0:00

I think we're gonna do a podcast. Are

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1:01

for lifelong learning at masterclass.

1:03

We'll talk about more of that

1:05

later. So, Matt Donnelly.

1:07

Yes. You are good at improvisation.

1:10

Uh -oh. You are good at

1:12

keeping an audience on their toes

1:14

and full of joy, aren't you?

1:16

Fastest mind of comedy. You

1:19

are good. And you've learned a

1:21

lot of the tricks of

1:23

how to handle little bit of

1:25

situations, anything thrown at

1:27

Matt Donnelly he can catch,

1:29

right? I do. pride myself

1:32

on what you just described. When I

1:34

don't have it, in my own show,

1:36

I feel defeated. Yeah, yeah. I feel

1:38

very upset with myself. You're really good.

1:40

This feels, I don't like where this

1:42

is going. And Matt Donnelly, no, the

1:44

other one. Hondro and I often say

1:46

as we think of ideas, well,

1:49

you know, we're working on this idea for weeks

1:51

and it bothers us that Matt Donnelly will

1:53

just do it better. I

1:55

don't believe that. with

1:57

improv -like ideas. We

2:00

can give it to you after we've

2:02

done all the work. And then you go

2:04

and you're great because you are good

2:06

at improv. Really good at improv, right? Yes.

2:09

And there's a lot of times

2:11

when on stage, when I'm on

2:13

stage to an improv, and

2:16

if you were watching me, you'd go,

2:18

yeah, that's fine. He's good at a

2:20

lot of stuff, but he didn't handle

2:22

that as good as he could have,

2:24

right? Yes. You think that all

2:26

the time. I do. You think I could

2:28

do that better when you're watching the television. great.

2:31

I'm a writer brain. I think

2:33

I can help that person. Sure, sure.

2:35

You could do it better. So

2:37

I'm doing the Battle of Dreams. Yes.

2:39

And for those of you who

2:41

don't know the Battle of Dreams, people

2:43

fill out their dreams on a

2:46

little card. Yes. I would like to

2:48

be in blank with blank doing

2:50

blank right yeah that's pretty much it

2:52

trick that you do trick that

2:54

hondro does i do we do our

2:56

own versions yeah when it comes

2:58

right down to it there is someone

3:00

on stage reading dreams for the

3:03

audience yeah and there is no setup

3:05

whatsoever no you have no idea

3:07

what's going to be handed to you

3:09

that's you just go with it

3:11

yeah yeah And I usually go with

3:13

my choice, which is different from

3:15

you and from Andrew, is

3:17

I like to go with

3:19

a teenage boy, 16,

3:22

17, around there to read the

3:24

dreams. Because I find, because I'm not

3:26

going to lean over and throw

3:28

them, they are the most energetic. Also,

3:30

you get the most variation

3:32

in how they read, because some

3:34

of them are defiant badasses

3:36

and some of them are nervous.

3:39

But people that age have good eyesight.

3:42

They can read well, even though it's

3:44

sometimes hard in the light. And

3:46

sometimes their voice and my

3:48

voice goes together well, right?

3:51

You have the old guy and the young guy. And

3:54

so I'm on stage the other

3:56

night, right? It's going very well.

3:58

I mean, very well. All the

4:00

trick work has been done. I

4:02

am just ill and chilling like

4:04

little Bobby Dillon. I just got

4:07

to walk at home. Now I've

4:09

got a few go -to lines, which

4:11

you don't use, you don't need go

4:13

-to lines because you can just make

4:15

up stuff, right? No, I have

4:17

go -to lines. My go -to lines are

4:19

very simply when it's something weird

4:21

like fuzzy cats in space. I

4:23

look the young man in the eye and go, that's

4:26

a sex dream. That

4:28

gets a nice laugh. I would steal

4:30

that from you. I would use the other

4:32

one I have I go to all

4:34

the time yeah that I kind of stumbled

4:36

into I did it one night and

4:38

I thought this is a one -night thing

4:40

and it got a really big laugh the

4:42

next night I was stymied and I

4:44

used it again and it got a bigger

4:47

laugh so now I use it pretty

4:49

often I say what you need to understand

4:51

is Some people come to our show

4:53

tripping balls And

4:57

I say, when the Grateful Dead's at

4:59

the Sphere, it's even more of that. That's

5:03

great. One of my favorite things you

5:05

do, actually, is if a person struggles to read it

5:07

for a little bit, you just crumble it up right

5:09

in their hands. Yeah. And then you just throw it

5:11

away and go, take another one. And if it says

5:13

Hawaii, I say, then go to Hawaii, god damn it,

5:15

and grab another hand, throw it down. And

5:18

if it says husband or wife, I

5:21

always say, I say one

5:23

of two things. One is I say,

5:25

don't dream about your family. That's sick. And

5:28

then the other thing I say is,

5:30

I want to explain something about life. When

5:33

it says I want to be with

5:35

my husband, that simply means the husband was

5:37

reading over the shoulder. Nothing

5:39

else. These are

5:41

all great. These are much better

5:43

than one idea. Those are all

5:45

my go -to. So the other

5:47

night, I've used a couple of

5:49

my go -tos and the guy's reading.

5:52

Okay, and usually they tilt it

5:54

with the light and stuff. I

5:56

can kind of see where they're

5:58

going. Mm -hmm, so I Get

6:00

something loaded. Yeah a split second

6:02

to think like I might see

6:04

the word husband Yes, and know

6:06

that I'm gonna go right to

6:09

you know the husband was reading

6:11

over the shoulder. Yeah So

6:13

he's reading this one, right? And

6:15

I don't remember the first part of it,

6:18

but I'm gonna make it up because it's

6:20

the right kind of vibe. I

6:22

looked out at the paper and I

6:24

see in the last line, I see

6:26

the word husband. So I've

6:28

got loaded, you know the husband's reading over

6:30

the shoulder, I also have loaded, don't

6:32

read about your husband, it's sick.

6:34

I get all that ready. And

6:36

I'm just going right along,

6:39

my show is going well. And

6:42

then I hear, in this young

6:44

man's voice, probably about 15, he

6:47

says, I would

6:49

like to be in a

6:51

cafe in Italy, watching people

6:53

walk by and enjoying my

6:55

time. And I would like

6:57

to be with my husband, and

7:00

he would no longer have

7:02

brain cancer. Jesus. Okay.

7:09

I've seen the word husband. Yes.

7:11

I have not seen the

7:13

word brain cancer. He

7:17

has he has it tilted

7:19

so I can't see brain

7:21

cancer. So you're you're you

7:24

got the husband line locked

7:26

and loaded. Right. And I'm

7:28

done. I'm blindsided when I

7:30

hear this young innocent voice

7:32

say strongly and on Mike

7:34

and my husband would no

7:37

longer have brain cancer. Okay,

7:39

Matt Donnelly. You've

7:43

already had at least two

7:45

minutes too long to think of

7:47

this. Yeah, exactly. Yeah,

7:49

much too long. Say it's an instant. You

7:52

have 835

7:54

people in the

7:56

audience there

7:58

to enjoy an

8:00

evening, okay? They

8:02

all know that this is an

8:05

actual dream from someone in the

8:07

audience who might be sitting next

8:09

to them. What do

8:11

you do, Matt Donnelly? I

8:15

have to tell you, I

8:17

saw Piff the Magic Dragon handle

8:19

something like this. Someone,

8:21

he was doing the thing where he's early, early,

8:23

early touring days, we flashed it around the room looking

8:25

for a princess for the night or whatever and

8:28

he interviewed a person. And some

8:30

woman said, Something to be

8:32

effective. Well, I'm just here as

8:34

I'm trying to beat cancer

8:36

and you're one of my favorite

8:38

People so I wanted to

8:40

come here just to see you

8:42

and he wound up and

8:44

was like, how dare you How

8:46

dare you make it all

8:49

about you? I'm

8:51

gonna tilt the scales in your favor You don't

8:53

want anyone else to have a chance and then

8:55

I have to bring something up with cancer up

8:57

on stage How dare you put me in this

8:59

position? And I fell over laughing because I was

9:01

like, I would never have thought to play it

9:03

that way. Did the audience love it? Oh, they

9:05

loved it. They loved it. She loved it. She

9:08

was laughing hysterically as well. And I

9:10

was like, I cannot believe that. And

9:13

so that was what popped in my

9:15

brain. Basically, the first thing that popped

9:17

in my brain was I was like, listen, kid,

9:19

it is not nice of you. This doesn't say

9:21

that. You added with brain cancer on this piece

9:23

of paper. I dare

9:26

you. That's

9:28

good. I didn't even think

9:30

of that. I didn't even think

9:32

of that. Being a wise ass or whatever. That'd

9:34

be the only thing I'd out. In

9:36

truth though, on the spot, you

9:38

know, because I used to do this thing

9:40

where we would do tarot card readings to

9:42

inspire improv sets. And once a while, no

9:44

matter how much we would joke. that

9:47

we bought this tarot deck. We don't know

9:49

if we bought this book called Power Tarot from

9:51

Barnes & Noble with clip art on the

9:53

cover to interpret each card. We try to really

9:55

say like we are not trying to actually

9:57

do any psychic experiments whatsoever. Once in a while

9:59

we would get someone who would just get

10:01

a card, hear the interpretation and take it to

10:04

heart. And... only

10:06

thing I would do is just lay out.

10:08

I would just say, listen, we are improv comedians.

10:10

We're at an improv theater with 50 people

10:12

in it. We have no business poking at any

10:14

aspect of your life in any real way.

10:16

Uh, it is our fault. And for you to

10:18

just volunteer to nowhere, come up here and

10:20

just be on stage is very brave of you.

10:22

You're awesome. Let's, let's get you out of

10:24

here and let's get, and then we applaud for

10:26

them as they brought them back to the

10:28

sheet and bring another person up. So in that

10:30

scenario, I might be like, okay, we asked

10:32

for an outlandish wish and it says someone really

10:34

spoke from their heart. This doesn't

10:37

help our show in any way. So

10:43

whoever wrote this, I want you to know that

10:45

I share your wish. That's

10:48

good too. That's good too. But we

10:50

can't possibly do anything funny with this.

10:52

And goodbye. Well, I think you can

10:54

guess how well you know me. What

10:56

the first two words out of my

10:58

mouth were. Oh, dear. Oh,

11:02

dear. And

11:07

then I did,

11:09

I did almost, almost,

11:12

you know, Whoopi Goldberg

11:14

on Hollywood Squares used

11:16

to do this technique

11:18

that was so transparent.

11:20

I believe that the

11:22

stupidest person in the

11:24

audience saw through her.

11:26

Okay. When there

11:29

was something that

11:31

might be... Dirty?

11:34

could possibly be but wasn't

11:36

really. Like innuendo? But not

11:38

really. Okay. A fake innuendo. Got

11:40

it. She would say, oh, you don't

11:42

want to know what I'm thinking. Actually,

11:47

what your entire profession is that we

11:49

do want to know what you're thinking.

11:51

Well, my thought was always, well,

11:53

we do know what you're thinking. You haven't got a

11:55

thought you're God damn it. I

11:59

got nothing. That's

12:01

what you're saying. You're saying, why don't

12:03

you make up a joke and attribute

12:05

it to me? Yeah. Yeah. I

12:07

almost did that, but not quite. I went, oh

12:10

dear. Well, I think

12:12

it was even worse that you weren't listening

12:14

openly either. You saw a word and you

12:16

were like, I got this. So it's a

12:18

double whammy. It's taking

12:20

something away from you suddenly as

12:22

well. So I used that a

12:24

little bit. Yeah. And I said, oh

12:27

dear. I

12:29

had a few things to

12:31

say here, and then

12:33

in a sudden burst of

12:35

sanity, I just thought

12:37

to myself, Penn, shut

12:39

your goddamn mouth. That's

12:43

great. Anything you say

12:45

here is gonna make this

12:47

worse. And then I

12:49

stood for a moment when, Jesus

12:52

Christ, brain cancer.

12:57

I said, let's just get to

13:00

another one fast, right? So

13:02

he grabs another one and he

13:04

reads, I would like to

13:06

be on the beach with starfish.

13:09

And I said, and they all have brain kids.

13:12

You made it a runner? You

13:15

didn't get away from it? And

13:19

then I went. I left everything up into

13:21

that second part. Because my

13:23

brain would be saying go

13:26

ahead and add Brad kitchen this

13:28

next one Yeah, but I'm

13:30

another part it like just don't

13:32

have it said anymore in

13:34

this show Yeah, I'm

13:37

no choice now it's really

13:39

well, no, no Whoa brain

13:41

kids Just like out of

13:43

the blue. Yeah, and then

13:45

we got through it that

13:47

way. No exactly like like

13:50

as someone who's not always

13:52

good If

13:54

I fuck up a trick, I

13:57

can make fun of it once. If

13:59

I make fun of it twice,

14:01

then I'm just keep reminding the

14:03

audience that I fucked up. Oh,

14:05

well, you know that I do

14:07

that. Yeah. And I also really

14:09

underline it. Like, I have been

14:11

known to. And I think

14:14

maybe the only reason I do this is

14:16

how hard it makes Taylor laugh. Because,

14:19

say, if this has happened like,

14:21

I think like once or something, we

14:24

totally fucked up on my mind, the

14:26

card trick earlier. And at

14:28

the end of the show, during the final

14:30

applause, I went, jeez, everything

14:33

went so well, pretty much everyone

14:35

is forgotten that we totally screwed

14:37

up the card trick. I

14:42

mean, that's smarter at the next level. Because I've

14:44

done it where I've made fun of myself like

14:46

too late in the show. Like I fucked up

14:48

early and then later late on the show, like

14:50

you watch the audience go like, wait, what? Oh

14:53

yeah. That's like, what, what did I just do

14:55

to the audience on that? You know, they've forgotten.

14:57

I've done, I've done that on purpose. And

14:59

I've also brought it up

15:01

the whole rest of the show,

15:03

just going like, whoa. That

15:06

was inappropriate. And I've also

15:08

done this where I go, yeah, everybody

15:10

seems to be having a good time except

15:12

me, because I'm still remembering when I screwed

15:14

up. Which

15:16

is just funny because it's true. It's absolutely true.

15:19

It's a great vulnerable confession on your part.

15:22

Well, that's all every magician does. Yeah. Is

15:24

it just like a half? No matter what,

15:26

it's not an A -plus night. It's just a...

15:28

Can't get back for this. It's great. It's

15:30

kind of a curve. But I did not

15:32

to my benefit, to my credit. Yeah. Okay.

15:35

When I do the callbacks, when

15:38

I do that, none of the crew could

15:40

anticipate and I put one of the things in.

15:42

I did not do brain cancer

15:44

there. When I do the song

15:46

and I sing about what's happened all

15:48

night, I did not do brain cancer

15:50

there. Although I

15:53

will tell you, just in case

15:55

you are working for St. Peter

15:57

and you're tallying up, I thought

15:59

of it both times. Okay,

16:01

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think

16:04

I can still, I would still be

16:06

punished for that, right? No, I think

16:08

you're, I think you're being a smart

16:10

entertainer. Of course, that could

16:12

be a runner. But the idea

16:14

of it would be a rewarding runner. Well, the

16:16

crowd really go with me for it. Or they'd

16:18

be like, can you please stop saying brain cancer?

16:21

But you know, it is one of

16:23

those things that although on stage,

16:25

you can't really feel it. Yeah. You

16:27

really knowing intellectually that

16:29

everyone in the audience

16:31

understands every single nuance.

16:33

They understand completely that

16:36

you're surprised. They understand

16:38

completely that you don't

16:40

want to step on

16:42

toes. You don't want to

16:44

hurt people's feelings. And they understand

16:46

completely you're trying to keep a

16:48

comedy show going. Everyone went, oh shit.

16:51

Not for you. They

16:54

also were like, I came here to watch a magic show.

16:57

I don't want to come here to watch some emotional

16:59

One Woman Friends show. Hi.

17:04

I said that to Andrew. Yeah.

17:07

I said it in two parts.

17:09

I said, Battle of Dreams, and

17:11

I just wrote the words, brain

17:13

cancer. And he wrote

17:15

back, oh Jesus. Then

17:18

I wrote back, read by a

17:20

15 year old boy, and he wrote

17:22

back. It just keeps getting better. Yeah,

17:27

that was that wow that

17:29

is uh, I mean it's

17:31

one of those things where

17:33

you're I guess

17:35

always playing with that notion, you are

17:37

asking people to fill out these dreams,

17:39

right? Yeah, yeah. But everything about, but

17:41

you've taken a lot of steps, like

17:43

I did with tarot cards. Yeah,

17:46

yeah, a lot bought this from a bookstore.

17:48

I didn't know, I don't want to read you

17:50

in any way. Also, the examples we give

17:52

down here very clearly. give an Atlantic example. Because

17:54

you would know if you were going to

17:56

fill that out. Yeah. You would say, no, no,

17:58

we mean your real dreams. Don't do jokes.

18:00

That's what you would do if you wanted that.

18:02

Right. Yeah. But that's not there. The

18:07

example we give is on

18:09

the space shuttle eating fried bologna

18:11

sandwiches with Sinatra. That's

18:13

the pocket we wanted.

18:15

Right, exactly. And there's

18:17

a joke that I do that

18:20

I did in Australia and

18:22

stopped the show with applause. Really,

18:25

stop the show with applause. I had

18:27

to wait for applause to die down

18:29

to go on. And here in the

18:31

United States, it stops the show with

18:33

uncomfortable silence. Really? And

18:35

I still do it, because fuck them. No,

18:39

I still do it. I won't stop it. I haven't

18:41

stopped it yet. But when there's

18:43

a blank one that's set

18:45

up, or if there's

18:47

not a blank when I go to it anyway. You

18:50

pick the one you picked. That's what

18:52

we're gonna go with. But I wanna warn

18:54

you in advance, sometimes they're

18:56

blank. We ask them out for their

18:59

dreams and they write down nothing. Their

19:01

dream is nothing. Then they throw it

19:03

up here at us. I said that

19:05

happens. And that's the kind of nihilism

19:07

we're gonna see a lot more of

19:09

coming up in the United States. Right?

19:14

In Australia, I mean, it's stronger. I said

19:16

that we're gonna see the next four years

19:18

in the United States. And the audience would

19:20

go crazy, applaud and scream. And

19:22

here I go, that's kind of nihilism. We're

19:24

gonna be coming up a lot in

19:26

the United States. And there's a, ha ha

19:28

ha. Oh, he's right. Or

19:31

they're going, does

19:33

he really think that Trump

19:35

is bad for the country? Because

19:38

you know, I believe. Or they're thinking, I

19:40

gotta remember to Google nihilism when I get out of the

19:42

show. Well,

19:46

that's the least charitable. It

19:48

is. It is. And to be fair, I

19:50

did an exchange with Matt King, and he gave,

19:52

he wrote me back some expression, and

19:54

then I sent him a screenshot of me looking

19:56

up with that expression meant. And

19:59

then saying, okay. But

20:02

it was some, I mean, it was some old

20:04

fashion expression for like, as you, as, as you

20:06

were, whatever, you want to meet up or whatever.

20:09

I'll find it, since I've dug myself in this

20:11

dumb hole. Yeah,

20:13

you dug yourself with a brain cancer hole. If

20:15

quite convenient, sir. Oh, yeah, okay. You know that,

20:17

right? Yeah. So I sent him a screenshot of

20:19

me using chappy tea to be like, what does

20:21

if quite convenient mean? And

20:24

then I wrote back, see you then. Perfect.

20:28

So that was the

20:30

pens of brain cancer adventure.

20:32

Oh, man. Yeah. I

20:34

mean, you take a lot of steps to make sure

20:37

that someone doesn't write that. You

20:40

know like mentalists dancing that wire

20:42

all the time all the time.

20:44

That's where they live Yeah, and

20:46

they want it right. I mean

20:49

I had a magician. Oh this

20:51

fucking pissed me off who got

20:53

a got a person on stage

20:55

Yeah, and talked to them about

20:57

their personal life and their loves

20:59

and so on yeah, and after

21:01

the show Apologize to me Now,

21:03

in case you don't recognize the

21:06

voice, Pendulette's talking. Apologize

21:08

to me for not being

21:10

able to make the person

21:13

cry on stage. That's gross.

21:15

Yeah. And he's

21:17

doing fine in the hospital. He'll be okay. No,

21:22

I mean, that's it. Like, basically, I've met,

21:24

you know, met a lot of performers over

21:26

the last year doing the cruise ship thing.

21:31

Basically a huge dividing line of mentalists who

21:33

are comfortable asking me to write down the

21:35

names of dead people on pieces of

21:37

paper And people who do everything to make

21:39

sure that someone doesn't write down the name

21:41

of a dead person on a piece

21:43

of paper Yeah, that is that is a

21:45

dividing line is that yeah, well as I've

21:47

often said Artistically to me. Yeah, artistically you

21:49

have a hundred percent right to

21:51

talk about your dead mother on

21:54

stage. And what that means to you.

21:56

You do not have any right whatsoever to talk about

21:58

my dead mother. And

22:00

if I choose to give you

22:02

my heart and share that with you

22:04

when you're talking about things that

22:06

are personal with you, that's art. When

22:08

you say think about someone you

22:10

love who's dead, I say fuck you.

22:14

I agree. Before I was fully

22:16

in the fold of you guys and just

22:18

starting to see more magic and metalism when

22:20

I first moved here, when someone said, like,

22:22

think of a name at a show or

22:24

whatever, and I let it go like, they're

22:26

not asking for anything of my dead mother

22:28

or something, are they? I

22:30

was like, they can't fucking do that. They be

22:32

fucking doing that. And

22:35

some of them do. And then someone got up and

22:37

that person thought of a dead relative, and that person

22:39

used the dead relative in the trick, and I was

22:41

just like, oh, that's no, fuck that, that's not okay.

22:45

No, like, theater, yes, art and

22:47

good theater and a good night

22:50

out, and if you want your

22:52

show to last a little longer,

22:54

like, yes, vulnerability and accessible to

22:56

more deeper notions. Certainly you can,

22:58

you can talk about, you can

23:00

do a whole theoretical piece on

23:02

when you were aint only raped

23:04

in prison. Right. You do not

23:06

want to say, who was raped,

23:08

raise your hand. Right,

23:13

okay. That's a lot of hands prison

23:15

Okay, there we go now we're down to

23:17

do to look at my round of

23:19

applause. Do you want this prison rape victim

23:21

with this prison? Right, right? We

23:26

have Sam Quinton which one do

23:28

you like? Are

23:30

we are we going with Johnny Cash? Yeah,

23:36

just yeah, it's like Someone else's vulnerability is

23:39

not supposed to be part of that equation.

23:41

That's the way to put it, isn't it?

23:43

Yeah. Yeah. You're allowed to show your own

23:45

vulnerability, but not someone else's. Yeah. That's a

23:47

very simple way to put it. Yeah. I

23:49

also want to talk about this because it's

23:51

so fucking weird. I got, I got to

23:53

talk about going up on the blimp. Yeah.

23:55

I got to talk about WrestleMania, but I

23:58

want to talk about this because I don't

24:00

know. Um, the worst movie

24:02

I ever saw. Yeah. Was

24:04

Woody Allen's Manhattan. I'm not

24:06

familiar. You're not familiar with Woody

24:08

Allen Manhattan? I'm familiar with Woody Allen

24:10

who he is. But he did

24:12

a movie called Manhattan in 1978, I

24:15

think, and it won

24:17

the Academy Award. Okay. It was

24:19

in black and white, used

24:21

all Gershwin music, and it's about

24:23

a neurotic, surprising comedy writer.

24:25

in Manhattan, strangely enough, who it's

24:27

his on and off relationship.

24:29

He's 43 years old. It's his

24:32

on and off relationship with

24:34

a 17 -year -old girl, who's played

24:36

by Mariel Hemingway, and is

24:38

going to the dog school. Oh,

24:40

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

24:42

Now, I've never seen the

24:44

movie, but I know what

24:46

you're talking about. It was totally

24:49

adored at the time. Yes. As

24:52

far as I remember, no

24:54

one commented. on a 43 -year -old

24:56

man dating a teenager at the

24:58

time. That's how much time has

25:00

changed. And now it's looked

25:02

back upon with him burying a young

25:04

woman. And

25:07

what I believe are

25:09

false allegations about

25:11

his abusing his children.

25:14

But I don't know. I wasn't there

25:16

enough. I had been, it would be creepier.

25:19

But I don't know. But I think

25:21

it seems false to me. He's

25:24

also been, it's been investigated by police and

25:26

it's always come up with nothing. But I don't

25:28

know, I don't know. But that's not the

25:30

point of this whole thing. So

25:33

now the movie is hated by

25:35

a lot of people. But

25:37

at the time it came out, it was loved by

25:39

everybody. And I hated

25:41

it. You know that

25:44

I can be overly dramatic and overly

25:46

sensitive. There's no doubt about that. I

25:48

went to Teller after seeing Manhattan and

25:50

I said, we're doing the Asparagus Valley

25:52

Cultural Society in San Francisco. And

25:54

I said to Teller, I'm giving

25:56

my two weeks notice. I'm closing

25:58

the show. I don't want to work

26:01

in a business where this is considered

26:03

good. I said, I'm going to

26:05

go find a regular job. I no longer want

26:07

to be in performance. Wow. Yeah. And

26:09

I went to the producers and said that,

26:11

and we were making money hand over fist.

26:13

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they thought it'd be

26:15

a good idea to stop one of the

26:17

guys on the show from doing this. Yes.

26:19

So everybody tried to talk me out of

26:21

it. They made me more and more and

26:23

more and more depressed. And then

26:26

Teller finally called me up and said,

26:28

I need to take you somewhere this afternoon.

26:30

And we went and saw Rock and

26:32

Roll High School by the Ramones. And at

26:34

the end of the movie, Teller said,

26:36

this is also show business. And

26:38

I said, okay, I'll stay. Wow.

26:40

Very romantic story. Yeah. But I hated

26:43

Manhattan. I mean, hated it. Yeah.

26:45

And it was not the age difference.

26:47

Cause I was almost a teenager

26:49

then. I mean, I was, no, that's

26:51

not true. I was 23. But

26:54

I mean, I was closer. I was

26:56

closer in age to Marilyn Hemingway, but I

26:58

was to Woody Allen by a lot.

27:00

Yes. You know, I was only five years

27:02

away from her, you know, and I

27:04

was 15 years away from him. More.

27:08

What bothered me, I think, was

27:11

that I wanted to be

27:13

a New York intellectual. I

27:16

wanted to be smart. And

27:18

I wanted to know all these

27:20

things and hobnob with people in

27:23

Manhattan. And I knew that

27:25

I never would. I knew that

27:27

I was carnitrash who hadn't gone to

27:29

high school and had no sophistication and

27:31

was not taken seriously by anybody and

27:33

that that's what I was going

27:35

to be and it made me feel

27:37

left out tremendously. I didn't

27:39

admit that at the time but I

27:41

also thought that it celebrated neurosis

27:43

and I have a lot of trouble

27:46

with that. I have a lot

27:48

of trouble with comedy even geniuses like

27:50

Albert Brooks when they do comedy

27:52

that laughs at their neurosis but seems

27:54

to accept it and say everybody's

27:56

like this as opposed to being heroic

27:58

and trying to do more with

28:01

life. I've always had trouble with that.

28:03

I've always had trouble with things

28:05

that excuses our foibles. It's

28:07

funny. That notion

28:09

is what I've actually used to

28:11

always bring up in When

28:14

I taught improv all the time, I

28:17

said that drama says there's a

28:19

hero in all of us and comedy

28:21

says, no, there's not, but it's

28:23

okay. And so I feel like a

28:25

lot of stand -up is basically saying

28:27

that life's hard and I'm gonna

28:29

fail from time to time. And it

28:31

makes other people go, oh, good.

28:33

I also fail and feel like I

28:35

can't talk about it. Right, but

28:37

there's a difference between saying we failed

28:39

and saying, well, that's the way

28:41

it is. Those are slightly different. I

28:43

do. I see that. Anyways, it

28:45

bugged me very, very much. Yeah, yeah.

28:47

So I was talking to Rich

28:49

Nathanson, my dear friend, who was obsessed

28:51

with the blimp and who I

28:53

brought out to fly on the blimp

28:55

with me. Yes. And we started

28:57

talking about Woody Allen. And

28:59

among my old friends, it's very well

29:01

known that Manhattan was a turning point in

29:03

my life, but I hated it more

29:05

than anything. Yes. And wanted to quit showbiz.

29:07

And many people have told me to

29:09

revisit it. that I will not. And

29:12

so I was sitting there with Rich and I went, let's

29:14

watch Manhattan. And he went, really?

29:18

And I went, yeah, we walked directly into

29:20

the home theater and we watched Manhattan.

29:22

Half of it before my show, half it

29:25

after. What is the time?

29:27

Just the timing of the blimp

29:29

and the conversation. I don't

29:31

know why. It was just time. It

29:33

had been mitigated. I know you've done this with magic. You've

29:36

taken magic tricks you hate. and

29:38

then attacked it by doing a version

29:40

that you thought was okay. Yeah. I don't

29:42

know what I was trying to do,

29:44

but I also know that about 30 years

29:46

ago, I had a dream. It

29:48

seemed like the longest dream I ever

29:50

had that I spent the entire night talking

29:52

to Woody Allen. Oh, wow. And

29:54

he said to me, I wasn't trying to make a

29:57

terrible movie. I

29:59

was trying to make a really good movie.

30:01

And I also found out that Woody Allen

30:03

didn't want it released because he hated it.

30:05

Oh, that's... And that when he won all

30:07

the awards, he was kind of like, why?

30:10

It's just a celebration of neurosis and

30:12

it's not good. Oh,

30:14

that's interesting. But it's

30:17

been very much heralded.

30:19

And I watched it again. And

30:21

first of all, I didn't realize

30:23

how beautiful it was. It's shot

30:25

in black and white, which is

30:27

nutty. And it is beautiful. And

30:30

he does this technique which is

30:32

really powerful, in which he doesn't

30:34

show you what's important in the

30:36

scene. He does these wide

30:38

shots with the two important that

30:40

are in there interacting, but there's

30:42

another 15 people in the scene.

30:45

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I see

30:47

what you're saying. And the camera doesn't move.

30:49

Right. It just holds you there. So

30:52

it's like you're on stage on, you know,

30:54

53rd Street and... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And

30:56

it's really beautiful. And

30:58

I then read that he,

31:00

it was all about Gershwin. It's

31:03

all Gershwin music. And

31:05

it was inspired by Rhapsody in

31:07

Blue. And

31:09

it's incredibly beautiful. And

31:11

then I didn't see it

31:13

as a justification of

31:15

neurosis, but I saw it

31:17

as a deep, deep

31:19

sadness. The sadness

31:21

of life. And I saw it as

31:23

his... for the 17 -year -old is

31:25

not predatory. Although you can argue and

31:27

say it was, there's no way

31:29

it can't be predatory. I can understand

31:31

that argument. But that's not the point

31:33

of the movie. That fact may

31:36

be that, but it's not

31:38

the point of the movie. It

31:40

was just about the incredible

31:42

sadness of trying to, you know,

31:44

when the big thing, the

31:47

computer, looked at all Bob Dylan's

31:49

lyrics, it came out with,

31:51

how would you sum up all of Bob Dylan?

31:53

Time passes, love fades. That's

31:56

what the computer said. Time

31:58

passes, love fades. Now I found out

32:00

on the inside that it came up with

32:02

about 20 things and they cherry picked

32:04

that one. But still.

32:07

Time passes, love fades is not only

32:09

a summation of Dylan, it's kind of

32:11

a summation of everything. I

32:13

thought it was a really,

32:16

really beautiful movie. And

32:18

somehow it was also tied

32:20

in with when I was 23,

32:23

I didn't want to be middle

32:25

-aged and sad. I wanted to

32:28

be the Ramones in a punk. And

32:30

now I'm on the other side of

32:32

middle -aged and sad, and it's a whole

32:34

different experience. And I kind

32:36

of, this has been a moment of confession, because

32:39

the stuff that I'm saying, although I

32:41

hope you can't hear it in my

32:43

voice, is very difficult for me to

32:45

say, because it's much easier to just

32:47

say, boy, I didn't like Manhattan because

32:49

I was too much of a punk.

32:51

But it's not just that. But I'll

32:53

tell you, PJ Souls in Rock and

32:55

Roll High School, she's pretty great too.

32:59

The Ramones are pretty great. But

33:01

Manhattan was a really important

33:03

thing to me to watch it

33:05

again. And you felt

33:07

none of the hatred that you

33:09

felt the first time? None of

33:11

the hatred. The hatred all became

33:13

sadness. I think it was because

33:15

I thought Woody Allen and all

33:17

the characters in it were all

33:20

the intellectuals I wanted to be.

33:22

And I mean this is, this

33:24

is perhaps saying too much, but

33:26

there's all these like exclusive restaurants

33:28

like Elaine's and Broadway and all

33:30

these things that I, I never

33:32

thought I'd ever have any chance

33:34

of getting to. I mean, our

33:37

opening night party was at Elaine's.

33:39

Yeah. On Broadway. You used to

33:41

hang out with Lou Reed in

33:43

the village. Yeah. Your New York

33:45

aspirations, I think. My New York

33:47

aspirations were actually higher than the

33:49

character in Manhattan has. Yes. I

33:51

mean, I accomplished more than the

33:54

characters accomplished in Manhattan. Yeah. And

33:56

that's a very different thing. And

33:58

that's probably even more embarrassing to

34:00

say, but it's part of it.

34:03

Totally. Yeah. You know, I

34:06

think You know, it

34:08

would be a very big deal for that character

34:10

to be on Saturday Night Live, right? You

34:12

know, yeah, yeah. So yeah, that may

34:14

be that may be the whole thing Yeah,

34:17

come out the other side. Yeah, so

34:19

basically when you were younger something in that

34:21

movie Attacked a notion in you that

34:23

you weren't necessarily fully processing. It was a

34:25

basically attack something about your ambition that

34:27

you weren't processing Yeah, I was yeah, but

34:29

I was never gonna make it to

34:31

that level right and that I couldn't admit

34:34

that I wanted to That was the

34:36

whole thing. I'd rather hate, I don't want

34:38

that anyway. It was kind of an

34:40

elaborate pre -sour grapes, you know? I

34:42

don't want to be, I don't want to be

34:45

an intellectual in Manhattan and have people like me,

34:47

fuck that, I'll be with the Ramones. Yeah. Because

34:49

I knew I could be with the Ramones, I

34:51

already was. Right, right, right, right,

34:53

right. Yeah, I

34:55

mean, I definitely understand in the New York

34:57

comedy scene that I came up in, like,

34:59

it definitely... feels like there was an in

35:01

crowd and an out crowd or whatever. I

35:03

remember was at a friend's wedding, another friend

35:05

of mine, who's done okay for himself as

35:07

a standup, said like... I always admire that

35:10

you were always doing your own thing man

35:12

like no matter what we were doing at

35:14

at the UCB like you were always also

35:16

off doing your stuff in Jersey and you

35:18

were off doing your other things and I

35:20

said I said well that's a that's a

35:22

nice way to put uh that I never

35:24

quite fit in at the UCB and felt

35:26

that and so I started doing my own

35:28

shit but yeah yeah yeah I was like

35:31

but that was in response to that so

35:33

yeah I guess I gave myself points for

35:35

not just feeling defeated, but being like, well,

35:37

if you're not gonna do it, I'll do

35:39

it myself. And even what you're

35:41

describing specifically reminds me of, like, all

35:43

of my friends did bits on Conan. All of

35:45

my friends were hired to do small little running

35:48

bits. All the writers always write these crazy elaborate

35:50

bits for Conan O 'Brien. And

35:52

I kept submitting and I

35:54

got called maybe once or twice

35:56

in the bit we canceled before

35:58

I had to even go in

36:00

or whatever. And I just

36:02

felt like I was never a part

36:04

of this comedy cool kids crowd that

36:06

was happening all the time. and it

36:08

was literally fucking everyone around me. It

36:10

got on except for me. But

36:13

then I look back at those bits now

36:15

as an adult, like we were all so desperate.

36:18

And so when I look by those bits, I'm like, those

36:20

bits were just like, oh gosh, this is my first

36:22

time getting a piece of sunshine. Like please let me blow

36:24

it, you know, whatever. And looking back on it now

36:26

as an adult, I just looked,

36:28

it's like a feverish almost to look

36:30

back on it. And I kind

36:32

of go like, oh, I'm glad I

36:34

didn't run myself through that ringer

36:36

a little bit, you know, part of

36:38

me. Yeah. And I just wanted

36:40

to make jokes about Kirkgaard, you know,

36:42

and be living in Manhattan. Yeah.

36:45

But I never could admit it. Right.

36:48

The third member of our group said he wanted

36:50

to go to New York. I said, what the

36:52

fuck wants to go to New York? Why the fuck

36:54

would we want to be off Broadway? Fuck that

36:56

shit. I don't want the fucking New York Times

36:58

talking about our fucking show. That was my attitude.

37:00

Right. That was my attitude.

37:02

And then... They did. Six years later,

37:04

the New Yorkers doing a, you

37:06

know, feature piece on us. Yeah. And

37:08

then you can, it's a different

37:10

thing. a totally different thing. And that's

37:12

okay. Like you're admitting it, you know, like,

37:14

like that, like, uh, that's, that's the cooler part.

37:16

Of course, different thing. We don't know, you

37:18

don't know what it's like to feel like when

37:20

it breaks. Yeah. You know, when something actually,

37:22

when, you know, people said like my big break

37:25

or whatever, but so many people's careers don't

37:27

work like that. No. So I'm usually you get

37:29

little pieces of stuff along the way and

37:31

you kind of get little glimpses and you kind

37:33

of keep it together and then all a

37:35

sudden you're just friends with the guys who made

37:37

breaks, you know. All of a sudden you

37:39

realize you never wanted to be there and you

37:41

were there and it's okay and now you're

37:43

over it. Now

37:45

you don't want to be there again, you

37:47

know. It's just because we live in a godless

37:49

universe full of pain. And that's the whole

37:51

point of Manhattan. Yeah. We live in

37:53

a godless universe full of pain. Like the

37:55

point of the way I say it clearer

37:57

to people is like when you're not, when

38:00

you don't have a career going, you think there's

38:02

a point of arrival. Right. There's

38:04

no point of arrival. And the way,

38:07

you know, that's what novels do to

38:09

fuck us up. Novels and TV shows

38:11

act like there's an arc that ends.

38:13

Yes. And there never is. Yeah. There's

38:15

no beginning. There's no end. It's just

38:17

all middle. Yeah. What are the

38:19

coolest improv sets I ever did? We

38:22

didn't do it openly to the audience,

38:24

but we challenged ourselves backstage. This

38:27

is notion and improv where you say you start

38:29

in the middle. Like, it's

38:31

the good writing technique where you just, you

38:33

know, as soon as you enter the stage

38:35

space and your partner joins you, something's already

38:37

been going on. If you make the audience

38:39

feel like something's already been going on, that

38:41

feels like so much cooler and theatrical. The

38:44

audience really buckles in. And we joked with ourselves,

38:46

let's start at the end. Let's start at the

38:48

end of every scene. And let's see where that

38:50

goes, you know? And so like my first scene,

38:52

I did the end of the, I was a

38:54

cab driver and I was like, here's your stop,

38:57

you know? And then we just found a way to

38:59

keep interaction going like that. And it was really funny.

39:01

Another one I came in and I was like, the

39:03

princess is back. I slayed the dragon. Here you go,

39:05

sir. You

39:08

know? And like, we end up

39:10

doing like the funniest, craziest, like some of

39:12

the best things you ever did. But with

39:14

this, just this really playful notion of like,

39:16

let's start at the end. But it was,

39:19

it was like that. really fun idea of

39:21

like, yes, there's no way it doesn't end

39:23

like that. It's super awkward. That night who

39:25

slayed a dragon is exhausted. I mean, it's

39:27

basically like, really? This is it? This is

39:29

all I get? You know, like it's... That's

39:31

the, you know, the movie The Graduate. Yeah.

39:33

Well, the first time I saw that, I

39:35

was in high school. And I

39:37

didn't even notice Dustin Hoffman's

39:39

smile on the bus. Yeah.

39:42

And that's the whole movie to me, you

39:44

know. He goes through this

39:46

whole thing. He accomplishes everything he wants

39:48

to accomplish. They run, they get on

39:50

the bus, they're in the back, they

39:52

come in on Dustin Hoppin's face, and

39:54

he gives a smile like, what

39:56

now? Where do we go? That

40:01

happened, but Jesus Christ, now I'm

40:03

on a bus with this woman

40:06

I barely know, and we're married.

40:08

What do we do now? I

40:11

want to talk a little bit

40:13

about, oh Jesus, about

40:16

masterclass. Oh, it's nice

40:18

to have the keyboard back,

40:20

isn't it? Because when I say

40:22

masterclass, that automatically comes in, isn't

40:24

it nice? Or if you want

40:26

pentatonic, pentatonic, or regular. Masterclass

40:29

is life long learning

40:32

and they have all

40:34

these categories 11 categories

40:36

over 200 instructors you

40:38

get a you get

40:40

a membership and you

40:43

get access to everything

40:45

and you learn from

40:47

magicians like us architects

40:51

filmmakers, astronauts, basketball players. And I'm

40:53

trying to get the stuff that

40:55

I have to get in here.

40:57

Because what I really want to

40:59

get to is Ready Rich. Because

41:01

Ready Rich, who's been taking master

41:03

classes for years now, and takes

41:05

them very seriously and learns a

41:07

lot. He's in hostage negotiation. All

41:09

sorts of cooking. He's done

41:11

how to sing in stadiums. He's done

41:13

all these things. He gleaned something

41:15

from all of these for his life.

41:17

But now he took one we

41:19

want to hear about. What'd you take,

41:21

Reddy Rich? The art

41:23

of sex appeal. Yeah.

41:26

I can tell it. It oozes off

41:28

you now. And what'd you learn, Reddy?

41:30

With Shan Boudram. Who's Shan

41:32

Boudram? Sex therapist. What

41:36

gender? Female. OK.

41:38

And her husband's on the course

41:40

as well. He's

41:43

leaving her, isn't he? I'm not fighting

41:45

my time. It's not a cuck

41:47

video, is it? It's

41:49

it needs a little bit of explanation

41:51

because early on in our masterclass journey

41:53

you You took how to basketball. Mm

41:55

-hmm Hooping 598. What was the course

41:58

something like that? Yeah, and you only

42:00

took it to see if you could

42:02

get something out of something that you

42:04

knew you would not care about Yep,

42:06

and you did a lot and I've

42:08

kind of challenged myself to do the

42:10

same thing, but not really mm -hmm. So

42:12

my rules were I had to I

42:14

had to, no matter how off it

42:16

was from my path, I had to

42:19

get three things that I could talk

42:21

about on this show from any given

42:23

class. And I always did that, which

42:25

steered me away from how to basketball.

42:28

Because I was afraid I wouldn't find the three

42:30

things. Get

42:32

to the sex appeal. So

42:35

it split up into two parts.

42:37

The first part is the biology stuff.

42:40

And the thing that I think you'd want to know about

42:42

that, that I was surprised

42:44

by, was that we

42:46

hadn't mapped the clitoris until

42:48

2005? Did you know that?

42:50

No. You didn't know that. You mean we,

42:52

or do you mean like human beings? Human

42:54

beings. The medical community didn't

42:56

have a map of it until 2005,

42:59

so it's not my fault, right? Okay.

43:01

That is embarrassing. It is. And

43:04

then the second half of

43:06

it is all the psychological

43:08

stuff when talking with your

43:10

partner. with the

43:12

unspoken subtext of if you

43:14

happen to have grown up

43:17

in a borderline theocracy, where

43:19

talking about sexuality to even the closest

43:21

person in your life is verboten. And

43:26

I got all the way through that.

43:28

And I realized I'm not going to do

43:30

any of this stuff. So

43:36

question for Matt Donnelly. Yes,

43:38

you've you've done some of the

43:40

therapies. Yes. How much does

43:42

that cost? Roughly. A

43:44

therapy? Yeah. Anywhere from

43:46

80 to 125 an hour? Yeah.

43:49

So if I showed up to

43:51

the therapist and asked the question, why

43:53

am I still living alone? How

43:55

many of those therapies do you think

43:57

I have to take? How much

43:59

money am I in before they get

44:01

to the answer? These types of

44:03

questions are always unfair to therapists. But

44:05

me answering for therapists would drive

44:07

any therapist listening crazy. You

44:11

know, I think... It's not the

44:13

first one, right? No. That's

44:15

all you gotta know. Fair. I

44:18

think we can all go there.

44:20

So what's the price of Masterclass

44:22

again, Ben? Well, it changes, but

44:24

it's 15 % off. Yeah, 15 %

44:27

off. And you get a membership

44:29

to everything. So you not only

44:31

get all the stuff you found

44:33

out about why you're alone, but

44:35

you can also learn to cook

44:37

sushi. Which is wrong if you

44:39

learn to cook sushi. It's a

44:41

very bad sushi class Although I

44:43

know some sushi has cooked food

44:45

this or shut up Did you

44:48

want me to fact check no

44:50

all sushi is good all sushi

44:52

is good. Yeah, sushi is the

44:54

rice. Oh, that's right That's right.

44:56

All sushi is good. So see

44:58

yeah, I was amazing there so

45:00

there so we become a member

45:02

you get all of all of

45:04

these classes. You get lessons, and

45:07

you get a

45:09

chance to learn all

45:11

sorts of stuff.

45:13

And right now, you

45:16

can get 15 %

45:18

off by going

45:20

to masterclass.com -pen. That's

45:22

masterclass.com -pen. I wrote in

45:24

the blimp. Go to your blimp. it's

45:28

its 100th anniversary. And

45:30

it's our 50th anniversary. So

45:32

they thought getting two of us on the blimp would be the

45:34

right thing. So they gave

45:36

us, they allowed us four

45:38

seats, which is a

45:40

big deal. It was

45:43

really great. And my

45:45

friend Rich Nathanson is a blimp fanatic.

45:47

He went to the state fair,

45:49

the world's fair when he was young,

45:51

like 12 or something, whenever he

45:53

was in New York. And all three

45:55

blimps were there. It's like the

45:58

only time all three blimps. There's three

46:00

good year blimps in the country.

46:02

One out of Florida, one

46:04

out of Akron, Rubber City, and

46:06

one out of California, right? And

46:08

they all met at the World's

46:11

Fair, and they were all flying

46:13

over. And he has, this is

46:15

what a nutty is, he's been

46:17

to all three of the blimp

46:19

bases, but he's never gotten on

46:21

one. Wow. He's been to Akron,

46:23

he's been to Florida, he's been

46:25

to California. And the Goodyear blimp

46:27

was originally a blimp. It's

46:30

no longer a blimp. It's

46:32

now a dirgeable. You know the

46:34

difference, of course. I don't.

46:36

You don't! Well, a blimp essentially

46:38

takes the shape of the

46:40

rubber. Okay? And

46:42

a dirgeable has a structure

46:44

inside it. Okay. So if

46:47

you deflate a dirgeable, it

46:49

still looks like a dirgeable.

46:52

If you deflate a blimp, it's a

46:54

pile of rubber. Got it, right? Now,

46:56

Goodyear started these because they were showing

46:58

how good their rubberized fabric was that

47:00

could hold helium in. Now, of

47:02

course, I, when I got on the blimp said, wouldn't

47:04

we be able to do this a lot better

47:06

with hydrogen? Because

47:09

it is lighter than helium, right? Then

47:12

they explained to me that there had been

47:14

an accident at some point. Really? Yeah. Was

47:17

it in Jersey? I had been

47:19

on the blimp before. but

47:21

the old Goodyear blimp, like 21

47:23

years ago, where you had to

47:25

wear ear protection and you were

47:28

in a little tiny space. This

47:30

was about the size of a

47:32

short school bus. You

47:34

could get up and walk around up

47:36

in the air. That's pretty cool.

47:38

Yeah, and also there's all sorts of

47:40

great stuff about Light of There.

47:42

First of all, the people that work

47:44

in the Goodyear blimp seem to

47:46

be the happiest employees I've ever seen.

47:49

They're just thrilled. They want

47:51

to talk to you about the blimp. What?

47:53

I mean, it's a, it's a

47:55

peaceful flight. Yeah. It's

47:57

a little loud on the ground. Okay. But once

47:59

you get up in the air, it's very peaceful. And

48:02

you know, when you up in a hot

48:04

air balloon, it's peaceful, but panicked. Cause there's no

48:06

control over where it goes. So

48:08

you're just get up in the air and

48:10

then you try to come down. That's all

48:12

you're doing. Hot air balloon. But with the

48:14

blimp, you just. go up and you go

48:16

wherever you want and you come back down.

48:18

We were on about 45 minutes. They flew

48:20

us over the Rio. So

48:22

we could see our parking spaces. I

48:24

was gonna say, I waved at you from

48:26

the Rio. Did you? Yes, because I

48:28

was picking up a pen and teller prop.

48:31

And there's a rumor that Jessica, Jane,

48:33

Vinny and you were gonna be at

48:35

the Rio at the same time. We're

48:37

all gonna meet when I picked up

48:39

the prop and none of you came.

48:41

None of you. None of you. That's

48:43

because I was on the blimp. You

48:45

had the best excuse of the three

48:47

And we had to go earlier we

48:49

planned right because of the temperature and

48:52

Wins wins wins in temperature can can

48:54

fuck up a blimp But the people

48:56

that do what are really happening. Here's

48:58

what I didn't know I had kind

49:00

of pictured kind of sorta that when

49:02

the blimp has to go from LA

49:04

to Vegas or then to Chicago that

49:06

they kind of pack it up on

49:08

the blimp mobile and go, but it flies

49:10

everywhere. So if they're

49:12

gonna fly, they fly there. That,

49:14

that does surprise me. Yeah. And

49:17

they also, when you get on, they don't

49:19

land, which is also, first of all, you

49:21

have no idea how big it is. It

49:23

is, picture how big you think it is.

49:25

Yeah. Three times that size. Right, because it

49:27

looks gigantic in the sky. It's much bigger

49:29

than that. Right, so up close, it must

49:31

be much larger than I pictured. Well, imagine

49:33

a birthday party balloon. Okay. Okay. Now imagine

49:35

the payload on a birthday party balloon. You

49:38

know, if you put a clothespin on it,

49:40

it won't go up in the air, right?

49:43

Now imagine how big that

49:45

helium balloon, birthday party balloon,

49:48

happy birthday, Matt, how big

49:50

that would have to be

49:52

to carry a school bus. That's

49:55

big. Yeah. Yeah. A lot

49:57

of helium in there. Now there's

49:59

articles. This, Ready Rich, it was

50:01

always quick to correct me on this, but there

50:03

was a bunch of articles, I feel like years

50:05

ago that came out and said like, we're gonna

50:08

run out of helium. Helium is,

50:10

yes, we're gonna run out of helium.

50:13

It's wicked expensive. Well, as Ready

50:15

Rich points out, we're gonna eventually

50:17

run out of everything, because everything

50:19

is ultimately a finite resource over

50:22

time. But this Goodyear company must

50:24

have some kind of ankle on

50:26

this helium supply, yeah? Or they

50:28

don't fill it up every time.

50:30

Mm -hmm. It stays there. Oh, right.

50:32

Yeah, they're not deflating it ever,

50:34

but they have to top it

50:36

off And it was possible to

50:38

contain as the problem. Yeah, but

50:40

if they do a pretty good

50:42

job at it, right? But you

50:44

can't do a great job at

50:46

you know, it will it will

50:49

break through where false particles Yeah,

50:51

yeah, but um molecules. It's really

50:53

comfortable up there. It's smallest. It's

50:55

quiet It's quiet, and we flew

50:57

around Vegas, and people took pictures

50:59

of us in it, which is

51:01

really funny. They were sending

51:03

us pictures saying, see, I see you going. And

51:06

we asked them. They

51:08

go the fastest it can go. They

51:11

do it in knots, that kind of bullshit.

51:13

Put that aside. The fastest

51:15

it can go is about 55 miles an

51:18

hour. That's faster than I thought. But

51:20

they actually go about 35 most of the

51:22

time. Yeah. So he says, he said

51:24

to us, uh, uh, the pilot, uh,

51:26

the one that really flew it was a

51:28

woman. She didn't talk to us much because he

51:30

was busy flying the fucking airship. Like, what

51:32

do you have to be aware of as an

51:34

airship pilot versus a regular pilot? You think

51:36

about wind a lot, I think. Yeah. And you

51:38

also think about buoyancy a lot. Um,

51:41

and, uh, but the other

51:43

one, the copilot. was, they're

51:45

all very pleasant. They're very nice people, really

51:47

nice people. It seems like a good gig.

51:49

Yeah, a really good gig. And then they

51:52

go to fly back to LA. So

51:54

they fly for like, we

51:56

said, how long does it take? And they said,

51:58

well, picture your driving. And we're going

52:00

a little slower than your driving. We have

52:02

no stop lights. So we

52:04

could just go. There's no traffic

52:06

or stop lights. But we also go

52:08

a little slower. So it's about

52:11

the same time as driving. So when

52:13

they want to fly, you know, a

52:15

thousand miles, it's like driving a thousand

52:17

miles. And they can't land them just anywhere

52:20

they want. We're spending all this money

52:22

on high speed rail. We should just be

52:24

blimping people back and forth through LA.

52:26

It's great. Also, they said, so

52:28

I said, we got them the

52:30

van, right? Because you have to take the

52:32

van over to the blimp, which is not

52:34

actually a blimp. They still call it that.

52:36

They're not tight ass about it. I

52:39

guess it was a corporate decision made

52:41

long ago. Listen, we're changing to dirigible. We're

52:43

going to call it a blimp. Shut

52:45

the fuck up. No one's to

52:47

be saying that, could you're dirigible? No

52:50

one knows where to put

52:52

the accent on dirigible, dirigible, dirigible,

52:55

dirigible. And they said, we don't

52:57

have. many celebrities we've been

52:59

had on here. We've we've been.

53:02

That seems like it's just an error on their

53:04

part. We said a celebrity who doesn't want

53:06

to spend any time in the good year. Everybody.

53:08

Right. They don't seem to want to. Yeah.

53:10

They said it's by choice. It's really true. No,

53:13

no, no. It's really true that they don't

53:15

ask a lot of celebrities don't want to go.

53:17

So I asked the only question you would

53:19

ask. I asked, has Jimmy

53:21

Page written on it? Has

53:23

Robert Plant written on it? John Paul

53:25

Jones, okay. Whether he wants to or

53:27

not, okay. But if there's

53:29

photos of Zeppelin and Zeppelin. It would be

53:31

really great, wouldn't it? Really good. Yeah. But

53:34

I'm trying to tell you all this

53:36

at once, because I like it all. They

53:39

don't land for you to

53:41

get on. You come up a

53:44

ladder? Yeah. Rope ladder? Not a rope ladder.

53:46

But these guys chase it. They

53:49

bring it down close to the ground,

53:51

then a bunch of people chase it

53:54

and grab it and hook a ladder

53:56

on it. And then four people don't

53:58

come off and four people go on,

54:00

they can't do that. Four

54:02

people go on, it gets heavier. Two

54:05

people come off, it gets lighter. Two

54:07

more people go on, it gets heavier.

54:09

Two more people come off, they take off.

54:11

Because of buoyancy. Yeah. Our

54:13

weight makes a difference. Get a little

54:15

bit of cardio in for the day. You're

54:18

a ladder chaser. They also

54:20

say, which is great, they say, we

54:22

welcome all the photos and videos

54:24

you want to take. All you want

54:26

to take. But don't take it

54:28

while you're giving on, because we need

54:30

your full attention. And all you're

54:32

going to get is a solid wall

54:34

of gray anyway. We

54:37

will tell you when you can -

54:40

That means they're speaking from experience. Yes,

54:42

they are. Yes, they are. Yes, they

54:44

are. And they said, the windows can

54:46

be open, but don't hold your cell

54:48

phones out because gravity. And

54:51

that's just the way they put it. They

54:54

said, again, if you're speaking from experience. People

54:57

have dropped their cell phones out of the

54:59

blimp. Yeah. It's

55:02

really nice. It's really great.

55:04

But the most important thing was

55:06

the long -suffering Glenn Ally, although

55:08

not as bad as Rich, had

55:11

models of blimps. He

55:13

followed them around. He

55:16

was also obsessed. So

55:18

Rich and Glenn were just

55:20

in hog heaven. They were

55:23

knee -deep in their own

55:25

helium cum. It was amazing.

55:27

I mean, it's a really

55:29

unique experience. It's just so

55:31

cool. I never even thought that it

55:33

should be an ambition. And

55:36

now that you describe it, I'm like,

55:38

God, that sounds awesome. Yeah, they said

55:40

it's really fun to travel because it's

55:42

not like an airplane where you've got

55:44

this little window and you can't see

55:46

much. We're flying low and slow. And

55:49

we just get to see everything. And

55:51

what they really mean is sometimes

55:53

there's people sunbathing nude on roofs. That's

55:55

all they really mean. Which

55:58

I don't think Katy Perry saw on Blue

56:00

Origin. I don't if she saw any nude sunbathers.

56:02

What's Blue Origin? Is that the name of

56:04

the spaceship? Oh, yeah, yeah. Katy

56:06

Perry and all of her friends went up in the

56:08

spaceship. It's

56:11

pretty great. But

56:14

the other thing

56:16

is that there's... tractor

56:18

trailers, four follow vans,

56:21

all the support stuff that goes, okay,

56:23

that has to go

56:25

to each show they do,

56:27

or each job. Yeah,

56:31

and I

56:33

said, the two

56:35

people driving the van, because of course

56:37

the joke I made was they said, as

56:39

we walked out to the van, they

56:41

said, are you excited? And I said, oh

56:43

yes, I'm about to get in the

56:45

Goodyear van. I'm very excited

56:47

to be in the Goodyear van. And

56:49

I took pictures of the Goodyear

56:51

van. And the

56:53

two people driving the

56:55

Goodyear van are pilots

56:58

of the Goodyear blimp, right?

57:00

But they're on rotations and they

57:02

have to get their sleep and

57:04

they can't do this and that,

57:06

you know. So also they were

57:08

in training, really, really nice. What

57:10

a fascinating outfit this is. I

57:13

said to them, so

57:15

sometimes, They're going to drive

57:17

it to California. They're

57:19

going to fly to California and you've

57:21

got to drive the van, right? He

57:25

said yeah, so I said you

57:27

have to call like your relatives We

57:29

said we're gonna and they say

57:31

we're going to California And they go

57:33

how exciting you go while I'm

57:35

driving in the van and she said

57:37

the greatest thing ever She said

57:40

well, you know in the van you

57:42

can play whatever music you want

57:44

and I can stop when I want

57:46

go to the bathroom There's no

57:48

toilets on the play well there is

57:50

But this is what they said,

57:52

and they were very delicate about it.

57:54

They said, there is a toilet

57:56

on board, but we like to keep

57:58

it kind of for emergencies because

58:01

we just have to clean it out

58:03

after. I mean, it's just a

58:05

pale, is what they're trying to say. With

58:08

a declosures. So

58:11

you don't really have a toilet on board,

58:13

not really. And I kept

58:15

thinking about, when they're

58:17

up there, I kept

58:19

thinking about flying to California, or when they take

58:21

it all the way across. You

58:23

know, they do that too. But they usually

58:25

do Akron, and which I think

58:28

when they have one in Akron, one in

58:30

Florida, one in California, all they're

58:32

saying is, we don't give a fuck

58:34

about Iowa. That's

58:36

all they're saying. Nebraska, you're not gonna

58:38

see the blimp. But they also showed

58:41

us where they pull out the seats,

58:43

and there's a camera man, then there's

58:45

a whole bubble below it. for all

58:47

the sporting events. Because you can hire

58:49

the blimp to shoot the event. And

58:52

they were in town for WrestleMania. And

58:55

they said, well, we're

58:57

just circling the stadium, and

58:59

it's a closed stadium, so

59:02

there's nothing to see.

59:04

And they said, it's more fun when we're doing golf. I

59:07

said, because you can see the ball.

59:09

And they said, no, we can't really

59:11

see the ball, but they say you

59:13

have to go to hole four so

59:15

we can get a shot there. We

59:17

have to maneuver the blimp and hover

59:20

right there so the cameraman get the

59:22

shots he wants. It gets

59:24

directly transmitted to a person down on

59:26

the ground who, now everybody's saying,

59:28

why don't they just use drones? And

59:30

my answer to that is fuck

59:32

you. But those beautiful beauty shots and

59:34

all the sports thing, they're always

59:36

the blimp. Yes, because there's something different

59:38

about it. Yeah. And they said

59:40

they didn't have their, they can

59:42

strap on the thing that makes it say

59:44

stuff on the side. Like happy

59:46

birthday, Matt Donnelly, which I paid. Did

59:48

you see it? No, I didn't see the happy

59:50

birthday. Yesterday was your birthday, right? Yeah. Yeah, we

59:53

did happy birthday, Matt. You didn't see it? No.

59:55

Oh, that's a drag. It's an

59:57

happy birthday, Matt Donnelly in big letters. And you

59:59

thought I'd forgotten your birthday, you? I did,

1:00:01

I did. Just because you didn't happen to, but

1:00:03

you looked up and saw it, just not

1:00:05

the right time. It's not the right time, yeah.

1:00:07

But it was there, happy birthday, Matt. Well,

1:00:09

thank you so much. It was really nice. I

1:00:11

appreciate it. But the good year, Blimp, it

1:00:14

seems like one of those rare things in life

1:00:16

that's just good. I mean,

1:00:18

I guess you could say they're

1:00:20

using too much helium. I

1:00:22

guess you could be bitchy about

1:00:24

that. Compared to like the

1:00:26

takeoff of Any flight? Yeah, I

1:00:28

think we're I think I

1:00:30

think they're still good right and

1:00:32

I think probably the whole

1:00:34

operation of all the pilots and

1:00:36

I got them laughing because

1:00:38

We had the two pilots up

1:00:41

there and one of them

1:00:43

said well, I'm actually from the

1:00:45

Akron Division I just flew

1:00:47

out to to help here with

1:00:49

WrestleMania and They said There

1:00:51

was a man and a woman who were the

1:00:53

pilots. We got in the van with the two

1:00:55

people they're learning. They said, who

1:00:57

was the one flying? Who was the one talking

1:01:00

to you? We said, well, there's a woman flying.

1:01:02

They said, oh, no, Jessica's really fun to talk

1:01:04

to. And I said, well, the

1:01:06

guy was great too. And I said, but

1:01:08

he's from Akron because he told us

1:01:10

that he lives in Akron. I said, he's

1:01:12

one of those Akron fucks, right? They

1:01:14

fucked him. And they

1:01:16

laughed so hard that I realized

1:01:18

that's what they say. This

1:01:23

is the reality show I want to watch.

1:01:25

I just want to know about the three

1:01:27

different divisions of the Goodyear blimp and their

1:01:29

assignments and their logistics. I

1:01:31

don't want it all. And moving the vans

1:01:33

and stuff. And I was thinking to myself, it's

1:01:36

also really fun to drive the van. You

1:01:38

get the Goodyear blimp van, and

1:01:40

you pull it into the hotel, and

1:01:43

you go to the, and then

1:01:45

there's a great job, and this

1:01:47

is the job I think Rich

1:01:49

Davis should get. He didn't agree

1:01:51

with me. They have the they

1:01:53

have the blimp watch 24 hours

1:01:55

a day So when it's moored

1:01:57

And it's it's it's tethered. Yeah

1:01:59

at an airport and the pilots

1:02:02

go to sleep All of them

1:02:04

go to sleep. There's a guy

1:02:06

who sits there in a chair

1:02:08

All night and watches the blimp

1:02:10

to make sure nothing nothing happens

1:02:12

What do you do if it's

1:02:14

floating away on you wake up

1:02:16

wake up wake up It's going

1:02:19

It's going away! I

1:02:24

thought you tethered it. We

1:02:26

need to get a checklist or

1:02:28

something for the tethering. This

1:02:30

is gonna fuck up so many

1:02:32

ducks. It

1:02:37

was there. The

1:02:40

next morning, the guy's sleeping in

1:02:42

the chair. I just dozed off for

1:02:44

a second. Where is it? 20

1:02:47

people just jumping and missing the ropes.

1:02:52

One of those Amazon grabby things. See if

1:02:54

you can try to get an extra six

1:02:56

feet on it. No,

1:02:58

no. You just show up in

1:03:00

the morning, the blip's gone, guys sit there

1:03:02

sleeping. Got some Taco

1:03:04

Bell next to him. Where's the

1:03:07

blip? What? Huh? I

1:03:09

just, I was asleep for like, maybe

1:03:11

like two minutes. Well,

1:03:14

the bloop's gone, Chester. Well,

1:03:18

it must be around here somewhere. You

1:03:20

had one job, Chester. Chet,

1:03:25

you kind of fucked us

1:03:27

up. No, I'm sure. I

1:03:30

mean, it's big, right? We can find it

1:03:32

easy. Akron and Florida

1:03:34

going to laugh their fucking asses

1:03:36

off at us. We lost the

1:03:38

California point. They're

1:03:41

going to just be kicking our dicks

1:03:43

about this for years. And

1:03:46

then to tie it all together,

1:03:48

we went to WrestleMania, which

1:03:51

I, you know, talk

1:03:53

about like 250 ,000 people

1:03:55

are in Vegas now for

1:03:57

WrestleMania. Friends,

1:04:00

flights were delayed because the airport was

1:04:02

too busy with flights coming in for

1:04:04

WrestleMania. When

1:04:06

I was younger, I thought it

1:04:08

was going to die off. I thought

1:04:10

WrestleMania was going to be less popular.

1:04:12

It seemed like a thing from the

1:04:14

fifties to me. Yeah. And now it's

1:04:16

everything. And it's more popular than ever

1:04:19

before. And it's crazy. Well,

1:04:21

that's because they got Convalengus moves where

1:04:23

they flip up in each other's

1:04:25

faces. Yeah, that helps it a lot.

1:04:28

It's sexy for sure. But

1:04:30

I mean, I can't believe it really is

1:04:32

like, if you tell me like WrestleMania is

1:04:34

coming, I wouldn't be like, oh no, I

1:04:36

better prepare different routes to get to where

1:04:38

I want to get to. Well, here's all

1:04:41

you need to know. We were at the

1:04:43

T -Mobile Center, which is what, 30 ,000 people,

1:04:45

20 ,000? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

1:04:47

yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever it is. And we

1:04:49

were there at 9 a .m. We were doing

1:04:51

the backstage hunk with a guy named Lexus

1:04:53

King. It was a heel. He's a heel.

1:04:55

He's a bad guy. And we were backstage

1:04:57

shooting this little hunk, right? On

1:05:00

stage, the show was going on. It

1:05:02

was 9 a .m. and it was packed. 9

1:05:05

a .m. on a Saturday

1:05:07

morning in Vegas. Saturday morning,

1:05:09

9 a .m. in Vegas. 25

1:05:11

,000 people show up to see

1:05:13

WrestleMania. 25 ,000 people

1:05:15

show up. Yeah, and they run

1:05:17

shows all day long. I guess

1:05:20

bouts. No, like there's an article

1:05:22

like the Nevada Legislature recently passed a

1:05:24

bunch of you know, all these different states

1:05:26

do tax incentives for showbiz people to

1:05:28

come here and do show business things, right?

1:05:30

Film stuff, that kind of stuff. And

1:05:32

so the article was about like how Russell

1:05:34

Bandy was coming here anyway, but now

1:05:37

some of you have these tax breaks, they're

1:05:39

taking advantage of all these tax breaks

1:05:41

and blah blah blah and some of you

1:05:43

were upset about it. But the truth

1:05:45

is that they took the money and Spend

1:05:47

it on like the good year blimp

1:05:49

and like you know open up like five

1:05:51

different other events So they it was

1:05:53

kind of it was actually kind of working

1:05:56

the the tax break thing or whatever

1:05:58

But yeah, this is it's becoming a gigantic

1:06:00

event here I would not think WrestleMania

1:06:02

would take over the whole town. In fact,

1:06:04

it came here It was the last

1:06:06

year a couple years ago They did a

1:06:08

two -day event and people were wondering if

1:06:10

that was too much and they went

1:06:12

bigger This time it seems like it was

1:06:15

much more successful. Yeah, it's huge and

1:06:17

we were back there with uh with lexus

1:06:19

king And the gag was he said

1:06:21

he he didn't believe in magic that he

1:06:23

was an intellectual and we made his

1:06:25

trophy disappear And then he had to say

1:06:27

that We were the greatest magicians. And

1:06:29

then we brought the, we would bring the

1:06:31

trophy back under one condition, under conditions

1:06:34

that he apologized to us and he defended

1:06:36

the trophy in the ring that night.

1:06:38

No way. Yeah. And they said, he said,

1:06:40

who's my opponent going to be? And

1:06:42

I said, that's a surprise. And

1:06:44

it was a big deal. That

1:06:46

is a big deal. Yeah. So that'll

1:06:48

be shown Tuesday. One was

1:06:50

shown Saturday. That'll be shown

1:06:53

Tuesday. Although. Within it, it'll happen

1:06:55

in real time. I'm

1:06:57

the CW. It's our

1:06:59

sister show. There you go.

1:07:01

But I was a little

1:07:04

bit unpleasant about getting up

1:07:06

early Saturday morning to do.

1:07:09

I made the long -suffering glands

1:07:11

suffer more. And

1:07:13

then I promised myself I would

1:07:15

go home and do nothing all day.

1:07:17

And I rarely do that. But

1:07:19

boy did I. I sat and ate.

1:07:22

Watched Oz because you gotta watch some

1:07:24

anal rape. Watched Oz and

1:07:26

I ate and I slept like an hour

1:07:28

sitting in the chair, you know, like

1:07:30

dad sleeps. Yeah, like that. I slept like

1:07:32

that. It's good sleep, right? It's really

1:07:34

good sleep. Dad's got it right. When

1:07:37

you fall asleep in the chair watching TV, it's the best. So

1:07:40

that was my whole day

1:07:42

yesterday. That's amazing. All

1:07:44

on the chat asked a very important question.

1:07:46

What's that? How

1:07:48

long after you de -blimped did

1:07:50

your voice stop being squeaky? Yeah,

1:07:57

well, I asked for

1:07:59

a seat up in

1:08:01

the actual balloon That's

1:08:03

pretty great. They were

1:08:05

a little even the

1:08:08

people driving the van

1:08:10

were little crispy uniforms That's

1:08:13

so nice. And I want to thank

1:08:15

you for my birthday banner, by the way.

1:08:17

Well, it would have been better if you'd seen it. The

1:08:19

chat says they also threw in for one

1:08:22

of those, too. Oh, wow. Okay, well thank them.

1:08:24

Thank you, chat. Thank you guys. I

1:08:26

often say, you know, of the age, of course,

1:08:28

I don't know what I want to do for

1:08:30

my birthday. I don't care. I don't want, I

1:08:32

can't think of things I want for my birthday,

1:08:34

so to speak or whatever. Well, you can think

1:08:36

of things, but no one would honor it. Right,

1:08:38

yeah, yeah. I'm like, you don't really want to

1:08:40

know what I want for my birthday. Yeah, Scarlett

1:08:42

Johansson's busy. But

1:08:46

But happy birthday mad on the blimp is a pretty big

1:08:48

deal. That's a pretty big deal. Yeah, sure, you love that.

1:08:51

I thought it would turn on Scarlett, but no. while

1:08:54

she's married. So I often say, like, go

1:08:57

out and do a lot of shows. I

1:08:59

get a lot of attention. I don't need

1:09:01

a lot of attention or whatever. I don't

1:09:03

really care. I turned 70 on

1:09:05

my birthday. Yeah. And I just sat all

1:09:07

day and went, fuck it. I've

1:09:10

always I for a long

1:09:12

time felt fucking just in general.

1:09:15

Yeah, my 70th birthday. It

1:09:17

was profound and in every molecule

1:09:19

my body. Yeah, fuck it.

1:09:21

Who gives a fuck? Yeah. Well,

1:09:23

this is your bluff called

1:09:26

but no one did shit except

1:09:28

for a blimp. Sorry

1:09:30

Sorry, I was thinking about it, not you guys.

1:09:32

And even there, I really feel terrible. Thank

1:09:35

you guys so much for all tripping

1:09:37

in. I appreciate it.

1:09:39

It wasn't cheap. Oh! North

1:09:41

of 300? North of 300? I don't

1:09:43

want to talk about it. I mean, that's

1:09:45

not... I shouldn't have even mentioned it

1:09:47

wasn't cheap. That's not gracious. It

1:09:49

was worth it, Matt, just for you to see. Oh,

1:09:51

you didn't see it. That's okay. Well,

1:09:55

my son's It

1:09:57

said... Happy birthday,

1:09:59

Matt. Glad you don't

1:10:01

have brain cancer. That's

1:10:07

what it said. And you're like, he'll get it later when

1:10:09

we do the podcast. My

1:10:16

son's birthday is two

1:10:18

days after mine. And

1:10:21

then, of course, my birthday fell

1:10:23

on the weekend, so we're celebrating my

1:10:26

son's birthday on... so I

1:10:28

flew home to make it to my son's birthday,

1:10:30

which is wonderful. And now it's

1:10:32

Easter, and so there's just simply no

1:10:34

time for anyone to even take a

1:10:36

moment to be like, also, happy birthday

1:10:38

over here. You know what I'm

1:10:40

thinking about this Easter? Yeah. Not our

1:10:42

Lord rising from the dead. No? No. I'm

1:10:44

thinking about Ham. I've been

1:10:46

vegan for a long time. Yes, and I

1:10:49

don't think about meat very much, but I'm thinking

1:10:51

about ham Yeah, I thought like something to

1:10:53

put a little mustard on that is a yeah

1:10:55

we because of my son's birthday and Easter

1:10:57

being close proximity Even though we're the the only

1:10:59

known atheists on our block we end up

1:11:01

having the biggest Easter party every night There's a

1:11:03

party at my house as we record and

1:11:05

so it's a lot of effort goes into so

1:11:08

we were playing a lot goes into my

1:11:10

son's birthday and a lot goes into the Easter

1:11:13

celebration as well. And we indeed do

1:11:15

have a Honeybaked Ham as a

1:11:17

centerpiece at the party. Yeah, there must

1:11:19

be vegan Honeybaked Ham. By now

1:11:21

there has to be. You know, and

1:11:23

this is something that I think

1:11:25

is the most anti -semitic thing you'll

1:11:28

ever hear on this show. Okay. I

1:11:30

love or used to love, a

1:11:32

ham sandwich with mayonnaise on my

1:11:35

bread. You can't get

1:11:37

more anti -symmetrical than that. But

1:11:39

I've told this before. I

1:11:41

went to Carnegie Deli,

1:11:43

one of the most important

1:11:45

delis. It's closed now.

1:11:47

But I went there with

1:11:49

Gilbert Gottfried. And the

1:11:52

owner of the Carnegie Deli, Sonny, we

1:11:54

sent our order in. And

1:11:57

he came out of the

1:11:59

kitchen. angry and

1:12:01

ranting. And he

1:12:03

said, okay, two

1:12:06

corned beef sandwiches were ordered

1:12:08

here. One was

1:12:10

on rye with mustard

1:12:12

and coleslaw, and one

1:12:14

was on white bread

1:12:16

with mayonnaise. Listen, Gillette,

1:12:18

get the fuck out of here.

1:12:20

Go back to Massachusetts. And

1:12:23

Gilbert said, I ordered the

1:12:25

mayonnaise. Everything

1:12:29

went quiet in the whole

1:12:31

Carnegie deli. I said mine

1:12:33

was with coleslaw and mustard on

1:12:35

rye. So you need to talk

1:12:38

to Mr. Gilbert Godfreyd about not

1:12:40

being Jewish enough for the deli.

1:12:42

Would you please? And

1:12:44

that just put the kite boss on

1:12:46

it. Everything changed entirely. Oh yes, Mr. Godfreyd

1:12:48

will bring you out your mayonnaise on

1:12:50

your corned beef right away. Now,

1:12:54

I don't want to get into this. It's

1:12:56

a long discussion. This would be a whole show.

1:12:58

Okay, but I like Miracle Whip. Yeah,

1:13:00

I can't believe you're bringing this up this

1:13:02

late the pod. Okay. So anyway, I like

1:13:04

Miracle Whip. Yeah. A lot of people are

1:13:06

snobby about Miracle Whip. Yeah. But I come

1:13:08

from essentially a white trash background. And we

1:13:11

like our fucking Miracle Whip. Do you like

1:13:13

Miracle Whip? Yeah, I do. Okay. That's all

1:13:15

we need. How about you, Red? Do you

1:13:17

like Miracle Whip? Uh, nothing

1:13:19

from France. Just the mustard only,

1:13:21

please. Okay. I

1:13:23

didn't like any kind of goo. White

1:13:25

greasy spread? Yeah, on anything until

1:13:27

I was like... White greasy spread is

1:13:29

at least a stripper here in

1:13:32

town. But

1:13:35

yeah, so when it comes down to it,

1:13:37

you're just looking for that texture. I like

1:13:39

white greasy spreads. Yeah. I really do. Yeah.

1:13:42

Whatever the white greasy spread is. Anyway, that

1:13:44

was spent Sunday school brought to you

1:13:46

by Masterclass. Yeah. And you

1:13:48

can get 15 % off at

1:13:50

Masterclass. That's

1:13:54

masterclass. Yeah.

1:14:01

Masterclass. And

1:14:03

that was Penn Sunday School.

1:14:07

Cha cha cha. You

1:14:10

become naked. See

1:14:20

someone in our

1:14:22

show wish their husband

1:14:25

no longer have

1:14:27

brain cancer idiot He's

1:14:29

an idiot because

1:14:31

he has brain cancer

1:14:50

You know, we love you, Matt. You

1:14:52

got anybody to thank? I

1:14:55

do. Like Michael Halpin, Kevin

1:14:57

Merriman, Ryan Boshler,

1:14:59

Jay Edmo, Craig

1:15:01

Crawford, Charles Johnson, Vanessa

1:15:03

Blanks, Tony Bunyan,

1:15:05

Snipe Johnson, Matthew

1:15:07

Siminoe, Galactic President, Scooper,

1:15:10

Starmark, Scoopsalot, Joss Zero,

1:15:12

Ben, Harry the Gorillagician,

1:15:14

my Fulus episode aired. We

1:15:16

had him on Ice Cream Social. Kevin

1:15:18

Burke. Old Bear Greg, show

1:15:20

us the unedited Hondro and Piff

1:15:22

Trojan horse trick. No

1:15:24

shit Sherlock, cacti -pitties, Steven

1:15:26

Bricegirtle loves the new website.

1:15:29

Coach Rat Bastard, Vito

1:15:31

Quatro Formaggi, David

1:15:33

I wanna figure your cunt

1:15:35

Brenner, Sagebrush, Luke Mellon, Sean

1:15:37

Dunan, Jason Andrew

1:15:39

Davidson, Peter B. Clark,

1:15:41

Matt Williams, Brad Sherlock,

1:15:44

Steve Feldman, Sean Othinpey,

1:15:46

NewRuleFX.com, Roby Neely, Danny

1:15:48

insert meta joke here ruse hit

1:15:50

me with popcorn. No complaints

1:15:52

Glenn Ally. Oh boy Adam stick

1:15:54

me Sax Guy Jimmy D

1:15:56

Nathan Julian Jeremy and Shanghai. I

1:15:58

resemble that remark. Daniel falling

1:16:01

on hard times, but you all

1:16:03

keeping me going love you

1:16:05

all. love you too, Daniel. William

1:16:07

Wenger in Batman David K We

1:16:10

are alive for Hondro to

1:16:12

be in a horse suit. Brandon

1:16:14

nap Nick Nick Dingman Colin

1:16:16

Durham Susie Felber, and Lancey Menchu.

1:16:18

Thank you so much. Thank

1:16:20

you.