0:00

Cacos Industries ad free

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to help keep it

0:04

that way. Consider heading to

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Cacos industries.com

0:09

slash patron and becoming

0:11

a member today. What you

0:14

are about to hear

0:16

is glassy and chimey

0:18

with creamy mids. Hello

0:32

and welcome to the

0:34

Kakos Industries corporate shareholder

0:36

announcements. At Kakos Industries we

0:38

help our clients, and most

0:40

people, whether they want to

0:42

believe it or not, to do

0:44

evil better. My name is Corin

0:47

D. 3rd and I am CEO

0:49

here at Kakos Industries. Last time

0:51

I had the honor of celebrating

0:53

my 11th anniversary serving all of

0:55

you as CEO, and we got to

0:57

recap the shareholder's ball, but otherwise

1:00

it was a relatively... Uneventful broadcast.

1:02

While I'm not hoping for any

1:04

big strange occurrences today, I will

1:07

let you know that I have

1:09

one of my agents doing some

1:11

research for me down in the

1:14

archives and we might get some

1:16

information during the broadcast if we're

1:18

lucky. We shall return to that

1:21

soon. Today's broadcast is coming to

1:23

you from the fluid in your

1:25

spine. You ever get that

1:28

thing where you can hear

1:30

bubbles or maybe just some...

1:32

creaking in the back of

1:34

your neck, well, that's how

1:36

this broadcast is getting to

1:39

you. Over the last few

1:41

weeks, we've been perfecting the

1:43

formulation of your cerebrospinal fluid

1:45

to receive these announcements. A

1:48

student listeners might be thinking,

1:50

but what does that mean

1:52

about my spinal fluid? Are

1:54

there foreign chemicals? Should I be

1:57

worried? And the answer is yes. You

1:59

should always. to be

2:01

worried about. But we are unsure

2:03

if you should be worried about

2:05

your spine juice. Let me put

2:08

it this way. Part of this

2:10

process relies on you already having

2:12

a certain amount of microplastics in

2:15

your body, and we didn't put

2:17

those there. At least not just

2:19

now. Maybe a while ago. Anyway,

2:21

a few moments ago you started

2:24

to hear that fluid moving in

2:26

your neck, but instead of the

2:28

usual bubbles and squeaks, you started

2:31

to hear these announcements. I am

2:33

told that this radio comes to

2:35

us from a collaboration between our

2:37

division of carbonation and Quentin Shire's

2:40

fine bodily fluids. I

2:43

am told that the audio

2:45

quality is surprisingly high for

2:47

what they had to do

2:49

to get this signal into

2:51

your body directly. I should

2:53

also mention that these announcements

2:55

are strictly for cockers. Shareholders,

2:57

if you're hearing these announcements

2:59

and you're not a shareholder,

3:01

then welcome aboard or stop

3:03

tonight. One or the other.

3:05

We did not go through

3:07

this process for anyone not

3:09

a shareholder, and it would

3:11

be extremely difficult for someone

3:13

to hear these announcements without

3:15

having been properly prepared. And

3:17

if you are hearing these

3:19

announcements and you weren't properly

3:21

prepared, then there is a

3:23

significant risk of your brain

3:25

evaporating in the next few

3:27

minutes. Sorry about that, I

3:29

guess. We

3:32

recently had the celebration of affirmation.

3:34

That's time when we make sure

3:37

to appreciate those around us and

3:39

ourselves for just being as evil

3:41

as we are. We welcomed many

3:43

of you down to the basement

3:46

ballroom and then we drew numbers.

3:48

We paired you up based on

3:50

those numbers and you had to

3:53

just keep affirming one another. You

3:55

had to keep complimenting, you had

3:57

to keep reminding that other person

3:59

that they were evil. Then we

4:02

switched up. We kept the switching

4:04

fast enough that you weren't likely

4:06

to run out of things to

4:09

say and ruin the experience for

4:11

someone else. By the fifth or

4:13

sixth rotation, you had stolen the

4:15

best compliments from other people, but

4:18

that was not against the rules.

4:20

The evil in me sees the

4:22

evil in the shareholders. The

4:26

celebration of sound was one of

4:29

those festivals that we really should

4:31

have tried earlier, but we didn't.

4:33

It came from the book of

4:36

any time festivals we can use

4:38

any time. We couldn't just use

4:40

any space for the celebration, of

4:43

course. The acoustics in the basement

4:45

ballroom are a bit too dead.

4:47

It absorbs sound so you don't

4:50

go deaf from everyone chattering and

4:52

in an enclosed space. We needed

4:55

to use a different space. So

4:57

we reopened the Kakos Chapel. The

4:59

history of the Kakos Chapel is

5:02

a bit murky. It is certainly

5:04

very church or temple-like. It has

5:06

the feeling of an old dusty

5:09

place of worship, but it's not

5:11

clear what was worshipped there or

5:13

why. The most recent records we

5:16

have indicate that it was used

5:18

for a lot of weddings. But

5:20

again, there are no notes about

5:23

anything sacred being included. We've looked

5:25

into the efficiency of the weddings

5:28

and they were from all over

5:30

the place, spiritually speaking. The architecture

5:32

is seemingly gothic, which you probably

5:35

guessed already. Anyway, when you start

5:37

to chant in there, the chants

5:39

hang around. They sit there and

5:42

they get louder and louder. They

5:44

build upon themselves. Soon the stained

5:46

glass windows begin to rattle. The

5:49

whole place feels like it's shaking.

5:51

You start to worry what will

5:54

happen if you continue chanting, but

5:56

you're less afraid of that than

5:58

of what will happen. if you

6:01

stop chanting. It was loud, it

6:03

was deep, we felt it in

6:05

our cores. I don't think any

6:08

of us will soon forget the

6:10

celebration of sound. We also held

6:12

hands around the big black hole

6:15

where our New York location used

6:17

to be. We all stood around

6:19

the whole just appreciating that sometimes

6:22

evil science disasters can be interesting

6:24

learning experiences. Sometimes they leave us

6:27

with interesting big holes in the

6:29

ground with uncertain terminations at the

6:31

other end. At times it has

6:33

taken you two distant countries. At

6:36

other times the hole has produced

6:38

a mound of dirt negating its

6:40

status as a whole. This time

6:42

it seemed pretty deep like it

6:44

usually is. As I promised we

6:46

set up a crane over the

6:49

opening and we let some of

6:51

you bungee jump into the hole.

6:53

Why? There were a lot of

6:55

requests. Why would you want to

6:57

do that? I don't know, but

7:00

it's not for me to

7:02

judge. For most people, jumping

7:04

into the big black hole

7:07

was pretty uneventful. I mean,

7:09

it was probably thrilling in

7:11

many ways to fall into

7:14

a dark, unknowable abyss, but

7:16

otherwise, uneventful.

7:18

For Lila's shoe, it was much

7:21

more eventful. She went

7:23

down, just as she was supposed

7:25

to. Eventually, her screams of joy

7:27

were cut short, and the bungee

7:30

rope came back up with no

7:32

one attached. This process was

7:34

instantaneous. There wasn't enough time

7:36

for her to un belt

7:38

all of the fastenings. For a few

7:41

moments, we thought we would never

7:43

hear from her again. Then she

7:45

appeared behind us, dressed differently.

7:47

soaking wet, and visibly a

7:50

few years older. She said

7:52

she didn't ever want to

7:54

talk about it, which is

7:56

the kind of request you

7:58

have to respect. After that,

8:00

no one wanted to jump

8:02

into the hole, so we

8:04

disassembled the bungee setup and

8:06

went our separate ways. Coming

8:08

up, we have the Darkest

8:11

Universe Festival. This is the

8:13

festival where we gather together

8:15

and try to manifest the

8:17

darkest universe with our thoughts.

8:19

A strange idea occurred to

8:21

me recently, which is unsettling

8:23

and poses a strange question.

8:25

Let's just assume for a

8:27

second that we are in

8:29

the darkest universe. We would

8:31

still have to have this

8:33

festival every year, right? We

8:35

would never truly know, and

8:37

there would always be a

8:39

chance that we might end

8:41

up slipping out of that

8:43

top spot if we ever

8:45

eased up. So in some

8:47

ways, our behavior in this

8:49

festival isn't significantly different from

8:51

what we would experience in

8:53

the darkest universe. That's

8:56

kind of neat, if you ask

8:58

me. We also have the nudity

9:00

festival coming up. We've decided this

9:03

year that we will ask everyone

9:05

to attend the nudity festival in

9:08

person, but we've decided to create

9:10

a space where the act of

9:12

being nude seems transgressive. There is

9:15

a shopping mall due to be

9:17

torn down soon. We're going to

9:19

be naked at the mall, just

9:22

like that nightmare you had that

9:24

one time. At the very least,

9:27

it will teach us something about

9:29

ourselves. Shareholders, as I mentioned earlier,

9:31

I've put someone I trust in

9:34

charge of taking a look through

9:36

the archives for certain information. As

9:39

you can understand, there's a lot

9:41

going on down there, and knowing

9:43

too much can be an extreme

9:46

hazard. But I know that the

9:48

person I put in charge will

9:50

handle the dangers expertly. Let's, let's

9:53

check in on her. Hello Mr.

9:55

D. Hi Violet. Shareholders, you remember

9:58

Violet Trunch. She seems to work

10:00

harder than anyone here at Kakos

10:02

Industries. She's also on the board

10:05

of numerous evil organizations, serving on

10:07

behalf of Kakos Industries. Also, she's

10:10

been helping me with a number

10:12

of other inquiries, as you might

10:14

remember from Halloween. How goes the

10:17

search through the archives, Violet? Well,

10:19

I'm only in the section for

10:21

AB. What do you mean? Well,

10:24

there's this thing called alphabetization. I

10:26

am currently in the section for

10:29

files that begin with the letters

10:31

A.B. You see, many years ago

10:33

there was a civilization called the

10:36

Romans and they made what they

10:38

called an alphabet. Stop, I know

10:41

all of that. What do you

10:43

mean you're only in the section

10:45

for A.B? Well, Corin? I don't

10:48

know how many times you're going

10:50

to send me down here, so

10:52

I just figured I would read

10:55

the whole thing. I only asked

10:57

you to find... relevant files. You

11:00

should be able to search for

11:02

them without reading the entire archive.

11:04

But it's far less efficient that

11:07

way. This way, I'll just know

11:09

everything, and then I can answer

11:12

whatever questions you may have at

11:14

a later date. But that's dangerous,

11:16

Violet. There's a lot of information

11:19

down there that can actually kill

11:21

you. Just by knowing it. Nothing

11:24

is going to kill me, Mr.

11:26

Diethe. I have all the information

11:28

compartmentalized in my mind. It's completely

11:31

separate from the part of my

11:33

mind that can understand the information,

11:35

or well on it. Is it

11:38

healthy to do that? Is it

11:40

healthy to spend eight hours a

11:43

day slouching in front of a

11:45

computer monitor? Is it healthy to

11:47

exist? Just because some things are

11:50

unhealthy doesn't mean that they are

11:52

equally unhealthy. Multiple people have died

11:55

reading documents in the archives. I'm

11:57

sure I will learn all about

11:59

that when I get to the

12:02

W section, which I assume will

12:04

cover. Violet, I don't know how

12:06

you've made it this far without

12:09

running a foul or something like

12:11

this before. Oh, I know plenty

12:14

of things. I know things that

12:16

would destroy most people, but I

12:18

keep those things sealed away tight.

12:21

You can't protect yourself from your

12:23

own mind. This stuff has a

12:26

way of coming out. And then

12:28

I put it back. It's really

12:30

not that hard. You never have,

12:33

like, a bad dream? You can't

12:35

have nightmares if you don't sleep.

12:37

Right. Well, how long do you

12:40

think it will take you to

12:42

read the entire archive? There's a

12:45

lot down there. Well, I won't

12:47

know if I keep getting distracted.

12:49

I was just calling the checkup.

12:52

It's not just you. It's all

12:54

these archivists, too. They keep trying

12:57

to stop me, and I keep

12:59

having to convince them to let

13:01

me continue. How exactly are you

13:04

doing that? Hand-to-hand combat. What else?

13:06

Please stop fighting with the archivist.

13:08

They're just trying to do their

13:11

jobs. Then, let me do mine.

13:13

Talk to you later, Violet. It's

13:16

time for the segment, where I

13:18

answer some of your questions about

13:20

Kakos Industries. Today's question is, where

13:23

am I? Okay. I guess I

13:25

can tell you, but you can't

13:28

ask me how I know. You

13:30

are currently in Holloway 44-3, which

13:32

tends to loop in on itself

13:35

repeatedly. You've been there for a

13:37

long time. You might not even

13:39

remember how long you've been there,

13:42

but that is where you are.

13:44

The vending machine on that floor

13:47

has a strange glitch where it

13:49

spits out random snacks every hour

13:51

or so. Which is convenient though

13:54

unrelated that's been keeping you going.

13:56

We know you're there We know

13:59

how you got there. We know

14:01

how long you've been there. What

14:03

we don't know is how to

14:06

get you out. We could try

14:08

to send someone in, sure, even

14:10

tie a big rope around them.

14:13

Make dozens of other people hold

14:15

hands with that person to create

14:18

a chain of observation along the

14:20

way so things can't switch around

14:22

so easily unobserved. It won't work.

14:25

We've tried it before for

14:27

people more important than you.

14:29

We can't do anything for

14:31

you. Fortunately, the vending machine

14:33

seems to always be stocked

14:35

up. You can make it

14:37

quite a while. And maybe,

14:39

just maybe you'll be able

14:42

to find your own way out

14:44

someday. We have hope for you.

14:46

Perhaps not belief, but hope,

14:48

certainly. In a building where

14:50

a hallway can loop in

14:53

on itself endlessly, just about

14:55

anything is possible. Keep at it.

14:57

I have news from the Division

15:00

of Arotic Experiences. After their

15:02

seemingly unanimous decision that Zylathi,

15:04

the Malagmatrix, was the ideal

15:06

model for not only the

15:08

Satisfice or Sex Toy, but

15:10

also what is most sex,

15:12

we decided it would be

15:14

smart to get some fresh

15:16

blood into the division, bringing

15:18

some diverse opinions and tastes.

15:20

Maybe include a wider variety

15:22

of people so that we

15:24

can... really be sure that

15:26

the satisficer is as broadly

15:28

applicable as it should be. If you are

15:30

scratching your head about who Zylathie,

15:33

the Malignatrix, is, then you're not

15:35

alone. I have mentioned this before,

15:37

but Zylathie was created as part

15:40

of a role-playing campaign for one

15:42

of the employees, Gilbert Bleak, in

15:44

the Division of Arotic Experiences, and

15:47

since then it seems to have

15:49

taken on a life of its

15:52

own. The trouble is even with

15:54

all of those new people on

15:56

board they had agreed once again

15:59

that Zilah Zylathi is the

16:01

goal for everything the division

16:03

is currently doing. Look, I've

16:05

seen the pictures. Zylathi has

16:07

a lot going on if

16:10

you're into that sort of

16:12

thing. Horns, a long tongue,

16:14

many arms, many legs, many

16:16

different kinds of between the

16:18

legs situations, just a bunch

16:20

of breasts. But I haven't

16:23

been swayed. I don't look

16:25

at these pictures and think,

16:27

damn, that's the perfect sex

16:29

partner. I think... That's a

16:31

horny demon, O.C. Nothing wrong

16:33

with that, but it seems

16:36

foolish to let that be

16:38

the beginning and ending of

16:40

what sex should be. People

16:42

have been drawing horny demons

16:44

for years. Millennia, really. We

16:46

even have some beings working

16:49

around the building that look

16:51

a bit like zylathy. Maybe

16:53

that's an ignorant thing to

16:55

say, but the basic elements

16:57

are there. Maybe not so

17:00

many arms or tentacles, but...

17:02

We've made some interesting monsters.

17:04

No one is banging down

17:06

the door of those monsters

17:08

because they are the sexiest

17:10

thing to ever have breathed.

17:13

Well, not an entire division.

17:15

Anyway, the satisficer is now

17:17

demonic purple. Everyone loves the

17:19

color. We may need to

17:21

expand the team further, or

17:23

maybe I just let them

17:26

go and not worry about

17:28

it. Oh, and the

17:30

device now has a leather

17:32

tail with a barb at

17:34

the end. Everyone asks for

17:36

that, obviously. There was an

17:38

ear-shattering, cacophonous sound of orgasmic

17:41

pleasure that came from one

17:43

of our basement hallways the

17:45

other day. This is exactly

17:47

the kind of thing we

17:49

have been worried about hearing

17:51

or detecting in some way

17:53

since that team, from the

17:55

division of erotic experiences, went

17:58

rogue and... all those bodies

18:00

started to show up. Emergency

18:02

services rushed toward the source

18:04

of the sound. After some

18:06

searching around, they were able

18:08

to find the source and

18:10

save a dozen lives. There

18:12

were many people all around

18:14

an old disused laboratory connected

18:17

to various machinery. Many of

18:19

their bodies showed signs of

18:21

convulsions and electrical burns. All

18:23

the same, the sound we

18:25

recorded was undoubtedly one of

18:27

great pleasure. Whatever had made

18:29

them feel so great, though,

18:31

had vanished already. We have

18:34

been able to talk to

18:36

some who survived, but their

18:38

descriptions of the thing were

18:40

varied and confusing. It seemed

18:42

as though the experience had

18:44

impacted their short-term memory. They

18:46

seemed to agree it was

18:48

technological in nature, but it

18:51

moved like a sea creature.

18:53

The rest of the descriptions...

18:55

Well, you would think it

18:57

was everything, all at once.

18:59

I have some news from

19:01

hell. Okay. The glowing rocks

19:03

that have been making everyone

19:05

speak in tongues, etc. are

19:07

psychedelic. I know that's an

19:10

unsatisfying answer. If this were

19:12

a work of fiction, I

19:14

would suggest that you would

19:16

think it bad writing. But

19:18

it's the case. The more

19:20

interesting part, though, is why.

19:22

Why? Apparently, these glowing rocks

19:24

are made from an organism

19:27

that fossilized a long time

19:29

ago. We can't say for

19:31

certain what it looked like

19:33

or how it behaved, but

19:35

the rocks contain some strange

19:37

residual essence. There are structures

19:39

in the glowing stones reminiscent

19:41

of brain tissue, and when

19:43

inhaled, they can interfere with

19:46

the human brain in weird

19:48

ways. Some of the people

19:50

on the surface who experienced

19:52

these hallucinations were separated from

19:54

their glowing stones and eventually

19:56

came down and were able

19:58

to describe what they said.

20:00

saw. Strange creatures, strange plants,

20:03

a larger moon, and a

20:05

number of other bizarre sites

20:07

that defy words. We've gone

20:09

down to the hell labor camp

20:11

and quarantined everyone. Seriously takes

20:14

like a month for this

20:16

stuff to clear your system.

20:18

That is a potent psychedelic

20:21

for sure. We may have

20:23

a use for that. We

20:25

believe now that in life

20:28

this creature likely used chemicals

20:30

or parts of itself to

20:32

communicate with other organisms, and

20:34

this feature of its biology

20:36

has remained even in this

20:38

solidified form. That does mean

20:40

that the language we heard

20:43

may have just been gibberish.

20:45

It may also have been

20:47

a language belonging to this

20:49

creature. There's some idea that this

20:51

might be... in the donut mat

20:53

moss realm of slow-moving life. It

20:56

may be a number of other

20:58

things as well. We are studying

21:00

it more closely. Speaking of the

21:02

mat moss, it seems that the

21:05

hooded figures in the light

21:07

blue cloaks and the hooded

21:09

figures in the green cloaks

21:11

have started to interact with

21:13

each other more. Clarissa and

21:15

Hedera, my liaisons to the

21:17

largest mat moss pool, seem

21:19

to think this is unusual.

21:22

highly unusual. They are blaming

21:24

this development on the wretch,

21:26

aka Kimmy, that employee of

21:28

Kakos Industries, that seems to

21:30

be on the payroll just

21:33

to mess with things. We

21:35

are all curious where this goes.

21:37

Also, speaking of the map moss,

21:40

we have continued to research the

21:42

donut, the rock-like formation I removed

21:44

from the map moss some time

21:47

ago. We shocked the hell out

21:49

of it with high voltage electricity

21:52

sometime back, and it absolutely hated

21:54

that. It did make its molecules

21:56

move faster, almost as though it

21:59

were melting. We've tried to apply

22:01

gentler stimulus. The people communicating with

22:03

the donut are doing their best

22:05

to tell it that we are

22:08

shorter-lived creatures than it, and that

22:10

we need to move faster to

22:12

understand it better. It seems to

22:14

be somewhat on board with that.

22:16

We asked if it had any

22:19

important advice to give us. He

22:21

replied, Be careful what you wish for.

22:27

The division of Kaiju Battle Reenactment

22:29

has recently reenacted the Uninvited Guest

22:31

versus the Haunting Stranger. These monsters

22:34

are both somewhat difficult to describe,

22:36

really. They were never photographed and

22:39

the drawings based on descriptions very

22:41

wildly. What we know about the

22:43

Uninvited Guest was that it seemed

22:46

to show up at strange times

22:48

and loom over small towns. They

22:50

could block traffic and just sort

22:53

of assert itself. The towns people

22:55

would be aware of it, but

22:57

powerless to do anything. The haunting

23:00

stranger worked differently. It was enormous

23:02

and difficult to describe also, but

23:05

it would hide during the day.

23:07

It would attempt to be just

23:09

on the periphery of your vision.

23:12

It would sneak up on you

23:14

by hiding in plain sight. One

23:16

time in 1932, these two monsters

23:19

apparently ended up in the same

23:21

town, with the same goals, and

23:23

as such... They had to duke

23:26

it out for supremacy. Much like

23:28

the real fight, the division of

23:31

Kaiju battle reenactment had to be

23:33

made. The monster costumes fight for

23:35

a time, cause all kinds of

23:38

damage to the small town, and

23:40

then disappear, leaving everybody to wonder

23:42

who had won, or perhaps just

23:45

what had actually happened. Neither monster

23:47

has been spotted since. I doubt

23:49

we'll see a second reenactment either.

23:53

The division of figuring out

23:56

what all these keys go

23:58

to has found a lock

24:00

that is used to unlock

24:02

a key. Inside of the

24:04

key was a used toothpick.

24:06

I have news from the

24:09

Division of Secret Societies. Our

24:11

efforts to infiltrate the Miss

24:13

Bell of the Ball pageant

24:15

have been moving ahead. One

24:17

of our operatives, a Winona

24:19

Grimble, has apparently been invited

24:21

to be part of one

24:24

of the fight nets. Winona

24:26

has sharp cheekbones and a

24:28

really wide strong jaw in

24:30

addition to being beauty queen

24:32

material. She has that rare

24:34

combination of classical femininity and

24:37

a look like she could

24:39

take a punch spit blood

24:41

and smile before wrecking your

24:43

whole shit. It's no wonder

24:45

that she was the first

24:47

from our group to be

24:50

invited to the fight club.

24:52

Hopefully her training will surf

24:54

her well and she will

24:56

begin to make progress with

24:58

this organization. It's time for

25:00

today's employee spotlight. Today we

25:03

are honoring Dervis McElroy from

25:05

the Division of Secret Silos.

25:07

The silo is still safe.

25:09

It has to remain safe.

25:11

Always. It can never be

25:13

compromised. We cannot tell you

25:16

what it is, but it

25:18

needs constant maintenance. That's Dervis'

25:20

job. Thank you for what

25:22

you do, Dervis. Just wanted

25:24

to check in one more

25:26

time, Violet, make sure everything's

25:29

okay. Where am I? Why

25:31

is there blood on my

25:33

face? I assume you're still

25:35

in the archives, the blood,

25:37

I can't say. I am

25:39

in the archives. There's blood

25:42

all over this book. My

25:44

blood. Are you okay? The

25:46

evidence would suggest that there

25:48

was a battle. It likely

25:50

took place in my head.

25:52

Real nasty thought, apparently. Are

25:55

you okay, though? What a

25:57

silly question. It would seem,

25:59

Mr. Deaf, that you may

26:01

have been right about these

26:03

texts. It seems that I

26:05

ran across a really nasty

26:08

one in my mind, protected

26:10

me by physically expelling the

26:12

thought and wiping my memory

26:14

for the last 10 minutes

26:16

or so. That's a really

26:18

specific assessment. This isn't my

26:21

first rodeo. Violet, I think

26:23

I'm going to order you

26:25

a medical evaluation. Only if

26:27

you want me to never

26:29

finish my work. You can

26:31

finish when we figure out

26:34

if everything is okay. In

26:36

your head. Or as okay

26:38

as it ever is. I

26:40

decline. Oh shit. The archivists

26:42

are back on their feet.

26:44

They've grouped up this time.

26:47

I'm only trained in hand-to-hand

26:49

combat for up to seven

26:51

foes. Guess I'll have to

26:53

leave. Medical evaluation. No, I

26:55

just have to bleed it

26:57

out. Okay, talk to

27:00

you later Violet. They say that

27:02

evil once posted a video on

27:04

how to do it, wrong. This

27:07

is things we're taking credit for

27:09

now. Today we're taking credit for

27:11

fruit, vegetables, and the knowledge that

27:14

every molecule in your body will

27:16

be recycled endlessly until the end

27:18

of time. Now, we may not

27:21

be actually responsible for all these

27:23

things, but spiritually, symbolically, vibrularly. We

27:26

are responsible for these things. You

27:28

know it. You can tell. We

27:30

wouldn't lie to you about such

27:33

things. To believe us. Believe what

27:35

we tell you. It's for the

27:37

best. Clutho has won today's ruin-a-life

27:40

drawing. As a result, the life

27:42

of Plutho's nemesis will be ruined.

27:44

That nemesis is Freak McDique Nasty

27:47

Double O69. We gave the Wheel

27:49

of Misery a hardy spin and

27:52

it landed on the space for

27:54

Focused. Obviously, being focused is a

27:56

great thing. It helps you to

27:59

achieve your goals and do the

28:01

things that other people ask of

28:03

you. But what if you were

28:06

so focused that you didn't do

28:08

those things? What if you were

28:10

focused on something else entirely? That

28:13

will be the fate of Freak

28:15

McDique Nasty double six nine. For

28:18

evil measure, Luther will be 13%

28:20

less focused. Enjoy your short form

28:22

content on the internet and congratulations

28:25

on the win. Speaking of the

28:27

Wheel of Misery, the Damnation and

28:29

Rewnation Squad, the team tasked with

28:32

making the wheels dictates come true,

28:34

are currently going around the building

28:36

wearing hot pink yoga pants. They

28:39

tend to do a lot of

28:41

running and walking and climbing stairs,

28:43

so the yoga pants are looking

28:46

pretty nice. Honestly, I'm just happy

28:48

they're wearing clothes. Dry clothes, with

28:51

no bits to clean up. This

28:53

brings us to the end of

28:55

today's broadcast shareholders. This goes without

28:58

saying, but if you find yourself

29:00

in the archives deep below Kakos

29:02

Industries, we do not recommend trying

29:05

to read everything you see. Reading

29:07

anything you see can be problematic

29:09

enough. We are obviously not going

29:12

to ask you to destroy your

29:14

own spinal fluids. Just lie back,

29:17

if you can, and let these

29:19

announcements slowly drift away from you.

29:21

No more action on your part

29:24

is necessary. Just take it easy.

29:26

Keep drinking tap water. Keep washing

29:28

your polyester clothes next time. The

29:31

announcements might even be clearer. The

29:33

numbers are next. One. One. Two.

29:35

One. Two. One. Two. One. Two.

29:38

One. Two. One. Two. One. Two.

29:40

One. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

29:43

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

29:45

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

29:47

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

29:50

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

29:52

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

29:54

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

29:57

Two. Two. Two. Kakos

30:14

Industries is written and produced

30:17

by Conrad Michigan, who is

30:19

also the voice of Corin

30:22

Deith and the composer of

30:24

the music. The introductions and

30:26

credits are read by Ryan

30:29

L. Jenkins. The Thing That

30:31

Goes Bump and Grind in

30:34

the Night. Special guest appearance

30:36

in this episode by Kit

30:39

Keller. Find transcriptions and more

30:41

at Kakos industries.com. That's kakosindustries.com.

30:44

Visit store dot Kakos industries.com

30:46

for merchandise and get wonderful

30:49

benefits by becoming a subscription

30:51

donor at Kakos industries.com/Discord and

30:54

follow us on social media.

30:56

Fanart really makes our day.

30:59

Drop us a line for

31:01

whatever reason at inquiries at

31:03

Kakos industries.com. Special thanks to

31:06

our steam shareholders Christina Kirkland

31:08

and Brian Slizzard Becker. Also

31:11

thanks to honored employee Calico

31:13

who cleaned the microwave. The

31:16

division of beanies, booties, and

31:18

construction projects that are probably

31:21

too large for yarn directed

31:23

by Theo Cornette has started

31:26

to re-knit the rake tracks

31:28

around the stones in the

31:31

Zen landscape. Someone screwed them

31:33

up, but it's about the

31:35

process, you know? The division

31:38

of obscure vintage technology directed

31:40

by Craig Sizz has acquired

31:43

a film camera that only

31:45

captures people's true evil selves.

31:48

It's eerie how their faces

31:50

change. The division of subtle

31:53

efficiency increases directed by Daniel

31:55

R. Smith has increased efficiency

31:58

by taking down the... popular

32:00

games server. The division of

32:03

Kakko's cafeteria reviews directed by

32:05

Seth and Josh has reviewed potat.

32:07

They have done everything with potatoes

32:10

that you can imagine and much

32:12

more. 6.9 out of 11. The

32:14

division of improbable cookbooks directed by

32:17

Hayden Neff has been working on

32:19

The Delightful Squish. The foods may

32:21

not have flavor, but the texture

32:24

is off the charts. The Division

32:26

of More Monday Mondays, directed by

32:28

Odie, has made Mondays that much

32:30

more Monday by wiping out all

32:32

of the work that everyone did

32:34

the Friday before. The Division of

32:36

Villanist introspection, directed by Sarah, is

32:39

still considering what sounds make them

32:41

feel the most evil. They have moved

32:43

on to stretched-out tapes of people

32:45

making dinosaur noises. The Division of

32:47

new card game mechanics led by

32:50

Finn, has developed a card that

32:52

whispers strategy suggestions in your ear.

32:54

The division of animal stacking directed

32:56

by the One True Dave has

32:58

stacked a number of cats. You

33:00

say they're cuddling? Dave says they're

33:02

stacked. The division of things that

33:05

have switches that shouldn't have switches

33:07

directed by her foxiness, Miss Dr.

33:09

Indigo J.S. Volpe's the 13th Esquire,

33:11

has put a switch on a

33:13

sidewalk. It is ill-advised to walk

33:15

down that sidewalk when the switch

33:18

is set to off. The division

33:20

of lesser-known napping locations directed by

33:22

Sass Master Jay has recently taken

33:24

a nap in the closet of

33:26

the Division of Clothing. Apparently there's

33:28

a space in the back that

33:30

has been mostly undisturbed for 50

33:33

years. Our steam shareholders honored employees

33:35

division heads and other patron patrons

33:37

are the best. If you want

33:40

a thank you in the credits,

33:42

your own division or other great

33:44

rewards that help to keep this

33:47

show running, please head to Kakos

33:49

industries.com/Patreon. That's Patreon. P-A-T-R-E-O-N. Doing evil

33:51

can take a lot out

33:54

of you. By yourself

33:56

a trophy.