270: Why Minimalism Isn't Working (And What I'm Doing About It)

270: Why Minimalism Isn't Working (And What I'm Doing About It)

Released Friday, 25th April 2025
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270: Why Minimalism Isn't Working (And What I'm Doing About It)

270: Why Minimalism Isn't Working (And What I'm Doing About It)

270: Why Minimalism Isn't Working (And What I'm Doing About It)

270: Why Minimalism Isn't Working (And What I'm Doing About It)

Friday, 25th April 2025
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stores and at Nordstrom .com. You're

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listening to Minimalish, a podcast where

1:25

we talk about simplifying our stuff, our

1:27

lives, our motherhood, all in a realistic

1:29

way so that we can make room

1:32

for what matters. We're not here for

1:34

perfectly tidy homes or seeing how much

1:36

we can possibly declutter. We're here for

1:38

living with less. Realistically, it's going to

1:40

look different for all of us, but

1:42

we're not really focused on how our

1:44

version of minimalism looks anyways. We're

1:46

focused on how it feels. I'm

1:49

your host Desiree. I'm a mom to

1:51

two and on my own journey of living

1:53

with a little less clutter so I can

1:55

have more space for an intentional life. I'm

1:57

no expert and I like to think of

1:59

this as a corner of the internet where

2:01

we're learning and growing together. So

2:03

let's walk towards a more simple

2:05

and intentional life. Here's this week's

2:07

episode. Welcome back

2:09

to Minimalish. Today I am going

2:11

to bring you a solo episode.

2:14

It has been a while since

2:16

I've done one. And I'm gonna

2:18

bring you a solo episode about

2:20

a topic that feels a little

2:22

bit counter -intuitive on this podcast. I'm

2:25

gonna talk about why minimalism

2:27

is not working for me

2:29

right now. And it

2:31

doesn't mean that I have completely thrown

2:33

it out or think it's worthless or

2:35

anything like that. Just keep listening and

2:37

you will understand what I'm talking about

2:39

here. And I'm also gonna end the

2:41

episode. by talking about what I'm doing

2:43

about the fact that minimalism is not

2:45

working for me right now. So

2:48

a little very quick backstory I

2:50

have always really thought that minimalism as

2:53

it looks on Instagram is not

2:55

realistic for most of us I have

2:57

been there. I have tried that

2:59

I really tried hard to measure up

3:01

to that like Instagram worthy minimalist

3:03

home and once I realized it was

3:05

not going to work for me

3:07

That's when I decided it was still

3:10

worth it to find my own

3:12

version of it and that's when I

3:14

started saying the word minimalist and

3:16

talking about how a minimalist home is

3:18

just what works for me. And

3:20

there's, you know, this whole idea of

3:22

finding your own version of minimalist

3:24

and being okay with whatever that looks

3:26

like. So

3:30

I guess I could say instead of

3:32

saying minimalism isn't working for me right now

3:34

I could say that my own version

3:36

of minimalish has really changed but when I

3:38

look around my house lately It just

3:40

doesn't feel minimalish at all to my own

3:42

standards at least I would say some

3:44

people might come in here and say Yeah,

3:46

it still looks pretty minimalish like it

3:49

doesn't look completely cluttered or anything Doesn't look

3:51

as bad as many other homes with

3:53

kids in them when it comes to clutter,

3:55

but I'm not trying to compare to

3:57

someone else I'm just thinking about like what

3:59

our home has looked like in the

4:01

past versus what it looks like now and

4:03

it looks much less minimalish than it

4:05

has in the past and I want to

4:08

share why because I've reflected on it

4:10

and I've reflected on if it really matters

4:12

to me if I care that it

4:14

looks less minimalish than it has in the

4:16

past and so that's kind of where

4:18

this episode is coming from for my own

4:20

reflection and the reason I'm sharing it

4:22

is because I bet There are a lot

4:24

of people in the same boat. You

4:27

might be listening to this because you like

4:29

the idea of minimalism, but it feels

4:31

really hard to attain whatever version is in

4:33

your head. And maybe you kind

4:35

of need to find the middle ground

4:37

between what is realistic for you in

4:39

this season versus what you wish you

4:41

could have in your home. So let's

4:44

just dive into why minimalism is not

4:46

working for me right now. The

4:50

first reason is that I have

4:52

kids and there are plenty of episodes

4:54

on this podcast about how minimalism

4:56

can work with kids and minimalism is

4:58

helpful with kids and I fully

5:00

believe that is true. It is very

5:02

helpful. However, it is not attainable.

5:04

It is helpful to have that mindset.

5:06

Things get less out of control,

5:08

but whatever your image of minimalism is

5:10

in your head, it is likely

5:12

not attainable to get there with kids.

5:14

My kids are in my opinion

5:16

at the perfect age for minimalism to

5:18

not really work. And what I

5:20

mean by that is that the aesthetic

5:22

version of minimalism. My kids will

5:24

make a mess with literally like a

5:26

cardboard box and pieces of paper.

5:28

It will be a complete disaster if

5:30

they get their hands on anything.

5:32

If they didn't have toys they would

5:34

do it with like kitchen utensils.

5:36

They would make a mess no matter

5:38

what because they play a lot

5:40

and play is messy. And while more

5:42

stuff means more mess and we

5:44

try not to bring a ton of

5:46

stuff in there are still ways

5:48

that the stuff gets in our house

5:50

I do think we do a

5:52

pretty good job at not bringing a

5:54

lot of kids stuff like new

5:56

toys in our home or even new

5:58

clothes like I will buy things

6:00

seasonally as my kids grow out of

6:02

them But we do not bring

6:04

a whole ton of new stuff in

6:06

however I have family members that

6:08

love to spoil my kids. So

6:10

stuff comes in between holidays, birthdays,

6:12

and just like any old day of

6:15

the week when my family members

6:17

decide to bring my kids things. It

6:19

really is just like the perfect

6:21

storm for a little bit more clutter

6:23

than I would like. And my

6:25

kids are really good at making messes

6:27

with whatever we do have in

6:29

the house, even if it's not technically

6:31

clutter. So here's what I've learned

6:34

when it comes to this whole minimalism

6:36

with kids thing. A minimalist mindset

6:38

with kids stuff does help me buy

6:40

less kids stuff, which helps bring

6:42

in a little less stuff into our

6:44

homes. However, having a minimalist mindset

6:46

with kids who make messes and family

6:48

members who love to bring stuff

6:50

in the house for the kids, it

6:53

also can feel really discouraging. Like

6:55

I'm failing and there's no way to

6:57

like get on top of it.

6:59

I'm feeling with no way out of

7:01

the failing. So a

7:03

result, I have decided to

7:05

let go a little bit and

7:07

that's why minimalism isn't working for

7:09

me because I've had to let

7:11

go of it and I shouldn't

7:13

say I've had to. I've decided

7:16

to. I've decided to at

7:18

least let go of the aesthetic like

7:20

perfect version of it that I would like

7:22

to attain in my head. Minimalism with

7:24

kids is hard and people say that and

7:26

people have said it to me in

7:28

the past and I've been like, yeah, but

7:30

there are ways. And I've never

7:32

looked at it as like, yeah, you're

7:34

gonna have a perfect minimalist home with kids.

7:36

That's never been my opinion. I know

7:38

that's not possible, but now with two kids

7:40

who are at the age where they

7:42

both make messes and they're both creative and

7:44

they're both playful and they just like

7:47

tornado around my household. I know, I know

7:49

now what a lot of parents who

7:51

went before me are saying. And I know

7:53

there's also the other side where there

7:55

are people who can be very minimalist with

7:57

many kids. I think

7:59

those people are in a very different situation

8:01

than I am like one they have

8:03

a brain that is different than mine and

8:05

they know how to organize things well

8:07

and like they're just really good at managing

8:09

stuff and maybe they are also a

8:11

person who like has set very hard boundaries

8:13

with their family and their family complies

8:16

with that and like all is well, but

8:18

I just neither of those things work

8:20

for me I don't really set hard boundaries

8:22

with family and I don't really plan

8:24

to and I also am not an organized

8:26

person and I do not do well

8:28

with managing stuff. My brain just does not

8:30

work in like an organizational, physically

8:32

organizational way. So when it comes

8:34

down to it, what I'm trying to

8:36

say is that it is possible

8:38

to be a minimalist and have kids.

8:40

It is possible to even probably

8:42

reach the aesthetic minimalism that you would

8:45

like to in your home. But

8:47

it would probably be really stressful to

8:49

maintain that unless you are a

8:51

certain type of person that just like

8:53

it works for you. for whatever

8:55

reasons i just discussed for me it's

8:57

just not it's not and i'm

8:59

not saying like i'm throwing away minimalism

9:01

because minimalism with kids is hard

9:03

i'm just saying that i am really

9:05

throwing away striving for some kind

9:07

of aesthetic minimalism or my house to

9:09

even look minimalist when guests come

9:11

in because it's just not worth it

9:13

it's not worth the stress that

9:15

it takes it's not worth feeling bad

9:17

about it when i don't achieve

9:19

it I decided

9:21

that I needed to use my energy

9:24

in a better way in other

9:26

places. Spending my energy in other places

9:28

that matter more to me than

9:30

trying to have the most minimalist home

9:32

with kids. I

9:35

do not want to end this reason

9:37

for why minimalism isn't really working for

9:39

me right now. I don't want to

9:41

end it without talking about the benefits

9:43

of a minimalist mindset when it comes

9:45

to this category of life. like kids

9:48

because I still live with minimalish as

9:50

my mindset even if my house looks

9:52

a little less minimalish right now and

9:54

there have been really a lot of

9:56

benefits to this the benefit is not

9:58

that my house looks perfectly minimalist obviously

10:00

but the benefit is that my oldest

10:02

daughter knows how to declutter and let

10:04

things go because we've been talking about

10:06

it since she was one year old

10:09

also our house can still somewhat easily

10:11

be taken out of the train wreck

10:13

situation if we are gonna have guests

10:15

over It really does not take that

10:17

much time to get our house to

10:19

at least a place where I feel

10:21

fine about inviting people over. Even if

10:23

we have clutter hiding behind some closets

10:25

or something else, I still feel

10:27

like I can have an inviting home for

10:29

guests to come over. And if minimal -ish

10:31

was not a part of my mindset, that

10:33

would not be the case. It could get out

10:36

of hand really fast with the way that

10:38

I work and the way that my brain

10:40

works. Alright,

10:42

I am ready to move on to

10:44

the second reason that minimalism is not

10:46

working for me and my family right

10:48

now and that reason is simply because

10:50

my husband and I have been both

10:52

working full -time now. For the past

10:54

several years I've worked part -time or I've

10:57

worked from home and it was a

10:59

lot easier to at least do some

11:01

home management during the day and not

11:03

just in like the very wee hours

11:05

that we are home but now with

11:07

a full schedule, a full life, day

11:09

of work and you know sports for

11:11

kids in the evenings and we don't

11:13

even do that much because I refuse

11:15

to do that much but we still

11:17

are busy and I have decided in

11:19

this season our energy and time is

11:22

being spent outside of our home for

11:24

much of the day. When we are

11:26

home our energy and time is best

11:28

spent on focusing on our family and

11:30

taking care of ourselves like working out

11:32

things like that and not worrying about

11:34

keeping a perfectly decluttered and I don't

11:36

know, like minimalist looking home. Things do

11:38

get a little more cluttery, but we

11:40

do have routines that help us at

11:42

least like clean things. But yeah, clutter

11:44

lives in our house a little more

11:47

than it would if we did not

11:49

both work full time. And I want

11:51

to say that because I hope that

11:53

that just like makes you feel better

11:55

if you also have two parents that

11:57

work. full time and you feel like

11:59

you can't keep on top of things.

12:02

Like I don't have a solution for you

12:04

but I do think that if we let

12:06

go a little bit and just like remind

12:08

ourselves when we feel frustrated about it that

12:10

we are spending our energy on what matters

12:12

most in this season and maybe it's not

12:14

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12:17

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three, the last reason I'm gonna

16:32

share that minimalism is not really

16:34

working for me right now is

16:36

that I am still not an

16:38

organized person despite my very best

16:40

efforts and despite what I've believed

16:43

and the ways that I can

16:45

change. I was actually diagnosed with

16:47

ADHD just last year and it

16:49

all makes sense now. It's just

16:51

like, it's just not the way

16:53

my brain works and physical organization

16:55

has always been so difficult for

16:57

me. And it still is. It's

16:59

actually worse because I'm busier and

17:01

I'm more on my plate and

17:04

sometimes that really like hurts me.

17:06

It is so frustrating. It

17:08

feels hopeless and helpless. But in

17:10

those moments where I feel really frustrated

17:12

with it, I just lean on

17:14

acceptance of like who I am and

17:16

my strengths and weaknesses. And I

17:18

think that's okay. Like it's not that

17:21

we can't grow and change. Like

17:23

there are ways that I've grown in

17:25

this area, but also ways that

17:27

I've backslid whenever life gets busy. And

17:30

I don't know if this episode is

17:32

for any other reason than to just

17:34

say it's okay to accept your situation.

17:36

and like we could still strive for

17:39

better but sometimes like better is not

17:41

in the cards right now and for

17:43

me like better with organization it's just

17:45

not it's not in the cards right

17:47

now in this season and I know

17:49

the saying goes that you can't organize

17:51

clutter so like clutter should be the

17:54

only problem and once you have less

17:56

clutter you can just organize it and

17:58

everything's gonna be great but what if

18:00

you do not have the organizational bone

18:02

in your body Any

18:04

stuff that I have like it becomes clutter

18:06

because it is not organized not because

18:08

it's too much stuff Of course if there's

18:10

too much stuff, it's just gonna be

18:12

more clutter But I guess depending on your

18:14

definition of clutter But like for me

18:16

if something does not have a home or

18:18

if it's not in its home it

18:21

looks like clutter and a lot of my

18:23

stuff is not in its home even

18:25

if it has a home because I struggle

18:27

with organization and that is the end

18:29

of that honestly like I find that the

18:31

aesthetics of minimalism isn't really just about

18:33

having less stuff it's about having that stuff

18:35

like organized in a nice looking way

18:37

and I just cannot reach that goal without

18:39

plenty of struggle and even if I

18:41

try to struggle through I still struggle to

18:43

reach it maybe I'm being too honest

18:45

about that but I

18:47

will admit this. When I first looked

18:49

around our house and felt that feeling

18:51

of like, wow, this does not even

18:54

look like what I think minimalist should

18:56

look like. I started to feel bad

18:58

about myself, especially because I feel like

19:00

I am the culprit in a lot

19:02

of ways. Like, yes, my kids are

19:04

the first reason because they make messes,

19:06

but I am also the culprit because

19:08

I struggle to organize things and manage

19:11

stuff, but... Why

19:13

would we want to live that way?

19:15

Why would we want to live in a

19:17

way where we're just going to like

19:19

criticize ourselves every day? Where we're going to

19:21

look around our homes and just feel

19:23

bad about ourselves because we can't reach this

19:25

goal in our heads that like for

19:27

me I have to question why? Why is

19:30

that goal really there? And when we

19:32

think about like the purposes of minimalism, of

19:34

course, yes Like it is much cozier

19:36

to be in a less cluttered home It

19:38

does help our brains to focus to

19:40

be in a less cluttered home at least

19:42

for many of us and those things

19:44

are all good But for me, the biggest

19:46

goal of minimalism is so that I

19:48

can focus on what matters most. And what

19:50

I've realized is that I could believe

19:52

that I have to have a fully uncluttered

19:54

home, a very minimal -ish home, to be

19:57

able to focus on what matters. But

19:59

I don't think that's the case. I think

20:01

for me, minimal -ish is about more than

20:03

the stuff in my house and the

20:05

way that my home looks. It's also about

20:10

how I use my time and what

20:12

I clutter up my schedule with and sometimes

20:14

the clutter might be aiming for minimalism.

20:16

Like that could be clutter in your day

20:18

if it is drawing away from what

20:20

matters most. If I'm getting hung up on

20:22

how my house looks cluttered and I

20:25

feel bad about it and I feel wrong

20:27

about it and I'm just going to

20:29

spend all of my time decluttering it and

20:31

then I'm going to keep spinning that

20:33

wheel because my kids keep making messes

20:35

and because I struggle with organization so I'm

20:37

gonna keep spinning that wheel so that

20:40

I can reach this goal that is not

20:42

actually very attainable for me. Am I

20:44

really focusing on what matters? And the answer

20:46

is a big no for that. That

20:48

is not productive so I am moving forward.

20:50

I I do want to take action

20:52

looking around my home and feeling like this

20:55

is not minimalist at all. Like I

20:57

don't love it. It does feel distracting in

20:59

some ways. Like there are good things

21:01

about having a more minimalist home. So I

21:03

am taking action. I am moving forward

21:05

and I want to share the ways that

21:07

I'm doing that because I hope that

21:10

if you are feeling the same, I hope

21:12

that this episode has helped you a

21:14

lot with like acceptance and maybe like

21:16

being able to breathe and like. I don't

21:18

know, take a deep breath and just

21:20

let go a little bit. But I also

21:22

hope that as I share these few

21:25

things, they will help you take a little

21:27

bit of action as well and get

21:29

yourself to a place where you feel better

21:31

in your home. So for us, we

21:33

are slowly decluttering. Like it is becoming a

21:35

side project, a side focus. not

21:38

the first thing. It's not like we need

21:40

to start from scratch and declutter our whole homes

21:42

again, but it is a side project now

21:44

and we're going to make progress when we can,

21:46

when we have the space and time. And

21:48

now that can feel like how are you ever

21:51

gonna do it if you just say, oh,

21:53

I'll do it when I have time. But no,

21:55

I'm gonna share a strategy for that in

21:57

a second. Okay, so first thing is we're making

21:59

it a side project and we are focusing

22:01

on it, but it's not like the first thing.

22:03

It's just something we are going to do

22:05

slowly with small spaces as we have time. Second

22:07

thing we're going to do about it is

22:10

we're not going to make this about ourselves. Like

22:12

I'm not gonna make this mean something about

22:14

who I am. I'm not going to feel bad

22:16

about myself for it. I'm not going to

22:18

make it part of my identity that my house

22:20

is a mess and I'm now like a

22:22

terrible person and I just can't get it together.

22:24

Like that is really easy for me to

22:27

go there. I'm not gonna do that and neither

22:29

are you. We're not going to make a

22:31

little bit of clutter, say something about our goodness

22:33

as a human and about who we are

22:35

as a person. The third thing is we're going

22:37

to keep the things that matter at the

22:39

forefront. I already kind of

22:41

shared about this, but for me minimalism has

22:43

become about getting rid of the distractions

22:45

to make room for what matters most. I

22:47

think that is the best definition of

22:49

minimalism for me and what it means to

22:51

me. But what if minimalism is becoming

22:53

the distraction? I know it sounds silly, but

22:55

if we're focused on having this perfectly

22:57

tidy home, even in the midst of a

22:59

busy life and wild, messy kids, what

23:01

is the point? If it's stressing us out,

23:03

what is the point? It seems like

23:05

it is the opposite of the point if

23:08

it's stressing us out to try to

23:10

strive for this. And I'm not saying that

23:12

we forget about it, but we put

23:14

it back in its place. If you are

23:16

in a season where home management is

23:18

a little less of a priority or a

23:20

little less of an option because things

23:22

are busy, okay, that's

23:24

fine. Keep focusing on first

23:26

things first and get to the

23:28

home management stuff, the decluttering

23:30

when you can. But

23:32

on the flip side, if we don't want

23:34

our homes to stay this way, If

23:36

we don't want them to keep spiraling

23:38

worse and worse, and we're too busy

23:40

to deal with a clutter that has popped

23:42

up, then we're never going to make any progress.

23:44

So I think we also need to know

23:47

that we're never too busy. There's

23:50

a chance that we are busy enough

23:52

for things to get a little more

23:54

out of control than the past, but

23:56

we're never too busy to make a

23:58

little bit of progress. So again, I mentioned

24:00

the side project. Let me give you

24:03

a little strategy on making decluttering your side

24:05

project. It's not the first thing you're

24:07

thinking of. For whatever reason, like in this

24:09

season, it is not your first thing.

24:11

You have other important things to attend

24:13

to. But maybe you make a list of

24:15

the things that need. Attending to in

24:18

your house you put it on your fridge

24:20

and maybe you come across 45 minutes

24:22

on a Sunday Well, your plan is when

24:24

you find those pockets of time to

24:26

go to that list You go to

24:28

that list and you knock something out and

24:30

knock something off the list and you

24:32

make some progress So really in the end

24:35

minimalism is not working for me right

24:37

now because it is important but it's not

24:39

the most important thing. And in this

24:41

season, there are a lot more things

24:43

that are more important than minimalism. If it's

24:45

not a focus for me, if minimalism

24:47

is not the focus, things get a little

24:50

wild around here because of our season

24:52

of life with kids and responsibilities and, I

24:54

mean, my lack of organizational skills. I

24:56

realize that in this season, I have

24:58

had to define, like, how much I care.

25:00

How much do I really care about

25:02

my home looking minimalist? And when

25:04

I think about it, when I really think

25:06

about how much it matters, I realize that

25:08

it is a helpful tool, but it's okay

25:11

if it is something that I'm far from

25:13

following perfectly. I'll choose a little mess versus

25:15

stressing over having a perfectly uncluttered home. When

25:17

I look at my home right now, it

25:19

is not perfectly uncluttered. I think I made

25:21

that clear. Like there are some areas that

25:23

feel minimalist like our living room. It's pretty

25:25

easy to reset that each day. I mean,

25:27

you could walk into a train wreck in

25:29

there because my kids play in there, but

25:31

it's easy to reset that space. But our

25:33

bathroom closet, that's far from minimalist. That is

25:36

a mess, and that is all my fault.

25:38

Like, I just cannot get that thing organized.

25:41

Our playroom is a mess too, but I

25:43

wouldn't say that it's not minimalist. Like, when

25:45

I look around, I'm like, I mean, this

25:47

is a normal amount of toys. I don't

25:49

feel that this is an excessive amount of

25:51

toys. But it's not

25:53

organized and it you know my kids

25:55

play in here and they make

25:57

messes Oftentimes I try to get

25:59

them to clean it up, but that doesn't

26:02

mean it always gets done. They go

26:04

from one thing to another and I'm not

26:06

following them around barking orders at them

26:08

to clean up every little mess. My wardrobe

26:10

is also teetering on the edge of

26:12

getting less minimal -ish because my body's been

26:14

changing a lot and I've had to buy

26:16

new things that fit me. It's all

26:18

an ebb and flow, really. But that's okay

26:20

because I remind myself that it's about

26:22

making room for what matters and right now

26:24

I'm definitely focused on what matters. Minimalism

26:26

has helped me get to that point, but

26:28

it's also become a distraction from it

26:31

at times. So

26:33

my goal at this point is to

26:35

keep working towards what my version of

26:37

minimalish looks like, keeping what matters as

26:39

the focus and remembering that it's okay

26:41

for it to look different in every

26:43

season. I hope that this reflection and

26:46

this episode has helped you kind of

26:48

feel the same way. It's helped you

26:50

reflect on what realistically does minimalism or

26:52

minimalish look like for you in this

26:54

season, and can you? find a

26:56

way to accept that. Can you

26:58

find a way to move yourself, feel

27:00

okay with it and not feel

27:02

bad about yourself before it? I hope

27:04

you enjoyed this episode and if

27:06

you did, I would appreciate it so

27:08

much if you would share it

27:10

with a friend or share it on

27:12

Instagram or wherever you like to

27:14

share things. It's always helpful when you

27:16

share the show. Thank you for

27:18

that and thank you for being here

27:20

and listening in. I will talk

27:22

to you right back here on the

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