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Welcome to Breakdown to Breakthrough, the

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podcast that empowers you to transform

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your life by awakening to your

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true authentic self. I'm Lisa Aromano,

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your host. As an award-winning author

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and certified life coach, I've dedicated

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my life to helping others understand

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the incredible power of an organized

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mind. I believe that true empowerment

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begins with awakening to our false

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self. I created the Conscious Healing

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Academy, a three-part coaching and brain

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retraining program designed to help individuals

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triumph over trauma and turn

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the breakdowns into powerful breakthroughs.

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My mission is to support

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you on your journey toward

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mental and emotional regeneration through

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conscious and deliberate awakening. In

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this podcast, I'll share insights,

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tools, and transformative stories that

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illuminate the path to healing

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and self-discovery. It's really

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important for us to discuss narcissistic

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abuse, to call it out and

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to identify it, because in today's

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society, a society that is so

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highly competitive, a society that actually

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encourages somebody to be opportunistic and

1:05

to climb to the top, I

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think it's important that as we

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become less inclined to be socially

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connected to other people due to

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the internet and social media, we

1:17

have to recognize that narcissism... is

1:19

on the rise and we need

1:22

to be more and more

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aware of people who have

1:26

high narcissistic traits especially if

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you're somebody who is suffers

1:30

from codependency or somebody who

1:32

has high empathy or who

1:34

is highly sensitive because you

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are actually a target for

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narcissistic abuse and the abuse

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by a narcissist. So narcissistic

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abuse is emotional abuse and

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it is a form of

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narcissistic projection. So narcissists

1:50

or what they do is they project

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how they feel about themselves, the aspects

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of their personalities that have not been

1:56

integrated, have not been healed, and that

1:58

they struggle with. they projected onto others.

2:01

So primarily, narcissistic abuse is related

2:03

to and better known and understood

2:05

as a form of emotional and

2:07

psychological abuse, right? So they get

2:10

inside your head. You end up

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doubting yourself and you're confused and

2:14

you're perplexed and you're hooked. And,

2:16

but we also have to understand

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that narcissists can abuse us sexually,

2:20

physically, financially, and spiritually as well.

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And so number one, narcissists look

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for highly sensitive, forgiving, empathic people

2:27

to project their abuse upon. So,

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like I said earlier, those of

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us with codependency traits who don't

2:34

feel good enough, who take on

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the feelings of other people, we

2:38

feel guilty, we feel like it's

2:40

our responsibility to help other people,

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we are prime targets for narcissistic

2:45

abuse, right? So, narcissists used love

2:47

bombing to create trauma bonds, so

2:49

this intermittent validation. with the narcissists

2:51

where they love you, they idealize

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you, you know, you as a

2:56

highly impacted person, think, oh, this

2:58

is the person I've been searching

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for, and they love me too,

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look how much they love me.

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And then before long, you're minimized

3:07

or you begin to feel devalued

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in some way, and it triggers

3:11

your abandonment trauma, and so now

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we have a trauma bond. And

3:15

once emotionally and even physically addicted

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to the narcissist and this abuse

3:20

cycle, it can become nearly impossible

3:22

to understand the deep level of

3:24

abuse that's actually going on. So

3:26

narcissists first will pull you in

3:28

through love bombing, right? So if

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you've ever met somebody who just

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tells you you're awesome, you're gorgeous,

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you're so sexy, nobody understands me

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like you, you and I are

3:39

meant to be together, you hardly

3:42

know this person. You know, you

3:44

may not understand that perhaps they've

3:46

been studying you, that perhaps they've

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been stalking you on social media,

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perhaps they've been following you. You

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don't know. This could be someone

3:55

that you met for five minutes

3:57

or... or somebody who that you

3:59

don't even know has been watching

4:01

you from a far. But what

4:03

you will notice when you meet

4:06

somebody who is a narcissist is

4:08

their amazing ability to make you

4:10

feel seen immediately. And we have

4:12

to learn to pull back and

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see that as a warning sign.

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So once a victim is hooked

4:19

romantically, then through a series of

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ongoing events, what will happen is

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absolutely feel hooked once you're hooked,

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whether it's through a marriage, whether

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it's through pregnancy, whether through it's

4:30

a business agreement, once you're hooked

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into this some type of contractual

4:34

agreement with the narcissist, or once

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the narcissist knows that you feel

4:39

sorry for them and you feel

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like it's your responsibility to take

4:43

care of them, after that, after

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they're so positively sure that you're

4:47

hooked, that's when their mask will

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begin to slip. So, narcissist lack

4:52

self-esteem. At their core, they're incredibly

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insecure, although, you know, that's what

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they don't want you to see.

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They have to act, you know,

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in the opposite way of appearing

5:03

like they have low self-esteem. So

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they'll brag about themselves. They'll minimize

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the accomplishments of other people. And

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this is all in an attempt

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to get people to believe that

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they really do love themselves and

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they are capable. But at the

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core, they are incredibly insecure and

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feel inadequate. So everything that they

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feel about themselves, they project onto

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their victims. So if they are

5:27

untrustworthy, they accuse you of being

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untrustworthy. The narcissist never assumes responsibility

5:31

and will always blame the partner

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for everything and anything that goes

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wrong. And so if they're wrong,

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if they've done something wrong, they

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spin it, they project it on

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to you. No, you're the one

5:44

who did that wrong. This is

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all your fault. Narcissists enjoy gas

5:49

lighting their victims. So and what

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they're trying to do is basically

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gas lighting is a form of

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brainwashing where they want you to

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question your reality So they feel

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insecure and they want you to

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feel insecure They also triangulate so

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they will summon the troops against

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you even if there's nothing going

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on that's wrong in your relationship

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What they're trying to do is

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they're trying to secure another form

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of narcissistic supply if and when

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the relationship goes south. So they

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enjoy making you out to be

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the bad guy and they will

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triangulate you against other office employees,

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against your family. So narcissists obviously

6:28

are not, they don't commit to

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a relationship, right? They're there physically,

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but they're not there emotionally. even

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though they'll accuse you of not

6:37

being there emotionally. And there are

6:39

people who are constantly looking to

6:41

manipulate everyone in their vicinity, everyone

6:43

that they know, and they want

6:46

people to see you as the

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problem. in case you ever go

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out there and you start talking

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about what's really going on, they've

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already jumped the gun. They've already,

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you know, begun to pull together

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their flying monkeys. If you dare

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to confront a narcissist, right, you

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will be swiftly punished. So if

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you're dealing with somebody who yells

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and screams and gives you the

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silent treatment or physically becomes physically

7:12

abusive, right, then this is something

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that is indicative of a narcissisticistic

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personality. They will smear your name

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and they will become fixated on

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destroying you. They're extremely sensitive to

7:23

criticism. And if you confront them

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head-on, then there is a swift

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response. And this is not healthy,

7:29

obviously. No one likes to be

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criticized. No one's happy when someone

7:34

says, hey, I don't like that

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you did that or can we

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talk about this? I'm uncomfortable. But

7:40

in the case of... narcissist. The

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reaction to that is extreme. It's

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swift and it's meant to punish

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the victim and to make them

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fear being abandoned in some way

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or punished by daring to confront

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this person. So the discard phase

7:56

occurs when the narcissist has secured

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another form of supply. So this

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could be a new best friend.

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You know, you could have a

8:05

friend who has high narcissistic traits

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and you start saying, you know

8:09

what, I noticed that, you know,

8:11

I'm more committed to this relationship

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than you are. And what will

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happen then is then you will

8:18

be discarded and your friend will

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find another form of narcissisticistic supply.

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They won't be willing to work

8:24

it out. Or if you have

8:26

been catering to. who is very

8:29

needy and in the case of

8:31

a covert narcissist and you know

8:33

you've been catering to their emotions

8:35

and catering to taking care of

8:37

them and making sure that you're

8:40

always there for them and the

8:42

moment you're not there for them

8:44

and they sense that you have

8:46

abandoned them or they don't feel

8:48

like you see them as important

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or the center of your life

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anymore then there will be a

8:55

swift discard by them. And usually

8:57

this is followed up with some

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type of a smear campaign or

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some campaign to make you look

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like the bad guy. So that

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they can justify their reaction, their

9:08

swift reaction to their feeling abandoned

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by you. So it could be

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a new lover. So you can

9:15

be in a relationship with somebody

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and narcissists are known to cheat.

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And if you call a narcissist

9:21

out on the cheating and they

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get a sense that... you are

9:26

nearing the end of the relationship,

9:28

then they will secure a new

9:30

narcissistic supply. If you're in a

9:32

business relationship and you know the

9:34

business starts to go down, then

9:37

you will be discarded as the

9:39

business partner finds a new business

9:41

partner, a new source of supply.

9:43

And they will go through the

9:45

whole idealization, they will idealize their

9:48

new lover, their new best friend,

9:50

their new business partner. and then

9:52

the abuse cycle begins to happen

9:54

all over again. So understanding what's

9:56

really going on is that this

9:58

idea that narcissists have an immature

10:01

ego and you know they're rooted

10:03

in shame and a sense of

10:05

entitlement and exploitation. So let's talk

10:07

about the traits of narcissism. So

10:09

love bombing. We talked about that

10:12

earlier where you know to get

10:14

you hooked. the narcissist has to

10:16

secure you. They've got to make

10:18

sure you trust them, that you

10:20

think they're awesome, that you think

10:23

they think that you're awesome too.

10:25

And so now you're in their

10:27

heart space. Actually now, they feel

10:29

like they're in your heart space,

10:31

right? So that's where they can

10:34

do the most damage. So narcissists

10:36

have a sense of entitlement. So

10:38

rules don't apply to them. So

10:40

they cut the line, they cheat

10:42

on their taxes, they cheat on

10:44

you, they lie to other people,

10:47

they make promises to vendors that

10:49

they can't fulfill, they make promises

10:51

to family members, they have no

10:53

intentions of fulfilling, so they have

10:55

the sense of entitlement, rules don't

10:58

apply, they don't care how other

11:00

people feel if they disappoint them,

11:02

they have no intentions of following

11:04

through, they say anything to look

11:06

good in the moment, and they

11:09

really don't care about the consequences

11:11

of their actions. The sense of

11:13

entitlement is it goes as far

11:15

as they feel entitled to do

11:17

what they feel at the expense

11:20

of other people and they don't

11:22

care what the expense is to

11:24

other people. So they are opportunistic.

11:26

So they take advantage of others.

11:28

They take advantage of your warmth,

11:30

of how you nurture people. They

11:33

will take advantage of... you financially,

11:35

they will exploit you sexually, they

11:37

will exploit you spiritually, they will

11:39

exploit you mentally. So they take

11:41

advantage of other people. Like I

11:44

said earlier, if they can steal

11:46

and make an excuse for taking

11:48

something from someone else, let's say

11:50

a store. Right, they have no

11:52

problem taking advantage of stork owners

11:55

of other businesses. So there's a

11:57

sense that I'm an opportunist and

11:59

there's an opportunity to take something

12:01

from somebody else, then I'm going

12:03

to take it. So that's a

12:06

very, that's really a true narcissistic

12:08

trait that we need to pay

12:10

attention to in our society. So

12:12

gas lighting, we talked about this

12:14

earlier. So this is a form

12:17

of brainwashing. that causes victims to

12:19

doubt their sanity. And it's done

12:21

to increase a sense of insecurity

12:23

in business partners, in lovers, and

12:25

even in their children. And this

12:27

is also, you know, just to

12:30

maintain power and control over other

12:32

people because at the core a

12:34

narcissist feels so powerless and below

12:36

the veil of consciousness how they

12:38

act this out is by through

12:41

the ego and immature and reactive

12:43

ego will go on to control

12:45

you because I feel so out

12:47

of control and my ability to

12:49

control other people gives me a

12:52

sense of control. So they lie,

12:54

narcissists lie, and they exaggerate, you

12:56

can't trust anything that they say,

12:58

right? They distort facts. So this

13:00

is also a high narcissistic traits.

13:03

They lie about you, they lie

13:05

about events, they lie about their

13:07

children, they lie about losing jobs,

13:09

they lie about why they lost

13:11

jobs, they lie about, you know,

13:13

who's texting them, they lie about

13:16

where they've been, they lie about,

13:18

you know, whether or not they

13:20

love you, just a narcissist cannot

13:22

hold true to truth. There's also

13:24

narcissists of the people in society

13:27

that have extreme reactions to stress.

13:29

and extreme and strong reactions when

13:31

criticized. So they can become very,

13:33

very aggressive if you've ever dealt

13:35

with somebody who has been physically

13:38

violent because, you know, you asked

13:40

to sit down and have a

13:42

conversation, you know, domestic violence. I

13:44

think people who suffer from domestic

13:46

violence, I think it would very

13:49

much help them to understand and

13:51

to study narcissism and to understand

13:53

that, you know, if you suffer

13:55

from codependency, you know, you become

13:57

a target for narcissistic rage. And

14:00

so if you are dealing with

14:02

somebody who stonewalls you, who stops

14:04

talking to you, who withhold sex

14:06

as a form of punishment because

14:08

you accuse them of something or

14:10

you wanted to talk to them

14:13

about something, This is a treat,

14:15

a narcissistic treat. And narcissists lack

14:17

empathy for others and they violate

14:19

all boundaries. So you wanting to

14:21

feel seen by a narcissist, it's

14:24

not going to happen. You cry,

14:26

they'll minimize you. You tell them

14:28

that they hurt your feelings, they

14:30

laugh at you, they mock you,

14:32

they humiliate you. They have zero

14:35

empathy for what you're experiencing. And

14:37

it's important for us in society,

14:39

if we're having a conversation with

14:41

somebody and you notice that this

14:43

person doesn't mirror your emotions. For

14:46

instance, you know, we dating somebody

14:48

for six, seven, or eight months

14:50

and you say, wow, I had

14:52

a tough day at work today.

14:54

And that person is an inquisitive,

14:56

like, what do you mean? you

14:59

know, oh well, you know, the

15:01

boss was unusually irritable and my

15:03

co-worker was supposed to finish this

15:05

project and they didn't finish the

15:07

project and this person that you're

15:10

dealing with comes back and minimizes

15:12

you and says you shouldn't feel

15:14

that way or you have a

15:16

problem with everybody. If they don't

15:18

mirror back, wow, that sounds tough.

15:21

That's a red flag. If you

15:23

recognize any of these traits in

15:25

someone you know, someone you're You're

15:27

dating, someone you have dated, someone

15:29

that you've worked with. It's very

15:32

important for you to understand the

15:34

value of boundaries, self-love, and protecting

15:36

yourself from these types of predator

15:38

personalities. And so I hope that

15:40

this has expanded your awareness of

15:42

narcissism and giving you some food

15:45

for thought so that you can

15:47

continue on the path to self-love,

15:49

self-understanding. self -compassion, self

15:51

-empathy, and to

15:53

attracting the types

15:56

of relationships that

15:58

are absolutely loving

16:00

and healthy. and Thank

16:02

you so much

16:04

for being here.

16:07

Bye for now.

16:09

Bye for now. you