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for watching!

2:06

You can tell it's real because it looks so fake.

2:11

Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of

2:14

Look Into It. Tonight I saw comedy with

2:16

one of the funniest guys on the comedy

2:18

circuit, Felipe Esparza. How are you doing Felipe?

2:21

I'm good. How are you? Thank you for

2:23

having me. Dude, thank you for doing the

2:25

show, man. You're a bad motherfucker. See every

2:27

time I see you at the

2:29

comedy store you just crush, you murder,

2:32

man. I have a lot of respect for

2:34

you and your

2:36

stand-up skills. You got it down, man.

2:38

Growing up I didn't know I was

2:40

poor. I

2:42

didn't know how poor I was until they

2:44

transferred me to another school. And

2:46

me and my friends were the only ones in

2:49

that school standing in line for free lunch. And

2:54

I was out of breath. I

2:56

ran for nothing. Never

3:01

first. We

3:05

didn't know we were poor. We felt sorry for those

3:08

kids. Hey, that's sad

3:10

how they all have to pay. Fucking

3:16

losers. We

3:20

started dancing yellow tickets. I

3:24

started putting my mom's A-bond books in my

3:26

locker. People

3:36

could tell we were here illegally. Especially

3:40

other Mexicans. They

3:42

were calling us wetbacks. It's

3:45

weird. Mexicans calling other Mexicans wetbacks. It

3:47

means she's wetbacks. But we didn't know English. We

3:50

didn't know what wetback means.

3:53

We thought wetback means welcome back.

4:04

They could tell when we were illegal by the way we

4:06

were dressed. You know

4:09

how when the illegal is dressed, you could tell they're illegal.

4:11

You look at them and go, what the fuck? Is

4:14

there a quinceañera at Chuck E. Cheese?

4:20

Is there a wedding at the zoo?

4:24

Like one time my dad took me to

4:26

the hospital to translate for him, made

4:29

me wear my wedding white first communion

4:31

suit. I

4:34

walk around the hospital like fucking John

4:36

Travolta in

4:38

Saturday night fever. I'm

4:42

looking at old people, you ain't gonna stay alive,

4:44

sir. The

4:48

doctor tells me, tell your father he

4:50

has back spasms. And I'm

4:53

like, man, I never heard that word in English

4:55

or Spanish. Is

4:59

that an adverb or an adjective? I

5:03

felt like a spelling bee kid. Can

5:07

you use it in a sentence, please? I

5:13

was nervous, I don't know what to tell my father. So

5:16

I started translating English to Spanish the way

5:18

I saw white people do it. I just

5:21

put an O after every word. Papi,

5:24

you have bacos pasmo.

5:31

My dad said, what? Get covered on. Bacos

5:34

pasmo, you have, it's stupid though.

5:40

The doctor looked at me and he said, that's pretty good,

5:42

kiddo. Oh

5:51

man, my mom would make me a bean

5:53

and cheese burrito every morning. And

5:56

one hour later in my class, I gotta take

5:58

a fucking shit. I'm

6:05

in the back

6:07

of the class

6:09

turning into a

6:12

werewolf. I remember

6:17

running to the restroom, my Heelys. Didn't

6:20

make it.

6:23

I had to go back to

6:25

the nurse's office. I

6:28

got there sweating. She looked at me and said, What happened,

6:30

kid? Do you have a fever? No. Your

6:35

stomach hurts? Not anymore. You

6:40

want to lay down? No. No,

6:43

I can't. Is

6:47

your father picking you up with clean

6:49

clothes? You're asking a lot

6:51

for my father. He

6:56

just found out where my school is. My

7:01

dad shows up, looks at me in Spanish, You

7:03

shit on yourself, Cabrón. Te

7:06

caca te aquí, Cabrón. Fucking

7:09

spanked me real hard. All

7:12

the shit went to my back. Yeah,

7:18

yeah, yeah. Let's take it back

7:20

to you were born in Mexico, correct? Yeah,

7:23

still not Loa. Still not

7:25

Loa? Oh shit, okay. Take

7:28

me through your

7:30

childhood and how you ended up in

7:33

L.A. How

7:35

old were you when you got to L.A.?

7:39

I don't know the exact age, but I know

7:41

that I was too late. I was like the

7:43

oldest kid in kindergarten. Yeah,

7:46

I was the oldest kid. Because

7:48

my brother and I were

7:50

like Irish twins. You know, the Mexicans

7:53

are, we're nine months apart. Nice.

7:55

Yeah. So we

7:57

were like every other year. here

8:00

human I was the same grade. But

8:03

I thought yeah. My

8:09

little I grew up in a little town like

8:11

in. But

8:15

it is where matters people my uncle

8:17

he's to collect is to go to

8:19

this little farm and he would take

8:21

me for a visit to the West.

8:24

And it took a car. They

8:28

still pick cotton in Mexico. I

8:31

never picked Mexico is called

8:33

a kiss call. I

8:36

don't know man. I don't know the name of the

8:38

city but there's still like fields of cotton and my

8:40

uncle will pick them up in his truck and get

8:42

people were loaded and then he will take it somewhere.

8:45

Okay, so it was so

8:47

you left you left Mexico around 5.5 or 6. Do

8:51

you remember you guys come illegally you

8:53

guys sneak across or do

8:56

you get a square. We

8:59

had a while to a while he could you

9:01

already or like my friend was that he was

9:04

says of Mexican travel agent. There

9:06

you go my my grandfather snuck across

9:09

the border, but he didn't have to

9:11

because my grandmother was born

9:14

in Santa Barbara. And when she

9:16

was 12, she was like her parents were field

9:19

workers and all that stuff but when she was born

9:21

in Santa Barbara, so she was an American citizen. They

9:24

moved back when she was 12. She

9:26

to Guadalajara and then met my grandfather

9:28

at 1516. They

9:31

got married start having kids and then after

9:33

they had 5, 6 kids,

9:35

they're ready to you know to come to

9:37

the United States and they could have just

9:40

walked across but my grandpa is like full

9:42

dead. He's like all my cheese. Well, he's

9:44

like, I'm a fucking cross this border and

9:46

earn my green card and do it the

9:48

man's way and he did it, you know,

9:50

but he got his green card and he

9:52

didn't tell my grandma for a while my

9:55

grandma found out he was partying in San

9:57

Diego. They saw he saw some

9:59

pictures of him. with, you know, on the

10:01

beach party. And so she shows up to

10:03

Tijuana with five or six kids and said,

10:06

pick us up, it's time to bust it.

10:10

So you you remember crossing the

10:12

border? You remember that? I remember

10:14

getting caught. You

10:17

guys got caught. Well, we didn't know

10:19

we were little kids. You know, my mother told

10:21

us where we're going or. There

10:24

was no plan. So

10:27

I remember going in a car with my

10:30

mom and my two other

10:32

brothers. And we

10:34

crossed the border and then we

10:37

made it all the way across the border. So

10:39

you guys just drove across right there. We went

10:41

across the border. I don't know what they said.

10:43

I was too little. So

10:46

in Sacramento, California, there was

10:48

a checkpoint there that was

10:51

done by I guess

10:53

the local sheriff. You know how they're

10:55

doing it over there in in

10:58

Shelby Park in Texas? I

11:01

don't know about that. I don't know. But you're Texas. There's

11:03

a lot of like there's a lot

11:05

of a lot of

11:07

over there, whatever. But it was like, well,

11:10

I'm like minute man, but not really minute man.

11:12

But there was like a second border

11:14

check that the city of like Sacramento

11:17

had right there. So we got stopped

11:19

right there. We got stopped right

11:21

there. And then they took us back to Mexico. Oh,

11:24

shit. And then

11:26

the second time they

11:28

stopped those in the border. And I don't

11:31

know the same guy that brought us. He

11:34

got I guess they released him. But

11:37

they kept us and my mom

11:39

was I don't know where

11:41

she went. And then we were

11:43

just watching cartoons, eating below the sandwiches.

11:48

Like, wait a minute. So the second time you

11:50

got through, but without your mom. No,

11:53

but we got through with my mom, but then we

11:55

got caught. And then my mom, we got separated. My

11:57

mom went to like, I guess, a holding cell. and

12:00

we went to a different style and then we got released.

12:04

Wow. Wow. So

12:08

what city did you end up in? That

12:10

was San Ysidro. We

12:12

had family in San Ysidro. Our

12:15

dad's sister lives there. And

12:19

all of my mother, my dad's

12:21

other sister and other brother, they

12:23

live in Tijuana. And

12:25

my dad's two older

12:28

brother and older sister were living in like West

12:30

Los Angeles. They already had jobs set up. They've

12:32

been in America for a long time. So

12:35

we had family in Los Angeles already,

12:39

but they caught us. And

12:42

then we went back. I remember my aunt, Medea

12:44

Julia, she said, Los Taga, I don't know what

12:46

that is. She said, they got

12:48

you guys again. So

12:50

we started in Tijuana, I guess another year, another

12:54

year. And then

12:57

my grandmother, no, my aunt, she was the same

12:59

aunt that was making fun of us. We got caught.

13:02

She said that, why don't

13:05

you guys have an idea? So

13:09

then like, they went, she crossed the border

13:11

to Mexico, to United States, because she was

13:13

legally a green card

13:15

holder and she was working on

13:17

dual citizen. So she could cross

13:20

and go back and forth. Sometimes she would go,

13:22

no, no, she would cross the border, bro, just

13:25

to go and get her like seven Big Macs and then

13:27

bring them back to Tijuana. Damn.

13:32

She could just walk and get them in and out. It

13:34

was not that packed. She said,

13:37

why don't you, so long story short, she

13:40

said, she told my little brother to

13:42

dress up like a little girl and

13:44

then we dressed up like little boys.

13:48

And she got my

13:50

uncle's passports, who live

13:52

inside his funeral. Cause there was already a

13:55

cousin named Felipe. And

13:57

there was another cousin named Eduardo, but

13:59

you know, is our, they

14:01

call him Lalo, but uncle Tio

14:04

Lalo, we borrowed

14:06

their passport. For

14:09

like two weeks, bro, my brother, my little

14:11

brother, he was practicing to be a little

14:13

girl. He was

14:15

forced to wear a dress

14:18

for two weeks with Converse.

14:21

So every day they'll tell him, I'm

14:23

like, what's your name? What's your name? And then he got, he

14:25

got the pati, because after

14:27

that, the name of the passport, so he'll say,

14:29

I'm a pati, my name is pati. So

14:32

like two weeks later, dude, we

14:35

crossed the border. They asked

14:37

my brother, what's your name? And that

14:40

fool said it like, Darla from Little

14:42

Rascos. I'm a pati. And you know

14:44

what? We crossed

14:47

the border. My brother came out of the

14:49

closet. He's gay now. So we're still good.

14:53

Really? He ended up being gay. Yeah,

14:55

bro. My brother didn't take one. He took one

14:57

for the team, dog. Wow.

15:00

He didn't come out of the closet. He

15:02

came out of the country. And then, you

15:04

know how parents are so, I guess

15:07

they pretend they don't know that there's a

15:09

cost of all these problems, you know? Little

15:13

Rama, my brother was like gay,

15:15

like homosexual. My mom

15:18

couldn't believe it. Like, why? When did this

15:20

all happen? Like, are you gonna forget when

15:22

this all happened? Two weeks of training them.

15:26

You think that's what did it? No,

15:28

I think it was always, my brother's always gay, but

15:31

that didn't help. You

15:36

should have gotten a Academy Award. So we

15:40

crossed the border and we moved to Boyle

15:42

Heights and we lived in Boyle Heights for

15:44

most of our lives. We

15:47

used to live right there by general

15:49

hospital. It was like my

15:52

dad, my three brothers, me

15:54

and my mom living in a studio

15:57

apartment with a kitchen. My

16:00

dad already was legally here because he

16:03

was coming into the America over and

16:05

over for the last, since we were

16:07

like before he met my mom. He

16:12

had a V-stop but not a green card. He

16:15

was allowed to go in and out and out. He

16:19

had a job here in America already. He was

16:21

like a machinist,

16:24

I guess. So

16:27

your dad was already coming in

16:29

the United States to work, had a visa, met

16:32

your mom in Mexico, had kids in

16:34

Mexico, and he couldn't, with the

16:36

visa, he couldn't bring the kids in, huh? The

16:39

visa wasn't strong enough? I

16:41

guess not. I guess

16:43

it's to be a green card member, but we ended

16:46

up getting our green

16:51

cards later on. Next

16:53

month, we'll be sworn

16:55

in American citizen pool. Really?

16:58

Oh, it's about to happen, huh? I am. That's

17:01

bad. I became an American citizen

17:04

20 years ago. And

17:06

I remember last month, when I

17:08

was practicing the oral test, I

17:11

had to get 100 questions right. And

17:15

I remember when they asked me the questions, I got 50

17:17

wrong. I

17:20

must have been nervous, bro, because I didn't know

17:22

who the governor was. I

17:24

didn't know who the speaker of the House was. I

17:27

didn't know who the US senator of

17:29

California, a state senator was. Didn't

17:32

know the mayor of Los Angeles.

17:35

I'm not even going to be living in California, apart of

17:37

all those things. Yeah, I didn't

17:40

know all those things until the fucking scam-demic

17:42

hit. When that hit, I'm like, OK, who's

17:44

our mayor? Who's our governor? I had no

17:46

idea Gavin Newsom was our... I was paying

17:48

attention to Washington, D.C. politics.

17:51

I was deep into that. I wasn't

17:53

paying attention to my local shit. You

17:55

know, I was like... That

17:57

didn't really count. Was

17:59

that? Yeah. That's the one that really

18:01

counts. I know, but I thought that

18:04

that's the local politics and governors didn't

18:06

count. I thought they didn't have power.

18:08

I'm like, those motherfuckers don't have power.

18:10

All the power's in DC. So

18:13

I was like just balls deep every day,

18:15

like just figuring out what's going on in

18:17

DC and how they're ripping us off. I

18:19

had no idea that it actually starts in

18:22

our local government and our mayors. Yeah, man,

18:24

when I was, when I found out, like

18:26

I didn't even know, man, that it was

18:28

a guy named Alex Padilla, that's like

18:31

the US Congressman for

18:34

where I live. I

18:36

was kind of all wrong. And then when they asked me, this is the

18:38

funniest one. They asked me who's

18:40

Susan B. Anthony. Yeah. Right?

18:44

And I guess she's a lady

18:46

that fought for a woman's

18:48

rights. Right? I

18:51

would say if they asked me and say, isn't

18:53

she the one who, I think, I thought she

18:55

sewed up the first American flag or something. I

18:57

was my third answer, my first answer. Like

18:59

I didn't say it was, isn't that

19:01

the lady who drowned her kids and blamed her

19:03

on two Puerto Ricans? Or

19:08

the woman who killed her boyfriend and they

19:10

went to go have sex with her ex-boyfriend

19:13

for an alibi? So

19:18

I didn't know like, you

19:22

know what, I got them all wrong. I looked at that lady,

19:25

the person giving me the test. I said, listen, man,

19:27

my dad passed this test.

19:29

There is no way that that

19:31

fucking bisa passed his test. But

19:36

I don't know, wait, my dad, he dropped out of

19:38

high school in the 10th grade,

19:41

dude. I was thinking to myself, you know

19:43

where he passed his test. But

19:45

I guess he was studying it and

19:47

he'd been in America long enough

19:50

that he could take the test in Spanish. Mm.

19:54

But if you were Russian, he could take it in Russian

19:56

or he was Thai, he could take it in Thai, Armenian.

19:58

He could take it in Glendale. You know, yeah.

20:05

I wonder why they all end up ended up

20:07

in Glendale. I'd like to know that backstory. There

20:09

had to be like one Armenian who showed up

20:11

in Glendale and then he just fucking invited everybody.

20:13

And like, there's got to be a story. He

20:16

was crazy about Glendale. I read about

20:18

I lived in Glendale for like many

20:20

years. But Glendale

20:22

is an original sundown state

20:25

sundown city. What is

20:27

that? I mean, if you're

20:29

black, you're going to be out by

20:31

sundown. What?

20:34

Yeah, it's not sundown. They're all over

20:36

America. I didn't I went in a

20:38

rabbit hole one time on Glendale. And

20:42

now I'm looking around. I

20:45

know there's not that many like black

20:47

people who live in Glendale or maybe

20:49

there is now, but I never

20:51

really noticed them or never ran into

20:53

a Glendale police officer that was African-American

20:56

or a Glendale. Fire

20:59

department. But I looked it up

21:01

and it's a sundown city. But

21:03

when I was reading a book called by

21:07

Charles Bukowski, it was called. Oh,

21:12

man, I think he was a book.

21:14

I know something right. Something right. But

21:17

if he went to catch

21:19

her in the right. No, no, it

21:22

was Hamma, right. Hamma

21:24

and right. Charles Bukowski is talking

21:26

about him growing up in

21:29

America. He's a writer. He

21:32

went to a neo-Nazi. Him

21:37

meeting in Glendale back

21:39

in 1930 before the world, before

21:41

World War Two. Because the

21:43

Nazi Party was trying to get, you know, a lot

21:45

of people in America to like them. So

21:48

he went to that meeting. And then that's

21:50

when in the book, he know I went to I

21:52

looked it up. That's true. That

21:54

they found out that, yeah, Glendale had

21:57

a had a law where if you were

21:59

black. or a person of color, maybe I

22:01

think just black. You gotta be out of there

22:04

by sundown. Whoa, that's,

22:06

I've never heard of that shit. Yeah

22:08

man, that's how they caught that guy, they

22:11

arrested that guy in a movie, the Green

22:13

Book, for

22:15

driving a black dude in the highway

22:17

late at night. Damn,

22:21

damn, I never heard of that

22:23

shit. The word Mexican, bro, they

22:26

considered us Caucasian back in the day. Yeah,

22:29

yeah, it's crazy, right? Like

22:33

Mexicans, you never hear of Mexicans complaining

22:39

about white supremacy. You know what I mean?

22:41

You never like, Mexicans are trying to like

22:43

risking their lives to get into this country.

22:46

They're willing to take the shittiest

22:48

jobs. They're not going fuck, they're

22:50

fucking racist. White supremacy, Mexicans never

22:52

bring up white supremacy. They're

22:54

just like, no man. It's like a bid

22:56

I have. I said, you

22:59

know, black people get shot, you know, they have

23:01

black lives matters. Mexicans, we can

23:04

talk too, man. But

23:07

at the end of the day, man, we

23:09

don't have time, man, to go protesting. We

23:12

have to get up early, you know, we're on

23:14

our way to the protest, we start thinking about

23:16

the only white dude we know, and we feel

23:19

bad, we go back home. No,

23:21

I really don't. Like my

23:23

brother, right? My brother was shot by the, by

23:26

the, look, Ali County Sheriff, right

23:29

after high school, my brother was involved in

23:33

some crazy mess where my brother was shot. His

23:36

brother, my other friend was shot in the

23:38

same car, and two friends were

23:40

murdered in that same car by

23:43

the Ali County Sheriff's, and my brother was locked up

23:45

in a, if anybody's in the car, and

23:48

my brother was locked up in, if anybody's

23:50

in the car, he was locked up in

23:52

the general hospital, but the county

23:55

jail general hospital, and he

23:58

was in a coma, and he was hanged. That's

24:02

crazy man. Like if you wake up, they

24:04

want your soul too. Whoa.

24:07

Now, this was your gay brother?

24:10

No, that's my other brother. My brother that

24:13

was like my twin. One

24:15

of my brother who was like nine months younger

24:17

than me. Yeah. So he

24:19

was involved in gang stuff.

24:23

He got wrapped up in that in Boyle Heights. Yeah.

24:26

Kind of hard not to, right? Yeah,

24:28

so getting back to like, wow, sometimes

24:31

Mexicans don't protest. We

24:33

try to find out what really happened. And then

24:35

we say, wow, but if

24:37

your brother is like stupid, that's why he got

24:39

shot. Oh,

24:43

man. Did you have to claim a

24:45

gang when you were growing up? No,

24:48

man. They claimed me. No.

24:52

I grew up in a neighborhood where there was like, man,

24:58

there was like a lot of gangs. But when I was a

25:00

little kid, there was a lot of Crips growing up. In

25:03

my neighborhood, they were like the first three East

25:06

Coast Crips. Mexicans

25:09

are in Crips too? Or is that just

25:11

all blacks? They were all black. Crips are

25:13

blacks. They're not Mexicans ever. No, they're not

25:15

Mexican unless you went to Tucson, Arizona in

25:17

1993. They

25:19

were Mexican. Mexican Crips? Yeah,

25:22

man. Oh,

25:24

man, you got to be hard. You're Mexican. Yeah,

25:26

they were like Asian Crips, man. They didn't have

25:29

a, they don't have, they even had their

25:32

hair like this, like Father Gabi. Now,

25:37

you never been to jail, right? I've

25:40

been to jail before warrants. Like I didn't

25:42

pay a ticket or took a

25:44

cop the wrong name. And that wrong name had more warrants

25:46

than me. Yeah,

25:49

I bet there's a lot of Felipe Esparza's, right?

25:52

My brothers told my identity and that

25:54

he didn't know that I had a

25:56

warrant and he went to jail for

25:58

my warrant. I'll be teaching jiu-jitsu at

26:00

10th Planet. Nashville June 15th and

26:02

at 10th Planet Livonia in the Detroit

26:05

area July 20th Sam

26:08

Tripoli and I are doing tin foil

26:10

hat comedy night in Jersey June 21st

26:12

and Connecticut June

26:14

22nd go to samtripley.com

26:16

for tickets. Hook

26:19

Thieves will be playing in Venice,

26:21

California at the Rose Room August

26:23

9th. This episode is brought to

26:26

you by Cellular Performance Institute. Is

26:28

your body beat up and broken

26:31

down? Look into stem cells today.

26:33

It could change your life. Go

26:35

to cellularperformanceinstitute.com. I went to jail

26:38

twice both one day each. I

26:41

wasn't involved in any gang activity. I

26:43

kind of I grew up

26:45

in Santa Ana but the

26:48

block I grew up on it was all Mexican but

26:50

we were all in the rock and classic rock. You

26:54

know we grew up everybody's like Rush,

26:56

Kiss, Van Halen, you know Judas Preeze,

26:59

Scorpions. We were in Death Leopard. We

27:01

were into that shit. Our block but

27:03

all around us was Cholos all around

27:05

us but our block for some reason

27:07

just a bunch of Mexicans and all

27:11

the single moms one by

27:13

one the dads would leave one by

27:15

one so it was just nothing but

27:17

single moms wild kids on the streets

27:19

playing football on the street and we

27:21

had one couple that stayed together Socorro

27:23

and Macario they stayed together they were like

27:25

this they were like the king and queen

27:28

of Sixth Street and but

27:30

everybody else man we would just make we'd

27:32

be playing football and we'd make fun of

27:34

whos ever's mom's new boyfriend would show up

27:36

in their car look at their your mom's

27:39

boyfriend's car we would always just talk shit

27:41

on our mom's boyfriends or who are they

27:43

who they're dating is hilarious did you get

27:45

caught in a baggie or capping a

27:49

bagging it was always yeah bagging

27:51

that the older the older generation

27:53

days to cap and then we

27:55

bagged and that was roast you

27:58

know black dude was playing the dust Yeah,

28:01

we see say cap to all he kept

28:03

on you. Yeah, I remember

28:06

guys like you growing up because you have

28:08

a path by your with a path

28:11

by the cholo and a

28:13

cholo who was there. Hey, fuck you,

28:15

rockers. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. I

28:17

had a I had to transfer myself out of

28:19

a school because my brother

28:21

was a rocker, but he played the game when he went

28:23

to junior high. As soon as you go to junior high,

28:26

you got to claim a gang. You got to write it

28:28

on your peachy folder. You got to claim it. You don't

28:30

have to fight. You don't have to go to gang functions.

28:32

But when you're at school, you better represent you're like the

28:34

Army Reserve. Like if they need you, they're going to call

28:36

you don't have to be part of it. So my brother

28:39

when he dressed like a chola had the wheat shirt. You

28:41

know, he's like, I feel good. What

28:44

you did that on stage? What

28:47

part? Lesson the one though,

28:49

the one that you say, because you say,

28:52

man, I live in a neighborhood with a

28:54

bunch of gangs. I was not part of the gang magic. I

28:56

want to be a rocker. Yeah. I refuse.

28:58

I refuse to dress like a chola. The

29:01

most they chappered on the table, like

29:03

get an armor reserve. But

29:08

that's true. You got to claim it.

29:10

Nobody's ever said that before. Yeah,

29:13

you had to claim it. That's hilarious, actually.

29:16

The most I did was I would crease my

29:18

fucking cords. I would do that. I'd be like,

29:20

you wake up at 6 30

29:22

in the morning, you're creasing your fucking cords.

29:24

You know what I mean? I would do

29:26

that. But my shirt would be like ocean Pacific

29:28

shirt. It'd be like a white boy shirt.

29:30

You know what I mean? And I wanted

29:32

to dress and I got harassed. We need

29:34

to wear the Kensington shirt. The

29:38

ocean Pacific lightning bolt. Just all the

29:40

because we would we would get on

29:42

the bus on Bristol and Santa Ana.

29:44

Take that bus all the way to

29:46

Newport Beach 32nd Street and we would

29:48

have our boogie boards and we would

29:50

have the shitty ones, the orange and

29:52

white ones, the Aussie boards. Those are

29:54

the ones that cause like 1999 at

29:56

fucking Toys R Us. But like all

29:59

the rich white. boys they had their

30:01

full length wetsuit O'Neal and then they

30:03

had their more boogie boogie board that

30:05

cost $70. They're like fuck one day

30:08

dog one day. Like

30:11

me man cause I used to

30:13

um I didn't really

30:16

start hanging around with Cholo's to like after

30:18

like there was nothing else to do but

30:21

um I used to go to um I

30:25

used to get up in the morning on Saturday and

30:27

catch the 33 bus and go all the way to

30:29

Venice Beach. Yeah totally taking

30:31

the bus to the beach. It took an hour

30:33

and a half and um we were

30:35

going there dog just to look at our

30:37

hot white cheeks bro. Totally.

30:40

And um man we used to go into like we

30:42

looking at girls that was the first time I ever

30:45

saw boobs was at Venice Beach. These

30:47

European with Sweden girls like

30:49

I guess they think they were in Europe

30:51

but they sat down and they put down

30:54

their bikinis man. I mean you know you're

30:56

a little kid. Yeah. Then you think you're

30:58

a little kid and you're horny because you

31:01

think it's okay cause you saw that movie Porky's.

31:04

Porky. Dude that's

31:06

the way everybody saw Porky's dog.

31:08

Dude I don't know man when

31:10

we were kids Porky's that movie

31:12

man. And then that's that's time

31:15

to ridgewind high. Remember the titty scene when the

31:17

chick. Remember that movie

31:19

where that girl's dad she he

31:21

was always he would always hug her hot

31:24

friends and then squeeze their boobs on the

31:26

side and that's the side move I learned

31:28

from him. It was that movie class

31:30

with Phoebe Cates. Yeah

31:36

Phoebe Cates was the one in Fast Times original

31:38

on high where she pulled off remember the dude's

31:41

jerking off in the bathroom and then she bust

31:43

him but he's like imagining those

31:45

tits. I mean those tits were everything when you're

31:47

fucking 10 years old you're like

31:49

oh how do you I'm 54 53. Yeah.

31:51

How do you 50. Okay

31:56

then we come from the

31:59

same era. Porky's Fast Times.

32:01

the Ridgeman. We got

32:03

busted sneaking into Fast Times of Ridgeman

32:05

High originally. It was at the Cinedome

32:08

right there in Orange in Santa Ana

32:10

where it was a white person's deal.

32:12

Remember Hard Bodies? I

32:16

don't remember Hard Bodies. They were the videotape with

32:18

a hot chick in a tan and then the

32:20

title of the movie was written

32:26

in suntan lotion. Hard

32:28

Bodies. I vaguely remember

32:31

that. Yeah, I saw

32:33

that movie once. Back there, they

32:35

were showing more boobs than they are now. Yeah,

32:38

crazy, right? You would think boobs would

32:40

have been on TV by now. Like,

32:43

okay, let's just put boobs on TV.

32:45

You'd think so by now, but no,

32:47

they still haven't seen boobs. But on

32:49

Instagram, damn, on Instagram, they get crazy.

32:52

On Instagram, it's like they push the

32:54

limit. They push the limit. They'll put,

32:56

okay, you can't show a naked pussy

32:58

or a naked butthole, but you can't

33:01

pull the underwear down right before

33:03

the lips start. And that's fine on Instagram.

33:06

And you could have a G string going

33:08

up the ass where, you know, when the

33:10

string goes up the ass, but you see

33:12

the butthole around it, you know, you see

33:14

like, you see, I could see the butthole.

33:16

There's just one little string right here. And

33:18

that's dude, that's fine on Instagram. They don't

33:20

shut that shit out or they'll take like

33:22

their underwear and just pull

33:24

it up their pussy. And that's fine.

33:28

I've seen a photo of it, but then later

33:30

on they show you like actual real meat. Like,

33:34

like what? I saw a

33:36

girl, she was just messing around. And

33:38

like she felt like she dropped her phone

33:41

and then it went under her skirt. And

33:43

the photo was like, real

33:46

roast beef sandwich. Yeah, totally. Yeah. As

33:48

long as there's a string going through

33:50

it, you're good. I mean, it's a

33:53

little string. Hey

33:57

man, did you, were you going up? You

34:00

have those friends that took

34:02

heavy metal too far, and they

34:04

went to dark metal, and they

34:06

started like worshiping like Ozzy or

34:08

Black Sabbath. I had a friend

34:10

that told me personally, yeah, bro,

34:13

I worship Ozzy. No,

34:16

I don't know about like, I mean, dude, I

34:19

got into speed metal like Slayer, Exodus,

34:23

like hardcore shit, like super

34:25

hardcore stuff. I was all into like

34:27

Judas Priest, you know, first kiss, then

34:29

Judas Priest, and then like, you know,

34:31

all the comedy crew, and then it

34:34

got Slayer and it got more evil.

34:36

And I formed a band and actually

34:38

did us. I was in a speed

34:40

metal band for years, man. Played drums,

34:42

writing songs about Satan, bought a satanic

34:44

Bible just to read, because I didn't

34:47

believe that Satan was real. I thought,

34:49

yeah, me too. Cause I was brought up Catholic

34:51

and I was all altar boy. And I just

34:53

wanted to go to heaven cause my stepdad used

34:56

to be a fucking asshole. I'm like, I'm going

34:58

to heaven, dog. I'll go to church, I'll be

35:00

altar boy. And then I found out, I found

35:02

out that not everybody was, I thought everybody was

35:04

Catholic. I didn't know there was other religions. I

35:06

go, wait, wait, wait, what's a Jew? Whoa, whoa,

35:08

whoa, whoa, Muslim? What is that? How

35:10

many are there? What is it, Mormons? Like

35:12

who's right? And I'm like, oh my God,

35:15

there's so many fucking religions. I thought we

35:17

were the only religion. So then I became

35:19

atheist, like at 11 years old, I was

35:21

like, it's all bullshit. They're lying to us.

35:23

There's all these different religions, everyone's bullshit. So

35:25

I became atheist and then got into heavy

35:28

metal, speed metal, and I would write satanic

35:30

music, but I wasn't like, like, I didn't

35:32

think Satan was real. I thought it was

35:34

like writing a movie like the exorcist. Oh,

35:36

let's scare these white people. Let's scare them.

35:38

But nowadays though, it

35:41

seems like, damn, nowadays, like

35:43

pop music is satanic. Like when

35:45

you're looking at the, what's that

35:47

one rapper, that gay rapper, the

35:49

love, fuck, I feel a little

35:51

something, something little or something. Little

35:53

Nas. Little Nas, is that it? There

35:56

it is, Little Nas. Like, we are the voters. He

35:59

said, satanic. And I didn't know

36:01

that three six mafia and lastly

36:03

six six six They're

36:06

satanic three six mafia. That's six.

36:08

I didn't know that I looked I

36:11

went a rabbit hole and so is um

36:14

They say that I Don't

36:16

know if it's sizzler or doja cat

36:19

one of the videos which I'm a big fan

36:21

of doja cat and sizzling cat bitch

36:24

I said what I said I'd rather

36:26

be famous instead and it's like

36:28

she's walking dressed like a devil was a

36:31

big guy a big old Crown

36:34

what's the net? What's the video? What's the name of it? I think

36:36

it's our sizz up. How do you

36:39

spell that sizz? Sza

36:42

Sza and what's the name of the song? Kill

36:48

bill snooze sadder bill bill bill

36:50

bill bill Saturn is

36:52

kind of she's got a song called Saturn

36:54

and Saturn's kind of satanic and then there's

36:56

doja cat. She has that song Walk

36:59

that song Because he

37:01

was a name right now, but it's a big song and he's

37:04

trying to get a devil in that song, too Okay,

37:06

let's see. Let's see The

37:10

rap really got down like that because

37:12

I think the devil and Putting

37:16

on a dress is very taboo to

37:19

African Americans. Yeah, check this

37:21

out. We'll play that little sizzling Can

37:26

you see it The

37:33

whole song is called I might kill

37:36

my ex not the best idea I

37:39

Must kill my ex The

37:41

whole song I must kill my ex is

37:44

that what kill bill is her ex is bill Yeah,

37:46

they call it kill bill because it's a spoof

37:49

on that movie kill bill She didn't have to

37:51

beat it the delicious ice cold taste of dr

37:53

Pepper has a lasting effect on people Lindsay from

37:55

Sacramento said pro tip 40 degrees is the perfect

37:58

temperature for an ice cold dr pepper For

38:03

Dr. Pepper, we brought in Sue from Duluth, Minnesota

38:05

to tell us. Oh yeah, I know a thing

38:07

or two about cold. Oh, that right there is the perfect kind of ice cold

38:10

for Dr. Pepper. Oh, that right there is the perfect kind of ice cold for Dr. Pepper.

38:12

Mmm, I'd share that with my friend Nancy. She

38:15

likes Dr. Pepper too, you know. My coldest... Alright,

38:17

that'll be all, Sue. Having a perfect temperature for your

38:19

Dr. Pepper? Some

38:23

people just know the best rate for you is

38:25

a rate based on you with all state. Not

38:28

a rate based on Terry, who keeps... and

38:32

makes the car behind them. Oh

38:35

no, there abouts a... Save

38:38

with DriveWise and the Allstate app and only

38:40

pay a rate based on you. Oh,

38:58

no, no. The

39:12

whole movie is done. It's not like the video

39:14

starts off like that. You

39:17

build movie with David Carradin.

39:19

Quitting Tarantino? Yeah. Yeah,

39:25

it looks like a super high level production video.

39:28

But she got... Oh, man, this

39:30

girl had a concert across the street from

39:32

the comedy club. Over there in Utah, she

39:34

must have had like 100 buses. I

39:39

think her personal assistant had her own bus.

39:48

Can you still see it? Yeah, I can still see it.

39:51

If I can't have you, no

39:53

one should hurt my... I'm feeling

39:55

about rap being very satanic. Is

40:00

she supposed to be dead here? This

40:02

is like her ghost? Yeah,

40:04

we're going to the revenge. Then

40:09

she gets like a bunch of blood on her head,

40:11

I think. It gets real freaky. It's

40:17

not that freaky as the exorcist. She's

40:30

dead? Yeah. I'm

40:53

so much her. I'm so much her. Good.

40:57

This song is pretty wack though, Jim. Great

41:06

video though. It

41:08

looks like it cost a couple hundred K at least.

41:10

They cost a lot. I

41:13

did it on no drugs. I did it all

41:15

at least so good. That

41:19

song has, on Spotify, it has like 770 million plays,

41:21

maybe a billion. That's

41:27

fucking insane. It used

41:30

to be that 12 million was a lot. Now

41:32

that ain't shit. So many

41:34

videos out there, 700 million. Like, holy

41:36

shit. I'm

41:39

trying to get a thousand views a day. Yeah,

41:57

I want to hear this song like a hundred thousand times already. Okay.

42:03

Let us doge a cat and she's kind of

42:06

devil worship her too. I guess if you want

42:08

to, she's kind of an evil side. All

42:11

her videos are very dark. What do

42:13

you think about like Beyonce and Jay

42:15

Z? What do you think

42:17

that like, I mean, people think that they're part

42:19

of the Illuminati. Oh man,

42:22

I don't even know what the Illuminati is.

42:24

I didn't watch you. I

42:26

didn't know it from. Oh, I did. I did.

42:29

I did one time. I have a podcast

42:31

called history for fools. And

42:33

I thought we went with me. My friends

42:36

started reading about codes and

42:38

secret societies and stuff like that. After

42:41

watching some, some wack at

42:43

a movie with Nicolas Cage, I think. But

42:47

I don't know how true this did,

42:49

but you're more into that, right? You

42:51

were you codes like, um, Yeah, like

42:54

I'm into it.

42:57

I'm in. All right. That's

42:59

the Templar. There's nights at the

43:01

Templar Freemasons. You know, you

43:03

see Napoleon. The

43:06

movie Napoleon. Yeah. No.

43:09

Okay. So I went out reading

43:11

about the, I don't know if I was

43:13

reading about the nights on a Templar or

43:15

Freemasons. When, when they cut

43:17

off my reaction in his

43:19

head. Um, um, I

43:24

don't know if it's that when, when

43:26

that happened, somebody yelled out

43:29

in French, an old

43:31

name, bro, like Viva

43:33

somebody was, she was murdered

43:36

by the guillotine, you know, by the,

43:38

by the revolution. I'm

43:41

Eddie Bravo, founder of 10th planet jujitsu with

43:43

over 150 schools and over 30,000 soldiers worldwide.

43:49

Music has always been my deepest

43:51

passion. Without that musical

43:54

journey that I took, uh,

43:57

I probably wouldn't be here right now. He

50:00

went to Mexico and he got into this crazy

50:02

fight at a bar and

50:06

they were getting arrested and his

50:09

friend got punched by a cop and

50:12

he saw that one of the cops there

50:15

had a mason ring on

50:17

his pinky and he said

50:19

that his grandfather grabbed

50:21

his hand in a, I

50:23

guess in a Freemason secret handshake way,

50:25

I don't know what all it was

50:28

and he looked him in the eye and said my

50:30

uncle wouldn't like the

50:33

way you're treating me right now and

50:36

then that cop let them all go. Yeah,

50:40

they hook each other up. They hook each other up.

50:42

That's tight man. I can't

50:45

even say that if I say, come on

50:47

bro, don't kick me out. I know Joe

50:49

Rogan. Whoa, Tony. Oh man. I've

50:52

done the fat room already. Jujitsu

51:03

is kind of like a secret society because I've

51:05

been pulled over a couple times, two or three

51:07

times and the cop let me go because they

51:09

did jujitsu. You know what I mean? They're

51:11

like, all right, just slow down. You'll be all, you know,

51:14

so jujitsu has saved my ass. It's kind of like a

51:16

little secret society. Yeah. That's

51:19

Brazilian too. Hey

51:21

man, you ever watch

51:23

the show called turn turn?

51:27

Yeah. It's called TURM. It's

51:29

on AMC. It's

51:31

about the whole movie. The whole show

51:33

is based on Washington

51:35

spies and how Washington

51:38

will use like the underground railroad

51:40

and slaves to

51:42

send messages to

51:45

and count ships. How

51:47

many British ships are in Boston? And then

51:49

they relay the message down to America where the congressional

51:52

army was. But

51:58

there was a, when who

1:04:00

sold O.J. Simpson meth the night of

1:04:02

the murder. And it's in

1:04:04

a book, it's in a Don Simpson book, which is

1:04:07

all. That book is like

1:04:09

off print right now, Don Simpson book.

1:04:12

Somehow you can't buy it, bro. But

1:04:15

I have it. Oh

1:04:17

man. This guy, Don Simpson was a freak, bro,

1:04:20

like a freak. Like

1:04:24

if anybody should have been canceled, it would have been

1:04:26

this guy. Like this guy wrote a book on being

1:04:28

canceled. This

1:04:31

is in a book, in a book, you

1:04:33

know that remember that book, that movie? That

1:04:36

movie, fuck, that movie, he cheated

1:04:38

on me and he had, it

1:04:40

was built on- Flash dance. Flash

1:04:43

dance. Yeah. When

1:04:46

they were auditioning Flash dance, it

1:04:48

was him, it was that woman

1:04:51

and another woman, another

1:04:53

big actress, right, forgot her name. And

1:04:56

when they were picking the right one, they

1:04:58

brought in, they couldn't decide which

1:05:00

woman to pick. So they brought in some

1:05:02

steel workers, some actual steel workers, and

1:05:05

they let the first girl, you

1:05:07

know, show up. Then

1:05:09

the second one, and then one of the women

1:05:11

left, Don Stimson asked

1:05:14

those people, which

1:05:16

one of you, these chicks gave you a heart,

1:05:18

I wish you were a mother fucker. And

1:05:21

they took a vote and that's the way the other girl got it.

1:05:24

Now, what do you

1:05:26

think now? Because

1:05:31

back in the day, people used to

1:05:33

pay coyotes to get them across the

1:05:35

border safely, right? But now the

1:05:37

object is just to get them busted

1:05:39

so they get processed. Are you aware

1:05:42

that every illegal gets a $1,200 debit

1:05:44

card, they get

1:05:46

a phone and a plane ticket anywhere they want

1:05:48

to go? I know people on the border patrol,

1:05:50

it's crazy. I'll tell you right now,

1:05:53

when I was in Texas, I was

1:05:55

with these comedians, Rodrigo Torres

1:05:58

and São Trojillo. And we

1:06:00

were in a plane, bro,

1:06:02

with nothing but illegal. Yes,

1:06:07

me too. And they got

1:06:09

homeland, they got tags on their backpacks,

1:06:12

homeland security tags. They got like, they're

1:06:14

registered with homeland security. And they had

1:06:16

no escort. So

1:06:19

anyone, and that lady, they

1:06:21

were off of Honduras. The one I was

1:06:23

talking to, they were from Honduras. And

1:06:25

some of them didn't even speak Spanish. They

1:06:27

spoke Mayan. They

1:06:30

spoke Mayan. No, no, no. It

1:06:32

was like some fucking dialect

1:06:34

from Nicaragua, from that

1:06:36

area that is something like in the, that

1:06:39

they spoke this fucking native language. So I ended

1:06:42

up taking five of these motherfuckers,

1:06:44

right? I took five families. And

1:06:47

my friend Rodrigo took three, and Saul took

1:06:49

one. And I

1:06:51

grabbed their ticket. Because the one I

1:06:53

had, only Vasanora, she had no idea,

1:06:56

bro, like, where am I going? So,

1:06:59

you know, you're in Philadelphia.

1:07:01

So I started, she's going to Philadelphia. And

1:07:04

I told her, like, how to get to the gate. I

1:07:08

don't know how, and then like, and I said, well, we

1:07:10

had like, we were at Five Hour Layover. So

1:07:13

the lady, the lady,

1:07:15

they didn't even shower. So it

1:07:17

was kind of B.O. too. So

1:07:20

I walked that family

1:07:22

to the gate. And

1:07:25

then I ran into another, I ran into

1:07:27

more paisas, more immigrants, you know,

1:07:29

that didn't know how to get the fuck to

1:07:31

Philadelphia. So I put them all

1:07:33

together. And I said, Sonora, Sonora, Esta

1:07:35

Sonora, Valera, Valera, Valera, Valera. And

1:07:38

I saw their kids, right? And

1:07:40

I remember their kid, my

1:07:43

friend Rodrigo, he let the kid borrow his

1:07:45

iPad to watch cartoons. And

1:07:47

they fucking starved up the peanuts. So

1:07:50

I give that lady, I told that lady, man,

1:07:53

welcome to America, good luck. Here's 20

1:07:55

bucks, you made it this far, you're

1:07:57

gonna be all right. Yeah,

1:08:00

it's crazy. I guess

1:08:02

I had no money. I don't know where they're getting a $1,200 from. Or

1:08:06

maybe when she gets to Pittsburgh, they're going to give

1:08:08

it to her. But right now, she had no escort,

1:08:10

no nothing, no bottled water. And yet, she's

1:08:13

got a plane ticket, isn't that crazy? Yeah,

1:08:16

they're paid for by Texas. And

1:08:18

then people say that, but

1:08:21

the only Texas is

1:08:23

paying for those tickets, though, because Texas

1:08:25

is doing it in Arizona, too. Because I

1:08:27

was in Tucson, and I was teaching because

1:08:30

they don't want to deal with the processing, because

1:08:33

there's so many of them. So I think it's

1:08:35

better to fly them to

1:08:38

a state where they

1:08:40

could get processed faster than they would

1:08:43

in that state, because they're Texas.

1:08:46

Forget about it, bro. They

1:08:49

don't have the manpower

1:08:51

to process all these people. So they got to

1:08:53

take them to Philadelphia,

1:08:55

because Philadelphia has a

1:08:58

processing for immigrants, but

1:09:00

there's no immigrants over there. So you send them over there, DC,

1:09:02

Atlanta. Chicago.

1:09:06

Ooh, ooh, Chicago, forget about

1:09:08

it. It's crazy. It's crazy.

1:09:11

Crazy. And, but

1:09:14

the ones that are on a plane, they

1:09:17

can't send

1:09:19

them back anymore. They've been through the

1:09:22

process. The crazy

1:09:24

thing is- no matter what you say, they can't send them back.

1:09:26

But the ones that are, because

1:09:28

I read this thing where I said that

1:09:32

Trump didn't really stop anybody from

1:09:35

coming in. But what

1:09:37

he did stop, he stopped

1:09:39

the people from getting green cards. So

1:09:41

it took longer for people to get

1:09:43

green cards. For

1:09:45

all your 10th Planet

1:09:48

jujitsu merchandise, please visit

1:09:50

10thplanetjj.com slash shop. We

1:09:52

also got a look into a t-shirt

1:09:54

that just dropped. Thank you

1:09:56

very much for your support. He slowed down the

1:09:59

process of- getting a green card or

1:10:01

getting an American, whatever. Whatever

1:10:03

the process is, he slowed it down. But

1:10:06

as far as people coming in, they

1:10:11

came in a lot when he was

1:10:13

in and he didn't really deport them.

1:10:15

Obama on the other hand, shit. That

1:10:17

motherfucker took all my cousins. I'm

1:10:21

all for it. That

1:10:23

motherfucker was deporting people left

1:10:25

and right. Remember when they were

1:10:27

protesting over there, there was a Murrieta? I

1:10:30

don't, I don't. There was a

1:10:32

Murrieta, California, a bunch of immigrants came in and

1:10:35

there was, I think some Mexican

1:10:37

singer were protesting that, blah,

1:10:39

blah, blah, blah, blah. And then like, I

1:10:42

like, where they got a bro. Obama put him

1:10:44

on a buzzer. Yeah,

1:10:46

yeah. Mother of gee, you was all mad. Yeah,

1:10:49

it's crazy, dude. It's fucking crazy. I

1:10:52

mean, I'm all for good people coming

1:10:54

in. You're a good person, you're a

1:10:56

hard worker. Get processed, let's

1:10:58

do it. I'm all for that. You're

1:11:00

a good person, hard worker, honest. But

1:11:03

we can't have rapists coming in

1:11:05

and we can't have fucking serious

1:11:07

hardcore gang, like MS-13 criminals

1:11:09

coming in. So you gotta vet them. You

1:11:12

can't just let them fucking all

1:11:14

walk in. That's a no brainer.

1:11:16

Everybody knows that. The Democrats, Republicans,

1:11:18

everybody agrees. There's, they,

1:11:22

of course you gotta have a border. You gotta

1:11:24

process people. You gotta make sure the criminals

1:11:26

aren't just fucking walking in. Just the good people,

1:11:28

but you gotta vet them. That's common sense.

1:11:30

It's a no brainer. But

1:11:33

you can't just let fucking millions of

1:11:35

people from, it's not like Mexicans. Most

1:11:38

of these people are not even Mexicans. They're

1:11:40

from Africa, the Middle East, China,

1:11:42

a lot of Chinese motherfuckers coming

1:11:45

in. No, it takes,

1:11:48

man, that's sad too, for so

1:11:50

bad for the Chinese immigrants.

1:11:53

There's a Chinese immigrants, bro. They gotta

1:11:55

pay. I

1:11:58

know how much it was. for them to

1:12:00

cross the border back in the day, it

1:12:03

was $45,000. For

1:12:06

Chinese? For Chinese, for Chinese.

1:12:08

Why does it cost so much

1:12:11

for Chinese? Because when you get

1:12:13

to America, you get to work for a slave or somebody.

1:12:18

So $45,000, man, it's gonna take a lifetime to pay. So

1:12:22

some of these Chinese immigrants who are

1:12:25

coming here paying that much for a

1:12:27

coyote, they ended up

1:12:29

getting set up with a job that, they

1:12:32

were working there forever. Man,

1:12:35

I wrote a song called El Coyote.

1:12:38

I'm sorry. You

1:12:41

know, Tijuana, Tijuana,

1:12:43

Mexico has a lot of Nigerians

1:12:46

and Haitians now that

1:12:48

Mexico took in during the earthquake

1:12:52

and the war. Because

1:12:56

I don't know Haitian, those Haitian when

1:12:58

they come to America, America said no,

1:13:01

and now Mexico took in a lot of Haitians.

1:13:03

So if we go to right now in Mexico

1:13:05

and Tijuana, there's a

1:13:08

half Nigerian, half Mexican

1:13:10

restaurant called Black's again.

1:13:12

What? It's called Ooh

1:13:15

Ooh and Rice. Oh

1:13:21

man, I wrote a song about, it's

1:13:24

called El Coyote, Coyote and it's sung through the

1:13:26

eyes of a human smuggler. So it's kind of

1:13:29

a joke. You know what I mean? It's like,

1:13:31

he says, how am I supposed, like the song,

1:13:33

the chorus says, fuck the wall, let those Mexicans

1:13:35

in. How am I supposed to traffic? How am

1:13:37

I supposed to pay my rent? I got 14

1:13:39

chilling. I got to move today. Like, fuck that

1:13:41

wall. You know what I mean? I got to

1:13:43

work. I got to pay my rent. So, and

1:13:46

then I made a music video out of it.

1:13:48

And yeah, I'm gonna show you a little

1:13:51

piece of it right now. But the

1:13:54

music video I wanted the, cause it's

1:13:56

a joke song and I wanted, I wanted

1:13:58

the, the

1:14:00

message to be like there is no

1:14:02

message. So it ended up being it's

1:14:04

ended up being like it's

1:14:08

about a human smuggler smuggling people over

1:14:10

the border. He gets busted by the

1:14:12

Border Patrol. They all get busted by

1:14:14

the Border Patrol. And then a fucking

1:14:17

John Wick shootout happens and everybody fucking

1:14:19

dies. And you're like, what's the message

1:14:21

here? There is no message. It's just

1:14:23

comedy. So check

1:14:26

this out. A fucking group. We met over

1:14:28

the people of the state of California versus

1:14:30

Orange Hall being symptoms. Five years ago in

1:14:32

a Los Angeles court. Who are you at

1:14:34

right now? No, and

1:14:36

actor O.J. Simpson. He's definitely been

1:14:38

murdering him. It's a team. And for your team.

1:14:42

The man. We

1:14:48

don't need no

1:14:51

fucking illegals. Mike

1:14:53

Beltran plays MS-13 in this. He's

1:14:56

the star. That's

1:15:11

me. He

1:15:23

was so good. I

1:15:27

don't want no more trouble. How

1:15:34

am I supposed to travel? How

1:15:38

am I supposed to bear my breath?

1:15:41

I got fucking trouble. I

1:15:46

have to move today. Fuck

1:15:51

the wall. I'm

1:15:53

a Mexican. Let those Mexicans

1:15:55

in. Let

1:16:00

those Mexicans in Don't

1:16:04

make me big tunnel Don't

1:16:08

make me jump over

1:16:10

it I don't want

1:16:12

no more trouble I

1:16:14

just have to be

1:16:17

scared Fuck

1:16:20

the wall Let those

1:16:23

Mexicans in Fuck

1:16:27

the wall Let

1:16:30

those Mexicans in Here

1:16:40

comes the shootout Everyone's gonna die, everybody

1:16:44

Put it up Fuck

1:17:00

the wall

1:17:06

Let those Mexicans in Let

1:17:14

those Mexicans in Ayayay,

1:17:16

Pero ya Pero

1:17:19

ya Let

1:17:21

those Mexicans in Let

1:17:24

those Mexicans in Let

1:17:28

those Mexicans in Let

1:17:31

those Mexicans in Let those

1:17:33

Mexicans in Let

1:17:36

those Mexicans in I

1:17:40

don't want no more trouble

1:17:43

Let those Mexicans in Ayayay

1:17:49

Like melody Yeah, man, it's fucking

1:17:51

nuts that Like

1:17:56

what's going on in the world Yeah,

1:24:01

I was working

1:24:03

in Dodger Stadium, man. I

1:24:05

went to the comedy

1:24:07

club and there was one of

1:24:09

those comedy clubs where

1:24:11

they did punk rock music on Mondays

1:24:14

and then one of the comedians, one of the

1:24:16

band is setting up, a comedian go up on

1:24:19

stage. So that was

1:24:21

my first open mic. I met- What

1:24:23

made you think you could do it? What was the

1:24:25

process? I always thought it was funny, I didn't have

1:24:28

the confidence to take it to a public place because

1:24:30

that was funny around my friends. But

1:24:32

my first time- You were watching like Chris

1:24:35

Rock and Martin Lawrence and- No,

1:24:37

I didn't know who they were. I didn't even know

1:24:39

who they were. You

1:24:42

weren't even really following stand-up comedy at

1:24:44

all. You just thought like you could

1:24:46

do it. I just knew Paul Rodriguez, that's it. Yeah.

1:24:49

I just knew Paul Rodriguez and Eddie Murphy. That's

1:24:52

the only people I knew. Like if you were

1:24:54

not in movies and the comedian, I never

1:24:56

heard of you. Yeah, I get it. I get

1:24:58

it. I knew Bill Cosby, I

1:25:01

knew that Robbie Williams- Keep going the man. Remember-

1:25:03

No man, I was too young for that.

1:25:06

By the time I went on, my mom

1:25:08

and I, we only had one television so

1:25:11

it was channel 34 or nothing.

1:25:14

Oh yeah. Do you remember that show Viviana? Do you remember

1:25:16

that? No. It was out

1:25:18

with Novella. I came on at eight o'clock. We

1:25:20

had one TV and all the good shit came

1:25:22

out on at eight. Oh, different strokes. Wait, wait,

1:25:24

wait. Viviana? I don't know

1:25:27

if Viviana was- Oh

1:25:31

man, with a hot Spanish

1:25:33

lady who's fun. Yeah. Yeah,

1:25:36

Viviana. Oh man, my mom. My

1:25:39

mom would never miss that. Yeah, that was old school.

1:25:41

That's fucking- That was prime time. 8 p.m. My

1:25:44

mom would say fuck that. My dear Mendez. I didn't

1:25:46

ask your name with Maria Mendez. I don't remember her name. I don't. But

1:25:50

probably. Yeah, that's old school, bro. Viviana.

1:25:53

Damn. It took me way back. Bro,

1:26:00

that's like 1980. Is

1:26:05

it coming up on your phone? Yeah, it

1:26:07

is, bro. It's in this car. Yeah,

1:26:10

it is. This lady right here. She

1:26:13

has red hair, right? Yeah,

1:26:16

is her hair red? Say something about. Yes,

1:26:20

sir. Hell

1:26:22

yeah. I'm on it. There

1:26:25

you go. I thought it was too amended.

1:26:27

Yeah, that's my mom's shit right there. That

1:26:29

was my mom. She never missed that shit.

1:26:32

I remember because it was it was

1:26:34

her. It was started off in hardcore

1:26:36

vivid video, her laying in a beach.

1:26:40

Oh, man. Yeah, I remember that. Damn. Damn,

1:26:44

bro. Wow. Yeah, that's my first.

1:26:48

My first time doing comedy, I met Brian Holtzman.

1:26:51

Your first day? Yeah. Oh,

1:26:53

man, I love Brian Holtzman. I'm Brian

1:26:56

Holtzman and. I

1:26:58

love the boat in and Jamie Kennedy.

1:27:01

Oh, shit, I know Jamie. Oh,

1:27:04

man, I want to my first time there. What

1:27:07

I want to. What club is it again? It wasn't the

1:27:10

comedy store, right? I was in the comments, but I was

1:27:12

like. The

1:27:15

place is called the

1:27:18

Silver Lake Theater now. But

1:27:22

back in the day, it was called

1:27:24

something else. It was owned by a

1:27:26

lady named Brenda Roberts and Johnny Roberts.

1:27:29

And Johnny used to have a

1:27:31

television show on a local access

1:27:33

and he would put the comedians on

1:27:35

local access channel three. I remember

1:27:38

he goes, you want to be my cable show? Oh,

1:27:40

I thought I made it. But

1:27:44

I'm not. No, you remember the first bit

1:27:46

you told the. Yeah, it was. I

1:27:51

said. I

1:27:54

said that. The

1:27:57

beer was shopping. Lift.

1:28:01

team. Then I said,

1:28:03

I'm just kidding. I

1:28:06

wasn't shopping. I would

1:28:10

have a joke about I

1:28:12

said, man, I said that I

1:28:15

just saw a movie

1:28:18

called the last of the Mohicans. I

1:28:21

want to do one of my dad last

1:28:23

of the mohallos. Then I

1:28:25

was going to say, I said

1:28:33

that, oh man. I forgot, man. I said

1:28:37

I was joking about, I forgot.

1:28:42

And after your first date, you got some good

1:28:44

response and then that. I

1:28:47

did alright, but it was too much

1:28:49

talking. My jokes had

1:28:51

too much words. I just

1:28:53

kept going there every day. They were

1:28:55

telling me, you got to go to

1:28:57

the comedy store or you got to

1:29:00

go to the laugh factory. I

1:29:02

would go to the comedy store

1:29:05

for the potluck. Yeah. On

1:29:07

Sundays? On Sundays.

1:29:09

Yeah. Big fat chewy.

1:29:11

They used to work there. I

1:29:16

did that open mic at

1:29:19

Sunday night, like in 2001. Like 2000, 2001.

1:29:23

I'd go up there every now and then. I did

1:29:27

horribly, man. I did like, fuck, I

1:29:29

realized, goddamn, this takes a lot of

1:29:32

work. Then I used to perform a

1:29:34

lot at, well, not a lot, but

1:29:36

every once in a while when they had comedy

1:29:38

at that place, Dublin's. Yes,

1:29:40

yes. Yeah, that was Jay

1:29:42

Davis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And

1:29:44

then I met Joe Diaz when he showed

1:29:47

up his first day in Hollywood. I met

1:29:49

him. What? He was in the last

1:29:51

factory and I had a room in my

1:29:53

tabello. So I would book

1:29:55

him for 50 bucks whenever he wanted

1:29:57

to. That's right. Talk something. I'm

1:30:00

like, you're using the hot. Dude,

1:30:02

you got a good Joey. Damn.

1:30:04

You got a good Joey. Here's

1:30:07

the other is Joe, bro. He never does no

1:30:09

more because it was too dirty. But me and

1:30:11

my friends would get high or when I was

1:30:13

drinking, we would heck with him wherever every show

1:30:16

he went. Well, yeah, we'd be

1:30:18

in the bad girl and go, tea bag. Do

1:30:21

the tea bag, Joe. Joey,

1:30:23

tea bag. Do

1:30:26

a tea bag joke right now, man. I was so

1:30:28

kissing my Disney right now. Talk to

1:30:31

the tea bag joke. He would say, I was

1:30:34

dating this fucking stripper, right? And

1:30:36

she would love walking around the house naked, right?

1:30:38

Ha, ha, ha, fuck around naked. But

1:30:40

every once in a while, she'd be on her

1:30:42

period and she would have a little string hanging

1:30:44

out of her leg. That little

1:30:46

tea bag. I don't know whether to line

1:30:49

it or play with it. So

1:30:51

I would play with a string with a cat. It

1:30:54

was pussy against pussy. Weh, weh,

1:30:56

weh, weh. I

1:30:58

remember that one, doc. I remember that one.

1:31:01

Oh yeah. Dude, I hung

1:31:03

around the comedy store, 2000, 2001, 2002 a lot.

1:31:08

Anytime Joe went, I'd hung,

1:31:10

because I knew Joe from

1:31:12

Jiu Jitsu. And

1:31:14

when I was a

1:31:17

purple belt and he was a blue belt,

1:31:19

and at first he only took private lessons

1:31:21

and it was before Fear Factor. And then

1:31:23

you would hear at the school, hey, there's

1:31:25

an actor that trains here now. He's on

1:31:27

an NBC show, News Radio. And it had

1:31:29

just finished. So I'm like, oh really? We

1:31:31

got like some Hollywood guy here. And I

1:31:33

never really met him at the gym. I

1:31:35

saw him in passing. And then I used

1:31:37

to take strippers to a Sunday

1:31:40

night, the open mic night, because

1:31:42

after the open mic, after the open mics, the

1:31:44

heavy hitters would come on like the paid regulars.

1:31:46

So I would take, I would do

1:31:48

that a lot. I worship Stan McComedy my whole

1:31:51

life. And I would take girls there. We'd get

1:31:53

hammered, laugh, have a good time. And then Joe

1:31:55

went up on stage once. And I was like,

1:31:58

damn, that's that guy from. I

1:34:00

don't know if that's a compliment or like that's

1:34:02

like. He was just telling the reality of Hollywood,

1:34:04

you know. Hollywood was really

1:34:07

fucked up. Yeah, totally. But it

1:34:09

was funny because it was just sometimes when a

1:34:11

comment would get real like that on stage, it

1:34:14

just made me laugh. I remember a comedian at

1:34:16

the comedy store, he said a funny ass

1:34:19

joke. No one in the audience

1:34:21

laughed. He goes, no.

1:34:23

And then I was in the back laughing

1:34:25

with a bunch of comics. He was great.

1:34:28

Only comedians laughed at that joke. That

1:34:31

means that joke is going to be somebody's

1:34:33

part of somebody's comedy compilation

1:34:36

album. Brian

1:34:40

Holtzman said one joke this like 25 years ago,

1:34:43

I'll never forget it. Every now and then I

1:34:45

steal it. Not on stage,

1:34:47

but like in jujitsu, like when doing jujitsu,

1:34:50

he said, I just

1:34:52

found out why they celebrate

1:34:54

Cinco de Mayo. Because it's

1:34:56

the day they invented the leaf

1:34:59

blower. And I'll never forget that

1:35:01

shit. Well, he just

1:35:03

had one. He said that. Brian Holtzman had

1:35:05

one. First of all, there

1:35:08

was a plane crash, right? A

1:35:11

plane crash. First of all, plane crash. Saturday

1:35:14

night. Saturday night, plane crash.

1:35:17

People were murdered. People were killed. This

1:35:21

was on the stage on the OR. Act

1:35:24

House, he opens up with. I

1:35:28

hear America West is hiring. Oh,

1:35:32

shit. He

1:35:34

goes, everybody's always worried about

1:35:36

everybody who is about the

1:35:38

black about. He

1:35:41

goes, when a plane crashes, they

1:35:44

say a black box. You've

1:35:47

got to fucking, the black box survived.

1:35:49

But you know who all survived? Babies

1:35:51

on planes. They

1:35:53

said, you want a window? See, fuck no. See, we're next

1:35:55

to a baby. But

1:35:58

dude, this dude. He was

1:36:00

doing a show with a bunch of Mexicans and then

1:36:02

he said man I figure out how to take care

1:36:05

of the immigration problem. We

1:36:07

don't need no immigration, I would need a whole

1:36:10

depot trucks. I would need

1:36:12

a bunch of trucks, we would rent a bunch

1:36:14

of trucks, we would go to every

1:36:16

home people, we would tell everybody outside, we got a

1:36:18

big job, we got a big job, we got a

1:36:20

big job, get the fuck in, get the fuck in.

1:36:23

And they would try and want to tease you and let them all out. Sam

1:36:29

Tripoli back when he was like 22 has a bit that,

1:36:31

there's some bits I'll never forget man,

1:36:34

I forget most everything. But certain bits,

1:36:36

Sam Tripoli goes, you know why hot

1:36:38

chicks don't know anything about politics? Because

1:36:42

if Darth Vader came down and took

1:36:44

over, they would still get VIP. I'll

1:36:47

never forget that. You know,

1:36:49

Aris Fafir had a funny joke too,

1:36:52

bro. He never does it no more, but

1:36:54

it will kill me. I guess

1:36:57

they broke into his car and they stole his,

1:36:59

I don't know if he got carjacked or they

1:37:01

stole his car or they stole the radio. But

1:37:05

he was being approached by like white cops, right?

1:37:07

And they were racist. And they thought he was

1:37:09

going to be racist too. He

1:37:12

goes, who stole your car? Did they steal your car, man?

1:37:14

Did they steal your stereo? Yeah, man. I

1:37:16

don't know who stole it, man, but they all

1:37:18

parked over there. You're dealing with a bunch of

1:37:20

Mexicans who stole it? I don't know, it could

1:37:22

have been any nationality. I don't know, black, Asian,

1:37:24

it could have been anybody. Are you sure it

1:37:26

wasn't Mexican men? This is Mexican neighborhood. You know,

1:37:28

it might have been a Cholo or might have

1:37:30

been a Mexican guy. No, man, I don't really

1:37:32

think you're sure or not for the Mexican or

1:37:35

not. Finally got tired

1:37:37

when this cop asked me over and over. Yes,

1:37:39

sir, it was a Mexican. They

1:37:41

fucking took over my fucking stereo

1:37:43

and horseback yelling, bibos a pata. And

1:37:46

they were shooting their

1:37:49

guns. I

1:37:55

remember when Dave Chappelle reemerged

1:37:58

after, you know. the

1:38:00

whole disappearing and ghosting

1:38:02

everybody. At the comedy store? Yeah, he shows

1:38:04

up at the comedy store. I don't

1:38:08

know if it was the first time he reemerged,

1:38:10

but it was one of those first times. Did

1:38:12

Nick Cannon open or not magical? Damn,

1:38:16

probably. The only second one. It was in the

1:38:18

main room. It was in the main room. That

1:38:20

was the second one. And

1:38:22

so it was packed. And I'll never forget.

1:38:24

Yeah, packed. Me and Joe are watching in the back. Yeah,

1:38:26

bro, Union was there. Dang. He's

1:38:29

just talking about the whole Africa thing

1:38:31

and the deal. And me

1:38:33

and Joe are fucking dying. We're

1:38:36

just like, ah, he's

1:38:38

crushing. And I'll never forget Joe. As soon

1:38:40

as it was over, we turned around. He

1:38:43

walked out and I was just following. He was walking

1:38:45

out in a rage. He's

1:38:47

like, I never been so motivated or right

1:38:49

material right now. He goes, I've never been

1:38:52

so inspired to write material right now. I

1:38:54

just want to fucking go home and write

1:38:56

some shit. You know, he just got blown

1:38:58

away. Bro,

1:39:01

when I watched that show, when

1:39:04

I watched him, when I saw him do that hour and

1:39:07

I was still

1:39:10

doing the same fucking 20 minutes for the last

1:39:12

eight years. Yeah. Right.

1:39:15

And then when I saw him again an hour

1:39:17

and a year later, do a

1:39:20

better hour than the one I just saw a

1:39:22

year ago. I saw Déjà péo

1:39:24

and I said, I was telling myself, I'm never going to

1:39:26

be able to write one hour in one year. Even

1:39:29

a year later, I was still doing the same

1:39:31

25 minutes. You

1:39:34

know, I'm like, how do you get that? How do

1:39:36

you get to write that much? You know, but then

1:39:38

I realized now that when

1:39:40

all your bills are paid and

1:39:42

you don't have to worry about how you're

1:39:45

going to pay rent tomorrow or you

1:39:47

don't worry about baby mamas or you have

1:39:49

nothing holding you down, you have a lot

1:39:51

of time to write jokes. Yeah.

1:39:55

Yeah. So, man,

1:39:58

how many specials do you have? You have a bunch,

1:40:01

right? I have a special

1:40:03

called I'm Not Like That No More,

1:40:05

which is, it was on Netflix for

1:40:07

many years. And then

1:40:09

I did another one for HBO. My

1:40:13

wife and I, we produced it ourselves, DIY.

1:40:16

And then we sold it to HBO

1:40:19

for like a lot of money. It

1:40:21

was called Translate This. And

1:40:24

then when the two year lease was over,

1:40:26

we took the special back. So

1:40:28

we own the special. And I

1:40:30

have another special on Netflix right now

1:40:32

called Bad

1:40:35

Decisions. So I have

1:40:37

my third special. And then I did one in Spanish too. I

1:40:40

translated Bad Decisions Spanish. It's

1:40:43

called Malas Decisiones. So

1:40:45

I have a, I

1:40:48

guess I'm the first one to put our English

1:40:50

and Spanish special on Netflix without

1:40:53

really tooting my own horn here. That's

1:40:56

fucking awesome. Now you actually redid it

1:40:58

in Spanish. You didn't overdub, right? It

1:41:00

wasn't overdub. Yes, I know and I

1:41:02

shot it in Santa Ana, homie. What?

1:41:05

At the galaxy? Yes. Dude,

1:41:07

do you know? Dude, I'm Santa

1:41:09

Ana, that's where I'm from. I did the galaxy

1:41:11

when they did comedy there. Damn,

1:41:14

yeah. I know everything about Santa

1:41:16

Ana, dog. That's where I grew up.

1:41:18

We moved like six times, always

1:41:21

in Santa Ana, always in Santa, we're

1:41:23

always moving apartment to apartment to apartment.

1:41:26

Mom struggling, raising three kids.

1:41:28

Only real food in Santa

1:41:30

Ana, no. There's only one

1:41:32

fuck in Cuban restaurant. And

1:41:37

I think it's Casa Felix, right? What's,

1:41:40

I'm not familiar with that. Felix is in

1:41:42

downtown. It might be new,

1:41:44

because I wonder what Casa is like. Felix's

1:41:48

Cuban Cafe. I don't know that one. A

1:41:50

lot of shit has changed. I go back

1:41:52

to Santa Ana and there's certain intersections where

1:41:55

all the businesses are different.

1:41:57

They all, same shopping center.

1:46:00

stripper so I don't have to lie at least I could be honest

1:46:02

you know did

1:46:04

I lose you? Yo

1:46:09

there you go there you go so I

1:46:11

was saying then then I finally came to the

1:46:13

realization like I'm just gonna just date stripper so

1:46:15

I could be honest you know what I mean

1:46:17

I don't have to lie to him so then

1:46:19

from that point on I was like if you

1:46:21

were at a strip club you could only date

1:46:23

strippers you can't date regular chicks because they're gonna

1:46:25

think you're disgusting. I know

1:46:29

I did it I met girls who um

1:46:31

I didn't know at the time were strippers

1:46:33

but later on when I saw them again there

1:46:36

were strippers and then

1:46:38

and then it was a setup I had

1:46:41

to meet her at work and spend real

1:46:43

money this time. Hook

1:46:46

a girl up she

1:46:48

kept saying. Hook a girl up.

1:46:54

Oh man every stripper has a different

1:46:56

mission you know some girl some strippers

1:46:58

were only stripping until they got their

1:47:01

real estate license and then another stripper

1:47:03

she was only stripping until you

1:47:06

know she she she made it in acting and then

1:47:08

this other stripper she's like you know what I got

1:47:10

three kids I'm just trying to pay the fucking rent

1:47:12

so I'm stripping dog you want to lap dance you

1:47:14

want to lap dance who wants to lap dance you

1:47:16

want to would you like a lap dance would you

1:47:18

like a lap dance would you like a lap dance

1:47:20

would you like a lap dance those aggressive girls they

1:47:23

gotta pay rent dog you know the the and

1:47:25

then there was uh girls that were only stripping

1:47:27

until they were going to be a rock star

1:47:29

you know that was uh um my

1:47:32

first female singer that I produced was a stripper

1:47:34

who's only stripping until she blew up in music

1:47:36

you know everyone got their different missions and then

1:47:39

some girls they can't wait to strip as soon

1:47:41

as they turn 18 they're like oh my god

1:47:43

they're like they were like the ugly girl in

1:47:45

school but now they turn 18 now

1:47:48

they could strip they get hair extensions they get

1:47:50

the fake eyelashes they get fake

1:47:52

big tits in the dark club

1:47:54

damn all of a sudden they're they're not that

1:47:56

bad they're not that

1:47:58

bad they were the ugly girl It's cool who's

1:48:01

just bought hair extensions

1:48:03

and fake eyelashes and now they're

1:48:06

now they're all right A

1:48:09

lot of women are not really getting to stripping now,

1:48:11

right because they're only fans Yeah,

1:48:14

I yeah, I think they need to strip to

1:48:16

move their numbers and only fans Maybe

1:48:19

yeah, I don't really know i've been out of

1:48:21

the strip club business for a very long time

1:48:23

I really don't know how you would think that

1:48:26

strip clubs would be like a dying breed or

1:48:28

something but or dying um

1:48:31

Business, but I don't know i'm not too sure.

1:48:33

I don't know how that that works now You

1:48:35

gotta have money to burn you're gonna go to

1:48:37

strip club and have fun You gotta

1:48:40

have money to burn where it doesn't hurt you

1:48:42

like if you could go to a strip club

1:48:44

and drop a thousand dollars And it doesn't hurt

1:48:46

you at all if that doesn't hurt you Yeah,

1:48:49

then you can have fun for a thousand, you know what

1:48:51

I mean for it if it doesn't hurt you Let's just

1:48:53

say if you had a billion dollars if you had a

1:48:56

billion dollars you go to strip club you drop a thousand

1:48:58

That's like dropping a penny. You know what I mean? Then

1:49:01

you could have fun But if that shit hurts you

1:49:03

oh if you go to strip club and you

1:49:05

spend like 400 bucks 500 bucks That

1:49:07

drive home is fuck. What did I do?

1:49:09

I just fuck I

1:49:12

gotta rob somebody now You

1:49:15

go home you go man, oh my god was

1:49:17

jack in the box number five Yeah,

1:49:19

totally. You got nothing. You're you're underwear.

1:49:22

You know what I mean? Like god

1:49:24

damn. What a you feel disgusted So,

1:49:29

what do you got next what's coming up next I'm

1:49:32

gonna be in now. I don't know when

1:49:34

this airs, but i'm gonna be in minneapolis

1:49:36

this week and link in nebraska Next

1:49:39

week i'm gonna be here in um Providence

1:49:44

road island some comedy club over

1:49:47

there. So you're just popping shit.

1:49:49

Just pop. Yeah Everything's

1:49:51

good. Yeah, philippisworld.com big

1:49:54

food tour Where's

1:49:56

your your biggest? Um like your best city

1:49:58

where you could play the biggest from

2:00:00

Hillary Clinton, there's a something. It was silence,

2:00:03

crickets, killed the audience. And I couldn't

2:00:06

bring them back, man. I couldn't, I

2:00:08

lost them. There was no connection, bad

2:00:10

set. Soon as I get backstage, Joey's

2:00:12

there. He goes, listen, Ende Bravo, you

2:00:15

can't just put it in their ass. You gotta

2:00:17

nibble their ear, play with their pussy a little

2:00:19

bit, okay? And I'm like,

2:00:21

I'll never forget that shit. You

2:00:24

know, Joe Diaz, bro, like when you talking, when it

2:00:26

was one time I had a threesome, the other one

2:00:28

looked like, the other one looked

2:00:30

like Van Gogh, but he didn't just

2:00:32

say Van Gogh. He cored up his ear. Ha

2:00:36

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

2:00:38

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Van

2:00:40

Gogh, you know, Van Gogh gets in the ear, but

2:00:42

the other bitch was like, Van Gogh, because you gotta

2:00:44

go to heaven before you go to hell. Ha

2:00:47

ha ha ha. One more question

2:00:49

before we go. Yeah. If you

2:00:51

had to have someone open up for

2:00:54

you and you had to choose between Joe Biden

2:00:56

or Donald Trump, who would you choose to open

2:00:58

up for you? Donald Trump, man.

2:01:00

He's funny. He's a real celebrity,

2:01:03

bro. Can

2:01:05

you imagine Joe Biden doing

2:01:07

comedy? Oh, fuck. He'd

2:01:10

be like, come on, man. Like if you didn't laugh, come

2:01:12

on, man. To be like, like,

2:01:15

Jet Bush, please laugh. Ha

2:01:17

ha ha ha ha. Please clap. Joe

2:01:21

Biden does speeches in front of

2:01:24

a green screen and nobody. He's

2:01:26

doing like fake speeches,

2:01:29

man, in front of nobody. And then

2:01:31

they put like an audience. It's like

2:01:33

fake shit on a green screen. Like

2:01:35

he's in front, like at the White

2:01:37

House. Crazy shit. Like that guy. Crazy.

2:01:40

And then Donald Trump, he's selling out fucking stadiums

2:01:42

and shit. We're wearing diapers

2:01:44

and everything. Ha ha ha ha. Felipe,

2:01:47

man, I'll see you at the Comedy Store soon. You're

2:01:49

gonna do Sam's show anytime soon? You

2:01:52

know what? I thought I was gonna do that

2:01:54

show at the improv, but I'm not after all.

2:01:56

Hopefully I'll do the one with Skyler, the little

2:01:58

one at the store maybe. do it. Hell

2:02:01

yeah I'll do whatever Matt. I'm gonna do

2:02:03

a stand up on the spot Jeremiah Watkins

2:02:05

show. I'm doing that next Tuesday. You know

2:02:08

that's a that's a scary one where you

2:02:10

go up and you can't you just gotta

2:02:12

improvise. I did it.

2:02:15

It's fun but it's hard. Oh

2:02:18

man I had to do one like that

2:02:20

dude at the Montreal. It was

2:02:22

surrounded and we

2:02:24

had to do crowd work and

2:02:26

I'm not good with crowd work because every time

2:02:29

I ask a question I ended up asking questions

2:02:31

over and over to find out what they got

2:02:33

really saying. Yeah. So I lose the audience. So

2:02:36

but it was a show where everybody had to

2:02:38

do crowd work. Like you had to do crowd

2:02:40

work. I had to do crowd work. So

2:02:43

by the time it was I

2:02:45

think I was going up next they

2:02:49

were telling us okay so don't ask that

2:02:51

person questions no more because that person already

2:02:53

everybody asked them questions so you gotta move

2:02:55

to another person. So a very

2:02:57

strict crowd work but I did well

2:02:59

man but I was nervous about that

2:03:02

crowd work show. Yeah yeah it's like

2:03:04

it's good but it's

2:03:07

it's like scary because you could definitely

2:03:09

bomb it's hard to come up with

2:03:11

funny shit on the spot but

2:03:14

the audience gives you a little leeway

2:03:16

because they know it's improv so they're

2:03:18

not expecting to totally have like a

2:03:21

Dave Chappelle type experience. So yeah yeah

2:03:23

the last time I did it it

2:03:25

was all right. It was cool but

2:03:27

it's like a good

2:03:30

exercise I guess you know what I mean.

2:03:32

Yeah very good. Felipe thank you very much

2:03:34

man. I'll see you any problem. Thank

2:03:37

you have a good night. Probably like three

2:03:39

weeks we like have a bunch of the

2:03:41

can. It'll be like I'll let you know.

2:03:44

Three weeks so in three weeks

2:03:47

people I'm gonna be in Monterey,

2:03:51

California. I'm gonna be in

2:03:58

Chicago, no not Chicago. I'm gonna to

2:04:00

be a lot of, check us out,

2:04:03

felipetheworld.com Tour. Yeah. Hell

2:04:05

yeah. felipetheworld.com for all the dates. Yeah,

2:04:09

felipetheworld.com. Thank you. Hell yeah,

2:04:11

man. Thank you, dude. I'll see

2:04:13

you soon. Thank you, fool. The

2:04:17

Jiu-Jitsu Dojo is the ultimate training ground

2:04:19

for life. Jiu-Jitsu will accelerate

2:04:21

the evolution of your

2:04:23

being, your

2:04:27

consciousness, your

2:04:29

soul. Through

2:04:33

this amazing art, you will prove to yourself

2:04:35

that you can master anything you set your

2:04:37

mind to. Happy birthday,

2:04:39

Eddie Bravo. I leave for Brazil tomorrow.

2:04:44

Are you the few factor guy? São Paulo. I'm

2:04:47

like six pounds over. Time to sweat

2:04:49

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2:04:53

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2:05:15

own shit and figured interesting ways to get

2:05:17

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I will never let you leave. It

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shows you that great things are possible

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2:05:35

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their curriculums are all synced to 10

2:05:40

Planet Headquarters located in downtown Los Angeles.

2:05:46

I'm Andy Bravo. I hope to see you on the

2:05:48

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