0:00

When you're clear on your

0:02

needs and your values, you're

0:04

better able to connect

0:06

deeply with others. If you

0:08

are not heading in

0:11

the same direction have similar

0:13

outlooks on life, there's

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going to be life, there's going to

0:18

be issue. Hey babe.

0:20

It's Asia Christina. This

0:22

is Quality Clean Control.

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What is happening? Hey happening. make

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sure to head over to

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my website, hichicristina.com, to download

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0:50

Happy Wednesday, angels. How is everyone

0:52

feeling? I'm back with

0:54

another solo episode. episode,

0:57

which is very interesting.

0:59

I I have been

1:01

loving having the

1:03

guests on the Do

1:06

we have any news? I I would

1:08

like for you to share that in

1:10

the comment section down below. What's new

1:12

in your life? What's going on? new in

1:14

I have an extremely busy month. So

1:16

by the time you guys

1:18

see this, I have been

1:21

honored for an award an award.

1:23

For Women of Long Island. Long

1:25

so thrilled, so so grateful, that

1:27

I I was

1:29

able to for something

1:32

like like this in my

1:34

hometown. It It means so much

1:36

to me. And just to meet meet

1:38

such incredible, you know, and woman

1:40

of woman of color is

1:43

just really, really special to

1:45

me. And it's an incredible

1:47

honor to be honored in this

1:49

regard. I'm also going to

1:51

be in be on the the

1:53

22nd something that I can't

1:55

talk about, but but it's I'm excited

1:58

I'm excited for that opportunity. as

2:00

well, and so where my brain

2:02

is at, I'm already into the

2:04

first week of, I'm actually in

2:06

the week of Thanksgiving already. That's

2:08

where I'm at. The 25th, I'm

2:10

going to be having my room.

2:12

I don't know if you guys

2:14

haven't followed me for a while,

2:16

you know, here and there, I

2:18

post that like, I love organization,

2:20

all the things, and I have

2:22

this amazing girl reach out to

2:24

me. to offer me a consultation

2:26

for her to organize, like any

2:28

space that I might need organized.

2:31

Just in the nick of time,

2:33

because I don't know if you

2:35

guys remember me telling you that

2:37

my closet literally had collapsed, so

2:39

I had a. closet, you know,

2:41

reinstalled into my room, all the

2:43

things. I love it, but it

2:45

definitely needs a lot of work.

2:47

Like, I need everything to look

2:49

aesthetic. I need it to look

2:51

cohesive. I am someone that loves

2:53

structure. I really, really do. And

2:55

I also do know how to

2:57

maintain things to make it neat.

2:59

But I feel like maybe, as

3:01

far as interior design goes, sometimes

3:03

I struggle to get my vision

3:05

out there. And that's why there's

3:08

people like this amazing woman that

3:10

reached out to me that or

3:12

young lady I should say that

3:14

can help bring my vision to

3:16

life. I believe her name is

3:18

Vanessa. I believe that's her name.

3:20

So I'm really excited to work.

3:22

See the finishing product of that

3:24

just in time because she told

3:26

me that the project shouldn't even

3:28

take long So by Thanksgiving I

3:30

will be not like organized ready

3:32

to go all the things and

3:34

I will be done with the

3:36

busiest month that I've had thus

3:38

far which is in November I

3:40

also have us an exam that

3:43

I'm supposed to be taking on

3:45

on the 19th So by time

3:47

you guys see this I would

3:49

already have taken my exam. I

3:51

believe and so needless to say

3:53

it is definitely a very very

3:55

busy month for me and initially

3:57

I'm not going to lie when

3:59

I first that I

4:01

had my exam, I had all

4:03

this studying to do because in

4:05

general before I even take the

4:07

exam, I had to pass like

4:10

the school exam portion of it

4:12

and retain so much information in

4:14

such a short time span and

4:16

then I had this award ceremony

4:18

thing that was three days long

4:20

and then you know, studying in

4:22

between that because my exam is

4:24

the week of this event, then,

4:27

you know, hair appointments, nail appointments,

4:29

rescheduling things because I didn't anticipate

4:31

that my class schedule was going

4:33

to be so hectic, and then,

4:35

you know, then having to be

4:37

in LA, and then having to

4:39

be in, you know, in the

4:42

states, in another part of the

4:44

world, it's just, It was so

4:46

overwhelming, but I'm realizing as I'm

4:48

trucking through that it's happening, it's

4:50

unfolding, I'm okay. I'm okay. Also,

4:52

luckily I won't be on that

4:54

time because I'm currently on that

4:57

time, if you know what I

4:59

mean, right now. And I'm just

5:01

happy that for the important things

5:03

that I have to show up

5:05

for, I will be free and

5:07

clear of being on, you know,

5:09

my period or anything like that.

5:12

So that's good. So in today's

5:14

episode, I want to talk about

5:16

relationships, building, lasting and fulfilling connections.

5:18

You know, all my life, people

5:20

have always been like, how do

5:22

you have all these friends? Like,

5:24

oh, you're not. And like, just

5:26

because you have a lot of

5:29

friends, doesn't necessarily mean that the

5:31

quality of your friends are great.

5:33

But I will say that the

5:35

quality of my friends truly are

5:37

amazing. I've known. the majority of

5:39

my friends for the majority of

5:41

my life. I have some friendships

5:44

that I have maintained for literally

5:46

29 years and I'm only 30

5:48

yes. I have some friendships that

5:50

I've maintained for 15 over 15

5:52

years, others for six, seven, eight,

5:54

nine, 10 years. Like, you know,

5:56

it's just and it really does,

5:59

I believe it's. to

6:01

our character when we've been able to

6:03

sustain the same friendships throughout the transitions

6:05

of life. Yes, things like this absolutely

6:08

do matter. I look at this even

6:10

in men that I date. I want

6:12

to know, do you have like lifelong

6:15

friends? What are these friends also into?

6:17

If you are in a relationship and

6:19

all your friends are single and going

6:21

out clubbing and doing whatever every night,

6:24

they're probably going to want to drag

6:26

you with them and you're going to

6:28

be feeling like you have to choose

6:30

between your relationship and your single friends

6:33

that want to go out all the

6:35

things. You know, what do you do

6:37

when somebody... you know, you can't make

6:40

it for something? Or what do you,

6:42

how do you navigate through friends that

6:44

are more needy? They want that quality

6:46

time and they kind of get offended

6:49

maybe if they feel like they haven't

6:51

heard from you in a certain time

6:53

period or what have you? Why are

6:55

relationships in general so central to our

6:58

lives? I mean, relationships are central to

7:00

our lives for many reasons. One, we

7:02

need community as human beings. We need

7:05

people that we can call, that we

7:07

can rely on, that we can share

7:09

things with, that we can share happy

7:11

moments with, that we can share sad

7:14

moments with, that we can trust. We

7:16

need people like that around that share

7:18

the same interests of us, that we

7:20

can recreate the same. We can do

7:23

anything, we can even, like the kids

7:25

call it now. We can have a

7:27

rot day together, okay, where you just

7:30

lay around and you don't do anything.

7:32

So when we understand the foundations of

7:34

healthy relationships, you know, we have to

7:36

one, of course, recognize red flags, and

7:39

we have to, you know, in order

7:41

for, we have to recognize the red

7:43

flags in order for us to build

7:45

meaningful connections. So I believe that the

7:48

core quality is when it comes to

7:50

healthy relationships are as follows, right? Trust,

7:52

like I said communication. And I'm also

7:55

talking about French. only in general, but

7:57

especially in your 30s. Let me tell

7:59

you something. We are all navigating through

8:01

this thing called life, and in your

8:04

30s, everyone is in such a different

8:06

position. You have some people that are

8:08

literally married and about to have children.

8:10

Then you have some people that they

8:13

are struggling to pay their bills. You

8:15

have another person, they're having a career

8:17

shift. Another person, they're in, you know,

8:20

an off and on again relationship with

8:22

their boyfriend, you have another friend who's

8:24

perpetually single, you have another friend, like,

8:26

there are so, we are all in

8:29

such drastically different spaces, actually in our

8:31

30s, it's crazy. And we need to

8:33

be able, again, I've spoken about this

8:35

in the past, even with my older

8:38

content, that friendships require elasticity and flexibility.

8:40

I don't want to feel anxiety if

8:42

I thought I was going to be

8:45

able to make it to something and

8:47

I all of a sudden couldn't and

8:49

I'm feeling like I'm nervous to tell

8:51

you because you're going to feel upset

8:54

at the fact that plans change. The

8:56

other day I was I was going

8:58

out and my boyfriend and I thought

9:00

that we were going to go somewhere

9:03

and we ended up, there was no

9:05

way we were gonna make it in

9:07

time. And his friend was so understanding,

9:09

like, hey man, like, don't worry about

9:12

it, da da. And he was sharing

9:14

with me, he's like, oh, I love

9:16

this guy because he just understands, like,

9:19

you know, there's nothing worse than having

9:21

a friend because raise your hand if

9:23

you've had a friend that gives you

9:25

anxiety. It's like, you're not allowed to

9:28

have. a reason for why you can't

9:30

attend any of their events. They get

9:32

so upset. And also, let's not forget

9:34

to mention, I strongly dislike when people

9:37

show up to events no matter what.

9:39

If you're sick, please stay away from

9:41

me. If you were sick, I don't

9:44

want you to want you to come

9:46

in a party that I'm also invited

9:48

to, because you know what it never

9:50

was? That serious. Stay home. And I

9:53

remember one time a friend of mine,

9:55

an older friend of mine she was

9:57

like, I don't care if you're sick

9:59

or not, like you should come to

10:02

like my event or whatever. And I'm

10:04

thinking like, why? She was explaining to

10:06

me how that's just what they do,

10:09

like that's how she was raised, like

10:11

no matter what you show up, whether

10:13

you're sick or not. No, I actually

10:15

find that to be quite inconsiderate. I

10:18

don't think that's something that you should

10:20

do. I don't think that proves your

10:22

loyalty for a friend. And I think

10:24

that's what it boils down to for

10:27

some people is they're really not used

10:29

to having friendships long term in their

10:31

life. So they don't know how to

10:34

be a friend when they've actually received

10:36

a friend. It's no different than being

10:38

in a healthy relationship. And maybe you

10:40

feel you're bored. It's not exciting enough.

10:43

Let's say that was the reason for

10:45

you. Maybe it's... probably because you're used

10:47

to toxic dynamics and this is something

10:49

that's actually healthy for you and you

10:52

really can embrace that because you view

10:54

the health of it as something that's

10:56

boring when really it's just normal and

10:59

it's a healthy relationship. Those are things

11:01

to consider. So in addition to a

11:03

healthy relationship is mutual growth if you

11:05

don't have mutual growth with someone What

11:08

are you really going? I've witnessed now,

11:10

I'm rolling down my sleeves, guys, because

11:12

it's a bit chilly in my office,

11:14

but I realize now more than ever

11:17

that there are people, you'll be going

11:19

on a path, and there are sometimes

11:21

where that path just veers. It doesn't

11:24

mean that there has to be this

11:26

whole big B for whatever the cases.

11:28

Sometimes it just, it works until it

11:30

works until it works until. It doesn't.

11:33

You don't have to. You're not always

11:35

going to, organically, align with the same

11:37

people you did in 2002. In 2010,

11:39

it happens. It's called life. But do

11:42

not let people, especially to, you know,

11:44

I understand it's a right of passage

11:46

as you're never. your 20s, but do

11:49

not allow people to give you anxiety

11:51

over responding to their text messages because

11:53

those friends, that's not a good sign.

11:55

Unless it's you on your own giving

11:58

yourself anxiety, that's a different story. But

12:00

if you feel like every time, you

12:02

know, you speak with this particular individual,

12:04

your stomach is dropping because you don't

12:07

know how they're gonna respond to something

12:09

and you and you feel like, man,

12:11

they're almost like your guardian over you.

12:14

That's an uncomfortable feeling and our friends

12:16

are not our guardians. So you shouldn't

12:18

have that weird feeling when it comes

12:20

to friendships and relationships. That does not

12:23

make sense. Those are your peers. Those

12:25

are supposed to be your equals. End

12:27

of story. And a lot of the

12:29

times there's that dynamic of. This guardianship,

12:32

I've also been in relationships like that,

12:34

friendships especially, where someone is making me

12:36

feel like they're my guardian and they're

12:38

lording over me. I'll never forget there

12:41

was one time where I told the

12:43

exact same information to all of my

12:45

friends. And only one of them had

12:48

an adverse reaction to the same information

12:50

I told everyone else. And from that

12:52

day forward, I knew that I was

12:54

going to keep that person at arm's

12:57

length, simply because you can't handle simple

12:59

things in my personal opinion, what it

13:01

takes to be in my life, and

13:03

what it takes to be a confidant

13:06

in my life. you cannot handle that

13:08

information. So, you will not be knowing

13:10

that information. I learned further along that

13:13

those types of relationships for me are

13:15

not maintainable because no matter how much

13:17

I try to continue the relationship, I

13:19

still feel like because I'm keeping you

13:22

at arm's length, I don't thrive in

13:24

relationships where I feel like I have

13:26

to keep someone at arm's length. I

13:28

want to show up fully as myself

13:31

all the time. I don't want to

13:33

have to go through the brain power

13:35

to filter what it is that I'm

13:38

sharing with you because I know that

13:40

you don't handle those things well. I

13:42

know that it's going to, once it

13:44

touches your ears, it's going to be.

13:47

a different response. I don't really feel

13:49

like maintaining relationships like that because to

13:51

me that's work as opposed to me

13:53

just showing up as myself and that's

13:56

just fine enough. It always has to

13:58

be something else. I know you guys

14:00

know what I'm talking about. These qualities,

14:03

like I said, they apply to various

14:05

types of relationships. I was explaining in

14:07

friendships, we know that this corresponds with

14:09

romantic connections, and especially also family bonds

14:12

as well. There has to be trust,

14:14

communication, respect, and mutual growth. Let's also

14:16

talk about boundaries. This is fundamental when

14:18

it comes to healthy relationships. Do not

14:21

allow people to peer pressure you into

14:23

doing anything. You want to stay home

14:25

tonight? You're tired. You have work in

14:28

the morning. Your friend is off the

14:30

next day. She wants you to go

14:32

out. Oh girl, come out. We're only

14:34

going to be out for whatever. But

14:37

she's manipulating you. The truth is she

14:39

knows that you're going to end up

14:41

getting drunk. She wants a designated driver.

14:43

she knows you're not gonna get drunk

14:46

at least the day before the night

14:48

before you have work and so she

14:50

wants you to you know compromise that

14:53

for her that's what she wants you

14:55

to show up but to get you

14:57

out to lure you out she's telling

14:59

you oh we're not gonna be out

15:02

that long oh my gosh just come

15:04

out for a little bit that all

15:06

the things or you'll have a friend

15:08

that's oh come out come out they

15:11

want to peer pressure you into drinking

15:13

too because they know that man like

15:15

I don't want to be alone in

15:18

doing these things. I need someone to

15:20

do it with. So they want to

15:22

lure you out, take you out of

15:24

your element when you wanted to be

15:27

at home. Did you ever find yourself

15:29

making a, have you ever found yourself

15:31

making a decision? And it seems like

15:33

you can't seem to implement the decision

15:36

that you made because your environment is

15:38

not, you know, your friendships are not

15:40

producing the, you know, at the wavelength

15:42

that you're at. You want to wake

15:45

up early, journal, go to the gym,

15:47

all the things. Your friends maybe want

15:49

to go still party, drink, smoke, stay

15:52

out late at night. two different worlds.

15:54

And no, they do not blend. And

15:56

every person finds themselves at a crossroads

15:58

where you have to make a decision

16:01

where those people that are still in

16:03

your old lifestyle are gonna look at

16:05

you crazy and be like, you've changed,

16:07

you think you're better, all you're acting

16:10

different, all the things, it doesn't matter.

16:12

Because in the end, we're gonna see

16:14

who's doing the real work anyways, right?

16:17

We're gonna see the fruits. of your

16:19

lifestyle by what you're pouring into, right?

16:21

And what are we celebrating every weekend?

16:23

Failure? What are we celebrating? I'd love

16:26

to know. Like, does it ever get

16:28

old for some people? I just, I

16:30

would love to know. Does it ever

16:32

get old? It never gets old? Like

16:35

drinking so much, getting sick, ruining your

16:37

liver, like all the things like. Does

16:39

that ever get no? Okay, I'm just

16:42

curious. So, like I said, boundaries, they

16:44

are essential for our emotional health. Let

16:46

your yes be yes, let your no

16:48

be no. Boundaries can help create respect

16:51

and balance in relationships. Boundaries help to

16:53

create respect and balance in your relationships.

16:55

No, I'm not doing that. No, I'm

16:57

not going out. And also, don't be

17:00

the type of friend where it's like,

17:02

every little thing your friends have to

17:04

explain to you. Don't be like that.

17:07

Like, you know, yeah, there are certain

17:09

things that it's like, okay, hey, I'm

17:11

not gonna be attending. You know what

17:13

I mean? You might be like, oh,

17:16

like, why? I wonder why you can't

17:18

come. That's different. But if it's like,

17:20

you feel like you have to, well,

17:22

like you're having to respond because you

17:25

feel that pressure to, that's a different

17:27

type of situation. Ask yourself why people

17:29

don't like telling you things. Think about

17:32

how you respond to things. Maybe that

17:34

will be a good indicator of why

17:36

people don't like telling you things. I

17:38

don't know. You might want to start

17:41

there. Think about that. When you set

17:43

boundaries, can make you feel guilty. Man,

17:45

I feel bad, I don't know what

17:47

they're gonna think of me, I don't

17:50

know if they're gonna think that I'm

17:52

not really their friend, I don't want

17:54

them to start, I don't want them

17:57

to not invite me out, like I

17:59

don't want them to, I don't want

18:01

them to not invite me out, like

18:03

I don't want them to, you know,

18:06

this is just what I'm doing for

18:08

right now, I don't want to, you

18:10

getting your 30s, you're really not gonna

18:12

care. If you're doing it right, you're

18:15

not gonna care who doesn't, who has

18:17

this opinion of you, because you know

18:19

what I can't pay my bills with?

18:22

Your opinion. So at the end of

18:24

the day, it does not matter what

18:26

people think of you for multiple reasons.

18:28

One, if you're adopting a kingdom mindset,

18:31

no, it doesn't matter what people on

18:33

this earth are judging you with because

18:35

the judge of all judges in the

18:37

end is what I'm thinking about. So

18:40

I used to go through this too,

18:42

where I felt like a lot of

18:44

guilt, like, oh man, I, you know,

18:47

you kind of go through these people

18:49

pleasing phases where you feel like, man,

18:51

I really don't want to be, I

18:53

don't want to get, you know, ruffle

18:56

any feathers. I remember there was one

18:58

time where I was like having to

19:00

show up to this person's house and

19:02

like, to be honest, I really didn't

19:05

want to go, but I didn't have

19:07

the heart to tell her. what I

19:09

had to go through to get there.

19:11

She just cared about me showing up

19:14

there. I remember there was literally like

19:16

a storm that was going on and

19:18

she was like, oh, well, it's not

19:21

like storming over here. So like, that's

19:23

fine. And I was like, but it's

19:25

storming over here and I can't get

19:27

there. You know, and I just felt

19:30

like at the time, it was very

19:32

inconsiderate. But at the same time, like,

19:34

Again, you live, you learn through these

19:36

experiences, they happen, and the truth is

19:39

not everyone is going to be your

19:41

friend, but also not everyone's meant to

19:43

be your friend forever, you know what

19:46

I mean? Like things happen, you know,

19:48

you separate, and there's no hard feelings

19:50

about it, like it really is what

19:52

it is. I mean, I think that

19:55

if you show up as a genuine

19:57

and person in all of your relationships,

19:59

when things go in a different path,

20:01

you should be at peace with that

20:04

because you know that you were 100%

20:06

yourself throughout from start to finish. You

20:08

know, if you weren't, then I could

20:11

see why you might be bitter, you

20:13

might have regrets, you might have all

20:15

these different things, but I don't have

20:17

that about. any of my relationships that

20:20

have, you know, may not made it

20:22

until, you know, present. Because I was

20:24

always, I'm proud of how I showed

20:26

up in all the relationships that I

20:29

had. Like, I really am. I think

20:31

another important foundation of a healthy relationship

20:33

is emotional awareness and self-reflection. Knowing yourself

20:36

allows you to show up better in

20:38

your relationships. It also allows you to

20:40

show up more confidently in your relationships.

20:42

So when you're clear on your needs

20:45

and your values, you're better able to

20:47

connect deeply with others. You have to

20:49

know what you stand on and what

20:51

you stand for, which is why. When

20:54

it comes to things like. you know,

20:56

like religion and all these these other

20:58

topics as you grow older and you're

21:01

in your that next transition of life

21:03

where partying isn't the number one thing

21:05

you're doing and everything isn't about fun

21:07

fun fun and you're trying to become

21:10

more settled in life, that's where these

21:12

things start to arise and you start

21:14

to really look around you and evaluate.

21:16

Wait a second. Who around me is

21:19

reflective of my values? That's what matters.

21:21

Do our values align? If we are

21:23

not headed in the same direction, okay,

21:26

and we are growing mutually together, this

21:28

is not for friendships guys only. This

21:30

is exactly for romantic dynamics as well.

21:32

If you are not heading in the

21:35

same direction and have similar outlooks on

21:37

life, especially as it pertains to romantic

21:39

dynamics, there's going to be issue. It's

21:41

all fun in games now until someone

21:44

decides, you know what? Girl, we've been

21:46

drinking, rooting our livers for the past

21:48

eight years. Why don't we? why don't

21:51

we start going to church on Sunday

21:53

there's always usually going to be someone

21:55

that feels like girl I can't this

21:57

week like I got to do that

22:00

and then you start to realize hmm

22:02

you always want me to partake in

22:04

the things we used to do together

22:06

but you don't want to partake in

22:09

this stuff and I feel like this

22:11

is healthy for us this is something

22:13

that is good for us and you

22:15

don't want to partake in it that's

22:18

when you start to see the divide

22:20

man My friend wants to go to

22:22

this concert. I don't want to listen

22:25

to go to a secular concert anymore.

22:27

I want to do this. And then

22:29

it becomes, oh, she thinks she better

22:31

than me. She doesn't want to do

22:34

this. She doesn't want to do that.

22:36

I went to a Nicki Minaj concert

22:38

with her last year and Nicki's not

22:40

even my favorite artist. I'm a Meg

22:43

the Stallion girl and I still went

22:45

with her. You know how it goes,

22:47

but you have to be very clear

22:50

on your needs and your values. Let

22:52

me tell you something. One of the

22:54

most dangerous things is being friends with

22:56

someone that's not only insecure, but someone

22:59

that does not know what they need.

23:01

Because they try to look for you

23:03

to be everything that they need at

23:05

that moment, and who can be that?

23:08

Who can be everything for everyone, you

23:10

know, at every given moment? You simply

23:12

cannot. And people that tend to do

23:15

that, they are very, they tend to

23:17

be very unstable in their friendships. And

23:19

these are gonna be people that you

23:21

see, they're always rotating friendships every other

23:24

year. That to me is a bit

23:26

of a red flag, because you are

23:28

the independent variable in that. And I

23:30

understand as we are navigating through life,

23:33

things happen. You know what I mean?

23:35

You may have found your tribe later

23:37

in life. That's also a very real

23:40

possibility due to not realizing things in

23:42

your 20s. However, there is something to

23:44

be said that your group of friends

23:46

are always different. It means that there's

23:49

some, to me, it's an indicator that

23:51

something is going on with you. that

23:53

you're not able your boyfriend but they're

23:55

not your boyfriend but you think they

23:58

are so you have to be emotionally

24:00

aware not everyone's doing everything to you

24:02

stop thinking that your friend couldn't show

24:05

up to the party because she had

24:07

something to do she had something that

24:09

came up she probably didn't even want

24:11

to really go originally didn't have the

24:14

heart to tell you and said hey

24:16

you know be gentle with people you

24:18

don't know what it is that they're

24:20

going through Here you are offended that

24:23

she didn't show up to this and

24:25

that or whatever. Again, you have to

24:27

use discernment because some people are being

24:30

shady. But here you are getting mad

24:32

at every little thing causing people around

24:34

you to have anxiety because they're not

24:36

showing up to your events. And so,

24:39

you know, a couple of events you

24:41

had, so you're cutting them off. But

24:43

we all know that we love giving

24:45

these men chances, but you wanna cut

24:48

off your friends oh so quickly. You

24:50

have to use discernment. Some people do

24:52

need a snip, promptly, immediately, expeditiously. But

24:55

others don't. Others do deserve grace. And

24:57

you have to be discerning to know

24:59

that in order for you to be

25:01

discerning. You have to know yourself. You

25:04

have to be emotionally aware. And you

25:06

have to think. Did she really mean

25:08

this when she couldn't show up? Did

25:10

she really mean that when I felt

25:13

like she said something a certain way?

25:15

You know, there was a situation that

25:17

I witnessed where something was said and

25:20

a girl that I knew took it

25:22

completely out of context. I mean, she

25:24

is completely misreading the situation wrong. And

25:26

I know these individuals and I know

25:29

for a fact that that is not

25:31

in any way what they meant, you

25:33

know, in the way that person is

25:35

taking it. And now that person was

25:38

like offended by people that she barely

25:40

knows that literally did not in any

25:42

way were trying to offend. And that's

25:44

why even the spirit of offense, it's

25:47

a very tricky, you know, thing. It's,

25:49

it will leave you isolated, friendless, overly

25:51

sensitive, constantly thinking about yourself. It's selfish

25:54

to always think everything is about you.

25:56

You come in late somewhere. You're insecure

25:58

thinking like, wait, wait, what, what, what

26:00

happened? When I, when I tell you

26:03

I can't stand people that do that,

26:05

they immediately want to be filled in

26:07

as soon as whatever. Relax, get acclimated.

26:09

Why does it make you so uncomfortable

26:12

to adjust to the temperature in the

26:14

room? Why do you have to be

26:16

like, wait, what's going on? What's in

26:19

like you could just tell the energy

26:21

behind it is so weird? It's giving

26:23

very much like, like, like, like, I

26:25

need to know what's happening. Be mindful

26:28

of that. So I briefly want to

26:30

touch on the different types of relationships

26:32

and how they impact us, right? So

26:34

friendships, right? This is someone that's obviously

26:37

going to support and encourage your growth

26:39

and offer support without judgment. When it

26:41

comes to our romantic relationships, this needs

26:44

to be mutual respect, it needs to

26:46

be honesty, it needs to be communication

26:48

and shared values and compatibility. Our family

26:50

dynamics, right? These are very complex. But

26:53

we need to work on keeping these

26:55

types of relationships as positive as we

26:57

can. Obviously we can control people. But

26:59

balancing boundaries with compassion and support is

27:02

important when it comes to family. When

27:04

it comes to work, there's one thing

27:06

I've learned in the corporate world. Your

27:09

coworkers are not your friends. Let's just

27:11

leave that right there. And work is

27:13

where a lot of people spend most

27:15

of their time, right? So it's important

27:18

to build respectful cooperative relationships in the

27:20

workplace, also while maintaining professionalism. When you

27:22

were in a difficult relationship, right, platonic,

27:24

you know, romantic, what have you, obviously

27:27

a red flag is going to be

27:29

manipulation. It's going to look like lack

27:31

of respect for boundaries. It's going to

27:34

look like repeated dishonesty. Please do not

27:36

ignore these things. They will only get

27:38

bigger. This is not the first time

27:40

that that girl has talked about you.

27:43

There's no reason why you literally disappear.

27:45

You come back and the mutual friend

27:47

now. you when you never had a

27:49

problem with the mutual friend, it's obviously

27:52

because your friend was talking about you

27:54

to the mutual friend, and now that

27:56

mutual friend has a problem with you,

27:59

read the writing on the wall, when

28:01

you're handling, when you're navigating through toxic

28:03

relationships, okay, you have to distance yourself

28:05

from certain relationships that are gonna be

28:08

draining, that are gonna be harmful to

28:10

you, because you do have to prioritize

28:12

your mental health. End of story. Do

28:14

not allow any relationship to come at

28:17

the price of your mental health. That

28:19

matters more than anything. And sometimes we

28:21

really do need to seek outside perspective

28:24

and support, you know, so maybe we

28:26

might need, you know, counseling or, you

28:28

know, seeking the advice of a wise

28:30

trusted friend that's struggling in a relationship.

28:33

And when it comes to building and

28:35

sustaining meaningful connections, this is going to

28:37

look like investing your timing, your energy.

28:39

Now, again, when it comes to long-term

28:42

relationships like I have, I mean, I've

28:44

turned, you know, 10, 12, you know,

28:46

13, 16, 18, 21, 25, now 30,

28:48

with a lot of people. This is

28:51

time invested and energy invested. Choose wisely,

28:53

whether or not you even want to

28:55

do that. There's no point in half

28:58

doing it. That's one thing that I

29:00

learn, which is why I say that

29:02

you don't want to have a relationship

29:04

where you have to filter something through,

29:07

you know, with someone or keep them

29:09

at arm's length because it actually does

29:11

drain you. Relationships grow with intentional effort,

29:13

all right? So yeah, you can, you

29:16

don't even, I'm also, you have to

29:18

figure out also what type of friend

29:20

you are. Do you need quality time?

29:23

Are you the type of friend where,

29:25

you know, if you don't, because friendships

29:27

and romantic relationships are very different in

29:29

this aspect. Obviously with romantic, you're going

29:32

to need to physically spend more time

29:34

with that person. But when it comes

29:36

to our friendships, that's not always required.

29:38

I'm the type of friend where I

29:41

don't even need to see you for

29:43

three months, entire duration,

29:45

or maybe we don't

29:48

even have to.

29:50

Maybe we spoke once

29:52

every month or

29:54

whatever the case is.

29:57

or I'm not thinking,

29:59

not maybe me and

30:01

so -and -so we're

30:03

no longer friends no longer

30:06

friends No, I don't

30:08

feel that way.

30:10

Figure out where you

30:13

stand. depending on Depending on people's

30:15

actions, you you may be offended by, from

30:17

I haven't heard from you in six

30:19

months. I you really cared about our

30:21

relationship. Meanwhile, you you have no

30:23

idea that that person was not thinking that at

30:25

all. They're just going about their life, living their

30:27

life, and here you are thinking that your relationship

30:29

means nothing to them because they were out there

30:31

living their life. Well, I must not be that

30:33

important to you because you didn't even think about

30:36

me. didn't Really? about me. Really? Really

30:38

though? Okay. Well, that's fine. No,

30:40

that's fine. and active and

30:42

active listening. not because it's

30:44

not always about you. to Listening

30:46

to people goes a long way

30:48

and it also builds trust and

30:50

connection. And I'm not saying so that

30:53

that you can go blabber on

30:55

about it. I'm saying saying and be

30:57

a confidant. be a Adapting and growing.

30:59

and Relationships evolve. They

31:01

should evolve, right? So

31:03

do people. to You have to be open

31:05

to change and open to growth. This

31:07

strengthens your bond with people. even People

31:09

that, oh, I don't even understand why

31:11

you did that. girl, that's what we're that's what

31:13

we're doing I always having a a comment on

31:15

something that's why you're always gonna

31:18

have always gonna have, um. you're always gonna be alone in

31:20

your friendships. alone in That's what it's gonna turn into. what

31:22

Cause we don't do this to our

31:24

men. Interesting. So I want you guys

31:26

to remember that So I want you guys of relationships,

31:29

right? of and what those

31:31

red flags are, those red flags are, okay? are

31:33

a journey. It's okay to

31:35

make mistakes. It's gonna happen to happen

31:37

There's gonna be misunderstandings. But

31:39

as long as you are growing

31:41

with people and that there's

31:43

flexibility and there's that there's I truly

31:45

believe that those are the

31:47

key indicators that a healthy relationship

31:49

as well as communication communication that serve

31:51

you well when it comes

31:53

to both romantic and platonic relationships. So

31:55

it short and sweet today. Thank

31:58

you so much for listening. I really you

32:00

guys. Do not forget that I love

32:02

you and God loves you. And

32:04

I'll speak to you, beautiful my next

32:07

podcast episode. podcast episode.