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Good morning, survivors, and welcome to

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Mercury, a broadcast of Hope. I'm

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Max O 'Brien, and it's day 2762

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since we came back on the

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air here on WEHG 870AM. Today,

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listeners, I want to tell you the story of

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Nicholas. Nicholas is

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still a human being, and not a

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zombie, but even he will tell

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you that it's pure dumb luck. I

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don't think he's planning to become a charmoskite

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and worship the luck god, but

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at this point, I'd say he's eligible. So

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what Nicholas did was a fairly basic

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rudimentary mistake that a lot of people

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still make from time to time. In

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a nutshell, he got careless. He

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entered a house looking for supplies and

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didn't clear it of zombies properly. He

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opened a door, a zombie lurched

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out, Nicholas sprang back and nearly

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tripped, but luckily kept his feet

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and was able to get away. But in

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his haste, he opened another door

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and another zombie lurched out. He

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managed to dodge that one too and made

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for the front door, but it could easily

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have gone very badly for him. So,

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today, I'm going to

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go over best practices for clearing houses

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of zombies, just in case anybody

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else out there needs to hear the

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refresher. First, you

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need to be patient. Clearing

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a house of zombies can be an all -day

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task, depending on how big the house is and

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how many zombies are in it. If

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you rush things, then it can get

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real bad real fast. Second,

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you need to start on the outside and work your

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way in. This may sound like

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obvious advice, but I can't tell you the

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number of people who have come in

1:37

here with stories of survival that start with,

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yeah, I just went in the front door. So

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you begin by clearing the immediate area

1:44

outside the house as best you

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can. If it's a heavenly wooded

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area that could conceal a lot of zombies, You

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might want to consider that maybe nothing

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in that house is valuable enough to risk

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it. But if the area is mostly

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open and you can see clearly in all directions, then

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it's probably okay. Once the

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outside is secure, you examine the

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exterior of the house carefully. Is

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the front door open? Are

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there broken windows? If so, how

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high up off the ground are they? Zombies

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can't climb, but if the back door is

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one of those sliding glass doors and it's broken,

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that's a way for a zombie to get

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in. Are there holes in the

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walls? Holes in the roof probably aren't

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an indication of zombies being present, but it's

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good to take note of them anyway. Once

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you've assessed all of the various entrances and

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exits, then it's time to make some noise.

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Some strategic noise. Nothing that's going

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to attract more zombies from

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nearby. This is why clearing

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the exterior first is so important. You

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don't want to be focusing on the house so much

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that you don't see the zombie coming out of the

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woods behind you. Knocking on the

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front door is often a good first step. The

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noise will attract the zombies in the house and

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they'll come looking. Now once

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you've made that noise, you don't want to

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be hanging around the front door because you

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never know how many zombies are in there. If

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it's just one or two, then that's

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not that bad. But if

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15 are suddenly crowded around that front door,

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then you've got a big problem. You'll

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want to repeat that process a few times.

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If it's a really big house, you'll want

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to do it for as many entrances and

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exits as you can find. And again, you'll

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do it multiple times. Most

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houses have poor lighting, even during the daytime. And

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fighting zombies outside in the sun is

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a lot better than some dark living room

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or kitchen. Once you're

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satisfied that all of the zombies that

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are free roaming in the house have been

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taken care of, then you can carefully

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go inside. Again, little

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details are vital. Do

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you hear shuffling behind closed doors?

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Are there footprints in the dust on the floor?

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How many? How fresh? Absence

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of fresh footprints in the dust isn't an

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indication that there aren't zombies, though. It just

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means they might be dormant. The

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presence of those footsteps usually indicates

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that zombies are present, which is

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valuable information. As

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you reach closed doors, knock. Listen.

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If you hear sound, try to get a feeling

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for how many might be in there. Just

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one or two might be okay. But if your

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knock stirs up a whole bunch, then they might be

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able to knock the door down. So

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you need to be able to beat a

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hasty retreat. Remember, zombies

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are attracted to and stimulated

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by activity. A room

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full of dormant zombies can get out of

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hand in a hurry because once one

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starts moving, then they'll all start moving and

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it'll expand exponentially. If

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a room is definitively cleared, you need to

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mark it in some way and then close

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the door. Closing the door keeps

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zombies from getting in later. and marking

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the door will help you and anyone

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who comes after you. You

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go room by room being as careful

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as you can, and, and this

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is important, you need to be

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prepared to admit that the risk isn't worth it at

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any time and get out of there. There

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might be tons of fresh medicine in there,

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but if you get bitten, then

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all of it's worthless to you. You don't

5:01

get a second life. And

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that covers the basics. There are,

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of course, advanced techniques, but we're not going

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to get into them here today. We're

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out of time for one thing. Be careful

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out there. Don't take unnecessary

5:13

risks. And as Dr. Clark would say,

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stay out of the tall grass. We'll

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be back tomorrow. For Mercury, a

5:20

broadcast of hope, this has been Max O 'Brien. Take

5:23

care of each other.