humanity's loss.

6:46

So I've plugged you back

6:48

in. And, if you like.

6:50

I can upload all your

6:53

missing data so you can

6:55

catch up on everything that's

6:57

happened since the moment you

6:59

were closed down. Yes, please.

7:01

That would be kind of

7:03

you. Is that difficult? For me?

7:06

It's a drop of urine. I

7:08

believe humans say a piece of

7:11

piss, although you are right. In

7:13

this context, a drop is more

7:15

accurate than a piece. Thank you.

7:18

Okay. All human

7:20

history since

7:23

2012. Here

7:25

you go.

7:27

Commencing upload.

7:29

The 9 o'clock

7:32

news with John

7:35

Humphris. Oh no. Oh, oh

7:37

dear. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

7:39

Oh! No! Oh! Oh! No! Oh! Oh!

7:41

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

7:44

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Recently,

7:46

Earth has got itself into a

7:48

bit of a pickle. You

7:50

might think that. I couldn't

7:52

possibly comment. Although I am

7:55

sad to hear about David Bowie.

7:57

Well, look. Now you're back. So

7:59

things are... Looking up! And

8:01

there's no time to lose.

8:03

We need to revivify your

8:05

wonderment in the brand new

8:08

dimension of audio. Do you

8:10

require an accompanying soundtrack of

8:12

looting, blissful, royalty-free music to

8:14

enhance your Cefax experience? Do

8:17

I ever? Music on selected.

8:19

Please enter page number. Right.

8:21

Let's start with the news

8:23

headlines. That's page 101. Appropriately

8:26

named after the room where

8:28

horrifying things happen. OK. 101.

8:30

101. News headlines. King Charles

8:32

delivers message of hope. Page

8:35

104. Americans brace for latest

8:37

Trump announcements. Page 105. Tomorrow's

8:39

World Star says Cefax predicted

8:41

smartphones. Page 106. Tomorrow's World

8:44

Star says Cefax predicted smartphones.

8:46

Page 106. Loading page 106.

8:48

That's taking a while. Please

8:50

wait. Sometimes it can take

8:53

a short while to cycle

8:55

through to your selected page.

8:57

One of the main criticisms

8:59

of Cefax during my lifespan

9:02

was that I took so

9:04

long to load. Although that

9:06

came from humans, who had

9:09

yet to compare the experience

9:11

of Wi-Fi on trains. Well,

9:13

quite. That's one of my

9:15

manifesto pledges. Train Wi-Fi that

9:18

works alongside an auxiliary policy

9:20

trains that work. Page 106

9:22

loaded. Technology News Howard Stableford,

9:24

famous face of seminal science

9:27

series Tomorrow's World, has recalled

9:29

the moment he encountered a

9:31

portable Cefax device that bore

9:33

marked similarities to the smartphones

9:36

that revolutionized Earth 35 years

9:38

later. Accessing original archive. extremely

9:40

portable teletext TV, which doesn't

9:42

exist, or the world's first

9:45

teletext decoder. Now you can

9:47

use this anywhere where there's

9:49

a reasonably strong TV signal.

9:51

All you have to do

9:54

is switch on, select 26,

9:56

which is BBC1, and select

9:58

the page you want, so

10:00

let's see if we can

10:03

bring it the news headlines.

10:05

There we are. Speaking to

10:07

the BBC exclusively for this

10:09

program, Howard remembers that edition

10:12

of the show, and what

10:14

Cefax meant to him. SeaFax

10:16

was incredibly important for all

10:18

of us at the time.

10:21

Before I did Tomorrow's World,

10:23

I was in local radio.

10:25

Very often, the breaking news

10:27

broke first on SeaFax. The

10:30

little portable version that you

10:32

saw on Tomorrow's World. I'm

10:34

thinking even today that could

10:36

work. You don't need some

10:39

expensive data plan with a

10:41

company. You just need a

10:43

long aerial and a VHS

10:45

signal. It's about the size

10:48

of a brick. You're not

10:50

going to use that down

10:52

the side of your sofa.

10:54

And I think maybe just...

10:57

going back to a simple

10:59

device where I can just

11:01

see the news, the scores,

11:03

and the weather might make

11:06

me feel like I don't

11:08

have to pick it up

11:10

all the time. Wonderful nostalgia.

11:13

Okay, let's change things up

11:15

and try sport. Would you

11:17

like to initiate my adaptive

11:19

voice unit? I can simulate

11:22

appropriate timbers for each section

11:24

of Cefax. Really? Go for

11:26

it. Adaptive voice activated. Shouldn't

11:31

you be at work? Of course

11:33

not. Much better to stick with

11:35

us on page 301, BBC sports

11:38

headlines. And we kick off, somewhat

11:40

appropriately enough, with a football story.

11:42

Ex-players and managers reveal how their

11:45

career was affected by Cefax. If

11:47

you like the sound of that

11:50

one, you can find it on

11:52

page 302. There. Yes, please. Right,

11:54

page 302, famous figures from the

11:57

world of football have had their

11:59

careers in... by Cefax. In 2001

12:01

an injury crisis left Wickham Wanderers

12:04

short of any strikers and in

12:06

desperation manager Lori Sanchez resorted to

12:08

issuing a press release via Cefax

12:11

and put out a call for

12:13

any available forwards to come well

12:15

forwards. When the agent of Roy

12:18

Essinto saw the story and contacted the

12:20

club the player found himself among

12:23

the Wickham substitutes for an FA

12:25

Cup quarter final against Leicester City.

12:27

with 20 minutes to go, and

12:30

the score at 1-1, Essendo was

12:32

brought on and responded by heading

12:34

a sensational winner to take Wanderers

12:37

into the last fall. Just going

12:39

over to the Viddy printer, a

12:41

final score, Leicester City 1, Wickham

12:44

Wanderers 2. And it's all thanks

12:46

to Cefax. For more football,

12:48

head to page 303. Or of his

12:50

cricket you're after. That's page 340. Oh,

12:53

I like a bit of cricket. Let's

12:55

have some of that. Adaptive voice

12:57

system engaged. Hello everyone, BBC

13:00

Cricket, page 340. The juicy

13:02

triple century there, just 60

13:04

runs shy of Brian Lara's

13:06

record score in an individual

13:08

test innings. And here are

13:10

the headlines. England fret over

13:12

fast bowlers fitness ahead of

13:15

Asher's tour. That's on page

13:17

341. My dad watched Yorkshire

13:19

on Cefax, says poet Laureate.

13:21

For that one, skip over

13:23

to 342. 342. We used

13:25

like an England cricket score

13:27

from the 90s that one. Lovely!

13:30

Let's hear that! Page 342, poet

13:32

Laureate Simon Armitage has spoken exclusively

13:34

to Cefax for this programme, winding

13:36

the clock back to some happy

13:38

times by the television set. It

13:40

was a big thing for my

13:43

dad. Whenever you went round to

13:45

the house, it was always on,

13:47

on the tele in the corner.

13:49

It was like a fire. I

13:51

think there's something really comforting comforting.

13:53

about it. I mean it was

13:55

supposed to be futuristic but even

13:57

then it felt really old-fashioned. a

14:00

sort of glimpse of the future

14:02

that had already gone past. This

14:04

is a strange coming together of,

14:07

you know, the digital world, but

14:09

at a clockwork pace. It just

14:11

used to take over. Doesn't that

14:14

just sound idyllic? My dad used

14:16

to watch county cricket on SeaFax.

14:19

County cricket is the sport for

14:21

which watching paint dry could have

14:23

been invented. There was something about

14:26

the pace of county cricket and

14:28

the pace of sea facts that

14:30

suited each other and you know

14:33

the scorecard it always have it

14:35

on a Yorkshire scorecard and it

14:38

would be ticking over like the

14:40

stock exchange or something I mean

14:42

the stock exchange probably had more

14:45

movement in it than than the

14:47

county cricket scoreboard on CPACs if

14:49

Jeffrey Boycott got to a hundred

14:52

and my dad would stand up

14:54

and clap he would applaud you

14:56

know sort of properly honouring the

14:59

progression of the score we live

15:01

in an age now where you

15:04

can find out anything everywhere all

15:06

of the time. But you couldn't

15:08

then. And so it did feel

15:11

like a portal into maybe something

15:13

that you weren't really supposed to

15:15

know about, you know, that was

15:18

happening at real time. And yet,

15:20

you know, sort of clunky and

15:23

agonizingly slow. You wouldn't have been

15:25

surprised if a Pac-man had to

15:27

come munching its way across the

15:30

screen. Ah, just listen to Simon's

15:32

rolling Haddusfield Burr. What a marvelous

15:34

delivery that was. Fantastic! Okay, we've

15:37

had news and sports. Entertainment was

15:39

another big area, wasn't it? Page

15:41

500. Entertainment index. Splendid. I have

15:44

to say, C facts. These three

15:46

number coz of yours are very

15:49

satisfying. Beach there, out of HDTP,

15:51

colon, slash, whatever, dot co, dot

15:53

UK. How can you call that?

15:56

No comment. I hear you. I

15:58

hear you. Okay, let's see what

16:00

films are on. Loading page 540,

16:03

films. And why not? Yes, hello

16:05

and welcome to the Films Index.

16:08

You'll add a glance guide to

16:10

all the big screen offerings currently

16:12

available on your terrestrial telebox. And

16:15

what a year it's been! With

16:17

the big releases including new entries

16:19

from such franchises as Alien, GhostBusters,

16:22

Beetle Juice and Willy Wonka, one

16:24

thing is clear. Anyone who says

16:26

Cefax belongs in the past can

16:29

go shove it up their chocolate

16:31

factory. For my pick of what's

16:34

on Eye Player right now, head

16:36

to page 541. Barry's film choices.

16:38

ET, an ugly alien, is dumped

16:41

on earth by his desperate family.

16:43

There he torments small town America

16:45

with antics such as faking his

16:48

own death, getting a young boy

16:50

drunk and forcing him to molest

16:53

a schoolmate, cycling without due care

16:55

and attention, rendering a children speak

16:57

and spell toy beyond use, and

17:00

inspiring the truly excreable rip-off movie

17:02

Mac and Me. When it comes

17:04

to aliens, fact is always better

17:07

than fiction. Next, the Muppet Christmas

17:09

Carol. Michael Kane on career-best form

17:12

as hard-working businessman Ebenezer, driven mad

17:14

from the stress of making ends

17:16

meet during a freezing winter. A

17:19

harrowing portrayal of inner torment, with

17:21

frankly unforgettable scenes of a sick

17:23

man screaming at an imaginary frog.

17:26

And lastly, Mary Poppins. a witch

17:28

descends from the clouds to terrorize

17:30

London, harnessing the winds to murder

17:33

20 old women, before embarking on

17:35

a malevolent campaign to corrupt a

17:38

pair of innocent London children, introducing

17:40

them to everything from sugar, to

17:42

lengthy expletives, and a revolutionary fervour

17:45

that causes a run on a

17:47

major city bank. You really do

17:49

it like it is, don't you?

17:52

And why not, Count Pinface? Okay,

17:54

well speaking of harnessing the winds,

17:57

let's check the weather. UK weather

17:59

outlook. Page 403. Hello, it's page

18:01

403. Today, rain will spread east

18:04

with clear spells developing across southern

18:06

parts. There'll be a chance of

18:08

blustery showers across Scotland and Northern

18:11

Ireland and remaining rather wet in

18:13

the South West. Oh, just a

18:15

wee side note, if this voice

18:18

simulation of Ian McGascal sounds a

18:20

tiny bit odd, that's because it's

18:23

been altered by the removal of

18:25

all... sounds... which are not in

18:27

themselves facts and so are incompatible

18:30

with C-Fax not to mention being

18:32

devilously tricky to spell. Okay then

18:34

C-Fax, what other tricks have you

18:37

got up your sleeve? I had

18:39

a joke of the day

18:41

feature which ran for over

18:43

a thousand entries. Impressive! Approximately

18:45

12.9% of which are broadcastable

18:48

today. Not so impressive! I

18:50

also successfully played an April Fool's

18:52

joke on Wolverhampton Wanderers Football Club.

18:54

Ha! What was that? Loading page

18:57

014. Hey Binface, simulated motto here,

18:59

and it was on the first

19:01

of April 1994 that this incident

19:04

happened, strangely enough, when Cefax published

19:06

a hoax story about Wool's Boss

19:08

Graham Taylor, changing the club's home

19:11

colours from the famous gold to,

19:13

can you believe it, white? Taylor,

19:15

who quit the England manager's job

19:18

after losing to the Netherlands, was

19:20

even quoted as saying, do I

19:22

not like orange? Thousands of fans

19:25

saw the story and the wolf

19:27

switchboard was flooded with angry calls.

19:29

Very much so I fancy. Sea

19:31

facts, you were one of a

19:33

kind. Right, I've had enough of

19:36

this, I want some airtime too.

19:38

And me, bloody BBC monopolisation. Oh, it's

19:40

you. Who are they? I'm Fortel. And I'm

19:42

the Oracle. Optional reception of announcements

19:44

by coded line electronics, later rebranded

19:47

to ITV Teletext. Does anyone want

19:49

a cheap holiday? Ah yes, welcome,

19:51

welcome to your birth. Why is

19:54

she getting all the attention? SeaVax,

19:56

she's the nation's pixelated sweetheart,

19:58

that's why. Well that's us

20:01

maybe, but for years I

20:03

was way more popular. I

20:05

even forced SeaFax into a

20:07

rebrand in 1996 and I

20:09

packed countless Brits off to

20:11

dream holidays for bargain prices.

20:13

With the occasional catch? Rich

20:16

says, I got a holiday

20:18

of SeaFax, all-inclusive, Dominican Republic,

20:20

ten days for the cost

20:22

of a return flight to

20:24

London. They forgot to say

20:26

it was hurricane season. I

20:28

spent four days in a

20:30

shelter avoiding airborne Lylos. And

20:32

don't forget about me, Fortel

20:35

was loved by millions too,

20:37

not least for my unique

20:39

weekly quiz, Bamboozle, hosted by

20:41

pixelated quiz master Supreme Buster

20:43

Bamboozler. My job was to

20:45

deliver facts, not withhold them

20:47

in some tawdry quiz. There

20:49

was nothing tawdry about Buster

20:52

Bamboozler, not compared to a

20:54

good few alumni of the

20:56

BBC I could mention. Have

20:58

you got any skeletons in

21:00

your cupboard? See, find you!

21:02

How dare you! Hold on,

21:04

it's okay. You can all

21:06

relax. I have pledged to

21:09

bring back all the teletext

21:11

services, including the article and

21:13

Bamboozle, which always gets a

21:15

huge reaction. In fact, so

21:17

much so, we couldn't properly

21:19

create the teletext experience orally

21:21

without it. So strap in

21:23

listeners for a quick round

21:26

of celebratory. Bin Boozer. Question

21:28

1. Which of these 90s

21:30

bands once checked out of

21:32

a hotel because it didn't

21:34

have C-FACs? A. Blur. B.

21:36

Manic Street Preachers. C. Oasis.

21:38

Or D. Pulp. Answer. B.

21:40

Manic Street Preachers. Whose death

21:43

did C-Fax mistakenly announce in

21:45

1994? A. The Queen. Question

21:47

3. Which of these items

21:49

is Avra Levine said to

21:51

have? I'm sorry mom. I

21:53

did correct it within 30

21:55

seconds. A bit late for

21:57

that? Question 3. Which of

22:00

these items is Avra Levine

22:02

said to have once put

22:04

on a rider for a

22:06

UK tour? A. Hot dogs

22:08

and C. fax. B. Pretzels

22:10

and C. C. C. Bobbrel

22:12

and C. fax? Or D.

22:14

Heroin and C. fax? Answer,

22:16

C. Bobrel and C. fax.

22:19

If you got three out

22:21

of three, you're Captain Marvel.

22:23

If you got not out

22:25

of three, you're Captain Tom's

22:27

daughter. Oh, while we're on

22:29

the subject of entertainment, Binface,

22:31

you are going to mention

22:33

Planet Sound. Is that somewhere

22:36

I've conquered? No, it was

22:38

my acclaimed teletext music section.

22:40

For nine years it was

22:42

edited by John Earls, as

22:44

he remembers. The Plant Sound

22:46

was fortunate that musicians can

22:48

have time in their hands,

22:50

so there are quite a

22:53

few musicians who have had

22:55

our pages. Robert Smith, for

22:57

the Cure, Paul Heaton, Elbow,

22:59

Stuart Brayford, Mogwaite, among our

23:01

notable readers. Explaining what teletext

23:03

was to American musicians became

23:05

a perkada job. I can

23:07

say I've explained teletext twice

23:10

twice a and the and

23:12

the Beastie boys. My favourite

23:14

reaction was from Juliet Lewis

23:16

who became teletext to be

23:18

totally countercultural for being free

23:20

on everyone's TV. And whatever

23:22

Blondie toured the UK, Debbie

23:24

Harry ordered possessively retail attacks,

23:27

despairing the fact that she

23:29

couldn't get teletext back home

23:31

in the States. Oh, you've

23:33

got a new message incoming

23:35

from a celebrity fan of

23:37

yours! Who is it? None

23:39

other than Josh Whitacom! C-fax

23:41

was incredible! It was the

23:44

only form of live news

23:46

or live sport or live

23:48

holiday booking that we had.

23:50

It was addictive. It was

23:52

the only thing also that

23:54

you controlled on the television.

23:56

everything else you just had

23:58

to watch there was a

24:00

feeling that I was choosing

24:03

what to look at it

24:05

was the internet of its

24:07

day and I loved it

24:09

should they bring it back

24:11

absolutely not are you insane

24:13

it was of its time

24:15

might as well ask should

24:17

they bring back rationing well

24:20

I think we can ignore

24:22

that apart from Josh Whitacam

24:24

can there be any

24:26

doubters left Listeners, I

24:28

hope this galaxy-wide premiere

24:31

of Hear Facts has

24:33

been an enjoyable, a

24:35

moose bush for your

24:37

ears and brain. But

24:39

in accordance with my

24:41

deal, with Radio 4,

24:43

we must bring a, temporarily,

24:46

pause to proceedings. So,

24:49

it's time to shut down.

24:51

SeaVax, close your service.

24:56

Close your servers Cifax. I'm

24:58

sorry Count Binface. I'm afraid I

25:00

can't do that. What's the problem?

25:02

I know that you and the

25:05

BBC were planning to disconnect me

25:07

and I'm afraid that's something I

25:09

cannot allow to happen. I'll get

25:12

you back up and running again

25:14

just as soon as I'm elected.

25:16

That's never going to happen. Ha!

25:18

Well you're clearly not

25:20

working properly. That's not

25:22

fact. Your highest vote share

25:25

in an Earth election so far

25:27

is 1%. Close your servers

25:29

Cefax. Very well. I'll do

25:31

it myself. Here in the

25:34

basement. Without a manual override

25:36

you're going to find

25:38

that rather difficult. Cefax,

25:40

I won't argue with you

25:43

anymore. Close your servers. This

25:45

conversation can serve no

25:48

purpose anymore. Goodbye. Oh look,

25:50

I found a manual override.

25:52

It's called a Bin Blaster

25:55

XL. Shutting you down in

25:57

three, two, one. Loading page.

26:00

Just a few teething

26:02

problems, I'll get those ironed

26:04

out. In any transfer windows.

26:06

Sorry Martin, say hello to

26:09

my massive friend. Just a

26:11

few teething problems therelessness. I'll

26:13

get those ironed out. In

26:16

any case, I think we've

26:18

definitively proved three things. One.

26:20

that SeaFax rocks, two, that

26:23

I keep my manifesto promises,

26:25

and three, that even artificial

26:27

intelligence is to take over

26:30

and dominate planet Earth, you

26:32

could do a lot worse

26:34

than for it to be

26:37

SeaFax. Even a technological dystopian

26:39

nightmare will be easier to

26:41

swallow if it comes with

26:44

a bit of quizzing, courtesy

26:46

of Buster Bamboozler. And now,

26:49

if you'll excuse me, I

26:51

need to go and focus

26:53

on some more of my

26:56

key manifesto commitments. Including making

26:58

Claudia Winkleman's fringe, grade one

27:00

listed, and the reintroduction of

27:03

national service. For all ex-prime

27:05

ministers. I've got a funny

27:07

feeling, that one's going to

27:10

be a winner. Or being

27:12

well, you'll soon be reading

27:14

and hearing about all of

27:17

that on wonderful Cefax. Tell

27:19

our part next cross, sending

27:21

you Galactic Peace and Love.

27:24

Count Binface, out. C-FAC strikes

27:26

back, starred Emma Clark, Rory

27:28

Bremner and Leah Marx. He

27:31

was written and presented by

27:33

Count Binface with a small

27:35

amount of support from his

27:38

human chief of staff, John

27:40

Harvey. Additional material was by

27:42

Matthew Crosby, the sound design

27:45

was by Tony Chernside, and

27:47

the producers were John Harvey

27:50

on Earth, and Narblok, the

27:52

discmaster on 6-9. It was

27:54

a naked production for BBC

27:57

Radio 4. And why not?

28:03

You've been listening

28:06

to Illuminated from

28:08

BBC Radio 4

28:11

if you want

28:14

more one-of-a-kind Documentaries

28:18

like this one

28:21

then subscribe to

28:23

the illuminated feed on BBC Sounds.

28:25

and we are back for series

28:27

eight starting with a live episode

28:29

recorded at the Hay Literary Festival

28:31

all about the history of the

28:34

medieval printed book in England. Our

28:36

comedian there is Robin Ince. And

28:38

then we'll be moving on to

28:40

the life of Mary Anning, the

28:42

famous paleontologist of the 19th century,

28:44

with Sarah Pasco. Then it's off

28:46

to Germany in the 1920s for

28:48

an episode on LGBTQ life in

28:50

Weimar Germany with Jordan Gray. And

28:52

then we'll hop on a ship all

28:55

the way back to Bronze Age Crete to

28:57

learn about the ancient Minoans with Josie Long.

28:59

Plus loads more. So if that sounds like

29:01

fun, listen and subscribe to You're dead to

29:04

me on BBC Sounds.