0:01

Hi , lady Leader , and welcome

0:03

to another episode of the Leading Her Way

0:05

podcast . My name is Dr Nicole

0:07

Bryan and I am your host . I

0:11

want to welcome you to the podcast

0:13

, particularly if this is your first time listening

0:15

. You've picked a episode

0:18

that is going to be one

0:20

in which I am coming in hot to

0:29

be one in which I am coming in hot , but if you are a returning

0:31

listener , then you already know how we do it here . So today's

0:33

episode is particularly

0:35

dedicated to Black female

0:39

introverts who

0:42

want to get promoted

0:44

to the executive level or senior

0:46

leader level of their organizations

0:49

, and I want to ask

0:51

a question that may seem

0:53

very common

0:56

or very you know , duh

0:58

Nicole , but it's

1:00

a question that I ask every

1:03

woman that I have the honor of

1:05

speaking with , those who are

1:07

prospective clients , those

1:09

who are current clients and

1:12

those who may not even

1:14

be interested in working

1:16

with me per se , but

1:18

who know that they want to take

1:20

their careers to

1:22

advance them as much as possible

1:25

and be a senior leader

1:27

. So , with that said

1:29

, the question that I want to ask is

1:31

really an important one . Like I said , it may

1:33

seem like a simple question , but it's actually

1:36

a very important one , and

1:38

the question is why

1:42

aren't you a

1:44

senior leader already

1:47

? Like , why aren't

1:49

you an executive ? If you already know

1:51

that that's what you want , that's already what

1:53

you've been working towards for

1:56

years some of us for decades

1:59

why aren't you yet

2:01

a senior leader

2:03

or an executive ? Now

2:08

, usually when I ask this question , I get responses that I've

2:11

heard you know once or twice or many

2:13

times before . So sometimes

2:17

the woman will say well

2:20

, you know , my company is racist

2:23

. Or they'll say

2:25

you know , there's nothing but white

2:27

men at the executive level and

2:30

they don't want to give

2:33

me a seat at the table . Or

2:35

they'll say you know , I think I

2:37

need more experience

2:39

and so I want to work at

2:42

a couple of other companies before

2:44

I actually really

2:46

pursue that senior leader

2:49

or executive role . I've

2:52

also heard , you know , as an introverted

2:54

woman , I need to work on my executive

2:56

presence and , yes

2:59

, my company has said that to me , but I also

3:01

feel like that's something that I need before

3:04

I take that step into the

3:06

executive level . Other

3:09

women have said to me

3:11

that they are

3:13

not sure that they want to

3:15

. You know , a part of them wants to become

3:17

an executive , but another part of them

3:19

doesn't really want to deal with things

3:21

like the public speaking that comes

3:24

along with the executive role , or

3:26

the office politics

3:28

that comes along with being a

3:30

senior leader or an executive in their company

3:32

. I've heard

3:34

things like , and gotten responses

3:37

like well , you know , I really want to focus

3:39

on things at home right

3:42

now . I want to focus on my relationships

3:44

and my children , and that's really where

3:47

I want to lean in and I don't really

3:49

have the time or the energy

3:51

to be an executive

3:53

and to really fulfill that role . I've

3:57

heard and seen

3:59

many different

4:01

reasons for

4:04

women , particularly Black

4:06

women , who have

4:09

high aspirations , who

4:11

are high achievers , who

4:13

kick ass frankly and take

4:15

no shorts in every

4:17

other area of their life . I

4:20

have heard them when

4:22

it comes to taking their career

4:24

to the senior level and the

4:26

executive level within their organizations

4:29

. I've

4:38

heard many , many different

4:40

reasons . You on is if

4:43

you really want it , you

4:46

not only will go after it , but

4:49

you will get it . Let

5:00

me say that again If you really want it , you will not only go after it , you will get it . And how do

5:02

I know this ? Because

5:05

, as Black women , when

5:08

we put our mind to something , we

5:12

will stop

5:15

short of nothing to make

5:17

it happen for ourselves , and

5:19

I say this with a source

5:21

of pride , right

5:24

, knowing that my

5:26

sisters are that way , but

5:29

then also I say it because

5:31

I've seen it , I've experienced

5:34

it . That has happened to me

5:36

, obviously , but with all

5:38

of the Black women that I

5:41

have ever had the honor of

5:43

being friends with , being

5:46

daughters , of being

5:48

associated with in any shape

5:51

, form or fashion family members , friends

5:53

, colleagues , mentors , mentees

5:56

there is a tenacity

5:58

that we have . When

6:01

we set our sights on something

6:03

and we really want

6:05

to get it , we are not afraid

6:08

of working hard . Hard work is

6:10

in our DNA from

6:12

way back to

6:14

generations we can't even dream

6:17

about that is what we did

6:19

. We were farmers , we were

6:21

nurturers , we raised

6:23

the family , we were the center of the family

6:25

, way before modern

6:27

day civilization ever came to

6:29

be . So it is in our

6:31

DNA . We will work hard , and that

6:34

includes working hard in a

6:36

company that we work for . Whether

6:38

it's small , medium , large , global

6:41

, domestic , doesn't matter . When

6:43

we give of ourselves , we

6:46

give all . So I already

6:48

know that that is part

6:50

of the experience . I

6:54

would challenge

6:56

you to ask yourself

6:59

what it is that's really holding

7:01

you back . Is

7:03

it really the environment ? Is

7:06

it the environment ? Because , yes , we

7:08

work environments that don't always welcome

7:10

us , that don't always reward us , that don't

7:13

always honor

7:15

the achievements and the results that

7:17

we deliver . We've all worked in

7:19

those types of environments before , but

7:22

is it really that that's holding you back

7:24

? And if so , why would you not just go to

7:26

another environment ? Why would you not find

7:28

another environment , another

7:30

team , another department , another company

7:33

that does give you that , that

7:35

will reward you , that will give you

7:37

the opportunity ? For some

7:39

reason , you're staying where you currently

7:41

are . If you do believe

7:43

that the environment is not set up for you

7:45

to succeed and

7:48

to get to the senior level , so

7:50

is it the environment ? Is

7:53

it that you really want to spend

7:55

time with your family and you want

7:57

to lean in and make sure that your family

8:00

is your priority ? Family

8:06

is your priority . Well , who says that they can't be your priority

8:08

, even while you are pursuing a executive level or more senior level role within

8:10

your company ? You

8:12

could do both Right

8:15

. I'm not suggesting that they are done

8:17

both equally well , but

8:20

you could do both . You have to get up

8:22

and go to work anyway . Why

8:24

would you limit yourself in terms

8:27

of staying in a

8:29

junior level position when

8:31

you know that you can be

8:33

contributing at a higher level

8:35

and probably providing for your

8:37

family even more , with

8:39

a higher salary , with more flexibility

8:42

, more opportunities and

8:44

all of that , but

8:46

for your

8:49

reasons , you are

8:51

saying no right now . You are not going

8:53

after what you really want in terms of your the higher level career . You

8:55

really want in terms of your the higher

8:57

level career . So

9:00

my question

9:03

that I always again , that I always

9:05

ask repeatedly , the

9:08

first response

9:10

will be one of those that I just talked

9:12

about why

9:24

are you not a senior leader or executive yet ? And one of them . There will be one or more of those responses

9:26

that I immediately get . But when then I push back , like I'm doing with you

9:28

right now , and pointing

9:30

out the conflicting

9:32

thoughts , the conflicting behaviors , you say you want to become an executive

9:35

leader . You say you want

9:37

to become an executive leader , but

9:39

what are you doing to make that happen

9:42

? Or you say you want

9:44

to become an executive leader , but

9:46

you're also saying , not now

9:49

. You

9:57

say you want to become an executive leader , but the system is holding you back . The question

10:00

that I really want to

10:02

ask you is is

10:05

being an executive leader

10:07

a part of your identity

10:09

or is it a nice

10:11

to have ? And if it's the nice to

10:13

have , that's fine . Like if it's

10:15

a dream and not a goal , that's

10:18

fine too . Just know that

10:20

I'm not speaking to you right

10:22

now . I'm speaking to the

10:25

introverted black female

10:27

leader who

10:29

has a goal for

10:31

herself and her career to

10:33

be an executive and not

10:36

only to be an executive , but to create

10:38

change from the executive

10:40

level who wants to

10:42

shift the experiences

10:45

of not only herself , but

10:48

of her daughters , her

10:50

sons and generations to

10:52

come . Who wants

10:55

to get to be a

10:57

decision maker not just

10:59

a decision maker , the decision

11:01

maker and

11:03

shift the

11:06

entire paradigm of

11:08

what leadership looks like

11:10

and what good , effective

11:13

, having an impact

11:16

leadership can

11:18

be . That's who I'm talking

11:21

to . Those are the women that

11:23

I work with , those are the women

11:25

that I help . Those are

11:27

the women who I support becoming

11:31

the executive and

11:33

the leader that they ultimately

11:35

want to be . So

11:38

do you identify

11:40

as a senior leader

11:42

? Yet ? Do you identify

11:45

as an executive leader ? Yet ? Because

11:47

the ones that will

11:50

be successful are those

11:52

who are constantly trying

11:54

to evolve themselves and

11:56

constantly trying to

11:59

position themselves to

12:01

have the impact that

12:03

they want to have . And that's regardless

12:06

of what company you're in

12:08

. That is , regardless of

12:10

what your current job title is

12:13

. That is regardless of whether

12:15

you are currently managing

12:17

or leading a team or a department

12:20

, right ? Or you might even just be

12:22

leading yourself . Regardless

12:25

of those , those are all circumstances

12:27

. What I am questioning

12:30

is who are you at your

12:32

core ? Are you

12:34

an executive today , just

12:37

not holding that title

12:39

or position ? Because if you

12:41

don't embrace that

12:44

as part of your identity , then

12:46

it will never come to fruition

12:48

for you , Despite

12:51

you thinking that it's the external

12:53

environment or your company or the white

12:55

men that are holding you back . Company or the white men that are holding you

12:58

back , despite you believing

13:00

that if you don't embrace

13:10

being an executive today as part of your identity , you will never reach that . You will never reach that

13:12

level . You will never get that for yourself , even

13:15

though it is a goal that you

13:17

hold , though

13:26

it is a goal that you hold Now . I will not lie to you . Identity work

13:28

is not easy . It is not for the faint of heart , but I know you got it in you

13:30

, because identity

13:33

work means that you

13:35

have to look deep

13:38

inside of yourself

13:40

and you have to be exceptionally

13:43

honest . Excuses

13:47

are not part

13:49

of identity . Barriers

13:52

have to be acknowledged , but

13:55

they are not able

13:57

to block you , because

14:01

racism and

14:04

gender discrimination

14:06

definitely

14:08

exist in all

14:11

of the environments that we work with , whether

14:13

we see it directly or it impacts

14:15

us indirectly . It is there . I

14:17

won't even front like it's not there

14:19

. It is there . But

14:21

the question becomes how

14:24

you can lead yourself and

14:26

others despite that , because

14:30

racism and gender discrimination

14:32

and discrimination

14:35

against introverts all

14:37

exist in the world . It

14:39

doesn't just exist in our companies

14:41

, it exists in all of our interactions

14:43

. It exists in all of

14:46

our interactions . It exists in all of our places that we

14:48

go , people that we engage

14:50

with . It's there and

14:52

you do deal with it , whether you know

14:54

, whether you're dealing with it or not , whether

14:57

you recognize it in the moment or not . You

14:59

deal with it all the time . Why

15:02

is it so difficult , or

15:05

so much more difficult , for

15:07

you to deal with in

15:09

your workplace ? I

15:12

say it has to do with identity

15:14

. One of

15:16

the best books I've ever read

15:19

on identity was Becoming

15:22

by Michelle Obama . It

15:24

was her first book and

15:26

it was just a great example

15:29

of her telling her own story

15:31

, from childhood

15:34

all the way to becoming

15:36

the first lady of the United States

15:38

, and the thoughts

15:41

and experiences that all

15:43

shaped her and when she

15:45

started out as a little girl , she didn't know what

15:47

she was ultimately going to become . She

15:50

didn't know she was going to marry a man named

15:52

Barack . She didn't understand

15:54

that she was going to be a

15:56

first lady of the United States , the first

15:58

black first lady of the United

16:01

States and of the free world

16:03

. She had no idea . But

16:08

what she did have was a sense , a deep , deep sense of who

16:11

she was , and she got that

16:13

from her family

16:15

, her community that she grew

16:17

up in , her education and

16:19

her initial jobs and roles

16:22

that she had . So she had a deep

16:24

sense of who she was . She

16:27

also knew the impact

16:29

that she wanted to make in the world

16:31

, not just for her children , not

16:34

just for her friends and her families

16:36

, but in the world . And

16:38

that's what I

16:41

am challenging you to

16:43

think about . Think about

16:46

whether or not you

16:49

identify as

16:51

an executive . Think

16:53

about whether or not you really

16:55

are a leader

16:57

, because when

17:00

you internalize

17:02

that , you

17:09

internalize that it really doesn't matter the environment in which you go to work , it really

17:11

doesn't matter the relationship that you have with your boss

17:13

, it really doesn't matter

17:16

who's in your

17:18

immediate orbit , because

17:20

you are carrying

17:22

who you want to be

17:24

and what you want to

17:27

contribute to the world and

17:29

to the organization . You're carrying

17:31

that inside of you . So

17:34

if you have not yet

17:36

thought about your identity , or

17:39

even if you have thought about

17:41

your identity as an executive , then

17:43

I would like you to really

17:45

think about three

18:05

things . I

18:07

want you to take about and

18:10

document . What do you think about

18:12

, what is going on in your

18:14

mind , like for a week

18:17

straight , maybe you

18:19

know . Take a journal , you know in your

18:21

journal or in your notes app

18:23

. I want you to document

18:25

the thoughts that you have

18:28

that you associate with being

18:30

a leader . They may come up

18:32

for you in a meeting that you

18:34

participate in or maybe a

18:36

project that you're leading , or

18:38

they may come up for you , like for me

18:40

, it comes up on my commute in and

18:43

out of the office . That's when

18:45

I have my thinking time and I reflect

18:48

on being a leader . And

18:50

so what are your thoughts

18:52

? What things do you think

18:55

about as a leader

18:57

? Then I want you to also

18:59

think about and document

19:02

your inventory of your emotions , and document your take inventory of your

19:04

emotions . Now , I

19:06

don't know about you , but my

19:08

emotions run the gamut

19:10

throughout the workday and

19:12

it's not always pretty right

19:14

, because

19:30

sometimes people at work , including my direct team , piss me the hell off

19:32

, and that's okay as long as it's all taken in context . So the emotions that you have

19:34

, the feelings that you have as a leader , those

19:37

are important to not only acknowledge

19:39

but recognize where they stem

19:42

from . Are they the feelings

19:44

and the emotions that

19:47

a leader should have

19:49

? Do those feelings and

19:51

emotions detract from

19:53

yourself as a

19:56

soon-to-be executive ? Do

19:58

they support you becoming

20:01

an executive ? Do

20:03

they have nothing to do with you

20:05

becoming an executive ? You need

20:07

to take inventory of that

20:09

for yourself . And then

20:12

the final thing is what

20:14

are the actions that you're taking , not

20:17

only to be or

20:20

become or

20:22

evolve into or secure

20:24

your next leadership

20:27

role , but what

20:29

actions are you taking every

20:31

day to step

20:33

into and to demonstrate

20:35

your leadership

20:38

? Are

20:40

you , in fact , sitting

20:42

by and watching other people

20:44

lead when you are the one who

20:46

should be taking that stance

20:49

? Are you letting

20:51

, allowing other people to make the

20:53

decisions that you , as

20:56

the expert and the

20:58

senior person , should be making

21:00

? Do you allow

21:02

your team members , your direct reports

21:05

or more junior members take

21:08

, respond to questions

21:10

or , you know , take initiative

21:13

that you should be taking

21:15

? These

21:17

are just some of the questions , right , but

21:19

the point is being

21:21

aware of the things

21:23

that you are doing and , in some cases

21:26

, not doing that are

21:28

either positioning you

21:30

as the leader and

21:32

executive that you want to be , or

21:35

that is taking away from you

21:37

becoming that , from

21:48

you becoming that , because if you are not already positioning yourself as a

21:50

senior or executive leader , whether that's in your company

21:53

, in your industry

21:55

or wherever

21:57

, in the professional associations that

21:59

you belong to or want to belong to

22:01

, if you're not already doing

22:03

that , despite what

22:06

is happening around you in

22:08

your environment and what

22:16

your boss might be saying , what

22:19

you are already jeopardizing

22:22

your potential

22:25

to ever achieve that goal

22:27

. If you're not already

22:29

doing that , then you don't already

22:32

identify as an executive

22:34

leader , and if you don't

22:37

identify as a senior or an executive

22:39

leader , then no one else is

22:41

going to identify you as that either

22:44

. So let's go

22:46

back to how we started this conversation

22:48

today and ask the question

22:51

why aren't you

22:53

a senior or executive

22:55

leader yet ? And

22:57

when I usually ask that question and

22:59

when I usually ask that question , like I said , I normally

23:02

will get one of those common

23:05

stances or common

23:07

reasons . And why and

23:09

very rarely does

23:11

the woman leader , the female

23:13

leader I'm speaking to say

23:16

it's because of me . But

23:33

what I am saying to you today and what I am challenging you on is to look at yourself first

23:35

, last and in the middle , because it all starts with you and it all ends with you . Your

23:37

executive leadership career starts with you . So if you don't identify

23:39

as an executive leader , then it's

23:41

not going to happen . Okay

23:44

, lady leader . So , like I said , I was

23:46

coming in a little hot today . I knew

23:49

that that was going to be the case . I

23:51

got a little riled up , but

23:54

I hope you can understand

23:56

and see why . I hope

23:58

you get what we are talking

24:00

about today . And if

24:02

you are someone who already

24:06

has set the goal for yourself

24:08

to become the next

24:10

senior leader in your organization

24:13

but you're not sure

24:15

how to get there , like you

24:17

may be feeling overwhelmed by

24:19

the barriers that you

24:21

believe are in your way and you're just

24:23

not sure how to get around those . Or

24:27

you might be struggling

24:30

with the identity piece

24:32

, right , maybe you have

24:34

people who believe in you but you

24:37

don't quite believe

24:39

in yourself , which isn't always

24:41

easy to admit . Or

24:44

maybe you have everything

24:46

on your resume , all of the credentials

24:49

, all the education , all of the certifications

24:52

that should

24:54

be helping you to get

24:57

that senior level or executive

24:59

level role that you want , but

25:01

despite everything that you

25:03

have tried , you're

25:05

not able to secure that position for

25:07

yourself . If any

25:10

of these things sound like

25:12

you and what you're experiencing

25:14

, then I would strongly

25:16

welcome having

25:18

a conversation with you . I

25:21

want you to book a sales call with

25:23

me so that we can talk through

25:25

everything that you're going

25:27

through and experiencing and

25:29

we can start to target

25:32

how we

25:35

will get you your executive

25:37

seat , how we will get you

25:39

to the leadership table executive

25:44

seat , how we will get you to the leadership

25:46

table . Just

25:51

click the link in the show notes and pick your time . It'll ask you to fill out a short questionnaire

25:53

which will help me to learn a little bit more about you before we even

25:55

jump on the sales call , and

25:57

then we will go from there . Thank

26:00

you so much for sticking with me today

26:02

and I

26:05

hope you have a wonderful , wonderful

26:07

work week and until

26:10

next time , lady leader . That's

26:17

a wrap for this episode of leadingading Her

26:19

Way . Thanks for tuning in . If

26:22

you have thoughts , questions or

26:24

ideas for future topics , connect

26:26

and send me a message on LinkedIn and

26:29

if you enjoyed today's episode , subscribe

26:32

. And please take a minute to write a quick review

26:34

on Apple Podcasts . Your

26:36

review will help spread the word to other ambitious

26:38

females so they know they're not

26:40

alone and that this podcast is a community

26:43

of support for all of us leading her

26:45

way to the top . Remember your

26:47

leadership is needed , your leadership

26:50

is powerful , so lead

26:52

boldly . Until next time

26:54

.