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checkout. Hello everyone and welcome

1:13

to Saturn Returns with

1:15

me Kaggy Dunlop. This is

1:18

a podcast that aims to

1:20

bring clarity during transitional

1:22

times where there can

1:24

be confusion and

1:26

doubt. Today

1:29

I am joined by the lovely

1:31

Radi Devlucier Shetty as we discuss

1:34

her book Joyful and get to

1:36

know everything about her and also

1:38

Iavada and the role that it plays

1:41

in her life. Radi is a chef,

1:43

a content creator and an

1:45

entrepreneur. She is a New

1:47

York Times best-selling author and

1:49

the host of a really

1:51

good cry podcast. She's also

1:53

the co-founder of a drinks

1:56

band, Junie. It was no pun

1:58

intended such a joy to meet

2:00

her and sit down with her

2:02

and she just glows and radiates

2:04

and I really enjoyed this conversation

2:06

and learned so much from it

2:08

so I hope you do too.

2:17

Welcome to the Saturn Returns podcast. Thank

2:20

you. I'm so happy to be here.

2:22

Thanks for having me. You look so

2:24

elegant. Thank you. It doesn't happen often,

2:26

honestly. No, I'm usually a sneaker girl.

2:28

I'm in heels once in a blue

2:30

moon. I feel like I've got my,

2:32

I mean, I'm in, once in a,

2:35

once in a blue moon. I feel

2:37

like, I really, this is a, this

2:39

is a very rare thing. I came

2:41

from an event, so I feel a

2:43

bit more doleded up than usual. I

2:45

probably dress, like, like. super relaxed 90%

2:48

of the time and then there's that.

2:50

That one moment. Exactly. And it makes

2:52

it feel really special when you do.

2:54

Exactly. But yeah, you look stunning. So

2:56

how's it? Because you've just released a

2:58

book, which is super exciting. Can you

3:01

tell us a little bit about that

3:03

whole experience? Three years in the making.

3:05

It's called Joyful. It's a cookbook. It's

3:07

got recipes, over 125 recipes. But then

3:09

it's also got all these wellness rituals

3:11

and practices and anything that can take

3:14

you from morning to evening, whether it's

3:16

taking moments of breath during the day.

3:18

everything that I have found has enriched

3:20

and brought little moments of joy in

3:22

my life. I've essentially poured into this

3:24

book and so it's so much more

3:26

than just a cookbook and I'm so

3:29

happy that I got to finally release

3:31

it after three years in the making.

3:33

Three years. I was like I don't

3:35

even know what my name's gonna be

3:37

the same three years later but it

3:39

was it was great. It's been such

3:42

a wonderful process to actually finish something

3:44

and have it out in the world.

3:46

It feels unbelievable. Birthing a book is

3:48

a big deal. How does it feel

3:50

now that it's out and it's obviously

3:52

done incredibly well? I kept saying it

3:55

feels like an overbaked baby where I

3:57

was like, get out now, I'm done

3:59

with this. Yeah,

4:01

it feels amazing because I thought the

4:04

book was quite a niche book. You

4:06

know, it's plant-based, which makes it somewhat

4:08

niche, and then a lot of it's

4:10

about my heritage from my family, and

4:12

then it's also holistic from my family,

4:14

and then it's also holistic, and then

4:16

it's also holistic, and it's roots from

4:18

Ayurveda, which is, you know, an old

4:21

Eastern philosophy. And so there were so

4:23

many things that in my mind made

4:25

it a niche book, and I was

4:27

so happy for it there in the

4:29

world. The response was just so magical

4:31

and I couldn't believe that it was,

4:33

you know, hadn't thought of lists or

4:35

numbers or anything when I was when

4:38

I was writing it. I'm not really

4:40

a numbers person, but then I started

4:42

seeing how many people were buying it

4:44

and yeah, just all these random lists

4:46

that I was getting on. I was

4:48

like, this is amazing. How has this

4:50

even happened? So it's definitely a pinch

4:52

me moment. Well, congratulations on this. So

4:54

for the audience that might not be

4:57

familiar with you and your work, can

4:59

we bring it back right to the

5:01

beginning of, because you said a lot

5:03

of this is inspired by your heritage

5:05

and your upbringing, what was that like

5:07

for you growing up? Where did you

5:09

grow up? Yes, I grew up in

5:11

Watford. So I was born and raised

5:14

in India. And so I had so

5:16

much culture growing up. Well, you know,

5:18

I... When I was growing up I

5:20

didn't feel like culture, it just felt

5:22

like normality for me. But now, you

5:24

know, having experienced so many different things

5:26

in life, I realize how lucky I

5:28

was to have such deep-rooted culture throughout

5:31

my life. And my grandma has been

5:33

a big part of my life from

5:35

when I was born till now and,

5:37

you know, having that generation around you,

5:39

you don't realize how much you learn

5:41

and how much you absorb that. people

5:43

don't normally do if they don't live

5:45

in a family which is close close

5:47

and with each other all the time.

5:50

But I'd say in the sort of

5:52

Western world it's often not very common

5:54

anymore. We don't we don't raise each

5:56

other with our parents, grandparents, everyone together.

5:58

And so my mom, my sister, my

6:00

grandma, they all live with and walking

6:02

distance from each other. And so, yeah,

6:04

I grew up in a family where

6:07

my mom had a full-time job, but

6:09

she still would make homemade breakfast, lunches,

6:11

and dinner every single day. And again,

6:13

that was my normality, but now looking

6:15

back, I'm. I'm so grateful because she

6:17

really, it wasn't just food, she wasn't

6:19

like, let me just slap this on

6:21

a plate and eat what you get.

6:24

It was an experiment in the kitchen

6:26

for her. She experimented so much with

6:28

flavors and just poured so much love

6:30

into the food that she ate and

6:32

that she made. And so I feel

6:34

like that kind of went into my

6:36

bloodstream because my grandma was the same.

6:38

Like she was a refugee when she

6:40

came to this country. and in the

6:43

refugee camps in Scotland she was volunteering

6:45

to cook in the kitchen for everybody.

6:47

And so I feel like it's kind

6:49

of the the connection with food a

6:51

really positive connection with food comes from

6:53

my family and having those moments with

6:55

them. And then I actually went on

6:57

to study nutrition. It was something which

7:00

I wasn't planning to do. As many

7:02

brown people in the UK, I was

7:04

thinking about becoming a doctor, but I

7:06

didn't get the grace to be honest.

7:08

I wasn't smart enough or I didn't

7:10

pay enough attention. And so my mom

7:12

recommended me doing this nutrition degree that

7:14

was kind of new and people hadn't

7:17

heard much about at the time. And

7:19

so I went on to do nutrition.

7:21

And it just opened up this whole

7:23

world of understanding how food actually affects

7:25

the body. And it gave me these

7:27

foundations that I needed to really understand.

7:29

The basics. Like I feel like my

7:31

degree gave me the basics and then

7:33

I was able to build on it

7:36

through all the other things that I've

7:38

done up till this point. And what

7:40

was some of your discoveries in that

7:42

period of studying nutrition that you really

7:44

really like? Because it sounds like it

7:46

was already in your family of this

7:48

very wholesome healthy way of nutrition and

7:50

eating and then you went and studied

7:53

it. Did you realize that actually the

7:55

way your family was doing it was

7:57

right and understand a bit more why?

7:59

She was she always worked in the

8:01

health sector and she became a fitness

8:03

instructor. She trained as a fitness instructor

8:05

and would do that for women within

8:07

our culture. She would do these little

8:10

Bollywood dance classes or workout classes. So

8:12

she was always very mindful about what

8:14

she was eating and what she was

8:16

feeding us. But when I went into

8:18

doing nutrition, it was really interesting for

8:20

me because in Western medicine, you end

8:22

up treating someone when they're at the

8:24

point of disease versus. the prevention, which

8:27

is now something we're all working on

8:29

in Western culture, but most of the

8:31

time it's we get this disease, we

8:33

get this condition, let me heal it.

8:35

And then when I went on to

8:37

study Ayurveda, which is something I studied

8:39

much later on, Ayur means life and

8:41

Vaida means knowledge, it's essentially a 5,000

8:43

year old. health system that is probably

8:46

the most ancient health system to exist.

8:48

And it really teaches you how to

8:50

optimize your health through understanding your external

8:52

and internal environment, but on an individual

8:54

basis. And so when I started learning

8:56

that, it made me realize that you

8:58

can start, you don't need to get

9:00

to a point of disease. It says

9:03

in Iavator that there are seven steps

9:05

before you even get to the point

9:07

of disease or a health condition where

9:09

we treat it in Western medicine. And

9:11

instead, it teaches you have to... tune

9:13

into your body and understand your body

9:15

in a way where you can start

9:17

recognizing the symptoms on a day-to-day basis

9:20

where, oh, my digestion feels like this,

9:22

that means I need to change this,

9:24

or I've had headaches, or my hair

9:26

started falling out, seeing all of those

9:28

symptoms as our body telling us there

9:30

is something wrong and we need to

9:32

take action now rather than when we

9:34

get diagnosed. And so I feel like

9:36

my family kind of lived... according to

9:39

that growing up and you know it

9:41

roots from India and so you know

9:43

when I would have a cough or

9:45

a cold my mom would turn to

9:47

spices instead of cough medicine she would

9:49

put spices in hot water and you

9:51

know give me that or when I

9:53

got a cut or a bruise they'd

9:56

make like a turmeric patch and stick

9:58

it on there and so I definitely

10:00

feel my my family healed a lot

10:02

more in in natural ways than turning

10:04

to you know normal medicine. with our

10:06

Vader, would you be able to kind

10:08

of explain what that is a little

10:10

bit more? So yeah, like I said,

10:13

our means life, Vader means knowledge. It's

10:15

essentially the practice of tuning back into

10:17

your body. I feel like we're so

10:19

disconnected now because we're constantly listening to

10:21

outside voices about eat this salad, eat

10:23

this super food, eat this vissamine, and

10:25

your body will be incredible. And it's

10:27

kind of taken away the individualness of.

10:29

health. And what it is, it's a

10:32

one-size-fits-all. If you eat an avocado, an

10:34

eye in avocado, our body will react

10:36

exactly the same way and we'll have

10:38

exactly the same result. But we know

10:40

that's not true. Because you'll do a

10:42

workout, I'll do a workout, my body

10:44

will react completely differently. And so, Ayurveda

10:46

is all individual. It's based on your

10:49

own constitution. They call it like how

10:51

your body is made up. And it's

10:53

not that someone tells you what to

10:55

what to do. It's that you what

10:57

to you what to do. where your

10:59

body thrives the best in an external

11:01

environment, so whether it's the colors you

11:03

have around you, what you allow into

11:06

your senses, whether it's the sense that

11:08

you're smelling, whether it's the food that

11:10

you're eating, but then also your internal

11:12

environment. What is the food that I'm

11:14

eating? What is the food that I'm

11:16

eating? What is it turning into? How

11:18

is it making me feel? Because food

11:20

doesn't just affect your mind, your mood,

11:22

your energy levels, everything internally. And so...

11:25

I read it essentially teaches you that

11:27

how can I optimize my health on

11:29

an individual level and so whether it's

11:31

through the food the practices that you're

11:33

doing throughout the day the rituals you're

11:35

doing it incorporates every single part of

11:37

your life and that's why I love

11:39

it because it's so holistic it's so

11:42

holistic I was actually had a very

11:44

short consultation recently and I was thinking

11:46

I was thinking I was like there's

11:48

no way that she's gonna be able

11:50

to be able to tell anything by...

11:52

Did she list your pulse? Yeah. Yeah.

11:54

Yeah. And she said to me, I

11:56

try and recall she said that I

11:59

was... Calfa, pitter? Air. Oh, air, batter.

12:01

Yes. And that I needed to eat

12:03

certain things. Probably more grounding, nourishing, heavy

12:05

meals. Yeah. I was like, how has

12:07

she been able, and a lot of

12:09

she went on far more than that,

12:11

but I was like, how is she,

12:13

because it was very accurate, but I

12:15

thought, how can she possibly tell that

12:18

from just feeling my risk for a

12:20

second? I know, it's amazing. So when

12:22

I evade it, it says that our

12:24

everything around us, including our bodies, are

12:26

made up of the five elements, earth,

12:28

air, fire, and ether. when those elements

12:30

are in the body in I-rated, they

12:32

also have categorized those elements into three

12:35

doses, cuffa, which is earth and water,

12:37

pitha, which is fire and water, and

12:39

vata, which is air and ether. And

12:41

so even if you think about it,

12:43

like it sounds complex, but if you

12:45

think about each of those elements, and

12:47

what when you visualize that element, what

12:49

it looks like to you, fire, it's

12:52

intense, it's warming to the body, it's,

12:54

you know, If you think about mind

12:56

and body, it's something that's exciting and

12:58

stimulating in the body. When you think

13:00

about air, what does that look like

13:02

to you? It's free flowing. So if

13:04

you think about that in the mind,

13:06

it's creativity. It could be feeling like

13:08

you're all over the place and feeling

13:11

unsettled. You know, air can have... And

13:13

look, every element has its good and

13:15

is bad. Well, it reminds me also

13:17

so much of astrology. I feel like

13:19

there's so many correlations between our star

13:21

signs. Definitely. Definitely. And so it teaches

13:23

you almost when you learn what the

13:25

elements are and how they affect the

13:28

body, you can learn how they navigate

13:30

through your body. And so the food

13:32

that you're eating. Is it increasing the

13:34

heat in my body? Is it making

13:36

me feel stimulated or is it making

13:38

me feel calm? And then, depending on

13:40

what your docia is, that's what we

13:42

call it, your constitution is your docia,

13:45

what she said to you, you've got

13:47

more air in the body, which I

13:49

imagine she told you, you're a vata

13:51

body type. And does that mean that

13:53

that's like my body type or is

13:55

that just in that moment? That means

13:57

that you proportionately have more of that

13:59

in your body. So let's say it's

14:01

in percentages. So you might be 50%

14:04

vata, 30% pitter, and then 30% the

14:06

other one, vata or caffa. And so

14:08

what that means is when you're predominantly

14:10

one, you have to kind of counteract

14:12

it through what you're having because you

14:14

could get imbalanced within that. And then

14:16

you essentially get sick. Exactly. So if

14:18

you're vata, for example, amazing. When you're

14:21

in balance, you're creative, you are free

14:23

flowing, you can. Yeah, those are the

14:25

main like really good qualities over, but

14:27

when imbalance, you can feel quite impatient,

14:29

you can feel all over the place,

14:31

you can feel unsettled, you can feel

14:33

like, you can't quite get things done,

14:35

your mind feels like it's all over

14:38

the place. So what does that mean?

14:40

To get back into balance, I need

14:42

to do the opposite. So I need

14:44

to have foods and do activities that

14:46

slow me down, that help me to

14:48

focus, that realigning, that are nurturing and

14:50

nourishing to my body. It's about when

14:52

you find out what you are, you

14:54

can always counteract things and optimize your

14:57

environment externally to make sure that you're

14:59

constantly coming back to balance every single

15:01

day. When I'm feeling that way, which

15:03

to be honest at the moment is

15:05

quite a lot. Well you had lots

15:07

of change in your life. I've had

15:09

a lot of change and so like

15:11

that affects it. Meaning to feel grounded

15:14

and the worst thing I can do

15:16

in that is like... Not eating properly

15:18

and by that I mean like having

15:20

takeaways missing meals missing meals exactly and

15:22

then it just and having too much

15:24

caffeine for me and then I feel

15:26

like I'm about to take off will

15:28

hit you all over the place especially

15:31

if your air quality is already in

15:33

balance because I have a bit of

15:35

a love-hate relationship with caffeine like I'm

15:37

probably quite addicted to it and you

15:39

become I become a bit like addicted

15:41

to that anxious sort of all over

15:43

the place. Yeah, because you kind of

15:45

feel like you're being more productive that

15:47

way, right? You think, oh, it's like

15:50

putting gas in the car, you're like,

15:52

okay, I can go. But then I

15:54

feel like I then crash. Yeah, you

15:56

know, with stimulants. in any form, the

15:58

fact is our body, if well, should

16:00

not need anything to help energize it

16:02

beyond the food that we're eating. And

16:04

so when we become reliant on a

16:07

source for our energy, to wake us

16:09

up in the morning, to put us

16:11

to sleep at night, whatever it is

16:13

that we're using, to do what our

16:15

bodily system should naturally be able to

16:17

do. Whenever I think I need something

16:19

like that, we're like, whenever I wake

16:21

up and I'm thinking I need a

16:24

coffee or midday, I need a chocolate

16:26

to revive me, you know, for the

16:28

rest of the day, I kind of

16:30

see it as a symptom and I

16:32

see as a symptom of something isn't

16:34

happening right because my body is a

16:36

fully functioning, a beautiful vessel that should

16:38

be able to do everything that it

16:40

needs to to keep me going. And

16:43

if it's not... What am I missing?

16:45

What am I doing wrong? What am

16:47

I overexerting myself or am I not

16:49

fueling myself enough to be able to

16:51

do the things I want to do?

16:53

Because that's the point, right? It's either

16:55

you either work to where your body's

16:57

at, and if your body right now

17:00

is not feeling great, you end up

17:02

toning things back, or you can change

17:04

your capacity and your abilities by fueling

17:06

it better. Because everything is just what

17:08

I feel my body is what it's

17:10

going to give out. I then think

17:12

about what am I doing during the

17:14

day, what's draining me, what's fueling me,

17:17

food, people, the activities I'm doing, the

17:19

things that I'm reading. And so I

17:21

always think about taking inventory, that's what

17:23

I usually call it, take inventory every

17:25

single day, every single week. Such an

17:27

empty word is great though. Every month,

17:29

just sit there and think what... What

17:31

am I have got in my life?

17:33

That feels useless, that I no longer

17:36

need, that I'm holding on to, that

17:38

is weighing me down. And it could

17:40

be anything. Oh, it could be any,

17:42

it could be the people we're talking

17:44

to, we're gossiping a lot, we're talking

17:46

a lot, we're talking a lot, we're

17:48

talking a lot, we're talking a lot

17:50

about other things and people that actually

17:53

aren't fueling us. And I think about

17:55

this with meditation too, you know, I

17:57

talk about meditation a lot. in the

17:59

book because it's a practice that has

18:01

changed me so much. When did you

18:03

start meditating? Like 10 years ago now.

18:05

Yeah. You know so many people like

18:07

oh I sat down to meditate I

18:10

just can't do it it's just my

18:12

mind's all over the place and I

18:14

just can't and I remember one of

18:16

my teachers saying to me you're sitting

18:18

down for 20 minutes let's say half

18:20

an hour let's say an hour what

18:22

are you doing for the rest of

18:24

the 21 like the 23 hours in

18:26

the day because what you're doing in

18:29

those 23 hours will depict how still

18:31

you'll be able to sit in that

18:33

one hour but what do you mean

18:35

by that as in if you're like

18:37

hectic all over the place, you're not

18:39

going to be. Yeah, or where is

18:41

your mind? I think a lot of

18:43

it is to do with lack of

18:46

presence. We can live a lot of

18:48

our day, where our body is in

18:50

one place, but our mind is in

18:52

another. And so being conscious and being

18:54

mindful actually means being mindful. Like I

18:56

am present in this moment, full of

18:58

mind and body. I am here and

19:00

I'm attentive and I'm looking at you

19:03

and I'm not thinking about anything about

19:05

anything else. Because a lot of our

19:07

energy gets drained. when we are in

19:09

one place with thinking about 100 other

19:11

things. And you seem incredible at practicing

19:13

that just from the aura that you

19:15

give off feels very aligned. I can

19:17

be such an ahead, like by ahead

19:19

I mean literally an ahead where I

19:22

feel all over the place and I've

19:24

really had to practice one of the

19:26

things that has helped me so much

19:28

be present in moments like I just

19:30

did with you is just taking a

19:32

breath. Breathwork is such an underrated practice,

19:34

but breath, when I did my yoga

19:36

teacher training, they taught us that breath

19:39

is the anchor between the mind and

19:41

the body. So whenever you find your

19:43

mind or running away from you, use

19:45

your breath as an anchor to bring

19:47

you back. And it sounds so simple,

19:49

but my goodness, we do not use

19:51

our breath to even 10% of the

19:53

capacity that it has. We all shallow

19:56

breathe throughout the day. And so that

19:58

is a simple thing. If everyone's like,

20:00

oh, but I'm so busy and I've

20:02

got all of this, just... First of

20:04

all, start taking breaths, deep breaths throughout

20:06

your day. Whenever you find your mind

20:08

racing, whenever you feel your body going

20:10

faster than you want it to, take

20:12

a second and breathe. That's actually... So

20:15

when I had the consultation about the

20:17

I of A to staff, she was

20:19

obviously just picking up on a lot

20:21

of what was going on and she

20:23

was like, I know you're not meditating

20:25

and you're probably telling yourself you don't

20:27

have time to meditate. She was like,

20:29

but do this. She was like, I

20:32

do this three times a day. She

20:34

was like, in the morning, the afternoon

20:36

is like a pick me up. Before

20:38

I go to bed. It's just breathing.

20:40

Like for two minutes, slow breath. the

20:42

air in the breath going up to

20:44

the bridge of your nose and then

20:46

back down. And it's been so helpful

20:49

when I feel myself kind of spiraling.

20:51

I'm like, okay. But then also at

20:53

most evenings, me and my boyfriend will

20:55

sit next to each other and both

20:57

go be going. I'm going to now.

20:59

Yes. the more whoever's doing it the

21:01

more of an indication of like how

21:03

much how the day's been. Exactly, so

21:05

we're just there going for hours. It's

21:08

so good that you know there are

21:10

different breathworks for different things and I

21:12

do different breathworks throughout the day depending

21:14

on how I want my body to

21:16

feel and that's what's so amazing if

21:18

you think about when we have different

21:20

emotions. What changes? Our breath changes. So

21:22

when you're really upset, like I know

21:25

when I'm crying, my breath goes really

21:27

short enough. You know, and when you're

21:29

excited, it does the same thing. When

21:31

you're calm, your breath slows down. And

21:33

so. I talk about in the book

21:35

how I do different breathworks at different

21:37

times of the day for different reasons.

21:39

So in the morning if I want

21:42

to get focused, there's a breathwork for

21:44

that. What is it? Oh, so what

21:46

you were saying, so it's called anelom

21:48

villa or alternate nostril breathing. And so

21:50

what it does is each nostril is

21:52

actually linked to different sides of the

21:54

hemisphere of the brain. And so to

21:56

help rebalance and refocus, depending on if

21:58

you're hold it at the top and

22:01

then release from the right. Can we

22:03

do it? Yeah, let's do it. Okay.

22:05

So you put two fingers, your index

22:07

finger on your middle finger on the

22:09

top of your head, you put your

22:11

thumb on your right nostril. Okay, I've

22:13

got a. not seen it so you

22:15

can hear my my sniffle in and

22:18

then you breathe in, breathe in from

22:20

the left. Hold the breath at the

22:22

top for a second and then release

22:24

from the right and then breathe in

22:26

again from the right. Hold at the

22:28

top and release from the left. So

22:30

that is the breath to help rebalance.

22:32

And then in the afternoon I do

22:35

a breathwork because I normally get that

22:37

midday slump to energize. This one is

22:39

called Kappa Abati which means skull shining

22:41

and it's called that because when you

22:43

do this breath increases the oxygen in

22:45

your body you almost feel tingling in

22:47

your head. And Kappa Abati is essentially

22:49

deep inhales in and short exhale. So

22:52

it goes like this. Oh no. Hold

22:54

on. And

22:59

you do that and eventually you notice, like

23:01

I already feel a bit of tingling at

23:03

the top of my head, you do that

23:05

for even a minute, you notice oxygen just

23:08

flowing through your body because you're increasing the

23:10

oxygen that is even flowing through. And so

23:12

that's one that I use to energize and

23:14

then at night... doing a simple yogic breath

23:17

and by that I mean you take a

23:19

deep breath in you feel the air you

23:21

visualize the air going through your nostrils down

23:23

your throat into your chest into your stomach

23:25

and with each breath you feel the ox

23:28

you channel the channel the air you channel

23:30

the air you're breathing in to different parts

23:32

of your body and you relax there so

23:34

you think okay I'm sending this to my

23:37

feet and slowly you let go of your

23:39

what you know any tension in your feet

23:41

you send it to your hands your shoulders

23:43

your shoulders your neck and it is such

23:45

a beautiful But it really helps to settle

23:48

you into the space that you're in to

23:50

actually flow into sleep better I think that's

23:52

so useful. So do you do that every

23:54

day? I do I deaf I use breathwork

23:57

because I used to be such an anxious

23:59

person I still drink coffee. I don't know

24:01

if I do it's for like fun because

24:03

I love the taste of it versus on

24:06

a daily basis. Did you give it up

24:08

at some point? No, I never really, I

24:10

always love teas. I never really got into

24:12

drinking coffee. I was just, you know what

24:14

I always say, I feel like I had

24:17

lots of stimulants in my past life that

24:19

I feel like I'm done with them this

24:21

life. I always say that I'm like, you

24:23

know, I'm like, you know what? I must

24:26

be done with it. So you just know.

24:28

I just never felt like, yeah, I just

24:30

have never really wanted to. I love a

24:32

good Matalaste sometimes. Everything is more for flavor

24:34

than because I feel like my body needs

24:37

it. To drink alcohol? I don't. I never

24:39

actually did. I always thought if I wanted

24:41

to, I would. And then I had like

24:43

alcoholism in parts of my family. I saw

24:46

that. It wasn't great. I... had friends who

24:48

drunk a lot of university and I remember

24:50

going there and my friends would just be

24:52

drunk off their faces out of control and

24:55

I was like I don't want to be

24:57

that either yeah and then it kind of

24:59

I kept going and I just decided I

25:01

just never wanted to and so I just

25:03

didn't that was amazing and I felt like

25:06

I had a lot of energy and I

25:08

was like imagine me drunk I'm not sure

25:10

that would work you feel like you bought

25:12

and do you feel like you bought always

25:15

been quite a confident person. No, definitely not

25:17

confident. Really? My sister used to have to

25:19

make calls for me, pretending to be me,

25:21

because I was too scared to call the

25:23

doctor to make an appointment. I swear she

25:26

used to do that. If I was walking

25:28

into a room, I'd always want someone to

25:30

walk in front of me. If I was

25:32

going somewhere, I'd be too scared of ever

25:35

feeling like I've overdressed or on. I just

25:37

had so much anxiety about being around people

25:39

or in public or being seen by people.

25:41

to know what I even had to offer

25:44

to people all the world, that I felt,

25:46

and I constantly gave my power to other

25:48

people, being the youngest person in the family.

25:50

My family was so sweet and they always

25:52

wanted to help me, but what it did

25:55

is it kind of disabled me to help

25:57

myself. So everything. Like, I couldn't be the

25:59

authority if you were in life. always saved.

26:01

Like if I had something wrong my family

26:04

would save me. If I hadn't finished my

26:06

dissertation the last day, my sister would stay

26:08

up all night to help me with it,

26:10

which is so sweet. But it made me

26:12

not believe that I could do anything myself.

26:15

And so them helping me was out of

26:17

love, but it was also my laziness of

26:19

not wanting to see what I was actually

26:21

capable of. And pushing yourself. And I got

26:24

to a point where I realized I had

26:26

no idea who I was, because my view

26:28

of myself was fully based on everybody else's

26:30

perspective of me, and never made any decisions

26:33

decisions for myself. So when I moved to

26:35

New York. And how old were you when

26:37

you moved to New York? I was, I

26:39

would have been around 24. That's quite a

26:41

brave thing to do to New York. Well,

26:44

I got married, I got married and then

26:46

we both moved to New York. I see

26:48

you moved with Jay. He got a job

26:50

there. And so I was working as a

26:53

dietitian in a hospital, I got a home,

26:55

walking distance from my parents and my sister

26:57

because that's what they all had. And then

26:59

three weeks later, I got my dream job

27:01

in New York. Well, originally we met in

27:04

2012. He was training to be a monk

27:06

then, because, yeah, my husband is, was a

27:08

monk and then he transitioned out and now

27:10

he shares a lot of that, you know,

27:13

what he'd learnt. He shares that now online,

27:15

but... He was a monk training to be

27:17

a monk when I met him. I met

27:19

him through my mom because she was helping

27:22

at the temple that he was training at.

27:24

And we came across each other, my mom

27:26

introduced me, but he was training to be

27:28

a monk, so it wasn't really anything I

27:30

had thought about. I then got introduced to

27:33

his sister, and his sister was so sweet,

27:35

and she started sending me messages when there

27:37

was... I really wanted to get into spirituality.

27:39

I felt like I really had something missing

27:42

in my life and I didn't know what

27:44

it was. And so whenever they were having

27:46

community events or meditation events or whatever it

27:48

was, she would invite me. And so I

27:51

started going to them. And then he was

27:53

among for like three years or something and

27:55

then he came back and we started speaking

27:57

once he came back into normality. And in

27:59

terms of, because I think a lot of

28:02

people, including myself, will relate to that feeling

28:04

like you need to be saved, or not

28:06

feeling like you have the confidence to tackle

28:08

things, or even if you have an idea

28:11

to have the conviction to follow it through,

28:13

because you're like, well, maybe I'm not right,

28:15

and maybe I need someone else to help

28:17

me with it. How has that kind of

28:19

evolved, because you said when you moved to

28:22

New York, that's when something shifted? It was

28:24

because I couldn't rely on anyone because I

28:26

had no one that I knew around me.

28:28

But what about Jake, because obviously in partnership

28:31

if you have someone with I think that's

28:33

something that people can fall into again of

28:35

like relying on. He wouldn't let me. And

28:37

that was what was so great that. So

28:40

what does that look like? So he could

28:42

have been the person who took that. as

28:44

something which he could kind of feed off

28:46

because I would have just fallen into his

28:48

arms and his lap and been like just

28:51

tell me what to do I'll do whatever

28:53

you think whatever you think I should do

28:55

that's what I'll do but he was like

28:57

no you have the ability to make these

29:00

decisions he had seen that pattern in me

29:02

and so his way of loving and I'll

29:04

be like no just tell me what to

29:06

do in this situation I want to know

29:08

he said no I know you know like

29:11

you know what you know what you want

29:13

to tell me what you want to tell

29:15

me what you want to tell me what

29:17

you want to tell me what you want

29:20

to tell me what you want to tell

29:22

me what you want to tell me what

29:24

you want to tell me what you want

29:26

to do and I and essentially whether it

29:29

was buying plates and cutlery which I felt

29:31

like I needed help with or someone my

29:33

mom telling me what to do or whether

29:35

it was a bigger decisions of what I

29:37

even wanted to do in my life and

29:40

what path to now take after I couldn't

29:42

work in New York because I didn't have

29:44

a work visa so I had to leave

29:46

everything that I felt comfortable doing behind and

29:49

yeah he just more supported and guided and

29:51

and made me believe in myself slowly through

29:53

that versus telling me what to do or

29:55

making it easy for me which really frustrated

29:57

me sometimes. I'm so grateful for it now

30:00

because he could have really used that to

30:02

his advantage and he really didn't. Yeah because

30:04

that was actually I put out a thing

30:06

saying that I was speaking with you in

30:09

someone from the community said like how does

30:11

she manage her independence and saying true to

30:13

her own path? whilst being with Jay who's

30:15

obviously like a huge public figure and then

30:18

those two things can become quite intertwined. His

30:20

whole thing has been, I just want you

30:22

to be happy doing what you do and

30:24

I want to support what you do. It's

30:26

not about you doing what makes me happy.

30:29

Because we're only going to be happy doing

30:31

what you're doing and I'm happy doing what

30:33

I'm doing and we can come together as

30:35

happy people or I can tell you to

30:38

do everything that you don't want to do.

30:40

And you don't want to do. His whole

30:42

goal has always been to help try and

30:44

help me figure out, I've found it really

30:46

difficult to figure out what I even want

30:49

in life because this path was unexpected. It

30:51

was me kind of going on the path

30:53

that he... went on and I jumped on

30:55

it for a while because I didn't know

30:58

where else I wanted to do and so

31:00

it felt easier easier at the time jumping

31:02

on his path and going everywhere with him

31:04

and being partly going in like a trajectory.

31:07

He knew he had a trajectory I didn't.

31:09

So I was like let me just jump

31:11

on that and I'll go where he's going

31:13

I don't really have anything I want to

31:15

do in my life so why not? And

31:18

then I realized that when you do that,

31:20

you run out of fuel because it's not

31:22

your path. You don't have that energy. You

31:24

don't have that motivation that's pushing you. You

31:27

don't have that intention, the deep-rooted intention that

31:29

he has behind everything he does. I didn't

31:31

have that. And so I could fake it

31:33

and I could pretend, but I realized I

31:35

was so unhappy doing that. And so I

31:38

had to... I spent a lot of time

31:40

alone there because he was working. And so

31:42

during the day, I honestly, the first few

31:44

months was just wandering around New York crying.

31:47

And to be honest, no one really noticed

31:49

because New was a crazy place. And you

31:51

can walk around. You can walk around. Yeah,

31:53

you can walk around. Exactly. Exactly. Even, exactly.

31:56

Exactly. And so I just had to spend,

31:58

I started just trying to learn about myself.

32:00

And that's where I started studying Ayurveda because

32:02

I had so much time. I couldn't work.

32:04

And I came across this teacher who was

32:07

teaching Ayurveda there. her name is Divia and

32:09

she has this incredible Arabic restaurant in New

32:11

York and she was teaching courses. And I

32:13

was like, can I just follow you around?

32:16

I have nothing to do. Please, can I

32:18

just follow you around? I'll be your intern.

32:20

I'll go buy stuff for your workshops. I'll

32:22

do whatever. Just can I follow you about?

32:24

So I did that and I felt like

32:27

a feeling of a place being home. I

32:29

felt like, I read her, it felt like

32:31

home for my health. and I felt finally

32:33

like I wasn't just understanding myself as a

32:36

personality I was trying to understand my body

32:38

and how it worked and I think that's

32:40

a big part of loving yourself right like

32:42

I had no love left for myself because

32:45

I felt so insecure and I realized you

32:47

know I feel more insecure as Jay's career

32:49

was kind of taking off or more so

32:51

because it was a more of a reflection

32:53

of how little I knew about what I

32:56

wanted to do. Not because he was having

32:58

success, because I didn't even think I wanted,

33:00

I didn't want that in my life. Like

33:02

that wasn't something I was looking for. You

33:05

know, I never looked on TV or people

33:07

who were in the public eye and thought,

33:09

I want to do that. That was never

33:11

something I wanted. But it's more the alignment

33:13

with his passion and purpose. It was that.

33:16

And so I kept mixing up because I

33:18

then saw I became friends with these yoga

33:20

teachers and I was like... I wanted, they

33:22

look so happy being yoga teachers, maybe I

33:25

should be a yoga teacher. So I do

33:27

my yoga teacher training and as much as

33:29

I learned from it, what I realized was.

33:31

I kept seeing people feeling joy in what

33:34

they did because that's what they had a

33:36

deep-witted connection to it. I didn't want to

33:38

do what they were doing. I wanted the

33:40

feeling. The feeling. The joy. Exactly, the joy.

33:42

And so, the joy. And so, the joy.

33:45

And so, the joy. Exactly, the joy. And

33:47

so, I had to start noticing, I had

33:49

to start noticing, I had to start figuring

33:51

out myself. And I think I disconnected, not

33:54

only from my voice, but from my body

33:56

and what it needed, whether it needed, whether

33:58

it was... image of how I thought I

34:00

should look and what that means I should

34:02

be eating for it based on what someone

34:05

told me. And instead I had to start

34:07

loving my body by saying I'm listening to

34:09

you, I'm gonna listen to you and what

34:11

you're saying and I'm gonna make your whisper

34:14

the louder voice rather than everybody else around

34:16

me because it's like a it's like a

34:18

partner if I kept saying to you or

34:20

a friendship if I was like stop talking

34:23

I don't want to hear you stop talking

34:25

I don't want to hear you stop talking

34:27

I'm tired of hearing about you and what

34:29

you have to say that's basically what we

34:31

do to our body and our mind and

34:34

our self And so why would it keep

34:36

telling me? Why would it keep trying to

34:38

communicate with me and speaking to me unless

34:40

I sit down and I say I'm here

34:43

to listen and I want to understand you

34:45

and I want to learn about you and

34:47

I want to have a deeper connection with

34:49

you? And I think doing that, you know,

34:51

defining that and redefining that every single day

34:54

helped me create a better relationship with myself

34:56

to a point where now I feel like...

34:58

I see my body and myself as a

35:00

vessel of like service to other people. Therefore,

35:03

I have to look after myself because for

35:05

me to be able to do what I

35:07

want to do and if I want to

35:09

help other people and fully do it with

35:12

unlimited capacity, that means I have to pour

35:14

into myself unlimitedly also. And what does that

35:16

mean? It means like self care, you know,

35:18

self care tends selfish for a little bit.

35:20

I felt like it was all about me

35:23

and... I need time for me and everything

35:25

is about me and I need to set

35:27

boundaries for myself. But actually, if you turn

35:29

that around and say, by me doing this,

35:32

it actually allows me to be a better

35:34

partner, a better friend, a better human to

35:36

the world, then actually self-care turns into a

35:38

service to other people. And that's how I

35:40

see looking after my body. Why am I

35:43

working out in the morning? Yes, I want

35:45

to look a certain way and I want

35:47

to feel a certain way and I want

35:49

to feel a certain way, but I want

35:52

to feel a certain way. That achievement though

35:54

to your own, your body's sort of internal

35:56

navigating system is such an important thing and

35:58

there's so many things that you just touched

36:01

on there that I think are deeply relatable

36:03

to so many people. For one that, you

36:05

know, that cycle we can get in when

36:07

we're seeking the thing that brings us joy.

36:09

at the moment people will look online and

36:12

it's quite easy because everything's so visual and

36:14

we'll see representations of like oh that looks

36:16

good maybe I'll follow that or like I'm

36:18

gonna copy what that person's doing because like

36:21

you say we see them getting joy out

36:23

of it and we mistake it like well

36:25

if I just dressed the same way, you

36:27

know, do the same makeup, film the same

36:29

style. I'll be just as happy. Yeah. Just

36:32

as happy. And I feel like people are

36:34

doing that a lot at the moment and

36:36

then being like, this isn't it or they're

36:38

chasing success in a way that they see

36:41

because we have a very sort of one

36:43

idea of what success is, right? And I've

36:45

actually noticed with a lot of people that

36:47

I've interviewed recently who are kind of at

36:50

the top of their game and I'm and

36:52

I can just feel I'm like, but they're

36:54

actually struggling because to manage all of that

36:56

success and then also still be in tune

36:58

with your body's wisdom and when your body's

37:01

actually going, I don't want to do that

37:03

other interview or I don't want to go

37:05

on that tour or I don't want to

37:07

do that thing. And that sort of dichotomy

37:10

between making those decisions. So how have you,

37:12

how do you manage that as your career

37:14

grows and evolves? I would say I just

37:16

want to touch on what you were saying

37:18

about when we end up, when we end

37:21

up. I think we end up seeking pleasure

37:23

in, we misdirect where we want to get

37:25

pleasure from. I mean my pleasure is like

37:27

the deeper joy in our life because of

37:30

what we keep being sold and by sold

37:32

I mean what the world keeps telling us

37:34

we will find pleasure from. Because no one

37:36

wants to tell you that the things that

37:39

you can get pleasure from and joy from

37:41

are free. Because no one can make money

37:43

off it. And it's something that you can

37:45

do for yourself and it's something that you

37:47

have the ability to influence for yourself and

37:50

you don't have to go to a shop

37:52

or a person or a professional to do

37:54

it most of the time. And so I

37:56

think we are very misled, but also we

37:59

misdirect our... enjoyment to temporary things that satisfy

38:01

us in the moment, but don't give us

38:03

long-term, deep, meaningful joy. And I think I've

38:05

learned how to navigate this well. You know,

38:07

I on a regular basis, and Jay will

38:10

laugh if he hears this, but I'm, I,

38:12

every month I'm like, should I just shut

38:14

down my Instagram? Because sometimes I feel like

38:16

it's too much, and do I want to

38:19

be seen? And do I want to be

38:21

seen? And making that choice of being seen

38:23

is... You can't choose to be seen. And

38:25

I've said this so much because people ask

38:28

me about this a lot. Like, how do

38:30

you manage with this, this, and this when

38:32

people say this or do this? And I

38:34

said, if you choose to be seen, I

38:36

cannot decide how people see me. That's not

38:39

in my control. So I am choosing to

38:41

be seen every single day through what I

38:43

do. I cannot choose with what perspective someone

38:45

sees me. And once I started to understand

38:48

that, I realize everything is a choice. If

38:50

I don't want to be seen in this

38:52

way, I cannot be seen. I can shut

38:54

down my Instagram, I can shut down what

38:56

I'm doing. And by the way people will

38:59

forget about me in a week. Like let's

39:01

be honest, no. It's going to be something

39:03

that... But it's the desire to shut it

39:05

down because of you don't like the way

39:08

people speak to you on it, or what

39:10

is that? maybe it's a self-pressure but also

39:12

the pressure that you feel from it's that

39:14

feeling of what people perceive you as and

39:17

then the perfection that comes with it. And

39:19

then you feel like you're trying to keep

39:21

up with this thing that you're not even

39:23

enjoying. You're like, you're not trying to please.

39:25

Or that you're enjoying, but like that you

39:28

also want to be able to make mistakes

39:30

in. Yeah. And there's not much space for

39:32

that. Yeah, I feel like there is not

39:34

my space. The space has gotten smaller and

39:37

smaller. And so I think that scares me

39:39

a little bit, to be honest. But at

39:41

the same time, I love the ability to

39:43

have a community where you can also impact

39:45

them so beautifully. And so I love that.

39:48

And I... The double-edged sword. It is. And

39:50

I always think, I never see myself, and

39:52

I mean this deeply, I do not see

39:54

myself as an expert in anything, what I

39:57

do see myself as, which is what pushed

39:59

me to start... sharing online, which is what

40:01

pushed me to write a book, is a

40:03

bridge between the teachers that I've had and

40:06

what people are then capable of doing for

40:08

themselves. And so I have had so many

40:10

great teachers in my life, and I think

40:12

we all do, from whether they teachers that

40:14

taught us great things or teachers that taught

40:17

us lessons, whether it's your mom, your partner.

40:19

your people who educated you. I have had

40:21

so many great teachers in my life, and

40:23

I see myself as a grateful student, and

40:26

the way that I feel I can do

40:28

that is by sharing. And I think that's

40:30

what we all are doing in our life.

40:32

I'll share something with you that you might

40:35

love hearing, and then you'll pass it on

40:37

to your friend. It's not that it has

40:39

to be to a degree where you're sharing

40:41

it online to everybody. symbiotic relationship where we're

40:43

all just sharing and caring for each other.

40:46

And it's also it's... It's making what you

40:48

do an act of service. Exactly. I'm kind

40:50

of taking the ego out of it a

40:52

little bit. Exactly. Because I remember my teacher

40:55

had said this to me when I was

40:57

thinking about starting to share and I was

40:59

not sure whether I should. And he says

41:01

this one that which is knowledge is useless

41:03

unless it's shared. Because actually when you end

41:06

up building up knowledge. I'm not in the

41:08

creativity as well. Yes. For me, I often

41:10

I'll do creative things and then I won't

41:12

share things. just know that you're capable of

41:15

doing it. And that's what the book was

41:17

for me. I actually finished something. I find

41:19

it so hard to finish things. And I

41:21

actually completed something. So then when it went

41:24

out in the world, I was like, whether

41:26

it goes out or not, I completed this,

41:28

it's in my hand. And so. I think

41:30

that when you end up building up knowledge

41:32

inside of you and you end up building

41:35

up all these skills and you don't share

41:37

them with people you have this false identity

41:39

of it being you and that it's all

41:41

yours and I lent this and this is

41:44

my information and this is my skill and

41:46

you get ego around it and that's how

41:48

ego builds when you don't when you choose

41:50

to hold everything for yourself and you choose

41:52

not to share it with other people and

41:55

always believe that like the brain our body

41:57

we are a place for things to flow

41:59

through not to hold, like whether it's emotions,

42:01

whether it is anger, resentment, whether it's skills,

42:04

whether it's whatever we have. I always try

42:06

to envision my body as being something that

42:08

I allow things to flow through me not

42:10

sit in me because as soon as things

42:13

sit in you they become stagnant. Same with

42:15

food. You leave food in your stomach for

42:17

too long it starts to rot and it

42:19

creates gas and bloating. You leave thoughts in

42:21

your mind for too long and it creates

42:24

gas and bloating. You leave thoughts in your

42:26

mind for too long. Exactly. And it's got

42:28

a heaviness to it. It's the same with...

42:30

thoughts with food with anything. There's a heaviness

42:33

that comes with that if you leave it

42:35

in your body for longer than it needs

42:37

to be there. With the sort of sharing

42:39

on social media, because I often think that

42:41

on one hand there is so much incredible

42:44

wonderful knowledge out there and I think we're

42:46

all developing collectively in this beautiful way because

42:48

of it's all available on these platforms and

42:50

online, but then on the other hand I

42:53

think. There's also so much rubbish being circulated

42:55

that's incredibly problematic. What do you think about

42:57

that and that, because you know, you said

42:59

knowledge needs to be shared, but then sometimes

43:02

I think people are sharing stuff. I'm like,

43:04

I know, it's been unregulated, isn't it? Yeah.

43:06

I think so I've learned how to curate

43:08

and we can all do this you can

43:10

curate your feed to be what you want

43:13

it to be so okay tell me about

43:15

that so yeah I'm like being targeted all

43:17

over the place I know because sometimes you

43:19

say things a bit too loudly in your

43:22

phone here is it right um no what

43:24

I get in this one thinking at this

43:26

point I know I see something I'm like

43:28

I didn't even say that out loud I

43:30

just thought it thought it I'm not joking

43:33

I'm not joking really good as smart now

43:35

No, and obviously you'll get the random ad

43:37

here and there, but what I mean by

43:39

that is... I noticed myself when I was

43:42

constantly tuning in when my feed was filled

43:44

with gossip about other people, for example, or

43:46

things which just felt negative and hateful and

43:48

whatever it was when I was choosing to

43:51

look at that. That's what my mind was

43:53

filled with and that's what I was giving

43:55

out. And so what I realized is I

43:57

spent a lot of time on Instagram. I

43:59

do, it's part of my work, it's part

44:02

of me connecting with people. And so how

44:04

can I curate a for you page that

44:06

makes me happy when I'm scrolling? and the

44:08

algorithm does what you wanted to do. So

44:11

I will look at lots of videos of

44:13

animals smiling at the camera or like doing

44:15

really funny things or I will choose educational

44:17

things or food things. And so when you

44:19

look at the more you look at those

44:22

things, the less you get of the other

44:24

bits. And then your feet ends up being

44:26

curated in a way that when you go

44:28

on social media. And again, it's who you

44:31

follow. Like you have your for you page

44:33

and then you have the people you're following.

44:35

You can curate that too. I mute so

44:37

many people that I don't want to see

44:40

the stuff of because I'm allowing that into

44:42

my space. So we see our home as

44:44

a sacred space. Why do I not see

44:46

my mind and my body as a sacred

44:48

space too? And so that means curating what

44:51

I'm allowing around me into my mind, what

44:53

I'm viewing and what I'm viewing and watching,

44:55

because all of that makes such a difference.

44:57

And I made it says that. a key

45:00

cause of disease are emotions trapped and negative

45:02

energy trapped in the body. That's where disease

45:04

starts in the body. And so imagine you're

45:06

absorbing all of that and then it sits

45:08

in your body and that's where so much

45:11

pain and discomfort and tension comes in the

45:13

body because of what we're actually consuming through

45:15

our eyes. Back to the book because I

45:17

feel like it's very much... You seem like

45:20

an incredibly joyful person and you do emulate

45:22

that online. Are you a very emotional person

45:24

just kind of? Oh my gosh, so am

45:26

I sure. I cried all that. the time.

45:29

Yeah, me too. I always feel like every

45:31

weekend is like a really good stuff. Yes,

45:33

me too. I am like that. I really

45:35

do. I, a lot of my emotion is

45:37

released through crying, whether I'm angry, sad, happy.

45:40

I cry a lot and I feel like

45:42

it helps me to get over things faster.

45:44

It helps me to just release all the

45:46

crap out of my body that I don't

45:49

need. But... I also am all over the

45:51

place sometimes and so I think you know

45:53

you always get the best of people online

45:55

and I definitely and I don't think that's

45:57

a bad thing you know when people are

46:00

like you only see the glamour online and

46:02

I think Will you see one aspect of

46:04

someone? Yeah, but I also, every time I

46:06

hear that, when people are like, you seem

46:09

too happy all the time, and I'm like,

46:11

no, I talk about being sad all the

46:13

time, but at the same time, what I

46:15

do think is it's my responsibility when I

46:18

have however many people that are watching what

46:20

I do, I want to share positivity to

46:22

them. I don't want them to feel my

46:24

pain and my sadness, and my sadness, and

46:26

so I may be sad two minutes before

46:29

I come online, two minutes before I come

46:31

online, I have a responsibility as someone who

46:33

has chosen to build a community to not

46:35

download my pain and my heartache onto somebody

46:38

else. So if I'm sad that someone in

46:40

my family is unwell or if I'm sad

46:42

that I've just had an argument with someone,

46:44

do I need to share that with two

46:46

million people? Do I need them to feel

46:49

my pain with me when they've got enough

46:51

pain happening in their own lives? And so

46:53

I'm grateful that I have it. I mean,

46:55

like, if I get upset, I'll call my

46:58

mom, I'll talk it through with him. I've

47:00

learned how to manage how I'm feeling through

47:02

myself and my close-knit family. To then extend

47:04

it out to people who did not come

47:07

online to ask to receive my pain. I

47:09

see that as being unfair to them. And

47:11

so yes, you see me being happy because

47:13

I'm being mindful about what I'm sharing with

47:15

you online. And so whether that's perceived as,

47:18

oh, you're only showing us the best parts

47:20

of your life, I'm like, you can take

47:22

it as that. But that's honestly not what

47:24

it is. So great, do people say that?

47:27

Oh yeah, they're like, you're so, why, you

47:29

must get upset. Are you not, you're not

47:31

sad all the time? Well, you're not unhappy.

47:33

Why do you always seem so happy? People

47:35

are so weird. I had someone actually come

47:38

out to be the other day, just like

47:40

I really like, your content always like feels

47:42

very joyful and like, and I was like,

47:44

oh. That's good. There are so many. Totally.

47:47

It's always, but you know what's that, it's

47:49

always a few, few that you read that

47:51

are, that are not great, that you end

47:53

up kind of holding on to. Of course.

47:56

But no, that's human nature. Yeah, exactly. But

47:58

no, I really appreciate being able to. Yeah,

48:00

spread joy in some way, making people happy

48:02

in some way. Like what a beautiful thing

48:04

to be able to do. And in terms

48:07

of your relationship with kind of, you know,

48:09

you spoke a bit ago about becoming more

48:11

confident in yourself. How has that relationship impacted

48:13

your sort of sense of self and confidence?

48:16

And then also, I'm curious from a more

48:18

personal perspective, like being with someone... and allowing

48:20

the sort of plethora of your emotions to

48:22

kind of be on the show and someone

48:24

holds space for that. How is like that

48:27

dynamic one? I'm learning how to actually share

48:29

my emotions with other people. Yeah. I'm someone

48:31

who tries to process a lot of it

48:33

myself and I'm learning how to because I

48:36

would always think if I share it with

48:38

my mom she's going to be upset and

48:40

if I share it with this person I

48:42

think I'm always grown up trying to be

48:45

the person that doesn't that... is bringing happiness

48:47

versus them, I always used to have this

48:49

thing of if I tell someone I'm sad

48:51

that's gonna make them sad and I don't

48:53

want to tell them. And it's something I'm

48:56

growing out of now because I realize that

48:58

it's, you know, sadness is just the same

49:00

as happiness, like sharing that with friends and

49:02

family is part of your exchange of a

49:05

relationship with someone. And so I have had

49:07

to. I think it's also about educating your

49:09

partner and your family or whoever you're close

49:11

to about what you're like and what you

49:13

need in your life when you're in those

49:16

moments because for me I need a lot

49:18

of me time when I'm feeling a bit

49:20

down and then maybe two days later I'll

49:22

need a big hug and I'll have to

49:25

have time to process it but I'm quiet

49:27

when I'm going through something versus very loud.

49:29

Do you need to be alone to kind

49:31

of process your emotions? I do. I definitely

49:34

go. a bit more quiet and inward and

49:36

try to process things myself before I then

49:38

blurt them out to other people. How do

49:40

you manage that living with someone else? Living

49:42

with someone who also is so great at

49:45

fixing things and trying to help. He doesn't

49:47

really bring that, he brings that home with

49:49

him in a way where he's there and

49:51

supportive, be like, I'm here if you need

49:54

me. but he's not like, let me fix

49:56

this and I'm gonna make this better. He's

49:58

done, tried to do that in the past

50:00

and he's learned that doesn't help. And so

50:02

all I've said to him is if I

50:05

say something, I don't want you to, I'll

50:07

tell you when I want you to give

50:09

me a solution, but sometimes I just want

50:11

to tell you and and blurt it out.

50:14

And he's. I think it's been a learning

50:16

curve, I think it always is. You can't

50:18

just read someone's mind and know how they

50:20

deal with things, you have to educate people

50:23

around you. And I think that's a mistake

50:25

we make sometimes. My best friend didn't even

50:27

understand that I was upset, but I feel

50:29

like she should have, or my partner didn't

50:31

even understand that this is how I like

50:34

doing things, or this is how I like

50:36

my birthday being celebrated, whatever I had this

50:38

conversation. to be able to say like this

50:40

is to even know that's what you need.

50:43

I know I think that's part of it

50:45

right it's it's how do I learn myself

50:47

so I can help other people learn me.

50:49

And that's the point it's like if I

50:51

and that's where I struggled in the past

50:54

yeah. Jay would be like what do you

50:56

need from me and I'm like I don't

50:58

know what I need from myself I don't

51:00

know why I don't know what I don't

51:03

know what I need so how I don't

51:05

know what I need so how I need

51:07

so how I need so how I need

51:09

so how I need so how I need

51:12

so how I need so how can I

51:14

need so how I need so how can

51:16

I need so how I need so how

51:18

can I need so how I need so

51:20

how can I need so how can I

51:23

need so how can I need so how

51:25

can I need so how I need so

51:27

how can I need so how I need

51:29

so how can I need so how I

51:32

need so how can I need so how

51:34

can I need so how I need so

51:36

how I kept thinking it was them and

51:38

I realized it's me it's all me yeah

51:40

it's me am I the problem it was

51:43

me and it was me not knowing so

51:45

how can I ask for help when I

51:47

don't know what help I need and is

51:49

what is the problem just for that. Okay

51:52

I'll tell you things that helped me for

51:54

that. One thing was journaling and I don't

51:56

mean dear diary style I mean at the

51:58

end of the day writing down number one

52:01

all the things that you sorry to see

52:03

where the disconnect was so all the conversations

52:05

I had where I felt I wasn't saying

52:07

the things that I was actually feeling and

52:09

why I did that. So it says you're

52:12

going through your day and saying These are

52:14

the things that I did. These are the

52:16

things that I enjoyed, didn't enjoy. These are

52:18

the conversations and the people in my life

52:21

that I felt energized me, depleted me. These

52:23

are the foods that I feel like I

52:25

was eating that went well for my body,

52:27

but foods that didn't. And essentially, it's the

52:29

inventory thing. You start taking note of what

52:32

are the things that bring me joy. And

52:34

we can simplify. didn't actually support the lifestyle

52:36

I wanted to live. And then you start

52:38

to see the pattern. And then you start

52:41

to see the pattern. And then you start,

52:43

it's learning, just, so think about it as

52:45

learning about your partner, do that with yourself.

52:47

So what do I enjoy doing? So when

52:50

someone asks you, what do you enjoy doing

52:52

in your spare time? And if you don't

52:54

know, start trying things out. and learn what

52:56

you enjoy doing in your spare time. Go

52:58

out and read at a coffee shop. If

53:01

you don't like being alone, notice, I actually

53:03

don't enjoy this feeling of being alone. Go

53:05

out and do sports with friends. If you

53:07

don't like being seen in public wearing workout

53:10

clothes or sweating, maybe that's not what you

53:12

want to be doing. But then maybe you'll

53:14

go to the, you know, you'll go to

53:16

the cinema and notice you like going out

53:18

with your friends to watch something. What I

53:21

mean is, experiment. and he did the most.

53:23

Oh my gosh, he was suited and booted.

53:25

He took me out to like the theater,

53:27

this fancy restaurant. It was so not me.

53:30

Like beyond on me. I was like, you

53:32

could have just taken me, this sounds really

53:34

late, but to a Tesco and we would

53:36

have walked around the aisles and I would

53:39

have been really happy with that because I

53:41

just love going around and looking at different

53:43

foods and but we had to go through

53:45

that for him to realize that how he

53:47

had perceived me being like. a well-rounded, very

53:50

dainty lady is not what I'm like at

53:52

all. I do not need to be wind

53:54

and dined. But did you know that? I

53:56

didn't know that. In my mind, of course,

53:59

this is like the ideal romantic date. And

54:01

I realize, no, I love doing activities. So

54:03

now we just do activities together. I love

54:05

going out for walks. I love going to

54:08

do things where we can. do something together

54:10

versus sitting and eating or sitting and watching

54:12

a movie I prefer being active. So I've

54:14

had to learn that about myself and he's

54:16

had to learn that about me and now

54:19

we can actually do that but Yeah, it's

54:21

hard. It's hard for anyone to know what

54:23

you want if you don't know it for

54:25

yourself. And it's a constant learning process. Yeah,

54:28

I actually, because I've just, I told you

54:30

at the beginning, I just moved in with

54:32

my boyfriend and I'm managing like what's happening

54:34

in myself of kind of someone that really

54:36

needs a lot of alone time and trying

54:39

to like negotiate it with myself. But I

54:41

remember just as I was like, you know,

54:43

figuring out when I was going to move

54:45

in and say, hi, I called him like

54:48

crying. I was like, I feel like I'm

54:50

suffocating. He was like, but why? I was

54:52

like, I don't know. But it was just

54:54

something that I was kind of putting on

54:57

myself as this pressure to, I guess not

54:59

being really honest with knowing would I. Neat?

55:01

Yeah, it's also knowing where things root from,

55:03

right? Like I remember I was triggered in

55:05

a lot of things that Jay would ask

55:08

from, ask like of me. So for example,

55:10

he'd be like, give me your passport, I'll

55:12

look after it. Or whenever we're traveling, he'd

55:14

try and take my things. I was like,

55:17

I don't need looking after, I can look

55:19

after myself, I've got my passport, I'm not

55:21

gonna, and I realize, I was taking out

55:23

on him something that I felt from a

55:25

young age or people, or people, or people,

55:28

I could, I could have, I could have,

55:30

I could have, I could have, I could

55:32

have, I could have, I could have, I

55:34

could have, I could have, I could have,

55:37

I could have, I could have, I could

55:39

have, I could have, I could have, I

55:41

could, I could, I could, I could, I

55:43

could, I could, I could, I could, I

55:46

could, I could, I could, I be a

55:48

nice person. And just look after me. Yes,

55:50

I do. Then I'm like, do I have

55:52

my father? Yeah, exactly. But the trigger for

55:54

me wasn't him. It was everything else that

55:57

I'd been through. So a lot of the

55:59

time you end up taking out things that

56:01

trigger you on someone who doesn't deserve that.

56:03

Yeah. But I had to learn that about

56:06

myself. Where is it rooting from? Why am

56:08

I reacting in such an absurd way to

56:10

someone wanting to look after me? Where does

56:12

it impact me? Like how do I translate

56:14

it in my mind? Because everything comes through

56:17

different filters based on what we've been through

56:19

in our life. 100%. And what are the

56:21

practices like at home in LA when you've

56:23

been traveling a lot or doing a lot

56:26

of work, promotion, or whatever it might be

56:28

for you to just come back? to yourself,

56:30

outside of your partnership, outside of who you

56:32

are in work, outside of social media, hermit.

56:35

I have to become a herm, I have

56:37

to, I go back, whenever I go back

56:39

to LA or whenever I've been in situations

56:41

where I've had lots of people around me,

56:43

I need to sit for a full day,

56:46

I will read, I find one of the

56:48

best ways to nourish myself is through learning

56:50

and whether it's learning, you know, whether it's

56:52

reading a book about, you know, a book

56:55

called The Courage to be Disliked right now,

56:57

Great Burke. Oh, I need that in my

56:59

life. It's a good book. And so just

57:01

reading. sitting in one space and just reading

57:03

and also not allowing time to be a

57:06

thing because I think we all live on

57:08

such a schedule. What helps me is having

57:10

one day where I don't even have to

57:12

look at the clock. I'm going to listen

57:15

to when my body gets hungry I'll eat

57:17

not based on 12 o'clock it's 6 o'clock

57:19

when I feel like reading I'll read when

57:21

I feel like napping on that like having

57:24

a full 24 hours and I know those

57:26

people say I've got kids I've got kids

57:28

I can't do that I can't do that

57:30

I can't do that. But having a full

57:32

day where time is not an important, you

57:35

realize how amazing that feels and how restful

57:37

it feels to your body. Oh, I love

57:39

that. Yeah, how often do you do that?

57:41

Usually whenever I travel back into LA. So

57:44

I've had a big spot where I've been

57:46

away, I've been away for almost a month

57:48

or more, and I'll go back and I'll

57:50

just try and land on like a weekend,

57:52

so I'll get a full Sunday to just.

57:55

And do you say to people around you,

57:57

this is what I'll get a full Sunday

57:59

to just. And do you say to people

58:01

around you, this is what I'm doing. My

58:04

phone had died in the. last thing I

58:06

said was I'm just jumping in a cab

58:08

and my phone died. Next thing I know

58:10

the security man in my building is knocking

58:13

on my door in the morning saying your

58:15

mom has been calling. She's worried about you.

58:17

Where have you been? So I was like,

58:19

she said those parts. I was like mom

58:21

I was sleeping. So anyway, except for my

58:24

mom I will just kind of cut everybody

58:26

off and just have a little bit of

58:28

quiet. I think that's what we need. Just

58:30

quiet and simplicity. Yeah. I think that's a

58:33

great note to end on. Roddy, thank you

58:35

so much for joining me. I absolutely love

58:37

this. Me too. I look forward to spending

58:39

more time together. Yeah, me too. So thank

58:41

you. Thank you. Thank you so much for

58:44

listening to this episode of Saturn Returns. If

58:46

you want to get Radi's book, you can

58:48

find it wherever you get your books on

58:50

Amazon is usually the best place and it

58:53

is called Joyful. And thank you so much

58:55

for listening to this conversation. I hope you

58:57

found it useful. And as always remember, you

58:59

are not alone. Goodbye.