0:00

This podcast is supported by Progressive, a

0:02

leader in RV insurance. RVs are

0:04

for sharing adventures with family, friends, and even

0:06

your pets. So if you bring your cats

0:08

and dogs along for the ride, you'll want

0:10

Progressive RV insurance. They protect your cats and

0:12

dogs like family by offering up to $1

0:14

,000 in optional coverage for vet bills in

0:16

case of an RV accident, making it a

0:18

great companion for the responsible pet owner who

0:20

loves to travel. See Progressive's other benefits and

0:22

more when you quote RVinsurance at Progressive .com

0:24

today. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates pet

0:26

injuries and additional coverage and subject to policy

0:28

terms. B -T

0:30

-W -F -Y -I Visit NexPanon

0:32

.com -R -N to learn

0:35

about NexPanon. It's an

0:37

adjustable implant, 68 mg

0:39

radiopay, or ask your

0:41

H -C -P -I -R -L. K

0:43

-T -T -Y -L. Well

0:46

Joe, welcome to Locked In Man. Thanks

0:48

to my dad for connecting us and

0:50

you know, thanks for willing to come

0:52

on today. I know this is probably

0:54

outside your comfort zone, but it's different.

0:57

It's alright. And you've never done

0:59

a podcast before? No, Holly ever watched me.

1:01

What inspired you to come on today? Your

1:05

dad, that fucking guy. He

1:07

told me about what you do

1:10

here and stuff. And I was

1:12

like, OK, he's like, your story

1:14

would be great, you know, because

1:16

he knows I've been sober a

1:18

long time and 31 years

1:20

almost. And he's like, it's

1:22

a good story, you know.

1:25

He knows bits and pieces of it.

1:27

I told him some some some things

1:29

we used to do and You know

1:31

things we got away with and whatever

1:33

but you know, there was the good

1:35

old days growing up in Brooklyn So

1:37

you you were born in Brooklyn. I

1:39

grew up in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. Yes

1:41

my born and raised baby, you

1:44

know the Duchess of Bay

1:46

Ridge on here Jordan Belfort's

1:48

ex -wife That's she didn't know Dutch

1:50

is a Bay Ridge. Dutch is a Bay Ridge. Well, fuck out of

1:52

here. My grandfather

1:54

was the prince of Bay Ridge. He

1:57

owned a lot of restaurants, a lot

1:59

of bars, and set a lot of people

2:01

up. He's

2:04

not really my uncle, he's my dad's best friend.

2:06

Marty Golden's a state senator of Bay Ridge for

2:09

many years. My

2:11

roots go deep in Bay Ridge,

2:13

and my Irish roots, and my

2:15

Italian side of the family, but

2:18

mostly my Irish side. Nah,

2:22

it goes deep. My dad owned a bar called

2:24

Horse Feathers. We owned a

2:26

restaurant called Hoffbrow Bay Ridge. And

2:29

we had a Catering Hall Bay Ridge Manor,

2:31

which is still there. It's still kind of

2:33

within the family. My

2:35

dad's best friend's family owns it

2:37

for the last 20, maybe 30

2:39

years now. Probably 30 something years

2:41

now. So it's been there

2:43

for like 75 years and still going

2:46

strong. We had a bar down in

2:48

Red Hook, Brooklyn. We had a cafeteria

2:50

and property and stuff like that. You

2:53

know, so like I was pretty much

2:55

born with a silver spoon in my

2:57

mouth, but things changed. Things

3:00

changed, you know, and you know, streets

3:02

got the better of me. Were your

3:04

parents together growing up? My

3:07

parents, my mom and dad got divorced when

3:09

I was like three years old. But my

3:11

dad was always around. And I already had

3:13

a stepfather in my life, who's still in

3:15

my life today. But

3:19

I remember my dad,

3:21

if I wasn't playing

3:24

like baseball, I'm

3:26

doing like playing on a sport team or

3:28

something. I was always in

3:30

one of my grandfather's restaurants. I was

3:32

standing like milk crates, cleaning dishes. I

3:35

saw scrubbing pots or I used to love

3:37

like going behind the bar and cleaning, like

3:40

picking up the grates behind the bar and

3:42

cleaning because you always found change in money

3:44

back there. You know, every now and then

3:46

they clean up all the cigarette butts and

3:49

stuff. And I used to light an old

3:51

cigarette butt up and take some pops off

3:53

and stuff. And that, you know, you smell

3:55

all the. the old that like the stale

3:58

alcohol and beer and the like beer with

4:00

cigarette butts in it, you know, I just

4:02

love that smell. Any type of smell alcohol

4:04

I love. And I

4:07

was always, I was always around that,

4:09

you know, I used to polish the

4:11

liquor bottles behind the bar because there's

4:13

a German bar. So like everything had

4:15

to be like perfect, you

4:17

know, and we had to polish the wood on

4:20

the bar all the time and stuff. And I

4:22

was doing that at like five years old, you

4:24

know, and then we would break the break

4:26

the liquor bottles in the basement

4:29

of the restaurant. We'd put

4:31

garbage cans against the wall and we'd just throw

4:33

the bottles against the wall so the glass would

4:35

go into the garbage cans. You know, because back

4:37

then there was no deposits or recyclable, you know?

4:40

And me and my brother used to do that

4:42

and we'd take the cheap liquor and put in

4:44

the expensive bottles, you know, because

4:47

that's how they made money, made more money.

4:49

And we would suck on the bottle caps

4:51

and run wild through the restaurant and stuff.

4:53

Didn't they used to put like water in

4:55

it too sometimes? I don't,

4:57

we know, I don't remember putting water. I just

4:59

remember taking like the shit liquor and putting the

5:01

expensive bottles. I'm sure they did. I'm sure they

5:04

did, but I don't remember doing that. Or maybe

5:06

the water was already in there. Cause I mean,

5:08

I was, I mean, my dad was still alive.

5:10

My dad died, got killed when I was six,

5:13

you know, 19, four, 27,

5:15

1976. So I was born

5:17

in 69, um,

5:20

July 1st. So. I

5:23

just remembered doing those things. I

5:25

mean, I was still going there after he passed,

5:28

but not as much. It just seemed like it

5:30

changed. How did your dad pass away?

5:32

I came home from school one day,

5:35

and it was a beautiful spring day.

5:40

I was in second grade. Yeah, I

5:42

was in second grade. I

5:46

remember I came home like my

5:49

parents didn't walk me to school.

5:51

I was by myself, you know

5:53

and I ran home because the

5:55

school was up the street over

5:57

one block over the overpass and

5:59

it was right there and I

6:01

Got home and my mother was

6:03

there with my stepfather and she's

6:05

like Just you got to sit

6:08

down. We got to wait for

6:10

your brother to get home and

6:12

I was like Okay,

6:14

I just wanted to go outside because

6:16

was beautiful out and And I went

6:19

in for my brother and I remember

6:21

my brother walking in the door and

6:23

I told him I said mom has

6:25

to talk to us and I said

6:28

it and Kate died You know and

6:30

he pushed me goes don't say that

6:32

you know That's not right and we

6:34

sat down and I was sitting here

6:36

and he was sitting next to me

6:39

here my mother was right here my

6:41

stepfather was right there and She

6:43

started crying and I think my

6:46

stepfather even cried a little bit

6:48

and She said your dad got

6:50

killed today. He died today and

6:52

I just remember sitting there like

6:54

I Didn't understand like I didn't

6:57

understand what was going on and

6:59

I was looking at my brother

7:01

and he's he like started freaking

7:03

out he started like What do

7:05

you mean? It's not possible. They

7:08

got to bring him back like

7:10

he started losing his mind And

7:13

he even yelled at me for

7:15

not reacting and like I don't

7:17

know. I was fucking six years

7:19

old I'm just sitting there and

7:21

he was in New York City

7:23

cop He was he was laid

7:25

off at the time, but he

7:27

was still played for the New

7:29

York City finest football team the

7:31

police football team he was one

7:33

of the first members of that

7:35

team and his name was Phil

7:37

Fehe and So the The funeral

7:39

was, you know, it was the

7:41

police funeral. It was the American

7:43

flag on the casket. I just

7:45

remember it was dark. Everything

7:48

seemed to slow down and everything was dark.

7:50

And it was on the news.

7:53

And I just remember for some

7:55

reason in the church, like

7:57

we had to sit in the back of the church. And

8:00

I remember watching my grandmother walking

8:03

up crying. That's all I really

8:05

remember of that. You know,

8:07

I had a stepmother. My dad

8:09

got remarried. I remember seeing her

8:11

a little bit, and I don't

8:14

know, it was just, you know,

8:16

my parents were teenagers when they

8:18

had kids, you know, and my

8:20

mom dealt with it as she

8:22

could, you know, and me and

8:24

my brother, you

8:26

know, it definitely took an effect

8:29

on us, it definitely took an

8:31

effect on us, especially him, you

8:33

know, he definitely went down a

8:35

crazy path. our

8:37

lives were not the same from that moment on. That's

8:40

when my life changed that moment on. But I didn't

8:42

know it then, but I knew I found out years

8:44

later in therapy and stuff like that. That's

8:47

when my life changed.

8:49

And every dream changed,

8:52

everything changed. And

8:54

as you get older, you realize

8:56

what you, I'm 55 now, so

8:58

the things I missed, like I

9:01

just told you, I

9:03

don't know how much my dad loved me. I

9:05

don't know what his bad breath smelled like. I

9:07

don't know what it feels like to hug him.

9:09

Like, I don't have, like his hair, I don't

9:11

know how he smelled. You know, I

9:14

don't, like when he farted, I never smelled like him.

9:16

You know what I mean? Like, I don't have any

9:19

of that. You know, all those annoying things they hate

9:21

about people, then when they're gone, you miss them, you

9:23

know? I

9:25

never had that with him, you know? Thank

9:28

God I had it with others.

9:30

Thank God I'm very grateful that...

9:34

People stepped up and that were

9:36

good uncles and good role models,

9:39

you know, a lot of his friends like, you

9:41

know, I call them uncle, technically

9:43

they're not my uncle. His friend

9:45

Marty Golden, you know,

9:48

was helped me get sober, you know,

9:50

led me in the right direction. I

9:52

worked for him for years, always treated

9:54

me like a son, yelled at me

9:56

like a son, you know, when I

9:58

needed it. His friend Joey Sharip always

10:00

looked out for me and the best

10:02

they could, you know. They weren't perfect,

10:04

but I don't, you know, they knew

10:06

what they knew, you know, and they're

10:08

always, they've always been good to me.

10:11

My uncle Chip, my,

10:13

just, just guy, my stepfather's best

10:16

friend, Jimmy Martin, my stepfather. I

10:18

mean, thank God for him, you know. And

10:22

I mean, there's, you know, all my

10:24

cousins, anyone who knew

10:27

my dad always would pull me aside and talk

10:29

to me, you know. if I

10:31

never need anything, like he had so many

10:33

friends, I lose count, you know, so. But,

10:36

you know, that's when my life changed,

10:38

I didn't know, you know. Now you

10:40

were telling me before that your dad

10:43

was killed by a drunk driver? Yeah,

10:45

he was on his way to Kennedy

10:47

Airport. And he's

10:49

with this guy, Robert Guyry, who was another

10:51

role model to me. And he

10:53

was driving him to the airport. I'm

10:56

not sure if my dad was driving or Robert was

10:58

driving. and they were stuck

11:00

in traffic in their near starved

11:02

city in Brooklyn on their way

11:04

to Kennedy Airport. And

11:07

on the other side of the

11:09

Bell Parkway, a car went over

11:12

the divider and landed on his

11:14

car. And by

11:16

the time the ambulance and everything

11:19

got there and they transformed, he

11:21

didn't make it. Like

11:24

20 years after that the guy Robert

11:26

I asked I was driving give him

11:28

a ride one day And he's like

11:30

slow down you drive like your dad

11:32

And I was like and I just

11:34

hex I said so what happened that

11:36

day and He said well, we were

11:38

on the way to the airport and

11:40

all of a sudden next thing I

11:42

know I'm looking down at your dad

11:44

and I'm screaming help him help him

11:46

he's bleeding and he's bleeding but no

11:48

one could hear me And

11:51

then I woke up in the hospital and I said, what do

11:53

you mean looking down? He goes, I was up in the air.

11:56

He goes, I was on my way up. And

11:58

I was like, okay. And

12:01

there's no reason for him to make that up. And

12:03

he said, you know, and

12:06

I just like, it was like, wow. He

12:08

goes, you know, he goes, all I remember

12:10

was screaming and no one could hear me.

12:13

No one was listening to me. And then

12:15

I woke up in the hospital and I

12:17

found out a couple of hours later, dad

12:19

died. And he was 27 or 26 at

12:22

the time. So he was young.

12:24

And he was going to play football

12:26

in the Lanther, I believe, and playing

12:28

either the fire department in the Lanther

12:30

or the police department in the Lanther.

12:33

And he never made it. And

12:37

it's, well,

12:39

it's socked,

12:42

plain and simple, it's socked. It's

12:45

those days. It

12:49

never, this hasn't been a day

12:51

in my life that I don't think of my

12:53

dad. It used to

12:56

be, well, what would life

12:58

be like today if he was here? How

13:01

would I, what would I be doing?

13:03

Because he was making money, my

13:06

grandpa and a lot of restaurants, they were about to

13:08

sign the rights to sell boys head cold cuts in

13:10

the state of Florida to be the first distributors. And

13:13

people said, that happened, you'd be a gazillionaire

13:15

or whatever. mean

13:20

you could try to play some tapes

13:22

in life how it would go but

13:24

like today I kind of like my

13:26

life, you know, I love my wife.

13:28

I have two great boys. I

13:31

got great nephews, nieces, I

13:34

got a great family and you know

13:36

we had our struggles and we lost

13:38

people over the years but you know.

13:41

But I got my life back

13:43

when I got sober. March 1st,

13:45

19th. Want to learn about Pick

13:47

4 from the Ohio Lottery? Okay,

13:50

Pick 4 is a daily draw game where

13:52

you pick four individual numbers between zero and

13:54

nine that can be played straight, where each

13:56

number must be drawn in an exact order

13:58

or with it can be drawn in any

14:01

order. You can win up to

14:03

$2 ,500 on a 50 -cent VAD. Learn

14:05

more at OhioLottery .com or the Ohio

14:07

Lottery app. Lottery players are

14:10

subject to Ohio laws and commission regulations. Play

14:12

responsibly. Want to go back to the

14:15

radio? Okay. Fellas,

14:17

you know Degree Cool Rush deodorant, right?

14:19

Well, last year they changed the formula,

14:21

and guys were mad about it. One

14:23

dude even started a petition. So guess

14:25

what? Degree heard us, admitted they messed

14:27

up, and brought the original Cool Rush

14:29

scent back, exactly how it was. And

14:31

it's in Walmart, Target, and other stores

14:33

now for under $4. So grab some

14:35

and remember why its cool, crisp, and

14:37

fresh scent made it the number one

14:39

man's antiperspirant for the last decade. Degree

14:41

Cool Rush is back, and it smells

14:43

like victory for all of us. Parents

14:46

of twins, if you're familiar with far

14:48

-off drop -offs... God, stop, stop, stop.

14:51

Right here. Or get DMs about what's

14:53

for dinner. You may be experiencing tween

14:55

milestones. For your center daughter,

14:57

these can start at age nine. HPV

14:59

vaccination, a type of cancer prevention against

15:01

certain HPV -related cancers, can start then

15:03

too. For most, HPV clears on its

15:05

own. But for those who don't clear

15:07

the virus, it can cause certain cancers

15:09

later in life. Embrace this phase. Help

15:11

protect them in the next. Ask their

15:13

doctor today about HPV vaccination, brought to

15:15

you by Merck. How did life start

15:17

to change for you after the accident?

15:19

Take us through that. Like

15:22

I said earlier everything seemed dark

15:24

after he died like it just

15:26

seemed like I was be with

15:28

my grandparents and my aunts and

15:30

my cousins and it just wasn't

15:32

the same, you know People are

15:34

like, I don't know. It's just

15:36

it was just it was uncomfortable

15:38

for years But like when I

15:40

played sports and stuff and I

15:42

was outside I felt comfortable when

15:44

I was acting out I felt

15:46

comfortable and And

15:50

I always watched my mom. My mom always

15:52

drank and she always smoked weed. I

15:55

got one older brother and four younger

15:57

brothers. My four younger brothers have a

15:59

different dad, my stepfather. And

16:02

we don't say we're half brothers, we're brothers. And

16:04

my mom, she could change diapers and roll

16:07

a joint with the other hand at the

16:09

same time. And she's always had a can

16:11

of beer, always had a can of beer.

16:13

Three meals a day. God forbid you had

16:16

your fucking elbows on the table. You got

16:18

smacked in the back of the head, you

16:20

know I mean? It was like, you had

16:22

all these rules, but she's smoking weed, you

16:25

know? And so like, you had to go

16:27

to church. We used to go to church

16:29

and put the envelope in there and grab

16:31

the pamphlet and go play in the park

16:34

and said we went to church, you know

16:36

what I mean? Like, we, you

16:39

know, there's a lot of love that, you know,

16:41

it wasn't no neglect, you know, but you got

16:43

smacked, you know, you got, you took your beatings

16:45

when you did something wrong and, And

16:50

I don't know, like I knew one day I

16:52

was gonna smoke weed I was gonna drink because

16:54

my mom does it. I remember them coming in

16:56

school in the fourth grade saying they found bags

16:58

of glue and stuff and they would give us

17:01

those speeches and I'd be like, okay, I

17:03

get my head, I'd be like, okay, well, my mom

17:05

does it, my aunt does it, like, you

17:08

know, they smoke weed, so it's

17:10

okay, I just won't do glue. So,

17:14

and when I was 13, you

17:16

know, I just started smoking weed

17:19

a little bit. I

17:21

always took sips of liquor, always played bartender

17:23

and took sips of liquor and stuff like

17:25

that. And then by the

17:27

time I was 14, I started doing cocaine.

17:30

And the first time I did cocaine, I

17:33

was in Staten Island, Willow Brook Park. I

17:35

think it was, it was in the backseat

17:37

of a car and they passed it to

17:40

me and I did it and it felt

17:42

good. And I didn't stop for 10 years.

17:45

And in that 10 years,

17:48

there was a lot of,

17:50

a lot of, a lot

17:52

of drama, a lot of

17:54

violence, a lot

17:57

of hanging out in street

17:59

corners, bars, after hour clubs,

18:02

a lot of loneliness, a lot of depression, a

18:06

lot of, you know, it

18:09

just took total control of me, you know,

18:11

and it was, and I was drinking the

18:13

whole time too, like, you know, but drinking

18:15

is legal, it's acceptable, it's not a problem,

18:18

blah, blah, blah. But I

18:20

started, I tried it that one

18:22

time, then next day I'm doing

18:24

it, then I'm willing to buy

18:26

it, and we would just drive

18:29

around, and we had the mirrors

18:31

in the car, and we'd drive

18:33

around, blast the music, drinking

18:35

beers, and getting high. Then

18:39

we'd go to someone's house and

18:42

do it and we'd be an

18:44

after -hour club is doing it

18:46

and then we started selling it

18:48

and we You know well before

18:50

we started selling that we had

18:52

a weed business on the corner

18:54

where They would give me the

18:56

money There we go see the

18:58

other guy get the package in

19:00

an hour and a half I'd

19:02

make you know at 17 you

19:04

make $200 and an hour a

19:06

half. It was good money And

19:09

then we had packages to hold

19:11

on us. So we got $2

19:14

a bag for this guy, Paul,

19:17

and he had a runner. So the runner ran

19:19

everything up. He got a dollar a bag he

19:21

ran up. So if he ran 100 bags up,

19:23

he made $100 from runner from, and he'd run

19:25

the money back to him. And

19:28

I would collect the money. This

19:30

guy Bobo would

19:32

get distributed. And

19:35

then we all had our own packages. So

19:37

if you had like, 12 packages on you

19:39

times three. That's another 36 bucks. Plus you've

19:41

made them maybe a hundred already, you know,

19:44

so you could party all night, you know,

19:46

and, uh, and

19:49

then we got smart. It was like,

19:51

well, when we started selling Coke, and

19:53

we'll just, and you know, beepers started

19:55

back then. This was like the late

19:57

80s, early 90s. So we started giving

19:59

everyone our paper numbers and those things

20:02

took off. So we started selling Coke

20:04

and. We hooked up with the

20:06

Puerto Ricans from Sunset Park and they were a

20:08

lot cheaper. So

20:10

like we were selling eight

20:12

bowls of Coke for $100.

20:16

Everyone else was selling for $300. So we

20:18

started making money and it started getting crazy.

20:21

And then we started selling 20 bags

20:23

of base. I didn't really do

20:25

that. I made some money, but a lot of

20:27

my friends did that. and everything

20:29

was a beep of business. Beep would

20:32

go off, you go to a phone, tell

20:34

them where to meet, or you had codes

20:36

that you would, like certain streets, certain areas,

20:38

you had codes when they would beep, they

20:40

would, you know, like

20:42

beep them back sometimes, or they would say

20:45

where they were, and they were, and you

20:47

know, if you were the guy out there,

20:49

you know, waiting, you would hope he would

20:51

show up, you know, like the end. But

20:54

it was, everyone was making money.

20:56

I mean, we were making crazy

20:58

money. But I mean I was

21:00

getting high all the time. So

21:02

I wasn't saving any money and

21:04

but what what comes with that

21:06

is violence People trying to rob

21:08

you you're robbing people, you know

21:10

paranoia You know, you just you

21:13

turn into a different person it

21:15

just takes total control of you

21:17

and you just You know, it's

21:19

it's you know as much as

21:21

it sounds glorious and the excitement

21:23

that was behind it. And I

21:25

mean, I seen some shit and

21:27

I see some people get hurt

21:29

and I see some people take

21:31

some good beatings. And I mean,

21:33

there's times I'd just be walking

21:35

five guys, jump out of a

21:37

car and beat the little crap

21:39

out of me for something we

21:41

did two days before. And you

21:43

don't even know what's happening. You

21:45

know, I was on both

21:48

sides of the fence of that,

21:50

you know, seeing

21:52

people OD. um

21:55

freaking out having bed trips you

21:57

know it's just it's just you

21:59

know I think about it it's

22:01

like I'm so grateful I'm not

22:03

part of that anymore you know

22:05

um but it was it was

22:07

a lot you know and uh

22:09

you know you're chasing the high

22:11

you're chasing the money you know

22:14

and uh But if you

22:16

get high, you're not making any money. You know,

22:18

it's like, you know, don't get high, you own

22:20

supply. All right, I'll get high and eat supply.

22:22

It's still, you're not making any fucking money. You

22:24

know, you just, it's just a way to get

22:26

high. You just surviving on the street to get

22:29

high. You know, and I, my old brother, my

22:31

old brother's fucking Rob and everybody. He

22:33

robs any car. If like, if you left your

22:35

car started and you ran in your house second,

22:38

he's jumping in and take it. You know, he's,

22:40

He's, you know, he robbed a bread truck one

22:42

time, a Peter Bridge. This guy started a Peter

22:44

Bridge route, some poor Greek guy, and he fucking

22:46

stole the guy's truck, sold all the bread, and

22:49

they burnt it. You know, they burnt the fucking

22:51

truck, they blew it up in the park, you

22:53

know? He was fucked up.

22:57

But this is my roommate, you know? I'm laying

22:59

in bed one night, and he's robbing cars up

23:02

the street, and these Irish guys chase him, and

23:04

he's like, you better wake up. He's run through

23:06

the basement the house, out the back door. These

23:08

guys are chasing with guns. You

23:10

know, and, you know, it's like, like

23:12

I'm sitting here sleeping and, you know,

23:14

two guys come with guns through your

23:16

house running chasing your brother. You're like,

23:18

what the fuck is going on? I

23:20

mean, he robbed everything. He did not

23:22

care, you know, and he wasn't afraid

23:24

to go to, it seemed like he

23:26

wasn't afraid to go to prison. And

23:28

he did many years and he just

23:30

never got it and never, never could

23:32

get sober for any time period. And,

23:35

but when he was like sober, He

23:39

was like a genius like he knew

23:41

how to make money. He had like

23:44

He just had ideas, you know and

23:46

uh and everyone thought he was nuts

23:48

because well, he was nuts and uh

23:51

He died a couple years ago. Yeah

23:53

His heart I guess his heart stopped,

23:55

you know from doing cocaine for many

23:58

years and smoking crack, you know catches

24:00

up to you, you know and uh

24:02

He was he was a sick pup

24:05

He was a sick pup and

24:07

and when he went to prison,

24:09

you know, he told me a

24:11

story Like when he was first

24:13

time he was going to do

24:15

time. He was 18 18 or

24:17

19. He was in Brooklyn house

24:19

of detention and this gangster ready

24:21

Richie Hawkeye took him under his

24:23

wing. He was like an Irish

24:25

gangster and and The reason I

24:27

know like my brother called home

24:29

all the time all day long.

24:31

He was on the phone And

24:33

that doesn't happen when people are

24:35

prison like he's calling every five

24:37

minutes call my mother and Sometimes

24:39

this guy rich you call. Hey,

24:41

how you doing kid? I'm talking

24:43

this guy. Yeah, how you doing

24:45

like and They were like the

24:47

only white guys it was like

24:50

five white guys and everyone else

24:52

was black and some Spanish and

24:54

My brother said he was telling

24:56

you tell me about this guy.

24:58

He's like, you know, no one

25:00

fucks with him and no everyone

25:02

leaves me alone and it's good

25:04

He's like, so I got to

25:06

stay by him, you know and

25:08

as he said this guy came

25:10

in whom molested was met less

25:12

than kids and he was a

25:14

white guy and My brother my

25:16

brother said, you know The leader

25:18

of the black guys came up

25:20

to my this guy rich. He

25:22

said he's your people. You better

25:24

take care of it and So

25:26

all these guys are dead now,

25:28

so it doesn't matter if I

25:30

say their names and so So

25:34

the guy, Richie, told everyone we're gonna go

25:36

into the cell and we're gonna do what

25:38

we need to do. And the gods were

25:40

gonna just walk away. So

25:43

my brothers and they said, Phil, you're

25:45

gonna be at the door, you're watching.

25:48

If anyone comes, just tell us. Because

25:50

he was the youngest, I think

25:52

he was 18, maybe 19. And

25:55

he told me the story

25:57

right after it happened, he

25:59

called. And

26:04

I'm like, he's like,

26:06

you know, so he goes to Sky Rich,

26:08

he goes in there, he goes, he breaks

26:10

the guy's arms and his legs. He says

26:12

he absolutely just fucking not annihilates this guy.

26:14

He said, but the other three guys, three

26:17

or four guys fucking got scared and ran.

26:20

And when he got up and he looked

26:22

for him, he's like, where did everyone go?

26:24

He's like, they left. He told

26:27

them they left. He goes, and you stayed? He goes,

26:29

yeah, you told me to, you know. And

26:31

then the guy Richie went and beat the shit out of

26:33

all those guys, too. And I'm

26:35

like, and when he

26:37

told me a story, I'm like, it

26:40

was attractive, you know, because now I'm

26:42

on the game. I'm a drug dealer.

26:44

I'm hanging out in street corners and,

26:47

you know, you could

26:49

use stories like this to get ahead of

26:51

people and manipulate them, you know, because people

26:53

are suckers and they believe that shit. You

26:56

know, when my brother was doing time and

26:58

he's hanging out with this guy, like, ain't

27:00

fucking really helping me, but I can manipulate

27:02

people and do things with it. And that's

27:04

what I used to do, you

27:06

know, and get out of jams and shit like that.

27:08

You know, if I had a fight, I fought. If

27:10

I lost, I lost, you know, you

27:12

know, everyone, everyone's a tough guy. They never lost a

27:14

fight. It's the full shit. Okay. But,

27:19

you know, and that's like, We

27:22

went from playing with G .I.

27:24

Joe Dolls to fucking being drug

27:26

dealers on the corner and drinking

27:28

and getting high and just total

27:30

insanity. And I used to be

27:32

like, you know, I used to like playing baseball. I used

27:35

to like playing baseball. Like, what happened? What

27:37

happened? Like the streets of Brooklyn, like, you

27:39

know, I said this other day,

27:42

like in Richfield, there's sick people

27:44

in Richfield, but Brooklyn,

27:46

there's just thousands of more sick

27:48

people. It's just... it was

27:50

a different time and you had a like, you

27:53

know, you always had to look over your shoulder

27:55

and you had to learn, you had to defend

27:58

yourself or people would pick on you, you know,

28:00

and, you know, and I hung out a bunch

28:02

of guys who were, you know,

28:04

they called us a little Irish mob. We'd

28:06

get drunk and look for fights all the

28:08

time, you know, and, you know, I grew

28:11

up in mostly Irish neighborhood, you know, and

28:14

Irish, Italian, It

28:16

was very diverse, you know,

28:18

but white people diverse, you

28:20

know, like you had Irish,

28:22

Italian, Polish, Norwegian, a

28:25

lot of Norwegians, Greek, and

28:28

German, you know, and

28:30

a lot of Jews, Jewish people. And

28:33

there was some Puerto Ricans, you

28:36

know, and, but

28:39

like Greeks did not like

28:42

the Irish. They didn't

28:44

like their kids hanging out with us. Italians

28:47

and Irish always hated each other, but at this point,

28:49

we're starting to like each other. But

28:52

Norwegians were just like the Irish

28:54

just drinking the fight. But

28:57

it was, the

28:59

good thing about going, you learn about

29:01

other people and you learn how the

29:04

food and their cultures and stuff, and

29:06

if you pay attention to that stuff,

29:08

it's pretty cool. But

29:10

when you get caught up in the game, the

29:13

street game, like you could get caught up in the street

29:15

game and never get high and never drink. It's

29:17

just those streets, they're vicious. They

29:19

take total control of you. And

29:23

it's remarkable how some people make it

29:25

out of there. Like I just couldn't,

29:27

like I didn't find it necessary. Like

29:29

why go to school? Why to work?

29:31

Why work? Why do these things? Let's

29:34

just get high and make money.

29:36

Did you finish high school? I

29:39

finished high school in rehab. Yeah,

29:43

so, I mean, for 10 years,

29:47

I drank a high and it got to the

29:49

point where I would hide in a room like

29:51

this with the lights out getting high. I was

29:53

too scared to go down the hallway to go

29:55

to the bathroom. I would pee

29:57

in a bottle, whatever. The paranoia, I

30:00

would talk to myself, I would hallucinate.

30:02

And I freaked out one time. I

30:05

was so high and drunk. and someone

30:07

gave me some weed to calm down,

30:09

and Bill Cosby was on TV, and

30:12

he started talking to me through the TV, and

30:15

I started freaking. He's like, Joe, you

30:17

gotta calm down, buddy. And I was like, fucking,

30:19

I lost my mind, like, yeah. And

30:22

I probably would have been in a blackout

30:24

at that point, but I was so high

30:26

on coke that I was hallucinating. Like, electronic

30:28

spiders used to come out of the TVs

30:30

and run through the walls and stuff. You

30:33

know, I was like, yeah, I was losing

30:35

my mind. I was losing my mind and

30:37

I didn't know how to get out of

30:39

it. Like, how in the hell am I

30:41

gonna get out of this? And

30:43

I blamed everything on my dad not being here.

30:47

And I'd go into bars and people knew

30:49

who they knew my dad and they would

30:51

buy me a drink and then they wanted

30:53

a package and I'd go get them a

30:55

package and I'd make a little money and

30:57

I'd make them buy me a drink and

30:59

I would use that and I could go

31:01

out for days with no money and party.

31:04

And where I grew up in Bay

31:06

Ridge, back then there was bars everywhere.

31:08

You didn't need a car, there was

31:10

drugs everywhere. Everything you needed

31:12

was there. And

31:14

you just, you went

31:17

with the flow. Any

31:20

bar I went to, someone knew my

31:22

dad, my grandfather, my uncle, or

31:25

someone in my family, and I would get

31:27

a drink. And then

31:29

this guy would start talking to me, telling me a

31:31

story about my dad, and I'd be like, oh yeah,

31:33

but I'd use it, and then they'd get me another

31:35

drink. You know, way to get a coke, yeah,

31:37

could get a coke, you know, and I, boom. When

31:40

I was down and out, that's what I would do. And

31:43

I would just survive, and just

31:45

survive, get through to the addiction,

31:47

and you know, and

31:50

sometimes you take people's money, and so there was

31:52

this one bar, Kelly's

31:54

Tavern, I think it was called. They had

31:56

an entrance on Fifth Avenue and an entrance

31:58

on Fourth Avenue. It was like

32:00

the avenues came to like a point

32:03

together. And I would tell people, like

32:05

say, you gave me a hundred bucks. I'll be, yeah, wait

32:07

here, I'll be right back. I'll just walk through the bar,

32:09

go out the other door and fucking leave. You

32:13

know, and it's just, you know, and the guy,

32:15

and you drive by in your friend's car and

32:18

he's still waiting outside, you're like, soccer. You know,

32:20

it was like, you know. We

32:23

just that's it was like it was

32:25

neighborhood like before we even started getting

32:28

high and being drug dealers and like

32:30

what we do like we throw snowballs

32:32

at at cars and buses We ring

32:34

the bell and run we used to

32:36

make dummies and like when we were

32:39

like real young we make dummies one

32:41

time we made this dummy we stopped

32:43

like pants with newspapers and stuff we

32:45

put a bunch of ketchup in it

32:47

and Me and my, I

32:49

think it was my friend Mark Mahaney, we were

32:52

down by the bus stop and all my other

32:54

friends went up, there was a apartment building around

32:56

the corner from us and they went on the

32:58

roof and they put the dummy on the edge

33:01

of the building and I'd be like, oh my

33:03

God, they're gonna jump, they're gonna jump and the

33:05

people on the bus said, oh, and they fucking

33:07

threw the dummy and it comes down and it

33:10

hit the lamppost and all the ketchup on all

33:12

over the place. And

33:15

my neighbor was at the bus stop. He's like,

33:17

you little fucks. Because for

33:20

a minute it looked real. But to

33:22

us, that was having fun. That

33:25

was just regular Brooklyn fun. Fourth

33:27

of July is it was like a fucking war

33:29

zone. We blow the

33:31

neighborhoods up. The

33:33

Italian guys would just have a bonfire

33:35

and just light fireworks all day long.

33:37

And anything that blew up that didn't

33:39

go off, they would let us take.

33:43

And I'm like fucking eight years old

33:45

running in middle of these things. I

33:47

mean, it was just a different time.

33:50

It was definitely unsafe. I wouldn't let

33:53

my kids do it, but we survived

33:55

and you learn, you get a lot

33:57

of street spots from it, a lot

34:00

of common sense. And

34:02

I wouldn't change it for the

34:04

world. The only thing

34:06

I would want to change is having my dad in

34:08

my life. That's it. Yeah,

34:12

I got high for 10 years. I drank for

34:14

10 years heavy. I became an alcoholic, a drunk,

34:17

a drug addict. And

34:19

when I got sober, I

34:22

walked into a rehab. Many years

34:24

of being sick and tired of

34:26

being sick and tired and being

34:28

depressed and not knowing and not

34:30

liking where my life is. Waking

34:33

up on park benches and you know

34:36

crashing on someone's couch and going in

34:38

the store and using the deodorant and

34:40

putting it back on the shelf and

34:42

wearing the same underwear for a week

34:44

and Turn them inside out thinking they're

34:46

clean like you just stopped playing these

34:48

mental games in your head and and

34:51

you always think like you know, I

34:53

had three meals a day You know,

34:55

I was taught right, you

34:57

know, everything was like what

34:59

happened like what happened and

35:02

It doesn't discriminate. It doesn't

35:04

matter where you come from

35:07

or whatever. And I walked

35:09

into a rehab. I

35:12

started going to some meetings

35:14

and started meeting people. But

35:18

I didn't want to change

35:20

my ways. And I walked

35:22

into a rehab, a therapy

35:24

community, March 1st, 1994. And

35:27

that's when my life changed. I

35:29

was there for a year and a half. They

35:35

fucking verbally beat the shit out of

35:37

you. There

35:39

was a lot of guys looking at a lot

35:41

of time there, but they got a plea to

35:43

go there and some guys couldn't take it. They

35:45

left and went to prison. I was like, you're

35:47

out of your fucking mind. I

35:50

was there. I never got

35:52

caught doing anything. Any time I got caught, I

35:54

was let go. I had a pound of weed

35:56

on me and cops, just get the fuck out

35:58

of here. You know, I was riding

36:00

graffiti one time and I got totally busted and they're like,

36:03

they're like, I told my dad died in line duty and the

36:05

guy smacked the shit out of me and said, that's how you

36:07

respect them and let me go. Stone cars,

36:09

like, got caught in stone cars and

36:11

they just fucking smacked. Like, I always

36:14

got lucky. We are 30 seconds of

36:16

carefree bliss. Oh, like winding your hair

36:18

carefree. Oh, like using Clorox disinfecting all

36:21

purpose cleaner in the home carefree. Yes.

36:23

Like Doc's sobbing on the coffee table

36:25

and cleaning it with Clorox carefree? He's

36:27

on a roll now. Spit toothpaste on

36:30

the faucet. You got it. You got

36:32

it. He nut

36:34

butter on the light switch.

36:36

Oh, sprit spritz. Yeah, sprit

36:39

spritz. Clorox, man. Clean

36:41

feels good. K, we're back. Use

36:43

as directed. Running a business

36:46

comes with a lot of what ifs.

36:48

But luckily, there's a simple answer to

36:50

them. Shopify. It's the commerce

36:52

platform behind millions of businesses, including

36:54

Thrive Cosmetics and Momofuku, and it'll

36:56

help you with everything you need.

36:59

From website design and marketing, to

37:01

boosting sales and expanding operations, Shopify

37:03

can get the job done and make your dream

37:06

a reality. Turn those what

37:08

-ifs into... Sign up for your

37:10

$1 per month trial at Shopify

37:12

.com/Special Offer. Home

37:14

means something different to everyone.

37:17

But with Rocket Mortgage, home can

37:19

mean even more. They can mean

37:21

a college education, taming your high

37:24

interest debt, even a renovation. We've

37:27

made it easier than ever to use your home equity.

37:29

That home you worked so hard for? Now it

37:31

can work hard for you. Call 800

37:34

-4 -ROCKET or visit rocket .com to

37:36

find out more. Rocket

37:38

Mortgage, LLC, licensed in all

37:40

50 states. NMLS, consumeraccess .org,

37:43

number 3030. You know,

37:45

I don't know why, but... do you

37:47

think you had that luck and your

37:49

brother didn't? I don't know. I

37:51

can't explain that. Well,

37:53

my brother did it more, so I don't know if

37:56

it was luck, you know. But you were with him

37:58

for a lot, right? I was... You lived together? Yeah,

38:01

we lived together, but he stole cars,

38:03

he stole anything. Like, I didn't really,

38:05

I didn't steal that much. Like, I

38:07

rather make money on the side and

38:09

I just wasn't into that, you know

38:11

what I mean? And

38:15

I thought it was like driving around in a

38:17

stolen car. I thought it was stupid. Like what

38:19

like you're gonna get caught. Everyone always gets caught.

38:22

Like these guys used to leave stolen cars on my

38:24

street and they used to fight over the stolen cars.

38:26

Who's cars? Who? It's like guys, the fucking cars are

38:28

stolen. They're not yours. My brother, this guy Sal, this

38:31

guy Steven, they used to fight over them. You

38:33

know, they both have like three stolen cars and like

38:36

what car are they gonna drive to? Like they're fucking

38:38

out of their minds. They're stolen. They're not yours. And

38:42

And this, you know, there was like, that

38:44

was a whole nother thing. Like, I

38:47

remember one time my friend, Brian and Sal, were

38:49

getting into a fight with these guys and these

38:51

guys jumped out of their trans Ams or Iroxies

38:53

and my brother was walking by and they were,

38:56

these guys jumped out to fight them and my

38:58

brother jumped in the car and fucking stole it.

39:00

So they got their asses kicked and they got

39:02

their car stolen at the same time. And then

39:05

he found a place to sell it, you know,

39:07

and so then he started jumping in cars and

39:09

selling them all the time, you know. But

39:13

like, like he would, he walked

39:15

into a crack house one time

39:17

in downtown Brooklyn, like Bed -Stuy

39:19

area. And back then, you know,

39:21

black neighborhood was a black neighborhood,

39:23

a white neighborhood was a white

39:25

neighborhood. He went in there and

39:27

he robbed them. And as he's

39:29

running out, he jumped in a

39:31

car and he took off and

39:33

they started chasing him because it

39:35

was their car. So he's robbed,

39:37

he robbed the spot and he

39:39

robbed their car. And now he's,

39:42

Driving through Brooklyn and like down

39:44

like bedside area to Bay Ridge.

39:46

That's like almost here to where

39:48

I came from in Orange County,

39:50

New York, but city streets and

39:52

They're chasing them and now the

39:54

cops are chasing because it's you

39:56

know, and so the drug deals

39:58

ain't chasing them anymore So now

40:00

he's getting chased by the police

40:02

and he's on the BQE going

40:04

towards the horizontal bridge and Back

40:06

then the bottom of the bridge

40:08

used to be shut down like

40:10

at night. And he just,

40:13

he went through the batteries and he was going on, he was

40:15

on the bottom bridge. Now they come from Staten Island. And

40:18

he tried like, you know, like the little

40:20

intersections where you're not supposed to do U

40:22

-turn. He tried to turn there and he

40:24

fucking crashed and started running and they were

40:26

shooting at him. You know, and he looked

40:28

over the side the horizontal bridge and he

40:31

climbed on the other side of the horizontal

40:33

bridge. And he found this, it

40:35

was like he climbed and he went into this

40:37

like, it was like an L, like

40:40

he got into a beam and he laid there

40:42

and he fell asleep. You know how

40:44

he had it? Like he was under the Verrazano

40:46

bridge, fucking sleeping. And

40:48

meanwhile there's boats and helicopters looking

40:50

for him. And I remember, cause

40:53

it was a beautiful spring night. And in the

40:55

neighborhood, everyone's like, yeah, someone jumped off the bridge.

40:57

Somebody else jumped off the bridge. And I remember

40:59

I was an 83rd and 5th and I remember

41:01

seeing the helicopters. And we

41:03

were like laughing. And I go home

41:05

that night. I go home. I'm sleeping.

41:08

And my brother comes in whenever he came

41:10

in. He's like, he wakes me

41:12

up. He goes, is anyone looking for me? I'm

41:14

like. No, I was like, what you

41:16

do? And then he tells me this story. I was

41:18

like, are you out of your fucking mind? He goes,

41:21

yeah, I walk. I goes, I fell asleep. I don't

41:23

know how long I was sleeping up there. He goes,

41:25

but when I woke up, I smelled salt. And

41:28

then he goes, and I was

41:30

like, and I started remembering what

41:32

happened. And I climbed back up

41:34

and I looked and I just

41:36

walked off. He walked off the

41:38

bridge and he walked right to

41:40

our house, right along the BQE

41:42

to the 79th Street exit

41:45

for an Hamilton Parkway exit by PS

41:47

127 over the overpass right into our

41:49

house and They never knew it was

41:51

him. No, I noticed him walking back

41:53

No, no, no, and because he was

41:55

he's probably sleeping three four hours up

41:57

there You know, maybe longer he could

41:59

have been up there 12 hours sleeping.

42:01

I mean, he's dead now, so I

42:03

don't know how to ask him but

42:05

um and But this was my roommate,

42:07

you know, and he did shit like

42:10

this all the time And

42:12

I was more like, hang out in the corner,

42:15

get into a scuffle, selling drugs, and

42:17

like, you know, I like chasing women

42:19

more, you know. And

42:21

partying, you know. And

42:23

he was the opposite, where he would

42:25

just rob, he'd rob anything. Like

42:28

we'd be in here doing this, now he'd be

42:30

going through everything out there. We'd go out, it'd

42:32

be fucking gone. Like he's still anything. He came

42:34

home with toilet seats one time. Like what the

42:36

fuck you doing with these? He did

42:38

not give a fuck. you know, and that's just

42:40

who he was, you know, and I was the

42:42

opposite. Like I used to come home and just

42:44

punch him in the face while he was sleeping.

42:47

Like I'd be walking with my girlfriend and guys

42:49

would jump me and want to fight me. And

42:51

like she would have to fight too. And like

42:53

we'll fight because when you're someone's brother, you do

42:55

the same shit. Like I didn't rob car radios.

42:57

I didn't steal. I don't know how to steal

42:59

a car. You know, I didn't know how to

43:01

do that shit. Like they do something with a

43:03

screwdriver and like I just never did that crap.

43:06

But like a lot of guys, I grew

43:08

up with it, you know, like the first

43:11

time I was in a stolen car, I

43:13

was probably 10 years old and my brother

43:15

was driving. My friend Steven stole it and

43:17

he had to go to the bathroom. So

43:20

he let my brother drive and we're driving.

43:22

And within five minutes, he, we got into

43:24

an accident and someone said, the cops, the

43:26

company put it in reverse and he did

43:29

about 90 going backwards almost killed two people.

43:31

total two more cars. And

43:33

then next thing I know, we're running and people

43:35

chasing us and I was 10 years old and

43:38

we're three blocks away from my house. It's

43:40

like, it's like going down here

43:42

to, you know, three

43:45

blocks is nothing. And no one knew

43:47

it was us. It

43:49

was like fucking one o 'clock in the afternoon. And,

43:52

but then my friend walks like, we gotta go

43:54

back and get the key because our fingerprints are

43:56

gonna be on there. You know, I was 10,

43:58

he was like 12. And then

44:00

these guys grabbed me and I just started playing

44:02

the crying game and saying, they made me get

44:05

in the car, you're bullying me and all this

44:07

bullshit and they let me go. Back

44:11

then people didn't really rat people out, you

44:14

know I mean? Cause there was a

44:16

whole nother world that you don't want,

44:18

you kept your mouth shut, you know?

44:20

And so I guess I got lucky.

44:22

I mean, I was lucky cause I

44:25

could have got arrested for that. I

44:27

mean, I was, I don't know what happened me at 10

44:29

years old. They probably would smack the shit out of me

44:31

and took me home. But who knows, you

44:33

know, but I remember that, like, you know,

44:36

but that was fun. That was like, you

44:38

know, instead of playing stickball, that's what we

44:40

did. You know, shit like that, stupid shit.

44:42

What about college? Did you want to go

44:44

when you were in high school? Were you

44:46

thinking that? I always thought about going to

44:49

college, but high school was smoking weed, selling

44:51

weed, pitching quarters, and going to my girlfriend's

44:53

house in party. And that was high school.

44:55

High school was a fucking joke. I

44:58

went to Fort Hamilton High School. It

45:00

was a joke. It was, you

45:02

know, I

45:05

remember when I came home one spring,

45:07

my mother's sitting on the soup. She's

45:09

like, you didn't go to school all

45:11

year. It's like, nah. And she's like,

45:13

and she couldn't say anything now. She's

45:15

like, this big now and I'm fucking

45:18

huge, you know, and, but I started

45:20

going back because I was the youngest

45:22

of all my friends and I started

45:24

going back and I got up to

45:26

like 36 credits and then I just,

45:28

my addiction took over and I just

45:30

couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.

45:33

And, you know, but

45:36

I always like, Some

45:39

people went to college, it

45:41

just never really talked about.

45:44

Even like, my grandfather would talk about

45:46

it, but my grandfather's, but nah. Where

45:49

was your mom throughout all this? Do

45:51

you feel like she enabled you at

45:53

all? I don't think

45:56

my mom knew how to handle me

45:58

and my brother, especially my brother. She

46:02

tried to protect us. I

46:04

remember when my brother was, The

46:07

first time he was going to prison

46:09

and she needed to get my own

46:11

seven thousand dollars bail from She took

46:13

it out of my bank account It

46:16

was seven thousand five hundred and one

46:18

dollar to bail them out and we

46:20

I remember we thought she threw us

46:22

all in the car We had this

46:24

old station wagon had holes in it

46:26

like you see you can see the

46:28

the street when you're driving and she

46:31

was flying down downtown Brooklyn you

46:33

know, to get to the court to bail him out.

46:35

And I remember her running back out to get a

46:37

dollar. She needed a dollar. And

46:40

then he came out, she got

46:42

him bailed out and he just

46:44

went back to the same, like

46:46

she tried. She, you know,

46:49

she loved us. She loved us

46:51

unconditionally and, but she had her

46:53

own problems, you know, and I

46:55

don't blame her for nothing. You

46:57

know, she had her own problems.

46:59

She was a teenager having kids.

47:01

You know, she had my brother when she's 17.

47:04

She had me when she was 19. She had

47:06

a miscarriage in between us. And then she took

47:08

off for six years and had four in a

47:10

row, you know,

47:12

and, um, it

47:16

was, you know, and there was no favoritisms.

47:18

I don't, I don't think so. I mean,

47:20

my other brothers might think that I don't

47:22

think so. We were treated the same and,

47:24

uh, but. When

47:27

addiction takes over, you

47:30

know, as much as your parents

47:32

love you or anyone loves you,

47:34

it's really doesn't, you're going to

47:36

do what you're going to do,

47:38

you know, end off. You

47:41

know, and I used to blame like, oh, you

47:43

don't love me enough. And I used to do

47:45

that blame game, but none of that was true.

47:47

None of that was true. It was all bullshit.

47:50

is the poor me's. My life would

47:52

be better if my dad was alive.

47:55

My life would be this. If

47:57

you gave me a chance or gave me a job,

48:00

like you did my brother or my cousin, whatever, it's

48:02

all bullshit. It's all bullshit. How

48:05

big of an impact do you think

48:07

that being exposed to alcohol in the

48:09

restaurant such a young age had on

48:11

you and your alcoholism later on and

48:13

your teens and 20s? I

48:19

love, like

48:21

even your bar out there, I was attracted looking

48:23

at it. You know what I mean? But I understand

48:25

that today. At

48:29

a young age, I loved it. mean, I had

48:31

my first bar fight when I was like five.

48:37

My dad owned a bar called horse feathers

48:39

in Brooklyn and and he had us for

48:41

the weekend My mother and stepfather went away

48:43

or something or I don't know where they

48:45

went what they did and he gave us

48:47

a roll quarters to play asteroids and Of

48:49

course my brother Rob the quarters at the

48:51

end, you know, and we got into a

48:53

fight And I remember they made a circle

48:55

in the bar and I punched them in

48:57

the fucking nose and everyone cheered me on

48:59

and they're holding me up. I'm five years

49:01

old cause I had to be five when

49:03

my dad was still around. And

49:05

I just remember that excitement. I was like,

49:08

this is cool. And I

49:10

just love everything. Like I'm very comfortable

49:12

going into a bar. It's just me.

49:14

It's like, it's, it's, I don't know

49:16

how to explain it. It's just comfortability.

49:18

It's just, It's like being in heaven.

49:20

It's fucking, I love it. But I

49:22

could go, I don't hang out in

49:24

bars anymore. I'm in there, I'm comfortable.

49:27

I don't think of drinking anymore. But

49:29

back then it was like, you know,

49:31

give me a shot of bourbon right

49:33

now. Give me a do is, you

49:35

know, give me a nice fucking tap

49:37

beer, you know? Let me

49:39

do a blast of coke. Like my routine was I

49:41

would do a blast of coke. I

49:44

would do a, would a beer chaser and do

49:46

a shot of bourbon and go do another blast

49:48

of coke, you know? And then

49:50

I puke and then I'd be fine and

49:52

I could keep going. And

49:54

I absolutely loved it.

49:57

I fucking loved it.

49:59

And all kinds of

50:01

things happen in bars,

50:04

all kinds of things. You

50:06

meet some fucking, there's some good stories. But

50:11

when you're in the middle of it, you

50:13

start seeing it. And that's

50:15

when then you just, oh, I ain't as bad

50:18

as him. Like I hung out

50:20

in this bar where I drank for free. He

50:22

was a good friend of my dad's and he

50:24

let me drink tap here for free. And

50:27

I used to, you know, and I used to

50:29

watch the bartenders firm and stuff and I was

50:31

selling blow in there and I was making a

50:33

lot of money selling blow. And,

50:35

but he used to put like moist to

50:37

brow on the fucking Budweiser taps and that

50:40

shit was, oh, the heartburn it gave you.

50:42

It was fucking horrible. And,

50:45

but the bartenders used to push

50:47

do a shot in my fucking

50:49

mug of beer. You

50:52

know, and I would be drinking and be like,

50:54

this shit's disgusting. And I'd be

50:56

like, why am I getting so fucking high? Like,

50:58

I'd be flying. And

51:01

I would drink like 12 of those fucking things.

51:04

And, ah. I

51:06

would drink like 12 of those

51:08

fucking things and I'd be fucking

51:11

flying. But I was so jacked

51:13

on coke, I would be yelling

51:15

and screaming at people. I

51:17

was fucking nuts. And

51:19

they'd be like, and they called me Junior.

51:22

I don't know why they called me Junior.

51:24

They'd be like, you gotta calm down, you

51:26

gotta calm down. I was like, fuck you,

51:28

you fucking greaseball, fuck you. You

51:31

know, I used to take the mop out

51:34

because there's a lot of tying guys hung

51:36

out there. I take the mop out and

51:38

I start mopping the floor like what are

51:41

you doing? So I get all the grease

51:43

off the floor from your fucking grease balls

51:45

and But but I would get everyone I

51:47

made you know, that's how I made money.

51:50

I Just get everyone coke. I drink for

51:52

free the bartenders would give me a couple

51:54

of dollars for watching them and and running

51:57

to change the kegs or whatever, you

52:00

know, help them clean up at the end of the night. And

52:02

to me, I would justify, I would

52:04

justify the denial that way. Like,

52:06

well, I'm working, you know? I

52:09

mean, I remember, I

52:11

remember when I first started, so

52:14

I looked at it. The

52:16

wonder bread man did cocaine, the

52:19

tasty bread man did cocaine. The

52:22

guy who opened the post office,

52:24

the janitor, was doing coke during

52:26

this old, there was nurses and

52:28

doctors who used to come by

52:31

coke that worked in the Victory

52:33

Memorial Hospital. Everyone

52:37

in the bar, there was cops

52:39

who got high. There

52:45

was a med food in

52:47

Bay Ridge where I fucking

52:49

one day my brother says,

52:52

go bring this to the guys at

52:54

med food. you know, the store manager,

52:56

the store manager of MedFood did Coke.

52:59

So I figured he was gonna buy it and

53:01

like do it later on. I go into the

53:03

back of the office and MedFood and this fucking

53:05

MedFood's packed. It's still there today in Brooklyn Bay

53:08

Ridge. It's like, it's always

53:10

jam packed and these guys are

53:12

doing blow. You

53:14

know, they're not drinking, they're just doing blow and they got

53:16

the lights out in the office and there's three of them

53:18

back there and they're like paranoid. I'm like, the fuck are

53:20

you guys doing? And the produce

53:23

guy, the manager produce guy, this black

53:25

guy, he was getting high. And he's

53:27

fucking ducking under the apples and hiding

53:29

behind the fucking tomatoes. And he's like,

53:31

shh, be quiet. I'm like, the

53:33

fucking store's jammed. Be quiet, you know?

53:36

And they're like, when you weren't high and you saw

53:38

that, you're like, that shit's sick. But

53:41

then if you start getting high, you're

53:43

fucking hiding behind the apples and you're

53:45

fucking looking at the peak holes and

53:47

stuff. And it's just like, it's total

53:49

insanity. total insanity and I

53:51

never thought I would get out of

53:54

it but like I was just fine

53:56

the whole neighborhood was getting high like

53:58

the bread guy would be parked on

54:00

the side street the back of the

54:03

bread truck getting high it's like it's

54:05

supposed to be delivering the bread you

54:07

know and uh um it was fucking

54:10

insane like everybody got high cocaine was

54:12

everywhere everywhere They

54:14

weren't doing that, they were just,

54:16

they were alcoholic, or they were

54:18

fucking OTB gambling, degenerate gamblers, or

54:20

they were religious freaks, and

54:22

no one listened to those guys. And

54:25

then you had the crazy neighborhood guys

54:27

that were always shaking people down, and

54:29

you had to avoid them, or you

54:32

had to join them and hang out

54:34

with them for a while because they

54:36

really didn't have no choice. I was

54:39

coming home one time, my mother said,

54:42

She's like, you can come home. Like she

54:44

kicked me out and she said, I was

54:46

staying at my girlfriend's house and she's like,

54:49

you can come home. And I remember walking

54:51

from my, my girlfriend lived on 85th and

54:53

3rd and we lived on 78th and 6th.

54:55

And I was walking along 3rd Avenue and

54:58

I was, I was cutting up 79th street

55:00

and there used to be a gas station

55:02

there. And this guy, Chrissy was there. And

55:05

he was a guy, he didn't really fuck with, he

55:08

was older guy and he was a shakedown guy. And

55:11

he's like this, come here. I was like,

55:13

fuck. I was like, what's up?

55:15

He's like, make a phone call. I'm

55:18

like, dude, I just want to go home. He's

55:21

like, you ain't going home. I'm

55:23

like, fuck. So I call

55:25

these guys and they show up. And

55:29

you know, I sit

55:31

down, like there was a little like

55:33

wall there, like you could sit on

55:35

by the phone booth. if I

55:37

remember right. So I kind of make him get

55:39

out of the car to come to me. And

55:42

he comes out of nowhere and he starts

55:44

bitch slapping. He's fucking slapping the shit out

55:46

of him. And he just takes all their

55:48

shit. And he's like, let's go. He's

55:50

like, you guys get the fuck out of here. I'm like,

55:52

motherfucker, I just wanted to go home. You

55:55

know, I like, my mom wanted me to come

55:57

home. I wanted to go home. I wanted to

55:59

like a hug. You know, I just wanted, I

56:01

was fucking tired. You know, I'm like 21 years

56:03

old and I'm tired. I'm

56:06

like, I won't. And next thing I know, we're

56:08

in this house and he's smoking crack. And I

56:10

didn't want to get high with him because I

56:12

know I'm going to bug out. And I caused

56:14

like dead and I stopped bugging out. And now

56:16

this guy's fucking bugging out. And he walked with

56:18

a mirror. He walked with a mirror to see

56:21

what was behind them because he was always robbing

56:23

people. And he's a guy you

56:25

don't want to be standing next to. And

56:29

then he takes a kitchen knife. He

56:31

starts stabbing the closets. It's like, if

56:33

anyone's in these closets, they're fucking dead.

56:36

He's stabbing the closets. I'm like,

56:38

holy shit. And all of

56:40

a sudden this woman gets up. That

56:42

there was this guy was there for

56:44

that was his name. He was there,

56:46

but his girlfriend gets up She was

56:48

sleeping like behind the couch and she

56:51

had a witch hat on And she

56:53

gets up and she's like what's going

56:55

on and he fucking flip flips I

56:57

fucking left fucking got out of there

56:59

and then then now I'm joneson and

57:01

I just wanted to go home me

57:03

and I just wanted to go fucking

57:05

home, but no no the fucking streets

57:08

and And I'm two blocks from my

57:10

house right now And so

57:12

I call these guys again though, he just bitch

57:14

slapped the shit off. And I'm like,

57:16

I said, listen, Chris, you want some shit or is

57:18

he's gonna fucking kill you guys? And

57:20

these fucking idiots meet me and they give me

57:23

some shit. Then I go home. And

57:26

I got like four bags or whatever. There was

57:28

like 20 bags of Coke. And I went in

57:30

my house and I'm laying in my room just

57:32

getting high. And a couple days

57:35

later, I'm walking the avenue and the guy

57:37

Chrissy pulls up. He's like, you motherfucker, you

57:39

use my name? They get high. And

57:42

I was like, yeah, I did. Yeah, like,

57:44

but he wouldn't do anything to me. For

57:46

some reason, he liked me. And

57:48

my stepfather had a friend that

57:50

no one ever fucked with. And

57:52

he knew that this guy looked

57:55

out for me. And

57:57

I used that to my

57:59

advantage, you know? It's

58:03

like you just play the game. You

58:06

play the game. I

58:08

mean, I could sit here and bullshit you and tell

58:10

you all kinds of fights we got into and all

58:12

that shit. Yeah, great. But you play, it's

58:15

a survival game. Cause you just

58:17

feed in your addiction and it

58:19

gets deeper and deeper and deeper.

58:22

And you get depressed, you're

58:24

scared and you're living in fear.

58:27

You want to change. You don't

58:29

know how to do it. All

58:31

you do is manipulate and you

58:33

lie to your family. You live

58:36

to your loved ones, you know,

58:38

you can't hold a job. You

58:40

can't do anything and I mean,

58:42

it's like It's just it's just

58:45

horrible, you know and I Remember

58:47

it was 30 years 31 years

58:49

ago around this time I was

58:51

hanging on this pizzeria And I've

58:53

delivered pizza make a couple hours

58:56

and they'd feed me I've sell

58:58

a little weed I

59:00

was going to meetings and stuff and

59:02

I didn't listen to anything anyone said.

59:05

I didn't take any suggestions and I

59:07

just figured I'll figure it out and

59:09

the thing I didn't understand was I

59:12

can't do it my way. My way

59:14

doesn't work. I can't do how my

59:16

parents or loved ones or anyone's way.

59:20

And this guy Phil used

59:22

to encourage me to make

59:24

phone calls and get into

59:26

a therapeutic community. and

59:29

somehow, I don't know where this guy

59:31

came from. He knew my dad and

59:33

he would come meet me in this

59:35

pizzeria and he'd make sure I ate

59:37

and stuff and the guys in the

59:39

pizzeria like, you gotta watch out, this

59:42

guy might be a fag where everything

59:44

was like an angle in Brooklyn and

59:46

it was nothing like that. And he,

59:48

I guess he might've been sober and

59:50

clean, he was just trying to help

59:52

people, you know, or he's a religious

59:54

guy just trying to help people and

59:57

he, It kind

59:59

of led me in the direction

1:00:01

along with my my dad's best

1:00:03

friend Marty Gold and Somehow I

1:00:06

got into a detox and the

1:00:08

first time I ever heard about

1:00:10

addiction and Actually, let me go

1:00:13

back a little that was November

1:00:15

in 93. I got into a

1:00:17

detox St. John's detox and rock

1:00:19

rock away Queens and I Didn't

1:00:22

I didn't drink a drug for

1:00:24

21 days and That

1:00:27

was the longest in 10 years. And

1:00:30

I remember sitting there. I remember at the

1:00:32

end, like my last day there, they did

1:00:35

a test to see if I had a

1:00:37

heart attack because I thought I had a

1:00:39

heart attack like a year before that. It

1:00:42

was East to Sunday and I just

1:00:44

remember like I had these chest pains

1:00:46

and I kind of bounced off the

1:00:48

couch and I never went to the

1:00:50

doctor. you know, start drinking white wine

1:00:52

because I knew it was good for

1:00:54

you. The NBA 82 game grind is

1:00:57

done and now the real fun begins.

1:00:59

The NBA playoffs are here and

1:01:01

DraftKings Sportsbook has you covered as

1:01:03

an official sports betting partner of

1:01:05

the NBA. Make it a

1:01:07

playoff run to remember with DraftKings.

1:01:10

Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and

1:01:12

use code field goal. That's code

1:01:14

field goal for new customers to

1:01:16

get $200 in bonus bets when

1:01:18

you bet just five bucks only

1:01:20

on DraftKings. The Crown is yours.

1:01:23

Gambling problem call 1 -800 -GAMBLER

1:01:25

in New York call 877 -8

1:01:27

-HOPEN -Y or text HOPEN -Y

1:01:29

467 -369. In Connecticut help is

1:01:31

available for problem gambling call 888

1:01:33

-789 -7777 or visit ccpg .org.

1:01:35

Please play responsibly. On behalf of

1:01:38

Boothill Casino and Resorting Kansas, 21

1:01:40

and over. Age and eligibility varies

1:01:42

by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. New

1:01:44

customers only. Bonus bets expire 168

1:01:46

hours after issuance. Four additional terms

1:01:48

are responsible gaming It's

1:01:55

just the stupidity that I thought they said red wine is

1:01:57

good for the heart. I was drinking a white wine, this

1:02:00

fucking bartender. I told her, I think I had a heart

1:02:02

attack. She's like, well, maybe she'll have some wine. I said,

1:02:04

yeah, give me some wine. I think I drank a gallon

1:02:06

of wine that night. This fucking lady, Jeannie. It

1:02:09

made you stupid and you're always

1:02:11

around stupid people. It's just like,

1:02:14

it's fucking insane. And

1:02:18

I remember being this detox and I took the TV

1:02:20

and I put it in the corner and I was

1:02:22

the one, the only white guy. There's a couple of

1:02:24

white guys. Mostly everyone was black in there. And

1:02:27

I remember there's this nice little black lady.

1:02:30

She would watch TV with me. But

1:02:32

then there's two black guys say, how come we gotta

1:02:34

watch what you're watching? And I said, because we are.

1:02:37

I was ready to fight over TV. And this lady,

1:02:39

I don't remember her name. She was so nice. She

1:02:41

goes, why don't you guys

1:02:44

leave him alone? He watches some good shows

1:02:46

and they just, They didn't say anything. And

1:02:48

I was like, thank God, like I'm ready

1:02:50

to fight and rehab and the detox. You

1:02:52

know what I mean? It's like, and then

1:02:54

there was this other guy going through everyone's

1:02:56

drawers and shit, stealing all this shit, the

1:02:58

white guy. And I was like, he's like,

1:03:00

I ain't with you. I ain't fucking with

1:03:02

nobody. I'm hanging out this young, this old

1:03:04

lady watching TV. I didn't not

1:03:07

want to be there, but I didn't

1:03:09

want to get high anymore. And I

1:03:11

wanted to change my life. And I

1:03:13

was scared and I was lonely and,

1:03:15

and, uh, I

1:03:19

left there and I remember I went

1:03:21

to a meeting and this guy took

1:03:23

me to a meeting. This guy I

1:03:25

didn't like. I don't even know how

1:03:27

he knew I needed to go to

1:03:29

a meeting. I didn't like him. He

1:03:33

was a fucking asshole, but he took me

1:03:35

to this meeting and I'm like, I don't

1:03:37

even know how it happened. It was in

1:03:39

Sunset Park, Brooklyn. It was in the basement

1:03:41

of a church, like 53rd Street and 4th

1:03:43

Avenue. Or

1:03:46

a hall or something and it

1:03:48

was November and it was cold

1:03:51

out and the windows were open

1:03:53

or there was no heat and

1:03:55

I just remember there's this guy

1:03:57

in there He was wearing a

1:03:59

leather vest Put no no shirt

1:04:01

underneath that and it's fucking freezing

1:04:03

and I'm like this fucking guy's

1:04:05

office rocker And I

1:04:07

remember this girl talking about how she got

1:04:09

a bad haircut and she paid all this

1:04:11

money and shit. And he just said, you

1:04:13

know what? I don't want to hear about

1:04:16

your fucking haircut. I want to hear about

1:04:18

your fucking addiction and the shit you were

1:04:20

doing and the cocks you were sucking all

1:04:22

this shit. I was like, yeah, baby, this

1:04:24

place is good. And I was just attracted

1:04:26

to it. And I was

1:04:28

like, wow, that was cool. So then I

1:04:30

was willing to go. I kept going. But

1:04:33

I wouldn't do anything. I would just do

1:04:35

it my way. And then I started drinking

1:04:38

again, because I didn't think drinking was a

1:04:40

problem. And those guys

1:04:42

said maybe you should go to the other

1:04:44

fellowship. And I did. And they, it was

1:04:46

the same thing. And you

1:04:48

can't be selling, when you go into

1:04:50

a fellowship, you can't be selling weed

1:04:52

to guys in his fellowship. Like it's

1:04:54

not going to work. And I went

1:04:56

to another detox. It was in Staten

1:04:58

Island. And I

1:05:00

listened. I participated.

1:05:05

I really wanted to

1:05:08

do it. And

1:05:11

all of a sudden, this young

1:05:13

lady sat next to me, next

1:05:16

to me, no, she's giving me hand jobs. It's

1:05:19

like, it's like, okay. And

1:05:21

I remember this old guy looking, he's like, oh,

1:05:23

you have a good time, Joe. It was like,

1:05:26

it was just, it was crazy. And, Then

1:05:30

like two days later, I was like, yeah, I don't want

1:05:32

to mess with you. Like I want to get sober. And

1:05:35

she just, then she was giving the next guy

1:05:37

hand jobs. And it was like, whatever. You

1:05:40

know, and I was 24 at the

1:05:42

time. And when I left there at

1:05:44

the 10 days, I went right to

1:05:46

a meeting like they told me to

1:05:48

do. And there

1:05:50

was a guy drinking a

1:05:53

beer in the meeting. Before

1:05:56

it started and some guy came up and

1:05:58

he says put the beer outside gave him

1:06:00

a sandwich and a couple dollars a homeless

1:06:03

guy and it started and I was like,

1:06:05

okay I was cool then I went over

1:06:07

the I got on the bus went over

1:06:10

the bridge to Brooklyn and Walked in my

1:06:12

uncle's bar. I showed them my my coin

1:06:14

from detox and they were all like and

1:06:16

who gives a fuck and That night I

1:06:19

was in a house in a board in

1:06:21

half boredom room with people shooting heroin And

1:06:23

I started getting high and I just started

1:06:25

crying like, what the fuck is going on?

1:06:28

Why can't I stop this? But

1:06:30

the next day I went to him meeting and

1:06:32

I told him, I lied, I have 11 days

1:06:35

and everyone clapped for me. And

1:06:37

it felt good, like they're clapping for

1:06:39

me, you know? And then I, the

1:06:43

next day I had like 30 days and they really

1:06:45

clapped. And then I had like 90 days and some

1:06:47

guy said, how many fucking days are you gonna bolted?

1:06:49

You know? and then March

1:06:51

1st, 1994, because I kept

1:06:54

going, I kept getting high and kept drinking,

1:06:56

but I kept going, I kept hearing the

1:06:58

word, therapy community, therapy community. And

1:07:00

this guy, Phil, that I was telling you

1:07:02

about, encouraged me to get on a list,

1:07:04

and I had a call every day, and

1:07:06

I just had to beg for like a

1:07:08

quarter, get in the phone booth and call

1:07:11

and, and... And I was living in this

1:07:13

boarding house. I just bring a mattress and

1:07:15

this guy like, say it was your room.

1:07:17

I said, I'm staying with you and you

1:07:19

don't have a choice. Cause I wasn't sleeping

1:07:21

on the fucking street. It was cold. And

1:07:24

this guy was from Boston, Boston

1:07:27

Rob. We called him. He

1:07:29

was a sucker from Boston, you know, and

1:07:31

he left. It was his border. I was

1:07:33

there for like three weeks and then in

1:07:35

the landlord would be like, yeah, he's back.

1:07:37

His sister died some bullshit. You know I

1:07:39

mean? And they let I stayed there and

1:07:41

it's stunk in there. It smelled like piss.

1:07:43

It was fucking horrible. And

1:07:46

I remember the one day I called.

1:07:48

They're like, yeah, we have a bed

1:07:50

for you. You got to be here

1:07:52

tomorrow morning. And I

1:07:54

got, that was the longest train ride from Brooklyn

1:07:57

to Queens in my life. And I walked into

1:07:59

that place and I never looked back. And

1:08:02

it was tough.

1:08:07

I manipulated the first nine months I was

1:08:09

in there, I did everything my way. You

1:08:12

know, and then I broke down, I started

1:08:14

getting honest. They let me start

1:08:16

over, they let me stay. And

1:08:18

I finished high school in there. You

1:08:21

know, they had, New

1:08:23

York City offsite education services there.

1:08:26

So they were like, well, you got to do your

1:08:28

GED, but we could probably help you get your high

1:08:31

school diploma too. So I ended up going to have

1:08:33

a GED and a high school diploma. And

1:08:35

they did a graduation the

1:08:37

whole nine. I got to go to

1:08:40

college for a year, or a

1:08:42

semester or whatever. I went to Sullivan

1:08:44

County Community College. I did

1:08:46

a culinary there. It was pretty

1:08:49

cool. And

1:08:53

then I was there for a year

1:08:55

and a half. I learned a lot

1:08:57

about the disease I have. I

1:09:00

learned about getting honest. I

1:09:02

used to sit in groups for like 12

1:09:04

hour groups and you would have to put

1:09:07

a deep talk secret on a piece of

1:09:09

paper and they put it in the hat

1:09:11

and the council would pull it out and

1:09:14

then you would talk about your deep talk

1:09:16

secret. she would try

1:09:18

to encourage you to talk about. And

1:09:20

I was like, everyone was in their

1:09:22

thirties or forties or maybe even older.

1:09:25

I was the youngest person in that

1:09:27

room. And I remember this guy, this

1:09:29

guy, Linwood, he was talking about how

1:09:31

he raped a woman and how he

1:09:34

like fucking just ripped her apart. and

1:09:36

there was this other girl, I forgot her

1:09:39

name, and she's like, as he's talking, he's

1:09:41

crying, like he's fucking crying, and he's saying

1:09:43

everything at the end, and she just was

1:09:45

like, you motherfucker, and she

1:09:47

just fucking lost, like she lost her

1:09:50

mind on him, and I'm sitting there

1:09:52

like, holy shit, this

1:09:54

is fucked up, and,

1:09:57

but that encouraged me to get honest, because

1:10:00

at the end, they hugged, and,

1:10:04

And he helped her get out because she

1:10:06

was raped like that. And he

1:10:08

was honest enough to be honest

1:10:11

about it. And he did a

1:10:13

lot, he did 15 years for

1:10:15

it. And I talked about something

1:10:17

that happened to me when I

1:10:20

was a kid. And

1:10:22

someone took advantage of me and

1:10:24

I'll just leave it at that.

1:10:29

But you just get this,

1:10:34

You get it out of you and

1:10:36

you get this weight off you and

1:10:38

you just feel like you feel a

1:10:40

little free, I guess and You know

1:10:43

and you realize like when you're in

1:10:45

there You're not the only one that

1:10:47

has problems because that's the whole time

1:10:50

you're out there You're thinking you're the

1:10:52

only one that has problems. It's just

1:10:54

me. It's just me and you're not

1:10:57

fucking alone and You're not alone anymore

1:10:59

that was the That was the gift.

1:11:01

Like, I'm not alone. Like people understand

1:11:04

me, you know? I

1:11:06

mean, my shoelace was untied, I would drink and get

1:11:08

high. You know, you might not

1:11:10

understand it, but that's me. Like my friend

1:11:12

Rocco out there understands that. You stub your toe,

1:11:14

I gotta get high now. I stub my

1:11:16

fucking toe, you know? But

1:11:19

it's... And I started growing up

1:11:21

in there and I started changing

1:11:24

and I started changing my values

1:11:26

and I started becoming the person

1:11:29

I'm supposed to be. And

1:11:31

I never look back and

1:11:34

it's been going on 31

1:11:36

years now and I got

1:11:38

out of there, I got

1:11:40

a job. I got my

1:11:42

own apartment. I remember the first time I paid rent,

1:11:44

I called my grandma, I paid my rent. She's like,

1:11:46

you're fucking supposed to pay your rent though. I mean,

1:11:48

like things, that wasn't normal for me, you know what

1:11:50

I mean? But I still had

1:11:52

a lot of bad behaviors when I first got out. You

1:11:54

know, I was like, I go in the supermarket, I steal

1:11:57

all the groceries and pay for like the ham, you know

1:11:59

what I mean? I always

1:12:01

stole deodorant, I still shit at work

1:12:03

and I still have bad habits. But

1:12:06

once I started working a program

1:12:08

and putting principles in my life,

1:12:10

when I did those things, I

1:12:12

started feeling guilty and I started

1:12:14

growing up. Like when I was

1:12:16

26 is when I started really

1:12:18

growing up and I started changing

1:12:21

and started changing my values and

1:12:23

I was around a bunch of

1:12:25

people who didn't really judge me.

1:12:27

They always encouraged me to do

1:12:29

better, you know? And when I

1:12:31

did something wrong, they were like,

1:12:33

well, you made a mistake, you

1:12:35

know, you gotta change, you know,

1:12:37

or you can always be, you

1:12:39

know, They're just like, Joe, look in

1:12:41

the mirror. There's the answer to all your problems, you

1:12:44

know? They didn't degrade me. They didn't, you

1:12:46

know, they're like, you know,

1:12:48

you want to get kicked in the ass all the

1:12:50

time, keep doing it your way. You

1:12:53

know, we can't live by,

1:12:55

we can't do things our

1:12:57

way. And it just started

1:13:00

changing. And it

1:13:02

was, the change was scary, like

1:13:04

doing the right thing. Like it

1:13:06

was scary, not driving like an

1:13:09

asshole all the time. I used

1:13:11

to never wear a seatbelt because I didn't think it

1:13:13

was cool. I don't wear a fucking seatbelt. I got

1:13:15

that attitude, fuck you. Now I'm wearing

1:13:17

a seatbelt and it's uncomfortable because I'm doing the

1:13:19

right thing, a seatbelt. I mean,

1:13:21

that's how fucked up I was. And

1:13:24

I remember walking into the shop right and I ate

1:13:26

a grape. I felt guilty

1:13:28

because I ate a fucking grape

1:13:30

off the counter because I'm changing.

1:13:33

But if I didn't have a bunch of guys

1:13:35

to help me and guide me, I would fucking

1:13:38

run. I would run because I can't do it

1:13:40

alone. And they laughed at me

1:13:42

and they're like, Joe, it's a grape, calm

1:13:44

down. You're

1:13:47

going the right direction, but you got to relax

1:13:49

a little bit. Go eat

1:13:51

another grape, it's okay. And

1:13:55

I used to carry pounds

1:13:58

of weed on me and

1:14:00

cocaine and sell it and

1:14:02

now I'm worried about a

1:14:04

fucking grape. It's

1:14:06

like insane. And, but those

1:14:08

are the crossroads and those are the

1:14:11

turning points. And that's where you got

1:14:13

to confront your fears and have a

1:14:15

little faith and maybe say a prayer

1:14:18

or bring God into the situation or

1:14:20

pick up the phone and tell on

1:14:22

yourself and say, and get some guidance.

1:14:25

Cause you know, I wouldn't be here

1:14:27

today if I didn't have that, you

1:14:29

know, and there's so many people that,

1:14:34

that encouraged me and helped me and just,

1:14:36

it could have just been giving me a

1:14:38

hug or shaking my hand or they spoke

1:14:40

at a meeting or something and they just

1:14:42

said something inspiring. And

1:14:45

I met my

1:14:47

wife, we have

1:14:49

two kids, my boys

1:14:51

are 20 and 22. They

1:14:55

know my story, my wife

1:14:58

has a story and they

1:15:00

know about my brothers. Man,

1:15:04

I have a younger brother I didn't even talk about. I did

1:15:06

the same shit my older brother did, you know. But

1:15:12

this disease,

1:15:16

it took my older brother, it took

1:15:18

my younger brother last year. He

1:15:22

drank himself to death basically. He

1:15:24

fell in his head, had a brain

1:15:27

surgery and just his brain exploded and

1:15:29

we found him dead in his apartment

1:15:31

last year. My

1:15:33

mother died from just

1:15:36

drinking beer. Her

1:15:39

esophagus exploded. My

1:15:41

dad got killed by a drunk driver. I

1:15:44

have an aunt in Florida, my dad's

1:15:46

sister, who's been doing pills her whole

1:15:48

life. She's 70 -something years old. It's

1:15:51

amazing she's still alive. My

1:15:56

uncle died of he had liver failure

1:15:58

from drinking. it's

1:16:03

done a number out of my family

1:16:05

and it's all acceptable and it's all,

1:16:07

it's just a beer, it's just a

1:16:09

beer. Beer killed my mom. And

1:16:12

she used to drive us around and she would

1:16:15

have her can of beer and she had these

1:16:17

magnets that went around, they would say seven up

1:16:19

or a coke or something, it was straw. I

1:16:23

mean, it wasn't all horrible, there

1:16:26

was a lot of good times,

1:16:28

a lot of good family events,

1:16:32

you know, alcohol destroyed

1:16:34

a lot and addiction,

1:16:37

you know, and I

1:16:39

don't preach it. I'm

1:16:43

sober today, a long time. I'm grateful for

1:16:45

that. It doesn't mean I'm better than anybody.

1:16:48

I really just have today and

1:16:50

but for the grace of God,

1:16:52

go I, you know, thank God

1:16:54

I'm here today and I don't

1:16:56

need to be that gazillionaire. I

1:16:58

don't need to I

1:17:02

mean, don't get me wrong. If I win a lot,

1:17:04

I'll be happy, but you know I mean? But I

1:17:06

got everything I need today. You know,

1:17:08

not everything I want, but everything I need, you

1:17:10

know, God provides, you know. I

1:17:13

have a relationship with a higher power today. It's

1:17:15

very simple. How are you doing? Can you get

1:17:17

me help me with this or guide me the

1:17:19

right way? I feel good when I'm helping others.

1:17:22

When I can be a service to others

1:17:24

and not get anything in return, I feel

1:17:26

good. You know, I

1:17:29

got a successful career. Hopefully

1:17:31

I don't hear my story because they don't know all

1:17:34

this stuff. They know some of going to let you

1:17:36

near the items anymore. going to make their check your

1:17:38

pockets. They can check my pile

1:17:40

all they want. I don't care. I got nothing

1:17:42

to hide. I don't live like that. They

1:17:47

have ideas.

1:17:51

It's not just because I grew up in Brooklyn.

1:17:53

It doesn't matter where you grow up. Shit

1:17:56

happens. I think we all

1:17:58

have a path. a lot of

1:18:01

us get out of it and we can help

1:18:03

others with it. What I love about your story

1:18:05

is that you're just, you know, a normal guy

1:18:07

behind the counter that no one would ever know

1:18:09

has this past and story and I think that's

1:18:12

inspiring to others. I mean, like if my dad

1:18:14

didn't tell you, about what he

1:18:16

was going through with me, being in prison

1:18:18

and everything, you guys wouldn't have formed a

1:18:21

relationship and we wouldn't be here today. Yeah,

1:18:23

and if I wasn't sober, I would have

1:18:25

never had that conversation with you, Dad. Yeah.

1:18:28

I could care less. So you don't know

1:18:30

who you're gonna inspire or who you're gonna

1:18:32

help. There could be someone that walks in

1:18:34

to where you work and is struggling and

1:18:37

you're the one that, you know. And that's

1:18:39

God. That's God in a nutshell. You know?

1:18:41

Why do you think that your dad being

1:18:43

killed by a drunk driver didn't inspire you

1:18:46

or any of your family members to not

1:18:48

ever drink or go down path? Well, it

1:18:50

did, but 20 years later, you know? Yeah.

1:18:52

Why do you think it didn't have that

1:18:55

direct effect? I can't answer that from family

1:18:57

members, you know, because I

1:18:59

know my grandfather still drank and his

1:19:01

friends still drank. Alcohol is just

1:19:03

acceptable. It's acceptable. I mean, it's legal.

1:19:05

It's like we today. It's acceptable, you

1:19:07

know But there's there's a bad side

1:19:09

to it, you know I mean and

1:19:12

I'm not one of those people who

1:19:14

have two beers and go home like

1:19:16

I don't fucking understand that I have

1:19:18

a brother who's like, yeah, I gotta

1:19:20

go to work tomorrow. was like, well,

1:19:22

you leave it's empty. It's like you

1:19:24

got empty that what's the matter with

1:19:26

you? You know, I'm one of those

1:19:28

people and I didn't know that I

1:19:30

didn't know that and and I'm okay

1:19:32

with it. That doesn't bother me, you

1:19:34

know And if people

1:19:36

want to hold me to my past, then

1:19:38

that's their problem. I haven't been that person

1:19:40

in 31 years. It comes

1:19:43

out every now and then. I'm

1:19:45

human. That's the one thing I

1:19:47

learned. I'm human. We make mistakes.

1:19:50

We're not perfect. But

1:19:52

the end of the day, you can

1:19:54

make an amends for your mistakes. And

1:19:56

I know you're making an amends and

1:19:58

there's all kinds of amends. I

1:20:02

try to help others for the things I

1:20:04

did on the streets that those people

1:20:06

I hurt that I can't make amends to.

1:20:09

If it's even trying to train people

1:20:11

at work to be better and learn

1:20:13

more, but they got to be

1:20:16

willing to do it. And I wasn't willing. Today

1:20:18

I'm willing and I want to. And

1:20:21

it's a good

1:20:23

way to live.

1:20:26

Absolutely. I mean, I learned a lot because

1:20:29

of it. You know, I got that street

1:20:31

education. You know, I went to the university

1:20:33

at 79th Street and Fifth Avenue. You know,

1:20:35

it was a little tough, but you know,

1:20:37

I got my degrees. And I

1:20:39

got a lot of good people,

1:20:41

you know, like I met

1:20:43

my buddy out there right now. I met

1:20:45

him. I met him. He was

1:20:48

working in my house with my friend James, who I

1:20:50

know forever. And

1:20:53

my friend James, he's a great carpenter and

1:20:56

stuff. When he's working in my house, we

1:20:58

bought our house like seven years ago at

1:21:00

our new house. And he was redoing the

1:21:02

bathroom and I break his balls when I

1:21:04

come home. He'd get all mad, all sensitive.

1:21:07

I'd swipe and I'm like, and I would

1:21:09

just look at rocks. I'm just breaking his

1:21:11

balls. I don't care. And

1:21:13

one day I come home and there's a hole in

1:21:15

the, and from the bathroom to the bedroom, there's a

1:21:17

hole in the wall. I'm like,

1:21:19

James, what the fuck? There's

1:21:22

a hole in the wall like what happened

1:21:24

and I know he's gonna fix it But

1:21:27

I'm I want to break as well. He

1:21:29

goes oh Rocco did that Ryan Rocco is

1:21:31

he's like I didn't fucking do that, you

1:21:33

know, you know, I mean and you know,

1:21:36

but that's like it's like we could talk

1:21:38

seriously and we could talk smack We could

1:21:40

talk smack and go to serious conversation like

1:21:42

I never had that I could talk to

1:21:45

anyone of my friends say about what's going

1:21:47

on in my life You know, and I

1:21:49

have a wife I could do that with

1:21:52

You know, and my wife is, she's

1:21:56

my best

1:21:58

friend, always

1:22:00

had my back and always

1:22:03

been there for me. Even

1:22:06

when I wanted to kill her, she wanted

1:22:08

to kill me. mean, I'm

1:22:12

blessed,

1:22:15

you know, and we've been married

1:22:17

22 years, going on 23 years.

1:22:26

We had our struggles, but we

1:22:28

got through it. Just

1:22:30

like any other couple. She

1:22:35

has her demons, I have mine.

1:22:40

Supposedly it goes into the family, so you worry

1:22:43

about your kids. But

1:22:46

I never had a friend like

1:22:48

her. I

1:22:52

mean, maybe I did and I just didn't

1:22:54

understand, you know, I was a kid, but

1:22:58

now she's always had

1:23:00

my back more than

1:23:02

anybody. And

1:23:04

what attracted me to her, I

1:23:06

was hearing her speak one time

1:23:08

and she was, she said, you

1:23:10

know, she liked to drink. She

1:23:12

was talk to her friends or

1:23:14

whatever. when she drinks, she

1:23:16

just liked to get to fights and everything.

1:23:18

I was like, yeah, baby. I told her.

1:23:22

I said, I like how you

1:23:24

talk. And then we just, you know,

1:23:26

we were at this party and we

1:23:28

started dancing and that was it. I

1:23:31

kept looking at her boobs. She's like,

1:23:33

can you look at my face? I

1:23:35

kept looking at her boobs, you know,

1:23:37

and, but, you

1:23:40

know, and the crazy

1:23:42

thing is, And this is why I

1:23:44

believe in God today. I'm not religious.

1:23:47

I don't go to church or anything.

1:23:49

I should, but I don't. I

1:23:51

met my wife on 427,

1:23:54

1998. My dad

1:23:56

died on 427, 1976. And

1:23:59

that was always a bad day for me. It

1:24:01

was my grandparents' anniversary. My

1:24:03

neighbor's anniversary. The Pizzas, I don't know why

1:24:06

I remember that, but there was their anniversary.

1:24:09

And that, And someone else died

1:24:11

on that day, something else happened,

1:24:13

and it was always a bad

1:24:15

day, and I always fed into

1:24:17

that negativity. But

1:24:19

I met my wife on that day, and bad

1:24:21

things don't always have to be bad. It

1:24:24

could turn into good, and it did. And

1:24:28

what's even crazier, years later,

1:24:30

my wife goes for an

1:24:32

interview. She's doing medical

1:24:34

billing, and...

1:24:37

the company she's working for is taking on these new

1:24:39

accounts from this other company out of Staten Island.

1:24:41

So they had to go down there and meet the

1:24:44

people down there. And she's

1:24:46

talking to this guy, Steve. And

1:24:49

he's like, your last name's Fahy.

1:24:52

And she's like, yeah, she's, she

1:24:54

goes, he goes, you know, I

1:24:57

had a good friend I grew up

1:24:59

with in Brooklyn named Phil Fahy and

1:25:01

Bay Ridge. And she's like, yeah, that

1:25:03

was my fallen law. Like

1:25:05

she never met my dad, obviously. And

1:25:07

the guy just, he was the only, he was a president,

1:25:09

he dropped, he's like, what? She's like,

1:25:11

yeah, I'm married to a son Joe. And

1:25:13

he was like, he knew me as a

1:25:15

kid. I didn't, I didn't remember him. And

1:25:17

he went from being like the president of

1:25:19

this company to like, holy fucking shit. I

1:25:21

fucking grew up with this guy. We'd be

1:25:24

drinking and he owned the bar and we

1:25:26

best friends and we do all this shit.

1:25:28

And yeah, so I got to, yeah, small

1:25:30

and I got to meet this guy and

1:25:32

learn more about my dad, you know. I

1:25:34

learned a lot more about that. And I

1:25:36

mean, that's how I learned about my dad

1:25:38

by just meeting people, you know, because the

1:25:40

old school Irish don't tell you anything. Everything

1:25:42

stays in the fucking house. It's a big

1:25:44

secret, you know, in Tynes. I

1:25:46

don't know if it's old school Irish or

1:25:48

Italians or Jewish, I think it's just the

1:25:51

way America was, you know, it's like fucking

1:25:53

share, share things with your family. Let them

1:25:55

know who's going on. Absolutely. You know I

1:25:57

mean? It's fucking crazy. Well, Joe,

1:25:59

thank you so much man. We're fucking

1:26:01

done. I got more. You got more. You

1:26:04

great today, man. How you feel

1:26:06

I feel good It's

1:26:09

good to let it off your chest,

1:26:11

right? Yeah, you even say anything. I just went

1:26:13

You're pretty good you You did a good job. Those

1:26:15

are the best interviews Yeah, you got the

1:26:17

person comfortable. My dad thought you were be nervous

1:26:19

today. Fuck you Mike. Can we

1:26:21

see him out there? Yeah, we'll

1:26:23

go. there. I Mike. You Your the best.

1:26:25

He's a good man. better give more hugs.

1:26:27

All right. I him to dinners. Give him hugs,

1:26:29

guy.