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Scrubbing in with Becca

3:07

Tilly and Tonya

3:09

Rad an iHeart radio

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People's Choice Award winning

3:15

podcast Hello everybody

3:17

we are scrubbing in

3:20

Scrubbing in Scrubbing

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in in

3:24

Scrubbing in in

3:28

in in in in in Scrubbing in Scrubbing

3:30

normally have our regular episodes on Monday,

3:33

and then we have our guest episodes

3:35

on Thursday, but you're a Monday guest.

3:37

Is it because I've really got nothing

3:39

going on and you're like, we'll just

3:41

have her as a filler? No. No. Our

3:44

Mondays are sacred, and our scruples prefer our

3:46

Monday episodes because it's just us. They don't

3:48

really, I mean, they like guests, but I

3:50

feel like... they prefer the ones that are

3:52

just us, but we feel like you're a

3:54

good enough guest that you belong in the

3:56

mix. I feel like you're there. Yeah, you're

3:59

like a third host. Yeah, I feel that. Welcome.

4:02

I was just saying last time

4:04

you were on the podcast was

4:06

2022 over Zoom. Wild

4:09

times. Wild times.

4:11

But why were we still on Zoom in 2022?

4:13

I don't think we were still on Zoom. I

4:15

think it was just hate when we were gone.

4:17

And I don't remember what. if you were promoting

4:19

something or if I was just like... Why does

4:21

this thing gotta be in the way of our

4:23

eyesight? I know. I know. I'll get

4:25

over it. Yeah. 2022 feels

4:27

like it was yesterday. Yeah.

4:30

I'm scared. I know, isn't

4:32

that crazy? The passage of time really freaks

4:34

me out. Okay, wait, I just listened

4:36

to your podcast when you were talking about

4:38

the passage of time and it got

4:40

me feeling anxious about the passage of time

4:42

because I don't think about that in

4:44

those terms. I have a... like

4:46

a societal fear of aging in terms of

4:48

like how my body and face and all

4:50

that stuff. But in terms, but then I'm

4:52

like, oh, it's such a privilege to age.

4:54

So I go there, but you start talking

4:57

about the passage of time that comes along

4:59

with aging. And then I was like, I

5:01

got kind of dark. So probably did that

5:03

for a lot of people. It is dark

5:05

though. Like I feel like there's a glitch

5:07

in the matrix and like time is moving

5:09

faster than normal. I think it's getting older.

5:12

Because my parents always said that. Yeah, because

5:14

I feel like we were little and we're

5:16

like, oh, like the school year's so long.

5:18

And now we're like, my gosh, it's Christmas

5:20

tomorrow. You know what I mean? Yeah. Everything

5:23

happens so fast. I think you're right, because

5:25

my dad was like, well, wait until you

5:27

turn 50. Because I think about how fast

5:29

my 30s just went. And I'm turning 40

5:31

in like two months, which is wild. Happy

5:33

early birthday. Thank you. And then I'm like,

5:36

well, then I'm going to be 50 before

5:38

you know it, because my 30s passed so

5:40

fast. And then I'm like, ah. It all

5:42

just scares me so much, but like you

5:44

said, it's so confusing because I've always focused

5:46

on like, aging's bad. And

5:48

then I did this whole like, inner

5:50

child work retreat and realized like,

5:52

what a privilege to live and what's

5:54

the alternative. But then it's just

5:56

also confusing because it's just, it's a

5:58

lot. It is a lot. I also, you

6:00

were saying it was like something that

6:02

your grandpa, like instilled in your

6:04

mom so then your mom like it

6:06

was yeah it's passed down i do think

6:09

that yeah that not so much like

6:11

my mom didn't focus a lot on like

6:13

her looks or anything but there is

6:15

something I wonder with our generation that I

6:17

wonder, I wonder if the next generation

6:19

is either gonna be way worse or if

6:21

they'll be more like accepting. I think

6:23

it's different because we're seeing all like on

6:25

our like social media pages, we're seeing

6:27

these 20 year olds with like no pores

6:29

and like smooth skin and they're just

6:31

like in our feed 24 seven. They are

6:33

starting skincare at like seven. Yeah. It's,

6:35

I just, I'm like, well, I wish I

6:37

thought of that. I know. Yeah, literally.

6:39

I had Dr. Pepper chopstick as my lips.

6:41

No, we're millennials. Like we like I

6:43

literally sat in the sun all day without

6:45

sunscreen. Oh my gosh.

6:47

What is that stuff that, it was like

6:49

the, like it bronzed you, it like

6:51

attracted the sun more. Oh, Hawaiian. Hawaiian, yes.

6:53

Tropics or whatever. Yeah, I don't

6:55

know. It had a yellow top, I don't

6:57

know. Yeah. But like I can, you said

6:59

the Dr. Pepper lip smack. Yeah, yeah. I

7:01

smelled it when you said that, and I

7:03

just smelled the. Tanning stuff too. Does that

7:05

happen? Do you guys? Yeah. Well,

7:08

that takes you back. Memories. Smells like sense

7:10

of memories. Stelgia is my favorite feeling in

7:12

the world. And I just did a deep

7:14

dive on it. And it's because it brings

7:16

you back to such a simple time when

7:18

you felt joy. I just got goosebumps. I

7:20

just love nostalgia so much. Wait, you brought

7:22

up your birthday. Do you have plans? Yeah.

7:26

Why not? I didn't mean to freak you out. Do

7:29

have plans? I feel like 40 is so

7:31

chic. I really do. It's giving Jennifer Aniston. It's

7:34

like the new 20. And I've read

7:36

so much, like so many people that are

7:38

in their 40s. Everyone talks about how wonderful it

7:40

is. And so I'm actually not, like it

7:42

just sounds So much older like

7:45

my age sounds serious, but I'm not serious

7:47

Yeah, and you know there's also everyone says

7:49

like are you do you feel pressure about

7:51

where you're supposed to be at and I

7:53

was like I actually don't like I think I'm

7:55

supposed to be where I am Yeah, but

7:57

I don't have plans because I am the

7:59

worst planner in the world like I am

8:01

such a type B person and I need

8:03

somebody to just do it for me There's

8:05

this girl who has a company her name's

8:07

Anna how genius is this up Anna way and

8:09

she like does well I need to just

8:11

contact her because I need

8:13

to plan something, 40 is a big deal.

8:15

Yeah, you have to plan something. have nothing

8:17

planned. Let's call Anna.

8:20

Anna, help me. Yeah,

8:22

up and away. That's so genius,

8:24

right? I would like to

8:26

do something like go to Europe, but

8:28

then I have this guilt of making

8:30

people come to Europe for me. I

8:32

even me started on that. With the

8:34

wedding stuff, that's all. I just felt

8:36

guilt the entire time. Yeah, and you

8:39

shouldn't. I hear you say that and

8:41

I'm like, no, that's silly. But I

8:43

feel that. It's real. But it's funny

8:45

because if someone's putting in the effort

8:47

to go to Europe, it's because they

8:49

want to go to Europe to celebrate

8:51

you. I hope they just don't feel

8:53

like they have to. I don't

8:55

think. It's one thing to go to dinner. It's one thing to

8:57

feel like you have to go to dinner. It's another to feel

8:59

like you have to go to grow up. Yeah, I don't want

9:01

anyone to feel like they have to come. Like I'll be mad if

9:03

they don't. Yeah, I'm not 12 anymore,

9:05

but I'm I just want like my favorite

9:07

people there. Yeah. If you were to do

9:09

a birthday trip, how many people does your

9:12

favorite people entail? Because sometimes if you get

9:14

too big, it's like I like 10. OK,

9:16

it's good. I want like my childhood friends.

9:18

Did you say that's a lot? Yeah. Oh, no,

9:21

I was not thinking a lot. Oh, wow.

9:23

And then I'm like, do they bring their significant

9:25

others? And then, I

9:27

don't know. Yeah, I think.

9:29

Do you like their significant others? Love. then

9:32

yeah. Like, they're all so, I'm so close with

9:34

all them. Oh, then yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You

9:36

should do like a house in Mallorca or something.

9:38

Okay, I was thinking about that too. Or like

9:41

the Bahamas is really close. Like get some villas

9:43

and have like a private chef or something. Maybe

9:45

you could do a happy meeting between Europe and

9:47

somewhere else. And I want it to be like

9:49

how... girlfriend Penny asked me such a good question.

9:51

She goes, well, what do you want this to

9:53

be about? Like, is it about how you're gonna

9:55

feel? Is it about like just throwing this big

9:57

crazy party? And I was like, no, I actually

9:59

just want to feel like safe and happy and

10:01

be like, oh my God, these are my people.

10:04

So then she's like, well, then you can do

10:06

that in your backyard if you want. Which

10:09

also I think would be so fun to do

10:11

a little long table dinner in my backyard. Or like

10:13

a rager in your backyard. I

10:15

just built a pool in my backyard so I

10:17

could have like a DJ and a pool party. Yeah,

10:20

you could really get crazy and get

10:22

in the cold plunge. Yeah, and then you

10:24

could have more people. Yeah. Yeah. Oh,

10:26

I know the possibilities are endless. Really? It

10:28

is interesting, though, because I every time I've

10:30

always thought about the age of 40 for

10:32

some reason, I think I think I

10:34

remember Jennifer Aniston turning 40. So like that

10:36

in my mind, she's forever 40, but she's

10:38

not anymore. And so I've always been

10:41

like, oh, my gosh, I like don't fear

10:43

40 because of Jennifer Aniston turning 40. Yeah.

10:45

But when I think about myself turning 40,

10:47

I'm like, oh my gosh, how am I,

10:49

how am I? It's a

10:51

trip. Yeah. It's an actual trip.

10:53

The thing that like pisses me off though.

10:56

I can't wait. Is

10:58

that we do have these like, even

11:00

though it's not societal pressures, it's like

11:02

actual biological pressures. Yeah. That's what pisses me

11:04

off. Do you know what I mean? I

11:07

get that. Like that's where I get like

11:09

annoyed because I'm like. Yes, so I'm 37,

11:11

about to be 38. And I'm

11:13

like in the whole wanting a baby

11:15

phase right now. And I'm like, okay,

11:17

well, I can't wait too long because

11:19

buckle up, you're geriatric now. No, not

11:21

been geriatric for years. But it's just

11:23

like, I don't know, that's what like

11:25

pisses me off about age is really

11:27

just that. Did you freeze your eggs?

11:29

No. Okay. Did you freeze yours? Yeah.

11:31

Okay. I did when I was 32. And

11:34

I'm really happy I did it, but also

11:36

like, Like for my 40th birthday, I'm getting my

11:38

fibroids removed. Like how old does that feel? Like

11:41

I have fibroids all over my uterus. Oh, do

11:43

you have horrible periods? Horrible.

11:46

Like the worst. What's a fibroid?

11:48

Do you have endometriosis? I

11:50

don't, I might, but how do they test

11:52

for that? So it's hard to test for.

11:54

Like you basically have to like, I think

11:56

you have to, for them to know for,

11:58

I don't know, I'm not going to speak

12:00

cause I'm not a doctor, but like I

12:02

got, I got tested and she's like, you

12:04

can't know for sure unless something, and I

12:07

guess, I think it's like, you are pregnant,

12:09

are you trying to get pregnant or something?

12:11

Yeah, I feel like it's something, of course,

12:13

that we have to find out the hard

12:15

way. Yeah, but I am in so much

12:17

pain. I will lay on the bathroom floor

12:19

and black out from pain. I'll see stars

12:21

because the pain is so bad. Dang. I

12:23

know. Well, I'm glad you're getting that taken

12:25

care of. Yeah, I know, but I'm like,

12:27

what a 40 -year -old thing to do. Going

12:29

in to get my fibroids removed, so that

12:31

maybe one day could have a baby. Not

12:33

now, when are you gonna do that? Literally

12:36

like June 22nd, my

12:38

birthday's June 19th. Honestly,

12:41

it's smart. I know, because I'm like, I

12:43

do still believe like there's a chance

12:46

for me to have a baby. What do

12:48

you mean? I don't know, maybe I'll

12:50

just get a turkey baster. Well, that's what

12:52

I was gonna ask you that, because

12:54

since I've known you. How old is she,

12:57

46? Janet Jackson had a baby at

12:59

like 52. Yeah. Yeah. Courtney Kardashian, she's 46.

13:01

Yeah. And her baby is a year. difficult

13:03

it was for her. It was difficult, but

13:05

you know, good things don't come easy. Amen.

13:08

I feel like since we met,

13:10

which by the way, can you

13:12

believe? No. Yeah, a decade

13:14

has passed since. Well,

13:16

I mean actually longer it'd be like

13:18

11 years since we met actually coming

13:20

out 11 years Yeah, because I'm rewatching

13:23

my season of The Bachelorette for my

13:25

for the 10 year anniversary and I

13:27

thought it would be like lol like

13:29

what a funny time I'm like sobbing

13:31

in each episode just being like I

13:33

feel sick I didn't realize how much

13:35

it was gonna bring up for me

13:37

I like went to drive somewhere after

13:39

I was like shaking like it's Wait,

13:41

why? I don't know. I think it was

13:44

just such a Like I was

13:46

so fragile in that time being there

13:48

and so confused and I like watching

13:50

it back I feel so sad for

13:52

myself because I was like really going

13:54

through it Like I just will never

13:56

forget how much hair I lost and

13:58

like like I just was like under

14:00

so much stress and I like look

14:02

back at it. I'm like, oh, was

14:04

that thing where like It was it

14:06

was like the bad guy who made

14:08

you feel desired and you were like

14:10

so crazy But then there's the guy

14:12

that you actually really love and you're

14:14

like just given like it's just here

14:16

you go have both and you're like okay and then

14:18

it's fun till it's not yeah I just I'm

14:20

like wow I really hurt people's feelings and I really

14:22

made so many mistakes but I would do it

14:24

the same if I did it again and I just

14:27

like I don't know I like want to go

14:29

in through the screen and like hug that version of

14:31

me because I was just going through it. Yeah.

14:33

Yeah. And I just haven't rewatched it. I imagine it's

14:35

probably like, when you're like saying that, like the

14:37

guy that's like bad for you, but you like the

14:39

attention to it. like, we've all been there. And

14:42

like it's in my mind, but if I had to

14:44

like watch that on like an actual TV, I think

14:46

it would make me like really upset too. Yeah. I

14:48

can't believe how much it actually is bringing up for

14:50

me. I'm like, why did I do this to myself?

14:52

And then I'm going to interview like some of the

14:54

guys after. And then I'm like,

14:56

how good of a group of guys

14:58

you had? gosh, she had a really good

15:01

group of guys. Yes. Ben

15:03

Higgins, one that got away, Becca. For

15:07

both of us. Yeah,

15:10

Ben. Ben and

15:12

Jared. Jared. Yeah. Obviously

15:14

Nick and Sean and then like

15:16

Ben Z. Yeah, Ben Zorn. Yeah, Ben

15:18

Zorn. What a sweetie. I know.

15:21

Who else? There was one more that I was

15:23

like, Tanner. You tanner. That's what I was

15:25

going to say. Yeah, tanner. Good. Yeah. So many

15:27

goodies. Um, is it weird

15:29

for you because the season ended with you

15:31

getting engaged to Sean? You'll have like

15:34

a long, how long were you engaged? Almost

15:36

four years. Four years. Three and a

15:38

half. Yeah. And then it ends and obviously

15:40

there's been time, but is it weird

15:42

to like transport yourself back into that space

15:44

of watching you fall in love with

15:46

him? Yes, it's really really strange because it

15:48

ended on such a bad note when

15:50

we did break up and now it's obviously

15:52

time is heals all and helps but

15:54

seeing just how intense that relationship was and

15:56

just how badly it did end but

15:58

we had so many great times together. It's

16:00

really hard to put myself back in

16:02

that position because I'm like, I never felt

16:04

that way in my whole life. I

16:06

mean, there is this guy that I'll never

16:08

forget and I talk about him like

16:10

eight million times on my podcast and I

16:12

need to shut up because he was

16:14

like the one that got away from me

16:16

when I was like 26. But

16:18

I had never felt like that

16:20

about anyone as instantaneous as it was

16:22

with Sean. And so it's so

16:24

weird to watch it back because I'm

16:26

like, wow, yeah, I've never felt

16:29

like I've never felt that before. and

16:31

it's like sad how it all

16:33

went down, I guess. I would never,

16:35

you know, want it, it all worked

16:38

out the way it shrived, of

16:40

course, but it's still weird and sad.

16:42

Can you, you can not answer

16:44

the question if you've chosen not to

16:46

share, but what happened with you

16:48

guys? I think it just

16:50

was a really, like, I

16:53

didn't realize it was so ugly.

16:55

Only at the end, because he was

16:57

so mad that I moved on

16:59

really fast, I think that's

17:01

where it got ugly, got it. So

17:04

the breakup was just like natural causes. I

17:06

just didn't feel loved at all, and I

17:08

don't think I made him feel loved. I

17:10

think it was just a toxic kind of

17:12

relationship that was not. Like hurt people, hurting

17:14

people. Yeah, it was exactly that. At

17:16

first, yeah, but then it was

17:18

so real. And then, I

17:21

don't know, I just think we

17:23

were... we were building a really insecure

17:25

relationship off of a really shitty

17:27

foundation of like no trust when he

17:29

had trust issues. Well,

17:33

it's hard. I feel like you learn so much

17:35

from that. Do know what I mean? So it's

17:37

like you learn from that. So then you bring

17:39

that into like everything moving forward, which is kind

17:41

of a blessing. And like last night I was

17:43

at this Hulu event and people magazine. brought him

17:45

up and I'm like, it's so funny that we

17:47

still talk about him 10 years later. But obviously

17:49

it was such a big part of the show

17:51

that everybody watched. And I

17:53

was like, I like wanted to promote

17:56

his new gym. I was like, I wanted to

17:58

like, I just feel happy for where he's at

18:00

in life and where we're at. I have a

18:02

lot of like compassion and forgiveness for both of

18:04

us for what we had to go through. Have

18:06

y 'all talked? Yeah, a little bit. Like in a

18:08

cordial way. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's amazing. Cause I

18:10

think the last time we talked to you there.

18:12

It hadn't way. I don't know why I held

18:14

on to anger for quite a bit though, but

18:17

it's so different now. I actually moved into my

18:19

new house like a year and a half ago,

18:21

not even. And I was going

18:23

through all these suitcases in my closet. I

18:25

was like, I gotta donate some of these

18:27

suitcases because why do I have like 20?

18:29

And so I'm going through each one and

18:32

I opened one and it was like, all

18:34

of his stuff. So much of his stuff.

18:36

God. And I started sobbing because Tucker's hair

18:38

was in there all on the dog. I

18:40

was like, oh my God. It was like

18:42

a little piece of Tucker was still tucked

18:44

in the suitcase and it was all of

18:46

his like tax paperwork. Oh I was like,

18:48

oh my gosh, and so I dropped it

18:51

off to him and like yes, totally have

18:53

you sent his baby a gift? Oh should

18:55

I? That's why my mind went there, but

18:57

you know when oh my god, I think

18:59

that would he would be like It's

19:02

a little much, a little much. He's like,

19:04

we're good, but it's a little much. passive aggressive.

19:06

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. He looked like I'm

19:08

being nice or something, but his kid is cute.

19:10

It was Taylor Swift, she did it. I

19:13

think it was Joan Sophie. Really? She

19:15

sent them a baby gift. Do you think

19:17

that's appropriate? I think that,

19:19

depends I guess where you are

19:21

in a relationship. I think y 'all

19:23

having cordial conversation is just fine. I

19:25

was gonna ask that because you

19:27

said you moved on fast from that

19:29

relationship. And then that

19:31

relationship obviously, we

19:34

will limit how much we

19:36

speak of. But do you

19:38

think because you were coming out of

19:40

an insecure, toxic relationship, jumping right into

19:42

another relationship, do you feel like there

19:44

was a part of you that hadn't

19:46

healed something that needed to be healed?

19:48

100 % I do it every time. I

19:50

do it every time. I literally, the guy that

19:53

I always talk about, the one that got away,

19:55

as soon as Sean walked out of the limo,

19:57

I was like, he looks like Max, he's the

19:59

one, and I'm gonna fix what I didn't fix

20:01

in the last relationship, and I do this all

20:03

the time. This is your 26 -year -old self, that

20:05

one. Where is he now? Oh, married with a

20:07

baby four on the way. Oh,

20:09

baby number four? Oh my god. Dang, okay.

20:11

They're popping them out, yeah. Oh, dang, okay.

20:13

Wait, so when you say you're gonna fix

20:15

what you couldn't fix before, fix him or

20:17

fix the relationship or fix yourself? Me. Oh.

20:20

And like, I'm gonna make it better this time,

20:22

and I'm gonna do what I did, and then when

20:24

I move on to the next, that person has

20:26

what that person didn't have, I'm in such a different

20:28

place in my life now where I'm like, oh,

20:30

I'm like a whole. I feel very, I feel the

20:32

most confident I've ever felt in my life right

20:34

now. I don't feel like I need to do that

20:36

anymore. That's nice. I'm

20:38

so happy to hear that. also hyper

20:41

-independent, which is causing me some issues

20:43

because like alone forever, maybe.

20:46

Or like long distance forever. Like I'm so

20:48

hyper -independent that my therapist always tells me

20:50

that's like a trauma response too. So

20:52

I'm like, God. No, you're something

20:54

so true because of it's so funny

20:56

is I can't remember I was dating

20:59

somebody I was dating somebody who was

21:01

like almost 50 and he had never

21:03

been so he was single for like

21:05

the majority of his life and my

21:07

therapist at the time that time I

21:09

was dating him she was like you

21:11

get stuck and you're like not single

21:14

ways but like when you live so

21:16

much of your life independent and single

21:18

you create certain habits that like are

21:20

hard to break when like because relationships

21:22

do come with compromise and living with

21:24

somebody and you know what mean, all

21:27

that type of stuff. It was such

21:29

an interesting perspective because it is a

21:31

happy medium. Well, and I'm so scared

21:33

of men. I'm

21:35

just like, what's the next one

21:37

gonna do that shocks me? I'm

21:39

always just like, I'm fully in

21:42

flight. I feel like I'm so like, yeah, I'm always

21:44

in fight or flight, which, I'm like,

21:46

I'm so healed and I'm whole, but

21:49

I'm also a human and totally feel

21:51

like I'm protecting my peace so much

21:53

to a fault now at this point

21:55

in my life. Yeah. I

21:57

think that's so normal and

21:59

also, like you said, you're

22:01

human and we're flawed. And

22:03

if the pattern is persistent,

22:05

why wouldn't this next person

22:07

do it? The poor next

22:09

person. Is

22:12

there an ex person right now?

22:14

I have made it so clear

22:16

on social media and podcasts. I'm

22:19

like, I just want my dating

22:21

life to be a little sacred

22:23

right now and keep it close

22:25

because I just think the minute

22:27

you expose a relationship, it invites

22:29

everybody into obviously have opinions and

22:31

you know how it goes. And

22:34

so I'm like, I will share

22:36

when I'm married and pregnant be

22:38

like, hey, now you can know.

22:40

Like I'm just so, I'm keeping

22:42

it so close to my heart.

22:45

I get it. I mean, Hayley and I

22:47

were private for four years because I

22:49

was like, I don't feel, I just didn't

22:51

feel like I could handle any criticism

22:53

or opinions on it until I was ready

22:55

to. And like it felt, it was

22:57

so nice having it. And then at the

22:59

same time, it's like we, we share

23:01

what we want to share. And we

23:03

don't share what we don't want to share. Well, and

23:05

you weren't hiding like. Yeah, we just

23:07

did post about it. But I

23:09

also feel like I want to go back to

23:11

what you said about, I can't remember exactly what you

23:13

said, we said poor next guy or whatever like

23:15

that. But before we do that, let's take a break.

23:18

I was about to Tony Robbins your ass. Scrubbing

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the K -factor. The

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podcast that takes you straight into

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the heart of K -pop. We're talking

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music reviews, exclusive interviews, and deep

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before. From producers and

25:54

choreographers to idols and trainees, we're bringing

25:56

you the real stories behind the

25:58

music that you love. And

26:00

yeah, we're keeping it 100, discussing

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everything from comebacks and concepts to

26:04

the mental health side of the

26:06

business. Because K -pop isn't just

26:08

a genre. It's a whole world.

26:10

And we're exploring every corner of

26:12

it. And here's the best part.

26:15

Fans get to call in, drop opinions, and

26:17

even join us live at events. You

26:20

never know where we might pop them next. So

26:22

listen to the K -Factor on the

26:24

iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you

26:26

get your podcasts. This isn't just a

26:28

podcast. It's a movement. Are

26:30

you ready? Let's go. Every

26:37

single day, we are

26:39

given a choice. we can

26:41

either bring heaven down

26:43

or bring hell up. Welcome

26:45

to Bring Heaven Down, the podcast

26:47

where faith meets everyday life and

26:49

the presence of God becomes real

26:51

right where you are. Each day

26:54

on Bring Heaven Down, we will

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dive into the truth of God's

26:58

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27:00

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27:14

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27:19

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27:21

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27:23

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Listen to bring heaven down

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on the I heart radio app

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Apple podcast or wherever you

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get your podcasts. Let's bring heaven

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a little closer together. All

27:51

right, we're back. Go ahead. Tony Robbins

27:53

away, Tonya. Tonya Robbins. Tonya Robbins here.

27:55

Tonya Robbins rad yet. You are not,

27:57

not poor next guy. You are so

27:59

accomplished. You have so much going for

28:01

you. You should be so proud of

28:04

the person, the woman that you are

28:06

and what you've built for yourself. And

28:08

the next person, the next guy, the

28:10

next whatever comes into your life is

28:12

so lucky to be able to have

28:14

that and to be able to experience

28:16

that. And you should have that perspective

28:19

because I really believe that about you

28:21

and you should believe it about yourself.

28:25

She's a woman of words. Really?

28:27

I'm like, okay, Tony. But

28:30

no, it's so easy to like, cause I've

28:32

been there. I've been there. Like I always, like

28:34

I feel like there was so many, and

28:36

I'm like so mad that for so many years

28:38

I was like, what's wrong with me? Because

28:40

I like, I love so fiercely or like I'm

28:42

so embarrassing or like whatever. And I used

28:44

to internalize it. And I'm like, no, like the

28:46

right guy came into my life and he's

28:48

like obsessed with all that about me. Totally. And

28:50

the internet likes to guess like me into

28:52

thinking I'm like the worst. So

28:54

I'm like, is it me? No.

28:56

But no, I agree with you. And

28:58

I do feel proud and I do

29:00

feel like whoever I'm with will be

29:03

lucky because I really do believe I

29:05

am a catch. But for so many

29:07

reasons, but I also do come with

29:09

like. such a guarded heart. But so

29:11

does everybody, by the way. Honestly, what

29:13

I've also realized is every single person

29:15

has some sort of issues that they

29:17

are dealing with from their childhood. Even

29:20

if you grew up in a perfect

29:22

loving home, you have issues from the

29:24

school playground or whatever. Everybody's carrying something. I'm

29:27

just laughing because I just thought of these

29:30

mean girls in the fifth grade. I got

29:32

in this fight with all the girls turned

29:34

against me. I can't even remember why. but

29:36

whatever age you are in the fifth grade,

29:38

like 10, I don't know, 11, and they

29:40

all turned on me and they all chanted,

29:42

your butt's as big as a garbage can.

29:45

And I'm like, I laugh, but I

29:47

remember going home and sobbing because I was

29:49

literally like 30 pounds soaking wet, but

29:51

they were telling me my butt's the same.

29:54

don't know, I feel like I'm high

29:56

right now. You should make that, like put

29:58

a little jingle behind it and make

30:00

it a little chant on off the vine.

30:02

Yeah. Just like. And I hope those

30:04

girls listen and they're like, how's me? I

30:07

bet they listen to everything you do

30:09

and watch do. What's really scary is I

30:11

posted a TikTok and somebody on a,

30:13

like, it was like a

30:15

no -picture. Yeah, yeah, of course.

30:17

Apple user 98, whatever. And

30:19

they were like, I can't believe they've

30:21

made this girl famous. I used to work with

30:23

her at Cactus Club and blah, blah, blah. And

30:25

I'm like, ooh, you're the scary ones because you

30:27

like know me. And I've probably been nice to

30:29

you and we worked together. I

30:32

always think about that with really nasty people. Sometimes

30:34

I get like the worst kind of messages and

30:36

I'm like, like, do I

30:38

know you from school or something?

30:40

I don't know what scares me.

30:42

I'm curious why it is, it

30:44

is like profoundly strange to me

30:46

why you get such like mean

30:48

comments and messages because I think

30:50

what it, I think where I

30:53

get confused is that there's been

30:55

so many people since you were

30:57

on the show who have been

30:59

very confident and like, about

31:01

their sexuality and been bold and like,

31:03

you know, you kind of change the

31:05

game and the bachelor at world and

31:07

bachelor world in general. But like without

31:09

you, those girls would not be able

31:11

to like freely say, but you're the

31:13

one who gets like. So much I

31:15

can't but I you can't do anything.

31:17

It's really crazy. It's I mean the

31:19

misogyny in this world is so real

31:21

first of all And so I can't

31:23

do anything, right? But it's yeah, it

31:25

feels like um, but I'm like sad

31:27

for those people that are so mean

31:29

like well Yeah, I mean it's it's

31:31

actually sad, but I was thinking about

31:33

that because I'll never forget just

31:36

getting like absolutely slut shamed from my

31:38

season and just like people. I can't wait

31:40

till I get to the mentel all

31:42

episode when Chris Harrison reads the mean tweets

31:44

that I get like from people on

31:46

the internet and they were like, shut your

31:48

whole legs and die in a dumpster.

31:50

Like I got it bad. And

31:52

then Hannah Brown was like, I had sex four

31:55

times in a windmill and like doing this and

31:57

the crowd goes wild and I was like. Part

31:59

of me was like, oh, and then part

32:01

of me was like, no, that's awesome, because I

32:04

like that that changed the game. I like

32:06

that some people will celebrate her now for that.

32:08

Who, by the way, is guest bartending on

32:10

this season of... I just saw that. Yeah, but

32:12

it's been very nice. I came out last

32:14

night on the Hulu event. Yeah. She is? Yeah.

32:16

Yeah. I was like, what happened

32:18

to Wells? It's Wells too. She's

32:20

the main bartender. She's

32:22

the champagne bubbly, I

32:24

guess. Oh, wow. I

32:27

know. I was like, what? Crazy. So

32:30

my question for you is

32:32

that you are so vulnerable.

32:34

You share things that, because

32:36

I was listening to your podcast

32:39

about the dog name stuff. And

32:41

it's like you preface it, which I know

32:43

I'm going to get a lot of hate for

32:45

this. but you still do

32:47

it knowing you're gonna get hate, but you

32:49

also struggle with anxiety and the stress of

32:51

it. So how do you, I guess my

32:53

thing is I would just have to get

32:56

off social media, I think. Yeah, I did

32:58

a little bit actually after that, because I

33:00

knew. Yeah, you're like, I'm

33:02

gonna drop this, and then I'm gonna have to see me.

33:04

Yeah, exactly, I was like in Tootaloo for a week. Yeah,

33:07

I knew, I just knew. I mean,

33:10

it's all the... I feel like it's

33:12

a lot of like mothers who think

33:14

he's the perfect son. And

33:16

they like think I'm this degenerate,

33:18

like hooligan. They're just being

33:20

crazy. But people are looking

33:22

for something to like be mad at me for

33:24

all the time. So it's like an easy, if

33:27

I do something, I know I'm gonna get hate for it.

33:29

It's like, they're like, oh, yes, we get to hate her

33:31

for it. So, I mean, the

33:33

love that I get and the DMs

33:35

is so nice. And like, because

33:37

for some reason, the haters in the,

33:39

Crazy trolls are so loud. And

33:41

then the people who are normal and

33:43

loving aren't gonna comment on these

33:45

things. They're gonna maybe just send me

33:47

a DM and be like, hey,

33:49

that's pretty effed up and like here

33:51

for you and like we love

33:54

you. So I'm like, I want to

33:56

avoid the DMs, but at the

33:58

same time, it's nice to feel validated

34:00

by some people. But

34:02

yeah, I

34:04

just, not

34:06

silly. It's

34:08

weird because it is, it's like, there are

34:10

these people that you don't know. So it's

34:12

like, we shouldn't care what they think about

34:14

us, whether it's good or bad. But the...

34:18

I don't wanna say the praise, but the

34:20

thumbs up and the encouragement is nice. Well,

34:22

it's like if you're gonna care about the

34:24

bad ones, then why not care about the

34:26

good ones too? If anything, I wish I

34:28

could focus more on the good ones. I've

34:31

actually gotten better at that. I

34:34

feel like I'm like, instead of, I

34:36

used to always call it shopping for

34:38

pain, instead of going looking for these

34:40

mean comments and harping on them, I

34:42

actually now go looking for love and

34:44

support and try and have conversation with

34:46

those people instead. so much

34:48

more fulfilling. If I open my DMs and

34:50

I see like one negative thing, I'm like,

34:52

okay, I'm off. I'm just logging off for

34:54

the day or not looking at my DMs,

34:57

you know? Somebody me last night and they

34:59

were like, you have such

35:01

a lazy eye. Maybe

35:03

I do too. Could you help me with that? And I'm

35:05

like, bro. So

35:07

I just like Google the picture of a lazy eye

35:09

and I sent it back and I went, that's

35:12

a lazy eye. I have one eye that's smaller than

35:14

the other. Would you like to talk about that instead?

35:17

People are just, I find it so funny though.

35:19

But what, are they just looking for connections? So

35:21

they're like, let me be me. I obviously think

35:23

they've heard me talk about it before where I

35:25

used to like not hand out my school picture

35:27

in the fifth grade because I thought my eyes

35:29

were so like wonky. And so.

35:31

First of all, can we, you used to hand

35:34

out your photos? No, I used to not hand

35:36

out. Oh yeah, what? You never wrote on the

35:38

back like, stay cool. No. What? Did

35:40

you do that? Well, out of your book. Yeah. You

35:42

didn't. Like my family I guess my

35:44

family got the not a thing for me.

35:46

I'd never had it. Maybe this is a Canadian

35:48

like you can't in your wallet or something

35:50

Yeah, like I would have so my all my

35:52

friends would like give me their school photos

35:54

And I'd give them mine and we'd sign the

35:56

back saying like stay cool, but spell it

35:58

like KEW Yeah on the wall in my room,

36:00

and I had all my friends. Oh, yeah,

36:02

I guess you're cute. Oh, maybe

36:04

that's like a bulletin

36:06

board Yeah, I

36:08

had one too it just had I don't

36:10

even like picture of Leonardo DiCaprio from Titanic. Oh,

36:13

really? Yeah. Primetime. Literal

36:16

primetime. Yeah,

36:18

I just I find it I find

36:20

it strange that you and it's it

36:22

seems to be centered around. This is

36:24

what bugs me. It seems to be

36:26

centered around men and your relationship and

36:28

breakups. But then if I talk about

36:30

it, I'm whatever. I'm seeking attention. Oh,

36:33

I was also, I was going to say it's

36:35

so crazy because you go on podcasts and of course

36:37

people are going to ask you about it. So

36:39

the options are you either go, I don't want to

36:41

talk about it, which is not fun for a

36:43

podcast host or you go. You talk about

36:45

it in the most gracious way that you

36:47

can while being honest. And then people are like,

36:49

why is she still talking about this? It's

36:51

like you can't win. damned if you do, damned

36:53

if you don't. Totally. The world that I

36:55

live in that I've just accepted. I've accepted that.

36:58

I'm like, even somebody asking

37:00

me at the event last night, they're like, I'm with

37:02

People Magazine. Can I ask you a few questions?

37:04

I was like, Here

37:06

we go. Because I knew what it was gonna be.

37:08

What was it? It was just, you know, the

37:10

breakups are hard, and your last podcast, you talked

37:13

about this, this, and I was like, but I

37:15

also said in the podcast that I never wanted

37:17

to talk about again. I'm done. It's

37:20

in the past, and the only X

37:22

I want is extra money. Remember that?

37:24

Do you know that TikTok trend? No,

37:27

but I like that. Oh, it's

37:29

like. If you're done with your ex,

37:31

move on to the next. And it like, oh my

37:33

God, now you'll hear it all the time. But

37:35

I'm like, I can't stop listening to it. And now

37:37

that's just my theme. I

37:39

heard you say that on the podcast.

37:41

And I thought, hmm, how do we bring

37:44

this up? Because when we talked about

37:46

it on the podcast about the name thing.

37:49

I'm sorry, that story, I

37:51

think I sent that to

37:53

like every person in my

37:56

contacts. I

37:58

was so validated by all the right people,

38:00

but it was again, just the people

38:02

that hate me that are gonna be like,

38:04

it's a dog name. I'm like, yes,

38:06

and we had talked about it so many

38:08

times. It's

38:11

messed up, but I also, like,

38:14

yes, you're right too. Both can

38:16

be true. That is a common dog

38:18

name. And it was

38:20

the number one we went on

38:22

this podcast saying that that

38:24

was like, you know, it was

38:26

just, it's just messed up. Yeah. No, it

38:28

really is like, I remember when I saw

38:30

that story, I literally sent it to like

38:32

every single person that I know on the

38:34

planet. I'm like, this is the craziest thing.

38:36

Yeah. Did it feel like it was like

38:38

a job to hurt you or like? I'm

38:40

so confused. Because my thing is like, did

38:42

he, if it's something like, if it's something

38:44

that, what do you mean? But I'm saying

38:46

if it's something, I'm saying, but I'm saying

38:48

if it's something that y 'all talked about,

38:50

did he think that you want it bring

38:52

like, I guess that you

38:54

wouldn't bring it up at some point. Yeah,

38:57

I think it's hard because I

38:59

think he knew I would

39:02

bring it up and I think

39:04

that would get more traction

39:06

to his page and that's essentially

39:08

what he's been going for

39:10

lately. So I'm thinking maybe that was

39:12

the reason. There's no way he forgot.

39:16

No, it was like a very, it was

39:18

like five year conversation. Yeah. Um,

39:20

so yeah, I'm not sure I would,

39:22

but you know what I also think

39:24

too, I think that, and this is

39:26

to, you know, no slight against anybody.

39:29

I do think sometimes in breakups, like

39:31

you can be petty. People

39:33

can be petty. It sometimes bring out

39:35

the worst in It brings out the

39:37

worst version of yourself. Yeah. So maybe

39:39

that was done in like a moment

39:41

of just like pure, like. anger,

39:44

pettiness or whatever, but it's just, it was

39:46

wild. That was like wild for me. Yeah,

39:48

it was really, I, but now it just

39:50

goes to show you, you cannot share your

39:52

baby names. have put those in like a

39:54

lot. Those need to be in Beyonce. Especially

39:58

not with your fiance. I

40:01

literally was coming out of a weekend therapy

40:03

retreat in Nashville, this place called onsite. Oh my

40:05

God, I got to do equine therapy with

40:07

horses. And I literally like saw that as I

40:09

came out and got my phone back and

40:11

I was like, Wow.

40:14

The timing, the timing. That

40:16

is so crazy. to practice everything

40:18

you had just learned. I

40:20

was literally like, but part of me was

40:22

like, it made me feel sorry for him.

40:24

Yeah. Because I'm like, there is a

40:26

reason for that. a lot of

40:28

things he does, in my opinion, is calculated.

40:30

I'm like, this is sad, that's sad. So

40:33

moving forward. Sorry, go

40:35

ahead. The opposite of love is indifference. It's

40:37

not hate because when there's

40:39

passion like that, it's all

40:42

rooted in love and hurt

40:44

and pain. And as soon

40:46

as you just don't care, that's how you

40:48

know. when you've moved on, you

40:50

know what I'm saying? Yeah, I

40:52

definitely am through the hate phase.

40:54

You just seemed shocked by the

40:56

news. Like

40:58

whiplash. Moving

41:03

forward, do

41:05

you feel like you want to not

41:07

date someone in the public eye or do

41:09

you still not care? It doesn't matter.

41:11

No, it doesn't bother me. I

41:14

mean, if that's their number

41:16

one priority, and they're like, here's

41:19

what I don't want, is

41:21

a man that sneezes into a

41:23

transition into a different outfit

41:25

and has a new haircut. I'm

41:27

icked out by, I'm icked

41:29

out by a lot. It happens.

41:32

By certain people on social

41:34

media, and I'm sure I ick

41:36

people out so hard on social media too,

41:38

but that's just a preference for me. I

41:40

find it a turnoff when guys like, do

41:43

transitions. I don't know. So

41:45

specific. I don't know

41:47

why. I get the picture

41:49

you're painting. Like I can like

41:51

see it. Yeah. But

41:53

there's like Andrew from Bachelor World

41:55

Spencer and Greg do it so well.

41:58

They're so funny. They make me

42:00

laugh so hard. That's funny to me.

42:02

Yeah. It's just that like I

42:04

don't know. I think as long as

42:06

you're like an authentic person,

42:08

I don't care if you're in the public eye,

42:10

I don't care what doing. Some people like, here's

42:12

the thing, some people like that. You know I

42:14

mean? Different strokes for different folks. Yeah, like I'm

42:16

like, if Robbie posted a photo at the gym,

42:18

like even like, I would like, I

42:20

would, I would, I don't know

42:22

what I would do. I don't know, I don't think

42:24

you - At this point I'm in and I - No, I

42:26

never - You're pretty locked in. I'm very locked in, yeah.

42:29

I was thinking the beginning, like in the beginning of

42:31

when we were dating, if he had any sort of

42:33

social media presence, I feel like it would

42:35

like, have thrown me off a little bit. It's

42:38

funny because I'm so contradicting though too, because

42:40

then I'm like posting a bikini photo and like, I'm

42:42

like, but that, I know I do too.

42:44

I'm like, I'd be icked out of myself. Right.

42:47

Here's the thing. It's not fair. It's not fair,

42:49

but some things are for the girls. Yeah.

42:51

And that's just what it is. And I know

42:53

people might have an opinion about that, but

42:55

it's just the facts. Like Becca Moore, you know,

42:57

all her stuff for the girls and where

42:59

she's like, Blankets are for the girls. Like, why

43:01

do you need a blanket? Like that's same

43:04

thing with the social media transition. It's true. It's

43:06

true. It's so true. agree with that. I

43:08

also am like one of those people that I'm

43:10

like, I get it. That's not fair, but

43:12

it's true. It's not fair. Yeah. So what, okay.

43:14

Well, this is really exciting because you are

43:16

turning 40. So you have like a whole new

43:18

decade. Yeah. What is the next decade for

43:20

you look like? Like, are you living in Nashville?

43:22

Are you doing what you're doing? Like, what

43:24

are your ambitions or goals? I

43:27

can't wait to hear about that after this break.

43:29

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on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or

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wherever. You get your podcasts. All

48:02

right, we're back. So Tonya

48:05

said you're going into a new decade. Yes.

48:07

I have a question before you start talking

48:09

about that because I want to talk about

48:11

spades and spares. Yeah. Because you started your

48:13

company. How long ago was that? That

48:16

was in 2017. Crazy.

48:19

That's so crazy. Yeah. Are you at a

48:21

point now, and I don't know if

48:24

you want to share this, but are you

48:26

making, because I know starting a company

48:28

like that and you just put as much

48:30

effort and money, and then you don't

48:32

see anything for like a minute. Are you

48:34

at the point where you're making compensation

48:36

on was, and then now I'm like, the

48:38

alcohol business is so hard, and it's

48:40

so, like I wish I, there's

48:42

obviously the benefit of hindsight, like I wish

48:45

I did certain things differently, but

48:47

like Target, for example, I was

48:49

starting to get into all these

48:51

targets, and it was really starting

48:53

to go, The

48:55

problem is with wine, wine sales are down

48:57

like, I don't know,

48:59

I want to say like 52 % or

49:01

something. Like it's insane, alcohol in general,

49:03

but wine and beer specifically, because everyone

49:05

is being told on the internet, like,

49:07

this is going to kill you. And

49:10

all the like refineries. Anyways, and so

49:12

I feel like alcohol sales are down

49:14

and Snoop Dogg right now is selling

49:16

his wine for like $2 everywhere because

49:18

everywhere is just sitting on so much

49:20

inventory for wine. And so I'm feeling

49:22

so defeated in that way because I'm

49:24

like, yeah, but I'm like, you know

49:27

what? Things go through their ups and

49:29

downs and I'm no matter what happens,

49:31

I'm like so proud of Spade and

49:33

Sparrows and that whole brand because so

49:35

many people work with other alcohol companies

49:37

and they can have the best distributors

49:39

from working with this. they

49:42

get to throw these big events.

49:44

But everything I've done is from my

49:46

own money, I was cold calling

49:48

people to get in touch with people

49:50

at Target. And I

49:52

don't have good, I

49:54

can say this because I'm not with them

49:57

anymore, partners. I did not have, not my business

49:59

partners, I mean the production facilities and stuff. they

50:01

just like stopped caring because sales were

50:03

down. And so now I'm trying

50:05

to just like pivot and find ways because,

50:07

I mean, it's so good. The wine is so

50:10

good. It is low sugar. And

50:12

people still buy, I sell at my wine

50:14

club. Like it's not, we're not drowning over here.

50:16

It's fine. It's just, yeah, wine sales are

50:18

tough right now. It's true though. It's like the

50:20

stocks though. You go, there's ups and downs

50:22

and it's like right now it's like, I'll leave

50:24

what they're told. People are being told, hey,

50:26

alcohol is going to kill you. Then it goes.

50:30

So then everyone wants to go viral. So everyone's talking

50:32

about how bad Botox and alcohol and it's gonna

50:34

kill you because it's going viral right now. And people

50:36

just believe what they're told. I know. I'm actually

50:38

trying to get better about that because like I'm like

50:40

one of those people, I'll see something on Instagram

50:42

and like I'll just like, I'll believe it to don't

50:44

even eat vegetables anymore. Yeah, it's like gonna kill

50:46

me. I'm like vegetables are

50:48

gonna kill us. Apparently. They're not organic.

50:50

Yeah. Oh my God. kidding. I'm

50:52

kidding. No, it's crazy. Okay,

50:54

40 decade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've

50:58

always been like this manifester. I make vision boards.

51:00

I always have a plan. I'm always like, this

51:02

is what I want to accomplish. I

51:04

don't have anything in 40s. Like I'm just

51:06

like, I want to just feel happy. Anytime

51:09

I see 11 -11, I used to

51:11

be like, I will win dancing

51:13

with the stars. Like I'm, and then

51:15

I did. So you'd think I

51:17

would have some more goals, but I'm like, just

51:20

thinking about, I always think about how I

51:22

want to feel. I'm like, I want to

51:24

enjoy how hard I've worked and that I'm

51:26

like, where I'm

51:28

at. I wanna enjoy where I'm at and

51:30

not push myself. I have this

51:32

big thing coming up that I can't even talk about

51:34

because it's a whole thing. I

51:36

was at the Hulu event last

51:38

night because we were supposed to

51:40

announce something, but it's getting pushed.

51:42

And I can't talk about it.

51:44

And it's so tough because that

51:46

could be a really big thing

51:49

that happens. But really,

51:51

my podcast means everything to me. I've

51:53

been doing it for eight years. Yesterday

51:57

was the first time in eight years

51:59

I didn't release an episode because I'm

52:02

rewatching and I'm just having to go

52:04

through some hoops with ABC and Disney

52:06

and Warner Brothers to get the footage.

52:09

And I'm like, oh God, everyone's gonna turn

52:11

on me. My OTV family is everything to

52:13

me. They're gonna be like, well, I'm done,

52:15

because you have to be so consistent with

52:17

podcasts. Like

52:19

for my 40s like I'm just I just want

52:22

to like elevate the conversations I want to have

52:24

these guests on that are gonna make me like

52:26

like fill everybody's cup I'm I like to I

52:28

like to have deep conversations and like I like

52:30

to have the reality TV people on once in

52:32

a while and You know, I love having musicians

52:34

on but I'm like I just want I

52:37

just wanna keep going with that so much

52:39

because I love it. I've never been so

52:41

passionate about something in my life as my

52:43

podcast. So I feel like that, maybe a

52:45

few more dogs. I would love

52:47

to have a baby one day, a healthy

52:49

marriage. I feel like 40 is maybe

52:51

the time for that. like the next

52:53

phase in life. Because you

52:56

were saying how you've gotten

52:58

so hyper -independent, what does

53:00

it look like for you

53:02

to, because obviously going from

53:04

the hyper -independent mentality, to marriage

53:06

is like, there's a bunch

53:08

of space in between there. It's

53:11

cute. I

53:13

told you that earlier. I thought we

53:15

were gonna date a girl for a second.

53:17

I wanted to so badly. I really

53:19

did. I thought it was my time and

53:21

I mean, maybe I

53:23

still could. I

53:26

think I just like want somebody

53:28

who also, who like loves the

53:30

independence that I have. And like,

53:33

I know that like codependency in a

53:35

relationship can also be cute. like

53:37

to a certain degree. And

53:40

I want like, I'm sorry, that is so disturbing. It's

53:42

the Kanye West thing. Oh yeah, I know, these

53:44

are these TVs. Because you get really,

53:46

whoa, squirrel. Where am

53:48

I? The co -dependency

53:51

can be cute. Oh yeah, it's cute. Like I

53:53

want, I just want somebody who is also

53:55

independent and like we just do our own thing

53:57

and then we come back together and we

53:59

just, don't know, I just have this

54:01

vision and maybe I should not be so

54:03

specific on my vision. But I do think, I'm

54:06

just, I'm happy in this dating world that

54:08

I'm in right now and I'm happy doing it

54:10

privately and I have like a lot of

54:12

hope. I do. That's

54:14

exciting. have. Very exciting. Little bit

54:16

of hope. I'm gonna leave you with something.

54:18

Okay. Oh wow. Oh God, she's

54:20

crossing her hands. Yeah, she did cross her

54:22

hands. Thank you. That wasn't

54:25

why I was doing it. Have

54:29

you read this book called Calling in the One?

54:31

No. Okay. It's,

54:33

first of all, it's more than just about, it's more

54:35

than like a dating book. To me, it felt

54:37

like therapy in a book. Like it's like, do you

54:39

like homework and stuff? Yeah. Oh yeah. I think

54:41

you're gonna love it. Okay. It's seven weeks. I'll get

54:43

it. Every day there's like, I'll get it for

54:45

you. I'm happy. I would love nothing more than to

54:47

send it to you. Okay. And

54:49

I, like it was like, I had

54:51

major breakthrough moments doing this book. Do

54:53

you still do it if, like what

54:56

if, hypothetically speaking, what if

54:58

I've already called one in and I just

55:00

will it reaffirm or like validate it?

55:02

It's not even that. Cause I did it.

55:04

I met my now husband before I

55:06

finished it and I finished it while we

55:08

were in our early stages of dating. But

55:11

it was just like, it helped

55:13

me like. get rid of so

55:15

much stuff that I've just toxic stuff that I

55:17

was just doing in general. Patterns, it

55:19

made me see patterns and stuff in my life

55:21

that I just, yeah. Anyways, it

55:23

really was like game changing me. It's stuff

55:25

like cleaning out space in your closet

55:27

for a person, cleaning. Getting

55:30

rid of like old packs that you maybe

55:32

had with like partners from your past or

55:34

whatever. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, I could. Yeah,

55:37

you know what my like DNA makeup

55:39

and I found out I'm a generator and

55:41

all the stuff come all into that

55:43

there She said my life purpose is to

55:45

learn how to let go and I

55:47

was like Because I was like wow that

55:49

is that feels true. Yeah, that's very

55:51

true. Yeah, um I will take that book.

55:53

Also, I don't know why I talk

55:55

about Ix when I'm with you, Becca, but

55:57

I can think out by my dangly

55:59

feet right now, like that they don't touch

56:01

floor. Yeah, I hate that too. I

56:03

hate it. my ankles crossed and I got

56:05

upset. I immediately uncrossed them. I

56:08

have a trash can underneath mine that I usually put

56:10

my feet up on, because I can't feet. I saw

56:12

a guy sitting at the bar at my hotel and

56:14

his feet were dangling, and I was like, ew. Yeah,

56:17

it's gross. I can't. It's weird what

56:19

triggers that for some people. And some people

56:21

that don't have that don't understand, and

56:23

they're like, that's so mean. And I'm like,

56:25

it's not mean. It's just like. It's

56:27

what happens to my brain. Also, when you

56:29

do a lot of press or TV

56:31

press, and they have you on those stools,

56:33

none of those stools have a place

56:35

for you to put your ankles or put

56:37

your feet on. So yeah, you have

56:39

dangly feet and all. Yeah, the

56:42

dangly feet, I don't know. I

56:44

hate it too. I act myself out a

56:46

lot, actually. Do you know the

56:48

app Marco Polo? No. So it's this app

56:50

where you can talk to your friends. It's

56:52

like a video chat and you can watch

56:54

it live. Like if I hit record right

56:56

now on the Marco Polo, my girlfriend can

56:59

be like, okay, let's talk into me and

57:01

then watch it live or you can watch

57:03

it later and like respond back. And I

57:05

talked to two of my best friends on

57:07

it every single day. And last night I'd

57:09

had a few glasses of wine and I

57:11

decided to send her a Marco Polo about

57:13

the Hulu event last night and all the

57:16

things that went down and people that were

57:18

there. And I was eating chicken tendies and

57:20

fries and while talking, and

57:22

she was like, oh, your polo last night

57:24

was gold. You told me so much

57:26

inside info, and I went back to watch

57:28

it, and I was like, ah, I

57:30

couldn't even watch. I was so grossed out

57:32

by myself chewing. Because have misophonia, don't

57:34

you? Yes, and I honestly hate the sound

57:36

of myself drinking water. I hate

57:38

the sound of myself chewing. I annoy

57:40

myself. It's not, so I'm like,

57:42

I feel better about it that I'm not just playing

57:44

the video. Ew, I know.

57:47

We're gonna have to get this app, by

57:49

the way. I knew I could see your,

57:51

I was like, Caitlin, please stop telling her

57:53

what this is. It's the best,

57:55

my best friend since I was like seven.

57:57

see when they've watched it? Yeah. Oh my gosh.

57:59

You can see when they've watched it. You

58:01

can see if they're there live watching. You can

58:03

like live react to it. I should get

58:06

paid by Marco Polo because I talk about this

58:08

app all the time. It's so good. how

58:10

I feel about that book. I'm like, I have

58:12

probably sold so many of these and myself,

58:14

I bought and purchased Amazon. I'm

58:18

just happy to give the, happy

58:20

to give the, yes, paying it

58:22

forward. Yeah, paying it forward, exactly.

58:25

Okay, I have a question I want both of you

58:27

to answer. It's a critical thinking question. So

58:29

I'm gonna give you four things and

58:31

you can choose one of them

58:33

that you're the best at and then

58:35

the other three you're the worst

58:37

at. Okay. So the

58:39

things are beauty, brains,

58:43

talent and charisma. Oh,

58:45

charisma for me. Brains.

58:50

Interesting, I'm joking. I was like,

58:52

not what I expected. I was

58:54

going between brains and charisma. Wait,

58:56

what is that, the fourth one?

58:58

Talent, beauty, brains and charisma. I

59:01

said charisma too. Wait, what a great

59:03

question. So I started following this girl who

59:05

she was talking about how she loves

59:07

critical thinking questions because she gets so like...

59:09

hates small talk and she loves like

59:11

when people can talk that she just met

59:14

and they get asked for something that's

59:16

like profound Yeah, so I just started going

59:18

to her videos and I was like

59:20

that's such a good question to ask that

59:22

is a good one because I thought

59:24

about it for a long time because I

59:26

was like Brains like you're smart so

59:28

you can outsmart things, but I think charisma

59:30

every time I think talent, if you

59:32

ask me. I'm joking. I

59:34

actually don't think I have any of those. You, charisma,

59:36

yes you do. I don't think I have charisma.

59:38

I definitely don't have charisma. You have all of those,

59:40

but the whole thing is like hype. You can

59:42

only choose one and then you're the worst at the

59:45

others. I'm definitely going with

59:47

charisma. I'm pretty

59:49

talented though. What

59:53

do you ever have? Have you ever, I know

59:55

that we talked a lot about you. Like

59:57

you've talked a lot about wanting to host

59:59

like dancing with the stars and is there ever,

1:00:01

I know that's probably still on the list.

1:00:04

I was with Alfonso last night and I was

1:00:06

like, you have my dream job. We literally

1:00:08

spent one hour on my golf swing at this

1:00:10

Hulu event. Just like him and I just

1:00:12

practicing like the golf swing. I was like, are

1:00:14

we doing? Okay. But

1:00:16

he has my dream job, but

1:00:18

they are so good that that is

1:00:20

kind of like a pipe dream,

1:00:22

maybe down the road. I don't see

1:00:24

it happening anytime soon because they

1:00:26

are so good. Julianne and

1:00:29

Alfonso are so good. But

1:00:31

I do love hosting. My dream job is

1:00:33

to host a TV show for sure. Yeah,

1:00:35

yeah. But you loved dancing with the stars.

1:00:37

That was like. Oh, if I could just

1:00:39

live there and just hang out with them

1:00:41

all the time. I loved

1:00:43

it so much. It was hands down the hardest

1:00:46

thing I ever did and then also hands

1:00:48

down the most memorable thing I ever did and

1:00:50

like. I feel like everybody speaks so highly

1:00:52

of that show. It's

1:00:54

so hard, like the work you put in. I

1:00:57

was with Danny, how do you say his

1:00:59

last name? Amandola. Yeah, Amandola. What? Amandola?

1:01:01

He's gonna be like, thanks a lot, Katelyn. We

1:01:04

were with him in Miami for one night. We

1:01:06

had a drink with him and he was talking about

1:01:08

how hard it is. He's like, you do not

1:01:10

know what you're signing up for, but once you get

1:01:12

in it, if you're a competitive person, You're

1:01:14

like, I'm going out there with like cracked

1:01:16

ribs and like still doing it. And I should

1:01:18

have been out of the competition for, cause

1:01:20

they're like, the doctor told me at one point

1:01:22

they're like, I don't think you should continue

1:01:25

dancing. Like you're really doing damage to your body.

1:01:27

And I was like, I don't care. I

1:01:29

don't care. I want to win. And you just,

1:01:31

you really, it's like eight hours a day

1:01:33

and you don't get one day off and it's

1:01:35

a long show, but you get so into

1:01:37

it. And the crew and the producers and the

1:01:39

whole, all the stars are just so amazing. I

1:01:42

just love it so much. I saw them last night and I was

1:01:44

like, oh my gosh. Have you met Riley

1:01:46

Arnold? Yes. Okay, speaking of no poor,

1:01:48

like when she came, she came as

1:01:50

a guest and we were staring at

1:01:52

her and we were like, she doesn't

1:01:54

have pores on her face. I will

1:01:56

after, this is Emma's makeup from last

1:01:58

night. No. I've always admired,

1:02:01

this is a skill that you have. It

1:02:03

is a skill. This is talent. I woke

1:02:05

up like lip liner still on. I

1:02:08

don't know. I woke up and I was

1:02:10

like crazy. I looked in the mirror and I

1:02:12

went. That'll work. I literally was staring at

1:02:14

your eye makeup like, wow, she does have an

1:02:16

amazing makeup. I was like, wow, she does

1:02:18

a really good job of doing it herself. No,

1:02:20

this is all Emma. I just sleep like

1:02:22

a vampire. It's great. That's amazing. Yeah, I just

1:02:24

put a little powder under my eyes and...

1:02:26

put a little more lip gloss on and call

1:02:28

it. It probably looks kind of dirty, but.

1:02:30

You don't really have any pores either. Well, they're

1:02:32

covered up, but right, it's back to Riley.

1:02:34

I saw her also on your guys' podcast and

1:02:36

I was like, she is the cutest. She's

1:02:38

so cute. Yeah, sweetest, most innocent little thing I've

1:02:40

ever met in my life. Yeah. Precious. Oh,

1:02:42

precious is the perfect word for her. She's polypocket.

1:02:44

Yeah. have two questions, then we're done. Who's

1:02:48

been your most impactful

1:02:50

guests that you've had on Off the

1:02:52

Bind. Oh, Mel Robbins had. Really? Oh,

1:02:54

my gosh. She changed my life. Oh,

1:02:57

yeah. She was amazing. Also, I had Jay Shetty

1:02:59

on, but it was during Zoom times. And I'm

1:03:01

so mad I didn't get to just like breathe

1:03:03

in his presence and like smell him. Yeah. His

1:03:07

conversation with me and Mel Robbins, because I

1:03:09

feel like I didn't even need to like

1:03:11

say anything. Like she just sat there and

1:03:13

like it's like I went to church. Like

1:03:15

I just sat there being like, yeah. Wow.

1:03:19

Yes, and she calls you out on certain things.

1:03:21

What was the video she called you out

1:03:23

when you said something and she was like, no.

1:03:25

She was like, I think you need to

1:03:27

talk to your therapist about that. I was like,

1:03:29

oh, I like that. She's

1:03:31

just so real. And

1:03:33

it was, yeah, definitely Mel Robbins. Okay.

1:03:35

Who's your pipe dream guest to have

1:03:37

on the pop Britney Spears? Oh, wow. Did

1:03:40

you imagine? I mean, she

1:03:42

couldn't sit still for that long, but that's

1:03:44

like my unrealistic one, maybe a realistic

1:03:46

one. I don't know. Oh

1:03:49

gosh, Chelsea Handler was up there for me and I got

1:03:51

to talk to her and that was amazing. I

1:03:53

don't know. I

1:03:55

talk about this all the time and now I

1:03:58

forget all the people. I buckle under pressure. There's

1:04:01

zero pressure here. Yeah,

1:04:03

literally opposite of pressure. Maybe

1:04:06

like one of the Kardashians, because I just

1:04:08

want... to like know how they do what

1:04:10

they do. I'd love to have one of

1:04:12

them on too. I would love to have

1:04:14

one of them if it could be just

1:04:16

like real and raw and not like -

1:04:18

Yeah, like if they can come in and

1:04:20

sweat with no makeup and just talk about

1:04:23

like the real, like if they have diarrhea

1:04:25

or like - Yeah. Like

1:04:27

the stuff that you would never know because they're

1:04:29

always so put together. I bet they have

1:04:31

diarrhea. Do you think I don't? For sure. Do

1:04:33

you think they poop? Chloe

1:04:35

does. Yeah. And Courtney. And

1:04:38

Courtney. Yeah. Yeah. Let me poop. I don't know about

1:04:40

Kim. Yeah. Can't confirm. No, Kim's

1:04:42

a robot. I

1:04:45

would like to know how to be a billionaire. That's what I would

1:04:47

ask her. How do you get to be a billionaire? I

1:04:50

don't know if I want to be a billionaire. See, my thing

1:04:52

is I want to be a billionaire. And

1:04:54

then everything you have to question,

1:04:56

every relationship, are they just my

1:04:58

friend because I have billions of

1:05:00

dollars? Yeah, and you don't need

1:05:02

it. No one needs a billion

1:05:04

dollars. it. have to give it

1:05:06

away for it to be even

1:05:09

borderline ethical. But

1:05:11

they don't be doing that. Caitlin,

1:05:15

we love you. Thank you for coming to

1:05:17

the studio. We'll come film a TikTok

1:05:19

or something. Yeah, can we

1:05:22

do that? If

1:05:24

you can teach us. It's

1:05:27

hard. I finally got it yesterday

1:05:29

and I was sweating. I was sweating learning how

1:05:31

to do that. What if you do it and we're

1:05:33

just staying hype you up in the back? Yeah,

1:05:35

that works. I'm horrible with TikToks. Or we can find

1:05:37

one that we're all good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I

1:05:39

think there's some we can do. We

1:05:41

love you so much. We're so happy for

1:05:43

you. I'm so happy for the place that

1:05:45

you're in and love the person that you

1:05:47

are and can't wait. Can't

1:05:50

wait to see what the 40s bring

1:05:52

you. Because I feel like up until then

1:05:54

you has brought you a lot. I

1:05:56

feel like the 30s brought you a lot.

1:05:58

A lot of ups and a lot

1:06:00

of downs. That's life. You

1:06:02

lived a lot of life in your 30s.

1:06:04

I think I've lived like 100 different lives

1:06:06

in my life. Every time I tell my

1:06:08

girlfriend a story, she's like, of

1:06:11

course that happened to you. Weird things

1:06:13

happen to me all the time. But yeah, thanks for having

1:06:15

me. I don't want to leave. Next

1:06:17

time in your LA, call us.

1:06:19

Call us anytime you're in LA. Now

1:06:21

I'm really done talking to you. We

1:06:24

put a cap on the

1:06:26

finale of all things in the

1:06:28

past. Yeah, bye. It's being

1:06:31

left in the 30s forever. Yeah,

1:06:33

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1:06:35

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