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1:00

Gambling problem?

1:04

Call one

1:06

eight hundred gambler.

1:09

Forever! Dog! We're

1:12

kicking things off

1:15

on January 22nd

1:18

in San Francisco

1:20

with the great finally from Saturday

1:22

Night Live. Kyle's gonna be joining

1:25

me all the way up the

1:27

West Coast with stops in Portland,

1:29

Vancouver, and Seattle. Then we head

1:32

east to Minneapolis. We're the one

1:34

and only America's funny man Neil

1:36

Hamburger will join us through the

1:39

great Midwestern cities of Madison, Chicago,

1:41

Grand Rapids, Detroit, and then up

1:43

into the great white north of

1:45

Toronto, Canada. at the Danforth

1:48

Hall. Neil will be ending his

1:50

legendary run in Cleveland, Ohio at

1:52

the Beachland Ball. The great one,

1:54

DJ Doug Pound. We'll take over

1:57

and join us in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

1:59

and join us. for that incredible

2:01

northeast and southeast run starting in

2:04

Pittsburgh and onto Philadelphia. Brooklyn at

2:06

the legendary Brooklyn Steel. Boston, Massachusetts,

2:08

Washington, D.C. Durham, North Carolina, Asheville,

2:11

Nashville, Nashville, Birmingham, Atlanta. Finally, we'll

2:13

dip in Florida with stops in

2:15

Orlando and Tampa. And for our

2:18

last run of the tour, we

2:20

are heading back west with a

2:22

secret surprise guess that I am

2:24

not legally allowed to tell you

2:27

about, but that person will be

2:29

appearing in Nolan. Hosted. Dallas and

2:31

Phoenix. So get your tickets now

2:34

at Tim Heidecker.com/live. It's gonna be

2:36

a night of comedy and music.

2:38

I'm gonna dip into the vault

2:41

and play some songs that I've

2:43

never done live before, including hits

2:45

by the Yellow River. and Tim

2:47

Heidecker. I've even got some comedy

2:50

of my own plan. It's just

2:52

going to be something you're going

2:54

to have to check out and

2:57

will be considered by you and

2:59

your family. An unforgettable night. The

3:01

IP tickets are also available for

3:04

a pre-show, Meet and Greek, with

3:06

some exclusive signed goods. So take

3:08

a look at Tim Heidecker.com/live. Yes,

3:13

I like having fun.

3:15

Good morning everybody. It

3:18

is January 22nd year

3:20

2025. And we are

3:22

broadcasting live from the

3:25

hills of Glendale, California

3:27

on this beautifully crisp,

3:29

toxin-free air that we

3:32

get to experience every

3:34

day in this wonderful

3:36

city. I'm happy to

3:39

be here on a

3:41

Tuesday, ladies and gentlemen.

3:43

That's right. Your calendar

3:46

app is not defective.

3:48

We are coming live

3:50

Tuesday of this week

3:53

because we are, I'm

3:55

getting on the bus

3:57

tonight. And off onto

4:00

the road we go.

4:02

We're gonna have a

4:04

fun show today, folks,

4:06

despite all that's happening

4:08

in the world, all

4:11

falling apart. You might

4:13

say it's slipping away

4:15

from all sense of

4:18

reason and logic, norms.

4:20

But perhaps there's a

4:22

silver lining, we'll find

4:25

out today, is there's

4:27

silver lining. And

4:29

I'm going to be doing it

4:31

with one of the great one

4:33

of the guys I've known since

4:35

2004 now going on 25 years.

4:37

Oh, and do you feel that guys?

4:40

There's, do you hear all

4:42

that landscaping happening? I don't

4:44

know. I don't think the

4:46

audience, Luke, is the audience

4:48

picking that up? Probably not,

4:50

right? I don't think so.

4:52

No, we should ignore it. This

4:55

is what we here in the studio

4:57

right now, guys. Every other week,

4:59

these guys come by the place

5:01

and do their thing. They clean

5:03

up all the leaves and they

5:05

keep, what do you call it,

5:08

landscaping? It's just... Moan blow.

5:10

They do the whole neighborhood. They

5:12

come in, it's like a fifth,

5:14

it's like 10 minutes. But every

5:17

Tuesday morning, every Tuesday morning at

5:19

9 AM, we have our weekly

5:21

Zoom meeting with the boys

5:24

here. And every other Tuesday.

5:26

These guys come at nine

5:28

and it's it's Chaos every

5:30

other Tuesday because it's

5:33

so loud and I if

5:35

I turn my mic on

5:37

everyone's it gets blasted with

5:39

the sound of the leaf

5:42

blowers and all that and

5:44

It's hell. It's just hell

5:47

So anyway It's happening now

5:49

today is Tuesday, and I'm

5:51

but I am joined by

5:54

veteran An actual veteran here,

5:56

Doug Lucienhop, DJ Doug Pound, served

5:58

in the armed... Air Force,

6:00

right? Old Navy. Oh, the

6:02

Old Navy. Sorry. Good morning.

6:05

And my heart goes out to

6:07

you. Easy, easy. Oh, OK. Wow. Thought

6:09

you're going to do

6:11

the traditional heart going out

6:13

gesture, which is offensive to

6:16

some people. We're all very

6:18

familiar with the traditional

6:20

heart goes out to you

6:23

gesture. Yeah. And anyone thinking

6:25

that that's anything else

6:27

is psychotic. V

6:30

before! Here I

6:32

am, what's up

6:34

everybody? And Captain

6:36

Carlin is in

6:39

the house. Salute?

6:41

Like that. And

6:43

my special guest,

6:45

my friend, she's

6:48

going to be playing

6:50

some music later today

6:53

on the show with

6:55

her band, Jacaranda.

6:58

Jocco Pastoreus

7:00

Eliana and

7:03

member of the very

7:05

good band and my

7:07

traveling partner, Ms.

7:10

Eliana, ooh, fade. Let's see

7:12

a picture of Donald Trump

7:15

saying a fade. Oh yeah,

7:17

actually I have that one.

7:20

Just came out this morning.

7:22

He was asked to say

7:25

the members of my band.

7:27

You had no problem with

7:29

Josh Adams or Connor catfish

7:32

galahur, but when he got

7:34

to Elliot. I get it.

7:37

How are you this morning?

7:39

I'm really good. You're

7:41

really happy to see me. I'm

7:43

so happy to spend a month

7:46

with me and my antics. Yes.

7:48

Okay, I know you are actually.

7:50

Yeah, no, I really am. You were

7:52

in the news this weekend. Think

7:55

so? Well, you are much talked about

7:57

because you are performing with the

7:59

great Van Dyke parks. Well, you weren't,

8:01

you're performing on the bill, not with

8:04

him. Oh, amazing. In the

8:06

Romanian Simblum Band, the Corrie

8:08

Biers Simblum Band is Van Dyke's, I

8:10

don't know, favorite band. He has them

8:12

open for him, like on all five of

8:14

his farewell concerts. Quickly described this

8:17

band, because I saw it once,

8:19

it is pretty remarkable, actually. A

8:21

Simblum is like this big, maybe

8:24

it's a trapezoidoid shape. instrument

8:26

it was created by a piano

8:28

maker in maybe Romania I'm not

8:31

really sure but it's basically like

8:33

if you had a grand piano

8:35

and took the lid off and

8:37

then you hit the strings sure

8:39

with mallets but the strings they're

8:41

like tuned differently than a piano

8:43

and it has this kind of

8:45

like dulcimer sound like loragi Kind

8:47

of what? La Raji. Oh sure. Oh yeah.

8:50

And the music itself is kind of

8:52

Romanian Eastern European, Klesmery kind of? Yeah,

8:54

I showed it to a Romanian guy

8:56

that I met and he was like,

8:58

oh this is what people play at

9:00

weddings. It's kind of like Romanian folk

9:02

party music. Here's a picture for you

9:05

if you're curious. Oh yeah, definitely show

9:07

a picture, don't play any music. Oh

9:09

yes. There's a symbol. There's a symbol.

9:11

That's a big piece of equipment. That's

9:13

a big piece of gear. You don't

9:16

have a gig bag for that thing.

9:18

No, you have a tiny transit

9:20

van. And you run that through a

9:22

big muff? You run that through a

9:24

big muff? Dog there's ladies present.

9:27

That's enough of that symbol on

9:29

cat. Yeah. Anyway, so and then

9:32

how, and this was, this was

9:34

Van Dyke Park's last concert. singing.

9:36

He's going to continue to play

9:38

music, but no more singing. He

9:41

says squawking his word, not mine.

9:43

That's a weird distinction to make. I

9:45

would just make the commitment to not

9:48

do it or keep doing it. No

9:50

more music? And if you sing, great. Well,

9:52

it was his fifth farewell. He's like,

9:54

what does he kiss? Who does this

9:56

man like parks think he is? Kiss?

9:58

Where are these parks? Bye-bye.

10:01

Speaking of bye-bye, we want to

10:03

say goodbye to Garth Hudson of

10:06

the band. And now we have

10:08

no remaining members of the band

10:10

left. Wow. And there are of

10:12

course my top, I think there

10:15

are my top five bands. The

10:17

band. So let's have a hundred

10:19

minutes of silence. You don't want

10:22

you don't want Vic to play

10:24

some work? Chest fever? I could

10:26

do a little chest fever. Wait,

10:29

which ones? How's that go? What's

10:31

going on? Just got into Nazareth?

10:33

What? All right. I don't know.

10:35

Garth was 87 years old. It

10:38

seemed like he was 90 years

10:40

old for 100 years. But what

10:42

a genius. Genius. Genius. I remember

10:45

hearing that Garth Hudson was only

10:47

when they were all young. He

10:49

was like, he wanted to be

10:52

in this band, but his mom

10:54

was like, no, you can't be

10:56

in this band. But the way

10:58

she talked him into it was

11:01

that he was like, I will

11:03

give them music lessons. That would

11:05

be like the trade for letting

11:08

me be in the band, but

11:10

I will provide the music lessons.

11:12

And that's what she thought was

11:15

what he was supposed to do.

11:17

was be like you know trained

11:19

musician like you so well he's

11:22

gonna give the band music lessons

11:24

yeah that's like the arrangement they

11:26

had that's the exact same arrangement

11:28

I have with my mom to

11:31

play in your band yeah and

11:33

your music lessons for me have

11:35

not helped at all working on

11:38

the caged system a pentatonic scales

11:40

that up with Matt let's take

11:42

a call I want to I

11:45

want to get through so much

11:47

we have so many clips to

11:49

talk about so much News to

11:51

get to absolutely our old pal

11:54

Max is here. I think that's

11:56

always a good omen for a

11:58

tour talking about pal Max. Max.

12:01

Max? Hey, what's up everybody? Hey

12:03

Max, are you coming up to,

12:05

you're in Seattle, right? I'm in

12:07

Portland. That's the same thing, come

12:09

on. Pretty much, Pacific Northwest

12:11

side. Well, speaking of that, breaking

12:14

news, I just got this in

12:16

my news alerts and a lot

12:18

of people are talking about this,

12:20

but I think, let's see here,

12:22

ever, ever out.com, big magazine

12:24

in Seattle, big website in

12:26

Seattle. We just got listed in

12:29

the top. Listen to this. The

12:31

top 39 events in

12:33

Seattle this week. What?

12:35

That's a huge news,

12:37

everybody. Top 39 events

12:39

in Seattle this week.

12:41

So if you're going to

12:44

be doing, people generally do

12:46

like 40 or 50 events

12:49

in a week, usually. So

12:51

we sort of hit that cutoff.

12:53

We're like, we're in that top

12:55

39. Yeah. 39. Yeah. Oh, thank

12:58

you. Oh, thank you. What's

13:00

going on Max? What can

13:03

I do for you? Well,

13:05

you know the other day

13:07

I was driving or about

13:09

a month ago I was

13:11

driving in Portland and I

13:13

saw an OHL bumper sticker

13:15

in the wild. Oh, I

13:17

was driving downtown. You start

13:20

honking away? Oh, I did

13:22

my best to get their

13:24

attention. I was behind them

13:26

going, motherfucker. We like to

13:28

say things. We had to

13:30

stay fucking thing. And they

13:32

kept on driving, they looked

13:35

scared, it was, it was a

13:37

whole thing, but I wanted to

13:39

see, I got a multiple choice,

13:41

I wanted to see if you

13:44

guys could guess which band sticker

13:46

was next to the LHL sticker?

13:48

Okay, good, you've got it,

13:50

we're not just randomly guessing.

13:52

Okay. No, we got multiple

13:55

choice. Are you ready? Ready? Yes.

13:57

A system of a down. B.

13:59

Trapped. D or C nine inch

14:02

nails and D corn. Oh, yes.

14:04

All right, I'm gonna go first

14:06

if you don't mind. What's trapped?

14:09

I never heard a trap. How

14:11

do you smell that? Dween. T-R-A-T-T-T.

14:13

One of the butt rock bands,

14:15

man. I don't know. I would

14:18

say, my guess is, I'm gonna

14:20

go with system of a down.

14:22

Doug. It's probably trapped, but my

14:25

guess is. I think it's I

14:27

would have to say it's trapped

14:29

Just because like why would you

14:32

say trap? Why would you say

14:34

that? Right. I would not have

14:36

thought of them I'm gonna go

14:39

nine inch nails Oh, like nice

14:41

red again with the win. It

14:43

was nine inch nails. That's what

14:46

I was gonna get. No, that's

14:48

what I was gonna go. That's

14:50

okay. That's okay. I was gonna

14:52

guess I'm fine. I was gonna

14:55

guess I'm sorry I'm sorry. I

14:57

was gonna guess I Oh no,

14:59

no. You got to know your

15:02

place. You got to know your

15:04

place. You got a new drop

15:06

impressions Max? Nine. Oh gosh, so

15:09

Doug's got a drop that I've

15:11

heard a couple times and I

15:13

know that it is Rick to

15:16

life from the New York hardcore

15:18

band, 25 to life. And so

15:20

Doug can you play it after

15:23

I do it where he goes,

15:25

oh man, I don't even know

15:27

what I, you're, you're, you're, you're,

15:29

you're capping out, you got to

15:32

turn your audio, you got to

15:34

turn your audio. Don't do it

15:36

louder. Okay, we got it though.

15:39

We did we did receive that.

15:41

Thank you. Thank you. I don't

15:43

know what I named it because

15:46

I didn't know who's. It's okay,

15:48

we'll figure it out and we'll

15:50

talk next time. I'm gonna find

15:53

that. And Max, if you are

15:55

coming to this. I don't know.

16:00

He's loving it. If you're not, if

16:02

you're living. Somehow, Mac is laughing so

16:05

hard that his audio is capping out.

16:07

You know those lyrics. It's Tasmanian devil.

16:09

This is free. Tim, what did you want me

16:11

to do with the show? I just want to

16:14

warn you if you're coming to

16:16

the show in Portland, we have

16:18

a no tattoo policy at the

16:20

venue. And that's actually extended to

16:23

all venues. So you want to

16:25

cover them up cover them up,

16:27

okay? Everyone cover up your tats.

16:30

Turtle Max and gloves. All right

16:32

Max, good to see your beautiful

16:34

face. I came with you in

16:36

person. Love you. All right, bye.

16:39

Got to get back to work.

16:41

Yeah, I guess. Whatever kind of

16:43

work that is.

16:45

He's making multiple

16:47

choice questions. That's

16:49

his job now. He works

16:51

with the SATs. From streaming

16:53

to shopping, Prime helps you

16:56

get more out of your

16:58

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17:00

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17:02

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17:04

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17:06

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17:10

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17:14

into or getting into.

17:16

Visit Amazon.com slash Prime to

17:19

learn more. I have a

17:21

big big surprise for everybody

17:23

in the studio and I'm going

17:25

to need I've a new addition

17:27

to the home that I'm going

17:30

to be potentially requiring

17:32

needing depending on

17:34

how everyone behaves the

17:36

rest of the year. Carson

17:39

would you bring in my the

17:41

new addition to my home? New

17:43

addition you got Bobby Brown?

17:45

Bring it in quickly.

17:47

Oh, quickly. Give me

17:49

this thing. I listen

17:51

now. You know what

17:53

this is? This is

17:55

a fucking change far

17:58

from Ryobee. And

18:00

I have it now. You gotta

18:02

get a mackeet. You're going Ryobi?

18:04

You hear me? The thing's gonna

18:07

last a week. You fuck around!

18:09

It's always bragish. With the fucking

18:11

heads. This goes for you two,

18:13

Captain. Zip goes the head. And

18:15

you're lucky I'm not bringing this

18:18

on tour, Miss Defade. Anybody comes

18:20

my way. Zip? You should bring

18:22

it on tour and you can

18:24

be like the guy from Jackal.

18:26

Is that the band that had

18:29

the chainsaw? No, I got this

18:31

because it was a jackal. No,

18:33

just kidding. No, butthole surfers, I

18:35

think. No, butthole surfers shot into

18:38

the yard. Everyone can calm down.

18:40

There's no battery in this, but

18:42

I have the battery ready to

18:44

go. It's like an unloaded weapon.

18:46

I'm so happy with it, though.

18:49

It's really clean. It just came.

18:51

Wow, that's the, that's the brat

18:53

color, right? No, it's the Ryobi

18:55

color. Oh. Doug, you're not integrated

18:58

with Ryobi, with all your tools?

19:00

I'm a Makita guy. Oh, you

19:02

want to upgrade. Wow. Well, anyways,

19:04

folks, I'm sure it's the fine

19:06

tool. I did get this for

19:09

real because of... the big fires

19:11

last week and we had a

19:13

tree down and we had a

19:15

tree down in our, you thought

19:17

your little chainsaw would do the

19:20

tree. Yeah, believe me, if that,

19:22

if I had this chainsaw that

19:24

tree would be cut up in

19:26

a little pieces and stacked nicely.

19:29

Just the twigs, just get all

19:31

the twigs off. Anyways, can't be

19:33

too careful. So that's the big

19:35

news. Why don't you do an

19:37

act like a founding father? What's

19:40

the wooden teeth, George Washington? I

19:42

have an axe too. Wouldn't teeth.

19:44

Actually, there might be, I do

19:46

have an axe to grind. Not

19:48

metaphorically, I do have an axe

19:51

to grind. I have to grind

19:53

it later. Do you have a

19:55

bone to pick? Not metaphorically. Do

19:57

you have a bone to pick

20:00

on the line? Uh, I have

20:02

a pun for you. Oh, we

20:04

got some questions. Go for it.

20:06

I think we'll have a bone

20:08

to pick with this person. Steve,

20:11

you're a phone to pick with

20:13

the city of Vancouver, actually. But

20:15

go ahead. Steve, you're on the

20:17

hotline. Throw me a freaking bone

20:20

here. Hello, how are you? I'm

20:22

good, how are you? Where are you

20:24

calling from? What can I do

20:26

for you? Is

20:28

that all right? You didn't address my

20:30

initial question of where are you

20:32

calling from? Amherst, Massachusetts.

20:35

Amherst, Massachusetts. Copy that. Without

20:37

the age. We don't, we don't

20:39

pronounce the age here. I can turn

20:41

this, this heat off. And I called

20:43

one long time ago to talk to

20:45

Edee Modica, Modica, and ignored you because

20:48

I didn't think you would care what

20:50

I had to say. I care what

20:52

everybody has to say. I want to

20:54

make that distinction. Well, I wanted

20:57

to I didn't think

20:59

you would care so

21:01

much about compliments. So

21:03

I complimented

21:05

her instead and felt

21:07

bad later Okay, let's hear

21:10

the pun anyway Here's

21:12

a pun What did

21:14

the impatient customer

21:16

say while waiting in line

21:19

for cake and the song

21:21

sweet love came on the

21:23

radio? We love we love

21:26

oh that song oh 90

21:28

late 80s don't know it

21:30

yeah who's the artist is

21:33

that gonna ruin your joke?

21:35

No one ruin the joke

21:37

okay sweet love I

21:40

had to remind myself

21:42

of this artist

21:44

but but it's still

21:46

pretty good fun well we'll

21:48

be the judge of this

21:50

I see I need a

21:52

baker I need a baker.

21:54

Yeah. I need a baker.

21:57

I need a baker. Right.

21:59

All right, well listen, can I

22:02

ask you a question, Amherst? Yeah.

22:04

You ever see Jay Maskus hanging

22:06

out at the grocery store or

22:08

around town? Yes, I see him

22:10

at, I've seen him at the

22:12

gym. No way. And I don't.

22:14

I don't bother him. This guy

22:16

doesn't sound like a gym rat

22:18

to me. Does he get that

22:21

long hair tangled up in the

22:23

weights and the machines? He has

22:25

the long hair. I don't think

22:27

he's very excited to be at

22:29

the gym, but well he used

22:31

to go. I used to go.

22:33

Now I'm too lazy. But I

22:35

put in a ponytail. I think

22:37

he just went. He had the

22:40

long hair and everything. And I

22:42

never bothered him. But yeah, he's

22:44

always lived here. I think he

22:46

still lives here. Yes,

22:48

the Damascus and Anita Baker,

22:50

look up her discography. I know

22:53

one other song by her. What's

22:55

the other one? I still

22:57

maintain it. It's a good

22:59

pun. I agree. I'm proud of

23:01

you. All right. You've got

23:03

to go. Love it. Ellie,

23:05

you're telling me before the show

23:08

started that you inadvertently ended

23:10

up at a Trump's house

23:12

for the inauguration? Yes. I was...

23:14

accompanying my sweetheart to do

23:16

a favor for a friend.

23:18

They were moving a pool table.

23:21

Okay. That's why he's a fun

23:23

task. Yeah. Wait, how far

23:25

were they moving it? Like

23:27

room to room or like to

23:29

another? No, no, like from

23:31

box to standing position. Not

23:33

moving it far, so I just.

23:36

This is what happens when

23:38

someone asked Donald Trump to

23:40

help move a pool table. There

23:42

it is. So I just

23:44

sat right down and there

23:46

was a... You weren't actually moving

23:49

the board. No, I'm a lady.

23:51

I sat down on the

23:53

couch and there was like

23:55

a little iPad playing the inauguration

23:58

and I of course assumed...

24:00

That it was on either ironically or

24:02

out of some kind of just

24:04

like well everyone's, you know,

24:07

beautiful sadness obligation to check

24:09

in on these world events

24:12

these big events. Yeah, and it's

24:14

the guys like a nice Youngish

24:16

guy. You're talking about Trump? What

24:18

many describe Trump is a nice

24:20

Youngish guy. Young vibrant man. I

24:22

am a young vibrant man. I

24:25

am a young vibrant man. I

24:27

am a young vibrant man. Who

24:29

has ever said that? I'm the

24:31

youngest person. Well, a baby probably

24:34

has said it once, a newborn.

24:36

All right, so you didn't know

24:38

this person. I didn't know this

24:40

person, but he was perfectly

24:43

pleasant and nice. And so

24:45

I'm sitting there and there's

24:48

like, there's instruments in the room,

24:50

you know, I'm like, I'm in the home

24:52

of one of us. And so I

24:54

sit down next to the thing and

24:56

I like pick up the guitar and

24:58

I'm just talking. But look at what

25:00

Malani is wearing, like you couldn't write

25:03

this. It's like, oh my God, they're

25:05

such super villains. And if the guy

25:07

is kind of like, yeah. And I

25:09

just keep on, like, I'm like making

25:11

them stop what they're doing to be

25:14

like, look at how fucking absurd these

25:16

people are. You're like Kathy Griffin

25:18

over there. Yeah, rude. And then.

25:20

And then he says something like, oh,

25:23

I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have it

25:25

on it. I was like, no, you

25:27

know, honestly, it's better to see it

25:30

and see how like sad and depressing

25:32

and just stupid all these people are,

25:34

then better to do that than to

25:36

like sit at home and think it's

25:38

some grand thing. Put your head in

25:41

the sand. And he's kind of like,

25:43

yeah. And then finally I was like,

25:45

I mean, I don't mean to assume.

25:47

what you think about Donald

25:49

Trump, like, and that's not, of

25:52

course, we all think the same

25:54

thing. And this poor young man

25:56

said, well, I'm actually kind of

25:58

excited. Oh, no. And

26:01

then how did you play that? I mean, that's kind

26:03

of the interesting angle is like, what do you do from

26:05

there? thought he was joking. I still

26:07

couldn't believe it. And I was

26:09

like, come on. He was like, well,

26:11

no, I am kind of excited.

26:14

And then what he said, just

26:16

made me go

26:18

crazy because he was like, I mean, you

26:21

know, Biden, ugh, ugh.

26:23

And I'm like, what was

26:25

so bad about Biden for

26:27

you young, rich, white guy? He's

26:29

got a pool table. He's got a pool

26:31

table. That needs moving. If you, you know,

26:34

there's one thing you got a pool table.

26:36

It's like, that's where the pool table is

26:38

and that's where it always will be. Exactly.

26:40

Exactly. That's what I'm saying. The idea of

26:42

moving this thing that's been there for 30

26:44

years, it's all lopsided and it's got holes

26:46

in it. But this guy's got a pool

26:48

table that is in the process of being

26:50

moved. That means there's another place for the

26:52

pool table to go. Look, this

26:54

guy bought an ugly Amazon pool

26:56

table to put in his

26:58

beautiful 1920s Spanish villa, so.

27:01

Okay. And so wait,

27:03

so you got into it

27:05

about Biden. Because you're no Biden

27:07

fan girl. No, I said like,

27:09

look, I didn't love

27:11

Biden either, but. He also

27:13

wasn't running for president. I'm not sure I'm

27:15

excited. And I said, oh, no, no,

27:18

I'm sorry. I'm sure that I'm not

27:20

excited about this. And he was kind

27:22

of like, I mean, and

27:25

it drove me crazy. This not like this, this guy's

27:27

not like this. What is he, coming to the

27:29

park? He was just a little guy who kind of

27:31

likes Trump, which to me worse. He's my daddy

27:33

now. Yeah, I'd

27:35

prefer him to be like a passionate

27:38

MAGA person than just kind of like this,

27:40

like, I don't know, a little LA boy

27:42

who's like, I'm kind of excited, I think

27:44

it could be cool. I like new things.

27:46

Mass humidity. I was bored. I was

27:48

kind of bored of like how things were.

27:50

And now it's like kind of cool

27:52

that something's going be different. It was very

27:54

much like that. And so I was kind

27:57

of like, OK, let's get his address.

27:59

We can talk. and we could drop.

28:01

What the hell are we going

28:03

to do without men? I've, um,

28:06

I bought something on the dark

28:08

web. I wasn't going to tell

28:10

you guys. I bought Saran gas.

28:12

And what is that gas? Saran

28:14

gas. Huh. And what is that

28:17

to? Kills you. Yeah. Badly. How

28:19

do you have it in a

28:21

bag? It's in a canister. And

28:23

what you can do is

28:25

now you can drop it

28:28

from high, from drones or

28:30

whatever. And I can fly

28:32

over people's houses and drop

28:34

these canisters siring gas. I

28:37

can't do it at the

28:39

White House because it's restricted

28:41

airspace and all that crap,

28:43

but you name the house,

28:46

Doug. I'm there, I'm dropping

28:48

my gas canisters. You dropping

28:50

your gas? Time's released, baby.

28:52

Wow. No, it's pretty cool stuff.

28:55

Does it kill them quick

28:57

or is there stuff? No,

28:59

it's suffering. Great suffering,

29:02

I'm afraid. No. We don't

29:04

want to gas anybody. No.

29:07

Yes. You blew it.

29:09

Well, after my wife's

29:11

cooking, sometimes I have

29:13

amounts to sarin gas

29:16

later in the day.

29:18

Think again, sunshine. Let's

29:20

take a zoomer and,

29:22

well, you know what, why

29:24

don't we do a city

29:26

of the day, Matt? The

29:28

city of the day. City

29:30

of the day. City of

29:32

the day. I gotta pull

29:34

it up for you. Turn

29:36

a new thing here. It's

29:39

a beautiful day. The

29:41

city of the day

29:43

is brought to you

29:45

by Tucker's turkey Tucker.

29:47

That's right. Tuckers,

29:50

turkey tucker, as our leaders get

29:52

older and older, their skin gets

29:54

wrinklier and droopier. That's why Tucker

29:56

Carlson invented tuckers, turkey tucker, the

29:59

flap spatula that... that'll tidy

30:01

up any dangling gobler.

30:03

Because the only thing

30:06

Tucker Carlson hates more

30:08

than woke illegals is

30:10

a turkey neck. Just

30:13

loop the paddle with

30:15

some beef tallow and

30:17

tuck the leathered folds

30:20

behind the tie on

30:22

your buttoned up shirt.

30:24

You'll look. You'll be

30:27

looking masky line. You'll

30:29

be looking masculine and

30:31

patriotic in seconds. Even

30:34

President Trump proudly uses

30:36

it in his sexy

30:38

official portrait. And you

30:41

can take it on

30:43

the go as it

30:45

fits conveniently next to

30:48

your pocket Bible or

30:50

on your weapon holster.

30:52

Also works for scrotums.

30:55

Get your tucker's turkey

30:57

tucker today by going

30:59

to timo.com/skin dash horn.

31:02

Allow six weeks for

31:04

delivery ships from China.

31:06

Now be quiet for

31:09

20 seconds. You can

31:11

tuck your turkey without

31:13

any worry. They won't

31:16

look beautiful. That's

31:21

where we called the

31:23

business a long 20.

31:26

That's where we called

31:28

the business a long

31:31

20. Huh? That's where

31:33

we called the business

31:35

a long 20. Huh?

31:38

That's where we called

31:40

the business a long

31:42

20. This

31:45

show just can't be about talking about

31:47

numbers. It's actually 40. I lied. Oh,

31:50

that makes more sense. All right, who

31:52

is representing their city of the day

31:54

today, Matt? Sean. Oh, Sean. Hello.

31:56

So I know y

31:58

'all are in LA

32:01

and Marjorie Taylor

32:03

Greene had said the

32:05

officials control the weather. Well,

32:07

Trump got in office, so I

32:09

think he turned on the wrong

32:11

switch, I'm in New Orleans. Whoa,

32:13

wait a minute now, wait

32:15

a minute, that's, that

32:19

ain't the big, that ain't the

32:21

big easy son of a bitch. What

32:24

the hell's going on down there? Um,

32:27

well, you know, things

32:29

just kind of went upside down after

32:31

yesterday. I'll tell you what, when those

32:33

saints come marching in, I hope they're

32:35

wearing skis, skis on their feet. Yeah,

32:38

that's true. We're kind of lost

32:40

in a prayer here, you know. Unbelievable.

32:42

Folks, if you're listening, I should

32:45

do this more often. If you're listening,

32:47

we're looking at live images of

32:49

New Orleans and it is a blizzard out

32:51

there. That is crazy. You don't ever get snow

32:53

in New Orleans, do you? Yeah. You're poor. Yeah,

32:57

is this the first time it's ever snowed in New

32:59

Orleans? Yeah, is there any record of

33:01

snow in New Orleans before this day? Uh,

33:04

yeah, I think I had some when I

33:06

was like seven years old in like 2009.

33:09

But that's a lot of snow. Oh my God,

33:11

you were seven in 2009? the phone with

33:13

my mother and she's like, you know, you know

33:15

New Orleans and, you know, was like, yeah.

33:18

Well, let me tell you, let me. A

33:21

client had changed an eye, all right. Let

33:23

me use this opportunity to remind you and all

33:25

your friends that will be in New Orleans in a

33:27

month or so less than a month. 21st,

33:29

right? Tipetanas?

33:32

Yeah. Tippi -top -tamas. Tippi -top

33:34

-tamas. Get your cross country

33:36

skis out and start

33:38

head out. I'm to start top -tailing

33:40

the tippetinas now. It's going to

33:42

take me a long time to

33:44

get there. DJ Dick Pound will

33:46

be there. Doug Pound, I'm sorry.

33:48

Will I? Actually, you're not. No,

33:50

that's our very special surprise gift.

33:52

Tip 21. My favorite part of

33:54

the inauguration yesterday was watching that sermon

33:56

on the mount. Oh, yes.

33:58

Thank you. to him,

34:00

you know, screaming and yelling,

34:02

I think I'd be a great Vic

34:05

edit to make. Oh, I don't think

34:07

I know that one. Yeah, I don't

34:09

know about that. What was this? It

34:11

was a, it was a guy doing

34:13

sort of, he was doing Martin

34:15

Luther King's, I have a dream

34:18

speech. All right, good to see

34:20

you brother, be safe out there,

34:22

don't, don't be driving unless you've

34:25

got chains on your tires, it's

34:27

my advice. Boyben Street.

34:30

Well the nips are going to

34:32

be looking good. Easy, Doug. What

34:34

is this? Howard Stern show 1992?

34:37

Clean it up! That's what they

34:39

do there. What do I have

34:42

for you now? All right, that

34:44

was the city of the day.

34:46

What do we want to talk

34:48

about with this inaugural? You do

34:51

have some clips, right, Vic? Oh,

34:53

we got a bunch. We got

34:55

some clips, right, Vic? I sent

34:57

to the guys, I mean, obviously we're

35:00

all talking about Malania's look and

35:02

it was like, to me it looked,

35:04

well first, my first reaction, she looked

35:06

like the, the hamburgler. And then the

35:08

second reaction was she looked

35:10

like the specter of death following

35:13

around Trump everywhere, he's signing all

35:15

these things and she's standing there

35:17

like, like she's the ghost of

35:19

Christmas future. Like she's the damn grim

35:21

reaper. Chicken chicken. Take a look at this.

35:23

And Vic, do you have a picture of

35:25

her like that? Somewhere, you got that, Matt?

35:27

Which on yours? Just her, well, her behind,

35:30

yeah, don't show, don't show, uh. Didn't Trump

35:32

say hamburger once? Yesterday? Yeah, there was one

35:34

of him signing, there was one of

35:36

him signing stuff, he's signing all these

35:38

resolutions. Her feet looked like somebody photoshopped

35:40

one and then copied and pasted it.

35:42

Yes. See how they're both like, like,

35:45

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

35:47

flat? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That was

35:49

a theory that everybody made the

35:51

joke. She wore the hat. There's

35:53

worse things to criticize these people.

35:55

Fine. Well, yes. Well, some dick

35:57

was like, I made the stupid

35:59

dumb joke. Which foot is her?

36:01

That's what. What do you mean?

36:03

There's something about it. It looks

36:05

like her rice but it's on

36:07

the left. Well, I made some

36:09

post about it on Instagram, which

36:12

apparently you're not supposed to use

36:14

Instagram anymore now. I'm getting that

36:16

news. And I made the hamburgler

36:18

joke and somebody was like, we

36:20

shouldn't be making fun of people's

36:22

appearances. Sometimes I hate being on

36:24

this team. You know, and I

36:26

think when people are like bad,

36:28

bad people, we can make fun

36:30

of their appearances. making fun of

36:32

these people. Yeah, I mean, and

36:34

I would make fun of, I

36:36

don't know, it's so lame. Don't

36:38

worry about that one person. I

36:40

know, I know, but concern trolling.

36:43

And then I'll tell you what

36:45

happened. Show the picture of her,

36:47

the one I just sent you,

36:49

she's behind him signing. I mean,

36:51

this feels like it's right out

36:53

of, what's that director that, the

36:55

Swedish director, where there's a, Bergman,

36:57

yeah, it's like an Igmar Bergman

36:59

scene. There she is, like waiting,

37:01

like waiting to take him to

37:03

hell. Like, he's signing his confession

37:05

and then she's gonna walk, just

37:07

more about John Orowski film. Yeah,

37:09

maybe, yeah, you're right. But then

37:12

Vic made this beautiful Photoshop, I

37:14

think inspired by my creative creativity.

37:16

Yeah, that's right. You fired out

37:18

the idea and I did it.

37:20

Actually, I, and then you punched

37:22

it up. I burst to leave

37:24

it up, Wes, leave it up,

37:26

Wes, leave it up. I

37:28

like it. She's skeleton hands? Yeah,

37:30

yeah, skeleton hands, yeah. That was

37:32

the best I could do. Oh,

37:34

but in the time allowed it.

37:37

But, but not to, not to,

37:39

uh... It's like a heavy metal.

37:41

How do you spell that, how

37:43

do you say that word, Syc?

37:45

Syc. Syc, yes. But I made

37:47

this video that I wanted everyone

37:49

to see because it involved the

37:51

live show that were the tour.

37:53

It was about the start times.

37:55

I made this funny video because

37:57

my hair was all weird. And

37:59

I made this funny video saying,

38:01

show's gonna start at 8. The

38:03

band's gonna start. and then the

38:05

opening act is gonna come out

38:07

and it's like I was joking

38:09

about how it's I'm revolutionizing the

38:11

show flow and everyone's very excited

38:13

about it and I'm excited I

38:15

can't wait but I really want

38:18

I want people to get there

38:20

on time that's the message and

38:22

it's very hard to get information

38:24

to people you know what I

38:26

mean no one sees anything everything

38:28

gets buried and so I put

38:30

it on Instagram and then I

38:32

I have blue sky, so I

38:34

copied that link and put it

38:36

on blue sky. And boy, it

38:38

was as if I did the

38:40

Roman salute folks. It was treated

38:42

like, I was the most disgusting

38:44

pig that ever walked the earth.

38:46

Because people are like, I don't

38:48

use Instagram, I'm off Instagram, I'm

38:50

not clicking on this link, we're

38:52

boycotting it. Fuck you for posting

38:54

this year. You know, you didn't

38:56

copy and paste the info. You

38:59

just, well, because you can't post

39:01

a video more than a minute

39:03

to this blue sky. So, and

39:05

I just, I'm so sorry, what

39:07

can I do to make things

39:09

right? Gotta make everybody happy. And

39:11

people are so angry and snarky

39:13

and shitty about it. I think

39:15

you should cancel the tour. I'm

39:17

we are putting a pause on

39:19

all creative endeavors. Thank you. And

39:21

I get it. I mean, what

39:23

I would what I would love

39:25

to do is sit down with

39:27

everybody and do a full audit

39:29

on every everybody's in everybody's engagement

39:31

with companies. God bless you. What

39:33

companies are you involved with? What

39:35

do you use? What who provides

39:37

your electricity? What is your? You

39:39

know, like, have you ever had

39:42

an abisco product? Yes. Okay. Because

39:44

it's like, I don't, you want

39:46

me to get off, I don't

39:48

know, these are also people that

39:50

don't, aren't burdened with the task

39:52

of having to reach large numbers

39:54

of people with information, and they're

39:56

just people sitting there looking for

39:58

things to be mad about. Is

40:00

Instagram a horrible company? Yes. Obviously

40:02

it is. But, uh. What do

40:04

you want me to do? I

40:06

know, Vic, come on, you know

40:08

I know that, but it's also

40:10

an interesting subject, so I don't

40:12

know what you want to, to

40:14

me. This is what I do,

40:16

I complain about something and Vic's,

40:18

he's the little, he's the angel

40:20

on my shoulder, literally, and he

40:23

goes, don't worry about it, don't

40:25

worry, don't be so down on

40:27

everything. So I, I, what can

40:29

I do to a tone? Hey,

40:31

tone. Anyways. Anybody on the hotlines?

40:33

Wait, no, we have more inauguration

40:35

crap to look. Oh yeah, yeah,

40:37

look at the... Yeah, we didn't

40:39

watch any of the... It did?

40:41

Maybe the sword thing would be

40:43

fun. The cake? Yeah, that was

40:45

a good one. Just gonna get

40:47

rid of this. By

40:50

the cake sword, we're going to

40:52

watch that. By the way, if

40:54

you're not, if you're one of

40:56

these trumpsters and you're not completely

40:59

horrified about those Bezos and Zookerberg

41:01

and all these people up on

41:03

that stage, if you're not like

41:05

horrified and disgusted by that, you

41:08

got your head examined. You just

41:10

got, you got conned beyond belief

41:12

with this, this populism bullshit. It's

41:14

not happening, folks. The Gilded Age

41:16

is in full effect and the

41:19

oligarchy has been established. And it's

41:21

over. It's, we're flushing it down

41:23

the toilet. Pardon 600 people from

41:25

January 6? Hostage, you know, it's

41:28

hard on hostages. Vic, I was

41:30

watching your video and we posted

41:32

about. And he said, those people

41:34

will be. Exactly, they will be

41:37

punished. But yeah, he's saying they're

41:39

going to be punished. Now he's

41:41

pardoning. Now is, yeah. Well, no,

41:43

he's going to clean up the

41:45

streets of all the violent criminals.

41:48

But then the first thing he

41:50

does is put, uh, now not

41:52

all of them were violent criminals,

41:54

but there certainly were quite a

41:57

bit. I heard that shaman guy

41:59

said he's going to go out

42:01

and get a bunch of guns.

42:03

That was something he said. What

42:06

happened with this this is cake?

42:08

Why is there just a normal

42:10

plane on it? That's a cake?

42:12

I think the cake is the

42:14

plane a cake? Oh, that's Air

42:17

Force One. That's not the actual

42:19

Air Force one. That's a model.

42:21

Oh. What

42:26

if he committed Harry Kerry right

42:28

now? Like he's grabbing the blade

42:30

with his hands. You're not supposed

42:32

to touch the... Cutting deep into

42:34

some tendons right now. The circulation

42:36

is so bad he can't feel

42:38

it. Yeah, someone's gonna jump out

42:41

of that, but not man. Look

42:43

at... They should be hacking it

42:45

down like a... She's wearing like

42:47

the inside of the intestines dress.

42:49

I'm a trombone guy like, oh

42:51

boy. Let's

42:53

wrap Malani on some black ribbon.

42:56

Now put a piece on a

42:58

plate and start passing it out.

43:00

Thank you all very much. And

43:02

this isn't, they don't do this

43:04

every inauguration. I think they probably

43:07

do some shit like that. I

43:09

don't know about the sword. The

43:11

sword feels... But what was the

43:13

entertainment like there? Look at it.

43:15

They're actually in front of a

43:17

big cake. That's also a giant

43:20

cake. Here we go. Oh, this

43:22

is the same thing. Oh, this

43:24

fucking song again. Imagine bringing your

43:26

phone out for this. I know.

43:28

Yeah, I gotta get this on

43:31

my iPhone. He's mentally unwell. Very

43:33

dim. Look at this. Look at

43:35

the soldiers back there. I'm ready

43:37

to die for this country? I'm

43:39

gonna overstate for this. Let me

43:42

clean this kickoff with my glove.

43:44

I mean, nobody wants to see

43:46

that. You know, you know how

43:48

the dance, the dance now has

43:50

become like, it's that, it's that

43:52

let's go Brandon phenomenon where they're

43:55

like. You guys were making fun

43:57

of this dance, but now we're

43:59

fucking a hundred now we're like

44:01

all in on her and all

44:03

the idiots are out there doing

44:06

the dance because they're like Because

44:08

apparently it makes us all mad.

44:10

Wait a second. That's not a

44:12

woman in the military, is it?

44:14

Not well, that's her last day.

44:17

You know, she's being relieved of

44:19

duty immediately discharged like for lack

44:21

of genital the proper genitalia. Hmm

44:23

Sick stuff everybody but did what

44:25

did was there some music? Yeah,

44:27

we had a we had a

44:30

village people William William Ray Cyrus

44:32

is his there performing Wow, so

44:34

he does old town row a

44:36

road whatever it is to his

44:38

music video he plays along Wait,

44:41

this is not a little this

44:43

is William Shatner There he is

44:45

So yeah, you're gonna wanna. Is

44:47

she still, is, is, is, is,

44:49

is, is a, is a, is

44:52

a, is a, is a, is

44:54

a, is a, is a, is

44:56

a, is a, is a, is

44:58

Johnny Pemberton? But he's playing along

45:00

to the music video, not really

45:02

getting along, yeah, but no, fast

45:05

forward to like five, there's no

45:07

band, he just is up there

45:09

by himself, back and sure he

45:11

is, here, here. I love videos

45:13

with credit. Music videos with credit.

45:16

Tim, you gotta start wearing those

45:18

knee straps with the little danglers.

45:20

Okay. On stage. Very Chinese tour.

45:22

Do I get that at boot

45:24

barn? I don't know, where do

45:27

you buy something? It's like a

45:29

robot zombie. Oh yeah. What's he

45:31

whistling? His song. They told him

45:33

to like kill time as much

45:35

as you can. I

45:38

have to whistle some of

45:40

my new songs on our

45:42

tour because I'm not going

45:44

to remember the words. I

45:47

don't really throw his teeth

45:49

to them. Oh shit, this

45:51

is really low quality. Oh,

45:53

take my holes. Old town

45:55

road. What's that other guy

45:57

though? It is him, uh,

45:59

what's that guy's name? Little,

46:01

little Nausex. Little Nausex. His

46:04

voice is shot. Hold on.

46:06

Hold on. Ladies gentleman, Nick

46:08

Nalti! God damn I'm gonna

46:10

take my god damn horse

46:12

to Old Town Road! Got

46:14

it! Son of a bitch!

46:16

Keep going. Keep going. Here

46:18

we go. Keep it going.

46:21

They told me to kill

46:23

as much time as possible.

46:25

Oh! Why? Does anybody know

46:27

the words that ain't breaking

46:29

art? Oh man. He's rough?

46:31

That's his goats. He sounds

46:33

rough. I try, I try

46:35

a little bit though, let's

46:38

see that. The soul of

46:40

our K is going through.

46:42

She's like Paul McCartney with

46:44

that left-handed guitar. Mm-hmm. Oh

46:46

no, keep it going, man.

46:48

Hey, is my guitar still

46:50

on? I think they cut

46:52

me old. It's my guitar,

46:55

I'm good. I don't

46:57

hear my guitar anymore. This

46:59

like horrible graphic of the

47:01

American flag, just... Uh, check.

47:03

Is anybody awake? Wow. This

47:05

guy doesn't exactly project entertainer,

47:07

you know? Like, she's like,

47:09

this guy's supposed to be

47:11

around for 30 years doing

47:13

shows, and this is how

47:15

he's behaving during a lull.

47:18

I'm very so proud of

47:20

you. Is anyone back? You

47:22

getting there. Somebody turned my

47:24

guitar back on. This is

47:26

the new competent government where

47:28

we all want to sing

47:30

more. It was what America

47:32

wants. Now keep it down.

47:34

You want me to just

47:36

get the hell off the

47:38

stage? Don't give it down.

47:40

This is my tumble. Yeah.

47:42

Wanted him to have a

47:44

conversation with him. You know

47:46

what? These people want to

47:48

party. Uh-huh. I know Max.

47:51

You want to party. Hey,

47:53

I'm just passing the misses.

47:55

Here he goes, here he

47:57

goes, hold on. Let me

47:59

turn you on. I bet

48:01

I got excited and unplugged

48:03

it. Is he like directly

48:05

plugged into the PA? You know

48:07

what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I'm very so

48:09

proud of you guys. Let me check your

48:12

volume here. Yeah, you're on one

48:14

here. Yeah, the guitar is probably

48:16

not even. Oh my God. Look

48:18

at this. Yeah, it looks like

48:21

Rob Zombina. Uh-huh. Like Chris Robinson

48:23

from the Black Rose. You can

48:25

tell the world he

48:28

never was my girl.

48:30

What do you think

48:32

people paid to be

48:34

in this audience for

48:36

this performance thousand, five

48:39

thousands? Thousands. So sad.

48:41

Oh my God, this is a real

48:43

melt down here. There you

48:45

go. Ugh. You can tell my...

48:48

So sad. Oh my God, this

48:50

is a real melt down here.

48:52

to tell my fingertips.

48:54

They won't be reaching

48:56

out for you no more.

48:58

One time. I think it's like

49:01

a homeless. It is almost

49:03

good. It's a guy from

49:05

under the bridge. It's the

49:08

guy from under the bridge.

49:10

Oh my God. Well, listen.

49:12

He keeps going, he's going.

49:15

I can't believe this is

49:17

so good. It's so good.

49:19

He might blow up a killer

49:21

span. Oh there you go, so

49:23

you hit a note. Thank you.

49:25

All right, yeah, this is one

49:27

of my big closing number. Hey

49:29

man, maybe I could do this

49:31

on the road, but I don't

49:33

need to pay no band. He's

49:35

like Charles Manson. I know what

49:37

I'll do. I'm gonna fire my

49:40

fucking band. I'm just gonna come

49:42

out there and compel the whole

49:44

god-dam show, see? Yeah, keep all

49:46

the money. I'm gonna get a

49:48

big American flag, see? I'm gonna

49:50

do it, keep breaking hard. I'm

49:52

just fucking smoking crank. I don't

49:54

even know if it's fucking

49:56

gone, see? I'm gonna do

49:58

it my way! This is

50:01

not very good man.

50:03

You're off the bus!

50:05

Do this for myself!

50:07

Buddy! I've been thinking

50:09

about you! All the

50:11

things we used to

50:13

do! I can't believe

50:15

it's we already It's

50:17

like band time who

50:19

knew Tuesday show I

50:21

know it's a way

50:23

to do it. What's

50:25

the chat like are

50:27

they liking this? Oh,

50:29

yeah. Luke B you

50:31

have a topic, don't

50:33

you? Yes, well first

50:35

off I was just

50:37

enjoying, you know last

50:39

night Favorite show, Kill

50:41

Tony, of course. Were

50:43

they, were they live

50:45

from the White House?

50:47

I think so. I

50:49

mean, it's the biggest

50:51

live comedy show. I

50:53

don't know if you

50:55

guys know that. I

50:57

do, I've heard that.

50:59

There was no, we

51:01

in Montgomery, there was

51:03

no Arimati, you know.

51:05

I don't want to

51:07

talk about this guy.

51:09

Thank you for your

51:11

interest, but I'm going

51:13

to move the show.

51:15

What's, what's, what's your,

51:17

what's your main point,

51:19

what's your main point

51:21

real quick? Well, it's

51:24

just it's just the real watching

51:26

that show because it feels like

51:28

it's Tony Hanchos dream every night

51:30

And like everyone is just like

51:33

his biggest fan You know, it's

51:35

like he's got terminal. It's you

51:37

know, it's like he's got terminal

51:39

cancer and this is like this

51:42

make a wish foundation And if

51:44

you mean to you, remember that

51:46

he won't be with us for

51:48

very much longer. Okay? This could

51:51

be his last go. Very funny.

51:53

Yeah, it's the best is when

51:55

things, he's not into good mood.

51:57

And it's very apparent. And he

52:00

starts like taking it out on

52:02

the audience and all the other

52:04

things. Well, he just had chemotherapy

52:06

this morning. So he's very particularly

52:09

unpleasant today. So give him some.

52:11

My real question actually was, Tim,

52:13

I've seen you do skips on

52:15

like tennis. I love skits. You

52:18

mentioned that you played tennis with

52:20

a band that came on and.

52:22

I was just wondering, I want

52:24

to know, like, kind of, do

52:27

you know what your level is?

52:29

I'm going to stick you playing

52:31

with? I mean, very low, Doug.

52:33

What would you say? We used

52:36

to play, but it's been a

52:38

while. We got to get our

52:40

Sundays going. I played with Kevin

52:42

Morby a couple weekends ago, not

52:45

to name drop. And pavement. Well,

52:47

I didn't play with pavement a

52:49

couple weeks ago. Those guys are

52:51

that, like, like, Malcolmmus is a

52:54

noted, really good player, really good

52:56

player. We don't know our... How

52:58

do you ask how you know

53:00

our USTA level? What does that

53:03

mean? We're in the middle. I

53:05

think two probably like, three. Yeah,

53:07

I mean, I can play. I

53:09

can play, but I can't really,

53:12

I'm not a, I'm not a,

53:14

I'm not a great server and

53:16

I don't play enough to be,

53:18

to be really matched up. They

53:21

say you're only as good as

53:23

your second serve. Yeah, everybody. The

53:25

previous shot is always the hardest.

53:27

The previous shot is always the

53:30

hardest. Don't forget to have a

53:32

cup of coffee in the morning.

53:34

It's the best thing you can

53:36

do. I've been thinking about the

53:39

banned fog hat. Have you seen

53:41

those videos where he's like on

53:43

his weather report? He does like

53:45

today. I've been I was thinking

53:48

about the song Purple Hayes by

53:50

Jimmy Hendrix. A great song. A

53:52

great talent. Gone too soon. I

53:54

think my David Lynch impression might

53:57

be my best. Margaret Carson. Oh,

53:59

no. I want it

54:01

to hear your bill, Burr, actually, when

54:03

you brought it by. Yeah, fucking Bill

54:05

Burr. Hey, you know, he's fucking firefighter.

54:08

No, I can't do, I can't do

54:10

a Boston accent. I passed, I passed

54:12

the torch. And balls. I like Bill

54:14

Burr. If you're ever, if you're ever

54:17

at much on the summer, let me

54:19

know, hit my socials. Okay, play some

54:21

tennis. I'll teach you some tennis. Do

54:23

you have our show on behind you?

54:26

I do. Where are you from

54:29

here? I like it. I'm a

54:31

big fan. Where are you? Montreal.

54:33

Montreal. How come you don't speak

54:35

with no French accent? I'm one

54:37

of those Anglo-Montrealers. I grew up

54:40

in the West Island, which is

54:42

like 40 minutes west, and it's

54:44

like an Anglophone paradise, or what

54:46

do you call it? You speak

54:49

French. Wait, I'm pelphconci. You know,

54:51

see, see, see, I've seen them

54:53

off. That's enough. Are you excited

54:55

to become the 51st date? I

54:57

mean, like, the thing is, with

55:00

the tariffs, it's like, I went

55:02

to the States a few times,

55:04

and all you guys really have

55:06

is, like, more shitty cereals, and

55:09

like, you know, hot tarts, so

55:11

it's like, okay, so we're just

55:13

gonna be healthier, I mean, you

55:15

know, checkmate. All right, why don't

55:17

you come out into Toronto and

55:20

see us at the damn fourth

55:22

music hall? When is it? I

55:24

don't know, man. Look on the

55:26

website. It's one of 39 things

55:29

they're recommending in Toronto that week.

55:31

So, all right. Glad to know

55:33

you made it. I love your

55:35

energy. I'm glad I kept you

55:37

on. I feel I regret threatening

55:40

to kick you off and I

55:42

appreciate Doug. I'm glad I've made

55:44

a case for you. All right,

55:46

we're gonna hear music from Eliana

55:49

and her outfit. Do you want

55:51

to introduce your band? Yeah, like

55:53

the people? This is Kevin. Yolkota

55:55

on drums. This is Vikrum Devastali

55:57

on trombone. All right, we're gonna

56:00

hear, what's the name of the

56:02

song? We're gonna start with a

56:04

song called John the Baptist. And

56:06

end with the song. Yeah. Yeah.

56:09

Did you know that in the

56:11

Bible, there's not really anything about

56:13

homosexuality, it's just that like. Men

56:15

are not allowed to rape other

56:17

men is what they're like. That

56:20

is not okay. You cannot do

56:22

that. I'm for that. Women, they're

56:24

like, that's fine. You do it

56:26

or you want. But you cannot

56:29

lay with a man the way

56:31

you. I want to. And if

56:33

your daughter has sex before marriage,

56:35

you can stone her to death

56:37

or something. Something like that. That's

56:40

in the Bible. I'll look it

56:42

up and we'll talk about it

56:44

in part two of the show

56:46

and I have a game. Doug's

56:49

got a game. About the Bible?

56:51

It's not Bible related. Ellie's gonna

56:53

stick around. We got to talk

56:55

about Elon Musk's wonderful inauguration experience.

56:57

He was on confirmed I think

57:00

was on LSD. Oh my. But

57:02

we'll be back with more office

57:04

hours. Join us at patreon.com/office hours

57:06

live. Before I go I want

57:09

to remark that we will continue

57:11

doing the show while I'm on

57:13

tour. There'll be some remotes. There'll

57:15

be some, maybe a guest host

57:17

here or there, maybe, but I

57:20

will also, I'm committing to doing

57:22

another tour diary on the Patreon,

57:24

which is a lot of fun

57:26

to do last tour. So another

57:29

great reason to join Patreon. Doug

57:31

put up a fun video, Vic

57:33

put up a tremendous video last

57:35

week. Patrons, where it's at. If

57:37

you're going to move off Instagram

57:40

or all these other horrible sites.

57:42

We, I think the guy from,

57:44

you actually know the guy from

57:46

Patreon. They're wonderful. He's wonderful. He

57:48

was not at the inauguration, correct?

57:51

No, he's not at the inauguration.

57:53

They didn't invite Patreon. Okay. Patreon.com/office

57:55

hours live and we'll be back

57:57

after Jacaranda, Jacaranda. You know my,

58:00

one more thing. My kid, Charlie,

58:02

is so into. Mario stuff because

58:04

you got the Nintendo switch for

58:06

Christmas and he they get so

58:08

mad when I call him Mario.

58:11

It's Mario! I say Mario. I

58:13

do that too. It's a Lee

58:15

Valley thing. Mario. Mario. Mario and

58:17

Dreddy. Yes. All right. Jackaranda. Here

58:20

we go. Be back shortly. John,

58:42

the Baptist, you've

58:44

got a righteous

58:46

kind of way.

58:49

So go ahead

58:51

and tell all

58:54

the people about

58:56

the approaching golden

58:58

age. I would

59:01

not stop you

59:03

from what you're

59:06

doing. John,

59:15

the safer for

59:17

my feeble aching

59:20

heart. I heard

59:22

your voice crying

59:24

out from the

59:26

Alps like a

59:29

beacon from the

59:31

dark. I would

59:33

not stop you

59:36

from what should

59:38

do it. I

59:40

could never. I

59:51

ate my soul from

59:53

go into flames. Jaw

59:55

on the Baptist. I

59:57

I believe

59:59

what my

1:00:01

eyes my eyes do

1:00:03

see. Jaw on the

1:00:06

Baptist, offer in his

1:00:08

sacred heart

1:00:10

to me.

1:00:12

But for

1:00:14

a moment

1:00:17

still hold on the

1:00:19

Baptist, hands touching

1:00:21

my skin, they

1:00:23

free my

1:00:26

soul. soul. telling

1:00:28

you the you

1:00:30

the me

1:00:33

leave me leave

1:00:35

my sins the

1:00:37

door. door

1:00:39

a moment moment

1:00:42

still I

1:00:45

would like

1:00:47

to see you

1:00:49

once more

1:00:51

standing on that

1:00:54

eastern shore.

1:00:56

But I know

1:00:58

that you

1:01:01

have so much

1:01:03

left to

1:01:05

do. John

1:01:13

the Baptist.

1:01:41

John the

1:01:43

Baptist. John

1:01:51

the

1:01:53

Baptist. Join

1:02:01

this Savior

1:02:05

for my

1:02:08

people taking

1:02:12

heart, The

1:02:15

Baptist. have

1:02:34

to look bald anymore. Top

1:02:36

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1:02:38

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1:02:41

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1:02:48

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1:02:52

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