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is a hat chick podcast. Oh, you're

0:35

flesh. Hello

0:39

and welcome to In the News This Week, the podcast from some

0:41

of the team behind Have I Got News For You, where we

0:43

take you through our picks of the news this week when the

0:45

TV show can't. We'll be looking at

0:47

both the serious and not so serious news items and

0:49

trying to convince each other of which story we think

0:51

would have been perfect for the show if it was

0:53

on air. Which it isn't. But let's introduce

0:55

ourselves anyway. I'm Emerald Pastern. I write on

0:57

Who I Got News For You. I'm Jack

0:59

Harris, who's sometimes producer of the show. I'm

1:01

Mike Raymond, sometimes serious producer of the show.

1:04

And I'm Queenie Miller, the picture researcher for the

1:06

show, which is obviously essential for a podcast. Absolutely

1:08

key. Hello,

1:13

everyone. Hello. Hello. How are we all

1:15

doing this week? Excellent. Thank you. Where

1:17

are you, Jack? I'm in New York. I'm

1:20

here for the American Have I Got News For You. How's it

1:22

going so far? Haven't started

1:24

yet. I've only been here for two

1:26

days. It's absolutely pissing it

1:28

down over here. And I've located two

1:30

supermarkets when in New York is quite

1:32

hard. I'm looking forward to this

1:34

kind of insight into American culture and politics over

1:37

the next few weeks. I'm specifically

1:39

looking forward to it through Jack's eyes.

1:41

Just looking down at everything. It's

1:43

quite a juxtaposition. You're not the most American person

1:45

I've ever met, I think. Who is Queenie? I've

1:47

never shot a gun. Is that what you say? Have

1:50

you ever clapped when a plane lands? Well, my own

1:52

experience of that is on an easy jet flight where

1:54

they play in a clap, right? Which we don't

1:56

do on Have I Got News For You. You know

1:58

how some people are sailing? we do have can laughter.

2:01

That is always well me up. Great links to show.

2:03

That's a good fact. I'm in

2:05

Edinburgh for the Edinburgh Fringe and you know

2:07

what is a fun update? Liz Truss was

2:09

here. I saw the photo. Really? No way.

2:11

I know because I have her Instagram post

2:13

notifications on obviously because she's got me obsessed

2:15

with her. She actually did a show. She

2:18

appeared on stage because I think she misunderstood

2:20

that people weren't laughing with her. What show

2:22

did she go on? Roast Battle. 911lizards.com The

2:24

Stage Show. It was a 90 minute

2:26

chat with Ian Dale. There is someone doing

2:29

a Liz Truss show where they're just doing

2:31

an impression of Liz Truss which I wish

2:33

she went to. I think that would be

2:35

really funny. Because Liz Truss put a picture

2:37

of herself in Edinburgh and she's wearing a

2:40

very odd outfit and very weird pose but

2:42

the comedian who's doing the stage show about

2:44

them went and found the spot and took

2:46

a photo in the same place doing the

2:48

same face. It's very good. Emma and Mike,

2:50

you're in London. Great. Let's move on. Let's

2:52

get into round one and the big story.

2:54

Sadly, this week has to be the riots

2:56

here in the UK. It's another one of

2:58

those ones, isn't it, where we talk about

3:00

where it's kind of like there's not lots

3:02

of funny stuff in it. But you've got

3:04

to talk about it because it's in the

3:06

news and it's what happened and it's involved

3:08

in politics and we would cover it in

3:10

the show. I always think like usually, you

3:13

know, as she says political and I suppose

3:15

it is, usually on the show the

3:17

biggest thing we have is balance. You've got to have balance.

3:20

And I think one of the things about this is it's not

3:22

about balance. It's just racist. It's

3:24

just moronic racist. It's not

3:26

even divided down party lines. That's how you know

3:28

how clear cut it is because,

3:30

you know, you've got Pretty Patel calling out Nigel

3:32

Farage for inciting it. I know, right? When you

3:35

have to side with Pretty Patel, we know something's

3:37

gone horribly wrong. But Robert Genryk was having a

3:39

little dabble with, you know, potentially it's not their

3:41

fault. You think, okay, all right. We see where

3:44

you're going down this line of trying to opt

3:46

on that side of the Tory party. So desperate

3:48

to be in charge. He's so desperate to win

3:50

at any cost. He said people

3:52

should be arrested for saying Al-Uwakbar, which

3:55

means God is great. You think, but he

3:57

said children in immigration centers should

3:59

have a good time. the cartoon characters on their

4:01

wall painted over. Of the two I

4:03

think I know who should be in jail for what they're

4:05

saying and it's not the people saying how to act but

4:07

again it shows that whole thing about the Tory leadership they're

4:09

all just trying to find a difference they just want to

4:11

separate themselves from other people. You know this thing all the

4:13

instigators went abroad because Nigel Farage went to Hong Kong because

4:15

I imagine for him going to Hong Kong and seeing how

4:17

the Chinese run it like a dictatorship now it's a bit

4:19

of a sort of like Disneyland political wet

4:22

dream when no one gets to dissent. He

4:24

did an LBC interview and said it's probably

4:26

the police's fault that they didn't give enough

4:29

information after the incident happened her interesting happened

4:31

which allowed sort of misinformation to come in

4:33

and they should have come in earlier. You

4:36

know the sort of misinformation like

4:39

from Nigel Farage who said straight afterwards

4:41

I don't think they're telling the truth

4:43

so he thought he's complaining that

4:45

the police gave him too much

4:47

space to make some

4:50

speculation up which you think is fantastic you know

4:52

he's literally going full circle to go well you

4:54

know what if you'd have been better I'd

4:56

have been better and I quite like Leanderson

4:59

saying the problem has been caused by smug

5:01

politicians. I thought of all people.

5:03

He's the king of the smug politicians. So

5:05

smug. Such a smug man. So to

5:07

give me his official nickname as given

5:09

in by Ian is like Leandertal. There

5:12

was a really funny moment from this which

5:14

made me really glad that I didn't delete

5:16

Twitter but Tommy Robinson he was tweeting about

5:18

the fact that he's been getting so much

5:20

love and support during this obviously very tough

5:22

time for him and he's

5:25

shared some screenshots and accidentally in those

5:27

screenshots there was a text from his

5:30

lawyer former lawyer saying that

5:32

she couldn't represent him anymore.

5:34

It's you couldn't write

5:36

that it's absolutely brilliant. And

5:39

the right-wing press they all piled onto

5:42

him for inciting hatred against

5:44

foreigners from abroad and I thought given

5:46

most of the owners of those papers tax

5:48

arrangements I think they're just upset because that's

5:51

usually their job. I feel great clear they

5:53

were doing Vox Pops. I mean it's literally

5:55

like shooting fish in a stupid barrel like

5:57

they're being Vox Pops with the rape. I'm

6:00

not even going to. It annoys me they're calling

6:02

them protesters and I'm normally really on side with

6:04

it, but they're not. They're racists and they're rioters

6:07

and they're fascists, but they interviewed

6:09

this racist woman and she

6:11

said, well, it's like the Titanic. They

6:13

overfilled that with people and look what

6:15

happened. It sank. It

6:17

is quite fun, isn't it? You think at what point

6:19

did she turn off the film Titanic

6:22

to decide that was the conclusion? And then

6:24

I'll go out and rob Greggs. And also

6:26

it's a film based on a true story

6:28

where a boatload of immigrants, British immigrants are

6:31

going to America to seek a better life than

6:33

themselves. Yeah, I think that's the thing,

6:35

isn't it? Although it's quite a serious topic. You

6:37

just try and focus on the stuff that is

6:39

quite funny. Like I really enjoyed someone pointing out

6:41

that there's a picture of a guy who had

6:43

a balaclava on to kind of hide his identity.

6:46

He's also wearing a vest with a

6:48

very, very specific, massive Middlesbrough

6:50

sea tattoo on his arm. And

6:52

you think, I have no idea how they'd identify that guy. You know,

6:55

the most key bit of

6:57

information you get is a custom tattoo.

7:00

So there's one guy, he was spotted looting

7:02

Greggs. He had about a handful of gingerbread men.

7:05

There's a guy coming out of Lush and he

7:07

had a gift box. And then he

7:09

came out of what I thought was Carphone warehouse with

7:11

a couple of phone cases. And you

7:13

think he's going to have the shittest

7:15

tombola. Also going for Lush. They're

7:18

going to be able to find them so easily because

7:20

they're going to stink. They're going to smell so much.

7:22

The police are going to just be walking down the

7:24

street and go, I can smell that

7:26

strawberry bath bomb and bottle off. Good luck using

7:28

that in prison. Ironically,

7:31

I think the Lush employees would be

7:33

better at handling the riots than the

7:35

police. Really? They're so forceful.

7:37

They do get in your face. It's like

7:39

being corralled. You feel it. Actually while we're

7:41

on air and talking about the riots, actually

7:43

live in one of the areas where

7:45

supposedly the racists were going to come and

7:48

protest and just present a video of thousands,

7:50

tens of thousands of people gathering in an

7:52

anti-fascist alliance and just peacefully saying, we're not

7:54

going to stand for this. I would like

7:56

to think we will play that in on

7:59

the show in some capacity because it's important

8:01

for us to show in a

8:03

national capacity that there are far more people who

8:07

say love Trump's hate and the fascists

8:09

can go fuck themselves. Heather Elon

8:30

Musk made in this sort of spat

8:32

with Kia is that there

8:34

was one of the writers, he couldn't attend because

8:36

he had a broken ankle or like a broken

8:38

heel. So he basically wrote

8:40

on Facebook, yeah, you should go and burn

8:43

a mosque. And that guy was convicted this

8:45

week, I think he's been sent to jail.

8:48

And Elon Musk shared that story and

8:50

said that essentially, the UK is like

8:52

the Soviet Union because of this guy

8:54

getting sent to prison for what he

8:56

deemed as free speech, which is actually

8:58

just inciting hatred. Quite simple to

9:00

convict someone of that, but Elon Musk thinks it's

9:03

a bit complicated. I got a theory he's sort

9:05

of come out on the side of the racists

9:07

and the arsonists and I can only assume because

9:09

he identifies with them because everything he makes also

9:12

ends up on fire. Rockets,

9:15

cars, tough man, people around the

9:17

world, they sort of suffer from

9:19

misinformation about immigration. Key person

9:21

who's suffering from that Donald Trump, he

9:23

suffers from misinformation because he didn't understand what

9:26

people meant by certain terms of the immigration.

9:28

And he said this week he was getting

9:30

mixed up asylum seekers with

9:32

mental asylums and he keeps on

9:35

doing any speeches. I've noticed him doing that,

9:37

but I didn't put it together that he's

9:39

mixing up those two words because he keeps

9:41

talking about Hannah Elector, right? He said this

9:43

week, they're coming out of mental institutions and

9:45

pouring into our country. And he

9:47

says this definitely just mixed up the same

9:49

seekers. Which is really dangerous for him because

9:51

that's like one of his key demographics for

9:54

voting for him. The Hannah Elector

9:56

thing's insane. He keeps bringing up, but I

9:58

think he's talking about the actor. Talking about Anthony

10:00

Hopkins. He says the wonderful Hannibal Lecter or something

10:03

like that. What a guy. He said,

10:05

he's a great guy. I don't think we could

10:07

try and follow the logic of his speech. I

10:09

love that there's so many different theories on this.

10:11

Well, I read a theory that he's got Anthony

10:14

Hopkins mixed up with John Voight. So

10:16

the actor John Voight and Anthony Hopkins are

10:18

always similar. John Voight is very right wing.

10:21

So not only does he not mean Hannibal Lecter, he

10:23

actually means the actor who played Hannibal Lecter. And not

10:25

only does he not mean the actor who played Hannibal

10:27

Lecter, he means just a completely different actor. Just

10:30

to tack on with another American news. I'm

10:33

in New York by the way. Absolutely

10:35

insufferable. Already. Already.

10:39

So Kamala Harris picked

10:41

her VP. Tim Waltz.

10:44

I was watching Fox News over there and they

10:46

showed a clip of Kamala calling

10:48

him up to say, let's do this.

10:51

And they pointed out the fact that in

10:53

the clip, he's wearing like a camouflage cap,

10:55

which is key though saying to like getting

10:57

this kind of like middle America demographic. And

11:00

they were like, that's the reason they picked

11:02

him because he's wearing hunting gear. Yeah, like

11:05

a Midwestern dad vibe. Yeah, exactly. So I

11:07

was thinking if a politician wanted to get

11:09

the biggest like block of votes from the

11:11

UK public, what would they wear? Like

11:13

if you had a T-shirt, the queen, a lot of

11:16

people, quite a lot of people would get behind that.

11:18

What, in like a sex pistols way or in a?

11:20

Or maybe ambivalence. So it could be sex pistols, could

11:22

be patriotic. And then you'll get everyone. That's actually very

11:24

good. Yeah. Or just

11:26

one of Lady Diana. I

11:29

reckon that would unite quite a lot of votes

11:31

around a person or just a Greg sausage roll.

11:33

Isn't there like a Primark Greg's range? There is. Quite

11:36

inoffensive Greg's. People love it. All the little

11:38

brand sliders. I think

11:40

given how inexplicably popular things like

11:42

Coldplay are, you really have

11:44

to go towards the blandest possible

11:47

thing to get the most

11:49

amount of votes. Yeah. So I think

11:51

I just have a teacher that was just like, keep

11:53

calm and carry on. And then there's

11:55

like a bulldog in union jack colors on the

11:57

back. The thing is you say that I think

11:59

the bulldog. might be taking it too far. The

12:02

Keep Calm and Carry On evoking a kind of

12:04

World War II stuff thing. I can actually imagine

12:06

Keir Starmer wearing that. Really, that's like a proper...

12:09

Yeah. Yeah. And then people photoshopping the

12:11

end of the Keep Calm, Carry On thing to be

12:13

like different funny memes. Hey,

12:15

what? Keep Calm and... Say your dad

12:17

was a tour maker, you know, stuff that is... Yeah,

12:20

nice. Keep Calm and Starmer On. Keir

12:22

Calm. Keir Calm and Starmer On. I

12:25

think I'm having a strike. People

12:34

often ask me what my regular London pub

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is, but that assumes there's a pub I

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can easily return to, so please stop asking

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pub reviews, written by Paul Ewan and

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That's quince.com/upgrade. Welcome

14:12

back to In the News This Week. Now it's time

14:14

for round two where each of us will share a

14:16

news story from the past week that we believe would

14:18

be ideal for round two of Have

14:20

I Got News For You? Jack. Hello.

14:23

Please tell us what story

14:25

you've brought this week. So I'm sticking with

14:27

sort of US news again. Of

14:29

course you are. Is that our US

14:32

correspondent over there? Jack, are you in America?

14:34

I'm in America. You

14:36

haven't said it eight times. No,

14:39

I'm stuck with an America story. So there

14:41

is a guy called Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

14:43

who was essentially the third presidential

14:45

candidate, right? And he's kind of

14:48

rose to prominence slightly. He's always been knocking

14:50

about in the sort of political classes, the

14:52

nephew of JFK. But people were

14:54

really talking about him being this potential

14:56

candidate because everyone was so

14:59

unhappy with Trump and Biden. And so he's gaining a

15:01

little bit of traction and

15:03

he's just had a series of just like absolutely

15:05

mad stories about him. One of them

15:07

being just as a little aside in

15:09

May, someone reported that in his divorce

15:11

proceedings, he said the reason he'd forgotten

15:13

about something to do with divorce is

15:15

because he had a brainworm

15:18

that died in his brain and deleted some of

15:20

his memory, which is an amazing

15:22

excuse. And that kind of hampered him

15:24

a little bit. But he ran with it and just like,

15:26

yeah, I got a brainworm. The brainworm could be

15:28

his VP. That is

15:32

his ticket. Me and brainworm.

15:34

But they'd constantly be saying who's in

15:36

charge, really. Who's actually in charge. Brainworm

15:39

would appear to obviously the intellectual

15:41

voters. He's going for the

15:43

metropolitan elite. What

15:45

you just meant is make Brian worm. But

15:48

he got confused in his head. That actually

15:50

makes him sound even more mad to be honest.

15:52

And then he comes out and says, sorry, I

15:54

remember Brian worm. But this week he got into

15:56

another controversy because he released a

15:58

video of Confessing to

16:01

dumping a dead

16:03

bear in Central Park. Now this

16:05

is like 10 years ago in 2014, police

16:07

found a dead bear and they were like, they had

16:10

no idea what was there. It was there with a

16:12

bicycle. 10 years later, the New

16:14

York Times find out that actually it

16:16

was Robert F. Kennedy who found this dead bear.

16:18

And basically he tried to get ahead of the

16:20

story by releasing this video where he

16:22

said, yeah, you know, I was out on

16:24

a falconry expedition, which like, you know, just

16:26

standardly what you do. Found this

16:28

bear and he was gonna skin it and eat it.

16:31

Again, standard fodder, you know, when you find

16:33

a dead bear, but instead he

16:35

thought it'd be a bit of a laugh to

16:37

drive to New York, drop it in Central Park

16:40

and make it look like a bicycle accident

16:42

happened to kill this bear. And

16:45

I just love the idea that he's

16:47

trying to get ahead of

16:49

a story and he's like, I'm just gonna squash the story

16:52

by admitting to something which is absolutely mad.

16:54

As if he could make it sound more sensible. Yeah,

16:57

he was like, well, if I explain it, it will

16:59

make sense. In any other

17:01

presidential race, some are

17:03

admitting to planting a dead bear in the

17:05

middle of Central Park would be

17:07

the maddest thing that a presidential candidate has either said or

17:10

done. But we live in

17:12

a different world now. He's trying to out-Trump Trump,

17:14

you know? Trump could have already well said that

17:16

and he's just plagiarized them. Trump's

17:18

basically like the infinite monkeys,

17:20

infinite typewriters in a

17:22

trench coat. That's basically

17:24

what Trump is. The New York Times had a picture

17:26

of him with this dead bear

17:29

cub as if it's trying to bite him. And

17:31

when asked by the New York Times what

17:34

was happening, he actually told the

17:36

New York Times, oh, maybe that's where

17:38

I got my brain worm. From fake

17:40

biting. I'm joking. Wow, from that.

17:42

Which I don't know if you said that

17:44

tongue in cheeks, still a very funny quote and

17:46

we put out that probably pretty good things to

17:48

put up. And also his excuse for like

17:50

why he dumped it in Central Park was because

17:53

he had to go to the airport, but he

17:55

didn't want to leave this dead bear in

17:57

his car. Which again, I love it. I love

17:59

that you're trying. the airport you go, fucking I picked up

18:01

that bear. You have to do something with it. Which

18:04

again, great quote to stick up. I think you'd

18:06

ask the panel, what would you do if you

18:08

had a dead bear in your car and you

18:10

had to go to the airport? What would you

18:12

do with it? And

18:14

again, there's no answer. There's no answer. I didn't have

18:17

a dead bear in your car. You wouldn't have a

18:19

dead bear. My brain heard you

18:21

ask that and went, no, you can't possibly have asked

18:23

that question. But you

18:25

know what? Now he's owned up to it.

18:27

That's his cross to bear, as opposed to

18:29

people walking around Central Park who had a

18:32

bear to cross. And that's my life.

18:34

That's good. That's the sign off. That's the sign

18:37

off. Emerald, live from Central Park. Wow.

18:40

Back to you in the studio. Yeah, that's my

18:42

little round two story. Well, that was

18:44

a waste of time, Jack. When

18:48

he's rule of terror. The power's gone straight to

18:50

our head. Yeah. Emerald, what about

18:53

you? Which story have you brought for

18:55

us this week? Yeah, so my

18:57

story is a very silly science story

19:00

and it leads us into a few connected areas. My

19:02

story was widely reported in the papers.

19:05

It's about the best way to stop

19:07

seagulls stealing your chips according to science.

19:10

Basically, there's a professor, Paul

19:12

Graham, who's an animal behaviorist

19:14

at the University of Sussex.

19:17

And the key to stopping seagulls

19:20

from stealing your chips is pointing

19:22

and making eye contact. So

19:25

basically treat ET like

19:27

an informational video on how

19:29

to stop seagulls. Was this from like Diary of

19:31

a CEO? Was this Steven Martin being like, so

19:33

I'm going to man out. It was actually from

19:35

a BBC podcast. So essentially, you've got to

19:38

be as you're eating your chips, sort of wheeling

19:40

around with your hand pointing out to make sure

19:42

you're catching any seagull that could possibly be within

19:44

the vicinity. Yeah. I mean, that's how I eat

19:47

my chips normally anyway. But to

19:49

avoid dive bombs from seagulls, there's an extra

19:51

move you can do. You can

19:53

adopt a position that the Daily Star referred to

19:55

as the James Bond wall stance, because

19:57

they're really trying to make the story exciting. And

19:59

that is... where you stand against a wall for

20:02

added protection because nothing says 007 like

20:04

cowering by a wall and coming out of the chest.

20:07

I like it being called a wall stance where it's

20:09

standing next to a wall. Standing by a

20:11

wall. So this is according to science but

20:13

did they like test this? Did they get

20:15

people to go out and try different methods?

20:17

Well this story was so important that the

20:19

Express sent a news reporter down to Brighton

20:21

Beach for an article titled I tried ultimate

20:23

hack to stop seagulls stealing your food and

20:25

it was a complete success. So it really

20:28

worked for him. I had to watch a

20:30

video longest two and a half minutes my

20:32

life of him sitting there on a beach

20:34

pointing at seagulls. It's funny because I

20:36

was writing down possible stories around to you

20:38

this week and there's a guy called Greg

20:40

the seagull in Bournemouth who's

20:42

terrorizing residents and

20:45

LBC sent a reporter down to

20:47

talk to people about their stuff getting

20:49

it by Greg the seagull. You said a guy is he

20:52

an actual seagull? Yeah I was so confused. Is a

20:54

guy dressed as a seagull? No

20:56

this is the name for a guy who steals loads of chips off

20:58

people. No it

21:00

is a seagull hookreg. A Scottish seaside cafe

21:02

has started offering seagull insurance as

21:04

dozens of customers keep having their

21:06

toasties stolen. This guy who

21:09

runs the cheesy toast shack he

21:11

says that people who get their sandwiches

21:13

stolen can have them replaced

21:16

if they pay an optional 50p charge

21:18

upfront when they're buying the sandwich. That's

21:20

good. I'd take that. So how do you prove the

21:22

fact that a seagull ticket? That's my first because I'm

21:24

in instantly thinking well I'm getting myself a couple of

21:27

sandwiches here. Seagull

21:29

stolen another one. Nightmare. Why

21:32

have you got crumbs all around your face? No reason. Yeah

21:35

I got one bite in. Yeah you're basically getting a second

21:37

toastie for 50p. Yeah what you do is you eat most

21:39

of the toastie and then you just hold up the rest

21:41

of the toastie in the air for it

21:43

to be stolen. We did a seagull story

21:45

around two seagull stories. We did. I remember

21:47

what it is because I had to get the

21:50

image from the guy Frank Jordan I think his

21:52

name was. The thing is that he

21:54

made it into such a big deal like he got

21:56

he got in contact with the paper and the story

21:58

was he had his block of cheddar and

22:00

apparently a seagull came

22:03

and attacked him for it. Why was he eating

22:05

a block of cheese? He wasn't eating it, it

22:07

was just leaving the supermarket. You have to only

22:09

have certain types of cheese around seagulls. You

22:11

have to use cheese carefully. Oh

22:13

very good. Moving on. Thank you Emma,

22:16

that was great. Okay I

22:18

thought the reaction to mine was bad.

22:20

That's pretty much fair. That will see.

22:22

That sounds worse arguably. That sounds worse.

22:24

I'm happier than mine. No I actually believed it as well. Which

22:27

story do you have for us Mike? I

22:30

actually don't just have one story. Obviously I've missed all

22:32

the seagull news and I'm not

22:34

in the big apple like Jack. Or

22:37

as Jack calls it, the apple. So

22:39

I thought I'd do a series of smaller

22:41

stories round up. But I thought

22:43

well what we'd normally do with these, there's nothing there you

22:45

go, oh that's around too. We do

22:47

missing words and we haven't recovered that yet on the

22:50

pod. So I thought we could have a little game

22:52

of missing words. Yeah excellent. So your first one is

22:55

the Queen's son says what is

22:57

one hell of a deal. Free

23:01

accommodation in prison. I

23:04

would love it if it was that. Probably would be around one. Whether

23:07

the Queen's son thinks the Wetherspoons beer and

23:09

burger is a fantastic deal. Do you know

23:12

what? I've seen Charles in there before. You're

23:14

not far off. Oh really? Are you joking?

23:16

No no no you're not far off. It's

23:18

Greg's. Yeah

23:21

Greg's when he's out with his

23:23

mates writing. No it's Queen's

23:25

son says Mil from fish and chip shop in

23:27

Bristol is one hell of a deal. It's

23:30

Tom Parker bowl so it's

23:32

not, it's a classic bit of misdirection. He's

23:35

a big fan of the meal deals you get there. Did

23:37

he practice the point and stare technique?

23:40

His butler's valet. Okay

23:44

your next one, woman who finds

23:46

eggs that what puts it up

23:48

for auction? I actually know this

23:50

one. She found a one in a

23:52

billion circular egg. A circular egg. It

23:54

was completely spherical but I feel like

23:57

one in a billion eggs isn't that many eggs.

24:00

That's true, yeah. We get through a lot of eggs.

24:02

I'm going to share my screen and see if you can...

24:04

Oh, bloody hell, Mike. Don't get too technical, man.

24:06

Just so everyone can giggle it. There it is.

24:09

Whoa! Whoa. One in a

24:11

billion egg. They've just turned it to look

24:13

at the end of an egg. That doesn't

24:15

necessarily say it. I need to see a

24:17

video of that egg turning. I don't know.

24:19

Why are you so skeptical? But eventually

24:21

she's putting it up for auction. One went recently

24:23

for £480. Who's

24:26

buying that? The race is on because apparently

24:28

the egg goes off on the 20th of August,

24:30

so... What's the next missing word? Cambridge

24:33

Man becomes local celebrity over

24:36

his oversized what? Aubergine?

24:39

Not an aubergine. We do like an oversized

24:41

fruit or vegetable, but it's not that. He's

24:43

in Cambridge. Punt stick. Top

24:46

pack. Punt stick, nice. I'll be honest,

24:48

if you haven't seen the story, it's going to be very hard to get. Go on.

24:51

Cambridge Man becomes a local celebrity over

24:53

his oversized models of household items.

24:55

So this is Steve, a retired

24:57

handyman, from Standground in Cambridge

24:59

here, who one day, his quote

25:02

is, after a prolonged bout of rain stopped

25:04

him going out to play, that's

25:06

a piece of five-year-old. Horrible. That's a

25:08

practice quote. He said, I looked at

25:11

my tape measure and I thought, I

25:13

wonder if I could build this exactly 10 times bigger?

25:16

Is he OK? Listen, we've all had

25:18

the thought, but who's actually followed through? And he's

25:20

built a series of household items. Do you want

25:22

to see some of them? Absolutely. Mike,

25:25

I love this media. It's also really impressive that you're making

25:27

it work. It's great for an audio format as well.

25:29

Yeah, we might have to describe it. Oh,

25:31

that's great. Oh, that's awesome. So

25:34

he's done a plug and a

25:36

fuse. He is beaming next to

25:38

a plug the size of his

25:40

torso and a fuse the size

25:43

of like an airport-sized Toblerone. But

25:46

what I love the most about it

25:48

is that the comment underneath, how sassy

25:50

and sort of like snarky the art

25:52

of the gems being by saying, everyone

25:54

needs a hobby. Very harsh. Are

25:56

you ready for your next one? It's a tape

25:58

measure. And he's got

26:00

our own actual tape measure next to it just so he can

26:02

measure the tape measure with his tape measure But what does he

26:04

measure his smaller tape measure with? Oh,

26:07

that's a clothes peg a giant clothes

26:09

bag I think that's my favorite Has

26:12

Mike uh kicked himself off the mic

26:14

drop from my Big

26:17

bag i'm out. I love that.

26:19

I used to the clicking stop presentation. I

26:21

click I click leave Um, I

26:24

really took a shit with my clothes on there

26:26

So yeah, it's like the gordon brown closing down

26:28

the lid of his laptop style the greatest ends

26:31

to an interview ever Gordon brown an instrument booty

26:33

news former prime minister and charlotte extractor gordon brown.

26:35

Thank you very much But

26:39

um steve from cambridge he said

26:41

men and women have different reactions

26:43

men are noticeably more impressed The men

26:45

say wow that is out of

26:47

this world And the women go

26:50

Where are you going to put that? I

26:53

quite like the gendered stereotypes of it But

26:55

I also like how much of the men's

26:57

monkey brain comes out where they're like big

26:59

thing And they're like impressed by

27:01

that man made big thing. That's why mike chose

27:03

this story Yeah, I was just impressed by his

27:05

big thing I'm not ashamed to

27:07

admit it. Thanks mike. So I

27:10

didn't enjoy that at all My

27:12

story this week the headline really jumped out

27:14

at me And so i'll read it for

27:16

you an egyptian mummy with

27:19

a screaming expression May

27:21

have died in agony say researchers

27:28

Basically there's a mummy that's been

27:30

uncovered that looks uncannily like the

27:32

scream painting It's very animated and

27:35

they've thought about it. They puzzled for a bit

27:37

They've had some funding and they thought yeah, this

27:39

person was in extreme pain when they died. Well

27:42

done That's excellent. The more interesting thing

27:44

is that they could have blamed it

27:46

on poor barming

27:49

because they forgot to

27:51

take the organs out properly joking the agony

27:53

was down to then She wasn't

27:55

actually dead. I what kind of trying to get the

27:58

organs out and they failed Just

28:00

put it in the coffin. She wasn't buried

28:02

alone. This is a pharaoh from 3,500 years

28:04

ago, but she wasn't buried

28:06

alone. She's buried with her mother. So

28:08

I assume that's why she's screaming. She's like,

28:10

oh, fuck. Jesus,

28:13

I'm buried with my

28:15

mother. Queenie, do you want to talk

28:17

about it? Is

28:20

there a photo of the mummy? There is a photo. Oh,

28:23

amazing. Oh, wow. She's not very happy at

28:25

all, is she? She's actually the only person

28:27

who's in the audience for Liz Trost's Edinburgh

28:29

show. I think she was reacting to that

28:31

guy's huge objects. Like, what? That's not an

28:33

hour. Yeah. Where are

28:35

you going to put that? It's

28:40

the moment everyone's been waiting for. The

28:43

results. So, Jack, which

28:45

story do you think should win this

28:47

week? I kind of have a bit

28:50

of a penchant for seagulls. As in

28:52

seagull, daft seagull stories. I kind of

28:54

like bad science, so I quite

28:56

like that. And it's the summary story. A

28:59

lot of people relate to it. And also, you've

29:01

got the added thing of there was kind of like pointing out

29:04

the fact that people are kind of desperate

29:06

to talk about something other than the riots. Emerald,

29:08

what about you? I enjoyed

29:10

the many layers of Jack's Robert F.

29:12

Kennedy Jr. story. Just

29:15

the amount of weirdness,

29:17

bizarreness, involved

29:19

in the brain worms, the bear, the falconing.

29:22

Even the activity you thought was the

29:24

normal activity is a

29:26

weird activity. So, I'm going for Jack's.

29:29

Mike, who's your winner? Well, I

29:31

did really enjoy delving into the relationship between

29:33

you and your mother through the lens of

29:36

ancient Egypt. Then I also remembered, in amongst

29:39

the seagull stuff, there's a really good seagull

29:41

video I saw recently. There's this guy, this

29:43

tattooed guy, and he's like a proper

29:45

geyser. And he's walking along the beach and

29:47

his daughter goes, Dad, watch out! The girls! And

29:50

his seagull comes in and he's just without taking a

29:52

look at what he's just going, bush, just punches a

29:54

seagull in the face and it goes off. And

29:57

it made me think, well, we could like, read...

30:00

deploy all these racists who

30:02

just want to have someone or something to fight. We

30:04

can just redeploy them around the coast to

30:06

punch seagulls so that people can come to

30:09

Britain and eat their chips in safety knowing

30:12

that we've repurposed racists. Mike Raymond for

30:14

PM, go on. I give my vote

30:16

to Emerald with the seagulls.

30:18

Thank you. I was very tempted to

30:20

go with Robert F Kennedy Jr because

30:24

he's mad and he's a conspiracy

30:26

theorist but also like a really good environmentalist

30:29

and an anti-vaxxer. You never know which way

30:31

he's going to go. I think there's a

30:33

lot to cover there but I'm also going

30:35

to go seagulls. Can't get enough of them.

30:37

There's too much good stuff in there. Thank

30:40

you so much. Emerald wins.

30:43

I'm going to treat myself to some fish and chips and

30:45

I'm going to... Stand by a wall. Stand by a wall

30:47

and point at the seagulls while I

30:49

eat them. Thanks for listening to Indonesia's Week

30:51

and thanks Queenie for bringing so much enthusiasm,

30:54

vim and viv to the hosting world.

30:56

Sure, definitely. Long wait continue. Thank you.

30:58

I'm doing like a really pained smile. I'm

31:00

doing impression of the Egyptian mummy world. For

31:04

updates on the show make sure you're following

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to it now and we'll see you here for

31:23

next week's episode. Don't do it. Bye.

31:26

Bye. Awful.

31:29

In the news this week is presented

31:32

by Jack Harris, Queenie Miller, Emerald Paston

31:34

and Mike Raymond. The producer

31:36

is Diggeri Waite. The engineer is

31:38

John Wakefield. The executive producer

31:40

is Claire Broughton and the music is

31:43

by Big George. In

31:45

the news this week is a Hat Trick podcast. Do

31:52

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filled with scientific information rather than

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