0:00

If you're you're listening to this without permission, please

0:02

stop. This is not for you you. All

0:06

of us at the Department of Protection.

0:09

Good night and stay safe. The modern

0:11

flobotomat eventually replace the

0:13

outdated system of system

0:16

of industrial bloodletting centers. Because if

0:18

the engine dies, we don't. by

0:20

side, the living and the dead,

0:22

Raise their glasses and spectral fists

0:24

high. got a hunger that can't be

0:26

satisfied, you've just got to

0:28

reach for a caliber. After a few

0:31

generations, it sort of takes

0:33

care of itself. However itself. However it

0:35

may be, may these are signals

0:37

from words. I I understand the Someone has

0:39

has to hold the line, but they

0:41

shouldn't have let it be it be is

0:43

how you want to die to die? a

0:45

lever for pellets while a devil drinks

0:48

your your soul? brings, stay indoors. Do

0:50

not look out the like

0:52

the elves are wasting no time.

0:54

That was some sort of Whatever

0:56

it out her head, there. I can see

0:58

about her head, like. feel it you all

1:00

you'd like. Oh my God, you all This is

1:02

the last recorded message of

1:04

the is the last recorded get of the provisional

1:07

I'm going to have to settle

1:09

for something else. have to Whatever

1:11

it is, else. I hope you're

1:13

there. is, I hope you're there. Stay

1:15

tuned. To

1:19

observable radio A

1:21

found footage podcast of

1:23

A found footage

1:25

podcast of retro sci-fi, -fi,

1:27

available everywhere. This podcast

1:30

contains This podcast contains adult content

1:32

and themes for a full list

1:34

of our content warnings. please

1:36

see our show notes.

1:38

our show discretion is advised.

1:40

is advised. Your

1:47

fears have taken their toll,

1:49

and the demons have got

1:51

up in trouble, and the

1:53

shadows just home, leave you

1:55

alone. When

2:01

have turned into

2:03

a glenn

2:05

When the sun

2:07

has turned

2:10

its back When

2:12

all of

2:14

your power lets

2:16

itself dry the

2:18

sun has turned its back,

2:21

then all of your power,

2:23

let it so dry, a

2:25

To the land.

2:41

Welcome, Greetings,

2:45

traveler. the pack you have

2:48

there. there. thing I came

2:50

along. came along. Here, allow me

2:52

to give you a

2:54

helping hand. Now

2:56

come along. come along. path is

2:58

this way. way. Oh,

3:04

yes, it is It

3:07

is hauntingly beautiful here.

3:09

forest forest reminds me

3:11

of the time I

3:13

took a trip to

3:15

the north. I'm

3:35

trying to convince myself that I

3:37

don't actually hate Adrian. hate I confronted

3:39

that question while weighing up the decision

3:41

about visiting him in Alaska. visiting now

3:43

that we're here, And I'm faced with

3:46

it again. I'm faced with it The highway

3:48

leading to his house is long and

3:50

and Just an empty black stripe on

3:52

a flat pane of snow. pan of

3:54

knew it would be dark when I

3:56

arrived, when I but I expected to

3:58

see something. to see something. Trees. silhouette

4:01

of distant mountains, stray stray

4:03

moose, but there's there's nothing but

4:05

black ahead ahead black behind,

4:07

behind, narrowly enclosed by a

4:09

desert of snow. desert snow. Looking

4:11

out the out the passenger

4:13

window I'm once once again wondering

4:15

why I'm even going to

4:17

visit someone I intensely I

4:19

intensely Maybe even hate. even hate.

4:21

The answer keeps changing. Salvador,

4:25

who put the rental car

4:27

in his name, is now driving.

4:29

now driving, is more unforgiving of Adrian's

4:31

of Adrian's behavior. he was also

4:33

more interested in going to

4:35

Alaska. in going to The

4:38

decision to go go in

4:40

can be attributed in part

4:43

to part to pure machisim. Neither I

4:45

nor I had ever been

4:47

anywhere as cold as in

4:49

in January and have

4:51

no incentive to visit in

4:54

winter other than bragging other

4:56

than bragging rights. It

4:58

been a a -spontaneous decision, decision,

5:00

or I'm sure we sure we

5:02

could have ourselves out out

5:04

of it. been

5:07

been inviting us sporadically for

5:09

about three years. years.

5:11

I won't overstate my

5:13

significance to him by

5:15

pretending the invitations were

5:17

anything more than casual, casual,

5:19

and visit visit some time, suggestions,

5:22

and terse but friendly emails. He'd give

5:24

us little give us little

5:26

updates about his send pictures

5:28

pictures of his house, and

5:30

generally try to impact a sense

5:32

of sense of rural contentment. played a

5:34

big part in the whole lifestyle

5:37

shift. shift. Back in San Francisco,

5:40

he'd been working for a startup

5:42

for a couple for a the company

5:44

was bought by a major tech

5:46

conglomerate. a major tech And the stock he'd

5:48

been issued been a part of

5:50

his employment package suddenly became worth

5:52

some six became worth some he never

5:54

fully disclosed. fully disclosed. In

5:56

a move that I a move

5:58

that I conceived with perfectly executed.

6:01

He quit the job, sold

6:03

his stock, bought a foreclosed

6:05

house in Stockton, then flipped

6:07

it for 40 grand profit.

6:09

Then he did it again

6:11

in Modesto. Shortly after that,

6:13

we heard about the move

6:15

to Alaska, where he apparently

6:17

keeps a toe in some

6:19

kind of remote-based tech work.

6:21

Much of his story between

6:23

his final phase in San

6:25

Francisco and Alaska is entirely

6:27

mysterious to me and Sal.

6:30

but we're both willing to

6:33

accept the possibility that this

6:35

chain of good fortune has

6:37

doled his most ragged edges.

6:40

He's not fundamentally a bad

6:42

guy, or so I tell

6:45

myself now that we're less

6:47

than an hour away from

6:49

his house. We'd been good

6:52

friends in high school, not

6:54

best friends, but he was

6:57

part of the crew. We

6:59

drank beer, smoked weed, hid

7:01

from cops, competed for sexual

7:04

glory, and more rarely shared

7:06

private emotional fraught thoughts about

7:09

our parents, our futures, and

7:11

our failures. This continued for

7:13

a few years in college,

7:16

albeit in wilder darker and

7:18

although more dangerous anifestations. My

7:22

graduation probably marked the point at which

7:24

I realized I was ready to shed

7:26

our friendship. Still, when discussions of an

7:29

Alaska trip started evolving towards an actual

7:31

decision, I tried to convince myself that

7:33

Adrian didn't deserve to be defined by

7:35

the most chaotic and insecure period of

7:38

his life. I can't actually remember when

7:40

I last saw Adrian. He's always better

7:42

than me at directing his creative urges

7:44

into something more material. So it's not

7:47

hard to imagine that he's done something

7:49

cool with his new life up here.

7:51

I sometimes imagine him snowboarding in a

7:54

cozy cabin. Dippin' into

7:56

a big cigar box

7:58

stuffed with weed

8:00

and rippin' through massive

8:03

psychedelic riffs on

8:05

his guitar, or compiling

8:07

a book of

8:09

local folklore. Whatever

8:12

he gets up to

8:14

here, it's gotta be better

8:16

than the regular outbursts,

8:19

paranoid accusations, and

8:21

conspiracy dabbling that marked our

8:23

last phase of our friendship.

8:25

To say nothing of the

8:27

less regular but more serious physical

8:30

altercations that would end an otherwise

8:32

fun night at a house party or

8:34

a bar. We're

8:38

passing through a tiny town when

8:40

Sal pulls into a gas station that

8:42

seems to also serve as the

8:44

only place to buy groceries. Adrian

8:48

warned us to stock up

8:50

early since businesses would quickly

8:52

thin out after the airport.

8:54

The deal? We bring beer,

8:56

whiskey, and cigarettes, and

8:58

he'll supply weed and food.

9:01

Sal and I buy far more than

9:03

any sensible person would need for

9:06

a three -day trip. But

9:08

we're already hungry, and in

9:10

any case, we aren't in

9:12

Alaska in January to be

9:14

sensible. The

9:16

liquor store offered a welcome break

9:18

from the visual monotony, and a

9:20

turnoff from the main freeway offers

9:23

even more promise, with

9:25

thick boreal forests lining the

9:27

Tulane. Yeah, Yeah, this

9:29

is more like it. Says

9:31

Sal. Let's pull over

9:33

and smoke. We're

9:35

isolated enough to leave the car halfway in

9:37

the lane. and we stand

9:39

on the shoulder, leaning against the passenger

9:41

side. We light

9:43

our cigarettes with quivering hands, watching

9:45

our exhalations form giant clouds against

9:47

the black curtain of pines. This

9:51

is nuts. I

9:53

can't believe we're going to see Adrian, I

9:55

say. I know I haven't

9:57

even thought about it that

10:00

much That's at part I mean, the

10:02

I kept seeing this as

10:04

a trip to I hope the guy is at

10:06

a reunion semi-normal these hope the

10:08

guy is at least semi -normal

10:10

these days. did If he's not, then

10:13

we came we'll something different, out

10:16

and we'll have a good story out of it. That's

10:18

at least part of the reason

10:20

I'm here, I'm I'm honest. I don't

10:22

I don't know if plain good guy

10:24

or contrarian. I'm giving him the

10:26

benefit of the doubt. of

10:28

the doubt. I actually he's

10:31

come up here that he's up

10:33

like this. and set himself up like

10:35

do couldn't do last statement

10:37

annoys me, but only

10:39

because it pricks at the sense of

10:41

superiority over of Through

10:43

this move to Alaska,

10:46

this move evolved from he's evolved

10:48

of mockery of something

10:50

more something more ambiguous. ambiguous.

10:52

And right. right. The remoteness, the

10:54

the degree of self -reliance

10:56

necessary to live out

10:59

here alone. to live out here probably

11:01

couldn't do it. couldn't do it. the

11:03

few hours hours been in

11:05

Alaska, in I've been testing

11:07

the place against my own needs

11:09

and priorities. my own needs I've already concluded

11:11

and I've it - concluded that it

11:14

isn't for me. We arrived

11:16

at at Adrian's place around

11:18

around 8. Earlier than the than the

11:20

pervasive darkness and our our

11:22

flagging energy indicate. His

11:24

two-story isn't the complete,

11:27

complete -to -the -land homestead

11:29

I've been expecting, but

11:31

looks like a like a suburban

11:34

house, house, plunked onto a patch

11:36

of snow. of snow. Adrian is out

11:38

the front door door walking down

11:40

the down the we get out

11:42

of the car. we get out of the car.

11:44

Well, holy shit! Hey, Grens! Look who's as this lands in

11:47

His hair is thinner, is as

11:49

is the rest of him. of

11:51

him. don't quite quite how skinny

11:53

he's become, until he gives us

11:55

an awkward, us an -way embrace. embrace.

11:58

Skin and bones. Rapped in

12:00

cannabis sting. He helps unload

12:02

the trunk and leaves us

12:04

inside. Immediately I wish we

12:07

hadn't come. There is no

12:09

single element of the house

12:11

that provokes this immediate tug

12:13

of panic, but it comes

12:15

anyway. Hard and fast. As

12:17

best I can remember, the

12:19

pictures Adrian sent had all

12:21

been taken outdoors. A summer

12:23

garden of climbing tomato and

12:25

cucumber vines. Adrian posing next

12:27

to a hand-built wooden shed.

12:29

A tent pitched next to

12:31

a pristine lake. Looks like

12:33

you've got a serial killer

12:36

den here, dude. South says.

12:38

At least I don't have

12:40

to say it. It isn't

12:42

that the house contains anything

12:44

especially discomforting. Rather, its lack

12:46

of anything is what freaks

12:48

me out. It looks barely

12:50

lived in. How long has

12:52

he been living here again?

12:55

years and it looks like he

12:58

moved in this weekend. He takes

13:00

us straight to the living room

13:02

where there's a gaudy old sofa

13:04

upholstered to look like something from

13:06

a European country manner. A tiny

13:09

rectangular coffee table in the middle

13:11

of the floor and a stained

13:13

beige recliner facing the sofa. No

13:16

decorations on the wall, no television,

13:18

no sign of the place serving

13:20

the basic functions of living, that

13:22

one would normally associate with such

13:24

a room. Yeah, I'm pretty minimal

13:26

these days. Adrian offers. I keep

13:28

thinking about getting more stuff, but

13:30

I don't need it, so I'm

13:32

not going to waste my money

13:34

on it. Where do you work?

13:36

Upstairs. Adrian nods in the direction

13:38

of the dark and staircase. That's

13:40

where you keep your bodies? I

13:42

ask. Releasing my suitcase and sleeping

13:44

bag into the corner since Adrian

13:46

hasn't given us any other suggestion

13:48

about where to do with them.

13:50

No, that's where I skin them.

13:52

My workshop. I'll show you later.

13:54

Beer first. We moved the beer.

13:56

and snacks into

13:59

the equally austere

14:01

kitchen. Sal seems more

14:03

amused than concerned

14:05

by Adrian's domestic

14:07

situation, and is, again, about it.

14:09

about it. trying to Are you just trying

14:11

to save money or something? why go to the

14:13

why go to the trouble of getting

14:15

two plates, but not just get a

14:17

full set? guys are my are my first from the

14:19

Bay the Bay I mean, I mean. If

14:22

any here, we here, the the fire

14:24

pit outside. you Are you trying

14:26

to make some kind of

14:28

statement? Yeah. don't don't have any extra plates.

14:30

That's my statement. Okay. I think he hasn't

14:32

think He was hasn't gone at least

14:34

one was always at least

14:37

one kind of weird. And

14:39

now he's just a slightly

14:41

different kind, weird. Back in the living

14:44

Back in the living room, the

14:46

joint. joint. The familiarity

14:48

of the routine me to me

14:50

to relax and embrace the

14:52

the doubty sleeves. What would a

14:54

random visitor find out here

14:56

on the fringe of the

14:58

inhabited world? the inhabited world? The reach.

15:01

humanity's reach? What life lay at

15:03

the collision point of

15:05

primeval nature and the human

15:07

and to settle? impulse to A

15:10

skinny guy, guy, teeth, pinching

15:12

bits of marijuana on a

15:14

dirty beige recliner? I try I try to

15:17

take some comfort in this. We

15:20

smoke and catch up for

15:22

a while, a while, doing our best

15:24

to present ourselves as collectively unaffected

15:26

by the long gap by the

15:28

physical and between our distance between our last

15:30

Did you guys bring any CDs?

15:33

you guys bring any CDs? Back in the

15:35

modern world, people don't really

15:37

carry CDs around with them with them

15:39

anymore. Sal says. Adrian Adrian disappears upstairs

15:41

for a while, a while, then returns

15:43

with an old an old CD cassette

15:45

player. I didn't bring any CDs

15:47

with me, so I just

15:49

record myself playing and then burn

15:52

everything to a CD burn everything to

15:54

a of these. I have like 30 of

15:56

these. The taking hold now, now,

15:58

and I'm genuinely intrigued. to

16:00

hear what he's committed to those

16:02

CDRs. Adrian's always been a decent

16:05

guitar player. Better at covering others

16:07

than writing his own music, but

16:09

his attempts at the latter aren't

16:12

complete embarrassments. As he sits back

16:14

in the recliner and takes a

16:17

swig of beer, I notice that

16:19

his teeth look abnormally small. Maybe

16:21

they've always been small. Of

16:24

course they've always been small.

16:27

Adult teeth don't grow. I

16:29

mean, I've always been aware

16:31

of how small they were,

16:33

I think. But now, now

16:35

they just seem, yeah, abnormal.

16:37

Have they been worn away

16:40

by something? Has he been

16:42

chewing on elk bones out

16:44

here in the wilderness? Why

16:46

has extra space appeared between

16:48

them? Doesn't appear to have

16:51

any fewer teeth. So

16:53

how did they grow farther apart?

16:55

As the rest of his mouth

16:58

grown bigger? Fuck. I'm really high

17:00

already. Adrian's smiling at me. I

17:02

didn't expect to be this stoned

17:05

so early into the trip. I

17:07

break my gaze and look at

17:09

the CD player. The music isn't

17:12

what I expected. Far from the

17:14

big psych riffs I hoped for.

17:17

Adrian's guitar improv consists of little

17:19

more than single notes or chords

17:21

repeated at regular intervals, often for

17:24

minutes at a time, before a

17:26

long pause, and then finally a

17:28

change. You've gone minimalist in more

17:31

ways than one, I say, nodding

17:33

at the CD player. It takes

17:35

some effort to get the words

17:38

out. I'll have to decline if

17:40

Adrian rolls another join, which is

17:43

likely. Do you like it? Adrian

17:45

Grins. I say nothing, but nod

17:47

my head in time with the

17:50

adadine repetition. For all its bleakness,

17:52

the house is warm. I start

17:54

to feel drowsy. Sal must be

17:57

feeling the Why are

17:59

we sleeping tonight? Upstairs?

18:02

Didn't you say there's a spare

18:04

you say there's a spare room? his

18:06

still Don't little teeth. sleep think we'll

18:08

We yet, man. of We got a

18:10

lot of do in to do

18:13

tonight. Sal nor I respond. I respond. drinking moor

18:15

I know that drinking more isn't

18:17

going to alleviate my stoned my body

18:19

but it keeps my body busy

18:21

and gives me something to focus

18:23

on. So I go quickly through

18:25

another bottle of beer. beer. The The

18:27

room fills with long silences. Though

18:30

not really sure if they're if

18:32

all that long, all that a little

18:34

been out of shape, bit and the

18:36

weed is causing everything to become

18:38

relative. to become relative. to what? to what?

18:40

Points of reference are slippery. are slippery. Hard

18:42

Hard to believe I was in

18:44

San Francisco this morning. this Yeah,

18:46

I know. I know. I can't Can't believe

18:48

we made it to it to god damn Alaska.

18:51

I guess I've been speaking aloud.

18:53

aloud. I I look at Adrian's and

18:55

feel a quick jolt of fear that

18:57

he could hear everything that's been been

18:59

running through my Finally, he he stopped

19:01

screening and and me on the the chintzy couch

19:04

is staring out the window. the Did

19:06

I tell you guys about the

19:08

locals? locals? The answer was was

19:10

silence. Then Sal asks, are Are they weird

19:12

hillbillies or something? Do you go

19:14

to house parties with Sarah

19:16

Palin's kids? I toss in.

19:18

I toss in. the locals look great.

19:21

Really good people, really good. You're

19:23

gonna meet them tonight. I'm super

19:25

tired, man. I don't know if

19:27

I man. I to meet anyone. I Sorry.

19:29

stanma to meet anyone. probably be better. would

19:31

A lot better. A lot better. Says Sal.

19:33

That's cool. They'll come here, so

19:35

we don't actually have to

19:38

go out. have to go We're all

19:40

going to hang out in here?

19:42

in I asked around at the the

19:44

grim room. No, room. stay No, I we

19:46

can the fire pit. I'm not along

19:48

forgetting it'll be freezing out there.

19:51

Adrian now seems completely seems completely

19:53

disinterested in us, his fixing

19:55

his attention exclusively on the

19:57

window. What kind kind of animals

19:59

do you have? in those

20:01

woods. Sal asked after an

20:03

extended lull, soundtracked by Adrian's

20:05

interminable plucking. He turns back

20:07

to us, smiling, as if

20:09

he just remembered we're here.

20:11

His teeth were always like

20:13

that, right? I'm just high.

20:15

Animals? You want to see

20:18

animals? No, I just wondered

20:20

what lives out there. Do

20:22

you get a lot of

20:24

wild animals wandering onto your

20:26

property? Oh, I get a

20:28

lot of interested stuff on

20:30

this property. This is one

20:32

of his old tricks. Producing

20:34

some needless mystique around something

20:36

banal, just to make you

20:38

feel excluded. Why am I

20:41

here? There are reasons I

20:43

cut off contact from this

20:45

guy. Good reasons. Fuck him

20:47

and his tiny teeth. Something

20:49

about this guy is off.

20:52

He's always been off. What am

20:55

I doing in freezing ass Alaska

20:57

in this shitty room? I want

20:59

better music in a comfortable bed.

21:02

I don't want to see any

21:04

of this in the morning. Sal

21:06

walks over to the window. Imagine

21:09

waking up and seeing a fucking

21:11

moose. Or that, yeah, two moose

21:13

fucking. A ripple of laughter fills

21:16

the horrible room. It's good to

21:18

see Adrian making jokes again. He's

21:20

not all bad. Good

21:23

for a laugh sometimes. Get

21:25

loose with the moose. I

21:28

need the moose to get

21:30

to my juice. Adrian quickly

21:32

fires back. I try to

21:34

get in on it. Standing

21:36

up and grinding my hips

21:39

in a clumsy circle. I

21:41

deduce to perform self-abuse. Adrian

21:43

requires a profuse population of

21:45

moose. Sal laughs, but Adrian

21:48

keeps his little grin fixed

21:50

on me. I carry on.

21:53

That's why you got that chair

21:55

position that way. So you can

21:57

jack off to the moose while

21:59

reclining. thousand hysterics

22:03

now. That's

22:06

his morning routine Cup of

22:08

coffee of coffee moose! He waits

22:10

for it in his fucking for

22:12

her in his Silk

22:15

bathrobe, I specify. He waited I

22:17

one He waited for a

22:19

long time one morning with his dick

22:21

out, but Todd Palin appeared instead on

22:23

his So Adrian made him stop made

22:26

him stop and pose

22:28

with a moose mask. out the

22:30

staring out the window

22:32

and making sloppy masturbation gestures. Todd,

22:34

hold it there, 10 just

22:37

10 more seconds, move! don't

22:39

move! smile doesn't reveal reveal really he's

22:41

really merely tolerating. You guys want to go outside?

22:43

I You guys want outside? Better I

22:45

can show you me call my than James.

22:47

He's a me call my buddy Adrian

22:49

He's a the kitchen and pull some the kitchen

22:51

the pull some beers he the refrigerator

22:53

an he picks up an old

22:56

yellow phone from the from the empty countertop.

22:58

go back I go back in the

23:00

living room and pass a bottle while Adrian

23:02

murmurs in the kitchen. kitchen. After the

23:04

brief moment of of

23:06

masturbation and I can

23:08

feel the heavy dread

23:10

descending again. the heavy dread descending

23:13

again. not not... good about

23:15

this, I say. about this, I

23:17

say. You need them. A new stab

23:19

of I wanted Sal

23:21

to reassure me. Sal to He

23:23

never gets me. He never gets the fear

23:25

we smoke. And

23:27

he's a reliable babysitter when the

23:29

other psychedelics are involved. are

23:32

involved. The supposed to let you know you

23:34

have nothing to worry about. you have nothing

23:36

just two nights. It's just two say,

23:38

I say. things might seem a bit

23:40

more normal tomorrow. tomorrow. He's weird weird

23:42

I guess I should have I guess I should

23:44

have expected he'd seem extra weird after

23:47

all this time. time. Right? I just keep I

23:49

just keep thinking about how far

23:51

we are from everything. though. I can't believe

23:53

he lives up here. hear I hear

23:55

Adrian returning from the kitchen. Want

23:58

to go outside? outside he He puts on bit

24:00

the second I step outdoors,

24:02

my teeth start hammering like

24:04

pistons. But the second I

24:07

step outdoors, my teeth start

24:09

hammering like pistons. I wonder

24:11

if Sal is experiencing the

24:14

same thing, but I can't

24:16

calm the motion for long

24:18

enough to ask. The cold

24:20

beard moves through my esophagus

24:23

in a slow, thick descent.

24:25

There's too much going on

24:27

in my body. Too

24:30

many competing processes and no focus.

24:32

I have to take each step

24:35

with careful deliberation. I brought what

24:37

were marketed as waterproof hiking shoes,

24:39

but the snow is up to

24:42

the top of my shins and

24:44

my feet are already freezing. Adrian

24:46

gives us each a flashlight. Follow

24:49

me. He says. We're in a

24:51

kind of side yard. Excess through

24:53

the kitchen door. The

24:56

geometry of Adrian's property is a

24:58

mystery to me, as is its

25:00

size. I have a vague sense

25:02

that we need to go through

25:04

the house again to reach the

25:07

driveway and the snowy expanse of

25:09

the front yard. But I can't

25:11

be sure. Everything feels formless and

25:13

infinite. Our flashlights make moving circles

25:15

in the snow, revealing nothing. I

25:18

lift the light and scan in

25:20

several directions. Cashing black outlines of

25:22

pine trees like charcoal sketches. The

25:25

rest of my body joins my

25:27

teeth in vibration. Yeah, there's my

25:29

fire pit. Adrian shines his light

25:31

on the rather sad circle of

25:34

stones. Only a couple feet high

25:36

and marked by soot streets. I

25:38

built that during the summer. Given

25:40

the low stakes and low craftsmanship

25:42

of Adrian's showpiece fire pit, I

25:44

can't help but wonder what he

25:46

really does with the rest of

25:49

his time. Hey, why don't you

25:51

have outdoor life? Salas. I don't

25:53

need them. I think they used

25:55

to work. I just didn't replace

25:57

the bones. The locals are pretty

25:59

well-liked. I tell you James is

26:01

coming? He'll bring some people with

26:04

him. I ask how many. Don't

26:06

know. They're all good people though.

26:08

Huh, we're here. Adrian's bean fixes

26:10

on a narrow stick and possibly

26:12

a young sapling rising from the

26:14

snow. Be careful, there's a hole.

26:16

He kicks aside some snow, then

26:19

bends over and rises back up

26:21

with a shovel. Hole's already here,

26:23

I just have to clear the

26:25

snow. He passes me his flashlight

26:27

and shows me where to keep

26:29

it pointed. I train two beams

26:31

on the spot, but the light

26:33

jitters on account of my shaking.

26:36

Small clumps of snow start flying

26:38

over Adrian's shoulders. Freezing air stings

26:40

my chest, but I still crave

26:42

a cigarette. I look at Sal,

26:44

who does me a favor of

26:46

speaking. So what is this? Have

26:48

you guys ever seen a homunculus?

26:51

I'm not sure who responds first,

26:53

but there's a long delay before

26:55

either of us get the word

26:57

no out. I found it a

26:59

few months ago, before all the

27:01

snow settled. I told James about

27:03

it, but only a couple weeks

27:06

ago. He hasn't seen it yet.

27:08

I wanted to wait until you

27:10

guys got here before showing it

27:12

to anyone. Make your trip pretty

27:14

memorable. Keep like right there. Don't

27:16

move it. I'm still

27:18

trying to hold the flashlight

27:21

steady. I can see an

27:23

object, white against black earth,

27:25

and the little ditch Adrian

27:27

is emptying. He's taking larger

27:29

scoops of snow now, avoiding

27:31

contact with whatever it is

27:33

that we're looking at. After

27:35

a few more plunges, he

27:38

steps aside. Take a look.

27:40

The hole is maybe three

27:42

feet deep, and at the

27:44

bottom, partially submerged is a

27:46

baby. the

27:50

skeleton

27:52

of

27:54

a

27:56

human

27:58

baby.

28:00

light to reveal his smile.

28:03

Proud, like a new parent.

28:05

Adrian? That's not... Adrian? Whose

28:07

baby is that? I whisper.

28:10

It's supposed to be a

28:12

demand, but it comes out

28:15

weak, and a broken little

28:17

breath. Pretty crazy, huh? None

28:20

of us speak for a

28:22

while. Then Sal tries again.

28:25

Was that a joke about

28:27

it being a homunculus? Adrian's

28:29

smile drops. What do you

28:32

think it is? I think

28:34

it's a baby. A dead

28:37

baby. Please tell me this

28:39

is a joke. I squeeze

28:42

out. What? You think I

28:44

put this here? I look

28:46

again at the thing in

28:49

the hole. There's

28:51

no mistaking the shape. The oversized

28:53

skull, the narrow ribcage, tiny fingers

28:55

and toes. Adrian, whose baby is

28:57

this? I ask again, shining my

28:59

light directly in his face. His

29:02

smile has evaporated and his eyes

29:04

launch a challenge. The locals know

29:06

a lot about this kind of

29:08

thing. They've been living with their

29:10

whole lives. You probably walk over

29:12

stuff like this every day, but

29:14

they just pay over everything in

29:16

California. You need to come up

29:18

here or go to the desert

29:20

to not find stuff like this

29:22

and know what to do with

29:25

it. I feel sorry for people

29:27

who don't even know that this

29:29

kind of shit exists. I think

29:31

I'm going to throw up. So

29:33

I move away from the hole.

29:35

The grape. Whatever. I just don't

29:37

want to do it on the

29:39

baby. Let's go

29:42

back inside. James and everyone

29:44

are on the way over.

29:46

I said we'd be outside.

29:48

I'm staying here. Hey, South

29:50

starts. What do you mean?

29:52

Know what to do with

29:54

it? Well, I guess we'll

29:56

find out tonight. The locust

29:58

can teach us that's what

30:00

I've been trying to say.

30:02

shock is actually helping to

30:04

clarify my thoughts. Or maybe

30:06

it's the cold. Doesn't matter.

30:08

I'm starting to feel less

30:10

stoned. More in control. Adrian,

30:12

it's a dead baby. I'm

30:14

going inside. Shoot yourself. I'm

30:16

staying here to actually learn

30:18

something. I don't go inside

30:20

though. Over Adrian's shoulder, I

30:22

noticed a trail of lights

30:24

bobbing slowly along what must

30:26

have been the road we

30:28

took earlier. I can't see

30:31

anything other than the lights

30:33

themselves. Simply a dozen or

30:35

so, flickering spots, and various

30:37

shades of white, orange, and

30:39

yellow. Some look like flashlights,

30:41

others, flames. Cast my own

30:43

light towards a little orbs.

30:45

And can see the silhouettes,

30:47

maybe a dozen figures, walking

30:49

along the road in our

30:51

direction. They walk in a

30:53

single file, maybe 50 yards

30:55

from the house. Someone at

30:57

the front of the procession

30:59

flashes his lights twice, which

31:01

I read as a signal

31:03

of acknowledgement. I turn the

31:05

beam back to Adrian. I

31:07

think the locals are here.

31:09

His smile returns. Awesome! Adrian

31:11

turns around and walks a

31:13

few steps in the direction

31:15

of the incoming lights, then

31:17

flix his own light on

31:19

and off. Sal

31:22

and I share a look. Let's

31:24

go inside, I whisper. Yeah. Oh

31:26

man, he's brought a lot of

31:28

people, this is good. Adrian calls

31:30

back to us, using his boot

31:32

to clear a little path through

31:34

the snow on his way back

31:36

to the hole. We need to

31:38

build a fire. I think I

31:40

might need to go in, I

31:43

say, through rattling teeth. Don't forget.

31:45

We're not used to this cold.

31:47

All right, just help me build

31:49

the fire first. It'll go a

31:51

lot quicker with three of us

31:53

working on it. Bring the jump.

31:55

We follow him over to the

31:57

fire pit. Our light beams zigzagging

31:59

across the blank whiteness at our

32:01

feet. guys wait here, I got

32:03

wood over there. Adrian points his

32:06

flashlight to the little firewood shelter,

32:08

nearly empty, against the side of

32:10

the house. Sal uses a shovel

32:12

to start clearing snow from the

32:14

stone ring while I wait, shivering,

32:16

for Adrian to return with an

32:18

armload of wood. He drops some

32:20

logs in the small pit and

32:22

tells us to wait again, then

32:24

kicks his way through the snow

32:27

back to the house. So when

32:29

do you think it's going to

32:31

be time to go? I asked

32:33

Sal. Think we can make it

32:35

through the night? I'm not staying

32:37

here tomorrow. We can stick to

32:39

our original flight plan, but I'm

32:41

happy to get a motel. There's

32:43

no way I'm staying here again.

32:45

Okay, let's meet these people. Have

32:47

a few more beers and call

32:50

it a night. When Adrian returns,

32:52

he has a bundle of paper

32:54

and a bottle of vegetable. He

32:56

squirts the paper with oil and

32:58

sprays him more directly onto the

33:00

wood. Sets the paper under the

33:02

logs and pulls out a lighter.

33:04

It burns quickly and the oil

33:06

catches on the log. But there's

33:08

little to suggest that the fire

33:11

will last beyond the oil's capacity

33:13

to hold the flame. The fire

33:15

is sad as the pit in

33:17

which it burns. Adrian! calls a

33:19

voice from the bottom of the

33:21

yard. The locals are here. All

33:23

three of us point our flashlights

33:25

in the direction of the voice.

33:27

A long row of people stands

33:29

in silence. Most of them are

33:31

covered in hooded coats and gloves.

33:34

Their faces obscured by layers of

33:36

clothing. Some have flashlights. Others carry

33:38

camping lanterns. Adrian points his flashlight

33:40

at the stick which marks the

33:42

baby's grave. See that?

33:44

Though there. But be careful.

33:46

Watch your step. Something about

33:49

their coat seems familiar. But

33:51

I can't figure out what

33:53

it is. The shape of

33:55

the people and the way

33:58

they stand in formation. Look

34:00

at some long dormant memories.

34:02

asked Adrian. They like. Can

34:04

you win? He looks at

34:07

me like I'm unfathomably stupid.

34:09

Nah, dude, they're not new

34:11

it. Anyway, it's Dana around

34:13

here and some you bet.

34:15

What? Adrian shakes his head.

34:18

Never mind. They're not, let's

34:20

go. The fire is already

34:22

reduced to floating wisps of

34:24

ash, but it doesn't seem

34:27

to interest Adrian anymore. The

34:30

locals make their way toward the

34:32

hole, and Adrian speeds up to

34:35

intercept them. I'll let them walk

34:37

a few steps ahead. Then I

34:39

grab Sal's arm. Hey, Adrian, I'm

34:41

gonna go take a piss. I'll

34:44

see you over there in a

34:46

minute. Yeah, me too. Bad Sal,

34:48

as we cut diagonally toward the

34:50

house. As soon as we get

34:52

inside. I know I'm not going

34:55

out there again. I'm

34:57

not going to meet James. I

35:00

don't care about the wisdom of

35:02

the locals, especially as it relates

35:04

to a dead fucking baby. I

35:06

do actually need a piss. So

35:09

I leave Sal in the living

35:11

room and search around for the

35:13

bathroom, opening several doors in the

35:15

process. What is presumably meant to

35:18

be a bedroom flies empty but

35:20

for some sheets on the floor.

35:22

A storage closet contains nothing but

35:25

a cardboard box with unopened packages

35:27

of Roach and Ant Killer. Another

35:29

door leads to an empty garage.

35:33

The bathroom itself, as much

35:35

as I expected. The toilet,

35:37

no soap, no hand towel.

35:39

The bare bulb flickers and

35:41

buzzes. The mirror has a

35:43

giant crack. Still, it's warm.

35:45

And I'm thankful for the

35:47

first moment alone since we've

35:49

landed in Alaska. The first

35:51

opportunity to pause and contemplate

35:53

what the hell is going

35:55

on. It doesn't last long.

35:57

Someone's fist smashes into the

35:59

door. It's time to go.

36:01

says a voice in the

36:03

hallway. A voice I don't

36:05

recognize. Who's that? My name

36:07

is James. What do you

36:09

want? We need you to

36:11

come outside. Where's Sal? He's

36:13

with us. Okay, I'll be

36:15

out in a minute, just

36:17

wait. We'll see you outside.

36:19

Okay. Like I said, I'm

36:21

not going outside. So I

36:23

wait. Wait for at least

36:25

five more minutes. appreciating the

36:27

warmth of the bathroom and

36:29

trying to avoid looking at

36:31

my palate face and dilated

36:33

pupils in this sleazy sputtering

36:35

light. When I'm certain that

36:37

James is gone, I slip

36:39

quietly out of the bathroom.

36:41

Nobody around. Total silence in

36:43

the house. The living room

36:45

light is off, so I

36:48

can clearly see out the

36:50

windows and into the yard.

36:52

They formed a circle around

36:54

the grave. Maybe seven or

36:56

eight of them. I can't

36:58

make out whether Sal is

37:00

a part of the group,

37:02

but I know he's not

37:04

in the house with me.

37:06

And then, I notice the

37:08

others. Station at each of

37:10

the three windows are two

37:12

of the locals, holding lanterns

37:14

at their chests. Their hoods

37:16

keep their face mostly dark.

37:18

I don't know if I'm

37:20

looking at men or women,

37:22

adults or children. I

37:25

do know that. In spite

37:27

of the darkness inside the

37:29

house, they're looking at me.

37:31

Sal? I call. Nothing. I

37:33

hope he's right outside the

37:35

door. Maybe talking to whoever

37:37

was standing at the windows.

37:39

I see a couple of

37:41

lanterns twitch, and then I

37:43

call his name again. There's

37:47

enough light coming in from their

37:49

lanterns and the giant moon for

37:52

me to spot the rental car

37:54

keys on the table. Next to

37:56

Sal's wallet and a pack of

37:58

cigarettes. Gently sweep up everything and

38:00

stuff it in my pocket. know

38:02

I'm not going outside, but I

38:04

walk towards the door, toward the

38:07

windows and the people on the

38:09

other side. I have no idea

38:11

where my eventual destination will be,

38:13

but I need to stall. Let

38:15

them think I'm on my way.

38:17

The circle around the grave hasn't

38:19

moved. The door to the backyard

38:21

is between two windows. And as

38:24

I get closer, I can discern

38:26

one of the local's facial features

38:28

a bit better. pale

38:30

skin, a small mouth, a

38:32

large forehead. I get up

38:35

to the door, grab the

38:37

handle, and lock it. That's

38:39

it. That's all I need

38:41

to do. You're a fucking

38:43

genius. Just keep these people

38:45

out for a while, so

38:47

I can sit and think

38:49

and eventually get some sleep.

38:51

Where the fuck is Salva?

38:54

Why did he go out

38:56

again? I

38:58

stand back from the door and

39:00

keep my eyes on the windows.

39:03

There's some kind of minor agitation.

39:05

A bouncing of the lanterns and

39:07

a quick burst of unintelligible conversation.

39:10

I go closer to the window

39:12

on the left and try to

39:14

get a good look at some

39:17

of the people on the other

39:19

side. The face is clear now.

39:21

Small features indeed. Bald head, fleshy

39:24

gums and tiny black eyes. face

39:27

of a baby, drafted

39:29

onto a skull of

39:31

an adult. Is it

39:33

smiling? Maybe it had

39:35

been. But when it

39:37

notices me looking at

39:39

it, it starts gargling

39:41

and spitting, then squealing.

39:43

Similar noises rise from

39:45

the others. Their lights

39:47

start shaking, and the

39:49

yard fills with high-pitched

39:52

baby cries. and

39:54

shoot across the living room to the

39:56

front door. Time to go, just like

39:58

James said. The

40:01

cold outside hits me hard, but

40:03

it's sobering and energizing. Out here,

40:05

things feel real again. The car

40:08

is real, and it's waiting for

40:10

me. Just steps away. The cigarettes

40:12

in my pocket are real. The

40:15

keys are real. So they won't

40:17

stop shaking in my hand. The

40:19

squeals are still coming from the

40:21

other side of the house. They're

40:24

real too, and they're loud. Sal

40:27

isn't real anymore because I

40:29

can't see him. He's now

40:31

part of whatever this is.

40:34

Whatever is going on in

40:36

the backyard. This thing, this

40:38

event, this moment, whatever it

40:40

is that I'm driving away

40:42

from, clumsily, dangerously at first,

40:45

and then more steadily. Like

40:47

a guy who should be

40:49

on the road. A guy

40:51

who's right where he needs

40:53

to be. I

40:56

can see it all for

40:58

a while in the rear

41:00

view mirror. A silent cluster

41:02

of lights, flickering but stable,

41:05

and circling a baby grave.

41:07

I can even hear the

41:09

insane squeals through the window.

41:11

Soon, though, it's just snow

41:13

and pines. I'm still pretty

41:15

fucked up. None of this

41:17

has been quite as sobering

41:19

as I thought. I'm going

41:22

too fast. I

41:24

can't feel the road. I'm

41:26

floating. In the distance I

41:28

see a sign, stop ahead.

41:30

I start slowing down, listening

41:32

carefully to the increased volumes

41:35

of the rubber on the

41:37

asphalt. The road makes itself

41:39

more present as my speed

41:41

decreases, like I'm coming back

41:43

to roof. I pass a

41:46

sign and can just make

41:48

out the intersection ahead. A

41:50

simple four-way stop, currently vacant.

41:53

lit by dangling lamps. We're

41:55

probably going too slow now,

41:57

overcompensating my efforts to be

42:00

Unlike most of my

42:02

friends, I've never been

42:04

able to drive while

42:07

stoned. The little lights

42:09

flicker and swing. One

42:11

of them seems unusually

42:13

low on whatever pole

42:15

it's attached to. Actually,

42:17

as they come into

42:19

focus, I notice that

42:21

they're all different. Different

42:24

colors, different positions. And

42:27

now I can see they're not

42:29

attached to any kind of pole,

42:32

but carried by four people. I'm

42:34

getting close to the intersection. There

42:36

are no other cars on the

42:39

road. So I could probably drive

42:41

straight through. Do I trust myself

42:43

though? Fuck. One of these guys

42:46

is standing in the middle of

42:48

the road. Bring my car to

42:50

a stop. The

42:53

four figures look familiar. Hoods

42:55

pulled tight and leather gloves

42:57

holding their camplights. The lights

42:59

fled through the car. I

43:01

can't see anything. I hear

43:03

them approach, walking slowly with

43:05

purpose. One stops at my

43:08

driver's side window, another at

43:10

the passenger door, and the

43:12

other two encircled a car

43:14

at the front and the

43:16

back. Think about Sal. Wish

43:18

you and I hadn't left

43:20

him behind. I

43:24

hear the driver's door handle

43:26

pop and then the passenger

43:28

door. Then those high-pitched screams

43:30

start up. I think I

43:32

can hear them coming all

43:34

the way from the house

43:36

too. Maybe they're calling each

43:38

other. For some idiotic reason

43:40

I start laughing. I really

43:42

wish that was here. I'd

43:44

like to ask him if

43:46

he's ever seen a homunculus.

43:55

This has been a morbid forest production

43:58

and on this week's you've

44:00

heard, heard, A the North,

44:02

the North, by Andrew

44:04

Wilbur Wilber, with by by

44:07

Matthew as the narrator.

44:09

the narrator. Sean Conkling Mathot as

44:12

Sal, Sean Moreau as Adrian, David

44:14

Kurz as David Kurz

44:16

as James. production and

44:18

audio production by Our

44:20

Richards. Our theme music

44:23

this season is The Shadows

44:25

by Music and sound and sound

44:27

effects provided by by Sound. Sound.

44:30

Don't forget to follow us

44:32

on us on X or Twitter you're old

44:34

school, old school. Instagram, Blue Skyes, Discord, and

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and Threads stay up to date on

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Interested in more morsels of the

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As a our patron. you'll receive exclusive

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44:56

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Interested in hearing your story on on

45:08

season six Then go ahead and send

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it over to to the morbid at at

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submission guidelines on our website.

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Only two more episodes left in

45:25

left in the season As a reminder, a

45:27

reminder, next week is our season

45:30

finale. finale. We hope you're ready

45:32

for it. for And with that,

45:34

that, we'll see you next time

45:36

time travelers on the morbid forest.