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1:59

to Love. Leave it live

2:01

from dynasty typewriter. Good news,

2:03

Adrian Brody, with Trump's joint

2:05

address to Congress behind us.

2:07

Your Oscar's acceptance is now

2:09

the second worst speech of the

2:11

week. Putting the brutal and brutalist,

2:13

that guy. I've been here before.

2:15

Don't play the music. I have a

2:18

point to make. Says nothing forever. That

2:20

was unbelievable. Like the gall. The

2:22

actor hubris. To be winning an

2:24

Oscar in front of one of

2:26

the biggest television audiences. In the

2:28

world, the music starts playing and

2:31

you say, how dare you? I

2:33

haven't yet said that love is

2:35

important. We've got a great show

2:37

for you tonight. Natalie Morales is

2:39

here to comb through her catalog.

2:41

Writer and author of the new novel, Woodworking

2:44

Emily St. James, has appeared

2:46

to talk about my greatest

2:48

fear, teenage girls. Then we all

2:50

debate the worst of two evils,

2:52

cannibalism in high school. But first,

2:54

let's get into it. What a week.

2:59

On Tuesday, Donald Trump delivered a

3:02

speech to Congress filled with lies

3:04

and grievances in what sounded more

3:06

like a Maggie Rowley speech than

3:08

a presidential address. It's Trump's special

3:10

talent that he can make a

3:13

speech both completely insane and deeply

3:15

boring. It's one of those

3:17

combinations that should be impossible,

3:19

like being Jewish and digesting

3:21

dairy. As promised, some

3:23

Democratic Congresswomen wore pink in

3:26

protest. Powerful stuff. I

3:28

see they borrowed a page from

3:30

Sunsoo's classic text, the art of

3:32

putting on fun little outfits. Congresswoman

3:35

Teresa LeGier Fernandez, head of the

3:37

Democratic Women's Caucus, told Time Magazine

3:39

that pink is a color of

3:41

power and protest. It's time to

3:43

rev up the opposition and come

3:45

at Trump loud and clear. But

3:47

wearing a color is not a

3:49

protest. It's not a protest. You're

3:51

allowed to wear pink. You're coordinating

3:54

your outfits, but the outfits aren't

3:56

loud and clear. There may be.

3:58

loud, but they're not necessarily clear. It's

4:00

like watching Megan Markle make

4:02

popcorn. I know you think

4:05

this is something. But

4:07

until you explain it, it's

4:09

nothing. Trump began his address

4:12

with a declaration. And to

4:14

my fellow citizens, America is

4:16

back. Yeah, we're back. Measles

4:19

is back. People leading their

4:21

own chickens is back. Flying

4:23

being an adventure is back.

4:26

The speech was briefly interrupted

4:29

when Democratic Texas congressman Al

4:31

Green caused a disruption and

4:33

House Speaker Mike Johnson had him

4:36

kicked out. Mr. Green, take your

4:38

seat. Take your seat, sir. Take

4:40

your seat. Take your seat. Finally,

4:42

the members continue to engage in

4:44

willful and concerted disruption or proper

4:47

decorum. The chair now directs

4:49

the sergeant and arms to

4:51

restore order. It

4:53

was a bit excessive and Lauren

4:55

Bowbert rolled out the congressional guillotine,

4:58

but rules are rules. Green shouts

5:00

weren't exactly audible to TV viewers,

5:02

but he explained his protest to

5:04

reporters after getting the boot. The

5:07

president said he had a mandate,

5:09

and I was making it clear

5:11

to the president that he has

5:14

no mandate to cut Medicaid. Go

5:16

off, King, just go off a little louder

5:18

next time, maybe. I don't know if that's

5:20

as effective as... wearing

5:23

a color. I mean, with fascism

5:25

on the rise, we're going to have

5:27

to wear pretty bright color.

5:29

The president then bragged

5:32

about being reelected in

5:34

spite of his criminal

5:36

prosecutions. And we've ended

5:38

weaponized government where, as

5:41

an example, a sitting

5:43

president is allowed to

5:45

viciously prosecute his political

5:47

opponent like me. How

5:49

did that work out? Honestly,

5:55

got our asses. I mean, that's

5:57

pretty cool. How did that work

5:59

out? Fucking! terribly. We got

6:01

absolutely body, you're right, got

6:04

us, fully fucking God us,

6:06

damn it. The president's speech

6:08

leaned heavily into cultural issues

6:10

going after trans people pretty

6:13

hard as summed up in

6:15

this applause line. Our country will

6:17

be woke no longer. Stock

6:20

markets tanking there's going to be

6:22

a black market for maple syrup

6:24

You need a small business loan

6:27

to make a Denver omelet biggest

6:29

job losses since the onset of

6:31

the pandemic But on the bright

6:33

side five trans athletes are going

6:35

to have to stick to intramurals

6:37

When Trump did eventually touch briefly

6:40

on inflation it wasn't to offer

6:42

his plan to bring down soaring

6:44

prices, but to blame Joe Biden

6:47

especially let the price of

6:49

eggs get out of control.

6:52

The egg price is out

6:54

of control. You know what?

6:56

Trump? Okay. Fine. You can

6:58

still blame Joe Biden.

7:01

You can't be expected to

7:03

have solved every problem. You

7:05

still get to seem young

7:07

and engaged by virtue of

7:10

comparison, but tick-talk bitch. You

7:12

promise pizza day every Friday,

7:14

and it's already been six

7:17

Fridays, no pizza. Pretty soon,

7:19

America's gonna forget who Joe

7:21

Biden was, because Joe Biden

7:23

already forgot who Joe Biden was.

7:27

Looking back, I regret not

7:29

realizing how much he was

7:31

fucking us sooner. That's my great

7:33

regret of 2024. Obviously we've

7:35

gotten a little bit of a

7:37

hot stew for pointing it out, but

7:40

even still, sort of speaking to

7:42

the obvious long after it

7:44

become obvious. All these people that

7:46

are going to run for president

7:49

in 2028, not one of them

7:51

had the... stones to challenge

7:53

Joe Biden. And it's like, well, listen to the

7:55

person that's right to be president, the kind of

7:57

person who understood the need to step up and

7:59

fight. really hard or can't wait your turn?

8:02

Is Donald Trump wait for his turn?

8:04

Is this a kind of politics moment

8:06

in history? People seem to wait for

8:08

their turn, no? Just our sign, just

8:10

our sweet, sweet Democrats always looking for

8:12

a line to stand in. More Republicans

8:14

run over the barricades. The Democratic

8:17

Party as a group of people are in

8:19

zone four, looking as Republican in zone six,

8:21

just walk right in front of them, right

8:23

on the plane, over and over again. We're

8:26

just a party of people in zone four,

8:28

watching people in zone six put their bags

8:30

in zone six, put their bags in

8:32

the overhead, while we wonder if there will

8:35

be room when we get on the plane.

8:37

Republicans are like, we got bags, these people

8:39

are idiots, we're getting on the fucking,

8:41

we're getting on the fucking. Yeah,

8:46

all right Trump got big

8:48

laughs when listing purported

8:50

examples of fraud that

8:52

Doge had uncovered eight

8:55

million dollars to promote

8:57

LGBTQI plus In the

8:59

African nation of Lesotho,

9:02

which nobody has ever

9:04

heard of eight million

9:07

dollars for making mice

9:09

transgender What you think it's

9:11

cheap to make a mouse

9:13

transgender? You think tiny little

9:16

androgynous mouse clothes grow on

9:18

trees? Do you know how

9:20

hard it is to die

9:23

a little mouse's hair blue?

9:25

To make the airpods small

9:27

enough to play mitzky?

9:29

Also, the president

9:32

is actually supposed to

9:34

have heard of Lissotho,

9:36

though, but the president

9:38

is supposed to at least

9:40

pretend to have heard of

9:43

all the countries. Trump also

9:45

defended his tariffs on Mexico

9:47

and Canada with an uplifting

9:50

message to Americans. There'll be

9:52

a little disturbance, but we're okay with

9:54

that. It won't be much. No, you're

9:57

not. A little disturbance is

9:59

when you're... mom asked a question at

10:01

the movies. Not when we've got troops

10:03

at the border between Detroit and Windsor.

10:05

The president also warned farmers worried about

10:08

the tariffs that they may face a

10:10

little bit of an adjustment period. Iowa

10:12

Polster and Seltzer wasn't wrong. Iowa

10:14

Polster and Seltzer was simply ahead

10:17

of her time. Trump made the dubious promise

10:19

that the terrorists will ultimately help American

10:21

farmers saying this. Our farmers are going

10:23

to have a field day right now,

10:25

so to our farmers. Have a lot

10:27

of fun, I love you too. Every

10:29

day is a field day for

10:32

farmers, you fucking idiot. In international

10:34

news, unfortunately, the

10:36

Zelenski Trump Vans

10:39

bitch-bitch session folded after

10:41

we recorded last week, but

10:43

the fallout continues. JD Vans

10:45

went on state TV to

10:47

continue to trash talk Zelenski

10:49

and insult some other allies

10:51

while he was at it.

10:53

If you want real security

10:55

guarantees, if you want to

10:57

actually ensure that Vladimir Putin

10:59

does not invade Ukraine again,

11:02

the very best security guarantee

11:04

is to give Americans economic

11:06

upside in the future of

11:08

Ukraine. That is a way

11:10

better security guarantee than 20,000 troops

11:12

from some random country that hasn't

11:14

fought a war in 30 or

11:16

40 years. So each shit families

11:18

of British and French service

11:20

members who died in Afghanistan,

11:23

serving alongside Americans, answering the

11:25

call to defend an ally,

11:27

British and French newspapers attacked

11:30

the vice president for his

11:32

comments, calling him a clown, a

11:34

disgrace, and JD Dunce. Wait, am I

11:36

British and French newspapers? Either

11:39

way, I, for one, am proud

11:41

to fight alongside Britain and France

11:43

in the war against Jiztype events.

11:45

Got him. On Monday, Trump ordered

11:47

a pause on U.S. military aid

11:49

to Ukraine and on Wednesday CIA

11:51

Director John Radcliffe announced the end

11:53

of intelligence sharing with Ukraine in

11:55

an attempt to force Salenski's hand.

11:57

Of course, under Tulsa Gabbard, that

11:59

intelligence... is just bulletins like Putin's still

12:01

handsome, so not sure how big a

12:03

difference this is going to make. In

12:06

domestic news this past week, Trump announced

12:08

the creation of the crypto strategic reserve

12:10

in which the US would hold billions

12:12

of various cryptocurrencies. God only knows why.

12:14

And I'm not even talking about normal

12:16

God. I'm talking about the new God

12:18

Elon Musk believes in. By the time these

12:21

lawsuits are decided we'll have digital God,

12:23

so... I

12:26

can't wait. Analog God made me

12:29

5 foot 6 and like 20%

12:31

more ambitious than my talents allow,

12:33

which is just enough of a

12:35

delta to make life basically torture.

12:39

The president announced that the reserve

12:41

would contain lesser-known crypto like XRP,

12:43

Solana, and Cardano, as well as

12:45

more commonly used currencies like Bitcoin

12:47

and ether. Now you might ask

12:50

yourself why on earth would we

12:52

need a strategic reserve of a

12:54

volatile speculative digital currency other than

12:56

to reward the crypto allies who spent

12:58

millions getting him elected? In other

13:00

news, Trump announced... By the way, before

13:02

we came out, they actually did some

13:05

kind of an announcement basically... saying

13:07

that the crypto reserve is, uh, it's

13:09

bullshit. It's just, it's just, they're not,

13:11

it's just bullshit. It's gonna be, it's

13:14

made up of the currency, they've already

13:16

seized, and it just seems like a

13:18

way to save face for some of

13:21

these crypto bros that are constantly,

13:23

uh, sucking Donald Trump's dick,

13:25

digitally. In other

13:28

news, Trump announced a 25% tariff on

13:30

goods from Canada and Mexico, which sent

13:32

markets reeling just before his joint address

13:34

to Congress. We were always telling President

13:36

Obama to wreck the stock market the

13:38

day before his big speeches, but he

13:40

never listened. Guess that's why he's not

13:42

president anymore. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau

13:44

and Mexican President Claudia Shinbaum, Jewish, threatened.

13:47

I think it's cool. Threatened suicide measures

13:49

in the escalating trade war with Trudeau

13:51

saying on Tuesday, this is a time

13:53

to hit back hard and to demonstrate

13:56

that a fight with Canada will have

13:58

no winners. What a Canadian... and think

14:00

to say not that Trump will lose

14:02

a fight with Canada not that Canada

14:05

will triumph but just that a

14:07

fight with Canada will have no winners.

14:09

Trudeau addressed Trump at the news conference

14:11

saying this. Now it's not in my

14:14

habit to agree with the Wall Street

14:16

Journal but Donald they point out that

14:18

even though you're a very smart guy

14:20

this is a very dumb thing to

14:23

do. Flattering Trump's

14:25

ego, good strategy. Probably a

14:27

tactic he learned from his

14:30

father, Fidel Castro. Just

14:32

a conspiracy theory. Just

14:34

another conspiracy? The

14:36

mainstream media has claimed

14:38

is debunked. I'm not saying

14:40

it's true. I'm just saying

14:42

it hasn't been debunked. What about

14:45

the second honeymoon? What

14:47

about the second honeymoon?

14:49

I'm serious. They

14:51

all say the timing doesn't

14:53

work out because of

14:55

when the first honeymoon

14:58

was, but they got

15:00

to dig in to

15:02

the reported second honeymoon.

15:04

The timing lines up

15:06

on the second honeymoon.

15:08

Pierre and Maggie had a

15:10

lot of fun. Just saying.

15:13

The Yavas went into

15:15

a bowl and... Who

15:19

knows whose Yavis came out? Can't

15:21

remember the word for bowl. The

15:23

Canadian Prime Minister also

15:25

accused Trump of hoping for

15:27

a total collapse of the

15:29

Canadian economy because that would

15:31

make it easier to a

15:33

nexus. Which makes sense because

15:35

breaking somebody's spirit until

15:38

they don't believe they deserve any

15:40

better wasn't just his trade

15:42

strategy. It's always been Trump's

15:44

dating strategy. And

15:48

then on Thursday, Trump backed down completely,

15:50

pausing tariffs on the vast majority of

15:52

both Mexican and Canadian goods until April

15:54

2nd. That's only four weeks away, so

15:56

be sure to stock up on your

15:58

everything. Meanwhile, the former head of the... Social

16:00

Security Administration, Martin O'Malley told CNBC that

16:02

doges propose cuts to the department will

16:04

jeopardize payments to the over 72 million

16:06

people who receive Social Security warning of

16:09

a system collapse and the interruption of

16:11

benefits in the next 30 to 90

16:13

days. I'm hoping it's 90 because I'd

16:15

like to finish this season of white

16:17

Lotus in peace for my parents have

16:20

to move in. Do you always keep

16:22

the house this cold? You

16:25

can just ask for me to turn

16:27

it warmer. That's just simply, you don't

16:30

have to ask, you know what I

16:32

mean? It's just ask the question. I'm

16:34

happy to make it warmer. Do I

16:37

always keep it this whole, okay? Considering

16:39

the likelihood that the payment system could

16:41

become unreliable, O'Malley warned... People should start

16:43

saving now. Don't worry, I'm sure your

16:46

grandpa will be fine if he just

16:48

cuts back on luxuries like baked potato

16:50

and the lady that comes to his

16:53

house to make sure he's not dead.

16:55

Unbelievable. In other doge news, the Trump

16:57

administration will reportedly cut 80,000 jobs from

17:00

the Department of Veterans Affairs. Keep in

17:02

mind the VA not only serves veterans,

17:04

25% of the VA's employees are veterans

17:07

themselves. Just a little math. Cutting 80,000

17:09

employees from the VA would save you

17:11

around $8 billion per year while making

17:14

life worse for millions of veterans. Unless

17:16

you think a 76-year-old veteran being told

17:18

by an artificial intelligence chaos that he

17:20

has abdominal pain because he might be

17:23

pregnant is a good time. Extending the

17:25

Trump tax cuts will cost $4 trillion.

17:27

Over 10 years. 8 billion. More trillion.

17:30

Fun fact, a family making over a

17:32

million dollars would get an extra 70,000

17:34

dollars on average from the tax cut,

17:37

roughly equivalent to the salary, a lot

17:39

of the veterans who are about to

17:41

be fired. Isn't that fun? Isn't that

17:44

one-to-one comparison kind of fun? They don't

17:46

like that the Republicans, when you actually

17:48

break out the numbers and say, oh,

17:51

the Trump tax cuts will give a

17:53

family with a million dollars, just an

17:55

extra 70 thousand dollars. for $70,000 in

17:57

the pack, roughly the amount you might

18:00

pay a nurse working at a VA

18:02

hospital somewhere. That's the choice we're making.

18:04

They don't want to make it like

18:07

it's a choice, but that's the choice

18:09

we're making. I'll tell you something. I

18:11

went for making government money. I made

18:14

some sitcom money. Then I spent it

18:16

in a period of clinical depression. And

18:18

then I made some podcast money. And

18:21

that was surprising, because that was really

18:23

never the goal. And you'd think it

18:25

would make me kind of maybe relate

18:28

more to these rich people, right? Like,

18:30

you know, I understand there's always more.

18:32

There's always more you could want. The

18:34

idea that there are people out there

18:37

with millions of dollars, let alone billions

18:39

of dollars, complaining about federal taxes, these

18:41

people are fucking sick. They are sick.

18:45

They are sick to be anything other

18:47

than appreciated for the luck and good

18:49

fortune to get to be in America

18:51

and make money and America that they

18:54

are fucking counting every penny going to

18:56

the federal government when the fact that

18:58

we have Some redistribution to make palatable

19:01

this system that allows you to live

19:03

this incredible life. How fucking Gary it

19:05

is sick and all of this all

19:07

of the fucking attacks on the trans

19:10

people and targeting the immigrants and vilifying

19:12

DEA, all of it is part of

19:14

a big circus funded by billionaires to

19:16

distract us from the very simple fact

19:19

that on one side you're going to

19:21

give millionaires an extra hundred grand and

19:23

on the other side you're going to

19:25

fire a nurse. Everything is about distracting

19:28

us from that. And it just has

19:30

been bothering me lately. Donald

19:36

Trump also signed an executive order

19:38

declaring English the official language of

19:40

the United States is obviously divisive

19:43

but opposed 80-20 among people who

19:45

say Chipotle. In the meantime Secretary

19:47

of Agriculture Brooke Rollins has a

19:50

suggestion for Americans looking for cheaper

19:52

eggs. I think the silver lining

19:54

in all of this is how

19:56

do we in our backyards we've

19:59

got... chicken stew in our backyard.

20:01

How do we solve for something

20:03

like this? And people are sort

20:06

of looking around thinking, wow, well

20:08

maybe I could get a chicken

20:10

in my backyard. And it's awesome.

20:12

This just in, Trump's Secretary of

20:15

Agriculture, Brooke Rollins, has been revealed

20:17

to be a coyote. The US

20:19

Fish and Wildlife Service also helpfully

20:22

suggested that Americans start chowing down

20:24

a nutrient, a large amphibious rodent,

20:26

to help control the invasive species

20:29

population. I

20:31

hope they taste as good as

20:33

they look. I'm not sure why

20:35

eating them is a necessary step.

20:37

Can we just kill them? All

20:40

right, it's an invasive species. Let's

20:42

kill them. It seems like we

20:44

don't have to eat them. Eric

20:46

Adams didn't tell New Yorkers I

20:49

started snacking on the rats. And

20:51

you know what? He's usually on

20:53

the wrong side of stuff. I'm

20:55

sort of changing my mind on

20:58

this. A New

21:00

Jersey man was arrested this week

21:02

after robbing 14 Dunkin' Donuts in

21:04

two months. Hey man, I know

21:06

you're going through a hard time,

21:09

but I don't think that's going

21:11

to impress Jennifer Garner. A Danish

21:13

performance artist left three piglets to

21:15

starve to death in protest of

21:17

the pork industry only to discover

21:20

that the trio were stolen in

21:22

a heist organized by his own

21:24

employee. Looks like these little piggies

21:26

are going to the black market.

21:33

I hope they taste as

21:36

good as they look. Okay.

21:38

Pretty confusing protest, I have

21:40

to say. I'm going to

21:43

kill these three pigs to

21:45

protest killing pigs. Okay. Do

21:47

you have a second idea?

21:50

LA's Pricy Arron Grocery Store

21:52

chain is once again going

21:54

viral online. This time thanks

21:57

to a fancy strawberry from...

21:59

Japan that is being sold

22:01

for $19 per berry. The

22:03

strawberry has been described as

22:06

delicious by at least one

22:08

emperor parading naked before his

22:10

subjects. Kennedy, bring out the

22:13

inequity berry. Oh, in fact,

22:15

we discussed getting a berry

22:17

from the airline on our

22:20

company card. But it was

22:22

sold out. That's right. Japanese

22:24

strawberry sold one at a

22:27

time, sold out. What a

22:29

society. I thought it'd been

22:31

funny if we had one,

22:34

and then I dropped it

22:36

and stepped on it. Or

22:38

even pretended to have a

22:41

whole basket of them, and

22:43

just like, whoa. Mr. Beend

22:45

it. Some of my famous

22:48

prop work. And finally, scientists

22:50

have bred woolly mice. seen

22:52

in this clip being extremely

22:54

hairy and adorable as part

22:57

of their effort to resurrect

22:59

the wooly mammoth. So cute.

23:01

I hope they taste as

23:04

good as they look. Scientists

23:06

say the next step is

23:08

to turn the dial on

23:11

those wooly mice all the

23:13

way up to trans. It's

23:15

going to be expensive though.

23:18

Up next, from my dead

23:20

friend Zoe, it's my alive

23:22

guest, Natalie Morales! Hey,

23:25

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25:22

we're back. Welcome to the stage,

25:24

an incredible actress who always makes

25:27

you go, she's in this, I

25:29

love her. Please put your hands

25:31

together for the amazing Natalie Morales.

25:33

Hi. Thanks for being here. Good

25:35

to see you. Welcome. First of

25:38

all, we were reminiscing briefly backstage.

25:40

that you were on this stage

25:42

in a very early iteration of

25:44

this show when we were in

25:46

San Francisco for Outside Lands and

25:49

it was shortly after Trump got

25:51

elected and we were thinking how

25:53

do we get through this? so

25:55

strange it's so different and here

25:57

we are eight years later yeah

26:00

and it's so different now yeah

26:02

here we are again John who

26:04

would have sunk yeah right right

26:06

no it does feel it gets

26:08

a hyper real feeling of the

26:11

era it's it's the kind of

26:13

slow disintegration of your connection to

26:15

reality that that once you start

26:17

to accept that this is a

26:20

timeline. It starts to make it

26:22

hard to think about it and

26:24

that you're living it and that

26:26

you also need to get lunch.

26:28

And you do always need lunch

26:31

every day. Every day lunch comes.

26:33

It's a weird dissonance. But sometimes

26:35

it's fun to think about lunch.

26:37

You know, sometimes it's a nice

26:39

part of the day. I hate

26:42

thinking about what I'm going to

26:44

eat. Really? Yes, unless I really

26:46

want something. You know, you hate

26:48

thinking about what we want to

26:50

eat every night. Tonight, in honor

26:53

of Natalie's incredibly career, she and

26:55

I will take turns asking you

26:57

the audience about her film and

26:59

television credits, which if you Google

27:01

them, do come up alongside those

27:04

of the other Natalie Morales, the

27:06

journalists formerly of CBS, is the

27:08

talk. This is not embarrassing for

27:10

me at all. Let's do it.

27:13

So it's time for us to

27:15

play. Was I in this Natalie

27:17

Morales edition? Oh, people are going

27:19

to actually answer this and I'm

27:21

like, okay. Yeah. This is exciting.

27:24

Hi, what's your name? My name

27:26

is Jason. Jason, oh, you have

27:28

a very, um, uh, gravelly tone.

27:30

Yes. Wow. Every time I get

27:32

a call, someone asked me if

27:35

I'm sick. Oh, I was going

27:37

to say, are you single, you

27:39

know what I mean? Yeah. That's

27:41

what I, yeah, I was going

27:43

to say that too. Yeah. Just

27:46

say like no, I'm not single.

27:48

I'm sexy. That's all All right,

27:50

Jason I play the deceased best

27:52

friend of a US veteran struggling

27:54

to cope with outside of the

27:57

military. True. Correct. True. Good job.

27:59

Good job. Good job, Jason. I

28:01

star alongside Seneca Martin Green and

28:03

Ed Harris and Morgan Freeman in

28:06

my new comedy, my dead friend

28:08

Zoe, that is out in theaters

28:10

right now. Yes. Hey. Hey. What's

28:12

Ed Harris like? He's exactly what

28:14

you think he's like. He's serious.

28:17

He can be pretty goofy. He

28:19

loves dogs. He's a delightful man,

28:21

but he's so unreadable that it's

28:23

terrifying. Because you'll be like, you'll

28:25

say a joke. You'll be like,

28:28

yeah, you know, because you love

28:30

dogs, Ed, and he'll be like.

28:32

Yeah, I do. And you're like,

28:34

oh God. But he's great. And

28:36

I loved working with him so

28:39

much. I was thinking of how

28:41

in like the Truman show, Ed

28:43

Harris plays Christoph and he lends

28:45

it this sort of seriousness, like

28:48

kind of, because Ed Harris is

28:50

this sort of gravitas as an

28:52

actor, and then you read that

28:54

it was actually originally supposed to

28:56

be played by, who is the

28:59

villain in the movie Speed? Dennis

29:01

Hopper? And you're like, oh, this

29:03

is written to be like a

29:05

cartoon villain and then Ed Harris

29:07

gets in the role. He's just,

29:10

he's just, he's Ed Harris. And

29:12

then Morgan Freeman Freeman's there. Yeah.

29:14

Yeah. That was freemans there. That

29:16

was crazy. That was crazy. I

29:18

do want to just to talk

29:21

about Ed Harris again. The other

29:23

day, we were doing a lot

29:25

of promo together and I was

29:27

like, Ed, have you ever done

29:29

a ROMcom? And he was like,

29:32

I don't think so. And I

29:34

was like, would you do one

29:36

if I brought one for you?

29:38

I would love to see you

29:41

in a ROMcom. Can I make

29:43

one with you? He's like, you

29:45

got my email. All right. All

29:47

right. Wouldn't it be great to

29:49

see him in a ROMcom? It's

29:52

like, what if Notting Hill made

29:54

you really sad? No, you want

29:56

to see Adam? Yeah. Speak, uh...

29:58

All right, up next. Who else

30:00

is going to go? This person

30:03

has their hand up. Hi, what's

30:05

your name? Rexee. Rexee. It's a

30:07

nickname. I love it. Natalie starred

30:09

as the titular bisexual ex-marine bar

30:11

owner at the center of an

30:14

NBC sitcom. True or false? I'd

30:16

love to see it, so let's

30:18

say true. Correct. Correct. Good job.

30:20

In 2019's Abby. Titular. That's me.

30:22

Another character I noticed. And another

30:25

show with a Latino lead that

30:27

NBC buried. Oh, it's true. Oh,

30:29

look at that. That's us. And

30:31

Abby was bisexual. You keep saying

30:34

that, yeah, she was. She said

30:36

it twice. You did twice? You

30:38

did twice. She was, I was

30:40

very, I was actually the first

30:42

bisexual lead on a network show.

30:45

That's cool. Yeah. Was it like

30:47

central to the story or was

30:49

it just a part of the

30:51

care? Was the pilot about, was

30:53

it just a part of the

30:56

care? Was the pilot about, it

30:58

was in 2019. And it would

31:00

have been perfect in 2020 because

31:02

it was a pilot. It was

31:04

a show. We did the whole

31:07

first season. It was shot all

31:09

outside in front of a live

31:11

audience. Outside? Outside. Outside. Because it

31:13

was a backyard bar. And it

31:15

was Mike Schur was the executive

31:18

producer. It was awesome. It was

31:20

really funny. But the president of

31:22

NBC who bought it left. And

31:24

then the two new presidents came

31:27

in were like, that's not our

31:29

show. Let's not ever talk about

31:31

it. And that's what happened with

31:33

that. Hollywood Hollywood Tough town. Tough

31:35

town. Tough town. Tough town. Tough

31:38

town. Tough town. No, there's a

31:40

surprisingly. There's now a show with

31:42

Reba who owns a bar and

31:44

Is she bisexual? That's on NBC,

31:46

probably. That's cool. Bisexual Reba? I'm

31:49

in. I'm in. All right. Oh,

31:51

it says here that you were

31:53

the first Cuban woman to lead

31:55

a sitcom in the US. Well,

31:57

since Desier, well, Cuban woman, yeah,

32:00

but since Desier and as the

32:02

first Cuban person, since I love

32:04

Lucy. Wow. Yeah, because I think

32:06

Desier. identified as a man. He

32:08

did. Until his death. So Cuban

32:11

woman. Little fact about Desirnez. Yeah.

32:13

Married to Lucile Ball famously. Famously,

32:15

Desilou. All right, let's go to

32:17

somebody else. Yeah. Okay, who's sitting

32:20

next to Rexey? I'm Mandy. Hi

32:22

Mandy. All right, I had a

32:24

blink and you'll miss it. Cameo

32:26

in Zulander too. Probably

32:29

true. That was Natalie Morales,

32:32

the journalist. For some reason.

32:34

We couldn't find a photo

32:36

of her, so here's Ben

32:38

Stiller as Derek Zulander giving

32:41

Blue Steel. Did you see

32:43

him do the glam bought

32:45

of that? In the Oscars?

32:47

It's great! He did the

32:50

glam bought and he goes,

32:52

he does the thing, it

32:54

was amazing. Yeah. All right.

32:56

Let's make a separate one.

32:59

Yeah, we're moving on. Let's

33:01

do, uh, I'll do one.

33:03

Uh, now that you played

33:05

a Suffolk sheriff. Sophic. I

33:08

think it means lesbian. Yeah,

33:10

no, it's saffic. Saffic. Saffic.

33:12

Yeah. I know what it

33:14

means. I'm just correcting your

33:17

pronunciation. Saffic, saffic, saffic, or

33:19

saffic? Saffic. All right, you

33:21

dikes. Fucking

33:25

classic lesbians for Snicky as

33:28

always. I'm just going to

33:30

say you should trim that.

33:32

Nah, I bully the lesbians

33:34

on the show. All right.

33:36

It wouldn't be the first

33:38

time a game, man. They

33:41

can't still buy tickets. Okay.

33:43

I'm not going to have

33:45

a lesbian on this stage.

33:47

I don't recognize that. Strike

33:49

of the flag. It'll be

33:51

GBTQ if we're up to

33:53

me. They can get their

33:56

own flag. I'm sick of

33:58

it. Those letters are the

34:00

only time women come first.

34:02

Yeah. Okay. That's true. All

34:04

right. He's pissed. Okay. Who

34:06

wants to go next? Read

34:08

it. Read it. Go ahead.

34:11

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. We

34:13

need someone to go next,

34:15

right? Yeah, we need somebody

34:17

to go. No. Who has

34:19

the mic? Hi. What's your

34:21

name? Natalie played a sapphic

34:23

sheriff, seems wrong, in the

34:26

Drew Barrymore cannibalism comedy, Santa

34:28

Clarita Diet. I'm gonna go

34:30

with True, because I really

34:32

want to true. It is

34:34

true. It is true. She

34:36

was a, I was deputy

34:38

Anne Garcia, and she was

34:41

also ultra-religious. It was one

34:43

of my favorite characters I

34:45

ever played. She was like,

34:47

this really religious lesbian cop.

34:49

And I loved every second

34:51

of it. I only wore

34:53

Wrangler jeans when I wasn't

34:56

wearing my... Uniform? It was

34:58

awesome. That's fun. It was

35:00

really fun, even though you

35:02

hate lesbians. It was really

35:04

fun. I just don't see

35:06

them. I just see clothes

35:08

floating. Yeah. Makes it hard

35:11

to watch women's soccer. It's

35:13

like, who's good? What is

35:15

happening? Oh wait, I read

35:17

that. I'm sorry. No, it's

35:19

fine. We're doing great. You

35:21

don't ever have to apologize.

35:23

No, you read that. No,

35:26

you read that. I read

35:28

the next one. Okay. Hi,

35:30

what's your name? Adam. Hi,

35:32

Adam. Okay. I voiced a

35:34

newscaster in Rio, too. Rio,

35:36

too. Um, yeah, okay. False.

35:38

Come on. Think it, think

35:41

it fucking through. Sorry, Adam.

35:43

Newscaster was the clue. Newscaster,

35:45

was the clue. Newscaster, is

35:47

the other Natalie Morales, you

35:49

dumbfuck. Although like also like

35:51

I she's she's very sweet.

35:54

I really do like her

35:56

but like step off like

35:58

why are you acting? Yeah,

36:01

other Natalie Morales. Back off.

36:03

Back off. She's really nice.

36:06

Okay. She's wonderful. Wonderful. Good

36:08

people. Salt the earth. Natalie

36:10

directed and co-starred in the

36:12

2021 Coming of Age Comedy

36:14

Plan B. What's your name?

36:17

True. Robia? You say true?

36:19

True. Wrong. Thanks for volunteering.

36:21

That's true, but I do

36:23

make a cameo in it.

36:25

You do make a cameo?

36:28

Kind of true. Kind of

36:30

true. Let's give her the

36:32

good thing. I feel bad.

36:34

I was too much. If

36:36

you've watched the movie, I

36:39

draw a dick on someone's

36:41

face while they're sleeping. Because

36:43

I felt like I should

36:45

be the one to do

36:47

that. You know what's funny

36:50

about the drawing a dick

36:52

on someone's face is annoying?

36:57

But you were going to say what

37:00

was funny about it. Well, I just

37:02

think, like, draw anything. Like, oh my

37:04

God, you drew a dick. Like, drawing

37:06

a dick is, like, at least for

37:09

me, pretty much always funny. It is

37:11

always funny. Yeah. Now, in the movie,

37:13

it's about a teen. Volvas are very

37:15

serious. Volvas are serious. Volvas. Volvas. Volvas

37:18

are serious. Volvas. Volvas. Volvasa. But a

37:20

penis, hilarious. People cry, you think, when

37:22

they look at a Georgia kid? I

37:25

have. Wow. Okay. Am I the next

37:27

one? Well, I wanted to keep asking.

37:29

Oh, sorry, please. So plan B follows

37:31

two teen girls as they try to

37:34

obtain the morning after pill. Correct. Politics.

37:36

Yep. Did you get any pushback? Was

37:38

it hard to get it done? Like,

37:40

was hard to get it made? What

37:43

was shocking? But maybe shouldn't have been

37:45

a shocking was when we were promoting

37:47

the film and when I was doing

37:50

press for it, which I did a

37:52

lot of press for it, journalists, many

37:54

many many journalists were like, so you

37:56

know this is a movie about them

37:59

getting the abortion pill and I was

38:01

like no it's plan B and they

38:03

were like so the abortion pill and

38:05

I'm like no it's contraception it's contraception

38:08

it's not that and like so many

38:10

people don't Know that yeah, which is

38:12

shocking and I and I knew that

38:14

ahead of time So I made sure

38:17

that in the movie so many times

38:19

we say what it is What it

38:21

does contraception that you can't that it

38:24

doesn't work if you're already pregnant that

38:26

it won't kill a baby that you

38:28

can't get pregnant immediately after having sex

38:30

that it takes a few days, which

38:33

is why plan B works and like

38:35

But it's insane that like the sex

38:37

education is in America is such that

38:39

people have no idea. Grown people that

38:42

are doing news and interviewing people like

38:44

don't know that. But do you think

38:46

that's led to any other problems? Let's

38:49

do one more. Sure. Is this me?

38:51

Yeah. Okay, who is our next victim?

38:53

Hi Maria. Maria. Okay. And finally. I

38:55

played myself in the iconic 2016 picture,

38:58

Shark NATO 4, The Fourth Awakens, and

39:00

I got to wear an eye patch.

39:02

I'm going to go with yes? It's

39:04

false. That was somehow the other Natalie

39:07

Morales. Oh no. Yet again, and now

39:09

we do have a photo. Yeah. Is

39:11

that it? I want to see that.

39:13

Yeah, I want to see that too.

39:16

Yeah, I want to see that too.

39:18

Yeah. I want to see that too.

39:20

That's Al Roker as himself as well.

39:23

Yeah. Oh wow. Oh wow. You ever

39:25

yell at him? No, but I don't

39:27

think it would make me get. Yeah,

39:29

I've yelled at him once. At Al

39:32

Roker? Why was he in your way?

39:34

He knows what he did. He knows

39:36

what he did. He was in the

39:38

bike lane. He's in the bike lane.

39:41

He's in the bike lane. Natalie, everybody

39:43

should go see my dead friend Zoe

39:45

and you play. Is there a spoiler

39:48

if I tell you? Zoey. You play,

39:50

who's dead? Yeah, no, it's in the

39:52

title. Right. But so you're a ghost.

39:54

No, I'm not a ghost, but I'm

39:57

dead. I'm more of a guilt demon,

39:59

I would say. Oh, a guilt demon.

40:01

Yeah. Everybody should go see my dead

40:03

friend Zoey. Thank you so much, Natalie.

40:06

When we come back, she's a small

40:08

town girl living in a lonely world.

40:10

Emily St. James. Sounds like something people

40:13

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40:15

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40:17

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40:22

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40:24

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40:49

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40:51

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40:53

I'll just tell you, like when I

40:56

was in my 20s, which is getting

40:58

longer, further and further in the past,

41:00

I was busy, I was not making

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showroom at fergusonhome.com. And we're back! Please

42:15

welcome to the stage! The author of

42:17

crooked media's latest release, Woodworking, it's the

42:20

wickedly talented what? Emily St. James! Come

42:22

on out! Hi, hi, hi, hi! Welcome

42:24

back! Good to see ya! Thanks for

42:26

being here. Okay, now brought the book.

42:29

It's a problem. Let me see the

42:31

book right here. We got to put

42:33

it right there. Yeah, you know, we

42:35

can probably put it there. You can

42:38

gesture to it now. I will gesture

42:40

to it. Yeah. Just doing all the

42:42

whole, God damn thing. Here we go.

42:45

We did it. So first of all,

42:47

welcome. Good to see you. It's good

42:49

to be here. Yes, thank you. John

42:51

Tommy and I wrote a book with

42:54

Josh. So this congrats. Anybody that writes

42:56

a real book? Holy shit. Holy shit.

42:58

And I just want to tell you,

43:00

I love the book. Thank you. I

43:03

genuinely love the book. And I'll just

43:05

be honest, like I was excited because

43:07

when the proposal came, I thought about

43:10

the politics first. Sincerely, I thought about

43:12

politics, and I was like, I love

43:14

the politics of this book, I love

43:16

the messages it has, I love you

43:19

as a person, I'm interested, let's do

43:21

it. And then I read and I

43:23

was like, oh my God, it's so

43:25

fucking entertaining. It is such a good

43:28

read. Everybody should go to crooked. It's

43:30

an incredible book, and by Woodworking, it's

43:32

an incredible novel. It is such a

43:35

fun read, I promise you, the message

43:37

is great, the politics of the book

43:39

are great, but you won't care about

43:41

that because it's an amazing story. And

43:44

I just want to say that. On

43:46

the front, right here, it's this big

43:48

hearted and hilarious. And that, they don't

43:50

lie in those book quotes, ever. So

43:53

we're going to dive into the substance

43:55

of it, but I just want to

43:57

start by saying that like, like, like,

43:59

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

44:02

like, of like of like normal people

44:04

just in that it's like you know

44:06

I don't know that I don't hope

44:09

that's not an insulting comparison but like

44:11

I think like there's something it's just

44:13

you'll really like it I knew like

44:15

I knew when I went out with

44:18

the book that it was going to

44:20

be it's a book about trans people

44:22

and people were gonna hear that and

44:24

they're gonna be like oh this is

44:27

gonna be so like heart-wrenching and boring

44:29

and I'm gonna sit down it's gonna

44:31

be like finally she put on the

44:34

dress and saw herself as she truly

44:36

was unfolding like a flower before herself

44:38

and I was like I don't want

44:40

to fucking do that and so I

44:43

just did a lot of jokes that

44:45

was my strategy to overcome that I

44:47

just thought what if it was funny

44:49

and and entertaining and there were plots

44:52

it really is thank you so now

44:54

look this show is pretty gay and

44:56

we have a lot of amazing queer

44:58

guests and no lesbians but everybody else

45:01

and always welcome but we wanted to

45:03

have you on as a writer and

45:05

as a member of the larger crooked

45:08

family but like I struggle with this

45:10

like I hate the idea of like

45:12

oh we have a trans guest on

45:14

let's talk about trans issues sure and

45:17

you know we had nor read on

45:19

a couple one show or two shows

45:21

ago and we were she was talking

45:23

about that like You just want to

45:26

be a comedian, but you're a trans

45:28

comedian and so you have to be

45:30

an activist. But like, this is a

45:33

book about the trans experience. So let's

45:35

talk about the trans experience. What is

45:37

woodworking? Woodworking is a term from the

45:39

trans community in the 70s and 80s,

45:42

which basically the idea was that you

45:44

would transition. and you would get to

45:46

a point where you could pass as

45:48

a cisgender person, you would cut off

45:51

all contact with your past life, and

45:53

you would disappear into a large city,

45:55

and you would disappear into the woodwork,

45:58

is how the term came to be.

46:00

And there are a number of women

46:02

who did this. I talked to several

46:04

of them as I was working on

46:07

the book, and they would have husbands,

46:09

they would have whole lives where maybe

46:11

their doctor knew that they were trans,

46:13

and like nobody else did. And so

46:16

they were there having these... quote unquote

46:18

normal lives and they had the secret

46:20

eating away inside of them and then

46:22

as trans acceptance started to sort of

46:25

creep toward the mainstream in the mid

46:27

2010s like more and more of them

46:29

started to sort of share their stories

46:32

and some of them spoke with me

46:34

but there's still so many people who

46:36

now are like I'm just gonna not

46:38

talk about that for the obvious reasons

46:41

and it was really eating away at

46:43

them inside. Yeah there's something in the

46:45

book there's an abigel who's the teen

46:47

character. It's a little bit of fantasy

46:50

for her. It's a lot of fantasy

46:52

for her that she'll get to leave

46:54

this world behind and just be a

46:57

girl and be a woman. Yeah, Abigail

46:59

starts transitioning when she's 16 and when

47:01

you start transitioning that young, you know,

47:03

you quote unquote pass very well. And

47:06

so her ideas, right now I live

47:08

in small town South Dakota, Abigail does,

47:10

she lives in a town called Mitchell

47:12

and she's like, I'm gonna leave there.

47:15

I'm going to go to Chicago or

47:17

Minneapolis, I'm going to change my name

47:19

or my last name, and I'm just

47:21

going to live a life as this

47:24

person. And it's a dream for her,

47:26

and I think the book is, but

47:28

that's like where you start her. And

47:31

if you know how character arcs work,

47:33

you know that she's going to have

47:35

that challenged across the course of the

47:37

book, but it is kind of like

47:40

her idea of a thing to do.

47:42

Yeah, well, it's, you know, there's the

47:44

ways in which. characters discover that that's

47:46

impossible, right? You can't, this is who

47:49

you are, you can't run from who

47:51

you are. You can try though, I'm

47:53

doing it right now. You're doing it

47:56

right now. Amelia Perez tried to do

47:58

that. But it is a. bit the

48:00

story that is a little bit what

48:02

Amelia Perez is trying to do what

48:05

movie we're not going to discuss and

48:07

unless you'd like we can talk Amelia

48:09

let's do it no no but um

48:11

a perfect film but the as I've

48:14

said on this stage a perfect flawless

48:16

film but the but like what what

48:18

I was thinking about in reading it

48:20

is that we spend so much time

48:23

talking about trans tolerance and acceptance and

48:25

fighting to a baseline of not being

48:27

persecuted. But what was interesting in just

48:30

reading this story, which has from the

48:32

perspective of two different trans people both

48:34

immature in their own ways, but one

48:36

further along on their trans journey, the

48:39

other further along in life, say life's

48:41

journey, and one of the characters is

48:43

a teacher who's older when they're accepting

48:45

themselves as being trans. As you see,

48:48

kind of unacknowledged the beautiful aspects of

48:50

being trans and the access it gives

48:52

you. to certain truths about gender that

48:55

most people don't see. And I was

48:57

wondering if you could talk about that.

48:59

We're living in an era when transness

49:01

is largely understood as, we've backslid to

49:04

this point where it's understood as like

49:06

a trick. You know Ace Ventura at

49:08

the ends when the characters revealed to

49:10

be a trans woman and everyone's like,

49:13

she was really a man and it's,

49:15

everyone throws up and it was a

49:17

trick. We're now back to that in

49:20

this like weird. sort of dark way

49:22

a lot of this Tommy Tommy Tuberville

49:24

are the world's smartest senator Was talking

49:26

about how there's whole teams of boys

49:29

dressed up as girls playing women's sports

49:31

now and that's not happening But it

49:33

is like every single thing that people

49:35

are talking about is like a bad

49:38

Rodney Dangerfield movie from like 1998 and

49:40

we're just stuck with it and I

49:42

think that people don't sort of fundamentally

49:44

don't understand that like this is a

49:47

joyful beautiful Thing that is just a

49:49

normal way of being a human and

49:51

it's not something to be afraid of

49:54

or something to feel is A trick

49:56

or a fraud that's being pulled on

49:58

you. It's just it's just a type

50:00

of human being and like I'm hopeful

50:03

I'm hopeful that Tommy Tuber Phil will

50:05

read my book And get past the

50:07

first page and we have other ways

50:09

of fixing politics. Yeah, we have other

50:12

plans. No, the whole plan is everyone

50:14

reads my book and that fixes America

50:16

One thing that made me think this

50:19

just about like kind of if we

50:21

could get past if we get past

50:23

acceptance which is obviously is a hard

50:25

place to get to that we're not

50:28

at. Erica the the teacher in the

50:30

is just desperate for a female friend

50:32

just like a normal female friendship and

50:34

what I thought when I was reading

50:37

this like you know in the in

50:39

the eyes of this character she's desperate

50:41

for a female friend because she's discovered

50:43

she's discovered she's discovered she's discovered she's

50:46

discovered she's discovered she's discovered she's discovered

50:48

she's is trans, but you realize just

50:50

my God how many straight men would

50:53

benefit from having a female friend and

50:55

that that these straight men and these

50:57

straight women since gender in this world

50:59

are so hidden from each other. Yeah,

51:02

there's there's a sense where Erica who

51:04

was living as a straight man, air

51:06

quotes, for so much of her life,

51:08

like would start to be friends with

51:11

a woman and then this wall would

51:13

go up between them and would be

51:15

like This happened to me as well.

51:18

It was, you know, it feels like

51:20

there's a thing that's happening here that

51:22

I'm not entirely sure what it is

51:24

and I'm scared you're going to make

51:27

it weird. Basically, and I would always

51:29

be like, no, I don't want to

51:31

make it weird. I just want to

51:33

be your best friend forever. I'm just

51:36

going to like lean in right here

51:38

and let's hang out and go shopping

51:40

together. And they'd be like, no, no,

51:42

no, thank you. And then the second

51:45

I came out. They were like, I

51:47

came out. They were like, they were

51:49

like, they were like, that switch flipped

51:52

and it didn't happen with every person

51:54

I knew but I sort of did

51:56

want to capture that experience of like

51:58

being honest with yourself lets other people

52:01

see you in a way that can

52:03

let them accept you. Yeah, but the

52:05

and just the other part of the

52:07

two is just the um there's a

52:10

scene where Erica is trying on a

52:12

dress and it's kind of overwhelmed by

52:14

the experience and talking to her ex-wife

52:17

and the ex-wife is a bit like

52:19

oh you didn't like you how you

52:21

looked in a dress and it made

52:23

you feel bad about yourself. Yeah, that's

52:26

us every every day and the kind

52:28

of like the there's an I am

52:30

always, I've thought about this myself as

52:32

somebody that has often struggled to know

52:35

the difference between dysmorphia and dysforia. And

52:37

that's something that this character grapples with

52:39

a lot. I'm just curious if you

52:42

could just talk a little bit about

52:44

that because there's a way in which

52:46

in that scene I thought it gets

52:48

at something again that I think transness

52:51

exposes, which is this trans character who

52:53

is still presenting more as a man.

52:55

wants to feel beautiful looks at themselves

52:57

at herself doesn't feel beautiful. Yeah. And

53:00

it's hard to tell where the gender

53:02

dysphoria, that being in the wrong, feeling

53:04

as though you're in the wrong body,

53:06

and just the brutal experience of just

53:09

being a woman begins. Yeah, I think

53:11

if there's one thing I hope everyone

53:13

in the world can relate to in

53:16

this book. It's that having a body

53:18

is weird and bad and we should

53:20

not have to do it. part of

53:22

why transness upsets some people so much

53:25

is that it's like we are saying

53:27

having a body is weird and we

53:29

can do something about that and people

53:31

are like no we are just here

53:34

to suffer this body that we are

53:36

put into and I think I do

53:38

hope that like I don't I want

53:41

this book to sort of show people

53:43

the ways in which living a life

53:45

that's more honest and more open can

53:47

be beneficial to you and to everyone

53:50

around you. if there's pain and fear

53:52

at the start, and that applies to

53:54

literally everybody on the planet right now.

53:56

Right, yeah, and I think that's, I

53:59

do think that's part of what threatens

54:01

people so much, and it, and it,

54:03

and it, and it does it on

54:05

that, on the axis, on the axis,

54:08

on the axis of just having a

54:10

body, but also just in, you know,

54:12

Trump said this in his state of

54:15

the union, and it's a, it's quite

54:17

a trick that they're trying to try

54:19

to try to pull this, which is,

54:21

which is, which is, You know, on

54:24

the one hand, they have these incredibly

54:26

rigid notions of what it means to

54:28

be a man and what it means

54:30

to be a woman. But then when

54:33

all of a sudden someone says they're

54:35

trans, they say, oh, you're being convinced

54:37

by the left that there's a wrong

54:40

way to be a boy or a

54:42

wrong way to be a girl. And

54:44

actually, you think that you're, you think

54:46

that being trans means that actually you

54:49

need to change your gender. But really,

54:51

we just need a more expansive definition

54:53

of what this gender is. Those are

54:55

in contradiction obviously. But they're not wrong.

54:58

What they're getting at, what their own

55:00

internal contradictions can't resolve is transits does

55:02

challenge some fundamental ideas about gender and

55:04

it is an interplay of culture and

55:07

biology. Yeah. One thing I find, you

55:09

know Pat Robertson, the 700 Club guy,

55:11

a totally rancid, horrible human being. May's

55:14

memory view blessing. He and right up

55:16

until Obergefell the marriage equality decision was

55:18

saying Well, obviously trans people gender dysphoria

55:20

is real and we need to treat

55:23

it and the best way to treat

55:25

it is transition. You can find clips

55:27

of him saying this in early 2015.

55:29

Obergefell comes out mid-2015, by the end

55:32

of that year he's flipped around, has

55:34

been like, well we have to get

55:36

rid of trans people. It's that transparent

55:39

how quickly they flipped the strategy as

55:41

soon as marriage equality came through. It's

55:43

a way to drive a wedge between

55:45

trans people and all queer people to

55:48

slowly start wearing away at the broader

55:50

acceptance of queerness. Yeah, I think I

55:52

look because I'm in a relationship with

55:54

a trans person and I still see

55:57

myself as gay, but according to the

55:59

Trump administration, I'm in a heterosexual relationship,

56:01

but of course I'm not. I think

56:04

we're both becoming straighter by the second

56:06

because I'm married to a woman, but

56:08

there aren't no lesbians on this show,

56:10

so it's like, I'm getting tugged in

56:13

that direction. Well, yeah, that's a good...

56:15

But yeah, I mean, but according to

56:17

the Trump administration... Where American is Apple

56:19

fucking pie? This is what I wanted

56:22

to ask you about. You were in

56:24

the essay of Vanity Fair Let's come

56:26

back to where we started explaining that

56:28

the substance is a better trans film

56:31

than Amelia Perez This is true most

56:33

most films are better trans films than

56:35

Amelia Perez. I have to say Yeah,

56:38

the substance is a movie that is

56:40

not unlike the novel woodworking by Emily

56:42

St. James available at crooked.com books, slash

56:44

books. It is a book about when

56:47

I first came out to myself and

56:49

really started examining my gender. I had

56:51

a 13-year-old girl who'd been locked up

56:53

in the back of my brain because

56:56

I was like, I'm not gonna listen

56:58

to you. And she woke up and

57:00

she was like, hey. Let's go sleep

57:03

over at our best friends and then

57:05

we're gonna like prank call boys and

57:07

it's gonna be fun I was like

57:09

I am in my 30s and I

57:12

have a job in a marriage So

57:14

we're not going to do that. She

57:16

was like that's no fun. So I

57:18

was like both the like rebellious teenage

57:21

daughter and her mother at the same

57:23

time and the substance is kind of

57:25

about that because it's about this this

57:27

woman who essentially gives birth to a

57:30

much younger, hotter version of herself who's

57:32

her but also not her. And that

57:34

just captured something so fundamental to me

57:37

about like waking up one morning and

57:39

being an adult who nonetheless has this

57:41

much younger person who's like trying to

57:43

get your attention and like having to

57:46

like sort of synthesize those two things.

57:48

In the substance those two things are

57:50

synthesized very well, nothing bad happens and

57:52

there's not a giant monster that explodes

57:55

in blood. Yeah, that's also not, I

57:57

mean, that's a gay ex, I mean,

57:59

I think there's a lot, but no,

58:02

but it is a very gay, it

58:04

is a very, you know, a lot

58:06

of gay guys go through a kind

58:08

of, a late adolescence. They go through

58:11

kind of like, they're, I mean, they

58:13

go nuts in their 20s, or they're,

58:15

whenever they come out, because they like,

58:17

Erica has some. jealousy towards Abigail who

58:20

despite feeling put upon in all the

58:22

way she really is sort of struggling

58:24

does get a part of what every

58:27

girl wants in high school that someone

58:29

like Erica or a lot of queer

58:31

people don't get. She gets to kiss

58:33

the cute boy. You know, she if

58:36

Abigail's story is like if she isn't

58:38

trans, it's just the punk girl who

58:40

the jock falls in love with and

58:42

like that is the thing that Erica

58:45

will, Erica will, Erica's 35. She's not

58:47

going to get to magically suddenly wake

58:49

up and be 16 again. That's good.

58:51

I think that probably we shouldn't be

58:54

16 again. Sounds not fun, but it

58:56

is also very sad sometimes if you're

58:58

if you're queer and have to like

59:01

cope with the fact that you have

59:03

only become yourself as an adult. Yeah,

59:05

and it does terrify I think the

59:07

right to imagine a world where those

59:10

queer kids just get to be kids.

59:12

Yeah. And they're wrong. Yeah. Emily. Thank

59:14

you so much. Everybody. Please go to

59:16

crooked.com/books. Pick up woodworking. It's also available

59:19

on an audio book. Wait, before we

59:21

get to our next segment. Couple notes.

59:23

Trump's address to Congress was the longest

59:26

in history, but beneath the 100 minute

59:28

spectacle was the same dangerous rhetoric and

59:30

immigration crime and trans rights. So what

59:32

now in the latest episode of Assembly

59:35

required Stacey Abrams is joined by Jen

59:37

Saki, host of MSNBC's inside of Jen

59:39

Saki, to break it all down, strategize

59:41

about how Democrats and all of us

59:44

can push back. Listen to Assembly Required

59:46

Now, new episodes drop every Thursday wherever

59:48

you get your podcast. Also, if you're

59:50

in L.A. and come to Dining Sea

59:53

Typewriter next Thursday, March 13th. to check

59:55

out Love It or Leave It live

59:57

with special guest Tignetaro and Stephanie Allen.

1:00:00

Get tickets at crooked.com/events. We'll be right

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busy lifestyle. We know you have an

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active busy lifestyle. We know it. We

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know it. Now it is my theory

1:00:29

that there's a collective delusion that we're

1:00:31

all busy. That there are some people

1:00:34

who are busy. But most people have

1:00:36

four hours of fucking screen time. So

1:00:38

you're just sort of fake busy. But

1:00:40

even still, what do you want to

1:00:43

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owner creating your dream space or a

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great ideas become stunning spaces. Visit fergusonhome.com

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1:02:13

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where it all comes together. Shop top

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brands like cafe appliances or find your

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local showroom at fergusonhome.com. And

1:02:34

we're back, please welcome back to

1:02:36

the stage. It's Natalie Morales. Hello.

1:02:38

Welcome, Natalie. Thank you. All right.

1:02:40

Great. Here we go. Emily, you

1:02:43

wrote for the third season of

1:02:45

Yellow Jackets. Yes. Currently airing on

1:02:47

Showtime. Well, Natalie, you directed the

1:02:49

hilarious and politically timely 2021 comedy

1:02:52

Plan B. I wanted to ask

1:02:54

you both about writing for and

1:02:56

about teen girls, but I also

1:02:58

really wanted to talk to you

1:03:01

about cannibalism because Yellow Jackets and

1:03:03

Santa Clarita Diet. about eating people.

1:03:05

So it's time for segment we

1:03:07

call to all the boys I

1:03:10

ate before. Also known as 10

1:03:12

things I ate about you. Also

1:03:14

known as gossip grill. It's time

1:03:16

for a rapid fire segment. Are

1:03:19

you ready? Yes. First, did you

1:03:21

get superlatives in your high school

1:03:23

yearbook? No. Yes. I can't remember

1:03:25

what it was. It was like,

1:03:28

you know, most likely to do

1:03:30

this shit, probably. You know? I

1:03:33

think it was most likely to

1:03:35

play a hyper-religious lesbian cop on

1:03:37

a show about a zombie. That's

1:03:39

what I remember it being. I

1:03:41

was there. All right. Our plane

1:03:43

crashes. Okay. Okay. I'm dead. Okay.

1:03:45

A chef was also a passenger

1:03:47

board the plane. She. Yes, she.

1:03:50

Also dead. But she was carrying

1:03:52

a suitcase full of delicious spices.

1:03:54

Would it be more wrong to

1:03:56

use the... spices when cooking my

1:03:58

human flesh to make my flesh

1:04:00

more palatable? Is it more immoral

1:04:02

and wrong to make to make

1:04:04

you taste good? To make you

1:04:06

delicious? No. No, we are going

1:04:08

to make you delicious. Yeah, I

1:04:10

think it would only do you

1:04:12

honor. Yeah, I think that's right.

1:04:14

We talked about that. I think

1:04:16

you taste good with a little

1:04:18

coriander. Wow. Just a smudgeen. If

1:04:20

someone was going to eat me,

1:04:22

I would want me to taste

1:04:24

good. Yeah. But see, there's something

1:04:26

to be said for that understanding

1:04:28

that this is an emergency and

1:04:31

you're doing something out of desperate

1:04:33

need to have the experience match

1:04:35

it, like have the aesthetics match

1:04:37

the ethics. Well, sure, sure. Well,

1:04:39

that kind of emergency. Hey, here's

1:04:41

a question. You know you're going

1:04:43

to have to eat somebody. Nobody's

1:04:45

coming. You're going to have to

1:04:47

eat people. There just aren't enough

1:04:49

pretzels. But there are pretzels. OK.

1:04:51

You will have to eat people,

1:04:53

you know that. There's no getting

1:04:55

out of that. You're stuck in

1:04:57

this mountain. I don't know that

1:04:59

it could. But sure. Do you

1:05:01

finish the pretzels and then start

1:05:03

on the people? Obviously. Or do

1:05:05

you have... Just to make the

1:05:07

whole experience a little better. Pretzels

1:05:10

in human. Pretzels in human. Pretzels

1:05:12

in human. No, because you don't

1:05:14

know when you're going to get

1:05:16

rescued, and you hope that it's

1:05:18

at the end of the pretzels

1:05:20

human, and then you got rescued,

1:05:22

and you had all these pretzels

1:05:24

left over. If you hear helicopters,

1:05:26

you got to eat a lot

1:05:28

of pretzels. Which high

1:05:30

school fashion trade would you rather

1:05:33

pluck your eyes from your skull

1:05:35

than see Gen Alpha revive again?

1:05:37

Mine are jankos. No, I love

1:05:40

jankos. I wore those all the

1:05:42

time. I love them. Yes, the

1:05:44

ones that they make now are

1:05:47

not as good as the ones

1:05:49

they made then I would wear

1:05:51

those any second. Those kids look

1:05:54

so cool. They're great. What a

1:05:56

time. Were you gonna give us

1:05:58

an or which? Nah, doesn't matter.

1:06:01

Let's give you. All right, all

1:06:03

right. Low-rise jeans is what I'll

1:06:05

say. Low-rise jeans, you don't like

1:06:08

low-rise jeans? No, that one-inch zipper

1:06:10

can't do that anymore. Do you

1:06:12

think RFK Junior's meat would be

1:06:15

better because he's free range organic

1:06:17

and unmedicated? No, it's full of

1:06:19

worms. It is full of worms.

1:06:22

Imagine if you had a cow

1:06:24

and it mood like RFK's voice,

1:06:26

you'd be like... Shoot that one,

1:06:29

that was not healthy to eat.

1:06:31

If that cow was like, you'd

1:06:33

be like, that's not a good

1:06:36

cow. Yeah, that's a really important

1:06:38

point. I'm a vegetarian, I don't

1:06:40

eat animals, but yeah, no, that's

1:06:43

all bad. Let's play this way,

1:06:45

if my plane crashed with RFK

1:06:47

Jr., I wouldn't eat them, I'd

1:06:50

be scared. That would be worse

1:06:52

for me, I think, than eating

1:06:54

like shrubs. Would you eat someone

1:06:57

you love to you know was

1:06:59

healthier? Versus someone you hated who

1:07:01

you think might have sick or

1:07:04

meat? Did they die first or

1:07:06

would I have to kill them?

1:07:08

No, they're just dying. You're not

1:07:11

killing anybody. They're dead. They're dead.

1:07:13

They're dead. They died in the

1:07:15

crash. I think that I would

1:07:18

eat the healthy person. Yeah. I

1:07:20

would eat the person also with

1:07:22

like a good butt. You know,

1:07:25

like like something that looked tasty.

1:07:27

Okay. Where do you think? Again,

1:07:29

I don't eat meat, but... But

1:07:32

in this case, you might have

1:07:34

to. I don't know. Start with

1:07:36

the quads, maybe? No, the butt.

1:07:39

I think we all start with

1:07:41

the butt, right? The butt cheeks,

1:07:43

obviously. All right, who's starting with

1:07:46

the butt? Yeah. It's a plot,

1:07:48

it's a podcast. Who's starting with

1:07:50

the quads? Quads, that's a podcast.

1:07:53

It's a, it's a, it's a

1:07:55

tough one. What stomach? You're starting

1:07:57

with the sweetbreads? You freaks? You're

1:08:00

starting with organ meat? Are you

1:08:02

insane? Yeah, that's nuts. It's it the

1:08:04

answer the there is an answer to this and

1:08:06

it's the butt. Yeah, but you start you start

1:08:09

with I have I work on a show or

1:08:11

you start with you start with the show

1:08:13

or you start with the butt. And how

1:08:15

do you do research on this exactly? Oh,

1:08:17

it seems the easiest also to like

1:08:19

just bite it to right? Sure. So part

1:08:21

like part of the problem with cannibalism

1:08:23

if you if you really want to

1:08:25

get into it. is that the human

1:08:27

body doesn't really have enough calories to

1:08:30

keep you going because it's already stuff

1:08:32

that's in your body so you're not

1:08:34

really getting nutrients from it so that's

1:08:36

why I often like people who resort

1:08:38

to cannibalism sort of slowly waste away.

1:08:40

Now in the movies and on TV

1:08:42

we exaggerate that because it's fun. But

1:08:44

I mean it's fun to imagine eating

1:08:46

people I guess, but like... It's a

1:08:48

taboo. Yeah, exactly. But like the Donner

1:08:50

party or the Andy's plane crash survivors,

1:08:52

like they were in very bad

1:08:54

states of malnutrition, not just because

1:08:56

they had little tea, but because

1:08:58

they were actively eating things that

1:09:00

were making them less healthy. Huh.

1:09:03

Interesting. And also there's like, like, like,

1:09:05

like, uh, points quotes. Jacob's disease. I

1:09:07

just mispronounced that. But it's a thing

1:09:09

that happens to your brain. Yeah, it's

1:09:11

a disease. Yeah, it's a thing that

1:09:13

can happen to your brain if you resort

1:09:16

to Canada. You know, I feel like there was a.

1:09:18

Is there a yachov in there? I don't. I

1:09:20

feel like there's a lot of cartoons

1:09:22

when we were younger about cannibalism, people

1:09:25

being cooked in a big soup pot.

1:09:27

Like, that was like always a thing,

1:09:29

that quicksand, right? Yeah, quicksand and

1:09:31

cannibalism, they loom large in the

1:09:33

child's mind. Yeah, they did for

1:09:35

me. Cannibalism for like purposes of

1:09:37

ritual, religious ritual, has like always

1:09:39

existed. It's this idea that you

1:09:42

have a, you're playing crash and

1:09:44

you're going to survive by eating

1:09:46

people that I should not say. And it's

1:09:48

just something to think about

1:09:50

now that the FAA is

1:09:53

basically volunteer-based. All right, so

1:09:55

that was high school

1:09:58

versus cannibalism, I guess.

1:10:00

Sort of a loose show today.

1:10:02

Any final thoughts? In general. By

1:10:04

my book. It's a good book.

1:10:06

I'm just going to keep pushing

1:10:08

the book. Everybody in this week.

1:10:10

Check out my dead friend Zoe

1:10:12

with our live friend Natalie Morales.

1:10:14

I'm alive and it's in it's

1:10:16

in theaters and I think it's

1:10:18

a really good. and funny movie.

1:10:20

Please watch it. This is probably

1:10:22

the last week and it'll be

1:10:24

in theaters because it's like a,

1:10:26

you know, any movie with a

1:10:28

two-week run. So go see. Get

1:10:30

in there. Yeah. Well, the getin's

1:10:32

good. What do you do instead?

1:10:35

Sit on your couch at home,

1:10:37

watch something on your phone, while

1:10:39

also watching on something on television.

1:10:41

You're fucking up your whole life.

1:10:43

Yes. You're all wasting so much

1:10:45

time. We're going to look back

1:10:47

and think, my God, what we

1:10:49

gave to these conglomerates. My God,

1:10:51

we gave them our youth. My

1:10:53

God, we gave them our attention

1:10:55

for so many years until we

1:10:57

figured out how to stop it,

1:10:59

by not having electricity anymore, after

1:11:01

the troubles, after the troubles in

1:11:03

the late 2013s, and the Sino-American

1:11:05

War of 2042. After that, we

1:11:07

fixed it. But until then, we'll

1:11:09

say, we should have gone out

1:11:12

and seen that movie, that book,

1:11:14

and if there's nothing else you

1:11:16

take from that show, you take

1:11:18

from that show. that you heard

1:11:20

then, this one, that's now. See

1:11:22

the movie and read my book

1:11:24

before you die. That's the message.

1:11:26

Emily St. James, Natalie Morales, thank

1:11:28

you so much. Thank you everybody.

1:11:30

That is our show. Thank you

1:11:32

so much to our guests. I

1:11:34

threw down the card that has

1:11:36

the number of days until the

1:11:38

midterms, so they're coming. Have a

1:11:40

great weekend. Lovet

1:11:44

or Leave It is a

1:11:46

crooked media production. It is

1:11:48

written and produced by me,

1:11:51

John Lovet, and Lee Eisenberg.

1:11:53

Kendra James is our executive

1:11:55

producer, Bill McGrath is our

1:11:57

producer, and Kennedy Hill is

1:11:59

our associate producer. Halley Keeper

1:12:01

is our head writer, Sarah

1:12:04

Lazarus Jossen Kaufman, Peter Miller,

1:12:06

Elaine Pierre, Will Miles, and

1:12:08

Mahanadal Shiki are our writers.

1:12:10

Evan Sutton is our editor,

1:12:12

Kyle Segglin, and Charlotte Landis,

1:12:15

provide audio support. Stephen Cologne

1:12:17

is our audio engineer, and

1:12:19

Milo Kim is our videographer.

1:12:21

Our theme is our videographer.

1:12:23

Our theme song is our

1:12:25

videographer. Our theme song is

1:12:28

our videographer, and Milo Kim

1:12:30

is our videographer, our videographer,

1:12:32

and Milo, is our audio

1:12:34

engineer, America East. Whether

1:12:57

you're a homeowner creating your dream space

1:12:59

or a probe managing multiple projects, discover

1:13:01

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1:13:04

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1:13:06

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1:13:10

book an appointment at one of our

1:13:13

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1:13:15

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1:13:17

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1:13:20

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1:13:22

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1:13:24

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