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spade and sparrows.com I'm

1:18

Caitlin Briso your session

1:20

is now starting. Hey,

1:26

everybody, welcome to Off The Vine. I'm

1:28

your host, Caitlin Bristow, and we have Kelsey

1:30

Night in the studio today to talk about

1:32

yeast infections. That's towards the end, don't worry.

1:35

I just like have people tune out, but

1:37

they're like, I don't want to get there.

1:39

I don't want to get there. We're such

1:41

a true crime. We talk about Lady World,

1:44

which is the most exciting thing coming up

1:46

that everybody needs to come to. I will

1:48

be hanging out with everybody all weekend. There's

1:50

crafts. There's wine. There's singing on the beach.

1:53

There's live podcast. There's live music. It's going

1:55

to be absolutely epic and destined. Florida. And

1:57

oh God, and I tell you about my

1:59

Paul. for about 15 years and the moment

2:01

came and you'll hear about that. Cheers to

2:03

you that KBs are together again. Oh my

2:06

gosh I just love podcasting with you it's

2:08

like I look forward to it. Yeah I

2:10

was so excited thank you for having me

2:12

on again. I mean I like reoccurring guess

2:14

it's good chemistry good banter I think people

2:16

like to hear it and... I know shit

2:18

about you that no one else will bring

2:20

up. Mel Robbins. I was like that whole

2:22

time, by the way, that was a fantastic

2:24

interview. I got to give you your props.

2:26

Thank you. But the whole time when she

2:29

was calling you out on your shit, I was

2:31

like. Go get a meal, like that

2:33

was amazing. I felt like that

2:35

was my mom. Yeah, but not

2:37

even your mom, because your mom

2:39

loves you too much to be

2:41

that person. But it felt like

2:43

what a mom would be. Like

2:46

a hard mom. A hard mom.

2:48

Like a tiger mom. Your mom's

2:50

like a beach mom. Wait, what's

2:52

that? Like a friend mom. Oh

2:54

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a,

2:56

she never was until I started

2:58

drinking with you. I actually think

3:00

that this is one of the

3:02

learning lessons of being a woman is

3:05

relearning to love your mom. Oh, yeah.

3:07

Because we love our moms when we're

3:09

kids, like right now, so many of

3:11

my friends, and I know your friends

3:13

too, have like young kids, and you're

3:16

just like, they're obsessed with their mom.

3:18

They want their mom. Like, dad can't

3:20

do it, they want their mom. And

3:22

then we go through a stage in

3:25

our teens where we just... hate our

3:27

mom. It's so sad. Like and we're

3:29

so mean when I think back to

3:31

the things and I have actually tried

3:34

to apologize to my mom and I

3:36

said like you know I just want

3:38

to tell you I remember this thing

3:40

like I have this like traumatic Christmas

3:43

morning where my dad had lost his

3:45

job and they tried to make a

3:47

beautiful Christmas for us. It's like probably

3:49

in fourth or fifth grade and there

3:51

were like not a lot of presence under the tree

3:54

and like it was like whatever and then I remember

3:56

specifically I'm such a dick I turned to my mom

3:58

and I was like Matthew my brother he got

4:00

way more than me. Like I was

4:02

like such a little, see you and

4:05

next Tuesday, you know? But I was

4:07

like, I was young, I didn't understand,

4:09

I was like wait, like it's Christmas,

4:11

this is supposed to be in the

4:14

same. Not saying I'd still be like

4:16

that at this Christmas. And I tried

4:18

to apologize to my mom, she's like,

4:20

oh Kelty, we don't even think about

4:23

things like that. Like, and she just

4:25

gave me the impression like, and that

4:27

friendship and wanting to like. I

4:29

literally want to sponge her up

4:31

like a sponge with her knowledge

4:34

and just like her stories and

4:36

all of it. I know because

4:38

I feel like you, well as

4:40

we grow up and realize that

4:42

being an adult is actually so

4:44

hard, like and that you realize

4:46

that how much they did and how

4:48

little that we do. Yes, you

4:51

did so much and I'm just

4:53

sitting here with a microphone 100%

4:55

and I'm like they must be

4:58

looking at us. They must come

5:00

to our houses and look at

5:03

our closets and look at our

5:05

facial reconstruction surgeries and be like

5:07

these girls got it so easy.

5:10

So hard we're raising two kids

5:12

in the snow in cold ass

5:14

Alberta, working our jobs, trying to

5:17

keep our love lives on track.

5:19

Dry ass skin of. And they

5:21

weren't allowed to talk about having

5:23

like issues. They had to have

5:25

it all together. Nothing. I'm sure

5:27

they wanted facelifts. They couldn't just

5:29

go and get a blep. You

5:31

know, but then I come to

5:34

my house and I was like,

5:36

which room would you like to

5:38

stay in? You know what I

5:40

mean? I know I'm like, which

5:42

bottle of wine would you like

5:44

from my swimsuit? Just throw it

5:46

out. We'll order another one. It'll

5:48

be here tonight. Like I'm

5:50

just such a dick. Oh,

5:52

it's just such a dick.

5:54

Oh, it's just such a

5:56

different time. But we. thought

5:58

our parents. We're just doing parenting

6:01

things. But if you actually think about

6:03

it, they're living their life for the

6:05

first time too. So they're being parents

6:07

for the first time, they're getting older

6:09

for the first time. Like, we actually

6:11

witnessed their life. Two, like, it sounds

6:13

like a deep hole of, like, prettism.

6:15

I know, I was just watching, I'm

6:17

trying to catch up on all the

6:19

episodes of The Bachelor, because I wasn't

6:22

going to watch, and then I was

6:24

like, oh, I'm interviewing Grant, now I

6:26

can't not watch it. Is Grant the

6:28

Bachelor? Yes. I haven't watched in so

6:30

many, since you. And I switched from

6:32

Bachelor to Housewives. Oh, really? Yeah, because

6:34

me and Jack on Lady Gang, we

6:36

always, we always, and we always, and

6:38

we always, and we always, and we

6:40

always, and we always, and we always,

6:42

and we always, and we always, and

6:45

we always, and we, and we, and

6:47

we always, and we, and we, and

6:49

we, and we, and we, and we,

6:51

and we, and, and we, and, and,

6:53

and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

6:55

and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

6:57

and, I, I In Canada. And it's

6:59

going to be Jessica Mulrooney. Oh! No,

7:01

I don't know. You just said it

7:03

and I said, oh, that would be

7:06

great. Megan Markle's ex-best friend. I can't.

7:08

Are they not friends anymore? I have

7:10

no idea. I don't think so. But

7:12

wait, who else in Toronto would be

7:14

like, like, athletes' wives or something? Yeah,

7:16

maybe Raptor's wives, some wags. Actually. But

7:18

how would you have a little housewife?

7:20

I've just been engaged twice? Yeah, well

7:22

that's, it's, it's, it's, it's loose. Like

7:24

look at New York. I don't know,

7:26

I've never watched an episode of those

7:29

lives. Okay, there's like girls in New

7:31

York right now, which New York is

7:33

not great, but like there's girls that

7:35

have never been married. They're just like,

7:37

hot girls in New York, you know.

7:39

So you don't have to have to

7:41

have been married. And the engagement. Carly

7:43

Pierce, Jesse James Decker, I mean that

7:45

is all-star. Yeah, it would, and if

7:47

they threw one person in there that

7:50

I'm thinking about, there would be some

7:52

drama. Right, yeah. You need a couple

7:54

bad, baddies. Yeah, you need a couple

7:56

of those. Yeah. I mean, I just,

7:58

I've interviewed so many people who've been

8:00

on that show and they say how

8:02

mentally exhausting it is and how it

8:04

doesn't feel authentic, like it's very stage,

8:06

does it not? I don't know. It

8:08

depends who you talk to talk to

8:10

you talk to you talk to and

8:13

what, what, city I think because Justin

8:15

my co-host on E-New is like best

8:17

friends with Carl Richards and it's like

8:19

very real life for her. Oh it

8:21

is? Yeah, like it's very, you know,

8:23

so I don't know. I guess it

8:25

depends, wait. I was laughing so hard

8:27

watching your interview on Lady Gang with

8:29

them telling you that you fell on

8:31

purpose. Yeah. But you didn't. Yes, okay,

8:34

so at the Grammys like a couple

8:36

weeks ago. You've done 11 Grammys. I

8:38

just went back on my bad outfits.

8:40

Started from Sherri Hill, now we're here,

8:42

you know, you know, you know? I

8:44

sometimes have Sherry Hill gowns really. I

8:46

work so many on The Bachelorette. I

8:48

know, but sometimes they really smack. I

8:50

agree. There's a time and a place

8:52

for Sherry Hill. I agree. And she

8:54

will give it to you. Especially like

8:57

10 years ago. Yeah, and it was

8:59

like the only dress person who addressed

9:01

me. Yeah, you know? So why do

9:03

you keep falling? Okay. So why do

9:05

you keep falling? like really chaotic and

9:07

fun and whatever. So he takes, one

9:09

thing about Prince Eric is he's gonna

9:11

take a note. Like he probably takes

9:13

400 pictures of me a day. Yeah.

9:15

And he was on the grandma carpet

9:18

and so I'm walking and like technically

9:20

what Prince Derek should have been doing

9:22

is holding his holding my hand and

9:24

like technically what Prince Derek should have

9:26

been doing is holding my hand and

9:28

walking me because I'm an red carpet

9:30

of the year. It's like we got

9:32

to cash in. Anyway, so I'm walking

9:34

along and then I just ate shit.

9:36

I mean it was a bad fall.

9:39

I ate shit and I'm wearing like

9:41

a four inch platform shoe and then

9:43

people are like, well it's your fault

9:45

because you wore the shoe. No, no,

9:47

no. I want to take this back.

9:49

It is the designer's fault because they

9:51

make gowns. and they only make them

9:53

for six foot one models on the

9:55

runway. Yeah. And models in their showroom

9:57

books or whatever. And then if you're

9:59

a regular-sized person, you get the dress

10:02

and they do not allow you to

10:04

tailor it. You cannot, it's all beaded.

10:06

can't like just cut the bottom of

10:08

the dress and because it's beaded you

10:10

can't have it. This is like a

10:12

tour gout one of one that I'm

10:14

wearing. The designer is from Dubai. She

10:16

did when Beyonce did that big Dubai

10:18

show. All the costumes and dresses were

10:20

the same designer like dresses the Ashland.

10:23

So I was very lucky to wear

10:25

this designer but you can't like just

10:27

cut the bottom of the dress and

10:29

because it's beaded. You can't hem it.

10:31

It would look so weird. the biggest

10:33

shoe. What people don't realize is that

10:35

Grammy Red carpet is like on a,

10:37

essentially a parking lot. Like it's not,

10:39

it's not on a smooth thing. So

10:41

they've just basically put some carpet on

10:43

the little Rocky Road on the Rocky

10:46

Road and there's tons of casualties under

10:48

there. You don't know what you're gonna

10:50

hit. So these little baby ankles, poof.

10:52

during too much diet Coke, the bones

10:54

are like, bones are not boning, the

10:56

bones are not boning, and I just

10:58

bit it. But then, Derek ended up

11:00

taking a screenshot from that and mixing

11:02

it with the screenshot of me last

11:04

year at the Golden Globes when I

11:07

lost my diamond on the red carpet

11:09

and I was. I didn't fall in

11:11

the red carpet at the Golden Globes.

11:13

I was just down on the red

11:15

carpet searching for the diamond. So it

11:17

was a mix of like losing the

11:19

diamond and then falling at the Grammys.

11:21

Wait, did you ever find the diamond?

11:23

I did not find the diamond. Uninsured.

11:25

I did get a replacement. Oh, God.

11:27

Yeah. Anyway, so I'm an idiot and

11:30

everyone on the Lady Gang podcast, my

11:32

co-host were like, well, we thought we

11:34

did it on purpose, which a lot

11:36

of people on the internet did too,

11:38

the internet did too. It was. That

11:40

ankle almost broke. Yeah, I saw it

11:42

and it was like immediate. It wasn't

11:44

like a oops, it was like a

11:46

down. Yes, it was a face plant.

11:48

And then I was also disappointed, Caitlin,

11:51

I don't know if you've ever tried

11:53

the wet look hair. Yes, I did

11:55

it once. So I got roped into

11:57

the wet look, which wasn't my first

11:59

choice, but then, you know, when the

12:01

gaze are like, you're like, you're like,

12:03

like, you're like, like, you trust the.

12:05

you're getting out of the shower and

12:07

it's going to move around. The wet

12:09

look is like plastered in place. So

12:11

then I fell and my wet look,

12:14

my wet look was never wetting again.

12:16

Like it just like it crunched up

12:18

in ways that it shouldn't have, like

12:20

it just, anyway, if I had fallen

12:22

on purpose I would have done it.

12:24

on the actual red carpet, Amy Shummer

12:26

style, so that people would see me.

12:28

Not in the backstage area. But you

12:30

still got a little cool content out

12:32

of it. I got some cool content.

12:35

I had a viral moment. I think

12:37

like 6 million people have watched me

12:39

eat shit. I don't understand why I'm

12:41

not getting like an endorsement deal of

12:43

an insurance company. Like, ensure your body,

12:45

ensure your diamonds. Like, where is farmers?

12:47

Where's progressive? Like, I'm ready. Get podcast

12:49

one on it. Yeah, like, they could

12:51

bring it in for your podcast. I

12:53

need an umbrella policy for my own

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and start listening today. Do

15:07

you get nervous interviewing celebs

15:09

anymore? Are you just hyped to do

15:11

it? I do not get nervous. Amazing.

15:14

Yeah. Like who is the one person

15:16

you've interviewed where you're like, that's... Top

15:18

tier. I mean Brad Pitt was amazing

15:20

because he stares in your eyes and

15:22

you're like, am I your next wife?

15:25

Tom Cruise, same thing. Like Tom Cruise.

15:27

Ew. No, Tom Cruise is weird for

15:29

sure. But like when you're in, when

15:31

you're in, there is, he's got. big

15:34

Tom Cruise energy. B-T-E-T-E- There. Big Tom

15:36

energy. Like, and he's a short man.

15:38

I know, so you're like, there's just

15:41

something about Tom when you're in, when

15:43

he looks you in the eye, you're

15:45

the only person in the world. I

15:47

was convinced I was gonna be his

15:50

next wife when I did his movie

15:52

premiere in Rome. I was like, there's

15:54

4,000 people here, and I was like,

15:57

no, we're meant to be together. I

15:59

love our. embarrassed the out of

16:01

myself meeting him. I was my worst

16:03

self. I was the worst kind of

16:05

fan. Did you know who you were?

16:07

You definitely didn't act like it. But

16:10

I for sure told him I was

16:12

the bachelorette. No, you didn't. You did

16:14

that. Can you tell us more? It

16:16

got worse. So step by step. Backstory

16:18

is. Paul Rudd has been my celebrity

16:20

crush, my hall pass, my every, I'm

16:22

obsessed with him since clueless. Yeah. Consistently

16:24

my hall pass. It was him and

16:27

Ellen DeGeneres. I'm over her now. Okay.

16:29

I just think she would be a

16:31

freak in the sheets. Okay. I would

16:33

like to experience that. Okay. Not anymore.

16:35

But Paul Rudd and Ellen were always

16:37

my crushes. And... I did podcasts around

16:39

trying to meet him and trying to

16:42

find him and like wanting to talk

16:44

to him and I had all of

16:46

my vinos like be on lookout and

16:48

to try whatever and then I got

16:50

over it because I was like okay

16:52

it's the Paul Rod thing's not happening.

16:54

I'm sitting at my hotel before the

16:56

Super Bowl I had I had on

16:59

no makeup in my sweats crushing breakfast

17:01

and Paul Rod walks right into where

17:03

I was sitting, eating. And he's just

17:05

standing there. And I was like, holy.

17:07

I started like getting sick. Like I

17:09

was like, oh God, it's Paul Rod.

17:11

And I was like, this is it.

17:13

This is meant to be. This is

17:16

my moment. Yeah. And he started to

17:18

walk out. No, no, no. You got

17:20

the fuck out for breakfast. I got

17:22

it from breakfast. Eggs still in my

17:24

mouth. And I walked over to him.

17:26

And I started. word vomiting, the most

17:28

embarrassing shit, and it gave me a

17:31

lot of compassion for when people come

17:33

up to me and say dumb stuff.

17:35

I'm like, I get it now. Yeah,

17:37

yeah. I was like, Paul. Mr. Rud,

17:39

no, that's it. I went Paul. And

17:41

he said, I went Paul. And he

17:43

said, I went Paul. And he was

17:45

like, yeah. And you could tell he

17:48

did not want to be bothered. And

17:50

I swear to God. I said, I

17:52

said, I was like, not that this

17:54

matters, but I was on the bachelor.

17:56

And then I was the bachelorette. I

17:58

almost had one dancing with the stars.

18:00

And then I went dancing with the

18:02

stars. You should have added that in.

18:05

Filming my resume for him. And then

18:07

he's like, smiling and nodding, like, get

18:09

to the point. I know you on

18:11

photo. And I was like, it's just

18:13

so funny. I had a whole podcast

18:15

around trying to find you. I know

18:17

about your little candy shop. And I

18:20

go, anyway, so I'm a creep. You're

18:22

my whole past. Do you hate photos?

18:24

Can I take a photo? He's like,

18:26

sure, let's take one. I was like,

18:28

okay, take a photo with him. And

18:30

then when he walked away, I like

18:32

went back and sat down and we

18:34

did the awkward thing. We're like, you

18:37

looked at each other again. Yes. And

18:39

then I looked away, but he waved,

18:41

but then he looked away. And then

18:43

he looked away. And then he looked

18:45

away. It was terrible. It was terrible.

18:47

I made quite the impression. A sweetly

18:49

headline. Caitlin Bristow, home wrecker. And Adam

18:51

Sandler was with him in the same

18:54

hotel, but I didn't see Adam Sandler.

18:56

But I was like, those are two

18:58

of my favorite humans on the planet,

19:00

and I blew it. I blew it.

19:02

I was not wearing like a hoodie?

19:04

No, he was just wearing a black

19:06

top, a red hat. He took off

19:09

his hat for the photo, which was

19:11

interesting, because he... And he looked... tired

19:13

but still so hot. Oh my god,

19:15

I ruined it. I ruined it. I

19:17

really did not play it cool. Well

19:19

we closed the chapter on the Let's

19:21

Find Paul Rod. Yeah, I manifested that

19:23

for so... long and I just have

19:26

to accept that that's how it went

19:28

down. And sometimes it's better not to

19:30

meet those people. I wish I didn't.

19:32

Like yes, right? I wish I didn't.

19:34

Like it's more fun to just never

19:36

know them and know that they have

19:38

bad breath or that they're kind of

19:40

mean or that they're like really into

19:43

themselves. Like it's so rare that people

19:45

in Hollywood are who they... put themselves

19:47

out to be. I know I wanted

19:49

him to be like, you want this?

19:51

Do you? Oh, I've been your vet?

19:53

like I was like expecting him to

19:55

be like Paul run from that movie

19:58

and then I'm like damn it yeah

20:00

he's just like sweet and lovely and

20:02

gracious and he took a photo but

20:04

like yeah it was I just couldn't

20:06

believe myself I was I was better

20:08

than that stars they're just like us

20:10

are they yeah I was more awkward

20:12

he was more off well honestly Caitlin

20:15

if you if you wanted Paul run

20:17

respect you you should have told him

20:19

about the mirror ball don't lead with

20:21

I was on the bachelor ten years

20:23

ago I would take that off the

20:25

list even yeah I know I would

20:27

be like I one day by like

20:30

I know this is weird I'm a

20:32

celebrity I know I wanted to be

20:34

like we're like you know similar yeah

20:36

like we both been on Broadway I

20:38

know you sing sometimes me too oh

20:40

so mortified yeah Damn. Yeah. Do you

20:42

think he's like ever going to think

20:44

about it? He's never thought about it

20:47

again. Yeah. Okay. He's never thought about

20:49

it again. Well, that was my fear.

20:51

Yeah. I wanted him to remember me

20:53

forever. You know, I actually before I

20:55

came, I was having a last night,

20:57

I was having a like sort of.

20:59

Dream about something really embarrassing I did

21:01

that similar, but it wasn't a celebrity

21:04

But I did a red carpet like

21:06

a hundred years ago Yeah, and it

21:08

was my ex-boyfriend a guy I went

21:10

on two dates with and made out

21:12

like insanely on the corner street of

21:14

New York City Like one of the

21:16

best kisses of my life, like one

21:19

of the best kisses of my life

21:21

and I've never like not thought about

21:23

it Anyway, he became a movie director

21:25

and he directed a movie and I

21:27

wore a dress that had like a

21:29

panty with a see-through like skirt it

21:31

was so sexy and then one of

21:33

the guys in the movie and I

21:36

was like well what do you think

21:38

of the director and I was like

21:40

has he ever mentioned me we did

21:42

go on two dates or whatever and

21:44

then he was like wait did you

21:46

wear that for this person like like

21:48

ensuing how desperate I was that I

21:50

dressed up like this and it was

21:53

true I did dress up like that

21:55

anyway I just think sometimes is better

21:57

not to ever to ever see those

21:59

people. Oh God I mean there's so

22:01

many celebrities so many celebrities celebrities celebrities

22:03

celebrities at the Super Bowl and I

22:05

was there. And it was so fun.

22:08

I loved the Super Bowl. You did

22:10

love it. I loved every second. What

22:12

was happening in the actual stadium with

22:14

the Taylor Swift Boo? It was they

22:16

were booing the Chiefs. They booed anyone

22:18

that. was there for the Chiefs. Anyone

22:20

who was wearing red, they even booed

22:22

a child. They booed Taylor Swift, but

22:25

of course we all focus on the

22:27

Taylor Swift. Yeah. But they were booing

22:29

anyone who is a Chiefs fan. But

22:31

weren't half the people Chiefs fan? Wouldn't

22:33

they be cheering? Yeah, because, and some

22:35

of them were. So the booze on

22:37

one side, because it was very, very

22:39

divided. for any chiefs fans. Because those

22:42

Philly people are like crazy. They're loud.

22:44

Philly people are loud. And so I.

22:46

It's honestly on my bucket list, I

22:48

would love to be booed in a

22:50

stadium. Oh my god, Caitlin, I was

22:52

sitting here thinking, my goal is to

22:54

be famous enough to be booed at

22:57

the most watched public event on the

22:59

planet by at least 10, at least

23:01

10, at least 10, at least, watched

23:03

public event on the planet by at

23:05

least 10, at least 10, at least

23:07

10, at least 10, at least, public

23:09

event on the planet by at least

23:11

10, by at least 10. mirrorball winner

23:14

was on the bachelor like you know

23:16

whatever you know but they never do

23:18

they never find me in the crowd

23:20

like I can't even get on the

23:22

jumbo tron they always find me in

23:24

the crowd an Oilers game but they

23:26

know you're there because they gave you

23:28

the tickets for free 100 yeah I

23:31

don't I paid for my tickets because

23:33

I paid for my tickets because I

23:35

paid for my tickets because I paid

23:37

for my tickets because I can't I

23:39

paid for my tickets because I want

23:41

to tell one of the king something

23:43

but unfortunately you're in L. but unfortunately

23:46

you're in L. But did you watch

23:48

the Super Bowl? I watched yet, the

23:50

whole thing. Oh my god. I, first

23:52

of all, I'm a huge Kendrick Lamar

23:54

fan, always have been. I think he's

23:56

a lyrical genius. I know I'm supposed

23:58

to be team Drake because he's Canadian

24:00

But Kendrick Lamar's too much of a

24:03

genius. He's a genius. He's really those

24:05

little pants Those little those little flare

24:07

pants and when he was walking he

24:09

goes hey Drake I Just loved like

24:11

I love the pettiness. Yeah, I I

24:13

what listen I'm gonna get killed for

24:15

saying this. Oh, I didn't think it

24:17

was the best Super Bowl I've ever

24:20

seen because it's very niche Like you

24:22

got to be a fan. You got

24:24

to be a fan. He did not

24:26

give us a spectacular that someone who

24:28

had never heard of Kevin Drake Lamar

24:30

understood. I enjoyed it more once I

24:32

got on the internet and the internet

24:35

started unpacking all the meaning behind this.

24:37

I was like, oh, Serena Williams is

24:39

there. That's cool. Like, I didn't even

24:41

realize she was Drake Sachs, like, which

24:43

I should know because I'm an entertainment

24:45

news. But like once the internet unpacked

24:47

all the significance between the lower case,

24:49

Oh, this was like very purposeful, very

24:52

meaningful, and I actually think it's better.

24:54

When I was actually just watching it

24:56

blindly on the television, I was like,

24:58

I could have had a bomber jacket

25:00

change. Like, I felt like... Well, because

25:02

we are idiot little white girls. No,

25:04

for sure. And I know that. I

25:07

knew it wasn't for me. I thought

25:09

it was very well done. But I

25:11

was like, my favorite part was when

25:13

they did this is a song, because

25:15

I knew that song, you know what

25:17

I mean. being Uncle Sam. I knew

25:19

it was a bigger message. Yes. And

25:21

so I was like, I can't wait

25:24

to get home and unpack this. Yeah.

25:26

And of course, leave it up to

25:28

the internet to do the best job

25:30

with every detail. Every detail. And I

25:32

was like, yes, this was, and I

25:34

think Kendrick even said it, like, this

25:36

is bigger than the music. And I

25:38

was like, this was such a message.

25:41

Well, and also it was like, it

25:43

did exactly what it did exactly what

25:45

it needed to do. It did what

25:47

it needed to do, which was like,

25:49

I, for the people that were not

25:51

Kendrick fans before, we saw him, I

25:53

mean, obviously I know who he is

25:56

and I know what he's, his spectacular.

25:58

career. But like if you weren't a

26:00

fan you were like oh you kind

26:02

of set up and then unpacking it

26:04

you were like oh oh so really

26:06

maybe it was for everyone. I just

26:08

am used to like When I covered

26:10

Super Bowls, my Super Bowls were like,

26:12

I did the Beyonce Bruno Mars Super

26:14

Bowl, I did the Katie Perry Super

26:16

Bowl, I did very for me Super

26:18

Bowl, so I was like, well, there

26:20

was no one flying across the stadium

26:22

or like Lady God coming down, like

26:24

there was none of like the pop

26:26

girly theatrics. So you're like, we're not

26:28

having a, see and I loved that.

26:30

I was like, I just was, I

26:33

think it was like, we don't want

26:35

that we want people to unpack exactly

26:37

what this exactly what this

26:39

is. and an outfit change is just ruining

26:41

that. And honestly, I'm like Rachel Zoe. I

26:43

believe in a flare gene. I love the

26:46

way it looks on me. I feel the

26:48

tallest. I feel the skinniest. I feel the

26:50

happiest. I feel the happiest with my butt

26:52

when I'm in a tight and then flare

26:54

gene with a platform on. I feel that.

26:56

I feel that. You have a very, I like

26:59

your style though. Really? Yeah, I do.

27:01

I feel like you have a

27:03

unique style. I feel like you

27:06

know what works for you and

27:08

you... Thank you. Yeah, you do

27:11

well with it. No, you're good.

27:13

We're trying. I actually always love

27:15

seeing what you're wearing on red

27:18

carpets. Thank you so much. Who's

27:20

the worst celebrity you've ever interviewed?

27:23

People ask me this all the

27:25

time. I'm not very original, Kelty.

27:27

And I did write a chapter

27:30

that is hidden deep in that book

27:32

about my worst celebrity interview and I

27:34

named names. So if you want to

27:36

know, like $9 on Amazon, go buy

27:38

act like a lady and you can

27:40

read it. I know it's, I just,

27:42

I don't want to say it out

27:45

in the, on the video. Were you

27:47

there when Kanya and Bianca were doing

27:49

the carpet? Yes. Did you see that?

27:51

Yeah, I wasn't on the carpet at

27:53

that time, but like I had just

27:55

left. And I had just left. like

27:57

was it a because it's really hard

28:00

Sorry, I've gone deep, I can't believe

28:02

how close I've been to this woman's

28:04

vagina. Like I deep-dived zoomed to see

28:06

like was it a murken with a

28:08

fake vagina? And then it got into

28:10

an entire conversation about, you know, listen,

28:12

I believe in my heart that Kanye

28:15

is incredible, has a mental illness. I

28:17

believe that without a doubt. And so

28:19

I do not think he's in his

28:21

right mind. And based on people that

28:23

I know him in real life, we

28:25

can confirm. Yeah. I mean I don't

28:27

even want to waste any breath talking

28:30

about him but for Bianca like I

28:32

love I like that the Grammys is

28:34

where you do that kind of thing

28:36

but I also hate that it was

28:38

like another thing that I had to

28:40

feel bad about like I am used

28:42

to seeing everyone's breasts yeah and feeling

28:44

like I don't measure up and that

28:47

there's a part of my husband that's

28:49

probably like dreaming about a big juicy

28:51

breast all the time because now we

28:53

see boobs every day of our lives

28:55

every day of our lives on the

28:57

internet. out in public. And now I

28:59

saw Bianca's perfect little paper cut paper

29:02

cut of a vagina. And I was

29:04

like, oh, so now I need to

29:06

feel bad about that. Like it's one

29:08

more thing to feel bad about because

29:10

I'm not that is not the that

29:12

like now we have a perfect badge

29:14

out there on Getty images that we

29:16

all have to compare it. You should

29:19

put your vagina out there on Getty

29:21

images so that people feel less alone.

29:23

Thank you. You know what? Teas and

29:25

peas and peas to the fluffy vagina

29:27

community. Thank you. You know what? Yeah,

29:29

you're right. I actually did this as

29:31

a fun thing when I was I

29:34

was a dancer in a show in

29:36

Las Vegas and we lined up all

29:38

the girls in the show naked and

29:40

we all compared vaginas It was very

29:42

fun and it was like a great

29:44

learning lesson because they really are like

29:46

boobs. They're all different different sizes like

29:48

whatever but I was like this girl

29:51

has perfect boobs perfect little body perfect

29:53

face and now this tiny little yeah,

29:55

but she's with Connie rest. Yes, I

29:57

mean I I I just I Actually,

30:00

what's interesting about it. I was going

30:02

to say something about the T-shirts and

30:04

the Super Bowl. I'll tell you this.

30:07

I love working at E-News because we

30:09

have two amazing executive producers that make

30:11

the decisions on what we're going to

30:13

cover every night. And instead of when

30:16

people do these horrible things for attention,

30:18

they simply don't cover it. I love

30:20

that. And I think there's like people

30:22

that are like, well where's the outrage?

30:25

I'm like the outrage is actually our

30:27

silence because what he wants is for

30:29

all the news outlets and all the

30:31

blogs and everyone in the internet to

30:34

talk about it. And if we do

30:36

not give him that attention that he

30:38

needs and we don't bring attention to

30:40

it, then... There's no power. Okay, I

30:43

don't know if it's just me, but

30:45

I feel like my body's been straight

30:47

up calling for help. Every part of

30:50

it, my skin, not thriving, energy, not

30:52

good. All over the place. I'll wake

30:54

up exhausted, crash in the afternoon, somehow

30:56

wide awake at 11 p.m. for absolutely

30:59

no reason. We do not love that

31:01

for me. And then peak radiant skin

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31:05

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31:08

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31:10

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31:21

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31:28

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31:30

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you. Okay, I'm gonna put you on

32:54

to a little something, a hot tip

32:56

if you will, from one big wine

32:58

guy to another. If you are going

33:01

to drink wine in any amount, a

33:03

glass bottle, you need to be drinking

33:05

one that's low sugar. High sugar content

33:07

in wine is the main culprit for

33:10

hangovers, and the high sugar wine is

33:12

not good. Nobody's got time for that.

33:14

So next time the mood strikes for

33:16

a nice, crisp glass of veno, pick

33:19

up a bottle of spade and spade

33:21

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33:28

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33:32

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33:34

wine and of course, like I said,

33:37

all low sugar. Find sparrows in the

33:39

wine aisle at Target in Florida, Texas,

33:41

Georgia, Ohio, Oklahoma, Louisiana, or various other

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33:46

at spade at spade and sparrows. 15%

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33:50

Great wine without the rules. Let's move

33:52

on to Lady World. Please, let's talk

33:55

about Lady World. I am hyped for

33:57

this. We're so excited. So Vino's, if

33:59

you're not, actually, I got a note

34:01

today from one of your fans. You

34:04

did? Yes. And she, so right now,

34:06

okay, so Lady World Festival, September 26,

34:08

Destin Florida, Caitlin is one of our

34:11

headliners, we're gonna. to talk about some

34:13

of the stuff that's about. 2025. Tickets

34:15

are on sale now, Lady World.co. But

34:17

it's interesting because I was like, hey,

34:20

like we'll put an ad in our

34:22

podcast for Swains perils if you put

34:24

an ad for Lady World in yours,

34:26

and you're like great. And I was

34:29

like, I have one that already made

34:31

and I'll just like shout out Caitlin

34:33

in it, whatever. So we sent it

34:35

over and it ran. And I got

34:38

a message from one of your fans

34:40

who are like, I was like. No,

34:42

that's on purpose. We're promoting Caitlin and

34:44

Spade and Speros at Lady World. So

34:47

now I'm gonna have to make you

34:49

do that. That is funny because we

34:51

talked about who should do the ad.

34:53

And I was like, I kind of

34:56

like the idea of you doing it.

34:58

Yeah. And I feel like, oh, you

35:00

screwed up. They're like, we don't want

35:02

to hear this voice. Where's Caitlin's? They're

35:05

like, we don't want to hear this

35:07

voice. Where's Caitlin's. Where's? Where's? Where's? dreams.

35:09

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, daytime programming starts 9

35:12

a.m. So you can choose, you know,

35:14

yoga on the beach, Pilates on the

35:16

beach, a pickleball tournament. We're having like

35:18

crafting classes like beating and painting and

35:21

I'm doing like a manifesting class, and

35:23

I'm doing like a manifesting class, and

35:25

I'm doing like a manifesting class. Elf,

35:27

beauty is our sponsor, so they're doing

35:30

like makeup tutorials, eyebrow, on site, there's

35:32

shopping, there's a gifting, literally lay out

35:34

in just hand and read your book,

35:36

like whatever. And then you come back

35:39

to the grounds like three to five

35:41

is going to be the celebrity meet

35:43

and greet. So if you want to

35:45

go have Caitlin sign a bottle of

35:48

spade and sparrows and take a picture

35:50

with her like that is going to

35:52

be at a separate area. Five o'clock

35:54

the show starts. So we have podcasts

35:57

and live shows from Lauren and Cam

35:59

Hamilton from Friday night. It is the

36:01

main, which is like the ultimate emo

36:03

hot. X-E-Men rock band. And then Saturday

36:06

night is called Pop2K and it's Chris

36:08

Kerpatrick from Enzing. BB Mac, O-Town. L-F-O.

36:10

Yes. I like girls that wear Abercrombie

36:12

and Fitch. Mark McGrath comes out to

36:15

Sugar Ray and Ryan Cabrera. Oh my

36:17

God. It's like nostalgia. Nostalgia, everything. And

36:19

then on Saturday night, Caitlin, we announced

36:22

this yesterday in our group chat. Caitlin

36:24

is hosting a Sippinsing. Sip and sing

36:26

with spade and sparrows on the beach.

36:28

So we're gonna make a giant bonfire

36:31

on the beach. My dream. Blankets, pillows,

36:33

spade and sparrows for everybody, and like,

36:35

we have to pick the songs because

36:37

you need to learn the songs. We

36:40

can make sheet music too, and like

36:42

maybe we hand it out like when

36:44

you're in grade school, like lyric sheets

36:46

or whatever. Or we just do songs

36:49

that people know all the words too.

36:51

Well they've got to be in my

36:53

range. Okay, well no, you need to

36:55

pick them. It's your sip and sing.

36:58

So, you know, it'll be that, it'll

37:00

be like the Taylor to be... Why

37:02

is that my dream? Like, I don't

37:04

know what it is, but for years

37:07

and years and years of my life,

37:09

I've always wanted to sit around a

37:11

bonfire and sing with a bunch of

37:13

women. It's the kumbaya. Like, it is

37:16

literally the dream. And then Sunday, same

37:18

thing, like daytime activities, and then you'll

37:20

be doing some other things, all like

37:23

five minutes from the site. So if

37:25

you go to ladyworld.c.o you can book

37:27

your ticket for the festival and then

37:29

you can also book your accommodation. So

37:32

it's all in one page, you get

37:34

tons of discounts. Yeah, we made it

37:36

as affordable as possible. There is a

37:38

payment plan so you can like pay

37:41

it. Because we made it as affordable

37:43

as possible. There is a payment plan

37:45

so you can like pay it. all

37:47

super organized. So I'm really really excited

37:50

about it. We're about 60% sold out

37:52

right now. So like if the Vinos,

37:54

you're the first person we're doing like

37:56

promo with. Yeah. So if the Vinos

37:59

want to come, like it's very important

38:01

that they go get their ticket now.

38:03

You have to come. And what's cool

38:05

is we have this thing called the

38:08

Lady World group chat, where every second

38:10

Monday, every month leading up to Lady

38:12

World, we have a giant zoom. And

38:14

like people can plan, they can plan,

38:17

they can meet, to Lady World. We

38:19

have a giant zoom. And like people

38:21

can plan, they can meet, they can

38:23

meet each. And like people can plan,

38:26

they can meet, they can meet each

38:28

other, I want to thank you. You're

38:30

the first person that said yes. Oh my God,

38:32

of course. And I just want to know right

38:35

now on your podcast are like at the sip

38:37

and sing or maybe on stage. Do you think

38:39

because people were yesterday when we announced it in

38:41

our in our group chat. People were like, like,

38:43

if I'm being honest live? Yeah, I'll definitely be

38:46

singing that one. I need to come up with

38:48

a bob, though, because if I'm being honest, a

38:50

little dark. Yeah, a little heavy, a little haves.

38:52

It's a little sad, but I need to come

38:55

up with a bob, which I am working on.

38:57

Okay. I hope to have three songs. Okay, great.

38:59

Yeah. So you could do like a song sing,

39:01

sing, and then we'll do ones that everybody everybody

39:03

knows. Yeah, like everybody knows. Yeah, like,

39:06

like, like, like, like, like, I'm obsessed.

39:08

It actually is going to be so

39:10

fun. I'm mad. I didn't think about

39:12

it. But of course you did.

39:14

It's genius. It's absolutely genius. What

39:17

did you say? Where did you

39:19

say people can get tickets?

39:21

Ladyworld.c.o. Ladyworld.c. And again, the

39:23

dates are September 26, 27,

39:25

28, 2025. So this September.

39:28

And it's super easy. If

39:30

you've never been to Destin

39:32

Florida. You've never been to

39:34

Destin Florida. Let me tell you

39:37

something. We went there for a site

39:39

visit, Noah Con played, which was like

39:41

insane. I love him so much in

39:43

those little pigtails. We went for a

39:45

site visit to see it before we

39:47

like decided to do it. And

39:49

I have spent my entire adult life

39:52

saving up my airline points to fly

39:54

to French Polynesia. I swear to God.

39:56

I've been to like all over there,

39:58

like Tiki Hal, Maria. ball like all

40:00

those places because I'm like oh those

40:03

are the good beaches yeah When I

40:05

got to Destin Florida on an economy

40:07

ticket on Delta connecting through Atlanta for

40:09

$167 and I saw this beach... Yeah

40:12

I know it's unbelievable. I was so

40:14

mad at myself. I was like this

40:16

is the most beautiful beach in the

40:18

world and the fact that it's in

40:21

America because you get the most beautiful

40:23

beach and then you get the fried

40:25

food that America loves. Because when you

40:27

go to a French... SUV yeah because

40:30

when you go to French Polynesia you

40:32

get the beach but you get like

40:34

a weird morning salad you know what

40:36

I mean they have like that breakfast

40:38

buffet is like questionable craft cheese slices

40:41

like the fact that we were on

40:43

the beach and I was eating a

40:45

fried coconut shrimp and an ice tea

40:47

hmm I know. I feel like people

40:50

of Destin Florida are like, damn it,

40:52

the secrets getting out because it is

40:54

so good. Because Taylor's who was saying

40:56

about it. Yeah, I'm like, what the

40:59

hell? Why did she has a place

41:01

there? What's out? I have no idea

41:03

why she loves it. I know. When

41:05

I first heard that song, I was

41:08

like random. But I like it. Something

41:10

happened in Destin. Like, Maddie Healy did

41:12

something in Destin. Florida. Florida. Okay, well,

41:14

obviously we always end with the confession.

41:17

Yes. Did you bring your friend to

41:19

share with the class? Yes. Okay, Prince

41:21

Derek is here. Please slide over Prince

41:23

Derek. Prince Derek. I love Prince Derek.

41:26

He's just quiet here. So we were

41:28

thinking, we know. I think you're in

41:30

frame. So Prince Derek, we brought a

41:32

good, we brought a confession by proxy.

41:35

Okay. Because something happened to Prince Derek,

41:37

which he should leave me and sue

41:39

us for on our tour. And I'm

41:41

going to let him tell at you

41:43

now. So it's the last weekend of

41:46

the Lady Gang tour. And it's the

41:48

most unhinged show we've had all year.

41:50

We're in Phoenix, Arizona. Yeah. The girls,

41:52

Becca Healthy and Jack are on stage.

41:55

drunk as a skunk, they've laid their

41:57

chairs down, they're sitting on the stage.

41:59

I've never seen them like this before,

42:01

like we've been touring since August, like

42:04

we've had eight shows before, yeah. Becca

42:06

has a little performance in the show

42:08

and she has, yeah, and she has

42:10

to go do like a little quick

42:13

change into a costume. Not a quick

42:15

change. And Becca was pretty wasted. Yeah,

42:17

like the most I've ever seen her.

42:19

Yeah. She really had to pee. Oh

42:22

no. But she didn't have enough time

42:24

with the quick change and like walking

42:26

back to the stage to go use

42:28

the bathroom across the hall. Yeah. So

42:31

she was like, I just have to

42:33

pee right now. I'm like, oh, okay.

42:35

So I'm looking around in the dressing

42:37

room. Okay. I find a plastic cup.

42:39

I'm like here pee in this, Becca

42:42

Tobin. Yeah. I'm not the full name.

42:44

And she like somehow manages to pee

42:46

in the cup. And then it starts

42:48

to like get full. Oh God, oh

42:51

God, oh God. And so hot like

42:53

that hot cup of tea. Yes, and

42:55

the cup was a clear plastic cup

42:57

melting. She hands me the cup as

43:00

it's like overflowing. Like some of the

43:02

pea spills under the cement floor. I'm

43:04

like, this is Becca's pea. I'm holding

43:06

her pea. It's warm. But I had

43:09

to dump it out really quickly into

43:11

the trash. Yeah, give her the cup

43:13

back. To keep pea. And she has

43:15

to get back on stage. Yeah, you're

43:18

like, this is a great theater in

43:20

high school. I'm like, you have to

43:22

get back on stage. Yes. One, two,

43:24

three, four. Oh, no. So she pees

43:27

in the cup, she finishes, I throw

43:29

that second part away. She proceeds to

43:31

go on to the stage to do

43:33

her really great performance. She nails it.

43:36

Blatter is empty. I have to find

43:38

some paper towel and wipe up the

43:40

floor by hand, like get the urine

43:42

off of it. It was wild. And

43:44

it was the second to last show

43:47

of the lady getting to her last

43:49

year. Did she come out and finish

43:51

and tell the story? She didn't tell

43:53

the story that night, but she is

43:56

telling the story to you. We saved

43:58

this for you. This is an off-the-vine

44:00

exclusive. Okay. Does Becca know this? No,

44:02

we didn't tell her. She's about to

44:05

find out. Okay, thank you. That's resourceful.

44:07

He's the best. Also, I have one

44:09

thing too. What? I have a yeast

44:11

infection. Same! Shut up. I just put

44:14

one of those inserts that Low Bosworth

44:16

makes into my vagina on the way

44:18

here. Is it like leaking out right

44:20

now? I don't know, I'm sitting. I

44:23

just finished my antibiotics from a sinus

44:25

infection, and now I have a yeast

44:27

infection. Canadian

44:29

girls sleighs together. I even like, I

44:31

doubled down on activity a yogurt. Not

44:34

the activity of Jamie Lee Curtis. Because

44:36

I was like, it's a probiotic. I

44:38

know. And my mom, any time, any

44:40

time I'm sick, if I'm on antibiotics

44:42

and I'm sick, my mom will beat

44:44

a dead horse that I need to

44:46

put vix on my feet with socks.

44:49

What is that? It's a Canadian thing.

44:51

And it doesn't work? And also... I

44:53

think it does work. Oh, okay. My

44:55

mom was like, oh my God, you

44:57

need a hysterectomy? Here, let's rub Vix

44:59

all over your body. I'm like, no

45:02

mom, they need to remove my uterus.

45:04

And she's like, she's like, just put

45:06

some vix on a circle. And a

45:08

fluffy sock. And can the Vino's tell

45:10

us, is that normal, or is that

45:12

normal, or is it just... from like

45:14

the Duke Shored Park Alberta. YouTubeers put

45:17

it in the comments. We'll make a

45:19

clip out of this. Thank you. Thank

45:21

you. That is, and my mom also

45:23

is always like, you're gonna get a

45:25

yeast infection if you have antibiotics. So

45:27

I'm like shoveling activity down my throat

45:29

and I still got one. Well, I

45:32

had sex. And I didn't take, I

45:34

have a pill that I take after

45:36

sex because I have a, the Kelty

45:38

Night Flora is sensitive. And so like.

45:40

Yeah, so it's still I'm getting used

45:42

to fish and just from having sex.

45:45

It's been the same penis for over

45:47

a decade and it's still messing me

45:49

up every time. So I usually take

45:51

a like a pill that makes it

45:53

you not get one. Oh, and then

45:55

so now you just shoved one of

45:57

those and then you have to wait

46:00

for a dollar come out. Yeah, and

46:02

I'm just letting mine ride. You are.

46:04

It's so itchy, but you know the

46:06

honeypot, that honeypot brand, they make a

46:08

great. Volga cream, I have it on

46:10

my purse. Why do you think my

46:13

heel right now is dug into my

46:15

vagina? I'm itching. Look at a cat!

46:17

Wait, that's so funny! Why are we

46:19

the same? Why are you copying? I

46:21

always copy you. You do it better.

46:23

You probably have the best yeast infection

46:25

of all time. You've the champion yeast

46:28

infection. You're a champion, your yeast infection

46:30

is going to go viral. You're going

46:32

to get the trophy. And I'm just

46:34

going to have a yeast infection silently

46:36

in the corner with four lights. Everyone's

46:38

like, oh, Caitlin has a yeast tea

46:41

and they're like, who? I'm obsessed. I

46:43

could podcast with you all day. Let's

46:45

move on. I'm Caitlin Bristow, your session

46:47

is now ending. And if I'm being

46:49

honest, I wouldn't mind a rating in

46:51

a review. Get

48:32

the angeles special at McDonald's now.

48:34

Let's break it down. My favorite

48:36

barbecue sauce. American cheese, crispy bacon,

48:39

pickles, onions, and a Sesame C bun, of

48:41

course. And don't forget the fries in a

48:43

drink. Sound good. Bada, bah, bah, bah. I

48:45

participate in restaurants for a limited time.

48:47

time.