0:15

Early every morning, I sit

0:17

by the fire silently and drink my coffee.

0:20

Sometimes I sit in silence for an hour. Then

0:26

I saddle my horse Dusty. He's

0:28

a buckskin gelding. We

0:31

head out into the morning light and we work the

0:33

fences or pretend to. What

0:36

I'm really doing is thinking and riding in my

0:38

head. It's early

0:40

spring. The red-winged blackbirds

0:42

have just arrived for the season. The

0:45

barn swallows are coming in droves. I

0:48

realize that my whole life I've been

0:50

thinking about this very issue Kate raises.

0:54

And I'm in conflict. I

0:56

come to the conviction that I can't be silent

0:58

anymore. I'm

1:01

riding the sermon in my head. The

1:04

words won't stop. In

1:14

1974, Tri Robinson and his 7th grade

1:16

American literature students persuaded the US Congress

1:18

to permit them to move the body

1:21

of a famous mountain man from

1:23

a gravesite alongside a Los Angeles freeway

1:26

to his rightful resting place in the Rocky

1:28

Mountains. It's quite a story and

1:30

if you're interested, it inspired Robert

1:33

Redford's film Jeremiah Johnston. Later

1:36

in 1980, while working among the Karen

1:38

Hill Tri people on the border of Myanmar

1:40

and Thailand, a life-turning event

1:43

convinced Tri to leave public education

1:45

and enter full-time ministry. And

1:48

for 23 years he presided as pastor

1:50

of the Vineyard Christian Fellowship in Boise,

1:53

Idaho. There, Tri has

1:55

come to create one of the most progressive

1:57

evangelical movements around today, a green

1:59

movement. to take care of lands,

2:01

waters, and sky. In

2:05

today's meditative story, Tri helps

2:07

us see how our greatest accomplishments often

2:09

begin when those we love challenge us.

2:12

And when that happens, if we're lucky, we

2:14

let go of what we think we know and

2:17

emerge with new ideas that set

2:19

us on the path of our truer life mission. It's

2:22

a lovely meditative story we have for you today.

2:26

In this series, we combine immersive

2:29

first-person stories and breathtaking music with

2:31

the science-backed benefits of mindfulness practice.

2:36

From way to art, this is

2:39

Meditative Story. I'm

2:44

Moran, and I'll be your guide. The

3:04

body relaxed. The

3:08

body breathing. Your senses open. Your

3:11

mind open. Meeting

3:14

the world. The

3:21

house smells like Nancy's

3:23

roast chicken and

3:26

fragrant, and fresh herbs. Even

3:29

though our two kids are old

3:31

enough to live on their own, we still gather for family

3:33

meals. Kate

3:36

is experimenting with salads,

3:39

garlic and lemon dressing, toasted nuts. She's

3:42

given her mother an ivory-laced tablecloth from

3:45

her travels abroad, and

3:49

it lays out like a flowing dress

3:51

across the oval table. The

3:53

late summer sun

3:56

shines through the

3:58

clouds. curtains, which

4:00

gently billow in unison with the

4:03

breeze. The

4:05

scents from the flower beds outside invite themselves

4:07

into our home. Idaho has

4:10

a short growing season, and this is

4:12

its finest moment. A

4:14

dog barks down the street as

4:16

I bless the meal. We

4:23

don't usually talk about politics at the table.

4:26

As an evangelical pastor, I'm not shy about

4:28

where I stand. But

4:32

supper should be a peaceful meal. I

4:35

know the kids are wrestling with their views,

4:37

becoming their own people, and I respect that.

4:40

At 22, Kate doesn't come to church

4:42

so often anymore. It's

4:45

Brooke who starts it. I honestly don't

4:47

know who to vote for, he says. Al

4:49

Gore, George W. Bush, Ralph Nader.

4:53

The election is just a few months away. We

4:55

get into it, and before you know

4:58

it, Nancy has served some after-separatee, and

5:00

we're still going strong. Kate's

5:02

the one who voices the clearest thoughts. I

5:05

study her, her long

5:07

hair framing her strong voice. Why

5:11

is it that we've never heard a message from

5:13

the pulpit on the environment when it's all over

5:15

the Bible, she says? I

5:17

find myself listening to her words as if hearing her

5:19

for the first time. I'm

5:22

proud of her passion, but

5:24

I'm also, in this moment,

5:27

feeling shame for myself and my

5:29

church and the evangelical

5:31

Christianity I've given my life to. When

5:38

I'm 16 years old, my parents give me a 1956

5:40

Volkswagen Bug. I

5:43

think the reason they give it to me is

5:45

because it has zero power, but it gets me

5:47

around. As

5:49

soon as I take possession, I drive

5:52

it two hours up to my family's

5:54

old Homestead Cabinet, the edge of California's

5:56

Antelope Valley. It's

5:59

in a hilly wing of the Mojave Desert that

6:01

looks across into the Sierra Nevada. It's

6:04

the first time in my life I've ever been all

6:06

alone in solitude

6:09

and I realize very quickly I don't

6:12

quite know what to do with myself. So

6:16

I walk up on this pine

6:18

knoll. The

6:21

sun is just setting. I

6:23

understand I'm here because I'm asking

6:26

some uncomfortable questions. I

6:29

sit on the hill in the slanting light

6:32

looking out across the vast massive desert

6:34

into the Sierras. I

6:37

smell the sap from the pine trees and I smell

6:40

the earth. I

6:43

watch swift shadows of clouds

6:45

cut across the Silver Valley.

6:47

In an instant on

6:49

this hill it hits me

6:52

that there is actually meaning and purpose in my life.

6:56

That life is not an accident. I

7:01

ask myself if this beauty means

7:03

God is real and if this

7:05

is all not an accident then

7:08

I'm not an accident either. After

7:15

college in the 70s Nancy and I moved

7:17

to that cabin. We

7:20

raised our kids there and I work as a

7:22

biology teacher. We drink

7:24

spring-fed water. We

7:27

horseback into the Sierra wilderness and the

7:29

kids help build trails. Years

7:34

pass and

7:36

again I question my faith. I

7:39

tell Nancy I'm going for a walk and I go

7:41

back to the very same knoll I came to when

7:43

I was 16. There

7:45

is a log. I sit

7:47

on the log and I gaze at the

7:49

grass growing and the wildflowers. I

7:52

say Lord I

7:55

just need to know. I

8:00

hear footsteps behind me. I'm

8:02

terrified because I don't know what's coming.

8:06

I just freeze. I didn't

8:08

even turn around. And

8:10

this deer steps over the

8:12

log to my left, turns

8:16

around and looks right

8:18

in my eyes. And

8:22

I have no questions after that. Let's

8:27

sit with Tri here. Feel

8:31

the temperature of the air on our face. The

8:39

connection with our feet on the earth. Trusting

8:42

in breath. Faith in breath.

8:47

Out following in, in following out. We

10:00

move to a ranch north of Boise, where

10:03

we start a new church that ministers to the poor.

10:06

We call it the Vineyard. I

10:08

think of everything I do as planting seeds in

10:10

the soil. I

10:14

move cattle and mend fences in the morning, and

10:17

work on church business and write sermons in the

10:20

afternoon. After

10:23

college, Kate works for an environmental organization

10:25

and Brooke works for REI. It's

10:28

no surprise my kids are drawn to the outdoors

10:30

because of how we raised them. It's

10:33

ironic, but I'm the one

10:35

who ends up keeping my work. The

10:37

work I love, pastoring and ministering

10:39

and serving my community, separate

10:42

from my love for the natural world. But

10:46

it doesn't sit right with me. This

10:49

separation between my spiritual beliefs and

10:51

the spirit of my everyday connection

10:53

with the land and its

10:56

life-sustaining abundance. It shouldn't be

10:58

this way. By the

11:00

time we're eating Nancy's roast chicken, this

11:03

divide has been eating at me for some

11:05

time. The way my kids

11:07

talk at the table, the way Kate

11:09

reaches her hands out across the lace

11:11

tablecloth, her eyes on fire.

11:14

It makes me stop. It makes

11:16

me question my silence on the environment of the

11:18

pulpit. Kate

11:20

and Brooke's words profoundly challenge me. I

11:23

find myself as a pastor, in

11:26

my heart, loving creation and in my

11:28

heart loving God, but not being able

11:30

to connect the dots publicly. For

11:32

six months through the long winter, I reread

11:35

the Bible. Now I

11:37

know and admire that so many of

11:39

us on this blue planet find our

11:41

spiritual source in different places. We

11:43

all come to discover our higher selves in

11:45

our own ways. I sit in

11:47

my old leather chair by the wood stove in the

11:49

living room. I read it

11:52

all the way through, but this time

11:54

with a green felt tip liner, highlighting

11:56

everywhere I see something about the creation

11:58

or the environment. And

12:02

the Bible becomes green. I

12:06

can't believe how much is in there if

12:08

you are actually looking for it. It

12:11

just shocks me. Somewhere

12:14

along the line, evangelical churches in America

12:16

gave up on caring about the environment.

12:21

Because that was something liberals did. If

12:23

I preach about it, I know there might be a

12:25

lot of pushback, especially

12:28

in Idaho, because people think

12:30

environmentalists are trying to stop everything in terms

12:32

of their livelihoods and so on. I'm

12:35

just not sure what to do. Early

12:40

every morning, I sit by the

12:42

fire silently and drink my coffee. Sometimes

12:45

I sit in silence for an hour. Then

12:48

I saddle my horse, Dusty. He's

12:50

a buckskin gilding. We

12:53

head out into the morning light and we work

12:55

the fences or pretend to. What

12:58

I'm really doing is thinking and riding in

13:00

my head. It's

13:02

early spring. The red-winged blackbirds

13:05

have just arrived for the season. The

13:08

barn swallows are coming in droves. I

13:11

realize that my whole life I've been

13:13

thinking about this very issue Kate raises,

13:16

and I'm in conflict. I

13:18

come to the conviction that I can't be silent

13:20

anymore. I'm riding the sermon

13:22

in my head. The words won't stop.

13:26

When I know I'm going to say it out loud, I

13:29

seek help. I know I

13:31

have to do it right. Devotion

13:33

demands action. I want

13:35

this message to be a major call to action. I

13:38

want our church to be a flagship for this. I

13:46

form a secret committee. I discover

13:48

I have closet environmentalists all over

13:50

the church. I recruit a forester,

13:53

a park specialist, a weed expert,

13:55

a politician. I

13:57

put Kate and Brooke on that committee, too. too.

14:00

And Kate wears her Birkenstocks and drives to

14:02

the meeting in her 25-year-old Volvo with the

14:06

tree hugger bumper stickers. She's

14:08

22 years old and I know she's

14:10

nervous. But she comes. The

14:13

only seat open at the long conference table

14:15

is next to the politician. A

14:18

big guy in a polo shirt and penny loafers.

14:21

They eye each other. I

14:23

know your politics and I'm not voting for

14:26

you, Kate says. He laughs and they both

14:28

smile. We all talk late

14:30

past the meeting time and again

14:32

the next week. We make a plan.

14:35

We will build trails. We will clean the

14:37

Boise River. We will pioneer the

14:39

use of cloth bags in the new millennium

14:42

to reduce plastic. We

14:44

will buy an old truck to handle recycling.

14:48

I begin to think of Christianity as a

14:51

verb. That it

14:53

has to show action as its state of being. And

14:57

I have a team of 2,500 parishioners. Wherever

15:16

you are, can you imagine 2,500

15:19

people around you now? All

15:22

facing the same way, a force for good.

15:26

That's a lot of people. A lot of

15:28

hearts. And

15:32

as you listen to this, there are

15:34

actually many more even than that. This

15:37

community. On

16:35

the day of the sermon, I get up early in

16:37

the dark and I feed the animals. Then

16:42

I change into my preacher clothes, a pressed

16:44

shirt, wranglers and cowboy boots.

16:47

My lucky belt buckle showing a man on a

16:49

horse pulling a pack train. Nancy

16:53

and I drive the Subaru an hour down

16:55

the steep mountain road to town. The

16:59

snow is still melting, but the air smells

17:01

like spring. I'm

17:04

silent in the car. I

17:07

have two conflicting emotions stirring within me.

17:10

Fear and excitement. I

17:14

have preached many messages on controversial topics,

17:16

but never one that could be so

17:18

potentially polarizing to the congregation or detrimental

17:20

to my position and ministry. But

17:24

more than anything, today

17:26

is about doing the right thing, the

17:28

right time, for both my church

17:30

and my community. I

17:33

have to shed my inhibitions. How

17:35

would the congregation respond? There's

17:38

only one way to find out. Walking

17:41

into the church foyer, I

17:44

notice the subtle smells of coffee. People

17:46

are sitting and chatting before the service. Soft

17:50

light fills the room from the large

17:52

stained glass window between the two entrances.

17:56

I continue to the backstage to

17:59

breathe and quiet myself. After

18:02

a bit, the band starts indicating

18:04

it's time for the people to find

18:06

their seats. It secures manic church. So

18:08

we have a vocalist, a couple of

18:11

guitars, a drum, a keyboard, and a

18:13

violin. Then the room

18:15

falls silent. I hear the

18:17

clip of my boots on the floor as I walk out.

18:21

I see the expectant faces of about 700

18:24

of them at this sitting. My

18:26

kids don't usually sit up front, but

18:28

today I see Brooke. Then I see

18:30

Kate holding a soy latte, sitting with

18:32

Nancy. I start

18:34

with a prayer, and then I speak

18:37

of my journey to this moment. I

18:42

talk about the mountain knoll and the

18:44

deer and passages I keep finding in

18:46

scripture. I don't feel like I'm

18:48

very eloquent, but I know I'm speaking

18:50

from my heart, and the audience

18:52

seems to be listening. I

18:55

watch the clock and I measure how my

18:57

time is going compared to the information I

18:59

still wanted to deliver, and

19:01

the finale I want to hit at the

19:03

end to challenge them to join me in

19:06

a pro-environment stance and action plan for our

19:08

state and our city and our

19:10

neighborhoods. And

19:13

when that moment arrives, I see someone stand

19:16

up and start clapping. Then

19:19

it doesn't more. And it doesn't more

19:21

until everyone that I can see in the

19:23

room is standing and just clapping. And I

19:26

see at that moment that I have just

19:28

delivered a message they've been longing to hear.

19:33

I see tears in their eyes. I

19:36

feel my emotions building. This

19:39

doesn't happen to me often in church. Neither

19:42

does a standing ovation. I'm

19:44

relieved. I didn't

19:46

awe. My

19:49

tears just come up. The

19:53

momentum from that morning continues. The

19:56

message just carries on. We

19:58

make a mural in the main hall. hall of the church.

20:01

It's got white walls like an art

20:03

gallery, and we show large

20:05

photographs of all these families in the

20:07

wilderness. We break into teams,

20:10

and we have jobs for everybody. So

20:13

they're excited, not just because I have made

20:15

it okay to be a Christian environmentalist because

20:17

they get to play. People

20:19

from the community hear about our new work, and

20:22

our church grows. Twenty

20:25

years later, I'm still the guy that's known for this,

20:28

and I don't know why, because I know

20:30

there's many others now that are carrying the

20:32

torch, but not as many as you'd think.

20:35

I'm retired from the pulpit now, but

20:38

not from my work on the land. I

20:41

just got a new horse this week. I've

20:44

always had horses, but this one feels different.

20:47

I know this is my last horse this side of heaven.

20:51

I'm 73, and my horse is a

20:54

three-year-old, so I've got a lot of time yet.

20:57

The hills are full of game, wild game. Saw

21:00

a fox catching a crown squirrel yesterday.

21:02

I keep an eye on the

21:04

cows. We used to have Angus,

21:07

but now we have a breed called Bilthed

21:09

Galloway. They're from the Scottish Highlands.

21:12

They're really hardy. They have a

21:15

stripe around their belly. I don't know if

21:17

you've ever seen them. They're quite

21:19

beautiful, actually, and finding they're really

21:21

naughty, too. They like to

21:23

go through my fences. Sometimes

21:25

I fix the fences right away. Sometimes

21:28

I just sit on my horse, and I

21:30

look at those fences and laugh. My

21:34

eyes look past the dangling wire down the valley

21:36

to where the hills meet the creek. I

21:40

look past that to the horizon, where the

21:42

sky meets the land, the

21:45

land that belongs to all of us, and

21:49

I feel the full force of

21:52

creation. Thank

21:57

you. Thank

22:00

you, Tri. Today's

22:15

story made me reflect on how we can all

22:17

get so caught up in our own stories that

22:20

we don't see the bigger picture. And

22:23

so the meditation we'll close with together is about

22:26

seeing the bigger picture, or more

22:28

accurately, about seeing nature. So

22:33

let's settle in. Doing

22:36

what you need to do. Softening.

22:43

Opening. Being

22:47

here. Here

22:50

in the space where you are. There

23:02

can be a tendency to divide the world into

23:05

that which is natural and that

23:07

which is not, as if they were

23:09

different. But

23:12

when we take some care and start to see

23:14

nature and the environment around us, it

23:16

opens us up to a sense of things

23:18

that is slower and longer and

23:21

more connected. So

23:25

let's start by connecting. Feeling

23:29

our contact with the Earth. Dropping

23:32

as much of our awareness as we can into

23:35

our feet where they touch the ground. Gravity.

23:42

Our

23:47

body is held up by the whole planet. Our

23:51

literal connection with Earth. Now,

24:03

where can we notice nature where we are? A

24:08

plant in our visual field, if

24:11

eyes open. The

24:13

sound of a bird, if

24:16

you can see the sky, the

24:18

sky. Allowing

24:26

nature to be our experience, direct,

24:30

outside to inside, via

24:33

our attention and our care. The

24:37

temperature of the air on our skin. Even

24:43

just the sense of space around us. Sound,

24:49

sight, touch,

24:53

heat. Whatever

24:57

it is, however subtle, knowing

24:59

it. Knowing

25:02

nature. Marking

25:05

it with the green marker of

25:07

our mind. Now

25:20

something different. Bringing

25:22

to mind an image of the

25:24

environment that is meaningful to you. A

25:28

place you've been. A

25:31

place you love. Or

25:35

just a thing you love. A rainforest,

25:37

a mountain, a creature, whatever.

25:43

Connecting with nature this way, through

25:45

thought and image. Letting

25:50

our love and appreciation and care soak

25:53

into this idea of nature. Letting

25:57

it fill us up. Holding

26:01

it in our heart. May

26:14

all creatures be well. May

26:18

all trees and plants and

26:21

grasses and rivers and

26:23

rocks be well. May

26:27

they be protected. May

26:35

all beings be well. May

26:38

all mountains and oceans and

26:41

deserts and forests be

26:43

well. May

26:47

they be protected. May

26:57

all beings be well. May

27:00

all breathers and thinkers and

27:03

bodies and sensing beings be

27:05

well. May

27:09

we be protected. May

27:20

we have the wisdom to know how we are

27:23

separate from nature and how

27:25

we are not. May

27:36

we have the wisdom to see nature,

27:38

to know nature in everything. And

27:42

love it like nothing else. Thank

27:51

you again Troy, and thank you. Stay

27:56

safe and well. Meditative

28:18

Story is a wait-watt original.

28:21

Our executive producers are Darren Triff, June

28:24

Cohen and Mary Beth Kirshner. The

28:27

series is produced by Dorothy Abrams, original

28:30

music and sound design by Ryan Holiday.

28:33

Our writers are Peter Keckley,

28:36

Florence Williams, Jess Winfield, Hannah

28:38

Brencher, Belle Shea and

28:40

Andrew Wincon. Technical

28:42

Sport from Robin Wise, Mixing

28:45

and Mastering by Brian Pugh. Special

28:48

thanks to Emily McManus, Christina

28:51

Gonzalez, Sarah Sandman, Anna

28:54

Pizzino, Ben Richardson,

28:56

Kelsey Capitano, Tim Cronin,

28:59

Colin Haworth, Charlie Menezes

29:02

and Adam Heiner. And

29:04

I'm Rohan Ganachilika, creator of

29:07

the Budify Meditation app and your host.

29:12

Visit meditativestory.com to find the

29:15

transcript for this episode.