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3:52

with Becca Tilly and Tanya

3:55

Red, an I-Hart radio podcast.

4:00

Hello everybody we are

4:02

scrubbing in scrubbed up

4:04

in the tub, tub, tub.

4:06

We have our special gas

4:08

and roller this week. She's

4:10

back in the evening.

4:12

Paulina is here. She couldn't

4:15

stay away. We didn't let

4:17

her. I couldn't. And we

4:19

thought this episode would be

4:21

like a dear Bonnius slash

4:23

game since we even done

4:26

a game in a while

4:28

Mark. I have said, I think from

4:30

the very beginning when you told us

4:32

who your maids of honor were going

4:35

to be, I wanted to play, who knows

4:37

Tanya best? I'm stressed. Oh, I'm- And

4:39

by the way, the answer to the

4:41

question is me, because all of your

4:43

questions save a few, I came up

4:45

with, save a few, I came up

4:47

with, just a few of your questions,

4:49

save a few, I came up with,

4:51

just from my own memory, because all

4:53

of your questions, save, save a few,

4:55

and a few, I've, I've, I've, Similarly,

4:57

yes, you'll get a point for each

5:00

one though. We're not doing 500, 1,

5:02

2.3 points, 4 points, 5 points, you

5:04

cannot lose points. And you're not gonna

5:06

buzz in, you're gonna yell the answer if

5:08

you know it. Oh, I love this. And if

5:10

you go at the same time, then the points

5:12

will carry over to the next question. If I

5:14

determine that it's the same time, that it's a

5:16

tie, because it could be. All right. So, here we

5:18

go. This is gonna be fun. This is gonna be

5:20

fun. This is gonna be fun. We have a

5:22

bonus question at the bonus question at the

5:24

end. Very good. Okay. Do I have

5:27

the thing about me? I am

5:29

very competitive when it comes to game.

5:31

And I think Becca is too. And

5:33

that's what I was hoping for.

5:35

Yeah, yeah. It's on Beccatilla. All right.

5:38

Move your mic up a little bit

5:40

just so I can make sure I

5:42

don't want her to be louder than

5:44

you because that could, you know, change.

5:46

Yeah, good. We're good. All right. Here

5:49

we're going to write it. Right. There

5:51

are some of them you will have

5:53

to write things down for. favorites

5:55

and childhood. Tanya,

5:58

you may choose the first.

6:00

category. Let's go radio. Gonna

6:02

go with radio. All right, here

6:05

we go. For one point, Tanya's

6:07

first radio job was in this

6:10

city. Oh, Phoenix, Arizona, Tucson. Tucson

6:12

is the correct answer. Arizona is

6:14

a state. I said city, that

6:17

is a point for BECA. For

6:19

two points, what are the reports

6:21

called that Tanya does every day

6:24

on the Kiss Morning Show? She

6:26

has to send her... She has

6:29

to send her... Oh my God.

6:31

Every day. She has to send

6:33

her... That's a correct answer. It's

6:36

a threatening report. Let me tell

6:38

you, I help her out some

6:40

things. All right, next. Every morning,

6:43

Tanya starts her day by singing

6:45

a rendition of this. Her theme

6:48

song, when she enters the Kiss

6:50

Studio. Bejold! Correct bejeweled every single

6:52

day. Tony sings bejeweled as she

6:55

walks in the room. The light

6:57

switch thing. And that's included, that's

6:59

a big part of it. For

7:02

four points, Tanya got a job

7:04

at kiss after sending this object

7:07

in the mail to then Promotions

7:09

Director Tim Martinez. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes,

7:11

is correct. A shoe, I will

7:14

accept shoes. It's very nice. Foot

7:16

in the door. Foot in the

7:18

door, yes. And the five point

7:21

radio question, here we go. A

7:23

former boss of Tanya's once diminished

7:26

her by saying she was nothing

7:28

more than this. A pretty face.

7:30

A pretty face. Nope. Too happy,

7:33

but I don't know. A blonde,

7:35

blonde, go. She was, she was

7:37

simply, nothing hard one. This took

7:40

me a minute. Nothing more than

7:42

blank. Nothing more than, yeah, blank,

7:45

yes. Nothing more than a voice.

7:47

Nope. Nothing more than a girl.

7:49

A college. Jockey I don't think

7:52

they're gonna get it. I don't

7:54

think so either I think sure

7:56

Homer Simpson is one of these

8:01

a cartoon nothing but a cartoon

8:03

character cartoon character I think I

8:05

got to go back on that

8:07

one I got very close you

8:10

did but I came out with

8:12

character I don't like this game

8:14

all right well one one category

8:17

down it's back in nine Paulina

8:19

six so far and I'll just

8:21

do that not so bad plenty

8:23

of time to come back Next

8:26

category, because you took that category,

8:28

you can choose the next category.

8:30

We have family, love life, favorites,

8:32

and childhood. Love life. Love life,

8:35

it is. This is not going

8:37

to be fair because you, never

8:39

mind. Go ahead. From one point.

8:42

In 2012, Tanya made out with

8:44

this CW actor at the IHAR

8:46

Radio Music Festival. Oh my gosh,

8:48

Colin! Colin! What's the last name

8:51

start with? I need a hint.

8:53

Colin I think she should get

8:55

Colin. Okay, I think Pauline is.

8:57

I didn't get Arizona. That's not

9:00

a city. All right, one for

9:02

Becca, one point for Colin. Donald

9:04

was the man's name. I would

9:06

have never gone on. I wouldn't

9:09

have gotten the last name. For

9:11

two points in 2017, Tanya went

9:13

on a date with a guy.

9:16

She met at this grocery store.

9:18

Whole Foods. Oh. I'll go tie

9:20

on that one. That one. That

9:22

means the two points rolls over

9:25

to the next one. In 2018,

9:27

Tanya had designs on this former

9:29

NFL quarterback and even started texting

9:31

him. He ended up engaged to

9:34

someone else in 2019. Jiragoff! This

9:36

is now a five-point question. Wait!

9:38

Um, I know that, I know

9:40

the story. It's your dog, yeah,

9:42

Jiragoff. That's not the correct answer.

9:45

I don't know the name. Oh,

9:47

yes. I don't know the name.

9:50

His first and last names

9:52

start with the same initial,

9:54

but as the final clue

9:56

I will give I also

9:58

don't know sports. So can't

10:00

even guess initial starts song

10:02

about him. Yes you did.

10:04

The one that got away.

10:06

All right. Oh. Running out

10:08

of time. What was it?

10:10

I don't know. Tim Tibo

10:13

was the man's name. Those

10:15

points now rolled over again

10:17

so this is now a

10:19

nine-point question. Oh my gosh.

10:21

In 2013 Tanya went on

10:23

a date which you can

10:25

watch on YouTube with an

10:27

Olympic athlete in what event...

10:29

Did he compete? Michael Phelps

10:31

swimming. I don't even know.

10:33

Yes, you do, huh? Try.

10:35

Nope. Oh, swimming. Nope. Gymnastics.

10:38

In what winter Olympic events?

10:40

Oh, snowboarding. Snowboarding is the

10:42

correct answer. It's snowboarding. These

10:44

are ours. I don't remember.

10:46

for him, but I don't

10:48

remember his name or his

10:50

Olympic sport. I don't know

10:52

his name, but I looked

10:54

up his sport. Not even

10:56

Tanya knows the answer. Well,

10:58

hey, see, that's why I

11:01

win. Number five, five point

11:03

question, final question, and love

11:05

life. In 2018, Tani and

11:07

Ryan, Seacrest, concocted a plan

11:09

that technical difficulties would require

11:11

that you share a microphone

11:13

with this in studio guest.

11:15

Correct answer, correct answer, and

11:17

that's a clean sweep on

11:19

that category. I think she

11:21

will, I hope so. It'd

11:23

be good to make it

11:26

a game. Well, you can

11:28

catch up still. Becca, family,

11:30

favorites, or childhood. I'm going

11:32

to go family. All right,

11:34

family it is. Polina has

11:36

an upper hand here, but

11:38

maybe she will, I hope

11:40

so. It'd be good to

11:42

make it a game. Here

11:44

we go. Mark. So far,

11:46

it's not going great. But

11:49

you've got plenty of time

11:51

to come back story. That's

11:53

right. For one point, Tanya's

11:55

parents spend multiple months every

11:57

year in Serbia. Hold on,

11:59

hold on, you need to

12:01

finish the question, but I'm

12:03

waiting for you to finish

12:05

the question. I don't need

12:07

to, if you know it,

12:09

you should blurt it. Well,

12:11

okay, I'm sorry, blurt away.

12:14

Okay, I'm gonna. Now I've

12:16

got to finish the question.

12:18

All right. For two points,

12:20

what is Tanya's father's first

12:22

name? Brago. Okay, there we

12:24

go. Here she comes. For

12:26

three points. How many nieces

12:28

and nephews does Tanya? Three.

12:30

Three. Three is correct. Oh,

12:32

three, damn it! Oh, Marko

12:34

has one kid. Four points.

12:37

How did Tanya's mother get

12:39

to college at Long Beach,

12:41

since she didn't have a

12:43

car at the time? Bus.

12:45

Walking, biking. Biking is correct.

12:47

Did you guess that? You

12:49

guessed that. All right, write

12:51

this down. You're ready to

12:53

write this down. There's the

12:55

five point question. You can

12:57

each get five points. No

12:59

blurting on this one. Write

13:02

it down. Spell, Tanya's complete,

13:04

last name. I will not

13:06

accept rad. I need the

13:08

entire name spelled correctly. You

13:10

will each potentially get five

13:12

points if you can do

13:14

it. This is so wrong.

13:16

I can't even explain that

13:18

too. I love that we're

13:20

playing. Who knows her best

13:22

and last name is the

13:25

sticking point. I don't have

13:27

a single, I might have

13:29

the three verse right. I

13:31

think I have a. We

13:33

are the first five. Well,

13:35

I don't know that we'll

13:37

give any points, but let's

13:39

have Paulina go first. Go

13:41

ahead. What can you read

13:43

it off, please? R. A.

13:45

D. I. S. A. V.

13:47

I. O. V. J. K.

13:50

R. R. A. D. I.

13:52

Z. A. B. I. C.

13:54

So people are a no

13:56

say how you say everybody

13:58

saw of you each and

14:00

you spell it R-a-d-i-s-a-j-e-v-i-c That

14:02

L-j-s-c I have the first

14:04

nine right wait what's the

14:06

last three letters? E-v-i-c I

14:08

knew there was a j

14:10

I know there was a

14:13

she did not do a

14:15

good job on that one

14:17

all right Well, the score

14:19

is currently. No, I don't

14:21

want to know. Okay, great.

14:23

We have two more categories.

14:25

Becca, you may choose. It

14:27

is, what do we have?

14:29

We have Child, because she

14:31

won that category. Childhood and

14:33

favorites, that's all we have

14:35

left. Let's do childhood. All

14:38

right. For one point, Tanya

14:40

started a fan club in

14:42

high school called the musical.

14:44

John, John, Mayor, and Shikira

14:46

is the correct answer. The

14:48

musical synergy club was dedicated

14:50

to which two musicians, John

14:52

Mayer and Shakira, very good.

14:54

For two points. Tanya's first

14:56

kiss was with a boy

14:58

who had this significant first

15:01

name. The heck? He had

15:03

this significant first name. Taylor.

15:05

No, but that's a good

15:07

guess. That's a good guess

15:09

also. That is correct. Very

15:11

good. No other students named

15:13

Bronco, I don't think. No,

15:15

no. In eighth grade, Tani

15:17

got in trouble at school

15:19

for doing this. Throwing apples

15:21

at people's head. Bronco was

15:23

not happy. You got in

15:26

trouble for throwing apples at

15:28

people's heads? No, they would

15:30

throw apples at my head.

15:32

Oh, wait, what did you

15:34

do in high school? In

15:36

eighth grade. You probably got

15:38

in trouble for, did you

15:40

kiss someone in the lockers?

15:42

Talking in school, cheating. Steeping

15:44

is the correct answer. Let

15:46

me tell you, I don't

15:49

think guessing should have been,

15:51

but my guesses have just

15:53

been, what after the next?

15:55

All right, number four, four

15:57

points. When Tanya was in

15:59

high school, she pulled her

16:01

pants down in front of

16:03

her mom, her older sister,

16:05

and her sister's boyfriend to

16:07

show them what? Oh, a

16:09

cyst, or like a, ingorn

16:11

hair. No puberty no hair

16:14

on her a bruise no

16:16

she was concerned it was

16:18

a possible UTI but she

16:20

wasn't sure she was saying

16:22

what you guys Is this,

16:24

could this be a tumor?

16:26

No! I don't know. Could

16:28

this be a... It's not

16:30

anger, anger? There's only so

16:32

many things down there. A

16:34

pimple? A pimple? A pimple?

16:37

They've got to think bigger

16:39

than a pimple. It's not

16:41

a cyst. It's not a...

16:43

It ended up being a

16:45

cyst. Not the word I'm

16:47

looking for though. You're looking...

16:49

No. It's not a sis.

16:51

They're not going to get

16:53

it. All right. She thought

16:55

it was a hemorrhoid. Oh,

16:57

your mom just told me

16:59

this. Well, see? That's on

17:02

you. Just told me this

17:04

story two days ago. Oh,

17:06

shoot. But it was a

17:08

sis? It was a sis.

17:10

All right, this one's a

17:12

tough one. I don't know

17:14

if they'll get this one.

17:16

The other ones haven't been.

17:18

For five points, Tanya's favorite

17:20

teacher. Mr. Mr. Mr. Is

17:22

it Mr. Rodriguez? Mr. I

17:25

mean, you're pretty close. Mr.

17:27

Gonzalez. Mr. Gonzalez. Mr. Gonzalez.

17:29

Mr. Gonzalez. Mr. Rogers. Mr.

17:31

Mr. I actually mentioned this

17:33

name earlier in the quiz

17:35

because the kiss promotions director

17:37

had the same last name

17:39

that she sent the shoe

17:41

to. Mr. It starts with

17:43

an M. Mr. Martinez. A

17:45

favorite, favorite in high school.

17:47

Shout out to Mr. Martinez.

17:50

All right, here we go,

17:52

final round, its favorites. And

17:54

we'll start with a one-point

17:56

question. Just not us having

17:58

fun. You have 10 points.

18:00

Oh my God. 10 points

18:02

is a nice... No number.

18:04

Really, that nine pointer really

18:06

killed me anyway. Yeah, that

18:08

was tough. Yeah. All right.

18:10

Get ready to blurt. What

18:13

is Tanya's favorite TV show

18:15

of all time? Friends? Friends

18:17

is correct. Your podcast is

18:19

called. Amongst friends. What is

18:21

Tanya's favorite Taylor Swift song?

18:23

Invisible string. Paulina, you got

18:25

to be faster. Honestly,

18:28

I don't know Taylor Swift, so

18:30

I wasn't sure if it was

18:32

like, what did you tell me

18:34

to memorize this weekend? He's just

18:36

not let in. Oh, it is

18:38

over now, is it over now?

18:40

He talked about it on Monday,

18:42

about how, anyway. I thought it

18:44

was a 10-minuteer, and I don't

18:46

know the name of that. That's

18:49

all too well. Yeah. What is

18:51

Tanya's favorite way to have her

18:53

eggs prepared? So on his side

18:55

up. Scrambled. And bone broth. Scrambled

18:57

is correct. That sounded like a

18:59

tie to me. Oh, I'm lit.

19:01

I said scramble. That was not

19:03

a tie. You both said scramble

19:05

the same time. Roll the tape.

19:07

Did you not? I thought I

19:10

said it first. Actually, but. Well,

19:12

you both think that then apparently

19:14

was a tie. Nine point. Final

19:16

question. Oh, my. That's a tough

19:18

one. What is Tanya's favorite alcoholic

19:20

beverage? Takeel on the rocks. I'd

19:22

like to martini. Lichi Martini. We

19:24

have a winner! I just named

19:26

it. I'm blaming my lack of

19:28

sleep on this. I have my

19:31

brain slightly delayed. No, some of

19:33

them were very hard, but like

19:35

the Lichi Martini. Okay, but let

19:37

me tell you something. You made

19:39

my drink on Friday night. Alichi

19:41

Martini. So I wasn't sure if

19:43

that was actually your favorite. Oh,

19:45

so the only reason I don't

19:47

drink them is because a lot

19:49

of restaurants, no, a lot of

19:52

restaurants don't make them delicious. They

19:54

make, yeah. Um, Jim Martina was

19:56

the original answer. She changed it

19:58

this morning. Yeah, Martini! Jim Martini

20:00

with two. I said olive's two

20:02

onions and a twist. I ordered

20:04

that. Olive Yadagar special. Yeah, it's

20:06

the Yadagar special. I said Olive

20:08

Yadagar. I was like, who's Olive

20:10

Yadagar? Don't know. Didn't meet her

20:13

this week now. Shall we take

20:15

a break and come back with

20:17

some banias? Yeah, let's come back

20:19

with the score and some deer

20:21

bongas. It's

21:20

the last game of the season. And with

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Welcome to The Now. It pays

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to discover.com. credit card. Based

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on the February 2024 Nelson

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Report. All

24:01

right, we are back. We have a

24:03

few dear Bonny questions and we thought

24:05

it would be fun to have Paulina

24:08

in giving advice I don't know if

24:10

you know this but every week or

24:12

almost every week we do a dear

24:14

Bonny episode where people write in we

24:16

give advice sometimes great advice sometimes questionable

24:18

hopefully they go elsewhere to go elsewhere

24:20

to to source advice but you'll add

24:22

you'll add something new a new perspective.

24:24

Let's do it. All right, this one,

24:27

Becca, Tanya, Becca, I've been a fan

24:29

of yours since your first season of

24:31

The Bachelor. We were in the same

24:33

sorority. Different schools, we all rooted for

24:35

you because of that. And how genuine

24:37

you were. Isn't that nice? Tanya I

24:39

love a full of life you are

24:41

and you bring such warmth and energy

24:43

to the podcast. It's so fun listening

24:46

to you and learning about your experiences

24:48

with love and life. I will say

24:50

Tanya during the half marathon at Disney

24:52

I ran by you and pointed Tanya

24:54

I'm such a huge fan and then

24:56

just kept running I'm hoping I didn't

24:58

scare you too much. My question would

25:00

you ever run a half or full

25:02

marathon if so which won? Thanks for

25:05

all you do love you do love

25:07

R do love R. I love Boston,

25:09

shout out. Boston's great. Yeah, if I

25:11

ever go. That's the, that's the, that's

25:13

the location of when Tanya peed in

25:15

the hydro flask in the car. Oh

25:17

my gosh, historic. One of the highways

25:19

or freeways. And luckily I did. No,

25:21

because if we literally walked onto the

25:24

plane, had we pulled over for me

25:26

to go to the bathroom, would have

25:28

missed our flight. I said, you gotta

25:30

find the hydrant, you gotta do the

25:32

hydro flask. Yeah. And I was like.

25:34

Well, this is an interesting question having

25:36

you here because you just did the

25:38

half marathon sure did Let me tell

25:41

you guys. I am not a runner.

25:43

I'm really not but I have a

25:45

newfound love for running I have I've

25:47

told you this before anyone can run

25:49

After doing a half marathon anyone can

25:51

run anyone can run and I think

25:53

I'm trying to get you to do

25:55

it with me and you and Rob

25:57

I have this I've always had like

26:00

a weird inkling of like wanting to

26:02

be a runner. What made you want

26:04

to do that because I there's no

26:06

single ounce of my soul that wants

26:08

to do that. I have this I've

26:10

always had like a weird inkling of

26:12

like wanting to be a runner but

26:14

every time I did it I hated

26:16

my life. And I thought, it was

26:19

a joke, honestly. I told a co-worker

26:21

joking, like, should we do it have

26:23

marathon? And we were like, sure. And

26:25

then I had two and a half

26:27

months to train. I think one, I

26:29

had like this goal in mind that

26:31

like, I don't like not being good

26:33

at things. So when I had to

26:35

do it in order to achieve this

26:38

thing that I signed up for and

26:40

paid for, but in the process, I

26:42

like found like a total love for

26:44

running. Like my first run I did

26:46

two miles around like my neighborhood and

26:48

I got back and I was like

26:50

this is so fun. Oh. And by

26:52

the way I'm just as shocked as

26:54

anyone else because I don't even like

26:57

walking down the block. Like my sister

26:59

can't fathom that I did this because

27:01

in New York I'm like where's the

27:03

Uber? Like I don't I don't do

27:05

cardio. I'm shocked you haven't. had interest

27:07

in it because you would do long

27:09

runs for a long time. She ran

27:11

nine miles. Yeah, I ran nine miles.

27:13

I have no desire to be around

27:16

hundreds of people. You're not close enough

27:18

to feel anyone. Running these miles, waking

27:20

up at 5 a.m. on a Sunday,

27:22

like 3.30. Yeah, 3.30. Like, none of

27:24

it, yeah, 3.30. Like, none of it

27:26

to me is something that I want

27:28

to do. If I want to run,

27:30

I'm going to go on a run

27:33

around my house. I'm not, yeah, like

27:35

there's nothing in me that wants to

27:37

do that. See, I'm the opposite, I

27:39

haven't ran since. You should do it.

27:41

It's like a weird like sense of

27:43

accomplishment that I didn't expect Because any

27:45

most things like I'd rather get my

27:47

black belt and Jujitsu than like run

27:49

a marathon I think do that Well,

27:52

I don't know I don't know I

27:54

feel like you can you're a natural

27:56

very few people can run nine miles

27:58

for fun and you were doing that

28:00

I wasn't I wouldn't say it was

28:02

doing it for fun. I was like

28:04

super depressed sad actually I was like

28:06

super depressed sad actually I was like

28:08

super depressed sad actually 9 miles without

28:11

any... I've been really sad and I'd

28:13

never ran that much. Same, actually the

28:15

last thing I thought to do. In

28:17

the middle of a breakup I'm like

28:19

I want nothing to do with exercise.

28:21

For me I feel like running was

28:23

like therapeutic? Yeah, like I remember when

28:25

Robbie and I broke up that was

28:27

all I did was just like run

28:30

every day. And before I knew it

28:32

was like 9 miles. I was like,

28:34

oh dang. Yeah I think that's so

28:36

impressive. A lot of people, by the

28:38

way, train up until nine and then

28:40

do the full thing the day of.

28:42

So you can, after that, your legs

28:44

aren't working, right? You're just numb. No,

28:46

they're just kind of do it by

28:49

themselves. They just kind of go. Well,

28:51

I can't wait to hear about that

28:53

when you do it. Yeah. It's the,

28:55

yeah, no, no, no, no, no. Not

28:57

me. Sorry, are you, y'all. No, I'm,

28:59

I'm, I'm, Tanya. I'm Tanya, I'm, I'm,

29:01

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,

29:03

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,

29:06

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,

29:08

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,

29:10

I'm, I'm, I'm, Anonymous, hi Becketania Mark

29:12

and Paulina. I've been listening to the

29:14

pot for a year or so now

29:16

and I've been catching up on episodes

29:18

I missed as well and y'all bring

29:20

so much joy and laughter to my

29:22

work days. My friends and I just

29:25

went on a Galentines Day weekend trip

29:27

were screaming Taylor Swift in the car

29:29

while driving through national parks that made

29:31

me think of you guys and appreciate

29:33

you sharing all your girlhood stories. Long

29:35

story short, I'm living in Utah for

29:37

a few months with my best friend

29:39

who's out here for clinical, for grad

29:41

school. I work remote so I decided

29:44

to join her. I'm from Minnesota. Don't

29:46

worry Mark, I'm a huge packer fan.

29:48

Thank you. So I love getting this

29:50

opportunity to live somewhere cool. with so

29:52

many outdoor options. I can't imagine moving

29:54

back to my suburban Midwest town in

29:56

a few weeks. I love it here

29:58

in Utah, but I would also consider

30:00

somewhere else with similar things to do.

30:03

I'm in my mid-20s. I don't have

30:05

anything tying me down, I rent, and

30:07

not have anything tying me down. I'm

30:09

not in a rent, I'm not in

30:11

a relationship, I'm not tying me down.

30:13

I rent, I'm not in a relationship,

30:15

I'm not in a rent, I rent,

30:17

or at least a few hours, or

30:19

at a few hours away, or at

30:22

a few hours away, or at a

30:24

few hours away, for their whole, for

30:26

their whole, for their whole, for their

30:28

whole, for their whole life, for their

30:30

whole life, for their whole life, for

30:32

their whole life, for their whole life,

30:34

for their whole life, for their whole

30:36

life, for their whole life, Mark and

30:39

Becca, I know you both moved far

30:41

away from home at a somewhat similar

30:43

age. Do you have any advice on

30:45

how you came to those decisions? And

30:47

once you did move away, how hard

30:49

was it to start over in a

30:51

new place without friends and family? Any

30:53

advice? Hmm. I actually worked, I mean,

30:55

I moved with my sister in my

30:58

brother-in-law, so I had, I did have

31:00

family. I was 19 when I moved,

31:02

and I think it's hard, I mean,

31:04

anything new is hard in my opinion,

31:06

in adjustment period, but... I think having

31:08

family with me made the adjustment so

31:10

much easier. I'm sure, do you feel

31:12

like too? I had the same experience.

31:14

I'm from Miami and I moved to

31:17

LA when I was 19 as well.

31:19

Wow. Yeah, so, oh my gosh, 11,

31:21

10 years ago. But my sister already

31:23

lived in LA. So it made the

31:25

whole thing so much easier. I know

31:27

I've like jokingly told you that I'm

31:29

moving to New York and I can't

31:31

imagine moving somewhere alone but I will

31:33

say and it's kind of perfect that

31:36

we're here but like I think the

31:38

minute I met Tanya everything kind of

31:40

clicked for me in LA. I think

31:42

I always had my sister but then

31:44

it takes a second but then once

31:46

you find your people everything gets easier

31:48

and I and we've cried all weekend

31:50

about it but like we're... chosen family

31:52

and I do think that it's uncomfortable.

31:55

It's not easy, but then like you

31:57

find your footing. Yeah. I mean I

31:59

miss I have I sometimes go through

32:01

the feeling of having guilt living so

32:03

far away from my parents knowing that

32:05

they're getting older and like my nieces

32:07

and nephews and not being there for

32:09

that and that's I think something that

32:12

you're always gonna wrestle with if you

32:14

have a healthy good relationship with family

32:16

or even friends that live far away

32:18

but I think that's the joy of

32:20

getting to go visit on the holidays

32:22

like you do Mark. I was 26

32:24

when I moved out, but I had

32:26

friends here and that helped a lot.

32:28

I think they'd be tough to not

32:31

have friends someplace. But also, but what

32:33

it came down to for me was,

32:35

am I gonna regret staying or am

32:37

I gonna regret going to regret going?

32:39

And I decided that I would regret

32:41

not coming out here and giving it

32:43

a shot. And I came out here

32:45

with big dreams. I achieved none of

32:47

them. But things have worked out great.

32:50

I still got a great life out

32:52

here and I'm really happy that I

32:54

moved out here. So I think you

32:56

got to try it. Don't you? I

32:58

think that's what your 20s are for.

33:00

My mom is every time I'm making

33:02

like a really difficult decision. She's like,

33:04

you can always go back. Yeah. Like

33:06

worst case scenario, you move back. You

33:09

can always like, you know, get a

33:11

new job. Like things can always be

33:13

different. So I think just try. Just

33:15

do it. And if you also give

33:17

it a second. Because when I first

33:19

moved here, I was like, what the

33:21

hell did I do. my family I

33:23

love being home I'm such a home

33:25

body but like three months in I

33:28

was like okay I like it here

33:30

I've good people around me I'll stay

33:32

so give it a second but I

33:34

think do it yeah I agree I

33:36

think I always had the mentality specifically

33:38

when I moved from San Diego to

33:40

LA, which I know is like a

33:42

much smaller move, but I was very

33:45

comfortable in San Diego and I was

33:47

very scared to move to LA in

33:49

the sense of it was this like

33:51

new big place and there's so much

33:53

going on and I remember my boss

33:55

said to me like San Diego is

33:57

still going to be here, like you

33:59

can always come back to San Diego,

34:01

but maybe LA is where you need

34:04

to be right now. And I always

34:06

kept that in my mind of like

34:08

your family and the place that you

34:10

come from is still going to be

34:12

there. So why not go see and

34:14

do something that you're craving to do

34:16

rather than staying somewhere where you feel

34:18

stagnant and never knowing anything different. I

34:20

think there's a lot of beauty in

34:23

that. So I never moved far like

34:25

I grew up in Orange County. So

34:27

it's like an hour and a half

34:29

away from where I live now, but

34:31

I feel like I moved to a

34:33

totally different universe. Completely. It's different for

34:35

me though because my family is so

34:37

like a drive. So it's different, but

34:39

I could not imagine living in the

34:42

city that I grew up in. I

34:44

don't, yeah, I mean, I'm from Miami

34:46

and like Miami is like so fun

34:48

and like really popping right now. But

34:50

yeah, I went whenever I go, I'm

34:52

like, oh, LA is my home. Yeah,

34:54

never say never. And I think, I'm

34:56

more think about it. like when I

34:58

have kids. Yeah. Like I can't imagine

35:01

not having my mom close by. That's

35:03

why we gotta get her to move

35:05

out here. One day. One day. I

35:07

always think it's good to see the

35:09

world. I do. Just expose you to

35:11

more people, more things, more wonderful. My

35:13

father-in-law, I love dearly, has spent his

35:15

entire life in a one-block area. Like

35:18

you can walk from what where he,

35:20

the house he grew up into the

35:22

house where he lives now, and that's

35:24

great for some people. But it sounds

35:26

like from your email, you're not one

35:28

of those people. Yeah, that's what I

35:30

always say. It's okay to stay. It's

35:32

okay. I remember Noah Kahn posts that.

35:34

It's okay to stay where you, where

35:37

you love and be with who you

35:39

love. And it's also okay to want

35:41

to leave and explore different. Is that

35:43

new? Just scratch it, scratch it, it's

35:45

a song. Is it? No? I don't

35:47

know that one. I don't know that

35:49

one either. Personally. Maybe it's a different

35:51

word than stress. Maybe it's just a...

35:53

I don't like a ram it, ram

35:56

it! Just ram it. I don't like

35:58

scratch it. Yeah, I don't know if

36:00

I like any of that. Okay, we

36:02

will be

36:04

right back.

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40:06

right, we are back. Another dear Banya.

40:08

Here comes from Lily. Hi, Baca, Tanya,

40:10

Mark, and Paulina. Hi. I've been in

40:12

my 30s. I've been married 10 years.

40:14

Before me, my husband, I had a

40:16

large group of friends of guys and

40:18

girls. Most of those friendships have faded,

40:20

except for one male friend I've known

40:22

since I was 10. My husband's never

40:24

had an issue with this guy. Nothing

40:26

inappropriate happened. Just friendly hugs with our

40:28

other friends, but my husband is convinced

40:30

I hooked up with this friend in

40:32

the past, which is not true. Ever

40:34

since any mention of my friend turns

40:36

into an issue four days, my husband

40:38

feels disrespectful to maintain the friendship and

40:40

wants to know every time we talk

40:42

and the details of our conversations. I

40:44

know the easy answer is to just

40:46

stop being friends if it makes my

40:48

husband uncomfortable, but part of me thinks

40:50

I shouldn't have to end a 20-year

40:52

friendship over something that isn't true. That

40:54

said, this friend and I only talk

40:56

or see each other once or twice

40:58

a once or twice a year. What's

41:00

everyone's take? Should I end the friendship

41:02

out of respect from my husband's feeling?

41:04

Should I maintain it since there is

41:06

no history there? And if I do

41:08

end it, do I just let it

41:11

fizzle out or do I have a

41:13

direct conversation? I appreciate your perspectives. Thank

41:15

you. Rough. I feel like a friend

41:17

you see twice a year is not

41:19

a really good friend. Yeah. It sounds

41:21

like it's more of like that friend

41:23

that you like pick up where you

41:25

left off. You know, you know, you

41:27

don't see them once or twice a

41:29

year. In my opinion. In what way,

41:31

no harm, no foul? You're saying like,

41:33

say goodbye to the friendship. But do

41:35

you need to say goodbye to it?

41:37

Like, I feel like if you see

41:39

someone once or twice a year. I

41:41

think she's asking because her husband is

41:43

very uncomfortable. I need more details. Like,

41:45

does she hang out with this guy

41:47

once? Like, is it in a big

41:49

party? Do they go get coffee? It

41:51

doesn't have feelings for this guy. I've

41:53

never hooked up with this guy. say

41:55

this feels a little bit like the

41:57

husband has like jealousy issues somebody told

41:59

him something somebody a friend here said

42:01

hey your wife was all over this

42:03

guy see that's not nice see I

42:05

think there's like a few sides here

42:07

like why did you give him a

42:09

reason to feel that way because I

42:11

feel like if he's never had an

42:13

issue and all of a sudden he

42:15

does have an issue that something might

42:17

have changed they've been married for 10

42:19

years and he was never controlling or

42:21

jealous and then this happens my suggestion

42:23

is couples therapy Oh, I do, I

42:25

do. I think this is an issue

42:27

that you could bring to a professional

42:29

and say, I did not do anything,

42:31

but he doesn't trust me based on

42:33

something that he heard. This is just

42:35

recently become a problem. This is someone

42:37

I see and talk to once or

42:39

twice a year. We've known each other

42:41

forever. We've never crossed a physical boundary

42:43

of friends, like there's nothing for him

42:45

to worry about, but I need to

42:47

know what I can do to make

42:49

him feel more secure in this because

42:51

or is it. Is this a place

42:53

where I end a friendship that I've

42:55

had? I agree. I also do think

42:57

that there is a lot of value

42:59

in prioritizing your relationship, because at the

43:01

end of the day, he's your husband,

43:03

this is like a friend that you

43:05

see twice a year. Right. But I

43:07

feel like there is a deeper trust

43:09

issue here. But if it was every

43:11

time she went out and he was

43:13

like, who did you talk to? That's

43:15

unhealthy and toxic. This makes me feel

43:17

like he feels deeply insecure about someone.

43:19

Is this a person that's worth risking

43:22

her husband's relationship? Yeah, her marriage is

43:24

over. Yeah, I would go to. I

43:26

know Mark, you're married. You have a

43:28

lot of insight here. We do. I

43:30

just, if somebody said to me, boy,

43:32

your wife's all over the sky, I'd

43:34

be like, okay, like I'm not going

43:36

to buy it. I'm not going to

43:38

believe that. Right. Of course. There's like

43:40

a level of like, yeah. But it's

43:42

also if you don't have the exact

43:44

situation if you don't have the exact

43:46

situation. I would like to think I

43:48

would be totally true. But I'd also

43:50

think I wouldn't. I'd think I'd be

43:52

like, I'm not. Haley was all over

43:54

someone? Yeah, if I heard those words,

43:56

I'd be like, what the hell. I'm

43:58

not easy breezy. No, I'm not. I'm

44:00

not super jealous, but I'm not easy

44:03

breezy. It doesn't take much too. I'm

44:05

easy breezy till I'm not. And it's

44:07

the same. Small little few. Yeah, that's

44:09

what I'm saying. So I feel like

44:11

it's not black or white for me

44:14

in this situation. I agree. I will

44:16

say like, I think if my partner

44:18

was fighting me on keeping them in

44:20

their life, it would make me, yes.

44:23

Even like the trust issues would be

44:25

even more exaggerating. Right, right, right. But

44:27

so I mean less to you than

44:29

this person. That you see once or

44:31

twice a year? Yeah. Which is where

44:34

he's probably like, what the hell? Yeah.

44:36

I'm telling you I don't like this

44:38

person. I don't like you being there.

44:40

Why not let it go? Yeah. Like

44:42

if that were me, I take it

44:45

all back. I would lose my mind.

44:47

Yeah. Sorry Mark. There's truth to that

44:49

because you do have to trust who

44:51

you're with. Yes, but there's definitely something

44:54

I don't think it's all on him.

44:56

Correct. I'm questioning if the all-overness actually

44:58

happened. Yeah. But there's definitely something. I

45:00

think it makes a question. But I

45:02

don't think it's all on him. Correct.

45:05

I'm questioning if the all-overness actually happened.

45:07

Yeah. But if they've been friends forever

45:09

and that's just how they... interacted and

45:11

then someone saw it and they're like,

45:13

hey bro, like, your wife was all

45:16

over this guy. And in her mind,

45:18

she's like, I've been like that with

45:20

Timmy since I was 10. Well, right,

45:22

because different people have different, like when

45:25

my wife and I started dating, it

45:27

was weird for her, it was weird,

45:29

like when my wife and I started

45:31

dating, it was weird for her, it

45:33

was weird, it was weird, like when

45:36

my wife and I started dating, it

45:38

was, it was, it, like when my

45:40

wife and I started, it was, and

45:42

I started, it's, it's, it's, like, like,

45:45

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

45:47

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

45:49

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

45:51

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

45:53

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

45:56

like, like, like, like, like, like Let's

45:58

say you guys, she does, I sit

46:00

down with her husband, they talk it

46:02

out, she says, okay, I love you,

46:04

I don't want you to be insecure,

46:07

I'm gonna let this go with this

46:09

guy. Does she talk to the guy?

46:11

or does she just let it fizzle?

46:13

I think you let it fizzle. I

46:16

would let it fizzle. That's why I

46:18

think you talk to therapists and say,

46:20

hey, should I? Is it worth, do

46:22

I need to have a conversation or

46:24

is it just something that, because here's

46:27

the thing, if the guy comes around

46:29

and he's like, what's going on? Yeah,

46:31

it's weird. Why are you being weird?

46:33

Why aren't we talked? Then she has,

46:35

I mean, in my mind of a

46:38

friendship of 20 years, I'd at least

46:40

want to at least want to say,

46:42

I'd at least want to say, I'd

46:44

at least want to say, I'd at

46:47

least want to say, I'd at least

46:49

want to say, I'd at least want

46:51

to say, I don't know how do

46:53

you handle that. I just don't think

46:55

we know enough. Yeah. Because I do,

46:58

I don't know if I'm totally trusting

47:00

that nothing's happened if it all of

47:02

a sudden switched. Because there's, I think

47:04

also having healthy boundaries is very important.

47:06

I remember in the early like two

47:09

years of my relationship with Robbie there

47:11

was a specific woman that was laying

47:13

it on thick with him and she

47:15

would just lay it on thick trying

47:18

to get back together with him and

47:20

this is someone that he would have

47:22

to communicate. cross for me and so

47:24

we had to like figure out these

47:26

these boundaries and he was like respectful

47:29

of that you know because it was

47:31

like it wasn't appropriate when you're in

47:33

a relationship with somebody and your partner

47:35

is uncomfortable we don't know that anything

47:38

inappropriate is happening though in a situation

47:40

but I agree with I think boundaries

47:42

and I think prioritizing your relationship is

47:44

important yeah but she said didn't she

47:46

say that he gets upset if his

47:49

name is brought up yes yeah It's

47:51

a trigger, like this man is a

47:53

trigger. Yeah, I feel like there's something

47:55

missing here. Yeah. Because I don't, you

47:57

don't get triggered unless something happened. Or

48:00

maybe it wasn't with this guy, but

48:02

maybe something has happened with someone else.

48:04

Well, that's possible. She didn't mention that.

48:06

Okay, here's the other thing. His trust,

48:09

regardless of if we think it's right

48:11

or wrong, he's feeling insecure. So I

48:13

think she needs to go. if they

48:15

are texting or have a phone call

48:17

i do think it's respectful to be

48:20

like hey i talked to so-and-so today

48:22

this is what we talked about because

48:24

if he just hears his name he's

48:26

automatically a he's like making up stories

48:28

and his head and so he's already

48:31

feeling like I agree with that so

48:33

I think it's just asking him what

48:35

can I do to make you feel

48:37

safer is it is it is it

48:40

not having a friendship with this person

48:42

is it is there something else that

48:44

I can do that when I talk

48:46

about him I can reassure you like

48:48

yeah what can I do to make

48:51

you feel safe yeah I had to

48:53

have that conversation there was one X

48:55

that I don't know why I triggered

48:57

me I don't want to be controlling

48:59

So I was like, I just asked

49:02

that if you were to run into

49:04

them, you tell me. I don't want

49:06

to find out the social media through

49:08

Instagram. I don't want to know a

49:11

week later. I just asked that if

49:13

they're in the same room as you,

49:15

you let me know. And it did

49:17

make me feel better because that's okay.

49:19

He's like understanding. Yeah. Some people just

49:22

trigger you. Yeah. I get it. I

49:24

actually gave her some good insight that

49:26

maybe she didn't think about. Okay. That's

49:28

true. I do. Good. Also, a little

49:31

self-reflection. We're done. We're done. No! Paulina,

49:33

do you have any parting words for

49:35

the scrubbers? Any words of wisdom that

49:37

you want to partake? Give out? Share.

49:39

Share. Share. This is so random, but

49:42

I was having a conversation with someone

49:44

recently and I think be grateful I

49:46

Think live life with a lot of

49:48

gratitude. I think we're missing a lot

49:50

of that recently Just in life in

49:53

the workplace in your personal life. Yeah,

49:55

walk around with a little bit more

49:57

gratitude Yeah, perspective is everything. So true.

49:59

I love that nothing more needs to

50:02

be said. I love you guys. No

50:04

notes No notes Next up, do you

50:06

want to come back next week? I

50:08

love you back after the wedding to

50:10

recap. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes,

50:13

yes. You can't get rid of me.

50:15

No, no, no, no. Everyone's say goodbye

50:17

to Paulina. We love you, Pauline. We

50:19

love you. Sorry about the game. Whatever,

50:21

whatever. What was the final score? No,

50:24

no, no, no. 45

52:50

years ago a Virginia soul

52:52

band called The Edge of

52:55

Daybreak recorded their debut album

52:57

behind bars. Record collectors consider

52:59

it a masterpiece. The band's

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surviving members are long out

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of prison, but they say

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they have some unfinished business.

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They had a daybreak, eyes and love,

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but supposed to be following up

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by another app. Listen to Soul

53:14

Incarcerated on the iHeart Radio app.

53:16

Apple podcasts, or wherever you get

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your podcasts. only

54:19

Dressing. Oh, French dressing.

54:21

Exactly. I'm AJ Jacobs and

54:24

my current obsession is puzzles.

54:26

And that has given birth

54:29

to my podcast, The Puzzler.

54:31

Something about Mary Poppins? Exactly.

54:33

This is fun. You can

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get your daily puzzle nuggets

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delivered straight to your ears.

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Listen to the puzzler every

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day. on the I heart

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wherever you get your podcast.