0:00

This is a Haptic Podcast.

0:02

Oh, we're off left. Welcome

0:05

to In News This Week, the podcast from

0:08

some of the team who've worked on Have

0:10

I Got News For You. I'm Emerald Paston. I'm

0:12

Mike Raymond. I'm Queenie Miller. And I'm Jack

0:14

Harris. We'll be taking you through the

0:16

big and not so big stories in the

0:18

news this week when the TV show can't.

0:20

Think of it like this, if the main

0:22

show is Trater's Winner Harry, then we're this

0:24

season's Linda. Oh, brutal. But fair.

0:31

Hello! Where are you from? Hello. We're back

0:33

for series two. It is really good to

0:35

be back. It is. Very exciting, isn't it?

0:37

Yeah. Also, we haven't actually, because This is

0:39

the first episode. We did the episode in

0:41

between. We had the US special, but this

0:43

is the first episode we've done since the

0:46

last series happened. And we had Ed Davion

0:48

as a guest as well. I mean, not

0:50

me personally. I wasn't working on the series,

0:52

but you guys had Ed Davion. Genuinely. It's

0:54

quite fun. We go and brief the guest

0:56

before the show and just check they're okay. And

0:59

you're going and the politicians it can be a

1:01

little bit frosty or they can be quite

1:03

nervous Or, you know, often they'll have their aides

1:05

with them. and you might get a

1:07

few grillings like, are you going bring this up? What's

1:09

gonna be said here? You're not gonna talk about this. And

1:12

we knocked on Ed door and I was

1:14

literally nervous and he opened it. And

1:16

he had them, because it was the last show

1:18

before Christmas, we had a Christmas dinner in

1:20

studio. And he just picked up and pointed at

1:22

it and he went, hey, turkey. and

1:26

um And he apparently no but

1:28

and he was so happy to

1:30

have turkey. and he said I

1:32

think he's he's His wife doesn't let him

1:34

have this is hot off

1:36

the press and I'm sorry Ed, hotting

1:38

you up He was stuffing his face with

1:40

turkey and was really happy You know

1:42

I mean the saddest thing as well you

1:44

You about all the different political leaders

1:46

And, know when Kemi has turkey on Christmas

1:49

Day She wouldn't be having sandwiches

1:51

the next day, would she? Because she's not, that's

1:53

not a thing. She probably have cooked her

1:55

gammon as well in room temperature, Coke Zero.

2:00

it just of. of was just left out

2:02

for several weeks. Because that is the hardest way.

2:04

She always has the hardest way. She she's really

2:06

hard. the is so much better than talking

2:08

about politics, just talking about what hard. Let's guess

2:10

what famous people are. than That's the best thing

2:12

you ate over Christmas. The best thing I

2:14

ate, my mum does cook the turkey really well.

2:16

She does it in her big green egg, eat.

2:18

which is this strange barbecue thing. over And it

2:20

actually has The best way she cooks it. does

2:22

cook the turkey really well. She does an

2:24

egg and it's great. egg, which

2:27

is this strange barbecue. and

2:29

it makes the turkey taste turkey taste

2:31

like already had our first bit

2:33

of misinformation had our first bit of she's

2:35

had a tasty turkey the known

2:37

to be just the worst. that

2:40

Day night. had a don't trust people who

2:42

don't have turkey for Christmas. known to be

2:44

just the worst let's get into round one.

2:46

Moving on! I don't trust people who don't

2:48

have for Christmas. Um, let's get into year!

2:50

one. Let's get into round we

2:52

discuss the big story of

2:54

the week, of which is

2:56

which Musk's attack on on

2:58

across the political spectrum as

3:00

they go back to

3:02

work. as they go back to work. Who Who

3:05

wants to start with the name of someone? someone

3:07

who who Elon had a go out week. Quite

3:09

quite a long list. Yeah. Well, I was was

3:11

actually thinking, would it make a fun

3:13

graphic to have like a have like a just

3:15

some way of some way of... all the

3:17

different faces of people that he's insulted. that

3:19

he's insulted. Yeah, a sort of perfume, sort then

3:21

it gets sprayed and out of

3:23

the mist, the face appears. a face appears. He

3:25

lawns musk. which is annoying because he

3:27

actually has bought out his own had bought

3:29

didn't he? own aftershave, burnt hair. burnt hair,

3:31

great, by the way. great by the way. I'm

3:33

it right now. now. I I think the

3:35

one that probably is the funniest. that

3:38

we would we would probably look at

3:40

at. as a a show to be the whole

3:42

be the Musk -Musk relationship that that was

3:44

the kind of thing that that

3:46

a nice twist into it that

3:48

we didn't expect expect and Nigel Farage

3:50

did not expect either. either. It basically

3:52

sparked by Elon Musk. He's a

3:55

big fan of Tommy Robinson. Tommy isn't?

3:57

Interesting. Interesting. He seemingly was annoyed that

3:59

Nigel Farage didn't promote Tommy Robinson and said

4:01

he wouldn't include him in the reform party. he So

4:03

he tweeted out and said the reform party needs

4:05

a new leader, out doesn't have

4:07

what it takes. party which is

4:09

incredibly funny. doesn't have what it was

4:11

only in the 16th of

4:13

December. funny. Because it was only in the 16th

4:15

us in no doubt that

4:17

he's right behind us. left us in no doubt

4:19

that push him off a cliff. That is

4:22

where he was standing. to push think he

4:24

had an interview with the That might where he was

4:26

standing. I think he it was an interview sure

4:28

it was on the day that Musk turned

4:30

turned against him. he he did this

4:32

big, how great how great is. He

4:34

said, oh, he's a cult hero. kind He kind

4:36

of makes us look cool. um like the

4:38

thing is me saying thing is, me saying

4:40

that doesn't quite do justice to

4:42

how horrendous it is when he

4:44

says it, will make you just will make

4:46

up in your just and throw up in

4:49

your mouth and never look at anything

4:51

again again. so it's so so awful. It's

4:53

a that we describe them as the tic-tocks Yeah, we're big on

4:55

big on the tiktoks. The only way

4:57

could be could he said it makes

4:59

he said it makes us look coolio. This is is why

5:01

like win for Faraj, He said, oh, I'm

5:03

not going to compromise to It

5:05

just gives Chuck Faraj a chance to look. gives

5:07

Farage a chance think it'll play

5:09

well with it will play his fan

5:11

base or his fan base. It's a reform source that

5:13

said Nigel Farage is not for

5:15

sale. is not for sale. you're

5:18

on on cameo. and you've got got

5:20

76 quids. Where literally for sale. He's

5:22

literally for sale. Yeah, yeah. Or Yeah,

5:24

it came out today, you're the

5:26

owner of a the owner of a gold bullion

5:28

and you're willing to pay him

5:30

willing ,000. almost 200,000 pounds hours hours which

5:32

was another thing that he that he as

5:34

an MP. an sure that would turn

5:37

out to be turn out to be than those

5:39

things. than those be bought. can't be bought.

5:41

I was this close to

5:43

getting Mike Nigel Farage cameo for Christmas. Really? Yeah. Oh,

5:45

you shouldn't have. What was you shouldn't have. the

5:47

message, Queen? I was going to be

5:49

the message, to speak I just the him to speak

5:51

from the heart, you know? else else on the

5:53

team to get me a Nigel Farage mark

5:55

Christmas. I I don't know why there's

5:57

this connection between me and Farage. and

5:59

Farage. other. We've done a few rallies done

6:02

a few rallies together,

6:04

to Florida been on Are you

6:06

his like placeholder in you his,

6:08

like, be Galacton? We'd be a bit surprised when he

6:10

be amazing. It's be a bit surprised

6:12

when he came back. It's interesting that

6:14

the huge and that was to be maybe

6:16

still is going to be given to

6:18

the reform party by Elon Musk,

6:20

which is really contested and maybe not

6:22

legal in British politics. We don't

6:24

really know at the moment. know at the

6:27

moment. is funny funny that... Farage

6:29

essentially fallen for that. for that.

6:31

I'm an African I'm an and

6:33

I want to deposit millions

6:35

into your account to deposit millions into your

6:37

account scam. major name mother's

6:39

favourite member and your favourite member of

6:42

the EDL? Because I doesn't really

6:44

know what to do.

6:46

Because he's gone for to do. Because he's

6:48

gone for a few people now. people now

6:51

and for us... clearly a bit uncomfortable with

6:53

it, but it doesn't with it but of

6:55

the connotations of him being friends with

6:57

Trump. connotations of being this thing once. was

6:59

a few years ago. I was a few

7:01

my ago I hadn't I was desperate for

7:03

a haircut. and I was desperate for a hair cut. Where

7:05

is this coming? I dashed that work and I managed to get

7:07

I a to get into a and I sat

7:09

I sat down lovely lovely guy cutting

7:11

my hair it was it was a really

7:13

good and I'm was halfway through. and at

7:15

at that point he me that he also

7:17

cuts Katie Hopkins' hair Katie Hopkins hair. what

7:19

a great person she was and

7:21

how brave she was. brave she was and

7:23

I would would compare this situation

7:26

to that to that in that moment

7:28

I was like, armor or forage

7:30

in in the chair. the

7:32

the hairdresser was scissors were trump

7:34

the I was were I need to be

7:36

I was like, you need to be nice

7:38

to you hair I want a good something

7:40

there's something really dangerous close to my

7:43

neck. and my and my suddenly don't

7:45

matter too much anymore. Like from that point

7:47

whenever you went into went into a barber's did

7:49

you ask for the that Hopkins? Is that you a

7:51

great that sense. Is you like it was

7:53

weird. He did kind of He did

7:56

my like with my face a

7:58

bit, over my face a bit. I want to leave. a

8:00

little moustache. But a Gabrielle style. Yeah,

8:02

sure, let's go with I wonder

8:04

if the best person to take

8:06

Musk on from British politics is

8:08

someone who you've mentioned who's equally

8:10

cringe online and kind of impervious

8:12

to criticism. It's a bit harsh on Jack. I

8:16

feel like Ed Davy could be the guy. feel

8:18

like if you sat Ed Davey and Elon Musk

8:20

down, it would be like, you know, when you

8:22

put two chatbots together and they go back and

8:24

forth for a turn, do they just be saying

8:26

internet There was there

8:28

was an interaction with them I

8:30

didn't see that. Overnight. And it

8:32

was funny because Ed Davy, again,

8:35

he's fairly harmless. Apart from if

8:37

you're a post office worker, he's

8:39

fairly harmless, right? sea. But But

8:41

Elon Musk called him a snivelling

8:43

cretin on Twitter, which you're

8:45

like, absolutely Again, catching strays

8:47

just out of nowhere. It's

8:49

mental that he's even got to

8:51

say why is Musk talking about British

8:54

politics? But he's been doing it in France

8:56

and Germany as well, hasn't he? Yeah. Norway. He

8:58

called Olaf shots a fool. which enough.

9:00

Yeah. To make it sort of

9:02

a slightly more serious point. Yeah. The

9:04

big thing that Musk has been

9:06

calling for is to have a national

9:08

inquiry, right? And that is part

9:11

of the contention is that he's basically

9:13

saying, Labour not allowing a national

9:15

inquiry to happen. into child sexual

9:17

exploitation. But as

9:19

it's been pointed out by a number

9:21

of people, like like I think

9:23

Victoria Derbyshire listed all of the inquiries

9:25

that have happened in the last

9:27

10 years where they have looked into

9:30

this with the major one, which

9:32

was the Professor Alexis Jay, which is

9:34

the one everyone's been talking about

9:36

where it got released in 2022. And

9:38

essentially it said, here's 20 recommendations

9:40

to fix this problem. And

9:43

they haven't been done. They haven't been taken

9:45

forward. And like. she herself

9:47

has disagreed with the fact that a

9:49

Inquiry should happen. And it said, no,

9:51

just make these implementations. That's what needs to

9:53

happen. And she's kind of said, okay, it's

9:55

good that people are starting to do this

9:57

now and look at it properly And the

9:59

government are starting. to bring in in these

10:01

recommendations, because it's been brought to But

10:03

But she did say the way that way

10:05

that Musk has gone about it, it

10:07

isn't great. problem is is the problem is,

10:10

is when you don't do things

10:12

properly, and this is fundamentally your Conservative or Labour,

10:14

lived down, whoever, in power, power, and no matter

10:16

what you think, generally. There's

10:18

right thing to do in these situations. And by

10:20

And by not doing those implementations, and it's you

10:22

know, with the you office, it's similar to what

10:24

happened with Hillsborough for years, you

10:26

then leave yourself open to people like us

10:29

coming in and taking advantage of the situation. taking

10:31

it's kind of like, the infuriating

10:33

of like been allowed to happen that

10:35

that's been allowed to happen there's a perfectly there's a

10:37

path there to putting in safeguards in

10:39

place to ensure things like this don't

10:42

happen again, again, people don't want to

10:44

go the hard go the hard yards. But ironically,

10:46

I think as well, that as well, of defense

10:48

of not many times you hear me

10:50

say that, you hear was someone who tried

10:52

to put safeguards in place, and so

10:54

was in place, and so So all the people

10:56

to go after, all the it's incredibly stupid. I

10:59

thought it was interesting I thought it was interesting

11:02

that chimed in at the perfect moment

11:04

to be like... to be like, we

11:06

should do this inquiry and the blah blah

11:08

blah. previous story were the people in

11:10

power at the time at that

11:12

was happening. that was happening. Yeah. Crazy. about

11:14

the action, one of them, about the

11:16

report came out in 2022. that the who's

11:18

complaining about it? 2022, guess who's Who

11:20

likes to get involved, still stick

11:23

their head in Who likes Johnson involved, still

11:25

stick their head in and... Boris was. Liz Trus.

11:27

Liz in Who was? Prime Minister used to

11:29

prepare In her her She She didn't have

11:31

enough time. time. She was... She was only

11:33

Prime Minister for 49 days, which

11:35

gives it a a 13 the chance

11:37

that the report happened in 2020. her

11:39

tenure in 2020. You can't be

11:41

solving scandals when you're creating them.

11:43

at to do one at a

11:45

time. busy she was busy just fucking

11:47

the economy big things One of the

11:49

big things that they asked within

11:51

this report was for social media

11:54

companies to clamp down on. kind of

11:56

stuff getting through and making sure that children

11:58

don't get to see stuff that that... they

12:00

shouldn't do. Obviously that Elon Musk has

12:02

taken that action on, hasn't he? I mean,

12:04

with Twitter, which is now known to

12:06

be one of the safest places online. Yeah.

12:08

But Metta now. Zuckerberg, yeah, in Meta.

12:11

I've now decided that also I think they

12:13

think it's a good thing to just

12:15

get rid of fact checkers. So Clegg

12:17

is out of Metta also Sheryl I

12:19

think, isn't on the board now. When

12:21

I first read the Nick Clegg leaves

12:23

Facebook thing, I forgot that he was

12:25

part of the, like, board in the

12:28

jo - I thought it was just, like,

12:30

big headline about him. Oh, like, he

12:32

deleted his Facebook account. Going to Blue

12:35

They put me like, guys, sorry, God, I

12:37

just need to, it's just not the same space

12:40

anymore. Nick gone. I guess it's interesting, like

12:42

Nick Clegg, you know, probably quite good in negotiations.

12:44

Like, I guess he's done some work with

12:46

speaking with world leaders. but But what, who they

12:48

have bought onto the board now is Dana

12:50

White, the head of the UFC. So it's going

12:52

to be very much more like a, someone

12:54

disagrees with them. challenges them to jump in the

12:57

octagon with them. That's how all politics should

12:59

go, really. That's how it's all going to go.

13:01

Also, can I just call you off on

13:03

the fact you said Nick Clegg's good at negotiation?

13:05

Nick Clegg, listen, I was in my...

13:07

Nick Clegg into government with the Conservatives

13:09

like three key things he wanted and

13:11

came out having done none of them

13:13

in fact in some cases having done

13:16

the opposite of them and when yeah

13:18

we did good. I take it back

13:20

Dana White is an improvement in terms

13:22

of political nows negotiations sorry Jack I

13:24

just feel like we've gone away from

13:26

what this podcast is supposed to be

13:28

about which is guessing what people have

13:30

for Christmas dinner That's

13:33

true. Welcome

13:36

back to In The News this week. It's time

13:38

now for round two where I'll ask you to bring

13:40

a story from the past week that you think

13:42

would be perfect for round two of the TV show.

13:45

Jack, let's start with you. What story have you

13:47

got for us this week? My story

13:49

is about a mysterious

13:51

plate. of peeled

13:53

bananas. Oh, is this just your

13:55

Jack's just lost some bananas. Sounds

13:57

like the next Richard Osman book. No,

14:00

it's about a plate of bananas

14:02

in Nottinghamshire, right? So basically, what

14:04

happens is this plate of peeled

14:06

bananas keeps appearing on the corner

14:08

of a Nottinghamshire street once a

14:10

month, 15th 20 bananas on a

14:12

plate. And they reckon it's been

14:14

going on for about two years,

14:16

but no one knows why. And

14:18

suddenly it's become a new story.

14:20

Now, I particularly like this. I

14:22

feel like it's very haven't got

14:24

news for you because it's the

14:26

sort of that Paul would get

14:28

very pissed off. about quite quickly.

14:30

Because it's kind of a non

14:32

-story story. There's

14:35

a couple of theories as to why

14:37

this plate of bananas is there. One

14:39

person said it could be feeding local

14:41

wildlife, someone's there. but that theory

14:43

dismissed quite quickly because no one

14:45

has seen a peck taken out

14:47

of them. That's the exact quote.

14:50

Someone said it could be a

14:52

potential religious offering. because the street corner

14:54

is opposite a church. I don't know

14:56

who they're offering it to, the priest? He's

14:58

not very hungry, though. Or someone said maybe they're

15:00

trying to poison animals, which is my favourite.

15:02

What, they're putting stuff in the bananas? I guess

15:04

so. There was no explanation. It was one

15:06

of the residents that said, I hope they're not

15:08

trying to poison animals. Oh my God, that's a

15:10

guilty I'm really happy you've kept

15:12

us on brand of food stories the

15:14

new direction in this podcast is making

15:16

me really happy. I feel like you know

15:19

how in the U .S. they had all those

15:21

drone sightings and it was a big mystery?

15:23

I think this is the British version of that.

15:25

I also like the Guardian got involved

15:27

because I think it was originally

15:29

important BBC and Guardian got involved

15:31

and they flexed their investigative journalism

15:33

muscles by reporting that when they

15:35

visited the only remaining evidence was

15:37

15 bananas discarded in the hedgerow.

15:39

But the

15:41

plate had been removed. Oh,

15:43

my God. you know what? The Guardian investigative

15:46

journalism has really gone downhill. They did a

15:48

story before Christmas and we didn't have time

15:50

to cover it in the show. But there's

15:52

this thing about the most expensive mince pie

15:54

in the country and it's bakery that does

15:56

them. And the Guardian sent a journalist up

15:58

there and the article, I can't believe. published

16:00

it. This journalist basically goes up there and goes,

16:02

I've come to try the most expensive minced

16:04

pies, but I came up on the day and

16:06

my train from London took too long. So

16:08

the time I got there, they sold out. So

16:10

I just walked around for a bit and

16:12

then I managed to find someone who'd actually tried

16:15

one. No way. And they told me they're

16:17

delicious. way. And that is genuinely the article. And

16:19

then the very same day on the Times

16:21

website, the Times had a proper article about it

16:23

where their journalist had tried one and had

16:25

a picture of them talking to the bakery owner.

16:27

It was just really funny. Can I give

16:29

you Well, some more of their fantastic investigative

16:31

work, right? Right? I'd say no, but I

16:33

know you're going to anyway. See, I'm

16:36

gonna to it anyway, right? They reported that

16:38

one resident, Claire Short, her name was,

16:40

she left a laminated sign saying, please, respectfully.

16:43

No more bananas, exclamation mark.

16:46

but she then took it down. telling

16:48

the garden that they

16:50

didn't want to make it like a

16:52

feud. could cause a

16:55

split, basically. Oh, very good chat.

16:57

Is that your joke with the Guardians?

16:59

Unfortunately, it's something I came up

17:01

with. Oh. But But I would say

17:03

my favorite detail in the reporting

17:05

is that one woman. who peering out

17:07

her window a few doors down said, what

17:10

bananas? So they

17:12

don't they can't be that prominent someone

17:14

who lives two doors down has no

17:16

idea about these bananas. well. They were

17:18

definitely trying to hit a word count.

17:20

I loved it. I absolutely loved it.

17:22

this woman said nothing. I

17:24

genuinely would love to see that story in

17:26

the show, because I you said, I'd love

17:28

to see Paul dismantle it for the ridiculousness

17:30

that it is. Emerald, which

17:32

story have you brought? Well, you'll be

17:34

pleased to know I'm not staying

17:36

in the past with the old houses,

17:38

the usual stories that I do,

17:40

but I'm moving into the present. This

17:43

story about a video game. Yeah,

17:45

New season, you meet, this video game

17:47

isn't even released yet. The Guardian

17:49

named it as a game to look

17:51

forward to in 2025. It's releasing

17:53

on Valentine's Day this year. Valentine's Day?

17:55

Yeah. Because it's a game called

17:57

Date Everything, and it's a game where

17:59

you can date households appliances. There's

18:01

100 day-to-old. You know it's

18:03

been great. been great. Isn't this like this

18:05

like a Channel 5 documentary? It

18:07

feels that way in feels that way in

18:09

many ways. The man who

18:12

married his toaster. yeah. One review said, get

18:14

review said, get ready to smooch

18:16

100 household appliances. in. I'm in. This

18:18

I'm in. I'm in. They sounds excellent.

18:20

a They include a smoke alarm,

18:22

a cabinet, a laundry basket. It

18:24

describes itself as a a... dating

18:27

simulator, which is a which is a bit

18:29

confusing because it doesn't look like sandbox

18:31

is one of the items can actually the

18:33

items you can You, the player it. the game,

18:35

receive the game, VR glasses called the date-viators, which I

18:37

which I actually think that AV would

18:39

would have been a better name. anyway, When

18:41

you when you put them on, transform they

18:44

household items into into dateable. beings

18:47

and you can chat them up them up and...

18:49

So your house, your own object. It's

18:52

not actually in your own house,

18:54

it's in in your house. house, it's in like

18:56

the look at a dishwasher and

18:58

then it transforms into some kind okay.

19:00

But you look at a Jacks had

19:02

that dream then it I'm gonna

19:04

be honest with you, the first time I

19:06

got a funny feeling in my stomach

19:08

was with the that dream. I'm and the Beast. to

19:10

be honest with you. I was going to ask

19:12

ask which items would you most like

19:14

to date, like to date, like the idea

19:17

of smoke of smoke detector. It's hot. I go for a plug

19:19

socket, because when I I it'll be the

19:21

last thing the last thing I ever have to do. And it

19:23

won't have to to in a world where

19:25

people play a computer game where they

19:27

date household objects. objects. you want

19:29

to guess what sorts of sorts of

19:31

different objects have in the game? in the

19:33

game? Yeah. got three examples. of So, what

19:35

kind of data do you think

19:37

the do is? fireplace? Oh, fiery. fiery. Quick. But also

19:40

very, a bit bit of a money

19:42

drain and maybe like a

19:44

gold digger very expensive very expensive to

19:46

turn it on and it costs

19:48

you a lot of money. and it costs

19:50

you a lot of all wrong. It's a

19:52

It's a pick-up line spouting frat boy. That's the

19:54

fireplace. I'll see that. The The toaster. What

19:56

sort of character do you think the

19:58

toaster is? Really is? Bye.

20:01

thank you. Thank you. good

20:04

spend too long with it, you get burnt.

20:06

nice Can't take a bath with it. That's

20:09

for pretty much all of

20:11

these aisles. I don't take

20:13

into bath. You guys aren't thinking

20:15

sexy enough. The toaster is a cute girl

20:17

with a guitar in the shape of

20:19

a bread slice. Sorry, toaster in the bath

20:21

wasn't sexy enough. That's

20:24

greedy's ideal date. Finally,

20:27

a cupboard. Caste armor. toaster

20:30

pretty solid, traditional. Wouldn't try

20:32

and sleep with you until at least

20:34

the eighth date Comes with a

20:36

lot of baggage though way The

20:38

cupboard is a stylish Italian. No. So

20:40

yeah, I think a lot of the

20:42

characters don't really match up to the

20:45

household. I think you guys have much

20:47

better suggestions. I'm really enjoying Mike's unwillingness

20:49

to get on board. with this is

20:51

a cry for help is what this is

20:53

whoever's designed this game you guys are very wrong

20:55

because the creator said our mantra was we want

20:57

to make something where you wouldn't be embarrassed if

20:59

anybody walked in on you playing it. You

21:01

wouldn't be embarrassed if someone walked

21:03

in and you were trying to chat

21:05

up a toaster. Oh, what are

21:07

you doing? Yeah, I'm trying to cop

21:10

off with the oven mate Don't

21:12

worry about me. yeah no, nothing to

21:14

be embarrassed about here. yeah and

21:16

is JD Vance's ultimate game, man. Oh,

21:18

yes! With the couch. We're

21:20

not going to see anything of

21:22

him beyond Valentine's Day, are we?

21:24

still vice Or is

21:26

that Musk at this point? what I'd about

21:29

him completely he still is. We won't need

21:31

to worry about that because he'll be literally

21:33

won't see him thank you

21:35

very much, what story

21:37

do you think would be perfect for

21:39

him well I'm gonna tell you I was

21:41

captivated by a headline. It was in the Daily Mail

21:43

and the headline is. Pope Francis

21:45

calls out nuns and it's about

21:47

Pope Francis beef with nuns. I

21:49

don't see if you guess why

21:51

Pope Francis would call out a

21:53

nun. singing in

21:56

the Alps too

21:58

much? that's really, do you know what? That really,

22:00

that's probably the nicest thing anyone said today. I

22:03

was just going to say that

22:05

Pope Francis has been one of

22:07

my goats of 2024. think he's

22:09

been he's been crazy. He's been

22:11

doing crazy I don't think anyone

22:13

has said goats of 2024 are

22:15

moving crazy. I'm making it up.

22:17

And David definitely has, and Davey

22:19

definitely has. Yeah, okay, fair enough. Yeah,

22:21

I've absorbed some of his energy since

22:24

the show he was... on. What, what,

22:26

is it Mike? No, he had an

22:28

audience with some nuns and it was

22:30

actually broadcast on I believe Catholic TV

22:32

Which hilariously exists? Do you know watch

22:34

it? That's my go to. No, subscription

22:36

lapsed Catholic Joe Fila. hope Francis calls

22:39

out nuns. He was having this audience

22:41

with him and he told them sometimes

22:43

in my life, I've met nuns

22:45

with a vinegar face. And that's not

22:47

friendly. That's not something that helps

22:49

to attract people. vinegar is

22:52

nasty nuns with a vinegar face.

22:54

Let's not even talk about it.

22:56

He's basically gone in and told his

22:58

punching nuns. cheer up love. It's

23:02

mild, dear. It's the white man.

23:04

of the Vatican. He does

23:06

drive white van. He's got

23:08

the ultimate transit, hasn't he? Yeah,

23:10

yeah, yeah. he's like, stuff around.

23:12

Yeah, cheer up. Mine never happened. Full

23:14

360 degree view of the birds.

23:16

Yeah. Well, I think he's been

23:18

taking into that by watching maybe some

23:21

Jim Davidson stand up. Because he

23:23

went, he wasn't done there. No.

23:25

He added... and please, no

23:27

more gossip amongst you, none. To

23:30

ask this of a woman

23:32

is heroic, but come on, no

23:34

more gossip. I take back what

23:36

I said at the start about

23:38

Queenie, your hero. Queenie,

23:40

Una reverse that, the next

23:42

day. He's now has

23:44

been revealed that he's promoted the first

23:46

nun to be the head prefect of

23:48

the Vatican, which a role in all

23:50

its hundreds of years no woman has

23:52

ever occupied. He's moving

23:54

mad. That's what I said, yeah. He's

23:57

moving mad. Okay, I take back that I

23:59

took it back. He's been been crazy

24:01

this year, he's just doing what whatever

24:03

he wants. The head the head What's the

24:05

head Make sure Make sure all the

24:07

up for lunch. for lunch. wasn't allowed

24:09

to be to be I had half my head

24:11

shaved I not half my head shaved and I've to

24:13

be a gone over. I wasn't allowed to be

24:15

was a house either. I was

24:17

so. It makes so much

24:19

sense. so much sense. Jack. what's your

24:21

silence? silence? Jack was home were you

24:23

a Jack were you a the deputy head of the

24:26

school, No, I was the you're a

24:28

teacher. of the head of the

24:30

school that's... Oh yeah, because totally cool

24:32

come over Not the not fussed

24:34

about it school, you got anything

24:36

more on that story, Mike? boy. It's totally

24:39

cool, I'm over it. I'm not

24:41

it doesn't. it. Have you got

24:43

haven't. more on that else to

24:45

add. Too bad? The moving

24:47

crazy, Mike moving crazy. Mike

24:50

moving crazy. And finally

24:52

it's time for round

24:54

three of the podcast,

24:57

the brand new

24:59

missing words round. I'm

25:02

it's time for round three of the

25:04

podcast, the brand new the news this week

25:06

going to read some headlines for the

25:08

news this week, and all you

25:10

need to do is fill in the

25:12

missing words. like the show! we do we

25:14

do actually play this though, don't we? we? Yes. So know

25:16

this, but on the day we record the show,

25:18

we do a rehearsal with day hosting, and we a

25:20

rehearsal They don't come till later. They don't know

25:22

what's going to be in the show. stand in as a

25:24

we get to go to her and play Missing

25:26

Words. come to a agree it's probably the most fun bit

25:29

of the day in to get a funny get to And

25:31

if you can make the person who's hosting laugh, it's

25:33

quite nice. they Have you ever done that, all the

25:35

great for the most fun bit of

25:37

important. to get a funny missing

25:39

word? we ready So

25:41

ready okay. World chess one

25:43

quits tournament after refusing

25:46

to refusing to what? Remove his

25:48

plate of bananas. Admit that to

25:50

a nerd? After putting V.R. glasses on

25:52

and falling in love with a

25:54

sexy toast. After getting

25:56

distracted by a sexy toast.

25:59

Close. number one tournament after

26:01

refusing to change jeans. to change did

26:03

see did see this. Yeah, Magnus Carlson says he's too old

26:05

at this point to care too much about

26:07

appealing the decision and we'll will probably head

26:10

off somewhere where the weather is a bit

26:12

nicer. Is it that the it that the jeans

26:14

to cheat listed on them? on them? No, you

26:16

just broke dress code regulations, they have

26:18

to be a bit fancier. to be a did

26:20

actually land back did eventually didn't they, they him

26:22

back in though, and allowed him to

26:24

come back in. and back on their to

26:26

come back in. Yeah. It's kind of of like telling

26:28

Beyonce she can't come and do

26:31

a concert in the chess world. the chess

26:33

world. What because wearing he is the Beyonce

26:35

of chess. He is the Beyonce of

26:37

chess. Yeah. That's beautiful, Jack. U.S. tells

26:39

residents to stop

26:41

sticking stop sticking what on its statues?

26:43

Confederate soldiers? Trump

26:45

Trump stickers? Oh, close. U.S. US tells

26:47

tells residents to stop sticking

26:49

googly eyes on eyes on its This

26:51

is a story from a story Oregon, which is a

26:54

real place. which is has spent $1,500

26:56

,500 on removing the eight eyes

26:58

from seven of the

27:00

eight sculptures impacted. Facebook user's reply,

27:02

really liked one cost zero reply to

27:04

leave them cost $0 a leave them

27:06

on. It feels like it's going to have the really good

27:09

point. It feels like it's going to have

27:11

the Oh, yeah. So now that's been reported on.

27:13

it's been reported on. going to do it. So gonna do

27:15

it. so many more eyes. Is it it actually

27:17

the work of street artist Blinksi?

27:19

Oh, sorry guys. I'm ill if that's any

27:21

That is. I'm ill if

27:23

that's any I do on my best day. like

27:26

what I do on my sick. I'm the

27:28

only cure is And the

27:30

only cure is jokes. Yeah, more

27:32

funny. Congregations are ending sermons with ending sermons

27:34

with and more more and more

27:37

Britons do not know religious etiquette.

27:39

Is it it all gee? Is it ha, ha,

27:41

ha, ha. they it telling be so

27:43

that they shouldn't be

27:45

so gossiping. What were the nuns gossiping about? That's

27:48

were the nuns gossiping

27:50

about? a gossiping about about the and

27:52

he And he didn't like it. It's like, stop

27:54

talking about me. about me! the are

27:56

the but but gossip? know? know? The Gospels

27:58

are gossip. gossip. whole. is like you

28:00

did did Oh my god and then Jesus

28:02

he like took one one fish took like 500

28:05

500 people it was crazy you

28:07

should see what you're my with the what

28:09

he done with the water it

28:11

was to stop exaggerating Sharon. He from

28:13

the dead from the dead. I like to look.

28:15

He was like I don't believe you and honestly you

28:17

should have seen him when he

28:20

saw his saw his hands. It was

28:22

unbelievable. The are ending

28:24

sermons with applause rather than by

28:26

saying than by As more and more as more

28:28

and not know religious etiquette. know one

28:30

comment was made by a

28:32

priest that said in my last

28:34

parish congregation took to applauding the

28:36

applauding the a service of the Holy

28:38

Communion the the organist gave them

28:41

a stern telling organist gave them a stern

28:43

telling off. Wow! I quite like that, like, it

28:45

out people are quite nice are quite

28:47

nice. Yeah. like no you don't give

28:49

any appreciation to the give any I

28:51

was laughing because I was just

28:53

thinking of people going in the

28:55

name of the Father, Son, I

28:57

Holy Spirit. because I was just thinking of

29:00

was in the name of done,

29:02

Queenie. That was son, holy

29:04

fun. spirit. Yeah. That was we Well done,

29:06

We should be saying was

29:08

really from. Thanks. Why are we

29:10

clapping? What the... We you for

29:12

listening to In The Knees

29:15

this week. For updates on the show, make

29:17

sure you're following Have I got news for you on

29:19

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29:21

a missing word for you guys to get can

29:23

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29:26

emailing can also get in touch with us by emailing with two

29:28

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29:30

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29:32

now and we'll see you here for

29:34

next week's episode. Take it away listening to

29:36

it series, we'll see you here for

29:38

next week's episode. Take it away, Jack. First time

29:40

this series series. In the news this week

29:42

is presented by by Jack Queenie

29:44

Miller, Miller, Emerald Paston Mike Raymond.

29:46

The producer is Diggery Waite. the

29:48

engineer is Wakefield, The the executive

29:50

producer is Claire Claire Broughton. the

29:52

music is by Big George.

29:54

George. In the In the news

29:56

this week is a hat

29:58

trick podcast.