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slash disclosures for details. Location

1:05

the lab. Quinton only has

1:07

24 hours to sell his

1:09

car. Is that even possible?

1:11

He goes to carvana.com.

1:14

What is this? A movie trailer?

1:16

He ignores the doubters, enters

1:18

his license plate. Wow, that's

1:20

a great offer. The car

1:23

is sold, but will

1:25

Carvana pick it up in time

1:27

for? They'll literally pick

1:29

it up tomorrow morning. Done

1:31

with the dram. Done with

1:33

the dram. TodayIFTUP

1:41

by trying to play my dad's didgeridoo.

1:43

So, my dad has had this didgeridoo

1:45

in the house since he visited his

1:47

sister in Australia 10 years ago. My

1:49

parents wanted to go out for a

1:51

walk, but I decided that I'd eaten

1:53

too much cheese and I couldn't be

1:55

bothered. While they were out, the internet

1:57

went down, so I was sort of

1:59

wandering around looking for something to do

2:01

when I spotted the didgeridoo. I thought

2:04

to myself, in all these years, I've

2:06

never actually tried to play it. It's

2:08

more of a decoration and I barely

2:10

take it in when I see it,

2:12

and maybe it's time. I pick it

2:14

up and put it to my lips.

2:16

I felt like I knew what I

2:18

was doing and that it was similar

2:20

to playing a trumpet and wanted to

2:22

play a long, loud note. I take

2:24

a sharp inhale and immediately feel something

2:26

hit the back of my throat. I

2:28

sputter really hard and a small white globular

2:30

thing comes flying out and hits

2:32

the floor. At first I thought that

2:34

it was saliva and I ignored

2:36

it, as I had a weird sensation

2:38

in my throat and mouth. It

2:40

felt like tingling to start with, but

2:42

grew into more of a tickle

2:45

on the inside of my cheeks and

2:47

a bit on my gums. I

2:49

glance down at the white stuff on

2:51

the floor and see several baby

2:53

spiders crawling out of it and in

2:55

all directions. The second I clock

2:57

what's happened, I feel something tickling my

2:59

top lip and I slap my mouth

3:01

with my hands. I have a

3:03

squished spider on my lip and instantly

3:05

go into panic mode. I run

3:07

to the bathroom and spit repeatedly into

3:09

the sink to see crushed spider

3:11

bodies and some severed legs, some of

3:14

which are still attached to parts

3:16

of the body and are trying to

3:18

drag themselves away from the plug

3:20

hole. I gargle several times and then

3:22

frantically swill my mouth out with

3:24

water. I don't think my mouth will

3:26

ever feel normal again. I like

3:28

this comment from Rugburn

3:30

Dogstick. Sounds more like

3:32

a didgeridooont. Today I

3:34

effed up by accidentally

3:37

becoming the neighborhood crow

3:39

whisperer. This is my life now.

3:41

It all started innocently enough. I saw

3:43

a lone crow in my yard and

3:45

tossed at a cracker. Harmless, right? Wrong.

3:48

That single act of kindness seems

3:50

to have spread through the

3:52

crow grapevine, and now I have

3:54

a full -blown murder of crows

3:56

as my constant companions. Every

3:59

morning I step outside, and

4:01

they're there. perched in nearby trees,

4:03

calling like they're clocking into their

4:05

day jobs. They follow me on

4:07

my walks, and yesterday one even

4:09

dropped a shiny gum wrapper at

4:11

my feet. I think they're trying

4:14

to pay me in crow currency,

4:16

which is both endearing and slightly

4:18

unnerving. At this point, I've accepted

4:20

my new role as their unofficial

4:22

snack provider and accidental overlord. I'm

4:24

genuinely curious to see where this

4:26

goes. Maybe I'll end up with

4:29

a crow army or a collection of

4:31

shiny gifts. Either way, it's a wild

4:33

ride and I'm here for it. Down

4:35

in the comments we have this post

4:37

from Disruption Coin. I had the opposite

4:39

experience. I gave some food

4:41

and water to an injured and sick

4:43

crow that was dying in a

4:45

field by my house. When I approached

4:47

it, the crows all around it

4:49

up in the trees started flipping out.

4:51

Even years later, even after moving

4:53

away for a year, they recognized me

4:55

and followed me through the neighborhood

4:57

squawking at me aggressively and picking off

4:59

little branches and dropping them on

5:01

me. Apparently, crows and

5:03

other birds tend to investigate a

5:06

death, and they attempt to learn from

5:08

the experience and assign blame. So,

5:10

just by trying to help the little

5:12

guy, I got blamed for his

5:14

death because I was at the scene

5:16

of the crime before he died. Here's

5:19

a cool fact about wolves and

5:21

both ravens and crows. This is

5:23

true for both birds, apparently. Wolves

5:25

and ravens slash crows are buddies

5:27

in the wild. The birds will find

5:29

prey and lead the wolves to the

5:32

prey animal, so the wolves will kill

5:34

the prey animals, and then after the

5:36

wolves have their share of the

5:38

food, the crows slash ravens will

5:40

come in afterwards and peck at the

5:42

leftovers. So it kind of makes you think,

5:44

we look at dogs and we're like, oh, look at

5:46

the cute puppy. Makes you wonder if ravens look at

5:48

wolves and are like, oh, look at the cute

5:50

puppies. Today I effed up

5:52

by making a joke and losing the

5:55

right to see my daughter. I got

5:57

home from working out of town Thursday

5:59

night and my wife warned me that there was

6:01

a problem with my seven -year -old daughter. Beth

6:03

comes in and I can see that she

6:05

has a few bug bites on her

6:07

face and one of her eyelids is a

6:09

little droopy. She feels fine though. I

6:12

am off work the next day and my

6:14

wife is going to the office. I

6:16

wake Beth up for breakfast and her eye

6:18

is now much worse. It's more than

6:20

half closed and a little red. She still

6:22

feels fine. As soon as the doctor

6:24

opens, I call them and they tell us

6:26

to come in. We get there and

6:28

I go to check in. The receptionist, whom

6:30

I've never seen before, looks at my

6:32

daughter and says, oh my goodness,

6:34

what happened? So I responded as a

6:36

joke, eh, she got out of

6:39

line. I know, it's a horrible

6:41

joke, I'm sorry. I have a weird

6:43

sense of humor and I'm a bit

6:45

socially awkward. Anyway, we all smile and

6:47

giggle before we head to the waiting

6:49

area. Soon, we're called in. The

6:51

checkup goes as expected. It's a reaction

6:53

to the bug bites, and the doctor

6:55

tells me to use some over -the -counter

6:57

Xertrak or Benadryl. Then, there's a knock

6:59

on the door, and the doctor steps

7:01

out. He comes back in a few

7:04

minutes later and says the police would

7:06

like to talk to me. The doctor

7:08

is angry. We all head to the

7:10

doctor's office to talk. There's a policeman

7:12

and a policewoman. The police woman starts

7:14

making small talk with my daughter and asks

7:16

if she wants to go in the other

7:18

room and read a book. My daughter has

7:20

an irrational fear of the police from when

7:22

her older brother would threaten to call them

7:25

whenever she went into his room. So, she

7:27

says no and buries her face in my

7:29

side. The police then tell me that it's

7:31

better if she's in the other room. I

7:33

saw one of Beth's cheercoaches bring her son

7:35

in soon after we got there and

7:37

mentioned that she may still be there to

7:39

watch her. The doctor, still visibly angry,

7:41

goes to check and the cheercoach is willing

7:43

to watch my daughter, so Beth goes

7:45

to sit with her in the waiting room.

7:48

The police explain that they have a

7:50

report of possible child abuse. The doctor

7:52

explains that this was a simple

7:54

misunderstanding. He just examined my

7:56

daughter and there's no abuse. I

7:58

now realize that it's the receptionist that

8:00

he's angry with. The receptionist makes

8:03

an excuse and leaves the room. The

8:05

doctor says he thinks that he

8:07

has to let her go. He says

8:09

this is the second incident in

8:11

two weeks. He says that her bad

8:13

judgment got his practice and the

8:15

entire executive part closed for four hours

8:17

last week and his neighbors now

8:19

hate him. The police are apologetic, but

8:21

they say they need to do

8:24

a full investigation and ask if I

8:26

can come to the station. A

8:28

friend comes to pick up my daughter

8:30

who's freaking out at this point. We

8:32

get to the station, the cops allow

8:34

me to drive myself, and my uncle,

8:36

who's a lawyer, meets me there. The

8:38

police are apologetic and say they already

8:40

know what happened, but a full investigation

8:42

and report needs to be done. They

8:44

say that it's a minimum of three

8:46

to five days, maybe longer. I

8:48

call my wife, who goes ballistic!

8:51

The county attorney says that they normally

8:53

seek restraining orders in these cases, but

8:55

if I sign an agreement to stay

8:57

away from my daughter until the investigation

8:59

is closed, they wouldn't seek one. My

9:01

uncle recommended this because a restraining order

9:03

would be public record. I stay at

9:05

my brother's for the weekend and schedule

9:07

an out -of -town trip that I really

9:09

don't need to make for this week.

9:11

I can't wait to get home to

9:13

see my family and sleep in my

9:15

own bed, but I'm pretty sure my

9:17

wife will have me on the couch

9:19

for a little while. Also, people asked

9:21

OP what the other problem was and

9:23

OP writes this. This is according to

9:25

my doctor. A few weeks ago,

9:27

the lights in the parking lot of

9:29

the executive park blew, and the landlord

9:31

had trouble getting them fixed, so he

9:33

rented temporary light stanchions for the businesses

9:36

that are open past sundown until they

9:38

could figure out the problem. These lights

9:40

apparently ran on gas or diesel. The

9:42

receptionist came back from lunch one

9:44

day and smelled something, so she called

9:46

the state's Department of Environmental Protection

9:48

to say that she believed there was

9:50

a fuel leak. The department closed

9:52

the parking lot for the rest of

9:54

the day for clean -up, and it

9:56

turned out to be nothing. Also,

9:58

down in the comments, we had this

10:00

toy from Team N. Lee. This is

10:02

weirdly similar to something that my

10:04

own dad did. Once, my sister got

10:06

a mosquito bite on her face

10:08

that swelled her eye up, and when

10:10

the doctor asked what happened, my

10:12

dad, who couldn't even speak the language,

10:14

decided that doing a punching motion

10:16

to her 8 -year -old face while laughing

10:18

was a good option. The look

10:20

on the women's faces turns

10:22

out laughing isn't so universal

10:24

after all, LMAO. Luckily, there

10:27

were no repercussions, though. Today

10:29

I effed up by getting good at a game to

10:31

impress a guy that I had a crush on. I

10:34

used to play an MMO with a

10:36

bunch of people that I knew in real

10:38

life. Out of all of them, I

10:40

was the most interested in PvP, but

10:42

I sucked at it. One day a new

10:44

guy shows up. He used to play,

10:46

but he stopped for a few years.

10:48

Everyone starts talking about how he's basically a

10:50

legend. A god at 1v1s was one

10:53

of the former top players in the

10:55

game, was so inhumanly good that he got

10:57

mistaken for a bot, etc. I

10:59

immediately developed an awkward crush on

11:01

him. He heard that I was into

11:03

PvP and challenged me to a 1v1

11:05

where he promptly kicked my butt. Then

11:07

he spent a lot of time condescendingly

11:09

giving me tips on how to improve

11:11

and said that he would show me

11:13

the ropes. Being a dork with a

11:16

crush, I was so grateful for any

11:18

attention that he gave me. His idea

11:20

of teaching me was basically beating me

11:22

over and over again. After a few

11:24

days of this, he got bored and

11:26

stopped paying attention to me. I was

11:28

embarrassed that I was so bad and

11:30

kept losing, so I thought that if

11:33

I could impress him, he would spend

11:35

time and game with me again. I spent

11:37

a stupid amount of time practicing on

11:39

the side and researching. I'm talking

11:41

like 6 hours on weekdays

11:43

and 10 on weekends. I literally

11:45

lost weight because I stopped

11:47

snacking on the side and ate

11:49

the minimum amount at meal

11:51

times. So after like 10 months

11:53

of non -stop playing, I improved

11:55

a stupid crazy amount. I

11:58

managed to jokingly convince him to

12:00

duel me and I beat him. He thought

12:02

that it was a fluke and demanded

12:04

a rematch. So we played again and I

12:06

beat him again. He got so mad

12:08

that he changed his build to exactly counter

12:10

mine and he beat me. I was

12:12

so happy because I thought that he was

12:14

into it, so I changed my build

12:17

to counter his and beat him. Then it

12:19

turned into this stupid back and forth.

12:21

I was having the time of my life.

12:23

I thought that I was showing off

12:25

my improvement to a guy that I liked.

12:27

I learned theory crafting, I learned how

12:29

to play properly, etc. Meanwhile, he

12:32

was effing raging his head off on

12:34

the side of the screen. After a

12:36

lot of back and forth killing each

12:38

other in turns, he finally says that

12:40

he's done and logs off. I had

12:42

no idea what happened and figured real

12:44

life things were going on. Anyways, he

12:46

didn't log back in for a while

12:48

and I heard from our mutual friend

12:51

that he quit the game. He claimed

12:53

that he only came back temporarily from

12:55

a break and he needed to focus

12:57

on real -life job stuff or something.

12:59

I didn't connect that with beating him. I

13:01

just thought the timing was bad and

13:03

I was sad that I wouldn't be

13:05

able to see him around anymore. He

13:07

never logged back on again. A few

13:09

months later, we had another in real

13:12

life hangout and he basically ignored me.

13:14

Then, he made a few

13:16

pointed comments about how he didn't

13:18

like girls who were as into

13:20

gaming as he was. And that

13:22

girls who liked games too much

13:24

were basically guys and he wasn't

13:26

into guys. And that's when I

13:28

realized he was mad that I

13:30

beat him. And he literally never

13:32

returned to play again. And after

13:34

a few more years, I quit

13:37

gaming. And funnily enough, I heard

13:39

from our mutual friend again that

13:41

that's when he decided to start

13:43

playing again. Opie, it

13:45

sounds like he didn't really miss

13:47

out here because this guy

13:49

sounds arrogant, sexist, entitled, and

13:51

just kind of douchey. Today I

13:53

effed up by air -frying a

13:55

rat. My husband and I

13:57

were both sick. Like, sick

14:00

sick. Not eating a proper meal for

14:02

days sick. Eventually, we both hit that

14:04

point of recovery where we were actually hungry

14:06

again, so I decided to do some

14:08

easy cooking in the air fryer. I put

14:10

in a ready -made chicken curry on the

14:12

bottom shelf for lunch and left it

14:14

for 20 minutes as directed. When I returned,

14:17

there was an awful smell in

14:19

the kitchen. I'm trying to work

14:21

out how to describe that smell. Something

14:23

like burnt rubber or plastic, perhaps?

14:25

Like, there was something very off.

14:28

But when I checked my curry

14:30

on the bottom shelf, it seemed

14:32

fine. So, I ate that curry. That's

14:34

something I can never undo. At

14:37

dinner time, we decided to do a

14:39

full easy roast with sausages, Yorkshire

14:41

puddings, potatoes, all that. Anyway, I had

14:43

everything in the oven when I

14:45

realized I'd forgotten the stuffing balls that

14:47

I'd bought a few days before.

14:49

They wouldn't be done in time if

14:51

I used the oven, but the

14:53

air fryer would expedite the process. All

14:55

would be well. Except that smell

14:57

appeared again, worse than before. So we

14:59

decided to turn off the air

15:02

fryer and investigate it and see if

15:04

there were any issues with it.

15:06

That's when my husband saw something on

15:08

the top shelf of the air

15:10

fryer. I thought perhaps that it was

15:12

a piece of plastic packaging which

15:14

was emitting those awful burning fumes. But

15:16

when I pulled out the tray,

15:18

there was no plastic there. What my

15:20

husband had seen was the tale

15:22

of an incredibly well done rat. It

15:25

was a harrowing experience, not gonna

15:27

lie. If you want to picture it,

15:29

which I wouldn't recommend, just imagine

15:31

a sort of carbonized chunk of potato

15:33

stuck to the bottom of the

15:35

oven, except it's a whole rat. So,

15:37

yeah, moral of the story is

15:39

always look inside an air fryer

15:41

before using it. And whatever you

15:43

do, don't leave the door open

15:45

for days at a time. OP,

15:48

you think you had a bad

15:50

day. Imagine how the rat must

15:52

feel. Also, a subtle detail about

15:54

this story is that OP put

15:56

her curry on the bottom shelf,

15:58

and she didn't look at the

16:00

top shelf. And presumably, the shelves

16:02

are separated by one of those,

16:04

like, metal grates, which means… oh,

16:06

which means… all those rat particles

16:08

drifted down like snow onto her

16:10

curry. Today, I effed up by

16:12

taking a gas station boner pill

16:14

drink. So, about last week I

16:16

went to a Walgreens Urgent Care

16:18

Combo since my partner needed to

16:20

get a urine test for a

16:22

UTI. While waiting around for

16:24

the appointment to be finished, I

16:26

ended up looking in the sexual wellness

16:28

section because I needed some lube,

16:30

and sometimes I like to laugh at

16:33

the strange male sex health products.

16:35

Since all I hear about gas station

16:37

boner pills is that they're snake

16:39

oil and don't do anything, I had

16:41

the bright idea of trying one

16:43

out. I spotted one on the shelf

16:45

that seemed the most interesting. the

16:48

Extin's Original Formula Male Enhancement Drink. Cherry

16:50

flavor to top it off. The package

16:52

was covered in a strange, sticky substance,

16:54

which I should have taken as a

16:56

sign, but I said screw it, grabbed

16:58

it, and checked out. That drink sat

17:00

in a cabinet for a week, but

17:02

we both agreed to try it out

17:04

when the UTI passed, and we were

17:06

both in the mood. That day finally

17:08

came, and I grabbed the bottle, ripped

17:10

the top off, and took a massive

17:12

swig like I was in the desert

17:14

and dying of dehydration. The first 30

17:16

minutes, I felt nothing. After

17:19

that, I entered hell. That

17:21

stuff made me feel like the Incredible

17:23

Hulk. That stuff made me feel like

17:25

the Terminator. That stuff made me feel

17:27

like the Predator. That stuff made me

17:29

feel like Max Payne. That stuff is

17:31

what Hunter S. Thompson was on when

17:33

he was writing the rum diary. I

17:35

could feel my heart beating out of

17:37

my chest, and I don't know if

17:39

it was even beating in time. I

17:41

thought I needed to go get an

17:44

EKG, but I took a muscle relaxer

17:46

instead to kill the feeling. Probably one

17:48

of the worst feelings I've ever had,

17:50

and I do not recommend it. Down

17:52

in the comments, I was checking to

17:54

see if anyone knew what exactly is

17:56

in those drinks, and apparently it's something

17:58

called Yohembe Extract, which is used to

18:00

wake up dogs after they've been sedated.

18:02

That was r slash today, I F'd

18:04

up. And if you like this content,

18:06

be sure to follow my podcast because

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I put out new Reddit podcast episodes

18:10

every single day.