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0:50

Hello and welcome back to Oversharing.

0:53

I'm Dr. Naomi Bernstein. And we

0:55

are back after an amazing weekend

0:57

spent together. In Dallas. Yes, I

0:59

feel like I just saw you,

1:02

but I miss you already. That

1:04

was really fun. It was crazy.

1:06

I'm a type B, like I don't

1:08

like to be in charge. I don't

1:11

like to be like making

1:13

all the decisions. So that

1:15

was a challenge for me. Yeah.

1:17

It was a little chaotic, but

1:19

when you have that many people,

1:21

it always kind of is. Yes.

1:24

So for listeners, it was my

1:26

daughter's Batmitva, the first one in

1:28

the family, and it was really

1:30

special and super meaningful. I thought

1:32

the whole ceremony was, it was

1:35

just really beautiful. It just goes

1:37

to show like our family. It

1:39

was, we were all crying, like,

1:41

for like, half of it. It

1:43

was really. beautiful and I'm so

1:45

glad everybody was there. So that

1:47

part seemed to go pretty well

1:49

and I had made all those

1:52

decisions ahead of time. So that felt

1:54

easy. It was right. The next

1:56

day with just organizing all the

1:58

people that was We went to

2:00

Six Flags, like theme park, I was

2:03

like, in lieu of a party. That

2:05

was the sort of like the event,

2:07

which was just our like semi-immediate family,

2:09

but I guess your immediate family is

2:12

now your husband and your kids. But

2:14

like, right. When I'm saying immediate family,

2:16

I guess I'm thinking like our siblings

2:18

and everyone that branch is off from

2:21

them. Right. So it was 27 people

2:23

at Six Flags, and that was a

2:25

bit of a shit show. We did

2:28

it. I think we had fun. I

2:30

was, everyone kept reminding me in that

2:32

moment, like, okay, breathe. Now's your mouth.

2:34

Like, almost kind of giving me my

2:37

advice back in that moment, which I

2:39

actually really appreciated. I think you saw,

2:41

I had like 27 bar codes that

2:43

I had to. separately get everybody their

2:46

own bar code in the moment while

2:48

we're all standing there. The kids are

2:50

like itching to start going on rise

2:52

and I'm emailing bar codes to everybody.

2:55

And so that part was stressful, but

2:57

once we got that all done. It

2:59

was really fun. The rollercoasters were so

3:01

fun. It was so fun to go

3:04

on them with the kids and everyone

3:06

was like so excited and winning stuffed

3:08

animals and stuff like that. But there

3:10

are definitely like things where if you're

3:13

kind of like, I would say if

3:15

you're like in a mood or if

3:17

you are like open to being triggered,

3:20

there will be something that will find

3:22

you. We could probably write in with

3:24

like at the top of my head,

3:26

I could think of like four different

3:29

triggered scenarios just based on. the few

3:31

hours that we were at the park.

3:33

But it's good practice. It's funny. I

3:35

really kind of, I appreciated everyone else

3:38

kind of being on the receiving end

3:40

of like the calming energy because everyone

3:42

saw that like I was just because

3:44

I was just making so many decisions

3:47

for so many people and it's not

3:49

my happy place. Like I liked other

3:51

people to make the decision and then

3:53

I just show up and go with

3:56

the flow. So I think. others were

3:58

picking up on like that I was

4:00

a little frazzled and I liked being

4:03

on the receiving end of that but

4:05

yeah the you know hosting is hard

4:07

hosting is hard it is I was

4:09

thinking that because I remember like almost

4:12

like the best wedding I bet you

4:14

ever go to is like the wedding

4:16

that's after your wedding right because the

4:18

wedding that's after your wedding it's like

4:21

you know everything that goes into this

4:23

whole affair and like all the little

4:25

details but you're not responsible for any

4:27

of them so you can kind of

4:30

like enjoy them while knowing like just

4:32

how much work and effort and time

4:34

went into all of it just like

4:36

basically for your enjoyment totally but you

4:39

get just get to show up so

4:41

I mean I guess it's funny because

4:43

when I think of hosting I like

4:46

the idea of hosting in theory but

4:48

if you're someone who likes hosting you're

4:50

like someone who enjoys that feeling of

4:52

like all the little details and making

4:55

sure that everyone's happy. Like, I guess

4:57

I'm a little confused as to what's

4:59

enjoyable about that. Well, yeah, I think

5:01

some people, and this is not me,

5:04

like being in charge and they like

5:06

being the one that gets to make

5:08

the decisions. Right. By the end of

5:10

the weekend, I had so much decision

5:13

fatigue. that someone would be like, do

5:15

you want chocolate or vanilla? And I'm

5:17

like, I don't know, somebody else pick.

5:19

Like I cannot make a single other,

5:22

but some people like being the one

5:24

to make the decision so that they

5:26

feel confident that that's the decision that's

5:28

gonna go well. That's the decision that's

5:31

gonna be the best decision. It's true,

5:33

but I think some people really are,

5:35

they're like good at the chess game

5:38

of a party. where they can anticipate

5:40

like what needs to be done and

5:42

then they feel it's like I know

5:44

I'm gonna show up for this chess

5:47

match and I have my plan and

5:49

I know that it's gonna work and

5:51

then when it works you get this

5:53

sense I assume because this isn't me

5:56

sense of satisfaction of like being prepared.

5:58

like I think that anxiety helps you

6:00

feel like I'm thinking about every potential

6:02

like most of my moms get are

6:05

really like most of my moms get

6:07

are really like worked up and they're

6:09

like anxious before and I think that

6:11

anxiety helps you feel like I'm thinking

6:14

about every potential scenario and I'm prepared

6:16

for it. I'm just like, okay, when

6:18

it happens. Right. Well, you also have

6:21

been practicing like meditation and things for

6:23

so long where I think you anticipate

6:25

that things will go wrong and not

6:27

exactly smoothly and you're like okay with

6:30

that? Right. Because when you imagine an

6:32

event, you don't imagine like. You know

6:34

that the caterers later that the like

6:36

you don't imagine all the little things

6:39

that could go wrong and so there

6:41

is a deviation from like this is

6:43

the perfect event that I planned in

6:45

my head. This is what's happening. But

6:48

I think that you're very skilled at

6:50

the art of like breathing through like

6:52

just things that come up and things

6:54

that go wrong and so that probably

6:57

helps you keep that energy of like

6:59

big thinking big picture. Right. I appreciate

7:01

that and I think that's true. a

7:03

hard one too, like even when we

7:06

were taking photos, right? Most people will

7:08

show up to an event with like

7:10

a list of who they want and

7:13

which photo and like then you get

7:15

all the photos that you want. Like

7:17

I didn't have a list of photos,

7:19

I was just like everybody in and

7:22

then like, okay, how about this group?

7:24

All right, how about, okay, go get

7:26

so and so, they're in the bathroom

7:28

and it's like, am I gonna get

7:31

all the pictures that I want? No.

7:33

I'm going to have the perfect groupings

7:35

of all the people. No, but I

7:37

have a picture of everyone who was

7:40

there. I have the record of all

7:42

the people that attended. I have a

7:44

photo of our immediate family and that's

7:46

it. And if I don't have the

7:49

perfect group, you have to kind of

7:51

be okay with not getting it. the

7:53

perfect organization of everything you want if

7:56

you're not okay with that then that's

7:58

going to stress you out that you

8:00

didn't get the photo with this this

8:02

this and that person right in order

8:05

to be chill you have to be

8:07

okay with not having imperfections imperfections and

8:09

however things right but you actually enjoy

8:11

the actual thing more which I think

8:14

is kind of the point Like you

8:16

could get all the perfect pictures while

8:18

being like stressed and bossing everyone around

8:20

and telling them where to go and

8:23

doing this. I guess that's why people

8:25

have like a wedding planner or like

8:27

a party planner so that they can

8:29

stress out about those things and like

8:32

you cannot. But I think that you

8:34

seem to be enjoying yourself, which I

8:36

think is sort of the point. Yeah.

8:39

You would imagine. Yes. It was really,

8:41

it was it was overall great and

8:43

it's just for the listeners. I wanted

8:45

to share this little tidbit bit because

8:48

we had, you know. a Jewish event,

8:50

we had about Mitzvah. There's this part

8:52

that stuck with me that I think

8:54

the listeners can use, you don't have

8:57

to be Jewish, it's just a mindfulness.

8:59

So part of Lila's speech was that

9:01

she was going to kind of set

9:03

an intention for herself to do this

9:06

Jewish prayer called Modayani. What it means,

9:08

and Judaism is like, I'm thanking God

9:10

for returning my soul. back into my

9:12

body after I wake up from sleep.

9:15

Basically like waking up, like I get

9:17

to wake up another day. Yes. Yeah.

9:19

So it's interesting because she gave this

9:21

speech and she was talking about doing

9:24

it and she had written this speech

9:26

a few weeks ago and I was

9:28

wondering if she was going to start

9:31

to do it and she said she

9:33

was and then ever since I mean

9:35

it's only been three days but like

9:37

the second I opened my eyes in

9:40

the morning I like have that it

9:42

just comes to me. And it's a

9:44

really beautiful way to start your morning

9:46

is just, you know, the second you

9:49

regain consciousness in the morning, what comes

9:51

into your head? You're to do less,

9:53

what you have to do that day,

9:55

or you can just take that second

9:58

and be like, whoa, I'm back. in

10:00

my body again, I get to live

10:02

another day in this life, I'm lucky

10:04

that I'm alive. I found it to

10:07

be really inspiring way to start the

10:09

day and whatever way that works for

10:11

you, it doesn't have to be Modani,

10:14

it could be any thankful gratitude for

10:16

my back in my body. And it

10:18

just, it starts your day off with

10:20

awareness. of more than just like the

10:23

rat race of your life. So totally,

10:25

it's been happening naturally for me, interestingly,

10:27

for some reason, and I'm sure at

10:29

some point it won't. It's kind of

10:32

cool thing to get in the habit

10:34

of, so highly recommend. I'll try that.

10:36

Yeah, especially, especially useful on a Monday

10:38

morning. Yes, you're not particularly interested in

10:41

being thankful for the day ahead. Yes,

10:43

yes, totally. And it's so quick just

10:45

to be like, okay, I'm aware that

10:47

I'm like. get another day on this

10:50

earth. I'm aware that I'm alive, I'm

10:52

aware, and it also is like a

10:54

marker from what we talk about, about

10:56

the difference between like unconscious and conscious.

10:59

So just becoming aware, there's a very

11:01

special thing that happens when you wake

11:03

up in the morning, is that's your

11:06

first moment of consciousness and back to

11:08

like your thoughts and being in control

11:10

of your thoughts. So if you can

11:12

take that moment and like start off

11:15

your day with awareness of your own

11:17

consciousness, it can kind of set you

11:19

up, I think, for success in terms

11:21

of just, you know, doing the thing

11:24

that we talk about. Right. And I'm

11:26

back. I'm in control of my own

11:28

thoughts again. At night, you're not right.

11:30

You dream about whatever you dream about.

11:33

You're not in control. Then in the

11:35

morning you kind of get your control

11:37

back where I get to choose my

11:39

thoughts again. So I thought that that

11:42

was a cool takeaway starting to learn

11:44

from her. She's 13. She's wise beyond

11:46

her years for sure. All right. Well.

11:49

It was great, you know, getting our

11:51

getting our time in. I already miss

11:53

you. And what is nice is that

11:55

when we see each other, you do

11:58

get like a few days as opposed

12:00

to like a dinner or something. Yes,

12:02

I love having you stay in the

12:04

house, wake up and like PJs in

12:07

the morning. Right. You get a sense

12:09

for how you live. And I was

12:11

thinking it was so funny because you're

12:13

like, you're like, like, three kids and

12:16

two dogs. You're like fully in like,

12:18

like, like, like, like, A family swing.

12:20

Like you are like, this is, you

12:22

know, this is like that time of

12:25

your life. It's crazy. And it's fun

12:27

to see it. A lot of stuff

12:29

happening, yeah. Not a dull moment. You

12:32

handle it very well. Oh, thank you.

12:34

All right, let's get into your questions.

12:36

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13:08

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right, I'm going to read our first

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is supported by FX's Dying for Sex

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exclusions apply C-site for details. Dear Jordana

15:23

and Dr. Naomi, I'm writing to you

15:25

today with a dilemma that I'm having

15:28

with my husband. I'm 30 years old

15:30

and my husband is 32 years old.

15:32

We got married two years ago, own

15:35

a house, and dog together, and I'm

15:37

six months pregnant. When I was three

15:39

years old, my dad passed away from

15:41

Canada. Even though I'm 30 years old,

15:44

the law still hurts tremendously. The date

15:46

that he passed away just recently passed,

15:48

and although I told my husband the

15:51

day before that the day was tomorrow,

15:53

he did not acknowledge it on the

15:55

day of. We have gotten in fights

15:58

about this in years. We have gotten

16:00

in fights about this in years past,

16:02

so this is something where he knows

16:05

my expectation of at least acknowledging it.

16:07

Even a text or bringing it up

16:09

before work to let me know that

16:11

he is here for me, would mean

16:14

more than just ignoring it. He said

16:16

that he thought about it during the

16:18

day, but dropped the ball. It's hard

16:21

for me to accept this answer because

16:23

we have gotten in the same fight

16:25

in years past. My question to you

16:28

is, how do I deal with this?

16:30

I feel that I set him up

16:32

for success by mentioning it the day

16:35

before the actual date, and it's been

16:37

a few days and he is still

16:39

expressing. from him because I can't imagine

16:41

not acknowledging my significant other's parents death

16:44

day, especially when we have gotten in

16:46

a fight about it in years past.

16:48

Thank you for any advice you have.

16:51

Sincerely hurt and confused. Yeah, I really

16:53

validate her. This is really hard because

16:55

she really frustrating. Yeah. She reminded him.

16:58

Yes. And they've talked about this before.

17:00

She really, I think that we had

17:02

another email about the gift recently where

17:05

you. She really tried to set him

17:07

up for success and it's right. And

17:09

he did not take the bait at

17:11

all. Yeah. And he mean, this guy

17:14

seems like he feels really bad, really

17:16

bad, which he should. And it's tough

17:18

because it's kind of like, well, if

17:21

you, you could have just done it

17:23

and then not, do you know what

17:25

I mean? Like, it's like, I, but

17:28

I also, you know, I also have

17:30

been, I think we've all done something

17:32

where we knew we were supposed to

17:35

do something, we were supposed to do

17:37

it, we were supposed to do it,

17:39

we were supposed to do it. Yes,

17:42

right? Yes, for sure. So, I don't

17:44

know, what do you, what do you

17:46

think? Like, what, I can understand being

17:48

really irritated though, and like there's really

17:51

nothing he can do to like, de-irritate

17:53

it, I guess, unless he... did something

17:55

really thoughtful maybe. Right. So two thoughts

17:58

come to mind about like caretaking their

18:00

marriage going forward. One is when I

18:02

talked to couples about like apologies or

18:05

repair, one of the things that you

18:07

have to do is kind of figure

18:09

out like how can I help? Mm-hmm.

18:12

Like I'm sorry. I validate your feelings.

18:14

Right. I'm sorry. I feel badly. How

18:16

can I help? What can I do?

18:18

I do think that on the one

18:21

hand, it was really awful and thoughtless

18:23

and hurtful and she's talked about it

18:25

before. On the other hand, she doesn't

18:28

want to just like leave him out

18:30

in the dog house, even though she's

18:32

just, her body is just feeling distant,

18:35

I think, and like her whole energy

18:37

is not feeling like leaning into him.

18:39

Right. I do think it doesn't have

18:42

to be an anniversary for them to

18:44

do the repair that needs to happen.

18:46

Like I think they can have another

18:48

conversation. where he tries to, and unfortunately

18:51

he's not the one writing in, I

18:53

wish he was, she's writing in, so

18:55

she might again, which is annoying, have

18:58

to spearhead this conversation, but it doesn't

19:00

have to be the anniversary. I think

19:02

what might be helpful is just allowing

19:05

a space, even if it's now, a

19:07

week later, for him. to lean in

19:09

to her feelings and talking about how

19:12

she feels about her dad's death and

19:14

whether she wants to talk about it

19:16

or she just wants a hug or

19:18

she just wants to talk about what

19:21

that day was like for her or

19:23

she wants to talk about what it

19:25

felt like for her to wait around

19:28

all day to see if he was

19:30

going to say something and didn't like

19:32

I just think that opening up some

19:35

space even if it's now a week

19:37

or two later to just you know,

19:39

talk about her feelings and why it's

19:42

important to her and how the loss

19:44

that she's felt not having a father

19:46

in her life or if she does

19:49

have some memory, whatever it is, that

19:51

she wants to talk about it, it

19:53

doesn't have to be that like I

19:55

think she needs to say to him.

19:58

just because you missed the day, which

20:00

sucked for all these reasons, doesn't mean

20:02

that we can't do the thing that

20:05

we were gonna do on the day

20:07

now. Yeah, I think that's a great

20:09

plan and it would be nice if he

20:11

did something particularly thoughtful

20:14

about it. Maybe like wrote her a

20:16

card or did something like that. Yes.

20:18

And I also think kind of similarly

20:20

to the couple with the birthday present

20:23

issue. It might be interesting to ask

20:25

him like... It does feel like a little

20:27

strange that we went over this and

20:29

you didn't do anything. Is there something

20:31

about the topic of death that makes you

20:34

really uncomfortable so you just like really really

20:36

didn't want to bring it up? Because clearly

20:38

like I kind of feel like if I

20:41

told you the day before there's no

20:43

way throughout the whole day you just didn't

20:45

remember like it doesn't feel like a memory

20:47

issue to me. It does feel like he

20:49

didn't want to really. get into it or

20:51

talk about it or acknowledge it. And I

20:54

doubt that has to do with her. Maybe

20:56

that has to do with his own feelings

20:58

about death or something like that.

21:00

Totally. And I think because she

21:02

said and I believe him that he

21:04

said, I thought about it, I just dropped

21:06

the ball. So there's that little moment where

21:09

she can pick his brain and be like,

21:11

so where were you when you thought about

21:13

it? Okay, I was sitting at my desk

21:15

when I thought about, what did you think

21:17

about? Like, maybe there is a piece where

21:20

he thought about it, but he didn't know

21:22

exactly what to say or how to approach

21:24

it or if a text message was

21:26

appropriate or if it, like I could

21:28

see that happening where you're like, maybe

21:30

a text message isn't like. appropriate, maybe

21:32

she needs a phone call. So if

21:34

it needs to be a phone call,

21:36

maybe I need to wait until I

21:38

have more time to like have a phone

21:40

call or maybe I'm gonna stop off and

21:42

buy flowers and then by the time, yeah,

21:44

whatever it is, I think sometimes when,

21:47

just to clarify, like when you're thinking

21:49

about the thing, just do the thing.

21:51

That's the time to do it, right?

21:53

Yeah. You can always follow up with

21:55

flowers later, you can always follow up

21:57

with an additional phone call, but like,

22:00

just do the thing. Yeah, obviously, like,

22:02

your dad's death is an important milestone

22:04

in your life, but like, and I'm

22:06

not saying that this doesn't mean he

22:08

shouldn't do anything, but I think it

22:10

happened when you were three, he never

22:12

met your dad, he doesn't, he didn't

22:15

see, he wasn't there when your dad

22:17

passed, so I think that maybe it

22:19

feels like, in his mind, he's like,

22:21

it's not connecting necessarily for him. Which

22:23

again, does not mean he shouldn't say

22:25

or acknowledge or do something, but maybe

22:27

he's just like a little nervous about

22:29

it coming off like disingenuous or coming

22:32

off kind of like distant because he

22:34

is he is distant from the actual

22:36

events like he is very distant from

22:38

his personal life. It is not distant

22:40

from your life, but I can see

22:42

where maybe a little bit of the

22:44

discomfort in knowing what to say or

22:46

saying something or even going for it

22:48

just kind of feels like. For him,

22:51

it doesn't compute quite as much as

22:53

it does for you. He can't relate

22:55

to like what would I want to

22:57

hear in this situation or how would

22:59

I want You know this to be

23:01

handled I could see that and I

23:03

I really do think there probably is

23:05

some discomfort and honestly I think it's

23:07

this is a catch-22 that a lot

23:10

of couples get themselves into which is

23:12

like you set the person up you

23:14

tell them what to do and then

23:16

they feel a little like phony when

23:18

they're just like following orders. Yes, totally.

23:20

I have this with Mike sometimes too,

23:22

where I'm like, and I'm like, here's

23:24

what I need you to say, but

23:26

then I'm like, I'm also like, well,

23:29

I don't want you to say it

23:31

because I just told you to say

23:33

it, but like, I do want you

23:35

to, but you do want them to

23:37

say it too. Right. Right, they don't

23:39

want to feel like they're just a

23:41

robot that you've programmed and then four

23:43

hours later they hit play and they're

23:46

just like a performing monkey that does

23:48

the thing that you told them to

23:50

do. So I think they probably want

23:52

to give it some thought and make

23:54

it feel like more like they're using

23:56

their own words or they're doing it

23:58

in. their own way, but that ends

24:00

up probably creating some like tension and

24:02

a procrastination and then before you know

24:05

it, the day is gone and you

24:07

haven't done the thing because you didn't

24:09

want to just repeat what. She told

24:11

you to say. So I think getting

24:13

all of this out in the open

24:15

about like what the struggle is, I

24:17

agree, whether it's like, you seemed like

24:19

you were in a good mood, I

24:21

didn't want to bring it up or

24:24

I didn't want to upset you or

24:26

it's really hard when I hear you

24:28

cry. Like I thought that maybe you'd

24:30

start crying. I agree, whatever that is,

24:32

I think this is a great opportunity

24:34

to get to the bottom. There's some

24:36

kind of a block here. Like I

24:38

don't think he has dementia, I don't

24:40

think this is like a memory issue.

24:43

I think there's some block here that

24:45

might be helpful for you guys to

24:47

dig in and figure out what that

24:49

is. I tell couples you have to

24:51

put your relationship at the top of

24:53

your to-do list. Like that you have

24:55

your to-do list for your day and

24:57

caring for your marriage has to be

24:59

on there and it doesn't feel romantic

25:02

to feel like... I need to put

25:04

my partner on my to-do list, but

25:06

that is sometimes just what you need

25:08

to do because we're so busy with

25:10

everything else that if as you're listening

25:12

right now, if there's something that your

25:14

partner has been like telling you that

25:16

they want or they need or would

25:19

make them feel loved or whether you

25:21

like it or you don't or you

25:23

agree with it or you don't, put

25:25

it on your to-do list every week

25:27

and just do it. Because oftentimes and

25:29

I need this advice too, you know,

25:31

like just like you would a work

25:33

task exactly and just doesn't feel like

25:35

you want to you pretend that you're

25:38

just going to feel like it like

25:40

maybe when you were first dating if

25:42

your partner said like I love it

25:44

when you like make me breakfast in

25:46

the morning just like you wake up

25:48

you're just thinking about them and ways

25:50

to make them happy and so you

25:52

just like pop out of bed and

25:54

make them breakfast and like, you know,

25:57

a couple of years. down the line,

25:59

you're just like, okay, I've done that,

26:01

I've made the breakfast, I made him

26:03

happy, and now I need to like,

26:05

you know, plan my work day or

26:07

do whatever. So like, if they've told

26:09

you they would like a cup of

26:11

coffee or they'd like a, you know,

26:13

a back rub every now and that,

26:16

whatever the thing is, put it on

26:18

your to do list and do it,

26:20

because it'll fuel them and then they'll

26:22

have more like gas in the tank

26:24

to give back to you and it.

26:26

Yeah, I agree little tips little things

26:28

are I think are really what make

26:30

the not not about the grand gestures

26:33

necessarily Although this thing again not a

26:35

grand gesture, but if someone's telling you

26:37

something very specifically That's a particular time

26:39

to pay attention They need to figure

26:41

out what this is and I wouldn't

26:43

just like let him rot in the

26:45

dog house Mm-hmm. Talk about it Okay,

26:47

I've said it either whether you still

26:49

want to go back to it and

26:52

talk about your dad, or you want

26:54

to move forward and talk about like

26:56

what makes this so hard for you,

26:58

he might need a little bit of

27:00

help figuring that out. So maybe that's

27:02

the next place you want to go.

27:04

Right. All right, let's do a betchaist.

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28:08

right I will read this. Hi Jordana

28:11

and Dr. Naomi I've been a loyal

28:13

listener and now subscriber to over sharing

28:15

loving the new and extra content each

28:18

month. Awesome. Love it. The recent episodes

28:20

on wedding gift etiquette had me thinking

28:22

back on something that happened during my

28:25

wedding, which nearly four years later still

28:27

makes me wonder if I should have

28:29

handled it differently. My wedding was originally

28:32

in 2020, but pushed to fall 2021

28:34

due to COVID. My husband and I

28:36

booked a large enough house to fit

28:38

our whole wedding party and their plus

28:41

ones. Some got their own rooms while

28:43

others had to share, so we split

28:45

costs in a way with their own

28:48

rooms or bathrooms paid more than those

28:50

who shared. Side note, this still feels

28:52

fair to me, to be honest, have

28:55

never done it again because it was

28:57

such a headache to coordinate. One of

28:59

the wedding party members tested positive for

29:02

COVID two days before the wedding so

29:04

couldn't make the trip. By then, the

29:06

house was already paid for, they never

29:09

asked for their money back and I

29:11

was so overwhelmed I didn't offer at

29:13

the time. However, with them not coming,

29:16

some people swapped rooms and paid each

29:18

other the differences if they went from

29:20

a share to a more private room

29:23

and vice versa, which I did help

29:25

coordinate. I was one of the first

29:27

of my friends to get married and

29:29

already feeling anxious, self-conscious that I had

29:32

to ask our wedding party to split

29:34

the cost of the accommodations, food, some

29:36

transportation, and hair makeup, which was optional.

29:39

This kept me from not asking for

29:41

more money from everyone else to come.

29:43

the friend who couldn't make it. In

29:46

the grand scheme it probably would have

29:48

been about $20 per person but I

29:50

let my anxiety get the best of

29:53

me so I never asked. I also

29:55

didn't feel like I had the money

29:57

at the time to pay the friend

30:00

back for their portion myself. Three plus

30:02

years later I still wonder if I'm

30:04

the asshole for not paying my friend

30:07

back. I rationalize it by the fact

30:09

that they never asked and it was

30:11

so last minute that I think many

30:14

others in that situation including myself would

30:16

have just accepted eating the cost, but

30:18

I can't help but still feel guilty

30:20

and wonder if I should just randomly

30:23

send them the money to just clear

30:25

my own conscience. Would love to hear

30:27

your thoughts from the resident betchesisxx and

30:30

asking for money makes me sweaty batch.

30:32

I thought she handled this totally fine.

30:34

I would completely forget about it. Yeah,

30:37

I think she handled it fine. I

30:39

mean, I could see. I could see.

30:41

us getting an email from the person

30:44

who had COVID, saying, I got COVID,

30:46

I paid for this house, I didn't

30:48

end up going, I never got a

30:51

refund, I could see someone being a

30:53

little irked about it, but three years

30:55

later, and I could see why she

30:58

didn't do it at the time because

31:00

she was overwhelmed, it was her wedding,

31:02

she was coordinating 5,000 different things, but

31:05

three years later, I think she could

31:07

let it go, if it's really bugging

31:09

the money, Senator. That's more for you

31:11

than for the friend though, if that's

31:14

something you really want to do. Yes.

31:16

I mean, you could do that. To

31:18

me, the person who got, and again,

31:21

I can understand someone being like, it'd

31:23

be great if they could get me

31:25

my money back, but like when you

31:28

plan a house and you get money

31:30

for the house, you're doing it based

31:32

on the amount of people that committed.

31:35

And I'm not saying it's someone's fault

31:37

that they get COVID, but that's sort

31:39

of in that, especially in that time

31:42

in that time frame. That's sort of

31:44

something where you're like taking the risk.

31:46

Right. And if you... really didn't want

31:49

to get COVID, there are ways to

31:51

probably figure out a way to make

31:53

sure you didn't get it. And I'd

31:56

say, oh, they deserve it. Like, it

31:58

would be nice if they could get

32:00

them, if it was like a room

32:02

that was cancelable or if it was

32:05

like everyone got a hotel room and

32:07

they could cancel it and get it

32:09

back, of course. But this, I don't

32:12

think is necessarily really her, her due

32:14

to pay. Yeah. And I also think.

32:16

If they're friends at some point when

32:19

they're hanging out or they're chatting, she

32:21

could say, you know, I know this

32:23

sounds weird, but I still think about

32:26

that time that you didn't get to

32:28

come and this is how, you know,

32:30

I think just like talking about it

32:33

might make you feel better. I don't

32:35

think you necessarily need to like... Venmo

32:37

them or like send them money. I

32:40

think the next time you hang out

32:42

you could just like clear your conscience

32:44

by saying like the craziest thing like

32:47

I still really think about how I

32:49

never refunded your money for the house

32:51

when I got married and you had

32:54

COVID and I feel bad about it

32:56

right and I bet they would say.

32:58

Don't worry about it. Right, totally. I

33:00

don't think about it day to day

33:03

or I don't know. Maybe they would

33:05

be like, yeah, I really, you know,

33:07

I was kind of annoyed about it,

33:10

but it was so long ago. Who

33:12

knows? I don't think they'll care. But

33:14

it might just make you feel better

33:17

that you're addressing it because it sounds

33:19

like yeah, maybe it was kind of

33:21

swept under the rug a little in

33:24

the chaos of the wedding. Would you

33:26

expect your money back? It was like

33:28

a big house? Yeah, probably not, because

33:31

I would know that it would take

33:33

so, like, it's so many moving parts

33:35

to get me my money back. I

33:38

mean, look, if it was like, if

33:40

it was like, if it was like

33:42

$1,500, yeah, maybe I'd kind of want

33:45

my money back. Right. But I think

33:47

when I canceled then, or like, after

33:49

the wedding, if I really wanted the

33:51

money back, I think I would say

33:54

like, get at least partial refund something

33:56

like that. I don't want to stress

33:58

you out, if not, it's no big

34:01

deal. I would kind of assume, again,

34:03

like, I paid for it. It's a

34:05

risk you take. It's a risk I

34:08

take. If I really didn't want to

34:10

get COVID, like, there are things that

34:12

you can do. You can just not

34:15

leave your house. Right. Like, totally. Like,

34:17

again, it's not like, oh, she did

34:19

this herself, but I think I

34:21

remember I had a friend's

34:23

bachelorette in COVID, COVID- I really

34:26

can't miss this thing. I don't want

34:28

to get COVID. I don't want to

34:30

get COVID. I'm going to be like

34:32

ultra-ultra conservative about what I'm doing just

34:35

to make sure that I don't get

34:37

this. Totally. But I think just clearing

34:39

the air is going to make her

34:41

feel better. Yeah. Even if... she doesn't, I

34:43

don't think you need to send her

34:46

the money. I think at some

34:48

point, if it's bugging you, which

34:50

it is, because you're writing in,

34:52

I don't think you did anything

34:54

wrong. Like, you know, if she

34:56

really wanted her money back, she

34:58

could approach you and say, hey,

35:01

do you think there's any way

35:03

we could like collect a little

35:05

bit from each person? And next

35:07

time you're hanging out. Be like,

35:09

I don't stress it. It happens.

35:12

Yeah, I totally agree. All right, good

35:14

luck. Good luck. Let's do some intentions.

35:16

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had this issue so many times, most

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36:06

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I wish that I had something like

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may apply. Hi, Jordana and Dr. Naomi.

36:36

I'm a huge fan of both you

36:39

up and over sharing, and I especially

36:41

find the intention segment helpful. People love

36:43

this intention segment. Oh, good. I am

36:45

writing to request an intention relating to

36:48

anxiety surrounding my work schedule. Specifically at

36:50

the end of my workday. I recently

36:52

started a new job, which changed my

36:55

schedule from working three 12-hour shifts per

36:57

week to four eight-hour shifts plus one

36:59

12-hour shift per week. I'm struggling to

37:02

find work-life balance and often find myself

37:04

anxious at the end of the day

37:06

on my eight-hour days, wanting to rush

37:09

out of work as soon as I

37:11

can in order to get home and

37:13

get whatever household chores need to be

37:15

done. Grocery shopping, cleaning, meal prep, etc.

37:18

And still have time to have an

37:20

enjoyable and relaxing evening evening before going

37:22

to work the next day. For context,

37:25

I come from a family that is

37:27

very early to rise and very early

37:29

to bed, so I often find myself

37:32

wanting to shut down for the day

37:34

by 7 p.m.ish. I wake up early

37:36

to exercise prior to going to work

37:38

in an attempt to maximize my time

37:41

after work to enjoy life and not

37:43

feel like I am stuck in the

37:45

typical 9-5 survival cycle or only living

37:48

for the weekend. I would love to

37:50

have an intention to give myself at

37:52

the end of my workday when I

37:55

start feeling anxious to rush out to

37:57

rush out and get home. To remind

37:59

myself that the day isn't over, I

38:01

still have time, and I don't have

38:04

to fill the afternoon with endless tasks

38:06

and to-do lists. Thank you very much

38:08

in advance. Five o'clock batch. All right.

38:11

I love this question. I talk with

38:13

a lot of people about this concept

38:15

of like, you feel like a scarcity

38:18

mindset in terms of your time, even

38:20

when there's no real, like people have

38:22

time. Right. Like, I just think, especially

38:24

in cities like New York, there's this

38:27

just like constant, you're just always trying

38:29

to save time or maximize time or

38:31

rush around. that rushing around, it creates

38:34

like a connection between your mind and

38:36

your body. So if your body is

38:38

rushing, your mind feels rushed and your

38:41

mind feels like it's kind of they

38:43

kind of feed each other. So I

38:45

talked to a lot of my patients

38:47

just about literally moving slowly. And if

38:50

you move more slowly, you kind of

38:52

convince your mind that everything's okay. There's

38:54

no emergency and it can help you

38:57

like not have those racing thoughts of

38:59

like I gotta do this I gotta

39:01

do that and what if I don't

39:04

do this and what if I was

39:06

it just like sets the tone for

39:08

a more Calm kind of experience as

39:10

you're moving through the world. You make

39:13

less like hasty mistakes when you're moving

39:15

slowly. So you don't like forget your

39:17

jacket and then you have to go

39:20

back. When you're rushing, you're always thinking

39:22

like about the next thing, which is

39:24

kind of the opposite of how we

39:27

want to enjoy. She's off work, right?

39:29

Work, you constantly have to think about

39:31

all these things that you have to

39:33

do for other people to complete your

39:36

tasks. And now's your chance to not

39:38

do that. So the first thing I

39:40

would say is just move slower, which

39:43

sounds like the opposite. Counterintuitive. Right. Counterintuitive.

39:45

Like I want to maximize my call

39:47

it like five hours that I have

39:50

between 5 o'clock and 10 o'clock, maybe

39:52

when I want to go to sleep.

39:54

I want to maximize it, so I'm

39:57

going to rush around. But like, if

39:59

you think about what rushing out the

40:01

door, how much time are you really

40:03

saving? 90 seconds? Yeah. But like if

40:06

I pick up my bag and I

40:08

try to run to the elevator and

40:10

hit the button before, what are we

40:13

really saving here and what is it

40:15

costing us in terms of our? mental

40:17

health and our ability to like have

40:20

a nice calm nervous system and I'm

40:22

standing and waiting for the elevator. And

40:24

this is a moment that I could

40:26

like relax. Yeah. Or a moment that

40:29

I could be like, well, maybe if

40:31

I take the stairs and if I

40:33

take the stairs, maybe I'll save 30

40:36

seconds and then I'll get right. What

40:38

you think is helping you save time,

40:40

but you're actually losing more time thinking

40:43

about how to save time. Yeah. And

40:45

you're working yourself up and you're getting

40:47

your nervous system going and you could

40:49

just be enjoying. that moment where you're

40:52

not at work and you're not like,

40:54

you know, doing some other seemingly unenjoyable

40:56

tasks that you don't really feel like

40:59

doing. But I think the other key

41:01

is just making all the tasks that

41:03

you're doing while you're not working enjoyable

41:06

or just like they're not that bad

41:08

because they're for you. You don't feel

41:10

like you need to like run out

41:12

of there because you're, because I do

41:15

think there's this sense of like work

41:17

bad life outside of work good. Right.

41:19

So I think that like if she

41:22

changes the way she thinks about that,

41:24

and I mean, if she really can't

41:26

get out of that thing, maybe this

41:29

isn't the job for her, but I

41:31

do think that that's sort of how

41:33

people think about a lot of these

41:35

things that they, it feels like it's

41:38

not their choice to be there. Right,

41:40

right. So yeah, I mean, and we

41:42

could use this for work also, but

41:45

that's like another topic for another time,

41:47

but just like. Being in the moment

41:49

of like this is your free time.

41:52

So even if you're Whatever it is

41:54

that you decide to do you want

41:56

to stop for groceries on the way

41:58

home instead of being I just need

42:01

to get the groceries over with so

42:03

then I could get to the house

42:05

and then I could cook the dinner

42:08

so then I could clean up so

42:10

then I could lay on the couch

42:12

for an hour and that's my only

42:15

enjoyable time rather than saying okay as

42:17

I'm walking through the grocery store I'm

42:19

gonna like just walk slowly and take

42:21

in the environment notice the song that's

42:24

playing on the You know, speakers in

42:26

the grocery store, I'm going to notice

42:28

the colors on the packages. I'm going

42:31

to enjoy looking at all these beautiful

42:33

fruits that are available for me to

42:35

choose. Just being in the moment of

42:38

being at the grocery store instead of

42:40

like getting, it's almost like a microcosm

42:42

for life. Right. Right. Getting through it.

42:45

Yeah. Get through this. So I could

42:47

get to the next thing. Yeah. So

42:49

then what? I could retire. Right. Don't

42:51

think that's how most of us want

42:54

to enjoy our life is just getting

42:56

to the finish line of like retirement.

42:58

So seeing your entire day as like,

43:01

do I want to just get to

43:03

the finish line of retirement or do

43:05

I want to like enjoy this little

43:08

walk to my car and notice my

43:10

legs tripping and yeah. So yeah moving

43:12

slowly and I think I always say

43:14

it but like just starting off with.

43:18

One nice long slow deep breath

43:20

just to like set the tone

43:22

if you can take one slow

43:24

breath set the tone for a

43:27

nice slow walk to your car

43:29

where you're noticing what this is

43:31

your time you're not at work

43:33

you're walking to your car you

43:35

could listen to music if you

43:37

want you could listen to the

43:39

birds nobody's asking you for anything

43:41

so seeing it as like I'm

43:43

gonna enjoy all the moments of

43:45

these five hours instead of just

43:48

the moments at the end where

43:50

I get to lay on the

43:52

couch for an hour, whatever it

43:54

is that you're looking forward to.

43:56

So the intention that I wrote

43:58

for her starts off with.

44:00

Breathe. Move

44:02

slowly. My

44:05

focus will define

44:07

my evening. Be here

44:09

now. So if

44:11

your mind is on all the

44:13

things you want to get done, that's

44:16

going to be how you spend

44:18

your evening. Thinking, strategizing, stressing. If your

44:20

focus is on, okay, I'm walking

44:22

to my car. Now I'm driving in

44:24

my car. I'm going to pick

44:26

out a nice song. I'm going to

44:28

make it the temperature that I

44:31

want or, you know, driving to the

44:33

subway. I'm going to people watch

44:35

whatever your thing is. I'm in the

44:37

grocery store. I'm, you know, cooking

44:39

dinner, like instead of just getting through

44:41

it, being in the moment of

44:43

it is going to make it a

44:46

lot more enjoyable. So breathe. Move

44:48

slowly. My focus will define my evening.

44:50

Be here now. Be here now.

44:52

I love that. All right. Take it.

44:54

It goes with our initial theme

44:56

of thank you for this day. Yes.

44:59

Yeah. All right. Let's do some

45:01

triggers. So

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that sweet release Whether it's a petty annoyance

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or a full-on rage spiral your feelings deserve

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to be felt and then let go Right

46:56

or call in and tell us what you're

46:59

triggered about this week and will help you

47:01

uncap all the feelings? Okay, you want to

47:03

read our first one? Yeah, I will read

47:05

our first, our first trigger. I'm writing in

47:07

with a triggered I experienced over the weekend.

47:10

I was at a hockey game and got

47:12

in line for the bathroom and

47:14

intermission. I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant,

47:16

so when I need to go, I really need to

47:18

go. A woman with two young children got

47:20

in line behind me, the woman behind her

47:23

said, you have kids, you should skip to

47:25

the front of the line. The woman with

47:27

children took her up on it and walked

47:29

ahead. She didn't acknowledge me, but asked the

47:31

woman in front of me if they could

47:33

go in front of her. Weirdly, she didn't try

47:36

to go ahead of anyone else. So I was

47:38

the only person they truly cut in line. Of

47:40

course, when it was their turn, they took forever

47:42

in the stalls while I waited in agony.

47:44

I was so triggered by this whole situation.

47:46

The worst part for me was that someone

47:49

towards the back of the line decided she

47:51

could speak for everyone else and tell

47:53

someone to skip over the people in

47:55

front of them. The second worst part was that

47:57

the woman with kids asked someone else if she

47:59

could. could cut ahead but didn't ask me.

48:02

Even if they had asked, I would

48:04

have looked like the bad guy if

48:06

I told him no. After I had

48:08

some time to cool down, I realize

48:10

the other people in line might not

48:12

have been able to tell I'm pregnant

48:14

by looking at me and the mom

48:17

might have just been in survival mode,

48:19

but I still don't think it's appropriate

48:21

to skip the line that you never

48:23

know what someone else has going on.

48:25

Dr. Naomi, I'd love your perspective as

48:27

someone who's probably been through this with

48:29

young kids. Should they get priority over

48:32

pregnant women or anyone else? And how

48:34

triggered should I be? Thanks for all

48:36

you do. A pregnant batch who just

48:38

has to pee. Okay. I think none

48:40

of you should get priority. Yeah. Like,

48:42

I think there's a line. We all

48:44

have to go, whether you're a child,

48:47

a pregnant woman, a regular person who

48:49

just really needs to go to the

48:51

bathroom. Like, the urge is the same

48:53

for everyone. Everyone suffers the same when

48:55

they have to go. And maybe if

48:57

you're pregnant, you have to go more.

49:00

But if you have to go, you

49:02

have to go. Right. I get what

49:04

she's saying. I'd be annoyed that they

49:06

cut the line too, but I don't

49:08

think she also should have been able

49:10

to cut. It would be a nice

49:12

gesture to say, you can get in

49:15

front of me, either you're pregnant or

49:17

you have kids, but I get this

49:19

right. Yes. An offer is like, I

49:21

am allowing you to cut me, not

49:23

I am allowing you to cut the

49:25

person in front of me. That's not,

49:27

you're not offering her anything. So I

49:30

could see why that's really annoying. They're

49:32

in front of her either way. Right.

49:34

Yeah. Yes. That's really annoying. As far

49:36

as kids having to go to the

49:38

bathroom, look, just because a kid is

49:40

in line for the bathroom, they might

49:42

not even need to pee at all.

49:45

Right. Like sometimes I take my kids

49:47

to the bathroom where I'm like, I'm

49:49

going, you're coming, you're going to squeeze

49:51

out a couple drops because I'm not

49:53

taking you back again. Right. So just

49:55

because you're a kid doesn't mean you

49:57

have to pee badly. I have had

50:00

situations where there might be a kid

50:02

where there might be a that's like

50:04

crossing their legs and squirming around and

50:06

they might actually pee their pants. So

50:08

a kid is like a little bit

50:10

more likely to probably actually pee their

50:12

pants, but my personal experience as a

50:15

mom is like I've never personally had

50:17

my kid not able Unless they're like

50:19

two and they're like in the middle

50:21

of potty training, not able to make

50:23

it to the bathroom and wait those

50:25

couple extra minutes. But like you're saying,

50:27

it's uncomfortable for anyone to have to

50:30

hold their pee when they really have

50:32

to go, whether you're pregnant or not,

50:34

it's uncomfortable. The sensation is the same.

50:36

Like could we have a system where

50:38

everyone holds up the number of fingers

50:40

of like how badly they have to

50:43

go to the bathroom. And everyone who's

50:45

a 10 gets to go to the

50:47

front, I guess. I think if I

50:49

saw a kid that was like squirming

50:51

around and like bouncing and crossing his

50:53

legs, I'd be like, okay, he really

50:55

looks like he has to go. I

50:58

don't want you to have to deal

51:00

with him sitting in his own pee

51:02

for the next two hours. But I

51:04

agree with you. I don't think it's

51:06

uncomfortable for all of us. Yeah. And

51:08

I think it'd be different if. if

51:10

just he just or she just went

51:13

right yes yeah and the rest of

51:15

us will wait totally so yeah I

51:17

think it is annoying that she I

51:19

don't think it's like it's annoying that

51:21

she didn't ask her because she just

51:23

went to the person that's further up

51:25

but I guess like technically if you

51:28

cut the line you should ask every

51:30

person that you're cutting yeah I guess

51:32

that is true I could see why

51:34

this is annoying I think it's also

51:36

extra annoying because she's kind of like

51:38

I'm pregnant, like I literally probably even

51:40

have to go to the bathroom more

51:43

than this little kid who's not pregnant

51:45

just because you're a little kid. So

51:47

I get it, but I agree with

51:49

you. I think we all have to

51:51

wait our turn. And if you are

51:53

really having an emergency personally, then And

51:55

it's on you to say, can I

51:58

kindly cut you? I'm really having an

52:00

emergency. I'm, you know, however many weeks

52:02

pregnant and like, I waited too long,

52:04

I'm so sorry, whatever. Yes. Just like

52:06

at the airport, just ask. Just state

52:08

your emergency and then ask. Yes. And

52:10

we've all had this experience. You're on

52:13

a long car ride, you really have

52:15

to pee, but you could probably make

52:17

it like 45 minutes if you really

52:19

had to. P in their pants. Right.

52:21

So yeah, I validate how triggered you

52:23

didn't pee your pants. If you actually

52:26

would have like peed in your pants

52:28

because of this, I'd give it a

52:30

really high score. You are uncomfortable. Maybe

52:32

so are some other people. Right. The

52:34

bathroom situation at this place, you know,

52:36

is not ideal. Yeah. I'll give it

52:38

a four. It was annoying, but not

52:41

like, you know. I agree. It's annoying

52:43

to have someone cut you that you

52:45

don't think deserves to cut you. Yeah,

52:47

but I think her being pregnant, I

52:49

don't know if that's even relevant. I

52:51

don't think that's part of the equation.

52:53

I think anyone who cuts. without an

52:56

emergency situation and doesn't ask you is

52:58

kind of triggering. Right. Okay, let's do

53:00

one more. Hi, Dr. Naomi and Trudana,

53:02

I listen every week, love the podcast,

53:04

would love your opinions. I live in

53:06

a neighborhood that has an HOA and

53:08

a pool for residence. When I moved

53:11

in, I moved in, I was given

53:13

a neighborhood that has an HOA and

53:15

a pool for residence. When I moved

53:17

in, I was given two key cards,

53:19

and her husband and her young child

53:21

could use it whenever they wanted as

53:23

well. I'm sure this is a big

53:26

no-no as far as the HOA is

53:28

concerned, but as I have to pay

53:30

my dues regardless, might as well have

53:32

my friends enjoy it too as I

53:34

don't have a family. At the end

53:36

of last summer, she texted me that

53:38

she had lost the key card. She

53:41

did not really apologize, nor did she

53:43

ask what could be done to replace

53:45

it, etc. In order to get another,

53:47

I have to go to the HOA

53:49

office sometime Monday to Friday, 1 PM

53:51

to 5 PM and write a check

53:53

for $20 dollars. Certainly not a huge

53:56

deal, just an inconvenience. The lady at

53:58

the HOA office did imply I would

54:00

not be able to get another one

54:02

after this one was replaced. I'm still

54:04

really bothered by my friend's blossom and

54:06

unapologetic attitude towards losing the card. Were

54:09

the situation reversed, I would have been

54:11

so embarrassed and would have at least

54:13

asked what I could do to replace

54:15

it. Thoughts? A pooled off batch. Yeah,

54:17

I would be irritated at this because

54:19

she was... She was doing something really

54:21

nice for her. Yeah. Like I would

54:24

do that. I think that's, you know,

54:26

the whole like, oh, it's not okay

54:28

with HOA. I've, like when I lived

54:30

in a place like this, I was

54:32

excited to like, yeah, let somebody else

54:34

kind of take advantage of it. And

54:36

I think it's really cool that she

54:39

did that and tried to hook her

54:41

friend up. And I think it's annoying

54:43

that her. That's. Put it in her

54:45

file, she's not getting the replacement key.

54:47

Yes. Give it to someone who appreciates

54:49

it. Yes, and we'll take good care

54:51

of it. Yeah, I think like, that

54:54

is annoying when you're doing something nice

54:56

for someone, and then they kind of

54:58

like don't, man, to me this is

55:00

like a clear thing where it's like,

55:02

she's doing something nice, she's getting the

55:04

act, maybe she doesn't use it, maybe,

55:06

like I don't know, she didn't send

55:09

the receipts of the receipts of the

55:11

conversation, Does that mean she didn't apologize

55:13

at all? Or does that mean you

55:15

wanted a, you want her to feel

55:17

worse? About it? Yeah, like it's hard

55:19

to say without the evidence. I don't

55:21

think she needed to be like really

55:24

devastated about it, but it would be

55:26

nice if she was like, I'm so

55:28

sorry I lost the key card. Let

55:30

me know how much it is. I'm

55:32

happy to replace it. So nice if

55:34

you to have lent it. Yes. I'm

55:36

assuming that there wasn't like a, thank

55:39

you so much for letting us use

55:41

this. Yeah, if there's a charge for

55:43

it, let me know. Like that would

55:45

have been nice. Doesn't need to be

55:47

like a begging for forgiveness and like

55:49

groveling, but I think maybe there wasn't

55:52

enough appreciation in the. first place for

55:54

right? Maybe she didn't really use it?

55:56

Yeah, I would find this annoying because

55:58

I hate stuff like that like having

56:00

to go to the office and yeah,

56:02

from between one and five Monday through

56:04

Friday, that's annoying that there's no other,

56:07

you know, you kind of almost have

56:09

to like take off work to, you

56:11

know, get this key card. Yes, very,

56:13

very irritating. But there's nothing you could

56:15

do because you're not going to go

56:17

to go to her and be like,

56:19

I would have liked it if you

56:22

would have been a little bit more

56:24

apologetic more apologetic, apologetic. Yeah, just don't

56:26

give her another key card. Don't get

56:28

rid of the card. Action consequence kind

56:30

of thing. Yeah, but don't let her

56:32

squash your flame because I think it

56:34

was really nice that you did this

56:37

and I hope you continue to be

56:39

a giving person in this way. I

56:41

like the move that you tried to

56:43

hook up a friend with a free

56:45

pool pass, but not her. She's not

56:47

going to get on to the next.

56:49

Yeah. What would we give this? It's

56:52

hard to say without... the raw materials.

56:54

Right. But if it was something like,

56:56

oh, by the way, I'm trying to

56:58

think how it would even come up

57:00

that she lost the key card. Like

57:02

did she ask her if she was

57:04

going to the pool? Like how did

57:07

like did she text her? Hey, I

57:09

lost the key card. Do you have

57:11

another one? Do you know what I

57:13

mean? Like, I think that would be

57:15

like a six. or 6.5 or something,

57:17

if she was like, hey, like, have

57:19

you been to the pool lately? And

57:22

she was like, no, I haven't. I

57:24

actually misplaced the key card. That would

57:26

be like a little bit lower, I

57:28

think. Right. Yeah, I would like to

57:30

see how it went down to. Yeah.

57:32

I assume it's just like, I lost

57:35

the card. Sorry. Yeah. That's like, she

57:37

apologized. She said, sorry. But like, like,

57:39

I do think like, like, even if

57:41

she said, sorry. Like I would still

57:43

be a little annoyed at that because

57:45

it's like I'm so sorry I lost

57:47

the key guard. That's probably. Right. Annoying

57:50

in front of the sorry. She needs

57:52

a so sorry. So sorry, I would

57:54

get, I would be like, all right,

57:56

she's sorry. Yes, you need a so

57:58

sorry. Sorry is kind of like, sorry,

58:00

I elbowed you as I walked by.

58:02

Right. Sorry. Sorry. Oops. Yeah. No, I

58:05

agree. Okay. So, let's give it. Let's

58:07

assume that the reader is intuitive enough

58:09

to know that. Yeah. She probably just

58:11

said, just letting you know I lost

58:13

the key card. Right. That frowny face.

58:15

Six then, six. Yeah. Let me know

58:17

when my replacement is in the mail.

58:20

Yes. I'll give it a five, five

58:22

and a half maybe. Fair. Yeah. Is

58:24

it $20? It's $20. It's $20. It

58:26

is annoying. It's the inconvenience. But yeah,

58:28

this is annoying. I just, uh... She

58:30

asked for another card without the so

58:32

sorry a six. Yes. I agree. All

58:35

right, well noted, like you said, put

58:37

it in her file. She doesn't get

58:39

another one. Exactly. All right, well, let

58:41

angry orchard help you celebrate the sweet

58:43

release. What better to toast to that

58:45

relief than with the crisp, refreshing flavor

58:47

of angry orchard made with real fruit,

58:50

two apples in every 12 ounce can,

58:52

or bottle, it's your life. It's the

58:54

bold beverage that keeps it real. I

58:56

love angry orchard. I love being transported

58:58

to a place where I don't have

59:00

any worries. I'm just on an apple

59:02

orchard just enjoying life just like we

59:05

talk about just not a care in

59:07

the world back in the present moment.

59:09

It just takes me to that place

59:11

mentally. Yeah, I agree. Just listen to

59:13

the t'sk of your angry orchard opening.

59:15

Be in the moment of all the

59:18

sensations. Love it. Yes, and don't get

59:20

angry, get orchard. Learn more and find

59:22

a hard cider near you at angry

59:24

orchard.com/locations. Follow angry orchard on Instagram at

59:26

angry orchard. All right, we did it.

59:28

We did it. That's. our

59:30

time. Great work today. Thanks

59:33

again to our sponsor Angry Orchard Hard

59:35

Citer. Sometimes it feels like the world

59:37

is just on your last again

59:39

to our sponsor

59:41

Angry Orchard out. Or Sometimes

59:43

it feels like

59:45

the world is just

59:48

on your last

59:50

nerve. Maybe your Wi

59:52

-Fi goes out or

59:54

a slow to makes

59:56

you miss your

59:58

morning train. Life's too

1:00:00

short to keep

1:00:03

everything bottled up. So

1:00:05

let Angry Orchard

1:00:07

be that sweet release.

1:00:09

Made with real

1:00:11

fruit, Angry Orchard is

1:00:13

a full is a full

1:00:15

that gives you

1:00:18

a little sip of

1:00:20

perspective. gives -Fi, a

1:00:22

chance to unplug. Missing

1:00:24

the train, No take

1:00:26

a breath and

1:00:28

enjoy the view. Don't

1:00:30

get angry, the get

1:00:33

orchard. Learn more

1:00:35

and find a hard

1:00:37

cider near you

1:00:39

at get .com slash locations.

1:00:41

Follow Angry Orchard

1:00:43

on Instagram near you at angry

1:00:45

Orchard. slash locations. Follow angry orchard.