0:00

This is a hat-chick podcast. Oh,

0:02

you're flat. Welcome to In the News

0:04

This Week, the podcast from some

0:06

of the team who've worked on Have

0:08

I Got News for You. I'm Emily

0:10

Paston. I'm Mike Raymond. I'm Queenie

0:13

Miller. And I'm Jack Harris. We'll

0:15

be taking you through the big and

0:17

not so big stories in the news

0:19

this week when the TV show

0:21

can't. Think of it like this.

0:23

If the main shows are prize-winning

0:26

a prize-winning corrupt entry, then we're

0:28

a prize- It's funny

0:30

because I went to the Westminster Dog

0:32

Show at Madison Square Garden when I

0:34

was out here. I did an event, just meet

0:36

the breeds, where you meet those dogs

0:38

of different breeds. You go on your own? No,

0:40

I have people that I'm friends with, so that's

0:42

okay. Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just take all of

0:45

this stuff in New York, just on

0:47

my own. But it's confusingly called the

0:49

Westminster Dog Show, which they also have

0:51

the Westminster Dog Show. In Westminster, which is

0:53

when all the MPs get their dogs

0:55

and show them off on Parliament

0:58

Square. They just bring

1:00

one person from the House of

1:02

Lords each. Yeah, they get their BDSM

1:04

gear out. Like on a lead, they like

1:06

kind of drag them around. It just

1:08

reminded me of crafts, I just

1:10

thought I'd bring it in. No,

1:12

it's nice. I'm sorry for sending it

1:15

on it immediately. Shit's doing on it.

1:17

Nice. Okay, that's a clean. It's our

1:19

last episode of the series, which is

1:21

quite wild, isn't it? Yeah, I'm joking.

1:23

I'm joking. Mike would probably have come in

1:25

earlier at this stage and taken the Mickey

1:28

out of one of my stories. That's kind

1:30

of an indication that he's not here. We're

1:32

missing. It's a loss. Although he can't make

1:34

it, he has of course since a

1:36

voice note to compensate. So let's have

1:38

a listen. Sorry I'm not there for

1:40

the final positive series, but at least

1:42

now you can enjoy talking about things

1:44

like memes and the Rizzler and there'll

1:46

be no one there to roll their

1:49

eyes about it. So yeah, go to town.

1:51

I would have joined you, but I've

1:53

made a promise not to do any

1:55

work whatsoever until Tottenham win another game.

1:57

So I guess this is my retirement.

1:59

Is that it? Oh no! I've been

2:01

informed that is actually not the

2:03

last we're going to hear of Mike.

2:06

Whoa. Don't worry. Oh! We are going

2:08

to hear them again at some point.

2:10

But round one, discussing the big story

2:13

of the week, this big announcement week

2:15

that Labour are going for, it looks

2:17

like they're going to be cutting a

2:19

lot of things, including welfare bill, which

2:22

is going to be one thing. They're

2:24

also cutting down of planning permission. They're

2:26

also going to be talking about getting

2:28

civil servants back in the office and

2:31

getting rid of civil servants. So

2:33

it's this big week of announcements

2:35

in terms of the less fun stuff

2:37

from them. it could go under the

2:39

radar or all the geopolitics stuff is

2:42

happening. Yeah we would do like a

2:44

really depressing announcement so I'm glad we

2:46

finally got it and we weren't waiting.

2:48

I think last week was like the

2:51

sixth month high in terms of Starmer's

2:53

approval ratings and kind of how they

2:55

were doing because of his way of

2:57

like stepping up with Ukraine and even

3:00

the change in Starmer's polls it took

3:02

him from minus 33 to minus 23

3:04

which they're citing as like a massive

3:06

achievement. being taken to the brink of

3:09

a European war to really give Kira

3:11

a boost. You know, you've got to think,

3:13

okay, what else are they going to do

3:16

next time they need to up the stakes

3:18

in the popularity contest? It's like, oh, I

3:20

wonder if Estonia could get into some kind

3:22

of military trouble. Yeah, I dread to think

3:25

what takes them into the positive. Yeah. Even

3:27

though people are impressed by the way stepped

3:29

up to the Ukraine, I love that he's

3:31

calling it a coalition of the willing. which

3:34

is so British. What? In that it's kind

3:36

of like... No, it sounds like a

3:38

superhero thing, like Justice League or something

3:40

to me. Sorry, Jack. Like a coalition

3:42

of the winning. Harry Potter book. Harry

3:45

Potter and the Coalition of the Willing.

3:47

Coalition of the Mighty or coalition. Do

3:49

you know what I mean? That sounds

3:51

like more like a Marvel thing. Yeah,

3:54

you're right. Coalition of the willing.

3:56

It's like the bare minimum of commitment.

3:58

Guess I could bake a good. bring

4:00

to the potluck of the UN? Well he

4:02

had a little forward in the in the

4:04

Cabab Awards. You what? Yeah in the Cabab

4:06

Awards he had a little note to

4:08

say congratulations to all the winners. Sorry

4:11

I'm not completely up to date on

4:13

the Cabab Awards. Because you know Corbin

4:15

won an award and if a Cabab

4:17

Awards. You're talking about this like this

4:20

is common knowledge. Sorry. Corbism I involved

4:22

in the Cabab Awards. But then Kirstoma

4:24

wrote a forward in the recent Cabab

4:26

Awards but within it. and how growth

4:29

was still the biggest thing we're pushing

4:31

for, which I think that's quite impressive.

4:33

Kind of ironic, because kebabs get smaller,

4:35

as you cut away. Oh, yes. With

4:37

the welfare cuts and we're back. No,

4:40

but since we're talking about baked goods,

4:42

I read a literally sickly sweet baked

4:44

good story, which is John Healy, the

4:46

defense secretary, went to the US and

4:49

sat down with Pete Hexaf and apparently

4:51

everyone around the table was given dynamic

4:53

to one cookie with a union jack-

4:55

stars and stripes on and apparently Peter

4:58

Mandelston said he really liked them and

5:00

Hexeth said oh I can give you

5:02

the whole supply if you want anything

5:04

for the special relationship. It's so gross.

5:07

It's like a little tea party. America

5:09

gave the cookies. Yeah. Yeah and then

5:11

said he could have the whole bat.

5:13

We would give biscuits wouldn't we? But

5:15

talking of the Hexeth John Healy thing.

5:18

They're talking about using Trumpian language to

5:20

cut the civil servants. Yeah. And it

5:22

does feel very very... Doji, doesn't it?

5:24

Dojesk. Dojesk, yes. That makes it sound

5:27

too good. It's weird because when they

5:29

started talking about like how the federal

5:31

government and all this sort of stuff

5:33

in the US was like this big

5:36

kind of immovable blob and we talked

5:38

about earlier they used the tofu eating

5:40

wokarate. With that it felt like doj

5:42

was kind of mirroring what the Tories

5:45

had done but they've done the classic

5:47

American thing which is like just to

5:49

supersize it and just go hell for

5:51

leather leather. And that's the difference between

5:54

the UK and the US is that

5:56

we tried it. and Jacob Reese Mogg

5:58

went and put around posting notes some

6:00

people's desk saying you should be here

6:02

in the office whereas Elon Musk goes

6:05

now we're just gonna fire loads of

6:07

people which is a slight different vibe.

6:09

Kistama wrote to civil servants I think

6:11

today and he said We know many

6:14

of you feel shackled by bureaucracy, frustrated

6:16

by inefficiency and unable to harness new

6:18

technology. Your talent has been constrained for

6:20

too long. And have either of you

6:23

guys been watching Severance? Yeah. Because that

6:25

is such as Severance, phrasing to me.

6:27

And he's literally called Kia. It's so

6:29

looming. Like the Messiah figure in Severance.

6:32

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't seen it.

6:34

I understand how that's the perfect analogy,

6:36

but I'm like, it's going over my

6:38

head. Severance is an alpha TV show

6:41

where there's a bunch of workers. in

6:43

an office, they don't really know what

6:45

they're doing, but they're clicking on computers

6:47

all day. Well my most annoying friends

6:49

keep telling me to watch that. You

6:52

should watch it, go in here. What

6:54

was the sentence about technological... Unable to

6:56

harness new technology? Unable to harness new

6:58

technology. Unable to harness new technology. Sort

7:01

of me just losing my mind, which

7:03

is the common accounts. The interesting thing

7:05

is you hear a lot about, I

7:07

always love this, disgruntled backbenches, which you

7:10

sort of think is like kind of

7:12

a morphous blob of disgruntled backbenches, who

7:14

are all really unhappy about the benefits

7:16

cuts, and they kind of say they

7:19

can do something about it. But supposedly,

7:21

because of this whole Ukraine thing, and

7:23

they want to be seen as a

7:25

united party, they're all sort of like

7:27

pushing each other to the front, all

7:30

the backbenchers, to be like, no you

7:32

bring it up. see to be this

7:34

thing of like there being no unity

7:36

in the party. Me and my friends

7:39

did that once in the Dracula experience

7:41

in Whitby. We just kept pushing people

7:43

to the front because we were too

7:45

scared of it. Are you saying Kiestama's

7:48

Dracula? Is that what you say? Yeah,

7:50

actually. I would call Parliament the Dracula

7:52

experience, yeah. But yeah, he's facing, Dracula

7:54

is facing all of his MPs. this

7:57

evening and supposedly none of them want

7:59

to actually bring up the fact they're

8:01

not happy about it. Again, because of

8:03

the brink of European war, Starmer saved,

8:06

which is key. Yeah, and also I

8:08

guess like the opposition to them hasn't

8:10

been super strong at the moment, right?

8:12

Like Kemi Badenauk people generally seem to

8:14

think she's not. performing too well at

8:17

question time and reform are kind of

8:19

imploding at the moment aren't they? Yay!

8:21

It's actually not good news for us

8:23

I kind of wish they were doing

8:26

better. Like to have like a threat

8:28

sorry he's getting on emotional about reform.

8:30

So sorry I just I just hate

8:32

seeing Nigel have a hard time guys.

8:35

Basically it comes back to the benefit

8:37

of cuts stuff because the reason Labour

8:39

doing that is because they want to...

8:41

Nick voters from the reform side, right?

8:44

So they're kind of like doing that

8:46

thing is like throwing some policies that

8:48

kind of fit to them. But like

8:50

you say, Emerald, it's all kicking off

8:52

in club reform, which I think would

8:55

be a great place to go. I'd

8:57

go. What would be their cocktail of

8:59

choice? A club reform, bidders are free.

9:01

I think bitter is a good, bidders.

9:04

That's their cocktail. Bidders only. But they've

9:06

had this big in-fighting. Like, Rupert low,

9:08

who was an MP, has been suspended.

9:10

you've been accused of bullying, but when

9:13

did it happen? When did the bullying

9:15

accusation come about? Exactly when Elon Musk

9:17

was praising Rupert Lowe and bashing Farage,

9:19

right? Exactly, yeah, and then he has

9:22

gone into... Oh, so Jack saying it's

9:24

made up. I'm not saying it's made

9:26

up. Yeah. I've never met the guy,

9:28

and there's accusations, and there are, but

9:31

his... claim is that it coincided with

9:33

him criticizing Nigel Farage and he's pretty

9:35

salty about it which is quite funny.

9:37

Do you not think both could be

9:39

true? I feel like the bullying claim

9:42

is true and also Nigel Farage doesn't

9:44

like that. He's got some praise. Yeah.

9:46

Like it's just been suspended from the

9:48

party. I think it happened on Friday

9:51

and it was Sunday night that he

9:53

tweeted to say the mode of transport

9:55

for reform MPs has now shifted from...

9:57

a black cab to the back of

10:00

a moped. So he's like digging out

10:02

his own party to say how few

10:04

MPs they have that they can all

10:06

go on the back of a moped.

10:09

I just thought that's not the worst

10:11

inside I've ever heard. But I love

10:13

it. I love it. I love the

10:15

fact that he's gone straight for it.

10:18

No messing about it. He's just like,

10:20

yeah, sod these guys. I'm just going

10:22

to dig them out. Also, backup a

10:24

moped sounds cooler, in my opinion. What

10:26

all of them sides handle? Lee Anderson,

10:29

Richard Tyson, Nigel Farage. It's like Wallace

10:31

and Grombin. Stack top on top of

10:33

each other. Yeah. All of them hugging

10:35

on to each other is just funny.

10:44

Hey guys, I'm in America right now.

10:47

I can't remember if I mentioned that.

10:49

Here we go. Yeah, once or twice.

10:51

Well, one of the things that's been

10:53

super useful for me out here in

10:55

the US has been getting Nord VPN

10:58

on my laptop. A VPN is a

11:00

virtual private network which basically means it

11:02

encrypts your online activity and hides your

11:04

IP address. So it means you're protected

11:07

from any third parties trying to access

11:09

your personal information. And I use it

11:11

when I'm out the country so I

11:13

know when I log on anywhere on

11:16

a public Wi-Fi network, I'm protected online.

11:18

What's the time there at the moment?

11:20

I'm working on Eastern Standard Time. East

11:22

Coast, baby. So you're probably nearly asleep,

11:24

right? That makes sense. You didn't react

11:27

to my whole America thing. You just

11:29

tied. Oh yeah, totally. Definitely the time

11:31

difference. To get the best discount off

11:33

your Nord VPM plan, go to NordvPM.com/in

11:36

the news. A link will also give

11:38

you four extra months on the two-year

11:40

plan and there's no risk with Nord's

11:42

30-day money back guarantee. You can find

11:44

the link in the podcast episode description

11:47

box. I've been told we've got another

11:49

voice note from Mike which has been

11:51

set up to be a fun game.

11:53

So no pressure from Mike. Did you

11:56

put fun in quotation, Mark? I did,

11:58

yeah. I didn't want to leave you

12:00

guys completely empty-handed for the last show,

12:02

so I have got an odd one

12:05

out for you, so I'll give you

12:07

the four options as to see if

12:09

you can work it out. We've got

12:11

the Museum of Diplomacy in Finland, actor

12:13

Millie Bobby Brown, Shrek, and Mega Michael's

12:16

new TV show. Which one's the old

12:18

one out? And why? Okay, immediately I've

12:20

got a couple guesses. But I can't

12:22

let me let me let me ruminate.

12:25

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand.

12:27

Millie Bobby Brown came out with a

12:29

statement about how the media... treats young

12:31

women who are like growing up and

12:33

has been criticizing her appearance as well.

12:36

Yes, yes. And then Shrek. I love

12:38

that these are the two that I

12:40

know. There's a new Shrek film that's

12:42

like animated differently. For what reason? I'm

12:45

so angry about it. Anyway, how's it

12:47

animated differently? It's just like a bit

12:49

more modern. He looks smooth and Botox

12:51

and everyone's really angry. It's been criticized

12:54

for not looking as good. Who would

12:56

want better technology? No thank. I'm just

12:58

trying to work out the other two

13:00

because I feel like has one of

13:02

them got criticism for its appearance. So

13:05

you've got a Museum of Diplomacy. Megan

13:07

Marcos TV show was Christmas for being

13:09

like boring and not authentic, right? Oh

13:11

you know what I bet the Museum

13:14

of Diplomacy has had some kind of

13:16

change because it's in Finland and there's

13:18

a new Russian threat. That's really smart.

13:20

Can I tell you my thinking? Jack's

13:23

got it, yeah, go for it. Millie

13:25

Bobby Brown recently said that her actual

13:27

name is Millie Bonnie Brown. So her

13:29

middle name is Bonnie. What? You're really

13:31

inside this story. Museum of Diplomacy, I

13:34

reckon might have changed its name. Oh,

13:36

I think you understand the same thing.

13:38

Megan's Cooking Show, I think, maybe had

13:40

to change its name. She said her

13:43

surname was Sussex when it's not. Yes.

13:45

It's Windsor. It's Windsor. Okay I like

13:47

that. We're so excited now because ignorance

13:49

is bliss and we're going to get

13:51

it completely wrong but currently we're so

13:54

excited. I'm fairly sure you'll have got

13:56

this or got pretty close to it.

13:58

The answer is they've all had their

14:00

appearance criticised except for the Museum of

14:03

Diplomacy in Finland which has a new

14:05

appearance to avoid criticism. So the museum

14:07

in Finland, it's been around since 1946

14:09

and was opened as a symbol of

14:12

Finnish-Russian friendship, as a Lenin museum, so

14:14

it was to all things Lenin. But

14:16

this month, obviously given the circumstances and

14:18

the fact that Finland are sort of

14:20

worrying about getting invaded by Russia, it

14:23

closed its doors and it reopened this

14:25

month under a new name, Nooti. N-O-O-O-T-T-T-I,

14:27

which refers to the Finnish word for

14:29

a diplomatic note and they've got rid

14:32

of all their Lenin stuff. The new

14:34

exhibits at the museum include one on

14:36

the collapse of the Russian Empire and

14:38

also one on Finnish independence. Millie Boy

14:40

Van was criticised this week for her

14:43

appearance. Matt Lucas compared it to one

14:45

of his characters from Little Britain with

14:47

a pink outfit she was wearing, which

14:49

may or may not have been funny,

14:52

I don't know, but it came with

14:54

a barrage of... Some not very nice

14:56

posts. He's now apologised and she's done

14:58

a really good job of standing up

15:01

for herself. Shrek of course you all

15:03

know this. The new trailer is upset

15:05

people. They don't like his appearance. They're

15:07

saying Shirek's face has changed. I'll let

15:09

you guys talk about this because I'm

15:12

sure you have plenty of people caring

15:14

that much about this when we're probably

15:16

all going to die in a nuclear

15:18

arm. We're getting Brits. Mega Michael sort

15:21

of rebrand. She's on this TV show

15:23

and its appearance has been criticised. generally

15:25

for existing, but also just the way

15:27

it's been shot, the tone deafness of

15:29

it. I read some reviews, I couldn't

15:32

believe it was that bad. I actually

15:34

watched some, just for you guys, I

15:36

actually watched it. And it makes the

15:38

biggest case for cancelling your Netflix and

15:41

why BBC and I play is so

15:43

great. Because I can't imagine they've ever

15:45

put anything. that bad on TV. So

15:47

there you go, that's all for me.

15:50

I hope you have a great show

15:52

guys. I'll see you soon. He's a

15:54

company man, he's getting a plug for

15:56

I play and I like that. Well

15:58

I feel like we kind of got

16:01

it. I'm going to say we got

16:03

so close. In fact, I think I

16:05

did get it. I'm going to say

16:07

Emerald got it and Jack really thought

16:10

he got it. I really enjoyed that.

16:12

I really enjoyed that. Why I also

16:14

loved his mic pointing out, he's like,

16:16

why would anyone care about this? The

16:19

one person who really cared was Queenie.

16:21

I love it. I love it. Thanks

16:23

Mike. Round two, we're going for it.

16:25

We've each brought a new story from

16:27

the past week that we think would

16:30

be great for round through the show.

16:32

So Emerald, you're up first. What have

16:34

you got for us this week? I

16:36

have a story about something that thousands

16:39

of people are tuning in to watch.

16:41

Shrek. It's not crux. Can't be have

16:43

I got news for you yet, because

16:45

it's not on yet. They are tuning

16:47

in a live webcam submerged in a

16:50

canal log in a canal log in

16:52

Utrecht in Utrecht in Utrecht in the

16:54

Netherlands. And if you spot one of

16:56

these fish on this live webcam, then

16:59

you can press a button, the fish

17:01

doorbell, and it will alert the lockkeeper,

17:03

and the lockkeeper will open the lock,

17:05

and the fish can go through, and

17:08

that saves them from predatory birds. This

17:10

is incredible. This is how society is

17:12

meant to work. Also are there any

17:14

positions for lockkeeper open? Society is supposed

17:16

to work by tormenting a poor man

17:19

working a lot. We will have to

17:21

constantly... No, it's doing this job for

17:23

him. The guy loves it. The guy

17:25

loves it. He can read, he can

17:28

go for a walk, he can listen

17:30

to a podcast. This is like knocked

17:32

down ginger. It's the last episode I

17:34

had to bring out the big guns.

17:36

You guys are assuming that you see

17:39

fish often enough, but they've interviewed a

17:41

few of the people watching it. One

17:43

of them is the administrator of the

17:45

fish doorbell fan. club on Facebook and

17:48

she said she started watching the stream

17:50

last year but she's only ever rung

17:52

the bell five to ten times. But

17:54

she still logs on a few times

17:57

a day, often for about 20 minutes

17:59

before bed, to watch this screen. To

18:01

watch, to watch, just watch like a

18:03

bit of brown water. It's kind of

18:05

green. I'm so anti this lock thing.

18:08

I love that Jack's taking the offensive,

18:10

wasn't it? It's great. Have you looked

18:12

at it? Have you looked at it,

18:14

Jack's taking the offensive, isn't it? It's

18:17

great. Have you looked at it? Have

18:19

you looked, a good citizen Jack's a

18:21

good citizen Jack? in the first place,

18:23

but the thing is, there's a Venn

18:26

diagram of three circles, got too much

18:28

time, interested in fish, but also a

18:30

bit of a scoundrel. a bit of

18:32

a scallywack. And you're not describing yourself.

18:34

Yeah. No, I'm not actually. Are you

18:37

sure? Maybe two of the three in

18:39

there, but in that essential bit there,

18:41

there is going to be someone who

18:43

is... You're not as countral. Ringing that

18:46

doorbell like nobody's business. I think you

18:48

need more faith in new track. In

18:50

humanity. I agree. As a city. Because

18:52

not only did I watch this doorbell,

18:54

but I also watched a 10-minute blog

18:57

post from the Fish. of plastic. He

18:59

had his fish forecast for the week

19:01

ahead and his fish forecast is he

19:03

really expects to see fish this week.

19:06

This is incredible. This fish doorbell I

19:08

think they should set up an equivalent

19:10

in Clacton. and it can be a

19:12

forage doorbell and you can press the

19:15

button every time you see a forage

19:17

enter contracting. And it'll be silent for

19:19

all of time. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Thank you,

19:21

General. That's why I actually, as much

19:23

as I was, I was kind of

19:26

fine, poke holes in it. I do

19:28

like canals. You know, people who like

19:30

canals are called gonguzlers. My round-two story

19:32

this week. is an artist has abandoned

19:35

his plan to starve piglets to death

19:37

after the animals was stolen. Oh my

19:39

god. Good one to go out and

19:41

clean. Last episode. I read this I

19:43

thought that's pretty grim isn't it? Yes

19:46

what? And I was like round two!

19:48

So this artist he was going to

19:50

purposely starve these pigs was he? Yes

19:52

as a part of like an eccentric

19:55

controversial exhibition. The piglets name of Lucia,

19:57

Simon and Benjamin. Why did he name

19:59

them if he was starving to death?

20:01

Yeah, and giving them human names as

20:04

well, it's going to be odd, isn't

20:06

it? Yeah, my parents have a dog

20:08

called Norman. Norman, the dog is great.

20:10

He said his intention was to raise

20:12

awareness about the cruelties of modern pig

20:15

production in Denmark. However, he was doing

20:17

modern pig cruelty. Cruelty. What the hell?

20:19

It doesn't sound like he's thought any

20:21

of it through. The piglets were being

20:24

denied food and water and would have

20:26

been allowed to starve to starve to

20:28

death. But the artist's friend helped animal

20:30

rights activists to break into the gallery

20:32

and free the piglets after his 10-year-old

20:35

daughter begged him to make sure the

20:37

piggies won't die. Wow. The funny part

20:39

of this story is that after the

20:41

pigs were stolen, he said, I called

20:44

up the police on Saturday to report

20:46

the piglets stolen and I had to

20:48

shut down the entire exhibition because of

20:50

that. So I was very disappointed when

20:53

Casper, his friend, told me on Tuesday

20:55

that he was involved in the theft.

20:57

But then I thought about it for

20:59

a few hours and realized, at least

21:01

this way, the piglets would have a

21:04

happy life. After the pigs were stolen,

21:06

he changed his mind. He's like, oh,

21:08

yeah, it might be nice to, you

21:10

know, let them live. And I think

21:13

that's bullshit. I think that he just

21:15

got found out. Yeah. The fact that

21:17

someone can steal it and then he's

21:19

like, yeah, that works, doesn't it? Also

21:22

the fact that the piglets been stolen

21:24

meant he had to shut the whole

21:26

exhibition, he had to shut the whole

21:28

exhibition, he had to shut the whole

21:30

exhibition, he had to shut the whole

21:33

exhibition, he had to shut the whole

21:35

exhibition, he had to shut the whole

21:37

exhibition, he had to shut the whole

21:39

exhibition, he had to shut the whole

21:42

exhibition, he had to shut the whole

21:44

exhibition, he had to shut the whole

21:46

exhibition, he had to shut the whole

21:48

exhibition, he had, he had, he had,

21:50

he had, he had, he had, he

21:53

had, he had, he had, not done

21:55

his homework maybe. Do you think it

21:57

was like it was the day before

21:59

the exhibition? You went, oh crap, I

22:02

haven't done any painting. Phones up his

22:04

mate. You still got those piglets? You're

22:06

not looking to try and sell those

22:08

piglets? Yeah. We'll do something about consumerism

22:11

or something. What's quite interesting now is

22:13

that he's in the process of acquiring

22:15

dead animals that have died of starvation.

22:17

So he's like not doing the starvation

22:19

himself this time because he was like,

22:22

oh, maybe that was a bad idea.

22:24

He's just paying people for having done

22:26

it. I don't know if I'd go

22:28

for a beer with this guy. So

22:31

my story is about this artist who

22:33

decided to slaughter 50 people to see

22:35

what it was like to kill. And

22:37

no, my story. My story. I believed

22:39

you for half a second. My story

22:42

this week is about a Scottish Cabab

22:44

pie has been crowned UK pie of

22:46

pies. Oh, is this what Kirstama's been?

22:48

Been all over. Oh no, that was

22:51

the Cabab Awards two weeks ago. This

22:53

is now the UK pie of pies.

22:55

Are you missing England, Jack? I think

22:57

I am, you know, because I think

23:00

I'm pining from some solid British food.

23:02

You're pining. totally different stories. They don't

23:04

even understand the idea of a pie

23:06

in the same way. So the idea

23:08

of a Scottish pie that's filled with

23:11

kebab is hitting all levels I need

23:13

to get. I'm really pro this story.

23:15

900 entries for UK pie of pies.

23:17

They were like, oh these are the

23:20

kind of crazy pies you're going to

23:22

get like a flower salmon chai matchai.

23:24

pie. A Caribbean style jerk spiced turkey

23:26

pie with cranberry sauce. Sounds excellent. And

23:29

then they go, and a chicken ticker

23:31

pie. Which is pretty standard, I think.

23:33

The winner, so Donna Cabab filling, made

23:35

from chicken beef and a chili marinade

23:37

with a sweet chili sauce. It's getting

23:40

a little bit dangerously close to my

23:42

sweet and savour dislike, but what I

23:44

really like in the stories they've talked

23:46

about it. The guy who won, Scottish

23:49

guy, he's been trying to win since

23:51

2009. He cried when they won and

23:53

he said he was shaking with emotion,

23:55

which I absolutely love. Who do we

23:57

think said that pies are the most

24:00

important contribution to world food heritage? Pork

24:02

pies, if... it was Liz Truss. Oh,

24:04

very good. No, it was the chairman

24:06

of the Melton Pork Pie Association, host

24:09

of the British Pie Awards. Big fan

24:11

of pies. How many pies do you

24:13

think we eat every year as a

24:15

nation? I don't eat, I don't really

24:18

like pies. What time to bring this

24:20

up, Emerald? Oh my God. To find

24:22

this story. Twenty episodes in. Can I

24:24

tell you something else truly, I think

24:26

this will annoy a lot of people,

24:29

but I've never had a cabab from

24:31

a cabab from a cabab shop shop.

24:33

Now we need to get you this

24:35

Cabab pie stat to really sort you

24:38

out. To cover all bases. But anyway,

24:40

how many pies to Britsey? One billion

24:42

pounds of pie every year. I'd argue

24:44

that's just for Staffordshire. What do you

24:46

think was the inspiration for this Cabab

24:49

pie? What kind of inspired the makers

24:51

to think, you know what, let's put

24:53

a cabab in a pie? They ran

24:55

out of things to put in a

24:58

pie. That's quite an inspiration. Apparently young

25:00

customers started asking them to make a

25:02

pie with Kababian. Oh. There we go.

25:04

Pretty rude one. Oh, so it was

25:07

the Genzios. They're like, oh, what's the

25:09

inspiration? Someone just asked to put Kabab

25:11

in a pie. So we thought, yeah,

25:13

we'll do that. That was great. It

25:15

felt very domestic, didn't it? Pies, canals,

25:18

dead pigs. Yeah. This

25:26

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Stay fresh this season, for everyone, for

26:56

everyone's sake. Finally,

27:01

it's time for round three, the missing

27:04

words round. I'm going to read out

27:06

some headlines from the past week, and

27:08

you just need to fill in the

27:11

missing words. So, first up, Trump suggests

27:13

astronauts stranded in space might what? I

27:15

know the answer to this, and the

27:17

real ones. Hilarious. So I can't I

27:20

can't possibly think of anything else. Might

27:22

be able to tell him where Lesotho

27:24

is. Oh yeah. Didn't he have trouble

27:26

with that the other week? Or where

27:29

they're conducting all these transgender mice operations.

27:31

We need to fight in that out

27:33

and soon. The answer is Trump's just

27:36

astronaut strandless space might learn to love

27:38

each other. Oh my god. Unfortunately, that

27:40

is so funny. He just happens to

27:42

be the most evil person on the

27:45

planet, but that is hilarious. It was

27:47

him classically just busking, talking about something

27:49

he knew nothing about, and was like,

27:51

yeah, he's been left up there by

27:54

Biden. He didn't want to get him

27:56

down, so Elon's going to sort them

27:58

out. Maybe they'll fall in love. He's

28:01

like, they probably got some stuff. I

28:03

mean, I think both happily marries, both

28:05

the people and astronauts. Because Roy Wood

28:07

Jr. who hosts the American show, ends

28:10

every show by saying, and there's still

28:12

two astronauts, Australian space, which is quite

28:14

fine. But they've been up there now

28:16

for, I think, 280 days, which is

28:19

a stint, given they were supposed to

28:21

be up there for seven days. Oh,

28:23

wow. And they were replacing a toilet.

28:26

He also commented on her hair as

28:28

well. He was like, like, she's got...

28:30

Great head of hair on it. But

28:32

that's because that's because it's standing up

28:35

right. Because of the gravity. He's so

28:37

stupid. He's so so stupid. Next, missing

28:39

words. King Charles names what as a

28:41

favourite what? Ooh, I love a double

28:44

one. Yeah. Is it Prince Andrew's his

28:46

favourite relative? Is it either something about

28:48

Bob Marley? Oh, I think it's a

28:51

Bob Marley song. Name something is his

28:53

favorite song. Because he's been going on

28:55

about how much he loves Bob Marley,

28:57

Kylie Minogue. He's got that new Radio

29:00

4 show, doesn't he? Is it ready

29:02

or 4? Apple. Apple, sir. The King's

29:04

Music Room. You're pretty close, Emerald. You're

29:06

on the right track. Is it Furgolicious?

29:09

Oh, I know. Doesn't he love the

29:11

locomotion by Kylie Minogue? I love how

29:13

invested in this story. I don't know

29:16

how I know all this as well.

29:18

You're very close, but actually is King

29:20

Charles' names a classic Bionsoe track as

29:22

a favourite tune. And the police are

29:25

clearly not happy about it. Crazy in

29:27

Love. Yeah, have you been saying too

29:29

many mean things about Trump Jack? You're

29:31

not telling us which song? Oh, oh,

29:34

yeah, oh it's Bionsoe's crazy in love,

29:36

sorry. Sorry. Actually, I said crazy love

29:38

as a joke. He likes crazy in

29:41

love. Oh, I said that as a

29:43

joke. Because she performed it somewhere and

29:45

he obviously was the first time, he's

29:47

like, what is this, what is this

29:50

enchantment? Also, Jay-Z has a wrap in

29:52

that where he mentions having like the

29:54

best fur of chin-chiller and I do

29:56

feel like that would probably resonate with

29:59

King Charles. Yeah, he's like, oh, this

30:01

guy gets me, this guy gets me.

30:03

Yeah, he's got all as bling. I

30:06

thought maybe the reason he liked the

30:08

song is because it has the lyrics,

30:10

uh-oh-oh-oh-oh, uh-oh, no, no, which is presumably

30:12

what he said when he found out

30:15

what Prince Andrew had been up to.

30:17

Nice. I thought it would be slipping

30:19

through my fingers by ABBA, because nothing

30:21

can. I mean, just clock that, it's

30:24

good. And it was to celebrate Commonwealth

30:26

Day, bizarrely. Not in the Commonwealth, Beyonce.

30:28

Suspeck steals $700,000 of jewelry and then

30:31

what? Each it. Yeah you've got it

30:33

Queenie. That's actually what it is. What?

30:35

Genuine. What? Really? No you're joking. You're

30:37

choking. Suspect steals $700,000 of jewelry and

30:40

then swallows it. Wow, Queenie! It's a

30:42

man in Florida. I've never done anything

30:44

better in my life. Nicked all this

30:46

jewelry from a shopping mall. He just

30:49

like ran in, pretended he was working

30:51

with a basketball player, and then knicked

30:53

these earrings and ran away. And there's

30:56

an amazing body scan picture that you

30:58

would love, Queenie, for picture researching. I'm

31:00

rubbing my hands together like a fly.

31:02

You can see this like earrings in

31:05

the middle of his stomach, which to

31:07

be fair, given the American... health care

31:09

system if he hasn't got insurance it's

31:11

a good way to just get a

31:14

checkup you know get a free x-ray

31:16

what I like about this is he

31:18

later said to police I should have

31:21

thrown them out the window which I

31:23

did the regret in that sentence he

31:25

had a poorly tummy I love the

31:27

idea of what's going through his head

31:30

where as soon as he swallows those

31:32

earrings he goes I shouldn't have done

31:34

that that is like an old like

31:36

comedy film gag. It's like you swallow

31:39

something that you've stolen because you don't

31:41

know where to put it. Yeah. No

31:43

one actually does that apart from this

31:46

guy. Seven hundred thousand dollars worth of

31:48

jewelry. It's a lot isn't it? Don't

31:50

let him know the crown jewels. Don't

31:52

let him know the crown jewels because

31:55

he'd have a really bad stomach. Yeah,

31:57

for his sake. Crowning jewels. Thank

32:01

you for listening to In The

32:03

News this week. If you've enjoyed

32:05

this episode, please give us this -star

32:07

rating on Apple us a or Spotify.

32:09

For updates on the show, make

32:11

sure you're following Have I For

32:13

You on Instagram, the show, make Twitter. You

32:15

can also get in touch with

32:18

us by News view on hatrick .com. and Twitter.

32:20

You can Make sure you're followed with

32:22

to the podcast a you're listening to

32:24

it now. We'll see you in

32:26

summer for the next series of

32:28

the podcast. with two you're waiting, make

32:30

sure you tune in to the

32:32

next series of to the podcast wherever you, which

32:35

starts on Friday. the fourth of April. So now,

32:37

now, bye! Bye! Bye! All right, fine. For old times sake, bye!

32:39

sake, news this week is presented by Jack Harris, The

32:41

News this Emerald by Jack Harris,

32:43

Queenie Miller, The producer is Mike Raymond. Waite.

32:45

The producer is Diggory Wait. The

32:47

executive producer is and the and the

32:49

music is by Big George. the In

32:51

The News this week is a

32:54

hatrick podcast. podcast.