0:00

All right, so this topic

0:02

specifically I am very specific

0:05

on my thoughts y'all this week

0:07

We are talking about my views

0:09

on marriage and Honestly why I

0:11

just don't understand why it's still

0:13

a thing I want to get

0:16

into first off the history behind

0:18

some of the things with marriage,

0:20

right? Okay, let's start with the

0:22

fact that they started off as

0:24

arranged or deals in order to

0:26

keep the family name or in

0:29

order to keep the rich with

0:31

the rich and the poor I

0:33

guess still poor even to the

0:35

point where y'all incest was a

0:37

thing they were marrying cousins just

0:39

to keep the money in the

0:42

family then let's get into the

0:44

fact that y'all know I'm

0:46

non-monogamous why do we have only

0:49

one wife as the means of

0:51

marriage specifically in the Western world

0:53

in ancient World's AD, BC, and

0:55

whatever country you even want to

0:57

name, polygamy was a thing, and

1:00

men were able to have multiple

1:02

wives. It says two to thousands

1:04

of wives. Ain't nobody have thousands

1:06

of wives, okay? Sorry, I'm looking

1:09

at what notes over there. And

1:11

then we have the separation between

1:14

state and church. This is

1:16

where we started seeing specifically in

1:18

the US of A and Western

1:20

society, us leaning into Christianity and

1:23

the Catholic Church in terms of

1:25

how we view marriage. Honestly,

1:27

by about the 1950s, we viewed

1:29

it as a sanctum of love.

1:32

But more so, also because women

1:34

were not able to have bank

1:36

accounts until 1974. We weren't able

1:38

to vote until about the 1980s.

1:40

And in reality, most women were

1:42

dependent on getting married as a

1:44

means to have a group over

1:46

their head in some instances. We

1:48

weren't able to have certain c-sweet

1:50

positions. We weren't able to hold

1:52

certain positions in certain industries. And

1:54

so for many years... Women relied

1:56

on marriage as almost a means

1:59

of survival. And so today,

2:01

as a modern day woman, making

2:03

all the coins, I do not

2:06

understand why a woman who would

2:08

be successful would need to lean

2:10

into the societal pressures of becoming

2:13

someone's wife. Are we not our

2:15

own person? Can I not find

2:17

legacy in keeping my own name?

2:20

Am I not her? Am I

2:22

not powerful? I just don't understand

2:24

the societal pressures on viewing a

2:27

woman's value based on whether a

2:29

man puts a man puts a

2:31

ring? on her finger. And so

2:34

y'all, I'm here to see if

2:36

I am still selectively ignorant. At

2:38

this topic by the end of

2:40

the episode, I am joined today

2:43

with a very special guest. Yes

2:45

ma'am. Yes ma'am, I have certified

2:47

dating and relationship coach, wife and

2:50

host of the single season show

2:52

Allison here with me baby. Yes.

2:54

Welcome. That intro Okay, you

2:57

know what let's start out there. Yes

2:59

ma'am you could pick out it a

3:01

little bit I want you to get

3:04

your shit off just a little bit

3:06

on Clearly you being a relationship and

3:08

dating coach. I also want to lean

3:10

in with the fact that you specify

3:13

your clients as successful women. Yes, so

3:15

that does go against what I just

3:17

said. Mm-hmm. So I would love to

3:20

get you to get your little shit

3:22

off a bit. Yeah based on what

3:24

I just said Because you would like,

3:26

I hate everything. You can only hear,

3:29

they can see the steam's coming off

3:31

my head. So I just want to

3:33

correct some of the things, or at

3:36

least from my position, some of the

3:38

things that you shared. Yes. Number one,

3:40

in regards to polygamy, right? Yes, historically,

3:42

men have been allowed in many societies,

3:45

and in African societies, women have been

3:47

allowed to have more than one spouse.

3:49

That doesn't negate. how society can change

3:52

over time, right? Institutions can change over

3:54

time. So just because something was a

3:56

certain way before doesn't mean that it's

3:59

wrong. because it doesn't look the way

4:01

that it looked a hundred years ago,

4:03

four hundred years ago, biblical times, okay?

4:05

So the polygamy piece, I'm going through

4:08

the notes too. I'm going through the

4:10

notes too. Again, the old purpose of

4:12

keeping money in the family, keeping society

4:15

divided, keeping the name strong, monitoring where

4:17

funds are going, and so arranged marriages.

4:19

Again, just because an institution looked away

4:21

before and no longer has that. you

4:24

because it doesn't look the way that

4:26

it used to be. I would, well,

4:28

to counter that same argument, though, I

4:31

would say that it still kind of

4:33

functions in that way. We don't have

4:35

a ranged marriage in Western society anymore.

4:37

However, we do have this ideology of

4:40

generational wealth and keeping money within the

4:42

new family that's being created, being able

4:44

to purchase property that I wouldn't be

4:47

able to purchase on my own. I'm

4:49

in Brooklyn, New York. I can't buy

4:51

a house of my own salary when

4:54

my husband and I came together, when

4:56

those W-2s came together, we were in

4:58

a position to purchase a purchase a

5:00

purchase a purchase a property. able to

5:03

provide for our children that if I

5:05

were a single mom I may not

5:07

be able to do to the same

5:10

level. So again just because an institution

5:12

changes over time doesn't invalidate that institution

5:14

and even though we may have some

5:16

of the same original values from then

5:19

it doesn't mean that it's no longer

5:21

valuable now. Third argument, which I actually

5:23

agree with. Okay. Okay. So we... Oh,

5:26

no. I was agreeing on something. Okay.

5:28

By the way, I love that I'm

5:30

listening because I cannot wait to get

5:33

deep into this. Yes. Yes. Yes. So...

5:35

What did you agree on? What part?

5:37

The part that I agreed on is

5:39

women being held to marriage, being obligated

5:42

to marry because they could not provide

5:44

for themselves, right? So yes. You mentioned

5:46

about the suffrage movement, not being able

5:49

to have a credit card to open

5:51

up. Right, like those are all legitimate,

5:53

right? So there are many people, many

5:55

of our ancestors. I was going to

5:58

say, some still alive, yes. That married

6:00

because they had to, there's no other

6:02

recourse, they cannot purchase a property, what

6:05

the fuck they're going to do, right?

6:07

They had no other choice. However, and

6:09

that's legitimate, and I agree with

6:11

you, however, again, we're talking about busy

6:13

professional women, we're talking about successful women

6:16

who are making choices. You have made

6:18

a choice, you've made a stance, you

6:20

do not value marriage, you do not

6:22

want it for yourself, you do not

6:24

want children. That's powerful that you can

6:26

make that choice. Who I'm talking to,

6:28

my audience, are women who want those

6:30

things on top of the success that

6:33

they have acquired and they're choosing to

6:35

do it. They're not obligated to do

6:37

it anymore. And that's valuable too. That

6:39

I can see an institution, I can

6:41

recognize that grandma and great grandma had

6:43

to do it, and I don't have

6:45

to, but I want to. going to

6:47

get into why women still

6:49

want this thing. So you

6:52

you cater to and oh

6:54

I can't wait to dive

6:56

into that. Again your client's

6:58

out is successful woman that

7:00

then choose marriage. Yeah. And

7:02

we talk about lasting love

7:05

equaling marriage. Why then

7:07

do we not identify

7:09

purchasing a home which

7:11

you brought up and

7:13

and partnership as just

7:15

coexisting an LLC. Y'all

7:17

coming together with your W-2s.

7:19

Why could that not be an option

7:21

in partnership? Why did it have to

7:23

be as getting married now that we're

7:25

together? Now it could be that way.

7:27

And I want to make sure I'm

7:29

voicing this correctly. Am I saying

7:32

it right? Do we just want to lean

7:34

into why does lasting love equal

7:36

marriage essentially? I mean it's a

7:38

good start, but you could also go to

7:40

a value proposition too. It is a bit

7:43

of a value proposition, but I guess

7:45

I want to start there. Why to

7:47

you is lasting love marriage? Okay, so

7:49

that's an excellent question because that's legitimate,

7:51

right? Like my husband didn't have to

7:53

be my husband for us to submit

7:55

the documents together to purchase the home.

7:57

Right. My husband did not have to

7:59

be my husband. for him to lay

8:01

with me for us to make our

8:03

two beautiful babies. So that again, all

8:05

legitimate. It doesn't have to be. However,

8:07

in my opinion, it's way too risky for

8:10

me to invest my life, my

8:12

time, my physical health and well-being

8:14

as carrying children, my financial well-being

8:16

of purchasing this home or delving

8:18

into a business or whatever that

8:20

looks like. It's way too risky

8:22

for me to do that with

8:24

someone who is not willing to

8:26

also put up. a similar risk. So what

8:29

do I mean by that? Obviously

8:31

my husband can't carry a baby

8:33

so it's not that kind of

8:35

risk, right? Okay. But the risk

8:37

meaning that he is willing to

8:39

say with his mouth, I'm committed

8:41

to this person, I'm not going

8:43

to commit to anyone else. Here

8:45

is a symbol of that commitment

8:47

that is pricey, right, to you,

8:49

so that you know that my

8:51

intentions are legitimate. You are risking

8:53

your life to have my children.

8:55

The least I can. can do

8:57

is say in front of God in

8:59

my family that my intention is to

9:01

commit to you. Now we all

9:03

know the divorce exists. We all know

9:06

that 50% of couples end in divorce.

9:08

But I, me, Ali Song, right, I

9:10

cannot take the chance of investing

9:13

with this person if they can't

9:15

do what I consider the lower

9:17

end of the commitment. I think

9:20

it's a lower end of commitment

9:22

to marry versus having children. You

9:24

think, okay. You think that's a

9:26

lower... Absolutely. Because he and I

9:29

have children together. If he's

9:31

a good person, which I've vetted, right,

9:33

and I teach vetting, if he's a good

9:35

person, then he is going to be a

9:37

good father. I equate good person with good

9:39

parenting. that I do I do okay I

9:41

love that you do I do I will

9:43

disagree with that I do because what we've

9:45

seen too is the fact that someone being

9:47

a good partner doesn't make them a good

9:49

father someone being a good father doesn't make

9:51

them a good partner someone being a good

9:53

partner doesn't make them really a good person

9:55

with everyone else I think I think this

9:57

idea of what is good and I think

10:00

the moral compass of it is subjective.

10:02

You're gonna get me in trouble. No,

10:04

get me, okay. So let me tell

10:06

you. Yes. To me. And how do you

10:08

bet that? Because you said you bet it

10:10

even with your client. Right. How do you

10:12

bet a good person? Okay. So, all right,

10:15

so let's take a couple steps, but

10:17

I want to make sure that I hit every

10:19

point. I would argue that if you are

10:21

not showing up as a good parent,

10:23

then you are not a good partner. So

10:25

I don't think that you

10:27

can say that, oh, he's

10:29

a loving husband, but he's

10:32

an absentee parent. I don't

10:34

think so. Let me tell you

10:36

why. If you truly loved your

10:38

wife, then you would not leave

10:41

her holding the bag. You would

10:43

be doing dishes and doing

10:45

homework and picking up the

10:47

kids. There would be no laziness

10:49

on the parenting side. Can I

10:52

ask you then? No. Oh, I

10:54

mean, and I'm asking. Yes. Because

10:56

you're saying, if he's a good

10:58

father, he'll be a good partner.

11:00

No, no, I'm not saying that.

11:03

I know. No, no, not automatically.

11:05

I'm just saying that I don't

11:07

think that the two are mutually

11:09

exclusive. If you tell me that

11:11

you love me, you love me,

11:14

you love Allison, you love me,

11:16

you love Allison, you love me,

11:18

you love me, you love me,

11:20

but yet you're not showing up.

11:22

way outlandish things, because I

11:24

view of things. A father, and how he

11:26

shows up for that child. That

11:29

relationship, and how he shows up,

11:31

is a relationship between that

11:33

man and that child, not you.

11:35

And so looking at how he shows up

11:38

for another human being is not indicative, nor

11:40

will it be indicative, I think, in any

11:42

nature, how he will show up for you.

11:44

I have seen people be able to show

11:46

up for children and not show up for

11:48

a wife, a partner, a girlfriend, in the

11:51

same thing. Baby Mama at all. And so

11:53

I don't like that tangible connection where you

11:55

feel like, oh, if he shows up as a

11:57

good father, he's going to be a good partner

11:59

to me. Or he's a good person.

12:01

I think that that relationship is

12:03

exclusive to that child. And unfortunately, this is

12:05

where I think my mind goes. When we

12:08

talk about, and this is where we can

12:10

get into what's a good person, in the

12:12

realm of how you look at who will

12:14

be a good husband, the way someone shows

12:17

up for you is not going to be in

12:19

way he shows up for a child is not

12:21

going to be the way in which they show

12:23

up for their mother. Like the way we innately

12:25

as human beings show up. As people,

12:27

we show up differently as I'm going to

12:29

talk to myself. I show up differently as

12:31

a daughter than I do as a friend,

12:33

that I do as a romantic partner, that

12:35

I do as a business partner. Even though

12:37

I'm the same person, all of those relationships,

12:39

you show up differently. And so... I would

12:41

challenge you and say that you don't show

12:44

up as differently as you think that you

12:46

do. Okay. I would challenge you and say

12:48

that you are probably extremely consistent. The version

12:50

of you is extremely consistent. Now, of course,

12:52

your partner is going to get hugs and

12:54

kisses and some other extra special stuff, right?

12:56

A lot of extra special stuff. Right? And

12:58

then there may be some people who

13:00

may have violated you in the past

13:02

that you've now created a new boundary

13:04

for. Right? But I don't think that

13:07

you drastically show up differently. I think

13:09

you are the same person. You would

13:11

be honest. You'll be forthcoming. You will

13:13

be supportive. You will be helpful. You're

13:15

going to be the same core. back

13:17

or to give more. Their circumstances may

13:19

have put you in a position where

13:21

you feel like, mmm, this friend is

13:23

in more needs, so I'm going to

13:26

show up for them differently, only because

13:28

she needs it, but you, who you are,

13:30

never changes. Okay. I'm not mad at that.

13:32

I'm not mad at that. I'm not mad

13:34

at that. I'm not mad at that. So

13:36

then I want to get into marriage a

13:38

bit from the lens of, I asked

13:41

you a little earlier why you didn't

13:43

get about the vetting. That's super important. Oh

13:45

yeah, yeah, no, no, no. I do. That's super

13:47

important. So how do you bet? Because I did

13:49

just go through that whole tangent of logic. Right,

13:51

right. So the vetting process is not an easy

13:53

one and it takes time. This is why I

13:55

would never recommend for anyone to run to Vegas

13:57

and go get married, right? Like this is something.

14:00

that should be taken years.

14:02

beginning with you, you, the individual,

14:04

and the woman in this particular case,

14:06

finding out or figuring out what their

14:08

core values are. What a good person

14:10

is to you, me, anyone else in

14:12

this room? Subjective. Right, it's going to

14:14

be subjective. So you need to figure

14:16

out, well, how do you define what

14:18

a good person and what are the

14:20

qualities? What are the traits, what are

14:22

the characteristics that you would define, makes

14:24

a good person. Once you figure that

14:26

out for yourself, what you need in

14:28

a relationship in a relationship to work. Now

14:30

you need to come up with a list of

14:32

questions and behaviors that you are

14:34

observing over time to assess whether

14:36

or not those people check off

14:38

those things. What's the time? What's

14:40

the time limit? From meeting you to

14:43

husband? Yes. Because some dating coaches

14:45

may say after six months you know

14:47

if you should marry someone and then

14:49

we see the slack the society gives

14:51

for women waiting 10 years. Okay, so

14:54

that's a good point. Now knowing whether

14:56

or not you should marry someone,

14:58

men are notorious for saying things

15:00

online, the married ones who were

15:02

happy, they'll say, I knew as

15:04

soon as I met her. Right?

15:06

Knowing and then taking action are

15:08

not the same thing. Right? So

15:10

I've met this person, I recognize

15:12

that there is a connection between

15:14

us, and once everything else checks

15:16

out, which is the part that's

15:18

muted, once everything else checks out,

15:20

which is the part that's muted,

15:22

once everything else checks out, then

15:25

I'm going to move forward and marry

15:27

her. Versus, I met this woman and

15:29

I know that she was no good

15:31

for me. One. currently married one was

15:34

married. How long did it take you

15:36

guys to pop the question? I think

15:38

three years. Three years. And what about

15:41

you? So I have a caveat before

15:43

we do this. This is one small.

15:45

I was super young not knowing what

15:47

this looked like. You're married in your

15:49

early 20s. You have no clue. The

15:52

only foundation you have is what you

15:54

think of is what you're seeing your

15:56

parents. Facts. You used to say, oh,

15:58

I'm gonna duplicate that. the tools you

16:00

think you do is more to it

16:02

than just showing up and we don't

16:04

even know what that is as a

16:07

young man right right how do you

16:09

know to cater to women's in their

16:11

whatever changes they're going to as a

16:13

young woman right so we get married

16:15

young and then we get married young

16:17

and then we go through the motions

16:19

in the process but we're still trying

16:21

to figure each other out and ourselves

16:23

so that was my situation so that's

16:25

why it's kind of like it's not

16:27

like I was 40 getting Right, so

16:29

you had time. You had time. Yeah,

16:31

you had time. And I'm like, oh,

16:33

I'm thinking I have this idea of

16:36

what this perfect union should be, but

16:38

I'm not participating in it in that

16:40

capacity, nor is the other person,

16:43

because we don't know. Now, I guess my...

16:45

So that's my caveat. My thought process

16:47

has been this for kind of most

16:49

of my life. I didn't grow up

16:51

with the... Like, I never picked out

16:53

a dress. I don't know the shape

16:55

or color of a color of a

16:57

ring that I want. need or desire

16:59

to walk down an aisle or what

17:01

you know what my bridesmaids dresses would

17:04

be and in what they just said

17:06

do you think then that there is

17:08

a timeline or time frame in which

17:10

people really seek this specifically with your

17:12

clients yeah because I would assume successful

17:14

women seeking a husband 30s 40s and

17:16

40s yeah okay yeah never been never

17:18

been married most have never been married

17:20

most have never been married most

17:22

have never been married been married

17:24

most have never been married the

17:26

majority of African-American women who have

17:29

been married is slim already so

17:31

yeah most have never been married

17:33

most have never been married okay

17:35

and you're divorced this is your first

17:37

marriage first yeah first and only eight years

17:39

were you married before no first and only

17:41

this is your first and only okay yeah

17:43

I'll say my thoughts later on people who've

17:45

gotten married more than once so then I

17:48

want to answer your question though the time

17:50

wasn't appropriate from the moment that the two

17:52

people meet until they walk down the aisle,

17:54

I think three years is a reasonable amount

17:56

of time. Okay. For you to be able

17:59

to assess whether... not this person is

18:01

the right fit for you and fits

18:03

the requirement. So again, you at

18:05

first need to be clear on

18:07

exactly what you're looking for in

18:10

a partner and a partnership. You,

18:12

the individual. Once you're clear

18:14

on those things, literally pen to paper, write

18:16

down what are the questions I need to

18:18

ask to assess whether or not you're a

18:20

giving person. Is Mandy a giving person? That's

18:22

important to me. I say that if you're

18:24

a good person, a part of that is

18:26

giving, I need to figure out whether or

18:28

not Mandy is giving. So when we go

18:30

on a day, I'm paying attention to how

18:32

much you tip. If you go to church, I'm

18:34

looking at, I'm trying to look at, I'm

18:37

trying to look at, I just say what

18:39

you're telling. Right? If there's a friend who's

18:41

in need and you tell me about this

18:43

friend who's in need and then I say,

18:45

well, did you help him? Hell no, I

18:48

ain't helping that niggles. Right? So I'm paying

18:50

attention to the stories you tell me. I'm

18:52

paying attention to the behaviors you exhibit and

18:54

then I'm going to say, yes, she is

18:56

a giving person. Because people can keep

18:58

up a front and all that kind of stuff

19:01

or not you up now So you're giving now

19:03

and then when you're not as up you're not

19:05

giving giving with your time giving with your energy

19:07

giving with your effort I check off with a

19:09

pencil and I move on to the next thing

19:12

That's how you assess. That's how you vet to

19:14

see if someone is an appropriate match for you

19:16

so I'm meant for that so for the vetting

19:18

process because you're saying from meeting to walking

19:20

down the aisle three years if I throw

19:22

in one more kind of hurdle in there

19:25

from meeting to proposal to proposal to proposal

19:27

What timeline because I feel like women may

19:29

want to hear that like what that's for marriage

19:31

So what about meeting to like what I know

19:34

I'm ready that that really is dependent on both

19:36

parties' vision for the wedding. And finances,

19:38

obviously finances. Right. So for some folks,

19:40

if they're OK with Courthouse, then maybe

19:43

they only want a one-month or two-month

19:45

engagement because there's no planning, there's no

19:47

preparation. But not engagement period, but just like,

19:49

because we're talking about vetting, so like the

19:51

vetting period. So like the vetting period. So

19:53

like, because you said, which I believe you

19:55

should vet in pencil, right? And so it's

19:57

like from meeting due to the vetting process.

20:00

But again, I don't want anyone to

20:02

hang on to those numbers. They're very

20:04

arbitrary, right? It's also going to have

20:06

some other factors on level of dedication

20:08

to their religion, or whether or not

20:10

they're willing to be sexual before marriage,

20:12

whether or not they want to have

20:14

biological children. Like there's so many other

20:17

factors. Yeah, very rough estimates. So don't

20:19

come for me in the comments. I

20:21

want to actually, my mind works in

20:23

such black and white I'm working on

20:25

this in therapy, because as I'm hearing

20:27

you talk. My mind goes back as

20:29

well listening to everything, risk versus

20:31

reward, and the logical aspect of

20:34

it, right? So when I heard

20:36

you talking about the risk of

20:38

buying a home by yourself, having

20:41

children and a partner showing up

20:43

and what it needs, what you

20:45

need a partnership for both people

20:48

to provide, all I'm thinking

20:50

of is where, in all of this, do you

20:52

weigh the risks of it ending?

20:54

as this good person right now,

20:56

because he likes me, because he loves

20:59

me. How does this person show up

21:01

when he doesn't like someone,

21:03

when he hates them, when he fell

21:05

out with someone? In which ways is

21:07

that being vetted? Because that is

21:09

the person who's going to show

21:12

up at the end of this

21:14

relationship. And I think for me,

21:16

when I'm weighing the risks versus

21:18

the reward as a successful woman,

21:20

I go into the risks of

21:22

my assets. the risks of what

21:24

happens to my money and the

21:27

risks of my character and then

21:29

the risk of this person and

21:31

how they are actually going to

21:33

show up and what they may want

21:35

what they may want to take and

21:37

what they won't give at the end.

21:39

I get going into it. What is

21:42

your view on all of those risks though?

21:44

I get the rewards. How do

21:46

you view the risks of when it

21:48

ends? Because that's also if it ends.

21:51

So no. So no. So no. No.

21:53

No. No. It's if. No. So are

21:55

you saying that my marriage is going

21:58

to end? It's going to? I? I

22:00

want us to live in

22:02

reality based on statistics. It's

22:05

not a hundred percent. Hold

22:07

on. Could. It could. And

22:09

majority do. Hold on. Hold on.

22:12

Because let's be very clear. Oh,

22:14

the marriage can stay in tow.

22:16

And y'all can still exist while

22:18

hating each other, while he

22:21

shows up as a bad person,

22:23

while he takes from the account

22:25

that you guys both own, as

22:27

a person. When that person is

22:29

no longer the good person because

22:31

now time has happened. He's changed.

22:33

I'm not the same person I

22:35

was at 26 when I started,

22:37

you know, horrible decisions to who I am

22:39

now. Your partner over time as a

22:42

father will change, his hobbies will change,

22:44

the money he and you make will

22:46

change. We as people do not include

22:48

the fact that we will change. So

22:50

y'all could be married till death do

22:53

you part, yes, till the wills fall

22:55

off. It doesn't mean that you won't

22:57

then... Get to the point where you are

22:59

now dealing with all of the risks, whether

23:01

you're divorced or not, because this person is

23:03

no longer that good person. And that's where,

23:05

when I think of marriage, when I think

23:07

of aligning myself with someone with business, which

23:09

I have, I've gone through a divorce, I'm

23:11

splitting assets, April 30th, I gotta go to

23:14

fucking court, for a bitch that couldn't do

23:16

anything without me, I ain't doing nothing now.

23:18

And now I was literally trying to sue me for

23:20

money for money as if I didn't, The

23:22

marriage essentially for two years as

23:24

if I didn't put money into

23:26

our pocket and never asked for

23:28

anything in return I'm now getting a

23:30

Completely different version of a

23:32

person that I thought I got into

23:35

business with and so that's where I

23:37

hear all of the happily ever after

23:39

sentiments But why when we look at

23:41

romantic partnerships and marriage? Do we not

23:44

do we ignore the fact that when

23:46

this ends? This is going to be

23:48

real risky I'm going to go back to my

23:50

original point, which is... But why are you looking

23:52

for it to end? Because I live a reality.

23:54

No, but that's not the worst possible scenario

23:56

outcome. You can't... But is it

23:58

not responsible to... I'm not responsible

24:01

for being a person. Hold

24:03

on. And that's where I

24:05

do. I love that Jason

24:07

just said that. Is not

24:09

then, okay, yes, we could

24:12

talk about being an optimist

24:14

and being a pessimist. I

24:16

get it. People are like, oh, this

24:18

bitch is a mess, little

24:20

bitch right now. She thinks

24:22

something's not happening. No. I'm

24:24

saying something like, no's got

24:27

their name. That's funny. Awful

24:29

as a millennial, but to me I don't

24:31

look at it as me being negative or

24:33

me being a pessimist I look at me

24:36

possibly protecting myself Mm-hmm me

24:38

being realistic with I Maybe making

24:40

a bad decision even though this decision

24:42

feels good now. They got me a building

24:44

that I signed a five-year lease when I

24:46

signed this shit. I thought this was gonna

24:48

be I thought I never was gonna leave

24:51

New York. I thought see the thing is

24:53

was gonna be the driving for ten years

24:55

like horrible I I thought because and I

24:57

got So let me ask you, how

24:59

much vetting, and I'm not trying to

25:01

dig into this person. Yes. And I

25:03

don't want you to potentially, you know,

25:06

ruin anything in terms of your court

25:08

case. Right. But how much vetting did

25:10

you do with this individual before you

25:12

jumped into the business sheets with her?

25:15

You know what's crazy? I actually have

25:17

in hindsight viewed it like a lot

25:19

of relationships. And let me let me

25:22

explain that. I thought she was nice,

25:24

thought she was kind. We enjoyed hanging out.

25:26

I thought had a great relationship. Let's

25:28

be very clear, the business

25:30

relationship changed over time because I left

25:33

a network that helped. And so she was

25:35

required to do a lot more and she

25:37

didn't give it to me. I listened for

25:39

years and why she was treated the way

25:41

she was at Rock Nation and realized

25:44

all the blame was on someone else and

25:46

not on herself. I believed that, which

25:48

when we get into relationships,

25:50

we sit here and listen to

25:52

how their past relationships ended. How

25:54

maybe they could have showed up different how

25:56

they didn't but what they learned from it

25:58

all of those things I bet it in that way.

26:01

Where are you now? How did you go from

26:03

that situation? What would you do different? I

26:05

bet it in a way that I thought

26:07

I was getting a different version and instead

26:09

I actually got the same version. The same

26:11

way how bitches be getting with men who

26:13

maybe hit. or cheated on their last relationship,

26:15

thought, well, okay, you've changed, it's not going

26:17

to happen to me. And then, uh, well,

26:20

they're a scared, cake smeared on their faith.

26:22

But they're a fool for that. And they

26:24

deserve, and nobody deserves to get the ass,

26:26

but you know what I'm saying? Within a

26:28

reason, you deserve. I was a fool for starting

26:31

a business with someone who showed up

26:33

and admitted to being lazy. And

26:35

expecting a handout from people without

26:37

doing the work. Cake smeared right here on

26:39

my face. So when I see hearing could

26:42

objectively say I gave someone the benefit of

26:44

the doubt after vetting them, after being married,

26:46

now going through a not-so-great divorce where she

26:48

feels entitled to things that I disagree

26:50

with her entitlement for, I still sit here

26:53

and think this was a marriage that went

26:55

sour and I did all the things that

26:57

I thought wouldn't put me in this position.

26:59

Again, I thought we were going to ride

27:01

that thing until the bulls fell off. which is

27:03

what most people assume when they

27:05

get into marriage. They don't think

27:07

that this person is going to

27:09

show up how maybe he did

27:11

in his previous relationships. They don't

27:13

think there's going to be cheating or

27:16

DV or anything negative or even

27:18

just that the person changes. And

27:20

so to me, that's where again, the reality

27:23

of it is back to you. I want

27:25

to ask, no, I don't wish the ending

27:27

of any either of y'all's marriages.

27:29

Appreciate that. That ended. Sorry,

27:31

King. You started out. I'm

27:33

pro, I'm pro, I'm pro. Again, then

27:35

how do you sit with the actual

27:37

risks of this human being,

27:40

not the institution? So let's

27:42

answer that question, because that's

27:45

an excellent one. Great question.

27:47

Each individual person has

27:50

to decide, looking at the risk,

27:52

versus the reward, if it's worth

27:54

the risk, you have decided that

27:56

it is not. And the problem

27:58

is, is that the Society says

28:00

that you're wrong or you're incomplete

28:03

or you don't have as much

28:05

value because that's a decision that

28:07

you have made That's where I differ

28:09

from society. Okay, the clients I work

28:11

with have decided that the reward is

28:13

worth the risk and they want help

28:15

in order to vet and Find and

28:17

navigate dating so that they can lessen

28:20

the risk. Okay, but they've made a

28:22

decision that The reward is worth it.

28:24

Is worth it. Okay. So, and they're

28:26

going to move forward. And I agree,

28:28

and I agree with them, and I

28:30

believe in marriage, and I believe in

28:32

the institution, and I believe in what

28:34

it can provide. So I took the

28:36

risk, I took the leap four years ago,

28:38

and I will help anyone who also agrees. But

28:40

if you don't agree, that is on a problem

28:42

for me. I support it. Let me ask you

28:44

know. What are your thoughts then if we're talking

28:46

about risk rewards, protection vetting,

28:49

vetting, vetting, vetting, vetting, vetting,

28:51

vetting, vetting, vetting, vetting, Especially

28:53

for the successful woman. I

28:55

do want to read through some of

28:57

these. I love to bring pop culture

29:00

into certain things. And so what I've

29:02

witnessed over, what we've all witnessed over

29:04

the last. few years is a lot

29:06

of celebrity marriages ending high net worth

29:09

women having to pay out their husbands

29:11

which mind you again y'all on the

29:13

Twitter streets love thinking that women need

29:15

you a little two hundred and fifty

29:18

dollar a week fucking alimony and child

29:20

support is it a woman can't succeed

29:22

without it I want to read some

29:25

of these off Mary Jay Blige was

29:27

had to pay her estranged

29:29

husband, Martin, $30,000 per

29:31

month in temporary spousal

29:33

support, and had previously

29:35

requested $129,319 per month.

29:37

This was after Ms.

29:40

Blige filed for divorce

29:42

in July of, I

29:44

believe, 2023. Adele was

29:46

ordered to pay a

29:48

judge. was ordered by a judge

29:50

to pay $140 million to

29:52

her ex-husband. The former couple

29:54

additionally agreed to work out

29:56

their property and debts as

29:58

well. Kelly Clarkson. Not Me, bringing

30:00

up all the, oh, okay, only two

30:03

white women. Holly Clarkson was ordered to

30:05

make her ex-husband black stock $1.3 million

30:07

and then contribute $45,000 per month in

30:10

child support. Additionally, black stock was also

30:12

granted $115,000 per month in spousal support.

30:14

Rachel Lindsay, Candace Parker, there's a lot

30:17

of women that we've seen recently had

30:19

to pay up. And so then what

30:21

is the conversation? With successful women now,

30:24

who have their own money, who have

30:26

their own assets, who continue to thrive

30:28

in their own careers because we now

30:31

as modern women have the ability to,

30:33

with still seeking marriage, how does a

30:35

successful financially well woman protect yourself? Yes,

30:37

good question. So the first thing I

30:40

would say is there are, I'm sure,

30:42

plenty of loop, I'm not the expert.

30:44

Okay. But I'll tell you that there

30:47

are plenty of loopholes and methodology. I

30:49

think there was a gentleman who was

30:51

a soccer player who like put all

30:54

of his assets in his mama's name.

30:56

Yes. So that when he made, right,

30:58

him. Right. There's offshore. There's offshore accounts.

31:01

Like if you are that concerned, then

31:03

you need to do the. appropriate research,

31:05

you need to hire, whoever, lawyers, and

31:08

so on and so forth. I believe

31:10

in pre-nups. I don't think that a

31:12

pre-nuptial agreement is a problem. I would

31:14

sign one if my husband asked me

31:17

to before we got married. I don't

31:19

think that that is a measure of

31:21

a lack of love or a lack

31:24

of trust. I don't have a problem

31:26

with it, especially if you're someone who's

31:28

a high earner like the women that

31:31

you've mentioned. But I do want to

31:33

say that these women are the exception

31:35

are the exception and not the exception

31:38

and not the rule and not the

31:40

rule. Okay, if we go through how

31:42

many posts and social media conversations of

31:45

women who are coming out and winning

31:47

when they divorce their husband who normally

31:49

is the higher earner when we have

31:51

these kind of conversations women don't tend

31:54

to be the ones on the end

31:56

of that losing spectrum but our conversations

31:58

about them so that's right right right

32:01

right protect yourself do what you need

32:03

to do if your future husband is

32:05

not willing to sign to make you

32:08

feel confident about those next steps and

32:10

perhaps he's not an appropriate match and

32:12

that should be a part of your

32:15

vetting your vetting okay let me ask

32:17

you then your views on society I

32:19

feel like the societal pressures for women

32:22

successful or not to being a mom

32:24

Or a wife. Yeah. Essentially by a

32:26

deadline. Not or. And. And. Yeah. And.

32:28

You can't just be the mom. You

32:31

can't just be the mom. And here

32:33

I go, not wanting either. So I

32:35

know that the older I get, the

32:38

more society is going to be like,

32:40

well, bitch, what's wrong with you? And

32:42

so what are your views on that?

32:45

I know that the conversations around Tracy

32:47

Ellis Ross is that she can't be

32:49

happier, that something has to be wrong

32:52

with her, how she ain't got no

32:54

kids, how she ain't married. And people

32:56

constantly question the ability of her to

32:59

be happy without those two labels. What

33:01

are, what say you to someone who

33:03

does have this high esteem and view

33:05

on marriage for women in terms of

33:08

society's pressures and views on that same

33:10

label? So let me slightly correct. Okay.

33:12

I value marriage as an institution. I

33:15

want to help anyone else who does

33:17

as well. Yes. Anyone who does not,

33:19

I 100% support them. Love that. Anyone

33:22

who doesn't want to have children. I'm

33:24

so glad that you know that now

33:26

versus later. Okay. I think that these

33:29

women, the women who don't want to

33:31

abide by the societal standards and expectations,

33:33

they know that. They need to be

33:36

strong in that. They need to stand

33:38

ten toes down in that. It's tough.

33:40

Stick with it. and just understand that

33:42

yes you are going against the mold

33:45

and what's wrong with that right like

33:47

so we have a couple of different

33:49

things number one you can be an

33:52

advocate for you can be the voice

33:54

you can speak for those who are

33:56

like you who have your ideology right

33:59

Or you could just shut the fuck

34:01

up. Don't tell people what your moves

34:03

are, what your opinions are, whether or

34:06

not you want children, whether or not

34:08

you want marriage, except for the individual

34:10

that you're actually dating. They need to

34:12

know, right? Other than that, those are

34:14

your options. It's tough. I was going

34:17

to say, that sounds good, and then

34:19

everything's given. Your parents and grandparents, everyone

34:21

is asking, where that baby at? Where

34:23

the man at? I mean, I get, I think

34:26

it sounds good. But I think that there

34:28

is a lot of answering that women have

34:30

to do, whether it be at work, whether

34:32

it be within their family. Even, let's be

34:34

very clear, we could fall out with a

34:36

woman now. Women I think are even more

34:38

nasty than anything. Yeah. So where

34:40

if you are going toe to

34:42

toe with maybe someone on the

34:44

internet and they see that you're

34:46

single. And with no children, they

34:48

immediately will go and dog you

34:50

like your value, like you're in

34:52

value, like you're not, you hold

34:55

no value. You are nothing without

34:57

a man putting a ring on

34:59

your finger or nothing if you

35:01

ain't bare children. Yeah, I agree

35:03

with you. What's you gonna do?

35:05

What's you gonna do? Stand ten

35:07

toes down. And we need to be

35:09

the ones to be the voices, and

35:11

we need to be the voices, and

35:14

we need to reiterate. to have children.

35:16

And as a matter of fact, I

35:18

would even argue that we're stronger without

35:20

weakening them. But you, right? Thank

35:22

you. Right. Are even stronger to

35:25

be able to push against societal

35:27

norms, knowing what you want and

35:29

being able to stand by that.

35:31

Oh yeah, I feel like Rosa

35:33

Parks on the back of the

35:35

bus. I ain't gonna hold you.

35:38

This shit is weighing on me

35:40

heavy. Because the internet is really

35:42

a cruel place. And I mean,

35:44

even talking to my mom and

35:46

women in the generation right before

35:48

me, there's been conversations about, wow.

35:50

I wish I didn't have a couple

35:52

of them, you know, kids back in

35:55

the day or I wish I was

35:57

able to have this same thing quietly.

35:59

Yeah. And then publicly is a different

36:01

conversation, right? Yeah. So there's, all right,

36:04

so let's talk about some real practical

36:06

things that we can do. Number one,

36:08

we need to put some boundaries in

36:10

place in preparation for the holidays, right?

36:12

So Thanksgiving, Christmas, like, you, sometimes we

36:14

need to get nasty with grandma. We

36:17

grown, we pay our own bills. So

36:19

we need to get nasty with grandma.

36:21

Oh, you mean the fact that you

36:23

had, I had three granddaddies over the

36:25

last 50. But your lobby, and I

36:28

got nasty, and I got nasty with

36:30

my mom one mom one time, my

36:32

mom one time. She was lobbying for

36:34

a gentleman that she really liked. Okay.

36:36

And he said, girl, his dad's mom.

36:39

Mom had her pick. And I told

36:41

her that we were not moving forward.

36:43

I was not going to continue to

36:45

date this gentleman. She told me I

36:47

was making a grave mistake. And I

36:49

told her, well, you're the expert on

36:52

relationships I can see. She said, Savannah,

36:54

that's a good man. Right? And being

36:56

in my dad, right. And it didn't

36:58

work out. Sometimes we had to shut

37:00

these people down. You're right. Who's your

37:03

baby daddy? But you're asking me to

37:05

auntie. Not your mother. Don't go on.

37:07

Don't get slap now. Oh, no. I

37:09

ain't. But who's your baby daddy? Or

37:11

how many granddad? How many granddad? How

37:13

many grandadads did I have to say

37:16

hi granddad to? We need I have

37:18

to say hi granddad too. I have

37:20

to say I have to say. Maybe

37:22

we need to take a break next

37:24

Thanksgiving. Maybe we need to take a

37:27

break next Thanksgiving. Yeah. Maybe we need

37:29

to go to Bali for next Thanksgiving.

37:31

I know that's right. Right. Like maybe

37:33

we need to flex. I'm like, whatever.

37:35

So that's one thing that we need

37:37

to do. Secondly, we need to not

37:40

be so concerned about what society says.

37:42

Society has no impact on your real

37:44

life. You know what Jay says, which

37:46

you eat, don't make me shit. Right.

37:48

So there is a random dude on

37:51

Twitter who said. Oh, Allison, you know,

37:53

you're having a baby, you're almost 40,

37:55

you're, right? Like, who? Why do I

37:57

care? Why is that hurting my feelings?

37:59

Why am I not more invested in

38:02

the positive comments? And why am I

38:04

feeding into the negative ones? Oh, no,

38:06

no. Because I'll be having time. Bitch,

38:08

I'll be having time. I got time

38:10

today. Cremm, right? Oh, yeah. I got

38:12

time today. Crem, right? Oh, yeah. Oh,

38:15

yeah. I got time today? Cremm, right?

38:17

Oh, right. Oh, right. Oh, I can't

38:19

be mad when we continue to attract

38:21

that when we engage with those people.

38:23

What? Mandy's adding me. She's talking to

38:26

me. Even if the talk is a

38:28

curse. Even if the talk is a

38:30

curse. Even if the talk is... But

38:32

regular Allison who says, I love your

38:34

hair and this was a great episode.

38:36

You don't give me any kind of

38:39

minute. Oh no, I do. I like

38:41

them. Give me a love. I'll be

38:43

giving them pickleback shots when I see

38:45

them in the street. You gave me

38:47

a little heart. Shut. You aided the

38:50

emoji. You was cursingursing somebody out. There's

38:52

a difference. But my point is, is

38:54

like, we as a society need to

38:56

not be so invested in society. What

38:58

is society? I'm not confident that the

39:00

people who are online who are spewing

39:03

this negativity, do they got a wife?

39:05

We need to start saying this shit

39:07

back to them. Where's your wife? Oh.

39:09

How many kids you guys? Is that

39:11

all about the same woman? Well, your

39:14

girlfriend, you struggling to pay your bills?

39:16

Right, we need to, just like this

39:18

whole idea. Sorry, but that's for the

39:20

pocket one. It's all good. But this

39:22

idea of how like black people took

39:25

the word nigger and then we used

39:27

nigger again with each other and it's

39:29

like kind of like, depending on who

39:31

you talk to, relatively a term of

39:33

endearment, we need to start flipping in

39:35

on these niggles. Where's your wife? Where's

39:38

your wife? How many times you've been

39:40

married? How many baby mamas you've got?

39:42

Start shaming them the same way that

39:44

they start to shame us. Okay, I'm

39:46

not mad at it. And I do

39:49

do that. And my last point is,

39:51

again, I don't even, these like Russians,

39:53

like who are the people who's behind

39:55

these pages? Like who are the people

39:57

who's behind these pages? No, shut up.

39:59

No, seriously. Wait, wait, I got a

40:02

question. Can I read a tweet? Can

40:04

I read a tweet? Can I read

40:06

a tweet since we're talking online? By

40:08

this time next year, I'll be a

40:10

New York Times bestseller announcing another book

40:13

on the radio show that I host

40:15

and celebrating it with a man who deserves

40:17

me. Watch. At full court pumps.

40:19

So basically Jason likes to pull

40:22

up the hypocrisy and myself. Don't

40:24

do that. But how is that

40:26

hypocrisy? You didn't say with my

40:28

husband. Thank you. You said what I

40:30

mean. But are y'all saying the same

40:32

thing? This is where he thinks we're

40:35

saying the same thing. I think. Lasting

40:37

love is great, right? I think,

40:39

and this is where I agree

40:41

with Allison, that I'm trying to

40:44

break the mold, essentially. I believe

40:46

in everlasting love or everlasting partnership

40:49

without the hierarchical steps of, okay,

40:51

we moving together, we have the

40:53

kids, we get engaged, we get

40:56

married, you know, and you can

40:58

go all the way down to,

41:01

we meet each other's family,

41:03

we do this, we do that. I

41:05

think that the pressure around a

41:07

traditional route of a

41:09

relationship is not at all my

41:12

vision for lasting love. or what

41:14

my future looks like with a

41:16

partner, right? And so, again, the

41:18

institutions, society, all the things that

41:20

I have to dismantle when it

41:23

comes to me dating, this becomes

41:25

very difficult for me to express.

41:27

Because a lot of men feel like, oh, you

41:29

don't want to get married? Oh, well,

41:31

maybe you don't like me that much.

41:33

Oh, well, maybe I can fuck on

41:36

these many bitches or, or maybe this

41:38

is just going to be fun. Maybe

41:40

it's just going to be a situation.

41:42

a man immediately doesn't even take me

41:45

serious because as men they are programmed

41:47

to search and seek out their wives.

41:49

They are searched, they are taught to seek

41:51

out the nurturing nature of a woman

41:53

because that would make a good mother.

41:56

And so when I come like, maybe

41:58

I want to hop on a plane. and

42:00

hop on some bent over on them,

42:02

you know, whatever, when I come at

42:04

the way I view love and long

42:06

lasting partnership, it doesn't align with what

42:08

people assume that to be. You have

42:10

gotten so far in your career by

42:12

not listening to other people. Yeah. So

42:14

I need you to take that same

42:16

energy and to continue to do what

42:18

you do and that has gotten you

42:20

so successful in this industry in your

42:22

romantic life. And that's where I teach

42:24

my clients, like you've gotten the degree,

42:26

you have the business, you have the

42:28

home, you have the stock options, you

42:30

have all these things. It really is

42:32

the same skill set that you are

42:34

applying to your romantic life. I just

42:36

used the word romantic life, but your

42:38

romantic life is a lot more logical

42:40

and reasonable than people like to give

42:42

it credit for. It might be literally

42:44

the basement. It might be literally the

42:46

foundation of love. If I only loved

42:48

him, I would not have married him.

42:50

He has loved other women before me

42:52

and did not ask for their hand

42:54

in marriage. Love cannot be the only

42:56

thing. It might be one of the

42:58

most foundational pieces, right? It might be

43:00

literally the basement. It might be literally

43:02

the foundation of the home. But a

43:04

home, it's not a home if it

43:06

just has a foundation. Where's the kitchen.

43:08

Where's the bathroom? Where's the walls? Where's

43:10

the windows? Right. Yeah, where's the roof?

43:12

Where's the roof? Right. Like where are

43:14

those things? Where's the Central AC? Sorry,

43:16

y'all know we ain't got that in

43:18

New York a lot. But that's something

43:20

that you've decided that you needed. Right.

43:22

And so yes, love can be the

43:24

foundation, but that cannot be the end-all

43:26

be-all, because I cannot imagine that a

43:28

relationship could work in this day and

43:30

age, or in any day and age,

43:32

simply based on love, simply based on

43:34

love. I don't think a marriage could

43:36

work simply based on love. And I

43:38

don't think that it should. It's too

43:40

dangerous. It's too finicky. You said it.

43:42

People change over time. I need, my

43:44

husband and I, we needed to make

43:46

a decision as to what we wanted

43:48

our life to look like. We made

43:50

a decision as to what we wanted

43:53

our children's lives to look like. And

43:55

I'm talking about things like, I want

43:57

my kid to be able to be

43:59

able to choose any... BC you because

44:01

I got to be an HBC you

44:03

and we can just write the check.

44:05

Hopefully we still have those. Oh well.

44:07

We are like they were trying to

44:09

decide and do about that. I think

44:11

you're trying to take them shits away.

44:13

Yeah but I can we can write

44:15

the check right? My babies need a

44:17

down payment for their first house. We

44:19

can take care of that. We can

44:21

buy them their first rinky dink car.

44:23

Like there are things that we want

44:25

to provide for our parents were not

44:27

able to do. you right that has to

44:29

do with financial planning right and us

44:32

working together to get to the goal

44:34

faster now could I have gone to

44:36

a sperm bank gotten pregnant add some

44:38

babies and written a check in 18

44:40

years probably how much work would have

44:42

taken in order for me to be

44:44

able to do that right how much

44:46

non-fund that would have been to be

44:48

doing it by myself versus me being

44:50

able to to Do that work? Yeah, I don't

44:53

know. You shout out to all the single

44:55

mamas. I don't know how y'all do this

44:57

right to do the work And I have

44:59

somebody to enjoy the work with you have

45:02

somebody to I think again We talked about

45:04

logic and reason but there is also

45:06

the emotional human aspect of

45:08

companionship now you can say again

45:10

I could just get that from my man.

45:13

Why do I need that to be a

45:15

person? That's my husband that we signed on

45:17

the dotted line and literally that is true

45:20

again for me. I'm not willing to literally

45:22

put my life at risk. I just

45:24

had my second C section 14 days

45:26

ago. For someone who can't even say

45:28

the words, I want to marry you

45:30

or we are married. To someone who

45:32

can't sign on the dotted line. I

45:34

want to go back to an original

45:37

point that I said. I think that

45:39

marriage is actually the bottom of the

45:41

commitment barrel. Oh, I think it's, well,

45:43

I mean, obviously, but not, you know,

45:45

before a boyfriend. But you know what

45:47

I mean? Like, when we talk about

45:50

the hierarchy of commitment, if I have your

45:52

child, I'm going to be around you for

45:54

the next 18, a minimum, 18,

45:56

and that's not even the truth.

45:58

There's college, there's marriage. is their

46:00

marriage, it's, you know, whatever those

46:02

kids are going through, right? So

46:04

I could do that, or we

46:07

could just get married, I have

46:09

any kids, and then we could

46:11

get divorced, and I never have

46:13

to see you again after the

46:15

proceedings. Never have to see you

46:17

again, never have to see you

46:19

again, never have to engage with

46:21

you. If I can do it

46:23

early enough, we can get this

46:25

unknown, then it never even legally

46:28

happened. So that idea of this

46:30

commitment being so heavy, again, not

46:32

you, but children not so much

46:34

is outrageous to me. You're right.

46:36

You're right. That's out. I do

46:38

not understand a logic. Oh yeah,

46:40

because I love everyone that I

46:42

ended shit with. I ain't got

46:44

to see them again. Never again.

46:46

I mean, I got to see

46:49

somebody. I just think I have

46:51

my kindness has been taken as

46:53

a weakness. And I feel like

46:55

I have become jaded over time.

46:57

And I do view people in

46:59

realizing that things change. People change.

47:01

And I just now, I have

47:03

one life to live and I

47:05

just kind of want to move

47:07

forward with protecting that. And I

47:10

think even with my ex-boyfriend, with

47:12

my last podcast, with all the

47:14

things, I've realized how lucky I

47:16

am in comparison to my friends

47:18

who are stuck with kids by

47:20

themselves or stuck with other things.

47:22

debt or because of the marriage

47:24

because of the kids and I'm

47:26

just like it don't want it

47:28

don't want it. It's too risky

47:31

for you. I do want to

47:33

say now what? Did I change

47:35

my mind or am I still

47:37

gonna be on my bullshit? As

47:39

always I like to know after

47:41

these conversations and me running off

47:43

the my mind and my thoughts

47:45

where I land still the same

47:47

so don't want to get married.

47:49

Absolutely value though, yes, anyone that

47:52

does. So I do want to

47:54

put that out there because there

47:56

is a disgusting narrative that I

47:58

run from people when they're... happy

48:00

in relationships. So I want to

48:02

be very clear. I've celebrated the

48:04

marriage of my good friend last

48:06

year. They worked together 10 years,

48:08

but they did get married in

48:10

Vegas. They didn't want a big

48:13

wedding. I got married in Vegas.

48:15

So I mean, that was like

48:17

a little slur, but yeah. And

48:19

I'm all here for union and

48:21

partnership between two people who believe.

48:23

That risk is worth a reward

48:25

for them. It's not for me.

48:27

And I stand strong in that

48:29

and where this is my opinion,

48:31

I am not trying to convince

48:34

you to agree with me. So

48:36

I do have a question for

48:38

y'all. After our conversation, has your

48:40

mind changed what the definition is

48:42

for lasting love? Is it marriage?

48:44

Or is it a different definition

48:46

that's better suited for your life?

48:48

I want y'all to share those

48:50

answers in the comments over on

48:53

our social media page, and especially

48:55

if you are on Patreon, I

48:57

want to make sure this conversation

48:59

is continued because specifically for successful

49:01

women with breaking the mold as

49:03

modern day women. Where do

49:05

we place the value on marriage and

49:08

what do we see for ourselves? We

49:10

now have the opportunity to make those

49:12

decisions. And Allison, for those who has

49:15

marriage as a decision they want to

49:17

make. Where can they be coached and

49:19

support you and see more from you?

49:21

Because I know after they heard you

49:24

get your shit off, they're like, oh,

49:26

I like this woman. I'm glad. So

49:28

folks, you can find me at a

49:31

line with Allison on every platform. My

49:33

website is a line with Allison. That's

49:35

1L.com. All right, y'all, that information will

49:38

also be in the description of this

49:40

episode. Really hope you guys enjoyed this

49:42

conversation. Actually, I really don't. I'm lying.

49:45

I don't care what the judges are

49:47

not. I don't like it. I just

49:49

had to lie to y'all like that.

49:51

You could hate it. You could love

49:54

it either way. Are you choosing to

49:56

be selectively ignorant? Or are you choosing

49:58

to get educated? Get with it. Can't

50:01

wait to see you guys next week and

50:03

hope you enjoyed this episode. Or again, I'm

50:05

lying, I really don't care if you did

50:07

or not. See y'all next week. Thanks for

50:09

tuning in the Selective Ignorance of

50:11

Mandy B. Selective Ignorance, it's executive

50:14

produced by Mandy B and it's

50:16

a full court media studio production

50:18

with Lee producers Jason Rodriguez, Jason

50:20

Rodriguez, that's me, and Aaron A.

50:22

A. King Howard. Now do us

50:24

a favor in rate, subscribe, comment,

50:26

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50:30

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50:32

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50:34

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50:36

Mandy, make sure you're following her

50:38

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50:47

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