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Welcome, Dumbheads, to MDC, the

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Mega Dumbcast. In In this series, we

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examining every single goddamn page

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of The page of God, an

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end -time story from the

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scenario book, story to determine what

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is the dumbest thing on

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each page. to Every episode

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is one page, is every episode

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is short. thing on The Crucible

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of God was published in

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2003 page, every episode is short. The

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Crucible of God was Tonight

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we're discussing page 204 of Wolf. We're

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in the of God of God very

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close to the end. to the end.

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are are more pages after this. this. Season 6

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is winding down. This scenario is

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winding down. There's only so much room

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left, so but that is no excuse.

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But that is no changing the opportunity

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on today's page. As you

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will remember from yesterday, remember

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himself showed up in Denver himself

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showed up in Denver looking for lock,

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aka Marcus, saying that he needed

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an assistant to cast a ritual going was

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going to affect every human and near

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human being on be able He would be

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able to dominate them all. the vampires

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to walk to walk into the this would and this would

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wipe out all the vampires save save humanity. He He

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really does say that, that he wants to save humanity.

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Quote, the arch usurper does not does not

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consider his plan in in stone. to

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He listens to any suggestions for other

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commands or other disciplines to cast

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upon all kindred and and kind. He reminds

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the characters, however, that that the must

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destroy or incapacitate kindred without harming too

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many kind, too many it goes on

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to say goes would prefer to affect

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only the ancient vampires or at least

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or his own clan, but he can't

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do that. He's using the human

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genome and the Mormon and the project in

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Salt Lake City to act as the

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true name of humanity of to do

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that. do that all humanity, all it does have

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to be all humanity. be So you can't

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exclude anyone. exclude he claims. he

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claims. As I I talked about yesterday, all

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of this is very dubious. dubious. never

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known. known Tromir or any his

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progeny to stress too much about collateral damage.

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So it's weird that he's here arguing

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against the against the If they suggest a plan

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to end plan to end would get too many

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humans killed, too seem like the sort of

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thing Tamir would care about. seem So I

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don't know, call me a cynic. I

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think Tamir is lying, but I think the

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scenario envisions that the player characters will

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accept that Tamir is telling the truth, that

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the player characters will accept that this

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ritual is going to do what they're told

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it's going to do, to do, that that's

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a good thing a that they should help. that

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they should for various reasons, this ritual

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needs to be done in Salt Lake

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City, Utah. Quote, Trimir handles the

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handles the transportation. The withering does not does

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not stop him from summoning elementals that can

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carry the entire coterie to Salt Lake City in

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a few hours or nights. or nights. Depending on

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the the current location, they might need to travel

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in stages so they do not fly into daylight.

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not fly into daylight. look like horses fashioned

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out of storm clouds with out of eyes. with

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They gallop through the sky at hundreds

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of miles an hour, their hooves flickering

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with bolts of lightning. with This is

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cool. He can summon elementals to fly us

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wherever we need to go. Denver

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is Denver is already fairly close to

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Salt Lake so we're going to get going to get

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minimal. horse riding time. riding time.

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it, we arrive and we we arrive The see

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the following find Salt The characters find

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Salt Lake than more intact than any other

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city they've seen in months. never The city

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never had a significant kindred population. It's

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too too far from other major cities for

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Canites to reach easily. easily. The ancients ignored

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it for this reason. reason. The Mormon

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Church also enjoins its members to stock stockpile

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a supply of food and other necessities,

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so the city suffered less from famine and

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disease. disease. The Church of of Jesus Christ

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of Latter -day Saints also provided an alternative

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source of governance and social stability. The

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The United States is defunct, but but

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the state of Utah still functions. The

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city The city even has electricity, though

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though it's restricted to government buildings, the

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Great Tabernacle, and vital services such

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as hospitals. So it turns out

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that like Denver, Denver at least

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Denver on our watch, Salt Lake City and

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Utah in general is of an

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oasis in this apocalypse. There never

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never have been many kindred here,

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no kindred have taken it over, the

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church is running things, there's electricity, there

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are hospitals, this is fantastic. By post-apocalyptic

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standards, this is great. Now they're hostile

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to kindred, so we need to keep

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a low profile, but the people here

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have a good life. They are relatively

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safe and relatively comfortable. Until now, we're

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here, and we've got a ritual to

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do, and that ritual requires supplies. The

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old warlock points out, however, that he

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will need to expend a huge amount

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of vitae to perform the spell, and

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he is old enough that mortal blood

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no longer sustains him. He needs to

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feed on the characters, so they need

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to gather vessels of their own. Tromir

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estimates that 15 mortals might supply enough

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blood, or twice that many of the

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characters want the vessels to live. He'd

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prefer that all the vessels be human

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virgins for ceremonial reasons, but since time

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is short, he reluctantly foregoes that particular

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condition. Tromir insistsists on only human vessels,

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though. animals would defile the ritual. Now

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it goes on to talk about how

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we feed on people and then Tramire

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feeds on us and so on and

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so on and so on until he's

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got all the blood that he needs

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for this big ritual which we'll talk

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about next time. The dumbest thing on

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this page is that, look, we have

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been ruthless in fighting off this apocalypse,

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preserving our own existence, and also just

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doing whatever we want. Since all the

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way back in awakening Diablery Cole in

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Mexico, Vampire Drama Club has been pushing

5:18

it to the limit, body mind and

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soul, for no reason, for no reason.

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Sometimes we just get in our heads

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like, there's this guy in the Yucatan,

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we're gonna find him, we're gonna eat

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him. And we went for it. We

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ate that guy, we ate his soul,

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we went to the Yucatan and hacked

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through the jungle and got past the

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werewolves and got past the fucking traps,

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we beat God at football and we

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ate that motherfucker. We were barely hungry

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just because Vampire Drama Club goes ham

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consistently. We are the leading ham purveyors

5:46

of the post-apolips. We just drove from

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Denver to Alaska to steal nukes from

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a sub. For barely any reason. It

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just seemed like a good idea. Like,

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gut reaction. would Would

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we rather have nukes

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or not have

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nukes? Have nukes. Okay,

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let's go get go

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get We animated a a to fight

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Godzilla because Godzilla might be coming might be

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stomp on the goth punk city that

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we love. city Now, here we are. we are.

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The end of the end times. guys The

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guys out on the street that say

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the end is near are getting harassed

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by other guys who think they're not

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manic enough about the end times. point, if this

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point, if you're out on the

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street screaming repent, you're a centrist. That's

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where we're at And Vampire Drama Club is fortunate

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enough, fortunate enough since they their perspective.

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that Tremear himself they believe him, to enact a ritual that

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himself has enlisted them to you know it would that

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could save the whole guys, world. be And he's like,

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you know, it'd be great for this ritual be

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you know, it'd be perfect for this ritual. going

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to add a lot to our workload, trying to get drama

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clubs Counteroffer rats. Animalism, gather them, gather them,

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gather them, gather them, gather them up, gather them up. Could be a big box, it could be

6:49

a big gonna add a lot to our workload. could be

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a to get could be a for this. be a sack, it could be

6:53

a sack, or a sack, or a sack, or a sack, or a sack, or a sack, or

6:55

a sack, or a sack, or a sack, or a up a sack, or a in a

6:57

big box. It could be a perspective We're We're flexible

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on that. We're going need blenders. Lots of

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blenders, line them up. up. Rats and

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rats and blenders, rats and blenders. and

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Pulse, pulse, pulse. Move on to

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puree, strain those those little bastards.

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We've got some blood fuel we can

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fuel this ritual. can't do it, that would corrupt the

7:14

do it, that would corrupt the

7:16

ritual. First of all, metaphysical but secondly

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on a metaphysical level, gross. do

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We need human blood. The virgin blood. I

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can do without the as they're blood. okay

7:24

As long as they're human, it's okay

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if they fuck. fuck. Why are we bargaining

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down Tremere like this? It's the the world,

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it's the whole fucking world at stake. and

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And, I and this is why I kind

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of care about this. This is why is

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why I feel like we've been cheated out

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of a scene here, a out of a

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challenge a a player character group. This is

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Salt Lake City. Salt in City. In

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timeline when of Jesus Christ

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of Latter -day Saints has been

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has been essentially right.

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in all all of precautions, in

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all of its teachings, they

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are now operating. shining city

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city on a hill, in the - apocalypse.

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Things are great in Utah because of

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the church, because of its teachings in

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that scenario. One year into an apocalypse

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that the Mormons have weathered like no

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one else. The city is big. It

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is prosperous. It is comfortable. It has

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hospitals. You're telling me we can't find

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30 virgins in Salt Lake City to

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save the fucking world. Of course, we

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can. My own experience coming from like

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an evangelical upbringing, even assuming we don't

8:22

want to just like go feed on

8:24

kids or whatever. Assuming that we want

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our blood sacrifices for this ritual to

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save the world to be legal. I

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feel like the social pressure and like

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and also the social capital that the

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church has in this environment, like you

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motherfuckers still have electricity because of the

8:39

church. You would better be listening to

8:41

its teachings and and I think that

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the result is going to be you're

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going to have a lot of young

8:47

adults here who have never been laid

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who either have made a principal decision

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not to have sex before marriage, which

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by the way, no part of this

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episode is in mockery of people who

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decide they don't want to have sex

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at this point in their life for

9:02

whatever reason. Absolutely do what you want

9:04

to do with your body for the

9:06

reasons it makes sense to you. But

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I think you're going to have a

9:10

ton of young adults who made a

9:12

principal decision not to have sex before

9:14

marriage given how right the church turned

9:16

out to be about like apocalypse prep,

9:18

how to fend off the vampire hordes,

9:20

etc. And you're to have a bunch

9:22

of people who haven't been able to

9:24

get laid because number one, you do

9:26

have a bunch of other people around

9:28

you who've made a principal decision not

9:31

to fuck before marriage. And number two,

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it's just like it's a stressful time.

9:35

It's a demanding time. It's a time

9:37

of privation. I don't know if you

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the listener are interested in sex with

9:41

women, but what you may not know

9:43

if you aren't is that when women

9:45

are cold and hungry and busy and

9:47

tired and their lives are under constant

9:49

threat, oftentimes they don't want to have

9:51

sex. So you might well be a

9:53

virgin in this scenario, whether or not

9:55

you're taking a principled stand. My point

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is just that Salt Lake City is

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be full of fucking of fucking young virgins.

10:02

Can I say, I if I say say new

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bile, it it just means like like I

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know it sounds very dirty, but I'm not saying it

10:08

in a horny way. It's in a horny way. It's

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just, it's Don't you the listener make

10:12

it weird when I say it

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Lake I is full of City is full of

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new bile ripe for the taking. the taking.

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But, and this is crucial, it wouldn't

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have been so easy to find find 30 new

10:23

bile in Salt Lake Lake it wouldn't have

10:25

been a challenge. It would have been,

10:27

a would have been a fucking quest been.

10:29

we would have felt like heroes. fucking

10:31

I mean, here we are, we powerful felt

10:33

creatures, I mean, here we of magic. supernatural of masters

10:35

of magic, possessed of we are charisma.

10:38

a promising are, settlement on

10:40

the hunt for the

10:42

blood of on the like for the

10:44

blood of virgins, like heroes. Like Let me

10:46

put it to you this way. Let me

10:48

put it to you this way. Suppose. When we told

10:51

him, hey, we're not really interested

10:53

in going and finding virgins, can we

10:55

do it without that part? If

10:57

he had said, do without not. I had

10:59

four or five plans for taking

11:01

down. five plans for and winning down I'm

11:03

down to just one. This is the

11:05

last chance, I'm this is the last

11:07

plan, This this ritual, this plan, this is

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it. This is how we save the

11:11

world. is how we save the world. And it

11:13

it simply has to be be

11:16

What would we have done? done? up, gone

11:18

home to Goughpunk to await the end

11:20

of the world? of the world? No, that's not the

11:22

vampire drama club that I know. I

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We would have found those And everybody

11:27

could have contributed. Sir Bloodworth, a

11:29

sneak, a a slash a could have gone and could have

11:31

gone and snuck in with Obfuscate and

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read people's diaries, found out about their personal

11:35

lives, abducted some people right

11:37

from their sexless bedrooms. Teresa, presents, could have could

11:39

have gotten people to open up, up,

11:42

could could have invited people to come

11:44

with her, could have found some

11:46

horny, repressed people, people. seduced them and

11:48

just brought them right to the ritual

11:50

site. Flash Simpson, just a just a natural

11:52

born creep. You You think he's never scoured

11:54

a town for sexually inexperienced young

11:56

women before? Are you fucking kidding me?

11:59

me? Marcus! knows a lot a lot of

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young, clueless, types, knows a Knows a lot of

12:03

role I mean, this is a mean, this is a

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man who, before he was a wizard, sold sold

12:07

anime titty figurines for a living. You

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don't think he can spot a fucking virgin? The

12:11

The dumbest thing on this page is

12:13

that we did not have a quest through

12:15

Salt Lake City to find the virgins

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necessary for the ritual. I'm ashamed

12:19

of Termir for letting this slide, of

12:22

and I'm ashamed of us this letting

12:24

him let it slide. It's It's like

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we've all just accepted, for some reason,

12:28

reason. that have very little agency and

12:30

our actions have minimal -to -no consequences. Speaking

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of, join me next time

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when it turns out when have

12:36

very little agency in this situation

12:38

and our actions have had

12:41

few -to -no consequences have had few to no consequences

12:43

on MDC, the Mega Dumbcast. This has been has

12:45

been Mega Dumbcast. New episodes

12:47

drop day day except for

12:49

Sundays, when all week's previous

12:51

episodes drop in one

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access to and support the

12:59

show, visit patreon .com patreon.com/ This

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episode's theme song is episode's

13:03

theme Yeti Music, whose work

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you can find Music, .io. find

13:07

at -P -B -E -A -T dot

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I -O. I will I will catch you

13:12

next time. time.