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1:01

Storytime with Will Wheaton is available

1:03

on Amazon Music. Subscribe now

1:05

and listen for free every week.

1:32

Hi friends, welcome. I'm

1:34

Will Wheaton, and it's story time. I

1:39

remember when I was a kid in the

1:41

late 70s, looking through this book I had

1:43

called The Catalog of the Future, a

1:45

huge, heavy, paperback

1:47

tome filled with

1:49

imaginary vacation destinations.

1:52

There were floating cities in

1:54

the air and in the

1:57

sea, rockets. that

2:00

kids like me could ride on to the

2:02

moon. Wireless phones,

2:05

all of it, was beautifully

2:07

illustrated. With

2:10

a little assistance from

2:12

my young imagination, it

2:14

was so easy to pretend that

2:16

this catalog had been plucked out

2:18

of the future, that

2:21

everything inside of it

2:23

was real, it had

2:25

been placed in my actual hands. And

2:28

one day, I would

2:30

live in that future. I

2:33

was such a weird, lonely, scared

2:35

little kid, I treasured

2:37

the escape

2:40

and the sanctuary

2:42

I found between the

2:44

covers of this book. Today,

2:48

in a story that landed

2:50

on me like an uppercut, I

2:53

am going to take you to a waffle

2:55

house somewhere in North America. Where

2:58

we will meet a guy who had

3:00

his own version of that

3:02

catalog his own glimpse of

3:04

a world or the

3:06

things that made him weird in

3:08

our reality made

3:10

him special and

3:13

gave his life

3:15

purpose and We're going to find

3:17

out how it feels for him to

3:20

know that he

3:22

can never go

3:24

back This is Can

3:27

I offer you a nice egg in

3:29

this trying time? Can

3:39

I offer you a nice egg

3:41

in this trying time by Yori

3:44

Kusano? Matt

3:48

tells the waiter he'll have his eggs over

3:50

easy. They come back

3:52

scrambled, a neat, glistening

3:54

pile, Framed by perfect

3:57

triangles of toast, a

3:59

lacy froth of hash browns lurking across

4:01

the plate. He doesn't

4:03

notice he's chosen to move until

4:05

he's already halfway to the kitchen,

4:08

adrenaline flooding his

4:10

body. It feels

4:12

good, electric. The

4:14

old Berserker rage no longer

4:16

a long lost daydream. The

4:19

same rage that once let him defend

4:21

Herekyo and the Sphinx who ruled

4:23

it. Gary

4:25

charges out of the kitchen to

4:28

meet him, doors swinging in

4:30

his wake, arms outstretched as if

4:32

to embrace Matt. Last

4:34

week's black eye still decorates his

4:36

face. He goes for

4:38

the grapple, and they go down

4:41

rolling towards an empty

4:43

foretop, both men trying to

4:45

obtain sufficient leverage for a punch.

4:48

Once Matt realizes he can't land a

4:50

solid hit with his fists, he

4:52

snaps his face forward for a

4:54

headbutt catching Gary in the chin.

4:58

Their bodies know each other

5:00

like their own reflections, two

5:03

students of the same teacher. The

5:06

clack of Gary's teeth meeting

5:08

echoes in Matt's ears,

5:10

even though he still dimly

5:12

registers the sounds of

5:15

toxic blaring on the Waffle

5:17

House sound system. Matt

5:19

tries to draw his legs up to

5:21

lever Gary off him, but a

5:24

knee to the lower intestine distracts

5:26

him. Somewhere in

5:28

the fugue of battle, he

5:30

recognizes wetness on his

5:32

face. Blood, sweat,

5:36

tears, spit, hooves.

5:41

Gary rolls them under a table, and

5:44

in the sudden darkness, Matt

5:46

is pinned. And

5:49

then hands are hauling Gary

5:51

back. Matt lunges upward and

5:53

brains himself on the underside

5:55

of the table. Before

5:58

the starbursts have cleared, someone

6:00

seizes him by the ankles

6:02

and drags him into the

6:04

horrible fluorescent light. All

6:07

his senses are an

6:09

overdrive. The whiff of sweat and

6:11

kitchen grease, the pulse of the lights,

6:13

the taste of blood in his mouth, he

6:15

hadn't even noticed he'd bit in his

6:17

lip. makes him queasy. He

6:19

hasn't been hit this hard since a

6:21

time and place he wishes he didn't

6:24

remember. The Night

6:26

Watchman gazes down at him with

6:28

unvarnished pity. Man,

6:31

you have got to cut this

6:33

shit out. I haven't

6:35

called the cops on you yet because Gary here

6:37

asked me not to, but you keep

6:39

this shit up and I'm gonna have

6:41

to do something about it. Get me?

6:44

He forces Matt into a

6:46

chair like an errant

6:48

child, which fair enough What

6:50

is your beef champ and

6:53

why haven't we just fucking banned you

6:55

already? Gary groans

6:57

clutching a lumpy dish towel

6:59

full of ice to his jaw. I

7:02

Told you Marco. It's fine. He's

7:05

just going through it. We're friends

7:07

from school. Oh

7:09

Is that all Matt snarls

7:12

ex -boyfriend A waitress asks

7:14

Gary, not my type. They

7:18

laugh, and Matt wishes he'd

7:20

hit his head a little harder so that he

7:22

wouldn't have to hear it. He

7:24

closes his eyes, still leaking

7:26

tears. Fuck Gary for

7:29

having anything to laugh about. Marco

7:32

grabs Matt's hand to unlock the

7:34

smartphone he dropped. What's

7:37

your girlfriend's name? I'll call her to

7:39

come get you. No,

7:41

Matt yelps. No. Fuck,

7:44

don't, I've

7:46

got Lyft on there. I'll

7:49

take a Lyft. Matt's

7:51

tears give way to convulsive, wretched

7:54

sobs as he

7:56

limps to the parking lot. He

7:59

has up on

8:01

using his words. He

8:04

used his words the last three times

8:06

this happened, moaned, imuteos,

8:10

imuteos, say,

8:12

You remember. Say

8:15

it was real. As

8:17

Gary put him into a

8:19

headlock on the thin stained

8:21

carpet. Using

8:23

his words hadn't gotten him anywhere.

8:27

It isn't even about the goddamn eggs.

8:30

He regresses whenever

8:33

he sees Gary. Shrinks

8:35

into a sweaty palmed

8:37

teenager in baggy

8:39

hand -me -downs. staring into

8:41

and through the old

8:43

apple tree in the park

8:46

as if it would open again. And

8:50

he keeps seeking him out anyway

8:52

because, man,

8:56

fuck Gary. Fuck

8:58

Gary and his shiny new sneakers

9:01

and his perfect hair. Fuck

9:03

Gary. Smiling like

9:05

he owns the world while he dishes out

9:07

the wrong eggs for shits and giggles. He

9:10

doesn't pass out in the lift,

9:13

but it's a close thing. Matt

9:15

watches the sleeping commuter town

9:17

blur past the window as the

9:19

heaviness of far away settles

9:21

into the tired lines of

9:23

his face and wishes he could

9:26

blow it all up, set it

9:28

on fire, kick

9:30

it far away from

9:32

himself. Fuck this

9:34

whole world for daring to

9:36

exist. Fuck this

9:38

whole world. for not being

9:40

Heurekia. Morning

9:45

finds him spangled

9:47

with misery, suffering

9:49

under what feels like

9:51

the invention of

9:53

hangovers. Unfair, he wasn't

9:55

even drunk last night. But

9:58

consecutive hits to the gut, fuck

10:01

you, Gary, can wreak just as much

10:03

havoc as Tequila, before

10:05

he hauls himself upright. He

10:07

wonders if maybe a kidney hasn't ruptured

10:10

in there. He'd be

10:12

okay with that outcome, but since

10:14

he didn't bleed out in the night, it seems

10:16

unlikely. Alice,

10:19

love of his life,

10:22

a goddamn saint, has

10:24

coffee and potatoes, hot

10:26

and waiting when Matt staggers

10:28

into the kitchen. She

10:31

frowns at the dried blood on

10:33

his face, or maybe at all

10:35

of them. It's hard to be sure. Flushed

10:39

with embarrassment, he scrubs

10:41

at the scabbing crust on his

10:43

swollen lip. I'll

10:46

wash the sheets before I

10:48

leave today, he says. That's

10:51

not the problem, she says, gesturing for

10:53

him to sit down. Matt

10:56

throws a hearty squirt of ketchup on his

10:58

home fries and digs in. He

11:01

gets three bites down before he realizes

11:03

that Alice is still standing at the

11:05

counter. You have to

11:07

tell me why you're doing this shit,

11:09

she says. He keeps

11:11

chewing. Tell

11:13

me, Alice says. I

11:16

don't wanna talk about it. She

11:19

looms over him, merciless as

11:21

a drill sergeant. If you don't

11:23

tell me what he is to you, she warns. I

11:26

will keep asking until you break.

11:29

Matt thinks that he is already broken. that

11:32

nothing she does can grind the

11:34

shards any smaller. He

11:37

turns his mind away from that as

11:39

if he touched a hot stove. Ex

11:42

-boyfriend, she guesses, stole

11:45

a tonka truck from you in kindergarten. High

11:48

school rival? Fight,

11:51

flight, freeze, fawn.

11:54

He always picks freeze with Alice,

11:57

cowed by her righteousness even as

11:59

he shelters under it. She's

12:01

had four years to learn that and she

12:03

pounces. I knew

12:05

it Was it some

12:07

kind of sports thing? Did

12:09

he beat you at water polo? God,

12:12

I don't even really know

12:14

what men hate each

12:16

other about He hates himself for

12:19

giving away that much He should

12:21

have moved after he graduated

12:23

How did he ever think this county

12:25

was small enough for him to forget? But

12:28

he would never have moved He'd

12:32

have had to leave the apple tree. Ali,

12:36

he says, it

12:38

doesn't matter. It

12:41

won't happen again. I

12:44

love you and do the best

12:46

thing in this world that could ever

12:49

happen to me. And I'm sorry I

12:51

disappointed you. Two

12:53

lies, three truths. The

12:55

truth tally is still up. And

12:58

that's what counts, right? Matt,

13:03

listen to me. I

13:05

am not willing to be

13:07

in a relationship with someone who

13:10

gets into fistfights, plural,

13:13

with the cook at the

13:15

waffle house, and

13:18

refuses to explain

13:20

himself. You

13:22

can keep holding whatever stupid secret

13:24

grudge you've got against him

13:26

until the heat death of the

13:28

universe if you just stop

13:31

picking fights with him. But

13:33

you can't expect

13:35

me to let you come

13:37

home and smear blood all

13:40

over my bowl and branch

13:42

pillowcases and never tell me

13:44

why." You wouldn't understand, Matt

13:47

Mumbles, fully

13:49

fucking aware

13:51

that this is like

13:54

one 100 %

13:56

the worst thing he can

13:58

say. It's

14:00

unfortunate that it's also

14:02

true. Man, fuck

14:05

Gary. Fuck that guy

14:07

for being the only person who gets

14:09

it. Okay. Alice's

14:13

voice is tighter than he's ever heard. She

14:16

twangs like a bow string. You

14:20

either want to keep your weird,

14:22

ragey secret, Or you want

14:24

me, and I guess

14:26

I know which. She

14:29

is so firm, so strong.

14:33

And Matt wonders if the only reason she's

14:35

got it together is because she hasn't been

14:37

tested. Alice has

14:39

no specter of old hurts

14:41

smiling serenely and sending out

14:43

the wrong plate of eggs.

14:46

Alice has no well of pain.

14:49

to send her flying over a table

14:51

at some ex -friend she hasn't seen

14:53

in a decade. Ex

14:55

-classmate, ex -acquaintance,

14:58

they were never friends, were they? A

15:00

friend wouldn't have left Matt alone all

15:02

those years ago. But Gary

15:05

hadn't even

15:07

recognized him that first

15:09

night. Matt had

15:11

ordered his eggs poached, gotten

15:13

them scrambled, looked for

15:15

the waitress, and seen

15:18

her laughing with Gary

15:20

as he plated sirloin and

15:22

eggs with the kind of

15:24

grace that belonged in a

15:26

much more expensive restaurant. Just

15:30

a mistake, but one

15:32

that had sent Matt sprinting

15:34

with raised fists. The

15:38

second time, and the

15:40

third, and the fourth, Gary

15:43

had recognized him then. He'd

15:46

pulled this shit on purpose. And

15:49

Matt should have backed down, should

15:51

have gone to any of a

15:53

dozen other restaurants where no one

15:55

was deliberately sending out the wrong

15:58

order. Where Alice is

16:00

wrong is

16:02

thinking that he could. Matt,

16:07

you are a person

16:09

who seeks someone

16:11

out deliberately and repeatedly.

16:14

to hurt them for

16:16

mystery reasons. Do

16:19

you know how scary that is?

16:22

Do you understand that I

16:25

can't trust you not

16:27

to point that anger at

16:29

me? All the thousands of

16:31

times I've seen you be normal

16:33

and peaceful can't outweigh that. I'm

16:36

not going to hang around, hoping

16:39

you get your shit under control.

16:42

Matt picks at his chapped lips

16:44

until they split. He

16:47

bites his nails to the quick and

16:49

then some. When

16:51

he was a kid, he'd worry at loose teeth with

16:53

his tongue until he could push them out. The

16:55

only reward for his trouble, a mouth

16:57

full of blood. Matt

17:00

doesn't know how to stop

17:02

hurting himself. Where

17:05

do you even begin a task like

17:07

that? How do

17:09

you unlearn that habit? She

17:13

is shaking or he

17:15

is or they

17:18

both are Matt

17:20

isn't sure He

17:22

only knows that she's

17:24

quivering in front of

17:26

his tired eyes That the

17:28

leg of the table

17:30

is rattling faintly. I

17:33

Already talked to my dad before you

17:35

got up He's bringing

17:37

his truck over this afternoon to

17:39

get my stuff Alice says

17:41

resigned If you

17:43

could be elsewhere, I'd appreciate

17:46

it. Matt

17:49

racks his brains for anything he

17:51

can say to halt her. His

17:54

eyes dart around the apartment, scanning

17:56

four years of shared history. The

17:59

couch they went habsies on, the

18:01

scarf he knitted for her last

18:03

birthday, the Lothlorian travel

18:05

poster Alice picked out on

18:07

a drunk Etsy spree. We

18:10

made a whole gallon of

18:13

tomato sauce last weekend. I

18:15

can't I can't eat it

18:17

all alone When he looks at

18:19

Alice again, there is a tired

18:21

pity in her eyes She's gazing

18:23

at him the way the night

18:25

watchman at the waffle house

18:27

did as if he is a

18:29

sad stranger She can't help

18:31

Are you aware

18:34

of your total inability to get to

18:36

the point? Or have

18:38

you genuinely never

18:40

noticed how you dodge

18:42

everything that matters?" Alice

18:44

says. To hell

18:46

with the pasta sauce. You

18:49

should have led with I love

18:51

you, maybe. I

18:54

do love you, but not

18:56

enough to change. He

19:02

could go anywhere. He

19:04

could go to his study carol on campus. and

19:07

sit with the other PhD candidates

19:09

pretending that his palms don't sweat every

19:11

time he thinks about the $40 ,000

19:13

in student loans he's taken out

19:15

so far. He

19:17

could go to the library, to

19:20

Taco Bell. He could

19:22

even go to the goddamn Waffle

19:24

House. But

19:28

he goes to the apple tree. It's

19:30

far back enough in the park

19:32

that it can't be seen from the road. It's

19:35

leaves. are yellowed with

19:37

the autumn and small hard

19:39

fruits stud the ground around

19:42

it. He

19:45

feels for the

19:47

door for the

19:49

thousandth time. And

19:52

when he still can't find

19:54

it, he tears at

19:56

the bark until his short

19:58

fingernails are broken and

20:00

bleeding and he collapses,

20:02

heartbroken against the roots. The

20:06

parents, shepherding rambunctious toddlers

20:08

and the dogs leading

20:10

their humans, give him

20:12

a wide berth. Matt

20:15

closes his eyes

20:17

and prays for Oblivion. He

20:20

doesn't care why he was

20:22

born into this world. Why

20:26

he only got the briefest hit

20:28

of a better one. Why

20:30

fate? decided to

20:33

destroy him

20:35

specifically out of all

20:37

the scrawny teenagers it could have

20:39

picked. He just

20:42

wants it all to

20:44

go away. Dude,

20:48

a voice above him says. He

20:51

ignores it. Bro.

20:55

Gary says, more insistently,

20:59

I'm not your bro. How?

21:02

Matt mutters half -heartedly. Do

21:06

you still want me to call

21:08

you Gratitios then? Fine,

21:11

Gratitios. One

21:13

night of Heurekio to another. You

21:17

let it go or it

21:19

kills you. Matt

21:22

can't open his eyes. His

21:24

head is full of

21:26

Gary's grin, the

21:29

day they knelt before the Holy Sphinx. and

21:31

their mingled laughter under

21:33

an unfamiliar sky. They'd

21:37

never paid much attention to each other in

21:39

school, but inside

21:41

the apple tree, living three

21:43

years in a

21:45

summer afternoon and recognizing

21:47

only each other, it

21:50

hadn't mattered. It

21:52

should have changed something

21:54

afterwards. There should

21:56

have been knowing

21:59

grins Roofle glances shared

22:01

secret contempt for how

22:03

little prequelk mattered after

22:05

they'd watched the sorcerer

22:07

rain fire down the

22:09

mountainside. But nothing

22:12

changed. Gary

22:14

made valedictorian and

22:16

stared through Matt

22:18

every time their paths crossed. Matt

22:22

quit water polo to hide

22:24

away, reading every pulpy fantasy

22:26

the library would lend out. desperate

22:29

to find something familiar. I

22:33

only ever wanted you to admit it

22:35

was real, Matt says at

22:37

last. You

22:39

always fucking walked around

22:41

like none of it ever happened.

22:44

Like it never, thinking

22:48

he's finally provoked Gary

22:50

into throwing the first punch,

22:53

Matt forces his eyes open. Gary

22:56

drops onto his heels. Putting

22:59

them on eye level, but

23:02

no violence is forthcoming. Only

23:05

a soft and

23:08

terrible gaze, a

23:10

bloom of purple along his

23:12

jaw shows where Matt touched him

23:14

last night. You

23:17

know why I dropped out of college? Gary

23:19

demands. I tried

23:21

to kill myself right here, right?

23:25

where you're fucking sitting because I

23:27

couldn't get back inside this stupid

23:29

tree. And if I couldn't live

23:31

in Herreco, I didn't want to

23:33

live anywhere. I woke

23:35

up that night in the hospital

23:37

because some lady walking her dog

23:39

found me. They had to

23:41

pump my stomach, kept me

23:44

on hold for two

23:46

days. But

23:48

she got better. Matt says, Dully,

23:52

he hasn't gotten better. He's

23:55

not sure there is a better for him.

23:58

There might have been if he'd controlled himself,

24:01

if he'd stopped chasing after Gary

24:03

and just focused on holding together the

24:05

normal life he'd been building with Alice.

24:08

But that version of better is out

24:10

of reach now, and it's

24:12

his own fault. Yeah,

24:16

stopped trying to distract myself

24:18

by doing everything my parents wanted.

24:21

stopped pushing myself so fucking

24:23

hard for nothing. Started

24:26

figuring out what making life worthwhile

24:28

looked like for me. Learned

24:31

to cook, started meditating, got

24:33

a job that fit my sleep schedule. Took

24:36

judo at the Y. I

24:38

teach the kids classes on my days off work.

24:41

Must be nice. Gary

24:45

lets that one hang

24:47

until Matt can feel. What

24:49

an asshole he's being. It's

24:53

a heaviness in his stomach, like

24:56

chalupas when it's not cheat day. How'd

24:59

you know I was here? Matt

25:02

finally asks. Your

25:05

friend

25:08

called the restaurant and they

25:10

called me, Gary says, confirming

25:12

his suspicions. And I

25:14

figured, where the fuck else were

25:16

you gonna go? He

25:19

pauses and then. Nice

25:22

gal. Reminds me of

25:24

the commander, doesn't she? The

25:28

words land harder than a

25:30

punch ever could. Matt

25:34

flinches, remembering

25:36

the woman who'd made up for

25:38

his real mother's distraction and

25:40

distance with her careful tutelage. The

25:43

Sphinx had named them to their

25:46

posts. But

25:48

it was the commander who had

25:50

made them magenites. Do

25:53

you remember what she told us about the apples?

25:56

Gary plucks one from the

25:58

ground and shines it up on the

26:00

leg of his dockers. That's rhetorical,

26:02

right? You can't seriously

26:04

think I'd forget. Of

26:06

course, it's rhetorical dickweed. And

26:09

Gary slices the little fruit in half with

26:11

his pocket knife. Matt

26:14

wonders if he'd had the knife

26:16

on him before. and why

26:18

he'd never pulled it in self -defense. The

26:21

star in every apple is the

26:23

soul of a hero long gone,

26:26

Gary recites, and in

26:28

that moment, his face

26:30

is almost beatific. With

26:33

every bite, you

26:35

add their strength to yours. Someday,

26:39

you will be strong enough

26:42

to withstand everything your heart

26:44

does to you. The

26:46

tears are hot on his face, but

26:49

Matt can't find it in himself to

26:51

be ashamed for crying. He's

26:54

too busy feeling ashamed of everything

26:56

else about himself. He

26:58

takes the fruit Gary holds

27:00

out to him. The

27:02

star of seeds

27:04

is intact

27:07

and perfect. The

27:09

burst of acid shoots

27:11

through him like cold sunrise.

27:15

So eat more apples,

27:17

Gary says. And

27:19

less 2 AM

27:22

eggs and be less of an

27:24

asshole. I'm

27:26

an asshole? You

27:28

kept fucking with my food. First

27:32

time was an honest mistake. Gary

27:34

crunches at his half of the

27:36

apple, looking chagrined. Yeah,

27:38

and after that, you

27:41

were mad. You needed a place

27:43

to put it. Gary stands

27:45

up, wiping his

27:47

sticky hands on the hem of his shirt,

27:50

and you couldn't put it in

27:52

Herreco anymore. So

27:55

what, it was your idea

27:57

of therapy or something? Call

28:00

it an object

28:02

lesson in not getting what

28:04

you want out of life. And

28:07

Matt knows it is so much

28:09

more mercy than he has ever

28:12

deserved. Every

28:14

egg he ever

28:16

eats will turn to dust

28:18

in his mouth, compared

28:21

to the memory of this strange

28:23

grace. Gary

28:27

turns to leave him. Hey,

28:30

Matt Blertz, can I buy

28:32

you a beer sometime? Call it

28:34

an apology for the black

28:37

eye and the jaw

28:39

and, uh, Whatever

28:42

else I did to you. Nah.

28:46

Gary doesn't even look back at him. Not

28:49

healthy for either of us to keep rehashing this

28:51

shit. But

28:53

if you order him over easy next time, I'll

28:56

cook him that way. We

29:04

hope you enjoyed. Can I offer

29:06

you a nice egg in these

29:08

trying times by Iori Kusano? Iori

29:12

Kusano is a queer Asian -American

29:14

writer, competitive Yu -Gi -Oh! dualist,

29:16

and extremely ordinary office gremlin

29:18

living in Tokyo. They

29:20

are a graduate of Clarion West

29:22

2017, and their fiction

29:25

has previously appeared in Apex Magazine

29:27

and Baffling Magazine. Their debut

29:29

novella, Hybrid Heart, was released

29:31

by Neon Hemlock Press in

29:33

2023. You can find

29:35

them on Instagram as

29:38

Iori underscore stagram, or

29:40

at KusanoIori.com.

29:49

At Storytime with Will Wheaton

29:51

was produced in 2025 by

29:53

Traveller Enterprises Incorporated, who holds

29:55

the copyright. Our producer

29:57

is Harris Lane. Producer

30:00

and Director is Gabrielle

30:02

DeCure. Our content

30:04

editors are Lynn and Michael

30:06

Thomas. Our podcast

30:08

is edited, mixed and mastered

30:10

by Alex of AV. Very

30:13

special thanks to Wes Stevens,

30:15

Christopher Black, and Marina Piper.

30:18

This podcast was recorded at Skyboat

30:20

Media. Thank you so

30:22

much for listening. As

30:26

I said at the beginning of the show, I am

30:28

so glad that you are here and I hope that

30:30

you will come back for the next one. Until

30:33

then, if you'd like to

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help the podcast grow, please, review

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to us. There's a word that I

30:41

am forgetting that everybody says at the ends

30:43

of these things. Do whatever

30:45

that is. And

30:48

I'm genuinely glad and grateful

30:50

that you spent some time

30:52

with me today. Until

30:54

next time, I am Will Wheaton. You can find me

30:56

at willwheaton .net. Please

30:59

take care of yourselves and take

31:01

care of each other.