0:02

The road to recovery. You might be cruising down it a friend or family

0:08

member lost on it, or the road is well still under construction. Relevant

0:17

Recovery Radio is about getting to that destination of normal health, mind or strength.

0:25

Now Relevant Recovery Radio here to give you the keys. Heather and Donnie

0:30

Moser, Hello, Welcome, Welcome to this week's episode of Relevant Recovery Radio.

0:37

We're your hosts, Heather and Donnie Mosher. Yeah, I'm here.

0:41

The show is sponsored by the Matthews Hope Foundation. We have a wonderful outpatient

0:45

clinic at two ninety and six ten. We are very passionate about restoring the

0:50

fullness of life to every individual or family struggling with substance use disorder. So

0:55

if you or a loved one liked any information about our programs, please give

0:59

us a call at eight four four and Hope. That's eight four four two

1:03

six three four six seven three, or you can go to our website Matthews

1:07

Hope dot org or MHDRP dot org. Really grateful that you're listening today.

1:15

We air this show Sundays at one pm Central on KPRC nine fifty Am Radio,

1:23

and at the end of the day. They are uploaded to a podcast

1:26

on every platform around five pms, so all of them. Yeah, it

1:30

goes to iHeart, Amazon, Apple, Spotify, wherever you want to listen

1:34

to us. You can go listen to old shows and yeah, podbean which

1:38

is weird to say. I was called it bean pod because the old rap

1:44

songs talking about beanpod. Never listened to rap, so I don't know what

1:46

a bean pod is. Yeah, it makes me think of like like a

1:51

kitten and their pads have the little the little podbeans. Here's a little beat

1:56

toe beans is the why are you looking like that? Okay, So anyway,

2:00

it makes me think of the bean toes pody. Oh lord. Also,

2:07

we have Facebook and Instagram. Feel free to check those out. Leave

2:10

us a comment comment on Donnie's pictures. I mean, you really should,

2:17

listeners, You really should, like go to our Facebook page and look at

2:21

some images because the duration of what his beard has become in this last year

2:28

is just a magnificent work of art. Oh yeah, I love your beard.

2:31

Ooh, that's very complimentary. Hun, You're welcome. So we are

2:37

feeling pretty relaxed, although this is weird. Tommy, Thanksgiving, everybody.

2:40

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving break. Yeah, we were so relaxed today

2:46

that my wonderful wife forgot our headsets. So we're in studio on Mike's with

2:51

no headsets. And this is completely weird because I can hear her for real, which is weird. It's just weird because now I can't hear the same

2:58

way, which I don't know. People do it all the time. I

3:00

don't think we have to have the headsets. It just feels more official.

3:02

It's not official without the headsets. Heather. I feel like I'm a real

3:07

radio personality with the headsets, but now I'm just Heather Now just stupid?

3:10

Is that what you mean? Is that what you meant? No people are

3:15

I think you're serious when you say stuff like that to me on the radio. You are the third most important thing in my life. God, yourself,

3:23

and then me, no, God, our twelve step fellowship, and

3:30

then me, Yeah, okay, I'm third. All right, that's I'm third in yours right around my fifth. You're maybe farther down, and I'm

3:36

kidding, kidding, that's just hurtful. So the reason we're so relaxed,

3:38

relaxed and happy is because we just got back from a six days, six

3:45

day fishing trip and shout out to the little cabin we went to. Oh,

3:50

if you're in Texas and you're not too far from Livingston, there is

3:53

an airbnbyond Sleepy Hollow Lake. It's called Bluegill Cottage. Not even in Livingston,

3:58

honey, it's in good Rich Tech I sit near Livingston. You probably

4:01

need some headphones. If you're anywhere near Livingston, go to good Rich,

4:06

Texas the Sleepy Anyways, if you look it up on AIRBNBA, it's under

4:12

Bluegill Cottage. It's on Sleepy Hollow Lake, and it is absolutely like if

4:16

you are married, do you have a significant other and you want to reconnect,

4:23

It's a wonderful place to do it. Which is why because our lives

4:26

are so busy, and so that's why we went out there. We were

4:29

kind of debating on like this Thanksgiving break, do we go to Chicago?

4:32

Do we go to Oklahoma? And I was like, can we just go

4:35

away just make we need to reconnect and enjoy ourselves, and going home to

4:40

family is not how you do that. I love my family and yours very

4:44

much. You have to say that on the radioure my family probably doesn't even listen, you know. And so I love my family, but we're going

4:50

to go on Christmas, and you and I are been so busy that I

4:56

just really wanted time away from you and I love fishing. Like we talked

4:59

about the last week's show about the boat and all that. We talked about

5:02

that. Yeah, and then I started a fight on Saturday before we left

5:06

over those fishing boat. Do you want to buy the boat now? And

5:09

that's not listen. We were on this show and we even talked about it,

5:13

and we talked about on the show. You're like, we're getting a boat. We are. Well, in my mind that means right now.

5:17

It does not mean right now. So in my mind I had built a

5:23

delusion without even knowing it. Like in the back of my head there's this

5:26

delusion operating system. Oh I knew it. That runs twenty four to seven

5:30

yep. And I can point out in you, no, no, I

5:34

mean, this would be real. Let's be real for a minute. I

5:36

can point out in you or my friends or anyone looking at them in their

5:41

life. I could say, hey, are you operating under a delusion that

5:44

this thing, this external whatever is going to bring you happiness? And they

5:48

go, oh wow, thanks, But when it's operating in my own mind,

5:51

I can't see it. I don't know. I don't know why,

5:55

because on last week's show you even said, now you're going to have to

5:58

fight the delusion that getting it right now is going to make you happy.

6:00

But you still went home and stewed in like your head. It wasn't that

6:03

I stewed. It was that I was like, hey, look at here's

6:06

some good deals. Here's some good deals. You're like cool March and I

6:10

was like, well, wait a minute, possibly possibly next week, by

6:14

the end of December, they may be like willing to make some really sweet

6:17

deals to get them off the lot, if it's anything like cars, and

6:21

you were like, that's not what we discussed. Anyways. It was a

6:24

back and forth that turned into like a heated argument last Saturday before we went

6:30

on our nice vacation. You even cried so you would win. It's my

6:33

secret trick. I know, I know, and it made me. It

6:36

makes me feel bad every single time, even though that you'll cry to win,

6:40

cause you know, I really don't have feelings. I have to fake it to win the argument, I know. But here's the beauty. So

6:46

I did have this operating in the back of my mind, and our fishing

6:51

trip brought it out. We were you were gracious enough. So first of

6:55

all, let's just say this, I appreciate you so much. Sitting outside

7:00

buy a campfire in forty nine degree weather is not your thing thing at all,

7:04

but you did it for me. I sure did every single night.

7:08

Sure did because you love me. And we were out there having conversation and

7:12

you're like, hey, here's what I was thinking on the boat. Like

7:15

you know, if we look around March, it gives you time to sell

7:17

your bike, you get your bonus, We get to see what it's going

7:20

to cost to do some stuff we want to do to our house. It

7:23

was like you had this whole thought plan's important things to consider with a timeline

7:28

that makes it more smart, right, more smart? Smarter or smart well,

7:33

And even though you had a thoughtful process, I was just like,

7:38

hey, you just keep that trash to yourself. There's a Doug go anywhere.

7:42

We'll be right back. We'll be right back with Relevant Recovery Radio.

8:03

Welcome back to Relevant Recovery Radio. You just killed our listenership. I just

8:11

I lost control of my voice volume Anyway, where were we over that we

8:15

were in subwhere this is not stuck on the boat again, and that's not

8:18

her topic. But anyways, no, no, All I wanted to say

8:24

was the resolution of this was that we had some time to like sit,

8:28

think and talk. You mean you had time to sit and think and wrap

8:33

your talking again, and you presented like your thought on it. And as

8:39

much as I still hated your thought because I don't get instant gratification from that,

8:45

it's still a smart plan. And here's the ridiculousness that is me.

8:48

I'm willing to admit it. I have got this thing in my mind where

8:52

like I need to go buy a boat right now in December when I can't

8:58

use it. Yeah, like literally we're traveling two three weekends. It's both

9:03

like January will be cold. Like I'm just ridiculous. I admit it.

9:09

You are ridiculous, I admit it. So uh, Anyways, it was

9:13

a great trip. We got to reconnect. You are a trooper. You

9:16

sat by the fire with me every night. Well, I smoked cigars and

9:20

I don't like the cigars. But I caught the most fish. Again that's

9:24

typically how it goes. I caught the most fishes and we but we were

9:26

surprised to even catch fish because it was a pretty cold they weren't really biting.

9:33

Did we get crappy or we got crappy crappy crappy. No, we

9:41

just caught perch and bass, perching bass. Okay. So I was at

9:46

a my twelve step fellowship meeting last night. It's a men's meeting, and

9:52

I was talking to my friend Chod. Chod Chod, he goes by,

9:56

he goes by the Chad, but we call him Chad. There's a story

10:01

behind it, don't tell it on the radio. And he did not realize

10:05

that you and I were doing the show. He found out, and so

10:07

he's had to do a lot of driving lately and he's been binging the show.

10:11

Poor Chad, I know, to have nothing else to do. I

10:16

have nothing else to do with your ear holes beside listen to us is we'll

10:20

pray for ja. Anyways, get to the point, Well, anyways,

10:24

he really loved the show that I did with Jason. Yeah, and he

10:28

said the point that we hit on that really made him think was you know,

10:31

Jason was at that two year mark going oh wow, some stuff just

10:39

got real. Yeah, it's real man. Well, and that's I wanted

10:43

to talk about that today because the first year in sobriety, in the twelve

10:48

step fellowship, where in the first year is you would think that it's the

10:54

hardest thing ever, Like looking back, it was fun. Yeah, like

10:58

if you surround it, like if you like. Okay, I'll just speak

11:03

of my experience because I'll use ice staments because it's all I have to go

11:05

off of. When I got sober, I was completely done. I tried

11:09

every single way I could to not get drunk or high, and I could

11:15

not do that and stay stopped. When a friend of mine twelve stepped me

11:20

in and started taking me into meetings, I was just beat down enough that

11:22

I was completely willing, like what do you want me to do? I

11:26

fell into a group of people, Matt Christina Kyle, this group of people

11:35

that age rage from like thirty to forty that were doing the whole deal.

11:41

They were sponsoring, being sponsored, they were participating, they were in this

11:46

whole deal, and I just jumped right in. Okay, And so my

11:50

first year of sobriety was busy and it was glorious and amazing because I wasn't

11:56

drinking The problem that I found is that I think I based the idea of

12:05

the pro I don't know, correct me where I'm wrong here, you know

12:07

what I'm trying to say. But the idea in my head was that life

12:13

is great. I'm not drinking, like it's the problem and it's been removed.

12:16

See I don't relate at all like the English language mostly, but also

12:22

my first year was hard. How so, Like, on one hand,

12:28

I could make a list of things that were like easy in the sense that

12:31

I didn't own a home, so I didn't have bills to pay other than rent at a sober house, and I had an easy like secretary job or

12:37

whatever. But I'm saying, like my member of my family, you know,

12:46

tried to take their own life when I was a few months sober. I was running from the law for years, from the state of Oklahoma.

12:54

And like I had a voicemail one day that a detective wanted to interview me

12:58

at Kirk County and so I'm like, oh crap, I'm going to prison.

13:01

I married a crow, like for real, that's a whole nother story,

13:05

and can get into the details of it in a minute. But you

13:07

know, when I finally turned to you're sober. That's when I finally started

13:11

to trust that I might stay sober, because I didn't expect to stay sober

13:15

because nothing had ever worked. So I was holding my breath for like a whole freaking year to see if I was even gonna stay sober one time.

13:20

This was not your first try, you were retread. No, I was

13:24

a rechad rechread reach out and so then, so so this is great.

13:26

So, but my point is is the first year for me, Yeah,

13:30

it was kind of fun of getting dressed up and going to meetings, but

13:33

it was so much drama associated with that and so much social aspect and I'm

13:37

not a social extroverted person. I hated doing all of that crap. And

13:41

so that's why I think this is good from two different perspectives. This was

13:46

my first shot. I had not been in the fellowship. I had not

13:50

tried to stay. I had been in and out in and out in and out right, but I hadn't tried that yet. So this was my first

13:56

shot. And so our first years look different. So let's talk about that

14:00

for a second. So in my first year, what did I enjoy about

14:03

it? Number One? The realization around ninety days sober that oh my gosh,

14:09

I have not had a drink in ninety days. I couldn't remember far

14:13

back enough in my life where that had been the case, right where I

14:16

had been on no substances at all for ninety days. It would have to

14:22

go back to my team. I relate to that aspect. I relate to

14:26

turning three, four, five, six months sober and just being like, oh my gosh, I can't believe this is really happening. I had these

14:31

new friends, these new friends that understood me, these new friends that had

14:37

been where I had been, and we're going out to So I went to

14:39

this Wednesday night meeting with them every Wednesday night. That turned into Wednesday night

14:43

Tuesday night. We started a big book stuf. Like I like jumped in

14:48

full force. And now suddenly I'm able to hang out. So we're going

14:52

to conventions, We're going to dinner, We're hanging out on Saturdays at Matt's

14:58

house. Like I suddenly had a group of people. It was a different

15:01

interaction than I had ever had with human I think mine was so as social

15:05

fund social as yours was. What I'll say is like I managed a sober

15:11

house and so I was really close to my best friend, Michelle, who

15:13

was the assistant manager in my house, and so me and Michelle spent a

15:18

lot of time together. But for the most part, I'm either in meetings

15:22

or I'm doing two or three or four h and i's a week for the

15:24

first year of my sobriety, or I'm sponsor I enjoyed that, or I'm

15:28

sponsoring a ton of girls and I enjoyed the h and I it wasn't a

15:31

badge of honor for me, like I enjoyed it all. I'm saying it wasn't like the hanging out at Denny's at three am sort of things that you

15:37

talk about. Mine was more of like, let's do the program. But

15:41

I mean, in my first year, I started a big book study at

15:45

the Wood Drug Group. We would go to Matt's a bunch of dudes until

15:50

girls ruined it, but a bunch of dudes would meet at Matt's every Friday

15:52

between five and six and we'd go to a meeting and then go to dinner.

15:56

And we did that for years and like it was. But I'm saying

15:58

I didn't do any of that stuff. So you didn't do any the fun

16:00

stuff, I guess, but I also this is why I'll call you the

16:04

fun ruiner, but also Debbie Downer, I had a dramatic experience with God

16:12

at three months sober that left. That went until I was six months sober,

16:17

right, and I was really rewritten and a lot of really deep,

16:22

dark spiritual work was happening in me from like I would say, two to

16:25

six months sober, right. But you were doing all of this work in

16:29

the toil Step Fellowship without joy. No, I had joy. I mean,

16:32

we had some fun in the sober house. Is it because you're a

16:34

ginger and don't have a soul or was there a curse put on you early

16:40

in life? I don't know. Door number three guess, but I don't know. No, we had a lot of fun. Me and Michelle.

16:45

We would get sick of managing the sober house. And remember when you went

16:48

to South Padre in Florida. So that's a different story, but I do

16:51

remember I was just like so stressed out one day and she was like,

16:55

come on, let's go to six Flags, And so we just drove from Curville to San Antonio to go to six Flags, skin turn our phones off

17:00

and escaped responsibility. For the day, you know. And then when she

17:04

found out I had I was from Oklahoma and I had never seen an American

17:08

beach. She goes, pack your bag, We're going to Padre. I

17:11

said, we can't go to Florida right now. For those of you who

17:14

don't live in Texas, South Padra Islands in Texas, Florida. She goes,

17:18

you, dumb bleep, it's in Texas. Did that word start with

17:22

it? Be? Yeah and uh. And so she took me to my

17:26

first American beach. You know. Will you'll be happy to know that this

17:30

year Heather found out that Egypt is in Africa. I feel like she showed

17:34

geograph geographically growing. So don't go anywhere. We'll be right back with Heather

17:40

and Donnie in Relevant Recovery Radio. Oh yeah, welcome back to Relevant Recovery

18:11

Radio with your hosts Heather and Donnie. Did you take a Xenex before you

18:15

did that? I'm just talking like the intro anyway. Yeah, So we're

18:19

talking about when life gets real or when recovery gets real. I will say

18:25

this, I have a quick story because we're talking about year one. We

18:27

we're wrapping up your one year one for me. When I had one year

18:33

sober, I couldn't wait to have ten. And now that I have ten, I wish I had that first year back. I just I really I

18:37

loved it. And for me, I always redirect you around the actual length

18:42

of time doesn't matter because it's simply your experience. And what I'm saying is,

18:47

I hate you. You just always attach your experience to a timeline and

18:51

it's not like that for everybody. And so what I'm saying, you're going to understand when you get ten years. When I get that experience, yeah,

18:56

someday you'll hit ten years like I have, understand the wisdom that comes

19:00

with it, yes, sir. Anyways, so those of you in the

19:07

fellowship understand how Anyways, I have a quick story when I was maybe two

19:15

months sober or something, and so this is when recovery got real for me.

19:19

And so this wasn't post a year sober to into two years when you

19:25

know, like how you're relating. This was I was two to three months sober. I always say, you're an anomaly. Now I had worked all

19:30

twelve steps already, but one here's a day this And I always tell this

19:36

story when I give my talk in twelve step speeches. But I had a

19:40

miscall on my phone. Check the voice smel and it's a detective that's looking

19:45

for me and wants me to call him back. And so I call this

19:49

detective back and he asks vague questions to make sure he has the right person.

19:56

Now I want to give some backstort to maybe some new listeners make the

19:59

story longer. We got to get to your two that your end of the

20:03

end of your last run before getting sober. You lived in a storage unit

20:07

in August, and you you are the holder of seven felonies, like like

20:14

trophies, like you have a wall of trophies. You are the holder of

20:17

seven felonies. Point is the reason that calling this detective and ultimately he wanted

20:21

me to come into the office for questioning that he wouldn't tell me what it

20:25

was about. And in my mind, and we've watched enough First forty eight

20:29

to know it's not good. In my mind, it could be the my

20:33

seven felonies, I signed for five years in prison on paper, and I've

20:37

been on the run for four and so it could be that it could be

20:40

the fact, Oh I don't know, I'm about five seven years behind him. Back child support like there could be any number, and there was also

20:47

like there was also like illegal activity I did when I wasn't sober in that

20:52

town of Kerbell for the year. So we get it. You're a criminal

20:56

and you're not good at it because you keep getting caught. So he wants

21:00

me to come in and I of course agree. I asked him to give

21:02

me an hour, and I was so scared. This is when life and

21:07

recovery got real. I wanted to run. I thought of different like places

21:11

in Austin I could go to, and I had like this like wave wash

21:15

over me of like you have to face whatever this is. You don't get

21:18

to run like whatever it is. And so I asked a girlfriend that lived

21:23

in my house to give me a rid because I didn't even have a car,

21:26

to give me a ride to the Sheriff's office. And she's like okay,

21:30

and so on the way there, I am shaking like a chihuahua pooping

21:33

razor blades because I am so scared, and he puts me in a padded

21:37

room questions me anyways. It ends up being about something that had nothing to

21:41

do with me. Long story short, I won't go into that story.

21:45

But it had to do with something that happened. He wit ante, you

21:47

just took our listeners for a ride. Okay, so you're on the way

21:51

there, you get there, he questions you. It was about a robbery.

21:53

It was about a gas station I used to work at that got robbed,

21:56

but apparently it got robbed while I was in rehabit so I could prove

22:00

I didn't do it. They thought I did it. That's what got you

22:03

off the hook. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, And it turned out to be another employee. But the other employee did not get in trouble.

22:07

Why he passed away from an overdose, right, and so anyways,

22:11

yeah, so I went through that episode of those hours that day, and

22:18

that evening, my dad calls me, and my dad never calls me ever,

22:22

And I'm sitting on the smoke patio with the other girls at the sober

22:27

house and I'm like, my dad's calling me, and I step out to

22:30

take his call, and he was like really upset and didn't want to tell

22:36

me, but he said I deserved the right to know that my daughter had

22:41

some a mental health crisis that day and some self harm was involved, and

22:45

she was in an adolescent psychic psychiatric unit, psychic psychiatric unit. And at

22:52

this time, not only was I a whole state away, I didn't have

22:56

any visitation rights at all, and so even if I was in a home,

23:00

I couldn't have gone and saw her. What a great segue. And

23:03

his worry was that you. He was worried I was going to go relapse

23:07

because he told me that's a great segue. Because that is our collective experience.

23:14

So for me, it's year two to three. In fact, for I'm gonna say, I am gonna say with confidence it's most people year two

23:21

to three. You're an anomaly. And you'll never understand that that most people

23:26

don't find God the way you did at two to three months sober. Most

23:30

don't. They just don't. I know a lot of people in recovery,

23:34

and I'm just telling you that there is sort of a flow in recovery,

23:41

Like you know, one to five years, you're just figuring it all out.

23:44

I believe that in certain context. So I will say this when it

23:47

comes to timeline stuff. People get a itch at one year sober where they

23:51

debate relapsing and all of that. I didn't. I did. Most people

23:55

do you still do? Seven years later, no, no, no, the other itch comes around your far. And what we noticed is people will

24:02

do twelve steps gung ho for about three years, then they float away,

24:06

and around year five they either drink again or take their own life. And

24:10

what I was telling them is between four and six you either have a profound

24:12

God experience and something happens, or it just gets worse. But here's what

24:17

I want to say about years two to three is that that first year for

24:19

me was about staying sober. Yeah, that's what it was about. But

24:23

what started to happen into year two and probably maybe six months into year two

24:30

and into year three was now the real problem. See the idea of this

24:37

discussion is that year one was about staying sober, and I really had the

24:42

I think I had in my heart that that was the problem. And what

24:45

I began to realize going into year two and three, wait, there's a

24:48

lot of problems, was that it was. Yeah, it was merely the

24:52

symptom of the real problem. And so now I'm faced with the real problem,

24:57

which is me. And I will agree with that side of the pancake,

25:02

you know, because in that sense, after I turned one, from

25:06

year one to year three is when I hired an attorney and I handled all

25:11

of my legal issues in my community service and my ID scenario and my social

25:15

Security and ID and getting a car and getting a driver's license and beginning a

25:21

job and beginning to pay back child support. Well, for those of us

25:25

who are not an anomaly, what year two to three looks like, or

25:27

year two to four, is that we start to see how much we are

25:33

reliant on self instead of God. We start to see the selfishness. We

25:40

start to see how much we actually let others dominate our emotions. Those of

25:47

us who are not anomaly, this is what happens between two and four is

25:51

that we begin to see the real problem, and the real problem is lack

25:55

of reliance on God and selfishness. And it becomes saying I got that by

26:00

like three months sober. And you're saying most people don't. Correct, I've

26:03

sponsored hundreds of women, honey, and most people don't. Just because you

26:07

sponsor them doesn't mean you can pass on your anoma. No, I'm not

26:10

saying. I'm just saying I've watched a lot of people learn that, and

26:12

I've watched a lot of people have a similar experience of having a profound alteration

26:18

in who they are. I'm not saying they don't. But what I'm saying

26:21

is the longer you're in sobriety around your between years two and four, some

26:26

self honesty starts to come out. You start seeing how you're treating others,

26:30

You start seeing the real problem. I'm yeah, you, and I'm just

26:33

going to disagree. I agree with that to a certain extent. I'm just

26:37

saying, like in my cass I'm not saying that that they didn't get sober

26:40

when you took them through the steps with your magic hands. I'm just saying, like, not what I said. I'm just saying that, like for

26:45

most of us, then maybe I'm just talking about men, and maybe you're

26:49

maybe women are just smarter and get it quicker, but that's probably it.

26:53

Well, all I'm saying is that last night a couple of people said the

26:59

same thing, like I'm at were they all men? Jason on this show

27:03

talked about the fact that that's where he was at. This other man talk

27:07

to me about like, so it's a parent that at least we can say

27:11

for most men that year one is a good time. You're not drinking and

27:17

you're sober But when you go into year two, three, and possibly four,

27:22

that's when the reeal comes out and you start seeing the real problem and

27:26

it gets ugly in your face and it's in a mirror, and that that's

27:30

when you're like, uh, okay, wait a minute. I thought,

27:33

because I was sober, life was supposed to just get better. And I was about to say, maybe it's not a men and women versus women thing.

27:38

Maybe it's like a drug addict, like a heroineautic versus an alcoholic thing.

27:41

Because of like, I don't know, I don't think it's that either,

27:45

because a girl I'm thinking of that had a profound experience with God,

27:48

you know, was just an alcoholic that I sponsor. But you don't know

27:51

what's in her head and what she's facing. You're assuming, right, You're

27:55

assuming that she had the same experience you did. But that's what you're assuming

27:59

by I'm going on. I'm going by the conversations that I've had, by

28:02

the people that have told me this. I've had, Right, how many

28:04

dudes I've had to sit down with between two and four years with the exact

28:08

same thing I went through a bunch. I think that the longer someone does,

28:15

the deal. You know, it seems like there's what I'm saying is

28:18

people float away, and that's frustrating for me. You know, I have

28:21

seven years and you have ten, and we shouldn't be like any sort of

28:25

elders in the recovery community, right, But what really bugs you is that

28:27

I have more time, which is why you rebel against anything on a timeline.

28:33

I just don't relate, honey, I don't relate to the timeline you

28:36

give. You preach it like it's a fact, and I'm like, that's not my experience. All right, Well, we got we gotta take a

28:41

break. Oh okay, yea. Heather and Donnie Mosher, Relevant Recovery Radio.

29:04

Welcome to Relevant Recovery Radio. This is our last segment of the day.

29:10

This is Heather Moser and I am Donnie Moser, and we are here

29:14

talking to you about a topic relevant to recovery. Hey, before before we

29:18

go back onto our topic, I wanted to make sure our listeners knew about

29:22

some cool recovery events coming up in the month of December and so on Discission

29:26

Houston Events Houstons. Okay, So on Saturday, December ninth, they're having

29:33

a jingle Bell Bowl it's a bowling party at Bolero off Bunker Hill. It's

29:37

first come, first serve and so if you want to bowl, you got

29:41

to show up at five thirty in register and we're going to play from six

29:45

to eight pm. Adults are thirty dollars and children twelve and under are only

29:49

ten dollars and your ticket covers shoes, soft drinks, and light refreshments.

29:53

So we got that going on. In addition to that, we're having an

29:57

awesome event known and as the first Annual Recovery Day with the Houston Texans.

30:03

So on New Year's Eve Day, December thirty first, at Energy Stadium,

30:10

there's going to be a huge sober tailgate party in the yellow lot, followed

30:14

with everyone attending the Houston Texans game against the Tennessee Titans together And if you

30:21

purchase your ticket and sit with the recovery crew, there's so far more than

30:26

six hundred of us. And if you go to Partisober dot org and purchase

30:30

your ticket through there, it's only thirty six dollars for the whole thing.

30:33

After the game, all of us in recovery are going to be ushered down

30:37

onto the football field to take a group photo with the Houston Texans. And

30:41

I don't know if you love soccer like I do, but this sounds like

30:44

an amazing event. So in addition to that, if you don't know what

30:47

to do on New Year's Eve and you are sober, or want to be

30:52

sober, or are just sober curious, save the date for Sober Eve.

30:56

It's benefiting the Way Out Women's Center. It's from nine pm to one am

31:02

at the asylum. So if you have any questions about that, go to

31:06

Facebook and look up the event. Sober Eve wonderful. And if you are

31:11

a loved one are suffering from a substance abuse disorder or a substance use disorder,

31:18

I just hate the case. It can't be PC. You have no

31:21

idea? Yeah, so what's the number they should call? Eight four four

31:26

and hope that's eight four four two sixty three four six seven three And now

31:30

back to the text. Okay, all right, So the issue that I

31:34

had after year one is that I began to see my real buffoonery. I

31:38

began to see that I was very controlling, that I was abusive to my

31:45

ex wife, that I was not always honest, that I was very selfish,

31:51

like all of the real problem that caused me to drink. All of

31:55

the real stuff started to come out. And that's what I had to start dealing with. How defective you were? Huh, how defective you were one

32:01

hundred percent and still am Yeah, I was saying that as a joke.

32:07

I was just you know, that was just man. I was destroyed emotionally

32:10

after my first fifth step. I was aware of how defective I was.

32:14

But that's what I'm saying is that I think most of us go through that

32:16

first year so happy and it's great. It's like, man, I'm sober,

32:22

and then it's almost like a let down when you find out cool,

32:24

that wasn't the problem, that was a symptom. And the real problem is

32:29

your selfish, self centered, is your self reliance, You're all of these

32:32

things right. And so that was when I'm glad that I had practiced the

32:37

steps to the best of my ability in the first year, because in your

32:42

let's say two through five, it really mattered. Yeah, I really needed

32:46

them. I needed the spiritual tools. This is where I learned. I

32:52

learned what they were in year one, but in year two I had to

32:55

use them. Year three, I had to use them. I had to

32:58

begin. Actually it wasn't just it wasn't just doing this thing, this arbitrary

33:05

thing, or taking somebody else through the arbitrary thing. It was the actual

33:08

practice. And I was in trouble. Say I think that I relate to

33:13

what you're saying, just not the timeline is the only thing I'm saying, because like, I don't know if our listeners know this, but my first

33:19

three sponsors relapsed while they were sponsoring me when I was newly sober. I

33:23

know you that doesn't surprise me. Oh, And I'm just saying, if

33:27

anybody could make somebody relapse, it would be think anyone relapsed had nothing to

33:31

do with me. The point is is when something like that occurs and you're

33:36

newly sober, you're like, does this crap even work? Will my sponsor drink again? Maybe I can drink again. All sorts of things go through

33:42

your head. And I really had to rely on God right away, like

33:45

scared of relapse, begging him to help me. I need his power in

33:51

my life. I don't want to be the kind of person I used to

33:53

be. Please help me, God, right, But you had things happen

33:57

to you in year one that just don't happen to most people. I dare

34:00

you to put a poll on Facebook. I would love it if our listeners

34:04

would jump on Facebook if you are that, if you were two to five

34:07

years sober, we would love for you to answer, honestly, was your

34:13

first year easy and then it got real after that and you had to start

34:16

really facing the real problem? Or you like Heather and you found God in

34:20

month two, three four, and bam, you were just I'm just saying

34:23

I went through a lot of really heavy stuff my first year understood, and

34:28

I'm just saying that's not the majority you're you're so let's talk about saying I'm

34:31

a minority or an anomaly. You're like Neo and the matrix. I like

34:37

that. Okay, Okay, so then we're good. What tools once it

34:43

started to get real, once the real problem surfaced, which tools do we

34:46

have to use? And I was talking to a guy that I sponsored about

34:50

this early today. This is when the growth steps come in handy. So

34:54

a lot of people in the fellowship will call steps ten, eleven, and

34:58

twelve the maintenance steps, but they're really not growth steps. They are the

35:02

growth steps. Why a lot of times it's something you practice for a lifetime,

35:08

right, But if we really talk about the effect and why so,

35:12

I'll share my experience. There are times when I probably should tenth step,

35:17

and a ten step is a spot check throughout the day if I feel restless,

35:22

irritable, discontented, or selfish. Wow, I cannot believe the book

35:28

Nerd just said that. Oh you're asking me the four questions for a ten

35:30

step. Yes, okay, Resentful, selfish, dishonest and afraid. If

35:35

I feel selfish or dishonesty happen up or if I'm angry or if I'm fearful,

35:40

I need to call somebody. My sponsor is somebody I need to first

35:44

ask God to remove it. Then I'm going to call somebody who is going to ask me the right questions. I'm going to go through this process.

35:51

But you know what, a lot of times I don't want a ten step. On the surface, it's I don't want to bother them, But operating

35:57

in the back of my brain under the surf is I don't want them to

36:00

know that I feel this way, that I'm going through this, that I'm

36:04

good because I had that and probably still there's remnants of this idea that well,

36:09

I'm sober, Everything's good. Everything's supposed to be great once I'm sober.

36:13

This is also what hits us in year two and three. It's like, well, wait a minute, I thought everything was going to be peaches

36:17

because I'm sober, but it's not. I will say, in the twelve

36:22

step world, when I'm trying to talk to someone, or maybe you feel

36:27

this way when you're trying to talk to someone, particularly the people we sponsor

36:30

or are close to. I hate it when I ask them how they're doing

36:32

and they're like, great, you'd rather than be real being like, dude,

36:38

yesterday sucked. Yeah, dude, I'm having a really hard time.

36:42

I don't know I'm going to pay this bill, or I can't stand my

36:44

husband or whatever. It is one of my favorite answers because I know somebody's

36:46

being honest, like, hey man, how are you. I'm okay?

36:50

Yeah, because Timli, somebody says okay, all right. So we got to wrap this quick. So the second tool is the eleventh step, right,

36:57

the review and morning meditation. I've got to build that tool because in

37:00

the morning I try to put myself on the right track with God, and

37:04

in the evening I review my behavior and I'm honest about it, and my

37:08

sponsor can see that and see for accountability for that science. In our lineage,

37:13

this isn't particular to all twelve steppers, But in our lineage, the

37:16

nightly review gets written and it's twelve questions, and we take a picture of

37:20

it and we text it to our sponsor for accountability and guidance. Right,

37:23

So ten helps us throughout the day we have to humble ourselves to call somebody

37:28

for help, and eleven helps us in the evening, in the morning, start and end our day appropriately to look at ourselves honestly with God with a

37:35

God compass it's right. And then twelve is stepping outside myself, sacrificing my

37:42

time for someone else to help them. Right. It gets me out of

37:45

the way and gives God room to come in. So these are the things

37:49

that I really have to focus on yours two, three, four, five.

37:52

I really have to do the work out what I notice. Wait,

37:55

where in the first year you know what carried me through all the things?

38:00

All the things? Yeah, right, think about that, all of the fellowshippy things and the meetings and all the you're not doing ten, eleven and

38:07

twelve like that? Your first year, it meant something different. I think

38:13

for me in two, three and four it meant something different than it did year one. Year one, I was just practicing to do it, but

38:19

it hadn't moved from head to heart. How's that? Yeah that makes sense,

38:22

Yeah, that makes sense. I think that for me, I had

38:28

a dramatic experience with all of it early on, and I'm really just grateful

38:31

for the experience. So I like that we've been able to talk about our

38:35

similarities in the same program, but also just different ways we had different timelines

38:39

that we've experienced it. It's still the same thing. It's all spiritual growth,

38:44

all right. So we really appreciate you listening today to Heather and Donnie

38:46

Irrelevant Recovery Radio, and don't forget those who stand for nothing will fall for

38:52

anything. Hash tag God though.