0:00

Hi everyone, it's Allison here

0:02

to announce that I have

0:04

officially opened a relationship coaching

0:06

business. That's right, I now

0:08

am seeing individuals and couples

0:10

for sessions where we work

0:12

through our relationship issues, our

0:14

thoughts around dating, how to

0:16

better communicate with our partners,

0:18

all with the real mental

0:20

health focused framing. So if

0:22

you're interested in booking a

0:24

session or learning more, please

0:26

go to my website Allison

0:28

raskin.com/coaching or email me. at

0:30

raskin coaching@gmail.com

0:32

Welcome back to too

0:34

long did read it everyone's

0:37

favorite investigation uncovering oh wait

0:39

let me check the ceiling

0:41

this time instead of the

0:43

basement I heard what Gave

0:45

said about me favorite show

0:47

about read it did you

0:49

like listening back to that

0:51

was it fun well I

0:53

was like oh I'm not

0:55

needed You did a great

0:57

job. No way! You very

0:59

much need it. I listened

1:01

back to it and I

1:03

said, Jesus Christ, you know,

1:05

who wouldn't have let us go

1:08

on and on about aliens in

1:10

time travel for this long without

1:12

being like, what is this about

1:14

is you? Because you would have

1:16

had more questions, you would have

1:19

been more skeptical. Yeah. The whole

1:21

thing was just me and Melissa

1:23

being like, of course, absolutely. Yeah.

1:25

And I'm fine with that. Yeah,

1:27

I mean it is weird. I

1:30

haven't listened to a full JPU

1:32

episode without me yet. I've only

1:34

listened to a read it without

1:36

me. I don't think there hasn't been

1:38

one yet. Yeah, yeah, I'm just saying

1:41

I haven't heard it yet. So I

1:43

feel like that'll be even weirder. Oh,

1:45

the second to the last one we

1:48

did, we were just so loopy cuckoo.

1:50

And also I knew that there would

1:52

be at least one comment

1:54

on the JB YouTube videos that

1:56

you and John have been

1:59

doing without me saying that like

2:01

you guys should start your own

2:03

channel and we don't need gave

2:05

so yeah but that everyone came

2:07

to your defense and was like

2:09

this is a fucked up comment

2:11

yeah and then I think they

2:13

deleted the comment oh really but I

2:16

was like all right well I knew

2:18

it I knew it was like when

2:20

you have a fear and then it

2:23

happened what was their name why oh

2:25

oh Melissa that's really sweet I have

2:27

no idea we can't cyber bully I

2:30

don't cyber bully. That is a lot.

2:32

I don't cyber bully. I'm a vigilante.

2:34

It's not. And you coin the term

2:37

yourself. Yes. So it's not bullying if

2:39

I am doing it in the name

2:41

of justice. Okay. No one's ever used

2:44

that as an excuse. I was going

2:46

to say, okay, Batman. Back bitch. Sorry,

2:48

I'm all upset because on the way

2:51

here I was listening to the Daily

2:53

about all these people that think all

2:55

the elections are rigged and how they're

2:58

going to Change all the systems. Both

3:00

are in count. I don't know. Yeah,

3:02

just these people that have this idea

3:05

of like I'm doing the right thing

3:07

But then are like so deeply deeply

3:09

delusional. It will be so either by

3:12

the time this comes out. I know

3:14

it'll be either scary or not scary

3:16

Well I think by the time this

3:19

comes out, who knows what will still

3:21

be going on in the courts because

3:23

all of these places are set up

3:26

to just not accept the whatever the

3:28

results are. I know. Probably still duking

3:30

it out unless Trump wins and then

3:33

they'll be like the elections are perfect.

3:35

Oh my god. And we'll be airing

3:37

this from like Putin's radio. Yeah. But

3:40

like, like, it'll be this episode and

3:42

then, like, in the beginning, it'll be

3:44

like, it'll be like, welcome to Putin

3:47

only accepted radio. Do you think Putin

3:49

would let us do this show? No.

3:51

No, I don't think Putin would let

3:54

us exist. No. It's November 1st when

3:56

we're recording this. So if our election

3:58

anxiety is running high throughout. this entire

4:01

episode, so that's why. Well, there's plenty

4:03

of time for us to break down,

4:05

but for now, let's have some fun.

4:07

By visiting one of our favorite sub-redits,

4:10

today I learned. This is wild, okay?

4:12

Okay. So this post says today I

4:14

learned Mark Ruffalo woke up from a

4:17

dream that told him he had a

4:19

brain tumor He got a CT scan

4:21

the following day confirming that he had

4:24

a benign tumor behind his left ear

4:26

The tumor was removed and he is

4:28

deaf in that ear as a result

4:31

of the surgery whoa what isn't that

4:33

wild and this is really upsetting to

4:35

me as someone who refuses to accept

4:38

that dreams have any meaning on account

4:40

of how I behave in my dreams

4:42

like a Yelling... I'm a nightmare. You're

4:45

a nightmare in your dreams. Nightmare in

4:47

the dreams. You're a Freddie Kruger. In

4:49

case you don't know, Allison is an

4:52

absolute terror in her dreams. Screaming at

4:54

people, I'm furious, I'm my worst self.

4:56

And then one time I had a

4:59

dream that she was doing that in

5:01

my dream. And I forgot about that.

5:03

I woke up pissed. Wow. So she

5:06

Astro projected into my dream. Yeah. Sorry.

5:08

But I guess maybe it was his

5:10

body letting him know? That's wild. I

5:13

mean, it is a brain tumor and

5:15

dreams are in the brain. Do you

5:17

think that's really, do you think it's

5:20

just a total coincidence? He is a

5:22

bit of like a woo-w person. Yeah.

5:24

Like he, so I mean, it could

5:27

be something that he's just like, I

5:29

don't know, not made up, but like,

5:31

equated in a way, like, put more

5:34

meaning into or like, what's a word?

5:36

made the story, condensed the story. Like

5:38

yeah, the dream like a year before

5:41

or something and then he went and

5:43

then he like. Wow, so you don't

5:45

think Mark Ruffalo, you think he's kind

5:48

of a liar? I don't, I love

5:50

Mark. I love Mark Ruffalo. Did y'all

5:52

see him at Vidcon? When we used

5:55

to go to Vidcon all the time.

5:57

Why? Just to hang out. And I

5:59

was. in like you know the creator

6:02

part and he was just there like

6:04

he wasn't there as a creator he

6:06

was just there he looked so beautiful

6:09

he I mean he looks like himself

6:11

yes so the answer is he yes

6:13

yeah my dad he went to the

6:16

first game inky stadium and this is

6:18

like the the widow card right like

6:20

he's getting invited to stuff wait I'm

6:22

sorry he went This year? Yes, that's

6:25

what I'm saying. What? Because his financial

6:27

advisor, they just moved to like Wells

6:29

Fargo or something and they got, they

6:31

like were splitting a suite. And I

6:34

guess the moment they got the tickets,

6:36

he like walked in and was like,

6:38

I have, I need a ticket for

6:40

myself and Ken Raskin. Wow.

6:43

Nice. So yeah, so I was like,

6:45

except that pity, dad, milk, that shit.

6:47

And so he, uh, he went and

6:49

he had like a seat in a

6:51

suite and then like two seats down

6:54

with Scarlet Johansson and Colin Jost. Oh,

6:56

wow. Did she have on her, um,

6:58

met hat that was for the

7:01

Metropolitan Museum? No. That was funny.

7:03

What was that? I didn't. She was

7:05

wearing a hat for the met. Instead

7:07

of like for a baseball team and so people were like, oh

7:09

is that she think that was the Mets? She was wearing a

7:11

hat. He took some sneaky photos. It might be that hat. So

7:13

what do you think about doing that, about taking a sneaky photo?

7:15

Don't like it. I don't like it either. If I was that

7:18

famous, I would assume that at an event like that or any

7:20

time I'm in public that I'm being perceived. Yes. Right. If you're

7:22

at like, if you're at like, like, like, like a restaurant, like,

7:24

like a restaurant, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

7:26

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

7:28

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

7:30

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

7:32

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

7:34

That's weird, but if you're at like a

7:36

event, like a concert or something, I don't

7:38

know, remember people were looking at us when

7:40

we went to see Panic at the Disco

7:43

and we were dancing and stuff and

7:45

there were like tweets talking about like

7:47

us at Panic at the Disco, do

7:49

you remember that? No, I do remember

7:51

the concerts, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

7:53

yeah, that's huge for you. I think about

7:55

that concert all the time. It was so

7:57

fun. Oh, actually I was thinking of the

7:59

Wrong. I was thinking about when we

8:01

saw him in Santa Barbara, but you're

8:03

talking about the one that we saw

8:05

in LA? So we've seen him twice.

8:07

Yeah, we've seen, yeah, we've seen panic.

8:10

We've seen panic twice and then we

8:12

saw him in Kinky Boots. Yeah, that

8:14

was really cool because we were like

8:16

the third row back. We could see

8:18

that sweat baby. It was for my

8:20

birthday. And there was a lot of

8:22

sweat on account of them dressing him

8:24

in Kashmir sweaters. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

8:26

yeah, yeah. I felt so bad for

8:29

that for that wardrobe. No, okay, yeah,

8:31

I guess it. I guess, but he,

8:33

we didn't like post the photos. It

8:35

was more just for him to show

8:37

me and my sister. That's cute. Well,

8:39

I didn't have sex with him, but.

8:41

What? What? You guys don't know about

8:43

this? About Scarlet Joe. No, no, no,

8:45

no. I went on a couple dates

8:47

with Colin Joseph. I made out with

8:50

him. No, you have never said that

8:52

in your life to us. Really? Really,

8:54

when? So I was living in New

8:56

York and he was just a writer

8:58

for Fallon or something or he was

9:00

a writer for like some late night

9:02

show and he was doing stand up

9:04

and I saw him do stand up

9:06

and I was like, oh he's cute.

9:09

And he talked about going to Harvard

9:11

in the stand up. So then the

9:13

next time I went to, I'm insane.

9:15

So the next time I went to

9:17

see him do stand up, I dressed

9:19

like kind of preppy. I had these

9:21

shoes that were like golf shoe high

9:23

heels. That sounds so ugly. Yeah, they

9:25

were. No, they were like preppy. I

9:28

don't know. You were dressing the part.

9:30

Yeah. Dress for the job you want.

9:32

Yeah. And so I met him. And

9:34

then we went on a date and

9:36

it was like fine. Wait, so you

9:38

approach him after the show. Do you

9:40

ask him out or he asks you

9:42

out? I think I was just like

9:44

being flirty and I was like, we

9:47

should hang out or whatever. And then

9:49

we were hanging out. We went to

9:51

this rooftop hotel. Then weirdly he invited

9:53

his friend who was also a writer

9:55

on Fallon to meet us there. I

9:57

just hung out with the two of

9:59

them and I was like, that's kind

10:01

of weird. And then I was going

10:03

through a phase where, so I was.

10:06

How old were you? 22? 21. And

10:08

how old was he? I don't know,

10:10

you can look it up. Okay. But

10:12

I, yeah, I was 21 because I

10:14

was working at the Daily Show at

10:16

the time. And I. I have so

10:18

much lore. Anyway, so, but the thing

10:20

is is that I had just made

10:22

a promise to myself because I had

10:24

been hooking up with, secretly hooking up

10:27

with this guy who was my boss.

10:29

So I, um, that I knew. So,

10:31

that I knew. You're 36, right? I'm

10:33

36, yeah. He's six years older than

10:35

you. So he was 27. Okay. And

10:37

so I had made a promise to

10:39

myself that I had been doing too

10:41

much bad stuff and that I wasn't

10:43

gonna have sex with anyone new. Because

10:46

I was like, I was like, no,

10:48

no new people. No new. So then

10:50

I went out with him another time

10:52

and we went to a bunch of

10:54

wine bars and we were taking like,

10:56

you know, cabs around and stuff and

10:58

like making out in the cabs. And

11:00

then we were like, and then we

11:02

went to his house and he was

11:05

like, Can you want to come upstairs

11:07

and I feel like it was like

11:09

listen to records like he had some

11:11

kind of like thing like that or

11:13

look at a poster some some guy

11:15

thing and and I was like wanted

11:17

to but I was like no I'm

11:19

no I can't and then I was

11:21

like when then I went home and

11:24

I was like. Good job girl, like

11:26

you're not, you're not like doing, you

11:28

know, you're thinking things through, you're not

11:30

like going on, whatever. And then I

11:32

just like never saw him again. He

11:34

never contacted you again. I can't remember,

11:36

I think because, I think he did,

11:38

but I was just like trying to

11:40

not have sex with new people, so

11:42

I think I was like. How you

11:45

blew off Scarlet Johansson's husband. I know,

11:47

I think I did. And then like

11:49

he was dating, this is seenel. and

11:51

he was dating the scene but he

11:53

would text me. And they were both

11:55

on it? Yeah. And I think he

11:57

would still, I knew he was dating

11:59

to see Padrod, and he would still

12:01

like text me at like 1am, like

12:04

what's up. And then he went, he

12:06

was going to FSU to do stand

12:08

up and I was like, oh my

12:10

sister's gonna come see you do stand

12:12

up. And he was like, oh my

12:14

sister's gonna come see you do stand

12:16

up. And he was like, oh, and

12:18

I'm Gabe's sister or whatever. And then

12:20

every so often he would text me

12:23

and I would text me and I was

12:25

just like, and I was just

12:27

like, Yeah, this whole time there's

12:29

like a parallel universe where you

12:31

were just with Colin Jost. I guess,

12:33

I don't really like him as a

12:35

person. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I don't

12:37

really like him. Me, no. I also

12:39

think like, I think the whole weekend

12:41

update needs to be rebooted. Yeah, I

12:43

did it. Yeah. So I'm not like

12:45

a huge, it's not like something where

12:47

I'm like, wow, this was a good

12:49

thing. Like. you know I'm not like oh he's

12:52

cool now so this was cool no right sort

12:54

of like the worst the worst guy you know

12:56

what I mean so in a way it's actually

12:58

great that I didn't sleep with him yeah yeah

13:00

good for you there was another stand-up comic

13:02

who used to who was definitely had

13:04

a girlfriend slash wife I think and

13:07

used to text me all the time

13:09

But I don't, I never made out

13:11

with that guy. Who was that? You're

13:13

like the guy that spoke at

13:15

the Trump party? No, that'd be

13:17

so, that, wouldn't that be in

13:19

my lord? No, he was on, and

13:21

I never uped up with that guy

13:23

either. But anyway, that was, that was

13:26

my lord. I used to go to,

13:28

what is it called, whiplash, that show

13:30

in New York on Monday nights at

13:32

UCB, that was like at 11 p.

13:34

And that's where you just picked up.

13:37

That was one of many avenues for

13:39

game to pick up his fellows. That

13:41

is not at, I met Colin Jost

13:43

at a stand-up show that used to

13:45

be downstairs at a bar in Chinatown.

13:48

So if anyone is like a niche 2011

13:50

slash 2012 slash 2009, I must

13:52

have been 2009, uh, comedy, New

13:54

York comedy fan, maybe you'll remember

13:56

that show. Do you see how

13:58

like, like, there's still. stuff you

14:00

guys don't know about me even though

14:02

I talk a lot. Yeah there's stuff

14:04

you don't know about me I think.

14:06

I don't know anything about you. I

14:09

think you have a fellow right

14:11

now. I don't know what you're

14:13

talking about. I think you have

14:15

a fellow right now. Anyway we're

14:18

looking we're going to the next.

14:20

Wait why do you what? What

14:22

evidence do you have? Because she

14:24

didn't upload something on time. It

14:26

wasn't because you were going out

14:28

of town. At night? At night?

14:31

At night? Oh, we're just anyways.

14:33

Okay, we'll find out about in

14:35

six months when it's over. Right?

14:37

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use the code just between us

16:04

for 15% off today. So let's

16:06

visit an old standby. Am I

16:09

the asshole? Because this honestly one

16:11

feels like it was kind of

16:13

meant for me and it's also

16:15

a way for me to plug

16:17

my book. Am I the asshole

16:20

for giving my ring back after

16:22

my fiancé made a comment to

16:24

his guy friends regarding why we

16:26

haven't gotten married? Oh. My fiancé

16:28

and I, both 30, have been

16:30

together for eight years and engaged

16:33

for four years. We got engaged

16:35

right before COVID really hit and

16:37

obviously that put a huge halt

16:39

on any sort of planning and

16:41

then from there forward life events

16:44

halted it more, became homeless, ended

16:46

up pregnant and having our child,

16:48

now we are back on our

16:50

feet but not financially where we

16:52

could be yet. Back roughly five

16:54

months ago ish, I brought up

16:57

marriage and basically approached the idea

16:59

of having a backyard wedding and

17:01

a pot luck. Basically going cheap

17:03

because I don't really care so

17:05

much about the wedding or prights

17:08

or whatever. I just want to

17:10

wear a pretty dress and have

17:12

all eyes on me and get

17:14

married to the love of my

17:16

life. I don't care about the

17:18

expensive bells and whistles. When I

17:21

brought it up he told me

17:23

that wouldn't be a bad idea

17:25

and that we could probably try

17:27

planning for Julyish 2025. Okay, but

17:29

we haven't really talked about it

17:31

since that point as other shit

17:34

came up. Here's the issue though.

17:36

Back about a month ago, we

17:38

were down to our neighbors' home,

17:40

people who have grown to be

17:42

really good friends since we moved

17:45

here 1.5 years ago. I was

17:47

hanging out with the neighbor's wife

17:49

and her best friend. My fiancé

17:51

was hanging out with a group

17:53

of three to four guys, having

17:55

beers and working on vehicles. Well,

17:58

one of the guys... there was

18:00

talking about his wife and said,

18:02

once you get married, everything fucking

18:04

stops. I overheard in the middle

18:06

of the conversation, so I have no

18:09

idea what stops during marriage, but it

18:11

was a negative comment, regardless. But anyways,

18:13

my fiance then starts laughing and goes,

18:16

that's why I've been dragging my feet

18:18

on marriage. And the guys just laughed

18:20

and said, don't do it man, it's a

18:22

trap, etc. etc. etc. It really hurt me,

18:24

but I figured it was just lock a

18:27

room talk and I tried my best to

18:29

move on. Straight women are not

18:31

okay. Straight women are just

18:33

accepting the bare minimum. But like

18:36

I couldn't... Did you say yes? I

18:38

said thanks. Well, it's true. You guys

18:40

deserve better. But like I couldn't

18:42

let it go. It sat in the back

18:44

of my head. So a couple weeks ago

18:46

I brought up getting married again and just

18:49

ran some ideas by him on simple things

18:51

like what he saw our wedding colors being

18:53

and he shut down a bit and said something

18:55

to the effect of I think we need to

18:57

weigh the pros and cons of being married

19:00

first and shut down the conversation

19:02

instant plunged to my gut honestly

19:04

so I walk outside to calm myself

19:06

down but I just couldn't shake it

19:08

honestly so I went back inside and

19:10

calmly handed him my ring back and

19:12

asked him what he wanted for dinner.

19:14

I didn't want to make a big

19:16

deal, so there was no yelling, no

19:19

crying, nothing. I was calm and moved

19:21

on. But he instantly asked me

19:23

what I was doing and why I

19:25

gave the ring back. Yeah, no duh. So

19:27

I was just pocketed at it, thanks. Been

19:30

there, that's not fun either. Yep. So I

19:32

mentioned his comment to his buddies about dragging

19:34

his feet and now his comments about needing

19:36

to wait and weigh the pros and cons

19:39

before going through with anything and told him

19:41

I don't want to wait nor do I

19:43

want to get my hopes up for a

19:45

marriage that he's clearly changed his mind

19:48

about. So I would rather he have the ring

19:50

back and go into this without the sound of

19:52

wedding bells in my head. Let's just move

19:54

on basically. We can still be together but

19:56

I don't want my hopes up. Well he

19:58

got extremely defense. Started saying,

20:00

I'm not saying it's not going to

20:03

happen, or you're being extreme for no

20:05

reason. Am I the asshole? No, and

20:07

also it's interesting that, you know what,

20:09

my first thought was that you give

20:11

the ring back, people now think you

20:13

guys got unengaged and they'll know that

20:15

he did something bad. Do you know

20:17

what I mean? It's all about optics.

20:19

I'm a good guy as long as

20:22

I'm engaged. I hate the fact that

20:24

she gave the ring back and then

20:26

was like, what do you want for

20:28

dinner. Give me a fucking break. Really?

20:30

I think it's a power move. No!

20:32

I think that's kind of funny. He

20:34

can make his own food. I make

20:36

my own food. Oh, that's what you

20:38

are. Yeah. Yeah. And then go out.

20:40

You're making his food? Or you're going

20:43

somewhere to get food together? No thanks.

20:45

Yeah, you hand the ring back, head

20:47

over to Pizza Hut. Yeah, I was

20:49

hoping it was hand the ring back

20:51

break up, but that wasn't the case.

20:53

I hand the ring back and go

20:55

to Chili's. Get that 1099 deal. Hand

20:57

the ring back and get, go get

20:59

a blooming onion at Albeck's take house.

21:02

We still haven't spent that $100 Applebee

21:04

gift card my dad has, but guess

21:06

what he brought it to LA, so

21:08

we will be. Where is there? Where

21:10

is there an Applebee? Yeah, he found

21:12

it in my mom, one of my

21:14

mom's many wallets and so we got

21:16

money to spend. A little gift. Yeah.

21:18

We also found a $50 gift card,

21:20

but it had expired by a month.

21:23

And then like of one of those

21:25

visa, bring it, bring it and say,

21:27

you can call them and we're like,

21:29

can you send this? And they said,

21:31

no. Did you say it's because someone

21:33

died? I don't know what he said.

21:35

You should always use use it. You

21:37

don't think that I'm using that? I

21:39

know, but I'm happy to use that.

21:42

Okay, well maybe you should take the

21:44

call next time. Okay. Yeah. You can

21:46

call back. It won't be the same

21:48

person. I don't think we have the

21:50

card anymore. Damn. I know. It's just

21:52

weird to me that those things expire

21:54

at all. Yeah, because they're keeping the

21:56

money. Right. be your money. Like that's

21:58

wild. Well they should have just given

22:01

you the 50 bucks in cash so

22:03

the government can't track you. Instead of

22:05

giving the gift card. Yeah. They're giving

22:07

it in cash. I don't know how

22:09

she got the gift card. Then you

22:11

don't have to pay taxes. Okay anyway

22:13

I think that this poor woman I

22:15

feel terrible about her situation and it

22:17

makes me think that it's a good

22:19

thing they're not getting married. I hope

22:22

they need to yeah she needs to

22:24

leave. Well, the thing is that it's

22:26

not always possible to leave, especially if

22:28

you're in, you know, you're, clearly they're

22:30

having some financial struggles and they have

22:32

a child, but I do actually think...

22:34

Oh, I forgot about the child. Yeah,

22:36

they have a kid. And so I

22:38

do actually think that this is a

22:41

good move on her part because I

22:43

do not think they should get married

22:45

if he thinks about marriage that way,

22:47

views her as someone that he clearly...

22:49

is lying to and controlling, like letting

22:51

her believe what she wants to believe.

22:53

Like if he had come to her

22:55

and said like, hey I've been thinking

22:57

lately and I don't know if marriage

22:59

is actually the right choice for us.

23:02

Yeah. I have no problem with that.

23:04

Absolutely. That's like... Like I obviously wrote

23:06

a whole book about modern marriage, you

23:08

could buy it anywhere books are sold.

23:10

It's called I Do, I think. Called

23:12

I Do, I think. Please buy it.

23:14

But like, you know, marriage is not

23:16

the right choice for a lot of

23:18

people and people's opinions about marriage can

23:21

change. What I don't like is that

23:23

he was just hoping to coast without

23:25

telling her that he had changed his

23:27

mind and that like what Gabe was

23:29

saying that he wanted that to still

23:31

present to the world that she's taken

23:33

to the world that she's taken for.

23:35

trash. Also just like why are men

23:37

talking to each other that way? It's

23:39

gross. It's your job to say, hey

23:42

man, don't talk like that. And then

23:44

you know what? Then maybe they don't

23:46

like you or they talk behind your

23:48

back, but guess what? You're like you

23:50

don't have to participate. You can opt

23:52

out. Well, I think that men are

23:54

getting more and more radicalized as we've

23:56

seen through this election cycle and how

23:58

gender this election has become. like we

24:01

are like returning to the saying the

24:03

bad stuff out loud in terms of

24:05

like sexism and takes on women and

24:07

okay can I say something that is

24:09

autistic okay so I feel like everything

24:11

you say autistic by chance of you

24:14

being autistic I guess that's true but

24:16

I feel that this is something maybe

24:18

that I'm I have come to okay so

24:20

saying after marriage everything stops or

24:22

like ha-ha that's why I'm not

24:25

getting married I feel like these are

24:27

not new jokes, like these are

24:29

scripts that we've heard in movies

24:31

or from our dads or like

24:33

whatever. And so like I don't

24:35

know how much people are saying

24:38

stuff that they mean or are

24:40

they just saying scripts to each

24:42

other that indicate friendship. Do

24:44

you know what I mean?

24:46

Like, it's not like, it's

24:49

not like, oh, this is

24:51

how I feel. It's like,

24:53

these are how men talk

24:55

to each other. So this

24:57

is how we, like, almost

25:00

like, hey, how are you

25:02

good? How are you? How

25:04

are you? How are you?

25:06

How are you? How are

25:08

you? I hate my wife.

25:10

I hate my wife. How

25:12

are you? Right. Is this just

25:14

kind of like a script that you have

25:17

so society decided it allows you to interact

25:19

intimately with each other? But I think even

25:21

if it is, it then becomes ingrained as

25:24

belief. Exactly. Because when you say these things

25:26

out loud, your brain is then like, oh

25:28

I believe that, or like you lean into

25:30

it or you're not objecting to it. So

25:33

I feel that way about my wife because

25:35

all guys feel that way about their wife.

25:37

It's the way you should feel. That's why

25:39

you get locked down like you. I'm no

25:42

longer free to do what you want once

25:44

you get married. It's a ball and chain.

25:46

Rather than men, that's why they're lonely because

25:48

they don't sit down and talk to each other

25:50

and say like, you know what makes me feel

25:52

nice and warm in my chest when my

25:54

wife makes me soup? You know what I mean? Like,

25:56

have you seen that? I think you should leave

25:59

sketch. That's so funny. so excited to get

26:01

to this way of this to you,

26:03

Melissa. It's this exact scenario where it's

26:05

a group of men playing poker and

26:08

they're all like doing bits about. like

26:10

hating on their wives and like complaining

26:12

about their wives and then it comes

26:15

to this one guy and he makes

26:17

a joke about his wife and then

26:19

you do this elaborate flashback where you

26:22

see how she really supported him when

26:24

he tried out for a community theater

26:26

play and then like all these elaborate

26:29

things that happened while he was rehearsing

26:31

and performing and he and this guy

26:33

kept stealing his lines and his wife

26:36

was so wonderful and helpful and then

26:38

it comes back to the book game

26:40

he's like I got to go home.

26:42

He was like, I have to go

26:45

home to my wife. And I thought

26:47

that was such a funny social commentary

26:49

way to like combat the way that

26:52

issue happens. And they were like, oh

26:54

man, you never sleep over. And then

26:56

they revealed that the whole room had

26:59

been set up for these adult men

27:01

to sleep over together. Oh my God.

27:03

This is me and John. Oh, and

27:06

the other point is like, this idea

27:08

that sex stops when you're married is

27:10

like been proven to not be true.

27:13

Like, it's either equal or married people

27:15

have more sex. So, yeah, it's, I

27:17

don't know, I feel like one guy

27:20

said it and he had a lot

27:22

of influence over his friend group. And

27:24

they all wanted to stay friends with

27:26

him. So they were like, yeah, me

27:29

too. It's just wild. Or like, it'll

27:31

be like the period of time right

27:33

after you've. couples fall into that but

27:36

that's not the norm. Yeah and having

27:38

a kid is like you're busy and

27:40

also something traumatic just happened where the

27:43

penis goes. Right like you physically had

27:45

a biological kid. Yeah so you got

27:47

a well and also something traumatic happens

27:50

to the ab the ab muscles and

27:52

the stomach which is also sort of

27:54

part of it so you know what

27:57

I mean? Chill out. Also like lack

27:59

of sleep. That's what I was saying

28:01

like you're crying. Yeah chill the fuck

28:03

out my dude yeah I really did

28:06

so much work to move away from

28:08

hating men and just to realize it's

28:10

just how they're socialized and the patriarchy

28:13

doesn't serve anyone and you know looking

28:15

at the world in a gender neutral

28:17

way but I don't know now I'm

28:20

just kind of back to they seem

28:22

to stink all they stink and also

28:24

like they're so boring to talk to

28:27

you sometimes like like The straight guys

28:29

I like are flamboyant, that's it. I

28:31

just like a little flamboyant straight man.

28:34

I had a whole thing where I

28:36

realized that I feel lucky to have

28:38

curated the people in my life that

28:40

I have curated because everyone is funny

28:43

and interesting and I've kept those types

28:45

of people and I got, I didn't

28:47

keep my gratefulness because I was like,

28:50

well everyone I know is like delightful

28:52

and creative and funny and blah blah

28:54

blah blah. And then I spoke to

28:57

some random people and I gotta say.

28:59

It's like blank walls out there. People

29:01

are boring as shit. And they have

29:04

nothing new to say. And they do

29:06

these scripts. And thank God for you

29:08

two and for the people I know

29:11

in my life who are like, I

29:13

found it, I was like, we're all

29:15

effortlessly like this. And no, we're, we're

29:18

swimming upstream. Well different people find different

29:20

things interesting. Right, and it may have

29:22

just been those weren't your people. Nah

29:24

man, they're straight up. They're just saying

29:27

things that people say randomly in scripts.

29:29

Maybe they don't. Maybe they don't. But

29:31

talking about the weather is a way

29:34

to try to connect with somebody. It's

29:36

like we always like say like oh

29:38

that's like why that's so boring how

29:41

can you talk about it's actually like

29:43

a reach across be like this is

29:45

a thing we can both acknowledge it's

29:48

like a social way to like connect

29:50

yes but then I say something back

29:52

and then it's like yep and they

29:55

gotta read some books read some more

29:57

books and then that's it on how

29:59

to talk to people me but you're

30:01

not you I've I've seen you in

30:04

a room talking to you in a

30:06

room talking to people and you can

30:08

talk to a brick wall to a

30:11

brick wall. I'm so good at it.

30:13

But I'm tired from carrying the conversation.

30:15

Yeah, well you're a mittler. You know

30:18

what I mean? They put you in

30:20

the middle of the party at the

30:22

dinner table. You have to sit in

30:25

the middle of the table because you

30:27

carry the conversation. Yeah. And I'm, I

30:29

gotta tell you man, I'm exhausted from

30:32

carrying everybody's conversation. I can't be the

30:34

most interesting person in any scenario. It's

30:36

not just, it's not about being interesting.

30:39

You know how to ask the right

30:41

questions the right questions to people. The

30:43

right questions to people. You're a facilitator.

30:45

Well, thank you guys. That's really nice.

30:48

At this wedding, I got to ask

30:50

a bunch of couples my question about

30:52

how would you know if your spouse

30:55

was body swapped. Oh. And people were

30:57

like. Really interested and taken with that

30:59

question and thinking about that question and

31:02

I was like see that's the type

31:04

of thing you got to just randomly

31:06

say at dinner And this is so

31:09

sorry, but again when you're talking about

31:11

this you don't you didn't pose it

31:13

to me as a body sock It's

31:16

like them appearing in a different body,

31:18

but they are themselves or yes, right?

31:20

So so it's if your spouse comes

31:22

up to you if a random you're

31:25

at the ball Random person comes up

31:27

to you and says, I'm John and

31:29

I need your help. Right. What would

31:32

it take for you to believe this?

31:34

Again, I cannot reveal it or else

31:36

we didn't work. Exactly, exactly. Well, John

31:39

started by saying we have a handshake

31:41

and then started to show the handshake

31:43

and I was like, what's wrong with

31:46

you? Stop this. You can't be trusted.

31:48

That's a thing that I liked. I

31:50

like to ask like questions like that,

31:53

like questions like that, you know? keeps

31:55

people on their toes. What kind of

31:57

answers did people give? the one couple

31:59

was like it there was like a

32:02

very traumatic thing that happened that nobody

32:04

else would know about and like she

32:06

would just have to say that but

32:09

one of my one of the people

32:11

was like the problem is is that

32:13

my wife likes to troll me so

32:16

much that it would take so much

32:18

for me to because even oh yes

32:20

they were like even if it was

32:23

like a deep dark secret yeah even

32:25

if it was like a deep dark

32:27

secret that's my kind of like that

32:30

only the other person would know this

32:32

person she would tell the person to

32:34

extend the prank. Right. That's that's cool.

32:37

That was really nice what you guys

32:39

said about, about me. Thanks so much.

32:41

Well, it's so true. It is. It's,

32:43

you're, it's a real skill set that

32:46

you have. I went to, uh, like,

32:48

Mixer last Thursday, and I was like,

32:50

let me embody gape. Hey! I'm not

32:53

joking. That's great. I love that. Yeah,

32:55

my sister said to me during this

32:57

whole process of how we to talk

33:00

to talk to so many people, you

33:02

know, you know, you just feel the

33:04

space. You just say something. Or sometimes

33:07

you're like, you go, oh, what do

33:09

you do? And then they tell you,

33:11

which is small talk, but then you

33:14

go, how do you feel about it?

33:16

Do you like it? Right. But it's

33:18

nice because I think when you do

33:20

that naturally, you don't view it as

33:23

a skill, but then for someone to

33:25

like recognize that and say like, oh,

33:27

I'm not as tapped into being able

33:30

to do that. Or sometimes you can

33:32

make a little jokey joke about their

33:34

profession or something. Maybe you'll be like,

33:37

and then how often have you heard

33:39

that? I'd probably offend them. Yeah. If

33:41

I am, offending them, I don't take

33:44

notice of it due to the autism.

33:46

Can you want to do one of

33:48

yours? Oh sure. I'll be like, oh,

33:51

you're a doctor. That's cool. How accurate

33:53

is crazy anatomy. Sometimes I'll say what's

33:55

the craziest thing. Sometimes I'll say what's

33:58

the craziest thing like someone won't. What

34:00

did you say? I said it was Gray's

34:02

Anatomy's number two fan. Oh,

34:04

number two fan in your

34:06

number one. Sorry, Melissa's friend

34:08

is here. So this is

34:10

just gonna be like, someone

34:13

probably thought this, well, hi.

34:15

What's that? It's called, our

34:17

non-political Twitter. It's not

34:19

political. That's why I

34:22

said, uh-oh. Oh, okay. Everything

34:24

is political. Everything that

34:26

you do in your

34:28

life is based on

34:30

policies and politics.

34:32

Let me ask you a

34:34

question. What about if I

34:36

scratch my baby toe? Well,

34:38

why do you still have

34:40

a baby toe? Exactly. Health

34:43

care. Okay. Like, my baby toe

34:45

is going to fall off at

34:47

school. Good. Good. Good. Right? Okay,

34:50

here's what's so funny is that

34:52

if you flash back 10 years

34:54

to the beginning of this show,

34:56

you and you said that quote,

34:59

you would think that I said

35:01

it. Yeah. But now it's you.

35:03

That's beautiful. Yeah. Okay, so this

35:06

is from at Master Tim Blaze

35:08

and it says from Twitter.

35:10

From Twitter. It continues to

35:12

be wild to me that if

35:14

the cinnamon tree didn't happen to

35:16

exist, there just wouldn't be cinnamon

35:18

flavor. Yet you'd still have the capacity

35:21

to taste cinnamon and there are surely

35:23

thousands of flavors you could taste that

35:25

just happened to not exist. Yeah. Or

35:27

like how many trees have we not

35:29

like... It's like, broken the bark on

35:32

it, it could be a flavor.

35:34

Because something is just bark. That's

35:36

more interesting to me than the

35:38

way that he posed it. Yeah.

35:40

The way he posted was not

35:42

interesting to me at all. I'll

35:45

say. My harsh take, because it's

35:47

like, yeah, there's, of course, there's

35:49

flavors we haven't tasted, but we

35:51

haven't tasted. But I'll say, my

35:53

harsh take, because it's like, of

35:55

course, there's flavors, we haven't tasted,

35:57

we haven't, but we haven't tasted,

35:59

Right? This part of the leaf,

36:02

but not that part. You can

36:04

eat the inside. Like, who stuck

36:06

their mouth on the teat of

36:09

a cow? Well, yeah, that's a

36:11

rough one. That is a rough

36:13

one. Well, that makes more sense

36:15

to me though than eating an

36:18

artichoke. And the bark of a

36:20

tree. Yeah. Yeah. Because you see,

36:22

like, other animals drink that milk.

36:25

Yeah. Or you, I mean, thinking

36:27

about how, okay, what if we

36:29

put this in fire. You know

36:31

what if. Vanilla, one of the

36:34

most common flavors, comes from an

36:36

orchid. Orchidia is the largest family

36:38

of flowering plants, but vanilla plantifolia,

36:41

which is what I'm going to

36:43

call my daughter, is the last

36:45

of its genus of fruiting orchids.

36:47

There may have been other vanilla-like

36:50

seed pods out there in the

36:52

past humans that humans got to

36:54

try, but we have no idea

36:57

what they could have been like.

36:59

Yeah, I mean, all the fruit

37:01

that we eat has changed dramatically

37:03

over the course of years too.

37:06

Vennelas from orchids? Have you ever

37:08

seen the pot of a vanilla?

37:10

What? Yeah, like it's like a

37:13

seed pod of vanilla. Have you

37:15

ever seen an almond? No. When

37:17

they're like fresh? I mean, I've

37:19

seen some almonds that you eat,

37:22

but never. Well, there's also like

37:24

green, like when almonds haven't been

37:26

to the point that we see

37:29

them regularly, you can buy them

37:31

in the stores and they're green.

37:33

What? It's kind of hard to

37:35

see it. But like. vanilla orchid

37:38

vanilla pod. It's like, it's like

37:40

inside, it's like almost like a

37:42

green bean. I know so little

37:44

about the world. I thought you

37:47

might say that. Because you thought

37:49

that about me or just because

37:51

of where this conversation is? No,

37:54

no, because I do that, I

37:56

do that, like I do that,

37:58

you know, like I'll look up

38:00

what things look like or Google

38:03

stuff all the time. I'm always

38:05

finding new animals to show you.

38:07

Yeah. I appreciate that. You're welcome.

38:10

Anytime I see something with like

38:12

a big eye, I send it

38:14

to Allison. Oh, cool, interesting. Little

38:16

be pistachios. Try. tops T-bone steaks

38:19

were probably legit. Probably. Sounds delicious.

38:21

Allison's like absolutely not. Wait. Styrofoam

38:23

is made styrofoam is made from

38:26

the same stuff as cinnamon. Right.

38:28

There's a video. There's a video

38:30

here that's cinnamon is just spicy

38:32

styrofoam. And then it's a video

38:35

of a guy turning styrofoam into

38:37

cinnamon candy. I got to look

38:39

this up. But that's just a

38:42

video. Yeah, I don't know if

38:44

that's true. It has nine million

38:46

views. Okay, they can spread a

38:48

lot of people spread lies. No,

38:51

this guy is called Nile Red

38:53

and he is an alchemist. He

38:55

turns things into other things. He's

38:58

a chemist. Okay. Is there a

39:00

read it post about how to

39:02

turn? Wood into gold. What? Probably

39:04

the scientist person. He can turn

39:07

wood to gold. People are saying

39:09

if he ever comes out, one

39:11

comment said, if this man ever

39:14

comes out with a video about

39:16

turning something to gold, I will

39:18

believe him. Oh, see? Let's see.

39:20

Wood to gold, baby. What are

39:23

we thinking? Okay, sorry, I can't

39:25

just magically make something appear. You're

39:27

right. Are you looking? No. Well,

39:30

I have no idea. I guess,

39:32

it seems like something gave might

39:34

be into the elder scrolls versus

39:36

scrim. Is that something you like?

39:39

The what? Elder scrolls? It seems

39:41

like some nerdy thing. I don't

39:43

know. I think it's a video

39:45

game. It is. It is. It

39:48

says in the little description. But

39:50

I guess in this game you

39:52

can do it. You can turn

39:55

wood to gold. You can earn

39:57

a hundred goal for topping wood

39:59

for five minutes. You know what?

40:01

I don't win. That counts. That

40:04

counts. Well, thank you all so

40:06

much for joining us for another

40:08

episode of Too Long. Did read

40:11

it. We'll be back next Wednesday

40:13

with a full episode of Just

40:15

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40:38

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40:40

Too Long did read it. And,

40:43

um, Tataa T2. Tataa T2. Choo-too-t.

40:45

That's the part you guys forgot.

40:47

Well, it's only for you. That's

40:49

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