0:02

A listener production. Coffee

0:04

for one through your hand phones

0:07

whenever you feel like it. Even

0:09

in the afternoon or after dinner.

0:13

It's Matt and Alex all

0:15

day breakfast. G'day, g'day.

0:17

Huge weekend, particularly Mato Kine,

0:19

as the famous dashing

0:22

of Kangaroo Island, Valerie, was

0:24

returned to grateful owners

0:26

after 529 days. Just raw

0:28

dog in the wilderness. out

0:31

there on Kangaroo Island. A

0:34

great new story, finally tamed once

0:36

again. I feel sorry for Valerie

0:38

because I feel like Valerie didn't

0:40

want to be found. Like

0:43

after 527 days,

0:46

I felt like Valerie was living her best

0:48

life and now she's like back to

0:50

eating canned dog food.

0:52

Like she was foraging, you know

0:54

what I mean? Yeah, she was

0:56

living her best life. It is,

0:58

I think, the movie cast away

1:00

could have been a lot better at the

1:02

end if like a plane came and Tom

1:05

Hanks was like, yeah, no, I'm all good.

1:07

Thanks. Cheers. Just me Wilson

1:09

are loving it. Hey,

1:12

we have got a big show. We're back

1:14

after a teeny tiny break. And if you did

1:16

miss us last week, we were chatting about

1:18

what might happen, you know, if Alex were to

1:20

be elected. So we won't dive into that

1:22

too much because if you want to listen to

1:24

it, listen to the AMAs that we did

1:26

last week. But we've got a big show. A

1:29

big election is coming up. We're going to talk about that

1:31

during the week. But let's just dive into some silly stuff

1:33

today. This is Matt and Alex on their breakfast. Hope you're

1:35

having a good one. Let's get this show on the road.

1:37

Let's go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Well,

1:41

Alex Dyson, I managed to do the

1:43

stupidest thing I've ever done before. OK.

1:47

Let's OK, so this is the

1:49

stupidest thing you're about to

1:51

tell us. We may as well

1:53

do a really quick top five

1:56

recap before we reveal number

1:58

one, a little hottest one hundred

2:00

countdown number five.

2:04

E -mailing the agent that

2:06

I wanted to take

2:08

me on board by

2:10

by saying that they

2:13

were hot, hot, hot

2:15

three times. Number

2:17

four. In

2:20

me and Belinda getting

2:22

down to some sexy

2:25

times and me doing

2:27

a jar rule impersonation

2:29

saying those, those.

2:32

Number three and

2:34

everything. There's no

2:36

more. There's no

2:38

more. All right. What's number

2:40

one now? So

2:44

I can't say too much about the job.

2:46

because I've, you know, signed contracts,

2:48

et cetera, but I had to film

2:50

something during the week. And

2:54

I get

2:56

to set

2:58

and the, I've

3:01

grown, like I've grown out

3:03

my beard and hair as

3:05

much as possible so that when

3:07

we get to make up, like, and, you

3:09

know, the producers can look at me and say,

3:11

okay, well, you know, let's, let's either What

3:14

are we working with? Get it to a certain point. Yeah,

3:16

exactly, you know. Yeah. So

3:18

anyways, I

3:21

sit down in the

3:23

makeup chair. We have a big discussion.

3:25

We settle on, OK, well, I'm

3:27

going to get a kind of two

3:29

blade around the head and a

3:31

nice little one blade around

3:33

the beard. So not taking

3:36

it all off, leaving you

3:38

with that shadow. Yeah,

3:40

a bit of shadow around the beard.

3:42

Okay, so a little bit of stubble,

3:44

but then, you know, a two blade

3:46

around the top. Okay, so short, but,

3:48

um, but certainly you want the sort

3:51

of blackness of hair there. Okay. So

3:54

in this situation, usually the makeup artist will say, do

3:56

you want me to do it or do you

3:58

want, do you want to do it now?

4:00

As in your shave your head? Yes,

4:03

basically. Now having When

4:05

you're getting a haircut, it's great when someone else

4:08

is doing it because, you know, that's what you're

4:10

paying them for. And that's, know, all that. But

4:12

when you're on set, you know, I

4:14

find that makeup artists, they're very, they're

4:16

very gentle with it all. Okay.

4:18

Cause they don't want to, you know, they don't want to be uncomfortable. And really

4:20

you just want to get it done really quickly. So I was like, I'll

4:22

just, I'll just do it. All right. Okay.

4:25

Cause you can get those clippers and just put

4:27

it on the number and just do the

4:29

same thing all over. Exactly. Right. So I put

4:31

Chuck the two of you on the, on

4:33

the clippers. And away we go.

4:35

And the makeup artist is watching

4:37

me and I'm just really going quickly,

4:40

getting the tube laid around and

4:42

everything like that. And then, then

4:44

I've done enough and I handed the clippers to the

4:46

makeup artist so that she can kind of do

4:48

a better job finishing it off, you know, just like

4:51

just to clean it all up. Okay,

4:53

now I'm talking, I'm talking to a, you know,

4:55

a fellow person who's on the set with me

4:57

and we're having a chat and blah, blah, blah.

4:59

And the makeup artist is tidying everything up and

5:01

then. The makeup artist puts

5:03

the clip is down and leaves to

5:05

start working on you know someone else

5:07

right now as me and my fellow

5:09

co -star Just having a chat. I

5:11

look in the mirror and I think

5:14

oh, do you know what? There

5:16

just feels like there's a little bit

5:18

on the top of my head here

5:20

that seems a little bit longer

5:22

Than the rest. I'll just

5:24

go over it. Okay, so If

5:27

I was there and it was someone's lawn,

5:29

you'd point out and point out and

5:31

go, Mr. Spot. Something like that.

5:34

Yeah, just a little bit like that. But the makeup artist

5:36

wasn't there, so I just, and I'd just been doing

5:38

it myself anyway. So I was like, I'll just grab the

5:40

clippers and I'll just give it a little jouge just

5:42

in that patch. And

5:44

we're all good. I whipped

5:46

the clippers on. I

5:48

run the clippers

5:50

a full, a full

5:53

strip over the patch that

5:55

I thought was a little bit

5:57

long. And I watch as

5:59

all of my hair falls

6:02

out. And

6:04

I'm like, what? And

6:07

then I look at the clippers and the makeup

6:09

artist at the Turing process has

6:11

taken off the like the

6:13

two blade guard. Number two

6:15

guard. So I've just

6:17

given myself right on the top

6:19

of my head, which granted doesn't

6:21

have that much hair, but

6:24

I've just given myself

6:26

the most obvious zero

6:28

landing strip. Like I

6:30

mean a full blown

6:33

masking tapes width of

6:35

just head. Like

6:37

it's like my

6:39

jaw just drops. My

6:43

co -star goes, oh my God, what did

6:45

you just do? And I'm like, I

6:47

don't know. I don't know. He's like,

6:49

I didn't pick you as someone who

6:51

would be that stupid. And was like,

6:53

I didn't think I would do that

6:55

stupid eater, man. And

6:58

we're like, oh my God, what

7:00

are we going to do? I've just

7:02

got this unmistakable bald patch. Like, yes, and

7:04

I know I've already got a bald patch, but like

7:06

it's even more bald, a bald patch. And

7:10

the makeup artist walks in and I just

7:12

turn to her and she just looks at

7:14

my head and her hands go over her

7:16

face and she's like, oh my God, what

7:18

did you do? And I was like, are

7:20

you, you took the blade off? She's like, yes,

7:22

I was cleaning it up. And I was

7:24

like, I didn't know. I

7:26

didn't know. I'm trying to handball blame

7:28

to her like, oh, oh, oh. You

7:31

took off the blade. I

7:33

know. But she's like, yeah,

7:35

they're my clippers, idiot. And

7:37

doing a hello, what

7:40

with them? So how

7:42

did you have to go

7:44

zero all over on the top?

7:46

Yes, we just had to go,

7:48

I'm just nude the whole way over. Face,

7:51

head, everything. Black Peter

7:53

Dutton, for God's sake. Sorry,

7:56

better ones. Black

8:00

Peter Dutton. I do, I was

8:02

like, oh my God. I

8:05

wonder if... Peter Dutton's.

8:08

bonus was just as number zero that

8:10

got out of here. Yeah. So

8:13

anyways, man, you see

8:15

me next time you see me on

8:17

screen and it's just, yeah, I look

8:19

like bloody Voldemort. You know why.

8:21

Okay. Is there any. any

8:23

security footage of this that we might

8:26

be able to get because I do like

8:28

the videos that pop up online of

8:30

like people trying to cut a fringe or

8:32

something like that and they twist their

8:34

hair at the front and cut it it

8:36

just springs back and they're like oh

8:38

no or like people straightening their hair or

8:40

something or curling their hair and it's

8:42

too hot and like their hair comes out

8:45

because the problem is when you do

8:47

the audition they kind of

8:49

expect that that is where you're gonna like

8:51

what it's gonna what you're gonna what

8:53

they're gonna get you know I mean and

8:55

so like suddenly I'm like in this

8:57

world where I have to try and maybe

8:59

convince the producers of why the character

9:01

now has no hair at all like I

9:03

just felt like it really suited him

9:05

that he was a bit more of a

9:08

Totally bald guy. Yeah,

9:10

gosh, you know, but thankfully, thankfully,

9:12

we made it, we made it

9:15

all work and the makeup artist

9:17

did a wonderful job blending the

9:19

mistake in. No

9:21

questions were asked by the producers. I

9:23

pretended it was a choice. All

9:29

right, when will we be able to

9:31

see whatever it is that this is? Oh,

9:33

I can't say too much. It'll be

9:35

later. It'll be later. Oh, actually probably pretty

9:37

soon. Okay. But yes, keep

9:39

keep an eye out. You'll see all

9:41

my even ball

9:43

the noggin unusual just shining back

9:45

at you from under the

9:48

hot summer sun. God,

9:50

it was a hot day. Humans

10:02

will turn anything into a competition,

10:04

MaddoKind. I

10:06

see a few of them popping up

10:08

on the algorithm recently. The slap

10:10

contests, have you seen people

10:12

just slapping each other's faces? Oh

10:15

my God, it's so stupid. The

10:18

next person gets to slap. The

10:21

next person gets to slap. They

10:23

go back and the other person has a

10:26

slap. The first person

10:28

slaps again. And

10:30

you just keep going until someone gets

10:32

knocked out. Yeah.

10:35

And funnily enough, you

10:37

as the viewer are the one that ends

10:39

up with brain damage. You know, like that's, you

10:43

have lost, you've lost the

10:45

most in that exchange from

10:47

just wasting your life watching

10:49

that stuff. Yeah.

10:51

Competitive nature takes over and two

10:53

college students have taken it

10:55

to the next level as well.

10:58

by having a competition between

11:00

each other in one of

11:03

the world's first sperm races, dubbed

11:06

the world's first ever reproductive health

11:08

competition. The University

11:10

of Southern California students

11:12

Tristan Milka and Asher

11:14

Broga. No, no,

11:16

Milka cannot be the

11:19

guy's name who's in a

11:21

sperm competition. That's

11:23

unfair advantage. I mean, come

11:25

on. If

11:28

if if he is that

11:30

good at it that his family

11:32

has been named It's not

11:35

about the race isn't as how

11:37

quickly can I You know

11:39

what's that bloke's name over there?

11:41

Oh him. He's from the

11:43

milkers gray family of miracle milkers

11:45

Yeah, they've been milking for generations. It's

11:48

not about that They literally

11:50

it doesn't matter how long

11:52

it takes to produce the

11:54

sperm they literally Once

11:58

it was produced, put it under

12:00

the microscope and

12:02

race the sperm, you

12:05

know, on a little petrogish or something. Sorry,

12:07

can we just... I don't

12:10

like the wording of this, the

12:12

world's first sperm race. The

12:14

world's first sperm race happened when

12:16

the first baby was conceived,

12:18

okay? Like ever. That was

12:20

the first race and we had

12:22

the first winner. But I guess

12:24

that's one person's material, racing its

12:26

own. It's all one person's race.

12:28

So you can't really race against

12:30

yourself. Just trying to beat your

12:33

PB, yeah, fair enough. And aren't we all

12:35

winners? Yeah, I know.

12:37

We all existed in the race. We've

12:39

all been a part of this race. The

12:41

whole thing was a... took

12:43

$1 .4 million to put together, and

12:46

it was LA Center Studios. What? It's

12:49

where they film Top Gun

12:51

and Dune and things. Tickets

12:53

were $20 for students or

12:55

$40 for the general public,

12:57

or you could do a

12:59

VIP ticket to go and

13:01

watch this race for $999

13:03

.99. The VIP

13:05

ticket gets to meet and

13:07

greet backstage with the racists.

13:14

And have a guess who won. Well,

13:17

I know Milka won. Milka. Milka

13:19

was the winner. There was no, there

13:21

was no chance. The

13:24

best of three races. He took

13:26

home a $10 ,000 cash prize

13:28

and I'm, I'm looking at a

13:30

photo of him here raising his

13:32

arms in victory. The confetti is

13:34

coming down and you are correct.

13:36

The confetti is white ticker

13:39

tape confetti in the

13:41

shape of sperm falling over

13:43

the crowd. I'm

13:45

not sure if this is going to start

13:47

taking off, Maddo kind, but. Well, I mean,

13:49

they say, OK, so the track, the race

13:51

track was eight inches long. Well, they said

13:53

it was. Yeah,

13:59

they pushed that ruler really hard

14:01

into the pubis, didn't they? They

14:05

damn near bent

14:07

that thing in

14:09

half just to

14:11

get the official

14:13

length there Yeah,

14:16

it's modeled on the female reproductive

14:18

system So there was a few

14:20

sort of you know twists and

14:22

turns along the way and I

14:24

don't know how I don't know

14:26

I'd like if you ever seen

14:28

because I did the ABC The

14:30

documentary die so the episode of

14:32

catalyst was all about male fertility And

14:34

it was, I mean, I had to, I

14:36

had to watch, like, because I got a sample,

14:39

I got a sample, I got to watch

14:41

the sample of sperm underneath, you know, the microscope.

14:43

Someone else, someone donated some. No,

14:45

it was someone else's. Although

14:48

I did also, I did also have to,

14:50

you know, do a sample for the show.

14:52

And we saw that on the screen. And

14:54

that's quite daunting when you see, because not,

14:56

I mean, a lot, there's a lot of

14:58

sperm that comes out in terms of, like,

15:00

you know, for anyone. Oh, God, this is

15:03

weird. Anyway, it's

15:06

just in general, we're talking about

15:08

millions. Watch yourself. Yeah.

15:11

We're talking about millions,

15:13

OK, in every

15:15

sample. Microscopic. And so

15:17

much of it is like there's

15:19

so you literally see like ones

15:21

with two heads, ones with heads

15:24

like bent backwards, ones just

15:26

going in circles and stuff. So. Yeah,

15:28

so to like find the good ones, you

15:30

know, you watch the doctor kind of take them

15:32

out one by one and they have to

15:34

whack them. Have I told you this? I'm

15:39

pretty sure I would have

15:41

remembered if you'd told me that

15:43

the doctors would have to

15:45

whack your sperm. They

15:49

do. Not even just my sperm. This

15:51

is, I was watching a like a fertilization

15:53

happen in real life. As part of

15:55

this show and they find the good ones

15:57

because there's all these ones here swimming

15:59

in circles and stuff then they find the

16:01

good ones swimming through the sort of

16:03

Canals and then they and then they and

16:05

then they and they literally with a

16:07

little tiny needle so they they're not so

16:09

much doctors as they are talent scouts

16:11

I'll tell you. Yeah. Well, basically and what

16:13

they are is like, you know, those

16:15

are video game machines where the Where the

16:17

crocodiles come out and you got to

16:19

whack them with the with the with the

16:21

mallet. I remember those at like time

16:23

zone Yeah, like whack them all. That's what

16:25

they do. They get the needle and

16:27

they see a really fast straight swimming one

16:29

and then they just give it a

16:31

whack and it like stops. They

16:33

like knock it out. And then

16:35

they pick it up. Yeah. And then they drag

16:37

it over to the side and then they flatten

16:40

it out to make it all look nice and

16:42

long and everything. Make sure it's got a good

16:44

form and everything. And then they suck it up

16:46

into a little vacuum and then they move over

16:48

to the egg and then they just pump it

16:50

into the egg. So the sperm is like knocked

16:52

out when the egg gets fertilized. So

16:55

really, that's

16:57

the slapping competition

17:00

once again. It

17:03

all comes back to that. It

17:05

all comes back to that. click

17:16

fish click fish and now racing

17:18

into the studio to give us the

17:20

worst articles of the week it

17:22

is producer James hello again James hello

17:24

happy Monday well hey you know

17:26

you just mentioned that the livestream went

17:29

for six hours yeah of that

17:31

sperm race but I'm googling it now

17:33

and yeah apparently sperm can travel

17:35

an inch every 15 minutes that's not

17:37

very long I thought sperm traveled

17:39

a bit faster than that That's

17:42

really slow at 15 minutes an inch.

17:44

Yeah, I thought it would be faster.

17:46

So the race would have taken it

17:49

like about an hour Yeah, but do

17:51

you need like five hours of build

17:53

up? Well, have you ever watched an

17:55

origin? Oh my god The

17:57

way they build that pump

17:59

that up. Oh mate versus mate

18:01

State versus they've got the

18:03

orchestra playing in the background. They

18:05

probably got sperm from, you

18:07

know, 19 who played from 1968

18:09

to 1972, you know, talking

18:11

about how good it was. Mate

18:13

versus mate, bait versus bait. So

18:17

anyways, James, what's been happening? Ah,

18:19

you know, not a lot. Just, yeah,

18:21

still finishing off that Easter chocolate. There's

18:23

always a little bit that just kind

18:25

of hangs around, and you're like, oh,

18:27

yeah, there's more there. Oh, it's not

18:30

a proper Easter egg finish off until

18:32

you find one, and the chocolate's gone

18:34

white on the outside. Yeah, oh, yeah.

18:36

That's still good. Fair enough. Well, look,

18:38

what have you been clicking on in

18:40

this last week that we've been away?

18:43

All right. This one, we

18:45

have Gen Z won't consider

18:47

a job if an employer

18:49

doesn't mention this during the

18:51

interview process. I

18:54

reckon how much money

18:56

you'll get. I reckon

18:58

that is a very fair question. What's

19:01

the remuneration? Also,

19:03

oh, whether you can work

19:05

from home. That has been topical.

19:08

That's an expectation that people are

19:11

now thinking that you can work.

19:13

From home is it either one

19:15

of those two James? Yes, you're

19:17

right the first time it is

19:19

pay nearly half 44 % of Gen

19:21

Z college grads said they'd been

19:23

turned off by interviews that didn't

19:25

mention a salary range sometimes flat

19:27

out ghosting the recruiter according to

19:29

a report I'm surprised that it's

19:32

only 44 % of people. I

19:34

know I know Like you should

19:36

be like I mean it you

19:38

would you even be going for

19:40

the job? if you didn't know. I

19:43

think it should be a

19:45

requirement for every every job at

19:47

to upfront tell you you

19:49

know how much this this job

19:51

is well there was quite

19:53

a big there was quite a

19:55

big you know I think

19:57

I've even mentioned quite a big

19:59

talent show on Australian television

20:01

that were asking about me once

20:04

and I was like sure

20:06

how much and then they wouldn't

20:08

say Um

20:10

and I and we and we kept going

20:12

back and forth They were like we just

20:14

want you to do the you know, we

20:16

want you to talk to our Sort of

20:18

director first and I was like yeah, but

20:20

just let me know what sort of ballpark

20:22

We're talking here and then they wouldn't say

20:25

and so then I just said nah So

20:27

this is like a reality show that wanted

20:29

Maddo kind to be one of the celebs

20:31

taking part Yes, exactly and they wouldn't tell

20:33

me well, you know what I was looking

20:35

at and I think it was because they

20:37

wanted to judge judge it on the on

20:39

the talent that I was going to be

20:41

bringing to the show and that talent is

20:44

not one that I'm that familiar with so

20:46

they were saying how about you just show

20:48

us what talent you've got and then we'll

20:50

judge whether you're going to be in this

20:52

show for a while or not and I

20:54

was like why don't you just tell me

20:56

how much It's worth, and then I'll bring

20:58

the talent. And then

21:00

they went cold, and I've never heard from ever

21:02

again. And that's absolutely fine, because I think

21:05

you should know how much you're going to get

21:07

paid to do a job. Yeah,

21:09

I mean, employers should

21:11

not be treating

21:13

people's livelihoods and jobs

21:15

like restaurants treat ordering

21:17

fish. you know and

21:19

just saying oh it's market price yeah

21:21

but what is it like oh you've

21:24

got to order it first before we

21:26

tell you at least restaurants let you

21:28

know beforehand like oh do you want

21:30

the job or not we'll tell you

21:32

how much afterwards like no no no

21:34

bracket and it's like you know 10

21:36

grand difference and that's like well can

21:38

you be more specific you know well

21:40

look anyways i'm to blame any gen

21:42

z for uh for not wanting to

21:45

do that but um The good thing

21:47

is we do this show at market

21:49

price every single day. And

21:51

luckily for you, it's $0 a kilo. Don't

21:54

say that. Means there

21:56

is absolutely no market for

21:58

what we're doing here. we

22:00

are not charging anything for

22:03

this. So So maybe one

22:05

day market price jump up

22:07

a little bit, but you're

22:09

right, When you put it on the scales, it's

22:11

big fat doughnuts staring you back in

22:13

the face. Zero dollars a kilo, but

22:16

we're still bloody tasty. Hey, we're going be

22:18

back tomorrow for another episode of Matt and

22:20

Natalie's All Day Breakfast. Same time, same place. Hope

22:22

you have a good one. Bye -bye. That's it.

22:24

The The All Breakfast kitchen is closed. Got

22:26

something to add to the show? Slide into

22:28

our DMs at .and .alice.