0:05

Hello, and welcome back to the Self Healer Soundboard.

0:08

This episode we are diving back into

0:10

the workbook, How to Meet Your

0:13

Self. We've been going cover

0:15

to cover in the workbook and are currently

0:18

on section three, Meet

0:20

Your Emotional Self. If

0:22

you are following along with your own workbook,

0:25

we are doing the exercises today

0:27

at the very end of section three on

0:29

page 161, Rewire Your Mind and Body

0:31

for Safety.

0:35

So before we can dive into a conversation about

0:37

rewiring our mind and body for safety,

0:40

it'll be helpful to understand how

0:42

safety happens and how safety happens

0:44

is really a function of our

0:47

nervous system, of our vagus nerve

0:49

in particular, whose main function

0:51

is really to shift our body from

0:53

those states of threat or activation

0:56

when we feel stressed or upset back

0:58

into that peace, calm, centered

1:00

sense of safety. It's our vagus

1:03

nerve that really helps us shift back

1:05

and forth. Now a couple episodes ago, we

1:08

explored witnessing our triggers

1:10

or those moments of activation when things happen

1:13

in our environments, in our relationships, and we

1:15

feel our body shift into those threat

1:18

or stress or upset base states.

1:21

Now to begin to rewire our mind and body for safety,

1:24

we can also begin to identify

1:27

those moments or what

1:29

are called glimmers, a term coined

1:31

by Dr. Stephen Porges, or safety signals

1:34

is a really simple way to think of what a glimmer is. Where

1:37

are those moments in time or those experiences

1:39

where we naturally are able

1:41

to access that sense of safety? That's

1:43

really what a glimmer is, and for many of us, those

1:47

moments in time where we're able to access

1:49

that natural sense of safety.

1:51

To help you all identify those

1:54

glimmers or those safety signals

1:56

that occur within your own life, we've

1:58

grouped safety signals

1:59

into three distinct sections.

2:03

The first section being nature

2:05

safety signal. So things like the sun,

2:08

wind, sky, the rain,

2:10

clouds, trees, plants, flowers,

2:13

think of the weather, nature, and

2:15

the natural world cueing safety.

2:18

The next group is environmental

2:21

safety signals. So not

2:23

environment as nature

2:25

and the outdoors, though environment

2:28

as your surroundings. So for example, a

2:30

home or workspace, buildings,

2:33

maybe certain smells that are coming

2:35

into your arena through the environment

2:37

you're in, artistic decorations,

2:40

the softness of fabric against your

2:42

skin, all factors of the environment

2:45

around your physical body. Things

2:47

like the comfort of a soft bed

2:50

or a stack of books or your favorite

2:52

music, things in your environment

2:55

that cue safety.

2:57

The third group is relational

2:59

safety signals. The first

3:01

being self-regulation,

3:04

intentional, deep or even

3:06

breathing, calming or repetitive

3:08

movements, and grounding your body

3:10

in nature. So always tying back

3:13

to nature and the natural world,

3:15

which is inherently grounding and

3:17

connecting and soothing in itself. Beyond

3:20

self-regulation, the next relational

3:23

safety signal is co-regulation

3:25

with another. This could be

3:27

a kind gaze or a smile,

3:30

the twinkle in someone's eye, or

3:32

a tilted head or other gesture

3:34

acknowledging someone else. Maybe

3:36

a request that you have being received,

3:39

that sense of feeling heard. To

3:41

help you begin identifying these glimmers

3:44

or safety signals within your own

3:46

life, and the signals that are unique

3:48

to you and your own safety, we've

3:51

grouped them into three distinct categories.

3:54

That of nature safety signals,

3:57

environment safety signals,

3:59

relational safety signals.

4:02

So nature safety signals will be things

4:05

like the sun, the wind, the

4:07

rain, the moon, things of the natural

4:10

world. Think outdoors. Environment

4:13

safety signals. Imagine the

4:15

environment around you, maybe

4:17

the softness of a soft pillow

4:20

on your skin, your physical

4:22

building or dwelling that you are

4:24

in, maybe a lingering smell

4:27

coming through from something that you are cooking,

4:30

or the comfort of soft bedding, a

4:32

stack of books that bring you joy, music

4:35

that is wafting through, things

4:37

that cue a unique sense of safety

4:40

and comfort and connection within you. Then

4:43

there are relational safety

4:45

signals, and we'll break this into two, self-regulation

4:48

and co-regulation with another.

4:52

Self-regulation being things like

4:54

intentional, deep, and even

4:56

breathing. Calming or repetitive

4:59

movements, grounding your body

5:01

in nature, which is in and of itself

5:04

inherently soothing and grounding.

5:07

Co-regulation with another would be things

5:09

like a kind gaze, maybe

5:11

a gentle smile or a head nod

5:14

that twinkle in someone's eye. Even

5:16

having a request of yours be received,

5:19

heard, and met by another, which

5:22

is a need being met by

5:24

another. This could also be cuddling

5:26

with a pet or a trusted and

5:29

safe animal, all opportunities

5:32

to soothe your being with another.

5:34

As you continue tuning into

5:36

this conversation and begin cultivating

5:39

your own awareness around these different cues,

5:41

around the different relational environment

5:44

and nature safety signals, practice

5:46

using these two questions to deepen

5:49

your inquiry.

5:51

What people, places, feelings,

5:54

smells, and sensations help me

5:56

access feelings of safety and connection.

5:59

So you may be able to identify

6:02

things in your immediate environment now

6:05

that give you that sense of safety and connection.

6:09

Or you can keep this question sort of percolating

6:12

in your mind as you go about your days

6:14

and begin observing your already

6:16

daily habitual action. So what people,

6:19

what places, what different feelings

6:21

or sounds, what do you notice ignites

6:24

or brings forth a sense of safety

6:27

and calm in your body?

6:29

What sensations or feelings

6:31

do these cues activate in your

6:33

body?

6:34

When you have those feelings of safety

6:36

and connection maybe around a certain person

6:38

or place or environment, what

6:41

are the sensations connected in your

6:43

body? What physiological

6:45

sensation in your physical being?

6:48

And what feelings do you notice connected

6:51

to those environments and people

6:53

or those signals of safety and connection?

6:56

It's funny as I'm sitting here and

6:58

earlier when you were reading the list of possible

7:00

safety signals in terms of this shift

7:03

in physiology, even just visualizing

7:05

some of those things like cuddling with a

7:07

pet. I know I just spent almost an hour this morning

7:09

cuddling with my pet. So very

7:11

easily that came to mind. And in that moment,

7:14

as will happen, we're imagining even some

7:16

of these things. And maybe as you were listening,

7:19

hearing nature be acknowledged

7:21

or maybe music, you might have felt those

7:23

shifts. And I noticed myself starting to

7:25

feel my energy felt a little lighter,

7:27

a little looser

7:28

in terms of my muscle tension.

7:31

Maybe my breathing even shifted a bit. So

7:33

those are things that I even just noticed just sitting here listening

7:36

to you describing what could possibly

7:39

be a safety signal. Though I also

7:41

want to highlight a piece of wisdom you wrapped in

7:43

there, which is really acknowledging the

7:45

individuality of these. It's

7:47

going to be something unique to each of us

7:50

that creates those moments of safety.

7:52

And very many of us might have these

7:54

moments in our day to day life, but if we're not paying

7:57

attention to how our

7:58

body is feeling, if we're all

7:59

always onto the next moment, always distracted

8:02

by something outside of us, we very well

8:04

might be missing these natural

8:06

moments that things are shifting our

8:08

body slightly. Of course, it's not going to be

8:11

for someone who regularly feels

8:13

anxious or on edge. We're not going to downshift

8:16

completely, though the more attention

8:18

we pay to our body, the more we'll be able to see

8:21

those slight shifts in internal sensation.

8:23

As you practice this awareness and begin

8:26

asking yourself these questions and

8:29

beginning to witness and identify what

8:31

does bring safety, you may also notice some

8:33

shifts and changes in maybe what

8:35

used to be a safety signal previously

8:39

that now is no longer and vice

8:41

versa. That specifically came

8:43

to mind when I was just a moment ago reading

8:45

the different safety cues and certain

8:47

smells. I thought of the smell

8:50

of a fire in the home, like a fire

8:52

in the stove or a wood burning

8:55

fire at night, even outdoors. The crackling

8:58

of that, the

8:59

sound of it, the heat, the smell, everything

9:02

about it to me is such a signal of safety

9:05

and of connection. Makes me think

9:07

of growing up on the East Coast indoors

9:09

and knowing that we'd all huddle around the fire in the

9:12

wintertime, which extended for so many

9:14

months out of the year. That meant me

9:16

huddled with my twin and my brother, who

9:18

really were like the three

9:20

musketeers, three peas in a pod. I have such

9:23

fond memories of that. I

9:25

noticed my family also shared that likeness

9:28

and about

9:29

five-ish, some years ago, maybe

9:31

more,

9:32

maybe 10 years ago now, I honestly don't remember, my

9:34

mother's house burned down and my

9:36

twin was living with her at the time and our

9:39

three cats were in it. The cats

9:41

perished. Thankfully, my mother and my twin

9:44

got out safe and fine, though

9:46

of course everything in the house was ruined and demolished.

9:49

I specifically watched my mother's

9:52

reaction to fire or the scent

9:55

of fire or even the sound of the crackling

9:58

go from what previously my whole life. I'd

10:00

always known for her too what was such a soothing

10:02

safety and connection from those fond

10:05

memories of her own childhood to

10:08

instantly the opposite and even this

10:10

scent of fire or of wood burning

10:12

or that sound now ignites

10:14

the opposite of a glimmer

10:17

or a safety cue. So you

10:19

may start to pick up that awareness too as

10:21

you're just beginning this inquiry in your own

10:23

life and start to connect the deeper

10:25

roots there of what's actually

10:28

happening in the environment

10:29

that then cause that physical

10:32

reaction in your body and what

10:34

those sensations of safety or

10:37

unsafety are in your body. And

10:39

the reason why we want to you know

10:41

take the moments to be curious and have

10:43

these explorations is we

10:46

need to know kind of what's mapping on not only

10:48

in terms of our inner world or our sensations

10:51

that are indicating that our body is actually

10:53

safe though what

10:55

things help us to access that

10:57

sense of safety whether it's relationally

11:00

whether it's in our environment and whether it's

11:03

through nature because the next step

11:05

when we actually want to dive now into rewiring

11:07

our mind and body what we're really talking

11:09

about is a practice of what's called widening

11:12

our window of tolerance or really simply

11:15

being able to tolerate slightly

11:17

more stressful experiences and allow

11:20

our body by making choices to bring our

11:22

body back into safety. So really simply back

11:24

to that vagus nerve

11:25

tolerating more and more stress

11:27

activating our vagus nerve so that then our

11:30

body can go from that stressed out threat-based

11:32

state back into that peace and

11:34

calm of safety and why then it's

11:36

so important to understand outside of these stressful

11:39

moments where are those points

11:41

of access and how does my body

11:43

feel then when I'm feeling safe

11:45

versus when I'm feeling threatened because

11:48

that's going to give us information

11:50

in terms of those moments of reactivity what

11:53

can we begin to do to bring

11:55

our nervous system back into that window of

11:57

tolerance

11:57

from that threat-based state and how

11:59

How will I begin to feel as my nervous

12:02

system is making that shift? All of those pieces

12:04

of information are incredibly important so

12:06

that we can then build the emotional resilience

12:09

that comes from expanding that window of tolerance. Though

12:11

again, really simply, learning how to deal with

12:13

more and more stress, we become more and more

12:15

emotionally resilient.

12:17

As we're talking about these examples, I

12:19

invite you to immerse in the simplicity

12:22

of some of these suggestions

12:25

as while they might sound and seem

12:27

so simple or innate to us, it's

12:30

often those very small

12:32

new choices or actions like

12:35

actually taking those deep belly breaths

12:37

or actually taking a walk around

12:39

the block that are the most challenging

12:42

moments for us because it is the opportunity

12:46

for all of the resistance

12:47

to a new habit to

12:49

come bursting through and keep

12:51

us stuck in our tracks like we have been.

12:54

Allow yourself to just be in the simplicity

12:57

of it and instead of maybe criticizing

12:59

that,

13:00

maybe keep it in your back pocket or understand

13:03

and remember that you have so

13:05

many tools already

13:06

within you

13:08

that you inherently know. You

13:10

have so much wisdom already there

13:12

that is pulling you towards something

13:15

that is going to soothe.

13:17

The first activator, a common one

13:19

for many, is a coworker criticizing

13:21

them at work or a coworker

13:23

criticizing the work that you have created.

13:27

That's the activator. What's a possible

13:29

way to self-regulate? I can

13:31

take five deep belly breaths.

13:34

That means actually taking

13:37

the moments to pause and

13:39

have five inhales. It's the follow

13:42

through here that is going to build emotional

13:44

resilience.

13:45

For the sake of you each relating in your

13:48

own individual way, I'm going to give one universal

13:51

example that you can curate

13:54

to you and that is my coworker

13:56

criticizing my work or

13:59

being criticized.

13:59

by a coworker. So you

14:02

can unanimously just view this

14:04

as you creating something and it

14:06

being criticized by another, the

14:08

experience of your creation or your

14:11

work or even just your being being

14:14

criticized.

14:15

Now some ways that we can self-regulate

14:18

in those moments, I can

14:20

take five deep belly breaths.

14:23

Now the key here is actually taking

14:25

the five deep belly breaths.

14:28

The emotional resilience, the window

14:30

of tolerance grows in

14:33

the action, not in the intention. The intention

14:35

is halfway there. You need the follow through

14:38

of the action. I

14:39

can take a brisk walk

14:41

to the bathroom. I can exit the

14:43

scenario and excuse myself to the bathroom.

14:46

Maybe if I'm in a public workplace or

14:48

I can excuse myself and take a brisk

14:50

walk around the block. If

14:52

I can't leave the room, maybe I can pace

14:55

back and forth or go take

14:57

some time in any privacy that

14:59

I can in that moment to myself.

15:01

Maybe I could even do some jumping jacks, whatever

15:04

physical ability is available to you to

15:06

just exert some energy to move

15:08

a little bit.

15:09

I can remove myself

15:12

from the interaction and journal in the

15:14

bathroom for a few moments about what

15:16

happened. This one makes me giggle a

15:18

little bit because I understand the practicality

15:21

of this is usually not that you're being criticized

15:23

at work and then you go and grab your journal and hide in

15:25

the bathroom to write about

15:27

it. However, zoom

15:30

out a little bit with these suggestions

15:32

and thinking that, well, what's the point of grabbing my

15:35

journal to go to the bathroom? It's an outlet

15:37

of release and it's a safe one.

15:40

It's you taking time for you to honor

15:43

yourself and that there is a self to

15:45

be seen, heard, and regulated

15:47

in the first place. And then you're allowing

15:49

yourself to explore in your own inquiry

15:52

or even just name and release some

15:55

of those emotions, the energy in

15:57

motion actually being released.

16:00

through your hands, through the words,

16:02

through the names and articulation that you are

16:04

giving that sensational experience

16:07

on the paper in front of you. The

16:10

third column is ways to co-regulate

16:12

with others. Now you may find

16:15

as you're thinking of these examples and

16:17

your own experience that the idea

16:19

of going to co-regulate with another

16:21

human feels much too

16:24

unsafe. It is too far of

16:26

a reach. That's perfectly okay. I

16:28

know that was the personal experience for myself

16:30

as well. I needed to create

16:33

safety with my own self, in my

16:35

own being, with myself,

16:37

with little Jenna, before I

16:40

had enough safety internally

16:42

for me to even vulnerably approach

16:46

asking another human being to allow

16:48

me to connect or help me feel

16:50

safe in that moment. So if you're resonating

16:53

with that too, just honor that. That's really great

16:55

awareness to have of yourself and

16:58

just illuminates even more the importance

17:01

of creating these moments of safety

17:03

and connection in a self-regulating

17:05

way before we extend ourselves

17:07

outward to others. So if

17:09

you are wanting to co-regulate with

17:12

another or have safe people around

17:14

you to do so,

17:15

you could ask another colleague

17:17

for support. You could ask another

17:20

family member, another loved one

17:22

for support in this experience of

17:24

being criticized by another.

17:26

You could ask your partner or a friend,

17:29

a trusted loved one to dance

17:31

to some stimulating music, to jump up and

17:33

down, to have a moment or burst of joy.

17:36

And I'm giggling even as I say that because that

17:38

in itself too could feel like such

17:41

a far reach for you. There's

17:43

not safety in your body. And now we're talking

17:45

about a moment of joy. For some

17:47

that may resonate, you might find that actually

17:50

doing that uncomfortable thing and blasting some music

17:52

with a loved one and jumping around might

17:54

get you out of that on safety. It

17:56

might create some feelings of joy

17:59

and safety. There might.

17:59

be that connection there. So it's worth

18:02

a try. You may also find the very

18:04

real experience that turning on

18:06

some loud stimulating music and jumping around

18:08

with a loved one in a moment or experience

18:11

when you've just been criticized is absolutely

18:13

the last thing that you want to be doing. And that

18:15

in itself too is really

18:18

great awareness. There's an opportunity

18:20

there for you to create some safety with

18:22

yourself first.

18:24

Another suggestion is to text

18:27

a friend or a loved one, another

18:29

safe person, asking them if

18:31

they can talk for a few minutes.

18:34

So connecting with another person and right

18:36

up front maybe expressing that you're going through

18:39

something or you're going through an experience and

18:41

want to know if they are available to

18:43

be a listening ear. It's

18:46

really a beautiful opportunity

18:48

to allow someone else to co-regulate

18:51

and connect with you in that way and

18:53

a really beautiful gift to

18:55

also give them the opportunity

18:57

and space to say no.

18:59

If they are unable

19:02

to hold that space to listen, we

19:04

don't have to make that mean anything about us,

19:07

though our minds will likely jump to that. No

19:09

going into it if you are reaching out to another.

19:12

You're also creating the space and the safety

19:14

for them to say no if their resources

19:17

aren't there or they are unavailable to

19:19

you too.

19:20

I'm really happy you brought up the universal

19:22

experience of resistance that many

19:25

of us will likely hear. This is where healing,

19:27

the healing journey is not logical. You're

19:29

probably sitting here listening to this beautiful episode about all

19:31

these ways to create safety though in action,

19:34

much like yourself, moments of connection,

19:36

moments of even safety in my own body

19:39

felt so unfamiliar to my subconscious

19:42

mind that there was that resistance.

19:44

It can happen in our bodies where we just feel so

19:46

uncomfortable connecting with our body, creating

19:49

safety in our body,

19:50

opening up our body to be in connection with

19:53

another body or we might meet

19:55

that resistance in our mind's eye, those racing

19:58

thoughts, upsetting thoughts.

19:59

thoughts telling us all the reasons why

20:02

we shouldn't be engaging with these new actions.

20:04

So why logically all of these

20:06

practices of

20:07

creating safety or rewiring our nervous

20:10

system or widening our window to create emotional

20:12

resilience are all logically helpful

20:14

for what we want to create in our future. In

20:17

the moment, like I was sharing earlier,

20:19

we're not going to immediately feel that

20:22

peace and calm. We're not going to embrace it with

20:24

open arms. Our mind isn't just going to, all

20:26

of the thoughts dissolve away and we're not going to

20:28

come into pure presence. Chances are

20:30

we're going to meet that resistance. We might not even

20:33

feel that full shift

20:35

into safety. It might be smaller

20:38

shifts that we first feel and

20:40

chances are those upsetting thoughts, those

20:42

racing thoughts

20:43

will still be there. Our subconscious mind

20:46

is not going to be immediately convinced that we are now

20:48

safe because we've created some semblance

20:50

of safety for ourselves in one moment.

20:53

So that's where the work is really kind

20:55

of, we can think about it in two layers, right?

20:57

The action is making

21:00

these choices like we share to buy ourselves,

21:02

create safety to with others, co-regulate

21:04

and create safety. That's the choice in

21:06

our body. That's what we can do to help bring our body

21:09

to safety. Then the other most

21:11

impactful choice that we can gift ourselves with is

21:13

how much our attention are we giving to our thoughts

21:16

when our thoughts start to race, when they become upsetting,

21:18

when they try to convince us all of the reasons why we shouldn't

21:20

be doing this. If we continue

21:22

to pay attention to our thoughts, chances are

21:24

we're going to be right back in those old habits,

21:26

maybe right back in those old

21:29

threat based responses. So in

21:31

those moments why we can't shut off

21:34

or delete our thoughts entirely, we

21:36

can begin to, as you beautifully describe

21:39

it, turn the volume down. And the

21:41

way we practically do that is by removing

21:43

our attention. Now I'm laboring on this

21:46

point because a lot of us do believe our thoughts are going to

21:48

miraculously go away. I'm going to

21:50

feel peaceful and calm. And my mind is going

21:52

to be pleasant and free and

21:54

open. And that's not going to be the reality.

21:57

We're going to have to make the choice time and again

21:59

to regulate. our body physiologically,

22:01

and then we're going to have to make the choice at the same

22:03

time, time and time again, to refocus

22:06

our attention away from our thoughts.

22:08

And this can be a moment where some of you, if

22:11

you've used any version of an affirmation,

22:13

which really simply is a new thought, right,

22:16

when we're refocusing our attention away from

22:18

whatever stressful thought, upsetting

22:20

thought it is, in that now new

22:22

space, we might want to offer ourselves an

22:24

affirmation as simple as,

22:26

I am

22:28

safe. Right now, the more we practice

22:30

those two layers, making choices to actually

22:32

create that safety in our body, removing

22:35

the focus from all the unsafe upsetting thoughts

22:37

and actually affirming the new thought of I am safe

22:40

consistently enough over time, your

22:42

mind and body will begin to believe

22:44

that in the embodied experience of feeling

22:47

safe and your mind actually turning

22:49

down that volume just a bit more. You're

22:51

quite literally teaching your

22:53

body a new physiological

22:56

sensation connected to

22:58

a thought. So there's an experience and a thought

23:01

that happens. I can imagine if you actually

23:03

do just witness your mind throughout

23:05

the day and all of this endless

23:08

stream of thoughts floating through, you're

23:10

not sitting there choosing all of those thoughts. We

23:12

can get to a place where you do just begin to witness

23:15

them. When you can begin to witness

23:18

them, you really have a bit

23:20

of control over choosing

23:22

new ones. And there's so much depth

23:25

and opportunity in that

23:28

choice and what you just shared, Nicole, because

23:30

in that choosing of the new, you're

23:32

not just choosing a new thought. You're not

23:34

just saying an affirmation. It's

23:37

so important to make that body

23:39

connection when, especially when

23:41

talking about affirmations. I know they're not for

23:43

everyone. Not everyone loves them. They feel really

23:46

foreign, really challenging. We don't believe

23:48

them. It's literally a new belief. And

23:50

the importance is really connecting

23:53

the new statement that you're

23:55

making, the new belief that you are declaring,

23:57

I am safe.

23:59

you're saying that,

24:01

what's happening in your body?

24:04

There is a nervous system response,

24:06

a nervous system state that is

24:09

happening in direct response

24:12

to that thought and vice versa.

24:14

The state of your nervous system is

24:17

also then playing a massive role

24:19

in the thoughts that it is sending through

24:22

your mind. So creating

24:24

that separation of those two layers to

24:26

really begin to see like a science project,

24:28

mind, body, for every thought

24:31

that

24:31

I have, there is a physiological

24:34

response in my body. And it's

24:37

almost a nice break in some ways to put pause

24:39

on all of the talk of like the mind's eye and the

24:41

endless thoughts and all of that chatter and

24:44

just drop into our body for a change.

24:46

We have an endless chatter

24:48

and sort of hamster wheel that's going

24:51

on up there, put pause on that. It's always

24:53

gonna be there. Let's just focus

24:55

on our body for a minute and allow

24:58

our body to come back into some sort

25:00

of balance and really a soothing

25:03

break from its connection

25:05

and constant response to the constant

25:08

chatter that's happening in our mind.

25:10

So of course, as a reminder, we're emphasizing

25:12

the body here right now because in the

25:14

body is where our nervous system and that vagus

25:16

nerve that we began this episode. And the

25:19

more there are practices that we can intentionally

25:21

begin to do, again, outside of these

25:23

moments of huge activation

25:26

or overwhelming emotions to

25:28

activate our vagus nerve, again, helping our body

25:30

switch between that threat base

25:32

or that upset state back into

25:35

peace and calm. And again, the value of doing

25:37

them outside of the moments is to give

25:39

our mind and body that practice,

25:41

light on some new neural networks, literally

25:44

in our neurophysiology, so

25:46

that then in those moments, we don't only remember

25:48

this beautiful new tool that we have, we're

25:50

more likely to be able to actually create change,

25:53

access that safety as again, our

25:55

window of tolerance begins to widen.

25:58

So to emphasize that again, we want... to start

26:00

small with small stressors and

26:03

we want to stay committed or build consistent

26:05

moments of practice of just simply

26:08

activating our vagus nerve outside of those moments

26:10

so that when those moments happen, we're more

26:12

likely to successfully use them. If

26:15

you're following along in the workbook, while

26:17

there are many different ways to activate our vagus

26:19

nerve, we highlight several of

26:21

them. I'm reading from page 165. If

26:25

you follow any of our social media accounts, you hear

26:27

us often talking about cold therapy.

26:30

Of course, there's many different ways we can do cold

26:32

therapy. One of the ways is we can get

26:34

a large bowl with water and ice.

26:37

Some of us might want to turn our shower

26:39

to colder when we're in shower. If

26:41

we live in a cold climate or have seasons

26:44

of the year where it's cold, it might even just be stepping

26:46

outside. So any of those suggestions,

26:48

again, filling a large bowl with water

26:50

and ice, that would mean putting our hands, submerging

26:53

our hands in the water,

26:54

ice water,

26:55

maybe starting for five, 10 seconds. And

26:58

again, while we're beginning to feel that

27:01

activation, we might feel immediate tension when

27:03

our hands hit that cold. We might

27:05

feel our heart rate begin to escalate. We

27:07

might hear our mind telling

27:09

us to get the heck out of there. It's too cold for

27:11

you. In those moments, we're creating

27:14

that safety.

27:15

Maybe we're breathing so slowly and deeply

27:17

from our belly to give us that physiological

27:20

shift, lowering that point of action back

27:22

into that range of safety and of

27:24

course, affirming then in our mind that we

27:26

are safe, removing the focus from all of the

27:28

upsetting thoughts telling us otherwise. Now, of course,

27:31

if you take the shower option or the stand

27:33

outside option, practice is still the same, turning

27:35

the shower for the last five, 10 seconds, standing

27:37

outside for five, 10 seconds, again, calming

27:40

our bodies, shifting focus, affirming

27:42

in our minds that we are safe.

27:44

Another example is by gently stretching

27:46

the body. If you have a favorite gentle yoga

27:48

practice, I always shout out Yoga with Adriene.

27:51

I found her short videos for

27:53

me so helpful, you know, somewhere around 10, 15 minutes

27:56

even of ways to begin their very

27:59

beginner. gentle ways to stretch

28:01

your body. Again, this could look like even just

28:04

laying down on the floor, bending

28:06

forward, stretching your hamstrings, maybe

28:08

standing up, bending forward again, stretching

28:11

your hamstrings, stretching your arms overhead.

28:13

Whatever capability you have in terms of moving

28:16

your physical body, those moments

28:18

of stretching when we're releasing for

28:20

a lot of us, the tension in our muscles

28:23

are moments where our body might begin to get activated.

28:26

You might feel tension when we're

28:28

stretching. We might feel nervous as

28:30

we begin to feel our muscles pulling again, the

28:32

same practice being, breathing calmly,

28:35

breathing deeply, affirming that sense

28:37

of safety in our mind and practicing

28:39

consistently over time. Another

28:42

example, this might be surprising to some of you,

28:44

it is what we call partner sharing. Now

28:47

this lives in the physiological body

28:49

by way of our emotions, because we all understand

28:51

now, I hope that they live in our body. And

28:54

what partner sharing is really just a practice

28:56

of asking a loved one, someone you

28:58

feel safest and more comfortable with,

29:01

and ask them, again, when they have the time

29:03

and presence to be available to share with

29:06

you and they're in a space to listen,

29:07

begin to practice just sharing small

29:09

things about yourself,

29:11

what you're thinking, what you're feeling, a dream

29:13

you might have, again, within reasonable

29:16

senses. We don't have to share our deepest, darkest secret,

29:19

especially if we're not used to sharing these intimate moments

29:21

with someone else, this is just the

29:23

practice now of being

29:24

emotionally vulnerable, because

29:26

in those moments, I'll speak from my own lived experience,

29:29

someone who's not used to being emotionally or not

29:31

familiar with being emotionally close

29:33

with others, I feel my heart rate

29:35

begin to raise, even as I'm thinking

29:37

about sharing something that might be slightly

29:39

vulnerable with someone else. So again, practice is

29:41

still the same, my body is involved,

29:44

we can slow our activation, do

29:46

some deep belly breathing, and affirm

29:48

to ourself in that moment that sharing our emotional

29:50

world with someone else, especially a trusted loved

29:53

one, can be something that becomes safe.

29:55

And other quick and easy ways that we can activate

29:58

our vagus nerve is again, generally

30:00

breathing more deeply,

30:02

more slowly from our belly. This can

30:04

be a commitment we make to ourself every

30:06

day. For me,

30:08

deep belly breathing, making sure that I'm paying

30:10

attention to my breathing and breathing calmly and

30:12

deeply is always a daily commitment.

30:15

Another simple, easy breathing practice

30:17

is when we're exhaling, make sure

30:19

that we're exhaling longer than we're inhaling.

30:22

These are just ways we can integrate activating

30:24

our vagus nerve into our daily action of breathing.

30:27

We're all breathing each and every day. So

30:30

elongating those exhales whenever

30:32

we think about it will helpfully activate

30:34

our vagus nerve. As well, these

30:36

last two might be a bit surprising. Gargling,

30:39

when we're brushing our teeth in the morning,

30:41

gargling with a bit of water that manually

30:44

activates the vagus nerve, which the tip

30:46

of it is literally in the back of our throat,

30:49

as does singing loud, laughing.

30:52

Anytime we're stimulating

30:55

our kind of facial organs, our

30:58

facial muscles, I guess is a great way to say

31:00

it, right? Smiling, laughing,

31:02

gargling, singing, put that music

31:04

on that you love and sing it out loud, all

31:07

of that, again, manually activates our vagus

31:09

nerve. And those four suggestions are things that

31:11

we can practice each and every day. We

31:13

don't need a partner, we don't need a mat to

31:15

stretch on, we don't need to do anything

31:17

else, but use what we're already doing

31:20

each and every day.

31:21

This conversation officially wraps section

31:23

three of our workbook, How to

31:26

Meet Yourself. If you've

31:28

been tuning into all of the past episodes

31:30

of this section, you now have

31:33

tools and practices to understand

31:36

and shift your core beliefs, re-parent

31:38

your inner child,

31:40

end cycles of emotional addiction,

31:42

and begin the journey of rewiring

31:45

your nervous system to finally create

31:48

and become that safety that so many

31:50

of us have been lacking and needing.

31:53

We thank you for tuning in with us. We will

31:55

be diving back into the workbook

31:58

in the next few weeks or months.

31:59

months diving into section

32:02

four, meet your authentic

32:04

self who you really are.

32:07

Until then, thank

32:10

you for tuning in. Thank you for your comments

32:12

on our YouTube channel. All

32:14

of your likes, shares, and feedback.

32:17

We will always be doing self healers soundboard

32:20

ad free for your viewer and

32:22

listening experience. So we

32:24

really do appreciate when you

32:26

comment, when you share, when you tag

32:29

any sort of engagement with these conversations

32:32

really helps spread the conversations,

32:34

expand the conversations to new

32:36

and more people all around the world so

32:39

we

32:39

can really have such a

32:41

diverse and macro conversation

32:44

about this universal

32:47

common thread within our healing.

32:49

Thank you for tuning in with us. We love you and we'll see

32:51

you next time.