0:00

I'm at the end of my rope.

0:02

I'm trying to end things with my girl.

0:04

And she's not letting me. Wow. She took

0:06

my dog when I was at work and

0:08

brought it to her house, which is

0:10

like an hour away. What did she do,

0:13

Johnny, that you've had enough of her? She's

0:15

just fucking mean. Topeka. This is interesting because

0:17

I've been through this. But I had

0:19

somebody who I would be like, yo, get

0:22

the kat of my house, right? Yeah. It

0:24

took you. It took you a decade and

0:26

a decade and a break up with

0:28

this. I'm not an outside male.

0:30

I'm not a beta male either.

0:33

I'm just a better man. Better

0:35

man. I'm good. I got some place

0:37

I mean, this is the place

0:39

where you call what's going on.

0:41

At the end of my rope,

0:43

I'm trying to end things with

0:46

my girl and she's not letting

0:48

me. Wow. She stole my dog.

0:50

She what? She took my dog when

0:52

I was at work and brought it

0:54

to her house, which is like an

0:57

hour away. Wow, she yeah, she I

0:59

told her you know, all the problems

1:01

that I had now she's coming

1:03

up with solutions, but

1:05

I've already stepped out and

1:07

done my own thing and Did

1:10

you did you tell it at you

1:12

stepped out? Yeah, and she doesn't

1:14

care. She don't care. She don't

1:16

care. Oh, it sounds like it's

1:19

come back. It's time to

1:21

renegotiate here But I mean,

1:23

why do you say that?

1:25

I mean, it seems like

1:27

if she don't care. I

1:30

mean, this could this could

1:32

be a game changer, but

1:34

obviously, I think with all

1:36

jokes aside, I think she's

1:38

he's had it with her in

1:41

general. I don't think

1:43

anything. What did she

1:45

do, Johnny, that you've had,

1:47

had enough of her? Yeah.

1:50

Now let me this is interesting

1:52

because I've been through this right

1:54

had your dog's dog. Harry knows

1:56

I've not a dog deaf, but

1:58

I had some who I would

2:00

be like, yo, get the fuck out

2:02

of my house, right? Yeah, it took

2:05

you a decade and a half to

2:07

break up with this girl. And we

2:09

still know she's not going for

2:11

sure. It's been two years, but

2:13

I'm still not willing. It's like

2:16

a missing body. I don't think

2:18

we should close the case on this.

2:20

I don't know, because it could, you

2:23

know. So what happened was, uh... We

2:25

were dating and I'd be like, yo, get

2:27

the fuck out my house. She's actually the

2:29

girl that stabbed me. So that's interesting. But

2:31

that's not the first time you broke up

2:33

with her was the stabbing. That was at

2:36

least 20 great cups before. No, no, no.

2:38

Yo, what up before? I would go get

2:40

the fuck out and she would go, she

2:42

would leave my house, right? And then come

2:44

back in the house and eat with a bag

2:47

of chips and a soda and

2:49

a soda and be like, hey

2:51

babe, like nothing ever happened. And

2:53

I didn't know, I didn't know

2:55

how like what you could, what

2:58

happens is a lot of times

3:00

when you want out and you

3:02

have somebody who's toxic, like it's

3:04

interesting because you said she's

3:07

mean, right? When they're

3:09

mean, you get into a

3:11

situation where the reason

3:13

why they're mean is

3:15

because they're abusive, you

3:17

know, like they're accustomed

3:19

to abuse. Am I right?

3:21

I let her push me around

3:23

for a little bit and

3:25

then now I'm standing up

3:27

for myself. Okay now because

3:30

here's the thing about abusive

3:32

people abusive people will they

3:34

will so there's in any

3:36

abusive relationship there is a

3:38

there's two parts there's the

3:40

abuser and the abuse you

3:42

understand and abusive people don't

3:45

care which which position they

3:47

play. All they care

3:49

about is the fact that both

3:51

positions are both, both, what

3:53

am I looking for? Both

3:55

roles are being, the story

3:57

is happening and both roles

3:59

are. present? Both, not both, yeah,

4:02

both roles are, both archetypes of

4:04

fulfill. That's the word I'm looking

4:06

for. So they don't care if

4:09

they are the abuser or the

4:11

abuser, it doesn't matter as long

4:13

as both. So when they meet

4:16

somebody who's more abusive, they will

4:18

take the submissive position. And when

4:20

they meet somebody who's less abusive,

4:22

they'll be abusive. comes from a

4:25

situation where usually in their lifetime

4:27

they've had they grew up in

4:29

the in a very toxic household

4:32

maybe a parent was mean or

4:34

nasty and they were submissive or

4:36

whatever and so what they're always

4:38

people are always trying to recreate

4:41

this idea this kind of toxic

4:43

environment right and then when they

4:45

move out so what'll happen it

4:48

doesn't matter who What position you

4:50

play, they just, just both, both

4:52

archetypes need to be fulfilled. Now

4:55

why do you think that is

4:57

Dante? Why do they gotta feel

4:59

both archetypes? Well, they're trying to

5:01

recreate their household. Gotcha. They're trying

5:04

to recreate the, the, uh, the

5:06

environment that they're, that they're familiar

5:08

with, right? So they grew up

5:11

in a chaotic environment. Right, so

5:13

they try to recreate that. And

5:15

so then you, then they go

5:17

out and they, you know, they

5:20

date you and they find out

5:22

what, you know, what kind of

5:24

salt you made out of and,

5:27

you know, how you're, what you're

5:29

made of, and then based on

5:31

how you approach, Johnny, that's how

5:33

they react. Now, here's the problem

5:36

with this. It is very intoxicating

5:38

when you are being disrespectful and

5:40

mean. Like, so for instance, you

5:43

let her push you around, yes.

5:46

Yeah, you know, it started with,

5:48

let me go through your phone,

5:50

blah blah blah blah blah, all

5:52

this stupid, you know. Right, all

5:54

this stuff that I, how long

5:56

you been listening to the show?

5:58

I'm calling too late, I know.

6:00

Don't get gas, do you hear

6:02

me? Don't take it. It's too

6:04

late, Johnny's covered in gas, but

6:06

it's all right. All of the

6:08

things that I, the all of

6:10

the things that I told you

6:12

not to do, right? Yeah, yeah.

6:14

And, but what happens is here's

6:17

the problem with this. You know,

6:19

you never get high on your

6:21

own supply. What happens is, um.

6:23

You start to like get out

6:25

of here, leave me alone, I

6:27

want to break up with you,

6:29

I already cheated on you, and

6:31

they go, I don't care, we're

6:33

together, right? And it becomes kind

6:35

of intoxicating that somebody likes you

6:37

that much, likes you to the

6:39

degree that they're literally going, I

6:41

don't care what you say or

6:43

what you do, right? I am,

6:45

I'm sticking it out. And it's

6:47

kind of, it happens in a

6:49

way where we literally are like,

6:52

it gets to be so weird

6:54

because of the fact that we

6:56

don't know, it's almost like we

6:58

don't know, we don't know how

7:00

to, we've never had that situation

7:02

where somebody cares about us so

7:04

much, but where they care about

7:06

themselves to the degree that they,

7:08

You know, that they, uh, that

7:10

they, they don't care about themselves,

7:12

if that makes sense. Um, so

7:14

you gotta, you gotta be in

7:16

a situation where you, you can't

7:18

let that get you, put you

7:20

in a, in a situation where

7:22

you, you start believing the hype

7:24

in a way, you know, like

7:27

you, you gotta, um, You gotta

7:29

still maintain your dignity and your

7:31

respect and your credibility. But the

7:33

fact that she stole your dog

7:35

is like, look, if you wanted

7:37

to get, do you really think

7:39

she's gonna keep your dog? Is

7:41

that what you think? No, I

7:43

just, no, I could go get

7:45

it anytime, I just don't know.

7:47

how to the safest way to

7:49

retrieve it. Okay, look, the way

7:51

I would do it, now is

7:53

she violent as well? If you

7:55

love what we're doing here. Go

7:57

to patron.com is the best way

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8:04

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8:08

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be there at patron.com/Man School 202.

8:18

Now is she violent as well?

8:20

Yeah. Does this plane, does this

8:22

plane, does this airline have plane

8:24

crashes? I mean, sometimes, but not

8:26

every time. She's been violent before.

8:28

Yeah. And, and what makes you

8:30

think she's not violent now? Uh,

8:32

because I'll, I'm fucking, I'll report

8:34

her as I'll call her, get

8:37

her in trouble. Okay. That I'm

8:39

not. If you want your dog,

8:41

you really want out of this,

8:43

right? Yeah. Call the cops, go

8:45

get your dog. I broke up

8:47

with my girlfriend, she stole my

8:49

dog and go get my, go

8:51

get your dog. Make sure any

8:53

communication is in text also. No,

8:55

no, no calls, everything. Give me

8:57

my dog back or else you

8:59

took my dog. It's not right

9:01

that you told my dog, I

9:03

want to return or else I'm

9:05

going to have to. I'm going

9:07

to have to go further. Yeah,

9:09

so this way, so you have

9:12

a record. But the other thing

9:14

is, what happens is, you know,

9:16

you got to go to the

9:18

cops and you got to retrieve

9:20

your dog and then you do

9:22

to put you, the only way

9:24

she's going to know that you're

9:26

serious is that you officially have

9:28

to be like you really, you

9:30

got to really not this, want

9:32

this to go down, you know,

9:34

and if you're hesitant about... Nonstop

9:36

phone calls, I blocked the phone

9:38

number, downloaded new phone numbers. non-fucking

9:40

stop. Yeah well she was because

9:42

she doesn't give us like people

9:44

we we think about that in

9:47

a way that like wow she

9:49

really is into me right but

9:51

it's really not it's really it

9:53

shows how selfish she is like

9:55

what she's saying is I don't

9:57

care what you're going to I

9:59

don't care what you want I

10:01

don't care about your happiness this

10:03

is what I want and because

10:05

I want this is what we're

10:07

gonna do you know She doesn't,

10:09

it's not really a concern about

10:11

her. It's like, oh, she's been

10:13

mean. I'm quite sure you told

10:15

her, you told her to things

10:17

about that, that you had a

10:19

problem with, and she never had

10:22

a, she never was in a

10:24

situation where this was, this was

10:26

something she wanted to face. And

10:28

so you have to understand that

10:30

if, even if you stay with

10:32

her, that this is probably what

10:34

the situation is gonna be. Makes

10:36

sense? Yep. You cannot like Dilly

10:38

Dally, Dally, like you can't jump

10:40

back and forth. You got call

10:42

the cops, go get your dog

10:44

and not communicate with her. And

10:46

even if she calls, I wouldn't

10:48

necessarily, I mean, I mean, well,

10:50

you already changed your number, but

10:52

I don't change the number, you

10:54

just don't pick it up. And

10:57

eventually, go ahead. I didn't change

10:59

my number, I blocked her number

11:01

to make her stop calling me

11:03

because it was constant. Okay, really?

11:05

Well, I mean, so really, then

11:07

you're doing the right thing, but

11:09

I mean, you gotta be, you

11:11

also gotta be really honest with

11:13

yourself if you, that you don't

11:15

want this. And if you don't

11:17

want this, you gotta really, you

11:19

gotta not, you can't, like the

11:21

minute you dabble back and you,

11:23

you know. the minute you dabble

11:25

and go you know like I

11:27

so I remember I had a

11:29

couple of chicks who was stalking

11:32

me and then and then I

11:34

remember them stop they stopped stalking

11:36

me and I remember calling And

11:38

I'm like, hey, you felt a

11:40

little hurt. You're a little hurt.

11:42

What's up? What's up with you?

11:44

Yeah, where you been? Like, how

11:46

did... I noticed that you weren't

11:48

in my bathroom window this morning.

11:50

Is everything okay? I just wanted

11:52

to check on you. I went

11:54

in my closet, you weren't there,

11:56

what to go... And so what

11:58

happens is, you got to really

12:00

be honest with yourself about the

12:02

fact that you don't want this.

12:04

You don't want this situation, and

12:07

you got to act accordingly, and

12:09

you can't, you can't flip-flop back

12:11

and forth, but you also, I

12:13

would, I would, I would absolutely...

12:15

We call the cops and go

12:17

get my dog back. And how's

12:19

the new girlfriend? Or the new,

12:21

was it just like a little,

12:23

like a little flow thing, a

12:25

little, a little smash and dash?

12:27

I don't know. I think she

12:29

said I did a good job.

12:31

We'll get a call back, but

12:33

who knows? Who cares? All right.

12:35

Good job. Are you laying, how

12:37

old are you? You sound young?

12:39

22, or 24, sorry. Yeah. Mmm,

12:42

I don't know. But uh, yeah,

12:44

I mean, are you laying the

12:46

five bricks and doing all the

12:48

other things that you're supposed to

12:50

be doing? No, I'm trying, but

12:52

not success. I'm gonna start calling

12:54

in, I'm start doing better. Now

12:56

that- Let me just say this

12:58

too. There's no such thing as

13:00

trying. There's only doing, there's only

13:02

doing, you can't- You can't try.

13:04

You can try, you can do

13:06

and fail, but you can't, you

13:08

can't try. Trying is just, is,

13:10

is, is, is the preparation to

13:12

do. If you, if that, if

13:14

that makes sense. So when you

13:17

say you're trying, all that means

13:19

is bullshit, okay? All right, Johnny.

13:21

But you gotta be really gotta

13:23

create that boundary and then stick

13:25

with it, okay? Yeah. You gotta

13:27

get that dog back and start

13:29

writing that country song. Man, poor

13:31

Johnny. Losing your dog. That's a...

13:33

That's a kid. Yeah, that's a

13:35

dog. She's don't my dog.

13:37

stole my dog,

13:39

Dawn was crazy sure she was

13:41

I remember I Dawn

13:43

was I was like Dawn,

13:45

Dawn was crazy.

13:47

it's over with she looked

13:49

I was like, she

13:52

up. back I mean this

13:54

She looked couple of

13:56

times came back with some

13:58

I mean, this

14:00

happened a couple

14:02

of times. Came

14:04

back she just ice

14:06

cream. to the just

14:08

went down to

14:10

the corner she came

14:12

back and was You ain't going

14:14

ain't going nowhere.

14:16

oh my, like, I

14:18

was like, now? God.

14:20

like, what do

14:22

I do now?

14:24

the thing is Dante, thing

14:27

is, Dante, there

14:29

was two reactions.

14:31

One is you

14:33

ain't going nowhere.

14:35

other other one is she doesn't say

14:38

anything. That's a scary

14:40

one where she scary one, normal. she normal.

14:42

like I'm not like male. I'm not

14:44

a beta male either. male, either. I'm

14:46

just a better man. Better man. Put Put

14:48

your happiness first, because if you

14:51

don't, they won't.