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1:01

Farm, online, over the phone or

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in person, they got us. Like

1:05

a good neighbor, State Farm is

1:08

there. It's the Breakfast Club. The

1:10

world's most dangerous morning show. Hey!

1:14

That's not how it goes. That's not

1:16

how anything goes. Yeah, me's really like

1:18

a robot. One of the best DJ's

1:20

ever. Believe that! Sean Lemon is the

1:23

wild card. And I'm about to give

1:25

somebody the credit they deserve from being

1:27

stupid. I know that's right. Listen to

1:29

the Breakfast Club weekday mornings from 6

1:31

to 10 on 106 7 the B.

1:34

Columbus is real hip-popping on B. This

1:36

is it. You only get one round

1:38

of this, at least in this body.

1:40

You know, like, like, like, yeah, yeah,

1:42

man. Better, easier, softer, funner, funnier, whatever

1:44

it is that week that you're focusing

1:46

on, right? And I do think like,

1:48

oh my God, am I going to

1:50

get my period? Like, why am I

1:53

like on the verge of crying again,

1:55

annoying? But like, I do think I

1:57

don't know, but you're putting me on

1:59

the verge. More,

2:02

more, more,

2:05

more, better.

2:08

More, better.

2:12

More, better.

2:15

Welcome, more,

2:17

better. More, better.

2:19

More, better. And

2:22

that is Stephanie

2:24

Beatrice and welcome

2:26

to the More

2:28

Better Podcast Final

2:30

Episode. Podcasts have

2:32

seasons now and

2:34

in this season

2:36

this is our

2:38

last one. Anyway, how are

2:41

you Melissa? I'm doing I'm doing

2:43

good. I'm you know thinking about

2:45

how we've done a whole season

2:48

of this and it's been really

2:50

fun. I've enjoyed selfishly for me,

2:52

it's been really great for me

2:54

to get to see you and

2:56

hear your voice and see your

2:58

face and get friend time, especially

3:00

while I've been in Atlanta being

3:02

isolated and like living in my little

3:05

show bubble and like missing friends. At

3:07

least I get to see Stephanie in

3:09

Toronto. That's how I was in Toronto.

3:11

I was like, well, I get some

3:13

time to like talk to Melissa today,

3:15

which is nice, you know, like. I

3:18

agree. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I

3:20

feel like I've gotten to like know

3:22

you a little more better. Um,

3:24

yeah, same. Which has like been

3:26

a nice little, um, bonus bonus

3:28

to this. Yeah. I mean, I

3:30

need pretty well beforehand, though. I

3:32

thought I knew everything about you

3:34

and there were some surprises. There

3:37

were, let me see if there

3:39

were any surprises for me actually.

3:41

I think, you know, not to bring

3:43

it back to the drunk drawer, but

3:45

I was surprised. It's

3:48

just like a deep surprise

3:50

for me. I was like,

3:52

oh no, same, a revelation.

3:55

I was like, oh, we

3:57

haven't strongly disagreed about something.

3:59

I know, it truly felt

4:01

like I was like, wow, I've

4:04

seen into something inside her deep

4:06

dark like secret place and I

4:08

don't like it. It's not organized

4:10

and I want to empty it

4:12

out and help her. But I

4:14

would never, I would never do that to

4:17

you. I mean, I think we just have

4:19

different, keep your different

4:21

definitions of of organization.

4:23

I think you're right.

4:25

And it's, it's, there's room

4:28

for everyone. Today's

4:30

episode is very very

4:33

special because it is

4:35

the final episode of

4:37

season one. Bibbibbibbibbibbibbibb, we've

4:39

done a lot of

4:42

episodes. I think like in terms

4:44

of the actual pod though, I

4:46

think my favorite episode episode

4:49

was probably the one

4:51

that we did with Ariel when

4:53

we had... I loved that one.

4:55

Yeah, I really liked that one.

4:57

And I've used... Tip like she remembers

5:00

how she was like you should keep

5:02

a measuring tape in your purse that

5:04

way when you're vintage shopping you

5:06

can thrift shopping or whatever or

5:08

take your actual measurements with a

5:10

little measuring tape and then you

5:12

know if something's gonna fit you

5:14

or not you can order offline

5:16

I ordered two pairs of vintage

5:18

jeans for myself for my birthday

5:21

based on measurement alone and they were

5:23

both two totally different sizes

5:25

same brand they were like

5:27

vintage Levi's same brand two

5:29

totally different sizes both of

5:31

them fit like the glove

5:33

it was I still think about

5:36

that all the time and carry

5:38

the I carry the tape measure

5:40

in my purse yeah I loved

5:42

that one there were so many

5:44

good tips yeah I really loved

5:46

the wine episode we did because

5:48

that was great it was so

5:50

great it was so great it

5:52

was so fun and I did

5:54

feel smart. I did feel smart during

5:57

it. You got a hundred percent.

5:59

I was I was like. Oh, I'm

6:01

more wine smart than I thought I was,

6:03

but she gave really great tips, particularly

6:05

about like shopping for wine. And also we

6:07

found out what wine goes with hot

6:09

Cheetos and that is just information everyone should

6:11

have for the rest of their

6:13

life. I don't remember what it was

6:16

now, but I have that episode. I'm gonna

6:18

go back and have to listen to that

6:20

episode and find that part. Oh,

6:23

wait, you know what I did love

6:25

listeners. Thank you. I wanna take a

6:27

moment to say thank you for

6:29

all the EDM remixes of

6:32

me saying Seido masochism because

6:34

they made my fucking day

6:36

and I was really happy. And

6:39

wait, we're just gonna pause the pod for

6:41

a second to play some of them. Seido

6:52

masochism. Wow.

7:09

Great. Thank you so much. Thank you for

7:11

indulging me. Thank you. Wow. Let's

7:16

see, what else did I... Oh, I really

7:18

loved the... I mean, this is absolutely selfish,

7:20

but I loved the episode where we talked...

7:22

This was very recent when we talked about

7:24

reality television. Oh,

7:27

yes. I love reality TV.

7:29

It just really makes me so...

7:31

I learned that I love more

7:33

reality TV than I thought I

7:36

did. So

7:38

to celebrate the end of the

7:40

season, we are dedicating the last two

7:42

episodes to you. If you listened

7:44

to the one before this, you heard

7:46

a lot of listener letters and

7:48

some questions. And thank you again for

7:50

your emails and your positive reviews.

7:52

Positive reviews. And

7:55

for following on Instagram and

7:57

TikTok and all the

7:59

things. We are continuing today with

8:01

our listener, Mailbag Extravagans Obanansa, from the

8:03

last episode. We're going to answer some

8:05

questions and read some emails. So, let's

8:07

see. This is an email from Grace.

8:09

Hi, my name is Grace, and I've

8:11

recently started listening to your pod absolutely

8:13

adored it. Makes me feel so human

8:15

in who I am and my life.

8:17

That's really sweet. I should keep the

8:19

commentary to myself. Okay. You've taught me

8:21

so much on so many different topics

8:23

and I feel a lot more better

8:25

knowing than other people go through similar

8:27

experiences that I have. You too have

8:30

a knack for making everyone feel more better

8:32

just by talking about your experiences. I just

8:34

finished listening to episode, the episode I have

8:36

a lot of power in my group chats,

8:38

and it sparked an idea recently, especially after

8:40

the election inauguration. I felt a little bit

8:42

of despair and anxiety over what the future

8:44

will hold, especially in the United States. I

8:46

was wondering if youke. too could discuss

8:48

how to handle these

8:50

big feelings when everything

8:52

feels like it's changing.

8:54

I'd love to know your perspectives

8:56

and thoughts. I mean... I think...

8:59

to keep it on a... listen,

9:01

this could get really dark, really

9:04

fast. To try to keep it

9:06

in a place of what we

9:08

can do moving forward, I think

9:10

is to keep talking about the

9:13

stuff with friends, to keep...

9:15

being who you are openly

9:17

and publicly and not. Nava

9:20

Mao said this the other day

9:22

at the Glad Awards that I

9:24

was lucky enough to attend. She

9:26

said, don't silence yourself

9:29

before they silence you. Don't

9:31

do it for them. And

9:33

I thought that was such

9:35

a beautiful way. to express how

9:37

like just by being yourself and

9:39

living your truth and being who

9:42

you are and talking about the

9:44

things that you believe in whether

9:46

it's you know whether it's things

9:49

like your political position or

9:51

who you are in this

9:53

world or the groups that

9:55

you might represent I think being

9:57

open about those things and

10:00

and trying to also mesh

10:02

those things with a loving

10:04

kindness that everybody has

10:06

access to, not saying that

10:09

everybody uses it, that

10:11

everybody has access to a

10:13

loving kindness in their hearts,

10:16

meshing those things together is

10:18

the only way that we're gonna

10:20

be able to keep a

10:22

positive mindset moving forward

10:25

and not, again, allow ourselves

10:27

to be. Pushed into

10:29

a place where we feel

10:31

like we have to be

10:33

silent before Where we feel

10:36

like we have to be silent

10:38

period Yeah, yeah 100% and

10:40

I you know I find

10:42

when I'm feeling Really overwhelmed

10:45

and powerless like that, you

10:48

know, and I think I

10:50

feel like Elsa even talked

10:52

about it in these in

10:54

this episode of this of

10:57

the podcast kind of what

10:59

you were saying too just now, just

11:01

like doing things, you know what I

11:03

mean? Whether like I've, uh, Anna Sophia

11:05

Rob, who's on the show with me,

11:08

and I'll find out the name of

11:10

it, but there is like an app that,

11:12

um, can quickly show you like, all

11:14

the phone numbers of

11:16

your representatives or like, you

11:18

know, and it takes like 15 minutes

11:21

to just like. make some calls and

11:23

read a script of like, hey my

11:25

name is Dada Dada and I care

11:28

about this and I want you to

11:30

vote this way or whatever and just

11:32

taking those 15 minutes sometimes to make

11:35

your voice heard can just feel

11:37

good because I think that we

11:39

feel really powerless as citizens and

11:41

at the mercy but we have

11:43

to remember that like you know

11:45

we voted those people were voted

11:47

in. Like so it's important to

11:49

show up to the polls, it's

11:52

important to call reps, it's important

11:54

to like do those little actionable

11:56

things because they do work for us

11:58

at the end of the day. and it's

12:00

important to continue paying

12:03

attention because like maybe maybe

12:05

you were promised things and it's

12:07

important to continue paying attention

12:09

like yes we all need

12:11

to like protect our peace

12:13

and like yeah yeah sure and like

12:16

take breaks but like yeah yeah yeah

12:18

also that's fine but don't live

12:20

in oblivion right like don't like

12:22

don't kid yourself because it's there

12:25

no matter what and like also

12:27

pay attention if If you did,

12:29

you know, vote for the powers

12:31

that are in office right now,

12:34

pay attention. Are you

12:36

being given what you were

12:38

promised? Are you, is it

12:41

actually getting better for

12:43

you? Have your grocery

12:45

prices come down? Or is

12:47

it, like, maybe, maybe, maybe

12:50

people that have tons

12:52

of money shouldn't be

12:54

allowed to, like, I don't know.

12:56

storm government offices and

12:58

do whatever they want.

13:00

I don't think so.

13:02

Yeah, policy for middle

13:04

class and lower class

13:06

families. Yeah, you know,

13:08

and like when they never

13:10

been one. I get it.

13:12

It's a very, it's very

13:15

easy to sort of look

13:17

in the opposite direction and

13:19

go like, oh, well, it's gonna

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14:23

3030. Stay Farm knows

14:26

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your financial freedom for a second tomorrow.

14:30

On my Cultura Podcast Network, we

14:32

believe this too by sharing money management

14:34

tips that help you realize your

14:36

dreams, like on our show, Life as

14:38

a Gringo with DJ Dramos. Many

14:40

of us grew up and like I started the

14:42

podcast earlier saying, for me, in my family,

14:45

one of the biggest points of contention was

14:47

finances. And I know

14:49

as I got older, I made it

14:51

a promise to myself to say I don't want to

14:53

relive that. I don't want finances to be something

14:55

that stresses us out. I don't want

14:57

to be living in fear of the

14:59

shoe dropping, so to speak, right? Hiring

15:01

somebody to do credit repair for me.

15:03

That was a gift that I gave

15:05

myself that allowed me to then get

15:07

my first apartment, get my first

15:10

car under my name, then eventually buy my own

15:12

home. These are all things that are possible

15:14

for all of us. We just have to educate

15:16

ourselves and put in some of the hard

15:18

work. Like a good neighbor, Stay Farm is there.

15:20

Stay Farm, proud sponsor of my Cultura Podcast

15:22

Network. Hey, it's Zuko and Kayla from The

15:24

Wake Up Call. Enjoy your podcast when you're

15:26

done. Don't forget about us. We have a

15:28

radio show. We try to bring a smile

15:30

to your face every morning. We also talk

15:32

to some of the hottest country stars of today,

15:34

and we like to share some good news, but that's

15:36

what I like. Because Lord knows that's

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hard to find. When you're done podcasting

15:40

your podcast, listen to us at

15:43

92 .3 WCOL. Set your preset on your radio

15:45

right now, and don't forget you can listen to

15:47

us online on the I Heart Radio app. We're

15:51

better. Next?

15:54

Next? Let's segue into

15:56

the next question. Let's

15:59

segue into... Hello,

16:02

Stephanie and Melissa. I would just

16:04

like to share that I'm a huge

16:06

fan of the podcast. I find

16:08

you both so insightful, relatable, and hilarious.

16:10

Thank you. Many

16:13

thanks to the producers and everyone behind

16:15

the scenes who I'm sure helped

16:17

make it all happen as well.

16:19

Yes, they do. I do. Yeah. Leo,

16:21

Sophia and Isis. We love you.

16:23

Our three producers who are amazing.

16:26

I am currently a 21 -year -old English

16:28

student and would love, all caps, to

16:30

hear your thoughts on getting through

16:32

your 20s. I know it can be

16:34

a difficult time for a lot

16:36

of people and could be useful to

16:39

hear two successful women talk about

16:41

how tumultuous and rewarding it can be.

16:43

Looking forward to listening to whatever

16:45

you guys come up with and maybe

16:47

even getting a little more better

16:49

at this life business. Oh, my kindest

16:51

regards, Alice. What? First of all,

16:54

your email is very eloquent, Alice, so

16:56

I feel like you are going

16:58

to be just fine. I

17:01

kind of... No,

17:04

20s is such an interesting decade

17:06

because I was about to be

17:08

like, I loved my 20s and

17:10

then I remembered the back half

17:12

of it was truly awful and

17:14

I considered quitting acting and I

17:16

was struggling so hard and I

17:18

was like, oh, it's so hard.

17:20

But in hindsight, it's always 2020,

17:22

right? So I didn't have

17:24

kids yet. I wasn't married

17:27

yet for the first half of

17:29

my 20s. And

17:32

I think I

17:34

only bring that up in

17:36

the spirit of

17:38

my one regret

17:40

about my 20s is that I didn't

17:42

try more shit. Well,

17:45

my one biggest, okay,

17:47

now my one, my biggest,

17:50

my biggest regret is

17:52

that I didn't try more

17:54

dicks or more shit.

17:56

Sorry. Okay.

18:01

Also. Try more stuff. Yeah, yeah,

18:04

yeah. You didn't try, you didn't

18:06

try more stuff. Yeah. I wish

18:08

I would have like taken some

18:10

writing classes. I wish I wouldn't

18:12

have like, I almost took a

18:15

photography class once and then bailed

18:17

and like didn't do it for

18:19

like stupid reasons. I did learn how

18:21

to cook and I am always

18:23

thanking my younger self for doing

18:26

that like when I wasn't working

18:28

I was like I'm gonna really

18:30

learn how to cook and I'm

18:32

gonna this is where I'm gonna

18:34

put all my like frustrated energy

18:37

and I kind of wish

18:39

I had done that with some

18:41

other skills because then when I

18:43

did finally get closer to a

18:46

place that I wanted to be in my

18:48

career in my 30s and then I had

18:50

kids and like everything got so fucking busy

18:52

and then you just don't have time for

18:54

that yeah you know what I mean so

18:56

I feel like your 20s is like a

18:59

time to try as many things as

19:01

you can don't judge the journey like

19:03

there's no deadlines there's no timeline for

19:05

when you are like I think you

19:07

do feel that so much in your 20s

19:10

and then you go along and you're like

19:12

oh that was so made up like there

19:14

is no If you find success and greatness

19:16

in your 20s, you're, I don't know,

19:18

like the 0.5%, you know, like, I

19:20

think it's a time of discovery.

19:23

I think it's a time of, like, discovering

19:25

yourself and what you

19:27

want, but also just, like, trying

19:29

to expose yourself to, I think

19:32

I wish I had traveled a

19:34

little more in my 20s, even

19:36

if it was, like, you know,

19:38

not necessarily had to be, like,

19:40

big, extravagant things,

19:42

like just... gone more places,

19:44

you know, and I wish

19:47

I would have been a

19:49

little braver like with

19:51

friendships and

19:53

like creating new ones.

19:56

Oh, that's nice. Yeah,

19:58

I mean sad, but I feel

20:00

like I'm just, I feel like I'm

20:02

just going through like a laundry

20:04

list of my regrets in my

20:06

20s. But I think that's what

20:08

everybody knows when they look back.

20:11

I think everyone does that, but

20:13

like I think I put so much pressure

20:15

on myself in my 20s. And

20:18

while that may have at times

20:20

made me work hard. which I

20:22

also think like your 20s is

20:24

your time to freaking like work

20:26

hard like and go after shit

20:28

and be as ambitious as you

20:30

can and like you're never

20:32

gonna have this level of

20:34

energy and stamina and like

20:37

you know what I mean like

20:39

it will that shit will only

20:41

get harder as you get older

20:43

so like utilize your youth

20:45

to grind so that hopefully you

20:47

don't have to grind as hard

20:50

in your 30s and 40s. Right,

20:52

right. You know, but yeah, and

20:54

I think just like explore

20:56

more and like don't be afraid

20:58

to try shit and you know

21:01

expose yourself to different things, see

21:03

if you like it, you know,

21:05

pick up some new skills, like

21:08

just keep learning. Like you're a

21:10

student right now Alice. Don't lose

21:12

the like student, I think, spirit.

21:15

You know, so I think your, your

21:17

20s should be more of that, like

21:19

more exploring and figuring out what

21:21

you like and what you don't

21:24

like and, and acquiring, and acquiring,

21:26

fucking skills man, learn how to

21:28

sew, learn how to cook, learn.

21:30

Yeah, your older self will thank

21:33

you, you know. You know, very

21:35

responsible. advice. I feel like I

21:37

wish I had. Yes, now you

21:39

give the other side. Absolutely fucked

21:42

more people. Which I had. Sorry

21:44

in advance of really listening to

21:46

this with your children, but I

21:48

do. I wish I had fucked

21:51

more people because like, and I'm

21:53

not saying like in a dangerous

21:55

way, like, you know, safe, you know,

21:57

safe sex and in an emotionally safe

21:59

way. But like, I think I was raised,

22:01

I was raised so Catholic, I was raised

22:03

so like, you can't, don't get away. You're

22:06

like, what is he gonna buy the down?

22:08

And he could get the milk for free.

22:10

And like, what does that even mean? Like,

22:12

first of all, I- What is that even

22:14

fucking mean? Yeah, I mean, I know what

22:16

it means, but like, gross, you know, like,

22:18

and I wish I had just like- Not,

22:21

you know, I was constantly sort

22:23

of like searching for this idea

22:25

of like, oh, you gotta have

22:27

like a partner, you gotta like

22:30

have a partner, and it's like,

22:32

why? What for? Like, I was

22:34

great, I didn't end up with

22:36

any of those people that I've

22:39

dated in my 20s. Anyway, I

22:41

mean, you did, but like, I

22:43

did it. And I wish I had

22:45

not depended so... much leaned so

22:47

heavily on like I gotta get

22:49

loose so I gotta have some

22:51

alcohol because like that's not safe

22:54

right like just yeah you know like

22:56

being in party situations with alcohol

22:58

in your system it can it

23:00

can lead to like people making

23:03

choices that aren't always great

23:05

I mean listen people get drug

23:07

in their diet doctor peppers I'm

23:09

not saying that I'm just saying

23:11

like I wish personally I had

23:13

allowed myself the dare of like

23:16

can I go to this party and

23:18

stay sober and like see if I

23:20

actually like any of these people can

23:22

I go to this And go dancing

23:25

and like just let myself have a

23:27

good time feel sexy and have fun

23:29

and like meet people and not have

23:31

like wait what did I say and

23:34

like what did she look like and

23:36

you know like not in my brain?

23:38

It's just like I just went and

23:40

met people and had a good time

23:42

you know I wish I had A

23:45

lot of my 20s financially was just

23:47

trying to survive. I mean I was

23:49

just trying to survive for so much

23:52

of my 20s. Money, that's like another

23:54

good one I think for your 20s

23:56

is like figure out how to budget.

23:59

Figure out. Do that shit now. Hopefully

24:01

it will never be as hard as

24:03

it is in your 20s. But it

24:05

might be. But if you can figure

24:07

that, but it might be. Yeah, hopefully

24:10

it won't. But if you can

24:12

figure that shit out, how to

24:14

budget, how to stretch a dollar,

24:16

how to, you know, make it

24:19

work and be really on top

24:21

of your finances. You don't need

24:23

all that stuff that you think

24:25

you need. You don't need that

24:27

shit. Like you don't need all

24:30

that like no bullshit skincare that

24:32

you're buying or like clothes. the

24:34

luxury, whatever, boop-a-doo, you know, like,

24:36

you don't need, like, you don't

24:38

need, like, if you want it, save

24:41

up for that shit, save for

24:43

it. Absolutely, save for it.

24:45

I encourage you to save for

24:47

it. Yes. I remember overdrawing my

24:49

account all the fucking time,

24:52

because I was out-partying and

24:54

drinking, it was like, what

24:56

are you doing? Like, what is the

24:58

point? What else because I can I

25:00

have cannot done? It's not, it. Right

25:03

and I love I love the way

25:05

you phrase that of like challenging myself

25:08

to see if I could do this

25:10

and what the experience would be because

25:12

yeah I don't think that I ever

25:14

like even occurred to me in my 20s

25:16

like I mean yeah and I think there's

25:18

a few like 20 something year olds in

25:21

my life and they have no idea how

25:23

how much they're spending and

25:25

I'm always like Right, right at

25:27

down. There's got to be an

25:29

app. There's definitely an app. There's

25:32

multiple apps. For a month, for

25:34

one month, write down. Be like

25:36

so annoying if you have to

25:39

carry around a notebook. Save your

25:41

little receipts, like, write down

25:43

every single day how much

25:45

you spend. And I promise

25:47

you'll be shocked. I promise

25:50

you'll be shocked. And then

25:52

you'll be. Yeah, the areas where you could save. That's

25:54

part of why they don't want to do because they

25:56

know. Oh yeah. In the back of their brain, they're

25:58

like, I'm spending too much money on. like they

26:00

know they know but if you want

26:02

to get real and you really want

26:05

to enjoy this time which like you

26:07

said look I'm not an advocate for

26:09

like being sober all the time not

26:11

necessarily if that if you want to

26:13

cool you also will never recover from

26:16

hangovers the way that you did in

26:18

your 20s so enjoy Enjoy the time

26:20

because oh fuck yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

26:22

I'm here to be like take advantage

26:24

of that shit Yeah, you're not special.

26:27

You're not you're not it's not going

26:29

to be like well, I don't really

26:31

get hungover So I guess that'll just

26:33

continue into my 30s and 40s. No,

26:35

babe. That was me. No, I'm really

26:38

get over like it's not a problem

26:40

for me. No, the day of your

26:42

30th birthday it changes you will have

26:44

your first hangover it will change. It

26:46

will change changes overnight. It changes overnight

26:49

overnight overnight overnight overnight overnight. The money

26:51

thing is such a You know I

26:53

was surviving but part of why I

26:55

was surviving was because at a certain

26:57

point I remember this so clearly and

27:00

I don't know if I've talked about

27:02

on the pot before but I remember

27:04

being like short $200 for rent or

27:06

something and I called my mom and

27:08

I was like I need $200 like

27:11

I'm not going to make rent this

27:13

month like I'm I'm I'm fucked and

27:15

my mom was like I would give

27:17

it to you if we had it.

27:20

We don't have it, Stephanie. Like we

27:22

don't have an extra $200. And that's

27:24

when it really dropped for me that

27:26

I was like, oh, I have no

27:28

safety net. I have none. There's nowhere

27:31

to go to find this extra. I

27:33

don't have a family that has even

27:35

$200, which like, you know, might not

27:37

sound like a lot to a lot

27:39

of people. But at the time for

27:42

me, it was the difference between like

27:44

getting kicked out of my apartment. Yeah,

27:46

and my family didn't have to give

27:48

to me. I have a question. I

27:50

have a question about this moment. Do

27:53

you feel as scary and I'm sure

27:55

also, you know, have to process that

27:57

moment was that you did, realizing you

27:59

had no. safety net. Did you also

28:01

feel like that forced you to get

28:04

your shit together? That's exactly where

28:06

I was going to go next

28:08

because like I was like oh fuck

28:10

I have to figure this up so

28:12

you know I've talked to my

28:14

landlady convinced her to like

28:17

give me an extension on it and

28:19

then I started really like being

28:21

aware of how I was spending

28:23

my money and really like down

28:25

to this is how much I have to

28:27

shop. to grocery shop this week. This

28:30

is how many times I'm gonna

28:32

eat at home. This is when I'm

28:34

gonna buy a bagel and it's gonna

28:36

be like breakfast and part of my

28:38

lunch. You know, like I was like

28:41

I got my fucking shit together. I

28:43

did because I had to because I

28:45

had to and like I wish that my

28:48

parents had shown me how to do

28:50

some of that like when I was

28:52

younger, but they didn't know how to

28:54

either. So like Right. Your 20s

28:56

is also an amazing time to

28:58

go like, do I choose the path

29:01

of going like, well, nobody taught

29:03

me how? I'm like, I don't

29:05

know how to do it. Or do

29:07

I go, hmm. I've got the internet

29:09

in my pocket. I've got

29:11

a library at my disposal.

29:14

I can learn how to do these things.

29:16

I don't need money. to learn how to

29:18

do these things. I don't need money to

29:21

learn how to budget. I don't need money

29:23

to learn how to budget. I don't need

29:25

money to learn how to cook. I can

29:27

just read books, right? Like, I could teach

29:29

myself some of the stuff, right? You're

29:31

20. I can watch YouTube videos. Yeah. Like,

29:34

yeah. This is the time. That's the time. I

29:36

wish I had done more of that. I'm

29:38

going to motor. The motor is going to

29:40

come from me now. Like this is the

29:42

time the motor before came from your parents

29:44

like you got to go to school you

29:46

got to get good grades you got it

29:48

but do do do do do right in

29:50

your 20s the voter you got to do

29:52

it babe and like you can do it

29:54

it it's a difficult time for a lot

29:56

of people but like it and it was

29:59

difficult for both of us in

30:01

different ways but

30:03

it also like I wouldn't go back

30:05

there. I wouldn't

30:07

go back there if you paid me

30:09

I was about to say I would I

30:11

would love to like be able to

30:13

sit down across for myself for 10 minutes

30:15

back then and be like you're so

30:18

beautiful you're so funny

30:20

and sweet don't

30:22

compare yourself to anybody

30:24

else and don't break up

30:26

with all these motherfucking people

30:29

you're seeing like don't and

30:31

break don't don't be in

30:33

a relationship you don't need to be

30:35

in a relationship or a situation ship

30:37

just be like making out with people

30:39

at parties babe like a situation don't

30:41

don't do any of it you're beautiful

30:43

you're funny you're smart you're talented keep

30:45

doing what you're doing and break up

30:47

with everybody that's what I would I

30:49

wish I could tell myself in my

30:51

20s what would you say

30:53

you could like sit down for

30:56

10 minutes all those things with

30:58

Alice or myself with you with

31:00

yourself oh with me yeah yes

31:02

all the things you said

31:04

you're beautiful stop comparing yourself

31:06

to other people you're smart you're

31:08

you're funny you're nice you're

31:10

a good friend stop making

31:12

excuses for people that are

31:14

not good friends and just

31:16

get rid of them mm -hmm

31:19

love it um

31:21

that's a good one try more

31:24

things teach yourself more skills and try yeah

31:26

and just go on the fucking trip stop being

31:28

afraid that you're gonna miss auditions or you're gonna

31:30

miss opportunities if you can go on the trip

31:32

and there is a way for you to go

31:34

on the trip go on the fucking trip go

31:36

on the trip go on the trip leave your

31:38

shitty friends at home and leave the shitty

31:40

friends at home yeah and yeah good

31:42

and just believe in it yeah

31:44

lean on the good friends and maybe

31:46

try to find some other new

31:48

friends too because you knew you knew

31:50

you kind of knew just

31:52

like I kind of knew you always

31:55

know yeah you always know because you

31:57

start doing that thing oh they're just

31:59

you know Sometimes they're just like

32:01

this. Oh, you know, sometimes they're just

32:03

like, yeah, overly sensitive about this.

32:05

Or they, oh, you know, they don't

32:07

like to hang out the house

32:09

cause they're just really like a party

32:11

girl. And like just always need

32:13

to be out, like, yeah, you make

32:15

all the excuses and you shouldn't.

32:18

Yeah, we do. What

32:24

up guys? This is cheekies from cheekies and

32:26

chill podcast. And this goes to all you

32:28

renters out there. Here's something from rocket mortgage.

32:30

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32:43

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Stayfarm knows making smarter financial moves today

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secures your financial freedom for a

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second tomorrow on my Cultura podcast network.

33:32

We believe this too by sharing

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money management tips that help you realize

33:36

your dreams like on our show

33:38

life as a gringo with DJ Dramos.

33:40

Many of us grew up and like I

33:42

started the podcast earlier saying for me in my

33:45

family, one of the biggest points of

33:47

contention was finances. And I

33:49

know as I got older, I

33:51

made it a promise to myself to say, I don't want to

33:53

relive that. I don't want finances to

33:55

be something that stresses us out. I don't

33:57

want to be living in fear of. the

34:00

shoe dropping so to speak, right?

34:02

You know, hiring somebody to do

34:04

credit repair for me. That was

34:06

a gift that I gave myself

34:08

that allowed me to then get

34:10

my first apartment, get my first

34:12

car under my name, then eventually

34:14

buy my own home. Like, these

34:16

are all things that are possible

34:19

for all of us. We just

34:21

have to educate ourselves and put

34:23

in some of the hard work. Like

34:25

a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

34:28

That was a good question. We really

34:30

went off on that one. Okay, that

34:32

was a good. Yeah, we really did.

34:34

Next one. Next one is a

34:36

voice note. Okay. From Claire. Okay.

34:38

Hi ladies. My name is Claire. I'm

34:40

a long time Brooklyn 99 fan

34:42

and I am so glad that

34:44

I found your podcast because I

34:47

could use your help being a

34:49

little more better at being happy

34:51

for my friends. And I hope as

34:53

I explain this, other women can

34:55

relate and are just like... Claire

34:57

sounds like you're just a sad

34:59

little bit. I am just in

35:01

a different phase of life than

35:03

a lot of my friends and

35:05

they've all been married for like

35:07

five or seven years. They're all

35:10

moms and when we get together it's

35:12

all just a lot of mom

35:14

talk and them offering advice, giving

35:16

advice, sharing stories and struggles and

35:19

I feel like I'm just sitting

35:21

in the corner. I feel like

35:23

I can't relate. I feel inadequate

35:25

and I have... that creeping feeling of

35:27

jealousy, which is the worst one.

35:30

I just, I'm genuinely happy

35:32

for them and I want that to

35:34

be where my feelings stop. And then

35:37

while we're at it, I also would like

35:39

to be happy for me too. I'm getting

35:41

married the summer and I'm very

35:43

excited. Kind of the same thing

35:46

when we're together after, you know, all

35:48

the mom talk. It just, it doesn't

35:50

feel like the vibe to talk about

35:52

my wedding and I... I honestly feel

35:55

silly talking about it because it seems

35:57

like they've all been there done that

35:59

and... It's not really where they

36:01

are anymore. So I guess I

36:03

just need help being happy. I hope

36:05

that you guys are able to help

36:08

me be a little more better.

36:10

Thank you so much. Let me guys,

36:12

let the podcast. Oh, Claire, don't

36:14

judge yourself so harshly. Oh my

36:16

God, please. For the first, first

36:19

of all, don't judge yourself so

36:21

harshly because like we've all

36:23

been in a situation with our

36:25

friends where we're like. Well, what

36:27

about my thing? Like, I want

36:29

to talk about my thing, you

36:32

know? Even with friends that we

36:34

love dearly, sometimes it's just like,

36:36

what about meth? You know, I have

36:38

a friend who... I'm going to talk

36:41

about mething now. I want to talk

36:43

about my thing. She, she, she had,

36:45

she was married, but a lot

36:47

of her older friends, like friends

36:49

that she'd been with, friends. Since

36:52

they were teenagers, they all had kids

36:54

and a lot of their conversations

36:56

were around kids and having having

36:58

their toddlers and then having their

37:00

older kids and she felt like,

37:02

oh, like the connection with them,

37:04

which felt very like frustrating for

37:07

her at times. And I remember

37:09

her talking to me about this

37:11

and I also remember sitting there

37:13

being like, why don't you call me up?

37:15

Like, ask me to go to stuff, you

37:17

know, because part of that is part of

37:20

of... having friendships, right, is

37:22

knowing when, oh, these are my X,

37:24

Y, Z friends, right? Like,

37:26

these are my friends that I,

37:28

you know, do this thing with,

37:30

or these are my friends that

37:32

I do that thing with. And

37:35

you didn't say clear specifically if

37:37

you've been friends with them

37:40

for a little while, because

37:42

they've got kids and you

37:44

don't, and you've watched their

37:46

sort of journey. You know,

37:48

when you have kids, It

37:50

can be sometimes really consuming

37:53

because you're, if you're

37:55

not asking for advice,

37:57

maybe you're giving advice.

37:59

you're acting like you have it

38:02

all together, most of the

38:04

time that's extremely stressful because

38:06

you don't. Yeah, and you're

38:08

just trying to put on that face,

38:11

you know? And, you know, there's, that's

38:13

certainly something that mom friends

38:16

will do when they get together

38:18

is they will talk about that

38:20

part of their lives because they

38:23

don't have anybody else to talk

38:25

about it with. They're in lots

38:28

of other environments where... they don't

38:30

get to talk about that and

38:32

they don't get to commiserate with

38:35

people and they don't have like

38:37

a safe space to have advice

38:40

about it or talk about it

38:42

or even just like vent

38:44

about it or celebrate it.

38:46

They don't because people that

38:49

don't have kids often

38:51

don't understand it

38:53

in the same kind of way and

38:55

that's okay. I will say I

38:57

wish that you felt I wish that

38:59

you would allow yourself to talk

39:02

about your wedding, because if it

39:04

is something that you're excited about,

39:06

you should talk about it. I certainly

39:08

have, I remember feeling kind of

39:10

like embarrassed that I was so excited

39:12

about my wedding. Really? Yeah, because I was

39:15

like, I mean, I started saving

39:17

for my wedding before I even

39:19

met my husband, because I was like, I

39:21

mean, I started saving for my

39:23

wedding before I even met my husband,

39:25

because I was like, I want a

39:27

big wedding. I was like, I was really

39:30

embarrassed that I was, I had been

39:32

with someone before that that did not

39:34

want to get married and yeah, and

39:36

then when we broke up, I was

39:38

like, I want to have a big

39:40

wedding. I want to have a big

39:42

wedding and I want the wedding of

39:44

my dreams. It was so much fun.

39:46

Thank you. But I was like, I

39:48

was really embarrassed that, you know, part

39:50

of me was really embarrassed that I

39:52

was, am I really gonna like go

39:54

all out and like have like a

39:56

flower? wall and you know make

39:58

separate bars for yeah alcohol

40:00

and like have however

40:02

many food trucks I had you know like

40:04

I was like am I doing this

40:07

like And so I was kind of

40:09

embarrassed about how much attention

40:11

I was putting on my wedding Hmm,

40:15

so I understand that I guess is what I'm

40:17

trying to say I understand like kind of

40:19

feeling like but it also sounds like she wants

40:21

to talk about it and like I

40:23

don't know if they've been if they all got

40:25

married like maybe they want to talk about

40:27

it too Like maybe they miss just having a

40:29

fun party to talk about. I don't know.

40:31

I'm not sure Yeah,

40:35

I feel like you know it is

40:37

everything you said especially if their kids

40:39

are little and they're just like so

40:41

in it Yeah, they probably are Leaning

40:43

on each other for community and just

40:45

like I remember when I would get

40:47

together with my mom group friends When

40:49

one of my kids was doing something,

40:51

you know, that was driving me bonkers

40:53

and it was So affirming to hear

40:55

them be like, oh my kid's doing

40:57

that too, you know, and it's just

40:59

like kind of a lifeline when you're

41:01

a mom However I

41:04

do feel like I try

41:06

to be very conscious if I'm

41:08

With a friend who doesn't have

41:11

kids to at some point like

41:13

change the conversation And

41:16

maybe if your friends are

41:18

not having that awareness, I think

41:20

that it's a perfectly fine

41:22

thing to bring up Yeah, and

41:24

you know and or or

41:26

just try like Being like, you

41:28

know, after you let them kind of do

41:30

their kid talk for a little bit be like,

41:32

hey guys Can we talk about the wedding

41:34

because maybe it starts with like, you know I

41:36

don't know make up a problem and like

41:38

ask them for advice to like bring them into

41:41

the To the thing, you know, or like,

41:43

I don't know what to ask questions about their

41:45

wedding I mean, don't you want to know

41:47

about your friends about their wedding? Yeah, be like

41:49

maybe like what's the most, you know, wish

41:51

what do you wish you had done or what

41:53

was the most memorable thing or You know,

41:55

what's what was your favorite moment from your wedding?

41:58

You know, like that's a good one. Yeah That's

42:00

a really good one. Do you remember

42:02

when you were like, just like, make

42:04

sure that you like practice like

42:07

taking snapshots of the moment because

42:09

it's all gonna go so far

42:11

so fast? Do you remember this? Oh,

42:13

yes, because I tell everyone that

42:15

gets married that same advice because

42:17

someone had said it to us

42:20

and it was the best advice. Say

42:22

right now for Claire. So the advice

42:24

is that throughout the day, every time,

42:26

you know, there's... a moment and you

42:29

can feel them throughout the day the

42:31

first time you see your parents dressed

42:33

up or whatever it is when you

42:35

you know that when you turn that

42:37

corner in the aisle and you see

42:39

your partner for the first time the

42:41

person told me to say to

42:43

myself I want to remember this

42:45

moment like in your head say

42:47

and sometimes I even whispered it

42:49

throughout the day I want to

42:51

remember this moment there's something about

42:54

doing that like makes you really

42:56

present and it kind of Big day

42:58

that goes by so fast and I

43:00

swear my wedding is like Kind of

43:02

a blur except for the times that

43:04

I did that I have these like

43:07

crystal clear memories of when I first

43:09

saw David when I first saw my

43:11

dad in his tugs When we had

43:13

our first dance when You know I

43:15

gave I handed the flower basket to

43:18

my niece like you know, it's

43:20

just these little moments and it

43:22

was such good advice that worked

43:24

for me And so I've just

43:26

like every time someone's gotten married,

43:28

I've made sure to tell them

43:30

that like the night before or

43:33

the day before. It's such good

43:35

advice. So like see, yeah, you've

43:37

been married, you've been married, you

43:39

know, you've been married since your

43:41

20s, right? Yeah. You've been married

43:43

since your 20s, right? Yeah. Just

43:46

because people have been there and

43:48

done that. It doesn't mean they

43:50

don't want to talk about your

43:52

wedding, your upcoming wedding. And these

43:55

friends are married? Or not? Like, talk

43:57

to them about it. Like, ask some

43:59

questions about... Yeah. Maybe part of the

44:01

issue is like, I don't know, but like,

44:03

it sounds like the issue is twofold, right?

44:05

Like it sounds like Claire's friends don't know

44:08

when to stop talking about their own kids,

44:10

right? They don't, they maybe like, don't have

44:12

a sense of like, she's feeling left out.

44:14

Maybe it's like getting together, like all four

44:16

or five of you in a group is

44:19

not, it's not the thing right now, like,

44:21

maybe, or like, at least if it is,

44:23

you got to kind of like, you got

44:25

to kind of like, like, like, like, like,

44:28

like, like, Maybe you separate them a little

44:30

bit, like maybe it's like you just get

44:32

lunch with Gretchen, you just get lunch with,

44:34

you know, whoever. And see if you can

44:37

steer the conversation toward things that you both

44:39

are interested in, or like, you know, maybe

44:41

it's not all parenting stuff, maybe it's some

44:43

other stuff too. I mean, I had... lunch

44:46

with my friend Katie the other day and

44:48

we did talk about parenting stuff she's not

44:50

a parent but I talked about it but

44:52

then also we spend a lot of time

44:55

talking about like makeup and politics and other

44:57

stuff you know yeah try to bring them

44:59

into the excitement of your wedding try to

45:01

give maybe more cues of like it's time

45:03

for the conversation to steer away from parenting

45:06

I think your suggestion too of like hanging

45:08

out with one or two of them instead

45:10

of maybe the whole group. separate these hose

45:12

because like moms like moms like some new

45:15

friends like you know like yeah we do

45:17

also I don't know maybe explore put some

45:19

more energy into other friends that you maybe

45:21

have that don't have kids yet so yeah

45:24

yeah maybe there's some friends like some new

45:26

friends like you know like And I get

45:28

it, like new friendships are harder. You have

45:30

to be like, do you want to go

45:33

to this thing with me? It's very, like,

45:35

weird dating. It's hard. It's hard. It's hard.

45:37

And like, you got to do a little

45:39

more work than just like, oh, everyone's going

45:42

to so-and-so's house on Friday. Are you coming?

45:44

You know, it's a little more work than

45:46

that. But if you are feeling some type

45:48

of way about them, and also, working, you

45:50

know, I think the ultimate is kind of

45:53

like sitting them down. I wouldn't say in

45:55

a group, I would say like individually. Yeah.

45:57

And expressing like, sometimes I feel really left

45:59

out because I think the conversation steers towards

46:02

something that like I'm not a part of

46:04

and I don't with grudge you your happiness.

46:06

Yeah. Just want to be. I just want

46:08

to continue growing together as friends and I

46:11

don't really know how to do it if

46:13

I can't really take part in this part

46:15

of your life. Pick the person in the

46:17

group who feels like your strongest ally but

46:20

also likes the gossip a little bit. So

46:22

because you got to count on that friend

46:24

going to the rest of the group like

46:26

I know I'm that friend and my friend

46:29

group when somebody comes to me with a

46:31

problem. about somebody else in the friend group.

46:33

I know what they're asking of me. They're

46:35

asking for advice and empathy and then they

46:38

are also expecting me to go to the

46:40

rest of the group and be like, hey,

46:42

hey, you guys, we gotta be better than

46:44

God, because we're making them feel a certain

46:46

way. Yeah, I know I know I'm that

46:49

I'm that bitch with the big mouth and

46:51

the friend group. So I will like turn

46:53

around and tell the rest of the group

46:55

like we can't do this. It's making them

46:58

feel bad. Okay, we've got to know about

47:00

you. This is actually really good to know

47:02

about you. I'm like a vault. I to

47:04

to a fault probably because I like people

47:07

will be like, did you know I'm like,

47:09

yeah, I did know. And I'd be like,

47:11

but it was like last year and I

47:13

know, and I know, and I know, and

47:16

I know, and I know, and I know,

47:18

but it was like last year, and I

47:20

know, and I know, and I know, and

47:22

I didn't, I know, I know, I didn't,

47:25

I know, I didn't, I know, I didn't,

47:27

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

47:29

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

47:31

I was like, like, I'm a vault in

47:33

general, but with my tight little friend groups,

47:36

I am not. Okay. I am not. It's

47:38

good to know. Yeah. Okay. And I know

47:40

that they know that I'm going to say

47:42

some shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This next

47:45

one is actually about kids. This one is

47:47

from Carl. Oh, what a cute name. Okay.

47:49

My wife's currently pregnant. One and two of

47:51

you went through the process of being pregnant.

47:54

What examples do you recall? of your partner

47:56

being supportive and what were the ways they

47:58

could have been more better. Well,

48:01

I'll tell you, one positive

48:03

and one negative. And Melissa,

48:05

you do the same. How

48:07

about that? Yes. One positive.

48:09

I don't think I changed a diaper.

48:12

I mean, I could probably

48:14

10 times for the first,

48:16

like, however many months, like

48:18

the first, I think we left

48:20

for London when she was three months

48:22

old, I maybe changed 10 diapers. I

48:25

was doing a lot of other stuff.

48:27

I was growing the food source. I

48:29

was like trying to do a bunch

48:31

of other shit, you know, trying to

48:34

get another job, all that stuff. But

48:36

I didn't change the diapers. I

48:38

didn't change the diapers and it was

48:40

so helpful. And you know, at first

48:42

he had like a strong reaction to

48:44

it, but he quickly got used to

48:46

it and he got really good at

48:48

it. So that is a way that

48:50

you can certainly help, like suck it

48:52

up and change the pup. A way that

48:54

he could have been more better. And this

48:57

is partially my fault. Was he should

48:59

have probably skipped his fantasy football

49:01

draft trip. You know, it was

49:03

just a few. I think it

49:05

was like a week and a half after

49:07

the baby was born. And like before

49:09

the baby was born, I

49:12

was like, I'll be fine.

49:14

My sister's gonna help me.

49:17

It's not gonna be a

49:19

problem. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-a-b-b-b-b-doo. No, after the

49:22

baby-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b And he left, I

49:24

was like, fuck you! Like

49:26

I couldn't believe that he had

49:29

left. Like, and that was personally

49:31

my fault. Yeah, yeah, I mean

49:34

the audacity of him. Your fart,

49:36

yeah, my fart. Yeah, my fart.

49:38

It was my fart. It was

49:41

absolutely my fart. I should

49:44

have passed it. It was. It

49:46

was your, your fart in judgment.

49:48

Yes. Yeah. So those are mine. What

49:50

about you. Mine, um,

49:53

okay, positive while

49:56

she's pregnant,

49:59

every. time my husband

50:01

made me delicious like healthy food

50:03

or brought me food of any

50:05

kind I was like oh my

50:07

god I am so loved I

50:10

feel like a god damn princess

50:12

something about just when you're pregnant

50:14

every other time he's done it

50:16

I mean I appreciate it but

50:19

there was something about when I

50:21

was pregnant that I was just

50:23

like oh my god yeah also

50:26

just like go I think being

50:28

extra like rubbing fee running a

50:30

bath like you know, saying let's

50:32

go out to dinner tonight or

50:35

let's go away this weekend, like,

50:37

because it is your last little

50:39

bit of, like, the newborn phase,

50:41

it's, everything is so intense, that

50:44

first year of being a new

50:46

parent, that I don't think we,

50:48

I don't think most people take

50:50

advantage of, like, that time during

50:53

pregnancy to just, like, be together,

50:55

like, you know, watch a bunch

50:57

of show, like, and it doesn't

51:00

even have to be like, going

51:02

out because maybe she's miserable and

51:04

like doesn't feel like doing that.

51:06

So then maybe it's like watching

51:09

shows and movies together or reading

51:11

a book together or whatever like

51:13

just really feeling close and connecting

51:15

I think felt like very big

51:18

to like when that would happen

51:20

when I was pregnant but just

51:22

felt very like comforting and special.

51:24

And then the negative I would

51:27

say is for these nine months

51:29

and for the at least four

51:31

years after you have a child.

51:33

I'm so sorry, Carl, you are

51:36

not allowed to make any comments

51:38

about your own body. About the

51:40

state of it about particularly when

51:43

she's pregnant and she has lost

51:45

all control over what her body

51:47

is going to do. You cannot

51:49

make any. positive or negative comments

51:52

about your own body during that

51:54

time. You keep that shit to

51:56

yourself, you call your friends, and

51:58

you tell them. But you,

52:01

every time, and everyone

52:03

knows, my husband's

52:05

very into fitness,

52:07

he's very, like,

52:09

discipline takes care

52:11

of himself, and there

52:13

would just be times where

52:16

he'd be like, ugh, like,

52:18

you know, pinching some, like,

52:20

love handle or something, and

52:23

I would want to

52:25

murder. A non-existent,

52:27

nothing moment. fucking

52:29

runway model for like Versace

52:31

and like he was in like like

52:34

he was the hot baby in

52:36

a Mariah Carey video like this

52:38

is not yeah he's on another

52:40

level of like human look he's

52:42

on another level of like human

52:44

level of like human fitness that

52:46

is yes and he's worked out

52:48

his whole life and it's also

52:50

like he's passionate about it it's

52:52

part of his mental health blah

52:54

blah blah blah blah blah blah

52:56

blah blah blah but Every time

52:59

he said anything about his physical

53:01

appearance, I wanted to murder him.

53:03

Whether it was positive or negative.

53:05

Yeah, you also can't be like,

53:07

oh man, I really got in

53:09

it, got out of it today

53:11

at the gym. Like, I can't,

53:13

yeah. Yeah, no, you can't, yeah.

53:15

I can't do that. I can't

53:17

bend at the ways. And I

53:19

cannot be happy for you right

53:21

now. No, I can't. Yeah. Yeah. Or if

53:24

you're eating extra with her and

53:26

gaining some yeah, if you're like

53:28

gaining weight with her because you're

53:30

eating extra with her like whatever

53:32

great boo keep that shit to

53:34

yourself. Yeah, keep it to yourself.

53:36

Tell your friends. Don't tell

53:39

your wife That's how you could

53:41

be supportive. Absolutely zero.

53:43

Zero commentary except for to

53:45

her. You're so beautiful. Yes, you're

53:48

so beautiful. Yes, you're so

53:50

beautiful. You're so beautiful.

53:52

You know, she's like, oh my God, no,

53:54

I feel like so disgusting. I hate this.

53:56

And then you go say, well, to me,

53:58

I'm sorry, it doesn't matter. So beautiful.

54:00

You're so beautiful. I'm sorry. I

54:03

just can't take my eyes off

54:05

you. Boopa-doo-boop-boop. Okay. Boop-dee-boop-boop. Yeah. Next

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55:05

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tips that help you realize your

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dreams. Like on our show, Life

55:15

as a Gringle with DJ Ramos.

55:17

Many of us grew up in,

55:19

like I started the podcast earlier

55:22

saying, for me, in my family

55:24

one of the biggest points of

55:26

contention was finances. And I know

55:29

as I got older, I made

55:31

it a promise to myself to

55:33

say I don't want to relive

55:36

that. I don't want finances to

55:38

be something that stresses us out.

55:40

I don't want to be living

55:43

in fear of... the shoe dropping

55:45

so to speak, you know, hiring

55:47

somebody to do credit repair for

55:50

me. That was a gift that

55:52

I gave myself that allowed me

55:54

to then get my first apartment,

55:56

get my first car under my

55:59

name, then eventually buy my own.

56:01

home. Like these are all things

56:03

that are possible for all of

56:06

us. We just have to educate

56:08

ourselves and put in some

56:11

of the hard work.

56:13

Like a good neighbor, State

56:15

Farm is there. State

56:17

Farm. Proud sponsor of Michael

56:19

Dura Podcast Network. Thank you so

56:22

much for giving more better to

56:24

the masses. I just listened to

56:26

your episode about making adult friendships

56:28

and how hard it can be

56:31

as I was cooking slash cleaning

56:33

in my one-bedroom apartment feeling all

56:35

kinds of lonely. Adult friendships are

56:37

hard despite me trying to be

56:39

my... Despite me trying my best and

56:42

taking initiative, it really made me feel

56:44

that I was not alone and if

56:46

you as celebrities go through it, then

56:49

it's not surprising that someone like me,

56:51

just a normal person could go through

56:53

it too. Thank you. Could you talk

56:56

about how as women it can be

56:58

difficult to have everything together? For example,

57:00

we need to have the perfect care,

57:03

the perfect care, the perfect body, the

57:05

perfect lifestyle, the stay healthy and all

57:07

that. fun stuff and sometimes it can

57:09

just be overwhelming. We all feel like

57:12

this, right? A lot of it has

57:14

to do with social media, mm-hmm, and

57:16

how it portrays the best parts of

57:18

ourselves and that can be difficult to

57:20

escape. Once again, all the best your

57:22

team and can't wait to hear to

57:24

become more better, best, kartiki. I

57:26

hope I'm saying that right. What a

57:29

pretty name for you. It is

57:31

a pretty name. I mean, listen,

57:33

we didn't have social media when

57:35

we were growing up, but we

57:37

had YM and 17 magazines. I

57:39

was just saying we had those

57:41

magazines. Every image and every other

57:43

story was like how to lose weight,

57:45

how to get boys to like you,

57:47

how to not be awkward, how

57:49

to this, how to that, and

57:52

it was like, you know, this

57:54

miniature version of social media, which,

57:56

social media just nothing, except...

58:00

I guess it connects people. But

58:02

like, it is, it's a, it's

58:04

a healthscape of comparison. And it

58:06

really is. And you know it

58:08

is. It is. Because you've got

58:10

to get off of it. You've

58:12

got to get off there. You've

58:14

got to like, give yourself time.

58:16

If you want to be on

58:19

there a little bit, but like,

58:21

take it off your phone and

58:23

put it on your iPad, because

58:25

then you won't look at it

58:27

as much. Like, you got it,

58:29

just protect your, you know, you

58:31

know. protecting your health, protecting your

58:33

mental wellness or whatever, that's part

58:36

of it, like you are never

58:38

going to feel any any bit

58:40

of like how magical and perfect

58:42

you already are if you're constantly

58:44

looking at how other people are

58:46

better than you and thinking that

58:48

in your head and cycling on

58:50

that thought. And like, I think,

58:53

you know, we all wish we'd

58:55

grown up with parents who told

58:57

us constantly. You're so beautiful, you're

58:59

so perfect, you're so loved, you're

59:01

so wonderful. And maybe some of

59:03

us did, you know? But if

59:05

we didn't, then we have to

59:07

internalize that voice. And like, it

59:10

took me into my, you know,

59:12

it took me, I'm still working

59:14

on it, but like, for example,

59:16

she says in here, the perfect

59:18

skin issues that I had. and

59:20

the way that I would look

59:22

in the mirror and hate on

59:24

myself for my skin. And it

59:27

wasn't until like I, first of

59:29

all I went on Accutane and

59:31

it helped a lot, but like

59:33

that combined with like really understanding

59:35

that like I, it wasn't like

59:37

my skin got clear and then

59:39

I got Brooklyn 99, you know,

59:41

I got Brooklyn years before my

59:44

skin got clear. I was, yeah.

59:46

I was done with Brooklyn, I

59:48

think. By the time I was

59:50

on YouTube. Yeah, I think so.

59:52

Yeah. The last season, my skin

59:54

looked great because I was pregnant.

59:56

But like, it wasn't like the

59:58

thing. in my life that were

1:00:01

coming to me that I earned

1:00:03

and like and were mine came

1:00:05

to me because my skin was clear

1:00:07

you know like right it what it

1:00:09

didn't happen like that and like

1:00:12

that whole time I wish I

1:00:14

had I wish I hadn't berated

1:00:16

myself for not having good skin

1:00:18

you know like It does it like

1:00:20

you here. There's a certain amount of

1:00:23

like letting go of the comparison that

1:00:25

we have to learn how to do

1:00:27

and then somehow we're lead those things

1:00:29

that we want come and also Accutane

1:00:32

is great and also Accutane

1:00:34

and also Accutane and I

1:00:36

think yeah I think the second part

1:00:39

of that which I think you're also

1:00:41

saying with you know Accutane is Trying

1:00:43

to identify, first of all, yes, 100%

1:00:46

get social media off your phone because

1:00:48

I think it's, you need to detox

1:00:50

for a minute. And I think the

1:00:52

second part is also really trying to

1:00:54

get real with yourself about what are

1:00:57

the things that you actually give a

1:00:59

shit that are causing you unhappiness or

1:01:01

turmoil, right? And like for you, like,

1:01:03

it was going on Accutane and like,

1:01:05

you know, that you did want to

1:01:07

improve it, you know, like. And so

1:01:09

it is like, what are the things

1:01:11

that are, you know, do, do I

1:01:13

wish that I was eating healthier or

1:01:16

whatever, you know what I mean? Like,

1:01:18

or do I wish I was working

1:01:20

out more? Okay, that is something we

1:01:22

can do something about. That is something

1:01:24

we can change. Might have to sit

1:01:26

down and schedule it and figure out

1:01:29

how we make it happen and like

1:01:31

make a commitment. I'm going to do

1:01:33

this for 30 days, whatever it is,

1:01:36

like, but those are things that you

1:01:38

can do. all the rest of it, you

1:01:40

might find, you might discover, you

1:01:42

don't actually give a shit. Doesn't

1:01:45

bother you. Yeah. Fine. You know

1:01:47

what I mean? You like this

1:01:49

part of your life or you,

1:01:51

that's not, you don't really

1:01:53

care about, like, I don't give

1:01:55

a shit about my nails. My

1:01:57

nails look like shit all the...

1:01:59

time. I don't know about that.

1:02:02

And sometimes I would have, no they

1:02:04

do, like they're they're all broken

1:02:06

and summer long and summer short

1:02:08

and like you know and most

1:02:11

of the time I don't give a

1:02:13

shit I have moments where I

1:02:15

see Stephanie's beautiful nails or I

1:02:17

see another woman with beautiful nails

1:02:19

and I'm like fuck man why

1:02:22

don't I like and it's the

1:02:24

comparison thing I'm just like what

1:02:26

I should probably care about this

1:02:28

more like. like I don't actually

1:02:31

give a shit for me personally

1:02:33

I love it on other women

1:02:35

I think it looks beautiful it

1:02:38

is not something that's actually important

1:02:40

to me and if it ever does get to

1:02:42

me then I just make time to go

1:02:44

get a fucking manicure and like feel

1:02:46

better about it you know I like take

1:02:49

some action but most of the time

1:02:51

I don't care and I'm okay with

1:02:53

that I've gone to events with shitty

1:02:55

bare nails and I don't care you

1:02:57

know And so it's really trying to

1:02:59

get in touch with, you know, there's

1:03:02

some actors that love doing

1:03:04

press and publicity and

1:03:06

it's not something that I love and

1:03:08

I don't judge them for it and

1:03:10

sometimes I feel bad like, I

1:03:13

should care more, I should want to

1:03:15

do, I should want to do more

1:03:17

photo shoots or things and then, but

1:03:19

then like I do that, you know,

1:03:21

again, I just like dig in deep

1:03:23

and I'm like, I don't care, I

1:03:25

just don't care. Like this is not

1:03:27

something that's important to me. I

1:03:29

want to support the things that

1:03:31

I'm doing and I want people

1:03:33

to watch them and you know that

1:03:35

will motivate me to like do

1:03:38

more. But this is not something

1:03:40

that feels important to me or that

1:03:42

I need to do. And it's great that

1:03:44

people love it and like you know love

1:03:47

to do it. I don't. Not for me.

1:03:49

Yeah. And that's okay. Good for you.

1:03:51

Not for me. Not for me. Yeah. There's

1:03:53

something really smart that you said about like narrowing

1:03:55

down like what is the thing that really bumps

1:03:58

me out or like what is the thing? that

1:04:00

I actually do want to quote

1:04:02

unquote fix about myself or and

1:04:04

sometimes like you do all those

1:04:07

things and you get to the

1:04:09

place and you go oh that's

1:04:11

not the that wasn't the thing

1:04:14

you know like that wasn't the

1:04:16

thing that it was the key

1:04:18

to unlock my happiness you know

1:04:21

like it just wasn't because like

1:04:23

happiness is an inside job you

1:04:25

know like feeling good about yourself

1:04:28

as a person is an inside

1:04:30

job you know I think like

1:04:32

It's part of, I mean, it's

1:04:35

not a coincidence that I went

1:04:37

on like a woo-w spiritual retreat

1:04:39

and like came to terms with

1:04:41

how I was creating my own

1:04:44

reality and also like the next

1:04:46

week got on Akutain, you know,

1:04:48

like I, right, it just wasn't

1:04:51

a coincidence. So like, I think

1:04:53

sometimes you go like, I mean...

1:04:56

This is a good example. This is

1:04:59

a weird example, but like, you know,

1:05:01

when people finally hit earlier, I think

1:05:03

it was earlier in this conversation, it

1:05:06

might have been the last episode, but,

1:05:08

you know, if, oh, no, it was

1:05:10

this conversation. Okay, so earlier you were

1:05:13

like, oh, maybe you're like in your

1:05:15

20s and you hit it big and

1:05:17

like, you achieve greatness or whatever. But

1:05:19

what happens if you do that in

1:05:22

your 20s and you go, is this

1:05:24

it? Now I'm perfect, you know, like

1:05:26

what if you had what you consider

1:05:29

the perfect hair, the perfect skin, the

1:05:31

perfect teeth, the perfect body, the perfect

1:05:33

lifestyle? Like what if all those things

1:05:35

like magically happened and like you still

1:05:38

felt exactly the same way on the

1:05:40

inside and you think to yourself, well

1:05:42

no, I'll feel different, I'll feel different,

1:05:45

I'll feel different, I'll feel like... I

1:05:47

mean you might get hit on maybe

1:05:49

like a little more if like your

1:05:52

hair is so shiny that everyone in

1:05:54

the room turns and looks when you

1:05:56

walk in but like I don't know

1:05:58

I like Like, are you getting hit

1:06:01

on by the kind of people that

1:06:03

you want to spend time with? I'm

1:06:05

not sure. Like, I don't know the

1:06:08

answer to that stuff. But I think,

1:06:10

like, thinking about these things in terms

1:06:12

of, like, what is actually important

1:06:14

to me, as opposed to

1:06:16

what does everybody else say

1:06:19

is important? Is that really big,

1:06:21

big kind of difference in, like,

1:06:23

how, what's going to make me,

1:06:25

like, actually happy, you know? like

1:06:28

actually deeply happy because

1:06:30

like I mean yes my skin's

1:06:32

clear now but like so

1:06:35

also like I take antidepressants

1:06:37

right right right it didn't

1:06:39

all the problems you know

1:06:42

there's still stuff there's still

1:06:44

stuff yes it's yeah it's

1:06:46

letting it's letting go of

1:06:49

what other people's perceptions of

1:06:51

perfect art and just I

1:06:53

think it's just discovering

1:06:56

like What is perfect for you?

1:06:58

Right? Like inside and out,

1:07:00

right? Like what? Yeah, if you,

1:07:02

if there's external things that you

1:07:04

can change or be better at,

1:07:06

you know, working on because they

1:07:08

make you feel good, great, do

1:07:11

that. And also, are there internal

1:07:13

things that you need to reckon with

1:07:15

or talk about or get to the

1:07:17

root of? Because the external things are

1:07:19

not going to do anything. They're not

1:07:21

going to change that part. Right? It's

1:07:23

got to be inside out. And it's

1:07:26

got to be whatever your version is.

1:07:28

You can't get that what the idea

1:07:30

of that is from other people. No,

1:07:32

you really can. That's not anything. You

1:07:34

can get it implanted when you're a

1:07:36

little kid. Yeah, you can certainly like.

1:07:38

So, but like, it's your job to

1:07:40

deprogram yourself. It's your job to, like,

1:07:43

unbrainwash yourself from all that garbage that

1:07:45

you might have been fed and, like,

1:07:47

figure out what actually. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh.

1:07:49

Yeah. Yeah. And get that social meter

1:07:52

off your phone, girl. Get it off

1:07:54

your phone. Just put on your iPad.

1:07:56

You're not on your iPad all the

1:07:58

time. You know what I mean? No. Oh, you gotta

1:08:00

go look for it, you gotta

1:08:03

make sure it's charged. You gotta

1:08:05

make sure it's charged, you gotta

1:08:08

make sure it's not sticky if

1:08:10

you have kids. Mm-hmm. More better.

1:08:12

I, what did you learn this

1:08:15

season? Oh my gosh. What did

1:08:17

I learn? I learned that my,

1:08:19

uh, my headphones hurt if I

1:08:22

wear them for longer than, um,

1:08:24

an hour. I learned that when

1:08:27

I laugh really hard you can

1:08:29

see all the way back into

1:08:31

the back of my throat and

1:08:34

my feelings which I'm trying not

1:08:36

to do on camera as much

1:08:38

because everybody loves to laugh joy

1:08:41

sleep. Nobody wants to be caught

1:08:43

with their mouth open like a

1:08:46

puppet. I learned that you know

1:08:48

one of the reasons we decided

1:08:50

to do this was When initially

1:08:53

I think like when the writer

1:08:55

strike happened and then when the

1:08:57

actor strike happened to both of

1:09:00

us were like, what can we

1:09:02

do that is creatively fulfilling over

1:09:05

this time? And that's when we

1:09:07

started kicking around the idea of

1:09:09

doing this class. And then, yeah,

1:09:12

you know, having this time and

1:09:14

space to be able to do

1:09:16

this felt very grounding. Sometimes it

1:09:19

felt like yeah. I have to

1:09:21

record today and I don't have

1:09:24

any more energy and I don't

1:09:26

know where I'm going to pull

1:09:28

it out from. And my brain

1:09:31

is bright. Yeah. But in general

1:09:33

I think it felt very grounding

1:09:35

and also I hope, one of

1:09:38

my hopes coming through this or

1:09:40

out of this is like, you

1:09:43

know, people, I think probably a

1:09:45

lot of people that listen to

1:09:47

this found us because they were

1:09:50

fans of Brooklyn 99. And like,

1:09:52

that is totally one part of

1:09:54

us. and but you know we're

1:09:57

multifaceted barf I've heard at some

1:09:59

time but like you know we're

1:10:02

pretty I think both of us

1:10:04

are interesting people and

1:10:06

have interesting perspectives and I

1:10:08

think we're constantly both trying

1:10:11

to like learn about like how

1:10:13

I can get more better at this because

1:10:15

like this is it this is it you

1:10:17

only get one round of this at least

1:10:19

in this body you know like and so

1:10:21

both of us are trying to be like

1:10:23

how do I do this life a little

1:10:25

bit like Better easier, softer, funner,

1:10:27

funnier, whatever it is that week

1:10:30

that you're focusing on, right? And

1:10:32

I do think like, I do

1:10:34

think that I'm, oh my God, am I

1:10:36

getting my period? Like, why am I

1:10:38

like on the verge of crying again,

1:10:40

annoying? But like, I do think you're-

1:10:42

I don't know, but you're putting me

1:10:44

on the verge. In some ways it

1:10:46

really has to help me. I don't

1:10:48

like it. It has helped me

1:10:50

do that, right? Like we both

1:10:53

been through like very challenging, especially

1:10:55

through work, challenging like things were

1:10:57

like, you know, and different ways,

1:10:59

but like I think it, I think some

1:11:01

of the stuff that I've talked about

1:11:03

with you on the podcast is

1:11:06

like definitely made me go like,

1:11:08

take a breath. This isn't as serious

1:11:10

as it feels like it might be

1:11:12

in this moment or like I

1:11:14

know how to handle this conversation

1:11:16

that I had with Melissa. Yeah,

1:11:20

totally. I think, and yeah, I

1:11:22

think the biggest thing I've come away

1:11:24

with is, you know, I love,

1:11:26

this podcast is basically based

1:11:28

on our dressing room talks

1:11:31

because this is what we

1:11:33

would do all the time. And

1:11:35

the importance of having a

1:11:38

friend like that, which I'm very

1:11:40

grateful I have in you, but

1:11:42

having, and I think

1:11:44

hopefully everybody has that

1:11:46

one friend. that you can

1:11:49

connect with and just continue

1:11:51

to like work on yourself, you

1:11:53

know, and like that's always been

1:11:56

such a strong connection between you

1:11:58

and I and I've... loved that

1:12:00

this podcast has like brought it

1:12:02

back into my life in a

1:12:05

very big way because it's like

1:12:07

check-ins it's it like you said

1:12:09

it's so grounding to go like

1:12:11

gosh what would I do in

1:12:13

this situation or like how do

1:12:16

I handle these things or what

1:12:18

can how can I be better

1:12:20

at this because I want to

1:12:22

do that because like you said

1:12:24

like it's fucking short we got

1:12:27

one shot at this in this

1:12:29

body and I don't want to

1:12:31

check out. I don't want to

1:12:33

just kind of, and we have

1:12:35

those phases of life for sure,

1:12:38

where we're just like buried or

1:12:40

busy or overwhelmed or we just

1:12:42

kind of, or we're grieving or

1:12:44

you know, whatever it may be

1:12:46

that we're just kind of like

1:12:49

going through the motions. But I

1:12:51

don't ever want to do that

1:12:53

for too long. I want to

1:12:55

be the kind of person that

1:12:57

always kind of checks in and

1:13:00

goes, okay, what's working here, what's

1:13:02

not working here, what can be

1:13:04

better. what can fall by the

1:13:06

wayside like how do we make

1:13:08

the most of this very short

1:13:10

life you know and be present

1:13:13

and I get to do that

1:13:15

with you and I'm very grateful

1:13:17

for it and now I was

1:13:19

there to cry but I'm not

1:13:21

going to do you feel a

1:13:24

little more better after doing this

1:13:26

40 times 40 times girl 14

1:13:28

I do I do I really

1:13:30

do and also a huge I

1:13:32

don't think we could have done

1:13:35

40 of these without the help

1:13:37

of our listeners sending in suggestions

1:13:39

and questions. That has become a

1:13:41

huge part of this and thank

1:13:43

you so much for giving us

1:13:46

more topics and things to think

1:13:48

about and digest and dissect and

1:13:50

you're as much a part of

1:13:52

this as you know as we

1:13:54

are. Yeah, absolutely. Yes. Yeah. Okay.

1:13:57

I'll see you later from it.

1:13:59

Bye! Bye! Do you have something

1:14:01

you'd like to be more better

1:14:03

at that you want us to

1:14:05

talk about in a future episode?

1:14:07

Can you relate to our struggles or

1:14:09

have you tried one of our

1:14:11

tips and tricks? Shoot us your thoughts

1:14:14

and ideas at More Better pod@gmail.com and

1:14:16

include a voice note if you

1:14:18

want to be featured on the pod.

1:14:20

More Better with Stephanie Melissa is

1:14:22

a production from W.V Sound and I

1:14:25

Heart Media's Michaelura podcast network hosted

1:14:27

by me, Stephanie Beatris Stephanie Beatrice, and

1:14:29

Melissa Fumero. Our executive producers are

1:14:31

Wilmer Valdarama and Leo Clem at

1:14:33

W.V. Sound. This episode was edited

1:14:35

by Isis Madrid and engineered by

1:14:37

Sean Tracy and features original music

1:14:40

by Madison Davenport and Halo Boy.

1:14:42

Our cover art is by Vincent

1:14:44

Remi's and Photography by David Avalos.

1:14:46

For more podcast from I-Hart, visit

1:14:48

the I-Hart radio app, Apple Podcast,

1:14:50

or wherever you listen to your

1:14:52

favorite shows. See you next week! Hey,

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