0:02

The road to recovery. You might be cruising down it a friend or family

0:08

member lost on it, or the road is well still under construction. Relevant

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Recovery Radio is about getting to that destination of normal health, mind or strength.

0:25

Now, Relevant Recovery Radio here to give you the keys. Heather and

0:30

Donnie Moser. Hey, Hey, hey, welcome to Relevant Recovery Radio with

0:34

your host Heather and Donnie. I'm not Heather, I am Hi. We're

0:39

really glad you're listening to the show today. We are brought to you by

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Matthews Hope. We are broadcasting on Sunday's one PMKPRC nine fifty in the h

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that's Houston. Later in the day, we are pushed up to all podcasts

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platforms. We're really gratefull you listen. Hey, whatever podcast platform you listen

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on, why don't you give us a little like you like there follow Yeah,

1:03

we also don't want you to forget that. We are on the Fasha

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book and actively now on the insta. Yeah, you're on there a lot

1:11

now. It's killing me. I'm I'm dying slowly. Yeah. So what

1:18

are we here for? We are here because this show Relevant Recovery is sponsored

1:22

by the Matthews Hope Foundation where a nonprofit five oh one c three aimed at

1:26

providing education and wellness services to the community of Houston, specifically around substance use

1:32

disorder and chemical dependency. We used to have a dtox Temporarily we've closed down.

1:38

We're actively looking for a new location for our detox program. But in

1:42

the meantime we have an outpatient clinic full of services. We do chemical dependency

1:46

counseling therapy, We do micro current neurofeedback iasis which is super helpful. We

1:53

do peer support, recovery coaching. We have Christian counseling. We have forest

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therapy. So if you are a loved one with like any and from about

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our outpatient services, you can give us a call at eight four four and

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Hope. That's eight four four two six three four six seven three where you

2:08

can visit either one of our websites Matthews Hoope dot org or mhd RP dot

2:14

org. Herbiter. Hey, Trey, So, anyways, what a wonderful

2:19

week we've had. It's been crazy awesome, like and I mean that.

2:23

So you know, we talked last week about Hey, we got these people

2:27

to come stay with us and from South Africa. My immediate reaction was,

2:30

Okay, how are we going to get everything done? Because we have pretty busy lives. But God makes away for everything and it has been absolutely wonderful.

2:37

We've actually had some really really cool things happened this week, even from

2:40

night one. So they've been with us a week now. We've got a

2:42

few more days yea, Cecil, Cecil and Ashwin South Africa to Cecil and

2:47

Ashwin. Hopefully that they'll listen to the podcast and be like, oh,

2:51

they have way better things. Probably wat But point is is we have been

2:55

able to spend some really quality time with them in the evening after all of

3:00

our things are done. And they are genuine, raw, vulnerable men of

3:06

God and it's been an absolute joy getting to spend time with them, having

3:10

them in our home and hosting them. And we've had two different experiences,

3:15

I think, two different, very very real experiences where God has been present.

3:22

And we're not talking crazy voodoo stuff here. For those of you who

3:24

are non believers, it's okay that you're non believer, but what I'm saying

3:28

is there's some things that happened this week that we have no explanation for.

3:30

Well, those men are just definitely spirit filled and connected to God and living

3:37

their life accordingly. And they each bring different gifts and talents to the table

3:40

and it's just been amazing being around them. Yeah, I'm really lucky that

3:45

we've been able to host them and where we were concerned. You know,

3:49

when we first found out, we okay, you know they're staying in the

3:52

house, but you need to doe you feed them and all this stuff. It was like, Okay, how are we going to get this done?

3:55

And when we think about the ability or the opportunity unity to self sacrifice,

4:00

we immediately go into gratitude. And then God just makes away the entire week

4:04

like everything has worked out perfectly and they just couldn't be better, guess.

4:09

And I've learned so much from this, and I'm gonna be sorry to go.

4:13

I've really truly I want you to think about this. We have two

4:17

people that we have never met in our lives in our house. Yeah,

4:21

give them a house key, and I have never I couldn't feel more comfortable.

4:26

Yeah, Yeah, I'm completely comfortable with them. And so it's really

4:29

cool. God works cool opportunities out like that. Maybe one day we'll get

4:32

to go to South Africa and see where they're from. I don't want to

4:35

because it's a really long flight. I don't know if I could sit still

4:39

that long. You could, like, you know, maybe take a Xanax

4:42

and sleep. Yeah, what about eleventeen of them? No, I don't

4:46

take eleventeen, but I can sleep on any flights, so it doesn't bother

4:49

me. And so they're in town for a conference. So you and I

4:53

have a busy weekend. We're going to be there this evening until I think

4:58

seven or eight till nine and then so the reason the guests are flew in

5:03

from South Africa. We have other guests that flew in from Germany and other

5:08

places because our church, the Mint, is putting on a discipleship conference called

5:13

b One Make One and so that's what all these guys are flying in for

5:15

is to be part of this conference that you and I are a part of

5:18

this weekend. And so it'll be all Friday evening and all day Saturday.

5:23

So I'm so excited. We have a full weekend. We're gonna be really

5:26

tired, but it's gonna be worth it. And isn't it crazy? How?

5:29

And I believe this is true that the our sponsorship in our twelve Step

5:34

fellowship over the years has really prepared us in this spiritual walk, in this

5:43

Christian walk, to disciple others. It's in my opinion, it's kind of

5:46

no different than when I sponsor someone. Yeah, it's really no different.

5:49

I was blown when I went through the conference last year and then I went

5:54

through Cadre. I was blown away at how almost carbon copy it is with

6:00

the way that we operate in a twelve step fellowship. It's weird. Do

6:03

you think like Jesus was in a twelve step fellowship because he had to get

6:06

it from them, right right? Right? I think that the twelve twelve

6:10

Step Fellowship basically stole the same principles, well borrowed, used and whatever semantics

6:18

from what religion really at the core of it hous to offer. Yeah,

6:24

and the things that have gone on this week, like, it really doesn't

6:28

matter what you believe. It really doesn't if you're a believer a non believer,

6:32

you don't know what you are. The cool thing about what you and

6:35

I have witnessed this week is that we've witnessed a power beyond ourselves. We

6:40

have witnessed something from the spiritual realm that I don't know. I don't know

6:47

how to explain it. It's not miraculous, but it's something that says,

6:51

hey, there's something out there. It's clear that there is a realm outside

6:56

of the physical realm to me, but that's new to you. It's been

7:00

I've been very aware of in tune with that for a long time. But

7:02

I love watching your excitement like a child around it. It's really exciting.

7:08

Well, and it's you do have a not I'm not saying immature. I'm

7:12

saying you have a childlike faith where you get excited at these supernatural emotional things.

7:17

And I love seeing that in you because you didn't have that six years

7:20

ago. No, I questioned everything. I questioned everything, and it wasn't

7:25

until I you drove me nuts well, honestly, and it's going to get

7:30

into our topic today. But it wasn't until I uncomfortably and unbelievably walked forward

7:38

and I started to get some experience. But don't go anywhere. We're going

7:41

to come right back. We're going to talk about Step two today on Relevant

7:44

Recovery Radio. Welcome back to Relevant Recovery Radio with your host Heather and Donnie.

8:09

And I'm not Heather, but I am Hi, that's me. So

8:13

today we want to talk about we want to go into step two. We

8:15

decided that this year, the first recording of the month, that we would

8:20

do a step since we have twelve steps, twelve months, thought that'd be fun. I think they're supposed to be thirteen months. Have you seen that

8:24

calendar? I have seen, well, I've seen the real because now I'm

8:28

taught on Insta, not the one we lived by today. They're supposed to

8:31

be thirteen months. But anyways, that's fine, and I'm like fully like, I'm going to need help soon. I'm actually gonna I'm gonna have to

8:37

make I have to make some real changes. Anyways, Instagram has got me again, and I've been off social media for years, and I'm you were

8:43

doing so good. I'm upset. But anyways, let's not talk about what

8:46

you've done to me right now. We have bigger fish to fro. You

8:50

have bigger things to talk about Step two. What's the big idea here? Okay, So first of all, emphasis on quick. Give me a quick

8:58

overview of step one and why we need it's step two and go. Step

9:03

one helps me qualify myself as powerless based on allergy and insanity. And then

9:07

in addition to that, it helps me admit my unmanageability that I need some

9:11

sort of help to manage my own life. And so I really think that

9:16

the second half of step one about unmanageability really folds into understanding step two.

9:20

Okay, because if I am in delusion that I manage my life well,

9:26

then I have, in my own delusion no need for step two, So

9:28

there's no need to go on, right, And so when we look at

9:33

step two, the language is well, but wait, say that again.

9:39

The reason I need step two what did I find out in step one?

9:41

Let's really emphasize that for a second. So when we uncovered things besides drugs

9:48

and alcohol, when we really just look at unmanaged Yes I suck at managing

9:50

drugs and alcohol because I'm powerless, but also this idea of unmanageability that I

9:56

really need some sort of supernatural help in my life to be better mother,

10:00

to be a better wife, to have less anxiety or depression or worry,

10:03

or to manage my finances better, any facet of your life your housework less.

10:07

Last week you posted some videos about my clip of the housework issue and

10:11

all these women were commenting, you know, and it's like, yes,

10:15

you could try to live your whole life and self reliance and work it out

10:18

yourself, but you're missing the big, permanent, supernatural possibility with living not

10:26

a self directed life but a spiritually directed life. Okay, So to manage

10:31

your life for you, Okay, if you don't have, if you don't

10:33

think you suck at managing other facets of your life, there's no need to

10:37

move on to step two. You're perfect everywhere else. Cool, Okay.

10:41

I have an addiction, and I find out because of the two factors,

10:45

the allergy and the insanity of step one and the imengibility, that there's really

10:48

nothing I can do alone. There's no power in me right, Therefore I

10:52

need a power? So what is step two? So step two is came

10:56

to believe that a power greater than ourselves could stores to sanity. And so

11:01

I really like to look at the language they chose to use. Came to believe implies a future later timeline. Yeah, and then they say, power

11:07

greater than yourself, let's call it God restores you to sanity. And again

11:13

you've got to go back to step one to see if you understand what we

11:15

mean by the word insanity, right, it is that I can't manage that

11:18

decision to not take the first drink. I have an insanity of the mind

11:22

that gives me permission to try the game again and drink again. And for

11:26

those of you who have other struggles, for those of you who have there,

11:30

that's right. So how many times have you said I'm not going to touch the cheesecake anymore, and then a month later you still do it again?

11:35

Why it's insane? Wake up, Susan, Wake up, all right.

11:39

And it's no matter what it is. I say that I'm not going

11:43

to spend money that I don't need to spend anymore, and I spend it

11:45

again. I say that I'm not going to watch porn, and I watch

11:48

it. I say that I'm going to show up for work different, or

11:50

I'm going to clean my house. It's it's kind of whatever. I know I need change here, and when I'm in self reliance, I'm looking for

11:56

myself to overcome the barrier or the struggle and be different. But really it's

12:03

a never ending cycle. I might do better for a little bit, and

12:07

then it's back to how it was. And so when we look at step

12:09

two. Step two. The big idea around step two is just a statement

12:15

or a promise that later in this spiritual process, later God is going to

12:20

restore me to sanity. Right, And so when I understand what sanity is,

12:24

it means I no longer have the insanity of the mind, that I

12:28

won't even be interested in a drink. So the language of just step two,

12:31

how it's written, is just one simple idea. Later in the step

12:35

work, You're not even going to want to drink anymore. Okay, You're

12:39

not going to be fighting the idea and that struggle. God's just going to

12:41

remove it. I want to put you on the spot, huh. I

12:45

want you to tell me what are first of all, the biggest misconceptions you

12:50

heard in the rooms or that people have about step two where people typically go

12:56

with it. And then I think we should talk about what it I actually

13:00

looks like, what it means, and then later we'll talk about in the

13:03

end of the show, we'll talk about sort of what happens when you do this, when you follow this process and it really begins to work. So

13:11

one of the false ideas that I hear in the rooms a lot is a

13:15

couple different ideas, and I think we maybe borrowed it from treatment centers or

13:18

therapy, but it's really just not found in our literature. There's this idea

13:22

that I'm going to have to fight for my sobriety, that don't have to

13:26

fight to stay sober for the rest of my life, and that's not found

13:28

anywhere in our literature. In fact, it guarantees the opposite if we do

13:31

some things. And what it's saying is that lack of power is my dilemma.

13:35

I just have a lack of power. I have a lack of power, not a lack of willpower. I have a lack of power in a

13:39

lot of areas of my life. And if I can figure out how to

13:43

plug into or tap into that power, that power manages all of these things,

13:48

not just drugs and alcohol, but a whole lot of other things.

13:50

Right. I think another thing that happens every time Step two comes up as we go into a god discussion, and that's nowhere in step two. It's

13:56

not about Step two. Yeah, like elaborate on that first second, Like

14:01

it talks about lack of power, talks about the fact that, based on

14:03

Step one, I am absolutely going to drink porn, spend, eat,

14:09

whatever it is, I'm going to do it again. Yeah, and you're going to experience that yourself on whether or not that's true. And I've experienced

14:16

for myself that that's true. And I think that people get hung up on

14:20

this idea that when they get to step two, that they're somehow supposed to

14:22

figure out what like define the higher power thing, and that they somehow can't

14:26

move on until they figure out what God is to them, and that's nowhere

14:30

in our literature. In fact, the opposite. I love how it says

14:33

it on page forty six, that says, you know that no one can

14:37

fully define or comprehend the power which they call God. But it says,

14:39

much to our relief, we discovered I don't even need to consider anyone else's

14:43

conception of God. My own conception, however inadequate, is sufficient to make

14:48

the approach and to affect a contact with Him. And so the idea that

14:52

I have to figure out what it is not in our literature. And the reason I hate going to a twelve step meeting that is maybe the topic is

14:58

stepped to two or three, because all of a sudden, I'm stuck in

15:01

a room for an hour with people who are sharing about what kind of God

15:05

they grew up with, or what kind of God they reject, or what

15:07

God is to them. And I'm like, the book is telling us not

15:11

to do this, people, because here's the deal. Here's what people need to understand is that my experience, in my relationship with the God that I

15:18

understand, has zero bearing on your recovery, and your conception has zero bearing

15:22

on mine. And the book doesn't tell us we can create it. And

15:26

the book says we can choose a conception that makes sense to you. And

15:28

beyond that, what Step two is talking about is that I don't have the

15:33

ability in this meat suit, this meat suit that I walk around with.

15:37

I don't have the ability to control or enjoy my drinking. I don't have

15:41

the choice of whether or not I'm going to drink or do a drug.

15:45

Right. It says, I don't have the power. What Step two is

15:48

about is coming to believe through the process of the steps that I will gain

15:54

that power outside of myself. And I think the fact that not within self,

15:58

outside of self, And I say inside, I was just reiterating what

16:02

you said. And I think that people see the word faith and step two

16:06

and they see the idea around how many things that I'll believe without question?

16:11

So anyways, what they do is they just go on this like rampage about

16:14

what is God? What is my conception? My parents maybe go to private

16:18

Christian school, fall into this doctrine or theological pothole, and they never move

16:22

past it. Right because I come in the rooms broken, I'm naked,

16:25

I'm broken, I drinking, i have nothing left, and suddenly I want

16:29

to become a physicist and figure out quantum realities. Yeah yeah, and figure

16:34

out the God idea. And it's it hoses people. I just want to

16:37

make the point that step two is just a promise that later this is going

16:42

to happen. I don't get restored to sanity while I'm one Step two.

16:47

One of the most important things I think I ever heard early in my journey

16:51

is Step two came to believe does not have a time on it. It's

16:56

different for everyone is different. And it's not me make myself believe. It's

17:00

not me doing anything. What it is is me working the spiritual program of

17:04

action, doing these steps, and it just happens. It just happened.

17:07

And I will say that the faith and belief versus the insanity getting removed can

17:12

be two different timelines as well that people aren't really aware of. And I'll

17:15

just say that based on our literature, the literature does give us a timeline

17:19

on when the insanity should be removed where I'm not fighting the drink or the

17:22

drug idea anymore. But it's by step ten. And you can look up

17:26

the promises on step ten on page eighty four and eighty five of our literature.

17:30

And so okay, that gives us a timeline that step two comes to

17:33

fruition by step ten. But if I haven't worked one through ten, I

17:37

should not expect that to happen for me. All right, So don't go

17:40

anywhere. When we come back, we're going to have a little more discussion here on step two with the Donnie and Heather Show. I'm not Heather,

18:03

all ye, welcome back to Relevant Recovery Radio with your hosts Heather and Donnie.

18:07

I'm mother, Yes you are. I'm so grateful for that too.

18:11

I'm grateful for your beard. Your beard is looking on point today. Oh

18:15

thank you. I'm glad that you said that on the air, because people

18:18

don't believe that my beard is this long for your benefit. No, you

18:22

got to keep it. Yeah. Yeah, So today we're talking about step

18:26

two. Yep, and let's talk about Well, I'm going to get us

18:30

started, and I want you to do some explanation. Okay. Step two

18:34

says, came to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to

18:37

sanity. Right, So, while I'm drinking and drugging and I can't stop,

18:41

while I can't stop parm while I can't stop shopping, while I can't

18:44

stop eating, there's an insanity there. I can't stop, and I've lost

18:48

the power of choice. So what Step two says is that I can find

18:53

and become connected to a power outside of myself that will accomplish this and begin

19:00

and to manage it. Yeah. I think the misconception in the twelve step

19:03

world is that once I get on track, I will be able to manage

19:07

my life. Okay, you know, and that's not a twelve step idea.

19:11

The twelve step idea is that I will never properly be able to manage

19:14

my life on my own willpower. I will always need outside help, something

19:18

supernatural, something higher power, something outside of me. Right, And so

19:21

the real goal the trajectory of the spiritual growth is to figure out how to

19:25

learn how to rely on this power to manage my life. For me,

19:29

they give a few different analogies in our literature, but they call me an

19:33

actor trying to run the whole show. Well, that's three I know,

19:37

but I'm just giving it as an analogy here that God or higher power is

19:41

supposed to be in the director's chair. I'm just supposed to be the actor,

19:45

right, And so I got to figure out, well, where am I trying to control and run the show? And where is God in that?

19:52

And I think it gives us also a sneak peek in this lack of power of It says that I can have philosophical and I can have moral and

20:00

philosophical convictions galore. I can't live up to them, even though you'd like

20:03

to. But it doesn't help me stop drinking, right, And so what

20:08

it's saying is that I can have this high bar of morals, I can

20:12

have this high philosophical bar, but the needed powers of there I don't have

20:17

the power to stop. Let me give a real life example or two.

20:21

As I was going through this process early on with my sponsor, I ignorantly

20:26

thought that I just needed God's help with drugs and alcohol. I wasn't aware

20:30

of all these other facets of my life that I needed to let God manage

20:33

for me in order for God to take care of the drugs and alcohol and

20:37

all the other issues to this very moment and to this very moment of this

20:41

very day, even though I'm seven and a half years sober. Yeah,

20:44

and so she was like helping me pick apart all the things that are unmanageable

20:48

in my life, which we talked about last week, right, but I talked highly about, like I've been married three times, which you know,

20:53

maybe our listeners don't know and haven't listened. I've been married three times,

20:56

so I kind of suck at being a wife. Yeah, don't take marriage

20:59

advice, and I make a light of it right now, but it sucked

21:04

for a long time. I really wanted to be a wife. Here's what

21:07

I mean in my mind, because I grew up with really great parents that

21:11

are still married. They're Christian, they love each other. I knew in

21:14

my mind what it looked, what it meant to be a good wife,

21:17

but I didn't know how to live that out. I was actually living life

21:21

in self reliance and just always expecting the husband to pay me the right amount

21:25

of attention or the husband to respond to me in a sympathetic way. And

21:29

I wasn't giving. I wasn't thinking what to his needs? What are his

21:32

needs? Well? How can I be of service to him? I was just really it was very needy. I'm so glad you're not that person.

21:37

I was an empty vortex of need emotionally, and I we're so sorry.

21:45

I'm very sorry. But what I'm saying I did not have the in my

21:52

mind, I knew what it was to be a good mother. I had moral or philosophical convictions my mom was a good mom. I didn't have the

21:57

ability to live up to being the all my wish I could be. Let's

22:00

go back to housework, right, I know what kind of house I want

22:03

it to look like. But I really couldn't find the energy or motivation to

22:08

take care of the house like it should be. It felt overwhelming, it

22:11

felt like it was too much, and so instead I'd blame others if people

22:15

weren't helping me, or you know, YadA YadA, and so really taking

22:19

a look at this stuff, my sponsor helps me disec how can I invite

22:22

God into that? If I suck at being a mom, if I suck

22:26

at being a wife, if I suck at taking care of my house,

22:29

how can I I'm going to isolate that, by the way, how can I sit down and invite God and beg his help in these areas? Because

22:36

here's the real question. I can't just sit on my chair in the living

22:40

room and hope God will supernaturally boop me on the head and I'm a better

22:44

wife, and I'm a better mom, and my house is clean. But so realization, let me finish this idea. So basically the idea becomes,

22:52

okay, well, where does God's supernatural power fit into my footwork of action?

22:57

These have to mesh, these hal to overlap. And so she said,

23:00

maybe God's expecting you to move your footwork in certain ways to tap into

23:06

His power so that this real magical change can happen. And so I really

23:10

had to sit down in with a very specific prayer routine and prayer life of

23:15

everything I'm trying to invite God into. I'm trying to ask God to help

23:18

me load the dishwasher every night before bed, help me hang up the clothes

23:23

as soon as they're dry, instead of leaving them in the dryer. I'm

23:26

asking God to help me, you know, text my kids more often and

23:29

FaceTime them more often when I think of them. I'm asking God to help

23:33

me remember to praise you when you look good or you do something nice for

23:37

me too. This should be happening all the time, all the time.

23:40

What I'm saying is, here's what that prayer life does. Number one.

23:42

I'm inviting God into these spaces in my life, all these other facets.

23:48

What that creates is later, as I'm going through my day, I will

23:52

end up at a fork in the road, a fork in the road of

23:55

something I prayed about that morning, and I'll begin to get awareness of that

24:00

event, Like I'll think, Oh, I should compliment you like I did

24:03

earlier when I thought about how nice your bears looks. Normally I would just

24:06

think that and not say it. Or I'll think, you know, tonight

24:10

when we go to bed, oh, there's dishes in the sink. I just prayed this morning that God would help me load the dishwasher. So here's

24:15

what that fork creates, that path that He would give me the power to

24:18

do it. Because at that moment when I recognize the fork in the road.

24:22

When I have the awareness, I can willfully choose to ignore God and

24:26

stay in self reliance, or I can take a little bit of action and

24:29

ask God to help me and do that thing. The more that you take

24:32

the action and do the thing, the more power God gives you, the more energy God gives you, the more direction and intuitive thought God gives you,

24:38

and you become more and more aware of what God is doing for you

24:42

and how He's helping you accomplish it. But really the goal is God is

24:45

managing these things for me. I just have a little bit of footwork where

24:48

I meet God in the middle. Yeah, I think the hardest thing for

24:52

people to overcome. And I'm going to speak from my own experience. I

24:56

knew coming into the Fellowship that I I could not on my own power stop

25:02

drinking and drugging. I knew that that was easy, that was like so simple, But it took me four and a half years into sobriety to realize.

25:10

Guess what. You also can't show up to work as a good employee

25:12

on your own. You also cannot obviously be a good husband on your own.

25:17

You can't be a good dad, You can't control your eating, you

25:21

can't quit your porn addiction, you can't and the list goes on and on. But it took like that self honesty around the first step to really see

25:29

that, so that I could see the need for God or that power outside

25:33

of myself. That's that's the key here, is seeing a need for change.

25:37

And I was in delusion for a long time about what I needed to

25:41

see about myself and change, which is really where the beauty of the step

25:45

work and conviction comes in. Yeah, I know specifically watching you, you

25:48

used to have horrible road rage, horrible and I know that because I drive

25:53

in Houston. I think ninety percent of Houston has this sickness of road rage.

25:57

And it's been crazy because you will complain about drivers who drive just like

26:03

you, right, And so I've really watched you try to invite God into

26:07

your driving, that the laws apply to you, that you can be courteous

26:11

on the road even if no one else is. And what happens is that

26:15

I go, Okay, God, I can't. I cannot manage my driving

26:18

right, And so help me to see that the laws apply. Help me

26:22

to see that I'm going to get there when you want me to get there.

26:25

It just is help me to be more courteous to other drivers, to

26:30

show them the courtesy that maybe they're not showing me. And it took a

26:33

lot of prayer. Yeah, it really did, because I in of myself

26:37

in this meat suit. I don't have the ability it would change that,

26:41

But when you're driving, you want to you want to want to change it.

26:44

But when you're driving, you end up having those forks in the road,

26:47

those moments where old Donnie would react and respond to a driver a certain

26:51

way, like when me, you, Gay and Chris were on the way home from the airport. That was all doney, and that guy tried to

26:56

cut me off and I wasn't letting him do it, and I don't I

27:00

don't get that. But yes, that's what I'm talking about. You can

27:02

choose to willfully ignore God and do it the way you want to do it.

27:06

I felt a lot of feelings that I have to let's talk about that for a second, because we're on my road rage. So I pretty much

27:11

have become a way better driver. Yeah, way better. There's always room

27:14

for improvement, but I don't have road rage anymore. God's removed it because

27:17

you invited him in. We are on our way home from Vegas. We're

27:19

in the car. We're on the beltway and a car. I'm in the

27:22

second inside lane. A car comes over, so I go to the inside

27:26

lane. He comes over again, and I wasn't. I that's it,

27:30

and so I didn't let him come over. He got mad, It got

27:32

a little tested. But here's what happened. We were all terrified after that.

27:37

I was I felt some shame and some guilt because I had people in

27:41

the car with me. I felt some shame and some guilt because they saw

27:45

me. And then I think I had some shame and some guilt because I

27:48

wasn't driving the way my God would have me drive. I wasn't driving with

27:53

courtesy, I wasn't driving with forgiveness. And so what I want to point

27:57

out about this idea is that this is a lifelong process of change. And

28:03

it's really interesting because the way I look at it is number one, I

28:07

needed the awareness of the things I needed God's help with. Think of every

28:11

facet of your think of yourself as a house and Hea, Heather, I'm

28:18

not making that joke, not stepping on that one. So Heather is a

28:21

house, right, but I have all these facets of my life, my

28:23

motherhood, that I'm a wife, that I'm an employee, that I'm a

28:26

sponsor, that I'm a friend, that I'm a Christian, that all of

28:30

these things and these are all doors and windows of my house. God is

28:33

a gentleman. He will not force himself in. I have to figure out

28:37

how to open the doors in the windows and invite God into each of these

28:41

areas of my life. I love it. I love it all right,

28:44

don't go anywhere. We'll be right back with Heather and Donnie. Relevant Recovery

28:47

Radio. Oh yeah, hi, welcome back Relevant Recovery Radio with your host

29:10

heathern Donnie. Is this the last segment? This is the last segment,

29:14

flew by, You've really talked a lot. Sorry, but you were listening

29:18

to your favorite voice in the world. Yes, no, it's not my

29:21

favorite voice. So the idea not the idea. I think what really made

29:29

step two real for me is when I saw reality for what it was for,

29:36

when I saw the truth, when I was able to see you know, they say that me telling you the truth about whatever is easier than me

29:41

seeing myself. Yeah, you can see change that needs to happen in other

29:47

people way easier than you can see it in your own self. Right.

29:51

And so when the scales fell off my eyes and I could see for a

29:53

fact that all of this list of items that I had been trying to solve

29:59

most of my life, right, this had nothing to do with drugs and alcohol. This is road rage. How I behave things that I do right.

30:04

When I looked at my past honestly and I looked at my experience,

30:11

what my experience said is, you know what, buddy, No matter how many times you've tried to fix this, you fixed it for a time,

30:17

going to spin your wheels, but then you failed again, and you fixed it for a time. And then, by the way, when I stopped

30:22

watching porn, I eat more. When I stop eating more, I go

30:26

buy stuff. And when I stopped buying stuff, I'm back to porn. And it's like this spiritual whack a mole over and over and over and over

30:30

again with these behaviors. But then when I became self honest and I looked

30:33

at it for real, and you said it earlier, when I was able

30:37

to smash the delusions, the lies that I told you I do it well,

30:41

that I could do this. Yeah, there's really freedom in that.

30:44

People think that admitting complete defeat is somehow bad or weak, but they don't

30:49

realize the beauty and the weakness that this is where God's supernatural ability and power

30:53

gets to come in and do for me what I could not do for myself.

30:56

That is a twelve step idea. I thought I came in and did

30:59

free you what you can't do for yourself. Don't I just take care of

31:03

it? So sorry? So I think that we got to look at self

31:07

awareness. What about me? Besides? So here's what I want to say

31:11

about step two, since this is the last segment. Step two really has

31:15

two ideas. One idea is the idea when you're brand new, and it's

31:18

this idea that later in the process, God's going to remove my desire to

31:22

drink, that there'll be no triggers. Assuming I'm spiritually fit, I can

31:27

go eat in a bar, I can go to a concert. I can

31:30

do all these things assuming you're spiritually fit. Us smoking cigars last night,

31:34

and we had to move some chairs around, and I held a guy's neat

31:38

little glass of bourbon for while he moved his chair, And you know what,

31:41

didn't think about drinking it once and so we don't accidentally relapse just because

31:45

I'm around alcohol, assuming I'm spiritually fit, assuming I'm relying on God.

31:48

And so that's why the other ideas around step two that we've been talking about

31:52

this last segment that have nothing to do with drugs and alcohol. It's all

31:56

this other stuff that I'm in self relays around that I think I can manage

32:01

it, that I'm forgetting to invite God into. This goes back to my

32:07

Orange Juice story or the ice Cube story. Do we hate them both? I like your ice Cube story because it really is a simplified idea of what

32:16

God is and how God sent us. Because here's the overview. We actually

32:21

did a whole episode on the ice Cube and the Orange Juice story. You have to scroll back in our episodes and listen to it. About brief overview

32:28

is I really sucked it staying in sober living. I kept relapsing or not

32:31

following the rules or the curfew to the chores, and it was overwhelming.

32:35

I couldn't do it. But when I finally got sober this time and I

32:37

really started taking a look at this stuff, I was really looking at doing

32:43

my chore for God and coming home on the curfew for God. And one

32:45

day I was alone at the sober house by myself, and I went to

32:49

go crack an ice cube tray to put ice in my cup to make a

32:52

drink, regular drink, not an alcoholic drink, and an ice cube fell

32:54

on the floor. I went to go kick it under the fridge, as

32:57

we all do, and God spoke to me in my soul and he said,

33:00

pick it up and put it in the sink like an adult, and

33:04

it really froze me. I didn't audibly hear it. It's just a feeling.

33:07

And I was like, okay, so that's a conviction, a conviction. So I picked it up and I put it in the sink. And

33:12

I didn't realize it then, but that was the beginning of my integrity,

33:15

of me hearing God's conviction and following through with an action. And that's what

33:20

developed my deep relationship with that power. And he started giving me power to

33:23

do all sorts of things I previously did not have the power to do.

33:27

So it starts. It starts starts with the simplest things. And so when

33:30

you are doing X, Y or Z, and you have that little feeling

33:34

of the right thing that's God. So many people focus on these big,

33:38

giant things like I'm shooting heroin or whatever, and it's like, no,

33:44

people focus on the big issues. And what I'm saying is is if I

33:47

didn't, if I did not learn how to rely on God for small things

33:52

like an ice cube or curfew, there's no way I was going to be

33:54

tapped into Him for the bigger things. I have to learn how to rely

33:58

and get tractions or sittual momentum with God on the small things that equal an

34:02

easier reliance on Him for the big things. So, now give me some

34:06

of your experience. I just did ice cube, orange juice. I hate

34:12

you around the people that you've seen, right, because here's what I want.

34:16

I want to see if you can dig into some of your experience watching

34:20

the girls you sponsor. Because here's the thing is that when you came into

34:22

sobriety, there was no question of a belief in God or a belief in

34:28

the supernatural. You had it. Yeah, but I've sponsored lots of girls

34:30

that don't and it works the same. It works the same. There's just

34:34

going to be some prejudices. As a good sponsor, you really have to

34:37

try to like help present questions for them to ponder without giving them the answer,

34:40

or I don't ever go into my specific or religious beliefs. I try

34:45

to leave that real neutral because it's twelve step stuff. But I ask them

34:50

about facets of their life. I dissect their life to help them see if

34:52

they can have awareness around unmanageabilities. And then if they have unmanageabilities, I

34:59

help them figure out how to maybe write down some prayers that they could say

35:02

out loud of inviting God into those spaces. Because they need to go on

35:07

their own individual internal experience with this power. I can't give them mine,

35:13

and so it's going to be very particular to them. And what's really cool.

35:15

When someone's new and they don't believe in God and they're talking to the

35:19

air and all that, that's fine with me. But if they do these

35:22

actions, here's what's really cool. They're going to end up over the course

35:24

of working the steps with me and doing these prayers, they're going to have

35:28

their own experiences with this power, and it'll be undeniable for them. And

35:31

so when someone's new and they don't know how to pray and they don't know

35:35

what that looks like helping them write down these sort of unmanageability prayers about housework

35:39

or energy and motivation or anxiety or external and internal things that they need power

35:45

in. It really teaches them some core behavior, some core habits to develop

35:51

that equals a prayer life later, and they don't even know that that's happening.

35:53

So I'll give you. I'll give it to you from that side.

35:57

I'll give it to you from the non spiritual, non believing side. When

36:00

I got sober, I had been an atheist for twenty years, and it was this concept of a power outside of me, even though me under the

36:07

control of me was a disaster that it doesn't have to be. Even if

36:10

people are delusional, think that they're great, understand everything, it's just still

36:15

has the same idea. All I'm saying is I was miserable and I still

36:17

thought I could fix it. Hm. I think when I look back,

36:23

what happened is I get sober. God removed the drugs and alcohol problem,

36:28

But then four and a half years in, all of my other behavior was

36:30

still there around that idea. I want to say one quick thing. My

36:34

old sponsor always taught me, Heather, your unmanageability returns full force way before

36:38

the drink or the drug. So if you want to know if you're heading

36:42

towards a relapse, you got to look back at these unmanageabilities. And so

36:45

four and a half five years sober, when I burnt my entire life down

36:49

in sobriety sober no excuse, I had to begin looking at everything. I

36:53

had to realize that the power outside of me, that God wasn't just there

36:58

for drugs and alcohol. I had given him the easiest thing to remove because

37:02

my behavior was harder I feel like. And so it was like hitting sort

37:09

of a bottom in sobriety that caused me to be willing to uncomfortably walk forward,

37:17

not feeling it, not feeling okay, but to do the footwork.

37:22

When I redid the steps of four and a half years after burning it down,

37:25

I redid the uncomfortable footwork of moving forward. Whether I trusted it,

37:31

believed in it, felt it, none of that matter. You just move

37:35

your feet forward. And it was the practice of all twelve steps. It

37:38

was the practice of actually doing morning prayer, meditation, evening meditation. It

37:44

was the practice of all of the pieces that I came to believe that God

37:49

could not only remove the insanity and the allergy of drugs and alcohol, but

37:54

God could also manage all of these aspects of my life. The reason that

37:59

these disclints and habits are wonderful, especially for a logically minded person, is

38:04

because over a course of a very short period of time, of these disciplines

38:06

and these actions, you're going to experience measurable progress spiritually. You're going to

38:09

feel it, you're going to see it, you're going to know that it's

38:12

occurring. And so one of our core twelve step principles is that we claim

38:16

spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. No one's perfect. We're all fallible,

38:22

still, very very much absolutely, That's the beauty of the spiritual walk.

38:27

I always have new reasons to seek God's power, and so I just I

38:31

love walking this journey and watching it in you and in me and in other

38:36

people because it's a beautiful thing. So well, listen, we may go

38:42

into this a little deeper next week. We may not, but we will

38:44

be back next week on Relevant Recovery Radio. And don't forget. Those who

38:49

stand for nothing will fall for anything. Hashtag God, though by many