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details. Empty

1:05

Set Entertainment presents

1:07

Slay, created by

1:09

Scott Sigler. This

1:12

story is intended for mature

1:14

audiences only. Listener

1:16

discretion is advised. Bonjour,

1:21

no junkies. I have started working

1:23

out again. It has been a while since

1:25

I've done that. And man, am

1:27

I sore. A real

1:29

girl herself and I are going to the

1:31

gym together. three times a week in the

1:33

AM. Now that cuts into my writing day

1:35

a little bit, but I ain't getting any younger

1:37

kids. Got to get back to taking

1:39

care of myself so that hopefully I have

1:42

several decades left of creating stuff

1:44

for your eyes and your

1:46

ears. Changing what I eat, getting

1:48

back to working out. It is a

1:50

process. It always is. But the journey

1:52

of a thousand miles begins with a

1:54

single step or a set

1:56

of 10 lat bull downs. Oh my

1:58

God, my lads are killing me. Go

2:00

to get you, bro. Speaking of

2:02

getting yoked. No, sorry, there's no good

2:04

segue here. Let's just get at

2:06

slay episode 92. I will get you

2:08

caught up on the story so

2:11

far, then we're all going to go

2:13

shop for guillotines. Because chopping heads

2:15

off the aristocracy somehow seems poignant at

2:17

this time. I wonder

2:19

why. Previously

2:25

on slay, Lincoln and

2:27

Billy are in court. Link

2:30

has been summoned to speak with

2:32

Juanita Socorro, the leader of the Bastion.

2:35

He doesn't know what she wants to discuss, but

2:37

he suspects it is not good. Billy,

2:39

meanwhile, snuck in another round

2:41

of training with Morgan Stone, former

2:44

assistant to Kellyus Drummond, father

2:46

of Delilah Drummond. Kellyus

2:48

was part of the team that rescued

2:50

her from Teddy Two -Fingers. Kellyus

2:52

died in the process, killed

2:54

by the bug mage, Hymana, who

2:56

was in turn burned alive when Billy

2:58

lost control of his power. Lincoln

3:01

is about to meet with Juanita.

3:03

After that discussion, he intends to take

3:06

Billy shopping at the clearinghouse to

3:08

see if they can find Billy a

3:10

signature weapon, something Billy can

3:12

train with and master. Lincoln

3:14

sent a message to Peanut,

3:16

manager of the clearinghouse, asking to

3:18

set aside ideal weapons for

3:20

the purpose. Did Peanut

3:22

find something ideally suited to Billy's

3:24

skills? Find out

3:26

next on Slay Episode. 92.

3:40

Lincoln had thought of wearing civvies, but

3:42

fuck that. He wasn't a

3:44

rixitor anymore, but he had earned his

3:46

armor and cloak. Paid

3:48

for it with blood, sacrifice,

3:50

and pain. Besides,

3:53

if Basil Beverly was part of this, Lincoln

3:56

wanted to remind the man who he

3:58

was dealing with. The

4:00

bell -like tones of practice blades

4:02

clashing faded as Lincoln walked with

4:04

Shaheem Khalil, who had met

4:06

Lincoln at the Bastion's main gate. Some

4:09

of the trainees in the courtyard had

4:11

stopped to stare at the legendary man in

4:14

gray. Those who did

4:16

got a sharp smack in the

4:18

head or a sword hilt in the

4:20

diaphragm from Fouk Gyap, the close combat

4:22

trainer who had been a weathered piece

4:24

of old gristle even when Lincoln, Shaheem,

4:26

and Magda had been under his tutelage.

4:29

Shaheem's greeting, usually warm and

4:31

genuine, had been perfunctory this

4:34

time, followed by a simple, the

4:36

closet to our waits, come with me.

4:39

Lincoln walked side by side with him,

4:41

waiting for the man to say something. Their

4:44

footsteps sounded off the stone floors

4:47

of the fortress corridors, slapped off

4:49

the stone walls. A

4:51

walk in silence, not

4:53

normal. for Shaheem. Clerks,

4:56

questers, a vilacus or two,

4:58

walked past going the other

5:00

direction, along with a couple

5:02

of rixitours and adjuratours. Most

5:05

gave Lincoln a polite nod. Some

5:09

stared blankly, others

5:11

glared. Maybe they

5:13

knew what this meeting was about. Maybe

5:15

Shaheem did, too. You're

5:18

all for quiet, old pal, Lincoln

5:20

said. Someone drop a deuce in

5:22

your Cheerios this morning? Shaheem,

5:25

Dave Lincoln, a side -long

5:27

glance. There is a

5:29

rumor going on about you, he said. A

5:32

rumor? I must confess,

5:34

Shaheem, it's true. I do have

5:36

a 12 -inch cock. A

5:39

line like that always drew a laugh

5:41

from the man, but not today.

5:44

Word is, you're involved with a new

5:46

criminal turf war up on the

5:48

surface, Shaheem said. Is

5:50

this true? The

5:53

words stirred a chill in Lincoln's

5:55

chest. The story was

5:57

out, was it? How much

5:59

of it? And from whom? They

6:02

turned a corner, up

6:04

ahead, the door to the closetor's

6:06

office. You

6:09

know Kalista has my son, Lincoln

6:11

said. I guess I'm never far

6:13

from any turf war she's got going on. That

6:16

side long glance again. They

6:19

stopped in front of the door. Things

6:22

will change soon, Shaheem

6:25

said. You have friends here

6:27

who protect you, who look out for you,

6:29

who give you safe harbor. But

6:31

a safe harbor that protects against tides

6:33

fails in the face of a

6:35

tidal wave. You would

6:37

do best to listen closely to

6:39

the Clostator. Shaheem

6:42

knocked sharply in the door, then opened

6:44

it without waiting for an answer. He

6:47

gestured for Lincoln to enter. Thanks

6:49

for the pep talk, Lincoln said.

6:51

Oh, hey, whatever Chinese restaurant you're getting

6:53

your moogoo guy pan from, tell

6:55

them to get some new fortune cookies.

6:58

The ones you're saving to share with

7:00

me are corny as fuck." Lincoln

7:02

walked into the office. Juanita

7:05

Sacoro, claustrator of the

7:07

Bastion, sat behind her ancient

7:09

desk. The sight

7:11

of her made Lincoln stop short. This

7:15

woman had been a fixture of

7:17

his childhood. His father's

7:19

socious, or partner, She'd protected

7:21

Jacobi and his family from

7:23

any threat, any insult. Even

7:26

the most casual slight

7:28

toward the Frank's family brought

7:30

her smoldering anger, and

7:33

with it, promises of retribution.

7:36

Auntie Juanita. As

7:38

immortal to the children she adored

7:40

as the stars themselves. Lincoln

7:43

knew she was sick. He

7:46

knew the cancer eating at her was taking its

7:48

toll, squeezing the life from her.

7:51

He'd seen her, what, six months

7:53

ago? She'd gotten

7:55

worse. Auntie

7:57

Juanita looked more shriveled than

7:59

before. She looked...

8:01

less. Her

8:03

ochre -colored cask barely hid

8:05

the flesh -covered bones beneath. Her

8:08

pauldrons now seemed far too big.

8:11

They looked comical on her. She'd

8:14

lost some of her wispy gray hair. It

8:17

looked thinner than ever. more

8:19

like a minimalist artist's brushstroke representation

8:21

of the dense brunette mop

8:23

it had once been. Sit

8:25

down, Lincoln. Stunned

8:28

in a silence, he glanced

8:30

to his left, to the alcove with

8:33

two comfortable chairs, the

8:35

hanging, ancient Hungarian shield

8:37

painted with the ain't

8:39

pointed avarotata, the bastion's

8:41

symbol. Over the

8:43

years, he and Auntie Juanita

8:45

had shared many conversations in that

8:47

cozy spot. Especially

8:49

after Jacoby's senility started to

8:51

manifest when Juanita became

8:54

the only parental presence Lincoln

8:56

had left. She'd

8:58

always protected the Frank's family, but

9:01

not today. Today,

9:03

she'd put him in the stiffed back

9:06

slab of worn down lumber sitting in

9:08

front of her desk. He

9:10

flipped his cloak up behind the

9:12

uncomfortable chair as he sat. Hey,

9:15

Auntie. How you feeling? You

9:19

didn't want to ask that question, it just

9:21

came out. The same question that

9:23

managed to claw its way forth whenever

9:25

anyone talked to someone they knew damn

9:27

well was feeling like ass. Lincoln,

9:31

your freelance activity has increased

9:33

significantly over the past few

9:35

months, Juanita said. You

9:37

need to scale back your efforts

9:39

in that area. I wanted

9:41

you to hear it from me. Her

9:45

words were hers, but a little

9:47

bit slower, a little less

9:49

crisp. Her eyes were

9:51

hers, but a little less focused, a

9:54

little less intense. At

9:56

least she'd gotten right down to business. Small

9:59

talk was for the birds. Scale

10:02

back, Lincoln said. Scale

10:05

back how much? Juanita

10:08

drew in a slow, thoughtful

10:10

breath. You

10:12

should consider finding another line

10:14

of work. And

10:17

soon. He

10:19

stared, gumfounded. Wait,

10:23

are you telling me you don't want me to hunt

10:25

bounties anymore? A

10:27

single nod was her only answer.

10:30

Well, fuck that, Lincoln said. Why?

10:34

I've done good work out there. With

10:37

a trembling hand, Juanita brushed away a

10:39

bit of dirt from her desktop. And

10:42

you were paid well for that work,

10:44

she said. All things come

10:46

to an end, Lincoln. Get

10:48

out to the game while you still have your

10:50

health. Do you want to wind

10:52

up like your father? If

10:55

that was truly a concern of hers,

10:57

she would have mentioned it long ago. Where

11:00

is this coming from, Auntie? Why

11:02

this sudden? His

11:05

words trailed off. I

11:07

wanted you to hear it from

11:09

me. someone else's

11:11

idea, someone else's drive.

11:13

But Winita, being who she

11:15

was, own responsibility for it.

11:18

She wasn't the kind of warrior who

11:20

let others fight for her. That

11:23

pap smear basal, Lincoln

11:25

said. This is his idea, right?

11:28

He's always hated me. You can't let him do

11:30

this, Auntie. Her

11:32

eyes narrowed. You

11:34

will address me

11:36

as claustitor, Lincoln. This

11:40

was eight truckloads of elephant

11:42

shit Yeah, and you will

11:44

address me as his grand

11:46

highness Adolphus backbaking the fourth

11:48

Lincoln said that's my preferred

11:51

pronoun I'm not a rixator

11:53

anymore. You don't have authority

11:55

over me and neither does

11:57

that deep fried fucknugget class

11:59

the secundo of yours The

12:01

sharpness return to her eyes

12:03

crispness to her voice first

12:06

of all His grand highness

12:08

is a title, not a

12:10

pronoun," she said. Second,

12:12

I'm aware you are not a rixator.

12:15

I tried to correct that situation for

12:17

years, but you are too stubborn

12:19

to listen. You always have

12:21

been. The authority I

12:23

have over you is the

12:25

might of the bastion which can

12:27

be brought against you anytime

12:29

the claustator sees fit. Just

12:32

because one claustator chooses

12:34

not to exercise that authority,

12:36

does not mean the next

12:38

one will do the same."

12:40

She paused, cleared her

12:42

throat. It sounded like she

12:44

was fighting back a cough. I

12:47

can't stop hunting, Lincoln said.

12:49

Who do you think is paying for my father's care? Not

12:52

the goddamn Bastion, that's for sure.

12:54

Or Magda's care. You think that's free?

12:57

He leaned forward, put his hands on

13:00

the desk. And don't

13:02

forget my son, Clostator. I

13:04

have to honor the contract with

13:06

Kalista to a deal you made." He

13:08

slapped the desk. You're goddamn right

13:11

I made that deal. What

13:13

was I supposed to do? He is a

13:15

child. The entire might of the

13:17

Bastion can't do shit for him, can it?

13:19

If I don't pay her. He

13:22

trailed off for the second time. His

13:25

deal with Dante. If

13:27

Lincoln pulled it off, could he

13:29

get Sam off the shelf? Get

13:32

him home before whatever this bullshit

13:34

was settled in for real. You

13:36

are a former rixitor,

13:38

Juanita said, her

13:41

voice low, slightly more hoarse than

13:43

before. It reflects poorly

13:45

on the passion to have you

13:47

out there killing for money. You

13:50

have one month

13:52

to cease and desist.

13:56

Stop hunting. Ariela

13:58

had been right. She

14:00

usually was. Lincoln

14:02

found himself wishing Juanita was healthy and

14:04

robust enough to take a punch

14:06

in the mouth without breaking into a

14:08

hundred little pieces. Former

14:11

rixitor, huh? You

14:13

know, I'm not the only one. You're

14:15

going to stop all ex -bassionates from chasing

14:17

bounties? Juanita

14:19

nodded. They

14:21

have all been informed, she said. All

14:24

but Tamarius Johnson. We

14:26

have been unable to reach him. You.

14:29

will reach out to

14:31

him as a personal favor

14:33

to me and let

14:35

him know he too must

14:37

cease and desist." Tamarius

14:39

finished the job Johnson. Fuck

14:42

that, Lincoln said. He

14:44

ain't my business. My business

14:46

is busting heads and cashing checks,

14:49

Auntie. She

14:52

stood slowly, the

14:54

simple effort requiring concentration. Lincoln

14:57

almost got up to help her,

14:59

but stopped himself. Find

15:02

Tamarius and inform him, she

15:04

said. If you do not, the

15:07

next claustrator might have less patience

15:09

than I. Things

15:11

change, Lincoln. You

15:13

are old enough to understand that, perhaps

15:15

better than anyone. You

15:18

are dismissed. She

15:21

turned and shoveled to the door

15:23

behind her desk, which led to her

15:25

quarters. She shut it,

15:27

leaving Lincoln alone in the

15:29

centuries old office. Blazing

15:32

hells, what the

15:34

fuck are we gonna do now? The

15:37

silent room gave no

15:39

answer. This

15:47

is Scott zikareta of this story

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You Should Know, wherever you listen. Billy

18:52

Middleton hurried down Cortis'

18:54

narrow winding streets. He

18:57

was late. He tried to

18:59

keep his head low and not bump into anyone. He

19:01

didn't want to draw attention. In

19:04

his excitement to find his signature weapon,

19:06

he'd forgotten the robe he usually wore

19:08

to cover his armor and weapons. Stupid.

19:12

He needed to be careful about simple mistakes

19:14

like that. While

19:16

he wanted to be as badass as

19:18

the man in gray, Billy did

19:20

not want to think like him. did

19:22

not want to plan like him

19:24

because Link didn't plan for shit. In

19:27

that regard, Billy wanted

19:29

to be more like Ariela. He

19:32

passed by the endlessly bizarre beings

19:34

that filled the city streets. Cortis

19:37

was like the greatest cosplay

19:39

event ever, except people weren't

19:42

wearing costumes. Some

19:44

rode in crude horse -drawn

19:46

carts or fancy carriages. Some

19:49

rode on horseback. Most

19:51

walked, almost all

19:53

showing a weapon of some kind. He

19:56

looked as much as he could, amazed

19:58

at the colors and shapes of those

20:00

around him, but he avoided making eye

20:02

contact as much as possible. Who

20:05

knew if Estinian had spies

20:07

here? Billy

20:09

felt the unmistakable, bold -bodied tingle

20:12

of the Bastion's meshbuzz that always

20:14

on spell that dampened any

20:16

meshwork in its radius. He

20:19

hadn't noticed that the last time he'd come here. It

20:22

worked hard to increase his power, though.

20:24

Those efforts, apparently, increased

20:27

his sensitivity to anything that

20:29

might diminish it. He

20:32

turned a corner and saw

20:34

the thick, 80 -foot -tall lead

20:36

-gray walls of the Bastion

20:38

Fortress. The four corners

20:40

anchored by 100 -foot -tall

20:42

octagonal towers, each a fortress

20:44

under itself. Twitching

20:47

flames and braziers made

20:49

the imposing crenellations glimmer. Behind

20:52

the walls, the keep

20:54

rose high, the tallest building in the

20:56

area, as if the fortress itself

20:58

was always looking down on the city,

21:01

always watching. Someday,

21:03

he'd see the inside of that

21:05

place. They heard

21:07

the ringing of metal echoing out from the open

21:09

front gate. Almost

21:12

directly across the street from that

21:14

gate was the big nasties

21:16

where Billy, Link, Sophia, Lucas, Morgan,

21:18

and Kelly is drumming. began

21:20

their plunge into Teddy Twofinger's lair.

21:24

Billy kept on. He

21:26

didn't want to think about that, about what

21:28

had happened to Kellyus. And

21:30

Billy didn't want to think

21:32

about his own actions in those

21:34

catacombs, how he had lost

21:36

control and cooked Haimana alive, how

21:39

he had killed her. Billy

21:43

saw the Clearinghouse as flashy

21:45

and delicate as the Bastion Fortress

21:47

was dull and unbreakable. The

21:50

clearinghouse reminded him of a Greek

21:52

temple, but with walls of rose

21:54

-colored crystal and amber pillars supporting

21:56

a peaked roof gleaming with flowers

21:58

made from polished silver. Link

22:01

was waiting on the landing atop the

22:03

steps, leaning against one of the amber pillars.

22:06

In the evening light, Link's

22:08

cloak made him look like a shadow, a

22:10

mere suggestion of a person. Billy

22:13

wanted one of those cloaks. Wearing

22:16

magdas had been awesome. A

22:19

lion man, low in mench,

22:21

they were called, stood on either side

22:23

of the door into the clearinghouse. Seven

22:25

feet tall, each armed with a

22:27

golden kite shield and a spear longer

22:29

than they were tall. Some

22:32

serious Egyptian vibes coming

22:34

off those motionless, Fabio -manned

22:36

dudes. Billy

22:39

ran up the steps, rose -colored

22:41

quartz maybe, to match the walls.

22:45

Hey, Link, how'd the meeting go? Link

22:48

looked at Billy, scowled

22:50

blankly. The

22:52

fuck happened to your face? You getting a

22:54

fight? I told you not to get into trouble. Face?

22:59

Billy kept his hand low out

23:01

of sight, and the drying blood

23:04

on his fireproof black jeans didn't

23:06

seem that noticeable. He

23:08

hadn't thought to find a mirror, though. Morgan's

23:10

iron -strong grip on his face must

23:12

have left marks. And

23:14

then... were the strange bugs

23:17

crawling around inside him. Hopefully

23:19

those wouldn't show themselves. Did

23:22

Link know where he had been? Did

23:25

he know Billy was training with Morgan

23:27

Stone? No fight,

23:29

just a misunderstanding. Billy

23:31

forced an embarrassed laugh. I

23:34

was gawking all the sides and I wasn't

23:36

paying attention. Almost got run over by a horse.

23:38

I had to jump out of the way,

23:40

accidentally threw myself into this big guy. Minotaur, absolutely

23:42

ripped. Must be at the gym like six

23:44

times a week, you know. Well, he thought I

23:46

was starting something. Grab my face was going

23:48

to pop me one, but I told him what

23:50

happened and he was like, OK, tiny human

23:52

person, that's fine. Link

23:55

Glaward. Billy

23:57

realized he hadn't mentioned his wounded hand

23:59

or his thigh in this made up story.

24:03

Too late now, maybe Link

24:05

wouldn't notice. Lucky,

24:07

you didn't wind up in a brawl, Link said. Shit

24:10

like that can go bad in court. Real

24:12

bad. Let's go. He

24:16

walked through the Clearinghouse's tall ornate

24:18

doors. Billy stood there

24:20

like a dumbass for a second. Amazed,

24:22

Link hadn't seen through the paper thin

24:24

story, then caught up to him. What

24:27

an amazing place. Shelves

24:31

and racks and cases full

24:33

of awesome stuff. Wands,

24:35

weapons, jewelry,

24:37

scrolls, clothing, some

24:40

genie lamps look like in a

24:42

display on the far wall. A stuffed

24:44

boar. A display of

24:46

execution weapons propped up against a guillotine

24:48

that looked brand new. Old

24:51

bottles full of potions. There

24:53

were dozens of shoppers, all shapes

24:55

and sizes. Behind

24:57

the counters, snake men wearing black

24:59

polos, their translucent, magical arms

25:02

presenting merchandise for sale or looking

25:04

closely at something the patrons

25:06

had brought in. Everywhere,

25:09

deals to be made. Pawn

25:12

Stars had nothing on this

25:14

place. Billy saw

25:16

the one snake they had come to see. The

25:19

brown type hand behind the counter, looking at

25:21

a crown held by an elf dressed in

25:23

all green. Peanut, Billy

25:25

waved, what up girl? The

25:28

snake's tongue slithered out and

25:30

back in. Lincoln,

25:33

Walter, welcome. Give

25:35

me a moment, please. Peanut

25:38

said something to the elf, slithered

25:40

to another snake. a Brazilian rainbow by

25:42

the looks of the iridescent scales

25:44

and the black eye -like spots down

25:46

the body. That snake

25:48

looked at Lincoln and Billy and backed

25:50

up a bit. Billy

25:52

glanced around, realized all the

25:55

snakes had stopped their conversations.

25:58

Lassie, black eyes, stared at Billy

26:00

and Lincoln both. Link,

26:03

Billy said quietly, what's

26:05

going on? They're looking at us like we got

26:07

dicks coming out of our forehands or something. Link

26:10

stared back at them, each and every

26:12

one. Don't know, he

26:14

said. But if any of them want

26:16

to go a few rounds, they're staring at the right guy.

26:19

Damn, Link was pissy, spoiling

26:22

for a fight. The

26:24

meeting with the Closetor must have gone

26:26

really bad. Peanuts,

26:28

littered out from behind the counter, moved

26:30

to the back of the store, beckoned

26:32

with a translucent arm. Come,

26:35

prized customers, I

26:37

have something to show you in my office. Did

26:40

she already have a weapon in mind? Billy

26:43

hurried after her. Lincoln

26:45

clomped along behind, walking noisily as

26:47

he sometimes did when he got

26:49

pissy. They followed

26:52

the tie -pan to her office, the

26:54

same small, cluttered room where she'd

26:56

shown Billy the white -scale armor. So

26:59

much stuff in here, in

27:01

every corner, a top file cabinets

27:03

stacked up in the only

27:05

guest chair. But the

27:07

desktop was clean, empty,

27:10

save, for one thing. A

27:12

long, black, enameled box,

27:15

chipped and scratched, about five

27:17

feet long. In some

27:19

places, the old dark wood

27:21

beneath showed through. The

27:24

box had the look of something that

27:26

once held contents of great value, but time

27:28

had passed it by. Did

27:30

it contain a sword? The

27:32

box was too narrow for an axe or a

27:35

polearm. A chain whip, maybe. No,

27:37

had to be a sword. Maybe a

27:39

claymore, like in Braveheart. A

27:41

short spear, a mace. How

27:43

wicked would it be if you could make

27:45

that mace's head flame? After

27:48

your last visit, Walt,

27:50

I set about finding a

27:52

weapon that suited your

27:54

particularly flammable powers. I

27:57

believe I found just the thing. When

27:59

Lincoln told me you were coming,

28:01

I brought it out of secure

28:03

storage. Lincoln

28:05

grunted in annoyance. Cut

28:08

the hissing act already. We're on

28:10

a schedule. Gotta get home. Peanut's

28:13

big snakehead dipped down, her

28:15

equivalent of a nod. Billy

28:18

noticed Peanut was up against the

28:20

wall behind the desk, still close

28:22

to the desk as the office wasn't

28:24

large, but as far away from the desk

28:26

as she could be while still being

28:28

in the room. Weird.

28:31

Let's go, Lincoln said. We

28:34

don't have all fucking day. The

28:36

knot again. I

28:38

understand. May I present

28:40

to you Yo Gaito Gane. Oh

28:43

snap, the weapon had a

28:45

name like Long Claw or like

28:48

Bastard Maker. This was going to be dope.

28:50

Sounded Japanese. Was it

28:53

a samurai sword like Hattori Hanzo's Blade

28:55

and Kill Bill? Peanut

28:57

stretched to the desk, lifted

29:00

the box's lid, then

29:02

stretched back, translucent arms clutching

29:04

the lid tight. as if it

29:06

might protect her from the box's

29:08

contents. Inside,

29:11

a staff lay nestled in

29:13

moth -eaten black velvet. Dark

29:16

material, almost but not

29:18

quite black, kind of

29:20

a satiny look to the

29:23

staff, like carbon fiber or

29:25

fiberglass, but smoother, neater.

29:28

It was shorter than the box. Bailey

29:31

guessed it to be a bit over four feet

29:33

long. Dole black metal

29:35

capped both ends, the

29:37

same ringing the middle. A

29:40

bow staff, Billy said, unable

29:42

to hide his disappointment. I

29:45

mean, I'm not opposed to

29:47

it, but maybe that's not what I was

29:49

hoping for, you know. Lincoln

29:52

lifted the weapon from the

29:54

box. Yo guy to

29:56

Gani. He spun it

29:58

slowly, feeling the weight. You

30:00

know what that name means, peanut? Peanuts

30:04

slithered back a little farther, bumped

30:06

against the wall, the boxes lid

30:08

clutched against her black polo. We

30:11

are not sure, she said. Our

30:13

best estimate is flaming silk

30:15

steel. Billy

30:17

raised an eyebrow. It

30:20

certainly sounded cool. Wait

30:22

a goddamn minute, Lincoln

30:24

said. Silk steel? Is

30:27

this a fucking Juro Gumo weapon? That

30:29

why you're acting like a little bitch all scared

30:31

and shit? Billy

30:33

didn't mind being Link's punching bag

30:36

from time to time, but Peanut

30:38

deserved better. Link, stop

30:40

being rude, Billy said. Just

30:42

because something crawled up your ass doesn't mean

30:44

you need to take it out on everyone around

30:46

you. Link's

30:48

scowl grew deeper. Violent

30:51

gray eyes bore into Billy. The

30:54

man in gray's lip curled. Oh,

30:57

shit. Billy

31:00

had really pissed him off.

31:03

Still, Link was in the wrong.

31:06

Billy didn't flinch. He met

31:08

that angry gaze, and he held it. Linken

31:11

stared, then blinked.

31:15

His mask of fury eroded, replaced

31:17

by that weird, self -loathing that seemed

31:19

to constantly nibble at the man.

31:22

Yeah, kid, he said. Yeah,

31:24

you're right. He looked

31:26

at Peanut. Sorry about that,

31:28

P. I'm having an overflowing outhouse of

31:31

a day. A

31:33

long tongue slithered out, flicked

31:35

up over one black eye, slid

31:37

back in. Apology

31:40

accepted. Yes, we

31:42

believe Yoga Togane is a

31:44

Jirogumo manufacturer, although we know

31:46

nothing of its past. Lincoln

31:49

returned the staff to the box.

31:52

And we don't want it. Jirogumo weapons

31:54

aren't safe. Peanut's

31:57

tongue slithered out again, faster

31:59

this time. Billy got the

32:01

impression she didn't want it either. I

32:04

see, the tie pan said. Shall

32:06

I make you an offer on Bastard Maker

32:09

then? Lincoln leaned

32:11

away as if hurt. Bastard

32:13

Maker, it's not. He

32:16

trailed off. Something dawned

32:18

on him. That's what

32:20

Mercutio said. I meant to

32:22

ask you about that, Pina, but I guess I forgot.

32:25

Bastard Maker is Jorogumo. Why

32:27

the fuck didn't you tell me it was

32:30

a Juruguma weapon? Peanut

32:32

hissed, her version of a

32:34

heavy sigh. I

32:36

did tell you, Lincoln. You were

32:39

clearly under the influence of some controlled

32:41

substance that day. I asked you to come

32:43

back another time. You said you didn't

32:45

want, and I quote, some other slap dick

32:47

to buy it first. Billy

32:50

laughed. That does sound like

32:52

something you'd say, Link. I made

32:54

you sign a waiver, Peanut

32:56

said. Would you like me to

32:58

retrieve it from my files?"

33:00

Lincoln groaned, looked up to the

33:02

ceiling. You should never shop

33:05

high, really said. Shit shows up from Amazon

33:07

the next day you don't even remember ordering.

33:09

This one night, after Grandma went to bed,

33:11

I snuck down some of her Mad Dog

33:13

2020 and got hammered, then I got on

33:15

the computer. Three days later, a case of

33:17

Oreos and a fog machine shows up. A

33:19

fog machine. What the fuck do I need

33:21

a fog machine for? Grandma was pissed. Made

33:23

me return it. Kept the Oreos though. I

33:26

got grounded for a week. Never

33:28

shop when you are high. Billy

33:31

realized both Lincoln and Peanut were

33:33

staring at him. Oh, sorry.

33:37

Black lacquer lids still clutched her

33:39

chest. Peanut turned her attention to

33:41

Lincoln. Would you

33:43

like to sell me Bastard Maker or

33:45

would you like to hear more about

33:47

Yogi Dugane? Lincoln

33:49

shot Billy a look. Might

33:53

as well hear out, Billy

33:55

said. She did nail this

33:57

armor for me." Lincoln groaned

33:59

again. Yeah, sure.

34:02

He again lifted the staff from the box. Hit

34:05

us. That

34:08

staff is not what it appears to

34:10

be, Peanut said. Pull it

34:12

apart. Billy's

34:14

heart surged. Was

34:16

it a cane sword or a

34:18

staff sword or whatever? Lincoln

34:21

gripped the staff and pulled. Nothing

34:25

happened. It's

34:27

solid, Link said. Very

34:29

funny, Peanut. Good joke. He

34:32

seemed so distracted, so

34:34

distant. Whatever he had heard

34:36

at that meeting clung to him, hung on

34:38

his every thought. Peanut's

34:40

black eyes looked at Billy. Let

34:44

Walter open it. Linkin

34:47

frowned, perhaps wondering if there

34:49

was some trick, but he handed the staff

34:51

over. Billy took

34:53

it. It felt

34:56

solid, but light. Silk,

34:58

steel, cold to

35:00

the touch at first, but it quickly

35:02

warmed under his hand. He

35:05

gripped the staff, pulled in

35:07

opposite directions. Nothing

35:09

happened. Your

35:11

power, Peanut said. Try

35:13

putting some of it into the weapon, then

35:15

pull. That sounded

35:17

dangerous. Billy looked

35:19

at Link for permission. Go

35:22

for it kid. He

35:24

said I'm right here if

35:26

anything happens Billy focused

35:28

He called up his fire

35:30

that wasn't fire just

35:32

a touch of it guided

35:34

it into the staff

35:36

He felt the material take

35:39

the energy soak it

35:41

up He wasn't sure but

35:43

he thought he heard

35:45

the staff per He pulled

35:47

a shang of metal

35:49

on metal The staff split

35:51

down the middle of the center

35:53

ring. Billy

35:55

found himself holding two

35:57

swords. The handles two

35:59

feet long, the blades at least

36:02

three feet long, half again longer

36:04

than the handles that hid them. That

36:06

was some magic shit right there. The

36:09

metal of the blades swirled

36:11

with almost imperceptible magical life,

36:13

like they contain distant storms

36:15

obscured by gray mist. Oh

36:18

snap! Billy's mouth felt

36:21

dry. I think I just jizzed a

36:23

little. He had

36:25

hoped for cool. He

36:27

had never seen anything this

36:29

cool. Small

36:31

black icons ran the length of

36:33

each blade. Kanji, maybe?

36:36

Some were scratched out. Interesting,

36:39

Link said. What do

36:41

these characters mean? We

36:43

managed a partial translation. We

36:45

don't know some of the characters. They

36:47

are from a dead language, perhaps. and other

36:49

characters have been ground down. The

36:52

first blade reads, burning, fire,

36:55

something, something, unjust. The

36:57

second blade reads, those

36:59

two, something, something, master

37:01

the power, something, the power,

37:03

where the second power might

37:05

be possessive. The

37:08

symbols could have meant insert sword

37:10

into butthole for magic, and Billy would

37:12

still want the thing. Real

37:15

crack translation there, Peanut, Lincoln

37:17

said. What's with the

37:19

slots in the blades? Bailey

37:22

hadn't noticed them until Lincoln pointed

37:24

them out. A

37:26

thin, empty slot ran the length

37:28

of each blade below the kanji

37:30

symbols, starting a couple inches above

37:32

the handle, ending a couple of

37:35

inches before the tip. We

37:37

are not sure, Peanut said. The

37:40

weapon's name is Flaming Silk Steel.

37:43

Walter, can you put more of your

37:45

energy into it? A

37:47

picture flashed in Billy's thoughts,

37:50

a picture that simmered, soft,

37:52

and insistent. The

37:54

weapon was telling him what

37:56

it wanted, what

37:58

it needed. Billy

38:02

drew forth the metal melting heat that

38:04

was his and his alone. He

38:06

pushed it through his hands

38:09

into Yogetagane. The weapon

38:11

drew his energy in like a

38:13

thirsty child sucking juice from a straw.

38:17

The grooves filled with molten

38:19

red, red that shimmered

38:21

with heat and flickered with

38:23

flame. Oh my

38:25

God, Billy said. Yep, definitely

38:27

just busted it up right now. Right in my

38:29

pants. Link, can I have it? Can I? Please,

38:31

can I have it? Link

38:33

looked at the flaming swords. Kid,

38:36

put that shit out. Somehow,

38:39

Billy knew how to do that, too.

38:42

He drew the energy back in. The

38:44

swords moaned in frustration. a

38:47

sound that only Billy could hear. They

38:49

weren't happy, but they understood. He

38:53

saw the sockets in each half. Carefully,

38:55

he slid the blades in. With

38:58

a ping, the center ring

39:01

became one piece again, and Yo -Guy

39:03

-Dogone was a simple metal staff. Link

39:06

looked at Peanut. Where'd

39:08

you get it? Trade secret,

39:10

the Taipan said. You

39:13

know better than to ask.

39:15

The price is to— thousand gold.

39:17

We're happy to set up

39:19

a payment plan." Billy's

39:21

heart sank. He didn't

39:23

know the actual worth of the gold piece in

39:26

dollars, but it was a lot. Two

39:28

thousand gold pieces had to be

39:30

something like four or five million

39:32

bucks. Two

39:35

thousand? Link crossed his

39:37

arms. Be not

39:39

because we're friends and only because we're

39:41

friends. I won't slap you so hard

39:43

your scales fall off. You mentioned a

39:45

price like that again, and that will

39:47

slice the nuts off your loan mention. They

39:50

are Unix, Peanut said. They have

39:52

no nuts. Whatever. Lincoln

39:54

grabbed the staff out of Billy's hands, shoved

39:56

it back into the box. 2000,

39:59

were this parlor trick bullshit? I

40:01

should walk out right now. Peanut

40:04

glanced at Billy. Billy

40:07

knew he probably looked like a

40:09

little kid who had his Christmas

40:11

present taken away by a mean

40:13

stepfather, but he couldn't help it.

40:15

He needed that weapon. It was

40:17

so him. But

40:19

he remembered what Lincoln said

40:21

during transit. Just remember

40:23

to not say yes or no

40:25

to any price he pitches. Billy

40:28

would have agreed to 2 ,000 gold

40:31

without a second thought. He

40:33

couldn't do that, though. He had to

40:35

trust Link. I

40:37

don't think you will walk out right

40:39

now, Peanut said. There is no weapon like

40:41

this. Yo guy to Ghana is one

40:43

of a kind. 1800

40:45

Lincoln snorted up your

40:47

oxy Uranus with that

40:50

number. 200 Peanuts

40:52

black eyes widened. 200

40:54

Lincoln Franks, you insult

40:56

me. What did I

40:58

do to deserve such

41:00

treatment? Lincoln

41:02

rolled his eyes. All

41:05

right, fine. Fair point. Because you

41:07

have done me solids in the

41:09

past. I can do 400. Peanut

41:12

slammed the lid down in the case

41:15

so hard, Billy jumped in surprise. 400,

41:18

if I didn't know your lovely mother had

41:21

passed on, I would insult her vagina in

41:23

response. I would call it smelly

41:25

and overused. The snake

41:27

didn't seem afraid anymore. Was

41:29

that because the box was shut or

41:31

because bartering was so important to her, it

41:33

pushed the fear down? Peanut,

41:36

Lincoln said, are you calling

41:39

my mother's vagina smelly and

41:41

overused? Of course not. I would

41:43

never be so vile. 1500.

41:46

I couldn't possibly go any lower, Lincoln. I

41:49

have almost that much invested in acquisition

41:51

alone. Lincoln

41:53

threw his head back and

41:55

laughed. Maybe he was horrible

41:57

at telling jokes and he couldn't lie for

41:59

shit, but he sold that laugh like he

42:01

was a villain in a bond flick. Acquisition?

42:05

Oh, you mean the part where some old

42:07

senile witch came in here and had to

42:09

sell her dead wizard husband's stuff from their

42:11

attic just to be able to buy a

42:13

bowl of stew and you went goblin cheap

42:15

and robbed her blind. Six

42:17

hundred. Billy

42:19

watched the battle, wondered if the two

42:21

were going to throw down a bloodletting brawl

42:24

right there in the back office of

42:26

a magical pawn shop. You

42:28

have no idea what I

42:30

went through to obtain this priceless,

42:32

priceless weapon, Peanut said. Yet

42:34

you treat me with all the respect.

42:36

of a one -eyed syphilitic mongoose, 1250.

42:40

You hissed like a hooker with

42:42

halitosis, Lincoln said, 800, not

42:44

a silver piece more. The

42:47

snake eyes narrowed to slits. I've

42:50

seen less betrayal in a king

42:52

snake den and they eat their own

42:54

1100 and I simply cannot go

42:56

any lower. I swear on my mother's

42:58

sloth skin. Lincoln

43:01

sighed, I wasn't

43:03

your friend. I'd say your big,

43:05

dumb mouth. and stupid fangs are so

43:07

stupid, you'd be better off as

43:09

a pair of extra extra extra large

43:11

cowboy boots with horse poop on

43:14

the heels worn by a discount monster

43:16

truck driver at a county fair

43:18

who gets hammered on homemade dandelion wine

43:20

and hangs out with out of

43:22

work circus folk while questioning his last

43:24

choices. Peanut

43:27

straightened, rising up

43:29

until her head pressed against the

43:31

ceiling. Are you saying I'd

43:33

be better off as a pair

43:35

of extra extra? Extra -large cowboy boots? Of

43:38

course not, Lincoln said. I

43:40

would never absolutely wish for your death

43:42

so your skin could be turned into footwear.

43:45

850. You know you're taking me

43:47

to cleaners with that price, Peanut. Peanut

43:50

threw up her translucent hands.

43:53

850. Why don't you just stab me

43:55

in the eyes, Lincoln? Because you've already

43:57

stabbed me in the heart. In the

44:00

heart. 1100. That's below my

44:02

cost. I'm losing money on this

44:04

deal. I can't even tell my boss

44:06

about it. He might fire me. 1100.

44:08

The final offer. 1100.

44:12

How about this? You

44:14

hamster eating heartless viper. Lincoln

44:17

reached into his cloak, came

44:19

out with Bastard Maker. He

44:21

slammed the axe on Peanuts desk

44:23

so hard, yoga to Gane's black

44:25

lacquer box rattled. How

44:27

about you give me my money back

44:29

for this? Because I never want

44:31

to do business with you again. Peanut

44:35

coiled lower, her head

44:37

inches from Lincoln's, her black

44:39

eyes barely open. Lincoln

44:42

Franks, I hear you fight

44:44

like a penguin. Lincoln

44:47

drew back his hand

44:49

on his heart. He

44:52

looked shocked. Oh

44:54

boy, Shitbird was going to be

44:56

in big trouble. What?

44:59

Lincoln blinked, stunned. What?

45:02

What did you say to me? Peanut

45:06

glanced at the black box, realized how

45:08

close to it she was. She

45:10

eased back to the wall. Perhaps

45:13

I went too far. A

45:16

translucent hand stretched out across the

45:18

desk. One thousand

45:20

gold. Link

45:23

had cut the cost in

45:25

half, but that was still what?

45:27

The equivalent of millions of dollars? Billy

45:31

realized he would have to find

45:33

another weapon. Even though nothing could

45:36

ever be the bomb -asshet that

45:38

Wujo got done, Lincoln said. He

45:40

shook the translucent hand. Billy

45:43

stared at the box. It

45:46

was his, but he

45:48

said, but

45:50

millions. Peanut

45:53

picked up Bastard Maker, offered it

45:55

to Lincoln, handle first. This

45:58

is yours, man in gray, now

46:00

and forever. And I'm sure your

46:02

mother's vagina was not smelly or

46:04

overused. I am certain

46:06

of it." Lincoln took

46:08

Bastard Maker, slid it into

46:10

his cloak. Thank you, Peanut.

46:13

He picked up the black box, slid

46:15

it, too, into his cloak. We'll

46:18

be going now. Peanut

46:20

held up one ghostly

46:22

finger. Not quite yet. Her

46:26

see -through hands flashed with magic. She

46:28

held three shot glasses in one hand. a

46:30

bottle of purple fluid in the other. Ni

46:33

-ni shots to seal the deal. The

46:36

stuff in the bottle looked like

46:39

purple pearl shampoo. That

46:41

or Barney's spunk, either way,

46:43

it looked nasty. Link

46:46

looked longingly at the bottle.

46:49

His nose twitched. With

46:51

an obvious force of will, he

46:53

shook his head. Not this

46:55

time, P -dog, he said. We're

46:57

on the clock. Gotta get back. You

47:00

won't have one little drink with me. Peanut

47:03

looked at Billy, held up

47:05

the bottle in the glasses. What about

47:07

you, Walter? Billy

47:09

glanced at Lincoln, who shrugged.

47:12

Whatever the stuff was, Lincoln wanted

47:14

it, but was passing on

47:16

it. It wasn't like Billy wanted

47:18

to try it anyway. Rain

47:21

check, he said. Link's right,

47:23

we're still on a job. Gotta get back. Next

47:25

time, asked Peanut. Absolutely,

47:29

Billy said. Like for sure. Peanut

47:33

shrugged. Oh, all

47:35

right. Lincoln, should I

47:37

reach out to your business partner Ariella about

47:39

the payment plan? No,

47:41

Lincoln said. Just me, P

47:43

dog. I'll be in touch. See

47:46

you around. Lincoln

47:48

and Billy walked back into the

47:50

store proper. Every

47:52

snake in the place shied up against

47:54

the walls, racks or

47:56

cases, allowing as much room

47:58

as possible. Billy

48:00

now knew why. They

48:03

feared the weapon, but

48:05

he did not. Because

48:08

Yokai Togane was

48:10

his. You

48:22

have been listening

48:24

to Sleigh, created

48:26

and read by

48:28

Scott Siggler. Copyright

48:30

2023 Empty Set

48:32

Entertainment. For

48:34

more information on the

48:36

author more books, visit

48:39

scotsigler.com. Theme is

48:41

the song they're watching

48:43

me by band Super

48:45

Weapon. Alright

48:58

girls, this is the place.

49:01

We'll get everything loaded over to the boat

49:04

and lock up the truck. Don't leave

49:06

anything behind. Wait,

49:08

is that it? That's

49:11

where we're going? Yeah,

49:13

that's it. Sealskin Rock.

49:17

Wow. Return

49:23

to the Mysteries and Mind

49:25

Sealskin Rock. Subscribe

49:27

now to catch the premiere and we'll see

49:30

you on the I'm

49:45

Amy Nicholson, the film critic for the

49:47

LA Times. And I'm Paul Scheer, an

49:49

actor, writer, and director. You might know

49:51

me from The League, Veep, or my

49:53

non -eligible for Academy Award role in

49:55

Twisters. We movies and we

49:57

come at them from different

49:59

perspectives. Yeah, like Amy thinks that,

50:02

you know, Joe Pesci was miscast in

50:04

Goodfellas, and I don't. He's too old.

50:06

Let's not forget that Paul thinks that

50:08

dude too is overrated. It is. Anyway.

50:12

despite this, we come together to host Unschooled,

50:14

a podcast where we talk about good

50:16

movies, critical hits, fan favorites, must -sees, and

50:18

in case of missed them. We're talking the

50:20

Alone. From Grease to the Dark Knight. We've

50:23

done deep dives on flicks, we've talked about

50:25

why Independence Day deserves a second look, and

50:27

we've talked about horror movies. Some that you've

50:29

never even heard of like like Konja and

50:31

Hess. So if you love movies like we

50:33

do, come along on our cinematic adventure. Listen

50:35

to Unschooled wherever you get your podcasts. And

50:37

don't forget to hit the follow button.