0:00

Most of our suffering comes from the thoughts that

0:02

we let run wild in our brains . We

0:04

spend so much time each day rehashing

0:06

different conversations and situations in

0:08

our mind and we think that we are just reviewing the

0:10

facts . But we're not . We are

0:12

reflecting on our own points of view . We

0:15

are assuming what other people are thinking . We're

0:17

worrying about the future . We're ruminating about

0:19

the past . The ancient Stoics understood

0:21

that our thoughts are nothing more than the stories

0:23

that we're telling ourselves , and modern mental

0:26

health professionals agree that we

0:28

should challenge the thoughts that pop into our

0:30

heads and not automatically accept them

0:32

as a fact . Now you might be thinking

0:35

that's impossible . I have a million thoughts

0:37

running through my head . It's not in my control

0:39

. I'm anxious , i'm overwhelmed . Well

0:41

, in today's episode , i'm going to coach you on

0:43

how to use a thought record to manage

0:45

your mind so you can live a more resilient

0:47

, calm , joyful and compassionate life

0:49

. I can't overstate how essential

0:52

this work is to your well-being . If you are feeling

0:54

stressed , overwhelmed , frustrated , like

0:56

the changes that you're trying to make happen just aren't sticking

0:58

, listen to this episode twice . It's probably

1:01

the most important . When I've done All right , let's

1:03

go . What

1:06

unproductive thought is taking up your brain

1:08

space right now . Maybe you're

1:10

thinking I want to move to Portugal

1:12

, but I don't know how . I want

1:14

to start a podcast , but people will judge me

1:17

. My ex never loved me . My

1:19

friend is mad at me . I hate speaking

1:21

in meetings . I'm going to get fired . Epictetus

1:24

said that it's not things that upset

1:26

us but our opinion about them , meaning

1:29

that it's not the situation or something

1:31

that somebody said that's truly bothering us , but

1:33

what we're making that mean , it's

1:36

the stories that we're telling ourselves , it's our

1:38

thoughts . For example , my friend

1:40

John and his girlfriend broke

1:42

up a while ago when I'm changing some

1:44

names for privacy reasons

1:46

And the other day he tells me that

1:49

he's on the phone with her and he

1:51

hears a guy's voice at her

1:53

house And she said

1:55

, oh , that's just Brian . And

1:57

referring to their mutual friend And

2:00

John . My friend didn't say

2:02

anything to her about this , but then

2:04

later to me he was catastrophizing

2:06

the situation Like I don't think that was

2:08

really Brian . Why would she lie to me ? She

2:11

lied to me about this , that that means that

2:13

she doesn't respect me and everything about

2:15

our relationship was an entire lie And

2:18

he was really spinning out in this unhelpful

2:20

way and creating a lot of trauma in his

2:22

mind . And quick side

2:24

note , the Enneagram teacher , suzanne Stibbiel

2:26

, coined the phrase chaining , which

2:29

is what some personality types do

2:31

when one thing goes wrong . So they

2:33

take that one thing as evidence that

2:35

everything that had come before must have

2:37

been wrong too . Everything is chained

2:39

together , just like John

2:41

thinking like , oh , this one little thing in my

2:43

mind happened And now I'm

2:46

making it mean that everything that came

2:48

before it , like our whole relationship , was a lie

2:50

, rather than just looking realistically

2:52

at the current situation or instance

2:55

that you're in and maybe you've

2:57

experienced wild thoughts like this after a

2:59

breakup probably we all go a little bit nuts post

3:01

post relationship , at

3:03

least when we're younger and before we've

3:06

learned and learned to manage our mind

3:08

, and most people never learn to manage

3:10

their mind , so so you're

3:12

out of the game here by listening to this . So

3:14

how do we manage our mind ? Because that

3:16

sounds really hard , right ? Well , as

3:19

you've heard before on this podcast , modern

3:21

cognitive behavioral therapy is rooted

3:24

in stoicism and CBT

3:26

is the most effective evidence based psychotherapy

3:29

that there is . This stuff works

3:31

and it's most popular for treating

3:33

anxiety and depression , but the

3:36

tools and CBT again , that's cognitive

3:38

behavioral therapy they're . They can be

3:40

used by anyone who has ever experienced

3:43

negative emotion , and that's everyone in the

3:45

world , right ? Negative emotions

3:47

are just a part of the human experience

3:49

, and the basic concept of CBT

3:51

is that it's not things

3:53

that are happening in the external world

3:55

around us that are truly upsetting us

3:58

, but our internal impressions

4:00

of what those things are

4:02

. And we can actually manage that . Now

4:04

that sounds familiar , right ? Albert Ellis

4:07

, the founder of rational emotive behavior

4:09

therapy , the first form of CBT

4:11

he was borrowing directly from Epic

4:13

Tidus nearly 2000 years later

4:16

and Donald Robertson he has written

4:18

several really interesting books on

4:21

stoicism , stoicism's influence

4:23

on CBT , and thinks that this

4:25

idea actually goes back to Socrates . So

4:27

we cannot control most things happening

4:30

in the outside world . We can only

4:32

control what's happening inside ourselves

4:34

, our thoughts and our feelings

4:36

. If you were upset about something

4:38

, epictetus would tell you that

4:40

it's just a thought , it's not reality

4:43

. And to engage with the thought

4:45

in that way by saying just

4:47

that you're just a thought , you're not

4:49

reality , and he thought getting

4:51

clear on this was the most important

4:53

work that you could do . Now

4:56

, that sounds simple , right ? But a lot of us I would

4:58

say most people have a hard time

5:00

separating , like getting some distance

5:02

from their thoughts . It's really

5:05

hard when you are just like kind of spinning

5:07

up like John was doing about his

5:09

girlfriend . You just get really into it . So how do you

5:11

get out of that cycle ? Well , one

5:13

of the most effective ways that we

5:15

can manage our mind is by creating what

5:17

is known as a thought

5:20

record , and a thought record is a CBT

5:22

exercise that helps us take

5:24

an objective look at what's going

5:27

on in our mind by removing

5:29

the drama , removing the assumptions , and

5:32

the ancient Stoics practiced a similar kind

5:34

of mindfulness as well , and

5:36

modern , like cognitive

5:38

behavioral therapists would say , this is cognitive

5:41

distancing . So not cognitive

5:43

dissonance , but cognitive

5:45

distancing . And in the meditations

5:47

, marcus Aurelius wrote that nothing

5:50

is so conducive to spiritual growth as

5:52

this capacity for logical and

5:54

accurate analysis of everything

5:56

that happens to us . So here's

5:58

how to create a thought record , and I have created a

6:00

worksheet for you . Go to Sarah

6:02

mcthillcom slash thought record

6:05

. And it's really important that you actually do

6:07

the exercise and make this a regular

6:09

practice in your life , rather than just

6:11

having it be like a nice cognitive idea

6:13

in your head . All

6:16

right , so here's how you do with our record Clear

6:18

your mind of all the thoughts running through your

6:20

brain by writing them out

6:23

. So journal out everything that is

6:25

going through your head . Don't center

6:27

yourself , just get everything out there

6:29

. What is on your mind , you know

6:31

, and this could be part of your daily journaling practice

6:33

. So daily journaling was very important

6:36

to the Stoics , and

6:38

Marcus Aurelius's meditations

6:40

is , in fact , his journal . It wasn't

6:42

a book he was writing for public view . It was

6:44

his thoughts that he was writing down every

6:46

day . So get all

6:48

of your thoughts out of your head and then pick

6:51

one thought to do a thought record on something

6:53

that's been weighing on your mind that you

6:55

would like help with . And if you

6:57

find , actually , that you're sitting in your chair and

6:59

you're like what's on my mind , my mind feels like

7:01

blank right now , maybe try doing

7:04

a meditation , because as soon as you try

7:06

to meditate , that's when all the thoughts start

7:08

popping up . And also meditation is like a really

7:10

another really important practice to incorporate

7:12

in your life , and I'll talk more about that

7:14

another day , but anyway , so

7:16

you journal out your thoughts , you pick the one thought that

7:18

you want to do your thought record on . Now

7:21

the first step is think of an inciting

7:24

incident or you know I hate the

7:26

word trigger , but like a triggering event

7:28

. So what's a specific situation

7:31

in your life that has provoked this

7:33

particular thought ? So

7:36

and I'm going to walk you through an

7:38

example You want to describe

7:40

this situation , describe

7:42

what happened in objective terms

7:44

, without adding in your biases

7:47

. Now I could continue with the John

7:49

example that I gave earlier , but I want to give

7:51

another , another flavor of different

7:54

thoughts that run through our minds . So Here's

7:56

the example . So let's say that my friend

7:58

Kay has not responded to my

8:00

text and it's been 24 hours

8:03

. So you can see that I like neutralize

8:05

this first step , this

8:07

inciting incident . I'm like taking out

8:10

any heat , i'm just putting facts . Kay

8:12

hasn't responded to my text and it's been 24 hours

8:14

. So what is the thought that

8:16

is coming up for me for this in

8:18

this example ? So

8:22

, as I said , like , choose one thought and make it

8:24

a statement , not a question . So in

8:26

my example , the thought that's coming up is Kay

8:28

is mad at me . The

8:30

next step is the emotion

8:33

. So how does that make me

8:35

feel ? So , in this example , mad

8:37

. The thought that Kay is mad at me

8:39

and I'm thinking like no reason . That's

8:42

making me mad . And , as you can

8:44

see , as you like process your thoughts

8:46

like this , you can see how it can become

8:48

kind of irrational . So I'm going to keep walking

8:50

through this . So my thought is

8:53

that Kay's mad at me . This is making

8:55

me feel mad . What the

8:57

next step is like , what behavior does

8:59

that lead to ? So how does this thought

9:01

and feeling influence my actions

9:04

? This could cause this

9:06

could be something like it's making

9:08

me do something or it's making me not do

9:10

something . An important note when

9:13

you are doing the behavior section of a thought

9:15

record , you're not writing down like

9:17

the behaviors that you wish you

9:19

would do , like how you wish you would act . You're

9:21

writing down how you would actually behave

9:24

when , like in this example

9:26

, when I'm mad because I think my friend's

9:28

mad at me . So in

9:31

this example , like actions that would come up

9:33

were like I'm ruminating about why Kay

9:35

is in texting me and making up stories

9:37

in my head . I'm not

9:39

texting her back because

9:42

I'm mad and I'm withdrawing

9:44

. And the next step

9:46

in the thought record is we're

9:48

finding evidence for and against

9:51

the thought that's come up in our mind

9:53

. So this is our time to

9:55

challenge our thoughts . So

9:57

, first step what evidence do I have to support my

9:59

thought ? The evidence that Kay

10:01

is mad at me ? Well , there's actually

10:03

no evidence of this . I actually have

10:05

no idea why she hasn't texted me , and

10:08

so there's no evidence that she's

10:11

mad at me . And now the evidence

10:13

against my thought . Well

10:15

, kay usually takes a long time to

10:17

respond to text messages , and

10:19

it doesn't mean anything . She is late

10:21

to responding to absolutely everyone . Now

10:24

is a good time for me to check in and see how my

10:26

thoughts and behaviors aren't serving me at

10:28

all . So I was thinking that my friend was mad

10:30

at me when I really didn't have any idea

10:33

, and this thought was causing

10:35

a lot of internal drama for me in this example

10:37

about my friend , and the outcome

10:39

was that I was mad

10:42

. This

10:45

is a good time for me to step back

10:47

and think what do I want out of this situation

10:50

? What is the objective here ? If

10:52

I want to be close to

10:54

my friend , and that's really important to me

10:56

, i can see by doing this thought record

10:59

that my current thought and feeling and like behaviors

11:01

are doing the exact opposite

11:04

of the connection that I want . They're putting a

11:06

wedge between my friend and I

11:08

, at least in my mind . She has no idea what's

11:10

going on or that I might be

11:12

mad , so now's the

11:14

time when we can come up with an

11:17

alternative thought to the

11:19

original one that I had and we'll use

11:21

the same situation . K has

11:23

not responded to my text and it's been

11:25

24 hours . An alternative

11:27

thought could be K never responds

11:30

to my texts on time . Now that

11:32

seems more neutral , but it's

11:34

not giving me the feeling I want

11:36

, and I'm just using this as an example

11:38

for you , because it's important that when

11:41

you are trying to practice like a more helpful

11:43

thought , that it gives you the feeling that

11:45

you want . So I'm thinking

11:47

K never responds to my texts on time

11:49

. Now I'm feeling , i'm still feeling irritated

11:51

. So that's my emotion irritation

11:54

and my behavior resulting

11:57

in that could be . I'm stewing in resentment

11:59

that K is not a more responsive

12:01

friend , and maybe this is just like a fleeting

12:04

thought in my mind , but

12:06

the emotion that is tied to it can

12:08

stick and keep me in a mood and

12:11

the outcome is increased

12:13

anger . And maybe K is

12:15

a fantastic friend and super generous

12:17

in so many ways And this one

12:19

little thing is needling me . But if I haven't

12:22

told her that it bothers me when it takes

12:24

her days to respond to a text , well then , how was

12:26

she supposed to know In her mind maybe

12:28

average response times could be several

12:30

days and who is to say that

12:32

I am right and she is wrong ? Okay

12:35

, so I wanted to give you an example

12:37

of maybe an alternative thought . That couldn't

12:40

, that didn't work for me , and

12:42

that thought was that K never responds

12:44

to my texts on time . So that wasn't the right

12:46

one . It kept me in a thought and a feeling that I

12:48

didn't want , and it's important

12:51

to point out that stoicism

12:53

isn't just about regulating negative

12:55

emotions and fostering positive

12:58

ones . It's about making you

13:00

see that the thoughts causing these feelings

13:02

are just impressions and

13:05

not facts . We can choose to

13:07

accept or reject our

13:09

thoughts , and when we accept them , the stoics

13:11

would say that we are assenting to them

13:13

. Okay , so let's try one more

13:15

alternative thought , same inciting incident

13:18

K has not responded to my text , and

13:20

it's been 24 hours . All

13:22

right , i am going to think

13:25

about this . I'm not going to have an immediate reaction

13:27

, i'm just going to like pause and

13:29

think about , like , what could be going

13:31

on in K's life , right

13:33

? So a thought that I could be coming

13:35

up with is K has a lot going

13:38

on in her life right now . What

13:41

emotion does that bring up for me ? Compassion

13:44

, and what actions or behaviors

13:46

are a result of compassion , i

13:49

feel motivated to reach out to her and

13:51

see if everything is okay , and

13:53

this curiosity and concern

13:55

is coming from a genuine place

13:58

, and the outcome is that I want

14:00

to help Kay . So , as you can see

14:02

, all three of these

14:04

records that we went through had

14:06

the same inciting incident that

14:09

Kay has not responded to my texts , and it's been

14:11

24 hours . Two of them

14:13

left me feeling bad

14:15

and angry and

14:18

distancing myself from my friend in

14:21

my mind , and the third one

14:23

same incident , but the

14:25

outcome was that I want to reach out to my friend

14:27

because connection is important to me and I want

14:29

to make sure that she's okay . Thoughts

14:32

cause our feelings , good and bad . When

14:34

we let thoughts control us , they can harm

14:36

us , but when we control them , we

14:38

can transform ourselves And this benefits

14:41

everyone around us . The

14:43

Stoics believe that human beings are , by

14:45

nature , rational creatures , and you

14:47

might be thinking what Everyone around me

14:49

seems pretty irrational , including myself

14:52

, but consider this We

14:54

are born in essence as our highest

14:56

selves , but we lose this as

14:59

we acclimate to the world . We put up

15:01

defenses to protect ourselves and

15:03

we slide into unconscious patterns

15:05

of thinking and feeling that color

15:07

our world view and how we behave

15:09

. The Stoics were right

15:11

that we have the capability for

15:14

reason and common sense , but

15:16

they understood that people act irrationally

15:19

all the time . But it's our potential

15:21

that they were after . We

15:24

get stuck in the trappings of our personalities

15:26

and we stop seeing our

15:29

potential and we feel like things can't

15:31

change . But underneath everything , that

15:33

essence of who you are still exists

15:36

and anything is possible . Once

15:39

you wake up to your autopilot nature , it's

15:41

like a mask comes off and you can start

15:43

exploring how to think , feel

15:45

and act in a way that feels more true

15:47

to you . The first step in this

15:49

positive change is to get curious

15:52

about how you think and feel

15:54

and act , and you can do this through

15:56

the thought record practice that we talked about today

15:58

. Now , most people listening to this

16:01

will think thought records are a good

16:03

idea , but they're not actually going

16:05

to do the exercise . We love

16:07

to learn new things and then move

16:10

on without acting On

16:12

what we learn , and I do this myself . It's like an

16:14

easy habit to fall into . We

16:16

say we don't have the time , i'm too

16:18

busy , i'll do that eventually , but

16:21

then we'll lose hours of sleep picking

16:23

apart something that our boss said . We

16:25

won't go for that promotion . We'll go

16:28

someone instead of having an uncomfortable

16:30

conversation . Keeping our mind

16:32

is the most important thing that

16:34

we can do , and when we don't

16:36

, our relationships suffer at

16:38

home and at work and we stay stuck

16:40

in the same place Again

16:43

. Go to sarahmigatelcom slash

16:45

thought record to get your worksheet

16:47

so you can start practicing managing

16:49

your mind yourself . I'm so fascinated

16:52

by all of this and I'm taking several courses

16:54

on the neuroscience of change because

16:56

I want to continue developing as a person

16:59

and I want to help you do this as well

17:01

. The Stoics said that we should live

17:03

with our atta , that is , live with

17:06

excellence , to live as our

17:08

highest selves , not just for ourselves

17:10

individuals , but for the people

17:12

around us and the world at large

17:15

. During our lifetimes we might not

17:17

return well , we probably won't return

17:19

to that pure essence that we were born

17:21

with , but aiming to get closer

17:23

to that is the most important work

17:25

that we can do .