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is a great place to share the world's latest information. Be

1:02

sure to join in on that next episode of the

1:04

Harry Potter series. A

1:07

few quick announcements will sound different than other

1:09

intros, but I'm coming to

1:11

you from the laundry room of Kelly's

1:13

aunt and uncle's house in Louisiana. I'm

1:16

in Louisiana for some other events. But one

1:18

of the events I'm here for is a

1:20

live show. If you're listening to this on

1:22

the day it came out, then I have

1:24

a live show in New Orleans tomorrow. And you should come

1:26

through October 24th. We're doing a half

1:28

Potter list, half the New Salimpian show. Very excited about

1:31

it. You should check that out. You can get tickets

1:33

at potterletspodcast.com. And there also might

1:35

be some shows in the near future in

1:37

2025 that are half Potter

1:39

list, half the New Salimpians. So just make sure you're following

1:41

Potter List on social media. We're at Potter List, Potter on

1:44

Twitter. We're at Potter List Podcasts

1:46

on Instagram. When I do have shows, I

1:48

will post that. But yes, aside from live

1:50

show things, we've got this episode coming up

1:52

and hopefully more in the future. So I'm

1:54

going to go into the era of live

1:56

show audio where I did half Potter List,

1:58

half TNO shows. sections

2:00

were about 30 minutes or so. So it

2:02

should be easier for me to get these

2:05

episodes up, so hopefully I will get more

2:07

of them up. But if that is not

2:09

enough Potterless content, as always, you can get

2:11

access to everything we ever posted on the

2:13

Potterless Patreon. If you go to patreon.com/Potterless, it's

2:16

been rebranded for The New Salimba in my

2:18

Percy Jackson podcast, but you can

2:20

get access to all of the Potterless stuff

2:22

by joining the Oh I Just Want the

2:24

Potterless Stuff tier. It's four bucks a month.

2:26

You get access to everything. So just scroll

2:28

on back and then boom, you've got access

2:30

to everything we've ever posted, whether that's bonus

2:32

episodes, director's commentaries, monthly Q&A live streams, all

2:34

sorts of fun stuff. So all

2:36

of that is there and then we

2:38

still do have Potterless digital merch that

2:40

you can get at potterlesspikas.com/merch, wallpapers, ringtones,

2:42

replays, live shows, lots of good stuff.

2:44

So that's all of that there and

2:47

without further ado, let's get into this

2:49

episode. This episode is from the Portland

2:51

live show that we did in late

2:53

2022, traveling far back in time,

2:56

but I was joined on stage with Kelly. This is

2:58

the second act of the show and

3:01

it was a very fun time. So

3:03

now we will get into the audio

3:05

from that episode of Potterless live in

3:07

Portland with our very special guest Kelly

3:10

Schubert as we do Wizard on Bachelor

3:12

Winter Games. Oh,

3:29

how's it going everybody? Welcome to

3:31

the Potterless portion where costume changes

3:33

are involved. Kelly changed her everything.

3:35

I just changed my shirt and

3:37

socks. I also have a merch

3:40

Kelly outfit too. When I am merch

3:42

Kelly. Kelly asked me, is

3:44

three costume changes too many? And I was

3:46

like, is three enough? I

3:49

forgot that I'd be merch Kelly first act

3:51

Kelly, merch Kelly second act Kelly, merch Kelly

3:53

again. So I I did that

3:55

to myself. We

4:00

are here to do a very fun

4:02

and unique, special, potterless, improvised

4:04

extravaganza. We've done all sorts of

4:07

reality TV things. We've touched various

4:09

elements of the Bachelor franchise as

4:11

well, but we have not touched

4:14

one particular element. And that is

4:16

the short-lived, they only did one

4:18

season of it, nobody really liked

4:20

it, Bachelor Winter Games. Did

4:23

anyone in the crowd watch Bachelor Winter Games?

4:25

All right, was it good? OK,

4:28

cool. Good

4:30

answer, because when I was

4:32

prepping for this show, I was trying to

4:34

figure out, OK, let me look at the

4:36

structure, let me see how it worked. And

4:38

the internet was not helpful about how it

4:40

worked. The Wikipedia pages are usually very thorough.

4:43

This, it was a cluster of terribleness. Do

4:45

you know who else was not helpful? Me.

4:48

Yeah. I watched it. You did. I

4:50

didn't watch it. The whole thing? I

4:52

watched the whole thing. Yeah. I don't

4:55

remember anything. The thing that I learned

4:57

about it is that it's very structurally

4:59

confusing. So rather than try to mimic

5:01

the structure in quotation marks,

5:03

if you will, of Bachelor

5:06

Winter Games, I instead decided to do

5:08

something a little new and different and

5:10

to show some love to a house

5:12

that usually doesn't get a lot of

5:15

love, because they are racist in

5:17

the books. But for any Slytherins

5:19

in the house, OK, all right. Cool, cool.

5:21

I assume you're all not racist. We're going

5:24

to go with a Slytherin-specific Bachelor Offshoe, because

5:26

I feel like a lot of the times

5:28

when we do the relationship ones, as we've

5:30

done in live shows, we usually kick off

5:32

the Slytherins pretty quick, because it's like, well,

5:34

they're not going to like the racist ones.

5:36

So they vote them off the island. So

5:39

what we've got going on here, and then this also

5:42

helped, because there is one girl

5:44

Slytherin that has multiple lines,

5:46

and that is Pansy

5:49

Parkinson. Sorry to Melissa Bolstrode

5:51

or whatever, but I don't think she

5:53

got enough love for me to understand

5:55

her character. What we're doing here

5:57

for Bachelor Winter Games specifically was a

5:59

great idea. Wizard on, Wizard

6:01

on, Winter Games, Win-sir, I'll think

6:04

of a pun later. Wizard on?

6:06

Win-sir-zer on, anyway. We've

6:08

got these four boys from Slytherin vying

6:10

for the love of Pansy Parkinson. So,

6:12

we have Drake on Malfoy. What?

6:15

Oh, she's laughing, she's funny. Okay, we got

6:17

Drake on Malfoy, we got Crab, we got

6:20

Goyle, and we got Zabini. They're all trying

6:22

to win over Pansy. And the way

6:24

this is going to work is that I will turn to you in the

6:26

crowd to give me a number between one and 16 because

6:28

at least according to olympics.com, there appear to be

6:31

16 different Winter Olympic

6:33

events. And you will say the

6:35

number, I will pick the thing. What we're gonna do

6:37

is we're gonna just have the four of them compete,

6:40

and then whoever wins this Olympic event out

6:42

of the four of them gets the chance

6:44

to go on a date with Pansy, and

6:46

then we'll kind of figure out what those

6:48

folks would have in common, where they would

6:50

connect, all that kind of stuff. And then

6:52

at the end, we'll kind of figure out

6:54

all of us as a group with Kelly

6:57

and I's thoughts and the applause meter who

6:59

would win the love of Pansy Parkinson in

7:01

this very normal date type setting. Now

7:04

what we normally do when we have competition

7:06

type shows like this, when we're improvving them

7:08

out for Potterless Lives, is that

7:10

we usually say there's no magic involved. They're not

7:13

allowed to use magic that would make it fun.

7:15

We want to see like on their merits, who

7:17

would do well in Survivor or Great British Big

7:19

Offer, whatever. But in this case, because we were

7:22

just doing regular standard Olympic events, magic is completely

7:24

on the table. Anything

7:26

goes, wands, brooms, spells, potions, especially that

7:28

led into the Slytherin of it all.

7:31

Doing stuff to screw over other people,

7:33

like let's go. Let's have some fun.

7:35

Let's have some of that, I'm sure.

7:38

So for the first event, could someone give me

7:40

a number between one and 16? 12

7:43

was the first thing I heard. So, one, two, three,

7:45

four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12. Oh,

7:49

perfect. The first

7:51

event that they will be competing

7:53

in is Skeleton, which is Headfirst

7:55

Luge. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I

7:58

know. Because some, I don't know what. was

8:00

invented first, but if Luge was invented first

8:02

and someone said, going down a very scary

8:05

ice thing on just one

8:07

of those mechanic rolly things, not scary enough.

8:09

What if you went head first? Skeleton.

8:13

Have you ever watched skeleton? No, I

8:15

didn't know it existed. Yeah. I mean,

8:17

it's what you think it is. It's

8:19

exactly what it sounds like. Yep. And

8:21

it's very aptly named, or it's like

8:24

a death sounding name. Yeah, it is.

8:26

Yeah. Race. Now, in skeleton, it's one

8:28

at a time. So you're going for

8:30

the fastest time between crab, goyal, zabini

8:33

and Draco. Do we think

8:35

anyone's going to have an advantage? Zabini

8:37

and Draco would both have the quidditch

8:39

advantage. So they at least

8:41

have the familiarity with going quickly

8:44

around curves and stuff. I think this

8:46

is going to come down to and

8:48

pun both unintended and intended. Who is

8:50

the most hard headed of all of

8:53

them? Oh, oh. Because it just takes

8:55

a lot of like, you can use

8:57

magic to propel you faster, right? Or

9:00

something like that. But it really comes down to

9:02

who's okay with going head first fastest. Because you

9:05

can melt the ice in front of you with

9:07

fire to make it slippery and go faster. Or

9:09

you can propel air out the back or something

9:11

like that. I think there are different magic things

9:13

they can do. But if it was me doing

9:15

it, I wouldn't because it sounds terrifying. Yeah. That

9:18

makes a very good point because I think crab

9:20

is the one who used fiend fire. Yeah. Right?

9:23

Okay. So crab feels like

9:26

the most okay with really

9:28

using dangerous stuff. And

9:30

this is a very dangerous event. So yeah, I feel

9:33

like he would be doing all the sorts of things

9:35

to go faster. Maybe he uses like, maybe

9:37

he's learned to get better at fiend fire. And it is very

9:39

faint fire. And he's

9:41

melting it to make it even slippery. Yeah.

9:44

I think crab could come along with it.

9:46

I feel like Draco has a bit too

9:48

levelheadedness to be scared of this terrifying event.

9:50

So too much in his head to be

9:52

okay with going head first. He doesn't want

9:55

to break his very pretty face. It's

9:58

coming back to me now, the bachelor winter game.

10:00

I remember them all being horrible at the games.

10:02

I'm not surprised. Not

10:04

surprised at all. So let's

10:07

say Crab wins this. He wins a date

10:09

card with Pansy Parkinson. Where's

10:12

the next Olympic Games going to be

10:15

at? Where is that next Winter

10:18

Olympics? And

10:20

Google tells me it'll be in,

10:22

oh, it's going to be in

10:24

Paris, France in 2024. Cool.

10:27

Okay, very romantic. So let's say it's

10:29

at the 2024 Olympic Games. They're going

10:31

all to Paris and everything. Hey, editing

10:34

my here. So clearly we all

10:36

know that that's not true. That the 2024

10:38

Olympics. Yes, they were in

10:40

Paris. They were not the Winter Olympics. So we

10:42

recorded this episode in September of 2022. The

10:46

Winter Games happened in February of 2022. It

10:49

was a weird thing with Olympics in me. We

10:51

were traveling at that time. So we didn't watch

10:53

them. And then with the whole COVID 2020

10:55

rescheduled 2021. I

10:57

didn't recognize that 2026 would

10:59

have been the next Winter Games. I didn't do the

11:02

math. I'm on stage. There's other things I have to

11:04

worry about more so than when are the next Winter

11:06

Olympics. The correct answer would have been Italy in 2026.

11:10

But instead we did a bunch of Paris stuff for 2024.

11:13

And you know what? It's still fun. You're still

11:16

going to enjoy it. But yes, I know it's

11:18

incorrect. And it's very funny now that I'm posting

11:20

this episode in 2024 where it's very obviously incorrect.

11:22

But I will say no one in the crowd

11:24

corrected me and a lot of people bought tickets.

11:26

So who's really a fault me or all of

11:28

them? Anyway, let's get back to the episode. Where

11:30

do we feel like Crab has the ability to

11:32

take Pansy on a date in France?

11:35

Where does he take her? Now, I

11:37

don't think maybe

11:39

that's too sophisticated. Yeah,

11:42

when I think of Crab and Boyle, I

11:44

don't think hype society. Yeah, maybe that's too

11:46

cool. That could be a Draco one. Keep

11:48

put that in the back of your brain.

11:50

First of all, the contestants don't determine what

11:52

dates they go on. Those are all pre-done

11:54

by the producers. But the

11:56

producers will have known Crab well enough where they're going

11:59

to. I give it for the particular people. I think

12:01

this is still a crab. Nah, they try to do

12:03

things before I'm comfortable with. Well, I'm not NBC. I'm

12:06

Mike Schubert, and I want a crab

12:08

themed date. Crab themed date. Go eat

12:11

crab. I mean, I never had crab

12:13

in France, but I do feel like

12:15

him and Goyle, as JK

12:17

gave them one note, they like food, maybe two

12:19

notes. They like bullying and food. Food eating one.

12:21

Yeah. That sounds fun. Ooh, you

12:23

know what's very wintery? Oh, here's what they do.

12:26

They could do a raclette party. Oh, OK, yeah.

12:28

So I don't know if anyone's ever done a

12:30

raclette party. All right. So there's

12:32

two different ways you can do raclette. One, you

12:34

get like a big hunk of cheese, and then

12:37

you just get like a hot knife. And

12:39

then you just slice it, and it

12:41

just goes onto someone's plate. Very cool.

12:43

And it's the second coolest way to

12:45

eat raclette. The first coolest

12:47

way, my Parisian coworkers told me about

12:50

this. And I got

12:52

invited to a raclette party where you just

12:54

go to someone's house, and they

12:56

have purchased a lot of cheese. And

12:59

they've also purchased things to put

13:01

cheese on top of. So like

13:03

veggies, bread, meats, all that kind

13:06

of stuff. And then you have

13:08

this big thing, kind of like one of those, it's

13:10

like a chocolate fountain

13:13

looking thing, where you've got layers

13:15

and layers and layers. And then you

13:17

have little individual spatulas like this. And

13:20

you put like a chunk of cheese

13:22

on it, and then you put

13:24

it into the middle thing. And there's like a

13:26

heating element in the middle of the tower. And

13:28

it slowly melts the cheese on your little spatula.

13:31

And then you wait a little bit, and then

13:33

you take it out. And then you pour it

13:35

onto whatever you eat. And then boom, melted cheese

13:37

onto whatever you've got. I

13:39

went, and one of my friends happened to be

13:41

vacationing in Paris when I was there. I was

13:44

like, dude, you've got to come to this cheese

13:46

party. It's going to be a while. He

13:48

came. We did the math of

13:50

like how many pieces of cheese we did, and

13:52

then added it up. We each ate two pounds

13:55

of cheese. It

13:57

was so good. Oh

14:01

man, I feel like Crab has a raclette

14:03

party with Pansy Parkinson. He has

14:05

a great time. Does Pansy have a great time at the raclette party? A

14:09

resounding no from someone in the back. I

14:13

mean, in the defense of maybe what I'm

14:15

thinking of as a Pansy, who seems to be very concerned with

14:18

her looks, Lisa, my coworker who told

14:20

me about these, because when I first moved there

14:22

it was like the fall, she told me about

14:24

them and she was like, oh, we don't have

14:26

them until the winter when everyone wears heavier jackets

14:28

so we can hide how much cheese we've eaten.

14:32

I think probably Crab gets too into

14:34

the food of it all and doesn't

14:37

ask her enough questions about herself and find out

14:39

about herself. Okay, all right. Yep. So

14:42

he thinks it goes great because he had a

14:44

bunch of cheese and he loved it and she's

14:46

just like, yeah, the cheese was fine, but I'm

14:48

also lactose intolerant and he didn't ask me that

14:50

before. You didn't ask me that before. I

14:53

like that. I also would love it. I see

14:55

the editing on The Bachelor. I

14:58

can see it be the situation where they

15:00

cut to Pansy and she has a horrible time. She's like, oh,

15:02

this is bad. He didn't ask me blah, blah, blah. And then

15:04

they cut to Crab. He's like, it was great. I thought it

15:06

went super well. Okay, that was the first

15:08

one. Can I get another number between one and 16? Seven.

15:12

Seven, thank you very much. One, two, three, four, five, six.

15:15

Ooh, okay. So this

15:17

one, a little different freestyle skiing,

15:19

which is the scheme where you

15:21

do tricks and such. That's cool.

15:23

That is very fun. Very, very

15:25

different vibe from Draco, Zabini, Crab

15:27

and Goyle. Who do we think

15:29

is going to be the best

15:32

at this? I

15:34

feel Draco. First of all, I

15:36

think that he's been fancy growing

15:39

up. Maybe he's actually skied before.

15:41

Oh, yeah. I also think

15:43

that it

15:45

would require, if you're using magic while you're

15:47

doing it, some intricate wand work to make

15:50

yourself float around in different kind of formations

15:52

and stuff. I feel like he could

15:54

be good at that. I also feel like it's a

15:56

lot of, it's kind of like flying through the air, which

15:58

he's comfortable with as the... But

16:01

it also involves lots of theatrics, which

16:03

his father is very comfortable with. And

16:06

if we're going by a very Potter musical,

16:09

Malfoy family, then oh, of course, like it.

16:11

They're going to be great. I

16:13

think he transfigures his skis into

16:15

brooms. And then

16:17

he's just like broom surfing. Genius.

16:20

Genius. Yeah. All

16:22

right. So he nails it. He gets to take

16:24

pansy on a fancy Parisian date. Where do we

16:26

think they go? Okay. Okay. I

16:29

was going to say for crab, but it was too fancy. Okay.

16:31

Okay. I think that he rents

16:33

out the Eiffel Tower. Whoa. I mean, got the money. Yeah.

16:37

You know how at the top where you've got like the glass

16:39

floor, he sets up a table on top of that and they

16:41

have like a dinner. Oh, I didn't know it was that high

16:43

up when I was there. Yeah. Well,

16:45

I think it's like in the mid level you can.

16:47

It's not worth it. And me

16:49

afraid of heights, I like ran across it and that was it. But

16:52

there's like a, like a glass floor at one of the

16:54

levels and he takes her up there because the top level

16:56

is actually like really tiny. Sure. He's

16:58

like, I mean, there's like a little, um, there's like an O, it's like a little

17:00

bar up there, but there's somewhere in the middle on the glass floor eating dinner. But

17:02

before that, I think they have like

17:04

a little ice skating date, you know, the, like the

17:07

pool that's in front of Eiffel Tower, frozen,

17:09

over. He freezes it over with some magic, have

17:12

a little skating date. Then they go up and

17:14

have dinner in the Eiffel Tower. I mean, that

17:16

sounds pretty good. It also feels very pansy's- ollie.

17:18

She feels like fancy girl. He took her on

17:20

fancy boy date and she

17:23

feels very Doted on and

17:25

that he's like interested in her. He's

17:28

like, I'm not going to talk a fair bit about himself, I'm sure, on

17:30

this date. Classic Draco fashion. But, you know,

17:32

I think he also listens to her talk about

17:34

herself on the date. So they're perfect for each

17:37

other. Hooray. Okay, great. All

17:39

right. That date is success. Can I get

17:41

another number between one and 16? Three. Three.

17:44

Thank you very much. Okay. Ooh.

17:47

Ah, okay. What is this? Well, I've

17:50

realized that some of these are

17:52

team-based events. Oh. Well,

17:55

this one in particular does

17:58

involve four people and we have four contestants. It's

18:01

Bobsley. So

18:04

I like the idea of these four

18:06

dudes who are fighting against each other

18:08

having to be in the same Bobsley.

18:11

I don't know how we decide who wins. Yeah.

18:13

Oh, good call. It's all right. So

18:15

they just go on the Bobsley and they get to go on a

18:17

group date. Now in the Bobsley,

18:20

I don't know the, I would assume smaller

18:22

people in the front, bigger folks in the back

18:24

just like feels like how that would work. But

18:27

I have never run in a Bobsley before. I

18:29

have no idea. Not my strong suit. I don't

18:31

know. Would you want more

18:33

weight at the front to pull you faster? Couldn't

18:35

tell you. Let's focus on the Harry Potter stuff.

18:38

I'm going to my knowledge of like water slides.

18:42

I do feel like no matter what happens, I

18:44

feel like Draco's going to be upset at Crab

18:46

and Goyle for not doing well enough with like

18:48

leading into the turns. I feel like he's going

18:50

to be upset. They start arguing a

18:52

bit and... I think the

18:54

three of them definitely are going to be grumpier about it.

18:57

I do think Zabini's going to have the best

18:59

look. Like I'm sure it's a situation

19:01

where Pansy is observing and all that

19:04

kind of stuff. And this happens sometimes in the

19:06

group things where they, especially when they play sports,

19:08

like some people are really mean and then one

19:10

guy is more chill and then that person gets

19:12

more favor in the group date. So they're going

19:14

on a group date in Paris now. This

19:17

is the producers for sure going to orchestrate this. Group

19:20

date in Paris. What are they, what would

19:22

be a good... Oh, you know what? What

19:24

if they went through the catacombs? That's a

19:26

very like group thing. Oh gosh. Which is

19:28

fun. Like I thought they

19:30

were super cool. I took my parents there.

19:32

My dad loved it. Barb didn't have a

19:35

great time in the big skull underground. If

19:37

anyone's not familiar, like there's just like straight

19:39

up skulls and bones and skeletons like lining.

19:42

Really narrow pathways. They are like, they

19:44

turn bones into walls. It's wild. I

19:46

went with my parents and my sister

19:49

and brother and they

19:51

were like really into it and like reading

19:53

the signs and having like a historical moment.

19:56

I was like, I'll meet you at the end. And I think ran through.

20:00

And then at the end, you

20:02

have to climb this really, really

20:04

tight circular staircase to get up.

20:06

And I just like, I'm on

20:08

the stair, hyperventilating. And my family's like a mile

20:10

back and I'm just like, oh my gosh, I

20:12

think this is where I died. Did I take

20:14

the wrong way? And I had to like wait

20:16

for people to come up behind me for me

20:18

to feel okay with keeping going. I hated it.

20:21

It was horrible. Okay, okay, okay.

20:23

Now, when we're thinking of the

20:26

people on the group date, who

20:29

would be comfortable, who would be scared? So let's say that

20:31

Pansy feels the same way as me. She does not like

20:33

being down there. Someone's got to comfort her. I

20:36

feel like Sabine, I think would comfort her. I

20:38

think the other three run off scared or like

20:40

become too into the death of it. Right. It's

20:42

one of the two. Yeah. Draco runs off scared.

20:44

The other two are like, oh, cool. Yeah. Set

20:48

him on fire. But no, I think Sabine is again,

20:50

like Crabbeau girl gets so distracted that they don't pay

20:52

attention. Sabine notes that she's trying to like put up

20:54

a good face. So he I think kind of takes

20:56

her aside. He

20:59

gets her through it quickly. The other three

21:01

are still in the catacombs and they're off having dinner

21:03

somewhere. Okay, great. So that

21:05

was the group date. I think it goes well. Can I get

21:07

another number between one through 16? Six

21:09

is what I heard. Thank you very much. One, two, three, four,

21:12

five, six. Ooh, figure

21:14

skating. Again,

21:18

this feels much more in the wheelhouse of Draco and Sabine. I

21:21

know. And less Crabbeau

21:23

and Goyle start like messing with the other people's skates and stuff. That

21:26

is a good point. Yeah. I have no idea what goes into

21:28

this magic wise. It

21:30

feels like a really skillful thing.

21:34

And theatrics again, Draco would be good at. I think he would.

21:37

I think he would. But

21:39

I don't know. I feel like Sabine could

21:41

be sneaky and like I feel like he

21:43

could come through. He's just got

21:45

the athleticness. He's a little more. He's very like suave.

21:48

And I don't know if this I'd have to like

21:50

rewatch the movies, but I met the actor who played

21:52

Sabine at one of the leaky cons. And

21:54

this dude was like, I mean, he's gorgeous. But

21:57

he was like very well put together, like dressed

21:59

well. Really good British accent. I was like very

22:01

impressed by this man projecting

22:04

adult actor who played But

22:07

I feel like it could be in his house Maybe

22:09

like crab and go I'll see Draco as the front-runner

22:11

right now. So they like Mess

22:13

with his skates like that. I like that and they

22:15

like turn his blades into ferrets or something and he

22:18

freaks out Yeah, I Tanya

22:20

around to baby now

22:24

Now we can say he won great He

22:26

that was a beanies taken pansy on the

22:28

date work It wasn't the catacombs or was

22:30

put on him by NBC He

22:33

gets to pick a date to take her on.

22:35

Oh, you know what? What if

22:37

he takes her just like shopping spree? Oh,

22:39

like they go to all the Yeah,

22:42

right like they go to the couture

22:44

shops for clothes jackets purses jewelry Like

22:46

they just do all like Sean. Oh,

22:48

they go all down Champs-Élysées all the

22:50

fancy stores Go up to the top

22:52

of it and they go you guys

22:54

then they go to the Arc de

22:56

Triomphe Right go up the Arc de

22:58

Triomphe look over the very interesting

23:01

like traffic circle that I never want to drive

23:03

it ever It looks like death But

23:06

yeah, I think that I mean that would be very romantic

23:08

again. Yeah, the up her alley I think yeah I think

23:10

so too when I was in Paris one of my friends

23:12

was gonna propose to his girlfriend at the end of the

23:14

trip So we got to go ring shopping with him to

23:16

have him pick out his rings Yeah, you it's all the

23:18

fancy jewelry shops in Paris. I felt so out of place.

23:20

I think that did go super Well, I think she has

23:23

a great time. I feel like it's

23:25

right up her alley She seems to be like

23:27

someone who would be very fancy and again I'm

23:29

trying to not project actress on

23:31

to because Scarlett Byrne or sorry Scarlett Hefner.

23:34

Yes that Hefner she's married to She's

23:36

yeah. Yeah, that actually pansies married to

23:39

like Hugh Hefner's Son,

23:41

I guess I don't know where grants like that

23:43

dude was old as hell like But

23:46

yeah, she's now scarlet Hefner. So again,

23:48

like very fancy fancy, but well,

23:50

you know We didn't get enough like context

23:52

on their personalities in the in the books

23:54

and movies. Yeah, let's project the act She

23:57

loves the fancy date loves the fancy

23:59

date goes well. Now, another, let's get

24:02

to another event. One through 16, can

24:04

I get another one? 16, thank you

24:06

very much. Ooh, hoo hoo, speed skating.

24:08

Haha. Haha. Speed

24:12

skating. I feel like Draco would have

24:14

the advantage here just because all about

24:16

speed, seeker, that's all about speed.

24:18

But again though, I think it's who's got

24:20

the most like

24:22

will to go fast because it's scary again.

24:25

So agility comes into play, but also who's

24:27

willing to just go fast? Oh no, here's

24:29

what's also, you make a very good point.

24:31

The thing that happens in speed skating sometimes

24:33

is like when they get around the turns,

24:35

it's really like fighting for position. And sometimes,

24:37

as long as you don't break any rules,

24:39

like you just bump into people, like sometimes

24:41

collisions happen, Goyle's very sturdy. Like

24:43

that dude is like a linebacker. Like he's

24:46

not gonna get flimsy, little Draco's gonna like

24:48

bounce off him and fly into the stands.

24:50

I think he's got fire coming out the

24:52

back of his skates and he's, you know,

24:54

he's willing to go

24:56

fast and he's just knocking into people. Okay. So

25:00

if you're down, if you're Draco, that's the end of it

25:02

for you. You're just like crying off to the side about

25:04

how you should have won. Yeah, I don't think you can

25:06

get back up. Okay, so Goyle gets his first victory. What

25:09

is a Goyle date looking like

25:11

in Paris? Oh,

25:13

we have not, we have touched food. We have

25:15

not touched wine. Maybe they go on like a

25:17

wine tasting. Sure. This is, they're

25:19

all adults in this wine. Yeah, they're all

25:22

eating it or no over. Yeah,

25:24

I feel like various Parisian

25:26

wine tasting, they could go, oh, I know what

25:28

they do. They could go to

25:30

like, was it Loire Valley, like where all the

25:33

big old school castles are and stuff? Yeah. And

25:35

there was like really good wine. And then when I had gone down there, we

25:38

were driving in between like the big old

25:40

school castles type looking things where the big

25:42

fancy Parisian people lived. But we were

25:45

driving with my friends and then we just

25:47

saw a sign painted on like plywood and

25:49

it said, wine cave with an arrow. And

25:52

we all said, yes. I

25:56

went to the wine cave and then it was really nice. It

25:58

was like classic if you ever go on like a winter thing

26:00

where people like experience. like the grapes and what they made in

26:02

whatever year or whatever. We thought it was gonna be super expensive.

26:05

And then we had seen like a receipt on the

26:07

ground that said like 50 bucks on it. And we

26:09

were like, oh, every wine bottle costs like 50 bucks.

26:11

I guess a lot, but this dude like showed us

26:13

a tour didn't charge anything up front. Like, yeah, so

26:15

we just ordered a bottle. And then we got to

26:17

check out, it was only $10 per bottle. And

26:20

we were like, uh, and it was already like way

26:22

too awkward like pass. And it was just like, how do

26:24

we tell him we'd like much more. We thought it was

26:27

so much more expensive. We don't speak enough French. But

26:30

I could see him taking her on a fancy wine thing.

26:32

I don't know if he's going to have the same issues

26:34

crab. Like, is he going to get too drunk? Is he

26:37

going to be too excited? It feels like that's something that

26:39

could happen to go. Yeah. I don't know if it would

26:41

go super well. Maybe they both

26:43

get a little, a little drunk though.

26:45

And it's an enjoyable date. And

26:47

there's enough food there to keep

26:49

their stomachs full. And

26:52

maybe they actually have like a decent

26:54

time. Like it doesn't go horribly wrong.

26:57

I think it could be fun where like it goes

26:59

well. And maybe it's one of those things where like

27:01

people watching the show, you know, they're like, Oh, this

27:03

guy has no choice. Like, Oh, pleasant surprise girl. Look

27:05

at this. So really only crab has fumbled

27:07

the bag. Everyone else is having

27:09

a pretty decently good time. I feel like this is at

27:11

the point we've had, we've had the

27:14

good like happenstance of all of the different

27:16

events. We've had a winner in each. So

27:18

I think we can try to figure out they've all had their

27:20

winners. They've all had their one-on-one time. They had a group date

27:22

time. Unfortunately, we didn't get to

27:24

see who did well in biathlon, the wildest,

27:27

like, let me ski and then shoot stuff.

27:29

Yeah. But

27:31

from these four pants, he's got to make her

27:33

decision. It's all the dramatic cutaways

27:35

where she's talking about, you know, who

27:38

she connected with and who's going to be her

27:40

person and all the very generic things they say

27:42

in the bachelor. Who

27:44

we feeling like I think crab is safely

27:46

screwed. He's out. He had his

27:49

death by cheese. It's gone. It didn't, it

27:51

didn't work out. I think as

27:53

much as she was surprised by Goyle again, she

27:55

just doesn't see like a future with him because he wasn't

27:58

fancy enough. Okay. Okay, so you're thinking

28:00

it's between the fancy boys. I think it's between the fancy

28:02

boys. She's a fancy girl, she wants some fancy boys. I

28:04

think she had the best time on those dates. She was

28:06

romanced and she felt like she connected with

28:08

the two of them. I

28:11

think it comes down to those two. Okay, the two

28:13

fancy boys. So I think we turned to the crowd

28:15

for the applause meter to see from the two fancy

28:17

boys who would be the ultimate winner. To recap, we

28:19

had Eiffel Tower date with Draco and

28:22

had winding and dining, had the ice skating

28:24

beforehand, very smooth move by him. And then

28:26

on the flip, we had classic Parisian shopping

28:29

spree day with Zabini, took her up to

28:31

the Arc de Triomphe, looked at

28:33

the traffic, talked about how weird

28:35

it would be to drive the cars there. Nice

28:38

time, maybe it was even the sunset, whatever.

28:40

Now, we'll do round of applause. If you

28:42

think that Draco would have been more successful

28:44

and Penzi would give the final rose to

28:47

him, make some noise. If

28:51

you think Blay Zabini would win, make

28:53

some noise. Oh,

28:55

all right. Shout out

28:58

to Zabini. I'm not too surprised,

29:00

I like it. I think it's

29:02

funny. As I've said multiple times, I feel like

29:04

he would be such a fun candidate of the one

29:07

good Slytherin. It would be so cool if he's like

29:09

the one book Slytherin, you all who raised your hands

29:11

earlier, I'm sure you all lovely people. It

29:14

would have been cool if he stayed back at the Battle

29:16

of Hogwarts, just him. That would have been really cool. JK

29:19

didn't do that, which of course she didn't,

29:21

because that would have been interesting. But, all

29:24

right, well, that has been

29:27

wizarding wintery on Bachelor of

29:29

Witcher games, huzzah! And

29:33

now for the remaining little bit of the show, we

29:35

can move to Q and A. Hey, editing Mike here

29:37

just one more time to let you know that most

29:39

of this Q and A, you can hear on episode

29:41

60 of The New Silmpian, basically any

29:43

question that was about Percy Jackson stuff, I

29:46

put into that episode and I left in

29:48

the just Harry Potter questions here. There's just

29:50

one, it's a good one. But

29:52

you will now hear the only non-Percy Jackson question

29:54

if you wanna hear all the other Q and

29:56

A stuff. Head on over and listen to the

29:58

end of episode 60 of The New Silmpian. Run

30:00

out of time. We'll just do maybe like one more. This

30:02

one's from Jordan says, Hey, shoots. I'm Jordan. Longtime listener. First

30:04

time emailer. I'm a Ravenclaw and it's good to see you

30:06

again. I went to the Seattle show and helped you with

30:09

ordering, uh, with ordering for the BTS members for Kelly's questions

30:11

to say it and naming order. Thank you very much. Thanks

30:13

for coming down for the show. I don't know if you're

30:15

doing questions for TNO as well, but if you are in

30:17

the same theme, I have a question for both you and

30:19

Kelly, since you're the one who got me into BTS. If

30:21

all the members of BTS were half-bloods, who would be their

30:23

godly parents or would they be half-bloods

30:25

at all? Did we answer this in the past? I

30:27

did another live show that hasn't come out yet. So

30:29

you'll hear that in the future. If you're only answering

30:32

part of those questions, my friend wants to know what

30:34

your least favorite Harry Potter ship is. Is

30:36

there any crackships that are not even

30:38

sort of realistic that you enjoy on

30:41

the flip side? Okay. So just like

30:43

any sort of pairing that people put

30:45

together, I really don't like when people

30:47

put Draco and Hermione together because he

30:49

was so mean to her. Like he,

30:51

like he said racial slurs to her

30:53

often. Like I don't understand. Oh, yeah.

30:56

He's like bullying her. Cause like sometimes

30:58

boys like bully the people they like.

31:00

He called her racist slurs all the

31:02

time. I think worse than

31:04

that is Snape and Hermione. Snape and

31:06

anyone. That's super. Yeah, that's super bad.

31:08

Because then you've got like, he ridiculed

31:11

her in front of a crowd

31:13

and there's just a whole power dynamic that makes

31:15

no sense. I don't delve

31:17

into the world of ship fan

31:19

fiction. Like it's been,

31:22

I don't know if I ever have,

31:24

but I know that's one that I

31:26

just like can't fathom. Nah. Where

31:29

that origin story comes from. Now let's end this

31:31

on a happier note in terms of any

31:33

like weird Harry Potter pairings that aren't together that

31:35

you would think my classic pairing that's not like

31:38

super weird, but I wanted to get together was

31:40

Neville and Luna. I thought they were perfect

31:42

for each other. Yeah. I really was disappointed that

31:44

they weren't together. Crookshanks and thing. Oh

31:48

yeah. That's a Disney movie waiting to

31:51

happen. Exactly. Exactly. Didn't we see them

31:53

like walking around the grounds together sometimes?

31:55

I mean, yeah, that's romantic

31:58

walks around the lake. Yeah,

32:00

the squid plays music or something. Yeah,

32:03

it's great. Perfect. Love it. Great note

32:05

to end on. Thank you all so

32:07

much for coming out to the show.

32:09

This was a blast. Give

32:12

it up for Kelly for being an incredible guest.

32:15

Shout out to all the folks at Holocene

32:17

from sound to hospitality. It was so smooth.

32:19

The bar, the food, everything. Give them a

32:21

round of applause. They made this such a

32:23

seamless, nice show. Made our lives

32:26

a whole heck of a lot easier. Thank you all so much

32:28

for coming out again. I'm going to bounce Kelly with the merch

32:30

table, but as they say, oh man, how do I combine the

32:32

two endings into this? I still got to figure it out. I

32:34

do this every time. I do this every time. I don't know

32:36

how to... Well, okay. Well, you

32:38

know, as they say, when they're having a

32:41

good time, they say

32:43

first in Portland, they first say,

32:45

wizard on, but then afterwards then

32:47

they say, I'll pursue you

32:49

later. Thanks for coming out everybody. Hey.

32:53

Thank you for listening to this episode of Potter

32:55

Ulysses. Potter Ulysses is created by McShubert. It is

32:57

hosted by McShubert. It is edited by McShubert. It

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33:49

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33:59

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34:01

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now, the St. Louis one in 2025, now

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LeakyCon has been rebranded as EnchantedCon to show that

34:11

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So you can get tickets to that at enchantedcon.com.

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34:30

And thanks to everyone who has ever listened, who rated

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