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1:01

Hi everyone, Michael

1:03

DeAngelo is here on behalf of The Porch Room. Pete,

1:06

John, Paige and I are hard at work planning out season 5,

1:09

but while you wait for further adventures of Skip

1:11

and Company, we thought you might enjoy something new.

1:14

Oops All Bards is an actual

1:16

play tabletop comedy adventure created

1:19

by Mission Rejected's Jill Ivey and

1:21

featuring some very familiar

1:23

voices in the cast.

1:25

Join this unlikely team of heroes, each

1:27

with a unique twist on the bardic arts, as

1:30

they embark on an epic quest that's anything

1:32

but ordinary.

1:33

With songs, spells and a dash of slapstick,

1:37

our bards prove that sometimes the best

1:39

way to save the day is with a well-timed

1:41

ballot

1:42

and a little bit of luck. So grab your

1:44

loot, settle in and prepare for a symphony

1:46

of laughter, drama and unforgettable

1:48

tales as The Porch Room presents

1:51

Oops

1:52

All Bards.

1:57

You wanted monsters all slain

1:59

by their betters But you ain't seen

2:01

nothing like arts and letters.

2:04

Look who has answered the cry

2:06

of distress. Won't

2:08

take far birds, more than a mass.

2:13

You think we're a joke, but in truth we're

2:15

all in. We fight like

2:17

we learned in books, cause we did.

2:20

We all survived college with charisma,

2:23

impressive. Oops, it's all bards,

2:25

and yes, it's excessive. If

2:30

you're still confused, we'll explain

2:32

to you thus. There's nobody left,

2:34

so that's why they call us. We'll

2:37

fight or we'll otherwise roll

2:39

for successes. Oops, it's

2:41

all bards, we hope that addresses

2:44

all that you have to know to enjoy

2:47

listening to our all-bard party

2:49

sent off on a mission. How will

2:52

it go? Well, we're sure you

2:54

can guess. Oops, it's all

2:56

bards, oh, I

2:58

know mass.

3:05

Indra Karivold, your audience.

3:08

Velce and Amiel, slightly hot. Colonial

3:11

Stumps, Salubare College. Clary

3:13

Sour Cloud, Helmesh

3:16

Hall. Rucker. Jossook, go.

3:20

Banana. Hello

3:25

everyone, and welcome to the first episode of Oops,

3:27

All Bards, the actual Play D&D podcast

3:30

that does what it says on the box, which is

3:32

to say yes. You are about to hear

3:34

a campaign with an all-bard party. If

3:36

you're already a D&D player, it's either your wildest dream

3:39

or your worst nightmare. I apologize either way. If

3:42

you're not already a D&D player, I can only tell you

3:44

don't try this at home. I

3:46

am your host and game master, Jillian Ashley

3:48

Blair Ivy, but you're going to hear all of the fine folks around

3:50

the table refer to me as Jill. I've

3:54

been playing D&D for I think about six years

3:56

now, largely with the folks who are in this party.

3:59

I got really into it. though during the pandemic. I've

4:01

run several one shots but because I am

4:04

nothing if not ambitious this is actually my

4:06

first time being a GM for a full campaign

4:09

and with that said I'd like to introduce you to

4:12

the cast who decided to join me for this wild ride

4:14

so let's start with Chris.

4:16

Hi I'm Chris Kwinneke I use he him

4:18

his pronouns and I'm playing Pujchin Ruckus

4:21

that's last name first name so he goes by

4:23

Ruckus a dogfolk graduating from

4:25

the College of Sticks and Stones which is a repaint

4:27

of the Bardock College of Swords. I've

4:29

been playing D&D for six years not including

4:31

a first foray back in high school and have

4:34

been DMing a continuous homebrew campaign

4:36

since early 2019 but this is my first

4:39

time playing a Bard as a player. Hi

4:41

I'm Ann Coleman I use

4:44

she her pronouns I'll be playing

4:46

Clarice Sauerklaude who is

4:48

a halfling Bard graduating

4:50

from Talmidge Hall which is

4:53

based loosely on the College of Whispers.

4:56

I've been playing D&D since January

4:58

of 2019. Hi everyone

4:59

my name is Ashley Banks

5:02

pronouns she her hers I am playing

5:04

Belle Sernamio who is an Asamar

5:06

Bard graduating from Flatley

5:08

Hall which is a recoloring

5:12

of the College of Dance. I've been

5:14

playing D&D for over a decade

5:17

and very excited to expose

5:20

the larger world to all of my

5:22

antics.

5:22

Hi I'm Ross Khari he him

5:25

I'm playing Andrik Harrowhold also he

5:27

him. Andrik is a hobgoblin graduating

5:30

from Yirate Hall the build

5:32

is based on the College of Tragedy Bard

5:34

from the Tal Dore Reborn campaign

5:37

setting and I've been playing D&D

5:39

since the Halcyon days of second edition

5:42

for about 25 years.

5:45

I'm Bob Killian I am playing Keelonian

5:48

Stumps a tortle Bard from

5:50

the College of Sluver. Sluver

5:52

focuses on medicine and

5:55

I've been playing D&D since college

5:58

sort of off and on I've run a few games I've

6:00

played a few games and

6:03

Ross you mentioned version 2 I don't go quite

6:05

that far back but I go back to version 3.5. And

6:08

we all skipped fourth edition. Yes that's correct.

6:12

And then also joining us at our table is

6:14

our producer Nate Runkle. You're not going to hear

6:16

from Nate a lot except that you are actually going to

6:18

hear from Nate a whole lot because everything

6:20

that you listen to will be touched by Nate's

6:22

work. And now that

6:24

we have all of that squared away I invite you to sit

6:27

back, relax and let this absolutely

6:29

ridiculous adventure begin.

6:35

It's a beautiful morning in Shalomir.

6:38

The lakeside capital city of Urvara is bustling.

6:41

Today is a big day.

6:43

It's graduation day at the Shalomir University

6:45

of the Magical and Martial Arts aka

6:47

Mage and Marshall, the country's national

6:50

university.

6:51

This is where some of the most notable figures of Urvara's

6:53

long history spent four or more formative years

6:56

attending lectures by some of the country's preeminent

6:58

scholars, wandering the long hallways,

7:01

sending sunny Saturdays in the botanical

7:03

gardens and rainy Tuesdays in the beautiful

7:05

wood paneled libraries where fairies split about

7:08

capturing and sometimes consuming the insects

7:10

that threaten the ancient homes.

7:12

But today it's not just Mage and

7:14

Marshall's commencement is being celebrated. Thirty

7:17

years ago to this day the university

7:20

was the location of the official end of

7:22

the cruel regime of Phineas Malvo, the

7:24

autocrat who held Urvara in his grip for

7:27

half a century.

7:28

The people's victory was made official here

7:31

on the steps of the monument to knowledge, this

7:33

grand, ruthless colonnade overlooking

7:35

Lake Tannen on the edge of the Mage and Marshall

7:37

campus.

7:39

Because of its location in the capital, Mage

7:41

and Marshall's graduation is always attended by

7:43

some of the country's most powerful figures. But

7:45

with the anniversary of the revolution that ended

7:48

in this place happening concurrently, the

7:50

campus is especially full of notable and

7:52

influential Uthans.

7:54

Among these is Edia Surnamil,

7:56

the mayor of the fortified town of Jubilantia

7:59

in the western

7:59

of Uvara. Eria is not

8:02

just here to celebrate Uvara's independence or

8:04

to perform at an official capacity at graduation,

8:06

however. She is here celebrating her

8:08

great-granddaughter's eminent graduation with

8:10

brunch in the grand dining room at Flatley

8:13

Hall.

8:16

The lush red and gold draperies that cover every

8:18

wall of the Flatley Hall dining room help to dampen

8:20

the sound of the hundreds of people dining here.

8:23

The high ceilings are also draped in rich textiles,

8:25

not only muffling the celebrations happening below,

8:28

but giving the entire room the feeling of a decadent

8:30

tent.

8:31

Soon to be grads sit surrounded by their proud families

8:33

at round and rectangular tables and excitedly

8:35

discuss their post-graduation plans.

8:38

Eddie's turnomiel is seated at the very center

8:40

table, beaming at her granddaughter.

8:42

Ashley, please introduce

8:45

your character. Val is

8:48

an asymptote, but you wouldn't know that

8:50

she's not human at first glance. Like,

8:53

maybe her ears are slightly more pointed

8:55

than you'd expect. That could be just like regular

8:57

genetic variation, and anyway, most of the

8:59

time her hair is covering it. But,

9:01

you know, it's not like she has big wings

9:04

sprouting from her back or a halo perpetually

9:06

floating overhead. Her angelic

9:08

nature doesn't show in such obvious

9:10

ways, but instead it's found in the

9:13

sweetness of her smile, the

9:15

grace with which she moves her body,

9:17

the thick luster of her hair,

9:19

and

9:21

the fact that she like never

9:23

gets a blemish on her skin.

9:25

She is of average

9:27

height. She carries herself with a poise

9:30

that implies that she is both A,

9:32

a dancer, and B has

9:35

never, ever, ever been told

9:37

no by anybody who matters

9:39

in her entire life. Everything

9:44

about her is soft, so she has soft

9:46

curves all over her body, soft

9:49

curves in her hair, soft

9:51

dusting of metallic colored freckles

9:53

across her face. Her

9:56

hair is, like I said, thick wave

9:58

that tumbles around her head.

9:59

but coming to a sweaty stop

10:02

just above her shoulders.

10:04

Her skin is a white brown and her hair

10:06

is like a dark brown, but

10:09

there are chunky blonde highlights just sort

10:11

of mixed throughout.

10:12

There is a pink streak in the

10:14

back of her hair, and it's clear that she

10:17

did try to sort of cover it

10:19

up for

10:19

the sake of this special occasion, and

10:21

it wasn't going well, so she just fully

10:23

gave up. So she's owning it. She's owning

10:26

it. She's like, yes.

10:28

And a pink streak.

10:30

So we know that Belle is

10:32

here with Eddie. I was her great grandmother. Who

10:35

else is she with? Who else

10:37

isn't she with? So her entire family

10:39

has come. She's the first child to have

10:42

been born since the fall of the autocracy,

10:44

so this is a big deal. So her

10:46

parents are here. Her great grandmother is here.

10:49

Uncles, cousins, you know, anybody

10:51

who is related to her in some capacity

10:54

has definitely shown up in style.

10:56

They're ready. They're ready to celebrate. But

11:00

most importantly is, of course,

11:02

great grandma, who she just calls grandma,

11:05

because she has time for great.

11:07

Grandma, you know you're great.

11:11

And then, of course, her mom, Rita,

11:13

and her dad, Mint. And

11:15

so, yeah, they just like fully took over

11:18

a massive table in the dining hall.

11:20

There's a lot of talking

11:23

over each other. There's big hand gestures.

11:25

There is glitter

11:28

everywhere. It's, where is the

11:30

glitter coming from? Maybe, you know, some people,

11:33

they breathe and out comes

11:35

carbon dioxide, and

11:37

some people, they breathe and out comes sparkles.

11:40

It's normal. Don't question it. So

11:43

I assume you're sitting closer

11:45

to great grandma and your

11:47

mom and your dad. Yes,

11:49

so generally the family has like

11:52

a everybody's important kind of vibe,

11:54

so it's not like, oh, great grandma's always

11:56

at the head of the table, right? But in

11:58

this instance, like.

11:59

It's Belle's special day and Great Grandma

12:02

is Great Grandma, so she gets to pick where she's

12:04

sitting and she's sitting next to Belle. Okay.

12:07

So Great Grandma is going to look

12:09

over you and just like, stroke your hand. My

12:12

darling girl, you are

12:14

so beautiful. Aw,

12:16

thanks Grandma! I

12:19

just, I'm, I am just so

12:21

proud of you.

12:23

Tell me darling, what did you get up to last

12:25

night? Oh

12:27

my god, Grandma. Okay, so you

12:29

know how we have the sponsor from Fairy Powder

12:31

Plus? Well, the new

12:33

shipment just came in last night,

12:36

so me and the girls, we went out, we

12:38

had an amazing time.

12:40

We danced all night long. Um,

12:44

I don't actually remember

12:46

any of

12:49

it, but I know that we had

12:51

a great time. My

12:53

girl, if you don't remember

12:56

what happened last night,

12:57

how are your friends doing today?

13:00

Oh, well, okay, so like, I'm fine, cause

13:02

you know, Angelic! But,

13:05

I used mom's hangover cure

13:06

and like, made

13:08

it in a big batch, passed it out,

13:11

first thing this morning, everybody,

13:12

totally fine. Your mom

13:15

on hearing this

13:15

beams at you because

13:17

she's very proud of that

13:19

hangover cure that she taught you when you were very young.

13:21

Probably alarmingly young. Probably alarmingly

13:23

young. And she, she,

13:26

that's my girl, I'm, I'm so

13:29

partying like your mother, I just couldn't be happier.

13:32

Tell me, um, did you, did

13:35

you remember to make sure to include the cayenne

13:37

pepper in that hangover cure?

13:40

Roll a history check to see if you remember your

13:42

mother's recipe. Sure, let's check

13:45

it out. That is

13:47

a 16? Yeah, okay, you remember your

13:50

mom's recipe, it took you, it missed you, can you have a little

13:52

bit of it, but you remembered it. Yeah,

13:54

I'm just, I'm still, the cayenne is

13:56

just, it's just such an important part of the

13:59

recipe. No, I, I, Mom,

14:01

I totally remember the cayenne pepper. I

14:04

remembered all the steps. I remembered

14:06

to like spin it three times in one direction

14:08

and the fourth time in the other direction. And

14:11

just to make sure everybody's breath was extra fresh,

14:13

I added a little bit of parsley.

14:16

Parsley? Yeah.

14:18

You know that parsley causes

14:21

bloating in this recipe. Ah,

14:24

yeah, of course I

14:27

knew that. There's

14:29

a reception check. Sure, okay. I

14:35

have 17 plus four.

14:36

21 will definitely

14:39

get it. Your mom, your mom believes that you

14:42

know that parsley causes bloating. Yeah,

14:45

Mom, of course I know that. But

14:48

just in case I didn't

14:51

know that, what was the, you

14:53

know, not that I would

14:55

ever make that mistake, but what was the

14:57

solution for that? For

15:00

bloating?

15:01

Yeah, with parsley specifically.

15:04

It's water. It's just water. You

15:07

know this.

15:07

Yeah, I, you know,

15:10

just, ah, all the crispy

15:12

powder. Yeah, definitely knew

15:14

that. Yes, great. Yeah, so

15:16

like I gave it to them and I was like,

15:17

drink that just later. And

15:19

Belle is going to take out like a piece, like

15:22

a napkin and she's just going to write, I

15:24

don't know where she pulled it from, but she has like one of these

15:27

pink glitter gel pens with like the big feather

15:29

on it. And she's going to write in super bubbly

15:31

handwriting, like water

15:34

now.

15:34

And it's going to be like the

15:37

cutest sparkliest handwriting. And it just,

15:39

the now is underline, underline, underline,

15:41

exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark. And

15:45

I assume that like there's,

15:48

there's servers, but also just wherever grandma

15:50

is, there's unseen servants just like

15:52

around. So Belle's just going to be like, I'll

15:56

get this to Brittany right now, please. Thank

15:58

you.

15:59

leave your hand and just kind of like float across

16:02

the room. Yeah.

16:03

And do you also

16:05

need to be drinking water for this? I

16:07

think I think no because I have like

16:10

the angelic I probably didn't need

16:12

the hangover cure. That's

16:15

my, but you know what yeah

16:17

I think no now that you say it Belle

16:20

definitely took the cure just to be extra

16:22

safe because like the big performance was today

16:25

and then she's like and

16:27

now to be extra extra extra

16:29

safe I'm going to be so

16:32

hydrated. So you're

16:35

you're you're drinking some water and

16:39

your little nose is floated away. Meanwhile your

16:41

your father Mint your dad? Mint.

16:44

Mint is sitting at the table

16:46

on the other side of you and you've

16:48

all ordered but because

16:51

you have such a large party and because the dining room is so

16:53

very busy your

16:55

food hasn't arrived yet and

16:57

your dad is looking around the room and he's

16:59

just like checking out what everybody else

17:01

in the room is eating and doing that thing where like

17:03

oh I could have ordered that. Plate envy.

17:06

Clearly yeah big plate envy but

17:08

also just like hungry. Your dad

17:11

is he's not a big guy

17:13

he has he just has a really fast metabolism he

17:15

is you you don't remember

17:17

very many times in your life where he didn't have like

17:19

a snack in his pocket. He's got

17:22

like a little icebox under his desk where he

17:24

can keep his snacks and stuff. So like when

17:26

she was growing up like Mint always

17:28

had treats for her and she was like oh my

17:30

god this is the best and then she got older and realized

17:32

that the treats were not for her. Yeah

17:35

exactly so so he's looking around

17:38

and his eyes land on a plate

17:40

of grapes which are one of his favorite foods

17:42

and he's going to point

17:45

at the dish across the room and wait

17:47

until the people at that table seem distracted and then

17:49

he's just going to have a cluster of grapes

17:52

kind of levitate across the room

17:54

and land on his plate.

17:57

Have you seen your dad do things like this before?

18:00

Oh yeah, this is very normal and she's probably

18:02

gonna be like,

18:03

dad! Like...

18:05

And he's gonna shove a handful of

18:07

grapes in his mouth.

18:09

Like, is there a way nobody saw me? Right?

18:13

Nobody saw me? Yes.

18:17

I guess. And she's gonna reach over and like

18:19

take up grapes, because like, he already stole

18:21

them, so... And he's gonna like, wink

18:23

at you while you do that.

18:25

So tell me, Belle, um,

18:27

how are the plans for the festival going?

18:29

Oh, um, they're going super

18:31

good. So, I don't know if you got the confirmation last week, but

18:34

third, my spline is confirmed.

18:37

They're going to be performing. I do remember

18:39

seeing something about that. He's like just shoving grapes

18:42

in his mouth. But I don't, I'm not really familiar

18:44

with that band. Could you, um, could you tell me a little

18:46

bit what they're like, so we can figure out where to put them on the line

18:48

up? Oh my god, they're so good. They're like

18:50

three mouse folk, right? And they

18:53

come out and they like come on stage and they're like, oh, we

18:55

can't see anything. We're our instruments.

18:58

But then they're like,

18:59

whoa, we know exactly where our instruments

19:01

are. And then they start playing like the keyboards

19:04

with their tails and they have like this whole bit.

19:06

It's amazing. My friends love

19:08

them. Everybody's gonna love them. They're

19:10

great. It certainly sounds interesting.

19:13

Um, hold on one second.

19:16

And he's just going to like pull

19:18

his napkin up over his plate and kind

19:20

of wave his hand. And then what had been

19:23

an almost entirely bare stem

19:25

of grapes now

19:28

is full of grapes again. He

19:30

shoves another handful of grapes in his mouth. His

19:33

grapes have multiplied. And, and

19:36

after that, so, um, I

19:38

know that booking the whole festival is not on you, but

19:40

you did say that you wanted to like have a big

19:43

part in this this year. So, uh, who else

19:45

have you lined up? Okay. So

19:47

I don't know yet if she's going to be able to come

19:50

for the first week or the second week, but

19:53

we're going to have lizard.

19:55

Lizards!

19:58

Who? Oh my God.

19:59

I got, lizard? You

20:02

have to know lizard. Okay,

20:05

she's the one who just came out with the clothing line

20:08

that's like, for all body types, right?

20:10

Mom, come on, mom. Yeah,

20:13

of course, darling. You know,

20:16

she's the one who twerks and plays tambourine.

20:18

Yes, yes, and she does all of it, we're

20:21

all singing. It's super intense. Sounds

20:24

fascinating. Anybody

20:26

else that I should know about?

20:28

I mean, like, a whole bunch. I mean,

20:30

hold on, we have... And

20:33

then we have like the third stage. And

20:36

then there's the, I keep trying to get one

20:38

of my classmates to perform, but he's

20:40

like, oh, I don't know if it's

20:42

time for me to take the platform

20:45

when the platform should be peace or whatever.

20:47

But all together, and she starts like

20:50

adding up on her fingers, but then she runs

20:52

out of fingers and she like has this moment

20:55

where she doesn't know

20:57

what to do,

20:58

and then she just reaches to

21:01

her left where like some random aunt

21:03

or uncle is and just like picks up their hand

21:06

and starts counting on their fingers. They

21:08

don't seem to mind. And then she's

21:11

like, yeah, I think we have like 25 so far?

21:16

That's really impressive. That's like

21:19

just shoving grapes in the south. That's like

21:21

almost half of what you need for the first weekend.

21:24

Yeah, thanks. I

21:27

mean, and tell me if you want me to take this one over because I'm more

21:29

than happy to, but I know you said you

21:31

were gonna try to reach out to fall in the cart for

21:34

his people. How's that going? Oh

21:36

my God, that.

21:37

We met like

21:40

over spring break and he is

21:42

so cute. Like

21:45

really

21:46

sweet, so retro.

21:48

Retro?

21:50

Yeah,

21:51

like good retro, you know? Like when

21:53

you have a thing that's not

21:55

new. anymore.

22:00

But

22:01

like good

22:03

re- like you know that

22:05

like

22:05

your old gramophone like

22:08

it's not new but everyone

22:11

loves it. I mean I

22:14

still struggle to think that the music of my

22:16

youth is that retro

22:19

but I mean I guess I am and he

22:21

starts to do the same thing you were doing where he's like counting

22:23

on his fingers and runs out of fingers. He's like you

22:26

know what never mind. I

22:29

have another grape dad.

22:31

Great idea. Not

22:34

a grape but like another handful of grapes that just

22:36

keep replenishing themselves on a

22:38

plate. Shoves another handful of grapes in his mouth.

22:41

I'm very proud of you Val. You

22:44

are a very impressive young woman. Thank

22:47

you. Oh dad. So

22:51

you're gonna kind of like do the little side hug

22:53

and lean over to him and as

22:55

you're doing that your food

22:58

is arriving.

22:59

What did Belle order? Okay

23:03

so after everybody knows after

23:05

a long night of partying you need

23:08

carbs. So she has a whole stack of

23:10

waffles. There is more syrup

23:12

on it than waffles and she's like adding more syrup

23:14

as she goes. She also has ordered

23:17

a lot of leafy greens with

23:19

like an absurd amount of nuts and berries

23:22

and like every trendy superfood

23:24

that you can imagine all combined

23:27

into just like this nightmare salad

23:30

on top of

23:32

the waffles

23:33

and then just to be sure it goes down

23:36

easy there's definitely powdered

23:38

sugar on top of all of it. So

23:40

a stack of waffles. Yeah. A stack

23:42

of leafy greens. Yeah.

23:44

Nuts, berries, seeds, etc.

23:47

All the superfoods. Powdered sugar. Yeah.

23:50

That sounds horrific.

23:53

And at the same time your

23:55

grandmother looks at your plate, picks

23:57

up a fork and just like puts a fork right in the middle.

24:00

in the middle of your plate. Yes,

24:03

Grandma, yes. Your mother and father are

24:05

aghast at this. As much as your father loves

24:07

food, this... This is

24:09

taking all the things he loves and making

24:12

it an abomination. So Grandma

24:14

takes it. She's like, Grandma probably introduced

24:17

you to this style of eating, yeah? Oh, 100%. Yeah,

24:20

but Mom and Dad are just aghast. Actually,

24:24

roll me a perception check. That

24:29

is a nat 1. Oh,

24:31

God. Getting the bad rolls out

24:34

early. Yeah, you know it. Okay,

24:37

so... First nat 1 in the game, right? First

24:39

nat 1 of the campaign. Yeah!

24:42

Yeah, nobody else has had a chance to roll one yet.

24:45

You were first. So,

24:48

what you don't notice is that the room

24:50

is starting to empty and it's getting quieter.

24:54

Instead, you just keep

24:56

digging into your

24:58

plate of food. Oh yeah, you know what

25:00

I'm saying? Dad, you really need to try this. It's

25:03

so wrong. Dad

25:06

looks at you, like,

25:07

you know what? I

25:10

know good. It's like the first

25:12

time you've ever heard your father turn down food.

25:15

Doll takes her personally. She's

25:18

like, she stops, she's like, ooh, no.

25:21

She's like, sit some water. I

25:24

mean it. Like, have

25:26

I ever feared you wrong? No, I've not. Try

25:30

something. I

25:32

think that's going to require a

25:33

persuasion check. Alright.

25:37

That is 17 plus 5.

25:38

So, 22.

25:43

Yeah, that's definitely going to be enough.

25:46

Eat it.

25:47

So, dad is going to, tentatively,

25:50

kind of reach his

25:51

fork out onto your plate. And

25:53

he's going to,

25:54

like, stare at it as it's coming

25:56

toward his mouth. Like, he can't believe that he's going to do

25:58

this. Like, this is a man who... loves food

26:00

and this seems to be this

26:03

is this is anathema to everything he believes

26:05

in like he loves food so much and

26:07

this is this is a travesty um

26:11

but still like he said he would try

26:13

it and he's gonna

26:16

pinch his nose shut and put

26:18

the fork in his mouth and like give it a couple

26:20

of chews

26:23

and like unpinch his nose because when you have

26:25

your nose pinched out it affects like how things taste he's

26:28

gonna unpinch it to be like is that actually

26:30

as good as what i think i'm casing he's

26:32

gonna unpinch his nose huh

26:35

huh that's

26:38

actually delicious i have

26:41

to imagine that both belle

26:42

and her grandmother are like leaning

26:45

forward in their seats like ah

26:47

ah you're

26:49

right belle

26:50

yes and instead of

26:52

reaching on to like to take

26:55

another fork full off of your plate again he's going to like

26:57

magic some of the food off of your plate

26:59

and onto his so

27:02

the the room has completely emptied

27:04

out the servers aren't even like coming around

27:07

to check on you

27:07

to bring more food not that we even notice

27:10

because

27:11

my dad just keeps refilling everything

27:14

he just keeps refilling the food um

27:17

at some point a check floats onto the table

27:20

with that nat one you don't notice the check oh

27:22

no we're all just we're eating we're talking

27:25

we're gesticulating we're glittering so so after

27:29

check is in the table for several minutes

27:31

now and the doors fly open and

27:34

britney is going to come just breathing

27:37

in um we're

27:39

running very very late

27:41

what are you what are you doing we're supposed to be dancing

27:43

on the stage at graduation in four and a half

27:46

minutes

27:48

uh what

27:50

dancing

27:52

graduation four and a half

27:54

minutes

27:56

okay okay um sure

27:58

and she's just gonna like

27:59

finish the, like, mouth- like

28:02

the forkful that she has and things. I'm gonna do- Mom?

28:05

Dad? Grandma? I love you. I

28:07

love you. I guys are all byeeeeeee! And

28:09

as you start to stand up, your family's gonna reach

28:12

up for your arms and like-

28:13

Wait, Belle- Belle! Um, where-

28:16

where are we supposed to sit today?

28:19

Um...

28:20

Uh, she just like swallows and she's

28:22

like,

28:23

I don't know, I like-

28:25

You're a fancy person, so probably near the

28:27

front, like, I don't know, they're gonna put your names on the

28:29

chairs or something. What happens

28:32

if there aren't enough seats for all of us? Then you

28:34

go to the other seats for all the regular

28:36

people, or I guess, you're-

28:39

you're fine, you're fine, you're fine, I gotta go, I love

28:41

you, I love you, bye! And

28:42

then your father is going to reach up and hold

28:45

you,

28:45

but then he's like, Wait,

28:46

when are you talking to Paul McArpfridge people?

28:50

Did they tell you about- Dad, I have to go!

28:54

Oh, yeah, I love

28:56

you, I'm very proud of you,

28:58

we'll see you back here for dinner after graduation.

29:01

Kiss, kiss, kiss, bye bye, mwah! She's like, like

29:03

doing air kisses, and she

29:05

just like turns around, and as she's

29:07

like air kissing, she's backing away

29:09

so that people can stop grabbing her arm and then she turns

29:11

around and sprints

29:12

out of the room.

29:18

Across the cobblestone square from Flatley Hall,

29:20

things are unusually quiet at enchanted grounds.

29:23

The normally bustling coffee shop known for

29:25

its strong brews and weekly open mic nights.

29:28

Enchanted grounds occupies an oligarchy-era

29:30

building. Impressively square, clad

29:32

in slabs of gray stone on the outside

29:34

and white brick on the inside. To soften

29:37

the severity of the space, the owners of

29:39

enchanted grounds have filled it with color and texture.

29:42

Overstuffed velvet sofas and bright jewel tones

29:44

and nest-like chairs are clustered around tables

29:46

built to be the perfect height for the seats

29:48

surrounding them. The walls are

29:50

hung with both vintage tapestries and new art

29:53

by Maygen Marshall students, and a wood-burning

29:55

stove in the corner has been enchanted to keep

29:57

the room at the perfect temperature no matter the size

29:59

of the room.

30:01

Behind an ornately carved wooden counter

30:03

standing on several overturned milk crates,

30:05

a young woman is scribbling in a journal.

30:09

Anne, can you please introduce your

30:11

character? So Clarice

30:14

is quite small, under three

30:16

feet tall, petite. In

30:20

sort of other species she

30:22

would be seen as a child by

30:24

her size, maybe 60 pounds wet.

30:28

She has

30:30

very dark features, eyes that are

30:33

technically brown but

30:35

look

30:36

shiny black.

30:37

Her hair

30:39

is just as dark, pinned

30:42

straight, aggressively straight. She

30:44

couldn't get it to curl if she tried. It's

30:48

in a sharp angle to cut bob,

30:51

and

30:51

each of her features

30:55

seems to be fighting to look sharper,

30:59

competing to have a more

31:02

sharpened edge than

31:05

the next. Pointed chin,

31:07

anything that's soft she seems to

31:10

add

31:10

a bright color to or a dark

31:12

color. So her

31:14

lips are often covered in

31:17

dark lip liner and things to

31:19

sort of harshen her features. She

31:22

wants to look fierce. Even with

31:24

all this effort, she's somebody who

31:26

can easily blend into a crowd. She's

31:29

a bit of a social chameleon. She

31:32

likes reading the room and watching from

31:34

afar. But

31:36

she also could have easily been a child pickpocket

31:39

had she been born into a different life. She

31:43

is

31:44

very sarcastic.

31:47

Her voice is clearly an

31:49

intentional affect, not

31:51

how she was raised to speak, nor

31:54

is it how she would talk in her sleep. She

31:59

is...

31:59

feminine in her

32:02

body, but enjoys

32:05

contrast just as the

32:07

colors and angles of her

32:09

intentional appearance show off.

32:11

And so she likes

32:13

to be a little tougher

32:16

than is necessary, a little bit harsher

32:18

with her jokes than the situation

32:21

calls for. She

32:24

doesn't say much when

32:26

she first encounters people, but she

32:28

does like to play a little game with herself

32:30

when folks enter the coffee shop of

32:33

trying to guess their order before they make

32:35

it.

32:37

So because the coffee shop is so empty, there's

32:39

nobody in there right now, and Clarice

32:42

is writing in her journal. What

32:44

is she writing? Clarice is

32:46

in the middle of a pro and con list

32:48

about whether or not she

32:50

should continue

32:52

with her plans to join the party

32:55

that she's

32:55

been planning to join. Clarice

32:59

has a lot of thoughts and

33:02

very little feeling when it comes to what her

33:04

next steps are. She's

33:05

sort of lost track of her gut because

33:08

she's had so many conversations

33:10

and so many people trying to influence

33:12

and change

33:12

her thinking. Right now

33:15

her plan is to go adventuring

33:17

for a couple years to

33:20

get to know her and

33:22

to live as

33:24

her

33:25

own person, not under the shadow of

33:27

her parents.

33:29

But as she writes these pro and con

33:31

lists, you can see she's organized

33:34

it into four columns, one

33:37

for each of the political parties

33:39

of the nation, and one for...

33:42

I'm completely

33:44

in front of the top. Douglas

33:49

is one of many who found a new life through

33:51

Seattle's Union Gospel Mission. I was

33:53

living on the streets when I heard this guy talk

33:55

about how he got clean and sober at

33:58

the mission, so I decided to get to know him. it

34:00

a try. I could feel something working

34:02

inside of me and I knew I was getting

34:04

better. Today, my number one goal

34:07

is to stay clean and sober. And

34:09

grace will

34:12

lead me home.

34:14

To hear more, volunteer or donate,

34:16

visit ugm.org. Well,

34:18

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35:18

The Enchanted Grounds owner, who

35:21

is a kobold named Strung

35:23

Brew Chaser, comes out from

35:25

the back of the coffee shop. She

35:29

is tall only by the standards of Clarice. She

35:32

is loud and boisterous

35:35

and has been a very kind boss to Clarice

35:37

and often tries to get Clarice to open up to

35:39

her, but Clarice

35:41

has not yet really revealed

35:44

much of who she is to Strung.

35:47

Strung stops as she walks into the

35:49

front

35:50

part of the coffee shop and almost seems startled

35:52

to see Clarice there. Clarice,

35:54

I forgot that you were here today.

35:59

Yeah,

36:02

I mean, I really

36:04

appreciate your offering double over

36:07

time, so I'm in. Well

36:09

yes, I mean, nobody ever wants to work on graduation.

36:12

I was very surprised to learn that you

36:14

wanted to work on graduation, seeing it as

36:16

it's your graduation year.

36:17

Yeah, I mean,

36:20

it's no big deal. I'm happy to be

36:22

here, and like, it's so nice

36:24

when it's quiet in here, and you can just

36:27

think, you know?

36:29

Um, I mean, I don't really

36:31

like when it's quiet in here because it's my business,

36:33

and I need the business to be doing well,

36:34

but if you like the quiet, it's fine. Um,

36:38

are you quite

36:39

sure that you're okay with missing out

36:41

on your graduation?

36:42

Oh yeah, I mean, my parents

36:45

aren't even there. Like, I told them not to

36:47

come. It's fine, and obviously,

36:49

like, I want to make

36:51

that money. Yeah,

36:55

because I do pay quite generously

36:57

here. You're the best. Aren't you

37:00

concerned about missing out on this memory?

37:03

Nah, I mean, what are

37:05

they gonna have, like, five politicians

37:07

giving pompous speeches

37:10

up there? We've heard it all. It's not like they're gonna

37:12

say something new. But what

37:14

about your friends? What about just celebrating

37:16

your last four years? This is quite an accomplishment. Oh,

37:20

you're so sweet. Um,

37:22

no, it's not. It's not an accomplishment.

37:25

No,

37:25

but it really is.

37:28

I... That

37:31

looks... I think...

37:34

Yes, that is the appropriate response here.

37:37

You're welcome. If you don't need

37:39

me for anything, I'm going to head to graduation

37:41

myself. My niece is graduating today. I'm

37:44

just gonna grab my purse in the back, and I'll walk

37:46

out the back door, so, um,

37:49

enjoy the quiet, I guess?

37:51

Thank you. It's

37:52

the best. But, like, if

37:54

anybody comes in, I promise I'll, like,

37:56

upsell some pastry.

37:58

Okay. Thank you. Thank

38:01

you, Clarice. Do you have a nice day? You

38:03

too.

38:04

So, Strung turns

38:07

and walks out. You hear her footsteps

38:09

receding, pausing while she grabs

38:11

her things from the back and then continuing

38:14

out

38:14

the back door. Once

38:15

you're sure she's gone, you notice that

38:17

there was a letter that she had put

38:20

on the counter addressed to you. Deliver

38:22

to the coffee shop, not delivered to your

38:24

dormitory.

38:26

Do you open the letter?

38:28

Yes, but I

38:30

first get a little bit of water bubbling,

38:34

uh, heat up just in the tea kettle, and

38:37

I'm gonna steam it open just

38:39

in case I need to reseal it.

38:41

Okay, um,

38:43

why don't you roll a... tell

38:46

that a performance check. That

38:51

is a fourteen.

38:54

You get it about three

38:56

quarters of the way, seemed

38:58

open, and then,

39:01

just as you're getting to that last couple of

39:03

inches, your finger flips and you bam

39:05

it. You rip the corner. Whatever,

39:08

it's fine. Alright, so you have this

39:10

letter.

39:12

You open it, and you recognize

39:14

your mother's handwriting.

39:19

I begin to read. Sign,

39:22

namely. That's I go. I

39:47

do know how your father and I generally shook formal

39:49

ceremonies. I understand that

39:51

Gideon Stormcrawler is the Commencement speaker this year.

39:54

He called on your father last time he was in Plata Sima,

39:56

and he really is a lovely man, even if

39:58

I don't see eye to eye with him on.

40:00

Well, most things, really. Your

40:02

father says to tell him hello if you have the opportunity,

40:05

but I don't suppose he will, seeing as you're probably

40:07

shirking the graduation proceedings yourself. Like

40:10

parents, like daughter, I suppose.

40:12

And on that note, darling, your father

40:14

and I were wondering whether you had yet decided

40:16

whether you were clerking with me for the greens or

40:18

with your father for the violets when you return to Platistema

40:21

and start clerking at the Vosporo Group. We

40:23

don't want to put any pressure on you at all, and as you

40:26

know, we're quite open to you starting a third branch

40:28

if you're more interested in working with the corals, but of

40:30

course we would need to bring someone in as your supervisor

40:33

because as much as we love and trust you, we

40:35

don't think you're ready to assume operations for an entire

40:37

new division. In any case, we

40:39

want to know where to set up your desk and which clients

40:41

to assign to you, or whether we need to

40:43

start looking for a supervisor for you. After

40:46

all, you do start next week.

40:50

I hear your father calling me from the other room. I think

40:52

it's time for our spa appointment. So

40:54

that's all for now. Do write back

40:56

and let me know your thoughts when you have a moment. All

40:58

my love, MJ Busborough, Esquire.

41:01

And then that bottom part,

41:03

the signature is scratched out and the words,

41:05

Your mother, are written over the scribble, followed

41:07

by a postscript. Sorry, darling, have

41:09

it. See you next week.

41:11

Classic.

41:13

Clarice, upon reading this,

41:17

takes a deep breath, rips

41:19

a piece of paper out of her journal,

41:25

and

41:26

begins drafting

41:28

a reply.

41:30

She gets to

41:33

mom in Dear

41:35

Mom and scribbles it

41:37

out.

41:39

MJ?

41:41

No, she scribbles it out again.

41:44

As she's staring at this

41:47

piece of paper before her, she

41:50

hears the bells of the

41:52

front

41:53

door. And

41:57

a tall, elderly

41:59

half-wealthy, wearing academic robes, walks

42:02

over the counter. Do you recognize

42:04

this person? No,

42:06

no, college is not. Fortunately.

42:12

So you know that this is Dr. Sink.

42:16

Dr. Sink is

42:18

the dean at Broxton

42:20

College.

42:23

You don't really know much about Broxton

42:25

College. You've really been to yourself for

42:27

the last few years.

42:30

But although Dr. Sink is a frequent

42:32

visitor of enchanted grounds, you find yourself

42:34

unable to remember his order. Hi.

42:41

Is it? Remind

42:44

me. What can I get for you?

42:47

Darling girl, that is so kind of you to ask.

42:49

I'm running quite late. But I was hoping,

42:52

I know, I know, I know that it's springtime

42:54

and this is perhaps a tall order. And

42:56

again, I am running quite late. So tell me if this is not

42:58

possible. And we'll figure something else out. But

43:00

I would like to have a major wintery mix.

43:04

Are you familiar? Do you know that

43:06

one? I

43:08

think it's 18. So

43:11

you remember that this

43:13

is a cocktail, a coffee cocktail.

43:16

Because that's how it's positioned

43:18

at the.

43:20

What time of the morning is it? 5 o'clock

43:23

somewhere, right?

43:24

It's a

43:26

little bit before 10 in the morning.

43:27

Dr. Sink. You're

43:31

going to be Dr. Amy. He must know if he's elsewhere.

43:34

So it comes flooding back to you.

43:36

Oh, right. That's

43:39

why I see this man frequently. Because he always

43:41

has a little something extra that he puts into his coffee

43:43

in the mornings on his way to class. But it's actually

43:45

something different every time. Because he's worried that

43:48

he's going to perhaps be called

43:51

out on it.

43:52

So

43:54

the major wintery mix is a quadruple

43:56

espresso with a shot of caramel.

43:59

a raspberry essence to

44:01

liqueur.

44:03

This is not something that you ever have available

44:05

in this broom

44:07

because who wants a caramel

44:09

cocktail, coffee cocktail

44:11

at 10 o'clock in the morning when it's

44:14

a beautiful sunny warm day outside.

44:17

So you know that you're going to have to go

44:18

out to the back to get these

44:20

ingredients.

44:22

Clarice is going

44:25

to start brewing

44:27

some espresso, loose

44:30

pack. She knows that the best espresso

44:32

isn't incorrectly tightly packed,

44:35

which is quite processed.

44:36

So loosely packs the

44:38

espresso, loads the

44:40

misheen, and

44:42

then turns to him again and says,

44:46

now traditionally

44:49

I would put some raspberry

44:52

liqueur in there, but

44:54

I'm wondering how you would

44:56

feel if I just got a little

44:59

bit of my boss's cordial from her

45:01

office instead.

45:05

That was a natural 20 with

45:07

my modifier of 6. First

45:09

Nat 20 of the campaign.

45:11

So we've prick failed and hit

45:13

a Nat 20. All right. Nothing

45:15

else to do. Hi

45:17

everyone, time to go home. Great campaign, you know,

45:19

it's been amazing. Thank you.

45:22

Dr. Sank leans over the counter

45:24

very conspiratorially to

45:27

you and says, what

45:29

kind of cordial?

45:32

Give me just a second.

45:36

Clarice is going to put one

45:38

eye on the cash register and make sure it's

45:40

firmly closed

45:41

and then duck behind what

45:44

I imagine is like a bead

45:46

curtain. Just

45:51

around the corner. Okay. Roll

45:54

an investigation check for me.

45:59

So for a 13, you head back.

46:04

Strung's office is just

46:06

kind of off to the side.

46:09

It's not straight back. There's the storage

46:11

area and the little kitchen. And

46:15

then you've got Strung's office

46:19

behind another door. So this involves you having

46:21

to move a little bit more off to the side.

46:24

When you get in there,

46:27

you start to fish around, looking

46:30

for that hidden bottle of cordial that you know

46:32

Strung normally keeps in a

46:34

drawer

46:35

in her desk.

46:36

You don't see it there.

46:40

You walk out of the office thinking

46:42

maybe you will just have to find that raspberry

46:44

cordial, but

46:46

you can still get away with telling

46:49

Dr. Sink that it's the

46:51

special cordial. It's just not that just

46:53

raspberry liqueur that's so generic. And

46:56

as you start to walk back,

46:58

Romaine and other investigators check.

47:04

OK. With a nine, you

47:08

grab that bottle of raspberry

47:10

liqueur.

47:12

You put a hand over the label.

47:15

You begin to walk back into the coffee

47:17

shop. And we're going to stop there.

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home

48:28

on

48:55

across the alleyway from the back door of enchanted

48:57

grounds is a steep set of stone stairs

49:00

this is the entrance to Yerate Hall, one of the oldest

49:02

and most storied colleges at Magen Marshall

49:05

up the stairs across the portico and up another

49:07

flight of stairs is the Yerate Hall reading room

49:10

the room is large and the wood paneling makes it

49:12

feel dark but it is still filled with a filtered

49:15

light a southern facing stained

49:17

glass window casts violet and silver shapes

49:19

across the room's flat surfaces and

49:21

at the far end of the room colorless flames

49:23

rage in the enormous fireplace known as the

49:25

Everhart but they give off no heat.

49:28

A soul figure sits at a table at the far

49:30

end of the room

49:32

raw who

49:33

are we meeting?

49:34

Sitting over the desk is a red-skinned

49:38

young man with

49:41

pointed ears

49:43

reddish brown hair his

49:46

most

49:47

noticeable feature is

49:49

yellow eyes.

49:51

Andrew Carroll Hold is a hop

49:54

goblin. He's

49:55

the youngest of his siblings

49:58

and he's the most

49:59

like his father in appearance,

50:02

but the least like him in temperament.

50:06

On the desk you see

50:08

three coffee cups, two

50:11

of them are completely consumed, one of them is

50:13

a work in progress, and a completely

50:15

uneaten croissant. He

50:19

looks over at the gramophone

50:22

and the harpsichord

50:26

music that's coming from there stops for a

50:29

and then you see the record

50:32

levitate, flip over, and

50:35

resume on the other side.

50:37

The room smells of a

50:41

little bit of nightshade and

50:43

Andruk pours over a stack

50:46

of parchment and on the top he is writing over

50:48

and over again, Honus Rast.

50:52

And he just

50:55

keeps looking at this tone trying

50:59

to make sense of it all. What

51:01

is the tone? It is

51:04

part of the archive from

51:06

the entire university

51:08

library about the

51:11

alumnus, the alumni,

51:13

because he has a

51:14

duty to do it and he wants to make sure he does it right,

51:18

but something is frustrating him about it. That

51:21

is frustrating. We

51:24

came to this place, if not remarkable

51:27

on our own, than to do remarkable

51:29

things when we leave and

51:32

what he's reading, he's

51:35

seeing a lot of stuff that is not remarkable

51:37

about the alumni.

51:40

You'll never meet a greater adversary than your own

51:42

potential.

51:43

It's your graduation

51:46

day, why are you sitting in the reading room going

51:48

over this? He

51:50

constantly looks over the Ever hearth, he

51:53

looks to the longsword that hangs

51:55

there.

51:56

an

52:00

honor

52:01

and a privilege to

52:04

do what to read the role of remembrance

52:08

and he wants to do right by these names but

52:10

is frustrated or

52:13

disappointed

52:15

that

52:17

this is a storied university

52:20

and yet there are

52:23

he's looking for the heroes and there aren't any

52:26

in this list. You

52:28

hear a knock on the door. Without

52:30

waiting for a response it opens.

52:33

There is a tall tabaxi,

52:36

cat-like person, humanoid,

52:39

standing there.

52:41

If we lived in this world that

52:44

we the players are in, she

52:47

would look like a black panther.

52:50

Tall and sleek and

52:53

so black that when she stands in

52:55

the shadows you don't see that she's

52:57

there except for her glowing green

52:59

eyes.

53:01

She's wearing academic robes with

53:04

a sash, the color of the urate

53:06

hall,

53:09

the sash with the colors

53:11

of urate hall. Violet

53:14

and silver.

53:14

Violet and silver. She's got a sash that

53:16

is violet and silver. This

53:19

is Dr. Burning Fire which you've always thought

53:21

was an interesting name given that one of her duties

53:23

is to be the keeper of the ever hearth. May

53:26

I come in?

53:32

You need not ask Professor Always. I

53:34

do hope I'm not interrupting. Not

53:38

at all. Only a deception check. Deception

53:44

you said? Yep. 15. She

53:47

accepts

53:48

what you said that nothing is really

53:50

bothering you

53:52

and she crosses the room

53:54

toward you to where the fireplace

53:56

is and kind

53:59

So she pushes an armchair

54:02

over toward the

54:04

fireplace.

54:06

Could you give me a hand with this?

54:08

Of course, Professor.

54:10

So she holds out her hand

54:12

for you to support

54:14

her and she steps up on the armchair and you kind

54:16

of feel the weight of her. She sinks, the armchair is

54:19

softer than she realized, but

54:21

she's pretty tall and she doesn't need

54:24

too much support to reach

54:27

up over the fireplace and

54:29

take down the sword that hangs there. Have

54:32

you seen the sword before?

54:34

I've seen it every day for the last four

54:36

years. Have

54:37

you seen it up close before?

54:39

Once. When was that? When

54:43

I was initiated.

54:45

What was the initiation process? We

54:50

came into this very room and

54:54

Professor Sheldrake held

54:56

the sword and each of us

54:59

ran our finger across it and gave

55:02

it your all.

55:03

Looking at it up close again, how do you feel?

55:08

Nervous.

55:09

It's a weird mix of pride

55:13

and anxiety for

55:16

what my role is about to be.

55:18

As Dr. Burning Fire steps

55:20

down from the armrest using

55:23

your hand for support, she's

55:27

quite close to your face and she just

55:29

kind of tilts ahead to one side and you see

55:31

those intense glowing eyes.

55:34

You seem apprehensive. I

55:38

thought we were here to do or

55:40

become remarkable. My

55:44

boy, I would argue you are remarkable. Professor,

55:50

I believe that, but no, I don't.

55:52

No, I don't. I've been reviewing

55:55

the biographies from

55:57

the archives for the role of remembrance

56:00

And there's

56:02

a tailor and

56:06

under Minister of Finance from

56:08

the autocracy, there's several

56:11

who have passed completely

56:15

after

56:16

they left, for

56:18

lack of a better word, anonymously.

56:22

What are we supposed to become?

56:26

Remarkable. I

56:29

don't see it in

56:31

the archive. People

56:36

are not remarkable.

56:39

Andric, the thing that you must

56:41

learn, the thing that you should have learned over these four

56:43

years is there are many ways

56:45

to be remarkable.

56:48

Perhaps the page is the problem. How

56:51

do you mean? These people had lives,

56:54

right? Of course. The

56:57

words on the page don't

56:59

convey it. There are

57:01

those whose stories are to be told, and

57:04

there are those who are to be anonymous.

57:07

That does not mean that all were not remarkable.

57:13

Peels off just like a little piece

57:15

of the end of the croissant from

57:19

the desk and pops in

57:22

her mouth, shoes and looks

57:24

at the, from where she removed

57:27

the sword, looks at the coat of arms that's

57:29

there. Describe it. It

57:32

is a

57:34

shield, gray field with

57:37

a tome. There's

57:39

a skull on it with vines

57:42

and flowers growing out of the

57:44

eye socket. And the crest

57:47

is a blazing sun

57:49

with a crescent moon eclipsing it.

57:53

Dr. Burning Fire gives

57:54

you a moment.

57:57

And then she says...

58:00

Are you ready for today?

58:03

As ready as I'm going to be, and

58:05

he will take the sword from her.

58:10

She lets him have the sword and

58:12

also reaches into the pocket of her gown and hands

58:14

you the official role of remembrance. What

58:16

you've been preparing with is

58:18

a copy. This one has been written by

58:21

scribes that's prepared, especially for the graduation

58:23

ceremony every year.

58:23

Got it.

58:25

You notice that she looks up to the

58:28

coat

58:28

of arms also.

58:30

Andric, I do believe

58:32

you will be remarkable.

58:35

But first,

58:37

I need to know that you are going to take extremely

58:40

good care of this sword.

58:42

It'll be an hour and then it

58:44

will be back above the hearth.

58:48

The sword has been carried by the marshals

58:50

of Yurate Hall for centuries. I

58:54

expect you to bring it back to me straight away.

58:56

Of course.

58:58

Take very, very

59:01

good care of

59:01

it. I will. Thank you, Professor. She

59:05

reaches out and gives you a little pat on the shoulder

59:07

and

59:08

walks out of the

59:10

room.

59:11

The ceremonies are beginning soon.

59:13

And then she leaves.

59:15

What do you do? You have the sword and

59:17

the scroll now. I

59:21

pick up the

59:23

long duster jacket that

59:26

is draped over the chair

59:28

at that reading desk and

59:31

throw the duster jacket on.

59:34

Tuck the scroll into the inside

59:37

pocket of it. And

59:39

then the

59:41

sheath has a leather

59:43

strap on it. And I

59:46

throw it over one shoulder,

59:48

tighten it, and take

59:53

a deep breath.

59:54

Look again at the coat of arms

59:56

and leave the room.

59:58

Roll me a perception check on your way out.

1:00:05

Not even specified, just

1:00:08

garbage.

1:00:08

That's a total of a seven.

1:00:10

Yeah, no, that's not going to be enough. All

1:00:13

right, so you start to walk out of the room

1:00:15

on your way

1:00:16

out.

1:00:19

The graduation robes of

1:00:21

all of the Urotte Hall students

1:00:24

are hanging from their doors,

1:00:27

and

1:00:28

you get to the end of the hall where your room is. What do you

1:00:30

do?

1:00:31

I give a quick knock at my own

1:00:34

room.

1:00:35

Nothing happens.

1:00:37

I grab my robe and I throw it

1:00:39

over my shoulder because I'm trying to figure

1:00:41

out how, now with the jacket

1:00:43

and the sword, I'm supposed to do this.

1:00:47

We're going to pause there, and you can figure

1:00:49

that out on your way to graduation. Got

1:00:51

it.

1:00:55

Patrick exits quickly down the stairs and across

1:00:57

the portico. Below the portico is

1:00:59

a courtyard built around a large, round lawn,

1:01:02

in the center of which sits an enchanted apple

1:01:04

tree that bears fruit all year long. If

1:01:07

you keep looking across the courtyard past the

1:01:09

tree, you'll see a short squat building that

1:01:11

seems on first appearance as if it might collapse

1:01:13

at any moment. But in truth,

1:01:15

this building has stood longer than many of the others around

1:01:17

it, and it was designed to outlast them all. This

1:01:20

is Youngham College, but most of the students at Majin

1:01:22

Marshall College? The College of Sticks and

1:01:25

Stones. Just inside the front door,

1:01:27

a lone, soon-to-be graduate sits in

1:01:29

the Youngham College foyer. Chris,

1:01:32

who are we meeting? I'm playing

1:01:34

Pujtian Ruckus. That's last name, first name,

1:01:36

so he goes by Ruckus. Ruckus is

1:01:38

a dogfolk, which is a homebrew race, just

1:01:41

part beast and part humanoid. If

1:01:43

you've ever seen a Tibetan Mastiff, you'll have a

1:01:45

good idea of what he looks like only bigger. He's

1:01:48

about five feet tall and went on all fours, and

1:01:50

about eight feet tall if he gets up on his hind legs. There's

1:01:53

a very large dogfolk who plays on Majin Marshall's

1:01:55

Bugball team. He's got darker brown fur

1:01:57

on the flank, with a beige bordering on all fours.

1:02:00

off-white tummy and a respectively medium-length,

1:02:02

poofy brown tail that usually curls back up his spine.

1:02:06

Ruckus' fur is extra-long

1:02:08

and shaggy around his shoulders, neck, and his head.

1:02:10

It's almost like a mane.

1:02:12

It covers his floppy ears, and sometimes

1:02:14

it gets in his eyes, or at least it

1:02:16

gets in the one eye that isn't covered with an eye patch

1:02:19

that he wears all the time since he was a kid. He's

1:02:22

very jowly with snow-white fangs and a large

1:02:24

pink tongue that's frequently

1:02:27

blepping out of his mouth, especially when he's

1:02:29

sleeping. Dogfolk don't usually

1:02:31

wear clothes, but in addition to the eye

1:02:33

patch that Ruckus wears, he's also taken to wearing

1:02:35

bugball pants, which are this eye-catching

1:02:38

forest green sheen, and they have a brilliant orange

1:02:40

stripe down one leg, and there's

1:02:42

also a dark olive green bycock hat

1:02:44

that he wears with a large aural feather tucked

1:02:46

gently to one side. And he's also

1:02:49

rarely seen without trusty sky-blue stinky

1:02:51

old gym sneakers that he's been wearing for years. But

1:02:54

not since he got to Major Marshall.

1:02:55

He started wearing those when he got there.

1:02:57

One more important thing I should mention about Ruckus is that while

1:02:59

he understands the common tongue, dogfolk

1:03:01

mouths are not built for common speech. So

1:03:03

instead, while he's been a Major Marshall, Ruckus

1:03:05

has begun learning how to use bork buttons,

1:03:08

which he wears on a sash across his one shoulder,

1:03:10

to help communicate with non-dogfolk. For

1:03:13

example,

1:03:14

Hello, Ruckus. You!

1:03:18

Question mark! And how

1:03:20

is Ruckus' day going?

1:03:22

I'd say it's been good.

1:03:26

Ruckus has been hanging out alone on the sitting room's

1:03:28

long wooden bench for the last few minutes. Even

1:03:30

though he knows it will be covered by his graduation

1:03:33

attire, he's currently decked right now in his bugball

1:03:35

uniform, and he's bent over carefully glistening

1:03:37

up his trusty, very smelly old sneakers.

1:03:40

He's a bit anxious, but not just because he's about to graduate,

1:03:43

also because he'll be the first dogfolk in generations

1:03:46

to graduate from Major Marshall, so he's

1:03:48

feeling a lot of pressure to be the best boy

1:03:49

he can be. Aww.

1:03:51

But it's been a pretty good morning. He's been

1:03:53

up since before dawn, starting the day with his usual

1:03:56

morning calisthenics. Okay, I have to ask, what do his

1:03:58

calisthenics look like? Oh, he's- So it's mostly

1:04:00

running around his dorm room in tight circles chasing his

1:04:02

tail.

1:04:03

And after that, he went outside to enjoy the

1:04:05

morning mist and have a pre-breakfast butterfly

1:04:07

chase

1:04:08

in the nearby field. And what does Ruckus like

1:04:10

to have for breakfast? His favorite thing to

1:04:12

have is a whole bunch of bananas.

1:04:15

And now that he's eaten his bananas,

1:04:17

now that he's gotten dressed, and now that he's gingerly nodded

1:04:20

the tip of his wooden spear to ensure that it

1:04:22

is as sharp as can be, he's going

1:04:24

to open

1:04:25

the iron doors and step outside.

1:04:28

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that's not boring.

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Laundry? A book

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top, the comedy is good-spirited, and

1:06:08

the puns never, never

1:06:11

end, which is exactly what it's like

1:06:13

spending an afternoon with Chris and Paige Konecki.

1:06:16

Anyway, you can find more information about Quest

1:06:18

Friends at QuestFriendsPodcast.com,

1:06:21

or you can start listening right away by searching for Quest

1:06:24

Friends with an exclamation point on

1:06:26

your favorite podcasting app. And

1:06:28

now,

1:06:29

back to Oops All Bars.

1:06:32

Rule of perception check.

1:06:35

Fourteen.

1:06:37

You hear a clock chime in the distance.

1:06:41

You know that there was a certain, there had

1:06:44

been a certain number of chimes you were supposed to listen

1:06:46

for to tell you that it was time to go to

1:06:48

graduation.

1:06:50

But you're not entirely sure if this is the right number

1:06:53

of chimes. Oh.

1:06:54

Rule me another perception check.

1:06:58

Ten.

1:07:00

Right in the middle of the bell

1:07:01

card. Normally, you're very attuned

1:07:03

to all of the small critters

1:07:06

that can be found on the Mage and Marshall campus.

1:07:08

Oh yes.

1:07:10

The squirrels, the birds.

1:07:11

The butterflies? Butterflies, the bugs.

1:07:13

When they were playing.

1:07:14

Yes. So you're very surprised

1:07:17

when a squirrel starts to dart

1:07:20

across your path, but you didn't smell it coming. How surprising.

1:07:22

Chris, what do you do

1:07:24

once this squirrel runs across your path? Let's go see where it's

1:07:26

going. We'll do a perception check. Oh,

1:07:29

at nineteen. Where's it going?

1:07:31

It's heading in the direction away

1:07:33

from the stadium for the graduation ceremony. Which way should

1:07:35

I go? It's graduation, but there's a

1:07:37

squirrel. Right. Yes. So

1:07:39

which way do you go? What's real intelligence? That's

1:07:43

a two. Yeah, you start running after

1:07:45

the squirrel. Oh, let's go. The squirrel has quite

1:07:48

a head start on

1:07:48

you. I'm going to get down on all fours

1:07:50

and start at a, when I go down on all fours, I can

1:07:52

run a little bit faster than when I'm on just my two legs. Right.

1:07:55

Okay.

1:07:55

So this squirrel

1:07:59

is already about.

1:07:59

50 feet

1:08:01

past you. It's real fast. It would

1:08:03

take me about six turns to catch up to one.

1:08:05

Well,

1:08:08

since we're not in the initiative,

1:08:10

we don't need to worry so much about that, but would you roll

1:08:12

me an athletics check please?

1:08:13

Oh happily. Tim!

1:08:14

Uh, the squirrel

1:08:16

is still pretty far ahead of you. Um,

1:08:20

the squirrel starts

1:08:22

to double back

1:08:25

and it runs toward that enchanted

1:08:27

apple tree in the center of the corner. Oh, my

1:08:29

favorite apple tree?

1:08:32

All right, roll me another athletics check.

1:08:35

Oh boy.

1:08:36

Oh, that's a 25.

1:08:39

Just as the squirrel is getting to the first

1:08:42

branch of the apple tree, Ruckus

1:08:44

leaps up onto that

1:08:47

branch.

1:08:48

Ruckus? What?

1:08:50

We're gonna get canceled so fast. The first

1:08:52

kill

1:08:54

of the Caspian in the end

1:08:56

is cool. No,

1:08:58

he's just gonna skin his tail. He's just gonna

1:09:00

rip it. Okay,

1:09:03

catch it and not know what to do with it. No, I don't

1:09:05

know. So Ruckus, what happens when

1:09:07

you wind up on the branch next to the squirrel? Well,

1:09:09

I want to speak to animals. Maybe burn

1:09:11

a first level stop block before this thing gets going to

1:09:14

see what he's thinking. Sure. Great. Okay, so

1:09:16

I'll do an intelligence saving throw to see if

1:09:18

I

1:09:18

remember to save my spell slots for later. Okay,

1:09:21

that sounds smart. Great. Oh, 15

1:09:24

saving throw. Okay,

1:09:24

so with the 15 saving throw, you

1:09:27

second guessed yourself.

1:09:28

Maybe I shouldn't speak with the squirrel.

1:09:29

But you do notice

1:09:31

that the squirrel has kind of like gotten up on

1:09:34

its hind legs, with its back against the

1:09:36

tree trunk, and is looking very fearfully

1:09:38

at

1:09:40

you. Maybe

1:09:42

it's as surprised as I was to see it.

1:09:45

The squirrel starts to do that thing where they chatter.

1:09:47

And

1:09:51

it's like,

1:09:54

the squirrel like, leaves because he's not

1:09:56

used to hearing that noise coming from like,

1:09:58

the squirrel has seen you around.

1:09:59

It knows who you are.

1:10:01

You are the only dogfolk around campus. Hard

1:10:03

to best hate me, Salt. It has been chased

1:10:06

by you in the past. This is

1:10:08

the first time it has heard you speak.

1:10:10

I'm gonna push the button again. Hello. I'm

1:10:13

gonna push my other button. Rocket. I

1:10:15

gestured at myself. I told my father to drink.

1:10:18

This squirrel

1:10:20

very tentatively starts

1:10:22

to walk toward you

1:10:24

and sniffs your hand.

1:10:25

Can I do an animal handling check? You may.

1:10:27

Alright, let's see if I can get something.

1:10:30

Eat.

1:10:32

No, sorry. Oh. It

1:10:34

sniffs your hand and then jumps back

1:10:37

toward the tree trunk.

1:10:39

And I'm gonna say goodbye, but I can't say that so I'm gonna

1:10:41

say... No.

1:10:43

Hello. I'm gonna wait for it

1:10:45

and jump out of the tree.

1:10:47

Roll me an acrobatics

1:10:50

check. Oh, okay. Okay.

1:10:53

Seven.

1:10:54

You are going to not fix a landing.

1:10:58

Oh, I didn't know how high up I was. So the

1:11:00

branch... Well, the branches are very strong,

1:11:02

so if you start to jump down, you

1:11:05

like

1:11:05

hear the branch beginning to cross. And

1:11:09

instead of jumping down and landing on all fours,

1:11:11

which is what you were expecting to do,

1:11:13

you do that thing where like when a dog is

1:11:15

playing and it jumps up in the air and it lands on its back.

1:11:17

Instead, with the legs up in the air, and

1:11:21

you're going to take...

1:11:22

I landed on my wooden shield.

1:11:26

Eight points of falling to the miss. Oh,

1:11:28

that was...

1:11:31

I'm gonna need

1:11:33

to go to the infirmary for that. First

1:11:35

damage roll of the campaign, Anu. From

1:11:37

falling out of a tree. Roll me another

1:11:40

perception check.

1:11:42

As he's fallen.

1:11:44

No, after he's fallen.

1:11:46

Twenty-three. A new

1:11:48

perspective laying on your back. Yes.

1:11:51

So because you're

1:11:51

laying on your back... I'm gonna throw it up from down here.

1:11:53

Yeah, you're lower than you're used to being, which

1:11:55

means the scents that you're catching are lower

1:11:58

to the ground than

1:11:58

what you're used to.

1:11:59

And you smell a fresh

1:12:02

waffle cone and ice cream being

1:12:05

presumed somewhere near you. Oh, maybe

1:12:07

I'll heal some head points. What do

1:12:10

you do? She'll get up

1:12:12

and then go see what I did for her. Perception

1:12:14

check to follow

1:12:14

my notes. I think with

1:12:17

the perception check that you rolled... Oh,

1:12:19

I know exactly where it is. Yeah, you know exactly where it is. Oh, let's

1:12:21

go check it out.

1:12:23

Across the courtyard, you know, the courtyard is round.

1:12:27

So this would be like the western end

1:12:29

of the courtyard. You see a small

1:12:31

goblin child who

1:12:33

is eating this enormous ice cream cone.

1:12:36

Oh,

1:12:36

it looks so tasty. I hope the

1:12:38

goblin turns into one of it.

1:12:40

What do you do as you approach

1:12:42

the goblin child? I'm gonna go and say hello.

1:12:44

So I'm gonna walk up to it. Um, uh,

1:12:47

uh, gonna, yeah, I'll walk up to the goblin child and

1:12:49

I will say... Hello?

1:12:53

Hello?

1:12:54

Hello? What? I'm gonna

1:12:56

wave my little hand.

1:12:57

The goblin child starts to giggle.

1:13:00

I got

1:13:02

a point on myself and I'm gonna push the button. I'm gonna

1:13:04

say... Ruckus.

1:13:05

Ruckus? Ruckus.

1:13:08

Ruckus.

1:13:08

Yes. Whoo! Hi,

1:13:12

Ruckus. Hello. You.

1:13:14

Question mark?

1:13:19

Mine... me? Yes. I...

1:13:23

my...

1:13:24

I'm not... I don't know how I'm supposed

1:13:26

to

1:13:26

talk to strangers. Understand.

1:13:28

You

1:13:31

see that she, um,

1:13:33

she looks really disappointed because she wants

1:13:35

to pet the big fluffy dog, but her mom

1:13:38

told her not to talk to

1:13:38

strangers. Can I roll a

1:13:40

persuasion check to see if I can, like, get down on, like,

1:13:42

uh...

1:13:43

A dog that talks is a stranger. Yes,

1:13:46

you can roll a bear.

1:13:46

Okay, let's do a persuasion. Let's make

1:13:48

sure I don't have a lot of virus before I do it. If

1:13:51

you're particularly persuasive, can you do that little,

1:13:53

like, chirpy whine noise that

1:13:55

dogs make when they really want? At

1:13:58

a 20, I think I get to go through my four paws... just

1:14:00

like my my play bow and go

1:14:03

and the little girl giggles again I'm easy

1:14:06

hello hey

1:14:11

you dog some question

1:14:13

mark what

1:14:19

no understand question

1:14:21

mark

1:14:26

can I pet you yes

1:14:28

all

1:14:33

right

1:14:33

so she's she's going to kind of like toddle over

1:14:35

to you she's holding the ice cream what

1:14:37

made Dex just

1:14:41

straight up dexterity so some

1:14:46

some ice cream starts to drip out

1:14:48

of her ice cream cone but

1:14:51

it lands just far enough away that

1:14:53

you can't lick it up while she's petting you

1:14:55

and

1:14:56

she so

1:14:59

she like starts

1:15:01

to pet you and she's like one hand here one

1:15:04

hand holding the ice cream and a trickle of

1:15:06

ice cream actually drips into your

1:15:07

eye the one

1:15:10

that doesn't have the eye patch on the one that doesn't have the eye patch

1:15:12

on okay I'm gonna try

1:15:14

to I guess blink it out would that

1:15:16

be like a slight of eye check

1:15:20

yeah

1:15:22

I think I think you're gonna try to lick it off

1:15:24

yeah

1:15:25

sure so let's make that

1:15:28

light of tongue I think yeah I

1:15:29

think slight of hands yeah

1:15:32

all right cool 17 you get it

1:15:34

no no how's it taste it's delicious

1:15:37

roll for her

1:15:40

as you

1:15:43

do that

1:15:44

she throws a leg over

1:15:46

you and starts to like she wants

1:15:48

to ride like like you're a little

1:15:50

pony

1:15:53

she's gonna do for summation

1:15:55

one animal handling I am part beast parking I'll

1:15:57

let you choose we're gonna do

1:15:59

persuasion check let me pull up the

1:16:03

child stat block cuz I

1:16:05

had it. And

1:16:06

would you have me roll against this to see who's

1:16:08

like, who ends up? Yeah, it's going to be an

1:16:13

intelligence check.

1:16:16

Great, she's probably gonna win. Intelligence saving

1:16:18

throw against her. Great, she's probably gonna win.

1:16:23

Negative one! He

1:16:25

only rolled

1:16:25

a five. Where are we going? We're

1:16:29

off to the races.

1:16:32

She swings a leg over you and like

1:16:35

forgets the ice cream cone. Just like throws

1:16:37

the ice cream cone on the ground, theories

1:16:40

her hands and your fluff. One

1:16:43

of them is going to roll back.

1:16:46

And I say, go. Question mark?

1:16:48

Don't forget there, she just

1:16:49

dropped the ice cream cone in front of you. So now you have a decision

1:16:52

to make. Can I actually, can

1:16:54

I point at it with my point paw

1:16:56

and say,

1:16:58

give. Ruckus. Question

1:17:00

mark? And

1:17:03

it's like on the ground. It's

1:17:05

just like melting in the sun, right? So like,

1:17:08

ground is fair game.

1:17:11

She giggles,

1:17:13

but doesn't actually respond.

1:17:16

I'm gonna kind of go over to it and then

1:17:23

okay great I'm gonna

1:17:27

yeah I devour it in like two bites and

1:17:30

I'm gonna say many good

1:17:32

okay this

1:17:36

whole thing is gonna pick our show go

1:17:41

question mark go okay so I'm gonna

1:17:43

run uh straight where are we going you're

1:17:51

gonna start running in circles around

1:17:53

oh my favorite and uh let's do oh boy

1:17:59

I thought I'd expect to see. She'll

1:18:02

get tired first. She

1:18:04

is not dizzy. She

1:18:07

is having fun.

1:18:09

Um... This

1:18:11

is not how I play them, it's going. This reminds

1:18:14

me

1:18:14

of those rodeo events

1:18:17

at the Texas rodeo, where the little

1:18:19

kids ride the sheep for as long as they

1:18:21

can. That's what

1:18:23

I was thinking, except that she

1:18:25

just rolled a 17 to stay on. Oh,

1:18:28

good for her.

1:18:31

We have already broken the curtain

1:18:33

of like, welcome

1:18:35

to actual play in D&D. We

1:18:38

are actually playing D&D, because this

1:18:40

is what happens. We sure

1:18:41

are. Rick, is rolling

1:18:43

a perception check, please?

1:18:48

You hear

1:18:50

the sound of horses clothes

1:18:51

coming across the courtyard.

1:18:54

Horses clothes also I think. What

1:18:56

do you do? I'm going

1:18:58

to have to make an intelligent check to see if I have

1:19:00

any idea what to do.

1:19:01

Yes, I think you are.

1:19:02

Alright, so let's say... Is that the intelligent...

1:19:05

I think that's more wisdom. I'm going to do wisdom? Yeah.

1:19:08

Okay, sure. Um... Alright,

1:19:10

five.

1:19:11

So it doesn't matter

1:19:13

if it's intelligent

1:19:14

or if it's a game. Sure doesn't.

1:19:15

I'm

1:19:18

rolling to see if she saves on your back for this. Um...

1:19:22

Yeah, no. You take

1:19:24

off running in the direction of the hooves

1:19:26

and she is still holding on. Oh

1:19:28

great, I'm going to make so many friends today! Did

1:19:32

the ice cream kill me for any points? No, it's

1:19:34

just ice cream. Oh, okay. Well,

1:19:36

it's still pretty good. It's just like

1:19:39

a video game where you're literally anything. Eat 50

1:19:42

potatoes for five points,

1:19:44

right? Not that

1:19:46

man, it's just ice cream. Um...

1:19:49

So,

1:19:51

you have Daisy riding on your back

1:19:54

and

1:19:54

she... She's

1:19:55

a

1:19:57

little

1:19:57

scared at a good point because you are riding in a full gallop.

1:20:00

toward these very large cart

1:20:02

courses. Great. I'm gonna, uh, as

1:20:04

I'm running I'm gonna reach up with my one paw and go on three legs

1:20:06

as I'm galloping a little bit slower. Um, and I'm gonna

1:20:09

look up at her and I'm gonna say, You! Help!

1:20:12

Question mark! Help! Help!

1:20:15

Um, I'm gonna say, uh, uh... No!

1:20:19

Go! I'm gonna stop.

1:20:21

Slowly. Okay. She

1:20:25

is going to, um, very

1:20:27

cautious, like, climb off of your back

1:20:30

and give you, like, a little putt on your

1:20:33

head and then, like, stumble

1:20:36

back toward where she was standing.

1:20:39

Very shaky on her feet.

1:20:43

You! Good. Question mark!

1:20:46

Bye! No.

1:20:50

Hello.

1:20:50

I waved goodbye.

1:20:52

Across the, uh, the courtyard you

1:20:54

see her... you see her tawtling across

1:20:56

the courtyard to her mother, uh,

1:21:00

or presumably her mother, an older

1:21:02

goblin.

1:21:06

Where are we? Oh, wisdom track

1:21:08

here. Twelve.

1:21:12

The goblin to

1:21:14

whom she has run, her prison's mother,

1:21:16

um, you recognize as

1:21:18

a professor from the university. Meanwhile,

1:21:20

the horses are getting closer.

1:21:22

Oh, there are horses too. Oh,

1:21:24

I could get in trouble or I could go hang out with some horses. I

1:21:26

wonder what I'm gonna do next. Everything is your favorite.

1:21:28

I know! Let

1:21:31

me listen check. Seventeen.

1:21:34

You notice the horses starting to

1:21:37

come up. Two

1:21:39

large cart horses pulling

1:21:41

a cart of, um, fireworks.

1:21:44

Oh, maybe we can race.

1:21:46

Maybe. You, but you realize

1:21:49

that if you keep going towards, or

1:21:51

following horses, you are probably going to be

1:21:53

late for your graduation

1:21:54

ceremony. Oh, which one's... Oh, I

1:21:56

have to be a very good boy to go to graduation. So you

1:21:58

start to go... in the direction

1:22:00

from once the horses came. Oh, well,

1:22:03

we'll race next time. So, exiting

1:22:05

the courtyard, you wind up

1:22:08

near the athletic field.

1:22:09

Okay, cool. I'll go back on my hind legs for now.

1:22:12

Okay, so you're, you're strolling through

1:22:14

the, uh, along the athletic field. Mm-hmm.

1:22:17

Roll me a perception check.

1:22:20

You see

1:22:22

a

1:22:23

group of students playing

1:22:26

bug ball. Oh, bug ball! It's

1:22:28

my favorite! Chris,

1:22:30

what are the rules of bug ball?

1:22:32

Have you ever played Calvin ball?

1:22:34

Nobody has ever played Calvin ball.

1:22:36

Oh, well, you're really missing out. I beg to zip right

1:22:38

there. So,

1:22:40

it is essentially a retooled version of Calvin

1:22:43

ball, which is, of course, credit

1:22:45

is due. Great Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbs admitted

1:22:47

this sport.

1:22:49

There are a couple of base rules. Typically,

1:22:51

it's teams of four on four. There

1:22:54

are two sort of large holes on either

1:22:56

side of a large pitch. The pitch is about 120 feet

1:22:58

long or so. Usually,

1:23:01

plain grass, but you can play anywhere. It's

1:23:03

just that, like, as this has become a professional sport, they've regulated

1:23:05

the field. But the rules are

1:23:07

the first team to get the ball in their

1:23:10

team's effective hole to score four times wins

1:23:13

the game. But on your turn, instead

1:23:15

of doing, you know, an action, trying to, like, throw the

1:23:18

ball or run it down the field,

1:23:19

you can also choose to make a new rule with

1:23:21

your, with your turn.

1:23:23

The rule that you make, it can be any

1:23:25

rule that you want that changes how the game is played with

1:23:28

a couple of exceptions. You can't

1:23:30

say the rules that we win. You can't say the rules

1:23:32

anything other than the first person, first team

1:23:34

to four points wins. But everything else

1:23:36

is fair game.

1:23:37

And I remember incorrectly that you can't repeat rules

1:23:39

in Calvin ball.

1:23:40

Yeah, why would you? Yeah.

1:23:42

Yeah. Okay. So, you could just already

1:23:44

rule. Just since that

1:23:45

ball you sat same conceit also? Sure.

1:23:48

Great.

1:23:49

Okay. So, you see on

1:23:51

the field, eight people

1:23:54

playing.

1:23:55

That's a full game of bug balls.

1:23:57

And another five or

1:23:59

six people kind of.

1:23:59

standing along the side.

1:24:02

Roll me a wisdom check.

1:24:04

Seven.

1:24:06

You don't recognize any of them. Ooh,

1:24:08

don't play us. But.

1:24:10

Are they wearing the green and

1:24:12

orange striped pants? They're not. They're just dressed in like

1:24:14

street clothes or like outside.

1:24:16

Oh, it's a pick me up game.

1:24:17

It's a pick up game.

1:24:19

Oh, it's a pick me up game because it picks you up when you play

1:24:23

it. So, so in

1:24:25

this pick me up game,

1:24:28

you notice that one of the players

1:24:30

on the field is just like

1:24:32

everybody's just running around this

1:24:35

player. They're just like

1:24:37

being so outclassed by everybody

1:24:38

else on the field. Well people are just new.

1:24:40

Perhaps they're just new.

1:24:42

Perhaps,

1:24:43

depending on how you roll,

1:24:45

you want to go help them.

1:24:47

Well, let's see what's it gonna be.

1:24:50

That is going to be

1:24:53

a, listen.

1:24:57

Nine. Oh yeah, you want to go help them. Let's

1:24:59

go help the new bug ball player. I'm

1:25:01

very curious to see how Ruckus makes

1:25:03

rules with that funny word,

1:25:05

limit. Well, we're

1:25:08

not,

1:25:08

we're not really going to find out because

1:25:10

Ruckus has gone off to

1:25:12

the bug ball field. Ruckus is very late for

1:25:14

graduation. Yeah, actually rolling a D10. Yeah. Okay.

1:25:17

D10. Oh, for some rolling,

1:25:19

not a D20. That's this one. How many hours later, time,

1:25:23

10 hours late. Minutes.

1:25:26

You're going

1:25:27

to be playing bug ball for 10 minutes. You are going

1:25:29

to be,

1:25:29

well, that's a big game of bug ball. Usually they're

1:25:32

over in like, you know, 50 seconds

1:25:34

or so. It might be, it might be more

1:25:36

than one game. Maybe one of the rules that they

1:25:38

invented. Yes. You were,

1:25:39

you were going to spend your next 10 minutes

1:25:42

playing bug ball. I, instead of

1:25:44

going I'm so happy. All

1:25:47

right. So we're going to leave you there. Great.

1:25:59

of the university's Botanical Gardens. And

1:26:02

in a far corner of the Botanical Gardens

1:26:04

is where you'll find Mage and Marshall's Medicinal

1:26:07

Garden. This belongs to Sluver

1:26:09

College, a low-slung stone structure

1:26:11

tucked behind the garden, designed to blend

1:26:14

in with its surroundings, although a glamour helps

1:26:16

with the camouflage. The Medicinal

1:26:18

Garden is not the draw for visitors that some

1:26:20

of the Botanical Garden's ornate topiaries

1:26:22

and blooming flower fields are, but it

1:26:25

is the source of all the herbs and

1:26:27

roots and berries used by the aspiring

1:26:29

healer mages at Mage and Marshall. Despite

1:26:32

its cross-university utilization, the Medicinal

1:26:34

Garden is specifically maintained by the

1:26:36

Sluverdians, as it has been for

1:26:39

centuries.

1:26:41

Past the chamomile and lavender flowers and

1:26:43

the shoots breaking ground above the ginger and garlic

1:26:45

and turmeric, there's a small cluster

1:26:47

of ginkgo trees.

1:26:49

Behind them, the strumming of a

1:26:51

guitar is just audible. Bob,

1:26:55

who's playing that guitar?

1:26:58

Describe Keelonian Stumps.

1:27:01

You can start describing,

1:27:03

or you can start with a song and then do your

1:27:05

description. Well,

1:27:07

Keelonian Stumps is a tortle.

1:27:12

And a tortle is a large

1:27:14

turtle person, would be the best way to

1:27:17

describe it.

1:27:18

Five-petal turtle. Yes, exactly. Keelonian

1:27:21

himself is

1:27:23

not too tall, average

1:27:26

height. He is 5'6".

1:27:28

He has muddy, brownish-green

1:27:31

skin. And he's

1:27:33

a bit scrawny for a turtle.

1:27:36

Not very, for a tortle. Thank

1:27:39

you. Thank you. He's not quite large for a turtle.

1:27:41

I'll do that. I'll do that

1:27:43

a lot, probably. And

1:27:46

so he's strumming

1:27:49

his guitar in the courtyard.

1:27:51

He's sitting down. You

1:27:54

notice his claws. He

1:27:56

has what

1:27:58

would normally be like.

1:27:59

of long claws on his fingers, but these have looked

1:28:02

like we have been filed down a

1:28:04

little bit and they're a little dull

1:28:07

being used to strum his guitar. And

1:28:11

on his back is his shell,

1:28:14

which is rather large, and has a few

1:28:16

leather sort of backpacks, almost

1:28:18

like saddle packs, put

1:28:21

on his shell. And sitting

1:28:23

next to him is a little

1:28:25

chicken coop that also has some

1:28:29

straps on it that looks like it would go on his

1:28:31

shell. And wandering around

1:28:34

him is a little chicken that

1:28:36

is pecking at the bugs

1:28:38

in the garden.

1:28:40

Is it like a white chicken with a little red? Yeah,

1:28:43

wonderful. Straight adolescent Zelda. Perfect.

1:28:48

And so he's just strumming away,

1:28:50

looking like he's having a great time. He's

1:28:53

got a straw hat that's

1:28:55

wide brimmed that's keeping the sun

1:28:58

out of his eyes as he's strumming.

1:29:00

And he looks like he's just trying to

1:29:02

like sort of figure out a song or like

1:29:05

put a song together.

1:29:08

What is he trying to figure

1:29:10

out about this song?

1:29:11

Oh well. He's always writing

1:29:13

a song and at this particular

1:29:16

time, you might notice

1:29:18

by the way that his guitar, on the body

1:29:20

of the guitar, is painted

1:29:22

in a sort of scribbly script

1:29:25

peacemaker on

1:29:27

his guitar. And right now

1:29:29

he's trying to figure out a way

1:29:32

to sing about

1:29:35

the peacefulness of nature.

1:29:38

Because he's sitting in this garden and it's very

1:29:40

peaceful. He's trying to figure out the best

1:29:42

way to describe

1:29:45

the peacefulness of this garden.

1:29:49

Strangle here,

1:29:52

real nice, green,

1:29:56

there's no ice.

1:29:59

And I wanna sit here all

1:30:02

day

1:30:04

But it's graduation

1:30:06

day So I gotta grow

1:30:08

soon

1:30:12

What do you think about that, Angel? You think that sounds

1:30:14

good? Angel is the chicken.

1:30:17

Angel is the chicken.

1:30:19

Why don't you roll

1:30:21

an animal handling check to see

1:30:22

how Angel feels about it.

1:30:26

That'd be 21.

1:30:28

Angel kind

1:30:29

of sidles up to you and like

1:30:31

rubs her head on your elbow

1:30:34

while you're playing. Oh you like it Angel? Great.

1:30:38

You're a brutal romantic

1:30:38

lad. Ah

1:30:43

yes. The

1:30:45

songs live or die with the chicken's leg. She's

1:30:49

a headmaker.

1:30:51

The producer. Roll

1:30:54

me a perception check.

1:30:58

I take in a deep breath and

1:31:00

it's a 15.

1:31:02

In the distance you hear the chime

1:31:05

of the bell tower at the school that tells

1:31:07

you that it is about

1:31:09

graduation time.

1:31:10

And so if you're going

1:31:12

to graduation then it should be time

1:31:15

to

1:31:16

start packing up your things. What

1:31:18

do you do?

1:31:20

Say alright Angel. I think it's about time

1:31:22

we get over to graduation now. He

1:31:25

stands up in a very tortily

1:31:27

fashion, very slow. He's a little creaky

1:31:30

in his shell. How

1:31:33

old is he? He's 24.

1:31:34

No, actually. He's a little down

1:31:36

hill with me everybody.

1:31:37

Because that's old for turtles. I

1:31:39

checked on this the other day. Turtles reach maturity

1:31:41

at like 14. So

1:31:44

I think unless he's a non-traditional

1:31:46

student.

1:31:47

He went back to school. He would be

1:31:50

a little non-traditional. He

1:31:52

has spent a lot of time wandering. Okay.

1:31:55

Because they reach adulthood at 15. So

1:31:57

you are a middle-aged turtle.

1:32:00

Okay. I forget the gaff here.

1:32:03

That's a gaff of a decade. Twenty-four years young. They

1:32:05

lived to about 60. Okay. Yeah.

1:32:07

Yeah. So, okay. So, you are

1:32:09

a middle-aged tortle. Super senior. So,

1:32:12

yeah. We all

1:32:14

knew that guy.

1:32:15

All right. So, anyway,

1:32:17

your choice.

1:32:20

Nobody can see this, but producer Nate just pointed

1:32:22

to himself.

1:32:22

So, yeah.

1:32:24

So, you stand

1:32:26

up kind of creaky. I

1:32:28

pat the top of the chicken coop.

1:32:30

All right, Angel. Ready to go. Handle

1:32:32

handling check.

1:32:33

Handle handling check.

1:32:35

Twenty-two.

1:32:36

She hopped right into the chicken

1:32:38

coop and then looks up at you like, okay,

1:32:40

I'm ready. He

1:32:43

picks up the chicken coop,

1:32:45

straps it onto his shell,

1:32:48

picks up his guitar, still

1:32:51

holds it out in front of him, plays

1:32:53

a little bit as he's walking out of the garden.

1:32:56

I

1:32:56

love this. You're a strolling

1:32:57

troubadour through pretty empty

1:32:59

campus at this point because everybody is

1:33:02

heading to graduation if they're not there already. You

1:33:08

are walking across this campus where

1:33:10

you spent the last four years, first through

1:33:13

the Botanical Gardens and then back across

1:33:15

the fields.

1:33:18

I'm going to roll this one

1:33:20

for you so you don't have to stop playing. What is

1:33:22

your modifier for perception?

1:33:24

It's five.

1:33:27

You notice as you're walking

1:33:29

across the field this large dog,

1:33:32

you recognize, you're

1:33:33

friendly with him. This

1:33:36

is Ruckus.

1:33:36

My pal Ruckus. Do

1:33:40

you do

1:33:42

anything when you see Ruckus as you're walking

1:33:44

across? Yep.

1:33:46

I play a nice G chord for Ruckus.

1:33:49

Non-natural 20

1:33:52

perception. Ruckus

1:33:56

drops the ball for a moment and notices

1:33:58

you.

1:34:00

I was like, hello, hello.

1:34:03

And the ball just goes flying past

1:34:05

Ruckus. You

1:34:07

continue walking. Hello to you

1:34:10

too, Ruckus.

1:34:11

Sorry to interrupt your game. I'm

1:34:14

going to say, woof. And I'll say, no.

1:34:16

Hello. And I'll wave goodbye. So

1:34:19

long, Ruckus. You better get to graduation. Ruckus

1:34:24

doesn't hear that last bit because he's back to

1:34:26

playing. So you're continuing.

1:34:29

You stroll past the athletic fields. You go across the

1:34:31

courtyard around which most of the colleges,

1:34:33

the dorms, are built. And

1:34:38

you

1:34:39

walk past

1:34:41

Enchanted Ground.

1:34:43

What was it? You were plus 5 on perception?

1:34:46

That's right.

1:34:49

You look in the glass, and you see

1:34:51

that the coffee shop is pretty empty, except

1:34:53

for a small woman

1:34:56

standing behind the counter, furiously scribbling

1:34:58

in her journal.

1:35:00

Do you stop in to

1:35:03

say hello, or do you keep going?

1:35:05

Of course I stop and say hello.

1:35:07

Oh, boy. That's my pal, Clarice. OK.

1:35:12

OK, round two. Name something

1:35:15

that's not boring.

1:35:16

Laundry? Oh, a

1:35:19

book club. Computer

1:35:20

solitaire, huh? Oh,

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1:35:42

Cue your reaction. Let's go. Black

1:35:45

coffee on

1:35:45

mug? Oh, you know me so well,

1:35:47

Clarice, but I'm on my way to graduation. Well,

1:35:51

before you go, I've got a few crumbs for

1:35:53

Angel. Just turn around,

1:35:55

and I'll pop them in there. He like

1:35:57

sort of lifts the lid of the coupe.

1:35:59

on his back and leans back.

1:36:02

And Clarice climbs onto

1:36:05

the actual bar, the coffee

1:36:07

counter, in order to reach

1:36:09

the height that is needed to drop some breadcrumbs

1:36:12

in for Angel the Chicken. Okay.

1:36:14

Angel loves it. I assume. Actually,

1:36:17

roll an animal animal in, Jack. Okay.

1:36:20

Twelve.

1:36:23

She gladly accepts the crumbs but

1:36:25

doesn't really interact

1:36:25

with you. There.

1:36:28

There. Okay.

1:36:29

She had a lot of bugs this morning in the garden.

1:36:32

But I'm sure she'll appreciate some breadcrumbs, as

1:36:34

she always does. How you doing

1:36:36

today, Clarice?

1:36:39

Everything is awful. Thank you.

1:36:41

Oh, that's my Clarice. You

1:36:46

go rock that graduation,

1:36:48

man. Oh, you betcha. Do

1:36:50

you leave? I leave. Okay.

1:36:53

So long, Clarice. See you. Hope

1:36:55

to see you there.

1:36:58

Bye, black coffee on mug.

1:37:01

You keep walking toward

1:37:03

Memorial Stadium.

1:37:05

When you get to the

1:37:07

door through which the graduates are being

1:37:10

funneled,

1:37:14

you see somebody who knows

1:37:16

you from the college,

1:37:18

from

1:37:20

some classes that you've taken. It's another fellow

1:37:23

salivarian. It's not

1:37:25

a little gnome. This

1:37:28

has always been just kind of present,

1:37:30

not really super interactive with anybody.

1:37:34

But looks really pumped to be there today. What

1:37:37

is it?

1:37:37

Hey, ya! Hey, ya stumps! It's

1:37:40

graduation day! Hey, there! Rolled

1:37:42

in intelligence check

1:37:42

to remember your name!

1:37:44

Hey, there! Nine intelligence check!

1:37:47

You're not a real person, you're a real

1:37:49

person. You're a real person. You're

1:37:52

not a real person. Hey, there! Nine

1:37:54

intelligence check! Hey, there! Friend!

1:38:02

Hey there, Rolla Persuasion-Cjex.

1:38:05

I think that I remember your name.

1:38:08

Twenty! Not a natural

1:38:10

one. Oh, hey there, you know me

1:38:13

know me. It's so good to see you, Seth. Graduation

1:38:15

day is such a big deal. Why don't you wear your ropes?

1:38:17

Oh, well, I'm glad

1:38:20

to be here as well. But I'm going to be

1:38:22

staying right here. He

1:38:24

takes the chicken coop off of his back and sets

1:38:26

it down right at a spot that

1:38:29

is visible to everyone going

1:38:31

inside but not in the way.

1:38:33

Okay. Uh, Un-Un-Unown

1:38:37

Gnome.

1:38:37

That would be

1:38:38

a good band name for a little Unown Gnome.

1:38:41

Unown Gnome.

1:38:41

Riding that down. Um,

1:38:45

it's like,

1:38:46

okay, well, um,

1:38:49

bye?

1:38:50

It just starts to go... Fill

1:38:52

alone. Enjoy the ceremony.

1:38:54

Alright, so you are now setting

1:38:57

up.

1:38:57

First misconnection. What

1:39:01

are you setting up for? Well,

1:39:03

I've set myself

1:39:06

down and I pull out a little sign

1:39:09

that says,

1:39:10

Make Love Not War. And

1:39:13

puts it in front of

1:39:15

his guitar case. It's

1:39:20

more of a leather guitar satchel that

1:39:22

a guitar fits into. He puts it

1:39:24

inside and

1:39:25

he just sits on down

1:39:28

by the sidewalk and

1:39:31

starts playing a little song.

1:39:37

Bring a speaker who speaks

1:39:40

peace. Turn your ear,

1:39:42

turn your ear, turn your ear. Bring

1:39:45

a speaker who speaks peace.

1:39:49

Turn your ear, turn your ear, turn your ear, turn

1:39:51

your ear. Oh, turn

1:39:54

your ear, turn your

1:39:57

heart with the words that you hear.

1:40:00

Bring a speaker who speaks

1:40:02

peace. Turn your ear,

1:40:04

turn your ear, turn your ear.

1:40:08

Roll

1:40:12

me a performance check.

1:40:15

I worked on that one under the ginkgo trees.

1:40:18

Fourteen.

1:40:21

A couple of students kind of pause

1:40:23

as they're coming into graduation and

1:40:25

notice you.

1:40:27

One person tries to give you money but

1:40:29

notices that you don't have a hat or your

1:40:31

guitar case or anything set up. And

1:40:33

just kind of shrugs, yes. Can

1:40:36

they give it to the chicken?

1:40:41

Can we give it to the chicken?

1:40:43

We're going to say,

1:40:45

if it's even, then yes. If it's odd, then no.

1:40:49

It's odd, so no. They do not give the money to

1:40:51

the chicken.

1:40:51

That's fine. I'm out here

1:40:53

spreading love.

1:40:54

So nobody actually pauses

1:40:56

to really engage with you. That's a shame. And

1:40:59

they're all...

1:41:04

I feel like I'm having a conversation

1:41:06

with Bob Dylan right now. So

1:41:10

they all look at you, they notice,

1:41:13

some of them might give you a nod or something on the way

1:41:15

in, but they're all going in.

1:41:17

Why are you protesting?

1:41:20

Well, I'm protesting because they've chosen

1:41:22

at this wonderful occasion to bring

1:41:25

in Gideon Stormcaller, Oveira's

1:41:27

Acting Secretary of War, as the

1:41:29

commencement speaker. Now, I know we're

1:41:31

not at war right now, but I

1:41:33

think it's really important on a momentous occasion

1:41:36

such as today to know that there's

1:41:38

other paths to take besides war. And,

1:41:42

you know,

1:41:43

people deserve a right to speak, deserve to hear

1:41:45

what you've got to say, but, you know, sometimes

1:41:47

at an occasion like this, some

1:41:49

voices don't get to be heard. And I

1:41:51

want the voice of peace loud and clear.

1:41:54

Do you say any of that out loud?

1:41:56

I do. In between verses. Perfect.

1:42:01

The thongs break

1:42:03

down.

1:42:05

So coming across

1:42:08

the yard that

1:42:10

poses the entrance to Memorial Stadium,

1:42:12

you see a familiar figure.

1:42:15

Andric, you

1:42:19

are running late. You have,

1:42:21

have you finally got your robes on at least?

1:42:24

Yeah,

1:42:25

Andric has, he

1:42:28

has to take off the sword, take

1:42:30

off his duster, put the robe on,

1:42:33

strap the sword around, and

1:42:36

is carrying his duster in his

1:42:38

arms. Where's the scroll?

1:42:42

He tucked it actually like in his backpack.

1:42:45

Okay.