0:00

This episode was recorded on

0:02

Camaragal land. Nice

0:12

and welcome back to another episode of

0:14

Life on Cut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany.

0:16

And we have such a special episode

0:19

for you today. It feels like sitting

0:21

down with an old friend. One of

0:23

our own alumni. Yeah, it is. Within

0:25

the Bachelor Illuminati, we did a call

0:27

out quite a while ago and said,

0:29

like, who do you guys want on

0:31

the podcast? And one of the most

0:33

requested names that came in. Was not

0:35

Holly, but we couldn't get the runner

0:37

up. It is Bachelor's very own, Holly

0:39

Kingston, and I mean we've talked about

0:42

Holly and Jimmy, who's also sitting in

0:44

the room, hiding in the corner with

0:46

their baby Lenny at the moment, but

0:48

we've spoken about Holly so much over

0:50

the years on the pod. We did.

0:53

batch on cut and we literally updated

0:55

you all in real time on them

0:57

falling in love. And now we get

0:59

to update you all on a very

1:02

different phase of life that Holly and

1:04

Jimmy have found themselves in and that

1:06

is being brand spanking new parents. Holly,

1:08

welcome to the pod. Thank you. I

1:11

do feel like a little bit of

1:13

pressure and I feel like it's really, I

1:15

think you stitched me up a bit because

1:17

I feel like I've been on a bender

1:20

for about two months. Could you imagine? Could

1:22

you imagine? That's the headline. Holly on Baby

1:24

Bender. To be fair though, like it is

1:26

a wild bit of gear, those first sort

1:29

of months after having a baby. It is,

1:31

but I think we were talking about it

1:33

just before we, you know, started recording, but

1:36

it's a fine line, isn't it? Because people

1:38

really do. I do feel like I went

1:40

in thinking it was going to be all

1:42

doom and gloom, and it has been so

1:44

much fun. It actually has been a bit

1:47

tired but it's been so much fun. It's

1:49

so nice to hear because Laura and I

1:51

have spoken about this like multiple times never

1:53

in detail but always in passing comments on

1:55

the podcast in private but all you hear

1:58

the narrative about childbirth and the first year

2:00

of motherhood, not even the first year, but

2:02

it's just how taxing it is, how exhausting

2:04

it is, how you'll never sleep again, how

2:06

your social life changes, your relationship changes, everybody

2:09

highlights the bad stuff. So it's really, I'm

2:11

trying to ignore letting in the bad. If

2:13

anyone can hear he's like moaning, we haven't

2:15

left him on his own, Jimmy doesn't have

2:18

him. But it's really nice to hear straight

2:20

off the bad as well, you say like...

2:22

it's been great and not as bad as

2:24

everyone made it out sound. Yeah, I mean

2:27

it's quite ironic timing as well as my

2:29

child is screaming in the background, but no

2:31

it has been it's been so much fun

2:33

and I feel like I actually run into

2:36

Laura at an event when I was heavily

2:38

pregnant and I thought about what you said

2:40

to me so much which was no one

2:42

tells you about how fun it is. and

2:45

that's something that I was under-prepared for. I

2:47

was very prepared for having no sleep and

2:49

how much it's going to change your relationship

2:51

with your husband and all of these things

2:54

and you don't get prepared for how fun

2:56

it is. Yeah, it's an interesting one because

2:58

I remember when I had Marley. And I

3:00

was so ready for my life to be

3:03

ruined because I'd been told so many times

3:05

that it would never be the same. And

3:07

don't get me wrong, like yeah, of course,

3:09

it changes your relationship and, you know, there's

3:11

one hurdle after another, it's a forever changing

3:14

beast being a parent, but... I think that

3:16

it was important for the conversations of women

3:18

who have found becoming mothers really hard to

3:20

have its time in the spotlight. I think

3:23

it's so important for us to have those

3:25

conversations so that when motherhood does feel really

3:27

hard, you're not sitting in a silo going,

3:29

am I the only one suffering? But I

3:32

do think that that pendulum swung so far

3:34

into one direction that for people who have

3:36

actually had great experiences, or maybe even if

3:38

you've had a traumatic birth experience, but you

3:41

don't feel ongoing trauma from it, it's as

3:43

though... we walk into motherhood with a lot

3:45

of fear now that it's going to just

3:47

absolutely fucking destroy your life. You're not going

3:50

to have a career and you're not going

3:52

to have any sort of sense of social

3:54

life and your relationship's going to go down

3:56

the drain and not all of those things

3:59

happen all at once for every single person.

4:01

I think is important to show that side

4:03

as well. Yeah, I think every day. is

4:05

so different obviously you're gonna have your shit

4:08

days and you do but I've actually really

4:10

thoroughly enjoyed motherhood. There are certain things. The

4:12

hardest thing for me was the hormones. No,

4:14

like I feel like that's under talked about.

4:17

I think that's something, those first few weeks,

4:19

it was genuinely like there was just black.

4:21

I was just, Jimmy would be trying to

4:23

talk to me and I'd be looking out

4:25

the window and just like what have I

4:28

done? And that is, you don't really want

4:30

to talk about that because it sounds like

4:32

you're ungrateful for this journey, but one day

4:34

that all just kind of lifted and That

4:37

was a really tough part. The other tough

4:39

part is that you kind of feel like

4:41

you've lost your old identity a little bit.

4:43

You're now someone's mom and your body's changed.

4:46

You know, so much has changed and we

4:48

didn't help that because we moved house within

4:50

like two weeks of me giving birth. So

4:52

I'm in this whole new place. I'm, you

4:55

know, an hour away from where we used

4:57

to be and I'm lactating all over myself.

4:59

But yeah, there was definitely, I think now

5:01

we're really... in the fun stage. I feel

5:04

like you start to kind of think, okay,

5:06

I kind of know what I'm doing now,

5:08

kind of, and things are getting a lot

5:10

more funny, starting to smile at us and

5:13

all of those things, it's starting to feel

5:15

more rewarding at the first, you know, those

5:17

first few weeks, you genuinely just, for me,

5:19

I just felt like a vessel, I had

5:22

others and that was, you know. Well I

5:24

think that's essentially it right like they're just

5:26

in the nicest way possible they're little blobs

5:28

that just poo and need to eat and

5:31

that and that's all you have to do

5:33

all day and I think it's really important

5:35

what you just said and I definitely want

5:37

to get into that a little bit later

5:39

about that idea of the cloud that people

5:42

feel or the weight that people feel on

5:44

them in those first few weeks, like what

5:46

have I done, that it's not necessarily a

5:48

true reflection of how you feel, it's because

5:51

we don't talk enough about the hormone change.

5:53

But before we do get into that, we

5:55

do want to kick start with your accidentally

5:57

unfiltered, your most embarrassing story. Do you know

6:00

what? someone asks you about your most embarrassing

6:02

moment you just can't think about it because

6:04

there's just been I mean it's not like

6:06

I haven't had many but I just can't

6:09

think about it on the spot or it

6:11

depends on the type of person because some

6:13

people don't embarrass easily and you're like I

6:15

know that this would be embarrassing for someone

6:18

but like this is just a normal day

6:20

in the life holy Kingston. Yeah, we are

6:22

again. Basically. No, I think most recently, I'm

6:24

just really coming to terms with the lactating

6:27

situation. I'm still kind of coming to terms

6:29

with the fact that these are really, they're

6:31

milking, you know? And I mean, only probably,

6:33

this is the most recent thing I can

6:36

think of, the most embarrassing thing that's happened

6:38

is I was at chemist warehouse, just getting

6:40

some nappies, I think I was getting Jimmy

6:42

some protein or something. Yeah, I'm glad one

6:45

of us is going to gym. You look

6:47

after yourself, Dal. No. And I was at

6:49

the chemist warehouse counter and there was just

6:51

this like, it was just a teenage boy

6:54

serving me and he just was looking at

6:56

me like, I was looking at the boobs.

6:58

I've never had boobs in my life. So

7:00

this is also a really exciting time for

7:02

me in that sense. I mean, without a

7:05

bra on, they don't. they don't look like,

7:07

you know, they're not great, but... But we're

7:09

the bra. Let me tell you, does wonders.

7:11

No, and he was serving me and I

7:14

actually texted to Jimmy at the time and

7:16

I was like, I think I've kind of

7:18

got my mojo back a little bit because

7:20

he was looking down on my boobs and

7:23

I was like, oh, I've got boobs for

7:25

the first time in my life. I think

7:27

fully checking you. Yeah, and I just was

7:29

like, I'm killing it today and it today

7:32

and it today and it wasn't until about...

7:34

I don't know, 10 minutes later that I

7:36

looked down and I just had milk dripping,

7:38

dripping from the nips. So that's my new

7:41

life. And that's, I mean, it's just every

7:43

day really, isn't it? Every day. You have

7:45

it. Literally milk, you've got it all. Well,

7:47

so he was checking you out, but just

7:50

not for the right, not for the reason

7:52

you thought. Shame, because you've picked up some

7:54

breast pads in there at the same time.

7:56

Like, like, could have made made it made

7:59

it all around me, made it, made it,

8:01

made it, made it, made it, made it,

8:03

made it, made it, made, made, made, made,

8:05

made, made, made, made, made, made, made, made,

8:08

made, made, made, made, made, made, made, made,

8:10

made, made, made, made, made, made, made, made,

8:12

made, made, made, made, made, made, made, made,

8:14

made, made, made, made And we just had

8:16

new aircon and stored right above where I

8:19

was standing and I felt wet like a

8:21

drip on me and I look at the

8:23

customer and I go oh I'm so sorry

8:25

the aircon is leaking and I looked up

8:28

at the aircon and and I'm like looking

8:30

out trying to find this leak and at

8:32

the same time I was full squirting on

8:34

the customer and she was too embarrassed to

8:37

tell me that I it was like beyond

8:39

just like lactone to her skin though. Great.

8:41

Very good. You should be grateful. Rub that

8:43

on yourself. Then did you try to defer

8:46

it? We were like, that's essentially a facial.

8:48

That's terrible. Don't worry. I feel like any

8:50

mum or new mum listening to this will

8:52

be like, we've all been there. We've all

8:55

had those moments. We put the questions out

8:57

because you were so requested. We were like,

8:59

hey, let's just really lead into this. What

9:01

did you want to know from Holly? Like

9:04

you guys have wanted this information. before The

9:06

Bachelor? Were you already into like interior styling

9:08

and fashion styling? Because that's what people look

9:10

at you for now. It's really become your

9:13

mold of your Instagram presence. Yeah, I mean,

9:15

so I was in fashion marketing for 10

9:17

years. So before, ironically, I was one of

9:19

my main thing was influence outreach and basically

9:22

getting influences to do campaigns and things like

9:24

that. So I worked for a company called

9:26

Retail Apparel Group. And to be completely honest,

9:28

when I went on the show, Jimmy and

9:30

I were both asked to be, well both

9:33

asked to be on The Bachelor, but when

9:35

casting was basically saying to me, because I

9:37

was like, I'm absolutely not doing it. It's

9:39

just not something that I feel like is

9:42

the right thing for me. And when casting.

9:44

reached out, they basically said, look, we're triling

9:46

something different this year. Basically, no one has

9:48

any sort of Instagram following. He doesn't want

9:51

to be an influencer. He's got a real

9:53

job, all of that stuff. And I was

9:55

like, okay, great, that sounds good to me.

9:57

because I don't want to be in that

10:00

whole scene and then I mean fast forward

10:02

afterwards and it just kind of it's just

10:04

something that we we started doing it is

10:06

something that just happens yeah it happens Jimmy

10:09

and I had a big chat about it

10:11

after the show it aired and we're like

10:13

well if we are going to do this

10:15

what do like how do we do it

10:18

what do we want to do and a big

10:20

thing for us we made a pledge to each

10:22

other was if we are going to do this

10:24

we have to always make sure that if we're

10:26

ever going to do brand partnerships, they always have

10:29

to feel authentic to us, we have to know

10:31

and love the product, or we have

10:33

to trial the product and genuinely love

10:35

it. And that's something that for us

10:37

over the years has been incredibly important.

10:39

It's not something that we, I remember

10:41

at the start, you know, getting. You

10:43

get so many requests. Yeah, well, so

10:45

many requests. No, but from my mate,

10:47

I did a soup in COVID. I

10:49

needed money and I was like, I'll

10:51

just I do think that when you

10:54

come from the side of life where

10:56

you don't have an Instagram presence. I

10:58

remember looking at Brit at that point,

11:00

I was like, sorry, I need to

11:02

support my entire family in COVID. Yes,

11:04

I'll sell the soup. I loved the

11:06

soup, to be fair. It was authentic.

11:08

It's authentic. I also do think that

11:10

when you come from the side of

11:12

life where you don't have an Instagram

11:15

presence, you know, when you're not an

11:17

influencer. I do think that we look at influences

11:19

with a dirty lens. I think that we

11:21

can kind of have a perception around what

11:23

we think that is. And then you, you know,

11:25

doing a reality TV show like The Bachelor

11:27

means you're thrust into a situation where you

11:29

do have a following and people are paying

11:31

attention to what it is that you're saying,

11:33

whether that's a value or not a value,

11:35

and you have a choice to choose what

11:37

type of... business quote-unquote you want to be

11:39

and I think that I kind of had

11:41

the same feeling around it like I didn't

11:43

have a personal Instagram when I did the

11:45

bachelor I only had my business one Tony

11:47

May and then all of a sudden I had this random

11:50

one called lady in a cat that had a lot

11:52

of people following it and I was like well what

11:54

do I want to do with this like it would

11:56

almost be a missed opportunity to say that you're going

11:58

to do nothing with it you know So I think

12:00

that your perception around it changes as you

12:03

become more familiar with what it means to

12:05

have that responsibility Yeah, and I think for

12:07

Jimmy and I as well I mean that

12:09

first year was I mean you go from

12:12

being on a reality show to Then being

12:14

in a new relationship and then you're basically

12:16

working together and we had no shortage of

12:18

arguments. We decided we really wanted to focus

12:21

on travel. He's a pilot and you know,

12:23

I really wanted to do all of the

12:25

travel stuff. And so we were reaching out

12:27

to, you know, all these different little air

12:30

B&Bs, like we'd love to come and, you

12:32

know, and we'd bring the mics and we'd

12:34

do all of these things. And we worked

12:36

really, really hard. I mean, Jimmy learned how

12:39

to fly the drone. He tried to teach

12:41

me and I crushed it. So I don't

12:43

touch that anymore. But we worked really hard,

12:45

particularly with the travel stuff to make something

12:48

of it. It does take work and you've

12:50

got to be incredibly authentic. Otherwise, people can

12:52

see through it now. What was that? You

12:54

said the first year of your life, you

12:57

know, you go from being on the show

12:59

to having a relationship to working together. What

13:01

was that like for your relationship? Because I

13:04

think everybody has a different experience when they

13:06

get spat out of that bachelor machine and

13:08

there's not a lot of... There's not a

13:10

lot of support. You kind of just go

13:13

from being on this show to being like,

13:15

cool, make it or break it, you know,

13:17

and then, I mean, it's very evident that

13:19

some couples thrive in that or it's galvanizing

13:22

for them and other couples really just, it's

13:24

a pressure cooker that they can't survive. Yeah,

13:26

we were very lucky that we had each

13:28

other and we kind of, we did thrive

13:31

in that whole environment and I think it

13:33

was just because it felt a little bit

13:35

like it was us against us against. against

13:37

the world. It does feel like that. I

13:40

mean I got jumped but I still felt

13:42

like me against the world but it does

13:44

feel like that. Yeah and you know we

13:46

put our foot in it a few times

13:49

I'm sure you could probably remember one of

13:51

those times you know that's when it's really

13:53

tricky is when you say something that you

13:56

know gets taken out of context or something

13:58

and then it's genuinely you feel like the

14:00

world is against you and you have that

14:02

opportunity to either go well we can do

14:05

this together or... we can let it break

14:07

us and we thankfully didn't let those things

14:09

break us. You've maintained a really close friendship

14:11

with Carly from that from the season that

14:14

you guys did. Is there anyone else in

14:16

the season that you've been friends with or

14:18

like what was that experience like for you

14:20

when you came out of the show and

14:23

then still had to engage with some of

14:25

the girls and you know yeah it's a

14:27

weird one. Yeah well I mean I didn't

14:29

have a heap of friends on that show.

14:32

I've tried to think about it a few

14:34

times. I think it's because I have a

14:36

personality which I was probably considered to be

14:38

a little bit blunt, a bit sarcastic with

14:41

some of the girls, and I think there

14:43

was also that element of, I mean, it's

14:45

just a very bizarre environment to make friends.

14:48

Carly, and I are still very close. It's

14:50

actually her wedding in a few weeks and

14:52

I am. rides made which is really fun.

14:54

And I'm also still really close with Tani

14:57

and Lily so I kind of came out

14:59

I was really lucky to come out with

15:01

a couple of friends I haven't spoken to

15:03

the the others. It's one of those things

15:06

where and I always describe it as like

15:08

if you win it you come out with

15:10

a partner and if you lose it you

15:12

come out with friends and it's not very

15:15

common to come out with both because at

15:17

the end of the day you're in competition

15:19

with women for affection and and there's like

15:21

this hierarchy system that starts to happen and

15:24

it is just not an environment that is

15:26

conducive for breeding friendships when you're pitted against

15:28

each other at every point. It's funny because

15:30

I came out with friendly with everyone like

15:33

not bad terms with anyone like you'll support

15:35

each other on Instagram but I didn't come

15:37

out with any... like proper friends from the

15:39

show. Still not to this day, do I

15:42

have any? My two friends, closest friends from

15:44

The Bachelor, are you Laura, from a different

15:46

season, and the stylist Kim, who's become one

15:49

of my best friends. Like they're the relationships

15:51

that I ended up taking from, like they're

15:53

the relationships that I ended up taking from

15:55

The Bachelor. It's not a normal environment. And

15:58

when you're in it, you have these amazing

16:00

connections. Like I had really good friends on

16:02

the show. It's funny I think back to

16:04

those bunk beds. I don't know I actually

16:07

think it's hilarious because the bunk beds they're

16:09

all engraved by past seasons and some of

16:11

the engravings were like leave get out and

16:13

you're like I don't know I don't think

16:16

I had anything of you I remember yes

16:18

someone from the previous season I remember reading

16:20

hers and it was like love so-and-so and

16:22

it was like get out right now while

16:25

you can and I was like oh my

16:27

god what is I done yeah but you

16:29

would go to bed these bunk beds all

16:31

crammed in this room and I remember even

16:34

with Carly she would come home from a

16:36

date at like 11 p.m. or something and

16:38

she'd crawl up into the squeaky bunkbed on

16:41

top of me and I'd be like how

16:43

was it did you give a little kiss

16:45

and it's like how bizarre is that relationship

16:47

and you can either yeah I think what

16:50

you said Brett is you either realize you

16:52

don't have that much in common and what

16:54

you have in common is bitching about production,

16:56

bitching about the situation or you know you're

16:59

both dating the same guy and you talk

17:01

about his kissing technique and then you get

17:03

off the show and you're like actually we

17:05

don't have that much in common and thankfully

17:08

for the girls that I was close with

17:10

and still am close with is that we

17:12

realize that we did have quite a lot

17:14

in common which was nice. You guys obviously

17:17

you have baby lady now and we're like

17:19

as we've established we're like in the early

17:21

throws of what motherhood looks like it means

17:23

to you but I kind of want to

17:26

take you back to when you were trying

17:28

and also you spoke about a little bit

17:30

on Instagram after you did share that you

17:33

were pregnant that it wasn't an easy road

17:35

to pregnancy. What was that period like and

17:37

from when you guys decided to start trying

17:39

until when you actually found out that you're

17:42

pregnant with Lenny? Yeah. Well first of all

17:44

I turned into an absolute Nata in that

17:46

time and I think it's really it's really

17:48

it's really easy to get completely swept up

17:51

in this whole thing because you spend your

17:53

whole life trying not to get pregnant and

17:55

then when you start trying you realize hold

17:57

on a second it's actually not as easy

18:00

it's just putting the pay in the V

18:02

and it's all done. You can say penis

18:04

and banana on the podcast. I feel so

18:06

naughty. No, it was actually a really, really

18:09

challenging time. I think that was probably one

18:11

of the hardest times in my relationship with

18:13

Jimmy because I think it's kind of like

18:15

you are going through the ovulation stage and

18:18

then you have to wait two weeks or

18:20

however long and you may get your period

18:22

and it's those two weeks that you're just

18:24

riddled with anxiety and also with a bit

18:27

of hope. And then it doesn't happen. I

18:29

was just a wreck for that whole week

18:31

while I had my period, and then you

18:34

start over again. And I'm also very cautious

18:36

talking about this stuff because I know that

18:38

so many people have it so much worse,

18:40

and that's why I don't delve too much

18:43

about it on social media, because I think

18:45

it is really, you know, it can be

18:47

quite triggering for people. It's a very sensitive

18:49

topic, but for us, I mean, we got

18:52

to the stage where we were checking sperm

18:54

and doing those procedures and whatnot. Jimmy had

18:56

gone to get his sperm checked the day

18:58

before I did the pregnancy test, which I'm

19:01

so glad he did that because that was

19:03

quite a funny experience. Oh yeah, it is.

19:05

I've done it too. It's just like, I

19:07

can't remember what he said, he just made

19:10

the whole situation so awkward. Like I think

19:12

as we left he said to the receptionist

19:14

like record timing or something and I was

19:16

like, why did you say that? Like why

19:19

do you feel the need to feel that

19:21

silence? I offered to go in with Ben

19:23

with Ben did it. They were like, like,

19:26

band it's your time coming. So he got

19:28

up to get the cup and going to

19:30

this little room and I was following behind

19:32

him. He's like, what are you doing? I

19:35

was like, I don't know, don't you want

19:37

me in there? He's like, I was going

19:39

to go in and play. I don't know

19:41

what I was going to do. I was

19:44

like, don't you need me? He's like, get

19:46

out. Have you seen the room though? Yes.

19:48

With the TV? It's like so gross. It's

19:50

so gross. Plastic chair and like a TV

19:53

to watch porn. Yeah, and I think Jimmy

19:55

actually went to play the TV, which was

19:57

like one of those old school like thick

19:59

TV's, and it was like resume from where

20:02

you're at. It was like 17 minutes in

20:04

and he was like, oh God, okay, so

20:06

he just got his phone out I think.

20:08

But yeah, it was a... challenging time for

20:11

us and we fought a lot in that

20:13

time mainly because I was just not the

20:15

best version of myself at all. I think

20:18

you have this vision I've always wanted to

20:20

be a mom and when you have this

20:22

thought that maybe it might not happen or

20:24

maybe you might have to go down a

20:27

more difficult route to get there I found

20:29

it really really hard and Jimmy tried his

20:31

best to understand where I was at whilst

20:33

also coping with the fact that he actually

20:36

might not. you know, have him, it might

20:38

not be as easy for him either, you

20:40

know, the journey to becoming a dad. So

20:42

it was a trying time, but yeah, we're

20:45

just very grateful I think that we didn't

20:47

have to go down more of a difficult

20:49

route to get there. We were lucky to

20:51

get pregnant and conceived naturally. Yeah, and it's

20:54

a hard space to talk about because hard

20:56

and difficult is subjective. Because somebody else's journey

20:58

is harder than yours, doesn't mean yours wasn't

21:00

hard. And I understand why it's difficult to

21:03

talk about. happens to you or anyone listening,

21:05

there will be someone else that has had

21:07

it easier and there will always be someone

21:09

else that has had it harder. And it's

21:12

difficult because you don't want to take away

21:14

from your experience and you don't want to

21:16

add to someone else's, but it's still your

21:19

story to tell. So it's still okay for

21:21

you to say it wasn't the easiest thing

21:23

for you. Yeah, it's something that, and that's

21:25

something that I kind of... overthink a lot

21:28

with social media and I'm sure you're both

21:30

quite similar as well is you've just got

21:32

to be so aware when it comes to

21:34

sharing these things. Yeah but I also think

21:37

it's important to show the spectrum of how

21:39

people feel along this journey and there are

21:41

a lot of women who maybe try naturally

21:43

for a year and then they've created a

21:46

narrative for themselves that it's like every month

21:48

is a disappointment and a sadness and like

21:50

those women as well feel like well I

21:52

can't talk about this because it's not as

21:55

bad as someone who's currently going through IVF

21:57

but there's still a deep sense of like

21:59

not having the thing that you want and

22:01

I mean the only thing that I can

22:04

compare it to from my perspective is I've

22:06

had two miscarriages both of those were as

22:08

in and I had a miscarriage before Marley

22:11

and then I had a miscarriage before Lola

22:13

and I was very lucky to get pregnant

22:15

quite quickly after each miscarriage and I felt

22:17

that having a successful pregnancy after each miscarriage

22:20

kind of like voided my ability to be

22:22

sad about the miscarriages to be sad about

22:24

the miscarriages because I was like well at

22:26

least I got pregnant. Like negated the fact

22:29

that it happened because you fell straight away.

22:31

Totally. So I was like well I kind

22:33

of want to tell this story but also

22:35

that people know that people know that people

22:38

know that people know that other people's version

22:40

of this is worse than mine. there's space

22:42

for all of those discussions in the spectrum

22:44

of what it is to you know have

22:47

a journey towards motherhood and everyone is very

22:49

very sensitive to the fact that there are

22:51

women out there who have it incredibly incredibly

22:53

hard and it's so important that those stories

22:56

are shared but I think every other story

22:58

along that spectrum is equally as important to

23:00

share because there are other people who are

23:03

going through the exact same thing. Yeah and

23:05

I remember when we were trying I remember

23:07

thinking well I've only ever heard of like

23:09

my close friends getting pregnant first try or

23:12

having to go down IVF routes having to

23:14

you know try for many years before anything

23:16

I never ever heard of the people in

23:18

the middle yeah and you know when we

23:21

went to go see a GP and speak

23:23

about what our next options were she said

23:25

look like what's normal I know but generally

23:27

it would be six to 12 months that

23:30

people are trying and that's kind of what

23:32

we would consider normal and I was like

23:34

even I didn't even know that I thought

23:36

that you know most people got pregnant first

23:39

go or it's a full-on journey. So you

23:41

can't, a lot of people might not even

23:43

know this, but with IVF, they won't even

23:45

see you unless you've been trying for 12

23:48

months. Like 12 months is definitely the, okay,

23:50

12 months we might start to think there's

23:52

a problem. It really isn't as easy as

23:54

people think, but we do hear the people

23:57

that are like, oh my God, I felt

23:59

first try, like I wasn't even trying. And

24:01

that's great, You're an educated woman in your

24:04

30s trying for a baby and you weren't

24:06

even aware of that. No, and I was

24:08

so unaware of so many. different things. I

24:10

didn't even know that you could only get

24:13

pregnant a few days in the month when

24:15

we first started trying. I was like, I

24:17

don't remember that just so you could have

24:19

sex every day in the month. He's like,

24:22

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere. The fertility

24:24

window is three weeks. I had no idea.

24:26

What was it like for you when you

24:28

got that positive pregnancy test? I was... in

24:31

shock and if I'm completely honest I feel

24:33

like I was in shock for many many

24:35

months and I think after trying for a

24:37

while I was so terrified something was going

24:40

to happen and at the time I was

24:42

filming Luxor Escapes TV so I was I

24:44

was on like cruise ships and things which

24:46

is not where you want to be when

24:49

you're in your first trimester and I was

24:51

just kind of around the world and I

24:53

was actually in a really bad place mentally

24:56

because I was hating first trimester, but mostly

24:58

I was mentally not in a great place

25:00

because I was terrified constantly that something was

25:02

gonna happen. And I was constantly going, you

25:05

know, oh, I don't know, did I eat

25:07

something that may, you just, you go into

25:09

all of these mindsets that just, I don't

25:11

know, I struggled a little bit, actually I

25:14

struggled my whole pregnancy, I'm gonna say it

25:16

right here, I hated being pregnant, and I

25:18

think two things can be true, I think

25:20

you can be so grateful that. you are

25:23

having a baby and you're pregnant, but you

25:25

can also not really enjoy the experience and

25:27

I didn't love being pregnant. What else did

25:29

you not like about being pregnant? I felt

25:32

quite self-conscious a lot, like I felt like

25:34

my body was changing so rapidly and it

25:36

was one of those things where all of

25:38

a sudden, this doesn't happen in life where

25:41

if you gain a few kilos, someone will

25:43

be like, oh. you're looking, you know, you're

25:45

looking a little on the curvy side. And

25:48

the second that you become pregnant or you

25:50

announce that you're pregnant, people feel it's actually

25:52

completely okay to go, wow, you're sure you're

25:54

not having twins, I got that constantly. Or

25:57

wow, you're looking very healthy. It's like, but

25:59

it was said in a... that didn't seem

26:01

like a compliment. I was really self-conscious and

26:03

I think in this world as well in

26:06

the social media world that's a little

26:08

bit more exacerbated because you are

26:10

getting those comments and those DMs

26:12

quite frequently about your body. Yeah

26:14

like daily. I also just I

26:16

genuinely the hormones did not did not

26:18

agree with me. I was just anxious

26:20

a lot and I wasn't myself and

26:22

I was causing a lot of arguments

26:25

with Jimmy and I because I was

26:27

just constantly angry about something. I was

26:29

just an angry pregnant lady. I mean,

26:31

I know that's kind of fast forwarding

26:33

a bit and I want to know

26:35

about the birth and everything else, but

26:37

you've mentioned hormones a couple of times

26:40

and I think it's so important to

26:42

talk about that period afterwards and so

26:44

many women experience it whether it isn't

26:46

this instant gratitude or connection or happiness.

26:48

There's this feeling of like, what the

26:50

fuck have we done. And it lives.

26:52

but it's very real feeling and it kind

26:54

of exists alongside lots of other feelings

26:56

of motherhood at the same time. What

26:58

was that like for you? That was

27:00

without a doubt the worst that that's first

27:03

part of the fourth trimester was the

27:05

worst part of this whole time for

27:07

me with pregnancy with trying to conceive with

27:09

everything and I've never spoken about it

27:11

because I truly feel like such an element

27:13

of guilt I have everything I ever

27:15

wanted we moved into a beautiful new

27:17

house Jimmy was amazing he was on

27:19

paternity leave and he was there constantly

27:22

and being an amazing father and he was

27:24

just so positive all the time which also

27:26

led to resentment because I was like nothing's

27:28

changed for you and everything's changed for me

27:30

which obviously things have changed for him but

27:32

I felt such an element of guilt particularly

27:34

in that first month because genuinely I just

27:36

felt fog I felt like I was looking

27:39

out the window and I was like I

27:41

can't see the light at the end of

27:43

the tunnel and I think it was just

27:45

a little bit of baby blues and I

27:47

think a lot of people experience this, but

27:49

when I had the C section and

27:51

when he came out, I didn't feel

27:53

this instant. Like they showed me the

27:55

baby and I was like, it's kind

27:57

of like this moment where you're like...

27:59

Like, I know there was a baby in

28:02

there that whole time, but that's a baby,

28:04

you know, like I was supposed to do

28:06

with that. And I remember when I was

28:08

wheeled back up after the theater and the

28:10

midwife came in and she was this older

28:12

midwife who had done this for 30 years

28:15

and she was like, okay, well, you guys

28:17

all good? Now, Jimmy and I looked at each

28:19

other and we were like, but oh, sorry,

28:21

but what do we do now? And she

28:23

was like, just keep doing what you doing

28:25

what you're doing what you're doing? don't go.

28:28

Yeah, please don't go. What do we do

28:30

with this little thing? And yeah, I think

28:32

just it was probably almost at

28:34

the four week mark postpartum where all

28:36

of a sudden I woke up and

28:38

I was just like, wow, this is

28:41

actually quite fun. And maybe we

28:43

should start planning a holiday this

28:45

year and maybe, you know, I

28:47

could start thinking about getting back

28:49

into Pilates and like all of

28:51

a sudden I was thinking about

28:53

the future and before I was

28:55

just every day just trying to It

28:57

sounds quite dramatic, but trying to

28:59

survive. I was just going, you

29:01

know, I feel like I should be

29:04

so grateful for this perfect little baby

29:06

and it led to guilt because everything

29:08

was so great. And I was like,

29:10

you're the problem. And we also had

29:12

Lenny leading up to Christmas. So there

29:15

were so many people wanting to come

29:17

over and visit. And I said to

29:19

Jimmy at one point, I think it

29:21

was about three weeks in and I

29:24

said, I think I've lost my ability

29:26

to. keep conversation and sustained conversation anymore

29:28

because I felt like everyone was so

29:30

excited for us and I wanted to be

29:33

the life of the party and I wanted to

29:35

be excited but I just wasn't. You were dead

29:37

inside. Yeah. I think that there will be so

29:39

many moms who listen to this and maybe you

29:41

know I don't know how many like every pregnancy

29:43

and every birthday experience is different but I think

29:45

that there will be moms out there who listen

29:48

to this and go oh my god I had

29:50

that with my first or my second or you

29:52

know I have a girlfriend at the moment who's

29:54

just recently had a baby and she's going through

29:56

the exact same thing this like feeling as though

29:58

the connection that you're expected to have just isn't

30:01

there. And I think my pregnancy with Lola

30:03

was such a surprise because I felt that

30:05

instant connection with Marley, but Lola, I remember

30:07

sitting on the side of the bed like

30:09

three days after she was born and staring

30:12

at her thinking, what the fuck have I

30:14

done? And I did not feel what I

30:16

thought I was supposed to feel, especially in

30:18

comparison to first pregnancy. But it lives, you

30:21

know, and it changes and like the way

30:23

that you feel especially in that like postpart

30:25

and phase where your body is absolutely destroyed

30:27

and then everyone's over and you're like having

30:29

cups of tea like it's this surreal experience

30:32

where you're like I just ran a marathon

30:34

and almost died. And now I'm sitting here

30:36

fucking keeping this thing alive and talking to

30:38

you about it. And I'm so tired. I

30:41

just want to go to bed. Yeah. There's

30:43

nothing that you can compare it to. So

30:45

it's close to any death experience you get

30:47

out. Yeah. I mean, I just remember and

30:49

I think the other thing with the C

30:52

section as well is you are so paralyzed

30:54

from like the ribs down. And I remember

30:56

it was actually so bizarre. They moved me

30:58

over on the sheet. I remember thinking my

31:01

legs were over to my left and then

31:03

I looked up and my toes are up

31:05

the top of the top of me and

31:07

I was like, well what is going on?

31:09

Did you feel nothing? Yeah. And I remember

31:12

when you're so physically unable to do anything,

31:14

I remember the midwife putting Lenny on my

31:16

chest and first of all she like put

31:18

him straight on my nipple and said, oh

31:21

by the way, sorry did you want to

31:23

breastfeed? And I was like, that's probably something

31:25

you should ask, you should ask, you should

31:27

ask, you should ask? And it was just

31:29

this moment where it was, wait, I have

31:32

to parent now. I've just been through the

31:34

biggest operation. I was awake for of my

31:36

life and I now have to be a

31:38

mom. How does that work? You know, and

31:41

I think that it's just an interest, it's

31:43

a very interesting start to becoming a parent.

31:45

How did you end up with the C

31:47

section? Like what was your birth plan and

31:49

then what when, how, why did it changed?

31:52

Did it change? have a birth plan, I

31:54

think our obstetrician of course used aviation analogies

31:56

when we came in. The whole time. Yeah,

31:58

exactly. It was like, okay, can we drop

32:01

the aviation analogist? Yeah. And she said something

32:03

to Jimmy, like, look, you know, it's like

32:05

being on a plane. Yeah. Well, basically, she

32:07

said, you know, I wouldn't go, as a

32:09

passenger, I wouldn't go into, I wouldn't really

32:12

remember, it was something like this, I wasn't

32:14

listening half the time, but it was, but

32:16

it was like, I wasn't listening, I wasn't

32:18

listening, there's not going to be any turbulence

32:21

and it's going to be a smooth flight

32:23

and blah blah blah. The whole goal is

32:25

to get those passengers on the ground safely.

32:27

It's actually not a bad analogy to be

32:29

fair. Yeah and I think for me I

32:32

was just like look my main thing is

32:34

I had like little things you know that

32:36

I wanted to make sure like I wanted

32:38

to see if I could have music on

32:41

and I wanted to you know there were

32:43

just little things but I didn't I never

32:45

thought you know, I need to have a

32:47

vaginal birth and I need this to, you

32:49

know, feel satisfied or whatever. And Lenny was

32:52

Frank breech and I had marginal cord insertion.

32:54

So the umbilical cord attached to the outside

32:56

of the placenta. So it's just made it

32:58

a bit more of a high-risk pregnancy. But

33:01

he was Frank breech, he was up the

33:03

right way around the whole pregnancy and then

33:05

the little monster decided not, I actually want

33:07

to turn upside down now. So he turned...

33:09

upside down and was feet first for anyone

33:12

who doesn't know yeah like they're in a

33:14

pie call yes so he's like we never

33:16

got any cute ultrasound photos of him because

33:18

his feet were in front of his face

33:21

the whole time I was born like that

33:23

with my legs over my head but first

33:25

I think you told me about this and

33:27

didn't it was a vaginal birth wasn't it

33:30

yeah yeah my poor mom and also my

33:32

hips to this day dislocate like I could

33:34

pop them out right now you should see

33:36

me and dance in the stars, they pop

33:38

out all the time. Because if you have

33:41

a vaginal birth like that, you as a

33:43

baby, you should be put into a hip

33:45

brace for like six months. Hip disclosure. Yeah.

33:47

So I just wasn't, because back in the

33:50

day that I didn't give a fuck, they'll

33:52

still smoke in the hospital. So like, off

33:54

here go. Like, yeah. So I can absolutely

33:56

understand why you had a C-section. Yeah, I

33:58

don't even think they would allow you to

34:01

know. No, they don't. Like your mom's lips

34:03

with her. Yeah. She's driving. She's driving. A

34:05

little bit broken, but she's driving. Yeah, so

34:07

he was, he was Frank Bridge, and basically

34:10

I tried all the things to, I tried

34:12

all the things to turn him. I think

34:14

people on social media said, you know, try

34:16

mock Sebastian, and I was like, well, interesting.

34:18

It's basically, like, I think you turn into,

34:21

you just do things that you didn't think

34:23

that you would do when you become pregnant.

34:25

I love your preface, you know, what is

34:27

it, Holly? It's a little woo-woo, but basically,

34:30

and I came home. Holly's like out in

34:32

the field drinking urine. Like, what are you

34:34

doing? I can't stand. I saw her on

34:36

social media. So basically you get, it looks

34:38

like a joint. It's like it looks like

34:41

it looks like and it smells like a

34:43

joint and I remember Jimmy and I'm looking

34:45

at him now because I remember having a

34:47

biggest fight with him because I came home

34:50

and he started pissing himself laughing me like

34:52

what are you going to do with that?

34:54

Yeah so basically you hold it above your

34:56

pinky toe like I think it's like 10

34:58

centimeters above your pinky toe or something and

35:01

you hold it there for 20 minutes and

35:03

it like burns the crap out of your

35:05

toe. So I don't know, like it's hot,

35:07

it's hot on the toe. I thought you're

35:10

going to say you hold it, you just

35:12

put it down, I thought you're going to

35:14

say you like smoked him out. Like smoke

35:16

any other vaginas, like you're going to gas

35:18

him out basically. Yeah, so, and Jimmy was

35:21

like, we're not doing that. This is stupid.

35:23

And Jimmy was like, we're not doing it,

35:25

we're going to turn this baby. And so

35:27

I ended up sitting out on the phrasing

35:30

in the freezing cold. tried all the things,

35:32

acupuncture, all of those things, and I was

35:34

like, look, I'm sure there's a reason he's

35:36

not turning. I just feel like you've got

35:38

to kind of trust the process a little

35:41

bit. So I agreed to do a C

35:43

section, I agreed, like it wasn't a choice.

35:45

And when he came out, actually, they said

35:47

to Jimmy, do you want to see the

35:50

placenta? And he was like, absolutely, pretty much.

35:52

all calcified, which is it was measuring a

35:54

43-week plus center. and I was 38 weeks

35:56

at the time. Wow. You're so lucky to

35:58

have gotten about. So it's basically, even in

36:01

that, within a couple of hours, I was

36:03

heading into pre-clamps, yeah, my placenta was shutting

36:05

down, it was just, it wasn't going to

36:07

be, I wasn't gonna be able to have

36:10

a vaginal birth anyway, and I think sometimes

36:12

you've got to just go, I trust the

36:14

process. Yeah. I mean, like we spoke about

36:16

a little bit, and maybe it's even too

36:18

early to know how things have shifted, but

36:21

how things have shifted, but what do you've

36:23

shifted, but what do you think, but what

36:25

do you think, having, having, having, having, having,

36:27

having, having, having, having, having, having, having, having,

36:30

having, This is one of those things that

36:32

I feel like I really I was very

36:34

anxious about because you hear so much about

36:36

how much your relationship is going to change

36:38

and truthfully I think our relationship has actually

36:41

changed for the better we've definitely had our

36:43

moments I think it's so fun seeing your

36:45

partner become a parent like how they just

36:47

how they change and Jimmy's just been the

36:50

most phenomenal dad but we just we actually

36:52

went for quite a few date nights when

36:54

I was pregnant and we made this a

36:56

real focus we were like we need to

36:58

make sure to prioritize each other another aviation

37:01

analogy but Jimmy was always like you've got

37:03

to fit your oxygen mask before you fit

37:05

the babies and it actually is a really

37:07

good way to think about it because you

37:10

know we make sure that we are happy

37:12

first and foremost because that way we're going

37:14

to be good parents you know whether that's

37:16

Jimmy still going to the gym or him

37:19

giving me some time to go to Pilates

37:21

or... us booking holidays and booking trips and

37:23

doing the things that we always did before

37:25

and there have definitely been times I'm not

37:27

going to lie where I'm like are we

37:30

ever going to be like you know that

37:32

hot and spicy like is it is the

37:34

sex ever going to be the same as

37:36

all because I remember the first time that

37:39

we were intimate it's so weird the first

37:41

time like you're just kind of like oh

37:43

I guess we'll get this out of the

37:45

way. Yeah, but I remember I had a

37:47

dummy in my ear and Lenny was like

37:50

I was leaning on the bed and had

37:52

the dummy in my ear and I was

37:54

looking at his dirty nappy and I could

37:56

hear Lenny just like having a great old

37:59

time in the next room. He wasn't quite

38:01

asleep. It was just... stirring and I was

38:03

just like this is you know is it

38:05

ever going to be back to what it

38:07

was and it's obviously still too early to

38:10

tell I'm I think I'm eight weeks in

38:12

I've been saying Lenny's like six weeks old

38:14

for a long time. You guys have done

38:16

a fucking cracking job because like a lot

38:19

of people even six seven eight weeks and

38:21

I know they kind of say you got

38:23

to wait till six weeks but I would

38:25

say most people or a lot of people

38:27

can't get back into it at the six-week

38:30

mark. Like that's like put in there from

38:32

like a health and safety perspective, but then

38:34

there's like your mental health around getting back

38:36

into being intimate. That's a whole secondary thing.

38:39

Oh, there's also the C-section recovery too. Yeah,

38:41

but that's why the six weeks, it's like,

38:43

yeah. Yeah, I mean, and I said this

38:45

to Jimmy the other day, I said, I

38:47

think a big thing, we actually had this

38:50

conversation, we said, is it ever going to

38:52

be like what it going to be like

38:54

what it going to be like what it

38:56

like what it like what it like what

38:59

it like what it like what it like

39:01

what it like what it like what it

39:03

like what it was, what it was, what

39:05

it was, like, like, like, like, like, like,

39:07

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

39:10

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

39:12

like, like, like, like, like, like Hey, of

39:14

course that, yeah, of course it will. You

39:16

know, you just need to give it some

39:19

time. But I said to him, I said,

39:21

a big thing for me is feeling attractive

39:23

again and feeling sexy and I don't, I

39:25

do not feel like that at all at

39:27

the moment and that's just the reality. You

39:30

know, I think I've also built a career

39:32

on beautiful clothes and styling things and doing

39:34

whatnot. I can't wear the same clothes as

39:36

I used to wear because my body is

39:39

so different body is so different. that are

39:41

in the same phase that are following you

39:43

and looking at you for advice of this

39:45

phase. Do you know what I mean? Like

39:47

there will always be people on the journey

39:50

with you no matter where you are. Yeah

39:52

no I agree and I think it's just

39:54

one of those things you've just got to

39:56

come to terms with this is the me

39:59

at the moment. And I don't think, yeah,

40:01

I feel like I'm surrounded by a lot

40:03

of people as well who bounce back really

40:05

quickly and I hate that term, bounce back.

40:07

But, you know, I was at Pilates the

40:10

other day and there's mirrors all around and

40:12

I was just looking at my stomach and

40:14

I had like this little pouch that I've

40:16

never had before and I was like... It

40:19

made me not even want to do the

40:21

class because I felt so, I just didn't

40:23

feel like myself anymore. And I think it's

40:25

just about coming to terms with those things.

40:27

Not everything is going to be influences who

40:30

come back from things very quickly and all

40:32

of that. There is this stage where you've

40:34

just got... to try and deal with the

40:36

new you. I also think that there's an

40:39

evolution that happens, like I don't, and for

40:41

me personally, like I never was the same

40:43

version before. Like I don't think you can

40:45

go back, this idea of bouncing back to

40:47

the person that you were before you had

40:50

kids. There are things that change that never

40:52

are the same. And for me, part of

40:54

that was I never felt as though the

40:56

clothes that I used to wear pre-preregnancy, pre-

40:59

having a baby. suited me or fit me

41:01

right anymore. Like I had a complete change

41:03

in the way that I, and it was

41:05

really hard for a while because I was

41:08

like, what do I wear now? What does

41:10

look good on me? I don't know. And

41:12

it took me a really long time to

41:14

kind of figure out what my style was.

41:16

But that changed. And I would say I

41:19

look at, I have plastic tubs worth of

41:21

clothes that I look at every so often

41:23

that I'm like, oh my God, I would

41:25

have worn all like, like it was all

41:28

my clothes pre-prepree pregnancy. And none of it

41:30

would I ever dream of wearing now. And

41:32

it's not that I don't necessarily fit it.

41:34

It just doesn't feel right on me. But

41:36

I think that makes sense. I think there's

41:39

also an argument for the fact that you

41:41

shouldn't go back to who you were. Because

41:43

that's not what life is. Life is forever

41:45

evolving and you are. And you are not

41:48

who you were before. And that doesn't have

41:50

to be a bad thing. Like we become

41:52

a different person in a different part of

41:54

life. your physical identity shifts and that can

41:56

be a really hard thing to process. I

41:59

think for most people. Yeah, there's no other

42:01

thing in life really that every single part

42:03

of you changes within those nine months. It's

42:05

like and that's what I really struggled with.

42:08

It's like mentally you change, emotionally you change,

42:10

your relationship changes, your body changes, and it's

42:12

just about coming to terms with those things.

42:14

And now I'm just going, I do still

42:16

feel that loss of identity a little bit.

42:19

And I also struggle with the, you know,

42:21

all of a sudden everyone just wants to

42:23

talk about your baby and you know, and

42:25

how everything, which is ironic because that's what

42:28

we're talking about today. No, we're talking about

42:30

you. Yeah, but I think yeah, it's just

42:32

it's just going to be a bit of

42:34

a journey of figuring out who the new

42:36

me is. Yeah. How do you go solely

42:39

parenting now? Because Jimmy's job obviously as a

42:41

pilot takes him away. What's the longest period

42:43

you've been on your own for and how

42:45

has it been so far? It's actually been

42:48

all right because Jimmy took quite an extensive

42:50

paternity. Well, he was home for about a

42:52

month, but he did his ankle call before.

42:54

I don't know. That was interesting that time.

42:56

Also sorry Lenny has the hiccups, it's the

42:59

cutest thing. Yeah, it's actually been, it's a

43:01

struggle. The main thing is that feeling, the

43:03

main thing is that feeling of not being

43:05

able to be hands-free. I think you just,

43:08

it's a full-time job, it's not a full-time

43:10

job actually, it's 24 hours and it's really

43:12

challenging, but... to some degree I actually quite

43:14

enjoy having Jimmy gone I realize the house

43:16

is actually a lot easier to keep neat

43:19

and there are there are things like he

43:21

can't do a lot of the things that

43:23

I can you know like I have to

43:25

get up and and feed him and if

43:28

you are breastfeeding it is one of those

43:30

things you The men can kind of be

43:32

a little bit useless. Yeah, especially during this

43:34

period. How do you deal with the unsolicited

43:36

parenting advice that comes in? Because one of

43:39

the joys of having a following is that

43:41

there's people who are like interested in what

43:43

you say, but one of the burdens is

43:45

that people have a lot of things to

43:48

say to you as well. Yeah, look, that's

43:50

definitely been one of the biggest hurdles for

43:52

me. I think you've obviously got family and

43:54

friends usually that will give you unsolicited advice.

43:56

You'll have, you know, you should do it

43:59

in a certain way. But when you have

44:01

social media on top of that, it is

44:03

incredibly daunting, particularly in those first few months,

44:05

because you don't know what you're doing, and

44:08

there is such an overconsumption of just things

44:10

on social media when it comes to pregnancy,

44:12

when it comes to parenthood, every second thing

44:14

on my algorithm at the moment is, you

44:16

know, this is my bathtime routine with my...

44:19

three week old and it's like who has

44:21

a bathtime routine? I was like I barely

44:23

washed her when she was three weeks old.

44:25

I think I've washed her once in that

44:28

time. But the advice also contradicts. constantly. So

44:30

like you'll see one thing and then someone

44:32

else will pop up and they're saying the

44:34

exact opposite thing. Yeah, I think for me

44:36

it was when we got back from hospital

44:39

I think I realized I went on back

44:41

on the social media way too soon. I

44:43

think I almost had this idea that if

44:45

I just keep going with social media it's

44:48

like it won't become this burden in a

44:50

couple of weeks time that I have to

44:52

then update people on our life and that

44:54

there is that element. But I remember five

44:57

days after being in hospital we got back

44:59

and I remember posting this video of Jimmy

45:01

and he was I thought it was just

45:03

this really lovely video of him holding Lenny

45:05

and he'd fallen asleep holding Lenny and I

45:08

was there obviously unpacking the hospital back watching

45:10

him and I just remember there was just

45:12

this one comment that basically said you shouldn't

45:14

be holding him that way there's the risk

45:17

of SIDS and it just... blew up, like

45:19

I had hundreds of people arguing with each

45:21

other, you know, you shouldn't talk to them,

45:23

they're a new parent, like new parents and

45:25

blah blah blah, and then all these other

45:28

people going, well no, she actually makes a

45:30

solid point, you know, I had this traumatizing

45:32

experience, which I don't want to repeat, but,

45:34

and I'm reading all of these things five

45:37

days into becoming a mom and just going,

45:39

oh my God, am I doing this right?

45:41

Is my kid at risk of seeds right?

45:43

I don't know, I was just a wreck

45:45

and I said to Jimmy, I said, should

45:48

I delete the post? And he was like,

45:50

no, absolutely not. Stop reading the comments and

45:52

just move on. Just let them sort it

45:54

out for themselves and move on. The ridiculous

45:57

thing is, is that people on social media

45:59

do love to give their advice based on

46:01

a snapshot in time. And the thing is,

46:03

from that photo, people don't have the context

46:05

that you're standing there, you're standing there, taking

46:08

the photo. So although one person's asleep. the

46:10

other parent is right there. And I think

46:12

that people make a lot of assumptions around

46:14

a second and then therefore like give their

46:17

advice. And it's the same when you talk

46:19

about being pregnant woman and the unsolicited like

46:21

comments on your body when you're a new

46:23

parent or any parent I don't think you

46:25

have to just be a new parent it's

46:28

like you are open slabber for people telling

46:30

you that you're not doing it right or

46:32

that you should do something differently and often

46:34

that advice comes from women I would say

46:37

it comes from like older women who have

46:39

maybe the second generation who think that the

46:41

way that they did it was the right

46:43

way of doing it. Yeah and that's the

46:45

the the irony as well I think through

46:48

the whole time that you mean the social

46:50

media thing. Jimmy very rarely cops anything. It

46:52

seems to be always women against women which

46:54

really really sucks. But I think like yeah,

46:57

I don't know. I just feel like it

46:59

comes naturally I think to some people as

47:01

well. Even for me the other day I

47:03

saw someone going like pack my my hospital

47:05

bag with me. And I remember thinking in

47:08

my head, oh she's not going to use

47:10

that. And I was like, I just did

47:12

the thing. I did the thing where it's

47:14

like you don't need that. This is how

47:17

you do it. So different. I did the

47:19

same thing recently, an influencer was posting all

47:21

the cute baby outfits, they bought for their

47:23

newborn, and I was like, ha ha buttons,

47:25

you're never going to use any of those,

47:28

fucking cute. But I bet you, all of

47:30

those have tags on when that baby's four

47:32

months old. Yeah, I know, buttons are the

47:34

ones. But also, like, people have to learn

47:37

for themselves, and like, there is no, nothing

47:39

good comes from telling someone that the thing

47:41

they're for them. Like I found that bon

47:43

zippies were like my fucking one and only.

47:45

My kid would go to like we'd go

47:48

to events and they'd be wearing bon zippies.

47:50

I've never seen your kitten a button at

47:52

their five. Literally Marley and Lola until they

47:54

were literally one years old just lived in

47:57

sleep suits because I was like it's all

47:59

I had the capacity for. Yeah. I mean

48:01

to be fair Lenny is dressed to impress

48:03

to impress. Holly, it was my first thought

48:05

when I saw Lenny. I was like, wow,

48:08

that's ambitious. Yeah, exactly. Well, he was making

48:10

his big podcast debut today. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah,

48:12

I mean, I can only imagine how hard.

48:14

that period is and you guys are so

48:17

in the thick of it like I mean

48:19

eight weeks six weeks who knows how old

48:21

he is but like 12 months we're like

48:23

it really is it's like this is ground

48:25

zero for like everyone critiquing how you're doing

48:28

it but I mean anyone who can get

48:30

up get themselves dressed and come into a

48:32

podcast record with their husband and their baby

48:34

is doing a fucking amazing job and I

48:37

also I think we scoot it over it

48:39

but I do just want to say because

48:41

we should have commented on it, but you

48:43

just saying you went to a Pilates class

48:46

and looked and saw your pouch and you

48:48

were really down about it. Can I just

48:50

say a pouch? What's what you called it?

48:52

You said you looked down to a pouch.

48:54

Did you not say that? I probably did.

48:57

Or maybe I called it a pocket. Is

48:59

it a pouch? But that's what women call

49:01

it, right? Because you get this pouch. You

49:03

get this pouch that stays. Little bum bag.

49:06

But yeah, you've got a bump bag. But

49:08

can I just say it? Firstly, you look

49:10

incredible. You're doing incredibly well. There is no

49:12

normal. There is no bounce back. There is

49:14

no normal recovery for any woman. eight weeks

49:17

in your hormones aren't even back to normal

49:19

so even for you to look at yourself

49:21

in another month you'll feel differently and that's

49:23

going to be forever evolving so I just

49:26

felt like we should have sat in that

49:28

for a second because whilst you don't feel

49:30

quote-unquote sexy you're fucking hot like you I'm

49:32

looking you now and you're a fire flame

49:34

so you are that's the nicest you've ever

49:37

been to me it's like I'm quite good

49:39

it's hard one isn't it when like the

49:41

benchmark on social media is hot pregnancies. I

49:43

mean there's lots like there's the full spectrum

49:46

of it but like I even recently I

49:48

only use this as an example because she

49:50

is so beautiful and like being pregnant she's

49:52

like literally the eye kind of fitness. Seth

49:54

Clay Smith like I was watching her kind

49:57

of like you know she's quite heavily pregnant

49:59

now and she just looks amazing and yeah

50:01

she pregnancy suits her and like you know

50:03

she's also her brand is fitness so like

50:06

she's always going to be like the fittest

50:08

version of a pregnant person and I looked

50:10

at recently and I was like I just

50:12

so hardcore can't relate. because I'm so sick

50:14

when I'm pregnant that I can't exercise. So

50:17

for me, it's like, I look at people

50:19

who are able to maintain that part of

50:21

their life and who go to Pilates in

50:23

first trimester and they maintain their shape. And

50:26

I'm like, I am literally a dead person.

50:28

Yeah, can't get off the couch, can't stop

50:30

vomiting. Yeah, pregnancy doesn't love you. And your

50:32

friends. You don't thrive at the start. You

50:34

come into your own. Yeah, I figure it

50:37

out midway. But it's a rough start. But

50:39

also like by then, I've just done 17

50:41

weeks of literally nothing. So not only am

50:43

I behind the eight ball and trying to

50:46

exercise again, I'm also. midway pregnant like it's

50:48

like it's so hard so you know I

50:50

understand this like reference point that we have

50:52

sometimes for what pregnancy looks like and it's

50:54

just so different for every single person I

50:57

do think though I just I failed to

50:59

believe that there aren't women who are gassy

51:01

and they've got swollen hands and everything go

51:03

like the amount of symptoms that you have

51:06

I remember asking chat GPT the whole time

51:08

I was pregnant like is this symptom the

51:10

weirdest thing that happened to you. Oh, did

51:12

you grow hair somewhere you shouldn't have? Well,

51:14

yeah, you're, if you are a laser person,

51:17

like I've had laser for 12 years on

51:19

the B on the badge where the P

51:21

goes. Yeah. And it just, all of a

51:23

sudden, it started growing back in these patchy

51:26

ways. And I remember as well for the

51:28

C section, I was like, I need to.

51:30

You know, sort of sort this out. I

51:32

can't see it, but I need a... Which

51:34

is so funny because they're literally cutting you

51:37

open to pull a baby out and you're

51:39

like, oh, I better see it. I know,

51:41

you got it. Yeah, you got to make

51:43

sure that it's all in order. And I

51:46

remember looking at it. Do you know, like

51:48

the Deadpool Wolverine dog that's like, it's got

51:50

like, it's got like all, yeah, you got

51:52

to make sure the hair situation that was...

51:54

And I think as well just it's this

51:57

isn't a funny one but it was just

51:59

the hands. Like everything just started blowing up.

52:01

I was like viola buregarde from Charlie in

52:03

the chocolate factory when she turns into the

52:06

giant blueberry. I remember going to the gym

52:08

for the last time and I just went

52:10

in my third trimester and I was like

52:12

nah I picked up some weights and I

52:14

couldn't actually even class the weights and I

52:17

started just I was so pregnant and Jimmy

52:19

was sitting next to me and I just

52:21

was just crying with these dumbbells in my

52:23

hand and he was saying I think it's

52:26

time. So yeah, it all just happens. It

52:28

really does. Didn't it something weird? Didn't you

52:30

go chess here? I was like, I don't

52:32

know, didn't it? I got a really fat

52:35

vagina. Like my fucking vulva. I was like,

52:37

are we kidding? Like, I was like, I

52:39

can't even wear a fucking swim suit. It

52:41

looked like I'm packing. Like it was so

52:43

confusing. And then it deflated afterwards but I

52:46

just like the third trimester had the fattest

52:48

vulva that you've ever seen. Wait which is

52:50

that which part is the vulper again? The

52:52

whole outside. The whole outside. Both labiers? Everything

52:55

that's like on the outside rather than like.

52:57

Except mine hasn't changed. Mine is still the

52:59

same as when I was pregnant and it's

53:01

been. No well no it's just it my

53:03

whole vagina has actually changed. I don't know

53:06

if this is a thing like my labear

53:08

of sucked sucked in. Really? Most people go

53:10

out. Well, but I didn't have to push,

53:12

I didn't push the thing out. I am.

53:15

They're waiting. They're waiting. You got a vagina

53:17

talk. You got like a reconstruction. I got

53:19

varicus veins as well. Like that was another

53:21

fun symptom that just came out of nowhere.

53:23

I still have them, haven't done anything about

53:26

them, but like so many things. Like my

53:28

hair stopped falling out and then it fell

53:30

out in tufts afterwards. Like it just... It

53:32

really does do a fucking doozy on your

53:35

body. And so it's no wonder that for

53:37

those like few weeks afterwards, or longer for

53:39

some people, your body's like, what just how

53:41

bad. Well, yeah, it's fair, isn't it? It's

53:43

like when you're really nutted out, you're like,

53:46

yeah, this checks out. I mean, we've spoken

53:48

a lot about like the hard bits, but

53:50

what's been like your favorite thing so far?

53:52

Oh, I mean, I went into this being

53:55

like, I want to make sure that I

53:57

want to make sure that I don't that

53:59

I don't the doom and gloom and I

54:01

hope that I haven't touched on that too

54:03

much. I just want to make sure that

54:06

everyone knows that this has been the most

54:08

incredible thing I have ever done in my

54:10

life. It definitely comes with its lows, but

54:12

just seeing him now, we are at such

54:15

a fun age where it's like he's now

54:17

starting to respond. He's no longer just this

54:19

potato who just... you know, poos on you

54:21

and vomit on you. He is now like,

54:23

he smiles at us and like I'll go

54:26

to get him out of his little bassinet

54:28

in the morning and he's just like smiling

54:30

at me. And I think just seeing how

54:32

much they change every day, Jimmy and I

54:34

have like these just really nice mornings

54:36

together. They're just slow mornings we get

54:39

up and we just lie in bed

54:41

with a coffee and we just have

54:43

the nicest. you know, Jimmy will sing

54:45

to him and yeah, I mean, he

54:47

doesn't have the greatest voice, but it's

54:49

just all a really exciting time seeing

54:51

him grow. Yeah, so beautiful, honey. Holly,

54:54

thank you so much for coming in

54:56

and sharing your story. You actually are

54:58

such a dreamboat, you've always been such

55:01

a giving and kind and generous person.

55:03

You've never, you've not changed an ounce

55:05

since we saw you on The Bachelor

55:07

for the whole way, and I think

55:10

that is a really... We don't see it

55:12

often. It's a really rare thing to be

55:14

truly who you are and authentic from go

55:17

to woe. Like it's been like what, six,

55:19

seven years now. No, no, it's been like,

55:21

yeah, maybe four. Seven for me. It's been

55:23

a while. Seven, fuck. Is you eight seven

55:26

now? Yeah, I was 30. I'm turning 38

55:28

this year. So I'm eight years. Well, yeah,

55:30

I'm nearly eight years. You're going on nine

55:33

years. Wow, well done to us. Yeah, so

55:35

maybe go to anything. Hmm. But thank you

55:37

so much for being so generous with

55:39

sharing your story with us today.

55:42

Thanks, guys. I'm not good with

55:44

compliments, but thank you.