0:00

Before

0:14

listening to GSPW and lo,

0:16

the snitching hour is upon us, which

0:18

means it's time for Paul's Unsolved

0:21

Crime Time. And blimey O'Reilly,

0:24

let me tell you, GSPW has never

0:26

had so many calls and letters about a topic

0:28

before. You ghoulish lot can't get enough

0:31

of this Clayton Woodrow story. Hungry

0:33

for more? And like the head chef at the Brain

0:35

Buffet, I say welcome to the

0:37

zombie hordes, and invite you all to

0:40

feast. So let's quickly go through a couple

0:42

of listener theories. Russell from Saffron

0:44

Walden wrote in to say that Mockery Manor

0:46

is a magnet for murder because, and I

0:48

quote, the park is cursed

0:51

as it was built on top of Merlin the Magician's

0:53

burial mound. And Russell goes on

0:55

to say the proof is right there, staring us in

0:57

the face, as Mockery is co-owned by

0:59

the theme park company Wizard Entertainment.

1:02

That's actually pretty convincing, there could

1:04

be something in that. Next we have Leona

1:06

from Six Mile Bottom, which

1:08

is a real place, I looked it up because I thought she was

1:10

playing me for a fool. Leona from Six

1:13

Mile Bottom

1:13

thinks that one of Clayton's illegitimate

1:16

kids murdered him for a share of the

1:18

inheritance. Hmm, unlikely.

1:21

If you were born on the wrong side of the blanket,

1:23

as it were, you cannot legally inherit anything

1:25

at all.

1:26

I assume. Who knows? And

1:28

I'm not about to do the research. Boring. But

1:31

it's just common sense, really, isn't it? Regardless,

1:33

thank you for writing in, Leona, even if you

1:35

are very wrong. And finally,

1:37

Brendan from Norwich says werewolves

1:40

did it.

1:41

Alright. And now we've

1:44

got a treat in store for you. To help

1:46

crack this case wide open, we've got a very

1:48

special guest on the line. Someone who

1:50

has a close personal connection with murder at

1:52

Mockery. It's Walter Flurgberg.

1:56

Walter Flurgberg, lovely to have you on the show. How

1:59

are you doing?

2:00

I'm sorry, I had to keep my voice down. My

2:02

mum's asleep on the sofa. Sure. Now a little

2:04

background if I may. You worked at Mockery

2:06

Manor during the Maddy Murders of 89. I

2:09

did. As did I. We were there at the

2:11

same time. Although we never spoke of course.

2:14

Yes we did. We were in the same dorm. Er...

2:16

I don't think so. We were. We shed a bunk

2:19

bed. No, I'd have remembered that. And you

2:21

do not work for Mockery or any subsidiary

2:23

of Wizard Entertainment currently, is that correct? That's

2:25

correct. Although I'd say I'm

2:27

an unofficial employee. I lead

2:29

the Mockery

2:30

Manor murder tour. With the

2:32

full support of the Mockery management team of course.

2:34

Ooh, exciting. What

2:37

is the Mockery Manor murder tour? Keep it short.

2:39

I take overnight groups into the Mockery

2:41

woods. We toast marshmallows and I

2:43

tell them all about that fateful summer. As

2:46

I was there, I could give them the juicy details

2:48

that the news didn't report. Right.

2:51

So it's a sort of murder themed camping trip.

2:53

Spooky dookie.

2:54

And have recent events overshadowed the 89

2:57

murders at all? Oh, quite the reverse, Paul. Business

3:00

has never been better. I'll have to expand

3:03

to accommodate all the new interest. And it's

3:05

all thanks to Clayton Woodrow.

3:07

Right, I see, yes. From Clayton's

3:09

loins burst forth a veritable cottage

3:11

industry. So, my final question

3:13

to you, Walter. Do you think there's a link

3:15

between the murders of 89 and

3:18

Clayton Woodrow's fall from the Forsperz mountain? Oh

3:21

yes. Thank you, Walter. Oh,

3:23

look at the time. It's pop o'clock. Paul's

3:25

pop hands. Thank

3:28

you, Walter. That's enough of him. Next

3:30

up is the Clayton Top 40 hit from 1974, Forsperz.

3:35

A funny little song about a cursed

3:36

town in the Old West. And

3:38

of course, you can go and visit Forsperz itself

3:40

in Claytonville theme park. And perhaps while

3:42

you're there, you'll uncover clues as to what

3:45

made the old codger tick. Now, with no

3:47

further ado, it's Forsperz.

3:49

All right now. Let

3:52

me tell you a little story. The

3:56

year is 1820 and

3:58

the West is still alive. And

4:01

a town out in the nowhere

4:03

is about to earn its name They're

4:06

about to learn a lesson about

4:09

sticking to your word And

4:11

you're about to learn about

4:14

the town they call Fourspers

4:17

Mmm, that's nice Well

4:20

the town folk call it thirsty cause

4:23

the well has run bone dry And

4:26

if they don't get some water soon

4:28

they know that they're gonna die And

4:31

then suddenly they see her

4:33

as she mows these into town A

4:36

mystic in a turban

4:39

on a horse as dark as brown Me

4:41

oh my, it

4:43

ain't no lie The

4:47

mystic rode a horse as dark

4:49

as brown She

4:52

says I see your problem and

4:54

I think that I can help I

4:57

haven't me the power to bring

4:59

back water to your well

5:02

For a little clutch of dollars

5:05

and some piddles for my horse I'll

5:07

see to which your sorry luck

5:10

will swiftly change its course So

5:14

the sheriff comes to greet her and

5:16

he shakes her by the hand I'm

5:19

mighty pleased to meet you and you're

5:22

welcome on our land If

5:24

you bring back our water your

5:27

horse shall have his feet And

5:30

as I am a gentleman then

5:32

you shall have your feet Me

5:35

oh my, it

5:37

ain't no lie You

5:40

have my word that you shall

5:42

have your feet Alright

5:44

let's go up on that, there you

5:46

go last night Alright

5:50

So she reads her incantations

5:53

and she weaves her magic spell And

5:56

all at once the town folk hear

5:58

a rumbling from the wind Well, then

6:01

bursting like a geyser Comes

6:04

a mighty jet of steam That

6:06

settles at the well mouth Into

6:09

water cool and clean Well

6:13

the town folks started cheering And

6:15

they sing and shout with glee Says

6:18

the mystic to the sheriff Now

6:21

about what we agreed Says

6:23

the sheriff, what agreement You

6:26

got nothing written down So

6:29

I don't owe you nothing Get

6:31

the hell out of my town Me

6:33

or mine, ain't

6:36

no lie You

6:39

take your horse and get out of my town Alright,

6:44

tell him about it, boy

6:46

Yeah, that's real

6:48

country Alright,

6:58

here I come So the mystic

7:00

and her horse They take a drink,

7:03

then walk away And

7:05

the town folk come rushing With

7:07

their buckets and their pails But

7:10

as the mystic rides away A

7:13

quick flick of her hand

7:16

When the town folk touch the water The

7:19

water turns to sand Then

7:26

the town folks start to panic As

7:28

they watch it all go south With

7:31

every sip the water turns

7:33

to sand inside Their mouths,

7:36

they scream and cough and splutter

7:39

And they shout, what have you done? And

7:41

they call out for the mystic

7:44

But the mystic is long gone Me

7:46

or mine,

7:49

ain't no lie They

7:52

call out but the mystic

7:54

is long gone She

7:56

gone, man, solid gone

7:59

What little food they have runs

8:02

out and water

8:03

is their none So the town

8:05

folk have no choice but to go

8:08

wandering in the sun But

8:10

if they'd looked behind them as

8:13

they bid the town farewell They

8:17

might have seen a wild horse drinking

8:19

water from their well There

8:24

ain't nowhere alive Come

8:28

on now, take it all Now

8:31

the town belongs to horses,

8:33

now the horses make the laws They

8:36

drink in the saloons, they run

8:39

the banks and the general stores The

8:41

stallions all in shirts and ties

8:44

and the bears in silks and furs And

8:46

the foreshoes of those horses

8:49

have four shiny jingling spurs The

8:51

old mine

8:54

ain't no lie There

8:57

on all four feet are shiny

8:59

jingling spurs The

9:02

horses all wear shiny jingling

9:05

spurs And

9:07

that's the way the horses stick

9:10

at their claim And

9:13

how the town of four spurs

9:16

got its name Pools

9:19

pop hands

9:24

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