0:02

The road to recovery. You might be cruising down it a friend or family

0:08

member lost on it, or the road is well still under construction. Relevant

0:17

Recovery Radio is about getting to that destination of normal health, mind or strength.

0:25

Now, Relevant Recovery Radio here to give you the keys. Heather and

0:30

Donnie Moser. Hello, welcome to Irrelevant Recovery Radio Today. Yeah, we're

0:36

your hosts, Heather and Donnie. Say hello, Heather, Hello, Heather,

0:40

say see I don't hello Heather, Hello Heather. Okay, welcome to

0:45

the show today. We are so glad you're listening, and we're actually grateful

0:48

that you're listening in. When we got this show a few years ago,

0:51

we had no idea that people would listen to two idiots behind microphones pontificate and

1:00

then a brilliant person. We're so grateful that you listen in. So you're

1:06

listening to us today. I'm sure you already knew this because you're in your car and you got your radio going. But we're on KPRC nine fifty AM

1:12

in Houston's Sunday's at one pm, and then at the end of the day

1:17

we are uploaded around five pm Central to all podcasts Radio platforms. You know,

1:23

Amazon, Apple, iHeart Spotify, Alexa. I don't get the Alexa

1:29

thing, but yeah, we just appreciate you checking us out today. We've

1:34

got some big announcements coming today. But Heather, do your thing that we

1:37

do, do my thing. Yeah. This show is sponsored by the Matthew

1:40

Hope Foundation. The Matthews Hope Foundation is a nonprofit five oh one c three

1:45

aimed at providing education and recovery support services to those struggling with substance use disorder

1:49

or their family members. And if you or a loved one would like any

1:53

information about the different services and programs we offer, you can give us a

1:57

call at eight four four and Hope. That's eight four four two six three

2:02

four six seven three, or you can visit our websites Matthewsope dot org or

2:08

MHDRP dot org dot org. Because right now we do have an outpatient clinic

2:15

and we offer in person, virtual and by phone recovery support services. We

2:20

do IASIS, which is micro current neurofeedback. We have chemical dependency counseling,

2:24

We have a therapist, and so if you need any support at all,

2:29

you can give us a call and we can see if our program is a good fit for you. Excellent, Heather, you did that so well.

2:35

Thank you. I've only done it like three hundred other times. Okay,

2:38

so big announcement, we just go right into it. Dun dung. So

2:43

it is official. If you're listening to us on the radio in Houston,

2:46

our last broadcast and I'm sorry to say that our last broadcast is March third,

2:52

so let me clarify. We've decided. But yeah, we will be

2:58

on all podcasts platforms. So starting after March third, the Relevant Recovery Radio

3:05

Show will become just the Relevant Recovery Podcast, right, which if you go

3:08

look on Spotify, Apple, ms on the other ones, that's what it's

3:13

called today. Yeah, and so we're going to rebrand a little bit and

3:17

shimmy shimmy Coca puff over that way, and it's not listen. If you

3:23

listen to us on AM radio in Houston, this may be bad news for

3:25

you. But all you have to do is just download one of the music

3:29

apps Spotify, Apple Podcast in the free iHeart right, and you'll be able

3:34

to listen to us. But the beauty of this, what's the good stuff.

3:38

The good stuff is is that we're going to be free form so we'll be free form. Our episodes will not be thirty nine minutes only with three

3:44

commercial breaks anymore. After that, after March third, we'll be able to

3:47

do full podcast style, right, so we'll be able to go an hour,

3:52

hour twenty if Heather's really on fire, three hours if need be.

3:54

That's right Rogan style. Well we're not even in the same universe. But

4:01

yeah, so that's the big announcement. We'll talk about it a little more

4:04

as we get closed. We'll announce it every week. We got four more

4:08

weeks here with KPRC in the High Heart studios, and I got to tell

4:11

you they have been amazing by what we've had a wonderful, wonderful experience with

4:15

iHeart with our producer, Will can't say enough good things. Yeah, it's

4:18

just a financial evolution of Matthew's hope of what we need to do and where

4:23

we need to focus. And so that's all. So we're going to switch

4:25

to just the podcast because it's our sponsorship that puts us on the radio,

4:30

so we can be transparent about that it's our sponsorship. And so there's just

4:33

some changes going on. So things are going to the only change that most

4:39

podcast listeners will see are The only change is that we will go longer than

4:42

thirty nine minutes. There won't be any breaks. We'll be able to go

4:45

straight through and complete some of our thoughts that we're having to cut off in

4:49

the middle today. Yeah, and I think that the only confusing bit about

4:54

it will be if you're currently listening to us Relevant Recovery on the iHeart app

4:59

currently or maybe a little gap. So there'll be a little gap because whenever

5:02

we're done on the third, Iheart's actually going to kill that whole app platform

5:09

of that channel, and we're going to reproduce and re upload our own Relevant

5:13

Recovery podcast rather than Relevant Recovery Radio. So if you're on iHeart and you

5:15

want to stick with iHeart, then you're just gonna have to switch to a

5:18

new podcast channel once once it's live. Yeah, we'll see. Yeah,

5:23

we'll see how that works out. It'll be all pushed through RSS feed,

5:26

so I'm not too words. I'm excited though. Yeah, good things are

5:29

coming. We are really excited about I think Heather wants to be able to

5:32

curse every now and then, which is weird to me, but that's okay.

5:35

It's a weird flex bro, but you do you It's not that I

5:38

want to, It's that I just don't want to have to worry about not.

5:41

Yeah. The funny thing is for our listeners out there who have never

5:45

heard a curse word on here, there have been curse words said, and

5:48

if you were to look at a pie chart, it is mostly the women

5:53

who drop the F bombs on the radio that have to be bleeped out later.

5:57

Listen, it really is. It's hilarious. It's on accident, okay,

6:01

and it wasn't me. It's usually our guests right on you, I

6:05

know, but you didn't clarify, so people might have thought it was me.

6:08

I haven't actually accidentally cussed the whole time we've done this show, which

6:12

is a miracle honestly when people say, you know, all those miracles from

6:16

God have been two thousand, No, No, I see miracles every week

6:19

when you don't curse on this radio show. Anyways. All right, so

6:25

we're and we're still coming off of sort of a spiritual high of the last

6:30

week. You know, if you listened to our show last week, you know that we had a couple of pastors from South Africa staying in our home

6:35

for ten days, which was amazing, it really was. And I was

6:42

honestly sad to see them go, like really really when they left on Monday.

6:47

They were just such genuine guys and I feel the love radiating off of

6:54

them. I just really enjoyed learning from them and being in their presence and

6:59

the way that they speak to each other and to us, And I don't

7:01

know, I don't know how. It's not a tangible thing that I can

7:04

explain. It was just a deep, profound love, gratitude, blessed feeling

7:12

just being around them. And I thoroughly enjoyed the very last night over at

7:15

franz Is where we got to kind of hear at Cecil's wild background, you

7:18

know, and I just because that speaks to me because I had a wild

7:24

background, you know, you're a felon. And anyways, I'm just I

7:30

was very sad to see them go, and I felt like it was just such a blessing that we got to spend time with them and get to know

7:34

them absolutely. So the reason I want to pick that up you'll see here

7:39

in a minute. Don't go anywhere. Be right back with Relevant Recovery Radio.

8:01

Hey, welcome back, got right rat. Oh my god, please

8:03

don't do that ever again. Welcome back to relevant recovery. It's that music.

8:07

It just got me like in the eighties. You know the eighties dance

8:13

h fingers, ye, snap your hands anyways? Do you remember the Running

8:16

Man? Yes? I do the dance move. Are you gonna do it?

8:22

No? I just wonder if our listeners would be interested in seeing you

8:26

do the Running Man on video? If I posted on my Facebook, I would never do the Running Man, So that wouldn't work. What if I

8:31

paid you? You don't have enough money. So the reason I wanted to

8:35

bring up and not everything is a reason, but this was a good it's

8:41

a good segue topic, which is when you have somebody coming to stay in

8:46

your house for ten days, that's a long time to be in your house, and your initial thought is okay, Like Heather and I are very busy.

8:52

We have a lot of routine, We have a lot of commitments,

8:56

We have a lot going on. This is not a brag or a complaint,

8:58

is the fact we have a lot. Every day after work, we

9:01

have some sort of commitment. And so when you get this initial like when

9:05

we were asked to host, it's like, yeah, for sure, Well,

9:09

can you feed them a few times? It's like, ah, okay,

9:11

I got to figure out how to fit this in, and it all fit in perfectly, like there was just no issue. But what really is

9:18

going on in the back of your mind, whether you know it or not,

9:22

is am I willing to self sacrifice? Am I willing to self sacrifice?

9:30

And in the initial idea of self sacrificing my time or anything, there

9:37

is always some fleshly resistance. There's always like it's just my default. Yeah,

9:43

And what I know now is that when I do these things, like

9:46

trust me, when I look back over the last those ten days they were

9:50

there, there was no sacrifice. It was absolutely amazing. It was amazing

9:54

to have them in our home. We were happy to do it, like and I would do it over and over and over again. Yeah. But

10:01

what you and I wanted to talk about today is this paradox idea of self

10:07

sacrifice. Yeah, self sacrifice seems like a paradox. It always even after

10:13

you do it for a while, it's still you don't know why it works,

10:16

and they still are resistant to doing it. And I wanted to definitely

10:20

do this topic too when you suggested it honey, because I remember early on

10:26

one of my first sponsors told me, Heather, if you can get used

10:31

to being inconvenienced on a regular basis, you just might stay sober. And

10:37

that just like stuck with me that I'm supposed to look for opportunities to be

10:43

inconvenience. Said it to them, completely counterintuitive, and my wait, wait,

10:48

my first sponsor said, all right, I'm going to tell you the

10:52

three secrets to this blank twelve step fellowship. Here's your three secrets. You

10:58

can't tell anybody one. You're gonna have to be okay being around people you

11:03

don't want to be around, two at times that are inconvenient, in three

11:07

places that you don't want to be. And what that morphed into is this

11:11

idea I, as a human being, have this delusion that I can fix

11:16

my problems. I have this idea that I can Okay, if I'm not

11:20

performing well at work, I can fix that. I got to show up

11:22

better. If I'm not doing well in our marriage, man, I'm not

11:28

communicating well. I just need to show up better. I can do this.

11:30

I got to communicate better. Just got to get in the game.

11:33

Right. There's all these things I remember I'll say it like this. I

11:37

remember you and I were even post Oak. One night we were going to

11:41

dinner and there was somebody in the back of the truck and if you remember who they were, don't say it, but there was I think some of

11:46

you were sponsoring was in the backseat of the truck. And they said,

11:52

I'm really having some trouble with a relationship and I'm having some trouble with the

11:54

job. And I said to them, sponsor more trouble the relationship up.

12:00

Sponsor more trouble at work, sponsor more. That is counterintuitive and it sounds

12:05

on surface like I'm just being ridiculous. Okay, how is sponsoring going to

12:09

help me fix a B or C? It does every time, but it's

12:15

there's there needs to be a consistency or repetitive nature to the self sacrifice in

12:20

my experience, like the book talks about, you know, you have to

12:24

act the good Samaritan every day if need be a kind act once in a

12:28

while isn't enough. And I love that whole paragraph. I'm not thinking of

12:31

my brain's not working right now, think about I page that's on. But

12:33

it's like I I didn't understand this language that as it was new to me.

12:39

I remember thinking, Okay, what do I got to do to stay

12:43

sober? That was, you know, And they're like, okay, you

12:46

got to work the steps. I'm like, but I want to talk to I want to talk to everyone for a minute, whether you're in the twelve

12:52

step fellowship, whether you're actively drinking. This applies to people that are not

12:56

thinking about being sober or just none of it. What I'm try trying to

13:00

get to is the idea that actually I wasn't trying to get sober. I

13:03

was trying to get happy because I already get happy. I got to fix

13:07

all these things. I thought I had to fix all these things in order

13:09

to get happy. I thought I had to arrange my ducks or my externals

13:13

in a certain way, or achieved certain goals so that I could finally be

13:16

happy. I had no idea. Those were all delusions, right, But

13:18

we had to walk through that to get to where we are today. So

13:20

let's walk through that a little bit. What that looks like self sacrifice?

13:24

No prior to self sacrificing. Right, So we go through life and there

13:31

is all the delusions, right. We suffer from the delusion that we can

13:33

manage well or we can be happiness. So here's all the ways that I

13:37

did the opposite of self sacrifice. That's what I want to hear. We

13:41

have Okay, we only have four hours. Can you get so of it

13:45

out? We probably got like twenty some minutes. No, I'm just saying,

13:48

like I remember, I had three full ride scholarships offered to me after

13:54

high school to go to college, and I did not want to do it.

13:56

And I'm like, no, I'm done with school yea, you know.

14:01

And I want to buy a house, so I did. I want

14:03

to get married, so I did. I want to have kids, so

14:07

I did. I want to work for myself and start a graphic design company,

14:11

so I did. I I but you're bringing up me. You're bringing

14:15

up a good argument. You and I have it. It's not really an argument. It's the way I show something or the way I introduce a topic

14:20

or the way you do are completely different. So our ideas are this On

14:26

my side of the fence, I can tell you all the things that I

14:28

ever had as an issue, how I show up, how I act,

14:31

what I do, what behavior isn't and all the ways that I've spun my

14:35

wheels over time to try and fix it, and I couldn't. And you're

14:39

talking about trying to find happiness. You're talking about I want to get something

14:43

done. Hey, I've got the whoop power. I'll go do it. But I pay a spiritual price. And so what I didn't realize for all

14:50

that time, I thought I was basically a good person. I thought,

14:54

you know, I've tried to get my kids in church or when they were

14:56

little or whatever. But really every relationship that I was in was maybe more

15:03

transactional on how you make me feel. But is this on the self sacrifice

15:07

track or the unmanageability the opposite of self sacrifice. What I'm saying is I

15:11

didn't have a clue how selfish I was. I didn't have a clue how

15:16

I do clingy or needy or demanding or all of these things. How I

15:22

showed up. Don't I have a pie chart I'd like to bring out real

15:24

quick or a bar graph. You know, I'll accept the form of PowerPoint

15:30

presentations, all right, let me put that together. But I didn't have

15:33

a powerful enough Here's something I didn't know. What's that I was so painfully

15:39

unaware of myself and we meet person after person after person after person trying to

15:43

get sober or trying to get happy, or trying to fix a marriage issue,

15:48

and they're painfully unaware of themselves. And so what I realized as I

15:56

was trying to just get sober because I thought that was going to fix everything, is there was all these other ideas that the twelve Step world was implanting,

16:04

seeds that they were planting in my mind and in my heart that I

16:07

had to develop these disciplines daily on things that were self sacrificing. And I'm

16:14

like, wait a minute, I thought I'm supposed to take me time.

16:17

Wait a minute, I thought I needed a self care day. Wait a

16:19

minute, I thought, I'm supposed to be focusing on what I think I

16:22

deserve, right right, because that's what the World help world taught me.

16:26

The world is telling us today. It's all about me, my truth,

16:32

self care, take care of you, advocate for yourself, all of that

16:36

self self self, self, self, self self. And we are the

16:38

most unhappy generation I think of humans ever. And I think that you know,

16:44

those those sort of attitudes sound fluffy, and they sound positive and it's

16:49

very air quotes affirming or whatever, and yet we're acting that way in society

16:56

with the most miserable society has ever been. Yes, drug addiction rates,

17:00

the highest, divorce rates, the highest suicidality rates. Like like it's just

17:03

incredible, right, and so maybe we're wrong. Maybe society is wrong.

17:10

That's the kind of the idea we're proposing on the show today, right, because society says, hey, you want it, you go get it.

17:15

Do whatever makes you happy, to follow your heart follow you deserve it.

17:18

Okay, you know those like it bugs me even now that I understand the

17:22

spiritual side of self sacrifice and how it equals happiness. Like even when I

17:26

go to like the home decor store or whatever, they'll have these plaques that

17:30

say you are enough, right, and I just like, yeah, I'm

17:34

just like that's so grosss Like, no, I'm not help man, all

17:41

right, so check it out. We will be back here in just a

17:44

minute with Relevant Recovery Radio. Welcome back to Relevant Recovery Radio with your host

18:07

heathern Donnie, I kind of like that one that you just did. That's

18:10

my quiet storm. I don't like that. Not quiet storm, just soothing.

18:14

There's something soothing about your voice when you're semi normal what you know what

18:19

I'm saying, I thought it was always semi normal. No, not even

18:23

a little bit. But what I was saying, I just want to clarify

18:26

because people can really miss because you are all over the place today, Let's

18:30

narrow this down. What I'm saying is I think that there's actually a very

18:33

big difference between like valuing yourself and being indulgent. I think there's a very

18:42

big difference between understanding the proper balance of self sacrifice for others versus deserving self

18:52

care day. You know, what I'm saying is is it can be a

18:56

slippery slope in a mindset. And I'm just talking about pat thought patterns here.

19:00

But if you are here, if you're listening, and you are a

19:03

sober, recovered alcoholic or drug addict, trust me in this. Every day

19:11

before you got sober, you did plenty of self care. If thats self

19:17

was the only thing on your radar, it was the only thing on my radar. I lived in a claustrophobic kingdom of one. Yeah, self was

19:23

the only thing I knew. And I think that you know the idea that

19:29

you are enough enough for what and that that's not a Christian worldview. By

19:32

the way, that's not a Christian world view. The world Christian world views.

19:36

I'm not enough and I desperately need God's power to even be a good person. Well, that's all I was gonna say, too, is that

19:41

when we talk about self sacrifice, if you look at sort of the major

19:45

religions or spiritual teachings, they all say that you have to die to self,

19:48

nida self, or even practice like non attachment. Like the more that

19:52

I'm attached to the world or the things or the people, the less spiritual

19:56

I am. Right, And so here's what I found. Right, So

19:59

I'm going to hold up my right hand and my left hand. That's your

20:03

left the one. Wow, glad only you could see that. Let's go

20:07

back to math school case. Okay. So on my right hand in the

20:11

air, Okay. In that hand is issues, work, job issues,

20:18

financial issues, relationship issues, family issues, food issues, spending. I

20:26

could go on for an hour of all the things that could be in that

20:30

right hand. Okay, So these are all the things that I know need

20:33

to improve in my life. They're in your right hand, in my right

20:36

hand, in your left hand. Self sacrifice. Now this doesn't make sense,

20:41

does it? And Here's why. When I was looking at this when

20:45

I was newly sober, and I'm looking at what's in your left hand first

20:49

sacrifice. For us, it is the program, the twelve Step Fellowship that

20:53

we never mentioned, or we try not to because of traditions, you know,

20:59

the original one going anyways, that if you work that full program,

21:03

if you work all twelve steps, you are going to self sacrifice. You're

21:07

going to die to self, you were going to diminish your ego. These

21:10

are all things that happen as a byproduct of working the twelve steps. Okay,

21:15

And so I have a choice, is that I can do what I've

21:18

always done in my life all the time, and I can try and fix

21:22

the right hand. I can go try and fix the finance, the romance. I can go try and fix my way. I can do all that,

21:29

which, by the way, if I'm self honest and I really look,

21:32

I've failed every time, or I've had to pay some spiritual consequence because

21:34

I've stepped on toes. I can either focus on that, or I can

21:40

focus on the left hand, which is the twelve steps, which is church

21:45

alan on It's whatever it is, because they all involve self sacrifice. Why

21:51

do you think and women's are so resistant to self sacrifice because we're so selfish.

21:59

I think it's human nature. I don't think anybody is a bad person

22:02

because there selfish. I think it's my default. When I wake up in

22:04

the morning, it's my default. I have to do prayer, meditation,

22:07

and I have to ask God into my life so that I cannot be in

22:11

that default. But here's what I mean that in that left hand, what

22:15

I'm asking you to do does not make sense. It does not make sense.

22:18

And I deal with it in the twelve step world. I deal with

22:22

it. In the church world. I deal with it everywhere. I have

22:25

sat down with a guy. Let's say, for instance, let's say I'm

22:29

just I'm sitting down with a guy who maybe has a sin that he's committing

22:33

that he really doesn't want to commit anymore. Let's go off the twelve step

22:37

for a second, and we're sitting down every week and we're talking about it.

22:40

We're talking about it, we're talking about and it's not changing. Now.

22:42

This guy doesn't realize it, but he's self sacrificing nothing. He goes

22:48

to work, he hangs out with his family, He pretty much does what

22:52

he wants to do, and what he can't see is how is self sacrifice

22:56

going to change this thing I'm doing. Doesn't make sense, doesn't They don't

23:00

seem connected. It's a paradox. This is why it doesn't make sense.

23:03

It's a paradox. And here is what happened or in the twelve step before

23:08

I go to that. In the twelve step world, it's the same thing.

23:11

You have somebody who's struggling, struggling, struggling, whether it's work or

23:15

finance or food or whatever it is, and you're like bro work the twelve

23:18

steps the way they were laid out, the way they were laid out,

23:22

They were laid out to diminish your ego, to have you look to a

23:26

power greater than yourself, to rely on others, to be honest, to

23:30

be principled, and in that reliance upon a power greater than you should come

23:37

the want or the desire to be helpful and servant to others. I'll just

23:41

be like Devil's advocate for a second here. It's so hard to even find

23:45

the willingness to look for the things to be self sacrificing about. Like I

23:51

early on, I had some strong spiritual strong women around me that were really

23:56

just like told me what to do every day, every day, every day.

23:59

And I needed that kind of spiritual parenting early on. I needed that

24:04

influence in my life. And I just think that not everybody's in that position

24:10

to live around people that hold them accountable in that way. And I'll say

24:12

even that human resistance, it goes with me even today, Like I logically

24:18

know that what you're saying is true. I logically know that if I will

24:23

practice self sacrifice for others not for self, that the byproduct for me will

24:29

be contentment and happiness. I know that because I've experienced it. Yet,

24:34

Yet it's still my default when I got to go meet with a girl,

24:38

or I got to go to her sober house, or I got to go

24:41

do an h and I, or I got to go to a meeting, or I gotta do YadA YadA yah, whatever it is, Like even if

24:45

it's a church conference that we've volunteered for whatever, I still have a resistance

24:48

almost every single time that I don't want to go do it. Why do

24:52

you think that is because you know the outcome. It's so delusional, right,

24:57

that's what you walk through, the general outcome I mean, afterwards,

25:02

I feel spiritually on a cloud nine and I'm happy I did it right,

25:04

But every single time, my spirit is resistant ahead of time, and it's

25:11

just I think it's because you're a bad person. Probably, I mean,

25:15

that's probably what's going on here. I think it's human nature, and that's

25:18

why I wanted to share about it. Honestly, My point is is that

25:22

you don't have to feel a certain way about doing it. You don't have

25:26

to feel excited about self sacrificing, you don't have to feel super zen about

25:32

self sacrificing. You just have to do it. And it was really important

25:37

that I developed those skills. So now I know my experience showed that that

25:42

works. But I'm just saying I'm still very resistant to it. I don't

25:45

know if that'll ever go away. But but do you see the byproduct,

25:48

And this is what I was getting to. It's like I'm just saying,

25:52

my feelings beforehand haven't changed. I still feel lazy. Well, that's one

25:56

of your major character defects. H I mean, I'm not being I'm not

26:00

being a jerk, right You've said that, Yeah, No, I mean

26:02

you are a jerk, but that's still true. It's still one of my major character be effects where mine is not. I'm not a lazy dude like

26:08

I can't say still probably one of my defenses. I can't sit still.

26:11

Yeah, right. But what I'm saying is that for somebody who is trying

26:17

to fix everything in the right hand, they got all these things in their life, they want to fix it, it doesn't make sense to not focus

26:22

on it, to not focus on it and try it. Bro, Bro,

26:25

gotta do better. Bro. I'm just gonna put myself out there. Bro. I'm just gonna work harder. Bro. I'm just gonna get up

26:29

early and go to the gym. Bro. No, you're not. Because

26:34

when I focus, let's say it's the gym. Let's say my health is

26:37

garbage. If I focus everything I have at fixing that for me, the

26:45

spiritual price that I have to pay is that other things are gonna suffer when

26:52

I focus on one thing for me to fix it, me, to manage

26:56

it, me, me, me, You're gonna burn up a whole bunch

26:59

of energy. And what typically happens is men come into the twelve Step fellowship

27:03

and I can't even tell you how high the percentage is where they will just

27:06

go pure gym rat. I'm sober now, so let me go look good

27:10

in the gym. And they go in the gym once a day, twice a day. That's that becomes their life. They don't self sacrifice, they

27:17

don't help others, and they either relapse or they want to eat a bullet.

27:19

It's just another form of an addiction. It's like a behavioral issue.

27:23

Like the spiritual problem still has no solution yet, so it's just morphed into

27:27

something else. Right, That's why cross addiction is such an issue. So

27:32

many people might put down, you know, opiates and then pick up drinking

27:36

or create them, or weed or food instead of drugs and alcohol or all

27:41

these things. You got any weed not on me? Just check them.

27:45

But this is what I'm saying, is so what I am telling you is

27:49

that when I do not focus on the things in the right hand, when

27:52

I don't focus on all those problems, all those things, they need to

27:56

fix all of it. When I don't when I focus on a spiritual ual

28:00

solution. If that means, if I'm in a twelve step program, I

28:03

am going to do all sides of the Triangle Recovery Unity Service. I'm going

28:07

to do all of it, because here's what happens. If I'm in church,

28:10

I'm going to self sacrifice my time. If I'm in another organization,

28:14

if it's just at home, I'm going to sacrifice my Netflix time. For

28:18

my kids, I'm going to sacrifice I'm going to do the dishes for my

28:21

wife. Like these are all self sacrifices. And when I do this,

28:26

I begin to grow a relationship with God or that power, and he fixes

28:32

everything on the right. I know that's the secret. I know what you're

28:36

saying is true. But I think I have a question for you when we come back that might stump you. Oh oh yeah, all right, don't

28:42

go anywhere, and you're gonna hear Oklahoma Question number three hundred and twenty seven

28:47

on Relegant Recovery Radio. Welcome back to Relevant Recovery Radio with your host Heather

29:11

and Donnie. So it's up. Okay, you had a question. So

29:15

what I'm telling you is that in my right hand, I got all the

29:18

problems I got to fix, But in my left hand, I've got this

29:22

idea of doing for others. YEA, when you say left hand, right

29:27

han, I'm thinking like a like a monkey, holding like pooh in their

29:30

hand about the fling it like, this is just like what's going on in

29:33

my mind right now. Just that's my life. By the way, I always tell people, Look, I'm not a smart man. I'm a monkey

29:37

ready to fling pooh any moment, Go ahead. I agree with what you're

29:41

saying, but I just want to kind of flip it on. You tell

29:47

me two things currently right now in your life consistently that you are stuck in

29:52

not sacrificing. Where are you not being self sacrificed. No, because this

29:57

is what I'm in my mind. This is where this is a way for

30:02

you to bring cigars up. One for sure, Well, no, I

30:04

mean I don't understand what you're asking. I'm just trying to flip it for

30:08

us to talk about it from another perspective, for our listeners to see what

30:12

the problem, what it really looks like in us currently, that this isn't

30:15

something that we're like on some spiritual hill top asket saying like, oh,

30:18

we've mastered this self sacrifice thing. Honestly, I think time is the most

30:23

priceless commodity we have in life. So you can't get it back you can

30:27

sacrifice. Yes, so time is the ultimate sacrifice. What else would I

30:33

give me some ideas? I don't understand what else. Time is the one

30:37

I'm always talking about to people, because what else do I really have to

30:41

sacrifice? I'm just saying, That's why I thought the question would stump you.

30:45

I'm asking if God is like been nudging you to be more self sacrificing

30:48

in any specific area, one or two things that you're like relates to the

30:52

last. I'm not resistant to it though. But the latest thing that God

30:56

has put on my heart is in our normal life, we know that sometimes

31:02

we pick on each other too much using eye statements. I will pick at

31:07

you for something in under the guise of a joke, right, and so

31:11

al ribia over something. But there's a hint of truth in there, right,

31:17

So it's kind of it's ugly, sarcastic, it's whatever. The other

31:21

thing, too, is that I am not very I don't want to say

31:25

romantic, but touchy feely with you like I feel like I should be.

31:29

And so that's what God has put on my heart over the probably the last

31:32

three weeks or a month. And is that a self sacrifice? No?

31:37

So that's why I don't understand that's just something that I'm I'm I think your

31:41

question is stupid. See if you have any awareness, like if I'm taking

31:45

a look at me currently and I'm saying, hey, where am I not

31:48

self sacrificing in the right way or the right motives? I know specifically there's

31:55

things around my vaping and nicotine use still, but that's not all we're talking

31:57

about, and even attention with you, those are but wait, hold on,

32:00

those are in the right hand. By the way, I'm not focused

32:05

on that. What I'm saying is self sacrifice is something you do for others,

32:08

So in that sense, it's in the right hand. And so when I look in like my relationship with you, Okay, I know that in

32:16

a potem toll of importances totem poll that right, what I say totem?

32:22

What did I say? You are so God? Anyways, I'm just saying

32:30

I often feel like I should uh do less in other areas, Like I

32:36

will say yes to certain things and I will just be with girls all the

32:38

time, and I make no time for you, Like we don't have any

32:43

sort of regular thing besides this radio show in church where we don't even eat

32:47

a meal together ever. Well, you don't eat meals. It's barely.

32:52

But anyways, my point is is like sometimes my pride or ego gets involved

32:57

with like how many girls I might sponsor and things like that, when really

33:00

God's asking me to be more self sacrificing, to be more intentional in my

33:05

time with you and invest in you. Yeah, or even with my kids.

33:08

Yeah, you know, there's just well so, but that's a shifting

33:12

of self sacrifice. So let's because we only have a couple of moments,

33:15

let's close it out in the right way. So what does this mean and why are we saying this is the key because it is completely paradox It does

33:22

not make sense. So there's a line in our literature that I think it's

33:25

in a story in the back, but it says when I stop, when

33:28

I stopped focusing on the problem and I started focusing on the solution, the

33:31

problem went away on its own. So let's swap out words. There.

33:36

Instead of the word problem and instead of the word solution, the problem is

33:39

the thing like vaping for instance, the thing and the solution is always self

33:45

sacrifice or godly action. Right, and so if I stop focusing on the

33:51

vaping and I start focusing on the godly action. The vaping will go away

33:55

on its own if I continue to just focus on the problem and the problem

34:00

them in the problem, and I'm talking to everybody about the freaking problem.

34:04

You know, there's no solution in that. I'm just entertaining my own vortex

34:08

of emotions. And how many times have you tried to quit vaping and failed?

34:12

A lot? Right? And so that's the point. So you had

34:14

to look back and you had to say, Okay, I keep trying to quit vaping and I can't do it. I fail. Okay, how do

34:19

self sacrifice help this? So if you're in early sobriety, if you're not

34:23

through the steps, you can be self sacrificing with family, friends, through

34:28

your church, through your twelve step meeting. There's lots of ways in a

34:31

self sacrifice means that I would rather be anywhere but here, right, I'd

34:38

rather be at home netflix and chillin. I'd rather be in the pool or

34:43

shooting guns or doing whatever. You had to do things you don't want to

34:45

do with people you don't want to do it with at times that are inconvenient

34:49

for you. And you mentioned time, and I want to just add another

34:52

element onto the time, the time. My time is the one thing I can regularly, regularly self sacrifice. But it's also effort and speaking to introverted

35:00

people like myself. I'm introverted. I tend to isolate. I like being

35:05

home alone. I do not want to go out and do the things. Yeah, and so that's another way I can self sacrifice. I can go

35:12

out. I can keep my commitments, I can keep my word. I

35:15

can arrange get together, so I can do those sort of things. That's very uncomfortable and inconvenient for me. But what we're talking about is self sacrifice

35:22

and invest in others. Yes, to invest in others, invest service,

35:28

service to others. Okay, if I, for instance, in our current

35:34

lives and trust me, this is not I should probably clear that up first.

35:39

Why do I self sacrifice? Because I am not standing on a spiritual

35:44

hilltop. I have so many sins and defects. Y'all don't even know. I'm a broken man. I will stay broken till the day I die.

35:50

I just do the best I can. I follow God as best I can.

35:52

Okay, that said, I have commitments four to five nights a week,

35:58

Saturday mornings, helping others. Right where I don't get to go home

36:01

and just sit down and watch TV. I don't get to, like,

36:05

just do whatever I want to do. Am I complaining no? Because I

36:09

live the most fantastic, blessed life. I live a life that I honestly

36:14

did not know existed right before I got start. And I think, well,

36:19

hold on, let me finish. You broke my train of thought totally.

36:22

Nobody even cared what you thought. Okay, so I do those things.

36:31

And in the beginning, when I started doing those things, I hated

36:37

it. I don't want to have somebody go to my house and walk them

36:40

through the twelve steps. I don't want to go. I don't want to

36:44

host a small group at my house. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do I didn't want to write. I wanted me time.

36:52

But why do I do it? Because when I began to sacrifice self,

36:57

help others, look out for other people, I stopped thinking about me

37:01

so much. And what happened in that transaction is that also I began to

37:07

build a relationship with my creator, and in turn, while I wasn't focusing

37:12

on the stuff on the right at all, he fixed all of it.

37:15

Now new stuff pops up right right, new things that I ask for,

37:19

new things that are there. But I continue on the left to be of

37:22

service, and he continues to go for the left of the right and fix

37:25

it. I agree, and I think that that's why I mean, I

37:28

titled this episode this is so inconvenient right now because the beauty is the secret.

37:34

The secret is happiness is in being inconvenienced on a regular basis. It's

37:40

the art of practicing to love God's kids instead of like what I want.

37:45

And it's a paradox. It doesn't make sense right, And I think that,

37:49

you know, it's hard working and treatment for me personally, because I

37:52

mean, I was taught that my job, the thing I do to earn a paycheck, cannot be my service work or my self sacrifice because I get

37:58

a pay off. And so I really had to figure out how to fold

38:01

in self sacrificing things in my free time where I'm not on the clock,

38:06

because that's where the spiritual benefit comes from. And that's still a hard balance

38:10

for me to find. I think I sometimes self righteously overdo it. I

38:15

didn't get it at first. People in the twelve Steps don't get it. People in church don't get it. People in general kind of don't get it

38:21

that I have to be counterintuitive. I have to go against my flesh,

38:23

I have to go against the world. But when I uncomfortably or begrudgingly begin

38:30

to serve others above my needs, my whole world changes. I agree,

38:36

that is the key to freedom. That's the key to the freedom that we're

38:39

all looking for in the twelve Steps and in regular life too. Absolutely,

38:44

we're really grateful that you listened to us today. I relevant Recovery Radio.

38:47

And don't forget those who stand for nothing will fall for anything. Hashtag god

38:52

though, and