0:01

Something unexpected happened after Jeremy

0:04

Scott confessed to killing Michelle

0:06

Schofield in Bone Valley season

0:08

one. Every time I hear about my dad,

0:10

oh he's a killer, he's just straight evil.

0:12

I was becoming the bridge between

0:15

Jeremy Scott and the sun he'd never

0:17

known. At the end of the day, I'm

0:19

literally a son of a killer. Listen to

0:21

new episodes of Bone Valley season

0:23

two starting April 9th on the

0:25

I-Hart Radio app, Apple podcast, or

0:28

wherever you get your podcasts. Hey

0:32

everyone, it's Jay Sheddi and I'm

0:34

thrilled to announce my podcast tour.

0:36

For the first time ever, you

0:38

can experience on purpose in

0:40

person. Join me in a

0:42

city near you for meaningful,

0:44

insightful conversations with surprise guests.

0:47

It could be a celebrity,

0:49

top wellness expert or a

0:51

CEO or business leader. We'll

0:53

dive into experiences designed to

0:56

experience growth, spark learning, and

0:58

build real connections. I can't

1:00

wait to meet you. There

1:02

are a limited number of

1:05

VIP experiences for a private

1:07

Q&A, intimate meditation, and a

1:09

meet and greet with photos.

1:11

Tickets are on sale now.

1:14

Head to jayshadi.me,/ tour, and

1:16

get yours today. It's not me

1:18

anymore. Whoever Lizzo is to the

1:20

world is not really even

1:23

me, and that disconnect is

1:25

depressing. What's

1:28

making you feel like now's the

1:30

right time and what's giving you

1:32

the confidence and courage to feel

1:35

that way? I think what I

1:37

learned about fame is even if

1:39

that's really me it just becomes

1:41

kind of like character it's a

1:43

brand that now doesn't belong to

1:45

you anymore. There was a huge

1:47

scandal I was dealing with a lot.

1:49

I have my first panic attack ever and

1:51

I had this thought I was just like

1:53

you want to die okay well just die

1:55

like nobody will care. I think it's

1:58

also hard when the things that You

2:00

stand for other same things that you're

2:02

being scrutinized for. So when I pop

2:04

out on a red carpet or when

2:06

a video suddenly goes viral and my

2:08

body's different, it appears like it was

2:10

overnight. The weight that is no longer

2:12

on me is not just... fat or

2:15

physical. I released so much to get

2:17

to this point. And to be honest

2:19

with you, I don't feel like I've

2:21

expressed myself fully in the last two

2:23

years. The number one health and wellness

2:25

podcast. Jay Shady. Jay Shady. He won

2:27

the only Jay Shady. Oh my gosh.

2:29

Lizo, it is so great to have

2:31

you here. I have been wanting to

2:34

do this for years. We're such huge

2:36

fans here and the last time I

2:38

saw you. You were performing live live

2:40

live at can, lions, you were on

2:42

stage for the I-heart festival, I was

2:44

out there, and I'd been told that

2:46

I had two front row seats reserved

2:48

so that I could hear you. Now

2:51

what happened is I came into the

2:53

event, I got into a few conversations,

2:55

my podcast producer who's in the back

2:57

right now was meant to take me

2:59

to this seat. She's such a big

3:01

fan that she forgot to take me

3:03

to this seat. So by the time

3:05

I wanted to make it to this

3:07

seat, the whole crowd was covered. She

3:10

was dancing in the front row. She

3:12

claims, she claims you said to her

3:14

that you were really proud of her

3:16

dancing skills or shouted something out at

3:18

her in a really cool way. I'll

3:20

have to verify what it was. But

3:22

I didn't get to be front row.

3:24

So I was sitting at the back,

3:27

enjoying your music from the back. Well,

3:29

you're in front row now, baby. I

3:31

know, how lucky am I. How lucky

3:33

am I. But no, honestly, we're such

3:35

big fans here. And like I said,

3:37

we've been looking forward to this. And

3:39

even the first few seconds, we've just

3:41

been power-owing and going back and forth.

3:43

It's been awesome. Oh, yeah. You've been

3:46

chatting it up, honey. I love it.

3:48

Well, I want to ask you. I

3:50

saw that video on your Instagram. Well,

3:52

you don't have mom. my momma and

3:54

my sister, because that was a Christmas

3:56

gift from them. I remember on Christmas

3:58

Day, they got me this, it was

4:00

like a huge scene that they dragged

4:02

in that was wrapped. And I was

4:05

like, what could y'all have possibly gotten

4:07

me in this huge? And they were

4:09

like, we're so excited and I unwrapped

4:11

it. And I was like, is this

4:13

like a water bowl? And they're like,

4:15

no, you, and I saw the footprint,

4:17

there's like, like, like, you stand in

4:19

it. And I was like a, like

4:22

a, a really emotional day. I was

4:24

like, I was very close to crash

4:26

out. I dragged it outside, took my

4:28

shoes off, put my feet in the

4:30

earth for a second, stood in it,

4:32

and just rang it, and I was

4:34

like, I still don't feel better. I

4:36

was like, I still don't feel better.

4:38

And then I hit it, I kept

4:41

hitting it, and I was like, oh,

4:43

this is kind of fun. And it,

4:45

yeah, it changed my day. I brought

4:47

out my other bowls, and I brought

4:49

out my other bowls, and I sat,

4:51

and I just, It literally changed my

4:53

day and I was actually I was

4:55

pessimistic about it. I was like this

4:58

is not going to work. And that

5:00

was the first time we tested it

5:02

out. It was the first time I

5:04

tested the big one out. Wow. I

5:06

was shocked. Yeah because I've never seen

5:08

one with footprints. Like I've never seen

5:10

one that you stand in. I've seen

5:12

ones that you lie down and they

5:14

play them at your head. or sometimes

5:17

they come and put crystal on your

5:19

chest. Like I've been in those and

5:21

I love them. We actually did one

5:23

with my team. We do a team

5:25

retreat every year and we did one

5:27

last year, but we did it outdoors.

5:29

And we had this amazing sound healer

5:31

come and lead it. And when we

5:34

woke up, we all could see like

5:36

shooting stars. Wow. What is going on?

5:38

And then we realized it was neurolink.

5:40

It was Ella Musk's like, you know,

5:42

it was this thing, you know, I

5:44

can't remember. heal you and that frequency

5:46

did it finally work when you were

5:48

standing in it like yeah my ankle

5:50

started itching and I was like what's

5:53

going on for like ants were calling

5:55

on my ankles and I kept scratching

5:57

at them and I was like oh

5:59

that's it's waking it's wake it's awakening

6:01

me it's so funny because I host

6:03

these um I call them ass rams

6:05

once a year. So it's like these

6:07

little retreats that I do for all

6:10

of the black women in my life

6:12

that I love and I care about.

6:14

And it's like an emotional and spiritual

6:16

reset and we do sound baths in

6:18

the morning and we do sound baths

6:20

at night. And this one time I

6:22

was laying there and I like allowed

6:24

myself to really just like go and

6:26

it was so trippy we all saw

6:29

the same thing. I was like. because

6:31

she was asking everyone, they were like,

6:33

yeah, I saw like pink and purple,

6:35

and it was like, yeah, I saw

6:37

pink and purple, and it was like,

6:39

and I saw a galaxy, and it

6:41

was like, I saw a galaxy, so

6:43

we all kind of like, it's real.

6:46

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I have,

6:48

I have too much proof that there's

6:50

something else going on out here, and

6:52

it's all kind of guided by vibration.

6:54

There's music that can make you cry

6:56

instantly. There's sounds that make you feel

6:58

thoughtful and reflective. We all now work

7:00

to low-fi beats or whatever it is

7:02

on YouTube playlist. And there's a sense

7:05

that sound and frequency has an impact

7:07

on us. And this is just taking

7:09

it to another level. The way I

7:11

like to describe it, because I'm very

7:13

like science in Wu. Yes. Me too.

7:15

I'm a tourist. So, you know, I

7:17

need like grounding of it. We're constantly

7:19

vibrating. I think when people hear vibration,

7:22

they think like, okay girl, like, oh,

7:24

we're on a vibe. I'm like, no,

7:26

you know your heart is beating constantly.

7:28

Your blood is coursing through your veins

7:30

and you're like made mostly of water.

7:32

So when your heart is beating, it's

7:34

sending a vibration through your entire body.

7:36

Like if you sit still enough, you

7:38

can feel like... the vibration. So it's

7:41

like everything is constantly vibrating and you

7:43

can vibrate high and you can vibrate

7:45

low and you actually have the power

7:48

to control that. And once I learned

7:50

that I was like, oh, it's like

7:52

a cheat code to life, to existing.

7:54

So well said, I love that. And

7:57

did the playing of the soundballs come

7:59

naturally to you? I can play anything.

8:01

that like I can like if I

8:04

lick my finger and I have a

8:06

crystal glass I can make a sound

8:08

I think that's just one of I'm

8:11

one of my gifts is that like

8:13

when I was a kid I played

8:15

recorder and then I played flute and

8:17

then I played piccolo and then I

8:20

can play clarinet and I could play

8:22

piano and now I play guitar and

8:24

so I think with soundbows, I think

8:27

I just am an instrumentalist and it's

8:29

an instrument. Yeah. Give me an instrument

8:31

and I'm a make a beautiful sound.

8:34

Yeah, that's impressive because it's not easy

8:36

to do. It's pretty challenging, so that's

8:38

awesome. I can't, I'm the guy who

8:40

can't even whistle, so let alone like...

8:43

Wait, so you can't do the bowls?

8:45

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's

8:47

hard. My wife's a bit better than

8:50

me. We have a few beautiful ones

8:52

at home, but it's hard. Oh, I

8:54

can really make them sing to where

8:57

your ears start to. It gets like

8:59

really loud in your ears and you're

9:01

like, whoa, whoa, whoa, is somebody in

9:03

there with like a bowl in my

9:06

head? That's how it started to feel

9:08

sometimes. I need to come to one

9:10

of your astrums. I need to come

9:13

to one of your asshrams. Oh, I

9:15

need to come to one of you.

9:17

That's so fun. That's so fun. I

9:20

know. I know. change your life. Something

9:22

they said that just shifted everything. Yes,

9:24

um, Cheney Nicholas is my like astrologer.

9:26

And so like every eclipse season, I'm

9:29

texting her. I'm like, hey, happy eclipse

9:31

season. What's happening? But when I so

9:33

I've I've had knowledge of my sign

9:36

ever since I was a little kid.

9:38

Like, so I was super into crystals

9:40

and like, oh, I'm a tourist and

9:43

like my dad's a Virgo and like

9:45

compatibility. But then as I got older

9:47

when I met Cheney. She taught me

9:49

about the chart and how like you're

9:52

more than just your sun sign and

9:54

how your big three But it's like

9:56

you're more than your big three too.

9:59

You've got these like asteroids that go

10:01

through and you've got these like you've

10:03

got the right you've got everything your

10:06

your Venus matters your mercury matters your

10:08

that really reframed how I think of

10:10

myself because it kind of opened me

10:12

up to being like oh, I'm the

10:15

universe like I contain multitudes like if

10:17

I see a tourist trade that doesn't

10:19

resonate with me. Is there a Gemini

10:22

trait that resonates with me? Is there

10:24

a Virgo trait that resonates with me?

10:26

And I think the most impactful thing

10:29

I learned from her lately is that

10:31

we have like house years. And so

10:33

2023, I was in a 12th house

10:35

year. And that's the year of hidden

10:38

enemies. That's the year of shadow work.

10:40

And once she told me that, it

10:42

like really unlocked for me because I

10:45

was like, oh. That makes sense. And

10:47

then she was like, you're going into

10:49

a first house year. So I've been

10:51

in a first house year since April

10:54

2024. And now my birthday is coming

10:56

up in April 2025. And I have

10:58

taken advantage of this first house year

11:01

because I'm a Leo rising. And my

11:03

first house is all about self and

11:05

how I present. So I was just

11:08

like, I'm going to go in. Like,

11:10

everything is routine. practice, I'm just like,

11:12

I'm so deep into my practice and

11:14

like loving on myself and rediscovering and

11:17

redefining who I am. And now when

11:19

I move into my second house year,

11:21

I'm gonna take advantage of that too.

11:24

What's different about the second house here

11:26

that you move into? So it's gonna

11:28

be Virgo, which is my moon? And

11:31

actually, it's these practices that I've been

11:33

doing on an external level, how I

11:35

like make them internal, you know, how

11:37

I reframe my membrane and rework the

11:40

nuts and bolts in my brain and

11:42

like make it like my life. Like

11:44

right now, it's a routine, but I'm

11:47

going to make it a lifestyle and

11:49

I'm going to get really cerebral with

11:51

my Virgo moon and I'm going to

11:54

get really meticulous and I'm going to

11:56

get really into paint like hardworking. my

11:58

ass off and that's where I really

12:00

shine and I'm that's where I'm really

12:03

the most happy. That's what I'm working

12:05

honestly. Yeah I'm a burger so yeah

12:07

I was like yeah we're related a

12:10

little bit. Yeah absolutely I love that

12:12

and and I love how you describing

12:14

it sounds like you're a phenomenal astrologer

12:17

because I feel like there's such a

12:19

deep way of knowing how to use

12:21

it? Right? It's not just something that

12:23

I think for all of us who've

12:26

been exposed to astrology since we were

12:28

young, it was like, oh my God,

12:30

it knows me, it's predicting, it's this,

12:33

it's compatibility, but it's so much more.

12:35

It's like, how are you using it

12:37

for personal growth and self-growth? Like, how

12:40

do you use that as, okay, this

12:42

is what I have tourists, which I

12:44

think... gives it a little bit more

12:46

purposefulness and it makes it a tool.

12:49

So I'm like, how can I use

12:51

my Leo rising right now? Big hair,

12:53

big personality, big identity, big bold expression,

12:56

color, fire. How can I use this

12:58

fire right now? Because that's what I

13:00

have right now. And then when I'm

13:03

in Virgo, how do I use this

13:05

earth? How do I use this knowledge?

13:07

This quest for knowledge, this hard workingness,

13:09

this steadfastness. How do I use that?

13:12

How do I use the private parts

13:14

of myself and protect the private parts

13:16

of myself? I think that is how

13:19

astrology has been very helpful to me

13:21

because it's not just like what I

13:23

am. I don't just like settle for

13:26

it. I'm like, oh well that's why

13:28

because they are Scorpio, that's why I

13:30

know. It's like they have Scorpio. And

13:32

that's what they're choosing to do with

13:35

it. I have tourists, and what I'm

13:37

choosing to do with it is be

13:39

ruled by Venus. I want to be

13:42

all things beauty and love, you know

13:44

what I mean? With a little bit

13:46

of sprinkle of hard work. Yeah, yeah.

13:49

And you know, gluttony. Little gluttony. I

13:51

love that. I love the way you're

13:53

talking about astrology. It's so refreshing because

13:55

obviously you're so deep into it. And

13:58

I think that's, and it sounds like

14:00

that's similar to why you at last

14:02

year, you said, I'm taking a gap

14:05

here, I'm gonna protect my peace. Was

14:07

that part of it to know that

14:09

you're in that house year? Like that

14:12

was giving you that sense as well?

14:14

it because it was like a toxic

14:16

trait that I had when I was

14:18

younger. Like I would get, and mind

14:21

you, I already told you, I've been

14:23

crying a lot lately, so if I

14:25

cry, it's not because I'm sad, I

14:28

just am real sensitive lately and googly-eyed.

14:30

But when I was younger, instead of

14:32

expressing myself, I would lock up and

14:35

get really quiet and shut down and

14:37

just like hold it all in. And

14:39

I went to a point where I

14:41

didn't speak for my voice was at

14:44

night. and I would sing to myself

14:46

and that was it. So I thought

14:48

that that was a really toxic trait

14:51

and I have been working on expressing

14:53

myself. So when you see me online,

14:55

that's a form of expression for me

14:58

that I've worked to get to. When

15:00

I talk to the people who I

15:02

work with, that's a form of expression

15:04

that I worked really hard to get.

15:07

When I express myself to my friends

15:09

and my family and my loved ones,

15:11

I've worked hard for this. that I

15:14

worked away from. But I think once

15:16

I learned like, hey girl, you don't

15:18

always need to be, you don't always

15:20

need to talk. Sometimes you need to

15:23

sit back and just be quiet and

15:25

observe what's in front of you now

15:27

and be present. Stop being in the

15:30

future. Stop lamenting in the past. What's

15:32

in front of you right now? And

15:34

like, when I said I was on

15:37

a gap year. I was in the

15:39

middle of it. And I think people

15:41

were like, oh, she's about to take

15:43

a whole year off. I'm like, no,

15:46

I was just in the middle of

15:48

it. I just hadn't like expressed myself

15:50

really. And to be honest with you,

15:53

I don't feel like I've expressed myself

15:55

fully in the last two years, like

15:57

how I want to. I feel like

16:00

I've been kind of holding my tongue

16:02

and like staying to myself, but I

16:04

think that it's for the best. And

16:06

sometimes it can get you into some

16:09

stuff you wasn't even trying to get

16:11

into because people will misinterpret it and

16:13

run with it. As I found when

16:16

I was like, I'm taking a gap

16:18

here, I'm protecting my peace. But like

16:20

people were like, wait, so what's that

16:23

supposed to mean? I'm like, oh, oops,

16:25

I just, I just, I just wanted

16:27

to let you guys know where I'm

16:29

at right now. I'm in Bali and

16:32

I'm having a good time and I'm

16:34

just like quiet. Oops, maybe I should

16:36

have stayed quiet. That's the funny thing,

16:39

right? Even when you announced that you're

16:41

going to go quiet and it's hard,

16:43

it's hard to figure it's hard to

16:46

figure it to figure out. stepping your

16:48

toe back in wanting to show more

16:50

of yourself wanting to be that way

16:52

what's making you feel like now's the

16:55

right time and what's giving you the

16:57

confidence and courage to feel that way

16:59

something unexpected happened after Jeremy Scott confessed

17:02

to killing Michelle Schofield in bone Valley

17:04

season one I just knew him as

17:06

a kid long silent voices from his

17:09

past came forward and he was just

17:11

there and at me and they had

17:13

secrets of their own to share Gilbert

17:15

King. I'm the son of Jeremy Lynn

17:18

Scott. I was no longer just telling

17:20

the story. I was part of it.

17:22

Every time I hear about my dad,

17:25

oh he's a killer, he's just straight

17:27

evil. I was becoming the bridge between

17:29

a killer and the son he'd never

17:32

known. If the cops and everything would

17:34

have done their job properly, my dad

17:36

would have been in jail. I would

17:38

have never existed. I never expected to

17:41

find myself in this place. Now. I

17:43

need to tell you how I got

17:45

here. At the end of the day,

17:48

I'm literally a son of a killer.

17:50

Bone Valley, season two. Jeremy. Jeremy, I

17:52

want to tell you something. Listen to

17:55

new episodes of Bone Valley, season two,

17:57

starting April 9th on the iHeart Radio

17:59

app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get

18:01

your podcast. And to hear the entire

18:04

new season, add free with exclusive content

18:06

starting April 9th, subscribe to Lava for

18:08

Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. What I

18:11

feel like people don't know is when

18:13

you are a music artist you are

18:15

either on cycle or off cycle for

18:18

an album. I think nowadays there's so

18:20

much fast turnaround with music and there's

18:22

like the deluxe of an album is

18:24

kind of like an industry standard that

18:27

I think we've forgotten like what it

18:29

means to be on cycle and off

18:31

cycle because everyone's always on. I had

18:34

planned on being off cycle. That means

18:36

you're not in the media, you're not

18:38

doing interviews, your album cycle is done,

18:41

like you're not going to be played

18:43

on the radio as much because people

18:45

aren't working your records, you're not going

18:47

to be promoting anything because you're working

18:50

on the next album. So you can

18:52

be on cycle and you can be

18:54

back in the press and back on

18:57

tour. And I think like the... best

18:59

most simplest answer as to why I'm

19:01

back now is because my album's done.

19:04

Like it really this is my job

19:06

you know I am a musical artist

19:08

I make studio albums I put them

19:10

out I promote them I tour them

19:13

and I do it because I'm really

19:15

good at music and I really want

19:17

to help people with music because I

19:20

know that music has saved my life

19:22

so I know it can save someone

19:24

else's life you know what I mean

19:27

and I think that's like the most

19:29

simple answer but I think It's loaded

19:31

this time because at the exact same

19:33

time I was like I'm going on

19:36

a vacation, I'm going to be in

19:38

Japan, I'm going to go to Kyoto

19:40

and be in the woods and like

19:43

disappear. I also had a huge scandal

19:45

come out and I think that it

19:47

looked like I was shut down or

19:50

silenced or hiding when really it was

19:52

like, but it's just the end of

19:54

my album cycle and this was planned.

19:56

So I think this album cycle, I'm

19:59

going to have to do a lot

20:01

of work that I'm cool with, expressing

20:03

that and explaining that because I don't

20:06

think people knew or know the difference

20:08

between me being like, oh, I'm off

20:10

cycle, I'm in Japan, I'm in the

20:12

woods, and I'm meditating. And oh. This

20:15

scandal just happened. Where's Lizzo? You know

20:17

what I mean? So I'm aware of

20:19

that, I'm cognizant of it, and I'm

20:22

up for the challenge of explaining this

20:24

to the people who care about me,

20:26

because they deserve to know, honestly. Yeah,

20:29

I mean, it's, first of all, I

20:31

think it's always an education learning about

20:33

how a business works. And I think

20:35

if you're not in the business, you

20:38

don't really get it. And I think

20:40

that's true for any career whatsoever, whatsoever.

20:42

the way you launch music is you

20:45

need time to make music. Yes. And

20:47

it takes some much time. Yes. And

20:49

it's very visible because music's the biggest

20:52

thing in the world. So you see

20:54

someone for a few months and then

20:56

you don't see them again when they're

20:58

working on it. So you're saying that

21:01

not only were you meditating, you were

21:03

traveling, you were actually working on new

21:05

music. Yes. So when you said I

21:08

was protecting my piece, I was taking

21:10

a break. I spent a whole month

21:12

in Tokyo, in Kyoto. It was my

21:15

first time in Japan. It was my

21:17

dream place. I always wanted to go

21:19

because I was a little girl watching

21:21

anime. I took that time. I stepped

21:24

foot back into America and I walked

21:26

into the studio. I've been in the

21:28

studio since October 23. And I think

21:31

I finished my last studio session for

21:33

Love in Real Life. Last week, when

21:35

I mastered it, I've been working constantly

21:38

this whole time. I didn't take no

21:40

time off. I couldn't. I really honestly

21:42

couldn't. I took that little time in

21:44

Japan that I allowed it for myself,

21:47

and I got in the kitchen. And

21:49

I rolled my sleeves up, because I

21:51

knew I was gonna have to do

21:54

my biggest one. You know? Yeah, and

21:56

the new music's great. Yeah, it's awesome.

21:58

And I feel like, I mean, even

22:01

when you quote it love in real

22:03

life in real life. I feel like

22:05

how much of that was inspired by

22:07

what you personally had to go through

22:10

and the challenges or how much was

22:12

that was just pulling from other parts

22:14

of your life? Was it disconnected or

22:17

was it connected? Everything that I do,

22:19

I pull from the strife and the

22:21

grief that happens to me. Because the

22:24

joy that I find eventually I think

22:26

is the helpful part. I've never named

22:28

an album before writing a song before.

22:30

Like, well, because I love you, I

22:33

wrote because I love you. I was

22:35

like, okay, this this sound like the

22:37

thesis of the album. Okay, we're going

22:40

to call this album because I love

22:42

you. I wrote special. And I was

22:44

like, this sounds like the heart of

22:47

the album. I'm going to name this

22:49

album special. When I say I've had

22:51

the name, Love in Real Life since

22:53

September. October 2023 and I didn't write

22:56

the record love in real life until

22:58

maybe like February 2024 because I had

23:00

a very specific experience and I'd love

23:03

to share it I want to talk

23:05

about it as much as I can

23:07

and I never like repeating stories because

23:10

I just feel like everyone's different I'm

23:12

like let me get you something different

23:14

but this story was so life saved

23:16

like life changing. I told you like

23:19

when I was in Japan you know.

23:21

I was doing the best I can,

23:23

but you know, there was a huge

23:26

scandal I was dealing with a lot.

23:28

When I touched down in Los Angeles,

23:30

it didn't hit me how deeply affected

23:33

I was because I had been trying

23:35

to be happy for everyone else. I

23:37

had had my best friend was there

23:39

with her kids and I was trying

23:42

to be happy for everybody. I was

23:44

like, I was like, be happy. I

23:46

got in LA. I had my first

23:49

panic attack ever. I was in the

23:51

car coming home from the airport and

23:53

I like, I was like, something's wrong

23:56

on my chest. I was like, okay.

23:58

And I've dealt with anxiety for years,

24:00

but this felt different. And I was

24:02

like, okay, some going on on my

24:05

chest. And I was like, okay, do

24:07

your anxiety protocol. An anxiety protocol wasn't

24:09

working, like breathing and the circular breath.

24:12

And I was like, no, something is

24:14

pressing on my chest. And I had

24:16

this thought. I was just like, like,

24:19

everybody hates me. for something that isn't

24:21

true, but at the end of the

24:23

day, because of the position I'm in.

24:25

everybody hates me and there's nothing you

24:28

can do about it. And I was

24:30

like, okay, I got into the house,

24:32

I could barely walk and I like

24:35

collapsed by my bed and was like,

24:37

oh shit, I couldn't breathe and I

24:39

was like, and I was by the

24:42

bed and I couldn't breathe and something

24:44

was pressing on my chest and from

24:46

then on, I had been in a

24:48

state of depression because I didn't know

24:51

how to fix it. I was so,

24:53

and I'm not trying to make nobody

24:55

feel bad for me, but man, whoa,

24:58

baby, I was dark and I was

25:00

scared of people. I was like, I

25:02

was like, you can't trust anyone, you

25:04

can't love anyone? I don't want to

25:07

talk to nobody, you know, because there

25:09

was like a lot going on where

25:11

like people were like, Stuff going on

25:14

that I had never experienced before because

25:16

I was like this This is wild.

25:18

This is a whole nother level of

25:21

what I've my job that I've never

25:23

experienced and so I was scared and

25:25

I was like I'm gonna go to

25:27

this concert because I really wanted to

25:30

go to the concert and I was

25:32

like terrified to go I was like

25:34

I know I'm gonna walk out and

25:37

somebody's gonna look at me and be

25:39

like And you know I was just

25:41

like and there's nothing you can do

25:44

about it, but I went anyway And

25:46

man, when I say it was the

25:48

opposite, I walked out and I just

25:50

seen so many people look at me

25:53

and they were like, Lizzo, they were

25:55

like, oh my God, they were like,

25:57

come here, I love you, I love

26:00

you. And it was just people in

26:02

the crowd. And I was hugging them

26:04

and they was hugging me and I'm

26:07

telling you like, like, people were like,

26:09

they were like, yes, yes, they were

26:11

just like. It felt like me cheering

26:13

me on being like, you did it.

26:16

You know, you got over your fear,

26:18

you got outside, you can trust people

26:20

again. You can love people. People do

26:23

love you. You're okay. And you know

26:25

what? There's something you can do about

26:27

it. And you did it. You stepped

26:30

outside. And I was like, this is

26:32

the only thing that's real. You can't

26:34

get this kind of love on the

26:36

internet. You can't. You absolutely can't. And

26:39

I thought I could for years. Years,

26:41

because I built my platform on the

26:43

validation of sharing myself and being myself

26:46

with the internet and being embraced and

26:48

being shown love. And I was like,

26:50

this is love. No, love is in

26:53

real life. And I felt it from...

26:55

I won't even say they're fans of

26:57

my music, just people. Oh, it was

26:59

the most life-saving thing. And I was

27:02

like, I have to name my album,

27:04

Love in Real Life, because I know

27:06

I'm not the only person. I know

27:09

I'm not the only person who sits

27:11

on their phone and creates a version

27:13

of themselves or is told by the

27:16

world who they are and starts to

27:18

believe it. Even if it's not really

27:20

who you are, you're like, oh, maybe

27:22

I am not pretty. Maybe I'm not

27:25

cool. Maybe and it's like no this

27:27

is a lie. This may be a

27:29

reflection of some things and some real

27:32

things do happen on here and I

27:34

love the internet. I'm a child of

27:36

the internet like I get down with

27:39

social media. But I also know that

27:41

if you're if your only sense of

27:43

self and your only form of validation

27:45

is coming from social media or coming

27:48

from your phone or coming from a

27:50

text back or coming from a dating

27:52

app. it's not going to fill you

27:55

up like being in the real world

27:57

and building community with people and getting

27:59

over your fear of it because it

28:02

is scary yeah and so I've held

28:04

that title and I was like I

28:06

wrote like four love and real lives

28:08

until I finally settled on the the

28:11

party stadium version I said why is

28:13

this was so lit like I wrote

28:15

these deep emotional ones and then I

28:18

wrote this one and was like well

28:20

That's Lizzo! And I think that was

28:22

when I just realized, oh, this is

28:25

who I am. I go through this

28:27

really, really tough shit, man, and it's

28:29

fine, because I have learned to use

28:31

my alchemy and... and turn it into

28:34

gold and turn it into meaningfulness and

28:36

like acts of rebellious joy that people

28:38

can use in the world. And I'm

28:41

cool with it. That's my mission. Yeah,

28:43

I love that. I love that. One

28:45

of the things that I think you

28:48

talked about there which is so powerful

28:50

is you go through something really difficult.

28:52

On the other side of it, there's

28:54

this love in real life. Yeah. But

28:57

in between there's the depression, the darkness,

28:59

the... the isolation the worry the fear

29:01

and we all go through that we

29:04

all experience at some point in our

29:06

life we're almost feeling like we have

29:08

to hide we feel like you said

29:11

I don't know who to trust who

29:13

to love will people accept me how

29:15

did you go through that like what

29:17

was that timeline like what did it

29:20

look like what did it look like

29:22

when you woke up what did you

29:24

who supported you how did it look

29:27

man because that's hard I inadvertently set

29:29

a lot of boundaries at that time,

29:31

and it was more like defenses, because

29:34

I was so afraid of people that,

29:36

even the people that I was close

29:38

to, I just, I set up these

29:40

boundaries, and I disappeared into myself. I'm

29:43

not even gonna sit up here and

29:45

lie and be like, I handled it

29:47

perfectly. I didn't. I didn't. It was

29:50

very messy. And I fought really really

29:52

hard for myself. And sometimes when you

29:54

fight, it get real messy. I was

29:56

scrapping. I was fighting for my life.

29:59

There was... times when it was like

30:01

you want to die okay well just

30:03

die like nobody will care and I

30:06

was like oh I'm talking to myself

30:08

like that when did this happen I'm

30:10

like love yourself I'm like stay positive

30:13

I'm like no you have to live

30:15

for your mommy you have to live

30:17

for the and it was like no

30:19

bitch you want to die and I

30:22

like this is the time to do

30:24

it because no everyone I hate you

30:26

and nobody cares and I think that

30:29

Defenseiveness isolated me really bad, but there's

30:31

something about isolation that turns into solitude,

30:33

that turns into introspection, that turns into,

30:36

I am sitting alone with myself and

30:38

I can finally see her. I was

30:40

covered up by so much that I

30:42

couldn't see myself. I was, I was

30:45

blinded by... You know, all these people

30:47

in my space telling me who I

30:49

am, I was blinded by my career

30:52

standing on stage and 20,000 people saying,

30:54

I love you, you're amazing. I'm like,

30:56

okay, thank you. Like, I got to

30:59

push through and I was never alone.

31:01

I was never alone. I was never

31:03

alone. Even when I was at home,

31:05

I'd be like, you want to come

31:08

over, let me throw up, let me

31:10

throw something, let me throw a pool

31:12

party, let me, let me have people

31:15

come over and drink wine, and drink

31:17

wine, like. Maybe it was a fear

31:19

of being alone with myself. Maybe it

31:22

was a lack of self-awareness. But in

31:24

that isolation, where I think my defensiveness

31:26

had pushed off and pushed away the

31:28

people I love the most, I pushed

31:31

them all away. I got to like

31:33

sit with this person and I saw

31:35

the things that other people saw sometimes

31:38

that aren't. the coolest or the nicest

31:40

or that I'm the most proud of.

31:42

I'm like, you are, you're moody, you're

31:45

uncomfortable. You forgot who you are, you

31:47

forgot. why you're here. And I think

31:49

that during that time, I embrace that

31:51

part of myself. It's like, okay, you're

31:54

moody, be in a mood, but what

31:56

do you need to do to make

31:58

yourself feel better in that mood, and

32:01

what can you do to protect yourself

32:03

in that mood, and protect others? Sit

32:05

by yourself, bitch, read a book, learn

32:08

how to finally, consistently meditate. exercise get

32:10

some fresh air get in the sun

32:12

and it was like I forced myself

32:14

to do that shit that shit is

32:17

not easy oh I didn't want to

32:19

exercise at first hell no but I

32:21

got one got that cardio machine and

32:24

I was like I never regret moving

32:26

my body I never regret it I

32:28

started it's an anxiety technique it's like

32:31

you focus on on your senses like

32:33

what can I smell what can I

32:35

taste what can I see what can

32:37

I feel and I started doing that

32:40

Not intentionally, I'm not a genius when

32:42

it comes to this shit. I just

32:44

started doing it. I was like, what

32:47

are you eating? What are you putting

32:49

things in your body that's making you

32:51

sick? You know, what are you doing

32:54

on a daily basis? You're bedrodding. And

32:56

that's fine sometimes. But also, when you're

32:58

always doing it, your body doesn't move.

33:00

You know, what are you looking at?

33:03

What are you watching on TV? I

33:05

had to throw my phone away. I'm

33:07

about to throw my phone away. I'm

33:10

like, oh God, it writes itself. I

33:12

threw my phone away. I did not

33:14

look at it. I told my team,

33:17

I said, anything I need to post

33:19

or anything I want to post, you

33:21

post it for me. I don't want

33:23

to look at that shit no more.

33:26

And it was hard too, because I

33:28

love the internet. But it's doing a

33:30

lot of things that are hard. And

33:33

I need to become, I need to

33:35

love her, and I need to, to

33:37

make her the best version of myself.

33:40

Because guess what? Even after all this

33:42

shit, even after looking at this aspect

33:44

of myself, that I was like... Wow,

33:46

that's not my favorite part of myself.

33:49

You know, after all the things I've

33:51

been through, all the relationships that have

33:53

come and gone in my life, I

33:56

still deserve it. I really do. And

33:58

it's all I have. And it's all

34:00

I've got. Sorry for cussing. It's all

34:03

I got. Yeah. Because what are you

34:05

going to sit up and you're going

34:07

to beat yourself up for the rest

34:09

of your life about anything that could

34:12

have happened or any misunderstanding or any,

34:14

you know what I'm saying? Well, you're

34:16

going to have a miserable life. Do

34:19

you want a miserable life? I sat

34:21

and had to ask myself that, I'm

34:23

like, do you want to be miserable?

34:26

Do you want to feel bad? Or

34:28

do you want to get back to

34:30

doing what you do? And I was

34:32

like, damn it, I got to do

34:35

what I do. I got to. I

34:37

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34:39

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35:48

Whatever we've been through, everyone's been through

35:51

a feeling like that where they've just

35:53

gone... Yeah, I just I don't think

35:55

I can do it anymore. I don't

35:57

think I can do it again. And

36:00

one thing you said there, and I

36:02

know we were talking about Steve Jobs

36:04

earlier, Steve Jobs always talked about how

36:07

there's such a need to disconnect from

36:09

the outer noise to hear your inner

36:11

voice. And so you can't really hear

36:14

your inner voice unless the outer noise.

36:16

And when you're talking about throwing your

36:18

phone away and disconnecting. And sometimes when

36:20

we're pushing away the outer noise, we

36:23

might not doing it in the most

36:25

graceful way. We've realized that tension between

36:27

like, oh, but I was used to

36:30

that noise being my voice. Yes. And

36:32

now that noise isn't what I want

36:34

to hear. And now I actually have

36:37

to find my voice. Now I actually

36:39

have to like discover it again. I

36:41

have to like figure out what it's

36:43

even saying and what it sounds like,

36:46

right? That's what you had to go

36:48

through that process. That's hard. Because it's

36:50

such, it can feel so lonely. and

36:53

it can feel so isolating as you

36:55

said. As you're dealing with that and

36:57

you're kind of tipping your toe back

37:00

into doing what you love and you

37:02

go out and you have that moment

37:04

that you said like love in real

37:06

life and I love the way you

37:09

explain that I'm glad you told that

37:11

story. When I hear you I feel

37:13

the same way it's like when you

37:16

go out in in the real world

37:18

people aren't shouting that stuff that they

37:20

shout on the internet. No one's commenting

37:23

the thing that you heard in the

37:25

comment section you're not hearing that when

37:27

you're out and about. You're seeing real

37:29

people have real reactions and there's this

37:32

look in their eyes that we all

37:34

feel and the energy. How did it

37:36

feel after that day? Was it from

37:39

that day? You were like, all right,

37:41

now I feel more confident or do

37:43

you still go back and forth sometimes?

37:46

Hell no, I'm not even there now.

37:48

Like, even you being like, oh my

37:50

gosh, my wife is such a huge

37:52

fan and we've wanted you on the

37:55

show for a while. I was like,

37:57

really? Like, like, like, I told. I

37:59

don't believe it fully and I don't

38:02

feel it fully and I don't know

38:04

what that is. Maybe it's from like,

38:06

you know, I was like a kind

38:09

of a nerdy kid in high school

38:11

and I were especially middle school and

38:13

I was like, you know, teased in

38:15

middle school real bad and like maybe

38:18

it's that like I'm not cool mentality

38:20

that like never goes away because those

38:22

are such formative years. So please be

38:25

nice to people in high school. It

38:27

really shapes your whole life. It made

38:29

me cool. It made me a

38:32

diamond. But I still struggle

38:34

with believing love and

38:36

believing I am worthy of

38:38

love and believing that I

38:40

am loved. I think that those

38:42

are motifs that are definitely still

38:44

difficult for me and I can

38:47

throw a little tantrums about, but

38:49

I need to, but that's on

38:51

me. I need to sit back.

38:54

putting it all out here, I'll

38:56

be on the internet sometimes talking

38:58

noise and it's my insecurities. And I

39:00

own that. I want to be more

39:02

careful with that because of the position

39:05

that I'm in now, you know, the

39:07

responsibility I have now in the state

39:09

of the internet now, I can't just

39:11

be projecting my insecurities on the internet.

39:14

I think there is a more responsible

39:16

way to do it. to where people understand me

39:18

more and that people know where I'm coming

39:20

from and I can make it more of a

39:22

personal thing instead of these blanket statements and because

39:25

it sounds like it's coming from a place of

39:27

anger but it's really not but it's just

39:29

coming from these insecure moments that I have sometimes

39:31

where I feel like man I feel like misunderstood

39:34

and I feel like people don't get me and I feel

39:36

like people don't see me and I'm like how do I

39:38

express myself in a way where you get me where you

39:40

get me and you feel me and you feel me and

39:42

you see me and you see me and like I want

39:44

you see me and like I want you I'm working on

39:46

it. So before you would say it

39:48

and now you're reflecting?

39:51

Um, yes, before I would say it,

39:53

when I say before, I mean like

39:55

a couple weeks ago. I'm still, I'm,

39:58

man, I'm human, man, I am. really

40:00

in this thing. Human, flesh, and

40:02

blood. It's so wild. But like,

40:04

I think that I'm also human

40:06

enough to admit where I could

40:09

be better. Yeah. And those are

40:11

the places where I could be

40:13

better. I was in that giant

40:15

sound bowl banging that thing because

40:17

it kept me from going on,

40:19

blue sky or going on, you

40:22

know what I'm saying, ticked talking

40:24

just, because that's not the place

40:26

for it anymore. I think there's

40:28

enough. going on in the world

40:30

there's enough to be outraged about

40:33

there's enough pain circulating on the

40:35

internet i don't need to share

40:37

my I need to share my

40:39

joy. I need to share my

40:41

love. I'm a very blessed person.

40:43

I get to make music for

40:46

a living. I have people who

40:48

love me. I have people who've

40:50

never met me, who love me

40:52

because of the music that I

40:54

make. And I get to travel

40:56

all over the world and connect

40:59

with those people and touch those

41:01

people. I can support my family

41:03

financially. As a fat black woman

41:05

who was born in Detroit and

41:07

raised in Houston, Texas, the odds

41:09

were stacked against me and I'm

41:12

here. and I'm surviving and thriving

41:14

in this world, I am grateful.

41:16

And I think that my position

41:18

is to always show that gratitude.

41:20

I want to live in a

41:23

constant state of gratitude and I

41:25

want to, and I want to

41:27

admit that, you know, and I

41:29

want to just really show the

41:31

world love at all times. They

41:33

don't need, they don't need no

41:36

more darkness. There's enough darkness in

41:38

the world. It don't need to

41:40

come from somebody like me. If

41:42

I get insecure sometimes, call your

41:44

mama. Your mama! You know what

41:46

I'm saying? Like, girl! So that's

41:49

where I'm growing as a person.

41:51

And I'm proud of the person

41:53

I'm becoming. Yeah. Well, Liz, I

41:55

was going to say, I think

41:57

it's your music, but it's also

41:59

because you mean something to people.

42:02

You know, like, you dance, like,

42:04

when I think about my wife

42:06

and what I was sharing with

42:08

you earlier, it's because you mean

42:10

something to her. But you mean

42:13

something to people and I think

42:15

that that's why, like you said,

42:17

when we were at school, it

42:19

was all about whether you were

42:21

cool, and whether you were trendy,

42:23

and whether you were, you know,

42:26

the it, girl, or guy, or

42:28

whatever it was, but it's almost

42:30

like it's even beyond that. You

42:32

mean something, it's beyond being cool

42:34

and relevant. I think that's where

42:36

like, a lot of my points

42:39

of depression were coming from, because

42:41

I had been... So fearlessly myself

42:43

for years, the person that you

42:45

saw was the person that you

42:47

got. That was really me, and

42:49

that is really me. The issues

42:52

that I spoke about, I really

42:54

care about. The issues I stood

42:56

up for, I really want to

42:58

see change in. It really matters

43:00

to me. The platforms that I

43:03

give people, that's real. All of

43:05

that is real. And I think

43:07

what I learned about fame is

43:09

even if that's really me, it

43:11

just becomes kind of like a

43:13

fictional story that you, it's a

43:16

character, it's a brand, it's a

43:18

thing that now doesn't belong to

43:20

you anymore. And when it got

43:22

changed, that was what really my

43:24

sense of self because I was

43:26

like, well, now the person that,

43:29

you know, the world is saying

43:31

I am, that's not even me.

43:33

And That's shadow work. I was

43:35

like, that's like some shadow self

43:37

that was created out of me

43:39

not being precautious and careful in

43:42

protecting myself. But I think that

43:44

it really depresses me to feel

43:46

like it's not me anymore. Whoever

43:48

Lizzo is to the world is

43:50

not really even me. And that

43:53

disconnect is depressing. And I think

43:55

the only remedy to that. is

43:57

continuing to be myself. That's the

43:59

all this time. I just have

44:01

to continue. to be me and

44:03

people will see me for who

44:06

I am. But I think for

44:08

a long time I was really

44:10

depressed about like, oh damn, like

44:12

now there's this like fake character

44:14

now, there's like this like, and

44:16

you know, I can't blame or

44:19

judge people for believing it, for

44:21

believing that's who I am. I

44:23

can't because I will be in

44:25

the same position, you know. So

44:27

I take the fact that I

44:29

mean something to people very seriously.

44:32

I take it to heart and

44:34

it's why I have moved the

44:36

way that I have moved my

44:38

entire career. And it's why I,

44:40

when I, when, when things happened,

44:43

I would speak on it, I

44:45

would take accountability. It's why I

44:47

did those things because I know

44:49

that. And I think when it

44:51

was out of my control and

44:53

someone else could... tell a story

44:56

about me. And thank you for

44:58

giving me the opportunity to do

45:00

that. It crushed me because I

45:02

know that I mean something to

45:04

people. And it's why I'm careful

45:06

to this day. I'm never gonna

45:09

stop being careful. If anything, I'm

45:11

more careful now. I can't just

45:13

let any author into my life

45:15

who can make me a villain.

45:17

I can't do that anymore. Because

45:19

I am the author. And I'm

45:22

taking back my narrative by continuing

45:24

to tell my story from me.

45:26

And thank you for giving me

45:28

the opportunity to the opportunity to

45:30

do that. No, of course. I

45:32

think everyone deserves that, you know,

45:35

everyone needs that. And I think

45:37

it's also hard when the things

45:39

that you stand for are the

45:41

same things that you're being scrutinized

45:43

for, right? So that's what's so

45:46

hard about it. It's like when

45:48

you stand for inclusivity and empowerment,

45:50

being questioned for those same things

45:52

is like so painful and it

45:54

kind of like dismantled your whole

45:56

identity even for yourself. Yeah. So

45:59

I can imagine that's really needs.

46:01

an opportunity in a platform to

46:03

be able to do that. But

46:05

it feels like strangely... like, it's

46:07

this thing now where it's like,

46:09

okay, if I stand up for

46:12

inclusivity, it's invalidated. If I stand

46:14

up for black women, it's invalidated.

46:16

If I stand up for body

46:18

positivity and fatness and stand up

46:20

against fat phobia, it's invalidated because

46:22

of that. And I was like,

46:25

wow, that's convenient. Like, these are

46:27

the things I truly believe in.

46:29

I'm not about to just pick

46:31

up some new causes because it's

46:33

the thing to do. I was

46:36

a political and very vocal. activist,

46:38

artist before it was the trend,

46:40

before teams were telling artists to

46:42

speak up, like I was just

46:44

doing it because I wanted to.

46:46

It's an uncomfortable position to be

46:49

in right now, because I also

46:51

know I have a responsibility to,

46:53

like I said, only bring love.

46:55

And I think me speaking on

46:57

certain things, or even if I

46:59

feel like I'm advocating for something,

47:02

it's kind of creating more hate

47:04

and in chaos than what I

47:06

intended. So it's just like sometimes

47:08

you just got to shut. Yeah,

47:10

and that's hard too, because you

47:12

really care about it, right? Like,

47:15

I think that's the challenge. It's

47:17

like, you keep doing something because

47:19

you really care about it. That's

47:21

why you started in the first

47:23

place. But then sometimes you're like,

47:26

well, maybe it'll be smarter for

47:28

me to not comment on it,

47:30

because it's safer. And not just

47:32

safer for me, but like safer

47:34

for the public. You know, I

47:36

don't want to create divisiveness. I

47:39

really don't. There's enough discourse, there's

47:41

enough division, and I think that

47:43

like me doing something that I

47:45

thought was like, you know, for

47:47

a good cause or like, from

47:49

the goodness of my heart, if

47:52

it's taken and creates negative discourse

47:54

where people are going back and

47:56

forth, I won't say nothing at

47:58

all. Don't worry about me. You

48:00

don't got to worry about me

48:02

at all. Don't you worry, honey.

48:05

And before you would have, that

48:07

wouldn't have been your reaction, right?

48:09

Before? No, because I feel like

48:11

there was no opposition. I feel

48:13

like when I spoke up, the

48:16

only opposition was the opposition to

48:18

the cause. I think now when

48:20

I speak... up for something there's

48:22

opposition to me it's like ah

48:24

bad messenger good right message bad

48:26

messenger and I'm like oh you

48:29

know what valid absolutely valid as

48:31

a as a famous person or

48:33

a celebrity right now this is

48:35

what I signed up for and

48:37

I and I'm like so I'm

48:39

not I'm not complaining I can't

48:42

complain I'm do it. Like, I'm

48:44

gonna just be quiet because I

48:46

understand that it's creating more confusion

48:48

than solution. And I only want,

48:50

I'm a solutionary. I'm a solutionary.

48:52

I like to bring solutions. I

48:55

like to only speak up if

48:57

I know it's going to help

48:59

in some way. And if it

49:01

ain't helping, zip it. This show

49:03

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dot com,/Jay's Top Three. Something unexpected

49:58

happened after Jeremy Scott confessed to

50:00

killing Michelle Schofield in Bone Valley

50:02

Season 1. I just knew him.

50:04

as a kid. Long silent voices

50:06

from his past came forward. And

50:09

he was just staring at me.

50:11

And they had secrets of their

50:13

own to share. Gilbert, King. I'm

50:15

the son of Jeremy Lynn Scott.

50:17

I was no longer just telling

50:19

the story. I was part of

50:22

it. Every time I hear about

50:24

my dad, oh he's a killer.

50:26

He's just straight evil. I was

50:28

becoming the bridge between a killer.

50:30

and the son he'd never known.

50:32

If the cops and everything would

50:35

have done their job properly, my

50:37

dad would have been in jail.

50:39

I would have never expected to

50:41

find myself in this place. Now,

50:43

I need to tell you how

50:46

I got here. At the end

50:48

of the day, I'm literally a

50:50

son of a killer. Bone Valley,

50:52

season two. Jeremy. I want to

50:54

tell you something. Listen to new

50:56

episodes of Bone Valley, season 2,

50:59

starting April 9th on the I

51:01

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51:03

wherever you get your podcast. And

51:05

to hear the entire new season,

51:07

add free with exclusive content starting

51:09

April 9th, subscribe to Lava for

51:12

Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. I

51:14

like that. Solutionary. Yeah. Solution is

51:16

not confusion. That is definitely, I

51:18

like that. And that's a great

51:20

way for all of us to

51:22

think about stuff. Yeah. In our

51:25

own personal life, whether it's public

51:27

or not. It's like. Is me

51:29

speaking, creating more confusion, or is

51:31

it actually getting us more clarity?

51:33

Is it actually pushing us in

51:36

the right direction? Have you felt,

51:38

you were saying, like, obviously, when

51:40

you go through something like this,

51:42

you've got to become more careful

51:44

about, you were saying you don't

51:46

want someone else to become an

51:49

author of your journey. It's like

51:51

picking the people that are close

51:53

to you becomes harder and harder

51:55

and harder and harder. Has that

51:57

been like a real focus for

51:59

you in surrounding yourself with the

52:02

right frequency and the right frequency

52:04

and the right frequency and vibration?

52:06

new people in my life anymore.

52:08

And I'm very careful about and

52:10

honestly a lot of relationships that

52:12

I had are gone. Like, and

52:15

it's not like bad. just like

52:17

I just I stopped chasing because

52:19

I how do I say this

52:21

how do I say this I

52:23

see the good in everyone and

52:25

I have seen the good in

52:28

some really kind of like broken

52:30

people who have done harmful things,

52:32

but I always see the potential.

52:34

I always see the good, and

52:36

it's like that inner child in

52:39

me that's like, oh my gosh,

52:41

I can help them, like, but

52:43

they are good. And I think

52:45

that when they would do harmful

52:47

things to me, I had a

52:49

sense of forgiveness and understanding, and

52:52

I would be like, I know

52:54

that's not you. And so I

52:56

would chase and pursue that relationship,

52:58

and I'm not talking about romance,

53:00

I'm talking about people I worked

53:02

with, talking about friends who were

53:05

also people I worked with. I

53:07

was like, I was hiring my

53:09

best friends, you know, and I

53:11

would kind of see past it.

53:13

And meanwhile, I was allowing something

53:15

potentially nefarious or not good for

53:18

me into my space, right? I

53:20

realize, and I think people all

53:22

over the world, when you put

53:24

up a boundary that protects yourself

53:26

and you stop chasing the people

53:29

who continually hurt you, you'll find

53:31

that pretty soon they'll be gone.

53:33

And you'll be like, wait a

53:35

minute. I was keeping this afloat

53:37

the whole time. It was me.

53:39

And so when I isolated, a

53:42

lot of people just sailed away.

53:44

And I opened my eyes and

53:46

was like, who's left? And the

53:48

people that are left are, you

53:50

know, my best friend who I've

53:52

known since like fourth grade. Do

53:55

you know what I'm saying? And

53:57

I love her and I cherish

53:59

her. my boyfriend. You know,

54:01

and I'm just like, wow, this is

54:04

cool. I don't need to pursue anything

54:06

or anyone anymore. I'm full. And I

54:08

think that comes from that isolation. And

54:10

I think it comes from appreciating the

54:13

people that you have. And from like

54:15

a business perspective, when you're friends with

54:17

somebody and you hire them, it's just

54:20

like it gets the power dynamic up

54:22

the relationship. it's up the social structure

54:24

of the relationship and it's something that

54:27

you know I wanted to do when

54:29

I was younger I was like yeah

54:31

puts money in my friend's pockets like

54:33

let's go let's turn up let's see

54:36

the world let's and it was you

54:38

know something I loved but then I

54:40

also realize it's not fair to them

54:43

to be their boss and their friend

54:45

and that will help keep things just

54:47

clean yeah I just want, and like

54:50

I said, simple solutions. I don't want

54:52

no more confusion ever again. I want

54:54

my friends to be my friends and

54:56

I want my employees to be my

54:59

employees. Yeah. This is so real and

55:01

I appreciate how like real you're being

55:03

about it and how direct it is

55:06

because I do think that it's a

55:08

it's glorified to be like we should

55:10

be like a family and everything should

55:13

be really close and I think that's

55:15

like idealized, it's glorified like that's what

55:17

we will talk about it. team should

55:19

not actually operate as families, they should

55:22

operate as teams. Like teams, like a

55:24

sports team. Yes. There's a coach, there's

55:26

players, the way they operate is like

55:29

there's camaraderie, there's collaboration, but there's an

55:31

energy of like, no, we're playing here

55:33

to win. That's the goal of a

55:35

team is to win. The goal of

55:38

a family is to just be safe.

55:40

And wait a minute, but we're at

55:42

work. to win and do stuff we

55:45

have results and targets. Families don't have

55:47

targets. Families don't have results. Families don't

55:49

have goals. The goal of the family

55:52

is just to stay together. And you

55:54

can see how it plays on our

55:56

minds and I've had that too. I

55:58

used to think that teams should be

56:01

family. too and there's a family energy

56:03

and I'm like that's great but it's

56:05

like there's just a different value system

56:08

to a team and a family and

56:10

and I think there's so much to

56:12

be said for this that you only

56:15

learn by going through it yeah you

56:17

don't know this when you start like

56:19

I think about how much I've had

56:21

to learn Moving into this space for

56:24

myself doing this for the last 10

56:26

years. It's like I didn't know I've

56:28

never built a team before and just

56:31

because I'm good at one thing doesn't

56:33

mean I know everything about everything And

56:35

I think there's a lot of pressure

56:38

on artists creators musicians to know about

56:40

everything when your talent is kind of

56:42

like here, right? Yes. It's like your

56:44

talent is music and creation, artistry and

56:47

storytelling. And so you make everything music

56:49

and creation and artistry and you're like,

56:51

oh, this should be a creative space

56:54

and this should be lax. And everyone's

56:56

like, no, man, this is a well-oiled

56:58

machine. If Lizzo is the brand, this

57:01

company, you know what I mean? It's

57:03

like, everybody has their... their role and

57:05

it's just like, know your role and

57:07

stay in your lane. That's something that

57:10

I've learned. I don't know. I'm not

57:12

out of it, man. I'm still learning

57:14

what's coming next, but I'm so grateful

57:17

to God because this experience, and I'm

57:19

not just talking about like the scandal,

57:21

I'm talking about the last like two

57:24

years of my life, the last like,

57:26

like, all

57:28

of this and has prepared me for

57:30

I think something so incredible that I

57:33

needed to be ready for that I

57:35

needed to be this way for you

57:37

know what I mean because I was

57:40

holding on to a lot of toxicity

57:42

I really was because that's just the

57:44

kind of like and I'm not even

57:47

talking about toxicity within myself I mean

57:49

like toxic systems and structures and people

57:51

I held on to them because I

57:54

was just like I'm a tourist, you

57:56

know, I'm very loyal, I'm just like,

57:58

to the wheels fall off. And it's

58:01

like, man, let go and flow. And

58:03

I think that I had to learn

58:05

that guy had tried to show me

58:08

this so many ways. It was like,

58:10

knock me over the head. I was

58:12

like, yeah, but that person was just

58:15

mean, knock me over the head. Yeah,

58:17

but that was just a misunderstanding. Knock

58:19

me over the head. It was like,

58:22

yeah, wake up. Let go. You know,

58:24

when you can't let go, you hold

58:26

on to things that. weigh you down.

58:29

And I'm not even trying to talk

58:31

bad about nobody because I feel like

58:33

people needed to let me go too.

58:36

Honestly, there are some relationships and dynamics

58:38

that I know that like I was

58:40

keeping them back from. greatness. Do you

58:43

know what I mean? Or not even,

58:45

let's say greatness, keeping them back from

58:47

just like living, you know what I

58:50

mean? Living for themselves. And it's not

58:52

my job to think about that. But

58:54

I will say, it's not just a,

58:57

it's not a one-way street. I'm not

58:59

sitting up here being the victim and

59:01

being like, I had to do this

59:04

for me. It's like, no, man, it's

59:06

mutual. There's somebody out there whose story

59:08

is like, yeah, I had to, I

59:11

had to let's a, I had to

59:13

let's a, I had to let's a,

59:15

I had to let's a, And now

59:18

I'm flowing and things are coming to

59:20

me that are meant for me. You

59:22

know, I'm not just holding on to

59:25

this situation that's starting to whoop my

59:27

ass. You know, I'm aware of that.

59:29

Yeah. So it sounds like this was

59:32

the headspace from which the music was

59:34

created. Absolutely. All of this. Yeah. I

59:36

was so angry. I was so angry

59:39

from like October to January. I just

59:41

have a lot of angry songs. And

59:43

I was like, get it out. Talk

59:46

yo shit. I had some songs that

59:48

were very like were very like. that

59:50

are very dark, you know, and I

59:53

left them on the album because I

59:55

was like, I just think that people

59:57

deserve to know. And like, it's songs

1:00:00

about loss, like I lost my dog,

1:00:02

Puka, 20 years, you know, she was

1:00:04

like a grandma to me, you know,

1:00:07

and that was really hard. I wrote

1:00:09

a song for her and I have

1:00:11

like songs about like, just friendships that

1:00:14

ended that really hurt me. And I

1:00:16

was like, leave it. You know, I

1:00:18

had... this one song I wrote in

1:00:20

like I hadn't slept in like 48

1:00:23

hours and it was like during one

1:00:25

of the worst like mental breakdowns I've

1:00:27

ever had in my life like I

1:00:30

had the studio scheduled the next day

1:00:32

and I hadn't slept and I was

1:00:34

like tear-stained face and like musty clothes

1:00:37

I was like I'm gonna go to

1:00:39

the studio I'm gonna go and I

1:00:41

went and I wrote this incredible song

1:00:44

and I'm like leave it Leave it.

1:00:46

You know you you owe yourself that

1:00:48

you don't always have to write perfect

1:00:51

polished pop hits You can have songs

1:00:53

about your real experience that you didn't

1:00:55

go in and edit on this album

1:00:58

But then I wrote love in real

1:01:00

life in like February and I was

1:01:02

like huh I was like this feels

1:01:05

good. This feels familiar and I started

1:01:07

to realize my purpose my purpose like

1:01:09

I said turn this pain in the

1:01:12

champagne and help other people through it.

1:01:14

I can't just sit and be sad

1:01:16

for 12, 15 songs. I gotta give

1:01:19

people something to step to, something to

1:01:21

march to, something to perk themselves back

1:01:23

up. I didn't do it because I

1:01:26

forced myself to. I did it because

1:01:28

that was just the place I was

1:01:30

at now. I had written so many

1:01:33

sad songs, so many wrong songs that

1:01:35

like I could finally focus on. what's

1:01:37

right and what feeds my soul. And

1:01:40

so some of those songs made it

1:01:42

onto the album, some of them didn't,

1:01:44

some of them were just... A lot

1:01:47

of them didn't. A lot of them,

1:01:49

I'm like, oh, oh, like you'll never

1:01:51

hear this one. Never hear the light

1:01:54

of day. But you still had to

1:01:56

make it to let go of that

1:01:58

emotion, that feeling. There was a part

1:02:01

of it that allowed you to shed

1:02:03

certain things you were carrying. And that's

1:02:05

one thing I will tell any artist.

1:02:08

I will tell any artist. It's going

1:02:10

to go on the radio tomorrow. It's

1:02:12

not going to be on DSPs at

1:02:15

midnight. Write the song, say the lyric,

1:02:17

say the weird thing, people desperately want

1:02:19

to hear the weird thing, and then

1:02:22

write another song. And if you, you

1:02:24

know what I'm saying? Like, that's part

1:02:26

of the, hmm, how do I describe

1:02:29

this? I always say, like, there's some

1:02:31

sort of stream of creation going always,

1:02:33

and ideas like are coming out like

1:02:36

fish. It's so wild. And so you're

1:02:38

always kind of like, when you sit

1:02:40

down and cast your net to create,

1:02:43

whether it's painting, whether it's music. Whatever

1:02:45

dance you cast that line and whatever

1:02:47

that fish is you catch that fish

1:02:50

you pull it out And that's it

1:02:52

you got to pull the fish out

1:02:54

you can't be like I caught the

1:02:57

fish, but I can't say that, or

1:02:59

I caught the fish, but I don't

1:03:01

like this genre of music. I can't

1:03:04

make a classical twerk song. Yes, you

1:03:06

can. Make the classical twerk song, pull

1:03:08

the fish out, and go fishing again.

1:03:11

Cast your line again. You know what

1:03:13

I'm saying? What do they say? It's

1:03:15

full of flitty fish in the sea.

1:03:18

I love what you said about how

1:03:20

creativity is a stream, and that's what

1:03:22

the word stream is actually so beautiful,

1:03:25

because you're right that. We're all pulling

1:03:27

from the universe of moments of creativity

1:03:29

and mixed with our experience. It's almost

1:03:32

like one layer is the stream of

1:03:34

creativity in the universe and the other

1:03:36

is the experience of real life of

1:03:39

what we're going through and great art

1:03:41

is made when those two things are

1:03:43

moving in parallel. And you're able to

1:03:46

like connect the dots between the two.

1:03:48

And it seems like that's what you've

1:03:50

been trying to stream and channel and

1:03:53

put it together. How is your view

1:03:55

on love changed? through this process, like

1:03:57

when you look at the word love

1:04:00

now. I'm such a better lover now.

1:04:02

I worked really hard and I can't

1:04:04

remember, it was like 2017, I was

1:04:07

really deep in it and I had

1:04:09

like candles and I was reading books

1:04:11

and I was trying to understand what

1:04:14

it means to be an unconditional lover

1:04:16

because love with conditions hurt really bad.

1:04:18

Really bad and I was like, please

1:04:21

I want to learn how to be

1:04:23

in unconditional love. And I think that

1:04:25

is why. it's hard to try to

1:04:28

be an unconditional lover because it's not

1:04:30

something that you can actively do, you

1:04:32

just are. But when you tap back

1:04:35

into your flesh, that's when the conditions

1:04:37

come right back in. And I found

1:04:39

that when I choose to love and

1:04:42

flow, that is the most unconditional part.

1:04:44

When I love on a material level,

1:04:46

That's when the conditions start to come

1:04:49

in and it gets painful and it

1:04:51

gets petty and it gets weird. But

1:04:53

every time I forget because we're going

1:04:56

to forget we are human beings, we

1:04:58

step back into the flesh every morning

1:05:00

when we wake up. I have to

1:05:03

go back to the flow and I

1:05:05

remind myself, I'm like, well, how would

1:05:07

you feel if they did that to

1:05:10

you? You know, what would you think?

1:05:12

And I go, oh. And I empathize

1:05:14

and I understand and it's so much

1:05:17

easier for me now to accept because

1:05:19

I think love is acceptance You know

1:05:21

what I mean? Like I like my

1:05:24

one of my favorite phrases to tell

1:05:26

myself and others just like I love

1:05:28

and accept you for who you are

1:05:31

I love and accept you for who

1:05:33

you are I love and accept you

1:05:35

for who you are and sometimes when

1:05:38

people piss me off I go I

1:05:40

love and accept them for where they

1:05:42

are I have to remind myself that

1:05:45

I do on a very sole level

1:05:47

on a up my day or why

1:05:49

would you say that to me or

1:05:52

why why would you do this to

1:05:54

me it starts to get real conditional

1:05:56

and painful and drama and mess I

1:05:59

don't want no drama and I don't

1:06:01

want no mess I really don't anymore

1:06:03

and honestly I was addicted to it

1:06:06

for a long time. Oh my God,

1:06:08

I love reality TV. I loved hearing

1:06:10

gossip about other, I would be like,

1:06:13

oh my God, so what's the T?

1:06:15

What happened? What happened? Oh my God,

1:06:17

like, I was very spunky, you know

1:06:20

what I mean? And I realized, oh,

1:06:22

that's like, you know, I see something

1:06:24

online. I'm like, but what happened? I

1:06:27

know that drama. And it's like, girl,

1:06:29

that is. Lowering your vibration and like

1:06:31

I hate to even say lowering vibration

1:06:34

because people don't think it's woo-w. It's

1:06:36

like I'm literally Lowering my waking state

1:06:38

by doing that you're lowering yourself and

1:06:41

then you start to attract drama. Oh

1:06:43

my god when you in jet when

1:06:45

you you are what you eat drama

1:06:48

you attract mother drama I was so

1:06:50

addicted to it and I think like

1:06:52

now I'm a better lover and what

1:06:55

I understand about love is love is

1:06:57

like There's no drama. It's like calm

1:06:59

water. It's like peaceful water because love

1:07:02

is a flow state. You're at your

1:07:04

best. You love it your best when

1:07:06

you're just flowing. Don't try to understand

1:07:09

it. Don't try to make it make

1:07:11

sense and don't try to like find

1:07:13

problems with it. Just like love them.

1:07:16

You know, and be loved. Something

1:07:18

unexpected happened after Jeremy Scott confessed to

1:07:20

killing Michelle Schofield in Bone Valley season

1:07:22

one. I just knew him as a

1:07:25

kid. Long silent voices from his past

1:07:27

came forward. And he was just staring

1:07:29

at me. And they had secrets of

1:07:31

their own to share. Gilbert King? I'm

1:07:33

the son of Jeremy Lynn Scott. I

1:07:35

was no longer just telling the story.

1:07:37

I was part of it. Every time

1:07:39

I hear about my dad, oh he's

1:07:41

a killer, he's just straight evil. I

1:07:43

was becoming the bridge between a killer

1:07:45

and the son he'd never known. If

1:07:47

the cops and everything would have done

1:07:49

their job properly, my dad would have...

1:07:51

I've been in jail, I would have

1:07:53

never existed. I never expected to find

1:07:55

myself in this place. Now, I need

1:07:57

to tell you how I got here.

1:07:59

At the end of the day, I'm

1:08:01

literally a son of a killer. Bone

1:08:03

Valley, season two. Jeremy. I want to

1:08:05

tell you something. Listen to new episodes

1:08:07

of Bone Valley, season two, starting April

1:08:10

9th on the iHeart Radio app, Apple

1:08:12

Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

1:08:14

And to hear the entire new season,

1:08:16

add free with exclusive content starting April

1:08:18

9th, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus

1:08:20

on Apple Podcasts. Yeah, I love that

1:08:22

flesh to flow. That's really good, because

1:08:24

it's so good. I love what you're

1:08:26

saying, because I think about this often,

1:08:28

where we're all like, be kinder to

1:08:30

everyone. And then the next thing you

1:08:32

need is someone's comment section, which is

1:08:34

like... Why does our voice sound like

1:08:36

that? What's up with our hair today?

1:08:38

Like what's up with his, you know,

1:08:40

and I'm like, wait a minute, didn't

1:08:42

we all just say we needed to

1:08:44

be kind to us, each other and

1:08:46

kind to ourselves? I won't be like,

1:08:48

oh no, mental health is the most

1:08:50

important thing in society right now. You

1:08:53

look at a common section, all of

1:08:55

a sudden, someone's mental health is the

1:08:57

most important thing in society right now.

1:08:59

You look at a common section, like

1:09:01

that you see this complete. quarrel and

1:09:03

hypocrisy of constant like just everything we're

1:09:05

saying we're finding it hard to live

1:09:07

like it's hard to see in real

1:09:09

life like like what you just said

1:09:11

like we all love reading about gossip

1:09:13

about someone else is life someone else

1:09:15

is dating scenario but then if your

1:09:17

friends are gossiping about your life you're

1:09:19

like can you believe it they're spreading

1:09:21

rumors about me and it's so interesting

1:09:23

right it's like it's and I think

1:09:25

about it all the time because as

1:09:27

soon as you think you're free of

1:09:29

it if you're free of it like

1:09:31

And he's just got to take a

1:09:33

beat and take a look at how

1:09:35

you spoke about someone yesterday. And so

1:09:38

we're constantly, like you said, we're all

1:09:40

human. We're constantly trying to propagate and

1:09:42

preach the right thing to do. But

1:09:44

we're all struggling in reality with actually

1:09:46

doing it when it's hard. We are

1:09:48

as kind to others as we are

1:09:50

to ourselves. I'm learning that. I'm learning

1:09:52

the people who say the meanest things

1:09:54

to me and about me are going

1:09:56

through it. They struggling too. How are

1:09:58

you going to be? How are you

1:10:00

going to be nice to me and

1:10:02

say something nice about me when you

1:10:04

talk down about yourself? And I don't

1:10:06

even mean like people who have low

1:10:08

self-esteem. I'm talking like, oh stupid, why

1:10:10

did I do that? I'm so stupid.

1:10:12

Or like, oh, I look bad. Like

1:10:14

I don't like how I look like,

1:10:16

oh, I hate myself. Like, it's little

1:10:18

things like that you say over and

1:10:20

over and over and over and over

1:10:23

and over and over and your body's

1:10:25

like bet. I bet. You know. I

1:10:27

bet. You know. I bet. You know.

1:10:29

You know. You know. You know. You

1:10:31

know. You know. I bet. I bet.

1:10:33

I bet. I bet. I bet. You

1:10:35

know. You know. I bet. You know.

1:10:37

I bet. You know. You know. I

1:10:39

bet. You know. You know. I bet.

1:10:41

You know. You know. You know. You

1:10:43

know. You know. You know. I bet.

1:10:45

the world because you it's because it

1:10:47

starts with you self-love could make this

1:10:49

world a better loving place because when

1:10:51

you're kind you notice the people who

1:10:53

are kind of themselves and and love

1:10:55

themselves they're they just you're like oh

1:10:57

I like being around you're so kind

1:10:59

you're so kind you're so nice like

1:11:01

you're so nice like you're so nice

1:11:03

to me it's like was because I'm

1:11:06

nice to me yeah you know what

1:11:08

I mean but when I'm hard on

1:11:10

myself and when I'm striving for perfection

1:11:12

and when I'm beating myself up I

1:11:14

can't control how I treat other people

1:11:17

or how I look at other people

1:11:19

or what I think about other people.

1:11:21

When I was in, when I'm in

1:11:23

the trenches... The trenches are surrounding me.

1:11:25

Now that I'm kinder to myself, and

1:11:28

that doesn't even mean like, oh, I

1:11:30

put on lotion every day and self-care,

1:11:32

I mean like, man, like the way

1:11:34

I look at the world, the way

1:11:36

I view the world, the way I

1:11:38

view myself through the lens of the

1:11:41

world is kinder. You know what I'm

1:11:43

saying? And I think if everyone was

1:11:45

a little kinder to themselves, I think

1:11:47

we'd have less and less of the

1:11:49

negativity in the world. I agree. I

1:11:52

think that's a beautiful way to put

1:11:54

it. It's that projection of our own

1:11:56

insecurity and pain and the conversation that's

1:11:58

happening in our mind is going outward

1:12:00

as well. And I feel like it's

1:12:03

harder like we were talking about earlier

1:12:05

when you... mean something to people because

1:12:07

I feel like when you then change

1:12:09

people feel like they're losing a friend

1:12:11

right it's like when you transform then

1:12:14

people feel like oh but you used

1:12:16

to be the girl that what's the

1:12:18

reality TV and talked about it now

1:12:20

you don't yeah I'm losing you I'm

1:12:22

losing you oh you used to be

1:12:24

the person who who didn't do that

1:12:27

and didn't do that now you are

1:12:29

like I feel like I feel like

1:12:31

I'm losing that way before like as

1:12:33

you're transforming as you're becoming the person

1:12:35

you want to be that people can

1:12:38

often also feel like You're leaving them

1:12:40

behind. People feel like they're grieving a

1:12:42

friend. Yes. Yes. I would say, we

1:12:44

could talk about my personal life because

1:12:46

on a personal level, I do feel

1:12:49

like there's just people who like, our

1:12:51

relationship just grew apart because we just

1:12:53

don't even relate on the same things

1:12:55

anymore. You know, I know a lot

1:12:57

of people be like, oh, I grew

1:13:00

out of that. It's like, it's not

1:13:02

really you grew out of it. You

1:13:04

just grew apart from it. And that's

1:13:06

fine. relationship. I'm very careful about what's

1:13:08

happening with me right now. Like I

1:13:10

have been on an intentional weight release

1:13:13

journey and I put it on the

1:13:15

internet. I posted about it like maybe

1:13:17

a year and a half ago and

1:13:19

I was like very clear that this

1:13:21

time it's intentional. I've always been very

1:13:24

like work athletic online, I work out,

1:13:26

you know, I'm always like, you know,

1:13:28

eating and showing how I eat and

1:13:30

like always trying to like eat healthy.

1:13:32

And I remember once I started becoming

1:13:35

famous, like 2018, 2019, and I was

1:13:37

like a big girl and I was

1:13:39

like, it's gonna be on me to

1:13:41

show the world that big girls can

1:13:43

also be healthy. Big girls can also

1:13:45

have stamina. Big girls can also be

1:13:48

loved. Big girls can also be sexy.

1:13:50

Can also be sexy. You know stood

1:13:52

for and I told people that I

1:13:54

was going on an intentional weight release

1:13:56

journey because I wanted to be transparent

1:13:59

in that way because I do feel

1:14:01

like I I have a relationship with

1:14:03

the public where it's like, I am

1:14:05

their friend and it is relatable. You

1:14:07

know what I mean? It is relatable

1:14:10

to struggle with your body. So I

1:14:12

put it out there. And I think

1:14:14

over the last two, over the last

1:14:16

like year and a half, as I've

1:14:18

been doing it, my body has been

1:14:21

changing very slowly. But I don't think

1:14:23

people were paying attention. I would show

1:14:25

different things like, oh, I showed my

1:14:27

workouts or I'd show like what I

1:14:29

eat in a day. trends don't have

1:14:31

to be toxic. Please be careful when

1:14:34

you're posting about your January fitness goals

1:14:36

because it can be very fat phobic.

1:14:38

Like I was still very like anti-fat

1:14:40

phobia on this entire journey, but I

1:14:42

think that, you know, we gotta remember.

1:14:45

Everybody not seeing your shit all the

1:14:47

time. Everybody not seeing every video you

1:14:49

post. Everybody's not privy to what you're

1:14:51

going through. They're not with you every

1:14:53

day. So when I pop out on

1:14:56

a red carpet or when a video

1:14:58

suddenly goes viral and my body's different,

1:15:00

it appears like it was overnight. It

1:15:02

appears sudden. And I think that was

1:15:04

shocking to a lot of people because

1:15:07

now the headline is Lizzo Skinny, which

1:15:09

is... a far cry from the truth

1:15:11

because I'm not. I'm not. And even

1:15:13

in my original video, I was like,

1:15:15

when I reached my weight release goal,

1:15:17

I'm not going to be considered thin

1:15:20

by any means, by any metric, by

1:15:22

any BMI, I will still get trolled

1:15:24

and talked about and the fat jokes

1:15:26

will still be there, but I'll be

1:15:28

happy. And I said that because I

1:15:31

meant it. And here I am. And

1:15:33

I was like, how are y'all about...

1:15:35

The disconnect, but I think the disconnect

1:15:37

is communication. Yeah, yeah, that's such a

1:15:39

good point. I've been so transparent. So

1:15:42

if anyone wanted to look at my

1:15:44

paper trail, it's there. But I also

1:15:46

know that they're not going to in

1:15:48

my responsibility as someone who has this

1:15:50

relationship with the public and they have

1:15:52

it with me is to continue. I'm

1:15:55

not gonna stop and get defensive and

1:15:57

be like, I'm not gonna stop. Why

1:15:59

are y'all saying that? You know, and

1:16:01

that kind of baffled me because it's

1:16:03

just like, if y'all knew how much

1:16:06

I weighed, if y'all knew what my

1:16:08

body really looked like, and I was

1:16:10

like, oh, just show them what your

1:16:12

body looks like. Just be real about

1:16:14

it. Just be real about the body

1:16:17

dysmorphia that you're experiencing, you know, now

1:16:19

that you have released some weight that's

1:16:21

kind of new to you, like, you

1:16:23

know, that is also like, like, like,

1:16:25

it's strangely, strangely inverse, like, like, like,

1:16:28

like, just show them your journey, your

1:16:30

journey, your journey more, your journey more.

1:16:32

just continue to do it instead of

1:16:34

being angry and defensive about it. Be

1:16:36

real about it because that's what your

1:16:38

friend loves about you and that's what

1:16:41

you love about your friend that you

1:16:43

can be real. You know I'm still

1:16:45

in it because this is all very

1:16:47

new like I think it's now just

1:16:49

starting to be like a point of

1:16:52

conversation and discourse and I think my

1:16:54

responsibility with that is to make sure

1:16:56

that it's still it's still me. That's

1:16:58

beautiful the way you experienced that I

1:17:00

love First of all, I really appreciate

1:17:03

the empathy that you have in the

1:17:05

fact that everyone's not seeing everything. So

1:17:07

it feels like overnight, it feels like

1:17:09

a shock, and the fact that you

1:17:11

even have the foresight to even think

1:17:14

through that shows just how aware you

1:17:16

are, but at the same time, I

1:17:18

really appreciate how you're using the word

1:17:20

weight release and not loss. And talk

1:17:22

to us about that, because I think

1:17:24

that's really important. It's such an important

1:17:27

reframe. Because the weight that is no

1:17:29

longer on me is not just... fat

1:17:31

or physical. I released so much to

1:17:33

get to this point and I think

1:17:35

people can see that and I don't

1:17:38

want to describe anything as loss. You

1:17:40

know, I don't want to, I'm not,

1:17:42

I'm not experiencing any loss. I've actually

1:17:44

gained so much. I've gained like... a

1:17:46

lifestyle that I actually really love and

1:17:49

I'm like, I can maintain this, you

1:17:51

know, I've gained new perspectives on like

1:17:53

nutrition and and the science behind cardio

1:17:55

or weightlifting. Like it's exciting to me.

1:17:57

That's that Virgo moon. I'm like, oh,

1:18:00

this is interesting. I love science. But

1:18:02

yeah, I just think that like, people

1:18:04

aren't going to understand this right now,

1:18:06

but it's the most body positive way

1:18:08

to experience what I'm going through. I

1:18:10

don't want to use any negative terms.

1:18:13

Weight loss is like, girl, I lost

1:18:15

weight. And it's so funny because my

1:18:17

man, he's so funny. He's so funny.

1:18:19

Like he was the one who kind

1:18:21

of like brought into my attention at

1:18:24

first. I was like, because I was

1:18:26

like, oh my gosh, I lost five

1:18:28

pounds. He was like, where did it.

1:18:30

Where did it. Where did it. I

1:18:32

was like, what? And I was mad

1:18:35

at him. I was like, why don't

1:18:37

he say that? But he's like, where

1:18:39

did it go? You know, I was

1:18:41

like, oh, interesting. You know, it's like,

1:18:43

I don't think I want to lose

1:18:45

anything. I think I want to win.

1:18:48

I think I want to gain. And

1:18:50

I think that like, I want to

1:18:52

be very intentional with the words that

1:18:54

come out of my mouth because there's

1:18:56

young people who are watching me, who

1:18:59

are watching me, and they're applying it

1:19:01

to their own experience and their own

1:19:03

life, just like I did when I

1:19:05

was a kid. You know, I saw

1:19:07

how the media treated people who gained

1:19:10

and lost weight and how that affected

1:19:12

my brain chemistry and how it made

1:19:14

me, I'm still not perfect, like, you

1:19:16

know, I'll still mess up when I'm

1:19:18

talking about things or I'll still. I

1:19:21

have some toxic, you know, diet culture

1:19:23

things that come in my brain. I

1:19:25

just swatted away like a fly. I'm

1:19:27

like, no, no, no, we're not doing

1:19:29

that. You know what I mean? Like,

1:19:31

this is your body. You only get

1:19:34

one of these. Enjoy her and let

1:19:36

her enjoy you. So I just want

1:19:38

to be very careful. with my words

1:19:40

and intentional. And it's not for me.

1:19:42

Because if this was all for me,

1:19:45

you know, I take this being a

1:19:47

public figure very by heart, but if

1:19:49

we was sitting alone and we was

1:19:51

drinking tequila, I'd be like, well, but

1:19:53

it's like, no, like, be careful with

1:19:56

your words because it could affect somebody

1:19:58

in ways you don't even know. Even

1:20:00

me releasing the weight has affected people.

1:20:02

And I take that seriously. I take

1:20:04

that responsibility. And so because of that,

1:20:07

I want to transmute it into transmute

1:20:09

it into something that makes those people

1:20:11

feel comfortable feel comfortable. you know, and

1:20:13

feel like, okay, less, less afraid of

1:20:15

it. You know what I mean? And

1:20:17

understand it more. Lizzo, it has been

1:20:20

an absolute joy talking to you today.

1:20:22

You are like, you're easy to talk

1:20:24

to, you're so much fun. I can

1:20:26

tell that you've sat with everything you're

1:20:28

saying for so long. Yeah. When I'm

1:20:31

listening to you, I can hear the

1:20:33

reflection in your voice, I can hear

1:20:35

the like, the weight in what you're

1:20:37

saying for yourself and for others, and

1:20:39

for others, and I really respect that

1:20:42

because... That's actually the hardest part. The

1:20:44

hardest part is sitting in no man's

1:20:46

land or no person's land and just

1:20:48

figuring it out. And I can tell

1:20:50

that you've spent so much time there

1:20:52

reflecting, doing the inner work, pushing, healing,

1:20:55

questioning, taking responsibility, doing the shadow. Like

1:20:57

that's hard and I just want to

1:20:59

acknowledge that because I see you for

1:21:01

that, I feel it in your words,

1:21:03

I hear it's very evident to me

1:21:06

that you're someone who's really... working on

1:21:08

that. And that is the hardest work

1:21:10

on the planet to do on an

1:21:12

individual level. Like, don't nobody want to

1:21:14

sit around thinking about how they fucked

1:21:17

up? You know, because then you'll just

1:21:19

beat yourself up. But I did it

1:21:21

anyways. And I was like, I'm going

1:21:23

to beat myself up until I end

1:21:25

up becoming the best version of myself.

1:21:28

And it was really hard. And I

1:21:30

only share it because I know that

1:21:32

someone else might be going through it.

1:21:34

Like go through it. Don't try to

1:21:36

like stop the journey You know you

1:21:38

do have to sit and reflect you

1:21:41

do have a you are you are

1:21:43

the only person in control of you

1:21:45

You know what I mean, and you

1:21:47

have to take responsibility for that and

1:21:49

I think that like it feels good

1:21:52

Because then no one else can control

1:21:54

your story. No one else can control

1:21:56

your joy. I am the author of

1:21:58

my story I love it. We end

1:22:00

every episode with the final five. These

1:22:03

questions have to be answered in one

1:22:05

word to one sentence maximum each. So,

1:22:07

Liz, these are your final five. I'm

1:22:09

very bad at this by the way.

1:22:11

Okay. The first question is, what is

1:22:14

the best advice you've ever heard or

1:22:16

received? No, who you are and whose

1:22:18

you are. Ooh, I love that. I've

1:22:20

never heard that before. That's beautiful. All

1:22:22

right. Question number two, what is the

1:22:24

worst advice you've ever heard or received?

1:22:27

You bitch crash out. You

1:22:29

said it to yourself? Oh, yeah. That's

1:22:31

funny. That's funny. Question number three. This

1:22:33

new music, this new album, what is

1:22:35

this chapter of your life called? Freedom.

1:22:38

I feel very free. And that's what

1:22:40

people feel when they listen to love

1:22:42

and real life. I sure hope so,

1:22:44

because that's what I put in it.

1:22:46

That's beautiful. Question number four, what's the

1:22:49

first thing you do every morning and

1:22:51

the last thing you do every night?

1:22:53

Wow. The first thing I do every

1:22:55

morning when I open my eyes is

1:22:57

I have a wave of gratitude. It's

1:22:59

happened every morning since January 2020. I

1:23:02

woke up and I had a wave

1:23:04

of gratitude that almost brings me to

1:23:06

tears. I've never cried for like all

1:23:08

of my life and then in 2020

1:23:10

I just start crying all the time.

1:23:13

And then the last thing I do,

1:23:15

I think this is gonna sound like

1:23:17

I'm lying. I'm so corny, but I...

1:23:19

And it's only because I have anxiety.

1:23:21

I think about every person. I think

1:23:23

about my family. I think about the

1:23:26

family members who aren't here. Think about

1:23:28

my dog Puka, my dad, and I

1:23:30

send. So corny, I know this doesn't

1:23:32

sound real. It sounds like I'm only

1:23:34

saying this because I talk to you,

1:23:37

but I literally, I send like. There's

1:23:39

like these weird color points that come

1:23:41

out of me in my mind and

1:23:43

I and they always go to a

1:23:45

different person every time. It's like a

1:23:48

different color to a different person and

1:23:50

I think about them like I sent

1:23:52

green to my brother and I sent

1:23:54

like orange to my sister and I

1:23:56

sent to my man and I sent

1:23:58

violet and white to my father and

1:24:01

I sent blue to my mother and

1:24:03

it was just it was so strange

1:24:05

but I think about them and I

1:24:07

say oh my gosh I just pray

1:24:09

over them real quick I'm like I

1:24:12

actually don't even pray that they're okay

1:24:14

I thank God they're okay I know

1:24:16

you said one word but I go

1:24:18

thank you this a beautiful one I'm

1:24:20

like thank you for making sure that

1:24:23

my family and all my loved ones

1:24:25

are safe and healthy I swear because

1:24:27

I have to It's the only way

1:24:29

I can go to sleep. That's beautiful.

1:24:31

I believe you, I believe, that was

1:24:33

very in depth. Yeah, it was very

1:24:36

too sensitive to make it up as

1:24:38

far. That was amazing. Fifth and final

1:24:40

question, we asked this to every guest

1:24:42

who's ever been on the show. The

1:24:44

question is, if you could create one

1:24:47

law that everyone in the world had

1:24:49

to follow, what would it be? I

1:24:51

forget the name of the law. But

1:24:53

it's if you, like, think about the

1:24:55

world and you're not in it yet

1:24:57

and you don't know how you're going

1:25:00

to be born. You don't know, you

1:25:02

know, what color you're going to be

1:25:04

born, what country you're going to be

1:25:06

born in. You don't, it's a lottery.

1:25:08

How would you design that world not

1:25:11

knowing how you would be born in

1:25:13

it so that everybody can live happily?

1:25:15

And that's how you move through the

1:25:17

world. That is so good. I love

1:25:19

that. That is amazing. We never had

1:25:22

that answer. Design this world, build this

1:25:24

world, live in this world as if

1:25:26

you don't know what privileges you'll be

1:25:28

owed, you don't know how you are

1:25:30

going to come into it, what cultures

1:25:32

you're going to be a part of,

1:25:35

so that everyone can benefit and everyone

1:25:37

can live happily and freely. How would

1:25:39

you design it? I love that is

1:25:41

amazing. We never had that answer. That

1:25:43

is a brilliant, brilliant. And the T

1:25:46

is, it's the way God designed it,

1:25:48

but you know, we came in here,

1:25:50

we added our biases. We put our

1:25:52

biases up in this bitch. Listen, you

1:25:54

are so much fun. You are so...

1:25:56

That's a bright spark and such a

1:25:59

brilliant soul. Like, honestly, your energy is

1:26:01

infectious. And I want to thank you

1:26:03

for trusting me, which is being so

1:26:05

open, so vulnerable, so thoughtful and everything

1:26:07

you shared. And I know that anyone

1:26:10

who listens to this episode is going

1:26:12

to feel inspired in their own personal

1:26:14

journey. I hopefully feel a lot more

1:26:16

closer to you, and I can't wait

1:26:18

for them to listen to this new

1:26:21

album. I cannot wait. And love in

1:26:23

real life. I hope everyone goes, goes,

1:26:25

listens. And still bad is already my

1:26:27

favorite. Thank you. Genuine grateful to us

1:26:29

on this time with you. Thank you

1:26:31

so much. I really appreciate you. Thank

1:26:34

you for the platform. I don't take

1:26:36

any of this for granted, so thank

1:26:38

you. If you love this episode, you'll

1:26:40

really enjoy my episode with Selina Gomez

1:26:42

on befriending your inner critic and how

1:26:45

to speak to yourself with more compassion.

1:26:47

My fears are only going to continue

1:26:49

to show me what I'm capable of.

1:26:51

The more that I face my fears,

1:26:53

the more that I feel I'm gaining

1:26:56

I'm gaining strength. gaining wisdom and I

1:26:58

just want to keep doing that. Lanny

1:27:00

went to college and racked up huge

1:27:02

debt. A little bit over $100,000. For

1:27:04

a degree he couldn't use? Now what?

1:27:06

I had a friend that went to

1:27:09

my computer career. They even helped him

1:27:11

get hired immediately after graduation. One of

1:27:13

the things I love about idea is

1:27:15

that you can work from anywhere you

1:27:17

want. You could become an...