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to your Walmart. Valid prescription required. Ina

1:10

Garten is undoubtedly one of America's most beloved

1:12

cooks. She's known and

1:14

adored for her approachable style and

1:17

comforting, attainable recipes. She's

1:20

got this way of making us feel kind

1:22

of like an old friend or a beloved guest. She

1:24

welcomes us into her kitchen and invites us to

1:28

sit at her table. Well, now Ina

1:30

is opening up like never before. In

1:32

her memoir, Be Ready When the Luck

1:34

Happens, she's sharing her remarkable story for

1:37

the first time, reflecting on her difficult

1:39

childhood, her trailblazing career,

1:41

and of course, the love of her

1:43

life, Jeffrey. And

1:45

while Ina does have a gift of making everything

1:47

seem effortless, her many accomplishments

1:50

have been the result of hard work, bold

1:52

choices, and of course, an exquisite attention

1:54

to detail. Ina is

1:56

living proof of what can happen when you

1:58

follow your heart. inspiring so many

2:01

with the lessons she's learned along the

2:03

way do what you love because if

2:05

you love it will be really good

2:08

at and swing for the fences and

2:10

always always be ready when the luck

2:12

happens. I'm hoda katby welcome to my

2:15

podcast making space. So

2:25

I know this is big big day, it's

2:27

a big day of you know writing

2:30

things down in a book from your memory

2:32

from your heart from your childhood is one thing

2:34

and then having it in print and

2:36

sort of presenting it to the world is kind

2:39

of a different thing people are going to be

2:41

holding. Your heart really

2:44

in their hands on the pages of this. Make me

2:46

try to start with how does

2:48

that but how does that sit with you. I

2:52

I wanted to be really true and I've had

2:54

this thing incredible experience where

2:56

I came from one place and

2:58

I ended up somewhere else and

3:01

it was with incredible deliberation

3:03

and and thought and

3:06

it's turned out so much better than I

3:08

could have possibly imagined and I just

3:10

kind of wanted to share that and see if people

3:12

connected with it and could use what

3:14

I've learned along the way in their own lives.

3:16

Well when I open the book and I started

3:19

reading it I imagine like a lot of kind

3:21

of memoir books that the very beginning would

3:23

be like I was born here on

3:25

this street and this is my parents

3:28

and this is what happened but you

3:30

didn't begin with your your own childhood.

3:33

I didn't started with Jeffrey because that's

3:35

when my life started the

3:37

life that I want to live that's when it

3:39

started and I that's why I wanted to start

3:41

there. I was

3:43

really so restricted as a child I

3:45

wasn't allowed to think for myself I

3:47

was not to do things my

3:50

ideas were thwarted I was always told whatever

3:52

I wanted to do wasn't a good idea and

3:55

so I wasn't myself I

3:57

was I was scared and I was

3:59

a And when I met

4:01

Jeffrey, he was just the opposite. Everything I

4:04

thought was brilliant. Everything

4:06

I wanted to do was just a wonderful idea. So

4:09

let's talk about, I want to talk about Jeffrey because

4:11

when people think of you, they often think of the

4:13

two of you together. But I do want to talk

4:15

about your childhood. Let's talk about your mom for a

4:17

second. When you think about your mom, how

4:20

would you describe her to a stranger? My

4:23

mother was, I think now looking back,

4:25

it wasn't known then, but

4:27

I think she was somewhat on the spectrum. I

4:31

think she didn't know how to have a relationship.

4:33

And I think that scared her. And

4:35

I can really empathize with how scary that

4:37

is to try and have a relationship. But

4:39

as a child, it was very

4:41

hard to have a mother you couldn't have a relationship with.

4:43

So when you came home and you said, oh, I scraped

4:46

my knee or oh, this person was me. She

4:48

said, go to your room and study because

4:51

it was safer for her to be on her own

4:53

and have me somewhere else. So

4:55

when you got a cold and you

4:57

were sick, like a lot of

4:59

kids get, and you needed your

5:01

mom and chicken soup or whatever kids need. I

5:03

was in my bedroom with a bell. If I

5:06

needed something, I could ring for a bell and

5:08

she'd come and give it to me and then leave.

5:11

What about hugs and kisses? No

5:13

hugs and kisses in my family. It

5:16

was a very cold, lonely

5:18

existence. And I have to tell you, it

5:20

took me till I was like 40 to

5:23

understand that it was different

5:25

from other people's childhoods. Cause

5:27

that was your world. That was my world. That's

5:29

what I knew. So do you, how

5:31

did you know that your

5:34

mother loved you? I'm

5:37

not sure that I did. I don't know that she was

5:39

capable. I think she did

5:42

the things a mother should do. She

5:44

would take them to the museum. She would get food

5:46

on the table. She would do the things that she

5:48

knew a mother should do but none

5:50

of it was done with joy or warmth or

5:52

I see you. And

5:57

I think this will make you feel good. my

6:00

whole world is about. That's what

6:02

I love to do. I take care of Jeffrey

6:04

because I love doing it. It just gives me

6:06

such joy to make something that he loves. Did

6:09

it strike you that just then, I

6:12

think you just sort of said, you're not sure

6:14

if your mother loved you. Yeah, yeah. She

6:19

didn't understand me actually. I'm sure about that.

6:23

So that's tough. And I was thinking

6:25

about- That's where Jeffrey comes in. I

6:28

want to get to Jeffrey because, I

6:30

think that everything makes sense in your

6:32

life. To me, it's much clearer now

6:34

than ever before. Thank you, Heather. With

6:37

your dad, your dad was, I

6:41

think you describe him as kind of scary,

6:43

maybe is an understatement. Very scary to a

6:45

young girl. Yeah, so what made it scary

6:48

in your house? My father

6:51

had very strict views of what

6:53

we should do. Such as?

6:55

Such as when

6:57

we do homework that we get straight A's, that

6:59

we play

7:02

tennis. There are certain things he

7:04

expected of us. And anything even

7:06

slightly, that slightly

7:08

deviated from that was met with

7:11

extreme anger. Like what kind? You

7:13

know, like hitting. So

7:16

it was scary. I

7:19

actually stayed in my room to stay

7:21

safe. And I mean, can

7:24

I just say- People had much worse childhood

7:26

than I did. I mean, I had lots

7:28

of opportunities. And I

7:30

had wonderful friends outside. I

7:33

felt like I had great friends and

7:35

I had a wonderful life. It's just

7:37

in the house. It was a scary

7:39

place. So when you said your dad

7:41

was violent, you describe in one place

7:43

that he grabbed you by the hair

7:45

and dragged you around. What do you

7:47

remember about that? I think

7:49

I was terrified that he was going to kill me. I

7:52

think I was terrified that, I

7:55

don't know, I just, it was terrifying. And

7:57

what I realized now is it is- astonishes

8:00

me that I didn't have the courage

8:02

as a child to fight back. I

8:04

just tried to disappear. Do you remember

8:06

what sparked his rage? Like did you,

8:09

because sometimes kids take mental notes. It

8:13

could have been anything and I was aware that it was

8:17

not necessarily something I did. Very

8:20

often I was like, what did I do that created

8:23

that, I didn't know what sparked his rage.

8:25

I mean if I got an A- in

8:27

school, he would go ballistic. So

8:30

yeah, it was tough. Did you tell anybody

8:32

what was happening in your house? In writing

8:35

the memoir I talked to a lot of

8:37

friends that I had in high school, found

8:39

them which was so much fun. None

8:42

of them had any idea, but they also

8:44

knew that they never came to my house. So

8:46

as a little kid to keep a secret

8:49

like that, it's

8:51

too much to bear. Sorry for a little

8:53

kid. It's too much to carry. Like you're

8:55

a little girl, you're trying to get straight

8:57

A's, you're trying to make sure that you're

8:59

tiptoeing around your parents. You're

9:01

not able to tell anybody what life is

9:03

like when you go inside. I mean, how

9:05

did you survive

9:08

that? I think I buried it and I

9:11

think maybe that's why it took me until

9:13

I was 40 and talking

9:16

to a therapist to actually

9:18

understand. I remember saying my

9:22

father was very scary and that was a terrible

9:24

and she said what was your mother like? I

9:26

was like, oh my mother didn't and my mother

9:28

wasn't important. And then she asked me one question,

9:30

which is interesting, the same question you asked. What

9:34

did your mother do when you were sick? Oh,

9:37

and I thought wow, I

9:40

mean most mothers would want to take care of you when

9:42

you were sick. My mother didn't want to be anywhere near

9:44

me because she was a germaphobe and didn't want

9:46

to be in the room. So I began

9:49

to understand that my mother was

9:51

actually as much

9:54

of a force in my life as a child as

9:56

my father was. Wow. So I think

9:58

I buried that. You had

10:00

this life inside the house that

10:02

was isolating and scary and

10:06

all the things. Did you ever have

10:08

bruises? Did you ever have to explain or was it not

10:10

like that? No, it was never that bad. It was never

10:12

that bad. So, when you... But at

10:14

school, the school ina was different. Yeah, I

10:16

had friends. I was popular. I dated anybody

10:18

I wanted to date. I had a great

10:21

life. So

10:23

you had confidence and yet I was reading in your

10:25

book how you said that your dad said to you,

10:27

no one's ever going to love you. Isn't that stunning?

10:29

Why did he say that? Could you say that to

10:32

your... You have two daughters. Yes. Could

10:34

you say that to a daughter no matter how angry you were? I think

10:36

I was about 13 and he was mad

10:38

about something. I have no idea what. And

10:40

he said, nobody will ever love you. And

10:43

do you know what I love? I

10:45

love walking up Madison Avenue and every

10:47

other block somebody leans in and says,

10:49

I love you. And I

10:51

just... It makes me... It's this great

10:53

cosmic joke to me. Oops, I

10:55

guess he was wrong. You

10:57

know what's also funny about you? I feel like

10:59

you weren't seen in your house. Not at all. Not

11:02

at all. And now you work in a profession

11:04

where everybody sees you. Everybody.

11:08

Okay. Thank you. Thank

11:11

you so much. That's really lovely. Maybe that's

11:13

why you... Subconsciously

11:15

why you chose it. Like you went down this

11:17

path and I don't know but... Well, you know,

11:19

one of the things that I found in this

11:22

show that I do now called Be My Guest,

11:24

which I'd love you to come. Be My Guest.

11:26

Be Your Guest. It's

11:29

about connecting with people and cooking with people.

11:32

And it is so satisfying to me. And

11:35

I was kind of looking recently at what

11:37

is it that's different? And I

11:39

thought, oh, of course, this is what I was

11:41

missing. This is what I was

11:43

craving for when I was a child, is having

11:45

relationships with people. What were meals like at your

11:47

house when you were a kid? They

11:49

were... It was about getting

11:51

dinner on the table. It was broiled

11:53

chicken, canned peas. It was

11:56

never about flavor or feeling

11:58

good or treating yourself. There

12:00

were no carbohydrates allowed. Wait,

12:02

why? Not because my mother thought they

12:04

were bad for you. Was

12:06

she a- No fat. She was trained as a

12:08

dietician before she was married. So that was her,

12:11

but she was also very extreme. If

12:15

you wanted a cookie after school, she would

12:17

just go, oh, eat an apple. I

12:19

mean, an apple's not a child's idea of a

12:22

treat after school. Right, but there was no comfort

12:24

food. None of the things that kids have. Nothing,

12:26

absolutely nothing. Spaghetti, pizza. I would go to school.

12:29

I think I told this in the memoir. I would go

12:31

to school with a sandwich, with a sardine

12:33

sandwich. I mean, no sane child wants a

12:35

sardine sandwich, but you can't trade it for

12:37

anything. And all I wanted

12:40

was peanut butter and jelly, but it

12:42

was forbidden. So mealtime was really just

12:44

to get some kind

12:46

of vitamins into your body,

12:48

bland, not a time of joy or

12:50

visiting or enjoying. And I was just

12:52

searching for flavor. You were seeking for

12:55

that. So now, so again,

12:57

you start your book with Jeffrey. So

13:00

you're living this existence and

13:02

Jeffrey somehow, you

13:05

always say, what if I wasn't at

13:07

the spot at the right time? Oh

13:09

my, the serendipity is astonishing. You meet

13:11

Jeffrey. And you

13:13

knew, didn't you? Did you know? Did

13:16

I know? I

13:19

think I knew that he

13:21

was kind and smart and funny.

13:24

And it's funny when I was in high school, I remember

13:26

seeing, I would date a guy who was

13:28

like popular and fun. And then I did a

13:30

nerdy guy who was really smart, but I never

13:33

found the guy who was both. And

13:35

when I met Jeffrey, I knew he was both.

13:37

So what did he, how did

13:39

he change your life at that young

13:41

age? He

13:45

just took total delight in me. He

13:47

made me feel so smart

13:49

and funny and thoughtful

13:52

and wonderful. And he was

13:54

too. I mean, he just, all I wanted

13:56

to do was just go to Dartmouth and

13:58

spend time with him. He was in college.

14:00

He was in college, I was in high school. And you were in

14:02

high school. Yeah. And then you had

14:04

a very brave conversation with your mother because you really

14:07

wanted to be with him. And

14:09

your mother did not want it to be.

14:11

Why did she not want you to be

14:13

with Jeffrey? She thought she knew better

14:15

for me. She just knew. Jeffrey

14:19

had called them to say he wanted

14:22

to come talk to them and they of course assumed

14:24

it was to ask for my hand. And

14:28

my parents just drove right up to college. I

14:31

was in the middle of final exams. I thought, whoa,

14:33

this is going to be bad. I thought

14:35

my father was going to be in a rage because

14:37

he always said one of his rules were you never

14:40

get married until you've finished college. And I was a

14:42

junior. I was a sophomore at that

14:44

time. And my mother walked in

14:46

and said, I don't think you should get married.

14:49

And I said, I'm

14:51

really sorry. And I did this with as much love

14:53

as I could. But

14:56

this is the first time I'm ever going to say this

14:58

to you. I don't care what you think. I'm marrying Jeffrey.

15:01

And it just took a lot of courage to

15:03

just tell her. By the way, that took all

15:05

the courage in the world. I did. For me

15:07

it did. It's almost been pounding. So you say

15:09

the words. And she says. She

15:12

walks out of the room. Oh, she walked out. And

15:14

then my father came in. I thought, oh my god.

15:16

Oh, this is going to be worse. It's going to

15:18

be worse. And he said, I think this is the

15:20

smartest thing you've ever done. He said,

15:22

you thought this was the smartest thing. I

15:24

said, I think this is the smartest thing you've ever

15:26

done. Did Jeffrey just charm him? Well. And of course.

15:29

Jeffrey. And there's Jeffrey. So remember, I mean,

15:31

this was the man who said, no one's

15:33

ever going to love you. So why did

15:35

he tell me about this revelation? I think

15:37

he just admired Jeffrey. I mean, he thought

15:39

he was a wonderful guy. He

15:41

would come to my house all the time

15:43

from Hanover, New Hampshire. We'd drive for hours

15:45

and hours and hours to come see me.

15:48

And he would spend the weekend at my house. And my

15:50

parents were just charmed. I mean, as I

15:52

think my mother made spaghetti and meatballs. We'd

15:56

never seen spaghetti and meatballs before. And

15:59

I think that. They just really

16:01

liked him as as I

16:03

would imagine anybody would mm-hmm So

16:05

tell me what your wedding was like did

16:07

your mom come was she for it? What

16:10

was that like? I think they got

16:12

behind it They got behind it and also

16:14

I think one of the things that happened

16:16

particularly with my dad is that once he

16:18

saw that Jeff Jeffrey I

16:20

don't think he believed he was gonna marry me Once

16:24

he did and he saw us together It

16:27

changed his view of me. Mmm, cuz he saw

16:29

me through Jeffrey's eyes and it was the beginning

16:31

of the change in our relationship Can

16:34

we just pause and just re-examine that for a

16:36

second? So now your dad there's no news since

16:38

you were yeah born Saw me for

16:40

the first time you because a man

16:44

Loved you. Mmm, isn't that

16:46

extraordinary? That's extraordinary and I have to say

16:48

many years later We

16:51

were sitting together at a they

16:53

gave a book party for me for one of my books We're

16:56

sitting together and he just turned to me and said, I don't

16:58

know what I was thinking And

17:01

I thought wow He's

17:03

been torturing himself all this time. Your father

17:05

said this he said this it meant everything

17:07

to me It meant he said

17:09

I'm sorry and I

17:11

thought that was an incredibly difficult thing for

17:14

a man to say a father to say

17:16

that I Was wrong

17:18

and you were right and then we could

17:20

have a perfectly fine relationship. Were you

17:22

shocked shocked? I didn't even know how to react.

17:24

I was so shocked. I didn't I think I

17:27

didn't react Yeah, I didn't want to engage in

17:29

a conversation. It was so shocking. He was just

17:31

sitting in it. Just yeah, that's exactly Tell

17:35

you he just said you just knew just

17:37

I just knew yeah, so

17:39

your relationship started healing after

17:41

he apologized. Yeah More

17:45

with Ina Garten when we come back You

17:55

At Sutter caring never stops

17:57

our 12,000 doctors are here to

18:00

listen and answer your questions. Our

18:02

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18:18

whole team on your team. Sutter

18:21

Health, learn more at sutterhealth.org.

18:28

Let's see, I could go casual chic or

18:30

dress for success. With so many looks, picking

18:32

out what to wear can be difficult. But

18:34

with Walmart, picking out a fresh pair of

18:37

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today. Ashley, for the love

19:23

of home. When

19:31

people think of you and Jeffrey, they think

19:33

relationship goals. And in fact, that's the hashtag

19:35

every time y'all do something. Relationship goals, I'm

19:37

in Jeffrey. You know, when people see they

19:40

ask about Jeffrey. So in

19:42

your book, you reveal that it

19:45

was not always smooth sailing. And in fact,

19:48

you guys at one point separated. And

19:51

I was interested to know, it

19:53

starts off as kind of a fairy tale. And

19:57

it was. Yeah, and what happened? I

20:00

think it was the 70s, and I

20:02

think the girl that Jeffrey married was

20:04

growing. It was the beginning of the

20:06

women's movement. And in all fairness,

20:08

I had to say, Jeffrey always encouraged me to have

20:10

my own life. He said, very early on, you really

20:12

need to figure out what you want to do with

20:15

your life. If you don't, you won't

20:17

be happy. And I was just stunned,

20:19

because it never occurred to me that I would

20:21

do anything. So he was somewhat

20:23

forward thinking, but as a couple, he

20:26

was always the husband and I was the wife. And

20:29

that was what he expected, and he had every

20:31

reason to expect it. So I would

20:33

take care of the house, and I would take care

20:35

of the laundry, and I would cook dinner, and all

20:37

of those things. And I think as

20:40

the women's movement was becoming sifting

20:42

into our consciousness, I

20:44

began to kind of resent those roles. And

20:47

of course, if I were a

20:49

man, I would love that somebody did. So there

20:51

was a little resistance there. And

20:53

I think he couldn't really hear what I was saying. And

20:56

then when I went off to buy my own business,

20:58

and I got comfortable for the first time, being

21:01

on my own with my own business, I was

21:03

feeling good about it. I

21:05

found those roles kind of chafed a little

21:07

more than they did. So

21:09

in that moment, so you had the barefoot

21:11

contested business, you dove into it head first.

21:13

And Jeffrey kind of liked you to make

21:16

dinner, take care of everything. So you

21:18

had to have a brave conversation with

21:22

Jeffrey, the love of your life. How long have you

21:24

been married at that point? We've been married for 10

21:26

years. So 10 years. So you're going to have a

21:28

talk with him. And what was the conversation? Well, we

21:30

took a walk on the beach. And

21:32

I just said to him, I need to be

21:34

on my own for a little while. And

21:37

I mean, he's just what

21:39

made it even harder is he said, if you

21:41

feel like you need to be on your own, you need to be on your

21:43

own. Wow. And

21:45

we were in West Hampton, and he was living in

21:47

Washington and working at the State Department. And he went

21:50

back to Washington and come back. Were

21:52

you? Did you have buyers remorse for you? Like,

21:54

wait, maybe I shouldn't have said that? It was

21:56

no, I felt I said the right thing. Yeah.

21:59

But it was really. scary because I said

22:01

it to somebody I really deeply loved, but

22:03

I wasn't happy at the moment. I

22:05

really wasn't happy. What were you asking

22:07

him to do or what did you want

22:09

him to do? I wanted a partner. Yeah. And

22:12

I didn't want to be the wife and I didn't

22:14

want him to be the husband. I wanted a

22:16

partner and I couldn't quite get

22:18

that message through. And so

22:20

I thought, okay, I'm just going to put on the

22:22

brakes. I'm going to hit the pause button

22:25

and see if I can shift that. And

22:27

so we didn't live together for months. Oh, wow.

22:30

He went on a trip around the world for the State

22:32

Department. And when he

22:34

came back, we met in

22:37

California and we just sat and

22:39

talked and said, okay, if

22:41

you are the husband, is there anything that you

22:43

would like to do that you'd feel you can't

22:45

do? And he said, I'd like to travel more

22:48

because I'm responsible for you. I

22:51

feel like I can't. And I said, you're

22:53

not responsible for me. You're

22:56

responsible for each other and you can

22:58

travel. And he changed his life. And

23:00

I changed my life. And what did you ask for? I turned out

23:02

to love making dinner. Yeah, of course. I just

23:04

didn't want somebody to expect me to make dinner. Right. And

23:07

what did you want from him? A little more

23:09

openness maybe that he didn't have to be

23:11

so perfect

23:14

all the time. He didn't need to

23:16

be the dad. Sounds a lot like your

23:18

dad early on. Yeah. Perfect.

23:22

You know, a certain way. We're all attracted to that.

23:24

I mean, but what the difference is, is you

23:26

guys reintroduced yourself to each other. That's

23:29

exactly what we did. Yeah. You

23:31

reintroduced yourselves on a different basis. And I

23:33

remember thinking to myself, oh my God, I'm

23:35

falling in love with somebody who happens to

23:37

be my husband. It

23:40

was just an incredible experience. Now, a therapist

23:42

once said to me, and I just love

23:45

this, that when two people get married young,

23:47

they tend to marry somebody who had the

23:49

qualities that they wish they had. And

23:53

as they get older, they either find

23:55

those qualities annoying or they grow more

23:57

alike. In this moment, Jeffrey and

23:59

I... I grew more alike.

24:01

Wow. Isn't that interesting? By

24:04

the way, that's beautiful. That is interesting. And so

24:06

now you guys are on much more solid footing,

24:08

you know who you are. Yeah.

24:11

The subject of children and having kids,

24:14

was that something that, you know, given

24:16

how you were raised that you thought

24:19

full stop, no? Or were

24:21

you open to it? And what was the

24:23

story there? When

24:26

I got married, I just thought I would be

24:28

the wife and we would have children and we'd

24:31

have a traditional relationship. And in

24:33

my twenties, I kind

24:35

of resisted having children. I was like, why

24:38

would I want to recreate that nightmare that I

24:40

just came from? And I thought

24:42

that's what life at home with children would

24:44

be. It never occurred to me that other

24:46

people's lives were different because

24:49

that was my experience. And so I kept putting it off

24:51

and putting it off. And then one day, maybe when I

24:53

was around 25, I thought, I just don't

24:55

want to have children. I just don't want to do that.

24:58

And thank God, he is just

25:01

amenable to what I want. He

25:04

wants me to be happy and it was

25:06

okay. Well, so did you have a conversation

25:08

about it or was it one of those things that just-

25:10

It was one of those things that every once in a

25:12

while it would come up and I would just go, not

25:15

now. No, I don't think so. And he would

25:17

let it go and then it would come up again, maybe

25:20

a year later. And I was like, I don't think

25:22

the time is right. And then it just never came

25:24

up again. Yeah. And this is, I

25:26

mean, as you sit here and look back, this is your

25:28

satisfying glad with the way that you chose. I could tell.

25:31

Yeah. For sure. I can't even remember. You

25:33

know, I see my friends who are madly in love

25:35

with their children, have a wonderful life. I just don't

25:37

know if I would have been a good parent and

25:40

I love my life the way it is now.

25:42

And I couldn't possibly have had it if I

25:45

had children. I just couldn't have done it. So

25:47

during all that time when you were kind of

25:49

struggling at home and you had to get straight

25:51

A's and all that, did you have somebody who

25:54

was your cheerleader? Did you have somebody who believed?

25:56

Did you have one person who said,

25:58

I know you got something special. I don't think

26:00

so. I

26:03

mean, I think my teachers thought

26:06

I was worthwhile. I

26:08

think they, I had great

26:10

teachers, but I went to a

26:12

public school, and I

26:14

don't remember anybody picking

26:17

me out of the chorus line and saying,

26:19

you're different. Wow. And maybe I'm

26:21

not. Maybe I just was... No, by the way,

26:23

you are different. Somebody missed it,

26:26

a bunch of people, but it revealed

26:28

itself at the right time. Thank you.

26:30

So you said your dad

26:32

and you had a moment

26:35

that you feel like smoothed it over. When

26:38

your mother was alive, did you guys ever

26:40

get to have that conversation? You know, I

26:42

think my mother just wasn't capable of having

26:44

that conversation. I always knew that I

26:46

would do for her what I needed to do as a mother,

26:49

and I would go see her when she

26:51

was in assisted living, and, you know, I just,

26:54

I did everything I needed to do to take care of

26:56

her, but I didn't give her any pleasure.

26:59

She would just keep

27:01

me at arm's length as much as possible, and

27:04

so I thought, okay, I'll take care of her because

27:06

that's what I need to do, but

27:08

I'm never going to have a relationship with her. Wow. I

27:11

think your career path is so fascinating to me

27:13

because... Thank you, Martha. ...to,

27:15

like you said, to grow up at a table

27:18

that was like boring old chicken and veggies, and

27:21

to become this person and to have, like

27:23

to go down the road you went through

27:25

Washington and enjoying science and

27:28

then finding the science and cooking, but

27:30

beyond all of that, like, this

27:32

is a field is not, this is a crowded field to

27:36

emerge as the one, and I

27:38

need to say about you, whenever you come to

27:40

the studio, when I have

27:42

friends who've come who don't want to meet

27:44

anybody, they don't even care what

27:46

celebrity's there, but if you're there,

27:48

they want to meet you. There's something that

27:50

you've done to people that

27:53

has sort of... They feel

27:55

like they know you in a way that others don't.

27:58

And I guess my question is,

28:00

My question is, did you ever

28:02

imagine yourself in

28:05

this, where you are today, like with

28:07

this incredible life? You know, I think

28:09

of myself as, I do

28:11

what I love to do. And

28:15

I don't have any goals. I don't

28:17

set up a path for myself. I

28:19

just, today I'm gonna decide what I'm

28:21

gonna do tomorrow. And tomorrow

28:23

I'm gonna do it as well as I can possibly do it.

28:25

And then tomorrow I'll figure out what to do the next day.

28:28

But I think if you have too many long-term

28:31

goals, you cut things out,

28:33

you're not open to things that happen along the

28:35

way. Does that sound right? That's good. That's a

28:37

great life lesson, yes. And

28:40

so something may come across my screen, I go,

28:42

not interested in that. Something else comes, I'm not

28:44

interested in that. I'm really busy and something else

28:46

comes along and I'm like, wait a

28:48

minute, that's really interesting. That's cool. Let's look

28:50

at that. Maybe it's right, maybe it's not

28:53

right, but let's, maybe I'll dip my toe

28:55

in the water and see if it's interesting

28:57

and get a feel for it. More

29:01

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