0:07

We're back in Studio 71,

0:09

this wonderful new environment for us.

0:12

Christian's still staying with me, with me

0:14

and Kate, at a beautiful

0:17

LA. And he's

0:19

getting to know the situation

0:21

we called the menagerie. We have two

0:23

cats, as discussed, and a large 85-pound

0:26

dog. It's

0:29

funny to observe you getting to

0:31

know their behavior and their personalities. The

0:33

other day, you were sitting

0:37

very comfortably on the couch, and

0:39

Teek, our cat, just jumped

0:42

right up, just out of nowhere. They're

0:44

silent. You don't hear them coming. So he

0:46

just leapt up right next to you, probably

0:48

centimeters from your face, with a little

0:50

like a dog. And

0:52

you jumped. You startled

0:54

in a way that made me laugh so

0:57

hard. I fell off the couch laughing. Key

0:59

part of the story that you're forgetting, because

1:01

that seconds earlier, you were telling me that

1:03

there was a bobcat in the neighborhood, and

1:07

that it was obviously extremely dangerous. So

1:09

I had that in my head, the

1:11

idea of a dangerous bobcat. That was

1:13

the freshest thought that was in my

1:15

head. Why would I leave that out?

1:17

That is a key part of the story. The

1:19

key part of the story. Yes. But

1:22

as it appeared to me, you were just

1:24

really startled by this little tiny, sweet house

1:26

cat. That's right. I've

1:29

been talking about the bobcat. And what I told

1:31

you was when the bobcat was in the yard,

1:33

Teek, that house cat just flattened to the ground.

1:35

It was amazing. I never seen anything like it. He looked

1:38

like a pancake. It was like the clock,

1:40

that Salvador Dali painting. It just became like a- It was

1:42

like a ray. Yeah. That's

1:44

what I was picturing. Totally. Like

1:46

a ray on the ocean floor. And

1:49

Kate ran out and was like, hey, hey, hey. That's

1:52

a good Kate impression. Get

1:56

out of here. Hey, hey, fucking

1:59

bobcat. And, um, and

2:01

T'Tik just ran in behind her and then didn't leave

2:03

the house for two days. He stayed

2:06

under our bed. Which you can imagine. I mean,

2:08

like, if the... I feel him. Oh, yeah. What

2:10

if... A bobcat would keep me inside for two

2:12

days, too. The equivalent would be, like, if Bigfoot

2:14

walked through our yard, you know? Because it's a

2:16

thing that looks kind of like us and is

2:18

just a giant. I immediately regretted not having my

2:20

camera, but if I had filmed it would have

2:22

meant that I was just filming you just

2:25

on a couch waiting for something fun to happen.

2:27

It was scary and all the hair on my

2:29

arm stood up. Yeah, your reaction was so funny.

2:32

Um, anywho, I hope that was funny. Just

2:34

the recounting of it. Maybe not. But I'll

2:36

tell you what it was. Technically, it was

2:39

a story. Life could be a

2:41

dream. Life could be a dream.

2:44

Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-shaboo.

2:48

You're listening to Life is Short. I'm

2:51

your host, Justin Long. Life

2:53

could be a

2:56

dream, sweetheart. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-shaboo.

3:00

And with me, as always, why am I going up? Is

3:03

my brother Christian and co-host? Christian.

3:06

Hello. Hello, hello again.

3:09

And, uh, yeah, it was... Why

3:11

is it... What is that? I'm interested in that equation,

3:14

that formula. When it's funny,

3:17

sometimes it's funny to watch people be

3:19

scared. And sometimes it's just scary

3:21

and you feel for them. And it's

3:23

just too much. Sometimes the

3:25

fear and the stakes overwhelm any

3:28

comedy. Like in this case, if the

3:30

cat had jumped up and

3:32

like scratched on my face and caused me

3:35

to bleed. Not funny. Then, well... Well,

3:38

hold on. It wouldn't have been funny

3:40

right away. No, no, no. There's potential

3:42

for... Yeah. Retrospective funny, right?

3:45

It's funny to mention that. If it were a

3:47

natural bobcat that you were imagining in your head

3:49

that lapped up on the couch, that wouldn't have

3:51

been funny at all. No, of course

3:53

not. But I'm saying even if your cat had lapped

3:55

up, scratched me in the face, caused a little bleeding,

3:57

in the moment I would hope... No. I

4:00

wouldn't laugh. Because I'd be like,

4:02

you're my brother. So I would hope that you

4:04

would be first concerned about my wellbeing. Of course,

4:06

I would have, so afraid of it getting in

4:08

your eye. But then maybe later in the day,

4:10

you'd be thinking back on the story. Maybe later

4:12

in the day, like 30 seconds later

4:14

in the day, you might start laughing. I think

4:17

it was as soon as I knew that you were okay. As

4:19

soon as I knew it was just like a superficial scratch. I'd

4:22

probably, I'd be concerned about Teak too. I

4:24

mean, his, like just his behavior. If he

4:26

were to do that, I'd think, oh, something

4:28

must be wrong with him because he would,

4:30

that's so out of character. And

4:33

then eventually I'd probably laugh when I knew that you were

4:35

both okay. So, but that

4:37

formula, that like, and how

4:40

closely fear and funny

4:42

live next to one another in

4:44

some cases. That's why so many horror movies

4:46

are, you know, people get scared and then

4:49

they laugh right away. I really love that

4:51

relationship. And

4:53

the reason I'm mentioning it even and

4:55

thinking about it as our guest today, he

4:59

is one of the funniest people I've ever known.

5:01

He's one of my favorite

5:03

comedians and people. And he

5:06

has an incredible new special

5:08

out that is called Aptly

5:11

Named. Aptly for what

5:13

we're talking about. Terrified. Our guest today

5:15

is friend of the show. Now

5:18

second, now good friend

5:21

of the show. Alumnus of the show. Yes. From

5:24

Impractical Jokers, our

5:27

dear friend Sal Volcano.

5:30

Sal Volcano, our first repeat guest. Why'd I say

5:32

his name softly? It's a big, I'm excited about

5:34

him. And yet I did this big build up

5:36

that was loud and then Sal Volcano. It's a

5:39

big deal. First repeat guest. Yes,

5:41

it is. And as you said in

5:43

the tease, in the butthole of our

5:45

last episode, for

5:47

a reason, because he's that good. He's that fun

5:49

to talk to and to hear. It's

5:52

funny, no one's ever heard the

5:54

Friday show. And you just casually

5:56

said the butthole of the show. Yeah, well what's

5:58

this now? make people

6:00

intrigued. Hopefully. Sal is

6:02

just one of those people he's just so fun to talk to.

6:05

And so it made sense to break

6:07

our rule and have

6:09

a repeat guest. He was a

6:11

very appropriate second guest because we

6:13

just love hearing from him.

6:17

And he has this special that I was

6:19

excited to talk to people about because it's

6:22

one of the best that I've seen in a long time. It's

6:25

so funny, it is so good. You can watch it

6:27

on YouTube. It's called Terrified.

6:30

He's just a great storyteller. I remember the first time

6:32

I saw him at a Seth Herzog

6:34

show, he was doing his whole standup.

6:37

It was reading text messages from his

6:39

mother. And I thought, first

6:41

of all, what a bold thing to

6:43

do. Get up on stage and just

6:45

that's your material. But the way

6:48

he talked about the text and it was

6:50

so relatable and it was so

6:52

personal and funny. And that's what his standup

6:54

is. He's a great storyteller. And I'm just

6:57

excited for people to see it. Yes,

6:59

people know that we love them, I think,

7:01

if they remember the first episode with him,

7:03

that they also might remember that his show

7:05

and Practical Jokers felt like

7:08

they were our friends during the pandemic. Totally.

7:11

They really kept us company and kept us

7:13

laughing. Oh yeah. So I

7:15

really hold them, all of them,

7:17

to a really high level.

7:19

I know, it's like, you know, sometimes people write to

7:22

us, they say like, oh, it feels like we're pals.

7:24

We're like, it's exactly how I feel about those guys.

7:26

Me too. So should we get into it? Let's

7:28

get into it. That is enough

7:31

from us. You want to hear from our

7:33

great second guest for the second time, hopefully

7:35

the second of many, our

7:37

dear friend, the hilarious Sal

7:40

Volcano. Life could

7:42

be a dream, sweetheart. Doo, doo,

7:44

doo, doo, choo-boo. Listening

7:52

on Audible helps your imagination

7:54

soar. Because there's more to

7:57

imagine when you listen. listening

8:00

to Audible for quite some time. I love

8:03

just hearing from, and sometimes you just want

8:05

to hear the people with great voices. One

8:07

title that's out of this world is,

8:09

of course, the classic, The Hitchhiker's Guide to

8:11

the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. It's a cult

8:14

favorite about Arthur Dent, who wanders the universe

8:16

with a crew of aliens after Earth is

8:18

destroyed. If you haven't read it,

8:20

well, now you can listen to it. Yeah, listen along

8:22

with both of us on that one. And

8:24

as an Audible member, you get one

8:26

title a month to keep from their

8:29

entire catalog. New members can try Audible free

8:31

for 30 days. Visit

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hire? You need Indeed. Hello,

9:34

hello again. Shaboom

9:37

and a boom, we'll meet

9:40

again. Yeah,

9:43

this is like, you know,

9:46

when I would need this, if I was like, what

9:48

was the amazing movie, The Barbarian?

9:50

When I'm in the tunnels. That

9:52

was one of the

9:54

most unexpectedly thrilling, amazing

9:57

movies I've ever seen. Oh, man,

9:59

thanks. You know that part

10:01

with the, you know, it was made by like a comedy

10:03

guy, Zach Craigor, who's like, I

10:05

don't know if your paths ever crossed. Oh yeah, yeah.

10:07

Why does Kitchener help? Why does Kitchener help? Yeah. Yeah,

10:09

yeah, yeah, I know. And

10:13

there was a moment, that moment with the measuring

10:15

tape that I was like, I thought, I

10:17

don't know if you remember the part in the movie where

10:19

I'm like measuring, I realized that I can get

10:21

more square footage. I can

10:24

get paper. And I didn't understand why he

10:26

was having me do so much measuring and

10:28

why we were spending so much time until

10:30

I saw the movie and I realized it

10:32

was such a good lesson. That, it

10:35

was a comedic moment, but I didn't realize

10:37

that that environment was so

10:39

fraught with tension. It would have been so,

10:41

there was so much, because the most unnerving

10:43

thing had just happened there. So the audience was

10:45

gonna have an idea of that atmosphere. And I

10:48

had read the script and all, but I didn't,

10:50

I thought, what are we doing? Why

10:52

are we getting all this footage? There's no way he's

10:54

gonna need all this. And I remember

10:56

seeing in the theater for the first time in the audience

10:58

was, it got the biggest lapse. And

11:02

I looked at Zach and I thought, you son of a bitch.

11:04

What I thought about on that movie, how close

11:07

those two lived, I thought about this in your special

11:09

that I can't wait to talk about. I fuck it

11:11

Sal, it is so good. But

11:13

how close those two things lived, fear and

11:16

humor and laughter. And

11:20

there's no better way to really like understand

11:23

than to see a horror

11:26

movie. Because you realize like

11:28

right after the scares come, they're

11:30

like quickly replaced by laughter oftentimes. People

11:32

laugh at their own, oh my god,

11:34

I can't believe I jumped. Or it's

11:38

seen like the measuring tape. It's funny

11:41

because it's so scary. Those

11:44

two things, I'm really interested in how closely

11:46

those two live. And they

11:48

live side by side. Yeah, that's

11:50

so funny that you said that because I'm watching, did

11:52

you see the jinx? Yes, the

11:54

Robert Durst documentary. So the second one.

11:57

Yeah. Have you been watching? So

11:59

I'm on second to last episode right

12:01

now and they're in the courtroom with him and

12:05

he it's you know they're talking about murders

12:07

you know but he's getting laughs in

12:09

the courtroom and so tense and they were talking

12:11

about that too like how he has the ability

12:13

to something

12:17

about his character and the way he

12:19

speaks earnestly and even just doesn't give

12:21

a shit yeah it was breaks breaks

12:23

that one tension is that tight it

12:26

doesn't take nothing but a good pick sometimes

12:29

yeah yeah so

12:31

I was just watching that dichotomy this afternoon of

12:33

like how it's like or or

12:35

your story in this in terrified about going

12:37

into that your landlord waking you up and

12:39

you know and searching his apartment

12:41

because the thinking somebody had broken in and you're

12:44

following this guy with a gun and it's

12:48

it's getting laughs it's getting bit as it should but it's

12:50

also if you think about it I mean I was there

12:52

I was thinking Jesus sound must have been I wish I

12:54

would have been shitting my pants I think that's also what

12:56

makes the special so strong because it's

12:59

you have such an inviting you invite people in

13:01

you have such an easy inviting

13:04

persona on stage that

13:07

people I found myself wondering what I

13:09

would be doing in that situation I

13:11

probably do something similar you know

13:13

I'm a robe and my slippers but it's it's

13:16

and at the time I'm sure you weren't thinking this is

13:18

gonna be funny one day no no

13:21

I didn't even think I didn't even

13:23

think of it as funny until

13:25

I thought it was funny yeah well yeah

13:27

well what is I'm interested in that what

13:30

how that that evolution at what point does that

13:32

happen like how you know people say like well

13:35

too soon or like how long do you have

13:37

to wait to to laugh about

13:39

something well it's because the next

13:42

story in the I think in the

13:44

special is about I was in Amsterdam

13:46

oh that is crazy that's fucking crazy

13:48

I'm sorry I don't want to just

13:50

rehash the whole thing but it's it's

13:52

sales just for the audience for people

13:54

who haven't seen it but you everyone

13:56

should when you're in

13:59

Amsterdam and You decide

14:01

to smoke, I think you smoke hash. You

14:03

don't know it's hash. No, I

14:05

didn't know it was a hash. Two big hits of it. Yeah,

14:08

oh, an Amsterdam hash. What does that mean? To this

14:10

day, I don't know what it means. God

14:14

knows what is in your lungs. Yes,

14:16

and I really didn't smoke marijuana at that

14:18

time. Like I had only smoked a few

14:21

times in my life. Oh my God. And

14:23

so, you know, it just took over me

14:25

really and it wasn't pleasant. It was actually,

14:27

it's the scariest night. It's an experience of

14:30

my life. But I like

14:32

that you're also experiencing a Rufus Wainwright

14:34

concert in Amsterdam while you're having this

14:36

like living nightmare

14:38

experience. Yeah. And that was

14:40

part of it, that he has the

14:42

voice of an angel. Which

14:44

he really did, he really did. I

14:46

had the whole story, the

14:49

story you saw, which is still a really

14:51

long story, especially for specials, like, I

14:53

think it's like 12, 13 minutes, something like that, which is

14:55

really long. If you think it's gonna come out during an

14:57

hour, that's 20% of an hour. Normally

15:00

you don't stay in that space, but

15:02

I was like, this is just a

15:04

true cohesive, really funny story. It was

15:07

to be about 16, 17 minutes. I

15:09

cut like five minutes out of it. Oh, now I wanna know what

15:12

you cut. Yeah, so there

15:14

was a point in there when

15:17

he started singing that I felt like

15:19

I levitated above the theater. It

15:24

was, I don't know what it is.

15:26

That's what he's saying. And

15:28

you had never heard him sing, right? You were just like, I'm in hands

15:30

with him. It's just, Yeah,

15:33

and we had described the

15:35

hall. Yeah, you described this

15:37

historic, beautiful, everything was gold

15:39

plated and there's shindles, and

15:41

that becomes weirdly frightening. Yeah,

15:44

everyone was dressed up in evening wear.

15:46

Yes, it's like seagulls. And I was

15:48

in shorts, yeah. And

15:50

it was beautiful. The stage had trees on

15:53

it that were all lit with white lighting,

15:55

like Christmas lighting, but on trees. And

15:58

it was this huge tree. It was so

16:01

beautiful. gorgeous and truly I mean in my

16:03

head I just started to just rise and

16:06

at one point I was like equal

16:08

with the top of the trees. Oh

16:11

my god. I sweated and

16:13

I looked down and I just like I

16:15

was like I'm floating and I

16:17

also I did cry I think

16:20

I mentioned in the story that you were

16:22

weeping yeah I started to

16:24

cry because it was flip-flopping

16:26

between like this

16:28

is amazing and beautiful this

16:30

is terrifying and

16:32

this is confusing wow I mean yeah

16:34

I had moments of beauty in there

16:37

yeah yeah quickly replaced by

16:39

like terror yeah yeah so I just

16:41

started singing I didn't think a lot

16:43

of me to cry admittedly yeah and

16:45

you know when you listen when you're

16:48

hearing that kind of voice sing like

16:50

that yeah it's just you know you literally

16:53

touch his parts of you and so I

16:55

was very touched and I immediately go to

16:57

like I love my family yeah yeah me

16:59

too of course yeah I was like crying

17:02

when I ran out I went past

17:04

the aisle I ran past everybody and I went outside

17:06

and I was

17:08

I had those two glasses of the hot wine yeah well

17:10

that's how you thought they may

17:13

be poisoned you whatever hot wine is I

17:15

still don't have hot wine

17:17

since then I like that you

17:19

just pounded to you said I pound it yeah

17:22

yeah I took two and I just literally

17:25

like it was like very warm wine it

17:27

wasn't like like hot tea or anything oh

17:29

god well I hadn't eaten and

17:31

I don't think I bring up in this

17:33

story but we had left the hotel and

17:36

we had gone like we were you know

17:38

doing a site tour thing and like sightseeing

17:40

and we went from like museum to museum

17:43

and so when we when we were

17:45

coming out we're like should we go eat and then

17:47

we saw that and said oh we're going to that

17:49

and so that was like at seven or eight o'clock

17:51

so well you know by the time I hadn't

17:53

eaten all day so I think everything like

17:55

was enhanced yes you know that guy all

17:58

the hash and I remember feeling yeah I

18:00

remember feeling so nauseous that

18:03

I felt like I was gonna like, like, I

18:05

couldn't breathe. My mouth got dry and I was

18:08

kind of gagging because I couldn't swallow. And

18:11

then that gets you really scared. Yes,

18:13

of course. It

18:15

feels like cement in my throat. Then

18:18

you're like, what if my body's just

18:20

shutting down? What if I'm, this is

18:22

it now. Yeah. And I

18:24

totally felt like I was gonna, I know. So then

18:26

when we came out, and I

18:28

don't tell this, I used to say it, but I just was

18:30

like, let me just make this story a little shorter. But

18:35

she was like, well, we have to get food.

18:37

Like, let's go get food. You know, we'll get

18:39

more water and food. Like, where else could we

18:41

possibly go? We have to eat. So

18:44

we walked until we

18:46

saw a restaurant. It was at night already.

18:49

And so walking at night in a

18:51

place I didn't know from there, I was

18:54

very on high alert of everybody passing

18:56

us. And every car that drove by

18:58

with the lights and everything like that.

19:01

Yeah. And

19:03

just one country. Yeah. Foreign

19:06

country. And first time ever

19:09

there. And then so we find this, we walk

19:11

upon this restaurant and we go in

19:13

it and it is pretty empty. And

19:15

all I remember was that the front of the

19:17

restaurant had like windows to the street and they

19:19

closed them all, I guess. I don't know why,

19:22

but they were like, they had like these shades

19:24

down. And we were sitting fairly alone

19:26

in the front of the restaurant. I don't even recall

19:28

if there was anyone else even in the restaurant, but

19:31

there was no one near us. And so if

19:33

I looked left, right, we're in this little nook that was all alone.

19:36

And if you, I swear to you,

19:39

I thought that the waiter was going to try

19:41

to kill me. And

19:44

so I told her, I told

19:46

her that I now do not trust the waiter and

19:49

it's some type of conspiracy I

19:51

can't explain, but he knows

19:53

he knows too. And he said, and for

19:57

the entire meal, which I probably ate half and

19:59

scarf. I didn't want I swear

20:01

to you and it's so funny because people like

20:03

is this true and I like asked my wife

20:05

But she's like every second. That's true. It

20:08

has to be because though it's you're so

20:10

earnest and this is part of your charm

20:12

So and I know and you are a

20:14

good actor. We've had this conversation before we're like You've

20:17

said like you don't really consider what you do on the

20:20

show, right? Yeah, it's active but but

20:22

I really disagree. I when I watch it

20:24

I to me It's like like

20:26

when you had to you're the lifeguard at the pool

20:28

and you have to get all those kids out of

20:30

the I mean I know I know you so I

20:32

know Crush it. There's nothing

20:35

worse than like letting down the tins. It's like

20:39

So you have to be a

20:41

guy who does that and that to

20:43

me is like I Mean

20:46

it that takes courage it take but it

20:48

takes real acting skills I was that

20:50

I always think whenever I see him, I think is

20:52

that the worst one like what's your worst? What

20:55

was the hardest one? That's that's probably

20:57

not the worst one really, you

20:59

know, you know what it is It's like after

21:01

all this time. There's just different. It's just different

21:04

That's in a bucket like that. I put like telling

21:06

those kids that they have to get out for For

21:09

rough housing in the pool, which they didn't do and

21:12

then standing my ground with their parents Like

21:17

angry mama bears, yeah, and

21:19

that's in line with cutting people off when

21:21

they're not drunk Right

21:25

Just kind of this like tell somebody

21:28

something that they will staunchly oppose

21:30

immediately and know to be not

21:32

true You know and when

21:34

you when you touch on that nerve with a person Oh,

21:37

there's nothing more furious than someone telling you

21:39

something that you know is a complete lie

21:42

and it's it's also against like you Defending

21:46

yeah principles. Yeah. Yeah, so

21:48

that's a hot very hot Please

21:53

sorry, sorry. Sorry this stuff. No, no, please. Well, I

21:55

was wondering if it's made it easier for you in

21:57

life to navigate

22:00

socially or to deal with

22:02

some weird social situation. I

22:05

mean, do you find that

22:07

it's emboldened you to be a little bit

22:09

more... No, it's the

22:11

opposite. You would think and I

22:13

would think as well. But

22:17

when the only courage

22:19

that I have is knowing that

22:22

I have to perform, the camera's on

22:24

me, it's do or die,

22:26

this is my job. So I

22:28

have no choice. And so

22:31

that motivation, I

22:33

guess, is what gets me

22:36

to at least into it.

22:38

Sometimes I crumble miserably, but like...

22:42

And I think that I know this, I know the answer

22:44

is no, because I... In

22:46

my regular life, when the camera's not on me, if you

22:48

told me to do any of this stuff, I would never

22:51

do it. Wow, wow. I don't know what I think I

22:53

could do it. I mean, I really don't. It's interesting. I

22:56

would be the same, I think. But the

22:58

camera, so that again, I mean, that's also

23:00

then it's you going against

23:02

your natural instincts. And that

23:05

I think that's probably what Mike was talking about. That's acting.

23:08

Right. You're acting

23:11

in a way that you would not act and you have

23:13

to be convincing or you're... Or

23:15

you then are the loser and you have to do the... Sure.

23:18

The stakes get really high because those are hard

23:20

things. I mean, you've had to... Jesus,

23:23

the stuff you've had to do in it. And I know

23:25

what kind of person you are. It's

23:27

like totally counter to that type of person.

23:29

You have to let people down. You have

23:32

to say to... Was

23:34

it you that had... Yeah, when people are reading their

23:36

poetry. Oh, yeah. You have

23:38

to shit on people. You have to shit on

23:40

people. I did a judge

23:42

a kid's talent show shit on those

23:44

kids. Oh, that's right. I

23:49

had to be a delivery man in New York City

23:52

and bring people to lunch and tell them that tip

23:54

is shit that they gave me. Oh,

23:57

how insulting. where

24:00

I was playing the sound guy on

24:02

a talk show and

24:05

I was miking guests and I had to tell them that

24:07

their breath was horrible. Just

24:10

those, those are all in the same bucket.

24:12

Those little social faux pas that are kind

24:14

of insulting, but you can hide behind, like,

24:16

I'm doing you a favor. You're really good

24:19

at softening the blow, but you know.

24:21

Yeah, I do the best I can. You

24:24

know how much your show has made me laugh. I

24:27

can never thank you enough for it. But

24:29

my wife, we watched the episode where

24:32

you get the tattoo and I

24:34

just kind of assumed she knew about it. She had no

24:36

idea it was coming and when

24:38

that tattoo was revealed of, of

24:42

James Smith, I threw up her thigh. She

24:44

was convulsing, she was laughing so hard. I

24:47

want so badly to know, and I'm sure you've

24:49

talked that nosyme about this, but I'm

24:52

curious what, if you can

24:54

remember what was going on in your head because you

24:56

had a real reaction to it as probably

24:58

I would, like, it wasn't, it didn't seem

25:01

funny to you at the time. No,

25:03

no, it's just sometimes,

25:06

sometimes things, you know,

25:08

when I'm in this, when I'm doing the show,

25:10

we also produce it and we're really hands on

25:12

with every stage of it. And so

25:15

when I'm out there, I'm

25:17

doing like a kind of a thing like

25:19

in my head, I'm wearing many hats. Since

25:21

sometimes something happens that just erases

25:23

all of that and I'm only thinking about

25:25

that thing. Like I forget about, I

25:27

forget about the show. I forget about, you know what

25:30

I mean? Do you remember another time?

25:32

Do you remember another? I do, I do. When,

25:34

when in the movie, they locked me in the

25:36

hotel room with a tiger. Oh

25:39

Jesus, that's right. Yeah, yeah.

25:41

That was, nothing about that

25:43

had anything to do with. That wasn't acting. Television,

25:48

the movie, jokes, just

25:50

nothing at all. So it's, because it's

25:52

just survival, I'm imagining. It

25:55

was, you know, it's funny now that, because

25:57

that was one of the most frightening things in my life. So

26:00

I have a few, I guess, but like my

26:02

whole body was literally

26:05

frozen. But

26:07

like, I mean, frozen, like hard to

26:09

breathe, hard to move an inch. It's

26:14

so scary, it's hard to get a word

26:16

out. And then I also, oh my

26:18

goodness, it was so, so, so scary. So

26:21

I watched that. It's not very often you

26:23

get to see real fear

26:26

captured. And I knew it was real. And

26:29

whenever I see things, it's funny, we're directing this

26:31

thing, this word thing. And people

26:33

auditioning, and I'm so appreciative of God, because

26:35

I know what it takes to audition. And

26:38

there's a moment in the auditions where they

26:40

discovered the awful thing, like

26:43

the really horrific thing. And

26:45

everyone ends it with a scream.

26:49

And I was thinking about this on Barbarian

26:51

when you see something truly awful. And

26:54

I tried to play around with it. You

26:56

don't have the energy. All

26:59

of everything gets sucked out. And

27:01

so everything becomes smaller. It's stunning

27:03

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27:06

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27:08

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27:11

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29:34

Shaboom and double-bone meet

29:36

again. I

29:39

remember being in a plane that I thought was crashing

29:41

to the ground. It was like it just dropped out

29:43

of the sky. I

29:46

took note of it because I was like, oh, that's

29:49

what my last moments would be. It was just

29:51

me. I gripped my seat. I just

29:53

started going, fuck, fuck. Everything

29:56

got quiet and in my head, here we

29:58

go. This is it. I'm

30:01

right there with you because I had a plane experience.

30:05

And that's my biggest fear too. I

30:07

don't like to fly and I had that experience. Did

30:09

I ever tell you that

30:11

one? Yeah. We were

30:14

on the road and this place

30:16

was a very out of the way place that we

30:18

couldn't really get to otherwise in the middle

30:20

of what our schedule was. I mean, I saw, I

30:22

performed as a standup comedian. I tour

30:24

and then I also tour with the guys. And we

30:27

do a stage show together that's geared toward the show

30:29

and the fans of the show. And I do just

30:31

pure standup. It has nothing to do with the show.

30:33

So we were on tour. We've been touring for like,

30:36

this is our fifth tour. We've been touring for over

30:38

a decade. First of all, on the way there, we

30:40

were in the middle of a storm and these planes,

30:42

like they can range from six seats to 20

30:44

seats to 30 seats. But we were in like a six

30:46

or eight seat plane. Like the Buddy Howie plane.

30:48

Yeah. Oh, well, that

30:50

plays into this. So

30:54

you couldn't even stand, you know, it was like one

30:57

of those little planes and everyone's yeah, sure. It's

31:00

convenient, but it's like you're on like

31:02

a moped in the sky, you know, and there

31:06

was a storm and so the

31:09

storm and these winds, the winds whip this. Yeah.

31:12

You have a driving like over a bridge and driving and

31:14

it's like, whoa. Yes. Yes. Especially

31:17

like I've had like a Prius, like a boxy,

31:19

like little, like driving out to the desert winds

31:21

and by Vegas. Yes. Yeah. It's

31:24

scary. It's like you feel it in the car. Yes. And

31:28

these little planes, there's also no doors to the

31:30

cockpit. So you're looking at the pilots and you're

31:32

looking straight out the window if you want. And

31:36

you see like the like the plane just like

31:38

whipping, like whipping around and really

31:41

nervous and like talking to the guy and he

31:43

goes, don't worry. Like this is exactly what happens

31:45

up here. Like we're built for this. We do

31:47

this. We've seen this. It's a storm, but

31:49

you don't have to worry. Doesn't really do

31:52

anything to help you. But, you know,

31:54

it's all that you're confident. Yeah.

31:56

So that was going there and it

31:59

was really scary. But on the

32:01

way back, it was the

32:03

daytime, and we were about to land in this, I

32:05

think it was Minnesota, but I don't recall exactly, I gotta

32:08

go back and look. And

32:10

as we're about to land, they pulled the plane

32:12

back up. Like, I mean like, maybe

32:14

50 feet from the ground. Yeah,

32:16

yeah. The plane goes back up. And

32:20

we're like, oh, that was interesting. What

32:22

was that about? And then

32:24

the co-pilot gets up, and he comes back and

32:26

he says, hey, you might have noticed we just

32:29

went to land, and we came back up. We're

32:31

like, yeah, we noticed. So

32:34

when he got up to come back, I'm already like, yeah,

32:36

I'm already on high alert. Yeah, of course, yeah. So

32:39

we go, yeah. He goes, okay, so our

32:42

panel, our instruments up front, is saying one

32:44

of the wheels is not deploying. It's not

32:47

coming down. Oh, yeah, I've been in this

32:49

situation, this is frightening. Yeah,

32:51

he goes, and so it could be a

32:53

malfunction of that, and it could be down,

32:56

or it might not be down. So we're gonna

32:58

loop around again. We've had a conversation with the tower,

33:00

and they're gonna try and look and let us know.

33:03

So we're gonna land again. So we said,

33:05

okay. So we go back in

33:07

the air. And so are you with all the guys? Are you with

33:10

Joe? I'm with all the guys. Oh

33:12

my God, and are you all freaking out? Who's the

33:14

most, I bet Joe's the most calm. Joe seems the

33:16

most okay with dying. Joe

33:18

is the most calm. Yeah. I

33:21

was scared. Q was not really-

33:24

He was a fireman, I'm sure he was. Yeah, he

33:26

wasn't really that concerned. Murr

33:28

was- Murr, I don't really

33:30

remember. I think Murray was on the fence.

33:34

I was on the other side, alone. I

33:38

would have been with you, yeah. Again, I don't

33:40

like flying. And we already had this experience

33:43

in this plane the night before of it going

33:45

all over the place. So you think, okay, now

33:47

here's what I get for tempting fate, like testing.

33:49

I got out of it once. Yeah. Yeah.

33:52

Yeah. Yeah. I was

33:54

totally like final destination again. Yeah.

33:57

Yeah. You know? It's good

33:59

to go. was coming for me last night

34:01

and now let's come for me tonight and

34:03

so we go to we go and we're gonna

34:05

land again and now it's like all right now we got

34:08

the tower involved they're gonna let us know so

34:10

we'll have an answer and we go to

34:12

land again see the exact spot they pull

34:14

up again and now I'm like no way

34:17

like what's going on

34:19

he comes back he says I don't

34:22

know to this day I don't know now but he

34:24

goes the tower can't tell not

34:29

comforting I don't know that they got they

34:31

don't have binoculars yeah they're mechanisms to tell

34:33

they didn't have a powerful enough flashlight yeah

34:36

like I know we were like out of the

34:38

way place for real but like would

34:41

you can't see with your eyes then you imagine

34:43

who's the guy in the tower who's like that

34:45

like you know bifocals and he's like 90 years

34:47

old yeah like airplanes one

34:49

of my favorite movies and

34:53

that'll be ironic now you're like now if I die this way

34:55

it's gonna be exactly so

34:57

he gets back up again he comes back and

34:59

he says to us so the

35:01

tower they can't tell and

35:05

he goes so here's what we're gonna do we don't

35:07

have enough fuel to get

35:11

to another airport so

35:14

we're going to land the plane now no matter

35:16

what and

35:19

I just start having tears strewn down my

35:21

face because I don't really know what this

35:24

means and he says look

35:26

at me don't worry

35:29

if the wheel isn't down the

35:31

wing will act like a

35:34

wheel oh my

35:36

god and that's what he

35:38

said to me and that's your worst I'm like what

35:40

I like that's a wing and shit

35:42

I've ever heard of my entire life he's

35:45

like it's made for this like it'll go and then the

35:47

wing will like whatever and I'm looking

35:49

at him like no no yeah can

35:51

the steering wheel act like a parachute

35:55

yeah how about that this is a little plane like

35:57

we're gonna spin there's gonna be sparks like

35:59

something's going to happen and it's going to

36:02

go boom, boom, boom. And like, you know,

36:04

like the wings going to rip off and

36:06

one of this is not like, no. Did

36:08

he nervous? Did he, did the pilot seem

36:10

at all stressed? He wasn't flippant, but

36:13

he wasn't, he, but he,

36:15

he, he was stoic. Like he, he, he

36:18

wasn't mopping sweat off his brow. No,

36:21

he was like

36:23

telling us, he goes, I'm telling you guys, you're going

36:25

to be okay. But like also that's his job, you

36:27

know, he's not going to be like, what

36:29

the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. That's

36:32

a, that's how a pilot would probably behave in

36:34

an emergency. Yeah. Which this was a crisis that

36:36

he wasn't certain of. He's like, just hold the

36:38

wheel, guys, look at me. I

36:40

don't know. That made me pretty fucking scared.

36:44

And so we go, we're going to go

36:46

back around now. So it takes about seven

36:48

minutes. And so I take out my

36:50

phone and I start writing a text

36:53

to my group text to my entire family

36:55

and my, then my wife and everything. And

36:58

I mean like literally like there was a problem with

37:00

the plane. A wheel is not

37:02

coming down. They don't know if it's down

37:04

or not. I don't know

37:07

if it's down or not. I don't

37:09

exactly know if this is nothing to worry about us.

37:12

Something to worry about. I just want to let you

37:14

all know how much I love you. Please. I'm sorry.

37:16

I started to write in the text, split up my

37:18

assets. Like I'm not even joking around. Like we

37:21

were low enough to get service. So

37:24

we were going to be low enough to get

37:26

service. So I had my phone on, I drafted

37:28

the whole text and I had my finger right

37:30

here. So the second we hit,

37:32

if there was any sort of like, it's out

37:34

of control, I was going to hit the button.

37:37

Sal, I've thought about this when we hit crazy

37:39

turban. My instinct, I swear to God, I've never

37:41

told anyone this is to go from my phone

37:43

to record. I always think I'm

37:45

going to record a video. I'm going to address all

37:47

my family and just make it simple and sweet. And

37:50

then do the same thing when we get close enough

37:52

to whatever is going to, you know, send

37:54

and hope it gets out there. Yeah.

37:57

Imagine being in that head.

38:00

Oh, I have imagined. Yeah, but got not that close

38:02

to the ground. Oh my god. Yeah, and So

38:06

I'm crying now. I'm just crying.

38:09

Yeah, because No

38:11

one can tell me not to cry at this point, you

38:13

know I because because no one could tell me what's really

38:15

gonna happen and whatever the guys

38:17

doing what's like I

38:20

think that they were they were nervous

38:24

But honestly, I think

38:26

for me they tried to Keep

38:30

their nervousness at bay and maybe I

38:33

think to be Hopefully

38:36

optimistic and convince themselves.

38:38

Yeah, cuz they were just like

38:40

we're gonna be alright We're gonna be alright like they

38:42

weren't like freaking out And almost

38:44

to the point where I was like, how are you not

38:46

crying right now? Well, I might you might

38:48

not Right make

38:51

it right Joe

38:55

the lunatic lunatic that

38:57

he is I

39:02

Looked at me and goes listen, we're

39:04

gonna be fine but

39:09

But and he starts singing LaBamba,

39:11

okay Which for

39:14

whoever listening doesn't know is sang by

39:17

Richie Valens Yeah, Richie Valens

39:19

who sang love and other

39:21

songs and he was a

39:23

young young guy 1790s

39:25

like a big big became a big hit yet a

39:27

few hits and like I think the 50s and

39:30

he ended up dying in On

39:32

a private plane in the storm Alongside

39:37

Buddy Holly who was another person and the big

39:39

bopper. So these three famous musicians And I'm saying

39:42

this I'm just saying that cuz if you case

39:44

you don't know but mostly everyone knows

39:46

but Joe singing LaBamba that

39:48

what a mania and I

39:52

Start to let cuz we just talked about

39:54

this that they began that line. This is

39:56

it. Yeah, the line the line the absolute

40:00

fear and horror. Uh-huh.

40:03

Like, I'd start laughing really hard,

40:05

and they're laughing. Now, with four

40:07

of us, now we're going with

40:09

landing. Oh my... And we

40:11

don't know what's gonna happen, and I'm crying and

40:13

laughing to the point where I

40:16

can't... Everyone's laughing. Everyone's red-faced,

40:18

and I'm... Literally,

40:21

it's the most fascinating feeling.

40:23

Yeah. To be laughing and

40:25

crying at the exact same

40:27

time. Simultaneous, concurrent

40:30

horror and hysterics.

40:32

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's

40:34

so weird. It's such a... Yeah. Wow.

40:38

It's such a weird Venn diagram. Like, the emotion that's coming out

40:40

is... Both of them on 10. Oh

40:42

my god. God bless Joe. I mean, it's amazing that he

40:44

was able to push you... I

40:46

mean, it's similar. He's not done. Oh,

40:49

okay. Okay. He's not even

40:51

done. He says to

40:53

me... Then he looks, he goes, no, no.

40:55

In all seriousness, like, we're landing like two

40:57

minutes. In all seriousness, I'm gonna call Bessie

40:59

his wife. And this is after he

41:01

sang La Bamba. So I'm like, we're still laughing. I'm like,

41:03

oh my god, he's gonna call his wife. And

41:06

he goes, hello, baby. Oh. Oh

41:09

my god. Oh my god. And

41:11

then he goes, will I? What?

41:15

If you don't... Just

41:17

for the audience, that's the Big Bopper. That's

41:20

the Big Bopper's song was like, hello, baby.

41:22

Oh, baby. Which

41:24

is a crazy sound that you haven't heard since the 50s. That was

41:26

just... That's how some singers

41:28

would be like, hello, baby. But

41:31

you know, it's a crazy sub-genre of probably. It's a

41:33

crazy... It is. It is

41:35

crazy. That's a voice. It's like...

41:38

Yeah. That's... And

41:40

he does it just like that. And then he goes, can I? What?

41:43

Will I? What?

41:45

And dude, I couldn't breathe. Oh,

41:47

I bet. I

41:49

couldn't breathe, but I wanted to breathe.

41:51

Because I needed to breathe. Yes,

41:54

it could be their last few breaths. I mean, when...

41:57

I almost felt like passing out, so there's fear. And

42:00

there's this might have been the hardest I've ever

42:03

left in my life, but I mean tears I

42:05

feel like we're ejecting from my eyes It

42:09

was it was you're like crying at people at

42:12

people yeah and

42:14

this is 30 seconds

42:18

like before the freaking thing and We're

42:21

getting low and we're looking out the window looking at the

42:23

ground and also one thing I forgot to tell you was

42:25

like Like you know two

42:27

minutes or three minutes Once we made the full turn

42:29

and we were headed to the runway Looked

42:32

out all the fire trucks and ambulances are

42:34

on the runway. Oh, no They're

42:36

ready They got them there because

42:38

by the time we ran around three times. Oh, that

42:41

doesn't inspire confidence No,

42:43

so we i'm like i'm glad they're

42:45

there. But if it was if it wasn't serious, they

42:47

wouldn't be there Yeah,

42:50

they would save the time Yeah,

42:52

and so they're all there and we're getting down

42:54

We're holding and we're looking at each other and

42:57

i'm white knuckling this thing and I got my

42:59

hand on this thing And we

43:01

go to hit I think it's if it's gonna hit

43:03

it's gonna spin like a top immediately I feel like

43:05

I mean, I don't know what well you would think

43:07

one so one wheel was Potentially

43:09

going to come down and yeah, you would think I

43:13

I don't know a wing acting like a

43:15

wheel. I it may be for pilots listening.

43:17

Yeah But

43:19

the wheel acts like a wheel there may be

43:21

some pilots the only people I think who are

43:23

confident about this right now are like Pilots they

43:25

have to be who are like, yeah, that's that's

43:27

actually right Yeah, absolutely. And

43:29

also Was that only done simulation

43:31

in their experience? I kind of know this like

43:33

how could you involve her? Yeah How

43:36

could you ever know that for sure? Yeah,

43:38

they don't like it's not like parallel parking when you're trying to

43:40

get your license Now

43:42

you'll become a pilot if you could land it with one wheel, you

43:44

know, like it's yeah Yeah and

43:48

we hit the ground we hit the ground and

43:51

Boom, and it's like a regular and even

43:53

as we hit i'm like is this is the wing acting like the

43:55

wheel when we go spin And

43:58

then He hits it and

44:00

the guy turns back and goes, it was down, it was down,

44:02

we're good, we're good. And

44:04

the release, I like.

44:07

Oh, I bet. I just lean back

44:09

in my, it's almost like when you have physically

44:12

expelled every ounce, when you're

44:14

exhausted at the point of

44:16

collapse. Yes, yes. There's

44:19

nothing left to come out. There's

44:21

nothing left, the height that I hit emotionally.

44:24

When he said nothing, I literally probably almost

44:26

passed out and I slumped in my chair.

44:28

I just slumped in my chair and it was like,

44:31

I couldn't even think of anything. And

44:33

we get to a slow down

44:35

and the fire trucks that

44:37

ambulance, they rushed anyway to

44:39

the plane. And

44:42

the door opens. They

44:45

didn't know who was in the plane. And they

44:47

opened the door and the guy goes, oh my

44:49

God, this is the first fireman to open door

44:51

dressed in that tin foil outfit. He goes, oh

44:53

my God, can I get a picture? Oh

44:56

my God, oh my God. The

44:59

first words out of his mouth. You gotta laugh. The first

45:02

words. Are you laughing? No. They

45:05

are. Yeah, I bet. We

45:08

get out, I have this photo. I will

45:10

send you. I gotta see this. I could

45:12

send you the picture that we took with

45:14

this guy. Yes. It's so

45:16

funny. It's the guy

45:18

who's happy. Dave's like, I

45:20

guess he's a big fan. And then the

45:23

other three guys smiling and I'm at the end

45:25

just like this. Sal's

45:27

just grim. Sal's just dour. I couldn't

45:29

even muster it. I

45:32

couldn't muster a smile. Dude, dude,

45:34

dude, dude, shaboom. Life

45:44

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The host is really funny. The Canadian

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hello again. Shaboomin' up on me

47:21

again. What is your go-to

47:24

emoji? Thumbs

47:26

up. Classic. Thumbs up. I just

47:28

kind of always like, you know, like, I

47:30

don't know, it just gives a little like, context

47:35

to the tone of a sentence. Who's your

47:37

first celebrity crush? I

47:39

gotta probably say Alyssa Milano. Yeah,

47:42

yeah, Sam, right? Sam, yeah. She

47:44

was my first, like, I think

47:46

I liked Valerie Bertinelli when I

47:48

was too young to like a

47:50

girl. Me too. I

47:53

prematurely liked Valerie Bertinelli too, that was

47:55

the thing, yes. Yes, and then

47:58

when I was like of age. I

1:10:01

don't know. I just feel like I know him better than... Maybe

1:10:03

it's from the show. Maybe it's just from watching the

1:10:05

show so much. Yeah, because you hadn't spent all that much

1:10:07

time with him, right? No, but I have to say,

1:10:09

I felt that way the first time I met him. I

1:10:12

felt like an immediate... And that's him.

1:10:14

He makes you... He's very disarming. He

1:10:16

has like an immediate like... He's

1:10:19

warm. He's warm and so like congenial,

1:10:21

you know? He's very congenial.

1:10:24

I think the reason I was thinking about this, the reason

1:10:27

he's so entertaining on that show specifically, on

1:10:30

Impractical Jokers, is because

1:10:32

he's naturally... And you heard a lot

1:10:34

of examples of it in

1:10:36

this conversation with him. He's

1:10:38

naturally so neurotic and scared of

1:10:41

a lot of things and

1:10:43

nervous about a lot of things that

1:10:46

the fact that he has... That

1:10:48

he does all these incredibly

1:10:51

brave things on the show,

1:10:55

that juxtaposition is so

1:10:58

entertaining because he's not someone like...

1:11:01

Also, front of the show, Joe Gatto, seems

1:11:04

more naturally fearless. Like he

1:11:06

would do anything. He would talk to anybody. He would...

1:11:09

Like those challenges that they have to do,

1:11:11

those daring challenges, I feel

1:11:13

like for him, it's like, eh, no

1:11:15

big deal. But for Sal, because he's

1:11:17

so naturally predisposed not to do those

1:11:19

things, the fact that he does them

1:11:22

just because there's a camera on him and the red

1:11:24

light is flashing, and it's like, this

1:11:26

is his job, he has to do it, it

1:11:28

makes the stakes so high, that that's

1:11:31

what's so entertaining about it. Sometimes that also

1:11:33

makes it hard for me to watch him go

1:11:35

through those things. And you hear him go to

1:11:37

the guys, come on, this

1:11:39

is too hard, it's too, you know, to

1:11:42

disappoint people. The one

1:11:44

with the kids, that's why I think of that lifeguard one, where

1:11:46

he has to kick kids out of a pool, kids, who

1:11:48

have done nothing wrong. He has to say,

1:11:50

okay, let's go, time out, you gotta get

1:11:52

out. And they go, what'd I

1:11:55

do? Come on, you know what you did? He

1:11:57

has to be like vague. And then the parents get out of it.