0:00

At Sierra, I discovered top workout

0:02

gear at incredible prices, which might

0:04

lead to another discovery. Your headphones

0:06

haven't been connected this whole time. Awkward.

0:10

Discover top brands at unexpectedly

0:12

low prices. Sierra, let's get

0:14

moving. Since you're

0:16

new to H&R Block, we'll look at your

0:18

returns from the last three years for any

0:20

money your last guy might have missed, for

0:23

free. I could get money back from last

0:25

year. You could? We'll find any mistakes.

0:27

Could have really used that two years

0:29

ago when I dated that mistake for

0:31

five months. Don't leave money on the

0:33

table. Switch to H&R Block and get

0:35

a free second look review. Second look

0:37

is included at no additional cost with

0:39

the purchase of tax preparation. Results results

0:41

vary of tax preparation. Allie

0:57

Eisman, this is one of my

0:59

favorite subjects, actually. Yeah. And

1:01

not because I have a deep

1:03

interest in it, but I

1:05

do think that opening up relationships

1:07

has become this thing that

1:09

people have gotten permission to do

1:11

because of this sort of

1:14

evolution in our sexuality as

1:16

a community. And

1:18

I don't think there's a lot of

1:20

rules or care sometimes that go

1:22

about when it comes. So

1:25

your position, the way

1:27

you've positioned yourself

1:29

as a coach, you

1:31

were so educated and so well talked

1:33

about this. And

1:36

the conversation you had with

1:38

Laura, this is the Thursday, Scott

1:40

talks. And if you guys want to

1:42

go back and hear this whole

1:44

conversation with Laura and Allie talking about

1:46

your journey to opening your own

1:48

relationships or your idea of relationships, and

1:50

please feel free to correct me because well,

1:53

a lot of this terminology is really new

1:55

to me. And I think a lot of

1:57

people, I think for a lot of people

1:59

that should almost have a sheet that I can

2:01

refer to as you have

2:03

the conversation, you know,

2:06

open, non-consensual, open relationship,

2:08

monogamous, non-monogamous, like there's

2:11

just sometimes things that

2:13

get in the way of

2:15

people getting the message that there's

2:17

an evolution in the way we

2:19

look at relationships and You know,

2:21

maybe we could just start the

2:24

conversation by, like I was thinking

2:26

about somebody maybe who grew up

2:28

in the middle of the country,

2:30

who had a very normalized view

2:32

of what a one-on-one, you know,

2:34

I always like to say one

2:36

man, one woman kind of thing,

2:39

but they find themselves wondering like

2:41

not feeling authentic in that

2:43

casting of who they are. Like, you know,

2:45

I know education might be the best way

2:47

to start. understanding this

2:49

whole thing, but as someone who

2:52

lives in this bubble of progressiveness

2:54

in California, what would you say

2:56

to sort of start the conversation

2:59

with someone about like not challenging

3:01

the where they come from in their

3:03

belief stance, but opening them up

3:06

to the idea that there's nothing

3:08

wrong with them that maybe

3:10

relationships have short kind of definitions that

3:12

are broader than they think. Do you

3:14

know where I'm going with this? Because

3:16

I think so. I'm generally not approaching

3:18

people about this because I'm not

3:20

going to sit on a box

3:22

and say this relationship model is

3:25

better than that relationship model. I'm

3:27

here to have people understand everything

3:29

that's actually available so they can

3:31

choose what's authentic for them. Sure.

3:33

Thank you. A lot of people

3:35

come to me from exactly what

3:37

you're describing. Most of my clients

3:39

are coming from Midwest. either these

3:41

quote traditional backgrounds and and they're

3:43

just they know there's something off

3:45

and they just don't have the language

3:47

or the understanding or you know they've heard

3:49

this term and they're just not sure they

3:51

want to figure it out or they're having

3:53

trouble communicating you know with their spouse

3:55

about it and they don't want to

3:57

lose that relationship because it's not about

4:00

that relationship not being enough for

4:02

something like that. It's, yeah, step

4:04

one, you're normal. You're actually surrounded

4:06

by a lot of people like

4:09

you that are just not out.

4:11

Like if this is, you'd be

4:13

hard pressed to find an area

4:15

for sure in this country, but

4:18

I would I would wager most

4:20

of the world where multi-partner dynamics

4:22

are not taking place. It's just

4:25

a matter of how publicly and

4:27

how again consensual. Well, and I

4:29

think one of the terms you

4:31

use that I've been I hear

4:34

in the world these days is

4:36

sex positive, right? Like taking this

4:38

sort of idea that anything outside

4:40

of the line of one man,

4:43

one woman kind of idea, one

4:45

on one relationships will say is

4:47

bad is a negative connotation. So

4:50

to me that feels like a

4:52

really great place to start to

4:54

be like you know you're not

4:56

you're not broken you're you're a

4:59

lot more normal and I'm not

5:01

a big fan of the word

5:03

normal either but you're a lot

5:05

more normal than you think you

5:08

are yeah or should say bad

5:10

news you're average yeah which is

5:12

actually my favorite definition of normal

5:15

is average to the population right

5:17

so it's an ever-changing definition. So

5:19

I also like to just really

5:21

quick like flip language a little

5:24

bit because it's important to acknowledge.

5:26

I understand what people mean when

5:28

they say traditional relationships what they're

5:30

referring to is you know generally

5:33

religious oriented you know one-on-one partnership.

5:35

Traditional human relationships are multi-partner dynamics.

5:37

Monogamy is only about Monogamy is

5:40

like a cultural system. It is

5:42

only about 5,000, 10,000 years old.

5:44

Came in and around the time

5:46

agriculture came in, had much more

5:49

to do with land ownership, division

5:51

of labor, things like that, than

5:53

love. Love as a part of

5:55

marriage and union is very recent.

5:58

And then the church, specifically the

6:00

church, I don't want to say

6:02

like religion, the church as an

6:05

organization, kind of took that attached

6:07

morality to it and we kind

6:09

of get what we have now,

6:11

which is a lot of shame, a lot

6:14

of unnecessary shame, and a lot of people

6:16

who don't want to hurt the people they

6:18

care about and mess themselves. That makes

6:20

so much sense. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

6:22

even that whole journey without, you know,

6:25

trying to. vilify something makes logical sense

6:27

as to how we got to where

6:29

we are and now we're in the

6:32

society of you know I always like

6:34

to say the the population of the

6:36

planet it's more than doubled since my

6:38

lifetime so the idea of how we

6:41

interact in relationships has to be this

6:43

really fluid dynamic thing you know it

6:45

took how many every years to get

6:47

to 1968 with four billion and then

6:49

that more than doubled in 50 years.

6:52

So these ideas of how we relate

6:54

to each other and how we're in

6:56

relationships are growing so fast which

6:59

has really created a space

7:01

for you to help people

7:03

step over and normalize who

7:05

they are and how they

7:07

feel naturally. So I

7:09

really applaud it. One of the things

7:11

that always comes to mind when I hear

7:13

about this and talk about it is it

7:16

does feel a little bit like a slippery

7:18

slope, meaning there can be a real

7:20

desire to understand how to be in a

7:22

more poly sort of setting and situation

7:24

and then there can be people

7:26

who take advantage of people in

7:29

that situation. Is that something you

7:31

run across or is there warning

7:33

signs like one person? genuinely

7:35

curious and being having a structured

7:37

relationship like a primary relationship and

7:39

then a sexual relationship and so

7:41

on and so forth and then

7:43

there there can be a partner

7:45

who sees that as an opportunity

7:47

and is that something that you

7:49

come across? Absolutely there's there's opportunists

7:51

in any like area you know

7:54

I think a common conversation these

7:56

days when it comes to you

7:58

know love and relationships is narcissism,

8:01

which is a term that is

8:03

very overused, but narcissists will, you

8:05

know, manipulate therapy speak to kind

8:07

of, well, to control and manipulate

8:10

the people they're in relationship with.

8:12

And the same thing can happen

8:14

here. You know, it's my favorite

8:17

philosopher, Uncle Ben, with great power

8:19

comes great responsibility. So you have

8:21

these tools, this language. No relationship

8:24

structure is inherently good or bad.

8:26

It's up to you how you

8:28

do that relationship And and the

8:31

skills that it takes to do

8:33

any kind of relationship. So absolutely

8:35

I you know you can see

8:37

people who tend to be more

8:40

avoidant kind of utilizing polyamery as

8:42

a way to avoid intimacy, things

8:44

like that. You know, narcissists can

8:47

absolutely use this sort of a

8:49

thing to control and manipulate their

8:51

partners as well, but that has

8:54

more to do with that person

8:56

or that you know, potential personality

8:58

disorder than it does with the

9:01

relationship structures themselves. I actually, like,

9:03

it's funny back to your point

9:05

of, like, all this language and

9:07

it's so hard. It seems complicated

9:10

because it's new. Like, you know,

9:12

to me, it's second nature at

9:14

this point. It's just understanding, like,

9:17

new framework. But on that point,

9:19

I do a bunch of free

9:21

content on, like, YouTube and SubSAC,

9:24

and I made a whole video

9:26

about, like, you know, Is your

9:28

poly date actually just an avoidance?

9:31

That kind of a thing, like

9:33

what are some things to look

9:35

out for? And you know, I

9:37

can share a couple, like a

9:40

big one to me personally is

9:42

if someone's like, I have no

9:44

boundaries, that's like a big, big

9:47

old red flag to me. Boundaries

9:49

are important. Boundaries are how we

9:51

take care of each other. And

9:54

give us an example of what

9:56

you mean, like someone who walks

9:58

in who might not have any

10:01

boundaries. with the flow, you know,

10:03

it's like, you know, if this

10:05

feels right, it's, it's, it's, it's

10:07

not taking into account that you're

10:10

in relationship with other people. Like,

10:12

relationship is a negotiation, it's an

10:14

agreement. So, when you go with

10:17

the flow, you know, that's how

10:19

you drown. Like, you've got to,

10:21

you've got to create some parameters

10:24

and have a skill set to

10:26

negotiate relationship with other people. That

10:28

is to me not a very

10:31

safe person to be in relationship

10:33

with because we impact each other.

10:35

We do. That's a part of

10:37

relating. That's a really important factor

10:40

and we'll be right back. As

10:42

a podcast network, our first priority

10:44

has always been audio and the

10:47

stories we're able to share with

10:49

you. But at Realm, we also

10:51

sell some pretty cool merch and

10:54

organizing that was made both possible

10:56

and easy with Shopify. When you

10:58

think about successful businesses like Allo

11:01

or Allbirds or Skims, an often

11:03

overlooked secret is the business behind

11:05

the business that makes selling and

11:07

for shoppers buying simple. For millions

11:10

of businesses, that business is Shopify.

11:12

That's because nobody does selling better

11:14

than Shopify. It's the home of

11:17

the number one checkout on the

11:19

planet. And the not so secret

11:21

secret that's definitely worth talking about

11:24

is that shop pay boosts conversions

11:26

up to 50%. That's more happy

11:28

customers and way more sales going.

11:32

If you're hoping to grow

11:34

your business, your commerce platform

11:36

better be ready to sell

11:38

wherever your customers are scrolling

11:41

or strolling on the web,

11:43

in your store, in their

11:45

feed, and everywhere in between.

11:48

Businesses that sell more, sell

11:50

on Shopify. Upgrade your business

11:52

and get the same checkout

11:55

we use with shopify.com/Realm. All

11:57

lower case. Go to shopify.com.com/Realm

11:59

to upgrade your selling. Today.

12:02

shopify.com/realm. Imagine what's possible

12:04

when learning doesn't get in

12:06

the way of life. At Capella Imagine

12:11

what's possible when learning doesn't get in

12:13

the way of life. of life. At At

12:15

Capella University, our game-changing learning format lets

12:17

you set your own you set you

12:19

can learn at a time and pace

12:21

at works for you. that works It's an

12:23

education you can tailor to your

12:25

schedule. to That means you don't have

12:27

to put your life on hold to

12:29

pursue your professional goals. Instead, enjoy

12:31

learning your way learning your degree without missing

12:33

a beat. without A different future is

12:35

closer than you think, with Capella

12:37

University. Capella Learn more at capella .edu. I'm

12:39

Amy Nicholson, the film critic for

12:41

the LA Times. And I'm Paul Shear,

12:44

an actor, writer and director. You

12:46

might know me from the League,

12:48

Vip, or my non-eligible for Academy

12:50

Award role in Twisters. We love

12:52

movies and we come at

12:54

them from different perspectives. Yeah, like

12:57

Amy thinks that, you know, Joe Peshi

12:59

was miscast in good fellows, and I

13:01

don't. He's too old. Let's not

13:03

forget that Paul thinks that dude-to

13:05

is overrated. It is. Anyway, despite

13:07

this, we come together to host

13:09

Unspool, the podcast where we talk

13:12

about good movies, critical hits.

13:14

Fan favorites, must-sees, and in

13:16

case you miss them. We're talking, parasite

13:18

the home alone. From Greece to

13:20

the dark night. We've done deep dives

13:22

on popcorn, we've done deep dives on

13:25

popcorn flicks, we've done deep dives

13:27

on popcorn flicks, we've talked

13:29

about why Independence Day is

13:31

like we do, come along on our

13:33

cinematic. Come along on our cinematic.

13:43

You know, I think it's a it's

13:46

an interesting time in that people

13:48

are exploring these ideas and a

13:50

lot of them are doing it

13:52

alone and from a vacuum. And

13:54

do you have any advice for people

13:57

who might be afraid to step out?

13:59

I know you're out there, your website,

14:01

are there other people like you that

14:04

are coaching people in types of situations?

14:06

Absolutely, absolutely. And it's exciting because, you

14:08

know, there's been, you know, peaks of

14:11

interest in this topic before, like in

14:13

1997, a book called The Ethical Slut

14:15

came out, and there was, like, big

14:18

peak in public interest in this conversation,

14:20

and then it kind of dissipated pretty

14:22

quickly. We're experiencing something similar right now,

14:25

but we have a tool we didn't

14:27

have then, social media. and there's pros

14:29

and cons to everything. The benefit of

14:32

social media is we can keep the

14:34

conversation going, we can create representation, show

14:36

windows into all the different ways this

14:39

looks, share education. It doesn't have to

14:41

be a moment, you know, it can

14:43

really be an ongoing conversation. So use

14:45

that tool, online, search, you know, local

14:48

polyamery meet-up. There are more than you

14:50

think that you don't have to be

14:52

in Los Angeles or New York or

14:55

a big city. There are networks all

14:57

over. There's incredible, you know, organizations like

14:59

Open, the organization for Polymerine Ethical Nomadomy,

15:02

doing all kinds of incredible activist work,

15:04

but they also do organizing. And there's

15:06

just so much more out there that's

15:09

available now. Have discretion. You know, don't

15:11

just learn from one person. Kind of

15:13

take a swath, you know, what's coming

15:16

up regularly. versus, you know, if somebody's

15:18

saying this is the only way, even

15:20

if that way is polyamery, a bit

15:23

of a red flag. Teachers are here

15:25

to offer information, not tell you who

15:27

you are. I love that. I think,

15:30

I think one of the reasons I'm

15:32

so, sorry, I find this stuff so

15:34

informing is the freedom that comes along

15:37

with it, because I believe, like I

15:39

said, there's so many people in the

15:41

world, so many relationships and so few,

15:44

so many, so many, fewer ideas of

15:46

what a relationship should be, right. You

15:48

know, when people try to fit who

15:51

they are into a belief system rather

15:53

than opening the belief system up to

15:55

be more authentic and more open, it's

15:58

been a place like where I've seen

16:00

people who are not monogamous by nature,

16:02

who struggle to find the right one.

16:04

If I get the right one, it'll

16:06

be good. Everything will be better. Yeah,

16:09

yeah. And then they're not. And they're

16:11

not. And they're disappointed with who they

16:13

are when they're just really seem like

16:15

they're trying to fit into a construct

16:18

that they don't really fit into. And

16:20

this really opens the door where you

16:22

get the construct out of the way

16:24

and redesign sort of the idea and

16:27

belief system of what, how a relationship

16:29

can be healthy. and inclusive in many

16:31

different ways. And you can

16:33

live authentically. Does that

16:35

feel like the direction

16:37

it's all headed? Am

16:39

I interpreting this right? I

16:42

hope so. I would love my big

16:44

wet dream, if you will.

16:46

It's like, I want

16:48

people choosing their relationship

16:51

actively and I want to

16:53

see. relationship skills as an actual skill set rather

16:55

than this assumption of like, oh, you probably had two parents.

16:57

They probably did a great job modeling, relating and communicating and

16:59

taught you how to do that well. So you're fine. We

17:01

value communication like, oh, I went to, you know, I have

17:03

a professional coach, mindset coach, I went to this workshop on

17:05

how to, you know, own the room, on the meeting, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

17:07

And somehow that's different. Like, like, like, like, relating, relating, like,

17:09

relating, relating, like, relating, relating, like, relating, relating, like, relating, relating,

17:11

relating, like, relating, relating, like, relating, relating, like, relating, like, relating,

17:13

relating, like, relating, relating, like, relating, like, relating, relating,

17:16

like, relating, relating, like, relating, like, relating, like, relating,

17:18

like, relating, like, relating, relating, like, like, how to develop

17:20

your relationship authentically with your

17:22

most important, you know, partner

17:24

or partners, that's going to

17:26

impact every area of your

17:28

life. So entering into an

17:30

era where we can actually

17:32

design our relationships, choose our

17:34

relationships, and actually work on that as

17:37

a skill set. Oof. Our whole world would

17:39

be different. Yeah. I love that.

17:41

The last thing I want to

17:43

say is that that thing you

17:45

just said is understanding what you

17:47

want out of a relationship instead

17:49

of going into the relationship trying

17:51

to find something that fits you.

17:53

I think that knowing yourself and

17:55

trusting yourself. When I trust myself

17:57

I don't have to trust other

17:59

people. And it sounds like the

18:01

work you're doing is helping people understand

18:04

who they are and what they need

18:06

in order to feel safe. And I

18:08

think it's great. And I know that

18:11

I will push people in your way,

18:13

because I know I get people all

18:15

the time that are running into that

18:17

wall. And they feel bad about who

18:20

they are. And they just don't have

18:22

the language or the experience. And I

18:24

think most people are looking for an

18:27

easy way out, which is either blow

18:29

up the marriage and start all over.

18:31

constantly be the bad guy or live

18:34

in secrecy and all those things sound

18:36

just like like like hell to me

18:38

honestly. Well it sounds like a lot

18:41

of work which is always what makes

18:43

me laugh when people come to me

18:45

and you know oh god this polyamery

18:48

thing sounds like so much work I'm

18:50

like so cheating and hiding it and

18:52

having a double life and like that's

18:55

less. Yeah well I'm more practiced to

18:57

that so it's easier. That this will

18:59

be the last thing. So I always

19:02

say it's hard enough to be in

19:04

a relationship with one person you know

19:06

like it's enough work. You said that,

19:09

like, one of the things you said

19:11

that I really liked was that you

19:13

can't fix a dynamic that exists in

19:16

your relationship by opening up to another

19:18

relationship because that dynamic will follow you.

19:20

So is it a lot of management

19:23

to be in a multi-partner emotional situation

19:25

in a polyammer situation? Is it like

19:27

juggling? I think the answer is yes

19:30

and no. Honestly, in certain regards, like

19:32

there's new things to learn, but we

19:34

have, you know, like, you know, managing

19:37

schedules, right, is complicated enough. You know,

19:39

one partner, if you have kids, etc.

19:41

We have Google calendar, or, you know,

19:44

not to specific brand, but shared calendars

19:46

are a thing that you can do.

19:48

Just like you would do at work,

19:51

just like you would do with one

19:53

partner and your kids and whoever else.

19:55

You can do that with multi partners.

19:58

It makes scheduling a lot easier. So

20:00

there's a lot of tools. now that

20:02

can assist with things like that. And

20:05

just like I said before, anything that's

20:07

new is going to feel a lot

20:09

more challenging, that learning curve, and so

20:12

it becomes, you know, the new

20:14

normal, and it becomes just

20:16

the way you relate. But

20:18

that's also why I say,

20:20

you know, how you relate with

20:23

one partner is how you're going

20:25

to relate with all partners. So

20:27

the more practice you get. Yeah,

20:29

if it's something that involves everyone, which

20:31

generally, you know, I'll just use the

20:34

triad dynamic I mentioned earlier, but generally

20:36

most things are going to impact everyone.

20:38

If it's an issue between, you know,

20:40

we each have our own one-on-one relationship

20:42

and then we have the relationship of

20:44

all of us together. So if it's

20:46

something between, you know, two of us,

20:48

it doesn't necessarily impact the other. We

20:51

don't necessarily need to bring it. But

20:53

yeah, generally we'll, you know, you know,

20:55

workshop, workshop stuff. I want to be

20:57

really clear. It's never like triangulation, which

20:59

is something you'll see in our system

21:01

a lot. It's never like two against

21:03

one of like, yeah, she said and

21:05

like ganging, mm-mm, that's not what this

21:07

is. See, that's the part that seems

21:10

like a lot of work. But just

21:12

keeping it equal, but I'm just like

21:14

you said, I'm sure practice makes it

21:16

easier and more trust between each other

21:18

and living with it. So yeah, is

21:20

there anything else you might want to

21:22

say to our audience today? Oh my god,

21:24

so many things. So on and on. Yeah,

21:27

I think like I said, I think a

21:29

little bit earlier, or maybe it was when

21:31

I was talking to Lara, but being curious

21:33

to learn more about consensual

21:36

non-monogamy doesn't mean

21:38

you're opening up your

21:40

relationship tomorrow, doesn't mean

21:42

you maybe ever will,

21:44

but learning about multi-partner

21:46

relationship dynamics, really just

21:48

learning about relationship dynamics

21:50

will only benefit your

21:52

relationship, strengthen it. and

21:54

deepen your bond. Is that

21:56

the open relating idea? Yeah, open

21:59

relation. is about authenticity at the

22:01

end of the day. It's about negotiation.

22:03

It's about mindfully actively choosing a dynamic.

22:06

Like wouldn't you rather be in a

22:08

relationship with somebody that A, you're choosing

22:10

to be with and B, they're choosing

22:13

to be with you rather than out

22:15

of obligation? Mm-hmm. For sure. That's all

22:17

it is. It's also holding the realization

22:19

that like, you know, you accept that

22:22

a relationship can end and that's not

22:24

necessarily a failure. The ultimate goal of

22:26

a relationship, we define success as just

22:29

staying together in our society. A miserable

22:31

20 years, that's success versus a relationship

22:33

that comes to an end when it's

22:36

over and opens up into a new

22:38

possibility or transitions. So yeah, all that

22:40

to say just learning about what's actually

22:42

available, really understanding relationship building, relating as

22:45

an actual skill set. then you can

22:47

actually make a decision in your relationship.

22:49

And again, no matter what relationship dynamic

22:52

you choose, it'll now be a choice

22:54

and you'll be better off for it.

22:56

Perfect. Thank you so much. We have

22:59

all Ali's information in the show notes.

23:01

Please tune back to the episode on

23:03

Tuesday if you want to hear more

23:06

about this and thank you so much

23:08

for being on the show. Thank you,

23:10

my pleasure. Thank you so

23:12

much for listening. Scott Talks is produced

23:14

by Kail and Bean and executively produced

23:16

by me, Scott Slaughter. Please subscribe to

23:19

our show and be sure to like

23:21

and leave us a review of the

23:23

show. Want to connect with some other

23:25

Only One listeners? Be sure to join

23:27

our private Only One Facebook group or

23:29

check out Patreon on our website for

23:31

exclusive content that you won't find anywhere

23:33

else. Do you have an only one

23:35

in the room story that you'd like

23:37

to share? Please send it to the

23:39

Only One pod at gmail.com. Hey,

23:45

are you feeling anxious, overwhelmed,

23:47

or shut down? Who isn't?

23:49

Well, trauma specialist Mercedes-Cusit can

23:51

help you understand these patterns

23:53

and teach you powerful techniques

23:55

to start your healing. Her

23:58

life-changing program... trauma unlocked will

24:00

help you to begin to

24:02

understand your trauma today. Listen

24:04

to what Janar says. I've

24:06

tried so many ways to feel better

24:09

but nothing clicked until I took

24:11

trauma unlocked. The explanation of

24:13

the nervous system alone was a game

24:15

changer for me. I finally understand why

24:17

I react the way I do

24:20

in stressful situations and more importantly

24:22

how to change it. I'm grateful for

24:24

the tools and clarity this course

24:26

gave me. It's not therapy. is

24:28

a self-paced, trauma-sensitive psychoeducational

24:31

course with tools

24:33

and techniques to empower

24:36

you. And did I mention it's

24:38

affordable? The entire two and a

24:40

half hour course is only $149.

24:42

But for you, our listeners, Mercedes

24:44

is offering an additional 10% off

24:47

when you go to her site,

24:49

recover heel bloom.com, and enter the

24:51

code only one. Grab the link

24:53

in our show notes today and

24:55

unlock your trauma. From the podcast

24:58

that brought you to each of

25:00

the last lesbian bars in the

25:02

country and back in time through

25:04

the saffic history that shaped them

25:06

comes a brand new season of

25:08

cruising beyond the bars. This is

25:10

your host, Sarah Gabrielli, and I've

25:12

spent the past year interviewing history-making

25:15

lesbians and queer folks about all

25:17

kinds of queer spaces, from bookstores

25:19

to farms to line dancing and

25:21

much more. For 11 years, every

25:23

night women slept illegally on the

25:25

common. We would move down to

25:27

the West Indies to form a

25:29

lesbian nation. Meg Kristen coined the

25:31

phrase women's music, but she would

25:33

have liked it, say it was

25:36

lesbian music. And that's kind of

25:38

the origins of the computer collective.

25:40

You can listen to cruising

25:42

on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever

25:44

you get your podcast. New episodes

25:47

air every other Tuesday, starting February

25:50

4th. Ladies and gentlemen. What are

25:52

you doing? What do you mean? Just keep

25:54

it simple. I'm making the promo. Just keep

25:56

it simple. Just keep it simple. Just say,

25:58

hey, we're the bravros. Two guys that... Talk

26:00

about Bravo. Ladies and gentlemen, boys

26:02

and girls, we're the brav, bro.

26:04

No. Oh, dude. Stop with the

26:06

voice. Just keep it simple. I've

26:08

seen promos on TV. This is

26:10

how you get the fans engaged.

26:12

This is how you get listeners.

26:14

We're trying to get listeners here.

26:16

If we just say, oh, we're two

26:18

dudes that talk about Bravo, people

26:20

are going to get tired of

26:22

it already. We need some oomph.

26:24

All right, then fine. Let's try

26:26

to do it with your voice.

26:29

And I am Jenny Owen Young's.

26:31

We are the host of Buffering

26:33

the Vampire Slayer once more, with

26:35

spoilers, a rewatch podcast covering all

26:38

144 episodes of, you guessed it,

26:40

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. We are

26:42

here to humbly invite you to

26:44

join us for our fifth Buffy

26:47

prom, which, if you can believe

26:49

it, we are hosting at the

26:51

actual Sunnydale High School. That's right.

26:53

On April 4th and 5th, we

26:56

will be descending upon the campus

26:58

of Torrance High School, which was

27:00

the filming location for Buffy's Sunnydale

27:02

High, to dance the night away

27:05

to 90s music in the iconic

27:07

courtyard, to sip on punch right

27:09

next to the Sunnydale High fountain,

27:11

and to nerd out together in

27:14

our prom best inside of the

27:16

set of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

27:18

All information and tickets can be

27:20

found at bufferingcast.com/prom. Come join us!